10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub Sold FAKE ROLEXS! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #75

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

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Ooh, I just want some fajitas Oh, porque tu tanta un blubbosa Yes, I just want me some Annie But each day when she walks by the store, she looks straight ahead, not at me. Tall, tan, blonde,

and neck-fixed, the girl from Vegas, can't, just goes walking in. When she passes, I smile, but she doesn't see. Got this on sweaty head I smile but she doesn't see carne asada sweaty hitty chile real come on just give me

pico de gallo huevos rancheros chile real Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. One take. Stop for my favorite time of the week. When you get there, pop up, try to speak.

Release surprises today. You better actually watch 10 Minutes of Shaw. Welcome back to 10 Min of shop part two. Uh, we, I'm going to be, well, who knows where I'll be? Cause this is the future. Daddy ever heard of it.

Australia knows you got anything to say before? I have a show coming up in San Diego and a show coming up in Arizona, I think, but I'll have dates soon. All right. Well, that's not why they're here, though. No. They're here to watch Tim as a shop. So play the chain

clip. Start the timer now. Boom! Let's go. This one's posted by Dicey Redact. Okay. Which, you know, changed the name. It's kind of offensive. It's called There's No Real Jokes is an understatement. I have never seen this. Hopefully it's recent because I've, you know, also, if it's not recent, I loveement. I have never seen this. Hopefully it's recent.

Also, if it's not recent, I love old clips I've never seen before. Let's see here. Like you said, tell us a joke. Oh, man. Come on, funny man. Make me laugh. Oh, wow.

That's the question. Oh, I thought you weren't scared on stage. What's that? You can. Now you have to sell us on the comedy show by telling us a joke. Well, there's no really jokes, man. I don't do like knock, knock jokes. You know, that's not really my.

How dare he say knock, knock jokes. They wanted a knock, knock joke. That'd be, it would be funny to do a knock, knock joke from Shub. Knock, knock. Who's there? Create them. Knock, knock. Who's there?

Hot Cheetos. Knock, knock. Yeah. Mary Meskin, y'all. It's keto, bitch. When's the last time you went to stand up and saw a knock, knock. Who's there? Hot Cheetos. Knock, knock. Yeah. Baron Meskin, y'all. It's Keto, bitch. When's the last time you went to stand up and saw a knock, knock joke? I don't know. I can't remember one, really. Maybe that's what Shelp's saying.

Yeah. There's no hook line here, fellas. That's our favorite thing to say to comedians. Just like, make me laugh. Go ahead, dude. It's probably the worst thing you can make. You kind of want to punch us right now. And that's okay.

I like you guys because I knew you before. I was a fan the worst thing you can make. Yeah, you kind of want to punch us right now. Yeah, and that's okay. Yeah. I like you guys because I knew you before. I was a fan before. That's a lie. We sat next to you for an entire night. Good man. Let's hear it a little bit. Come on.

That would be the worst thing ever to happen. Do some jokes, bro. Why? Do some jokes. Do it now, man. My dad used to do it. Do something funny. My dad was a banker. He'd be like, do some jokes.

I was like, oh, okay. Do some banking. Chain the pens down. Fuck off. You guys have it chambered. Ready to go. This is what sells it. You should be able to hammer them out.

That's like saying throw some leg kicks. Yeah, I'd fucking kick whoever. Who want me to kick right now? Chain for his bad internet skills. It's crazy because he has so many. He could tell so many like the lion story, the getting his haircut from Jamal,

meeting the UFC doctor. Dude, going hunting with Joe Rogan. Going hunting with Joe Rogan. Oh, the turkey's over there? There you go. It would be funny if he did that just to watch their face. Yeah. Like what they did.

They were like... Would they laugh or would they just be confused? Yeah. Yeah. Like what they did. They were like, would they laugh or would they just be confused? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, sure. It may be as, it is annoying for someone

that just off the street being like, tell me a joke. Yeah. But on a podcast, a barstool podcast, I'll tell them a joke. Yeah.

You know, I'd be like, wait a minute, you're saying I could just do my standup where I have to talk. Yeah. I don't have to talk to you? All right. Yeah. That sounds pretty have to talk to you? All right.

That sounds pretty good to me. Whether you guys laugh or not, it doesn't matter. It's up to the audience. Okay. I'm going to keep it busy. I have a question for you. What's the offensive act? Asking to hear a joke or telling them no?

Which one's offensive? Like, you know, as opposed to defensive. Like, which one's the offensive? Like, you know, as opposed to defensive. Like, which one's the, like, offensive? Yeah. Oh, and like, not offensive, but like being on the offense. Yes. I guess they're both sort of like on the offense because like those Barstool guys, did they do that to other comedians?

I'd like to see some more chins clip. I want some context for this chip. If they do it to other comedians, then whatever. But if it's just to Shab, they're kind of being like, Hey, fuck you. We heard you're not funny. Prove it. They think he's going to bomb.

But that's kind of the energy you always get, though. Because I guess, are you a comedian if you call yourself a comedian? Paradoxical questions, B. We'll keep podcasts going. What Shab is doing, though, is he's just saying no, because he doesn't have anything to say. Yeah, you know he's like I don't really do joke. I don't do jokes. Those people I'm like you got to be the greatest comedian in the world. They pull that off saying that

yeah, I don't really do these jokes. I fucking get in there and I'm like lucky. You know what I mean? Brian could say that. And I'd be like, you're right. It would be funny if he did the knock, knock, uh, who's there? Banana, banana, who knock,

knock, who's there? Banana, banana, who knock, knock, who's there? Orange,

orange, orange, you're glad I didn't say banana. He's not smart enough to pull that off. Oh, what? Like, so Brian,

you'd ask if the Brian's on the podcast and they're like, so do a joke. Funny man. He's like, all right, let's say a Scottish lassie pulls up and on their horse

like and you're about to fight and you're about to fight so your friend comes up like and your friend's a Scottish warrior he has a shovel he has a shovel I'm gonna shovel you to death or I mean Brian's gonna beat you to death because It's a shovel. I'm going to shovel it at death.

Or I mean, Brian's going to beat you to death because he's a man. He's got to. This is what you're missing. Not on being on patron with Brian. Brian has a lot of great bits about African medicine, man and Scottish noble guys and people that ride horses. How do we fight? How do we?

Oh, dude, me and Gerardo could never lose a fight every now one hint that if you don't mind if I say this, Brian Callen gave us was to have a guy that's sad with a shovel behind you when a bully is making fun of you, and then the guy with the shovel gets the bullies attention and goes and starts crying and then digs a grave saying mom mommy and then you fight the guy right and if you think that's redacted i mean we're just repeating stuff that we heard brian callan say and if you think that's redacted then you know you are because we're talking about brian yeah dude i'm i can't wait to use these tactics dude yeah i'm down uh all right so this

next one's posted by scrubblers ever heard of heard of them? It's called Boppa Claiming the NFL Again with a little sub note saying, not me, baby. Let's see. Coming in. Oh, that's an awful knockout. And there was a lot of NFL players thinking about doing MMA.

After this, they all disappeared. Not me, baby. No, no, they all disappeared. Seriously. Because this guy's all... Bravo, like sometimes he sounds so high at the beginning of that clip

I didn't even recognize his voice because he sounded like he was like it sounded like a woman that was stoned and then that guy got that totally distracted me from so is that a football player getting knocked down yeah yeah yeah and then Shob shops like oh

dicey dicey yeah it's funny how he hears football players his ears perk up like a pit bull just like oh yeah he's like am I on reddit yeah I thought this was the fight companion he thinks it's an offensive to like mention the football because

he thinks everyone doesn't know he played in that and also getting knocked out. Yeah, it's like, you know, anything could be a stray that Brennan catches. Yeah, every time he hears football, he's like reaching for something that's not there. Alrighty. Well, this one's supposed by haphazard ever

heard of them. It's called look forward to a new show predictions on how long it'll last. I didn't watch this chin. Have you seen this? Because I feel like they're going to talk about doing another show, which is rock hard for me, dude. Yeah, let's see. There's a there's a whole sub people. Oh, yeah, it doesn't stop there because because the connection I made through like kibbe tech with ryan and josh had over killed and the boys at toyotiresD, all that. I'm like,

dude, how dope would it be to do this to other people's cars? So then I'm going to start, I'm going to do a show where I give back and build people's dream cars. He's going to do Pip My Ride? Whoa! Is that what he said? Papa loves to have ideas that have already happened.

Yeah. I like it. You know, sometimes people say that he's stealing and maybe, you know, I'm sure he's stolen some things. Thief or Sutherland. Thief or Sutherland. Thank you. Yeah.

But, you know, redoing, Schaub doing classic shows or shows that were a hit is great. Yeah. That's like Food Truck Diaries. That's where a lot of clips come from that are very funny. Other people have hit is great. Yeah. That's it like food truck diaries. That's where a lot of clips come from that are very funny. Other people have obviously done that. Yeah, but

instead I say my ride, it should be called big dick. My ride dude eight inch my ride eight inch. Yeah, eight inches to pit my truck. My truck. Yeah, truck walk. Oh, that's just a simple one. A good truck to walk to.

That's a long title, but it could work. He already did the truck tour thing. We saw the Indiana Jones thing. Yeah. Keep on trucking or whatever it is. I like eight inch my ride though. Eight inch my ride.

Yeah. I mean, what, what's another, what's another show like that room? What would he do for room rate? He could do a room Raiders. Oh yeah.

Shop goes to your room and like, and makes one of your stuff or whatever. There's no freaking hats. There's not enough shoes in this. Your favorite shoes are in your closet. This shoe looks like it's never been drinking out of. That's a classic Timo stuff if you're not aware. Where's the kratom? How do you wake up in the morning?

You don't have any kratom? You don't have any Adderall? You don't have any Adderall? Yeah. You don't have any rogue nicotine? How's your brain even functioning? Where's the coffee? Yeah. Yeah.

Manscaped. He just says manscaped. Manscaped. He just... He does a manscaped plug in the middle of his Shawbraters episode. Room shoppers.

Room shoppers. That's good. Helix mattress. Yeah, dude. You got to have a hel helix magic why am i even in this room oh there's no yeah your mattress isn't there comfortable i think you need a helix mattress promo code s-h-a-u-b promo code cc t-i-c-c-t-i-t-h-i-c-c and then some of my dream cars as a kid, like the Lightning. Since I was a kid, that was like the North Star. Ford Lightning.

Oh, I thought you were talking about Lightning McQueen. Oh, yeah. That was at a kid's birthday party in New Orleans, and I learned what that was. Lightning McQueen? Yeah, from Cars? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Best brains, B.

A lot of cars. Kids love Cars now. Yeah. I mean, they've always had, but I think it's bigger now. Because of the job. Because of the job. Because of the job've always had, but I think it's bigger now. Because of Chop. Because of Chop. Because of Chop. Dude, the engagement is through the roof, daddy. He's on YouTube, kids.

Yeah. They're watching Chop. I have a TRX. This guy's like us. Yeah. It's the same level of comprehension. And the kids are going through the comments like, what are we doing here?

I don't understand what they're saying. Nothing's about the truck. Never afford it. I'm going to get a lightning, redo that, turn it into a current lightning with over a thousand horsepower. We'll do typhoons, cyclones,

dope people like Willie B. Are there people that you would do this for? Are they all 14 years old? Or are there a... This is crazy because we haven't watched a clip and it's like everything we're saying is coming true.

Yeah. 14 is a little old. I mean, I was thinking of younger kids, but yeah, it's like, oh, no, they're not cucks. So that's why you're not going to be interested in it. Yeah, they're not cucks that just go. I'll take a Tesla. Wait, funny. Wow. They hate each other, dude.

I like that. He said, oh, they're not cucks like you said they're not cucks like you. They wouldn't be interested in it. That was I like that. I like that was good. Oh, check this out. Big black guy come to my house. No, listen. Don't ever say you like it again. I've learned that the hard way. Yeah, you're right. I didn't

learn my lesson because you see me going out here saying like Bop is coming back and then he drops that retard clip and he could have just been and they're not cucks like you. That's kind of funny. Keep going. But then why are the black thing? It was like I don't even know why he did that. I'm not somebody that's easily offended and I just what it's

like. It's almost as if he has a problem with black people. Yeah, right. This is too much. I'll take a Tesla. Wait, hold on. Oh, check this out. Big black guy come to my house. Okay, what is that? It's a big black guy coming to my house because he has a Tesla. Oh, sorry. I get because that's part of the cuck thing, I

guess. So it's not that I miss that. It's not racist so much as it is homophobic. You know, I don't know if it's homophobic. It's just weird. It's like he's the cuck was funny, but I didn't immediately assume that it was all well, whatever. Let's watch the rest of this sin. No, it's for people that

are actually not cugs. Can't call me a cuck. I'm not. You are though, but it's not for you. But don't turn me into a cug. That's why when I send you that stuff, I put not for you. I mean that. He said that to me.

I got that text. I got just the back of his trucker and said, not for you. Not dash for dash you. And I'm like, and I said, Brendan, please leave it there. You couldn't be the... Yeah.

They're masters here of the art. So we don't, the reason I don't understand is just because like i'm not i'm not there yet yeah like i'm trying to get better at being a podcaster yeah but i'm not at the level where i can do like real solid cook black guy bits i mean dude they get way more views than us it's for a reason b you're right yeah that's because of the um racist porn uh jokes we're not gonna go there because you know why we're not gonna handle it as delicately as they do no no no no i mean i'm

just not ready i mean i'll say that you drive a tesla all day b but i'm not gonna bring a black dude into it do they hate on tesla so much for sure there's gonna be a clip soon of them driving like probably i just got the tesla, you know, modded it out. It's a beast of a car. Great for the environment. How do you mess up environment like that? Environment?

Oh, how do you say? Environment. Better for the environment. Environment. Environment. There aren't any women that have to like

strap babies to their back and get the cobalt mines and shit. How can we forget that? Death. Death was a different. Death was a different. All right, let's go.

Opposite of the fan base I'm going for. Yeah. But no cucks apply. Can you please stop? So it's a no cucks zone? It's a no cucks zone? Nobody's going to watch my shows like, I can't decide. Do I want to do this or get a test? That's not how I talk to it is, though anyone drives Tesla talks like talk don't turn me into a cock. Just because

anyone buys tesla can dance and also suck cock. Is he about to do some kratom? Is that create him? No, I don't know. It looks like maybe we never found out what those things were. My guess was that, well, I think we did because there was one episode where he's like, boom. I think that was the Kratom. Okay, yeah. But I also, maybe if we're wrong there, it's the magic

mine. That's my guess, right? Which I have no idea what that is. Them the rules. Just because I'm into man. I will say them the rules is really getting to me, dude. Not in a good way. Yeah, I don't like that. It's kind of like that boy fine. Yeah, I'm into it. I will say them the rules is really getting to me, dude. Not in a good way. Yeah, I don't like that. It's kind of like that boy fine.

Yeah. It's pretty bad. That white boy that worked too much. Or when he's like, okay, man. Whenever he's like, hey, man. This is like a weird. When he does that, he's almost like that Brian Callen character where he's like, it's a guy that's like,

he has like a really poofy hair, but it's long. And you can't tell what his race is, but he's like black, but he's white. that's like he has like a really poofy hair, but it's long and you can't tell what his race is, but he's like black, but he's white. It's like hot. He's like dancing. He's always dancing. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's go to the next one, dude. It looks like this one's with Tim Dillon. It's posted by dino velvet underscore eight millimeter. Ever heard of him? It's called shop was selling fake Rolex watches at eight damn another thing. What's the likelihood

that we believe him dude zero percent zero. I'm gonna give him three. You give him three. Yeah, eight inches. Let's see and that hat this economy. Yeah, look at the lies are so loud. This guy's trying to turn him down in Venice. It was like we

go then the summers me and my brother just hang on the boardwalk. We my dad would give us like our allowance for the week and we buy fake Rolexes and we collect them then go back home and sell them to the kids. Just looking at Tim Dillon's face when he says that he like there's like the eye movement like you can see in his brain like, should I go? I'm more intrigued now to see what Tim says to that. It's on the Eye of the Beauty Beholder, dude. Real quick though, why does it say

Jerry Jonestown Massacre there? I don't know. Looks like a tissue box. Jonestown Massacre is a real thing. Jerry Jones is the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. Oh, so it's a riff like saying that Jerry Jones sucks or he likes Kool-Aid boom. We only

a thousand. Yeah, only a thousand do you guys? Okay, so he is on the Venice boardwalk buying fake Rolexes and selling them to kids in Denver, Colorado, right Rolexes and we collect them then go back home and sell them to the kids for way more expensive prices. So you were a business guy as a hustle. You were smart from the beginning by the fake Rolexes. And we'd collect them. Then we'd go back home and we'd sell them to the kids for way more expensive prices.

So you were a business guy. It was a hustle. You were smart from the beginning. Buy the fake Rolexes on the Venice boardwalk. Yeah. Sell them to your friends. How old? Eight, nine, ten.

Not a chance. Zero percent real, dude. I don't even know what grade that is. Eight, nine. Probably elementary school. It's like third grade. Yeah. I mean, there's just no way because

even a field trip doesn't sound that honest or realistic. Oh, no. He says dad took him. So his dad took eight nine-year-olds from Colorado, right?

Yeah. We have to figure this out like a cop. I'm here for it, B. All right. So his dad took them from Colorado to Venice Beach.

Yes. California. And left them by themselves in Venice Beach? Every summer, by the way. Every summer. Is his dad took them from Colorado to Venice Beach. Yes, California and left them by themselves in Venice Beach every summer. By the way, every summer. Is that what he said? Yeah. Let's go back to the tape. That's just not. Let's make sure we're 100% there, right?

Yeah, in Venice. I feel like I coffee Zilla. Yeah, it breaks down. Yeah, and here's more tape and then we interviewed Baba, but we try to get job on the phone, but he said good douche instead of $10 dollar studio it's a five dollar studio it was like we go then the summers me and my brother just hang on going the summers okay the boardwalk we my dad would give us like our allowance for the week and we so with an allowance for the week how much was your allowance at nine years old uh Dude, my dad. I mean, I remember one time he was just like,

he told me an allowance. It was like in the sense. And I was like, I just got angry. But, you know, they basically usually paid for everything anyways. Yeah. It's like fake. Yeah. Spoiled child money.

I got $20 a week for mowing the lawn. Oh, yeah. And that was, I was rich every week, dude. You know what I'm saying? I mean, the scenario here, it makes a little more sense that you'd be like, here's pocket money to go into Venice,

but I think you'd be there, right? And like eight, nine, I don't know if you would just let kids run around the Venice, like Venice Beach, especially... Can you imagine you give your kids some money, you're like walking around doing whatever you're doing and then you look over and they're talking

to a fake Rolex watch guy. Yeah. How do they even know what Rolexes are at eight and nine? Yeah. Maybe Shab is just cut from a different cloth. He's different. The most different. Marketing genius. For sure. And then one step further, you're going to kids in Denver that are

also eight, nine. Who want Rolexes. Who want Rolexes. A, know what Rolexes are. B, have more money than you spent on them to buy them off you. Well, everybody knows, dude. The kids in Colorado, Denver, they're basically like, they act just like Chinese billionaires.

Everybody knows that. Yeah. What are we doing here? Yeah. I don't know. This is a true story. Damn, dude. Fuck.

Yeah. We buy fake Rolex we doing here? Yeah. I don't know. This is a true story. Damn, dude. Fuck. Yeah. We buy fake Rolexes and we collect them. Then we go back home and sell them to the kids for way more expensive prices. So you were a business guy. It was a hustle. You were smart from the beginning. Buy the fake Rolexes on the Venice boardwalk. Yeah.

Sell them to your friends. How old? Eight, nine, ten. Eight or nine-year-olds buying fake Rolexes. Hell yeah. Where was this going? Where is... See, everybody has this reaction.

It's not even like a comedic thing. It's just when he tells you, you want to find out exactly what's going on. Yeah. It's so outrageous that you're like, where, what? For almost 60% of what he says. Yeah.

Is where, what, how, when? You're a new... Schaub telling you any story makes you into somebody that writes for the New York Times. Leading to the most important one, why? Why?

Yeah, there's a lot. Why is never answered. Yeah. Also, though, we should leave Schaub in a room isolated for a year. Comedy gold will leave that room, dude. You know why?

He's doing Theo Vaughn here, making up stories, you know? He's doing Theo Vaughn here, making up stories. He's doing Brian Callen on stage too much. You know what I mean? Right. Sorry about that. Big dick. Big dick.

Anything with a big dick. He's kind of mocking him, yeah. Yeah. Mocking Callen. Goes to Joe Rogan. The most mocking, right? That's what he does. If he's in a room by himself, dude, he's going to come out George Carlton.

You know what I mean? I've got three words in my head right now. You want to guess what they are? Eight inches. Hit close. Damn. Gringo. Poppy. Three. Boom. Ever heard of it? We can't wait for that shit.

I'll inject that in my veins. I'll eat that shit up like Kobayashi. Water break. We've been recording for like eight hours straight. Yeah, we've been doing a lot of recording. All right, let's go into the next clip. Well, I'm drooling. All right.

So this one's called Why So Nervous, Bro? She's just asking about the black belt. No need to get all soy about it. Posted by Pharrell80s. Hey, puss, did she really exist? What? Why does it say, hey, puss, did she really exist? I think they're calling Brandon a puss, maybe. Oh, okay, got it. That was before she was fighting.

Yeah. Oh, wow, that's... Yeah, she's a little badass, yeah. And you're a black belt? Black belt, yeah. How many degrees? Just one. Oh, same. Yeah, just one. Yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, Just one Just one With your opponent So He's not one degree black belt

Oh he's not? Come on dude what are we ducks? Liar He's got a black belt in podcasting dude That's true He beat Mirko Krokop That's true he did beat Mirko Krokop. Right.

That's true. He did beat Mirko. Yeah. So I don't know what he's talking about. He's obviously wrong here also, right? I don't know what that whole clip was about, dude. I think maybe he just got a little nervous because, you know, he was like, damn, I'm going to lie because I have to have the same Black Belt that she has, I guess. Yeah.

But what throws me off here, what throws me off here, CEO of PF Chains, is this right here. Hey, puss, did she really exist? What? Haters don't exist? I don't know. I don't know, dude. I'm sure they can tell us we're redacted as to why we don't get it.

I mean, I love when we don't get it because then on Tuesday, I'm laughing at the comments. These guys don't count. They didn't matter. Oh, true. We already saw this one on last week's episode. The old switcheroo. Okay.

Let's real quick back. Calendid. The old switcheroo didn't tell your boy, huh? That face is so mad, dude. Just you're right. It is sort of like the gangster. Like, oh, yeah, you did that. We'll wait till tomorrow when you're dead. Yeah, dude. the gangster like oh yeah you did that well wait till tomorrow when you're dead

yeah dude Brian Cowan sleeps with the fishes yeah exactly Brian Cowan sleeps with the fishes face right there dude I gave him something he couldn't refuse some kratom Cowan's gonna walk into a room thinking he's gonna get made but then he's gonna get shot in the head

he's gonna get kadushed or he's gonna be get made, but then he's going to get shot in the head. He's going to get Kadooshed. Kadooshed, right? Yeah. Or he's going to be driven to bury somebody else, but then oops, Kadoosh, back of the head baseball bet. By the way, that last one was Danny Velvet underscore eight millimeter again. Oh, yes. Very good job, sir. This next one, though, let's get off the old switch route, daddy,

because he didn't slitch his planes, right? This one's posted by Julian Calabasas. It's called Bapa is glad he left Showtime to go out on his own. Let's see what this one is. To male genitalia.

Dude, you know, it's crazy. I don't know if it's one of your current events. Showtime announced no more boxing,

no more sports coverage, no more MMA, no more UFC, Bellator. All that's gone. And I used to have, I mean, I talked to my agents and managers, like, God, my life was so much easier when I was at Showtime.

I was getting a salary. I didn't have to hustle as much. You know, maybe I shouldn't have went on my own. Boy, am I glad I did. Bet on yourself, Papa. What I think is funny about these clips is like, so you just scrolled through a little bit there. The clip did, they have like the, I guess the CEO of Showtime or whoever that was in

the suit. And he's flanked by two giant monster energy drinks. Just like how they have the rain there. Like anybody in this world has to always be flanked by energy. Even if you're doing a serious announcement, like let's say like somebody in boxing dies or there's some sort of horrible, tragic incident. John Africa. John Africa, like something bad happens to John Africa. It's going to be the CEO and he's like, we're all real hurting right now.

And I just, he's going to open up the thing and take like a big fucking sip of it. And I just, wow, it's really terrible, but a promo code, uh, Showtime boxing, like they cannot do anything without these terrible energy drinks, but rain is the best.

They don't sponsor their show. It's terrible to announce the death of John Africa, but, uh, I'm glad I could wash it down with some rain energy. Yeah. I'm glad this, the,

my sadness, um, is like the, when I am done with this great tasting drink. Who the fuck is John Africa? We're talking about a lava. Is this a new guy all right today? I'm a blockbuster coast here today. Do you know you're doing great? I'm suffering. We got a lot of eight millimeters in the user

section here. This one's Eddie pool. Eight millimeter do. Oh, might be a death threats coming at us here. Do two comedians hanging with the make a wish. Okay, let's see what that. Oh, maybe I think Brendan's the make a wish dude. Let's see if you went to the that was Chateau Maramount or whatever. It's about that time Maramount. Oh, classic clip. Classic. Yep. You stay at the John Belusi suite. John Belusi, yeah.

Chateau Maramount with John Belusi. What's it called? What's it called? What's it called? What's it called, though? Is it not a tricky hotel name? Oh, is it tricky hotel name? Is it not?

Is it not? Hey, guys, it's tricky. It's tricky. Is it not? Is it not? Hey, guys, it's tricky. This is great. This is literally two minutes. Ten minutes. You probably said this the last time, but ten minutes of shop, but they're doing it. Yeah. Montez and Didler.

One day, dude. Showing us how it's done. Right. We might have to redact Didler's face. Duh. L.A. County. You can't. Duh. have to redact Diddler's face LA County you can't redact my face the food wasn't even good let's see

hold on Shin what's it called Chateau Marmont and John Belushi that's all tricky just theau Marmont. Yep. And John Belushi. Well, John Belushi's easy. John Belushi. Yeah, it's easy. That's all tricky. No, just the Hotel Marmont is tough for me. Marmont.

The specs, giving out Tiger Thick on Saturday from noon to two, then two shows Saturday night. And then, oh shit, next week's Home Run. That scared me. That scared daddy. That scared daddy. They're just bullying him now. Messing with his seat.

He's having fun though, dude. Yeah, I don't know about that. It would be fun if your shop to have like two guys that make fun of you for being shop, but they're also friends. You know what I mean? Like people make fun of me all the time with my name and stuff like

Joel always text me Jerry and he knows it bugs the shit out of me. You know what I mean? Other people will do it negatively, but I know he loves me. Right, right, right. So yeah, you're saying there's love there. I hope so. At the golden hour.

And that really scared me. And then that really scared me. Wow, this is how it should be. But what if he was really that tall? So much better now. Hey, watch your mouth. Shut up. If you went to the...

Jesus Christ. I don't know if we watched the full clip like that last night. Yeah. Some added stuff there, daddy. Wow. More context, daddy. Yeah. Wow.

Feeling like a hawk, huh? I'm glad that we can't do that to each other. There's no way to make these chairs shoot out because they're not even plugged in. Yeah. All right. We got another clip here, dude. Haphazard in the fucking kitchen. He's killing it, dude.

He's killing it. This one's called, he just told his guest that he doesn't like guests. I was excited for this one, because we all want to see your famous impersonation. Oh, really, dude? English people. Let's see.

Is that at the time, most, like 90% of podcasts even till now were just doing like guest orientated stuff and again I was like I just don't want

the hassle of for one relying on guests always looking for a bigger guest there's nothing worse oh my god take it from me brother he probably needs

subtitles for those people like when I was here I was on Brendan Schultz's podcast and he didn't understand what I was saying

because of my accent and you know other people haven't had a trouble podcast, and he didn't understand a word I was saying because of my accent. And, you know, other people haven't had a trouble with it, but he really struggled quite a bit. He might be a bit of a redact. He doesn't like saying the word retarded, but he says it all the time. Yes, yes, quite a bit. And I thank God his co-host wasn't there, Brian Callan. I can't pretend to laugh, you know, I just can't do it.

And I knew if he was there, I'd have to pretend. Brian Callen acts like he's a Hulk, but something tells me he's quite the duck. Ducks. Yeah. Two ducks, really. Duck podcast. Fighter and the duck. Fighter and the duck. Also, he's back in his fucking mafioso phase, dude.

This movement here. Watch. There's nothing worse. Take it from me, brother There's nothing worse. Take it from me, brother. That stiff arm. Take it from me, brother. He's been doing it so long. He's giving out advice. Take it from me, brother. It's hard to get gas. Take it from me, brother. You know, you come to me

on my day of my daughter's wedding. You come to me on the day of my daughter's podcast. What'd you slitch the flights for slitch slitch you're bright you're you're duck callan callan you were duck comes to get like there's nothing where it doesn't i think it's the worst part of the game it does but i think it's the worst part of the game is and i hate asking people to do things and if it's a friend and it so it's like when it's just us that's what it was designed for

and then obviously to grow you got to get guests but when it's when it's you two that's that's the special sauce you don't want to keep you know dude callan is there but uh the the black pumpkin there did you see the black oh no what you missed it let me see oh yeah yeah we got a little halloween little spooky spooky shop season. Wow, that's all favorite man. You don't want to keep, you know, that's our favorite. That's why we have. We only do guess. Yeah, it's very funny to be like. I think we happy to be. I think we had the same moment with JP where I was like, I hate having guests, but he's you forget he's a guest. Hilarious shout out JP flame dude. great episode sports check he's ever heard of him yeah dude

all right so this one is posted by brendan is a hack it's called a midlife crisis what do you who is having the midlife crisis mr brendan probably brendan are you sure about that no i bet you it's mr callan dude midlife crisis oh yeah end life end of life and i've been up since four yeah i was i was chomping at the bit to jump on those trx chomping at the bit dude chomping at the dig forums chat with the boys cars man we're talking trucks dad were you we are you? We're going to meet up. We're going to meet up. We're going to meet up.

You fuck. Dude, that's our in, bro. What? Doing a truck club? Both of us get trucks, dude. Yeah. We mod them out. The Patreon's busting. You get a Raptor, I'll get a TRX. I'm not getting a Raptor, dude. I don't even know if a Raptor's a truck, to be honest with you. You get a Raptor, I'll get a TRX. I'm not getting a Raptor, dude. I don't even know if a Raptor is a truck, to be honest with you.

You just know Raptors make you scared in Jurassic Park. Like a demon is a challenger, right? So a Raptor is a truck, yeah. I have no clue. Yeah. These are like truck terms. It's like there's truck terms now that are coming in the shop universe. I'm not comfortable with

them yet. Listen, dude, give me a second to explain to you 10 minutes of TRX is shop is going to become a fan of that, right? We should do a truck show. He's going to watch that. He's going to want us to come on T-Fact because of our knowledge of drugs. Okay, truck guys truck guys. I'm just saying it's

an in. We don't have to do it, but it's there. Okay, you know, I mean, okay, fucking nerd. I'm in. I'm in you nerd. You're going to go meet up somewhere in Malibu. You're going to be like a thing like this. No, not now. Are you? Are you? Are you big wheels? One, two, three. Yeah, man. I am. Oh man, have you met exhaust seven, four, three? You met double exhaust bumper dude. Are those thirty sevens and then what kind of course exhaust? Okay, so you're right.

It's Brendan going through the midlife. Yeah, damn fuck. You're always right. Do I'm rarely right? Well, let's see what these are. These were not working earlier, so I had to refresh them, but they're working now. Nice. It's another dude.

Hap has bro. What do we do? Thirty haphazard clips this week. Crazy dude. He's like the cal ripken jr of reddit yeah what iron man to deserve this yeah all right so this one's called well those aren't weren't

words perfect let's see nice in a black turtleneck you pull that cream out bro yeah you pull that cream out dude if you're fucking fat and you were a cream turtleneck, you look fucking fat. Yeah, still fat. But if you wear a black turtleneck, it looks slimming.

Pull out that cream, bro. We see how fat you are, bro. Speaking of first team all turtleneck, our boy. Well, those weren't words. Speaking of first term all turtleneck. First team all turtleneck. First team all turtleneck. That's a hard one to say just as a normal linguist.

Yeah. Like someone with normal language abilities. Yeah. We're just way too deep and chopped to speak normally right now, dude. No, no, no, no. There should be science done on this. What's happening to our brains. Right.

Cream city. You know what that is? Washington, D.C. Nope. Milwaukee. Why did you do that, that dude i just want to say i mean because milwaukee where's what part where is milwaukee eight inches right new england our bed our boy ben davis got beat up speaking of what remember we're talking about that boy who wears the turtlenecks all the time? And he had a fight coming up? Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, Ben. Ben from the Fight Companion. The writer. Right? I have no clue. Remember he wore the turtleneck? Oh yes, yes, yes. How could you forget, baby? That white boy that works too much. He drank like 13 Modellos? Yeah, he drank a lot of Modellos, but I guess he did

a fight. Well, he did well 13 Modelo's. Yeah, he drank a lot of Modelo's, but I guess he did a fight. Okay, beat up. Well, he did well though in the beginning. Yeah, for yeah, come on. They show him just getting knocked out. I don't show the beginning at all. Kadoosh. It's nice in a black turtleneck.

You pull that. Okay, so there we go. That's it. So that was like the beginning. They're just talking about a guy wearing a turtleneck. Yeah, fascinating. All right. Well, with another hap dude. He is working the kitchen.

Oh my God, I'm so far into recording today. This one's called don't say that no matter what it could be the word. You know I I'm saying? Let's see if it is. That's a good guess. Haphazard here. Let's see. I wish I had said two things I knew or I suspected. One was he was going to use a front kick up the middle,

and I didn't say it. And two was he was going to bang it out, not wrestle. I always feel like wrestlers like Kostuchev want to prove that they can throw it out. I would say banged it out. You can't say bang out. Don't say bang out no matter what. Don't say he banged him out no matter what when it comes to fighting. But then also, even if we could say banged him out, you wouldn't. He said bang it out, you know, like in a fight.

Bang it out. Schaub's got to make it gain. You know how like Sigmund Fried was super into his mom? You know what like in a fight, out shouts got to make it gay. You know how like sigman freed was super into his mom. You know, saying shouts into getting banging out, getting banged out and banged out. Shop was recently seen at

Dwight Howard's house. His name's kitty. Well, that fight is a bang out fight. The whole thing's nasty and it's not true factual. One thing i wish i said is i he really banged him out hey man bang it out never say that no i don't say banged out two dudes fighting sorry i had i went a little what i just want to see did he say i didn't he

say bang it out i'm pretty sure he said bang it out. Because that's just a normal fight thing. Let's see. That's when it means punching. Yeah. Or I suspect it. One was he was going to use a front kick up the middle, and I didn't say it. And two was he was going to bang it out. Yeah.

Not wrestle. He doesn't say bang him out. Yeah. Bang it out, B. Be cool. Let's see. Two dudes fighting. Sorry.

I went a little hard on Chemayev. Okay. No, you're Sorry. I went a little hard on Chimaev. Okay. No, he's fine. He didn't look. But he did break his hand. Yeah, but even with that, he didn't look like. The hype on him is so incredible. And I'm all up on it.

Chetching nuts. He's got all the wrestling. And I'm all up on it. Chetching nuts. Yep. and I'm all up on it. Chechen nuts. You can't say banging out, which is something that like every fight analyst has probably said in all of time, but you can say I'm all up on his Chechen nuts.

It's not that you can't say it. You have to say that. You have to say I'm all up on his Chechen nuts. Never say bang it out, dude. Always be on the Chechen nuts. You're right. Chechen nuts. Why do you guys say it like that? Yeah. I didn't even know he's from Chechnya. You didn't

know that guy was that guy's pretty Chechen Jimmy off. Yeah, Chimay of chimney sweep, Chimney of Chimney Maya, my of I thought he was from that Dagestan, dude, but I'm not. I stand is also Chechnya. Oh yeah, I think it's like a town or the country or the state be we're doing. We're going. Oh my God, we should record another hour and see if we start doing Kratom. It just magically appears city back. Sounds like the New England of Chechnya. All right, so this one's posted by Brendan is a hack. Ever heard of him? It's called What an Awkward Ending.

George and Chin were promoting fan questions. Wow. This might be the most redacted episode we've ever done, dude. Nice. Let's see. I know that's so expensive. A couple of fan questions. You cool? I think we're good.

I think we're good. I think we're good. All right. All right. Edit that out. Yeah. Why would you keep that in? Don't let the fans know that you could do their questions. I don't know where like because there's so many things online with Temos

like comments on YouTube comments on the discord and then just like everything we read on Reddit. So much stuff having to do with Brendan Shop. But somewhere, somebody referenced that it's unedited, uncensored. So like it's one of the selling points of the podcast. But let's be honest, B.

How many more people are you losing views wise without editing this stupid shit out? Yeah. Good point. Very interesting point. But also, I don't believe that. I think they probably stupid shit out. Yeah, good point. Very interesting point. But also, I don't believe that. I think they probably edit stuff out. Yeah. But the stuff that they leave in is crazy.

It's just, you know, some people look at a tree, start laughing. Some people look at a tree and want to hug it, right? Just different strokes for different folks, B, right? Right. Let's see this next one sound okay. Sam talent names the waters posted by deep waters, so you know they're they're talking about B. Let's see yeah. I have a compression sock as I had stasis dermatitis from a football

injury. I am not the only person who also could have pretended to play for the C. You buffaloes on this show. All right, oh hell no really do somebody's in the audience like okay. Good stuff. Did you ever play for the see you buffaloes? No, I didn't even play for the pop warner team where I was. I played a football in seventh grade broke my wrist. Oh shit shit. Really? Yep. Yeah. Football is dangerous, B. Yeah. And it was flag football, too.

Dang. But this real jerk, Jacob, tackled me. Yeah. Well, you know, maybe one day that's the guy that grew up to be roommates with Shav and got a good deuce through a window. Oh. Think about that. Life finds ways to deuce them for you, right? Right.

Karma. Karma. Karma. Daddy. All right. So this one's, we're back to Dicey Red dude of all his movies yeah sure brenda tear up about his life being the pursuit of happiness all right let's see got a lot of banger movies oh will smith yeah top top ten he's as big a movie i mean of all his movies but yeah sure it's about your pop what'd he do

my pops was it's Pursuit of Happiness. Sometimes I tear up when I tell this story. 80s. Okay. I can't wait to hear another fake ass story. What does he tear up? He tears up because his pop was like the Pursuit of Happiness. Yeah, but say tear up, dude.

Right? No, dude. Right? I'm becoming more like Schaub, dude. shop dude why he says but say this right right say less papa tear up dude tear up those comic books dude stop selling them right door-to-door like pursuit of happiness you have a briefcase you always have a suit on man looking like he's always in a fashion like always look like a fucking dime piece and go door-to-door selling them. Sometimes me and my brother would follow him.

And then he sold some software. He sold the software. And then I remember on the phone... It's so good. This is the best clip of all the two episodes I wish he told his fake Rolex story with this so much emotion and like the comic book story yeah

every story would be served delivering in this case yeah like what's another ridiculous like the weird B story that he had if he's like I'm gonna get emotional here going to SeaWorld with his kiddos I was and then and then yeah, we get kicked out Let's see

Yeah print out of all these houses he goes which one you guys like What was the made it what he sold he sold his, the thing he was working on, this big computer thing. Okay. He sold it to some big company. He's got a lot of banger movies. Oh, Will Smith. Yeah. Top ten.

Pursuit of Happiness? He's as big a movie as I am. Of all his movies, but yeah, sure. Oh, my God. And then, I'm going to get emotional saying this, but then, you know, my brother Jay, he texted me and he told me that

he thought this guy in the elevator, Carmelo Anthony, was me. I can't talk. That is funny that they isolated. Good editing. Great job.

And then, my dad took me to the swamp. It's a lot of ducks. The hot came and ate a duck Brian doing it. Yeah. All right. This

one's called interesting. Very interesting posted by dicey redact. Let's see what he's cooking up in the kitchen. The secta me interest is interesting, it's very interesting. I would never do it. I would never do it. Just get on t r t. It lowers your sperm count. It's so easy. Figure it out. Meat headsheads what else we got that's that's a lot of this set is just him saying something about what they said in the audience and then he goes what else we got

yeah he's doing it what else you got chained to the audience he's got the shop show live in person b someone yelled to leah though no he's not gonna say anything about him probably not i gotta remain mysterious. Do you realize what you've done? I'm sorry. I said we bail. Okay. What else we got?

What do you say? Austin? Austin's interesting. Austin, Austin listen it's booming and Joey Rogan definitely made that place boom but it's still Austin right you're still in fucking Texas it's hot as shit Dicey Redack. Come on, dude. Be cool. Dicey Redack's got a great name. So,

and then it came out, my barber, and he was Asian as shit. Shit. Or that Greg Sue. Yeah. Or, and I,

I just, you know, I was at my lowest point, you know, I was like tearing up. And then I heard a voice. It said, but Mr.

Shop, this could be worth spending your life. I went back onto to the ring app and I said we got a kitty problem. Y'all we got a mile in a prom. Sorry about that big to come. All right, we kill bits here dude, so this is a by had to kill the bit again. Good this was supposed to by for l eighties. It's called slob doesn't

condone to no rules and wakes up a school of sleeping little bitches with this truck. Let's see yeah, it's giving such a how is that street legal and also why you think i'm worried about the rules? You think I give a fuck? I don't condone these rules, these establishments. It's your car. Come get me, Newsome. You just drive that everywhere.

Everywhere, yeah. I'll pick my kiddo up after school, wake up. They're all taking naps. I just wake them up with the revving of the engine. Hell yeah. Wake up, you bitches. Dad's open. Oh, my God. Wake up, you bitches. Oh my God, wake up them bitches.

Yeah, it's weird to call your kids bitches. But Brian, at least we get to see a clip of Brian doing car noises, which I always like. A real man goes like... And remember when he was talking about his dad? My dad would just stand outside and be like... Yeah. Oh yeah, everyone relates to that.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. I started at my car this morning and it was like, Hey, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

me, me, All right, this one's posted by PDSV. Never seen that name. It's called Dagestanian, just like Afghanistanian, the country, not the state. Let's see. ...but Hamzat, I've been on his hairy Dagestanian nuts for quite some time. Chechnyan, same area. They're both hairy.

Please be respectful of geography. Both hairy. ...doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS. I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan. No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS. Afghani. What? Afghani.

That's a dog. No, that's Afghan. That's a shawl. Wait, canine AIDS? No, humans with AIDS. Who has AIDS? Guys, the Afghanistanis. You know what? No. No. Well, that might get redacted. because of the thing yeah i want to see now i'm like questioning uh if afghanistan is chechnya or what is it fucking dagestan is chechnya oh let me i don't know here though okay i'll look at a

player yeah we'll find it's fine to leave this uh let us be redacted as possible. We got one more clip dude and it's a shorty long episode, but sorry we'll be back to our regular going on zings next week. If you're on the patreon two weeks from now, but best brains in the business posted by artistic ad for five one one. This one made me laugh. I thought it was worth it. It's wherever you want. It's happyhipo.com probability. Three C's. Oh, God. I think that one could happen to anybody, but with him it's like he says it so many times. It's hilarious

that he'd mess up like that. Yeah. It's classic. I mean, it's just a great way to end the show. It's Bop at his finest. It's Kratom messing his shit up, wearing crazy green shit. I love it. Also though stars. Yeah stars your podcast three stars

17 star your podcast could be unedited right when you throw in these ad reads you can fucking redo it dude. Yeah, just yeah, it's an ad read. They Kratom wants their shit said right. Yeah, I mean we we don't sell Kratom here.

We don't even sell rain. But if we did, we'd do it right. We'd be like promo code T-MOS. Yeah. That's T-MOS. Right. Nailed it. All right.

Thanks. Also, can you just have the promo code thick with one C, dude? No, that would be against everything that they stand for. It'd be so much easier to sell dude. If it's not three C's, it's not from them dude. Instagram. Check it out. Well, thank you for sticking with the

redactedness dude. Bye.