10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub Tier List

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

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I'm Brendan Schaub's biggest fan. Ever heard of him? Now, you might not have been aware of that because I only talk about him 10 minutes a day, seven times a week for about two years now, but I'm not a numbers guy. If you don't know who Brendan Schaub is, he's the greatest comedian who's ever lived.

He dabbled in fighting a little bit before moving into comedy, where he then did two of the greatest specials anyone has ever seen anywhere in any facet. So we here at T-Most decided to come up with a tear list, as we call it, or a tear list, as you might know it, of our favorite Schaubisms,isms or shabanese, if you will, which you might not know if you're not redacted. But I'll explain to you. And by the end, I hope you can tell me whether it's NegFlix or Blockbuster.

So that's why I'll start off with one of the other greatest comedians of all time, George Carlton. You might know him as George Carlton, but I can't even say it right anymore because that's how redacted I am. Well, who inspired, let's say, George Carlton, if he's a Carl Carlin. Let's say who inspired him. Carl and George Carlin. George Carlin. We talk about comedy here and George Carlton, Mount Rushmore for sure. And that's why he's A tier.

Ever heard of it? Hey, are you a numbers guy? Because I am. And you know who else is? Our favorite, Boppa. So 20% of just pure haters then there's 20 of fucking hype boys lovers i'm probably over here and then 80 is in the middle where they're like yeah we fight it's great he's always counting the views which is kind of lame

to always count what views you have this day and age what we do like let's say this does whatever 500 000 views by the time we cut up all the clips, we're getting millions and millions and millions. So it cut down to short form. Especially when there's not that many. That's why I'm putting it on C tier. I'm getting a little tired. I'm probably going to have coffee,

but I could have Kratom, Happy Hippo Kratom specifically. Gary and I, man. You've been doing your Kratom? What? Have you been doing Kratom? Why are you scratching your neck? You've been doing Kratom.

Have you been doing Kratom or not? Might have tried you've been doing kratom have you been doing kratom or not might have tried you got kratom on you answer the question right now yeah right now is my question in my pocket yeah do you have any in your pockets right now seven capsules in my left pocket no one two three four five six seven eight not nine not seven but nine no there's only one thing we can do. I'm not going to do that, though, because I'm worried about my health, and I think Kratom is heroin. Thanks, brother. Wait, is that a... Who's doing Kratom right now?

I am. Really? I don't do Kratom. What is the deal with Kratom? Isn't it like a... A narcotic? Yeah. Now, the way they do it, I think it's... Chin, take it from here.

It's been around for thousands of years. Boom. So, so like D tier Papa. I don't know a lot about soccer, but I do know that Neymar's name is not pronounced Niedermeyer. Now, you know, Messi Mbappe and, uh, Niedermeyer. Yeah. Are all teammates. That is incredibly redacted. I also don't really watch soccer, so I don't care about it as much. F-tier. Premier League. Let's take a quick break so I can tell you about my favorite comedy special of all time. The Gringo Poppy. Look at you guys.

Let's do it. Mr. Whole Foods. What does that mean? I don't know. He just called somebody in the audience that. As he says, he's taking a nacho, dipping it in nacho cheese. Oh, my bad, Mr. Whole Foods. My bad. He said, you're dipping your nacho in your nacho cheese.

I don't know what that means either. That makes sense. You know who's spicy? Latinas. Apparently, they're assholes. That's what Schaaf says, not me. I like Latina people. Girl spicy, right? Girl spicy. You know what spicy means? They're assholes. That's what Shob says, not me. I like Latina people. Girl spicy, right? Girl spicy? You know what spicy means? They're assholes. That's what that means.

Sorry, man. Wasn't. I wasn't, but I was going to get donuts. I probably called my mom. I was like, hey, mama, are you getting vaccinated? She's all, I wasn't. And then, you know, I love donuts. That's the conversation he had with his mom about the vaccine somehow.

At one point in the special, he just says the names of Spanish food, Mexican foods, Mexican foods. Married a Mexican, y'all. He married a Mexican. I married a Mexican, y'all. He goes, He starts out by going, Hey, Dallas. I love you, Texas.

A lot of ladies in the crowd tonight. Which is the best start I've ever seen to a comedy special. There's some ladies in the crowd tonight. Dallas is different. And Los Angeles is North Korea with a beach. LA is North Korea with a beach. But they give us Wi-Fi, so that's cool. I don't know. I think North Korea probably has beaches, daddy.

Dicey, dicey. Needles aren't touching this temple, daddy. That needle's not touching this fucking temple, daddy. The best way to watch is with your night vision goggles, your Ugg boots, your big dick. Sorry about that. What? Be cool. Tom Brady has Ugg boots. Be cool dick, sorry about that. What? Be cool, Tom Brady has

Ugg boots. Be cool, dad, be cool. Also, if you're on a keto diet like me, make sure you don't tell your Mexican mother-in-law, because she'll think that you want to eat taquitos. It's keto, bitch! There's so many other things I can reference. That's why the gringo poppy as a whole is S tier. If you watch it, I think you'll be surprised.

Another thing I think you'd be surprised about is Schaub's characterization of UFC doctor Craig Sue. Mr. Schaub, I think you'll be surprised. Another thing I think you'd be surprised about is Schaub's characterization of UFC doctor Greg Hsu. Mr. Schaub, I have to numb your lip. You need many, many stitches. This would be worth paying your life, guaranteed. Worth paying your life. My name is Dr. Greg Hsu. I'm a board-certified ophthalmologist.

I'm the UFC consultant physician. Very racist, but also pretty funny. But that's why it's A-tier, Mr. Schaub. Butcher lip. If you're not happy about these ratings, some would say I'm shooting for the moon, but landing on the stars. In order to shoot for the moon,

you gotta land on the stars, or you wanna land on the moon, but sometimes, you know, you make fucking mistakes as part of the game, but, you know, I just think you're... He just messes up how you're supposed to say things. Like he does often. Another one is smartest tool in the shed.

Why would he ever just take something off the shelf at GNC? Well, we're not giving the guy kudos because he's the smartest tool in the shed. Sharpest. Sharpest. What'd I say? Smartest tool in the shed. Well, tools are smart too. Might have smoked a little weed.

I can't believe this guy talks for a living and has a black belt in podcasting. It's not always just him saying it. Sometimes he uses these things in an Instagram post. Called before the storm, there was no one in the seats. Any mispronounce the patients he does are all C-tier. What can we do next? I don't know. What else you got, Chin?

You know, monitoring blood pressure, anesthesia. You're also doing anesthesia like you're just cutting into somebody's stomach. You know. Oh, God. What else you got, Chin? pressure anesthesia all the and you're also anesthesia like you're just cutting into somebody's stomach you know oh god um shout out to that pig though we've come a long way if you don't know who chin is that's the producer on the fire and the kid podcast brendan shop routinely says his name wrong they've been doing the show together for years uh do you have that send that clip to chin clint do you have that chip a highlight found me post that i've never once been

like hey clip play the gerardo that's atrocious gunshots can be heard in his instagram post but you know what else rings out in that apartment his beautiful angelic voice i don't have a lot to show for these years of hard work if you look at what I own Still she's always telling me To hold on to my dreams Even when my hope is gone Play the chin clip and put that in tier B. Let's take a minute to thank the sponsors of this video. There are none.

But Brendan Schaub has so many. He has so many, but not a single sale has been made because he cannot say the promo code right. All right. So go to Onnit.com slash Schaub, S-H-A-B. You receive 10% off everything, supplements, all the alpha. He can't even spell his own name right. In San Antonio.

Told you guys, this is a big boy. Presale is on sale right now. Promo code is THICC with three C's. T-H-I-C-C. San Antonio, Texas. Bud Light Courtyard Event Center. Get your tickets now. Well, if it doesn't have three C's, it didn't come from him. Promo code DTIR.

How are you enjoying this video? Is it Netflix or is it BlogBussa? So if it's good, it's Netflix. If it's BlogBussa, it's bad. Daddy. Hey, photographers. You're Blockbuster. The new iPhone's Netflix. Hey, photographers, you blockbuster. The new iPhone's Netflix.

Hey, photographers, you blockbuster. And that belongs in S tier. It's affected my everyday life. Like when I take my girlfriend to a restaurant and I really enjoy it, I might say, this food is Netflix and she'll look at me like I'm blockbuster. I just go. Us doing this might just be part of Shob's plan. You know, having people talk about him all the time because he is a marketing genius.

He may cancel entire European tours to teach his son T-Ball, but he's a marketing genius because he has a whole whiskey brand called Tiger Thick, which his own friend Joe Rogan told him to his face was a terrible name. Brennan Schaub. I hate the name of it. I hate the name of his whiskey. It's Tiger Thick. Like, shut the fuck up. I'm just sad. i'm sad i have skeptical

hippo eyes when it comes to his ability to actually market because it kind of sounds like he's not doing that well that's why this is f tier you think that's mean well how about you define bullying and that's also in f tier callan calls to apologize to bobby for the bullying threats etc take weak uh bullying meaning um define bullying for me another reason he might not be a marketing genius is his use of social media it's mainly to get addies and baddies we saw that in the leaked text message thread we don't know if that's real or not but we do know that he uses the word baddies and addies he has admitted to adderall use it doesn't seem to help the show but also sometimes i think wow this guy could use some adderall other times i think he

should stop taking adderall it's really hard to tell because he just goes and he's always on kratom wigsky and rogue nicotine which is supposed to help his brain i'm not sure about that papa but hopefully it does b tier man we're having a lot of fun here. Might be going to Sizzla after this. B-tier. If we actually get to Sizzla after this, we might be surprised to run into UFC great John Africa. Listen, for me as a fan, you know, I'd love to see you fight John Africa. I'd love to see you fight Tyson Fury whenever that happens. I'd love now that MMA is legalized in France. I'd love to see UFC in France.

Who the hell is John Africa? No, fighting John in Africa. John Jones in Africa. Yeah, John to see UFC in France. Who the hell is John Africa? No, fighting John in Africa. Yeah, John Jones in Africa. I don't know John Africa. It sounds dope. Who the hell is John Africa? Why did Schaub call John Jones John Africa? I don't want to get into that, Papa, because it's a little dicey-dicey.

A-tier. Good morning Vietnam! Name the movie. Good morning Vietnam. Who's in it? Robin Williams. There we go. Ding, ding, ding. We're off to a good start. Name the movie. How about Good Morning Vietnam? That's actually the name of the movie. He said

it when he asked the question. The only way you could miss that is if you're pissing in the sink. C-tier. If you're not a big alpha male like myself or any of the people that are thick boys out there in the wild wearing their thick boy merch, then you might have what Shab would call a small dig. Oh, dude, I'll be on my bike. I'll just pull around the road.

Cars will be going by. I'll just give that big old dick out. And I just pull up my spandex and piss right on the road. It's like, who cares? I'm outside. Who cares? You ain't got to tell us no dick size, dog. I pulled that pig off.

I'm going to go into all the phrases that Shop says that are a little bit redacted about digs. There's dig juice. He constantly asks for dig juice. I didn't know what dig juice was. I thought there was just Viagra and Cialis. But apparently, you can drink juice that gives you a boner. If I were to threaten you, I might say something like, I'm going to eat your dick like Kobayashi. Come to Shop's house.

Disaster. Your dick? Kobayashi. Come to Shop's house. Disaster. Your dick? Kobayashi. Yeah, you got to make sure that kind of. That's something that Shop took from the movie Step Brothers. That's also pretty redacted. Instead of saying Super Bowl, he says Super Ball. It's so cringy.

It's not like you have the Super Bowl and he dabs up his brother walking the Super Bowl and then he looks at the camera and he's like, what's up? I'm like, that's your brother. Oh, okay. He's all, yeah. All right. Well, the other one is really cringy. I don't know.

Which is something that Schaub will never be in because he was never in the NFL. But he did throw his teammate in college through a glass window. Get douche. You might say Schaub is balls deep in dig references. He says it a lot. And it makes me uncomfortable, daddy. I like when this stuff happens. What'd you think was going to happen?

Were they lovers or something? Oh, he was balls deep in Siegfried. Yeah. Oh, dude, blowing those white bangle loads. Oh, dude, all right, all right. Yeah. No, he slimed Roy out. Uh-huh.

He slimed Roy out. Well, don't say slimed, please. He tiger slimed Roy out. When searching for a punchline, it might just be a black dig. I've raised a lot of black dudes. You know what's great about this? Beat all the black guys. I grew up around black guys.

Nothing new to me. Another thing he's balls deep in is fish. Get your tickets right now at thickboy.com. If you don't get your tickets, these fish don't eat. That's not cool, right? So let's make sure these fish eat wow that's a lot to take in let's just throw the digs in d tier and the balls in b tier let me just take a minute to talk about my favorite clip this is the famous big guys and small cars clip you might call this

the mr whole foods of clips let's play the chain clip now here's the thing people with fast cars especially big guys with dope cars the one thing people do it doesn't matter if you're any of size like any of size you go how do you fit in that thing it's like oh that's your takeaway from this dope ass car jeez i can't believe fit in that thing yeah yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's the takeaway, huh? Twin turbo Lamborghini. Aventador. He's racing it. Is he racing it? Oh, you know, at the track.

Oh, that's not a Ventador. That's the smaller one. I can't. Again, it's not even hating on big guys and sports cars. I just can't. I can't believe he fits in there. I know. Yes, that is your takeaway, Papa.

Best clip your life. S tier. Wow, I hope you're seeing this right now. I hope I'm you fit in there. I know. Yes, that is your takeaway, Papa. Best clip yo life. S tier. Wow, I hope you're seeing this right now. I hope I'm not. Shadow ban. Which is something that Shob and Brian say often. They say it's the reason for their dwindling views, which kind of makes them sound like an incel pussy.

But my producers were like, you can't call it that. It'll get, you'll get like. Your cue? Yeah, YouTube will flag you. You think so? And it'll be shadow ban. I know so. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to get no views. They'll suppress it'll be shadow banned. I know so. Yeah.

Yeah, it's going to get no views. They'll suppress it. Right. Even though I'm joking. Doesn't matter. Because the algorithm doesn't know you're joking. Got it, yeah. So like when I say Nazi, if you say Nazi, this is a patron.

So if I go, I'm not a Nazi. Yeah. The algorithm doesn't know that I said I am not. It just knows you said Nazi. So like if you say Nazi or QAnon. Really? Trump. COVID. Elon Musk. Say Elon Trump, Elon Musk, all that, COVID, booster, all the vaccine talk, suppressed. Wow.

Say Brendan Schaub, suppressed. F-tier. Speaking of Brian, let's talk about his nicknames, Rinks and Hawk. Brian got gadooshed by advertisers, so they tried to start a show behind Patreon called The Fighter and the Rinks. That doesn't sound so great. D tier. If you have any questions about this tier list you're not sure. You don't know if it's Netflix or Blockbuster. You just can't make a decision.

You know what you should do? You should axe Jay. A little fact for you. House of Dragon? I did not know you grew up shooting bows and arrows. You grew up shooting arrows with a bow. Yes. Right? Bows and arrows. Now when You grew up shooting arrows with a bow. Yes. Right? Bows and arrows. Now, when did you do that?

Since probably fucking second grade through eighth grade. Okay. I had my own bow and arrow. You practiced archery? My dad took me to the range. Ask Jay. Yeah. Is Jay all-knowing? Probably not.

He's also another bad source of information, I'm guessing. Jay Shaw is here. How's it going? What? As soon as the camera's on like even george is like as soon as the camera's like oh shit we don't play your game now damn it you have to i gotta remain mysterious shop makes a lot of outlandish claims like he says he owned a comic book store when he was a kid and sold it to old men that would come into his house you are into comics i grew up huge into comics what i collected it i used to sell them as a kid who'd you sell to people or online just people online you know i'm 37 so the online was in a thing so i opened up a little comic shop

and my mom's uh closet had all my comics there you had friends come over random people would walk in our house and my mom made me shut it down. How is the closet? Is it on display, or do you have them organized? Everything was on display and organized. On Shrek's? Well, I had it in those vanilla things. They look like I had them all in there.

Accordion envelopes. Yeah, I had all the accordion envelopes, the vanilla folders. I had all the characters lined up, and I had posters on the wall. How big is this closet? I mean, I was young, man, you know, eight or nine, so I thought it was huge, but enough for, like, grown men and kids to come in. My mom's like, we can't have fucking strangers in the house. How did people know that this was happening? Because I stood outside and had signs.

Selling comic books in my mom's closet? Yep. And did you sell any? Oh, yeah, man. Really? Oh, yeah. Were there older men that came over? Yep.

They bought them. But you could tell they were just there, probably to fondle me, but... Do you really believe that? Oh, yeah, because they didn't know much about the comics. They would take the cheapest one for like 25 cents. Did you think something was weird at the time, and then later on you were called yes but i also like my spidey senses went off so you did

even stranger danger did you make money oh yeah so you're a little entrepreneur now and now instead of comics you're selling cbd sure one of the things i sell did shop meet carmel anthony xj oh you know you know who we saw in my hotel? Mr. Baltimore, Carmelo Anthony. Really? He's from there, yeah. Really? Born and raised.

And he was just hanging? He was at the hotel doing something, I don't know. I don't know what he was doing there. Massive man, but he's from like the hood of Baltimore. How tall? Shit. Jay thought he was shorter, but I'm like, no. I saw him on the elevator, he's fucking huge.

Yeah, yeah. Jay thought it was me because I always wear that pink hat and have these shorts. He was wearing the exact same shit I was. Jay's like, Brent! Brent! I'm like, you thought I was Carmelo Anthony? Does Eminem routinely text? Brendan Chobb? Ask Jay.

Eminem's on Instagram, Twitter, social media. He's DMV. I had a thing with Eminem, right? Where does this belong in the tier i don't know ax j just kidding a tier one of my favorite ones might is australia because they saving days and what time is what time is that fight at jen does say i'll find out australia is like seven days ahead of us so if it's uh the 12th here 2020 job thinksab thinks that Australia is seven days ahead, and he knows that Korea is two days ahead.

And that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. I love it. Korea is awesome. It's so technologically advanced. So this marketplace is so dope. There's tons of places out there. Are they two days ahead of us? One day. Dude, look at that.

Now, this one's in B tier, and you already knew that if you're in Australia. Shab thinks football games are a war of nutrition. You know in football games when it gets to the overtime when they go, this is a war of nutrition. Nah, bitch. For real, this is a war of nutrition. They never say nutrition.

They never say nutrition. It's attrition. But we get your point. We want to say it. You got the point. I got you. I got a lot of coffee. But I hear you, but this is a podcast.

F tier. My life was changed by this next one. It's what got me and daddy. It's walk me to my truck. I had a guy that was like, why don't you walk me to my truck? This married guy where I'm like, and we know him. I'm not going to say who it is, but he's like, why don't you give me a walk? Why don't you get like, you should walk me to my truck.

I'm like, so what? I can blow you. Like what? Who was it? Oh, don't you get like, you should walk me to my truck. I'm like, so what? I can blow you. Like what? Who was it? But it's just like, did you try to walk any letterman to your truck? No, it doesn't make sense. No, no. Whether shop did it or not, it's hilarious to watch.

It was made into a song. Can I get a truck walk? Yeah, I can't talk, but I'm walking to my truck. It was on a porn website. It's been on every one of the episodes we've done of 10 Minutes of Shop. It's one of our core hilarious things that we always go back to. Thank them for that clip because it brings a tear to my beer. Cheers.

But everybody here is still wondering, does Esther go both ways? This has taken a lot longer than I thought, so let's just be quick about these last ones. Real quick, how many chicks you fuck? Zero. B tier. Chris D'Elia wasn't even a real person before therapy. He had a real dark soul.

B tier. If you're hating on this video, be cool, be cool. A tier. Maybe you think it's heterogeneous. A tier. If Brian ever sees me and Gerardo in public, he'll put us in a Guadalajara hardscarf.

A tier. Doesn't count what you ask me, because I'll always just respond with, eight inches. D tier. For dicks. D-80. Schaub has a genius comedic mind,

but he's also a fighter, and he's also a businessman. He'll light you up, B. If you made it this far, and you don't think Brendan Schaub is the greatest comedian of all time, you deserve a good douche. A tier.

Maybe you just found this randomly and you never even heard of Brennan Schaub, but unspennounced to you, he's been inside you the whole time. He's the part of us that stubs our foot in the morning. He's that part of us that grabs three drinks and doesn't know which one to drink. He's that part of us that puts his hand

in a full thing of ice cubes. He's that part of us that says his own last name wrong. Unspennounced. A tier. Wow, we've made it to the end of our clip. I just wanted to let you know something very important for everyone watching. Every one of these phrases are so important. I hope everyone gets that in any facet.

When Brendan Schaub wants to solidify a point, he makes a point of saying that it's in any facet. So everyone watching on any device, it's so important that everyone hits the like button and subscribes. I'm sorry that I said that. Brendan Schaub is one of the greatest comedians to ever live. I really hope everyone enjoyed this video in any facet they're watching it. And everyone in any way has a great day. Seven times a week. S tier. And that's it for the tier list. First and foremost, I want to thank Bapa himself,

Brendan Schaub, but also Brian, Delia, Montez, Nick, Chin, George, and of course our best dog that ever lived, Tank. We miss you. We want you back. If you like what you saw, join our Patreon.

We do stand-up reviews and extra podcast episodes. Daddy. And we'll be back next week with a new episode of Tim Has a Shot with a brand new song. Hope you enjoyed it. Goodbye. I'm running for president.