10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub NO NETFLIX IS A JOKE | 10 Minutes of Schaub #102

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

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Today was gonna be the day that they're gonna shadow ban my views By now you should have somehow realized that I do you too I don't believe that anybody parts the way I do for you now Red seed, the word is on the street that the water in the sink is piss You know I've called it all before but you never really seen me miss I don't believe that anybody parts the way I do for you now And all the posts I never read are boring And all the cats that post them they're hating

There are many drugs that I would like to walk you to Mr Whole Foods Because Annie She's gonna be the one that sucks me And after all Esther goes both ways One take Stop at my favorite time of the week When you get nearby, but try to speak. Release surprises today. You better actually watch 10 Minutes of Shop.

Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop. Thanks for tuning in. As always, join the Patreon, join the Discord, join the Reddit. On the Patreon, we just watched another Nick Cannon special. It was very interesting not as good as the first one that we watched not as good as the gringo poppy honestly no actually much worse than the poppy yeah it was bad ever heard of it didn't make us laugh but uh if you want to see what we really thought check out the patreon but anyways you have any shows to plug uh may 29th at the paradise room in santa ana and then uh wait it's may already right yeah yeah june 6 7th at uh san

diego uh mic drop my basement dweller show sold out so can we play the uh hawk noise real quick so if you're going let me know um but i don't have anything else and that's not why you're here start the start the timer play the chin clip all righty so uh we're here for 10 minutes to shop you forgot to say that uh so this is damn it posted by let's see here uh jabronified it's called nikki will light you up b did you get to see any of this roast no i haven't seen it well i've seen some clips okay you know i i saw it but I didn't see it I didn't saw it if this gets a good douche on YouTube we apologize let's see yeah I love you I love you too you're presenting together later like two peas in each other's mouths I love you you know I'm such a fan of your joke

nice nice very nice she'll light you as the clip said she'll light you up that was good they're supposed to stay on but he takes it off so good Andrew Schultz, you carny face bitch. I hate your comedy. Sorry, can you rewind? What did you say? I talked over that one. I laughed over it. What did you say over it?

What? Oh, what did you say over it? Yeah. No, what did you say over it? Oh, I think I just laughed or made a weird noise. Okay. Andrew Schultz you carny face bitch I

I hate your comedy more than Kevin hates high fives I really damn he does look like a carny though yeah some he looks like the kind of guy that will cheat you out of like the ring toss or come he looks like the guy that came up

with that idea making the thing so that the ring won't stay on or the hoop's too small you know yeah he's like back in the corner like fucking yeah i got the i got this great i fucking do you dude dude how about this we got water we got one of those water hoses right but listen to me right the water's not it's not gonna ever be hard enough to make the horses go fast enough to make them go up it's it's a thing where the hoop is too small dog right they come out they pay 15 or whatever but then the basketball it can't go in the rent though you're making money out here dog yeah there's levels to this shit bro levels to this shit bro uh okay so this one i don't even want to play it but check out the clip it's gringo poppy was better than this shit posted by grizzly peak financial did you watch this or

no is this part of the roast yes no i didn't see this part i don't even want to watch it i mean it's just fucking cringe dude i heard they were really bad yeah yeah yeah they're really bad they embarrass themselves all right now back on to the T-Fat K here. This is posted by Chin's Second Balcony. It's called Brian's on the verge of a nervous breakdown as the pod circles the drain. Edited but long. It's worst pain in your life. There is a short side dish at the end

if you want to skip this beast. Well, let's see the whole thing, Papa. This is what I live for here. Yeah. You have low energy, huh? I have low energy. I'm sorry, low energy, huh? I have low energy. I'm sorry. What did you say?

I wouldn't skip over a chin-sucking balcony clip. I don't do this for the bugs in here. You have low energy, huh? I have low energy? You suck this podcast. What do you mean? And then the roast. Now, I wasn't asked to do it, which is weird.

But you're not a roaster. I'm not a roaster. I am looking at all my friends who seem to have blown up since COVID. On the roaster, sir? Yeah, sometimes it's a little difficult for me to watch how outside the mix I am after my entire life of dedication to a craft and to my business. Well, I'm not in Hollywood anymore. That's a little bit.

You're out. I'm out. And probably will never get back in. I'm getting a little sad. When I watch the clips, I feel like I'm going to cry because I'm not on it. I'm trying to get more like Robbie's impersonation of Callan.

I'm inspired by him now. Yeah. It's more fun to do if you do the hand motion. It helps. Yeah. It helps get it out do if you do the hand motion. It helps. It helps get it out. But you know the issue with Brian is? What? He's not on Netflix or Tubing. Yeah, he's not even in Hollywood, Danny.

Why would he expect to be on Netflix, dude? And so that's tough sometimes when you're 57 and you've worked hard and you had some success and then see ya and then you're on your own, that's a little bit hard. And you see those, it triggers you?

Yeah, well, it just reminds me of some things that have gone bad and it makes me blood red angry. Not for their success, but for the world. But I will say this. He's not mad at the success of his friends. He's angry at the world that they succeeded the world has

has uh rot down on uh fucking Brian dude the world has no respect for these ties this fucking

this world this woke shit dude fucking they're pushing out people that fuck that's a little bit of hand

we did a little handshake there they're pushing out everybody that fucking that's a little bit of hand we did a little handshake there they're pushing out everybody that fucking made comedy dude brian like remember when we doubled up comedy now the legends are on a red seat somewhere yeah they're not in the roast let's be honest it's the liberal left accusing my boy fucking right brian dude of not wanting to fucking ask for permission for certain things which are allegedly not true allegedly and they can't stand to see a player win dude yeah let this let this sandaled freak get up there and fucking roast uh tom brady yeah what's going on what are we doing here dude i would have loved to hear brian's thoughts on tom brady's physique yes yeah what do you think they'd be oh you got a blonde eyes oh blonde hair blue eyes oh i bet you the fucking football gets real happy when you grab it huh the football's like oh yes grab me tom

grab me look at gronk He's a real man, right? He's like, I'm a straight man, but when I look at Gronk, I'm like, that guy could save me. Really rough me up. I like that. I like this energy. Of all the people on this stage, Gronk is probably the most romantic. Like you take me on a date and then a fucking sheep would come and bite me he's like look at sam j right look at it look it's her right she's like not rich she like is a woman but like you know she's like

not feminine in a traditional way so i'm like is that a man could you squeeze me could you fuck me i'm gonna fuck you i'll this this could have been great dude it could have been something it could have been Could you fuck me? I want to fuck you. This could have been great, dude. It could have been something. It could have been a special time. Instead, woke Netflix producers with the wokest roast I've ever seen. We all know Netflix is woke, okay?

I came in there. I was like, wow, this is like woke shit, okay? Where's Callan? Where's Delia? Where's the guy from that video who puts the belt over the woman's neck and drags her across the street where's that that was too far dude two bears one cave more like two fucking hawks two red chairs dude they should have been on that shit dude these two right right yeah switch it outk, one duck, two red chairs. Boom. Yeah.

Great them. Great them. Hey, let's get positive. Nope, fake positive. You got to lose. This is fake. Fake. But when you lose everything and you build it back,

then you're probably a fully realized human being. And that's part of what a lot of successful people do. And that's what they tell themselves before they blow their fucking brains out. So it's like, it's just a little bit. Tony, it's like now it's his time. We have, we have the torch for quite some time. And then COVID and not being able to do the podcast, a lot of stuff like that. So, you know, a lot of things, a lot of things go on in life.

And, uh, it's just reminds me of loss. It reminds me of loss and it reminds me of, and I lose all the energy in my body. What are we going to do? Don't bring up certain. I would have respect for Brian for being open and honest if he didn't fucking do what he did to chicks allegedly. But no, I don't give a fuck, dude. It is cool to see him complain because most of the time people don't say anything. They just silently

stew in it. Yeah. So that I enjoy, but it's like, yeah, you're not on it but it has nothing to do with, it's just because you suck. You should never have been on the other things either. Yeah. Sorry. Cool story, bro. I'm sensitive. Fuck off. Like that's just the way it is and i

will tank a podcast that's all i will tank well no that's what i'm saying we can't bring that way we've had some great podcasts of course yeah this is a great podcast yeah it's been great don't bring up dreams don't bring up my dreams that's all don't bring up my dreams that have been dashed to the rocks hey dude now you're fucking all mopey pants. Yeah, because there's nothing we can do. Like, this is the situation.

It's fine. We ran with the torch for a hot fucking second. We did have the torch for a hot second. Yeah, 10 years, dude. 10 years of fucking... How many podcasts

are out there now? Hey, at least we get a lot of thanks. A little fucking respect for your elders, you fucks. I hope I die. I want to just... Like, it'd be funny if that... I hope I die. That's a lot of thanks. A little fucking respect for your elders, you fucks. I hope I die. I want to just die.

It'd be funny if I die. It's getting dark, man. I don't want you guys to die. I'm entertained by you. Don't get me wrong. I'm good douching Brian, but even with Brian, it has got to the point where I enjoy seeing him be cringe. He's like a necessary component to the show now.

It used to be just shop for me and i was like just get him off just let shop do but now no brian's part of it sanaz chin all these people are uh parts of a truck if you will like uh brian's the blower shop is the fucking uh demon. Chin is the steering wheel. Sanazer is the rims. You know, like you need it all. The beanie guy is the fucking back of the truck or whatever. You suck so bad.

What's another thing? Blowers. I was waiting for the punchline. There was no punchline. Kibby Tech. Oh, you were waiting for the punchline. That's your takeaway? Yeah, dude. Okay.

All right. Well, you're Blockbuster. Hey, Gerardo. You're Blockbuster. Chin's the takeaway? Yeah, dude. Okay. All right. Well, you're a blog bus. Hey, Gerardo. You're a blog bus. Chin's the fucking blind valve that can't cook. Okay. See what happened there? I like that.

But, you know, it didn't land this time, but it was good. I loved it. Let's see. The last thing he said was, that's when they'll appreciate you, though. Yeah. And you'll see clips online. Callan, one of the goats. One of the goats. One of goats and all the goats who said that callan's one of the goats one second let me look this up talk for a little while okay so that that i missed a second i missed

it but i'm glad that you caught it not in like the cubby thing i do want to know who said he callan is the he said another comedian so they count as the goat uh another comedian said that Callan is the GOAT? Or another comedian said that Callan is the GOAT? I'm just looking up. Joe Rogan is... Okay, so Joe Rogan. He's the GOAT. Somebody called Joe Rogan the GOAT? Shocker that Joe Rogan said this.

I mean, who else would have said it? No, you're wrong. That's not Joe Rogan talking. That's Brian Callan saying Joe Rogan's the GOAT. Oh. Let's see here. Nobody... Because my guess would be Rogan.

Because who else would say something like that? I searched. He said it's all over online, so we should be able to find it. A guy saying that Brian Callen is the greatest of all time? Yeah. I mean. One second. It would be funny if it was Brage Frequency.

It's all over the internet. So one second. It's going to pop up any second. This is a good bit. Just continue scrolling, but you can stick to the thing. What is this? Is this him being the goat? When you're 55, you're not one of God's favorites.

You know that. Here's the thing about being that age. Your dreams don't come true. That's why nobody in their 50s picks up things like parkour. Gravity, woo! You know? All right. That's why nobody in their 50s picks up things like parkour. Like, gravity, woo, you know? Alright, let's see if there's any comments about him being the coach.

What the hell? I don't want to... Your dreams died after the allegations, Boppa. Sweet tart tartan ass. Fuck yeah, the man dragon. Oh, okay, so we got one person calling him the man dragon. It is we got one person calling this is the guy dom the ideas were all over there and damage six domahia no bio yet no he has no bio yet okay

but that's his bio i think oh yeah uh let's see here so he's an artistic kind of guy he's okay so now we know shop wasn't lying there but it is all over the internet well he didn't say he's the goat so one second but it only took us like you know a lot of like page 10 to get there though let's see here no it's everywhere dude oh he will be the goat

becomes a triple champion only lions fans okay Brian Calum the ultimate girl dad writer's block versus the kid brian county the shop show um it's somewhere on the internet it's all well maybe it's just because like i'm in a different zip code or something well what happens if you search dave chapelle Goat? One second. Dave Chappelle. I think I might be shadow banned. Or Brian is shadow banned.

Definitely. Okay, see? It pops up right away. Okay, so maybe Brian Callen Goat. Greatest comedian. Of all time. Of all time. Because that's what the goat stands for.

Oh, I spelled it wrong that's why okay comedy hero Brian Callen is amazing 33 upvotes once again despite what people have said about this I actually found it very funny when I watched it the first time around Brian Callen's a funny

dude 10 years ago he's already getting hated on 10 years ago they're already like despite everyone saying that this is the worst thing they've ever seen i actually thought it was pretty funny when i first saw it there's like caveats in there when i first saw it okay so there's obvious evidence that he's the goat yeah it makes sense i'm glad we looked that up to verify i'm surprised because shop doesn't even read comments yeah it's true he's never he never saw any of those. Let's see. Although my man tiers, my special has 750,000 views.

I had no idea. Last time I checked, it was 250,000. And I was like, oh, not bad. Dude, something to be positive about. Something to be positive about. Shane Gill says 24 million. I'm more depressed now, so there's a good chance. I knew something was going on. If you see a car wrapped around a tree, it was me and it was deliberate.

A white Tesla. It was me. And it was the white Tesla. It was. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Those fucking dishes at the end. Light you up, B. Damn, dude.

Well, you know, don't be too negative, guys. You guys are doing pretty good. Not a sad thing. OK, so this made you laugh earlier. I'm not playing the whole clip. Yeah. But it's posted by Drew Hoang. It's called Warning Long Clip.

It sounds like they were talking about a shop. It's with the man Derek Poston here. Yeah. So there's, you know, there's a few guys. So let's just skip towards the end. I came to the store, and I heard he was doing a show. Oh, my God. That old school thing where they only want them to be successful,

and they only celebrate people that are way less successful than them. If they do celebrate people, it's always someone who's kind of okay, and then they pretend they're really amazing. That shit's so, oh, my God. Projection. Projection. amazing that usher song but uh joe rogan people say that they were funny but i'm not funny whether they can't he did this shop did this and they're talking about themselves and shop or rogan is talking about himself and shop, not there. Oh, right. He's like, he puts on people, not Derek, but other people that are not funny and then says they're great.

Shop does the same thing. People that are not as famous. I mean, yeah, I mean, no, he's probably talking more about his narcissism saying like, he'll,

he'll employ people that are worse than him. And when they start to do better, they, he gets rid of them. That too. Yeah. It's a, it's a,

both of those things are true. We're both ways. Okay. Let's see. I'll give him excuses to why like, Oh, just, you know, we're this or that.

It's like, no, he just murdered. That's why. Yeah. You don't, well, when you kill a guy off the tour because he's killing too hard,

that's when it's a real problem. This part. Yeah. I've seen that happen. It's happened to your boy. It's happened to your boy, Joe. We know the names.

Come on. But you know, that's on them. They have to, they have to live with that. That's not good. It But, you know, that's on them. They have to live with that. That's not good. You know, take your medicine. Yeah, also, don't you want the show to be good? That's what I've been thinking about. Don't you want the people in the show to also leave going,

I love the whole show, not just the main guy. I love the whole thing. But I think what people could take out of this that don't give a fuck about comedy or stand-up is that the mentality of doing it the right way you could apply that to everything in your life yeah like you know i mean it must be weird though you're you're shab you got derrick on the lineup and derrick i've seen him do very very well yeah so like

his best set let's he does it he crushes people are like damn fuck was that? And then Schaub comes out and he's like, we got a mountain lion problem, y'all. And they're like, what? Or he says something that makes no sense at all. He's like, just got back from SeaWorld. Those whales have dicks. It's just going to be, you must start feeling weird after a while.

Why is the movie called Blackfish? It should be called Big Black Dicks. They've been laughing so hard that they're tired, and then Shob comes out, and he just says things that are just the most unfunny possible premises of all time. I know what you're thinking. This guy plays shortstop for the Dodgers.

Yeah. Isn't that funny? Because he has to help you weep. Long lost cousin. Okay, so this next one. This next one's posted by chin second balcony who do you okay so i mean listen we can talk shit all we want right but if we ever start touring we're gonna bring miguel with us and as soon as we go does one show good he's off the tour dude oh yeah i mean like miguel is already banned from the show because he he's i mean this is inside baseball but he's like always in portugal or fucking greece or something like that turkey

we try to have him yeah turkey or some bullshit we tried to have him on one of the patrons and he talked so low that no one could hear what he was saying yeah you know he's banned he's shadow banned all righty so this one's posted by chin second balcony it's called imagine being a dog trying to figure out chin i don't know what that means let's see here heroids the powders that they're all it's the same barrel it's not like they're washing down great so it can't get mixed in there okay I mean, chance that happened. Rotten fish. What the fuck?

Do you think that's a shot at us since we had the dog in that one episode? No. T-Fact K is firing shots. They're like, oh, we do what you do now. Yeah.

They're copying us. It would be wild if they had your dog. That would be crazy. I mean, that would be worrisome because you know what they do with dogs.

Give them right back. They make them movie stars, dude. It's a show dog yeah okay so speaking of chin dude we got another chin second balcony here Brian X bean dip what podcast he listens to we'll see

we made these notes earlier that's gonna be for our orange chicken like I listen to podcasts when I drive to work. If I'm working out, I can't sit down and watch a TV show.

If I'm at home, I'm not watching a podcast. I'm watching the real talent. It's on TV. It's on HBO. What are the podcasts you listen to? Wow. What?

That's a crazy thing to say. Oh, that podcast take no talent? He has a show. Is he saying he doesn't have any talent? I mean, he has a show. Yeah. Is he saying he doesn't have any talent? It's not easy, dude. I mean, six months of work goes into this episode alone. That is true.

So why is he saying that? He, of all people, should know. It takes years to sometimes get out one episode of Toontown. Yeah. I mean, what is that if not talent? It's working hard on something. Yeah. TV shows, it's like they on something yeah tv shows it's

like they film it a few months and they put out the whole season dude i pray to god chin's talented at making podcasts because he can't cook worth of shit no yeah a restaurant with chin would shut down pretty quickly yeah there'd never be an a in the front i'll tell you that just a bunch of dead ducks true let's see new what tv shows do you watch? Podcasts. I listen to Schultz. I listen to a ton of MMA. A ton of MMA. All MMA.

Podcasts? Podcasts, yeah. Luke Thomas. You know that. Chris Weidman losing 17 seconds into the fight with the same shin injury that derailed the career and then the second fight between Chris Weidman and Anderson Silva dude Hollywood would reject a script if you wrote that in because it would be just too impossible for the audience to believe

two days later how I mean if you wrote this for hollywood if you gave him a script you gave him the story of chris weidman and how when he fought anshin silva and then anshin kicks him sorry you know fucking bends his leg and breaks it and then you're at the end of the script you're right and then chris weidman he's trying to remember what luke said if it was if he was stealing my takes i'd be like go for it brother you suck yeah no either of us we'd be happy you're like yeah it'd be amazing to see shop just parrot something that we did on the show like i can't wait for the day where shop was like yeah when i was eight years old i fucking put a sharpie in my butt i'll be like hell yeah shop shop steal what if shop stole your sharpie bit and it was like huge for him it was like the truck flip. That's why I like that. What is it called?

Poor man's copyright. Where I already put it out there, dude. Sure. Imagine if I didn't talk about it and he stole it. I would be just in a prison of my own mind. I'd be like, how the fuck did he put a sharpie in his butt at the same time I did, dude? I want Schaub to do stand up again and do the Spanish alphabet closer. Hell no, dude.

Don't even. Put that out there on your way. Put that on Timomos dude paul this guy he's finally coming to his own and then he throws a kick and his leg breaks the exact same way as anna shills did how'd it go yeah he's botching it because he naturally botches stuff but what i think is also funny about this is is like um it's very much like the gringo poppy because if you go back to the first time when we first watched the gringo poppy special what i harp on is that um he he cannot remember what he's gonna say so he constantly is

like how you doing dallas i fucking love texas because he's trying to buy himself time to remember his act which is only 25 minutes so he's doing like the same thing with this he heard this from luge and he's trying to regurgitate and he's like remembering like okay so the script thing and he's forgetting and i just think that's so funny yeah and then he's also going to do a cool story right now i think dude oh nice i mean it looked like he was ready to do a cool story right now, I think, dude. Oh, nice. I mean, it looked like he was ready to drop a cool story right now. Exact same way as Aaron Shills did. Holly would go, it's too on the nose.

It's just, no, it's too obvious. I mean, all the Hawaii. I thought. And his hand. Damon Martin. Yeah. I was expecting either a boner alert or cool story. If you said bon alert dude i want them to say boner alert again dude i want them to say boner alert i also want them just randomly be like can i get a banana yeah like while

brian's talking can i get a banana alert mainly mma riff rogan has a good guess on or one of our friends i was into that Mainly MMA If Rogan has a good guess on it One of our friends I was into that So The combo of Rogan Schultz And then the majority of it's MMA Why film this dude

Ew It's like a close up of him eating That's weird Why film this Ew. It's like a close-up of him eating, man. That's weird. Why film this? These guys are obsessed with guns. They're obsessed with filming everything, dude. They do, yeah.

What the hell? It's like a Truman Show deal or like a fucking Gerard Carmichael show or something. It's like when you're trying to have dinner with your mom and she's like, oh my God, ask the server to take a picture of this. I'd be like, no, bitch. This is why I don't visit your ass, dude. 24-7 of that. Yeah.

Dude, that's what Chin is. Oh, well, this is what happens when you film all the time, dude. Chin's second balcony, again, that username. Chin gets shamed by a mystery woman in San Francisco before walking into a pool and falling down. Oh no, our heroes are falling down. Oh shit, I always...

It's so hard to start it, my bad. And then we became friends again. But like, they're really cool and you're not. And they're very pretty. They are. That's also another thing that... So just recognize your boy Chin. Is it like a charity friendship look at that is it a charity friendship no oh that looks nice yeah why not have more film left here

oh it's been recording the whole time so we're good that when main character energy goes wrong. Fuck. Are you okay? I'm good. Are you okay, kid? How did I ask for this? I don't know.

What do you think he's thinking right now in this moment? He just bumped into something. For you think he's thinking right now in this moment? He just bumped into something. For sure, he's like, content. I actually 100% agree with you. I think he's thinking content, but even more than that, I think he's literally like, first he thinks, ouch, like all human beings think.

But then immediately he's like, damn, when I put this out, I'm going to have to put a subtitle over it that says what happened. Yeah. I tripped in on a metal pole or whatever. Maybe that's a lie, though. Maybe it's something worse than that. He's like this. This is what's going through his head.

You got a fast car. Are you? I'm good. Are you? How did I see that? I don't know. Oh, my God. Well, I'm not bleeding, so.

No, you're not. Oh, my God. Did you see that thing? I did. I thought you saw it. Would you pull this out? I'm filming. I know, yeah.

I feel like I broke my hand. I don't think you did. It was fine. Because you wouldn't be able to move it like that. Dude, what the fuck? I haven't gotten into a thing where he's like, I got food in my truck. Dude, Chen is out of control. Yeah.

He's the one who needs a handler. He's always getting hurt. Yeah. Right? The neck thing. When the neck thing happened, I kind of thought, well, that's just a price of working for a job. Yeah. But now I'm like, dude, maybe it's chin.

Yeah. Because like he's literally not looking where he's going and walking down a street. Cooking fish with condoms. Yeah. Cooking condom fish. Filming himself eating spaghetti. Like the man is out of control. Yeah. I mean, God out of control. Yeah.

I mean, God bless his heart, dude. And then he's also just walking around with some other random chick. Yeah. His girlfriend's like, I'm already dealing with your terrible food. You're seeing other women? What the fuck?

You work too much. You cheat on me and you just fall down all the time. And your boss assaults you. You door dash orders and film us eating them. That's his girlfriend? I don't know dude i don't

know i thought it was his sister oh who knows man he's a man he's a man of mystery dude yeah and let's see here so this one's money loan 1864 it's called they're used to papa's lies at this point let's see yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, yeah. That should be the two choices. Hot all day. All day. I put some music on. I went to work as a kid. I had my own lawn mowing business. Had George Jetson on the card.

Huh. You had a lawn mowing business? Yep. When I was 13. You are Mexican. Basically. You probably got shafted too and all the neighbors knew about it oh i'm gonna be in st petersburg here irvine chattanooga

charleston west virginia and i got a bunch of uh in new zealand and australia go check it out chrislea.com they already saw it seven days ago of course but But dude, D'Elia's face, he literally does the fucking, what's that? Not The Simpsons, but the other show, Fry, the Fry face from Futurama, where he's like. Yeah. Yes, dude. Did anyone post that in the comments, the Fry face? I don't know. Because that looks like a fucking Fry face have I ever seen when.

Look at that. Yes, dude. That's awesome. Yeah. That's the funniest face I've ever seen. People say D'Elia's not funny. Well, look at that yes dude that's awesome yeah that's the funniest face i've ever seen people say delia's not funny well look at that well people say that brandon shop didn't have a fucking lawnmowing business when he was 13 you didn't have one did i not have no i definitely did not have one i know friends of mine that did so i had one thing yeah i don't think that's a crazy thing to have but shop saying it also george jetson on a business card i don't think so okay yeah that's wild maybe i mean maybe his dad paid for that i think my friend did

actually have a business card though yeah i think he did i had one called jerry's oh yeah yeah but you i thought you hated that name dude this is back in the day when i was going by jerry until my dad found out when my dad found out I was going by Jerry, he was like, hell no, I need you Gerardo Cabron. He was like, listen, what did he tell you? What? I don't know. That's exactly what I just said.

Okay, but did he have, like, did he say you're one kind of thing but not another kind of thing? No, he did not say I was a Taco Bell Mexican dude. I'm sorry, I can't control myself. I need a handler. Yeah, no, dude, he just said. Of course he didn't say all he said was uh your name is heraldicaron he was very upset i mean i get i get it dude you know it's like you hear it both ways sometimes i did uh lawn mowing and car washing dude fucking made it made no money i was basically just a child

worker for free dude you didn't make any money doing that? I just wanted to fill up the time, dude. You did it for free? I didn't do it for free, Cooney, but the rates nowadays with inflation and whatnot, I was getting paid fucking pennies on the dollar. You're mad, judging by today's inflation that you made as a child.

If I was a kid today, I would do it all over again, dude. I would fucking charge $40 a lawn, shit like that, fucking charge $40 a lawn. Shit like that, dude. $100 a lawn. Fuck it. You fucked up in the first place. You shouldn't have been doing that.

You should have been selling comic books. Comic books is where it's at right now. It's making the resurgence. Your dad would have been totally cool with old guys coming to your house and buying comic books. Pause. Yeah. All right. So this one's posted by ConfidenceSearch8648 It's called another swing and miss from your boy

Let's see Lock me up No Lock me up The tongue out, too. But her typical Colombian woman's beauty. Dude. What brings the tongue out?

That's a good question. For food, Colombian women. What else? I don't know. Too much. Those are too, too many things. I don't know. I mean, I'm on Chop's side here, dude.

Lock me up, dude. Okay. Yeah. I want some I'm on shop side here, dude. Lock me up, dude. Okay. Yeah. I want some cuffs on me. You want to be in a Colombian prison? I want to make sure that she has to interrogate me. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

Right. You think that's going to happen? You're like, they lock you up for whatever crime in Colombia, they're going to have her interrogate you? Be like, listen, I'll tell you whatever you want, but this has got to be mutually beneficial. You know what I'm saying? What if they bring in someone who's not hot to interrogate you?

You're changing the hypothetical here. The hypothetical is that she's interrogating me, dude. Right. What kind of questions would you think she'd ask you? It don't matter, B. We have to sign the dotted line, dude. I see the bag. I'm trying to scoop it up.

You know what I mean? This next one is posted by Boppa Bink. It's called Spread Too Thin. Had to give up my career in comedy. Let's see. How did comedy go? Well, everybody thinks you quit comedy. I pull back on my comedy because between what I'm doing with the cars, the podcast, Game bread, commentating, racing.

Something I had to give because my son's, you know, he's gifted at baseball. He's on a travel team. My car stuff, the merch, the stand-up. I was like, I'm about to break, dog. I don't know what to do. Spread too thin. Spread too thin? Yeah.

I can't do it anymore. I'm tired, man. I'm tired. I'm freaking tired. My plan is this. Start doing some sets at the stand. Start going over and seeing Chris Mazzilli at the Gotham Comedy Club.

Do a couple of those. And when I feel like I got 45 minutes, I'm going to take a residency somewhere. And you and I are going to be at the Vulcan. We'll have some news soon. You'll have some what? We'll have news soon. I'm at the Vulcan this Friday, Saturday, but Fire and the Kid Live might be back there very shortly.

Very shortly. Might be doing a residency out there in Austin, won't we? I was like, I'm about to break, Doug. I don't know what that means, but I need help. And we have a mutual friend in Bradley Martin. I text Brad yesterday. I talk to Brad probably once a week. Brad's a close buddy of mine.

Helped me out with my energy levels and peptides. And I'm like, Brad's my guy. So now we're going to inject the peptides into subcutaneous tissue. Okay. Surround yourself with the right people. Fucking Bradley Martin, Beanie Man, Jelly Roll, fucking Callan. God knows what. I mean, never count yourself out, dude. Yeah. Ozempic or whatever, peptides.

Happy Hippocratum. You got to be doing all this shit. Look, I want to give advice to the people watching, all right? Watch these guys. Watch these hawks. Watch how they move, dude. If you're not fucking finding out how to get peptides right now and you don't already got them your blog bustle get that shit yeah dude people should be taking

pages out of shop's book they should stop just flip or skipping chapters you know what i'm saying dude yeah and page seven white person handout i need to take that seven times a week yeah you know uh this one's posted by haphazard it's called looks like he just found out about a new controversy controversy let's see here what's up brother he was like he was in color me bad and now he's doing this he put tape over it? Yeah. There we go. Hey, what up, buddy? Hey, what up?

Yeah, there you go. What the fuck? What's up, bro? Is that Nick Carter? How you doing, dude? You had it. You had it. He had it, and then he fucked it all up.

Fucked it up, man. Ford Tough. Chevy. I have no idea what's going on. That's funny to hear him. I have no idea what's going on. That's funny to hear him. I have no idea what's going on. We're definitely making noise in that mute thing. There we go. I got you now.

All right. Yeah. Idiot. You fucking were fucking it up, but it's okay. We figured it out. Yeah. All right. What's up? What's your name where are you from What's up big dog Hey I'm Russell I live in Colorado

Hell yeah What area You know what I think of it So my read on this Yeah obviously he's on the phone the whole time And not really paying attention Schaub really sometimes treats the show as if he is the CEO of the show. Like he's the president of a business.

So he doesn't really have to like do the job. You know, he's just like overseeing. His job is to come in when the other guys are fucking up or like just to like be the figurehead. But he doesn't need to like pay attention to the whole thing. That's the Leah's job and Eric's job. What do you think about that? Nah, dude,

I shop is a fucking idiot, dude. Why, why doesn't he just pay attention? Good question. Yeah. It is crazy to just be like on your phone the whole time, dude.

And it's so aggressively like facing down on your phone. Yeah. And then to act like you're interested at all in what's happening in the room. To act as if you can multitask in checking your phone and be in the room. You can't do it. Dude, no. You can't even say fucking residency, dude. That is a good point.

With all the stuff, like if he's ever watched himself or known any of it, like if he knew himself at all, he would know that like being on his phone and also hosting a show is impossible yeah he's never been able to multitask he can't even show up to things without having to pee right away yeah oh sorry i gotta just drink a big gulp i gotta go pee real quick yeah who says that you're commentating a sporting event that's on tv even his hour special are 25 minutes dude it's like he can Yeah, and he couldn't memorize that. Yeah.

But he can be on the phone the whole show and also interact with whoever is on this Zoom that doesn't even work. Yeah, dude. We're getting heated. Yeah, he's just an evil guy, dude. But I think that it might be the CEO, because he said he has a boardroom, he has a thing. He may see himself as this sort of like uh figurehead

kind of well that's the problem though this is it's not okay no no like obviously that's true obviously he knows the show's in ruin okay those thoughts are going through his head he knows it though like yeah you know you might be right i mean i hope not but you're probably right no he that's what i'm talking about what we just saw his face yeah he knows everything's fucked he's like oh no and then the the actions he has like now this is happening it's like another thing that's fucking the show up yeah every like dude you're supposed to just have fun you're podcasting this is fun shit have that's the thing you can forget sometimes it's it's a show but you should be it's the whole thing is that you're having fun because if you're not having fun you know but even though he's not having fun we're still having fun watching him not having fun there's very little he could do where i'm just like all right i can't

even take this out but it does happen sometimes there's like things where we don't we couldn't even do like we couldn't even we couldn't watch Burton Tom clip. No. We just decided not to do it. But most of the time, whatever he does, it draws us back in. There's going to be another trug flip, right? That's coming. God knows what it's going to be, dude. Yeah, I doubt it. I feel like it's going downhill fucking fast, dude.

I feel like we've been here before. This is a fucking time is a flat circle, dude. Yeah. You've been here before this is a fucking flat time is a flat circle dude yeah you're russ you've always been the russ cole of the show you know you're you're uh you're a very serious guy dude i've never been undercover dude oh but i am a fucking hawk dog that's what an undercover guy would say though yeah right he'd be like yeah no i've never been undercover i don't even know what you're talking about. Nah. I will say that having you perform at Flappers did feel like that Russ Cole scene where he's undercover and then he has to shoot a bunch of people or whatever. Fucking to get out of that.

That one take or whatever, that one shot thing. Yes, I absolutely know. But, dude, this is a funny thing because we have this show. We've been doing it for over a year now, right? Two years. Over two years. I'm not a numbers guy. two years two to over two years i'm not a numbers guy three years almost three i've never been a numbers guy i don't even know math never seen it never do it so we we like have doing this show let's say 10 years from now we don't do the show we're older you know right we we've stopped talking to each other and like the cops bring you in and you're just like russ kohler you have like three and it won't be i really like not be it'll be like giant rain things and you're like you're lucky you

somehow you have a southern accent you're like you're lucky you got me on tuesday i don't have to work today dude so i'm gonna drink rain energy all day dude we take one month off of timos dude yeah hear me out daddy okay we take one monthMOS, and then that first episode back is exactly that, dude. It's just me with brains, just killing brains and making little figurines out of them. And not even just that, like, you're all fucked up. Like, your hair's all crazy. You got, like, a beard.

You're dressed like him, you know? And I'm divorced, even though I'm not married. It's been a month. I'm already divorced. My wife hates me. I have kids somehow. And they're like, they all, they're like,

he's been, I've been cheating. You don't respect me because I cheated on my wife. I fucked your wife. Yeah, you fucked my wife. And like that,

oh, did they fuck in the show? Yeah. Oh, they fucking did, didn't they? Yeah, Russ fucks his wife,

dude. But it was her fault. I'm realizing how horrible this scenario is. It was her fault. It wasn't Russ, dude. All right, well, in this scenario, you fucked my wife. I'm worried it was horrible this scenario it was her fault it wasn't all right well you put in this scenario fuck my wife i'm not married but it was in this scenario that happened and then like i did not like it afterwards because she fucked me like a whore dude and

she was trying to leave you yeah yeah i was like get the fuck out that's what that was me dude they're like dude are you ever gonna have you talked to jar of been a while sometimes i Walsh and I've talked to Gerardo. I can't do Woody Harrelson. I can barely do McConaughey. But, yeah, I think – I mean, that's why we've got to keep doing the show. We can't let something like that happen. I can't cheat on my wife. I don't want you to relapse on rain. So let's keep it up.

Dude, that would be an epic scene. We've got to have somebody be the other detectives too. All right, let's get to this clip. This one's posted by Halfphazard it's called he's a funny guy let's see i thought kevin hart was so funny man he was funny he's funny he's a funny guy he's welcome future rapist chris damn dude he did though Liam. Yeah. Damn, dude. He did, though. Face.

Right? In his mind. This is a man. He's a funny guy. Funny. He's a funny guy. Pissed, dude. Oh, my God. Good fellas.

To go from so pissed to so fucking happy. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, that damn. Why does this shirt say satire? That's like how shop says satire. I don't even know. Is he making fun of shop? I don't know what satire is.

But it's like kind of like, you know, satire. But satire. No, I got it the first time, dude. All right, fine. Let me bomb then. Can I bomb? Pick up the bag. I don't know. Is that like a, fine. Let me bomb then. Can I bomb? Pick up the bag. I don't know.

Is that like a clothing company? Let me see. But I was hoping that he was a good douching shop. But yeah, check it out. Please look it up, Chin. Sadire clothing. Yeah. Should I get a Sadire shirt?

I'm wearing my Dice Stars Monday shirt. I know, right? We got to get more merch. How much is it? $125 for a hoodie? Bro, why is everything these guys buy why everything these guys buy is so expensive do you think they must be like just making lots of money somehow do you think he had to like take it down a notch after not being so famous he's like

i gotta stop buying fucking gucci i gotta buy satire now dude this is the shirt i think that's funny yeah 55 bucks that's so expensive it's all in your head it's on oh my god that's what his shirt says well it's the front for sure dude you definitely got to get a gold chain if you're gonna wear this daddy dude that's fucked up that's all in your head that's kind of a scoop there that that's what the back of his shirt says dalia i wonder why you want a shirt like that therapy yeah get a better help dal Oh, he can afford a real therapist. Yeah. This one's posted by Haphazard.

Why are Haphazard's clips not being upvoted so much, dude? They're all in the back catalog now. That's weird. I hope he's not shadowbanned. Yeah, he's shadowbanned for sure. Yeah. This one's,

he has his black belt in buying views. That makes sense. Let's see. But, so you know, you know, Triller or Thr triller triller that did the jake paul did you see the latest on that was it really interesting so they they raised 423 million dollars they now have 900 000 in the bank and they're they claim bankruptcy yeah they're a

nightmare because they found they found out that they bought find find out how many bots they bought. It was some crazy amount. They bought. The views? So when they went to raise money, from what I understand. Oh, they're like, look, we have 400 million downloads. And their investor said, I'll give you this, and it was all fake. I think they had, yeah, they bought 200 million users. Wow.

Right? So they said 550, but nobody so many so few people that's so short-sighted because when you do that again you might get the what do you i want to hear your take i feel like he's about to speak about this the most eloquent we've ever heard anyone talk about something right he's been preparing for weeks no he knows he knows what happens when you buy views right yeah yeah yeah he's so well versed in that that he can tell us what's going on what i was thinking is like dude buying views is good like that we we bought we bought views we bought millions of views we also have made people up like bud daisy is not a real person um president a banana not real no that's just

someone we created haphazard that's you guys think balloon farts a real person you're crazy no chance dude not a chance for lp27 or whatever it is does that sound like a real person no i mean not at all no no dude no ooch wally come on yeah a wolf cat with a gun these are all from the brains of cooney and gerardo also aka george cooney dude yeah dude and you know what it's making us money it's up to the patreon dd yeah dude like when you buy views you get what do you get when you buy views uh you get fucking views dude yeah more views. More views. Yeah. The most for you. Some would say the viewest. I'm feeling he's about to spit some fucking game right now.

Cause he knows. Let's see. So many, so few people. That's so short sighted. Cause when you do that again, you might get that initial money up front, but then in six months,

like, Hey dude, we invested whatever is 50 million and we're under the impression you had 550 million viewers now we're looking at the hardcore numbers yeah we there was an article that said because you're not going to get so when you lie like that you're not going to get any return so let's say coca-cola is like holy shit 550 million users views here's five million dollars when they see a fraction of the return they're going oh this can't be someone's lying here because we know if we apply this much money

in the budget we get at minimum this much return you're getting even less than that yeah it's so i believe they actually got i think they filed for bankruptcy right that makes sense yeah jobs like i did that tuesday for this shit i know well that was what the what's his name nadav was trying to say about uh download numbers on audio that those are fake numbers in that insta or not instagram what is it apple is going to change the way that they count downloads yeah so they can no longer go to what is it what are they called from promo people what are they uh i forget what sponsors oh they can't no longer go to sponsors and is it? What are they called? Promo people. What are they? Uh, I forget what he sponsors. Oh yeah.

They can't no longer go to sponsors and be like, this is how much we fuck. Cause nobody's, it just automatically downloads episodes and accounts as a fucking listen. Yeah. Well, I have a feeling that, uh,

TFA case sponsors are, it's already like, it doesn't matter. They don't even check numbers anymore. Dude. That's like a family there. Yeah. It's a family.

They're thick boys for sure. Fucking Ryan, black Rhino coffee is going to give gonna give up on them dude i don't even think i bet you black buffalo doesn't even pay for anything he just loves nicotine he puts it up to remind himself to take nicotine every day yeah because if it's not there he'll forget for sure he's not getting sponsored by rain or black buffalo he's just like i need it daddy well that's what we're doing dude i i don't get any money from rain but i just drink it all the time yeah well it's always here yeah i mean we i replace those every day i've gone through three of these and put them back and cut those parts out yeah so yeah and thank you because we

don't want to leave like empty bottles no it's a bad look i mean isn't that we're not our first pocket barely i mean we're lucky they don't see the floor like empty bottles. No. It's a bad look. I mean, isn't that our first pocket, Bray? I mean, we're lucky they don't see the floor right here. There's so many nicotine pouches right there, dude. Man, they all over the place, Bray, because we chase the bag daily. Let's see here. So we got a couple more clips, dude. I was trying not to make this one an hour long, but it's so hard on Chang's nowadays, dude.

This one's Bopatello's, the username. Epic mic drop from Tito Ortiz content for the cats on break. I don't know if you've seen this yet. It's pretty funny. No. I'm back over. Should I show you?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. dude oh my god the ct on this guy fucking shit dude operation black ops yeah that's him wow let's see let's get that one more time as long dude let's see let's get that one more time it's long dude

oh i do you know i purposely didn't say anything because i wanted to see how you would react yeah and uh let me just say it wasn't as good as papa dude what about but do uh this one's posed by chin second balcony it's called papa flexes his one out of 250 versatility and his reaction to the Tito Ortiz hitting himself in the head with a mic video. Let's see here. Get better, get better, get better. So thank you guys so much. Let's do it!

Let's do it! We are laughing. Damn, dude. Damn, dude. Life will fucking kick you in the dick. That's 100% better than what you said. For sure. Life will kick you in the dick? Life will kick you in the dick. That's 100% better than what you said. Life will kick you in the dick. Life will kick you in the dick.

Well, Bapa can relate to this, B, dude. You know what I'm saying? This is like, something like this has happened to Bapa a bunch of times. Yeah. He's a truck flipper, a truck walker, you know?

He's been here. So it's like, I haven't been here. Yeah. I've never had the situation where I've thrown something up in the air and it hit me hit me in the face. You know what I mean?

You know that one Drake song, God's Plan? Yes. Tito was on stage and he was like, nailed it. Threw it up, God's Plan, hit you in the head, dude. Right. Life will get you like a dick or whatever that he said, dude. If you're not watching, man. Actually, the real issue is, in in that clip he was not chasing the bag

yeah he let it he let the bag go by itself for a second didn't come back yeah if i was him i would have like gotten knocked out by it i would have been like and then i would i would have hired a referee you know within the split second of hitting and me hitting the floor i would have been like act like a referee cooney and then you come over and you go and i'm knocked out by the mic because what i was spitting was so hot, I skidded the bag by acting like it knocked me out. So it's like a bit like a Jim Carrey type bit is what you're saying.

Mm-hmm. I'd try it. Yep. The audience is like, what the fuck? You know, there's like four people on this screen right now and the worst one of us all is Tito Ortiz. I would never let that happen to me. Something about that seemed real feminine to me, bro.

Never in a million years, no. Neither one of us would ever throw the mic and hit ourselves. That's a low bar that we're setting for ourselves, but guess what, Didi? It's never going to be, you know. Not going to happen, Didi. You know what I mean? Not didi, didi.

Let's see what else he says. You know, I don't know why it happens so often, things like this. He was all, eh, boo this he's all he's all damn we got it he's all you you didn't do the act out dude oh yeah i mean he's a professional comedian chop to cooney zero look he's a you're a numbers guy that hurts my feelings a little bit if you're gonna hurt me hurt me, you got me, brother. Let's see. He's like, ow. Something that didn't even happen in the video. Shab added that. Added to it, right?

You didn't add jack shit, dude. Three, zero, dude. He's probably like, ow, fuck. Tito, ow. We got a microphone problem, y'all. That's the best one so far. Dude. Dito out.

Why does it make everyone Asian? Unnecessary dude. And the mic was Asian as shit. Dito out. Dito out. You suck, dude. Hey, listen, you're comparing me to one of the best comedians has ever done. Ow. You suck, dude. Hey, listen. You're comparing me to one of the best comedians

that's ever done. Let's be cool. Be cool. You should have worn your beanie this episode. That's probably what it was, dude. Beanie man. All righty, so let's see here. This is the last one for today, posted by Haphazard. If you wanted to hurt me, you got me, brother. It's called the ex-UFC fighter

beats up an elderly man let's see don't be cool bro be cool all right it's all good right is today wednesday is it i'm gonna spank you today oh gosh look it's wednesday and i feel like spanking you yeah dude spanking me yeah so here we, dude. Spanking me? Yeah. So here we go. Yep, do it. Here we go. I'm going to break things.

Okay, so that's not. Dude, he's fucking strong. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be in this situation if I were Brian. I'm scared watching this. Yeah, it's not. This isn't ideal for Brian. Dude, and their studio is so much bigger than our hostage room. I never really got perspective on how big this room is.

I want this to be part of their studio. Like, they put the sign on, they get like that K or something like that. We're fucking Thick Boy East. Yeah. That'd be dope. Thick Boy East. Northeast LA's Thick Boy, dude. I'll go. I'll snap that off right now.

That's not good. What you want to do guys is this get out of here get out of here don't break it don't break that where you want to go daddy i don't like watching this because it's like are you it's like one of those like elder abuse videos that you see you know where like the nurse comes in and like beats up an old woman and the nurse is laughing the whole time it's like oh i forgot you wanted food today but you forgot that i'm not feeding you those things are so fucked up dude those videos like they disturb me so much yeah like when the fucking old people get beat up by that like the nurse who's just fed up for some reason yeah i'm like oh my god i hope this is like only this time that this happened but this is what this is causing me ptsd and i hate when the nurse

is latino or latina i'm like come on guys i know she's white but still you gotta feed her yeah dude you can't just punch her in the stomach on video yeah it's crazy that they do like yeah yeah on video is insane yeah why but that's what's happening here too that's like stage five chinisms dude is like when you're filming yourself beating on an older person that's crazy dude those nurses are like chin they just film everything they do so if they're gonna beat up an old person they're like they have like a fucking selfie sticker and they're just beating up some old white lady damn got me on the head you got me on the head oh you got me on the head no no no no see Got me on the head. No, no, no. Oh, okay. No, no. See? See?

See that? Come on. Let's go. Let's go, bro. Let's go. It's Wednesday. Hands on it. I'm going to slap your stupid ass. We're laughing.

But, dude, like, this is, look at his face. Yeah, dude. What the fuck? So much fear in those eyes, dude. There's no bag anywhere near that. It's so embarrassing for Callan. Like, you remember the cow thing where he's like, moo, it was staged.

But now he's got this mongoloid just roughing him up. He has no say in the matter. Yeah. But you know what they say, dude. When you're making a lot of money, you like kinky things, dude. Right. This is how he's getting on, bro. He's probably hard as shit right now. He's into it. Okay. That's changes everything. Okay. He's making a lot more money than we are. Yeah. Okay. That's true. Yeah. He's making money. So, and he's also like,

he's gotten bored with, this is his kink now. And to put some perspective on it, I put Sharpies in my butt, dude. So like I'm broke as shit. Imagine what he's doing, dude. Yeah, step up from that. I mean, Sharpies in the butt aren't going to do it anymore. No. You're not going to slap me. Nobody slaps me, bro.

I just slapped you. Just Wednesday. Do you want it on Thursday? No. We got it. You got me a couple times. but you saw me stop it. You saw me stop it. Fuck, I had those

underhooks. Your hair's all fucked up. Damn, dude. He doesn't have hair. Well, that is the saddest clip of the week and the last clip. Thanks for tuning in. See you next week. Bye.