10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub is the Great Unifier | Raccoon Tweeties 10 minutes of Brendan Schaub #2

Episode Date: January 15, 2023

Second Episode of 10 Minute of Schaub

you know we gotta do 10 minutes of shop right mother fucker really dude i wasn't even gonna remind you all right so i'll start the timer now 10 minutes of shop all righty then dude you ready oh yes i am all right here we go really fool i love a nice face tattoo i'm obsessed with neck tattoos i wish are you oh i wish i why i look like a hell's angel if i do it why are you so I love a nice face tattoo. I'm obsessed with neck tattoos. I wish I was. Oh, I wish I did. Why? I look like a Hell's Angel if I do it. Why are you so obsessed with them? Oh, dude, there's one of the, I don't want to say leader. I don't want to say who it is.

There's a Proud Boy at my show. A bunch of Proud Boys came. Jesus. To add it up. To add it up. So you need help, man. Proud Boys at your show? That's a good sign.

I don't know what help I would need, but if I ever do need that help. Yeah, Fandiva, but Proud Boys... How about last time I was there during the riot? These guys' lives are like melting away, and you can tell it's like a much higher intensity version of what's going on with our lives. Callan's thinking about some court case

he has. He's like, Fandiva, just repeating stuff that Shab whispers. I think I have a tattoo. It would be great if I had a face tattoo. Proud Boys? Really, dude? Oh, really, dude?

You stink. Their leader's black, right? They're riding outside my hotel. There's sirens. They go down. And Cobb goes, don't go outside, man. I'm like, dude, I'm just going to get a coffee. He's like, I'm telling you, don't go outside.

But I go out. Antifa and Proud Boys and the SWAT team all got together. The one thing they shared in common, B-Shop fans. I have a picture of me in front of the three of them like this. I was the equalizer. Yeah. They were great. None of that sounds true.

That was great. He's just lying like that was all he does he just lies b-shop fans dude what's a b-shop oh b-shop god i have trouble understanding him dude b-shop fans not even thick boys proud boys antifa cops what do they all like? Dicey, dicey, bro. You know what's funny, dude? My girlfriend told me yesterday that her son told her that he wants to be a thick boy. Like in reference to Shab or just like that saying, like being thick or something? Yeah, he just wants to be heavier, but the first thing I thought was Shab. So I have you to thank for that. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm working on a

bit about like do you get these ads on instagram where it's like really really hot attractive women saying oh these shirts for thick men are so great they work so well on thick guys the fuck no no i get that and i was it's not a good bit yet uh but it's just like i think they'd be more effective if they had women selling the shirts that i have a chance with you like and i go women without hope and i know where to go yeah kind of thing so the i was saying like they'd be like oh this shirt is so comfortable you know i like it so much you know my sister's about to evict me from my house and i add to shipping and i keep going on about it but um yeah man thick boy is really obnoxious.

I think to say that just if I don't think there's anything wrong with being a little chunky or whatever, but you know, you don't need to come up with like a saying to make yourself feel better. Yeah. The guys that are like, you know, they remember like the, oh, he's fat, but he's fun. The guys that are like that never actually would say, I'm fat, but I'm fun. They just, they just were,

because they're a compliment. I mean, I'm fun. Good hangs. We love a fat guy, don't we? Okay. Travis,

fat, but fun, dude. Dude, Pang Dang should open up for a shop. Yeah. Let's watch more of a,

Shabanese. Oh, I forgot. It's a fucking 10 minute, goddamn second. Shabanese. Did you send me the second one? Yeah, I think so.

Unless I sent you the same one twice. We need to learn how to speak Chabonese so we can do more of it on the show. Is it called Chabonese? I think so. One of the things. Whatever you say, Bapa. Alright, here we go. What do they call him? Brenda? Is that how they call him? Brenda? Don't tame an elefante

because what happens is... I think this is a wild elephante and he decided to stomp this bitch out right and then she died and then the bear came back during her funeral and stomped out the corpus oh just i'm not done daddy's not done stomp stomp stomp stomp oh my god woman death then attacks her corpse at a funeral this is a special kind of elephant people oh my lord it smelled in her sign wait a corpus do you think yeah i don't know what that do you think the cte that brendan has like made him like this was he really dumb before it or because what he just when he was just talking i didn't understand what he was saying yeah i was like what i really i couldn't i though there's a lot of words and it could be

just a vegas hangover yeah but i really was like i don't i don't understand that really dude oh really dude elephante but i kind of want to hear what he yeah let's play the rest i'm trying to figure that was the whole thing that was it yeah damn dude you've got to tune in to fact tfak dude yeah the shop subreddit will shit on like anything he does yeah it's like a 10 second clip and they're like but play it back they want shop clips like the people watch the zapruder film. You know, like Gwen Kennedy. Another reference, Dallas. But if you look at it from this angle, Schaub is very stupid in this one. Play it back.

Play back the tape. Okay, you'll see here that Schaub is drooling out of his nose. You know, Pozzole, bro? Like, when I get that, dude, I snorted right up my nose. Check this out, dude dude read this out loud when i get tacos dude i fucking shove a taco right up my butt dude um wait where did you go sorry

about that read it okay so dick coughlin says brendan shobb told the atlantic that i'm his first three years doing or that in his yeah i'm his first in his first that in his first three years doing, or that in his, that I'm his first? In his first. That in his first three years of doing stand-up, he performed 6,000 hours of comedy. In order for this to be possible, he would have to do an average of 5.5 hours of stand-up every day. What absolute twaddle.

Yeah, dude, people are coming up with the math to figure out that Shav is lying. The math of Shav. Investigating. We'll believe you, dog, if you just say he's lying. Yeah, you don't need it. But it is fun.

I mean, this is what's entertaining about it is that people, Schaub is such a goon that people are willing to do this and look into it. A bunch of Sherlock Holmes and Watsons. It's elementary, Watson, but Mr. Schaub. Do you want to see this? Portland, now let. Schaub. Do you want to see this? Portland. Now, let me ask you this.

Portland. It just says, it's just two pictures of dice, and then it's this clip. Dicey, dicey. Dicey, dicey. Here we go. Really, bro? Portland. Now, let me ask you this.

Portland. And this is my bit. They burnt it down. They burnt it down. This is what I said in my bit about Portland. I said, Portland is, I go, you know, I talk about all the cities I've been. I go, I like Portland. I'm staying downtown.

Sure. I take a beat. I go, a little dicey. Dicey. He thinks that dicey dicey is like a great, very intelligent bit that he's created. He's like, and you know what I did next? Dicey, Dicey is like a great, very intelligent bit that he's created. He's like, and you know what I did next? Dicey. The best part about that is that he has to think about what he said.

He's like, you know, and he's trying to say it correctly. He's like, I don't want Brian to get this wrong. I didn't just say Dicey, Dicey for anything, dude. There's like a shop board and it has like Dicey, Dicey, a picture of a cookie with salsa on it. Fucking delete. Jokes about Theo Vaughn. He's like moving it around and shit. Okay, I'm going to do this one

and then but are people watching this because some of them have to be legitimate fans of him, right? I know. Or is it all people that just hate him? Straight up, we laughed hard at that right now, dude. Yeah, that is true.

That was very funny. That's hilarious. I was like, you know what? A little Portland, a little dicey. We'll work every time. And whatever he says it about, it'll be great. I went to this restaurant, and they pulled out the, you know how the guy comes out and he reads the specials?

Yeah. He read off the specials, and at the end of it i was like a little dicey okay look at that's uh the great unifier right there damn dude this group is so good dude let's see how much you want to see it youtube it's a great picture we have 50 seconds left yeah so that was a picture of the guy that he the black guy that went around like meeting secretly yeah his members and then making him like them and then like they were like i'm done with the clan yeah that's essentially what shab is doing with the gringo poppy in a showtime special shab is confronting racism head- by working with Brian Callen.

Alright, here we go. 16 second clip. Yeah. And then it came out he was raping like 12 year olds, 14. I'm surprised a cult leader raping underage girls. Never heard of that before. Oh, really, dude? I have a cult. And it's a cult. Oh, Chris.

I can't talk. The editing is amazing. I have a cult. And it's a cult. Chris, I can't talk. Fuck. Well, the editing is amazing. Six seconds. Oh, really, dude? Dude, that oh, really, dude is one of the best punchlines in history. Yeah. God, God, God, God, God.

We're done. I'm printing it as a shot. Hell yeah, dude. Woo. Bow-da-dow.