10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub LOVES Manti Te'o | 10 Minutes of Schaub #14

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Fourtheenth Episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

T-Fat K. Walk me to my truck. Shaz my clips. Brian Callinson. B-G-L. Save me. Walk me to my truck so I can come. Come.

Papa. Papa. Welcome back to Tim as a Shab. Welcome to Shabrock. Brum. Out in the streets, they call him Papa. We just love doing it so much. I'm sorry. If you don't like this part, it's fine. Yeah, you guys should see us in the streets, they call him Papa. We just love doing it so much. I'm sorry.

If you don't like this part, it's fine. Yeah, you guys should see us in the car. We come up with like 10 songs every day. Well, we have a Discord now. We forgot to mention the Discord in the last few clips, but we're having fun in there. Protein Farts, Wadsworth, Dallas Llama. Those are the main.

Dude. Remember, I'm not missing. We're in there, dude. But yeah, we're having a good time with everybody. So join us if you want to. But you didn't come here for that. You came here for 10 minutes to shop. Starting the timer now.

Let's do it. Ready? Here we go. Okay. This one's called another show canceled because of COVID. What's up, fam? I am here with. What's up, fam?

Bad news is my show this Friday it's like it's so funny if that's the way because like at work I have to like

send out messages to people like so and so like an email like COVID positive kind of thing keep everybody safe and what if

Shav's way of doing that to the show is like what's up fam check it out me and Brian we had COVID so

so if you were at the show you probably have covid too my bad dog keep it one hana um no cap yeah yeah the den theater has been canceled i don't blame the den theater don't be upset the den theater they're gonna refund all your tickets uh my team didn't do their homework when we got the contract and realized that the den theater has very strict covid laws with the vaccination cards and boosters and all that stuff i won't get into it don't be bad den theater they're just part of the whole kind of chicago theater union and they have still implemented these strict strict rules we didn't know this i'm not anti-vax and i know that stuff but what i am is i believe in people making their own decisions, and you shouldn't predicate whether you can come to a comedy show or not.

So I can't partake in that. But again, I'm not upset at the Den Theater. This is on my team. Everybody can do their own thing. It was a privilege to be able to be on stage at the Den Theater. I wasn't aware of these things. I just became aware of it. I can't partake in that.

So I will be doing two shows at the Laugh Factory in Chicago now. They're not full hours. I'm doing 20 minutes at the 7.30 show. I'm closing that show out. And at the 9.30 show, I'm doing 20 minutes as well. So go to Laugh Factory Chicago. Get your tickets for that. And I apologize.

They're in theater. They've been nothing but great. We both understand each other. It's all good. Run your business how you want to do. I'll run mine. Love you guys. Shout out to Chicago.

On Saturday, we'll be the Thick Mudder. Saturday, 11 a.m. heat. I said Tough Mudder, Thick Mudder. Yeah. That's great, dude.

Oh, shoot. It's worth it for that. It's too bad, you know? Go to Tough Mudder and use promo code TEAMBRENDAN and get get 10 off the complete sign up come run with the thick boy squad i'll be there we'll run the race uh it's gonna be a fun time we drink whiskey eat afterwards come on out chicago see you soon soon den theater everybody

got your tickets i apologize i will be back chicago you know i love you again at the thick butter you will get caught this friday 7 30 oh my god dude well sorry for the people at the Fig Butter, you will get caught. Oh, my God, dude. Well, sorry for the people at the Den Thieger. Thieger? They can't get to. Man, dude, he blamed his team a lot. Yeah. What do you think the punishment is for him?

What is the punishment for his team messing up, do you think? A couple of gay jokes, for sure. Yeah, definitely, yeah. He gets them all in the room he's like listen to you know today you guys you're uh i'm not i'm gonna keep it 100 percent that's 100 when i say you guys were not you were blog bus yeah blog bus uh um you're you guys are acting like you don't matter well you don't want to secure the bag you don't want to secure the bag all right i tried with that i've never worked at all, but we'll keep watching.

Okay, so this one's called, I saw the future in my kratom leaves. Daddy's in danger. Original fight commands coming back will be on Rogan September 3rd. Brendan, we need to talk. I say this as a friend. I say this with love. But I think you've got one brain cell in the game and the other one out the door.

I've seen this with a lot of guys. The reality of your skill set is I don't see you writing elite comedy. Your jokes aren't fluid. Your groundwork is forced. You look stiff on stage. I worry about your commitment to be a comedy killer. I'm not doubting your work ethnic, I'm just not sure you can mustard enough brain power

to write death squad level comedy. How do you think you'd go in a fight against IMDB? Straight up comedy? I think people would be surprised. Really? I think you'd be surprised, I really do. I think they'd fuck you up. I'm talking 1.4 and 1.1 ratings consecutively. There's just a fluidity to thought processes that you don't have. There's an efficiency to reading basic words that you don't possess. Your punchlines are very telegraphed. There's a big bridge between you and the most basic comics, and I don't know if you can cross that bridge.

I think you might be legally redacted it's that's interesting that's like if uh you you know those ai things you tell them like all right you have pretend that it's like a rogan interviewing um shop about comedy and what it would it be and then the computer would come up with that i think you should quit comedy because you are so redacted you smell what is redacted i think that's like saying retarded oh i'm sorry that offends you but you know i'm just i mean you got straight to the point i understand what it means now yeah yeah i think i don't know that's but also i'm offended you called me that dude all right this one's called does

even realize what he just said there i I can't even talk with this one. All right, here goes. Absolutely love Bert Kreischer. The guy's just killing it. He's absolutely blown up. And for him to spend four hours with our dumb asses, the day of his wife's birthday shows you what kind of person bird is.

He's the best. Absolutely. Cause he skipped out on his he's the best because he skipped out on his wife's birthday to hang out with shop and some guy some guy in a thick boy squad t-shirt his wife sees like um where were you on my birthday you're with a guy big boy the thig boys with a donut on a shirt okay so this one is kind of out of left field, but it's called Raw. I'm assuming Raw. Reaction from the CEO of Comedy Central when Bapa was

shopping his special. But obviously it's not the CEO of Comedy Central, but he is watching Brendan Cooney's special. Or Brendan's shop, sorry. I said Brendan Cooney. Here it goes. Real life. Fuck! Look at that. Levels are terrible. We'll see you next time. We did this great.

Yeah. That was great. Good job. Hats off to you, sir. Yes. Very funny. That is maybe the worst bit though, right? Yes. The huevos rancheros one.

Huevos rancheros. I mean, there's also like, there's other bits also, but yes. I was watching, someone posted a clip of it and they were talking about the quinceanera thing where he's like, and hot cheetos are flying everywhere. That's pretty bad. And then also, obviously, the famous Mexican cookie where it's like salsa on a cookie or something like that. But there's something about when he's like, well, it's just like, ugh.

And the fact that he did that before on Jesus. The Jesus trailer, yeah. And the Jesus is like, okay. Dude, I was talking about my son. What did he say in the last one? He was like, dude, I was talking about my son. What did he say in the last one? He was like, dude, my son,

dude. Like he always says something like, duh, my dude. They all have, there's like him and Dalia have that sort of weird language thing going on. Okay. So this one's called Monty.

De te. Oops. Oh yeah. I don't know what that means. Monty Tio or Monty Tio. Ruined. Brennan talks to human beings. Liveined. This human being's livelihood. You fucking pieces of shit.

You've ruined it. This delicate human being. They don't care. Even on the documentary they're laughing about it. This fat, small, pale kids laughing and you've ruined this

fucking guy's career. They knew they were wrong and they still did it. small, pale kids laughing. And you've ruined this fucking guy's career. Did you guys say deadspin? Over what? They knew they were wrong and they still did it? We weren't going to wait to see if the story was true. Oh, my God. Oh, dude. He's like Trump.

There's a tweet for everything. Yep. And then he's trying to compare himself to Monty T.O. Because any famous victim now, and it's just like me me dude yeah when i deal with on the reddit dude when they make memes where i'm like you know putting my pant my finger on my piss and rubbing in my mouth it's like no it's not fair man uh maybe you don't put piss in your mouth okay so this one's called someone fact check this deal and eric tried all, let's see what it is. It's so in love to my boy Sanhagen, man.

He's one of, you know, obviously he's one of all of our favorites I think, so. That's my guy, man. You know, I knew a dude back then. I know it is. I had that, where it says the Sandman. I gave him the nickname. No, you didn't. No, I am. I've known him since he was 16. I gave him the nickname. No, you ordered a sandwich.

Man, Theo's funny. Theo makes us laugh in all these fucking clips, man. And then Chavez is so stupid. This one kind of sucks. Let me go to the next one. This one is crazy, dude. This one's called Rich Whites Unite.

Have you seen this? No, no. Watch this shit, dude i i don't know what to make of this but here goes oh yeah hot shit that's when he had a real bad gambling issues rich whites unite what he just says rich whites unites twice is that about him and delia or what i have no clue i don't know the context. That was weird, man. That was weird. Then that one clip, he's almost as close as he's come to dress normal, too. And then he says the craziest thing possible.

He's like, fucking what? I can't even think. All the things I would yell right now would be things that would get me canceled. Or things that we could take out of context. There's just a clip of me saying something crazy. I don't want a clip like that. Yeah. Of course, we could take it out of context. There's just like a clip of me saying something crazy. I don't want a clip like that. Yeah. Of course, yeah.

They cut it up and yikes. Okay, so this one is Bapa getting emotional over bad athletes made fun of online. This is the last clip for today. Okay, so let's watch this one here. We have to get in front of the story. We don't want somebody else telling the story.

We weren't going to fact check everything. We weren't going to look into it. So they come out and paint it like he was involved in it when i say it ruined this young man you remember at the time he's 21 20 when i say ruined him dude the media instead of fact checking getting his story they jump right i needed the story out before because they wanted likes and clicks of course so they of course when i say you ruined his life, well, what happens with that? Well,

what happens with that is memes start becoming a thing. So he's a meme now. And he, and it breaks your heart. Cause when he's talking, I was choking up. He goes, people should make fun of me.

He goes, people should make fun of me nonstop. He goes, people would see me on the streets and go, holy shit, I'm a big fan. Take a picture of me. Then I would get on his social media and see him making fun of me.

Would never do it to my face. Then they got on Instagram and see him making fun of me. Would never do it to my face. Then they got on Instagram and they're making fun of me. I get drafted by the Chargers. Because of this whole instance, the NFL teams were like, it's too dicey. You're supposed to get drafted in the top ten first round. That's his dream. He goes second round, whatever, 38th pick to San Diego Chargers.

That would be so funny. There's like in the Monty Tio Netflix documentary, he's like talking about getting drafted. And he's like, you know, I went into the draft night. I was worried. I was kind of thinking, you know, dicey dicey. Well, who's Monty Tio? You don't hear about Monty Tio in the story?

I don't keep up with anything, dude. It happened a long time ago now, but he was this really big player at notre dame he was having a great season i think he i don't know if he won the heisman or came close he was like second and running the heisman or something like that and um he had this girlfriend that he only talked to over the internet yeah and his grandmother died it was a senior his grandmother died and then that girl he talked to over the internet died but then it turned out that it's just this guy that was pretending to be a woman that was like catfishing

him and so people thought that he was like involved and he used it to like try and win the heisman or something like that what so people were making fun of him and saying that he's gay and all this shit oh and brendan's like hold my beer dude yeah he's like listen if there's one thing i know is if people are gay or not. Cool. It's your dream. You're drafted by the Chargers. That's the fucking San Diego Union, whatever the newspaper. He gets drafted.

You know what's on the front cover when he gets there? It's a cartoon of him walking on a beach with just his arm over nobody there going, babe, you're going to love San Diego. He goes, that was my welcoming when I got to San Diego. So he goes, the football field used to be my sanctuary. He's like, if you didn't know who Manti Teo is, I guarantee you're going to find out. That's where I flourished. I have more confidence than anywhere in the world.

When this stuff came out and people started making fun of me, and I would walk in a room and everyone stopped talking. He goes, it took all that from me. I got there and I was a shell of myself. That's right. He could have been an all pro. That's right. Confidence gone. Ruins his career.

And even now, people still making fun of him. He's married. Two kids. Oh, my God. It's funny to make a point like that. And then you have those pants. Those pants are crazy. Yeah.

Capris, dude. Oh, that's what they're called. Yeah. And they're all like, he's like, and listen, man, like you ruined his life. And then he has, he feels the need to explain what ruined his life. No, Brendan's what they're called. Yeah. And they're all like, and he's like, and listen, man, like you ruined his life. And then he has, he feels the need to explain what ruined his life. No, Brendan,

we know. Yeah. Maybe somebody explained that to you. I mean, he just, Brendan is a guy that watches a documentary. As we know, he's a big document.

Oh, he's a huge black fish. Um, whatever the thing he saw, black fish, where Ray, where the judge says Ray, Ray about Ray Lewis,

whatever documentary that's from, or then about the, the stuff where Joe Montana is apparently Ray about Ray Lewis. Whatever documentary that's from. Or then about the stuff where Joe Montana apparently doesn't like Rudy. I don't know if that's true. Maybe it is. But then again, why does he mention that Rudy's white, Joe Montana's white? So many questions.

So much CT. So little answers. Walk me to my truck. Walk me to my truck. Walk me to my truck. Well, that's it for this week, dude. So I can clip. Break me chin. T-Fat K.

T-Fat K. I'm in love with shop. Brandon. Brandon. Oh, yeah. By the way, isn't somebody making a song for us? Don't show BGL's face. Yeah.

Shout out to Chris Robinson, CR Guitar. CR Guitar is going to be making an intro for our shop thing. So check him out, CR Guitar. Looks like he's in Halifax. Wow. Wow. All the way from Canada. Shout out to him.

Shout out to the Discord. Thanks, everybody, for tuning in. Shout out to Wadsworth, Protein Farts, and Dallas Llama, our core fan base. Are we losing our minds? I don't think you should be watching this anymore. Thank you for watching. Shout out Protein Farts. Shout out Protein Farts.

I don't even know Who the fuck these people are That's like one of the people I don't know He does the memes and shit I try to get on there And like his memes I don't know

I don't know Alright have a good night y'all Good night