10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub LOVES US! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #100

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

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I've been partin' with Joe, and you can ask Jay Every game creeps, and Cal's not straight With hot Cheetos, flyin' all kinds of ways When Mexicans sold, I put my credit away It's a damn shame, what's Cal's got to do? Nobody loves me, my brain is doo-doo Wish I could just drink rain And it'd just be cool

But I piss In the sink Living as a thick boy With three C's These mean cats on the red Lord knows they all Just wanna have Traction control

They can do what I post And that goes for a chin too And they don't know I go But I know that you do Cause I call and say shit And I never read them Cause the mean cats on the red On the radio We're strong and broken We look out for comics

And not just comics Who do well at a show Lord, we got folks with C.T. Ain't got no recency And my kids playing t-ball But God, if you're Five foot ten And live three hundred pounds

Credit I've not to give For your less than account Entrance to working male sales No pay for the browns Cause all this damn YouTube does Is keep taking views down Lord it's a damn shame What this cat's done to

Nobody last me Rain is doo-doo I wish I could just drink rain And they'd just be cool But I'm pissed And the same Living as a thick board With three C's

These mean cats on Reddit Lord knows that y'all just wanna have traction control They clip what I post G'doosh what I do And they don't know I go But I know that you do Cause the coins they shit And I never read them

Cause the me cats't On the reddit One take It's time for my favorite time of the week When you get to hear Papa try to speak Release surprises today You better actually watch 10 Minutes of Shop Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop

Thanks for tuning in. So for shows, I got May 17th, I'm headlining the Basement Dwellers Show. Tickets are on Eventbrite. And I just added fourth wall ever heard of it, the 25th. So if you want to go to that, go to that too. May 29th, I'm going to be on a show in Santa Ana at the Paradise Room in the Yost Theater. And June 6th and 7th, I'm going to be going to San Diego again. I just got back from San Diego.

And then sometime in June or early July, I'll be in El Paso, Texas. Daddy. Uh-oh. Ever heard of it? El Paso. But anyways, before we tell them why they're here, which they already know, we have a special announcement. It is the 100th episode

of 10 Minutes of Shop. They said we couldn't do it, bro. They said we couldn't do this shit, dog. They said that we'd be done. They said we lived in our parents' basement. They said we didn't have a profile. We're just cats. Right? They said a lot of...

They talked about men on earwaves. We don't matter. Exactly. We don't count.. We don't matter. Exactly. We don't count. We still don't matter. We've done 100 episodes. It will never matter. We'll never stop.

We got a few things real quick just to show you. I'm wearing the Brendan Walsh World Record Pod shirt just to throw it back to the beginning of our first sponsor. We also have some more rain because the rain truck came. They dropped off you know i know a guy he dm'd me or whatever and then gerardo was able to get this amazing you want to actually you want to tell them about it uh paul c2 dude he's he he fucking sent us this i don't know if we did it on the patreon or a public episode but we asked for somebody to make an Annette of the Joe Rogan gun picture. Yes. And hopefully YouTube doesn't get douches for how fire it is, dude, because that shit is amazing.

This is Paul. You knocked it out of the park. I was saying Gerardo got the frame for it. I went to Staples today. Diddy. And we printed it out. If anybody has an idea for the Kimbo Slice thing, throw that our way. But anyways, this has been too long.

Right? It's a hundreds episode, but we don't matter. So that's not why they're here right no they're here to watch 10 minutes of shop so start the timer play the chain clip and i'm not i'm not gonna lie this is part of my bucket list dude like i've always wanted to do 10 minutes of shop with nanette dude yeah the goat yeah she's goaded she's goaded she goaded bro when it come to cringe comedy she picked up the bag she secured that she scooped it up bro she's the andrew schultz of that shit bro somebody's probably going to suggest that we do kimbo slice as andrew schultz which i'm not adverse i'm not yeah i know schultz can't go on the wall sorry sorry cool story bro something real feminine about that bro all right so let's

get to the cleanse uh chip this is uh posted by chin second balcony it's called let's get to the Clint's chip. This is posted by Chin's Second Balcony. It's called Let's Not Forget Bapa's Oscar-worthy performance in a role he was born to play. Let's see here. This is Kim. Kim. Alex. Before we get too loaded, I may have some news. Hey.

Hey. Hey, man. Hey, man. You from that TV place? You drove from the TV place in your mercedes-benz you mean la oh oh i'm sorry mr hollywood elite my bad no yeah i think you're fine man if you were auditioning for the role of local town bully in a movie that i was casting I would ask you politely to tone it down. And I don't know if it's the beer or just my words, but let me make it simple for you.

You are underwritten. Oh! Oh! Ow! Wait, what's the score? Ow! Good to know. It's funny.

I don't know. Do you think that Shabub it's kind of like he's gadouching both types of people there really because he's gadouching the Hollywood douchebag that's what he thinks

of people that live in LA but people outside of LA they're like moronic and stupid and drunk and bother you so it's like both ways

both people suck Schaub's mind it's kind of mean it's North Korea with a beach daddy do you have the controller for the AC let's turn that off daddy yeah yeah listen it's fucking hot as shit today but it's kind of mean it's a north korea with a beach daddy do you have the controller for the ac let's

turn that off daddy yeah yeah listen it's fucking hot as shit today but it's fine dude we're here to sweat daddy uh if that got gadushed you can see it on the patreon because i don't know what the fuck that's from it's probably just a youtube video to be honest oh yeah i forgot to say join the patreon the reddit the discord yes yes uh i don't know do you know what that's from or no i have no idea what that's from yeah i guess there's a there's a chance that he had he was just like acting on someone else's thing yeah yeah but anyways i wouldn't do it well we don't expect things to be good on this show so let's go to the next chin dude uh clip it up here it's haphazard it's uh is this acting or something taken from a couple of years from now?

No, so somebody got a time machine or he's probably in Australia. Let's see The whole thing and what do with the Queens what what the hell hell hey hey hey no no no if you could go back in time would you do it all over again all day yeah all day all day all right so you know even though it's the 100th episode we get a lot of firsts and those two first clips were probably the worst because we were i mean that's that's like probably of an out of context clip i sort of you don't remember that the like the short film it was something with like he was i think maybe it's like a ct joke like he's got ct or some spoof thing whatever but i right now two

acting clips right in a row i feel like i'm an inside the actor studio where's that guy what's his name do you remember that dude james lipton james lipton yeah basically yeah can you do a james lipton you can do like really good bad comic impersonations can you do james lipton can i do good interviewer fucking impersonation yeah let's let's see. In the summer of 2008, you started a podcast with one rapist. Oh, that'd be cool.

That's pretty good. And then you, he's like, I mean, the crowd, and he's like, you guys don't want to give it up for that,

you know, kind of thing. Get him involved, you know. Do you want to ask me a question as James Lipton real quick? I mean, I want you to let me cook,

dude. Okay, cool. Yeah, cook, cook. Yeah, pick up the bag. James Lipton's in the I mean, I want you to let me cook, dude. Okay, cool. Yeah, cook, cook. Pick up the bag. James Lipton's in the kitchen right now, dude. Okay. Alright, you got the oven on. You on TikTok. Yeah. When you threw your roommate through a glass

window, did you put salsa on him? Did I put salsa on him? Yes. Something about that seemed very feminine to me. let me think about it for a minute eight inches the worst episode inside the actor's studio that's when it turns it off inside the actor's gay studio um let's see here. This one is called Decided to do a YouTube

posted by ConfidenceSearch8648. You know, this meme character is fucking hilarious. That keeps popping up on the Changs. I should say why you're on. Well, A, you're on this show because you have a special coming out correct that i want

to talk thursday this thursday uh next week uh next week thursday okay so this will be coming out two days oh awesome look at that who's he looking at dude when he does this little inside i think is it legs yeah he's maybe yeah maybe he's mad at legs or chin for not preparing him he's like how come i don't know when my special's coming out? Why do they think it's weird? Where's my shoe? Where's my shoe? Okay, question number two. How many nicotine pouches are in that mouth

right now, dude? That's a good... I mean, I'm not a numbers guy, as you all know, but I gotta guess like at least three, which is probably low. That's the correct answer, dude. Where? YouTube. This guy. Are you a water? No, not Three. Which is probably low. That's the correct answer, dude. Where? YouTube. This guy.

Are you a vlogger? No, not at all. Are you a vlogger? You do YouTube? You do great. Shout out to the guy in our Reddit who was coming into our Reddit and he posted that guy's face. Did you see that one? Pretty good.

I want to get a backwards dodgers hat or upside down dodgers yeah not even for the show because you like it huh oh yeah yeah no no i mean like he's one of the greatest dressers of all time we know that listen this show uh it it kind of like uh goes outside of the hostage room a little bit right oh so i have a kibbetech hat on my desk right somebody the other day in my house looked at a kibbetech hat on my desk right somebody the other day in my house looked at that kibbetech hat and was like what is that like concerned really yeah he's like i'm a truck guy dude the worst part is i said a brendan chop thing and they understood they're like oh so i'm that guy you should have said i'm a truck guy oh fuck you're right they would have

been like oh interesting yeah look at this look at the renaissance man over here. Something about that kind of seems gay. This one's posted by Jazz Like Brother 2904. It's called, Boppa, quote, Trust me, I know some people and some things be. Ryan is not okay. This is not funny at all, Bri. Let's see. So was this all an act?

What part of it was real tell us about it uh i mean my cameraman chance ajay's there um hey we have a pre-recorded months ago what i say was gonna happen i said i'm about to make sure everybody thinks i'm gonna go crazy i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that why is this gonna be the call the great Escape? I have it all documented. I was already planning it weeks and weeks and months behind. I don't know what made me come up with the idea, honestly. One day I just decided to go all in and just commit to a plan that I had. And I was not going to budge for nobody. It doesn't matter if I went on his podcast, anybody's podcast.

I was acting like sporadic. I was just crazy. Your manner was just like... I would do this with my nose. I saw that. It's just a tick. I had everything. But then you make adjustments too.

What was real though is at times I did drink a little bit during camp because I like to drink. Confirmed homeless. Yeah, I mean, Brendan should really have one of those accounts where you know those like so-and-so posting l's there should be like a brendan posting his l's there'd be so many endless content of him predicting things wrong saying things wrong eating things weird yeah so many things i mean he did like he the garcia thing who knows do you think that we talked about it

right we both kind of think it is probably he's gone a little crazy no I don't you don't think so this is why we didn't record the episode because we disagreed on that dude I don't know

I still think he's saying that he did it on but I don't know if I believe him you know yeah that's your narrative that's my it's painted guess what too

I don't give a fuck dude the whole time I don't really care dude no we didn't bet imagine caring dude if that fool is going crazy or not and then imagine going out to drink at a bar or something and talking to your friends about it for more than like five seconds well let me say this i do hope

that he is okay you know but i wish i had listened to you and bet money on him yeah yeah dude that was my mistake that's what i'm most concerned about my gambling addiction okay. Dude, Brandon was so ready to light Ryan up and I was like, let's wait till after the fight. And then if you're right, dude, then you got all this ammo. You know what? That makes you my handler.

Yeah, dude, I'm your handler, dude. That's, that's dangerous. And when Gerardo is your handler, you got something wrong still.

Yeah. Boom. Two Hawks. All right, let's go to the next clin chip this one's posted by chin second balcony it's called what you're thinking about clin okay so listen dude do you know what clin did no you're about to find out dude did you guys see what connor came out and said no not yet not i guess connor went to him right away and started talking to him and just kept telling him you know i can't wait to see the rematch. He was so impressed.

To me, though, isn't that kind of just. Whoa. She had man hands. Oh, come on. Man hands. Be cool. Adding to the issue you're talking about. Like, look, he made it by this time.

That's great. Don't want the kid to think he can do this again and the outcome will be the same. And then you got one of the greats, Conor McGregor, coming and patting you on the back. Conor's a wild boy. Conor gets by with this. Just random gunshots in Chin's apartment. This is Chin's second balcony i guess yeah i mean

that always gets me the gunshots i love it's just always funny the misdirection got me dude i did not expect it to be no a joke like that plus they had the clip ready with the punchline jerry going she had man hands what's the deal with that i don't't agree. Those are not main hands. Yeah, she's great. And be cool, guys, right? Yeah. I mean, these are people that work every day, like 10-hour days that don't get paid at all. Dude, these are not doctors.

You should make fun of doctors. Don't make fun of people podcasting. No, they try really hard. They're on food stamps or EBT, I mean. They're on EBT. This is a passion project for them. And you're talking about what their hands look like. What do your hands look like? Show us pics of your hands.

Dude. I don't think they realized 10 minutes of content costs six to seven months of work. That's true. Yeah. It takes them years to make this. Some of this stuff, dude, the truck, truck walk diaries or whatever it's called. Tune town. Sorry.

Oh yeah, dude. Not even. Yeah. That's okay. Oh yeah. Oh dude. Yeah.

Just look at spaz out. Gerardo on fire. So Jesse on fire. You should do that. Spinoff show. Gerardo on fire. Yeah. fire yeah oh yeah dude it's just me reading comments and saying that oh all righty so let's see here this one's posted by i downvote cake days boom it's called steve will do it no clue what he does do you know the whole steve

will do it yeah of course yeah of course no the drama well i mean i just know the tweet and then shop was like it's all good. I apologize. Yeah. So you do. Yeah. I watched one video of Steve will do it just to figure out who he was. And I think I have an idea now.

Yeah. Earthquake daddy. What's it? Steve will do it. He came at me on Twitter. Go fast. Don't die, dude. Is this on the merch list?

Do we have to get one of these? Oh, fuck. Yeah, definitely. All right. Well, mentally remember that. I don't feel like writing it down. Yeah. Go fast. Don't die, dude. Is this on the merch list, dude? Do we have to get one of these? Oh, fuck. Yeah, definitely. All right. Well, mentally remember that. I don't feel like writing it down. Yeah, go fast. Don't die.

I should start bringing around nicotine pouches, too. Is that something that you want to do? I've been taking nicotine pouches. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. No, I wasn't saying like you shouldn't or whatever. I'm becoming shop, dude. Yeah.

Well, you know, when you get to Zinn, that's when I want to hear about Zinn. Black Buffalo. I was like, what? I couldn't tell you what he does. Guarantee you Steve will do it. His cage side because the UFC, they're partners with him. I don't know what he does. Anybody that knows him tells me he's a good guy.

I don't know what he does. You and Steve will do it, our boys. You guys had a falling out. You didn't get together for like a few months. He knows everything about Steve. This makes me want to admit, I did follow him on Twitter as soon as I found out, so I gave him some idea.

He definitely knows him, too. They're barking at the wrong dog here. You're barking up the wrong tree. He went down to Miami, didn't visit him, didn't stay at his house, hurt his feelings. Again, I don't know what he does. Steve will do it. He went down to Miami, didn't visit him, didn't stay at his house, hurt his feelings. Again, I don't know what he does. Steve will do it. He posted this thing of his, you know who he is?

Couldn't tell you what he does. It's not that I'm cocky or anything like that. Black belt in jiu-jitsu, Golden Gloves champ, top 10 UFC at one time. It doesn't make sense. I run three miles every morning, bud. 4 a.m. This will not end well for you in

any facet. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, this is a huge what are we doing here moment, Rashab. I mean, there's just so much evidence that he does know who he is and then he says he doesn't. He's like, I did know, Steve, but then I

didn't. So, yeah, this is maybe a CT flare-up or something because he doesn't lie. Yep. I don't know. Yeah, dude. So, Steve, thanks for coming on the show. Did it trip you out that Sean knew everything about you, but then he was acting like he didn't know?

I want to get – I hope this show – I mean, there's no chance, but if it got so big that we could pay people an absurd amount of money to just have everyone on, James Lipton, Steve-O, Steve Will Do It, Shob, Ronda Rousey, Daniel Buff. Dude. Fucking, can you imagine if we could convince Daniel Day-Lewis? Oh, yeah. He'd probably be like, well, I will do it for $15 million. And we're like, son, sign me up, baby. You're on it. So get us for $15 million. And we're like, son, sign me up,

baby. You're on it. So get us to $15 million. Yeah, dude, buy us some Bitcoin, dude. Oh yeah.

Give us a Bitcoin. We're going to fucking do some crypto. I'll fucking talk to Elon all day. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, dude. This is not a principled show. We're just a couple of bastards in a basket.

If you know what i'm saying dude all right this one's uh posted by chin second balcony it's dude i'm talking like chin's second balcony dude fucking english teacher daddy this one's a same the same fucking thing the steve will do a thing it's called the copium will gets fast and loose when Bapa reacts to being called a failed comedian. Oh yeah. I've seen this one. An asterisk saying probably an excerpt from one of the longer dishes. Let's see here.

Do you have a background? So there's stuff you can go after. Yeah. I was at world champion. No, I'm not Kevin Hart or Joe Rogan. You know? So you get. Damn, dude.

Which both Kevin Hart and Joe Rogan are tiny, dude. There's not a chance you're Joe Rogan or Kevin Hart. Oh, that's right. He meant size wise. Yeah. Yeah. He's not talking about comedy. Come on. No, no.

Because he is kind of like that. Yeah. He's that. I mean, he's at the stepmothership. Oh, dude. The turkeys are over there. Kevin Hart can't do that shit, dude. Nah. Nah. He don't do that shit dude no no

he don't have that no there's levels to the sheet yeah bruh yeah if kevin hart left a comment on his youtube he's like oh yeah dude that's what i expect from him he's a fucking hater b he wouldn't even read it no no he wouldn't see it not a chance he hardly knows what kevin hart does dude let me ask you anyone out there a question what What is Kevin Hart socials? What is Brendan Schaub socials? TikTok. You're over here, dude. You're looking at the wrong camera.

I'm looking at the wrong camera, dude. Oh, shit. Look, we are Schaub. Schaub and Callan in various times. We said it before. I will say it again. You're a bald Schaub. I'm a bald Schaub, dude.

Wow. Like a douche. With tiny teeth. It'm a bald shop, dude. Wow. With tiny teeth. It becomes, though. Poke stuff at that. It's like, oh, you just don't know, bubba. Failed comedian. Oh, buddy, you don't know comedy. You don't know comedy.

That doesn't work. From your outside perspective, I'm not at Kevin Hart or Joe Rogan or Sebastian's level. No. Does that mean I failed? Fuck. The 99.999% of comics fail. If that's your numbers guy, if that's your level,

then yeah, all of us are failures for about five guys in the world to ever do it. So he's just being a dick you think? Or yeah, I don't know. I like that. He kind of went into the do do papi character and he's describing explaining stand-up to somebody yeah he's like bubba you don't get it you gotta be like you have to big podcast you have to have big movies

to be big or do you don. I am a stand up. If he had shakers and a hat on, he's like shakers. He puts on a fucking mariachi hat. Yeah. The band comes behind him. They're like fucking desperado. Ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, Oh, that's when we come on but oh well yeah dude he's just he's just out here dude i'd love that he's using that fucking oh yeah dude oh you don't understand comedy oh dude come on yeah it makes me realize that anyone could be a teacher dude because he's spitting right now he's like he's cooking he's just uh spitting facts and just saying stuff he heard at the table yeah when it

comes to it being the teacher you gotta like talk to students this guy just goes dude right and the people are just soaking it in you know he's got his fans in a trance he's like a cult leader really you know i like your example of him being a teacher yeah now when you said that that made me start thinking about like what how do you see him as like if he comes in he's a substitute teacher what's he doing you know how they come in they put their bag down do you have any he's like dude i'm not like the other ones he's like you two right here let's fight i want to see it let's go he makes kids he makes kids fight yeah because his ct has flared up so hard that he's like that makes sense right like we want to know who's better at fighting and the kid that wins what does he get he's like all sad and jobs like dude you won dude

what are you talking about? Why are you sad? What are we doing here? You know what he does, though? Yeah. He gives him his favorite shoe. Yeah. His shoe.

And then a week later, Shob's like, oh, I get it, dude. You don't want to fight. Yeah, he realized. Oh, I fucked up. He does the t-ball speech. And I realized that the whole time he was telling me that he would rather do anything else than fight, he actually didn't want to fight. Anything else.

That is fantastic. He definitely would bring some of his stepmother's dishes, you know? Right. Chili on. Oh, for the kids? Yes. Yeah. That would be so weird if a substitute teacher showed up and he was like, I got this food.

You can try it out. My stepmom made it. What? No, wait, wait, his mother-in-law, his mother.

Oh yeah. We're both redacted. No, no. Listen, keep it in. We're redacts. I'm tired.

He's tired. He just got back from San Diego. I got drunk last night. We both made mistakes. Okay. So more than others. I'm not looking at the right camera. I had a lot of beer last night.

I don't drink much, but don't kill me. I went overboard last night. Sorry. I'm a hawk. How many nicotine pouches did you have with your beers not enough because it didn't help my brain at all oh yeah you need them daddy i should

have gotten zen at the bar yeah dude yeah there's a reason why they're so conveniently pouched in a little white bag daddy yeah that's so that you could feel good while you're fucking feeling great you feel me i was i was literally last night like stupid ass drunk joe rogan just a bald man like out of control too old to be like that saying the wrong thing too loud oh then dude we got a clip of cooney later i know if anyone filmed it and there was a subreddit of ours no i'm saying there's a drunk joe rogan oh yeah that's basically what i was doing yeah oh well uh name the movie let's see here um well that was great let's see this one okay another one about steve will do i believe papa spent the whole ep bending the knee to dana in hopes of getting some ufc work so i assisted

his resume with some orange chicken sauce uh chin second balcony he's put in an hour's yeah dude let's see here the Employee of the month. Where do I want to start? I'll say this. You'll see a lot of people saying, oh, Dana's so petty. And if I had whatever it is, $5 billion in the bank, whatever he has, $400 million in the bank. If I'm him, I have $400 million in the bank. I'm Mickey Mouse, my boss.

Why is he paying attention to what we say in this? I'm actually not in agreement with that. I think that's what makes Dana great. Hey, you two, rich, privileged fox. Come here. Let me talk to you. He's aware of the narrative of all the cards, not just 300, but all the cards. And I think that's what makes him an outlier.

But he's a guy that's doing it because he actually cares about the sport and it's videos like that that let me know that he cares about the sport so you guys know by now if you've watched me long enough i don't like beef i don't like any of this stuff i was like oh man all i do is give ufc love what happened now you redacted your criticism dude i do a show the call's coming from inside the house oh no there's fucking homeless cats working there now the beanie man has turned the shit he always has a beanie it's not that cold in los angeles okay dude rogan is shorty pie is working in that studio dude yeah that's why he wears the beanie it's a fucking disguise shit who do you think is uh in this beef scenario who's drake and who's j cole dude good question i think i'll answer sure brennan shop is drake dude you know i mean oh yeah definitely 20 v1 daddy

yeah i mean he's like there's very he's much more drakeish clothes socials success yeah he's just as successful as drake yeah fish cars kids dude get with it stay with me dude drake better make a song called fish cars if he did that he'd be a comedic genius drake is welcome on the show we'll pay 15 million yeah i mean we get daniel i'm not gonna pay him as much as daniel day lewis but somewhere in the ballpark sure yeah entertaining what like that it's just me exaggerating things you know okay i i know i buy the cards no matter what you know i love it i bleed ufc um you know it's all good i give dana you know the credit for

you know give me the career that i have you know if he didn't change the rules and do the reebok deal who knows what would happen to me oh fuck so disgusting dude you know i probably would have stuck around to make the money you talk about a good bullshit story but he didn't and you know he changed the rules because that was best for his business he wasn't trying to hurt me. It took me a while to realize that. But he was so petty. He came for that.

He's like, I actually need 10%. I'm like, what? I would give it to you, sir. Hmm. Yeah. Interesting. Funny. Yeah.

Go fast, don't die. I'm not going to lie, dude. You know how much I love Brendan. Yeah. Every day I talk about him. Right. Every day I talk about him. Right. Every week. I'm going to say that Brendan shouldn't be talking about men on earwaves, dude.

Unless it was on a diss track, dude. You know what I mean? Okay. I think he might be preparing himself for that. He's ramping up for the diss track. He's like, right here, this is his face where he's like, I tried to be nice. You know what I mean? Right. face where he's like i'm i tried to be nice you know what i mean right every fucking rapper beef has that i tried to be nice right you know

i mean like bro we were we was cool bro you know we saw the bag on the floor scooped it up together bro and then you turn your back on me i tried to be nice that's what he's doing right now dude maybe i'll tell you this right now what's next dude a fucking what A fucking, what's his name? The guy that makes songs for them. Oh, little brows, little brows, dude, little brows, drop a fucking beat. So Brendan could spit. He doesn't even need to write. He can just freestyle on that bitch. At least four nicotine pouches.

Fucking mix a song. Sorry about that. I just wanted to finish. No, no, no. Good. I'm glad he did. Um, I will tell you this though. Uh, Brendan Schaub making a rap song and actually rapping

best day of my life since my child was born Tank Tank was born I named my son Tank I don't have a kid yeah dude I'm rapping would be hilarious

and you know what dude have somebody else write it then what's holding him back he does everything else he should rap and he should go after everyone. And you know what, dude? Have somebody else write it then. If you don't, like, what's holding him back, dude? He does everything else. He should rap and he should go on the Masked Singer and the Masked Dancer. Those would be great. Anything where he can perform.

Yeah. Right? Dancing with the Stars. Dancing with the Stars. Yeah. I mean, I've never watched that show, but I'll tell you this again. Another thing I'll tell you.

I'll watch that. Yeah. People are going to go on the show to dance with this star. You know what I mean? Right. The dancers would probably, he can't do Dancing going to go on the show to dance with this star. You know what I mean? Right. The dancers would probably... He can't do Dancing with the Stars because the chicks would want to fuck him. Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about, daddy. He's too fucking cool, man. Yeah, dude. Too cool for that show. Yeah, dude. He's a married man. Guys, this is a mess again. I don't know what your computer's doing.

It's freaking out on us. It's a blockbuster. All right. And then here, I think this might be the last one about, oh no, there's one more about the Steve will do his stuff. It's posted by Loco 1876. It's called Bapa wants to fight Steve will do it. We can go in the back room and figure it out.

You sign papers that you're not going to sue or anything like that. We can figure it out. No, I don't, but you know what I'm saying? I know you would. I'm glad that we didn't say something like this when we thought Agostino Zuida didn't like us. Let's go on the back. Let's sign the papers.

Make the flight. Okay, Agostino? All right, I'll see you. He shows up. You think our music sucks, bro? Your music is trash. He shows up and he's like, well, I've already beaten up Brendan. Are you ready?

He just destroys me immediately. Oh, dude. We love Agostino, dude. Yeah, he's our guy now. We just want him to like our music, dude. I mean, you don't have to like the music. We've agreed before that there are songs where we're like, someone's like, this is my favorite one.

And we're like, what? Yeah. He can't be serious. No. But, you know, I like that you like it. It's like the music has spoke to me. It's like, I understand people like music. And I understand people like Pettides.

I used to be a big fan of Pettides myself. But these guys are just blockbusters. He likes our impersonation of him. This is kind of a compliment. We're just cooking, dude. That's it. This one's called I Miss the Drunk Era posted by Confident

Search 8648. Let's see this. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. You know what? Most of the time, even with Joe Rogan, 99% of the time, people don't know him. They see a headline and they want to make assumptions

based off a headline, not based off the person. But it goes both ways. For anybody else getting to the UFC, Joe Rogan's not a household name yet. You know, he's not an American. He peed in it. His English is all right.

San Antonio, oh, he thick tore. Is this Thursday, Friday, Saturday? Jacket doesn't fit, dude. Oh, he thick. The jacket doesn't fit. Oh, he thick tore. Fuck, dude. He's a comedic genius.

I mean, how could you even? He doesn't know why it's funny, but it's so funny. It's hilarious. Oh, he thick and the jacket doesn't fit. Wild. Oh, he wild, bro. Available next week. Man, he's fun to watch.

Yeah, there's not a... Adam Tiller is a guy. He... I just wanted the most eyeballs, the most available... Oh, dude, that shirt. I have it in my closet, dude. I want to wear it so bad. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that shirt.

We have so many shirts that we have ones in our closet. Ability for my fans and also new fans that see how hard I've worked. You know, this lane that we call stand up, man, this lane that we call stand up. Stay in your lane, Sean. It looks like you parked your car. You know, you don't do stand up anymore. What's going on? That I can can into it.

And the original idea was to shoot it exactly the way I want, edit, cut it exactly 30 minutes. Dude, he did everything. Which you mean? Edit, cut. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Music.

Works too much. Yeah. Way too much. One of these major networks someone say the most the most work the much in which i did oh man i do miss drunk shop is he not drink much anymore i'm assuming not okay yeah i mean i don't see as many you're right these are all old clips. Something tells me he ran the tape back, B. Maybe. Also, when you get older and stuff, I don't know.

Most people naturally stop drinking as much. Not me and Rogan, though. Mm-hmm. No. Not last night, dude. Not last night. It was just one night in a long time, okay? All right.

I'm going to go pee real quick. I'll be right back. All right. I'm back. I hope you're cool with the piss on the sink, dude, because I call bank pissed on that mirror, dude. You know, my sink is your sink, dude. Yeah.

Nice. All right. Let's go to the next clip, dude. Oh, my God. I'm so happy I got that out of me. Let's see here. All right. This one's called Papa Stales.

Oh, steals. Okay. Papa Stales. Another Luke take again. Posted by Dazzling dazzling rabbit 633. Let's see here. It is that I didn't understand what Ryan Garcia was capable of even in a whatever state you want to say he's in.

And I also overestimated what Devin Haney had accomplished. Oh, Ryan's super. I think this is a case of we undervalued how good Ryan is because the Javante Davis lost. Yes. And then we overvalued Haney. You can't keep getting away with this! And then you steal our ideas and our contents.

You do it to Luke. You do it to Brian. You do it to me. Damn. I see you too. Yeah. I mean, call it like you see it, you know? Yeah.

When you catch a guy red-handed. Oh, dude, that's your takeaway? What the fuck? You, Luke, and motherfucking Ariel, if that's his name, dude. Bunch of ducks, dude. Right. Okay. Well, quack, quack then.

You know why? Yeah. He fucking steals the takes. Stop with the ducks. He steals the takes, dude. But you're lucky he takes. Dude, Shop, take our takes, dude. I hope so.

Yeah. He's remixing. Maybe he's not stealing, he's remixing. We're not going to complain about this shit, dude. No. We want you to steal our shit. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Nanette, bro, that's like, you could take that. Fuck Joe. I want Shop to be a little more self-aware and do bits about being, like, redacted. Because whenever he does, it's pretty funny. There you go. Take that take, dude. What the fuck? There you go.

But then also, like, he's a genius. So I'm not going to mess with the secret stuff, you know? He knows what he's doing. Yeah, dude. I'm just saying, like, Ariel and Luke need to shut the hell up. You know what I mean? Dude, shut the fuck up. Yeah. What the hell? How did making fun I mean? Dude, shut the fuck up. Yeah.

What the hell? How did making fun of Brendan Schaub go? Yeah, dude. Pretty good, actually. Y'all are in left field asking to get put in the infield, and Schaub ain't having it because he's teaching the pitch or something, daddy. Right? The Richmond, north of Richmond, like, infected you.

You're like, well, I've been working all day. Well, I've been partying all day. Talking about shit. Maybe I'm gay. Eight inches. All right. So this one's posted by Stone0777. It's called Classic Chin.

Guessing Boppa doesn't pay him enough. The chin arc is developing, Daddy. Have you seen this? No. Let's see. How? How does that happen, dude? Wait, do it again.

Sorry. I was looking at the food on the other guy's face. Look at it. This is mid. It just pops off. He's not even touching his glasses, dude. Let's see again, yeah. Look at it.

See, there it's on. Yeah. There it's off. See, I'll play it again, but I want you to see what's happening so that you can, dude. Let's see again, yeah. Look at it. See, there it's on. Yeah. There it's off. See, I'll play it again, but I want you to see what's happening so that you can catch it when I play it again. His glasses just fall, like, break without even being touched. Paper mache glasses, daddy. Let's see this.

Dang, dude. Not even real. Pop. Oh, no. How? Dude, I mean, I don't have eyesight issues, but, like like with the glasses that's something that you want to spend a little more money on you know what i mean i mean that's an important thing it's right on your eyes first of all i wouldn't hire an editor without good eyes okay your editor dude that's

this is the whole thing dude this is why the show sucks and has like terrible weird edits because the guy can't see your editor is doesn't even have the attention to detail to buy glasses that work yeah dude that's easy our pets heads are falling off dude can you imagine your like whole show is based on one person and you're chilling with them and you're eating and their glasses break without being touched you're like oh my god i put my whole thing on this person i was gonna be it would be embarrassing for me to happen in front of my boss yikes and he put it on the internet yeah dude why i mean first of all just if it's all gonna

fall downhill if you can't even keep glasses on dude yeah you can't seeing is one of the most important senses yeah first thing you wake up in the morning you open your eyes your glasses fall off you're like well fuck can't even find my glasses now can't see for a goddamn thing also the other guy has food on his face why is he not telling him get the food off your face this is also another reason why you shouldn't probably have shows like this where you just eat in the camera yeah why something about chin and food dude yeah man that little screw was holding up for dear that's so funny is he doing it on purpose like is this a bit his life is falling apart it's a damn shame when your glasses fall off oh my god talking to a bald ass man they just ordered

doordash they're eating their doordash and his fucking glasses fall off great show the black glasses on my nose lord knows it wants to come out yeah i wish they had traction control i wish traction control his glasses definitely went baha mode on that clip a little too baha if you ask me. Rain it in, Chin. Rain it in. This one's posted by Cruel Ambitions called The Schlob Curse Strikes Again.

I'm assuming it's a Ryan Garcia clip here. Let's see. How about if Ryan Garcia wins, I give you 5,000. If Devin Haney wins, you give me $500. Yeah. Yikes. Wow.

Do you like that bet? Wow. Now, my hood is $400, and it's local. Wow. I'll pick it up. No, because here's the problem. You might know some things. I don't know anything.

No, I promise. Are you going to bet on it or not? Because then I'll give you my breakdown. Are you going to bet on it or not? I'm not going to bet on it. Okay, here's the thing. Even if Ryan didn't have these mental issues going on and he was focused on this fight, he would never beat Devin Haney.

It's not happening. It is a complete nightmare of a matchup. So even if he was 100%, it would not happen. There couldn't be a worse matchup. It's an awful matchup. Why? Just because Haney is's at him at 100%. Haney is just so goddamn.

Kevin Haney is that. Nightmare. Nightmare. It's if I got someone sleeping and having a nightmare. Oh. What happened, honey? Oh, I'm sorry. I had a nightmare.

What? Well, yes, we have a mirror and it is the night. No, I had a nightmare. How'd you shave last night? Well, yes, we have a mirror and it is the night. No, I had a nightmare. How'd you shave last night? My nightmare. Oh my God. I had a shaving nightmare.

Let me tell you. Okay. My face. Then I've looked, the beard ended up looking like shop and then our normal couple laughs. When normal people know about this, that's, that'll be something.

I'm sorry. You laughed at that shop joke. What do you do for work i'm a nurse oh no it's oh yeah nurses lawyers doctors police officers firefighters firefighters they're like what did you do today well i watched a lot of tfac you know i wasn't but that's a good that's a good homework assignment dude some tarea if you're spicy you know yeah yeah you go out in the world you say a shop joke in the wild and if somebody laughs you ask them what their job is yeah run report back make the world homeless yeah or see how homeless the world is yeah think about your homeless unhoused neighbors where are they who are they and if somebody asks you what you do say i work at work at P.F. Chang's. That's like the Fight Club thing. His name was Brendan Shaw.

Sir Robert. Robert Paulson. Robert Paulson. Let's see. That guy. Ryan, he's very talented. You know, he has some speed, some power. By the way, I spy three C's.

Do you see them? I see the Diet Coke. This is a fun game, Daddy. No, I don see them? I see the Diet Coke. This is a fun game, Daddy. No, I don't. I only see the Diet Coke. I'm not going to let you give up. You'll find it. Oh, the sock.

Yeah. You got it, dude. That's how we know it's Brendan. If it's got three C's it came from him bro he's not ai is for real oh dude they can make a fake one yeah come on now devin haney is a different animal this fight won't be close brian and i want to take you i was willing to give you ten thousand dollars for 500 it won't be close that was a stupid take but i like this because it pays me money it won't there couldn't be a worse call. He's that good.

He's that good, but you got to realize that's if Ryan Garcia was 100%, it's a bad call. Ryan Garcia with what he's posting now, and I love Ryan. Ryan's a friend. Love Ryan. This is an awful fight for him. Do we know what's going on with him? Whoa!

My majority decision! I gotta say dude I love Cooney dude he's a good friend of mine bro you know but he's gonna bomb tonight dude there's not a chance you're gonna do good tonight not a chance

dude no it's flappers, dude. Not everyone can fucking fight flappers crowds, you know? Right. If anything, you're going to get eaten alive. I'm down. I'm better. I got to bet on you for 5K. You're going to fucking bomb.

500 versus 5,000, right? Yep. And I appreciate this because I see what you're doing. And I welcome it. I mean, you see what he's been posting online, dude? Yeah, I'm not doing well. I do a lot of wrong camera. Do that camera again. I'm up in the fucking bed. I mean, you see what he's been posting online, dude? Yeah, I'm not doing well. I do a lot of... Wrong camera, dude. Wrong camera again.

I'm up in the fucking bed. I was drunk last night. I post a lot of cringe stuff. I didn't make weigh-in. Flapper says a weigh-in. I drank a beer, okay? At weigh-in. I mean, and then I did that thing where I was like,

thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Suck my fucking dick, though. I did all that shit. Whatever, dude. It's all a fucking joke. Yeah, dude.

He's a really good friend of mine. I love him. Dude, we talk every day, but I don't think he's going to do it tonight, dude. I respect that. In what relationship would that work, dude? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, it would be mean to say that.

Yeah, dude. That guy is so happy he's like dude fucking shop dude can you leave me sit on this shit and ryan's laughing yeah oh man all right easy money this one's another uh anthony jeslinic clip dude it's called uh weird to see one of the Thousand Honest About Canceling a Show plus AJ, Anthony Jeselnik stops by the Friars real quick at the end. It's posted by Bopatello. Let's see. Listen, I don't like to cancel shows. I always hate to do it

and I rarely do it. But if my people who I pay 10% to do these things, if they ever say hey, do you want to cancel this show? I say yes immediately because I trust them and it's always a good idea

when they say it. And they rarely say it. But I think it was just a big venue. I don't know if I've ever played Stockton before. It's nothing against the people of Stockton. It was simple economics. Maybe, I don't know, I don't follow local politics maybe you recalled your da instantly and that's the reason but whatever reason i gotta cancel stockton

dude such a good out now for comics so just do like a shot bit about canceling that's funny he's a martyr daddy yeah he's a murderer. He's a murderer. Oh, you're saying he's a martyr? What do you mean? He died on the sword so that we can make fun of him. Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we get away with murder. He was honest, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's what we want. Everybody we watch on this show, what we like most about them is their honesty. Yeah. Yeah. Anthony Jeselnik, dude, great guy. Never met him, dude.

I want to know what shop did to him. I understand the whole, like, let me help you out with YouTube, all that shit that shop said. And then Anthony just was like, oh, yeah, dude, I got it. Whatever happened, right? Yeah, I'm good, Brandon. It's not just that, dude. Yeah.

This man is coming out for fucking blood, daddy. Yeah, what happened? That's the real fucking interesting detail in the story. Maybe someday we'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll pay it out. Yeah. We'll pay him 13 million to come on the show, dude. I guarantee you that the only person who knows is Bobby Lee. Yeah.

Ever heard of it? General Bobby E. Lee, dude. Let's see here. We got Bapa fires back at Dana White posted by haphazard. I feel like we already saw this yeah okay but uh fuck it dude i love boppa let's go oh this is interesting so dana white does a thing on uh shout out to dana white yeah so dana white does this thing on uh ufc 300 he basically made like his version of a diss track of all the people in mma media not all, he left out a few, but some of the people in MMA media who were kind of critiquing UFC three,

not English. What chances there that his brain is comfortable with repeating something, dude, his brain is like a, like a sim, like kind of broken computer. It works for a while. It's like,

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. In real time, his brain was like MMA media. got it let's go on to the next thing and then he says yeah i don't know what he said his brain is like wait we can't go back to mma media dude and he's like favorite shoe no not favorite shoe. We're talking about MMA right now. Croissant.

Banana. Remember when you just wanted a banana or whatever? Like a monkey. And so he plays this video. Now, I think this was on Saturday, April 20th, when he did this. Yeah, Saturday. So I was coaching my son's baseball game, and my phone was on vib vibrate it's in like these little cubbies in the dugout I can hear it just going

oh my god Jesus I never check my phone he's got a cubby he has a cubby at the deep hole game that's very funny yeah cubby what if Jelly Roll walked in and just drank one of the rains? He's like, why?

He doesn't realize he's on camera. He just chugs it. One sip and goes, like, walks off. He sees the donut on the wall and he tries to eat that. But he's like, oh, it's a clock. It's not even a clock. That's the the donut he thinks the clock is a donut i tried to eat a donut it turned out to be a clock i'm a thick boy with seven seasons he has a bit more than three

oh man dude jesus christ i can't get over that he has a cubby that's pretty funny it's a funny detail how long do you think it took does it say his name on it what's in it rain nicotine stuff that shouldn't be at a kid's baseball game a gun the first time he tried they're like oh bre Brendan, you know, there's 12 Cubbies, 12 players on the team. He's like, oh, yeah, dude, I'll just have this one. I don't think Brendan Schaub

should have guns, dude. Oh, he's taking a kid's Cubby? Oh, man. All right. Hilarious. There's a kid who doesn't have a Cubby. There's a kid who doesn't have a cubby There's a kid who's like He goes to his cubby and it says

It says Brendan Schaub on there Brendan's like what are you That's my cubby or whatever One kid just doesn't have one Ricardo doesn't have a cubby Brendan's like can I get a cubby for Brian too And legs Are they coming to the game No Jay needs a cubby have a copy dude Brandon's like can I get a copy for Brian too and legs like are they

coming to the game no oh Jay too Jay needs a copy Jay said that I could just like make a bunch of copies of my own can we

Jay don't need a copy what are you gonna keep in it I don't know just a bunch of stuff my favorite shoe he's got a copy with his favorite shoe

oh fuck okay I'm sorry that was good that's great I didn't I didn't notice With his favorite jacket. Oh, fuck. Okay, I'm sorry. No, that was good. That's great. I didn't notice that detail. Let's see here. So I was coaching my son's baseball game, and my phone was on vibrate.

It's in like these little cubbies in the dugout. I can hear it just going, and I'm like, oh, Jesus. I never checked my phone during the game. It's going, my phone's blowing up. All these people text me. Our boy Keto George text me.

And I was like, what is it? And he's like, oh, just watch. It's Dana, you know, talking shit again.

And then Mayhem text me, you know, he was like so upset. And I'm like, oh, it must be bad. Oh, this isn't good.

I hate, you guys know by now, if you've watched me long enough, I don't like beef. I don't like any of this stuff. You definitely like beef. You like beef so much they make you lock up your phone before t-ball games.

Why is your phone in a cubby? That makes no sense. Why is his phone in the cubby? You really nailed it by seeing that detail. That is a question. Why wouldn't you just leave it in your pocket? Why is,

why is your phone not with you? He's dressed up just in case he needs to get in the game, dude. They have like otter boxes for people

because Brandon can't be trusted with his phone. Like, everyone lock up your phone because Brandon, we have to make Brendan feel comfortable. Y'all need to drink a Diet Coke out of this shoe if y'all want to get in the game. This is the first question where I'm like, we literally need to reach out and find why. I'm lightheaded, dude. He should not have a cubby.

I'm not going to, you know. Yeah, that's another point. Yeah. I'm not going to sugarcoat your dick and fucking give have a cubby i'm not gonna you know yeah that's another point yeah i'm not gonna sugarcoat your dick and fucking right give you a cubby but you need to leave the cubbies for the kids if there's open cubbies just leave it like that dude definitely not yeah he's no sugar is going on that i'm telling you we're not gonna tell you he's delicious either oh my god i'm lightheaded dude i can't believe it man all i do is give ufc love what happened now you know what's he doing now and then uh it says ufc hunter with a smiley face

so you can play the video jen what's up guys as we rolled into ufc 300 uh the mma experts weighed in on what they thought of ufc 300 and for the fighters. Look at that face. That face he's making right there, Dean. That man does not like beef. You could tell. He does not like beef, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's so friendly, the face. Yeah.

If there's one thing this woman's not messing with, two things. Yeah. Orange chicken or beef, dude. Right. He's Nelson Mandela right now, Deity. Yeah. Peace process.

Ever heard of it? That we're on this card. When i said it's the greatest card ever assembled in the history of combat sports this is what the media thought of you guys makes no sense is any fight on this card i don't like beef but he goes like yeah he's like super happy to watch. Yeah. It starts out with me. Yes. 300 worthy. This is the most diabolically disappointing UFC 300 announcement. Ooh,

they did Jesse dirty. They're kind of thrown together. It doesn't feel like the culmination. Me and Ariel, I get told that it's going to knock your socks off. It's going to be amazing. What did Dana say? We're going to blow their socks off. It's going to be amazing. What did Dana say about this? We're going to blow their socks off.

Ariel. Ariel. It took my jaw to hit the fucking ground. I did expect a little bit more from the company to blow us away. Nobody got blown away. Nobody. It sounds like a movie trailer. Yeah.

In the city, you must predict the fight wrong. One man had no brain. One man was seen at a baseball game. Yeah. One man had a cubby. Why? Why was his phone in the cubby? Coming this summer.

Brendan Schaub is redacted I think Max Holloway is going to win the fight but I also have a cubby at a baseball game that I don't play baseball at that's true he showed up to the game and was like oh my bad dude I just drank a big big old dude I gotta go piss

what? go to the bathroom if you want oh my god dude people that know the sport to be running the show because this is pathetic Go to the bathroom if you want. Oh, my God, dude. People that know the sport to be running the show because this is pathetic. UFC 300, the worst promoted fight card ever. Worst put together fight card ever. Justin Gaethje and Max Holley for the BMX title, which I think is the corniest nonsense on earth.

Wei Li Zhang against Zhao Nian. China's going to get all excited. Dude, take your hands out your mouth, daddy. What are you doing, dude? That's weird. Go fast, don't die. And I don't think anyone else really cares. Don't put hands in mouth.

There's merch right there, dude. That's a good idea for a hat. Don't put hands in mouth. Okay. Alright. Boom. Boom. merch right there dude that's a good idea for a hat don't put hands in mouth okay all right boom boom next define kratom define kratom c300 how big is the cubby dude i can't stop thinking about it. I know. We got to go see it. A disaster. Are you kidding me, Dana White? The most monumental card that there's ever been.

You've had a whole year to prepare for this. Aren't you trying to make sales? Don't you want people to actually buy the pay-per-view? This ain't it. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a regular, decent pay-per-view. It's just a regular decent tape. It's just, it's unbelievable how long one hand is in there, but then

he goes to the next hand afterwards. I don't understand why the hand's in the mouth at all, because like, okay, and I used to do this more, but like occasionally, I have this thing, I don't know if other people do it, where I like put my hand near my mouth and like, for some reason I will put my nail near my tooth

but I've never like fully put my hand in my mouth and sucked on my finger there's like a position too it's just like it goes it knows where to go dude what if there's a clip like you know I just said I've never and then there's like oh really dude

oh really dude balls I was trying to make the D'Elia face oh oh really dude and it's me oh really dude balls deep oh I was trying to make the D'Elia face like oh balls deep

balls deep in your hands Brennan's hand is balls deep in his mouth he's fucking sucking off his own hand maybe

yeah we gotta really think about the stuff we say on here like I might have a cubby at a baseball game. I don't even know about that. That's the one you think you'd really don't have to, you know,

that, you know, you don't have a cubby. I pray to God. I don't. After what I just said, that is more normal. Like I've done that.

I don't know how long he does that, but yeah, I know I've done that. It doesn't look, I don't know how long he does that, but yeah. I know I've done that. I don't know how his head is towards the hand. I can't do this. I do bite my nails by myself

though. I don't do it on fucking air, dude. If I'm editing... But yeah, that's more normal. The length is what's concerning. Oh, really? Dude. It's me.

No ditty. Yeah. The length. But like, why is the hand in the mouth? Yeah. That's not. I guess we have to take what we are getting right now, dude. And let's just be happy.

It's his hand. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, that's right. He puts his hand in other people's mouths and then sometimes, well, no, I'm talking about his mouth, dude. Like I'm happy. He's not sucking down Chin's fingers, you know? Oh yeah.

Or somebody else, you know, that'd be bad. Jelly Rolls hand comes in the frame. Yeah. Well, you better not put your hands anywhere near Jelly Rolls mouth. Those are, these are like such cheap, awful fat jokes. I can't, I don't, I'm not, I better not put your hands anywhere near a jelly roll's mouth. These are like such cheap, awful, fat jokes. I can't. I'm not happy with myself when I say shit like that. I regret saying it.

I'm afraid to God you put your hand near a jelly roll's mouth. Your hand comes back like the fish. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm blockbuster. i can't help myself a joke is a joke is a joke dude right and then when jellyroll pukes like a little cat, it's three fingers. That would be so gross. You find fingers on the ground in those big boy studios.

Someone was murdered. No, no. It's just we have this cat human. Jelly Roll. Oh. Oh. Oh. He's going, dude. report on the nation's championship champion fighters competing for UFC gold in Spain.

We've been here for these long and difficult days. So loud. Yeah, video's dope. It is dope. Yeah, video's so dope. and it's awesome that he actually replied with respect that's so awesome I saw that and then

what I put up there I put why you bringing up old shit you know I put fair play UFC 300 was amazing and then Dana responded that's awesome hashtag respect beautiful the fingers in the mouth thing he was really going to was amazing. And then Dana responded, that's awesome. Hashtag respect. Beautiful. Yeah.

The fingers in the mouth thing, he was really going to town on his hand, like you said. And I was wondering would a chick watching that be like, oh, what did it turn out to be? I wonder how that feels. He was doing it for the chick. Oh my God. 100%. All the chicks he's hooked up with talk like him.

Oh yeah, it's similar. I feel like he probably would go after, um, a chick that is like, like very like-minded. Yeah. Yeah. What was that round? Uh,

what was that rhymes like thing that he did? Uh, Oh, uh, smash mash from a nation or something like that for assassination. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah.

Chicks are out there doing that now. You're like, Oh shit. How big was it? Eight inches. Yeah. Chicks are out there doing that now. You're like, oh, shit. How big was it? Eight inches, you know? You sit next to them at a table, and then you just hear them mispronounce words and say crazy shit.

A bunch of lies. You're just lying to each other. Like a first date. Yep. Yeah. They start podcasting. You know? A guy can dream, Dallas.

Yeah. A guy can dream. Well well i didn't expect that to be the best clip today dude but he's got a cubby daddy um uh can we get a picture of his like like i don't know somebody needs to decorate a cubby in the dugout you know oh yeah yeah that's a good idea i thought the cubbies were just for bats dude i didn't know they were for cell phones and fucking business calls you know he's probably you're right he's probably the only parent that's like putting his own shit yeah because yeah um all right this one's posted by busy middle 8108 it's called uh things got even weirder on the latest edition of t-fat k i'm pretty sure i saw this earlier in the week yeah okay taking a long time chin no because it because it's... I think this is that Chin clip

I was talking about earlier. Oh, nice. Strap the F word in. I'm nervous. Type her name in the search bar. What's going on with these dicks and all? Yeah. Was that her?

Yeah, that's her. I've seen her work. is Yeah that's her I've seen her work Really? What's her name? Elle Brooke What is it? Oh no what was that? Elle Brooke So that's her right here

Sucking There's Sean just born She's another Elle Brooke God damn She's so pretty Let's just see what's going on Shayna I don't think we need to see what's going on here. I don't think we need to see what's going on. I want to see if that's her actual fate.

Shatterbrace. Hey, Jen, it's her, bud. It's her, bud. Let's make sure. Oh, there she is. That's her. I love how you're f***ing off. She's Australian or British?

Yeah, that's her. Yeah, that's her, dude. Oh, so she filmed this thing seven days ago that's your takeaway oh man so weird yeah dude you're showing porn on your show now what are you the voice of reason in the room is brendan chop dude yeah dude we get it chin we don't need to see this yeah yeah man not a lot to say there dude yeah i don't know man i don't i don't talk about porn on your waves dude yeah i mean imagine being another parent on that baseball

team it's like the fucking coach is watching porn on this podcast dude come on he's got a cubby now that's why they make him lock up his phone because he's just full blast watching porn while the game's going on he benched our best pitcher dude he's watching porn that's not that i don't want to pitch that i just don't want you to fucking watch porn while i'm playing baseball man be cool dad do research for the show son uh this one's posted by sacred pomegranate 84 it's called the reheat underrated dish with michael rapaport oh yeah let's see dude who what i heard the rumor is he's this black dude he's coming in he's getting's getting rid of the ball. Why do you say black? Eric Adams.

Eric Adams. Eric Adams. He was a cop. Because he was a cop, and he's going to come out here, and he's not doing any of the mandates. You hear this? So Kyrie Irving's going to be able to play this shit. I'm just not going to really take my factual information from a gorilla. That's bad. Are you calling the governor or the mayor a gorilla?

I'm calling you. You got to be easy here, Bubba. I'm calling you a fucking eight okay i'm calling you i'm not taking god brendan why made it very strange handler handler time you are not doing your job handler i mean give it give credit you're wrong camera again but give credit to the handler, dude. Wait, it's that one though, right? No, it's this one, dude. When it's a chin clip, it's that camera. Oh, I see, I see.

Dude, the handler has like, what, half a second before Brendan makes it racist? They need to have those fucking things from the Tom Cruise movie. Oh, Minority Report. When he's doing this shit. They predict the... Yeah, they need the precogs Tom Cruise movie. What is it? Minority Report. He's doing this shit. They predict the... Yeah, they need the precogs, dude. You ever heard of it? Yeah.

That's what he needs. Or, you know, before that technology comes out, what do we have right now, dude? Two words. Shot caller, dude. He needs to be off screen at like a 10, dude. You're right. And he needs to be able... There are smart people in the world like this.

Playing 4D chess, like how can he fuck this up? But there's so many... You can't really predict Brendan Chobb, so he's going to get shocked a lot. But that's the loss. Yeah, so you got to make sure you get one of those humane callers for him. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's just look into it, dude. I'm not saying to shock him all the time, but it might work. You're just asking questions. I agree. I'm not saying to shock him all the time, but it might work. You're just asking questions. I agree. I agree. Got to ask him questions.

Information, like my news, like I'm going to go on Twitter. Oh, you're going to get off Twitter? No, no, no. Are you full QAnon? No, no, I'm going to go on. Let me tell you something, Gorilla. That's funny.

I'm thinking it's funny. This is my, I'm enjoying him calling him a gorilla. Like it's funny. This is my, I'm enjoying him calling him a gorilla. Like it's funny. I'm not taking my fucking news, my information, my facts, my science,

my accounting. I'll take anything from his brother. Not from, from his brother. Not from you. Monkey. That's what I'm saying. Again,

he dies. He dies. Your dad, he's not a monkey. He's so aggressive. Not from me. Monkey. That's what I'm saying again. See how he diced it. Diced it. He's not a monkey. He's more of a girl. He said that monkey's so aggressive. Fuck you up. You got a new fan since I've been on last. And a lot of new fans are like, Benny, he's cool.

He's funny. He can punk it. Damn it, dude. This is pretty good. I'm going to let him cook. Okay. He on TikTok. He picked up the bag. What's he got'm going to let him cook. Yeah, dude. He on TikTok.

He picked up the bag. What's he got in his lap? The bag. Yeah, dude. He scooped it up. Straight talk wireless. I'm just going to be honest. Yeah, dude.

This is pretty good. Oh, shit. The emojis pop up on this. That's an inside joke. Boner alert. Boner alert. Boner alert. Dude, we can't afford to slap the chairs here, but we should be right now. You know, we, you know.

That's a bad impression of his pants. No, they think, but some of those fans haven't seen me on because I haven't been on. All right. That was great. Give him his flowers. Yeah, dude. While he's still with us. All right, right let's go to this one it's posted by haphazard it's called you can't be late if you don't show up and haphazard special dude the beginning of the clip dude hilarious the first five minutes it reveals he's not there We got no Brendan today.

Yeah. So here we are. No, I don't remember what he had a scheduling thing. I don't remember. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Dude, honestly, he was like, can we do it later? I was like, no.

And he was like, all right, well, you guys are on it, so we're on it. Dude, I was. Yeah. Fuck. That sucks for that show. What was this what what was it dude what was he doing t-ball bro always t-ball he's a dedicated coach that would be like if fucking um john didn't show up oh yeah yeah john's everywhere every student needs another guy and we have him here we just don't he not a camera, but he's not a beanie. You beanie ass motherfucker.

He helps us redact stuff on the show. Let's see here. It's chin. Alright, here we go. This is Cooney last night, dude. This one's posted by SickAndBadderThanFuck. It's called, None of us civilians could ever perform like this. Yeah, and SickAndBadderThanF None of Us Civilians Could Ever Perform Like This.

Yeah, and sick and badder than fuck, this is where I got the idea from. I saw part of this clip, so I think I'm... Yep. You don't understand! What the fuck you doing with Shane Killis?

Oh, fuck, dude. Too close. Too close to home, dude. This is why you kind of lost your voice a little bit last night. Yeah, I'm a redacted. Different beat, bitch!

If only I was wearing shorts. That would have been perfect if I showed up in shorts. It's all cold outside. Hilarious. It was an outside bar. Dude, I had a show in Victorville two nights ago, and this guy in the front had shorts on, and everyone kind of like, he was just like, nobody said anything about his shorts, though.

But there were so many other things that we could talk about him you know and he was kind of vocal a little bit so like i said like he's balding fucking hilarious you know me and bald people do yeah you don't good dude immediately immediately yes i was like give it up for this lady this lady this man is balding uh you know hilarious right uh danny said something you know and then or what's his name jesus goes up there and he goes uh he goes i'm taking notes from this guy wear shorts when it's cold huh funniest thing of all time had to be there kind of thing but it's a gym teacher look dude yeah excuse me that's a drunk gym teacher teacher, dude. Well, they can do that sometimes. It's not like out of character for that.

Gym teacher gone Baja mode. Let's go! To the death. Yeah, I was drunk 20 minutes ago, but right now I can drive. Okay, I walk to the bar. It's walking distance from my house. So let's get that clear.

Pet cemetery. Pet cemetery. Pet cemetery. Let's fucking go. You were dead. But I wasn't. You misunderstood me. Tomorrow. He's so drunk and then he's like right at shop sober level.

This is the product of magic mind. It can stay this co-cogent when you're smashed. Cogent. I don't even know if that's the right word. Deity.

Coherent. Coherent, cogent. Look it up. Misunderestimated Leon Edwards, motherfucker. I did not believe this. In the last minute. Let's fucking go.

I would have thought we'd see Norm Macdonald before Joe Rogan tonight. This is crazy. Let's do a fucking puzzle, okay? Let's play poker, motherfucker! Alright, I don't know if you noticed we got... Let's go!

Oh, we guys, these guys got stand-up. Comedy! Flam, flam, flam, flam, flam, flam, flam. Alright, we're almost at guy's got stand-up. Comedy. Alright, we're almost at the end of the show, dude. I thought today's episode was going to be shorter. Psych. You were wrong. This one's another haphazard clip, dude. It's called Turns Out That Steve Is A Big Fan Of Ya Boy.

Let's see here. Remember Chin on Monday? I'll tell you about that. Steve will do it guy who went really bad on me. He was, like, defending Dana. And, like, you know, I went dark a little bit how I can kill people. Which is out of character for me. And I apologize.

Me and him connected. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Because him and Bradley are super close. And Bradley texted me. He was like, yo, I'm going to connect you with Steve. And when you talked to him, I'm sure he's a great guy and you guys get along.

Yeah, he was like, oh, dude, I watch your podcast. Like, ah, fuck you. You're actually a good guy. He's like, I was drunk, man. He's like, I was just firing off at the mouth. I love it. I'm sorry, man. He was like, I didn't mean it. And I told him, I said, I get it, dude. It's all good. We're more similar than we are. You know, of course. Good for him. Yeah. It was great. I like a lot. Luke Tomlin. Damn it. That's so funny. He said we're more similar than we are. And then the word he says the most, he didn't say.

He left it. He's like jazz. Deal, friend. There you go. It's the notes you don't hit, dude. He's got the fucking sour gummy worm rain there, dude. Oh. Work.

Yeah, dude. I don't know. I mean, if Shab is not a chance he is, but if he's watching or listening, dude, we've been drunk every episode of this. Oh, yeah. That's why we do this is because we're drunk and we love you. Yeah. We're sober. We forget.

Yeah. We forget. Every time. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't mean all that shit I said, dude. Never mind. Dude, I wish I had a cubby.

That's why I'm coming at you like this, daddy. You need a cubby, dude. Gerardo needs a fucking cubby, man. We need to get cubbies in the studio. Cubby. Cubby. Oh, damn. I was ready to do another one, but we both stopped.

Cooney's cubby. Cooney's cubby, dude. All right. This is haphazard. Last clip. Last clip, daddy. It's called Bapa is going to have a stern talking to with his employees

when he gets back. Let's see. Yeah. Brendan's going to be so mad. He missed all this peace talk. That is true. And you know what? Honestly,

thank God he's not on this one. He'd just be like interjecting a lot. Yeah. Interjecting about, you know, he's probably got a regular penis, you know? He seems like he's got a penis that's just pretty regular, you know? You laugh because you think that too, right?

Yeah. That would just, I just, I don't know. I would just imagine what he would be saying right now. He's just so, you know what I mean? What else we got, Nicky? Nah. Eric's like, uh-oh, we what I mean? What else we got, Nicky? Nah. Eric's like, uh-oh, we became full shop. What do we do?

What do we do? And he's like, what else we got, Nick? Oh, no! Oh, no! What else we got, Nick? No! Yikes. Play the chip. No! Yeah. Well, that's our 100th episode now. Yeah, dude. I hope you enjoyed it. and if you did enjoy it

I want you to do me a favor okay whether I look into the right camera or not I want you to do this for me if you've enjoyed the 100 episodes we do I want you to go to that website patreon and subscribe Danny yeah 100 times a week and also another thing is

it's the fucking two year anniversary of the gringo poppy, dude. Oh fuck. I almost slept. Yeah. Yeah. I'm telling about it.

We're going to drop that fucking five minutes dead. Right. Tomorrow. Right. No, it's already dropped, dude. Oh, it's live. Yeah. It's already up there.

Oh shit. Yeah. But we recorded this a little bit beforehand. All right. So we just want you guys to know that we appreciate you. Cause this comes out Tuesday. I'm so dumb. Yeah. We're both. I mean, dude, we're not guys to know that we appreciate you. Oh, yeah, because this comes out Tuesday. I'm so dumb. Yeah, we're both.

I mean, dude, we're not trying to act like we're smart, dude. And guess what? We're so dumb, we did the second five minutes, and that's on Patreon right now, daddy. Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed the first five minutes. Yeah. Like, let us know, because we got another one coming, man. It's on Patreon, and we might film it again. It's a draft. We might do more five minutes yeah like let us know because we got another one coming man it's on patreon and

we might film it again yeah it's like five minutes i just let you know we've done a lot of drafts of the first five minutes of the but that one you're seeing is the best one it's not gonna get better than that daddy boom boom all right well have a great week shout out jelly roll