10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub IS WRITING A BOOK! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #103

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

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Oh well I'm the type of guy who will go by I'm old Where demons are, well you know that I just go I drive them and I flip them, cause to me they're all the same I buy them and I sell them, I can't even spell my name They call me the truck walker, yeah the truck walker I walk around, around, around, around, around Oh well there's Messick on my left, well, there's Messick on my left Oh, man, there's Esser on my right

And Annie is the girl That I'll be with tonight And when she asks Jay How many chicks I fuck I tear open my shirt And I show up out in my truck Cause I'm the truck walker Yeah, the truck walker

I walk around, around, around, around, around. One take. It's time for my favorite time of the week. When you get the ear pop, I try to speak. Release surprises today. You better actually watch 10 Minutes of Shop. Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop. Thanks for tuning in.

As always, join the Patreon, join the Discord, join the Reddit. We're almost up to 300 on the Reddit. Ever heard of it? Oh, it's so cool. Out of the hawk? The autofocus? Oh, what? Look at that. It goes back to you. On the Patreon, we just watched Jerry

Seinfeld's new special, right? 23 Hours to Kill! I forgot. Yeah, yeah. Jerry! You're a blogger! Yeah, no. Check it out. Check out the Patreon. That one was really fun.

We just kept making scenarios where he tries to KMS, dude. Yeah, that was Gerardo's idea. This is very funny. The idea that Seinfeld is secretly suicidal. Yeah. I was trying to avoid saying that, but yeah. Oh, shit. You're good.

Keep going. You gotta edit that out. Anyways, that's not why you're're here you're here to watch tim as a shop yeah not me being stupid may 29th i'm in santa ana and uh june 6 7th i am going to be in san diego july 10th i believe i'm going to be in sacramento and then a lot more other shows coming uh june july august september october so boom sorry check those, check those shows out, deity. I'm going to be at Fourth Wall on Saturday. Boom. Play the timer.

Start the chain clip. Because they're here for what, dude? Play the timer. Play the timer. I did that one on purpose. As I was saying it, I realized I was doing it. And then I wasn't. Play the timer.

Start the check clip. All right. So here we go. This is the biggest one for the week here uh and so we have a couple of uh what's it called posts about this okay i guess ronda rousey put out a book i don't know jack shit about any of this stuff yeah um i just learned about it maybe like 10 minutes ago khabib time posted this uh i haven't read any comments either this one's called excerpt from ronda rousey's book Tom about B-Shop

playing fucked up mind games during her fights and hiding their relationship so he wouldn't be labeled as Ronda Rousey's boyfriend. Wow. So if you want me to or do you want to read this or do you want me to read this? I can do it. Travis had been training with us for a while when it was announced that

his first fight as an official member of our team would be against my ex-boyfriend. My ex thrived on playing Tight. I tried not to be overly involved or emotional. This wasn't my fight. I was hoping he would win, but I was in training camp, so I didn't actually think too much about it. That is until it was on live TV, and I lost my goddamn mind. Screaming at the top of my lungs, Get him, Travis! While punching the arm of the person on the couch next to me. When Travis knocked him out at the end of the first round, I didn't think it could get any more gratifying. My ex covered up on the ground while Travis patted away on him.

The referee waved the match over. Then Travis, towering over the crumpled, semi-conscious body of my ex, leaned down and whispered something in his ear. His words were indiscernible to the camera, but I swore I could hear Travis' voice saying, Hey, you're a blockbuster. No, Rhonda says fuck you. I was desperately trying to think of somebody to put in there

the whole time damn that's like an extra fantasy probably yeah that's what i imagine most women want to happen to their ex-boyfriends damn dude we should have more dating within the ufc so we can get more stories like this yeah wow yeah so she so she he is really a part of like this whole thing that she's got this just in dude max hollow, dude. Max Holloway's dating Amanda Nunes. I hope they break up, dude. Man. So I wonder what the mind games were, though, dude. Tell us the juicy stuff.

Yeah. Like, you know, dude, people sell books based off of a fucking horse shit story, dude. Yeah. That's probably true. None of it's real. Brandon's never done anything like that. Brandon's honest. Yeah.

How is that? Okay. Ronda rousey defined fucked up mind games define bullying like this is brandon shop you're messing with here dude well a mind game is a lie and like he doesn't ever lie i mean name one time he's lied uh do we have a lot of time for me to think because yeah not gonna happen daddy no yeah you could have seven times a week and you wouldn't be able to come up with an example. They told us if we bought these chairs, our podcast would be successful. Look at us now, Danny.

Good. Yeah. Good. Oh, Brandon Rousey just dropped a book? Good. That's what Brandon's. Yeah. He's reading all these things, shitting on him.

He's like, you know what? Good. Because he knows Jocko's teachings. Yeah, dude. Let's go to the next one uh this is you know just ronda's boyfriend posted by a cj or let me make it a little bigger uh cjk610 little man come to theaters july 2006 i haven't seen any have you no i haven't seen this one like the marlon wayne's thing right yeah do you see the original? No. I didn't see that one either. A little too zany for my taste.

I heard it was good. Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't get a chance to. He's not one of our guys. Yeah. This one's posted by Haphazard, one of our guys, dude. Hell yeah. It's called Ronda Rousey's Boyfriend. Let's see.

Okay, question. Over or under on whether or not there's going to be something at the very, very end. Like Chin's apartment getting raided by cops. Oh, 100% there'll be something at the end. Alright, let's see. Brandon, can you look both ways? What if they cut back and Brendan's holding a big gulp? Like, how did he get a big gulp in that small amount of time?

The big gulp thing is always going to make me laugh, dude. I'm so sorry. I lost it there, dude. That's so funny. It made me feel good. He's like, it's all good. I had to go pee. Had a big gulp earlier.

Fucking, you can't believe this, huh? That's what he's saying to the fucking people that told him to move. They're not listening because they're taking pictures of the star. Brendan, who the hell is John Africa? Get out of the shot, monkey. Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single?

Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single?

Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single?

Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single?

Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Can we get a single? Remember when he was like in the Gringo Poppies?

Like before my girlfriend, I did a lot of white shakes, big taste, flat acid. Now I'm thinking about that with her. Is he's good douching her there? Probably, dude. That's fucked up. They're like, can you get that podcaster out of the shot this is maxim's hot 100 not uh fucking youtube's 1.1 damn that was a good one oh yeah oh yeah dude oh wow nothing at the end i'm surprised you lost the bet i did i thought the same thing though

yeah cool story bro cool story bro all right let's go on to something else now Oh, wow. Nothing at the end. I'm surprised you lost the bet. I thought the same thing though. Yeah. Cool story, bro. Cool story, bro. All right. Let's go on to something else. And now I think he addresses the book later. So I don't know if I can find it right here. One second. Keep talking. I'm just seeing all like the hilarious titles. Even when you're pulling up the clip, there are a few, I think there's one where his name is spelled pretty comically. I'm not going to... Oh, yeah. Oh, there we go. That's what I'm looking for.

Oh, damn. I don't know if I pulled it up anyways. Let's see here. This is called The Two Ends of the Comedy Spectrum, posted by God... God Earthbringer? God Earthbringer. Yeah, it's just

two ends of the spectrum really bad comics John Stewart and really great comics Bert Kreischer yeah I mean you nailed it that's exactly like I mean

John how about you drink some water John or water we doon hair right I just don't understand why his shirt's on that's basically my takeaway

it's like he doesn't understand the rules of comedy yeah like oh oh you showed up to an event with a bunch of comedians trying not to be funny why his shirt's on. That's basically my takeaway, dude. It's like he doesn't understand the rules of comedy. Yeah. Like, oh, oh, you showed up to an event with a bunch of comedians trying not to be funny, dude. Yeah, it's pretty cool that you're, like, dressed like a normie. Yeah. Cool story, bro. I'm gonna try to

find this thing, dude. Yeah. You're looking for the book thing? Yeah. And this is about Ronda's book? Yeah, it's Shaba dressing Ronda's book. Oh, shit. Yeah dressing ronda's book oh shit yeah i thought i pulled it up that's why he's like first of all i don't read first of all cool story bro first of all ronda did a book or whatever cool story because i don't know how to read let's see here it's a lot of stuff about mexico dude the chains is really redacted you found it yeah best brains i think i had it pulled up too i'm a

i saw something that popped up today all over the place this is posted by papa bink called shavin cal and react to ronda rousey's book let's see nice on youtube instagram everywhere um so ronda rousey apparently... Dude, we should probably stretch more, huh? When we're about to drop truth bombs. Yeah. Just one second, Cooney. You know what I mean? That's good.

Yeah. Did that help at all? We'll see. We'll find out. Okay. Yeah, let's give it some time. I want to see if it works for you. And then when it works for you, I'm going to try it.

Okay. Because he's a black belt. You've been doing podcasting a lot longer than me oh dude the longest you got years under your belt b you're like a purple bell or whatever it is i don't know bell color but yeah no i'm still a white belt let's see bring her new memoir again yeah she i'll just show you this i don't know of playing squeezing the hat too you should try squeezing your hat man I don't like

well you're just not ready then damn dude I'll never make it that's so funny he's like again and then you read the first one right I don't know but he's like clearly mad yeah that just logically doesn't make any sense you know if you've read your ex's book, dude.

Yeah, yeah. But it's also, who are we, dude? He doesn't lie. We don't matter. That's true. We're playing mind games right now. Yeah. Doubting him.

Mind games. That's the title. Yeah, obviously, I didn't read the book, so I don't know. But it says, yeah. The book just came out or this is old? No, this is new. This is a new one. It literally started popping up today. How the hell did I know? So I don't know if you says yeah the book just came out or this is old no this is new this is a new one it literally started

popping up today so I don't know if you want to talk about this or not but she doesn't look like she's aged a minute no

her mom has great genetics too though she looks fantastic anyway there's a couple of quotes my ex threw out

done playing fucked up mind games with me when I had a fight coming up and instead we hide that we were dating

so he wouldn't be labeled Ronda Rousey's boyfriend. Hold on, hold on. By mind games, I mean maybe going MIA, like just not... As Travis headed into the matchup, I pretended it wasn't personal.

His voice saying... By mind games, maybe just like never responding to her text you know like what that's not good just like cutting her off like cool you know like kind of ghosting her i think it's funny that he already read like callan already read the part about not being ronda rousey's boyfriend and that's when he said hold on a a second, I wouldn't text her. He did not want to be labeled Ronda Rousey's boyfriend. That's true. That adds to that. If you're not responding to her messages

then that would also be seeming to suggest you don't want to be known as that. But he also doesn't address it. Ronda says fuck you. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Ronda! That never happened no no no but he did whisper in your ear i don't know what he said but i remember i will say this about i'll say i'll

say can i speak on the speak do you mind yeah um i'll say this shut up fucking old bitch yeah i can't wait till one of our exes drop a book dude oh i'm gonna cut you off hard dude oh because you think it's gonna be about you okay so if it's about you i'm gonna cut you off and then i want you to get angry about that and stop me from cutting you off and then vice versa you know i mean i'm gonna be crying too much to cut anyone off that's a record tweet let's see if um if i wrote a this is the difference if i wrote a book she would not be my book like that like that's not a uh that's not like a an event in my life that i would put in a book well i think yeah savage uh but again i'll say this Like if I write a book, which eventually I'm sure I will. Yes.

Yes. Huge announcement, dude. Sha's writing a book. Dude. Are you kidding me? Like a picture book probably. Like, you know. Hit me with your best shot, Cooney.

What's the book called, dude? Like C-Spot Run something like, but like Sha, C-Sha fight. Yeah. You know, very simple, but good Shob-ish, see Shob fight. Yeah. You know, very simple. Good evening, Vietnam. I like that. That title is ma-na, ma-na, ma-na, ma-na. The title is

This Is Not Mortal Kombat. Yeah. This is the fighter and the kid. Honestly, I think the book is just going to be like, if I wrote a book, Dallas, my book would be about Dallas. I'm going to place a wild bet right now, dude. The book's going to be called Trug Walk. That would be insane.

Yeah. But that would be great. I mean, he'd sell more copies, and he is a marketing genius. So if he really wants to push that book, if you name it Trug Walk, it's going to get a lot more press. He should name the book Chang's, dude. I mean, Chang's, that would be great. But Chang's is such like, I mean, there are a lot of people in Chang's,

but it's still a pretty like niche thing. Yeah. If he did Trug Walk though, like he can be pushing New York Times bestseller. But when he's dealing with new entities that are trying to sell like a publishing house or something that's trying to sell the book they're going to be like dude numbers numbers guys right here daddy yeah he wants numbers so if they're going to come at you with numbers saying like it should be called chang's it should be called trug walk he's going to be like all right let's do it i need money he's going to do anything you're right i mean he's got he's surrounded by

rain bottles yeah i mean he needs money. But I still think- And that thought was brought to you by stretching, dude. So I just proved you wrong. There you go. See? Play the hog noise. I played the hog noise. I think that if the publisher or the publishers told him,

this is what we think, he would just be like, guys, I don't need your help. I can just go. I bet on myself. Maybe the book should be called. In all reality, he'll probably name it something stupid go. I bet on myself. Maybe the book should be called, in all reality, he'll probably name it something stupid like that, bet on myself or some dumb shit.

I just go. That's horrible. It's called Tiger Thick. Tiger Thick. Joe Rogan's like, you know, I like the book, but the title is pretty bad. The Life of a Thick Boy.

Yeah, dude, let's see. This isn't a knock on her. Maybe, I don't know what the book's about maybe if it's like love interest and her past relationships and that makes sense i'm in the book but like my book her and travis wouldn't be a highlight of my life you know it's just god damn it he never learns dude he never fucking learns he's gonna put travis brown's name in the book and it's the people are gonna be like playing this clip and having that excerpt in the book. Yeah.

That's a good point. When he actually writes the book, how funny would it be if they're in it because he's forgotten? Yeah. That would be amazing. That wouldn't make my book. I mean, but she has kids and it obviously worked out. And like, it's just, it's life. Like we weren't a match.

So like there's, when she says mind games, it's not mind games. Like, the mind games came fast. He's about to say that they're mind games. That's so ridiculous. He just was like, they're not mind games. There's no mind games. And then he goes, the mind games came. He's going to say they're mind games.

It's not a match. So, like, there's, when she says mind games, it's not mind games. Like the mind games came from, in all honesty, her camp. Like that was the trouble she had. And that's a whole nother issue that she can't address.

I have nothing to do with that. I didn't train at her camp. I don't know the code. I did nothing. I have nothing to do with that. Mind games, I guess when she means mind games, that would mean I just,

it wasn't into it wasn't a match it just wasn't so yeah so and you you were around during that time and you knew this i'd like dude i don't know what to do love the girl as a friend well you know when it came to that i'm like dude it's just not she's not my person i found my person she's not my person so it's like it's not it's not a man remember you wanting what big t flat ass it to be i remember we tried it's remember you wanting it so badly to be your person. It's just not. Because you loved everything about her, but sometimes in life,

it's just for you, it's just not a match. No, it just wasn't. It's not there. And again. I've had that before. And it doesn't mean she's a bad person. I will say it's like a perfect match in redact heaven, dude. For sure.

Why do you say that? Ronda Rousey and Brendan Schaub. Imagine that working out. Yeah, you're right. Chang's probably double the size, dude. You know? What I'm thinking about is like, imagine her camp and his camp, right?

So her camp is like, fuck, we got to think of a way to break them up. That's what he's saying, right? Like she can't be with Brendan Schaub. He's a goon. He's a moron. He's always flipping his truck. He's dangerous.

And then it goes to his camp and it's just a guy being like, dude, dude, papi, listen, bro. You got to get yourself a Latina, bro, because they're spicy and they're fun. Goes back to her camp like, do you see what his guy's saying? I have a feeling that Brendan Chobb, his camp played a lot of hacky sack. I don't know why.

I just, hacky sack comes to mind. I could see that instead of things that are like, you know, do things are important. Dude, dude, Brendan,

kick his head like you kick the hacky. That's why he's losing all the time. Yeah. They're playing hacky sack. His opponent is training hard hard doing like whatever you're supposed to do in mma yeah it goes back to brennan he's like where's the banana can i get a banana brennan you're supposed to kick the banana tree give me my banana he gets his text comes our bing and it's a text i love you miss you and he's a text, I love you, miss you. And he's just like, ugh.

He's like, all right, sweet, me too. He doesn't respond though. He's like, I love you too. He thinks it's a response. Yeah, he doesn't know how Siri works. Or he's so stupid that he writes back. He sees a text from Rhonda and he just writes back, mind game. He's like, oh, fuck.

I meant to do a mind game. She's not my person. All right, let's see. So no meant to do a mind game she's not my person alright let's see I'm a bad person it just we're just not it was never gonna work I remember that so well and I had to have that conversation

I remember you guys remember it so well yeah yeah out of all things he remembers so well that's definitely one of them this one's posted by Boppa Bink again

it's called Harlan Williams and David Lucas roast battle I don't know why this is at the top of Chang's. So I saw it. I saw it. Is it good? Yeah. Harlan's funny. He's one of the comics I would like want to pay to see do stand up. Oh, okay.

Let's see. Take it easy, bro. You're the only guy I know has muffin tops on his fucking ankles. Yeah, when he came in here, those were fucking elevator shoes. Harlan, you look like Joe Biden's spokesperson. Nigga, fuck, I fucked that joke up. Yeah, you fucked it up bad.

You fucked it up real bad, my guy. And I mean my fucking guy. How about all fucking five guys right fucking there? His accent just makes it so much funnier. Harlan. Harlan's a beast. Harlan, he disguises his, he's a roast god. I thought this guy had a tattoo of the Monster Energy Drink logo on his stomach. It turned out to be his fucking stretch marks.

I mean, honestly, dude, shouldn't you be in fucking Columbia or fucking down in fucking Denver stomping dinosaur footprints into a river? Harlan, you got a tattoo of your medicine schedule, nigga. Get your motherfucking 3 p.m. Alzheimer's, 6 p.m. blood pressure. This is the only guy I know. Everyone else in the country has Lyme disease. This has got key lime pie disease.

He's fat. Let's let him cook. You're my bitch tonight. How about that? Oh my God. This place. All tongue guys. All tongue guys.

Really? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah. Tomorrow I'm taking you to the car wash, hanging you upside down and putting that fucking hair to work. That was pretty good. Yo, this nigga is cooking right now.

I am cooking and you're just pissed off I didn't actually bring you some food. Oh my God. I would ask you to sit down, but you're going to fall through the stage. Any second. God damn. You want to go back to these guys now?

You know, I'm trying to be more positive. That guy, Lucas, he has a great laugh. Yeah. That would be a good show. just people making fun of him. They go,

He laughs like, I'm being dead serious. I don't fucking. No, that was hilarious. Yeah, I think that was good. I enjoyed that. No, I said your laugh was hilarious, not the clip itself. There was some good jokes in there, yeah. You like, you nailed me like really good. Like you nail me just so good i fucking like i'm stunned

by how good it is i'm laughing and then and i do that as like a defense mechanism i went too high with it you did you had a good this this gerardo is cooking he is holy shit gerald is out of control that's hilarious all right let's go to the next This Gerardo is cooking. He is. Holy shit. Gerald is out of control. That's hilarious. All right, let's go to the next. Papa Bink, dude.

There's random chefs that come in and just astonish the fucking Changs, dude. You know, rookie of the month award. Yeah, rookie of the month here. Papa Bink, Shab. Oh, we already watched this one, dude. That's why Papa Bink felt like it came over and over. Okay, so this one I'm going to play just a little excerpt of, I'm going to get to the punchline cause I don't want the clip to get

kadushed. Papa's new book discovered posted by your run gem. So it's a clip from the shining. And then this is the punchline dude. Beans, cheese, beans, dude.

Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. That's a, that's really good let's see every night yeah oh man wow that was really fucking funny yeah dude uh all right so let's go on to the next one dude this is uh you know dicey topics here. This is called Lock the Diddler Up, posted by DJ Sigma. I don't know why this is getting a resurgence. We already know the narrative.

Yeah, I've seen this one. This happened to me too. He's in my 20s. He had a disturbing experience. He's a little psychopath. Chris Dilley did the same thing to me. My friend was, he was 17. I had the same exact situation, but with a different comedian at NYC.

LMAO, literally the same thing happened to me uh i have similar stories wait this happened to me too i knew it was him because same welcome to the club because same we're a sisterhood same girl hey twin on a real note let's all get lunch uh literally something similar happened to my sister also with chris same thing happened to my ex in college oh same he sent me dick pics when i was 17 uh he was in my my friend's twitter dms when i was in high school and i'm quite a bit older than you i cannot believe he's still at it oh really dude wow so is this a new thing um i remember the video came out like a few weeks ago i think of her being like i did this it was like a tiktok i'd be honest with you i don't

this is gonna surprise you guys that watch this i didn't understand it what she was saying she said something about getting free tickets but i guess she must have been young and got delia gave her free tickets or something i don't know you know yep well only a thousand can do it dude uh let's go to the next one this is uh in association to that last clip i thought this was I don't know. You know. Yep. Well, only a thousand can do it, dude. Let's go to the next one. This is in association to that last clip. I thought this was an interesting talking point, more so than the situation with Chris D'Elia,

because we all know he's a grossy. It's posted by AwardApprehensive662. It's called, Which of These Two Pervs Are Worse? I'm glad these two lost their careers for what they have done. These two pervs both do the same thing where they pull their wee-wees out in cars to unsuspecting females. Both are our words. Which of these two is worse, you think? Like at comedy?

Is that what they're asking? Whatever you want to answer. At comedy, it's pretty clear. Cooney. Okay, Callum. I thought you were going to say. I'm going to be really unfunny. I'm not going to make you laugh. He's so

unfunny. As far as the other thing goes, it's hard to tell because we don't know. Well, let's just say they're neck and neck. I don't know which one. That would be my answer to that one. IDK, dude. All right, let's go to the next clip here.

Lock them up. Let's lighten it up a little bit. This is posted by Soup Buyer. It's called Your Girl's POV. She climbs into my truck, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. Just a good time, right? I mean.

I got the hat. Yeah. I got that shirt. I'm missing these, dude. I don't have these, daddy. Brendan Walshh are you watching we need those shipped to us and lord forbid if i buy the laptop bag are you kidding me dude dude have you epic yeah i mean dallas listen dallas listen if you have this on there is no way

that a chick wouldn't fuck you yeah i. I mean. Where's the shoes though? Oh, you have to put your favorite shoe. Yeah. You already got your favorite shoes on, Danny. That's true. I forgot about that, Danny. That laptop bag, that is for watching fucking the fighter and the kid on that laptop.

Yeah. This is a pointless outfit. All right. So this post by Chin Second Balcony. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Hawk alert. And in today's installment of things that can definitely really happen to Bapa.

Okay, things that definitely really happen to Bapa. Let's see. Bro, story time. Yes. Yes. I saw like a clip of that when I was just watching Reddit on my own. I paused it because I was like, okay, wait, I can't watch. I did the same exact thing when I was picking up clips today.

I heard story time. I was like, let's do it. Let's do it. What a beginning, yeah honestly you know i i the i love a haphazard so much that whenever i see a haphazard clip come on i hear story time and now fucking job does it in real life crazy uh also good title for his book story time let's, story time. I was working before I was doing all this. I was working for this dude, this older, rich dude. He looked kind of like that.

And he had like a company party in Vegas. And I get to the party and I was like the janitor of the supplement company, basically. Everyone treated me like shit. But when I get there, they go, hey. Yeah, good. When I got there, they treat me like a Mexican. But when I got there, they go, hey, don't. Damn.

Nick Cannon territory. What the hell, Shob? Yeah, why is he doing that, dude? I've stood up for you so many times on this show, Shob. Your wife is Mexican, dude? Your little ninos? Your chiquitos eating them hot Cheetos? What the hell?

Yeah. The Latino fan base in Texas is crying right now. Yeah. I don't even know who I am anymore. It's fucked up, B. I'm sitting in a red chair. Brendan. Look at who you let down, Brendan.

What the fuck was that about? It's weird, dude. Just because you sweep floors does not mean your parents were born in Mexico. His might have been his real parents. Yeah, you're right, actually. We have not seen the birth certificate yet. I honestly think he may be Mexican, so he can get away. It's a stupid joke regardless, but he can maybe get away with it.

I did not expect to get hurt today, dude. What the? If you wanted to hurt me you got me brother yeah maybe he's playing mind games with us dude what the fuck why would he say that yeah i mean that sounds like yeah my game mind game alert i'll write a book about this motherfucker dude of the supplement company basically everyone treat me like shit but i get there they go hey yeah good when i got there Everyone treated me like shit. Good, good. When I got there, they treated me like a Mexican. How do you treat Mexicans, dude? What the fuck? As you go to Golden Hour, you see them being treated poorly. Yeah.

What do you think Chubb has Mexicans doing at Golden Hour? Punching bag. He's just like, oh, my punching bag. We need a new punching bag. Can we hire one? How do you think the job interview goes? What do you think one of the questions is at the job interview? He tries to speak Spanish. He has two pictures. It's like a man on the diet and taquitos. He's like, which one is what I am on right now? I think he probably first question is, all right, first question,

are you Taco Bell? You're right. I should have seen it. And then I think he probably, he's like, oh, fuck. What was I going to? I totally lost my train of thought there. But he definitely asked them that. God damn it. They go, hey, don't say anything about homeboy's face. He just got a facelift. He just got it done like two days ago.

It's real juicy and wet. Like you can see the cuts and i go okay no doubt so i get there it's bleat like a little bit of blood like it's so juicy i'm like oh this is terrible and we're just got to pretend nothing happened so i see him like what's up dude he's like what's up it's a party right and then one of the girls that they hired there knew him she's like i'm say his name's richard she's like, oh, my God, Richard. She didn't get the memo. Runs at him. Jumps.

And this older dude jumps on him to, like, hug him, like, with her legs wrapped around him. His face exploded, right? Dude. But he can't. He's not trying to pull her up. She goes, oh, no, no, and grabs his ears. Who's this idiot chick? Jumping on an 80-year-old guy?

I guess. His face comes off? Dude. Kink, kink. Blood. Blood. Ears. Dude. Kink, kink. Blood. Blood. Ears. Hair.

What? That's great. I don't believe this guy does. I would have to leave. I would be like, I'm out. I was your biggest fan, Shab. You gadoosh, Mexicans,

and then you tell a fake story. I used to be your biggest fan, dude. Never thought I'd say that. I used to be, Shab this, thought I'd say that I used to be shop this shop that oh did you see the latest golden shower nothing now dude you lost me I'll never stand up for you on this show again

this man's gonna fucking light you up B and I ain't gonna be here to ask him if that's his takeaway I'll tell you that right now you fucked up shop you lost your number one supporter dude what are you gonna do now how did being a have gerardo's a fan go yeah you know wrong camera cooney jesus christ how to come on dude i'll never know the camera that's one thing you gotta know about me i'll never know i don't know what this party is like the palms in vegas this would be me i would have my drink

and i would be like so anyway guys we, because I'm not supposed to mention it. I'll drink mojitos on this. If you would have told me 10 years ago what I'd be doing to pay the bills, I would have laughed in your face. You play pro ball? Yeah, pro football. I don't know if you know

Brian. Brian's the guy where you meet him and he would give you the shirt off your back and he will trust you. Give you the shirt off your back? Oh, my God. That's awesome. I've always said that about you. Oh, that I would give you the shirt off your back? Yeah.

Well, thank you. I think I would in my best, in my good days. Sure. Give you his wallet. It's interesting you said the shirt off your back. Oh, my God. Dude, I'm really heartbroken, dude. I don't even know what to say.

I was thinking about more of like what job interview questions he'd ask his prospective Mexican employees. Like, do you have any experience with cleaning hot Cheetos? Yeah. Did you get here illegally? Yeah. Okay. Let me give you a hypothetical. All right. Let's say you get a task that you don't know how to handle.

What do you do? XJ. Yeah. Oh my gosh, dude. To think that I could have like worked for him and then found out that way. I have a little hope in me. I could have found out he hates Mexicans

from the source itself. You know what I mean? I like it this way where I find out online on a fucking show that tens of thousands of people watch. After you've done 10 minutes of fandom for years now. This is so funny. Illegally.

That's so good. Did you and your parents get here illegally? Can you do that in a job interview if you ask that all right let's see this one dude i want the show to be over already this is called a little szechuan for sunday post by chin second balcony let's see been doing this for a long time i've been in rooms with people who hate me they're the nicest people to me.. Remember your career, pussy? It's fucked you.

Who's the coolest celebrity you've met through your travels with the UFCfc oh that is a good question uh obviously mc hammer's involved with my management he's pretty cool good guy the rock the rock man i knocked chris stusher out at ufc 116 uh i'm on the elevator he's on the same elevator he's really cool man so for me that's why is this fool running with celebrities on elevators dude yeah i want to with celebrities on elevators, dude? Yeah, I want to see the elevators that Shav goes to and be like, dude, this is where you meet the A-listers, dude. That's a good point, though.

That's because he's lying. Oh. I used to like him. I had a bunch of donuts at 49th Parallel. I kind of fell into that. I was just there for coffee. I saw the donuts in the window. And I was like, I gotta try one. And then I ate it really fast before my coffee came. I'm like,

I gotta get two more. And so I ate another one. And I got a sprinkled waiting for me in the room. What's up? Holler. I stay thick, guys. The premise is, I'm gay he looks like he just ate the donuts in that clip dude they're not going hard enough now dude i want i want to see this man's career and dude why does he have to

say that he beat up the other guy when he met the rock i don't even know dude it's like it's that thing that jesus says when somebody's telling a story and they're like i had this show i killed and then the next day was a baby shower that's and the story takes place in the baby shower it's like why did you say that you killed like exactly yeah um all right this is posed by chin second balcony i don't know if i can handle anymore dude papa tom about fighting togen let's see so we're doing this podcast and at the end he goes right three questions and he goes uh how would you do in a fight against Joe Rogan if kicks weren't allowed and I went excuse me you know he's car show and I went what he goes but if kicks weren't allowed I go well so in a boxing match and he's like no and I go wait why wouldn't kicks? And he's like, no. And I go, wait, why wouldn't kicks be allowed?

He's like, well, cause Rogan's a really good kicker. And I went, right. I said, dude, nobody loves Joe Rogan more on this earth than me. I absolutely adore Joe.

Ask Joe that question. I look, Joe, Joe's, you know, my North star. He's the best, one of the best human beings I've ever.

Does it bring you back at all? The North star? Cause honestly, when he, when he calls people, when they're the freight, best one of the best human beings i've ever does it bring you back at all the north star because honestly when he when he calls people when they're the freight he uses the phrases that he always uses like that i'm like drawn right back in no okay and i understand because that mexican thing was a little far he's my north star i'm not in i wish i knew how to quit you i said but you gotta realize dude when you ask that question you might as well that's like me asking you how would you do uh in stand-up compared to joe rogan and you're an open mic or and joe's a professional he's what do you mean i go can joe kick absolutely dude for a guy who's never competed professionally, he can kick like a motherfucker.

I mean, if you put him against any celebrity out there, he's going to beat the shit out of him. Black belt in jiu-jitsu. I don't think he has any wrestling. It doesn't matter. He's jiu-jitsu. He kicks. I don't know how he's boxing. It doesn't matter.

Like in that regular civilian aspect, monster. I said, you got to realize, realize though i was ranked top 10 in the world heavyweight as a professional i said so it's just different and even after saying all how did you i go well i beat the shit out of him dude i said but that that's not even impressive he's also 57 he's also no but even if he wasn't six weight classes but no none of that matters even if he was 21 in his prime it's such a funny like innocent like innocuous question to ask and then shop's like whoa dude dude really like hold on hold on hold on let me hold on and he's like just does that a bunch of times? Dude, dude,

let me, so Joe Rogan is, and he just goes on and on and on and on. And then the interview is like, yeah, I'd win. Oh, okay. All right.

Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. All right. He's so ridiculous. Yeah, dude. Fuck this guy.

Well, like imagine being so fake where you got to be like i love him this and that oh like he's my daddy i'm fucking oh my god but i think i would beat him yeah that's what he's doing i wasn't but you know joe rogan doesn't uh he wasn't ranked top 10 in the world the brennan shop i know would have talked that shit he would have been like joe rogan ain't got no chance fuck his legs he can kick too if he wants. Right. I'm going to fuck him up.

Oh, I need a handler? Well, I would beat up Joe Rogan. How about that? Handle that, Joe. He should have answered it honestly, dude. He should have said that he would beat him up just like he beat up a Mexican guy, dude. That's what he should have said. Be honest with your fucking compadres, dude.

I hate him. I can't stand him. This is George Janko. Claims he was sexually harassed by Bobby Lee. Posted by Toronto Rapture. I saw this earlier, but not on Chang's. Never had a problem with Bobby Lee. No, he knows.

I had a problem with the way that Logan and you were kind of gassing him to keep doing. He started the episode putting his balls in my face. I let that one go. Then every two seconds he kept. This reminds me of guests that come on here. Oh, I put my balls in my face. I let that one go. Then every two seconds he kept This reminds me of guests that come on here. Oh, I put my balls in their face? I walked into the apartment and Gerardo had a sharpie in his butt.

Cooney kept showing me his small teeth. Grabbing my dick. How would you feel if a man that has his back completely towards you that only turns around to grab your dick, talk shit to your face, and you can't smack or beat the living bricks off of this guy? Because Logan makes me apologize to this man, or I don't have a job on Impulsive anymore. How fucking crazy is that?

I said, Mike, this is all that happens. And you said, verbatim,im you said it's our fault for not telling you this but me and logan are really the ones who should be talking to the guests you are really there for a boys only episode so while i get sexually harassed my other co-host is trying to fire me and you're trying to leverage me to be quiet during other guests yeah it just sounds like duck stuff to me i don't i don't know enough so I could be totally wrong here but that guy seems like a duck and Bobby

Lee is cool and I mean if somebody is making you feel uncomfortable just tell them that so they stop yeah I don't know as a man I mean it's kind of you know something that seemed real feminine to me grabbing on man's balls and shit maybe Bobby Lee saw a fucking bag and tried

to scoop it up he shouldn't have whatever right right but uh it's he's thinking about engagement he's thinking about tiktok bro so you know me for all i know that's what logan paul's world does maybe they all do that to each other yeah george jenko's just mad he's not the one doing it this time who are george jenko jenko yeah or he's like working for the deep state, aka shop over here, Mr. Fucking Fuck Mexico. And he's like, Bobby Lee tried to get you

on Reddit, dude? Mm-hmm. I'm gonna fuck him up. He's brave that he's even talking about Bobby Lee with all the power he has on Reddit. Yeah.

But, you know, whatever. I couldn't care less. It's like, dude, I do not give a shit about George Janko. Not at all. And let the courts handle that dick touches, though, I do not give a shit about George Janko. Not at all. And let the courts handle that. Dick touches, though, buddy.

Yeah, not one of our guys. Yeah. This is called You've Gotta Be Kidding Me. Doesn't like materialistic things. Also doesn't pay attention to social media. Posted by SuccessfulCapital217. Let's see. I mean, my girls like me for the most part.

Like, I don't materialistic things. I like things that my kids do. Like, you know, they draw cards and shit. me for the most part like i don't materialistic things i like things that my kids do like you know they draw cards and shit draw cards and shit that's awesome father of the year those like materialistic things huh what do you think about that well that's good i mean he's not he's always he's never been known to be a materialistic guy, right? Like he doesn't buy really flashy cars or anything like that. He's never wearing a lot of merch. Yeah, he gets a nice truck and flips it on purpose.

Yeah, he doesn't care what it looks like. No. Yeah. I'm not standing up for him, dude. He likes cards and shit. He likes putting his stuff in cubbies. Oh, okay. You know?

He does like cubbies. Yeah. This one's a haphazard. It's the CF saga continues. Is going to SeaWorld materialistic? Really, right? Not until you see Blackfish. Do you know what CF means?

The CF saga continues. The CF. No. Oh, no, I don't know. No? Okay, we'll see. You'll know right away. It's crazy.

Can you say something wild? I told you my son yelled out chocolate face. I have yet to do, nothing racist yet, but that will, I mean, everything goes. He doesn't have a racist bone in his head. No, of course not. Literally, I picked on him from school. We're driving away, and it's the new kid at school, his new buddy. And he's like, oh, that's my friend, Rosario's chocolate face.

I'm like, whoa. I rolled up the window. I'm like, dude, not only yourself canceled, his new buddy. He's like, oh, that's my friend. He's chocolate face. I'm like, whoa. I rolled up the window. I'm like, dude, not only yourself canceled, but me too. We can't say chocolate face. They were in wherever. The kid ate a chocolate and it was chocolate. They happened to be black. He's chocolate face.

There was a kid in my school. That should be okay. There was a kid in my school. No one was mad. I was more triggered Well yeah I mean I see that I'm like what the fuck

Drive by He's like Chocolate face I'm like what the fuck That's like he's like Chinky eyes You know what I mean You gotta be like

What What You saw a fight in your head No Tiger The other day People were in school He rolled down He rolls down the window

He sees his friend He's like He's like Ty Ty I'm like damn dude What are you doing He's like my. He sees his friend. He's like, Ty! Ty! I'm like, damn, dude, what are you doing? He's like, my friend. I'm like, which friend? He's like, chocolate, the kid with chocolate face. Amazing. Whoa! Because it's not racist. Whoa! Because it's not racist.

No, there's not racist bone in his body. It's so weird, bro. I roll up the window. Isn't that hilarious? You need to lay low. Don't call your new friend chocolate face. Yeah, but you know, when it's something like that, you know it's something like that. You know it's like a kid. Who taught you how to do this stuff?

You are like. Oh, I see. I learned it by watching you. You know how people are doing that nowadays? They do like, they'll make themselves, a girl will make herself like Johnny Depp. Oh, they go chocolate face? No, that's what it's called, chocolate face. Back in the day, actors used to do it. Yeah.

Back when before black comedy. Yeah, they do chocolate face. But to him, it's just like chocolate. Like my chocolate friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw you on Snapchat with Theo. There's this, you know, Snapchat is like the worst. It's worse than TNC.

With me with Theo. There's just the, you know, Snapchat is like the worst. It's worse than TMZ. With me with Theo? No, Chris. I remember the old clip and I forgot about the last clip that we, you know. Yeah. It's funny how many times he says it. Yep. He says it like three or four times. It's almost like if you're looking back in time, like you never, you never,

I never said that. And then he wanted to make sure that he'd get caught. it's funny how it's not racist too yeah there's been a lot of questionable things on this particular episode dude it's so funny how he says it's not racist and it's like it's clearly racist right well eric tries to explain it right he's like he means like he had a chocolate bar in his face but brendan seems to be suggesting that no it has something to do with the skin color is is chocolate uh colored oh my god these guys all suck so much dude this is a post by bopatello it's called remember the time bop across pass with diddy this This totally happened. Really, no lie. Patrick Diddy also makes an appearance.

This clip made me laugh so fucking hard. Oh, nice. Yeah. And Diddy, he's got to be, there must be something really amazing about him. I was at a gym one time in Hollywood and they kicked everybody out because he came in with his crew. No way. And what'd you do? You hid under the water fountain? No, I refused to leave.

Nice. And they let me stay. But then they eyeballed me for the rest of the time. You lying ass bitch. I'm the P. Diddy of comedy. Oh my god. What a terrible quote. That's so funny, dude.

Oh my god. That's gotta be the most popular clip of the month, of the week. God damn. No, dude, it's not. But that's so fucking funny. How does he do this? He's now entering into the Simpsons world of always having a clip. Or Trump, like always having a tweet.

I'm the P. Diddy of comedy. Now I have it. Now I have it. Was this? Fuck. Now I have it. Now I have it. Was this? Fuck. Fuck. Called it. Called it.

Oh, well. Okay. So let's see here. This is Chin's second balcony. Bapa puts, oh, Bapa putting chombies first when asked what he would do if he was given a bunch of money to spend let's see it's like that movie blank check from the 90s or 80s but with a grown man it's so cool what would you like i give you that much money and you have and i'm gonna i'm gonna count to 20 and i want you i want i don't know exactly what you're

gonna buy okay ready go one with cars fish 2003 no what are they specific cars i'd buy a gtr to 20 and I want to know exactly what you're going to buy. Okay, ready? Go. Cars, fish. What are they specifically? I'd buy a GTR Nismo. I'd buy two of them. One I'd leave regular. The other I'd mod. I'd buy a Shelby Super Duty Raptor R.

You still going? I'd buy a regular F-150 crew cab and then just mod it out. I would buy all the Dodge Vip? I'd buy a regular F-150 crew cab and then just mod it out. I would buy all those Dodge Vipers. Man, you suck 20 seconds and you got through. All cars. You got through three cars. You didn't let me get to fish.

I didn't even get to my red Arowana from China. You got through three fucking cars. No, I probably like six. Like no house, no nothing. Because that's too easy. That's for dummies. What do you mean? Of course.

But everyone, like if I asked every single person here, your first thing you're going to say is yeah somewhere somewhere right of course i'll say that no this is much more interesting 20 seconds bro yeah but if you knew cars you would appreciate the cars i mean fuck off with your cars oh my god dude Jesus Christ. They got us. They fucking got us. Yeah, I don't know. I hate Brendan Chow, dude. I never thought I'd say that on your ways, dude.

I mean, 20 seconds so you can buy anything you want. You buy seven trucks. Couldn't be me. I could do it way quicker. Give me 20 seconds. Okay, ready? There you go. That's all you need. I could do it way quicker give me 20 seconds okay ready there you go that's all you need I would buy some fucking views

for my special on YouTube you be careful about that that's the way you get good dude should be a shadow band or whatever he said let's see here this is called oh yeah Nikki she's a prom she'll light you up posted by fudge runyon let's see here. This is called, oh yeah, Nikki, she's a prom. She'll light you up. Posted by Fudge Runyon. Let's see here.

And everybody laughed, you know. I wrote a joke for the roast that was about Andrew Schultz. That was like, you, what's this look you've got going on? You look like a plantation owner that wants his slaves to think he's cool. Good douche. Well done, Nikki Glaser. That's funny as shit. Nikki Glaser's pretty funny, dude. Ever since that roast. Good for her.

Alright, let's go to this one, dude. We have a couple clips left. This one's posted by Commander of Farts. It's called Hopefully Callan is Doing Better. If you know any family members that have suffered from this, reach out and help them. Let's see. And tonight, this man accused of abusing his a**, fighting with

police a**, arrested over the weekend. Investigators say he attacked his a** and assaulted an officer while he was being taken into custody. He's been charged with elder abuse, assault, and resisting arrest. I'm going to break things. That's not good. I'll snap that. Okay, so that's not good.

I'll snap that off right now. That's not good. So what you want to do, guys, is this. Keep that here. Where do you want to go, Daddy? Where do you want to go? You got me on that. You got me on that.

You got me on that. You got me on that. No, no, no, no. See? See? Yeah. I hate to see got me on that. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. See? See? Yeah. I hate to see it. You know?

Yep. Another, like, old person being taken advantage of by the fucking very lowest of society. The racist of society, dude. This one's posted by SuccessfulCapital217. It's called, Toe thinks he's 5'8", 200 Pounds. Suits. Yeah, I got a bunch of custom-made suits. Because I can't wear regular suits.

I don't fit in them. There's not a lot of 200-pound 5'8 dudes. I don't know why he sticks to the lie that he's 5'8". Yeah, he's just on U-Waves talking to somebody from Chicago trying to make old Vegas Chicago style, dude. You should never lie to Sebastian Mascoco.

No, he'll light you up, B. Aren't you embarrassed? Yeah, that'd be awesome if he said that. Joe, you're not 5'8". Aren't you embarrassed? Okay? Joe, I'm going to let you finish,

but I'm trying to bring back old vegas uh this one's called imagine being almost 60 and still insecure enough to go training so that you you can fight well if there's a well fight well if there's a street ball you are 60 posting by posted by dazzling rabbit 633 my brain has left me dude i'm trying to read and i can't yeah no no Let's see. And then I just want everybody to know, I hate training. I don't actually like it.

But I do it because I just don't want to be, as I get older, I don't want to be a mark. I want to at least have a bit of an answer if there's a situation. And I want to feel like I can surprise a guy. But I love it. I know. I love it.

Situation. I want to be able to surprise a guy. It gets me every time. It's so awful, but I want to see it at the same time. I don't want to be a mark. I don't want to be a lick. I don't want to be a mark. I don't want to get, you know, I don't want to be a lick. I don't want to get slimed. He's just like saying all these fucking like Gen Z terms.

I don't want the show to be good. I want to be able to be clipped. But I like slimed is so funny. Yeah. Are there more are there more Nickelodeon references that you can oh no slimed is like

a gangster reference oh okay because in my mind I was like thinking slime like the green stuff no to get slimed

I think is to get like something stolen from you oh really but it's also something good like this is my slime like you're my homie shit look at you Chicago so you're like learning

gangsta references Chicago style yeah okay alright I think it's more of an atlanta thing i could be wrong oh like me like king slime i don't know because i young thug young thug yeah okay yeah okay then i do know what you're talking about all right we already saw this clip this is the last one for the day it's posted by beg the differ reminder brendan schwab thinks he played in the nfl shout out to chin second balancing a recent post where i got this clip from hadn't seen this one before and it's so baffling that he thinks he can say stuff like this as if there's no way people will find out he's full of shit hashtag beans cheese let's see laughed in your face now you you played pro ball yeah uh pro football yep no, dude. Yeah. Coffee is not the same thing

as scoring a touchdown. Yeah. Cappuccinos may taste real good, but it's nothing like being on the field with your boys. You feel me?

Yeah. And interception is different than a fucking espresso bean, dude. There you go. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Different.

All right. That's our show. Thank you. See you next week. Bye.