10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub LOVES Animals! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #11

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Eleventh episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

I got 10 minutes of Shabberdice. Pack your chins, we'll be all right. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome back to 10 minutes of Shab. We have a discord now. It's in the description. Click it if you want, but you're not here for that. You're here for 10 and the new segment of 10 minutes of Shab. 10 solid ass minutes, dude. Okay. Starting the timer now. All right. so let's see here let's see what we got um first things first we have this uh beast of a daddy okay i love you i love your child i know here's the thing with that this little dude has everything man he's growing up in silk sheets in santa monica yeah you know i'm saying? Papa's rich. Papa's rich. Business is

booming. So he has a good life, right? I need him not to be the cool kid in school. I need them to have something to poke fun at. Oh, right. That's where Tiger would be like, you named Tiger? He's the most unaware person on earth. He needs them to have something to make fun

of. We literally devote 10 minutes every week to making fun of you. Kids are going to definitely be making fun of their dad. They don't need anything else. This is bad for the kids. Out of all

dads, dude. Yeah, he's the dumbest dad ever. I mean, he's right. They're rich. They have that, so they'll be fine. Yeah. All right. I need them to have something to poke fun at. Oh, right. That's a good idea.

They're like, your name's Tiger? They're going to be like, God, I love you. I love your child. Did you catch that? Yeah. He named his kid Tiger. He's obsessed with animals. Maybe that's why he gave the facts about tigers or dinosaurs or something like that.

Anyway, this is good. His third kid is definitely going to be named Blackfish, dude. He starts naming after bad bets. His second kid is Boston. Really? Yeah. You didn't know that? No, I don't know his kids' names.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I know because I actually do listen to his podcast. Let's not incriminate ourselves. That's it. All right, here we go. This one is um double feature in 51 seconds schlobs double fist okay let's just hands for all the time oh yeah feels

so i don't know sports i don't know just when i get stressed i'm always tense like this yeah like my girl like i'll be watching tv i'll'll be watching Love Island. I'm sitting there like this. Like I'm fucking the anteater card. Of course, dude. Like what did you think he was going to be watching? Of course it's Love Island. He's not going to be like, yeah, I was watching the PBS documentary with my girl and I had on my island. He's the dumbest show possible is what he's watching.

But I probably have also seen it. What is Love Island? It's like probably some dumb dating show. Oh, you know what? I've seen Fuckboy Island. I have not seen Love Island. Is Love Island like a girl fuckboy version? I don't know.

It's something where people date. It's about as much as Shab is able to understand. It's like Love on the Spectrum without autism. Maybe. Okay. I've never seen it, so I have no idea. Between that meme, remember? He's always ready to go. I'll be watching.

I'm clenched fist like this. Just hit my hand. I'm like, oh, yeah. That's interesting. I didn't even notice. so I have no idea. Between that meme, remember? He's always ready to go. I'll be watching on a clinch fist like this. Just hit my hand. I'm like, oh, yeah. That's interesting. I didn't even notice. I do that, too. My left hand I hold like this. Both of mine.

That's so strange. Yeah. I don't love this. You haven't picked up your Invisalign yet. I have not. But I'm in town now for a while. Well, I leave town next week. But still, I'm in town for the most part.

What are you going to do is wait until the bar or toothbrush doesn't work. And then you have to get grafts? 100%. That's good. That's going to be good. That'll cost $100,000. 100%. Yep.

That's how I work. And you'll be in crazy pain. Yep. He's just like, and you haven't picked up your braces yet, your adult braces. Yeah. And make sure that you get enough food for the day. Make sure you drink water. Like, this show,

why do people watch this show? Most of the clips are like this. Callan is just sort of like kind of nervous and like worried about Shob's well-being and he's like so or his own, I don't know. I feel like they're both about to get arrested at any moment. You know, Callan's got court cases. Shob seems to everything seems to be piling up on Schaub.

And then they got to do a podcast together. They got to be so stressed out. But they're stressed out, but Schaub still has time to like put on an Orioles jersey or like whatever sports thing and like whatever ridiculous hat jersey combination. He's stressed out. He's like, I could really use an episode of Love Island right now, dude. He's stressed out, but he's just like i could really use an episode of love island right now dude he's dressed up but he was just like you know what i gotta be ready to go to a game any second at any second i gotta look i gotta have the torn jeans all right do we know that these things are recent these things that happen like every week i don't know i think this is

recent because let's play the stand-up clip. I think because he just had that stupid, like, you know, we watched Magoobies last time. So I think that's got to be. Wait, which stand-up clip? The one where he's talking about like Will Smith and. Oh. Yeah. Let me see if I can find that really quick.

I can cut this part out. All right. I can't really make this clip big, so I might just go full screen a little bit. That's okay. I think we don't need to see full on job, you know. All right. A small talk.

I say fuck her, women are like, that's our queen, right? That's where she sucked too much. They say when Will Smith picks a plane, he flies a round ball to her. I don't even know what that means. I'm surprised he didn't pop off years ago. I don't know if you guys know this, in hollywood will smith is a cock you see him just walking down the street holding fucking jr peter smith's pocket just like you go to a restaurant they'll be right there the the people on the comments have been saying like clear um audience laugh track and i haven't

really noticed that because i haven't been paying attention to that but this one is like this one seems pretty clear. Really? Yeah I think so because like every time it's like ha ha ha ha ha oh okay. And also the jokes as usual are very bad I mean if you notice they're regressing a little bit because remember we said that he

stopped doing the bit where he's like and they're all like oh yeah and he's starting to do that again yeah I mean he was doing the bit where he's like, and they're all like, Oh yeah. And he's starting to do that again. Yeah. I mean, he was grabbing the pocket and walking. Exactly. That joke,

that joke doesn't make sense. Cause he says, Will Smith is a cuck. But then he says that he's like a prison bitch kind of. Cause like, that's what prison like people do. Well, cucks are prison bitches,

dude. I don't know. Cuck is when you watch someone have sex with your girlfriend. If you're a prison bitch, you probably have seen your fucking pimp fuck another dude. You mean like the person you're in a relationship with, you've seen them fuck someone? Yeah.

Well, why would you be in a relationship with someone in jail? You're a bitch. You're a prison bitch. Okay. This is just Gerardo's opinions. I don't know. Let's keep going.

All right. Here we go. We'll have the chicken tenders and apple juice. J.R.P. and Smith got that big dick energy man will smith uh he doesn't wear wife beaters he wears husband beaters i've got to say these this fucking audio is terrible if any posted this online yeah this is he posted this and also the um i think the hollywood improv post has to advertise yeah it's from their thing to advertise for him. I don't know. Maybe they know better than me, but this is terrible. Jesus Christ, yeah.

Here we go. Terrible shit. I don't know how you guys didn't realize this was going to happen. His wife does a show out of their kitchen. Imagine waking up, your wife's fucking full production, cameras everywhere. He walks in, she's talking every week about sucking Tupac's dick. Dick sucking! There he goes. He's all like, he's got it again. She's talking every week about sucking Tupac's dick. Dick sucking!

There he goes. He's all like, he's got it again. Just depressed all the time. Imagine waking up that every day. She's like, no you don't. She's like the Black Daria. Just like, come on. Then I suddenly find out rumors that he's sucking Tyler Kramer's dick.

What's with the sucking dick? Yeah, I know. Every time. I mean, we hear everything that's going on right now and just total silence other than Gerardo laughing at him talking about sucking dick again. He's always sucking dick. It's always a bit, dude, as someone is gay. Yeah.

It's very important. And then in the Shab universe, the Shabiverse, the Shabiverse. The Shabiverse is like the metaverse where you can be a character, but someone's like secretly gay or sucking dick or something like that. The Shabiverse. And then the Black Daria thing, I guarantee you he's got a writer that wrote that.

Yeah. Because it's like not funny, but maybe like delivered by a better comedian maybe they could make that yeah i i don't know maybe it's a reach honestly it's a dated reference dude it's pretty dated half the time i bring up fucking daria nobody knows what the fuck i'm talking about daria was a good show yeah so if shop watch that surprising i don't know but it just seems like another cultural reference that shop is is trying to get in there. Shoot one. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It was my vision apology. What I didn't need an apology for, the wild, wild west. It's the real crime fault. I need an apology for that. Oh, my God. He's like in a time machine. No, there was more. There's something.

I guess I sent you the wrong clip, but there's like another part of it where he says something about Tyler, the creator and like Will Smith's son, Jaden. And he also says that they're gay. Yeah. That's what he said. Oh, I missed that. Oh, dude. I'm out of it.

That's why I said he's sucking dick again, dude. I could have. Oh, I'm going to say. Yeah. That you laugh so hard. I took it. Oh, really? Oh, really?

You're an idiot you're an idiot you're a piece of shit alright I mean I don't even I don't understand the title of the creator

thing enough to comment on it I'm like what does that even mean how do you know about this moron conclusion

I should at least do better help or something because I just don't have anybody to talk to because guys like I even write

about this in my special I'm like we guys are not like that. I can't call you really. We're all busy. I mean, we could talk, but what are you guys talking about? I'm not going to help, but I'm not the guy to go to. Talk to a fucking professional.

I know. It's like calling me if you have a joint problem. Call a doctor. That's right. I mean, I can tell you what I did, but I've talked to somebody who knows what the heck. That's like definitely happened. He's called him. Hey, Brandon, I hurt my ankle. I used to but I've talked to me who knows what the heck. That's like definitely happened. He's called him. Hey, Brandon, I hurt my ankle.

I used to be an athlete. Do you know anything about that? And Brandon's like, no, man. He's so dumb. You might be gay. If you ever tried sucking your own dick or having a guy suck your dick so I could write a joke about it. What kind of person would come to the shop for therapy or like advice on your life? I don't know.

Never happened. I have no clue. Even someone like Cal, look at the way he's sitting. His arms, legs. He's like, it just looks like he's talking to a moron. Also, is this an ad? That's it. Yeah.

They do. They do like a product placement so much. It's basically a product thing for, I guess, better help. Did you ever watch T-Fat K? The show? Yeah. No, I've never watched it. Dude, I used to be a huge Fire on the Kid fan, dude. Was it always these two? Yeah. Okay.

I watched it when they went independent. I had no idea who they were until Othman Boucher, who lives in Reston, Virginia, told me about it. So, Shav, if you want to go get him. Is there anything left in this clip? Just like three seconds. It went to one guy who was very much about, yeah, for a little.

I always think that there's going to be like a little nugget of idiocy at the end where it's just like it completely blows us away. You're like, what? He trolls us, dude. How did he say that? Oh, really, dude? All right. Well, thank you for tuning in.

That's another 10 minutesutes of Shab. Hope you enjoyed it. We'll be back next week. Check out the Discord. Tell us which clips to watch next week. Yeah. Help us with clips because, you know, we don't always know which clips are the best ones to watch and not laugh at. All right.

Bye.