10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub IS A MILLIONAIRE!? | 10 Minutes of Schaub #137

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

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Stop scratching me. Thank you. Welcome back to 10 minutes of shop. Welcome back to 10 minutes of shop. How you doing? Hope you're doing well. As always, join the Patreon, join the Discord,

join the Reddit. On the Patreon, we watched Hassan Minaj. What was he called? Off with your head, or off with the head, something? Off with his head.

Because he's, you know, he got persecuted for, living is truth. For lying. Lying. Doing something bad. But anyways, that's not why they're here today.

No. Of course, you guys are here to watch 10 minutes of job. So start the timer. Play the chin clip. Also, we do the early access on Patreon. The only reason why I'm saying that is because there's going to be a lot of good-dushed stuff on this episode. Oh, really? Some songs. Some other things. Yeah.

But on Patreon, they're full episodes. And even on Spotify, it's full episode. episodes not edited. Right. And that's how the sausage is made. Because we don't really care. We don't really matter. We don't count. Never mattered even once. But yeah, check it out. We got the new motherfucking set. Check it out, dude. We got this goddamn raccoon tweet design. Oh, I mean, that's our other show. What about? Yeah, we finally got the reins sponsorship back. Yes. It was weird. They didn't talk to us for a while, but I called them up. I was like, hey, why are you guys being blog bus? I said, cool story, bro.

we're in traction control, but we know you guys are in Baja mode. We worked a deal out. Handshake, seat clamps. It is what it is. Also, shout out to everyone that's watching and loving the set and not leaving negative comments about it, dude. Yeah. Don't hurt Gerardo. I know he seems like a big guy, you know, like a fighter.

All of a sudden, Gerardo, huh? Like, you had nothing to do with it. Well, no, I'm just saying you seem like a big guy, but you have feelings. Yeah. Right? Like you're a guy. You hurt sometimes. You know, it's not all fucking UFC and...

Reddit makes me sad, dude. Yeah. I don't even know what Reddit is, really. Neither does Sean McCorkle, who's the first guy up on today's show. Who's posted by Get Off D's Nuts 5,000. I've been homeless for years. Isn't that his... That's his username, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it's him. Yeah. He posts himself. I've been homeless for years on this. He's obviously heavy in the Facebook game here. Still living in my truck. Five years ago.

on this day, Sean McCork will, despite how beautiful the weather is in Southern California, almost year-round. Rumor has it. Brandon Schopp still refuses to open his window at night. On the nights, he performs stand-up. He says the sounds of crickets make it impossible for him to relax because he feels like he's on stage still. I think it's good. Very good cricket joke. Liked it. Mm-hmm. A little wordy. What's that? A little wordy. Oh, for you? I like that it's 69 likes. I was on purpose. You know, a hidden bit inside the bit,

bit within a bit. 15 comments, one share. Who shared it? Sean McCork. Do you have a Facebook? I do, but I'm not on it a lot. Facebook is just not as interesting to me as used to be. No, yeah, definitely.

Facebook is like what you get with like social security planning and stuff like that, you know. I've always been a Twitter guy, you know. Can't do numbers. I mean, big celebrity, Sean McCorkel, 69, should be a thousand. Yes. And that's what it is on Chang's. Yeah.

It is 1K upboats, dude. Let's see what else we got here. This one is posted by Flash. Flashovers, 962. Ugh, thank God my gardeners came today. Our backyard was a disaster. The city's burning slowjo. It's, thank God.

Mount gardeners came today and clean up our backyard it was a complete disaster. This morning I was laughing and my girlfriend was like, what are you laughing about? And I go, God damn it. I have to tell her what I'm laughing about.

It was this post. I was like, Sean's wife just posted that like, she was like, my gardeners, thank God my gardeners came today. Our lawn was a mess. And then my girlfriend started laughing. Now she gets it.

Yeah, she gets it. I didn't even have to show her the picture, which is a picture of their pool if you're listening on the audience, Spotify. Have you heard of it? But yeah, this is really kind of an Oh, really dude post, you know? What are you doing?

What are we doing here? Yeah. The city's burning. We're kind of stressed out. You know, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This episode, Daddy's a little stressed. I don't know why.

You're stressed over the dumbest thing, I think. Maybe. But you know what bothers me about the people that post this kind of stuff? What? Why can't you spell check something real quick? You know what I mean? Thank God Mount Gardner's came today.

You know? Yeah, I saw the MT thing and I was like, yeah, why didn't you fix that? It's just so insane to me. It's not a good look, but, you know, I don't know why it surprises you. She has a lot of statuses that are not a, most of it is not a good look, right? Yeah. This is a theme for her. So bad posts, like kind of tasteless, weird.

and then, you know, kind of and the English is from someone here. Illegally. Right. She just got here like a few months ago, dude. You're being a little fucking, I don't want to get on you.

You can tell when she's got to takedoed out. She's not ketoed out. Exactly. She barely speaks English. Mm-hmm. You know? I blame the hot chito fingers. Oh, yeah, that's true.

I mean, how are you supposed to, that's another thing. How she's supposed to spell out everything correctly when she's got a duck because Cheetos are being thrown everywhere. God damn. Rattlesnake, you know. Yeah.

She's not a nice person. And also her husband's digs goddamn down to here, dude, you know? My wife, goddamn RELSnake. This is posted by where does it hurt R.A. Pre-Ozempic Boatlord era was the best. Yeah, dude. I mean, I love the Wolverine meme. It's got like a 70% hit rate for me.

So I'm glad this got put in there. Yeah, dude. What do you think about it? Picking his nose right there a little bit. He's got a bigger nose. His nose lost weight. I like the Wolverine meme for sure. You know, like Derek Rose highlight type stuff.

You know, like people I miss when Derek Rose in the league and stuff like that. That'd be a guy. Yep. As far as Bapa goes, I don't miss this. I'm not going to lie. I do miss the content, but him looking like that, I don't like that, dude. I like him mechanicked up, dude. You know what I mean?

He walking a mack truck and stuff, you know? Sure. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I want to see a healthy Bapa because this is like maybe a lot of drinking. Yeah. I think the drinking has maybe calmed down some. I mean, look, dude, Supreme Hat. That should have never been made in the first place. That's what I was, that's honestly what I was thinking about is the hat mostly. Yeah. The hair. You know, I mean, what are we doing hair? The hat is kind of like, yeah, the Supreme stuff is obnoxious to me. It's kind of always been obnoxious. It's just, it's too much. of a in your face like look I spend a lot of money on this logo kind of thing which I think is out yeah right a lot of people aren't doing the logo thing as much well it is out I mean this was never in because this leopard print daddy yeah I'm so dumb I thought those camo no dude not a

it's leopard but it has a grain bill over under on it being a camo that's a that's the underdog dude because that's leper print right there I wonder if with the supreme because you know this the most to me, the most famous looking supreme is when it's red. Is the black, like if it's black, does that mean it costs less or cost more? Dude, I'm so glad I don't know. Yeah.

You're not a hype beast. No, not a chance. I'm a little bit of a hype beast as you can see. I mean, I had to stand in line for this shit. Yeah, I'm more of a comic book guy. This is posted by Advanced Spinnage 650 or 650. Brendan caught lying in real time. Bapa disrespecting the Delta Force Bros.

then lies about it. Uh-oh. This is, I disagree. I disagree with Kabebebe. Oh, that's the episode. Okay, let's see what this is about. No audio.

Oh, you owe the anti-hero podcast and apology. Three of Tim Kennedy's teammates all confirmed what they said was true just now in an episode, and all of them stated how Tim lied about his entire deployment. All right, so I don't know if this is a video with audio,

but let's see what's next. I never spoke bad about any of those dudes nor would I ever don't have a clue about that world Tim is a buddy, that's it Your buddy's a line's comeback, big oof Yeah It all started about 20 years ago

I used to see this older gentleman In a coffee shop Always meeting with young men And they left an impression on me Oh that's an ad Oh that's like remember about posts we saw before Where he's like defending Tim Kennedy He's like you're crushing it man

They're just haters Yeah He's you know he's not thinking, I've been there. You're in a rush, you know. You see your boy's getting hit. You don't really think about it. Your boy makes up all this stuff about how he threw all these grenades

and how he served in combat and all that. You don't really think about it. You just post. You just go. Yep. You just go. And I mean, let's not sleep on the fact that his own base is turning against him. Trump mania.

I thought I said mafia. Trump mania is turning on him, dude. Damn. Yeah, man. He's fucking up. Mm-hmm. this one's posted by What are we doing here?

B. Travel ball is tough. Official my son plays travel ball pose. Right. This is what you should be doing. That's what 12, 12 podcast does you, D.D.D. Yeah. Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy boy. His cubby has a blanket in it.

Yeah. How do you expect him not to sleep, dude? Exactly, dude. That's a big cubby. Okay, this is, posted by so super by subpar. Papa seething as Montez laughs in his face and tells him he has a glass chin. Imagine though like you're excited that your dad's at baseball

you look over and he's asleep. But all right. It's so cool that your dad supports you. Yeah, but his eyes are closed all the time. He's snoring during the pitch. Fight night flashbacks. This is an old show that they used to have. They don't have it anymore, I'm pretty sure.

Am I tripping or do we just not have audio? It seems like we don't have audio Right Oh let me fix that real quick All right we're back You know with the new setup comes troubles and you know All right Back to this clip here let's see

I want they don't show it But he's rocked here so I'm just going haywire And he hits me with boom That hits me behind the air again Oh wow that didn't even look like it was that I don't know why they don't show my spinning elbow That rocked That's the highlight

Show me a heavy rate who's pull that off, man. Yeah, man. But nobody wants to see the basket the person hit, you know, right before the other team hit the game winner. Yo, man, show that layup I hit. You're not lying. I let it in right now. Here's the thing, though.

There's the thing, though, it's like, I need to see how this. Oh, that didn't even seem like that big of a hit. Right behind the air. Oh, man. It's so funny to be like, no one showed the part where I was winning. winning, though. Why would they show that? Does it show the interesting part? You get knocked out.

That was great. I thought he would literally say that he has a glass chin, but he was just... I like how much Montez laughs at him. Yeah. No, Montes has a good laugh when he's laughing at Brennan. I get the person hit, you know, right before the other team hit the game winner. Yo, man, show that layup I hit. You're not lying. You're not laughing at all.

can't have any humility. Nope, not a chance. Let's see here. What's the next one we got? This one's supposed by Guild Guitars. Brian absolutely glazing Tim Kennedy over on the gram. He's getting lit up in the replies.

Let's see you become a green beret serve countless combat deployments, risk your life over and over for a higher ideal, all while being one of the top three 185 pound fighters in the world for 10 years. Oh, and then there's the tireless amounts of time. spend helping veterans and trying to prevent veteran suicide. Most of which is done out of the spotlight. Yeah, you don't need to apologize for a fucking thing. I mean, it would be one thing if it was just like random dudes being like,

like me or me, like going off on Tim Kennedy for lying and whatnot. Yeah, like 10 minutes a week. Yeah, like if we had a show called 10 minutes of Tim Kennedy, which is coming out next week. But it's another thing where it's like what I saw, the small amount that I've seen of this controversy is like a bunch of, It's like six or seven Navy SEALs on a podcast. Just talking about how much of a piece of shit he is.

And now he lies about everything. Those are the guys talking shit. And they did all those things that you just said. They fucking served and like do stuff for veterans, I'm sure just like Tim Kennedy. And they're like, nah, dude, he's full of shit. Wow. So, you know, that's why.

Have you ever met Tim Kennedy? No. Same. Never met him. I don't know. Yeah, never met him, dude. All righty, this one's great. Confidence search 8648.

Comedy is fugged, B. I'd rather watch the poppy than any of these weirdos. Thank you. Thank him. You're right. Great point. You know? Oh, I just shit my pains.

Yeah. I mean, people are getting honest a little bit for hating on Adam Ray. Well, I'm going to double down, okay? Because he's atrocious. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is the worst bite and impersonation I've ever seen. Yeah.

When I read those negative comments, this is my face. Both of them suck. I don't know who the guy in the back who's catching strays is. He's a blind man. Yeah. Well, I hope he can't hear either because that killed Tony shit is... Blah, boss. Yeah, it's pretty bad, dude.

Yeah. Oh, let's get some people that are really bad at comedy to do one minute of stand-up, and then let's also be bad at comedy. Mm-hmm. That's the formula. And then you get that face. When was this ever...

Have you ever... Have you ever laughed this hard? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. But I mean, I mean, wouldn't you be laughing that hard if you were that bad

and had that much money? Oh, dude, if I was watching the gringo poppy, that would be my face. That is true. We've got a gringo poppies made us have that face. You got a lion problem, y'all.

That face. Yeah, exactly, dude. Mr. Whole Foods, that face. Carp out the uglies, that face. I would rather do anything. That face. This is a gringo food. poppy face. Yeah. Look at, this is just... I mean, it's just not... Yeah, these guys are like the opposite of

quality entertainment and yet they're killing it. Yep. But, you know, I'm just a hater. I don't even have a profile picture. I mean, how does he even fit in that thing? You know? He's a tour guy that became a stand-up and now he does impersonations that everyone else does. Oh yeah, what was your, what was your impression of him doing the tour guide and then telling people he has a show? Like everyone on the tram is like, he's a really good tour guy. And then he's like, by the way, I got a show tonight.

He's like, oh, no, he's doing standa. Oh, no, fuck. All right, over there, you can see that that's where they film Jaws. And also, I'll be back. You know, like he starts doing Schwarzenegger and people were like, oh, well, welcome back to the Jaws scene. Or when they come back to Jaws and be like, oh, that's funny. He did it.

Schwarzenegger Riff. And then he's like, I have a show later tonight, you know. Jesus whole, here's what I, his impersonation suck. That's for sure. But what really bothers me about Adam Ray is that he goes on stage and he acts like

everything is shocking to him. Like everything's a mystery. He's like, why am I here? Literally, it's beyond the fact that he wear, which I've talked about before, he wears a shirt and he's like,

look at how much this shirt sucks. He does that almost every time. But even beyond that, he goes on, he's like, every time he comes on stage, he's like, whoa, what is this? Why? A stool? Oh, man. Or he's like, he'll ask somebody in the audience something.

What do you do? What do you do? And they're like, I'm a plumber. He's like, whoa. What? There are plumbers here? Everything shocks him. He's, every, and then he like looks at the, because a lot of comedians do this, but they do it more skillfully.

He'll make fun of the atmosphere and what the stuff they, around like, whoa, look at that fucking, that curtain there. Wow. You know, but all he's like, the back there? What are we? What? I was in the green room. It's great. Like, put it on the nose. Right. It's he is, it's almost as if he's never experienced anything at all. Everything is a shock. Yep. To him. He's like, whoa, purple backlights. What am I Oprah Winfrey? What am I doing? Oh, almost fell down walking up the stairs. Oh, it got a lot of, oh, the sun. The Sani. Wow.

Who does that? Who drinks DeSani water? Oh my God. This microphone works? Wow. You can hear me? Wait, wait. You guys can hear what I'm saying?

And then people are dying laughing at that. I'm like, you guys are stupid as hell. Maybe you're just as stupid as him. Wait, who shit my pants? Who shit my pants? What the hell? Oh my God. Remember what he used to say that he would have like a gun or something?

What was the gun bid? it became threatening eventually He's like Why do I have this gun I guess I gotta use it on someone Why I just shot someone Why would I do that? I murdered someone

I murdered someone in the audience Why would I shoot them? Did you expect that? Why would you expect that? He's like two-faced from Batman Flipping a coin Oh which one am I gonna be today Boom

You're all fucking dead now He's that stupid fake voice I cannot take the fake voice Yeah. It's too much. Radio guy. Mm-hmm. He is a universal tour guy that is down to stand-up.

And then he's like, all right, enough of the warming up, you know, in his head. He's like, time to get into material. Then he goes, I took an edible and went to the airport. Why would I do that? That is crazy. You know that you're from Adam Ray. It's going to be edible, spirit airlines. What else are, like, what's another really hacky premise?

shit his pants. Yeah, got too high, shit his pants. I don't know. Mm-hmm. Not good stuff. Traffic on the way to the spot. Yeah. Yep.

Minnesota, if he's playing Minnesota, why is it so cold out here? You know? That's another thing. Goes anywhere he goes, anywhere he goes, weather-wise, shocked by the weather. Oh, my God.

It's fucking beautiful here in Hawaii. Wow. You guys, I had no idea. He's in Alaska. Oh, my God. It's fucking. cold. Dude. He's light Delia, you know, but like less

animated. He's in Philadelphia. He's like, Jesus Christ, that bell is huge. Do you guys really like Rocky, though? No, you build a statue. He knows nothing. A lot, that's another problem with the Roganverse. You'd think they'd be kind of smarter because Rogan's not a dumb guy, really. He knows a lot of stuff. He researches things. But

everybody associates with knows almost nothing and he's always telling them stuff and they believe anything he says right he's like the smartest dumb guy yeah i went to tams they said fuck my mother why would they do that all right let's go to the next one this is posed by icarus lives it's uh the next chapter in what happens next part four oh let's see what happens oh yeah should address like i do uh when i was in high school I would have had you eat a banana slowly. Oh. You know what I mean?

I think it's going to be that's racist. This one is, I'm going to go gay because why would I do that? Pause. Pause. But, yeah, I mean, I think he's more racist than he is anti-gay. Only reason why I'm saying that is because every single answer has been B so far in this series. Let's see. That's racist.

Traped over the... Yeah, I told you, dude. When he comes down. to it, he's gonna say something offensive towards race. And mostly for black guys. Yeah. Yeah, and Nick Cannon

has Latinos covered. Let's see. Yeah, no. It's homosexual. Oh. You'd ask me. Oh. They were both so redacted. They got both answers. Ah.

Just not funny at all. Yeah. I've never tried them either. I've been told them something. Yeah. I see, it's my job to Create nothing out of something. Yeah, that's my job to create nothing out of something. Like, I got to get gone. It's all.

You create nothing out of something. That's genius, dude. That's fucking good. I take it back. He's really fucking good. You can't make that. He made it up by accident. He hit something hilarious by accent.

So what? Most people can't be that funny on purpose. Fuck you. Yeah. Wrong camera. Fuck. Tuscany Tuscany Alabama

Another obvious one But hilarious that he was going to say Tuscany Alabama Bonus geography around I like that He's going to Tuskegee right Tuskegee

Is it? Alabama Okay Where's Tuscany? Tuscany is in Northern Italy Sort of middle

Oh Tuscany, yes Really? Really. Really? That's right. It goes a long way out there. Rally. All right. So go to on it.com slash shop. C-C-H-A-B.

Spelling is on name wrong. It's like almost not funny. It's just scary. S-H-A-B received 10% off. Everything. Everything. What do you think? Oh, man.

I'm just, I mean, I'll never, no one's ever going to use my name on a promo code. but also we just do Timos or Raccoon Tweet is probably or something that's probably short Recoon T's not too long, right, for a promo? promo code Coom Coon is the best promo code. I don't know.

K-O-A-N-E-I-Y. Here's one thing I do know. It'll never be either of your names that people will continuously call you different things. Promocode Granado. Alercran, Alarcran, Geraldo. That's the worst one. Promocode Al-Copone. That'll work.

Get out. We still have to hit up Magic Mind, if you're listening. I know they watch this. Yeah, they might be mad at us, but I know, you should. I should. Yeah. What do you talk about that movie? You're going to go into a situation where somebody might be mad at you, dude. We have such a good relationship with Rain already. Yeah, why would they do that? Yeah, you're right. We don't want to, you know, upset Rain. Papa Rain. Okay, this is posted by Ronaldo Johnston. This looks like somebody tried to spell my name. Psycho Tim lies about,

being encirled by 400 Iranians in war. Liar Tim Kennedy claimed he was surrounded by 400 Iranian freedom fighters while fighting in Afghanistan. But like most of what Tim wrote in his book, it turned out it was completely made up. His own commander and teammates said there weren't any Iranians in Afghanistan. This will fraud has no sense of shame. If you cats like the dish, just let me know. I'll force more as I go through this pod.

Okay. Yeah, this is one of the ones I think this might be, or at least that guy in the far left. as I think I was watching his show. But these are like three new dudes. There's a lot of Army guys being like, he's full of shit. This many Army dudes? Yeah. Can you imagine if there were more than 10 people that were Navy SEALs that hated you?

I can't. Right? There probably is, but I mean, honestly, some of the replies that we get, it'll be like a dude in an army thing. Like, you guys are fucking beat us. And I'm like, I'm almost going to be like, fuck you. And I see who they are. And I'm like, okay.

Thank you for your service. You're right. I don't want to die. So thank you. Yeah, we suck guys. But yeah, never mind. I take it back. There's probably many army people

that think we suck. Yeah. And they're right. We're not just talking about some Iranians. This is Tim talking about a horde of 400 Iranians charging you guys. You run out of I'm in like 20 minutes. Oh yeah. Be surrounded by 400 Iranian freedom fighters.

They're kicking her ass. I'm like crawling on the ground eventually trying to find ammo. But the vehicle in front of me explodes. RPGs are skipping off of my hood. It's just like. Ping, pink, pink, pink. It's just never happened. He's talking about, he's not lying

because he's talking about a time he played Call of Duty. He's like, let me clarify. I mean, clearly, I was talking about it. No one believed that it was actually doing. There was a video game. She was driving. That's the guy from the motivational videos we're watching. Oh, yeah.

Remember? So when I get down to it, I'll just tell myself off to suffer now. and stuff like that. I love hearing that. I force myself to suffer. I mean, he's like, oh my God, those guys are still alive. So he like hops out of the vehicle and he's like, Mike, where are you going?

So he runs back down to where we just got blown up. I'm carrying my sniper rifle at this time. I have an SR 25 sniper rifle with a suppressor on the end of it. We're trying to pull these bodies out from underneath this overturn Humvee when the assault line of the Taliban run across the ambush zone. All this Taliban are like 10 feet from me. And I'm trying to move my sniper rifle as I'm holding this half cut off body that is Mike Keller in the 50-Calm-2 machine gun turret position. This is God.

Like, I don't care what you believe. There's only one way that you can describe how Mike was able to use a 50 caliber machine gun and shoot rounds around Mike and I. And vaporize this assault line. There were people right here. And then there were no more people. They just disappeared. Dude, Mike is like, I, damn it, I did not do that. Mike's like, why are you saying this, man?

I have to go on and be like, I didn't fucking kill 100 Iranians or whatever the fuck this guy said. Is he Mike or you don't know? No, I don't think that's Mike. Okay. But I'm just, I don't know, and I don't even know. Maybe he did do it.

I have no idea. I'm just, it's funny to be that guy. Someone, your friend is like, and then he killed like 200 people. And you're just, where God knows where Mike is, he's like eating dinner watching the fucking, and his family looks at him like, you killed 200 people? And he's like, I mean, no. I mean, well, first of all,

thank you, Cooney for believing Mike exists. Oh, yeah, he might not even be real. He might not even be real. So you scoop up the bag. I like believing that he's real because Mike's like, they go, did you kill Turner people as son or daughter says that? And Mike's like, did you finish your vegetables? Like per capita, how many mics are there in the armed forces?

Right. So Mike's a safe name. It doesn't even sound real. Mike Irish. That doesn't sound like a real name. is fucking, my dad would love to be like, did you mow the lawn? Did you, oh.

Daddy? What don't mow the lawn? Is what Mr. Kennedy said true? Did you kill people? Did you clean your room? Yeah, if it would have been like Alejandro or something, I'd be like, okay, there's probably like a couple of alandas around. But Mike is such a common name.

There's probably some, uh, oh, I mean, there's Mexicans in the army. There's also illegally. You know, there's some, thank them, serving our country for, for the green card status or something. And thank you for the Mexicans helping with the wildfires out here. Absolutely, dude. I saw that and I was like, damn, scoop up to bag.

Yeah, we had to put out a couple of fires right here out front. You did? Yeah, did you see how TFACC, they chose not to go do an episode this week? Because they were starting more fires. You saw that? Just kidding. Okay. I was worried about him briefly because I got an alert on my phone that said there was a fire

in Calabasasas, West Hills. But I guess it must not have been anywhere near him because the picture makes it seem fine. Yeah, you would have posted over and over and over again. Yeah, I checked his Instagram. I texted my boys Walsh and ASW just to make sure, because that's like our fucking command center for anything Bapa. Just make sure everything's going good.

Yeah. And I actually, I felt a little bit better when I saw his wife's stupid status saying that their lawn had been mowed. Isn't that crazy? I was like, thank God. Thank God. Did you not hear of any Iranian fighters on the ground?

Kevin, that I'm assuming that would rule out a horde of a 400 storming you guys. Yeah, not a force of 400. How about 200? Maybe you just got the number wrong. Did 200 Iranians come after you guys? I can't. I'm unaware of any Iranians. So it doesn't matter what number.

If I keep going lower, it's not going to. That's going to go to zero there. Zero, I'm going to say. I'm going to zero. I'm not a numbers guy. These guys are laughing and smoking. They clearly look like they were whatever, you know, they say they were. Tim is not telling the truth, man.

Yeah. I mean, imagine going into the armed forces and still being accused of stolen valor. Yeah. I mean, he could have just shut up and been a cool. If all he said was like, hey, listen, I was in the army and now I do UFC, it's pretty cool. Yeah. He didn't have to make up this stuff. And again, me, I've done nothing.

Okay. I mean, I'll do a little bit of charity every once in a while, but I have not done as much as Tim Kennedy. I'm just, you know, I'm calling it what it is. I'm not, as I said many times, you guys know this. I don't have to say it again. Not going to sugarcoat anything for you. We'll never put sugar on your dick until it's delicious.

And I clean restrooms at a golf course. You're a fuck pig. I'm a fuck pig at a golf course, dude. Still, people are like, Gerardo says he's a fuck pig. He's never cleaned a bath. The golf course is like, we've never fucked Gerardo. They do a whole pocket It's all the golf guys like this

They're like how many bathrooms are you seeing Gerardo clean They all start laughing Was it 200? Okay, all right How about was it 100? So any number I do He's never clean a bathroom He just yells at you guys

It's a bad attitude It's a bad attitude to work I will say there was a situation On Thursday night If you guys are from my golf course You're aware I know there's one guy that like asks about me Because he knows me from the show

Shout out to you He likes that night Oh you don't even know There's no way chance you're going to hit a camera, dude. But I elected to close the restrooms. Just want to explain what happened here. Sure.

I elected to close the restrooms instead of cleaning them because, oh my God. There was a woman that went Baja mode for sure. Oh, shit. I thought you were talking about a different incident. Oh, no. I'm talking about the golf course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the other thing that we may get into later.

Oh, somebody started a fire at the golf course. Is that weird? What a tease. Yeah, save it for the fucking show, man. Watch acting to do. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Somebody started a fire outside of our golf course.

In the midst of a wildfires out here in a California. It wasn't me. That's what you're thinking. I'm not a, I am an idiot, but not that stupid. Cooney hit me up in the morning. I was like, can we record earlier? I was like, no, do I got to work? You're like, I got another idea.

I got away. Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. Let's see. It is an active investigation. That was all satire. Undercovers came to the, what's it called?

Golf course. Yeah, they're watching this for clues. Yeah. They watch 10 minutes of shot. Wait a minute. They're talking about the golf course. This is corned befer posted this. Ozempic is technically a fluid.

Slow Joe don't know that ho just go. Okay, come on. Fluids is fluids, the water is gross. Hashtag mother of the year 2024. Not sure. I love how skinny I've gotten. I like a little more curved to my body. I'm sure I'll put it right back once.

I start eating, L-O-L-L. I mean, you know, this is just the way she is. She's like an influencer type post-body stuff. Whatever. Yeah. Who cares?

But would it matter if they are taking those imbican? They're just not telling people. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's lame. But I mean, I don't know. It's just this is the kind of shit that she does. True.

I get it. Like, what you're supposed, she's supposed to change how she is. No, she's going to just. That's the same stuff. Can I ask you about another Venn diagram? Yeah. Homeless cats, people that are into feet, how far does that go?

Hmm. I bet you there's some crossover, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Slow Joe's not really doing herself any favors here, dude. She's got a foot pick. Yeah. No, well, she's, I'm not a foot guy, okay?

I'm saying that she's posting her feet to begin. Oh, yeah. I mean, I wonder if that's a conscious decision or not. Mm-hmm. If it is, I feel like it's giving. I feel like women are the most aware of creepiness. Like they have like the six cents of creepy. You don't post foot shit if you don't want foot shit out there.

Yeah, maybe. I think that's nice. She's like, here's my feet. For the guys that like feet, she's letting them see it. I think that's giving. Same with the women that are banging everybody that you keep talking about. What's her face? I look at those women, I think, what a nice pair of individuals, honestly.

I have no clue what you're talking about. You know, Lily, she banged all the men and like a hundred men in one time or something. and then the other woman. Yeah. It is a little strange that they sort of try to get people to have sex with them. That's weird.

A hundred dudes. Yeah, but I saw one clip where she was like trying to have sex with a guy and Chick-fil-A and he was like, I'm Christian.

But that's a little strange. It feels a little predatory. But just the whole thing where it's like, I'm just going to have sex with guys to make them happy. It's a nice thing to do, honestly.

And I tip my hat to you, ladies. I tip my hat to you, Flojo for your feet. Here's where you lose me, though. It's 100 British dudes. Imagine the stench

first of all. And also just the sounds. There you go. Making it even more of a sacrifice. These women are teaching dudes out of sex. They're giving away something great, you know, for free. You know, I'd be worried about the sexual disease transmission. Keep an eye on that.

Don't lose sight of that. But overall, I think that's pretty nice. Yeah, it's like you take the loss with the win. Yeah. But no, I agree with you. I always forget about the main point. You guys are well aware of this. I don't pay attention I never have.

O-Zempic, lying about it, that's lame. You got to just, what's, it's not embarrassing at all. If you take it, just say, hey, it works. Jim Gaffigan did it. Pretty good stuff. Yeah, he put it in his hot pockets. All right, so this is posted by Icarus Lives. What happens next to Part 5?

These are the best, dude. We're getting spoiled, dude. Yeah, I hope this keeps going forever. Let's not say that, though, because, you know, Leavon was making the Civil War ones. he stopped at what, episode three? Yeah, Levan checked out. I remember he, right around that time,

he sent me a message. He was like, your Discord's a bit redacted. I'm out. I didn't know that. That's hilarious, dude. Well, Levon, come back. We miss you. It's not redacted anymore.

Let's see. What happened next? Dude, I had a real gift when I was playing rock band. Did you? Oh, dude, I don't know what it was. I just felt like a me and my boys get together. And I was on them drums. Dude, I felt like fucking.

he's gonna say flee dude he's gonna say flee oh yeah yeah drums dude i felt like fucking flee on that bitch i could see you in the drums i was fucking Travis you can start communicating within your therapist in under 48 hours all right joins millions joins I don't like men's anymore

gets it right this time so insulting so insulting joins the melons of people joins the millions of people who are seeing what therapy is really about see if it's for you because you are your greatest ass download the draft game sportsbook app right now use promo code fighter make your first deposit and get wrist wrist free bet

Let's see. A risk-free bet up to $1,000 Roos. That's a Chrome Code fighter only at draft King's sportsbook minimum age. Dollar Roos. That's great. L.J. Blubbly. He's like having fun. You know, let's not lose sight of that either.

The man is having fun. Dollar Roos. Someone says that they have a good life. It's not a hard life. You can say dollar roos. He had a nice day. Let's see. Elgibility restrictions apply.

See show notes for details. That'd be funny if you got sued because Brennan didn't read the ad read, right? Someone's watching and in trial. They're like, you're a guy didn't actually read all the fine print. He said algebra. He said S-E-H-C-H-A-B. Or he can't get sued because he didn't say his name right. He gets off.

See, next page for a direction of disclaimer. That's Draftings. download the app, use the promo code fighter. Draftkins. Draftkins. Man, I gotta go inky. All right, so this is another confident search 8648 post. Hey, you two rich, privileged fucks.

Let's see. Well, we're lucky to have some of it. Yeah, we are. And you know what? We're also lucky that you got into jiu-jitsu. Because I think that had an effect on you. You look different. When you walked in here today, you look thicker.

You look like a different guy. Hey, you two, rich, rich, privileged fox. Come here. Let me talk to you. And I think that that's probably a good thing for the internet. I think it's a great thing for the internet. I was very happy with your announcement. I'm very happy that you took those steps.

I'm very happy you brought Dana White aboard. Oh, he's awesome. I've been talking to him for a while about that. I mean, he's like, talk about like an amazing entrepreneur. Mark Zuckerberg doing a basic fucking white belt, white belt arm bar. Everyone's like, oh my God, this is sick. Why? Because a nerd from Harvard Who's worth a billion dollars

All of a sudden He's downed some because he's bored as shit He's hanging off his nuts Talk that shit This is fantastic Dana White Should it okay if I call you DW You're like what

It's just all so Wait I didn't hear that part You got a right one in that one Right one White Should okay is it okay if I call you DW You like what It's just also

Look his eyes Yeah, you look. So, it's it okay if I call you DW? Honestly, a little bit based. I'm shab here. I'm liking the take. I'm hearing. Mark Zucker is my goat, dude, so.

Really? Yeah. Well, I don't want to sell. You remember back in my old apartment? I used to have a picture of Mark Zuckerberg. That's true. That's true. I mean, you know, Mark, I like some of what he's doing now.

But just the rich privileged fuck thinking it's cool because he's like some guy from Harvard. I'm like, I'm liking what I'm hearing from shop. this one. This is fun. It wasn't at the same time though where it was because Joe Rogan says he needs a handler and he's like, you need a handler. It might be. I forget. I don't think he said you too rich, rich privilege fucks about,

um, Rogan, did he? No, he's talking about Zuckerberg and. Yeah, Dana White. Dana White.

Yeah. I forget. If somebody comment, fuck. Thicker. You look like a different guy. You do. You look like a jiu-too guy now.

It's funny. Brendan needs a handler. Yes. Yeah. He called it. Called it. Do I? Yeah, it had to do with Dana White, the handler thing.

Oh, I forgot about that. There's been so many things in the Shabverse. But I stand, no, I liked, I forget. At the time, I probably made fun of him. But you know what? Maybe Brendan Shob is the every man. I forgot you brought your flip-flops today, dude. Yeah.

My tolls. Listen, what if that is what it turned out to be? That Shob, dumb guy, man of the people. Big trip. Big truck. He has trucks. Other people have trucks. He starts talking, you know, he starts doing common sense. Right?

They're talking to these two rich, privileged fucks. And they don't need to make sense. No. Never did. Doesn't count. Never seen it. Let's see. This is posted by one usual 4460. Cry singing Clint off of Jim Beam. I haven't seen this yet, but it has jelly roll.

Okay, good. That didn't fit in that. I know. That was just... I'm surprised he's not eating. Let's see. The chin. Oh, no. Oh, no. Chin's drunk.

You're fucking tripping there. You're fucking tripping there. Why is that guy yelling on chin, dude? I think he was just excited to see him. Can you imagine how excited we'd be, dude? Mm-hmm. He just seemed inebrated. He's tripping.

Look at this. Oh. Oh. Shut up. Coping. Yeah. Shout out to Mr. Jim Chin.

Chin Beam. This is supposed about Kabib time. Few buddies sent money and got scammed. I, I sent money and got scammed.

Yeah. I wanted to get your thoughts on this, Mr. Cooney. I'll see it. So this is a post from Brennan Schaub, obviously. This account is a scam.

Few buddies sent money and got scammed. Many tracts. What is that? Is that like a RV thing or something? Well, pretty sure it's like motorcycles. Motorcycles, okay. I don't. Why do you care what that's going to?

I don't know. I'm like, what's the next? Is he going to start being into motorcycles now? But you're making us look stupid by not knowing what that looks is about, dude. I mean, I am stupid. You know what a trike is, right? No.

Tricicle. So he's buying tricycles? Okay. No. Do you think he got scammed or not? Because he's saying a friend's got scammed. Yes, I know. Yes.

I'm sure he got scammed. but now I'm like, damn, so he's going to start doing fucking bike stuff? No, it's all part of the motor fucking shit's... The world of trucks. Drive fast all gas is not just trucks. You could drive fast on a motorcycle with gas. Let me see. If you really need to know, keep talking really quick.

I just, I mean, that's a whole other funny world, I think, him on a motorcycle, but that's a little dangerous. I don't want to, you can't flip that, you know, if you fall off on a tricycle, that could be different. So city trikes, looks like they make. motorized tricycles. So, motorbikes, right? Right.

Kind of, okay. City trikes, with the other city tracts, it doesn't look like a scam, but it might be a scam. See, I don't know anything about this world. I'm really more of a truck guy, but like RVs, motorized tricycles, bikes, and that kind of thing. I've never been in one of those kind of races or whatever.

Right. And I don't do the dune buggy thing that meant 300. I'm more of a truck show get in the shop, get a little greasy, mod a little bit, make sure I go in there and the blowers are good. You know, flip that, like I got to, I got to this guy,

I had to go all the way out to Arizona for Ford Lightning. You're not even a little bit of a lemon. Anyway, so yeah, shout out to he for sure sent money though. Let's see here. Okay, so this is very interesting. Post by Neil Lyle. Neil Livestrong, at least three inches. I have my full 300 page report,

but figured I'd share the preliminary findings. You'll see a listed height for hype B. Zuckerberg is 5-7, but when seen next to the supposed 5-8 Rogan, there's a noticeable difference. You can also see Rogan's classic locked knees there. And there, we are getting confirmation with height experts at the Department of Justice now. The American people deserve to know the truth,

and we're working tirelessly and transparently to bring you that. Thank you, and God bless. So as you can see With the pictures Locked knee positions As referenced above About three inches off Right

There is some hair up top here Yeah he's got a little bit of a do But you could see Kind of like if we were to sculpt out the head If we were to Lex Luthor This Mark Zuckerberg Go here 57

Yeah 58 See what I think Rogan should do Is tell the truth Just be like Hey listen Alpha brain is

one of the most important drugs out there. It's made me smarter. It's the reason for my success, but I lost three inches. I didn't know you were going for a butt. I thought you were going to go for like a sneaky little truth telling. Like shout out to Audible, great books on 5'3.

You know what I mean? Oh, you hide it in what you're saying? What if Rogan's like the substance and like, you know, he takes it in some days he's 5'8, but seven days a week he's 5'8 and then another 70s 5'3? that's the stupidest thing ever said. Yeah, you cut my joke off to you. What the fuck, dude?

I did? Yeah, I wasn't finished. I was still going. Oh, my bad. Yeah, it's all good. You know, shout out to Draft Kings. I might be 5-2, but it's promo code, J-R-E, you know. Good.

You know, or if you play Joe Rogan backwards, maybe you can find out that he's 5-1. Oh, my God. Hidden Message? Yeah. I am 5-1. Well, when he does his fake laughs, if you play the little fake laugh backwards,

it reveals his true height and weight. Yeah, no, it could be. I mean, we could test it out, but then we get in trouble. So we want to be careful. Play it backwards.

Like, Brendan Jobs on Ozempic. Brendan Job needs a handler. I like how it's like a disrespectful picture, too. Yeah. The Ice House. Mark, I follow Michael Schwartz on Instagram,

the photographer at the bottom there. And anytime there's like some sort of controversy or somebody's getting canceled and they use one of his pictures, he shares it to his Instagram going like, got a big shout out on the, but it's like the worst, like for Christalia stuff.

Whenever Christaias, he's like, here's a shot I took of Christa Lecotton. It's in the Rolling Stones. I'm the best. Yeah. He only takes a, ergo somebody's death too.

Like, shout out to Bob Sagget. I'm in this, I don't know what's happening, but there's a picture of him in the newspaper, a picture I took. Worth of Follow Cats. Mm-hmm. I've met him before, so he took a picture of me.

Didn't share it. Michael Schultz. Yeah. Shout out to this fucking weird Latino man. Great band never listened to them posted by UFC car radio. Rado. Radiohead, the bends. You're aware of what that...

Does the album kind of look like that? Yeah. It's like a weird guy's face or something. Radiohead the Benz. It's exactly the same. Oh, man. Yeah. I remember that vaguely.

Yeah. Wait, I'm sorry, I'm trying to get it for the people here. Jesus Christ. That. Oh, yeah. I mean, virtually identical. Mm-hmm. Was he taking a nap out of baseball field?

Probably not. Let's see here. Next one is posted by 28 Texas 832. Will anything ever humble these two? On his question, with all the times we thought something would humble Bapa, he always shrugs it off or doesn't realize it should humble him.

With the Mexican, what would change her from being self-absorbed lady? Okay, so not really anything else other than what we've already talked about here. Do we want them to change? Yeah, I don't know. We've talked about it before.

Like, he should do these things, but then when he doesn't do them, he's even funnier. Yeah, it's kind of like that whole thing about, like, all right, the train, if, you know, there's two ways the train can go. there's no breaks does it kill 10 elderly people

oh no I fucked it up I fucked the joke up I know I get it I get what you're saying and the train thing two two ways so Bapa what did you fuck up I fucked it up

a train goes two ways you can either hit elderly people or kids what do you hit both ways the brakes the brakes the train can hit either

or you can hit the breaks. Oh, yeah, that I mean. I fucked it up because I can't. Yeah. He can't hit the breaks. Well, yeah, that's not supposed to be included. The not having breaks thing is not supposed to be included. Oh, okay. You're supposed to hit the brakes. Listen, I have no idea, but listen, I've misunderstood many things in life. People at home are going, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I fucked it up, dude. Fuck me. God damn

shit, bullshit. God damn. All right. This one's posted by Turbulant Study, 276, 5. Google AI work in the friars. They search the fighter and the kid. Fighter and gives a weekly podcast that covers a range of topics including life mixed martial arts, cats, and homelessness. That's pretty hilarious, dude. Okay, so that's, I think that's the, yeah, that's it. But pretty accurate.

Yep, pretty funny that they put cats and homelessness. All right, this is Confident Search 8648. Yikes. Somebody commented, is the studio safe? Brendan said, Shut down. We shall see. Friday wins are supposed to be real bad again.

And we're close to the current fire. Yikes. Well, hopefully they're all right. Yeah. We need them. Prayers out to everybody. Prayers out to the studio.

Beanie guy, chin. Beanie guy is. All right, yeah. Whoever that hot chip, even though he kind of sucks. Chanaise. Clint Lex

There's another mark now Another mark The guy that goes in Like That guy I already said Lex You know That is really important

That we save that Right I don't care about Brian We can do the show With Adam Gavin step in Make sure we fucking are okay Dude

Yeah And Gavin needs to do a lot Of like Repair work on his image And whatnot T-Fat K Great Avenue You know

Your home girl Tulsi she skyrocketed after T-FAT K. You know what I mean? Yeah. What is she like? Secretary of State or something? Some. Something like that. Are you in? Something. I know for sure. She's walking in them halls. You know what I mean? National Security

Advice or something? Yeah. I can't remember. Oh, what the hell? Okay. There we go. All right. And then now we are at Confidence Search 8648 posted this. His hot take on the cyber truck guy's email to Sean Ryan. Wise their ears. I don't know what that means. Let's see.

now have a buddy who works on the anti-terrorism team he's like yeah a lot more this can be happening this year be smart this is the alleged email that Mr. Shumate received but notice that there are spell check red squigglys in here and there's a cursor and we've learned this before

this is not how an email appears when it is received in your inbox I was listening to the episodes I couldn't see it when he's like here's actual letter he sent man I'm like I don't like Why is there spell check on an email? I like the hand to the face. Yeah. He doesn't like this.

Hand of the chest is gay. But hand of the cheek is concerned from a gay man. That's weird, right? That's weird. Weird. Like, if I send you an email, Chin, there's not going to be spell check on it. Even if they're spelling errors,

even if there's grammar issues, if I'm writing it myself, waltz on my screen, or even on my phone, there's going to be spell check errors. Right. But if I send the email, you don't receive an email that highlights the ears. The email that they showed had spell check errors all over it. So my thing was, did Homeboy write this and pretend he got it?

I don't know. This is out of my wheelhouse. What this online show put out as the email that would be seen is a collection. Oh, man. Dude, obviously, you know, you saw this TikTok. or whatever before he said this. But it's just, now I'm thinking of Shab as like

Hercule Perot or like fucking the guy and Knives out or Knives out, you know, at the end of the movie. Shob's like explaining everything that happened. Like Agatha Christie. Oh yeah. Guy.

So, um, see, what happened is you, you were, you, he starts asking questions. He was you were there last night, right? You're there? And they're like, yeah. And he's like, then you did it. C-claas.

He can't explain it. Yeah. But yours is very funny. And that was about the terrorist attacks, right? On the first? Yeah, I think that guy, he's like a new Roganite. He was a Navy SEAL or something and he has a show now. And they were claiming that the truck guy, that the cyber truck sent him an email being like,

hey, you know, we know about these terrorists or blah, blah, blah. like I'm on the run and all this stuff, but I guess it was a fake email because it had the squiggly's on it. But I didn't even know that. This is my first time hearing that. All right. Let's see. This one's posted by Kimbo Slices Chicken.

Tom about Nightmare for the Christmas B. Back from the Dead to get my skin right. Do you ever do this? Skin care like this? Not to that extent. I have lotion. Me too. I put some lotion on it earlier.

Yeah. Not this much, though, right? Let's just let that be a mystery, dude. I bathe in lotion. Oh, that's good. That's good for your skin. Mm-hmm. It'll be neat.

And if I don't, then everything starts dying. I got dead skin all over the place. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I had moisturized, so I don't know. Yep, you look like you have Ex-M-O. Let's see here. This one's supposed by various concept 2615.

How do they still make money after losing 90% of their viewers? You know, this is a first. frequent topic of the podcast. Yeah. This is a little while back when they were naming episodes still. Country superstar Tyler Hubbard. And when I was off the clock, sorry, I was on a break. I was going through the numbers on T-FAC game.

Yeah, it's astounding. It's a down a lot? Yeah. It's a median of 40K. Okay. Well. And I'm a numbers guy. Yeah, you are.

You study the game. Yeah. I mean, let me ask you a question. How much money? Sorry, what? How much money is fucking drive fast-log ass merch worth? Good question. How many chicks you fug?

Exactly. What number are you thinking? 50. 60. 70? Okay, what is it then? 100 million dollars. Oh, okay.

That's how much it's worth? There's no way he's a millionaire. Okay. See, here's a, here's a, the thing. That drive fast all gas money made in the truck giveaway, you take that up, you put that in a week, you toast. Okay. Okay. Stack that up again in a month. I forget what the guy says. I got you beat. Whatever that guy says. Online it says four mil. And these aren't accurate, right? No. That's like, come on. Four mil. Be serious, dude. Go for it. Cook. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

I didn't even say another number. I know. Just go up from whatever I'm thinking. You think he's worth a hundred mill? I think he's worth 200 million. I feel like that's the only way you can have a show that's mediocre and like have as much ego as he has is if you have nine figures in the bank. Think about how many people know the name of his special versus. Most people probably don't even know the name of Day Chappelle special.

You're right. When Eddie Murphy and Day Chappelle started killing it and made a lot of money, they stopped stand-up. Right? Who else stopped stand up when they started killing it and made a lot of money? God. Brendan Schaub. Okay. Dave Chappelle.

Eddie Murphy. Louis C. Brennan shop. Yeah. Louis C.K. Brennan shop. All righty. Let's see here.

Bapa's father of the year posted by Rick Roald. Can't stand the five minutes he spends with his kids. And to be fair, I would listen to her either. I wouldn't. I guess he's it. Yeah. I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're a good dad. The kids are the problem.

Their mother doesn't listen either. Who posted? Oh. He liked by Brennan Chop. He needed some support. Yeah. I like the imagery of him like laying down on his side scrolling Instagram and being like, Dad, can I have help with my homework?

Dad, I got a new pitch to show you. Fuck. Jesus Christ. dunk out Don't count Don't count All righty This is posted

by cruel ambitions How'd Thick Boy Studios go Popular callback to Ariel Hawani So this is Flash Night Friday Fight Night flashbacks

With the one And only There you go This is Cheeto Vera Shout out Cheeto Food Truck Diaries Calabase's Fight Companion

With who's Oh Christalia Brian Callan, somebody in British shop. Oh, uh, mayhem, Miller, Jason. Yeah. Or something like that. Is Diaz Chamiab on?

What? Fight Boy, Fight News. I didn't even know that one. Yeah. Did you know about that one? I mean, let's be honest. There's going to be a couple we don't know about. Shop show Hot Takes.

Don't cry for Nate. Uh-oh. Char. Trash Panda Tour. Need I say it again, dude? We're not going to know a couple things, right? I think I heard of Trash Panda. Wasn't that like a Burke Kreischer thing or something?

No, someone mentioned Trash Panda in the comments once, but I didn't know what it was. I got a trash panda right here next to me, dude. Shut up. Trash Panda. Damn, you're deep in the game. I was there at the shows, dude. Charlotte was lit.

He gave that to you. Yeah. Area Code shorts. Another one, area court. I've never heard of area code shorts. No, I don't know that one. Keep in mind, there's no area code on the thumbnail. Oh, wait. Area code shorts.

That's when he was doing all the city shit. Dallas. Yeah, and they remember, of course, the Mugsy Bugs thing. Murray's like, I'm going to go to every city and do a joke. Charlotte. That was that one. Yeah. Rest in power, man.

Thick boy music, standing O. Thick life of vlogs. Kid loses 200 pounds and joins the. thick boy crew. Damn. Imagine hiring somebody for a thumbnail. Basically what they did. You know?

Yeah. Oh, the green goat poppy. Dude. Go for it. I was going to say something, but go for it. I mean, just the greatest special

of all time. That's it. That's all you. You don't have anything else to say? Yeah. I mean, I can't really say much more either. It's,

if you could put fire in a can, wrong time to say fire. If you could put lightning in a bottle, this would play 30 times. Oh, yeah. I mean. 27. Just, I mean,

I'm out. I can't talk. I can't talk. Let's see what else. Haters will say. They crossed out Mark's face. This is Chappelle's World, episode one.

Yeah, I mean, listen, this is giving heavy, addy vibes. Dude, all these, you know, shortcomings. I don't like me. in front of the adie thing. He just said yes to everybody or he forced people to have shows.

He was on one, dude. Yeah. He's like, we gotta get more shows. Yeah. We are the news. Okay. Flatlined with David Lucas. Damn, I don't know.

He was on thick boy? That's crazy. I didn't know that. Cats after dark. I remember that. Yeah, dude. I mean, just trying to compete with Tom Segura and

the pants guys. What are they called? The pants people. Your mom's house. YMH. Oh, man. Rough times for everyone. This is posted by a chin puller of clips,

Klin puller of clips. Keep in mind, we're doing this before the next episode that we're all looking forward to about the fires. They haven't recorded as soon as the fires have happened. You know, the air quality is pretty bad here also,

but we didn't stop recording. I'm just saying, dude. Yeah. I do have a headache from them. But you know what? So what? Never stop. Bus.

with the boys' nuisance day one of Bapa's lying ways. We talk about all of the Leah stuff. We talk about Shab, how he deals with social media, which, point blank, I think he's an absolute liar. You'll see. No question.

I tell you, you're not telling me that you just have somebody run your social media 24-7. You just know, I've got to be a tough little deal. I got a hard time of social. Damn, even the busting with boys guys are questioning shit, the narrative now. Yeah. Okay. Well, now I like busting with boys. Well, this is a long time ago.

Okay, I should have liked them back then. But they still Adam Rade in the kitchen, remember? Where they were like, they mentioned Bapa. They're like, why would I do that? Oh, yeah. So you can get views, Taylor. We all know. All right. So, yeah, we love you guys. Corned Befer posted this one, pray for Slow Joe.

Took a turn for the worst, still trying to recover. Missed my best friend's bridal shower, hoping to get better soon. Didn't we watch this one last time? This seems familiar. I think you're mentioning, you're referencing the ring, right? The ring? No, I just see this on my own. Probably.

She's fine. You follow slow, Joe. We talked, no, you remember you were like the baseball tattoo. You mentioned that. Well, I mean, let's be honest. There's been a lot of pictures of this arm. Elephant, baseball, horseshoe. She's a Colts fan?

I mean, I think we've seen before, so she's fine. Because let's see. That's the next week. This is Square Advertising 925. Which one of these NFL players

is the strongest? I think you'd be surprised. All right. Whoever that is. Is that JJ Watt? It's one of the Watts. I don't know which one. One of them.

Damn, they're pretty strong. That's the Browns guy. Yeah. Yeah. Forget his name. Don't know that guy. Doesn't count. Yeah.

Oh, shit. He's got a physique of a fucking tiger. The rest of them look like fucking, like jacked NFL players. Then his looks like a pick that someone swipes the wrong way on Tinder on. Vick shit. Wow. Nuts. Well, it's hard to tell.

I mean, they're all pretty standardized, beefy, yoked guys. That's true. They all look the same. You can't. Who is even in the picks? I don't know. It's hard to tell Shab for that guy. I'll say this guy looks pretty beefy, dude.

I mean, he can drink a cabuccino with Buffalo Bills, maybe. Yeah. Why would you take this picture? It looks like a Tinder picture to me. Yeah, true. Or maybe he's just, you know, he's like Slow Joe. He found his soulmate. They both like showing off the results.

Also, unplug your phone. It's charged enough to take a pick real quick. You know what I mean? He only has enough juice to like, and he couldn't wait. He's like, oh, I find one. I got to get this to pick him. Post. Socials. Socials. All right. This one's pretty funny. Samurai Yen Yang posted this. Mark weighs in on the fires. You want to read this? Sure.

To all the neurotic, paranoid, fear-driven, irrational mainstream media trusting scarity cats who told me I urgently needed to evacuate my north of Ventura Sherman Oak's home because there are a few fires no less than 10 miles away from me in a few different directions. You all owe me a big, fat, juicy, submissive apology. And next time, put some respect on the fact that I'm calmer and more rational than you in a crisis. Kisses Mark. Listen, he's the, look, Mark just goes. Not unlike Papa. Mark's hilarious. He's not going to leave his house just for some fires that threaten everything. You want to read this one? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go for it. Yes, BGL, famously known for being

Common rational. You know, our guy gives it out and gets, okay, wow. Yep. Maybe he's got to take the hell on this one. I think it's just funny. I don't know.

You know what I mean? It is funny. Okay, so they're talking about narcissism now here. I love it when a post betrays the lack of self-awareness. I'm more common rational than you made me legit, LOL. talking about the...

I mean, he'd probably find it funny too. He may have said this just to be funny and then spark this, you know? For sure, there has to be some satire in the fact that you're more... There's kisses. He says kisses afterwards. He can't... I mean, the... He probably wouldn't reply with the video of him lifting the car. Maybe he could edit it to make it look like he's putting it down. Look, I put it out in the car.

Now I don't... Now who feels stupid. Or he can edit like somebody attacking Luana, so it looks like he's saved. her. Yes. So a monster is trying to pull the car away. He's like, no, I'm strong.

I'm pulling the car towards me. You know those videos where, like, we'll be sitting here doing 10 minutes of shop and out of nowhere, AI can make us be like, like retarded fight. Yeah.

Just like, maybe he can AI something to make it look like. I think so. Or, yeah, you know, I was trying to think of another bit, but it's so stupid.

I, yeah, I have nothing. All right, this is posted by Dazzling Rabbit 6333. Whitney responding to a homeless cat trolling. It's a picture of her on stage. I'm not going to lie, dude.

Okay, so have you been keeping up with Whitney Cummings and her going Zons of lately? Only a little bit, but honestly, it just seems so obvious to be like attention grabbing, you know? Like, I'm not offended by what she's saying, but I'm just like, you know, this is standard. You don't really have any real opinions about anything.

You just want attention at all costs. Yeah, I just notice how, how irrationally I hate her. Right. Okay. I'm pretty irrational about my hate for her. Yeah. There's no, but there's no change to that. I'm just like, it's just how it is.

Yeah. Because she's posting these things and it's like, yeah. But it's all obvious now. It's not like you're leading the charge of like being different with your views and stuff. You're just annoying and thirsty. Yeah. Also, and the whole, I saw one thing that kind of, I thought, what made me a little bit annoyed was when she was saying like,

you know, like I bravely defended Rogan when all this people were going after him. It's like, really? Was it brave to defend the most popular person in comedy who made your career? That's brave? Like, what exactly is it that you're risking by defending Rogan now?

That's not brave. Neither is what we do. Yeah. But I'm like, you know, brave is not the word I would use. It may be short-sighted. at some point all the stuff she's doing now because I don't know really what her audience is.

I don't know where they lean or what they're into. But they're so stupid, it doesn't matter. If you're watching Whitney Cummings, you're an idiot. So I don't think any of this, yeah, Jules. I don't think any of what she does matter. She's like, she seems to me to be a person who's constantly worried about like what is going on. Takes one to no one.

And so she's worried, you know, so she's just operating in this place of anxiety. and now she's doubling down on whatever new character she is. She's not well. Not well. So there was a comment on one of her videos about the fires because she's doing these TikTok videos about fires now

where she's like, so where was the water at? You know, like these kind of things, right? So you mean to tell me that? Fire didn't have watered it? That kind of stuff, right? And then one of the comments was like this middle-aged woman that was like, 2025,

Whitney is my vibe. Like what happened? And then Whitney replied with, I became a mom. with like a happy face. Oh, man. Fuck, dude. She sucks so much.

Yeah, she sucks so bad, dude. The worst. Yeah. You wouldn't get it, okay? You sort of understand stuff when you're a mom better than people without, you know, doing it up shit.

It's like, no offense if you don't have kids, but it's like you really just don't understand it so you have a child. Yeah, right. Yeah. You fucking whore. And you know who else sucks, dude?

Is people acting like they think they know about fucking wildfires or like keeping up with brushes. You didn't know jack shit on January 6th, dude. Facts. You know what I mean? Facts. And people are like, why are we not keeping up with the brushes in our wild forest, our forests? That'll prevent.

In Sweden, they do it and it prevents forest fires. Fuck Sweden and fuck you, dude. Yeah, enough attacking Los Angeles. Yeah. Okay. If this happened in your city, you'd be fucking dead. Yeah. Right?

Us, we live because we're actors, dude. We're narcissists. Our firefighter stopped a fire without water. Like, how the fuck do they? They do that. How about you put that in your pipe New York and smoke it? You fucking wharf, fwaf, wham, people. You fucking couldn't live a day in here during a fire. We're out here sucking in air, pause that has poison in it and rat poison and God knows what else in this fucking crazy city filled with actors. Yeah. We survived it. We got the best firefighters

in America. And you know what? People from other countries are trying to, Mexican firefighters are coming over here because they want to fucking be in L.A. and help us out. You fucking can suck our fat dicks, all right? God damn dick's standing here. Yeah. You don't know. These people being like, uh, you didn't have water. There's not enough pressure and like all this shit. It could be a ring of fire and everyone dies. Good. I wake up at 434, so I'm ready for a fire.

And when you apologize to me and you go, I'm so sorry, I want to suck your fat dick now. No, you got to beg for it now, dude. Yeah, because we're calm and rational all the time. We're not just going to leave our place because of fire department said, hey, you've got to go, dude. We think the fire hydrants

don't work. Yeah. There's no pressure. We don't know where the water is and shit. So what. Yeah. And fuck you, Whitney Cummings, you dumps. Yeah. If I want to be saved by a woman, I'll be saved why a woman. And my girlfriend will just have to deal with it. Our firefighters are fucking lesbians, dude. They're gay as shit. Yeah, dude. Scooping up the bag still. Yeah. Listen, I'm honestly, they stopped a fire with no water. Exactly. That's pretty fucking impressive. Chouts out to them. But it really does bother me that everyone acts like they know about, oh, fucking, forest management now because there's a fire in Los Angeles.

Get the fuck off of that. I don't know. If you knew about it, why didn't you do anything about it? Why are you just saying it now? People were like, oh, they did this and that. They should have done that. Why would you live somewhere if you know that there's going to be a fire coming to burn down your house?

You're stupid. I didn't know any of these things. I'm learning them now. Hopefully we make some improvements. What are you going to do, right? That's the only thing you can do. I know one thing, like I said before, another city would have fucking burnt to the ground.

We're still here, Dady. Maybe not after this weekend. We'll see. I know this episode goes out and we're all dead. If we died, at least we got to talk some shit before it, you know? Let me tell you another thing. One last thing. If we died, absolutely my fault.

Okay? Why do the fire hydrants not have water? Wait, so the hydrants don't have water? Fuck you. They should be called Drydens. Oh, my God. Because they're fucking dry. fucking stupid

okay let's see here Brandon Shob made Whitney's career if I'm gonna be honest and then she does the roll the eyes I mean sorry you can't deal facts Whitney yeah you were nothing before Shob

all right so this is post by Icarus lives schools in session it says let's see to sell out in L.A. Tough to do yeah people are having a tough time selling you play that music chin it's not no sure yeah it's a

cool graphic. In-house thick boy artist, exclusive Rubin. He's snapping his fingers. Dude, I almost spit out my water. That's the atrocious beat. That's coming from a white guy. Let's see one more time. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a cool graphic. That's the in-house, thick boy artist, exclusive Rubin. It sounds like they're chopping and screwing. like a deflated water bed. To me it sounds like there's like, I mean, it sounds like there's a fire at the school and the alarm is playing. You know, get out, get out.

And leave the area. There's one kid who's really into it. School's in session. even Brandon here's, dude. Schools in session. All right, that was,

we never seen that before. No. All right, this is posed by haphazard. You're just repeating false narratives that you heard. Let's see. Your phone's an addiction.

Well, that's why I told my dad, I said, think about it. You're one of the most disciplined people I know. I have other super disciplined people in my life.

And whenever we stop doing work, they go to social media. Yeah. Or there's just a phone in general. Like, my dad's on social media, but he's on his phone playing that game. I don't think there's anything good about it.

And I mean anything. I know there's some good information. I'm actually writing that my whole special is about being addicted to your phone and social media. Like this is what I'm talking about because I don't think there's anything good about it. I really don't. I think it's an addiction like anything else. Will you get some information? Sure.

You get some inspirational shit. Sure. But it's easy information and you get so much. You don't, nothing really sticks. You know, because you're getting so much. Unless you really have a background in it, you're just repeating false narratives that you heard from some other dumbass

who got it from somebody else. This is exactly what we sounded like we were talking about Whitney Cummings, dude. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, he's, it is. I mean, we're so dumb. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But nobody has like a legit background. Thank you for Christmas. Hey, did you hear the news? California's getting married. And someone's going to have to call up Wall Luigi because, uh, yeah. I mean, y'all tell me, is this suss or no? Is it sussed at State Farm just months ago?

Peaches, delight, delight, delight, delight, deli. I mean, well, we're, it's a little different because we're not sharing this stuff. All right, yeah. But also, I definitely shared some stuff that's too bad. You did? I shared a picture I took. I mean, as a joke, I said Karen Bass, 2008. Because it's just, I mean, I don't know whether how culpable she is or not,

but I just thought that was funny to say now. But you know what at the state farm or the insurance thing that is interesting? I'm moving, right? So I told my state farm insurance person, hey, my new address is this. And this is like two days before the fire. And she was like, okay, Brendan,

she has a British accent. She said, okay, Brendan, but we cannot do rent his insurance anymore because we're not doing fire anymore. And that was two days before. the fires. Wow. And they're doing that with every, I guess they canceled some people's things. Does that mean my, well, I don't even have that place anymore, but I don't know if that means they canceled my fire insurance or whatever. But I guess they canceled people's shit too. So my new place, not insured. Let me guess. You changed your name to Luigi Mangacuni.

Yeah, dude. I've been making a lot of Luigi Mangione jokes in my personal life. I can't stop. I'm like, we need to release him so he can get rid of the looters and the, um, the people that's starting the fires and they need a Mangione there. Yeah. We need to Mangione the people that are against rent control. Mm-hmm. They're going to raise the rents, I'm hearing. Oh.

I don't know if that's, I'm doing exactly what Chubbden. That's something I heard online. I fucking heard online that they're going to try and raise the rents now. Yeah. And you know, well, it's hilarious. Maybe it was satire. But there's somebody that commented,

I'm glad Cooney's not terminally online. Yeah, I, that's, I mean, that was probably from something I didn't know. Maybe that person doesn't watch a show on a lot and doesn't realize I don't know anything illegally. No, I mean, I don't know. I'm not terminally online. People tell me stuff. I didn't even see that online. I lied. My girlfriend told me about that.

It is just for men. Why are you sweating? Listen. Speaches delight. All right, let's see here. We're not going to finish some of these actually because they're way too long. Sure. But look at this post from haphazard. We got a wildfire problem, y'all.

The Fighter and the Kid. T-Fat K-Fam. due to the multiple fires in the LA area. There will be no show tomorrow. Our studios, I thought it's in our studies. Yeah, right. Our studios are shut down and we are unable to record. If you're in LA, please stay safe and stay tuned to local updates. Also, thank you to our first responders and all those who are those on the front lines for working hard to keep us safe.

I would have just not included the part where the studios are shut down. Like if my apartment got evacuated, I would be like Cooney. Let's tell people we're not going to do it because we support firefighters. Should we say that? We can't record because the studio should have? Don't say that, dude. We're stealing valor today, dude. That's what I would do.

Yeah, I mean, we can't record because me and Gerardo are going out to fight the fires ourselves. You know, and then show us a picture of a clearly Photoshop picture of us in firefighter costumes, saving a kid. You know how many people are going to, I'm going to find out whether they saw Moana or not? A lot of kids. All the kids. Me and Gerardo have a firefighter DNA. Mm-hmm. Okay?

We were born to save. Yeah. A lot of not a lot of regular clothes fit us. Honestly, my head looks better with a firefighter helmet on it. That's the only appropriate size anything. That's the only one that fits. This is my head is so big. All that if I want to wear a hat, it has to be a firefighter's helmet.

People are like, get, look how big my fucking head is, okay? God damn head sound of here. Yeah. Even your hat's trying to fall off right now. Dude, my hat never stays on snuck. This fucking thing, dude. It's like one won't stay, but two, like, is too tight. Just a fucking nightmare my life is.

And I think that's it for today, dude. Oh shit. See you next week.