10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub was FAR TOO SUCCESSFUL AT EVERYTHING, DADDY! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #97

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

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Hey Esther, why you all alone? Doing lots of creative Hey little Esther, can I say some D&D? I wanna walk you to my truck Photographer, you're like the sun I know you like nobody ever I see Little Esther, is it true you go both ways?

British heart wants to have sex with Kalilah Little Esther, is it true you go both ways? No more Annie on Trash Tuesdays. Stop at my favorite time of the week. When you get the ear, bop, but try to speak. Release surprises today. You better act care. Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop. Thanks for tuning in. As always, join the Patreon, join the Discord, join the Reddit.

On the Patreon, the last thing we did was, I never remember what was it, Giorno. We did David Tell's Hot Cross Buns. Oh my God. It was pretty Netflix, dude. Oh yeah. We had a good time watching that. we did was i never remember what was it jordo we did david tells hot cross buns oh my god so it's pretty netflix dude oh yeah we had a good time watching that or did we check it out on the picture yeah you never know so check it out on the patreon uh but anyways that's not why they're here no what are they here for they're they're here for 10 minutes a shop yeah right so what do i do now you have to start the time all right all right play the chinkling yeah okay so we got a lot of clips to get to today this one's posted by astro creep sku it's called that time the f or the fight companion crew made brendan really uncomfortable let's see both names can you imagine joanna marries this guy and she wants to keep her last name

Be straight if your wife did not want to take your last name, but you want to hyphenate I would be With this ain't gonna work out. What are you talking? You're gonna do you wanna yen Jen? Married and you don't even want to take my name? No, we're out. Oh, man. There's just so many clips of him saying something and then the other thing happening. It's every day. I like how people just keep reposting things that we've seen already. Yeah, that's something we've seen.

I get excited. I'm like, oh, it's the most liked clip on fucking Chang's this week. I'm like, oh, this thing again, dude. It's just cringy. Because they like the same, whatever's the higher sugar content. You know, just eating donuts every day because they taste good. I want syrup on my pancakes. Yep.

Yeah, you can't get away from it. Everyone gets a little redacted sometimes. We discussed the podcast here, though. How hot does she have to be to hyphenate your name? I mean, I don't give a fuck. That's like, for me, the hyphenate thing is the same as the straw thing. I could give a fuck. Yeah, alpha male rule 38.

Don't hyphenate your name with a woman, dude. That is the alpha male rule 38. But the hawk move is to just not give a fuck. All right, let's go to this one posted by Money's Tine, I'm assuming. It's called Bapa's Pull-Up Record. And the subtitle is, Now This Is Getting Ridiculous. Let's see. How many pull-ups can you do?

I don't know, man. You don't do pull-ups? I do pull-ups. I've never, like, in college is my thing. How many did you do in college? College? Well, so at CU, I did have the record for a while for tight ends, fullbacks. And then when I went to the pros, I trained with one of my best friends.

He was the head strength. So unnecessary to make people your best friend all the time, dude. He's like, but at CU, fullback or running back, halfback, whatever he said. It'd be funny if he was like, well, I had the record for kickers. They're like, what? No, well, you know, I could do as many as the kicker could do. When I was in high school, I was in a forest, and me and my girlfriend at the time, my best girlfriend,

we were abducted by aliens. They were my best friends. The aliens fucking loved me, dude. They thought they were laughing at all my jokes. What was I saying? Just painting a narrative of many lives into one to say that you did a lot of pull-ups. We ran into a saber tooth

and he was a really good friend of mine. And out of nowhere, an anteater. Yeah, dude. Let's see here. What's his face? So what's his face so what's the record i set the record and then i have the record for i don't know six months and then uh i came in one day and they're like oh dude somebody broke your pull-up record like yeah it was like i would i would tell anybody about my fucking pull-up record like somebody broke it oh you're the fucking who like that

new kid the fucking broncos drafted, dude. I'm like, what kid? Oh, Tim Tebow. Came in there, saw your record, destroyed it. And I was like, oh, hell no. He was like, yeah, if you're down to work out with him,

he's here tomorrow. So I came in tomorrow and then we just, you know, did our thing and then he got super close. Yeah. Hit him with that. Tim Tebow ever heard of it?

I feel for Chrissy D in this clip because it's so it'll be so much easier for him just to answer the question 24 or yeah I broke the record Tim Tebow broke it don't you I can relate to that awkward feeling when you ask somebody something and they go into this whole story

especially when you're being recorded this whole long story and you had to be like, yeah, it just feels weird as the person who asked the question, just saying nothing for a long time. I hate anyone that tells a story where the punchline is a celebrity's name. You know what I mean?

Like dude, I was at the movie theater and I was watching this movie, the gringo. I was with a hot chick, right? Fucking sexy chick. And I'm looking at the screen. I'm like, wait a minute. That guy tried to touch me when I was a kid movie theater and I was watching this movie, the gringo. I was with a hot chick, right? Fucking sexy chick. And I'm looking at the screen. I'm like,

wait a minute. That guy tried to touch me when I was kid. Mel Gibson. Yeah. Huge name drop. The whole thing is just to do a name drop. That is pretty redacted. Yeah.

I went to Starbucks the other day, dude, and fucking Brian Cowan. You wouldn't believe it. Fuck dude. Brian Cowan. What happened before the end of the name drop on that story you gotta join the picture all right this one's posted by a haphazard it's called quitting comedy had nothing to do with low ticket sales this is the only one i've seen

this week i'm excited for this one i have not seen this great title from hat yeah uh yeah have you ever got an opinion on this oh i don't know i have to watch it again i was kind of let down when i saw it let's see i know a novel yes about someone else's experience someone else's life it sounds like a little thing it's so fucking important was that a jump scare yeah it was a jump scare oh man it just you know i'm not i'm not here to make fun of how people look but i'm gonna do it just like shop would that's He just is like so fucking in your face. He's huge, and he's got tats all over his face, and his name is Meatball or whatever.

What is his name again? Jelly Roll, dude. Jelly Roll. Meatball is his cousin or brother or whatever it is. And there's just a giant stack of now I'm seeing rogue nicotine. Who does that much? Why would you need that many? That's a lot of rogue nicotine who does that much why would you that's a lot of rogue nicotine dude that is promo level rogue that if rogue nicotine was illegal you'd get

arrested for distribution yeah if he caught you with that but yeah i mean look at him that is out of control i'm sorry it's crazy how a screenshot of a podcast can give you so many memories, dude. I mean, just terrible shoes, rogue nicotine, rain energy, legs under cross here. If only they had flip-flops kind of gay. Yeah. Where's the man? What are, what were those things called? The flip-flops he had? Toe holds, toe holds, black Buffalo. Yeah. You know, all black fucking truck in here, dude. We don't have any fish references other than this fat fucking orca dude oh shit i mean i'm sure calling him fat and then playing the classic i'm sure he has a fish tattoo somewhere yeah there's no chance that in all of them

especially without much papa likes fish there's no fish tattoo somewhere that's a great observation people that have sleeve tats and all this stuff there's always a fish dude i this is a hack thing to say but uh do you don't think look at the the brick wall you don't think jelly roll bust through that at some point oh yeah that's what's gonna happen with meat sack he's gonna run through that shit oh shit my brother's here dude meat's fucking turkey rolls here oh shit did my brother fucking face tap go through the wall again oh shit starbursts here god damn dude oh shit did colt snickers just show up jelly rolls endless material that one song i'm sorry or whatever forgive me i don't even remember i don't know any jelly roll songs i love you jelly roll by the way i'm don't you save me because i love snacks

all right let's see you'll learn more about it but i think too jelly where i connect with you like it's on the same vibe like same thing last year just hustling hustling hustling and i stopped and i was like i i don't like how i'm becoming because everything and i don't know how to balance it like i didn't know what to do i had to call my manager lex you know who's been with you for 17 years i told him i said i don't know what to do dog like i'm i'm always been a good dad but i can be a much better dad i'm a decent husband i can be much better i'm a good podcaster to be much better and i'm getting my car stuff the merch the stand-up i was like some i'm about to break dog i don't know what to do spread so we just spread too thin spread too thin it'll get you i just i just yeah dude i've like i have never felt more redacted in my life do you

know why because i was doing this on the raccoon tweeting and he's like doing so much more than me and i'm like i can't take it anymore i have one podcast and a job is too much i'm such a redact dude we're not gonna put that episode out yeah let's just fucking let's re-record oh that's so funny but i also want to you know big ups to brendan dude this is fucking hilarious because he's basically saying, like, I'm too good at everything to do it all. Oh, right. See, that's not what I'm, thank you. I was not saying that.

In no way was I saying I'm the best at any of these things. I'm saying I'm failing at all of them. Yeah, dude. Big ups to Shob, dude. Oh, fuck, dude. He should start another show called 10 Minutes of Cooney. He should. He absolutely should comment on the things i say team team too much too much i like yeah no you're right he's he's got some good he's got some good points here dude yeah he's just too good at

everything he can't do stand-up too he's he's he's like feeding the fishes he's like y'all can y'all want my stage time here it is right right there. Boom, boom, boom. How do you like that? If you're the best T-ball coach, then being the best at stand-up is just like a brag. Yeah. It's like, okay, man. You already have T-ball.

Jelly Roll, when they flip to him, he has like a giant, it looks like he has like a handle of liquor. It looks like he's just drinking Grey Goose the show and uh yeah i mean he's just he is a fucking joy to see in my mind good thing his brother san diego is not there dude san diego san diego because he's fat charles calling people fat no because yeah well no i know he's an orca from sea world that's why. Oh, my God. I didn't even see that coming, B. All right, let's see.

Pulled back. I was like, let me chill for a second and then analyze and try to figure this stuff up and then get back to it. Figure this stuff up. Figure this stuff up. Dude, that's good. Yep. Put that in the bank. And off the road, like never been in better shape, never been a better dad.

Like I coach my son's baseball team, football team. Oh, yeah, I just saw Tiger's here with us now. Oh, yeah, he's on spring break. Like I've never been happy. Did he say a name? It sounded like he said Dodgers here with us. I think Tiger. Yeah. Maybe Tiger.

Like I coach my son's baseball team, football team. Oh, yeah, I just saw Tiger's here with us now. Oh, yeah, he's on spring break. Like I've never been happier. Because it's just, to your point, and yours is on a much grander scale. So I can only imagine. But even with me, like running the businesses, all the business I do, I just call my manager and he knows me.

Like, I don't say shit. I'm, you know, this pretty mentally tough. You know this. And I was like, I'm about to break dog. I don't know what that means, but I need help. You think I do? Look no further than us, daddy. We'll help you out, dude. Yeah us up call us you think we just do this show for the fucks of it 775-557-8667 dude give us a phone call we'll fucking hit you

up doug yeah dude voicemail deity ever heard of it no we'll answer that call that's not going to voicemail yeah he's shot b Schaub and the fucking caller ID. Could you imagine? Never, dude. That song would play. It'd be funny if he called us and he played that song. Listen, you guys are in the fucking rookie league. I'm calling you up.

Are you ready to be on T-Fat K? You ready to fill me up with your majors? What did he say? Something stuff you up? There's no baseball in crying, D.D. We're not crying. I'm telling you, man. What's happening?

Jelly Roll just started talking. Jelly Roll took over your mind, dude. I was trying to stop the song and Jelly Roll was like, now let me spit on this, bro. Would you get cross tattoos for the show? No. Definitely not, dude. I tried to ski. Dude, I'll do a lot of things for fame, dude.

Right. All right. No face tats. No face tats. No sucking off. No. Oh. I was like, I was like this.

No face tats, dude. Let me stop you right there. Because this part is important. I don't know what that means, but I need help. Dude, I'm telling you, man. You ever want to come out to Tennessee and hang out in that cabin for a week? Dude, it did great for me. Our boy Jelly Roll. It's a huge day for him today. Dude, I'm telling you, man. You ever want to come out to Tennessee and hang out in that cabin for a week? Dude, it did great for me. Our boy Jelly Roll.

It's a huge day for him today. Oh, he lost weight? So the biggest award ceremony in the world for country music is... Funniest thing he's ever said, dude. Yeah, dude. That was pretty funny. Whenever Brendan's funny,

he gives me a boner. Okay, let's go to this one this one's posted by successful egg 8 3 4 5 it's called joe and bapa are on the same wavelength with benefits of nicotine i wonder what that means let's see who that's not who's this uh i don't know maybe mad sarah i can't tell let's see it's not it not actual tobacco. It's just the nicotine chemical. Nicotine is a chemical that is neuroprotective. It shows there's been studies that have done that it shows some sort of a connection with helping ward off Alzheimer's, I believe. I don't know if that's true.

I might have made that up. Oh, nicotine? I might have made that up. A few moments later. Okay, nicotine for Alzheimer's disease. There's no evidence from randomized controlled trials to support the use of nicotine as nicotine for Alzheimer's disease. There's no evidence from randomized controlled trials to support the use of nicotine as a treatment for Alzheimer's disease. So nicotine as

a chemical is not bad for you. What's bad for you is the delivery system of sex. It's like, y'all notice like Joe Rogan ever since he can't say the N word, he's been saying nicotine a lot. He needs to get close to it. He's trying to join the team.

You want to tell me what to do? Well, I'll do another version of it. Yeah. Let's see. A few minutes later. Sounds action-packed. So it's actually not the nicotine that makes it addictive? Well, nicotine's addictive as well.

Right. Nicotine is addictive as well. That's my question. And then they just super juice it up, according to this movie. Before you get me addicted to these things. If I put this in my mouth... One eternity later. I got nicotine in my veins,

Doug. But it's non-tobacco nicotine. What does that do for you? It just gets me a little buzzed, and it's supposed to help with, like, they did a big study, like 40-year study of like older people with dementia and like CTE, like old school shit. And they realized people that smoke never got it. Okay.

Well, it's from the nicotine. Nicotine helps with brains. Nicotine helps with brains? Nicotine helps with brains i love that fucking uh glassman there essentially did what we do when we watch clips he just said the most ridiculous he isolated the most ridiculous part of that yeah nicotine helps with brains you're just laughing at the clown he did it live in front of shop 10 minutes of shop could happen while if you're in a room with shop yeah and he just it's basically just listening what he said and then saying it back to him.

Yeah, just shorter than 10 minutes. Yeah. Good stuff. Oh, will it do? Yeah, we got to bring that back. Yeah. All right, so this one's posted by Now Loading Name. It's called No Title Needed.

I'm pretty sure this is something that Shop posted, and it was available last week, but we didn't watch it, so let's check it out i wonder if well because i saw the original video did you see the original video yeah i wonder if when that guy flew out of the car or like right before the moment, he's like, fuck, dude, I'm like, Shob. Definitely. I mean, he probably had thoughts afterwards.

Right. Unfortunately for him, he had to watch Shob after that terrific crash. Oh, because that came before? No, that came... All right. It came after, right? Yeah, I mean, you're not preparing to roll in a car

and watching Shob. It's after you roll in a car, shortly, you know, before you rolled the car. This dude rolled the car. But now you're associated with Schaub forever, dude. That guy is actually living our dream, dude. Oh, yeah. We'd like him. I don't know if he does.

He may not be balls deep. But what if, let's say he's doing that. He's on the beach and he's not paying attention. He's looking at us when he's laughing at shab flip his truck and because of that he flipped his thing yeah he's like this guy get is getting on fox news what the fuck i i need to flip my fj cruiser or he did on purpose yes it's a that video is a painted narrative yeah best brains he fucking he put itaja mode. He fucking took off the seatbelt. Right.

No traction control. No fucking any control, dude. No. There's one thing I'm certain of. In that video, there is no traction control. No. I mean, there's no Baja mode. And if it wasn't fake, then why didn't he have a camera on him inside if it wasn't fake?

You know what I'm saying? You don't see this guy jumping out of the car. Right. What, did you just take some rogue nicotine? Dude. Yeah, dude. Cause you're a fucking,

you're like, this guy will let you up. His homies watch this show. They're like, did you do that on purpose? And he's like, her did both ways. Dude.

Everyone everywhere is doing shop and he's now. Yeah. No matter the continent or a state. B. Uh, all right. This one's posted by dazzling rabbit. Six,

three, three. It's called Callahan was in worst pain yo lot his life and mrs shop interrupted him just to make some weird noises and i believe this was posted on our reddit too oh nice so this is very funny join the record tweeds ready uh raccoon underscore tweeds because somebody took raccoon tweeds before we did that's ridiculous no we don't matter looking into it we don't count uh let's see here it's a weird thing because i said to brennan i said it's like um you know it's it's like watching someone die or something and also it's just

that's so funny he's like and also just no i gotta cut you off I can't help him do what's important also it's just you know he did it twice yeah oh man dude you interrupt him and he's also wearing

like biker clothing yeah remember the thick boy bike squad or whatever bike club yeah thick bike I do blame

Chris D'Elia for the bike club's dismantlement is that a word dismantlement maybe maybe that's a reason heard it both ways dude yeah dismantle he dismantled that shit yep he fucking it rhymes with uh smish man bold disassembled okay um let's see here uh pacification let's see or passionation oh yeah i forgot about yeah assassination there's so many it's hard to keep track um let's see imagine youtube hit him. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that one. There's so many, it's hard to keep track. Let's see. Imagine YouTube hit him up

and was like, listen, we love the show, Brendan. You just have to stop saying assassination. Alright, this is posted by Haphazard. It's called The Marketing Shark Found a Sucker to Buy Out Thick Tiger. I hope it's not true. Let's see. Do you think this is real? I haven't watched the clip no chance there's no way he's gonna get rid of tiger thick

oh shit dude i'm looking for actual help dude you love this conversation okay so i fly to i fly to austin right for my whiskey and all the business out there and so yeah i mean you know i'm not gonna say who's involved you know who's involved with the whiskey buy and all that big boys big boys so they're all about to be rich well he's gonna sell tiger thick dude whoa who's he saying to somebody that's homeless as fuck dude for sure right I mean yeah you should sell it to like a rich homeless cat

that will make fun of it in some way I bet you like people will buy it after it's out of his hands dude oh my god it's like game stock yeah wall street bets dude oh my god if they did that to tiger oh please please you guys are on reddit please do something like that yeah we could invest we could be that's how we get the fucking money that if you,

if you do that, dude, they're going to be more than stickers. I mean, with these red chairs, we're going to have fucking, we'll have a fucking, the fighter neon sign.

We'll get a black rifle, coffee, whatever the fuck it's called. Black rhinoceros. We'll get a jelly roll, fucking neon. We'll get the jelly. I'll pay jelly roll five million

dollars to interview him i don't give a fuck oh if we get that game stock uh fucking tiger thing money i mean you're thinking big picture stock wise but i'm thinking just everyone i want it to be sold out of all i want it to be in super high demand that's good too yeah there is an altruistic thing when you you said... Sell, sell. That was hilarious, but when you said big picture, dude, when you said big picture, I thought you were going to make another fat joke. I'm making big fat ass. Or something like that.

I was like, for sure he's going to level Jelly Roll again. Oh, it's because Jelly Roll's brother's name is Big Picture, dude. Dude, that's a good name for him it was my brother big picture very good damn oh let's see here we got some work to do but there's so they're all at this table they're all at this table and lex is there and like there's like 12 people like top marketing guy all and people you'd recognize you know so they're all there and we're finally together we've been together you know since it's all been zooms and emails so finally we meet in austin and so we're there and you know everyone's there and lex there with me and i already said all that stuff three times dude

he likes a lot of shout outs dude yeah sorry about that and and it's right before the meeting starts and i'm like where's your bathroom he's like literally right there so if the tape he drank a big gulp on the way there And I'm like, where's your bathroom? He's like, literally right there. So if the tape. He drank a big gulp on the way there. Why does he always involve pissing? I can't stop. Podcasting, dude. There's something about podcasting that makes you piss.

This is not a bit. We do that. We know it. We piss a lot. And we're not even drinking big gulps. There's no road sodas here, D.A.D. No. Just big waters dude but he's like where's your sink at dude they're like why they don't want it they're like they go the bathroom's over there the sink is over there but the bathroom is over there there's two different things it's like they do like a fucking o-line formation

around the sink when he's asked for the restroom there's a different things. It's like, they do like a fucking O-line formation around the sink when he's asked for the restroom. There's a sign that says like, or next, or there's like, they block off the sink in some way. He's like, wow,

there's something wrong with your sink. And they're like, oh yeah, maintenance, but a bathroom's over there. There's no sink in the bathroom. Stories about investor meetings are always like, this is,

meetings are weird. They all guard off the sink. There's like, there's a guy, there's one of those weird. They all guard off the sink. There's a guy, there's one of those hand soap guys in the bathroom, and his whole thing is that he can't let Brennan piss in the sink. Let's see here. People's here. This is the bathroom.

This is the bathroom, right? And so I'm like, all right, whatever. And they're like, we'll start as soon as you come back. I'm like, I'm just going to take a quick piss. So everyone's like talking, like m mumbling but it's not loud so i go in the bathroom and dude i'm peeing and i just i gotta fart hard right and i'm like fuck it now the the the bathroom walls when i was like that was so loud and the bathroom walls i don't know marble like it's all marble and i went went, God damn. And in my head, I went, it's probably soundproof because it's like marble walls. Dude, I walk out.

This is how you kick off the moon. I walk out and it's like, and I can see nobody's talking. I mean, how would that even bother? They would think it was funny. Yeah. Or not care. It's like, oh, you did that even bother? They would think it was funny. Yeah. Or not care. It's like, oh, you did a fart noise, now we can't do business? What kind of businessmen are these people?

Yeah. I probably, they're like, they're all foreign, like, very proper businessmen. They're sitting there like this, like, I cannot believe you farted. No, that doesn't, his brain is cartoons, dude. I mean, there are one that doesn't. His brain is cartoons, dude. I mean, yeah, but that's your takeaway, right? Like he's meeting with executives, dude. And executives are looking for any leverage to get you to fucking get on your knees.

If you know what I'm saying. You hear a fart noise. They're like, ooh, we can use that against him. Right. Part of the deal kind of. Yeah. Part of the deal type shit. Chapter 35. You farted. Take 15,000 off. Mm hmm. All right. Yeah. against him right part of the deal kind of yeah part of the deal type shit chapter 35 you thought it'd take 15 000 off all right yeah i wasn't but and then right before you say like all right and

they go they put their hand on your hand you go unless you suck me off that's every meaning yeah i do think that is a funny thing that we may have to keep as redacted as it is on the raccoon tweedies episode ever heard of it we went into a long thing that maybe may have to keep. As redacted as it is on the Raccoon Tweety's episode, ever heard of it? We went into a long thing that maybe we'll be a good douche for, but we think that everything involves sucking someone off. Yes. Everything in life that you get involves sucking a powerful person off.

But check out that for that. And I thought that before Cat Williams, dude. They're like, all right, I'm done watching this. I didn't get into comedy until I knew that was how it went. Yeah, right. You and me both. Yeah. I was like, oh, I could put Sharpies up there for fucking money, dude.

I do that shit pro bono, doc. On my own time. Well, apparently he's selling fucking Tiger Thick, which is sad, dude. Sorry for cussing. And I go, all right. And I just like, I didn't think about it. I just went on as soon as the meeting ends, we go outside like, so it was, Hey, come here. I go, why'd you fart like that? I go, I go, you heard that? He goes, everybody heard it. He goes, why did they mention it? I knew something was up. Cause like,

you didn't see the assistant pretend she was typing because it was so awkward how would you see she's like this dude i was on it dude i'm talking fucking oh bro they're like yeah we know you do that here all the time yeah you fart in front of us chin's just like this he's traumatized he's ptsd oh yeah it's really funny dude so i mean listen i love papa you know that dude i also like a good fart joke dude yeah it's not like i think as a society we need to be a little bit less like uh uptight about that kind of shit yeah bodies be and if and if lex is doing his job he would have fucking said hey you know what brendan step out the room real quick y'all need to laugh yeah you just had a comedian go in your restroom and fart there's only 250 people that could do that right right i agree that would be

or he could do like and you motherfuckers didn't give him nothing. You think he bombs all the time? That was funny, motherfucker. Yeah, dude. Lex needs to grow a pair. Sorry, what did you say? No, he should be a manager. He could also be like, I know that was weird, but he'd just make up pain in the air.

Brent has IBS. Yeah. And then they would feel bad. Like, oh, we judged this guy. He's crones. Honestly, the only thing that combats it is laughter, and you guys didn't laugh. I didn't want you to laugh at us.

All right, let's see here. This one's called Bapa, How to Clean Your Glasses. They misspelled glasses. Posted by Raza9. Oh, yeah, I've seen this one. This is crazy. I haven't seen this. Let's see.

There's no sound? No. Oh. What the fuck, dude? How does he he think that and with a t-shirt that doesn't even clean the glasses yeah it just smears it you gotta have microfiber maybe as a microfiber shirt because he has to clean his glasses so much i mean he's fucking dude he's top dating so what if he has a microfiber shirt well that's alpha rule 738 is wear microfiber shirts you're right dude i forgot i mean you're not even remembering the fact he doesn't need glasses he just puts them on that's true yeah ew dude ew i mean also keep in mind if it wasn't for the

glasses we wouldn't have the takeaway clip dude all right right that's that is the greatest clip there is greatest clip of all time, D80. What else? Any other thoughts? I just think it's so, I can't get by. Well, obviously the most ridiculous thing is he put the whole thing in his mouth. But I can't get by the practicality of it. He is not getting the smudges off by doing that. But what are we doing? We laughing now.

That's true. It is funny. He's a comedic genius. Anything for a fucking laugh, dude. When you're this balls deep in the game, right? He's not buying fish because he likes oily substances. Or what is it? I don't know what to say.

That sounded right so far, I think. He doesn't buy fish because he likes gills, dog. He buys fish because that shit's funny, dude. Right. Fish cars, kids. And all of those things are funny. He's keep attacking his fucking truck for a laugh, dog. Yeah.

Right. Here. What are you talking about dude it's on your fucking head too holy shit i can the show is so redacted you forget sometimes yeah you forget how deep you are in it sometimes that's true and sometimes just go like this right there look at your favorite thing dog streamable oh no i hate streamables dude uh this one's posted by uh real stephen smith and if if there's any like risk of a copyright i'm just gonna take it out because that shit's been a headache for the last three weeks yeah we've been getting good douche left and right by that shit uh this one's posted by real stephen smith called sounds of shab infomercial for papa's new c. Let's see here. Time Life presents The Sounds of Shab.

60 songs on two CDs. Spoken word over ambient music for ultimate relaxation. Featuring such classics as Well, your Navy hat would beg to differ. You just said beg to differ. Like haters, right? Ingress?

Ingress. Your parents had you when you were how old? When you were five years old? Yeah, so he died. Just my fifth show in two days. It's a beast. I know, I know. I used to think giraffe was da-raph.

I thought it was spelled with a D. To order The Sounds of Sharp, call the number on your screen or send check or money order for the amount shown, plus shipping and handling. Rush delivery available. It's all now. Damn, dude, that takes me back

to those infomercials what was it like enya or something ever heard of it oh i remember that shit i know infomercials you're talking about i'm girls gone wild daddy you know what i'm talking about dude yeah those two yeah those are the same era yep they used to be those cd things man there's so many different cds yeah that must have been successful. That would be successful. We should market our fucking show Timo's on Infomercial, dude. I would love to have some sort of CD type deal where we sell

CDs. I mean, no. Who would buy CDs now? But it's either us doing clips or us with our sayings or whatever. That's a great idea. Parody songs, dude. Oh, yeah. I'm not a marketing genius, bro. That's a great idea. I would, I would parody songs. Oh yeah. I'm not a marketing genius,

bro. I'm a quack, quack, quack. I mean, we don't matter, dude. I've,

if there's a good idea, I know one thing I'm not thinking of it. It's so funny. All right. So this one's posted by Astro creep school. It's called Chappelle and his new mentor agree on shop. So I haven't seen this yet. I read that title and uh i'm interested who are these this is adam ray adam ray dave williamson oh okay and then i know the other two i try to read energies and like i know that like negative

energies permeate and so i there's people that i've distanced myself from in life because I watch their energy and I was like yeah and I go I don't want bad energy around me like I can't I can't be a part of that man like I uh things are too fragile in my life to yeah yeah 100% be you know the takeaway from that is lateral move the takeaway is you cannot listen to absolutely anyone ever because there are so many fucking idiots. There's so many fucking idiots that want to tell you how it's done that when you start listening to them, you lose your own idea. Yeah. So that's the moment he did that in front of burt and burt was like can't he gets serious burt's so like unserious but he's like immediately serious like no i can't be around that well let's

let's ask a hard-hitting question right now dude and i think you know the fucking answer dude eight inches yep i don't know we're gonna have there's another acceptable answer um how many chicks i'm just kidding who's funnier dude who's funnier between those two shop and fucking chrysler oh shot a thousand percent yeah yeah i mean come on so being the fucking genius job is imagine being i mean it's hard for us you know imagine being fucking chrysler right right i mean if you need some time i can cut this part out right take off your shirt if you want to do stuff like that yeah do push-ups you got the fucking beast fucking breaking records of pull-ups and fucking bench presses doing better at comedy than you you fat fuck right yeah i agree he's

friends with Jelly Roll. I never seen Chrysler and Jelly Roll. He found Jelly Roll. Yeah. I never seen Chrysler and Jelly Roll in the same room. They might be the same fucking person. Maybe Chrysler needs to act like Jelly Roll in order to be close to Shaw because he's so fucking jealous of how funny he is. I'm just throwing it out there, dude. I see what you're saying and I agree with all of it, but I think

and don't kill me here, but I think you can simplify it all right two things right okay you got heard it both ways you got poor osos and you got tiger thick that's which is which came first that too yeah i mean it's just right there on your face i heard crasher wanted whiskey and he's like ah fuck i can't do it with this it's already been done the best yeah there's no reason to make another wigs key i haven't heard porosas be detailed as nectar no it's not even out yet you can only get in texas no one's ever been there yeah fucking state yeah the continent new england deity australia has it dude they're seven days

ahead of us you know yeah it's in australia and fucking texas and that's it yeah that's okay blog not enough no dude tiger thick is everywhere because nobody buys everywhere porosos didn't count don't matter so i'm on shop side dude i don't know me too i mean i like no offense to bert it's like uh fucking who do i like better michael jordan or fucking uh carmel carmel anthony it's like obviously michael jordan yeah you know both are good both good yeah one's better either way when you get in an elevator with them you might think it's job damn do you're playing 40 chess right now i didn't even see that one coming you say carmel anthony and then you went right back to it dude yep well it sounds like you're indecisive you should ask jay dude holy shit you're in the hospital and they're

like operating on them we can't get them to stop we've tried everything they're like do you how do you feel right now on like they do the smiley face thing i'm like white man handout i do the tater tot once a week they try the fucking defibrillator on you dude i'm like what else you got jim boom yeah all right let's uh see this clip it's called uh i wonder who luke is referring to here uh-oh it's called or posted by Lumumba zero. Let's see what the fuck this is about, dude. I mean, I got to tell you the amount of athletes I've worked with, like either current or former professor or, you know,

have played professional ball in some capacity or either still do. The level of prep that they do is so shockingly little. It'll blow your fucking mind. A lot of them are growing their channels, and this is totally their right. This is just the way the world works, but it's fine. But they're growing it and growing their profile based off of their existing celebrity

that they then take from fighting into another domain. That's not the same as building a media audience. And I, I cannot tell you how many times I have worked with a professional athlete, former or current who did zero fucking prep, zero fucking zero for the job. Zero. You'd be surprised at the level of prep the athletes do,

which is an oftentimes fucking nothing. You'd be surprised, dude. Oh fuck. I didn't catch that. You'd be surprised, dude. Oh, fuck. I didn't catch that. Oh, man. That's gold. He said zero, and you'd be surprised. Yeah.

There's no way he's talking about shop. He's not talking. There's not. No. Luke is not like that, too. No, no. You're right. No.

No, it's just a coincidence, dude. This is another painted narrative. Funny, but it's painted. I mean, I can see where you're coming from mr lube and baba but no no i mean you they fucking cut the context of him being like but shop's not like that you know what i mean that's maybe what he meant we're just erading into it if you think yeah it's about bob rating you're rating it to a dude luke doesn't even matter. It doesn't even count. He's not six foot, right? It doesn't matter.

Yeah, he's not a big guy. How does he fit in that studio, though? This is posted by MoneyLone1865. That's so funny. Yeah, yeah. I agree still. Well, he has a 5'10 attitude. I'll tell you that right now uh money loan 1864 it's called

nick quigley gadouche the theo topic once papa became noticeably sad in context b they were disgusting peeing in bottles and that is why nick mentioned two pounds that referred to chris peeing in two bottles earlier oh so chris peed in two bottles earlier okay Oh, so Chris peed in two bottles earlier. Okay. Thank you for, you know, I wasn't going to catch that. Which, why isn't this podcast bigger, dude? Because if they're peeing in bottles, like what are we doing here, you know? Like, I want to tune in later today.

You got to say that. This is a funny screen grab. It's like shop is a tiny person. That does look like that. Let's see here. What's this? We did this when Theo crashed T-Fat K when Michael Rapport was there at the Rack Gang. We were in a hurry and he peed in that bottle.

That's funny. That's funny. That was the start of it all right there. That was. Special time. That's his superhero origin story is that wrestling stuff but theo chris got two pounds in those bottle that's crazy what two two that's two full pounds

yeah you don't realize how much piss you're holding pounds because 16 ounces of uh liquid two pounds oh it is yeah dude damn dude i i take back what i said they're doing numbers i don't do that no i can't piss like that oh really dude i i could piss like that trust me dude you know i mean start drinking eight bottles of water a day dude it's a theme with the podcasting remember we were talking earlier about chavez to pee everywhere and then we were like we relate to that at least i said that and then they're fucking peeing again in bottles we don't do that here because we have a sink yeah but um yeah yeah, I get it. Shout out to the sink.

Dude, I talk for a living. Yeah. You're a red belt today. I pee for a living, dude. I'm a red belt. Let's see. You're working your way up from that three-stripe white belt, dude. Let's see.

I can go pound for pound on that ass. That was the start of it all right there. That was the start of it all right there. That was. Yeah. That's like seeing him get hit. I mean, he's probably thinking about the next topic, dude. So, yeah. Yeah.

He's not thinking about Theo. No. He's like, who is that? Oh, that guy that needs to go through something right now? Yeah. I mean, he probably feels bad for Theo. That's why. Yeah. He feels bad because Theo is eating a lot of through something right now? Yeah. I mean, he probably feels bad for Theo. That's why. Yeah.

He feels bad because Theo is eating a lot of his dust right now, dude. Yeah. He didn't even, on his way out, he didn't even get a severance, a hot chip. Yep. A hot chip. I bet you his fucking Mexican was throwing Cheetos. I don't appreciate that. It's funny as hell, though.

Tell you that right now. Yeah. You get to eat them off the floor. Yep. All right. I got to go, guys. Get a hard out. All right.

I can do it with Eric. Yeah, you get it. All right, man. Take care. Chris will be more interested in this one. It's very Chris-centric. Oh, nice. It's about me, huh?

What? My phone's back. Oh, you're stupid. Are you kidding me? He forgot his phone. He's about me, huh? What? Oh, you're stupid. Are you kidding me? He forgot his phone. He's stupid. Don't check the pictures. We have dick pics on there. That's just funny. Comedic.

Oh, fuck. The door's open. I've noticed, and don't kill me here here but I've noticed that people that do like this when they're like instead of just like hey see ya are kind of dumb this kind of thing where you're like double fisting like why are you just holding it out for someone to do like that

just fucking be normal yeah I'm also a handshake guy dude yeah I got vaccinated dude but I'll shake your hand I'm not anti-vax. Yeah. Like, another thing, too, the best thing about this whole show, dude, is, like, you know it's going to fall apart, right?

Probably. The golden hour is going to fall apart. At some point, yeah. Yeah. He's going to take two other people under his wing, make them huge. Like, Chris D'Elia and Eric Griffin were nothing before shop. Everything is green is gold. You know, I wish I had, I don't even know if I messed it up.

I tried everything that's yellow is piss in a sink, dude. You know, I mean, let's just, let's just name it how it is, dude. I'm trying to think of a fucked up sayings. All right. This one's posted by a dazzling. I did mess it up. Isn't it? Nature's first grain is gold.

Good. Oh, whatever, dude. Never even heard that. That's, that's some fucking Arlington, Virginia.

I'm over here like looking for stickers like, Oh, here's a sticker. Good one. What are we doing here? This is a, I like how also in your fucking room you have a, what are we doing here?

Sticker. It's not even for the show. It's to hide. It's to hide bumps on the wall. My girlfriend saw that and she was so mad she's like we're going to my place this is posted by dazzling rabbit 633 it's called hey dana you're not you're nostradamus calling boppa's downfall post rogan push way back 2018 i read this one and I thought it was funny because I like reading shop voice. So this is all Dana. I'll let you

do shop. You have to do shop justice, so get yourself put together real quick. We're going to enter full screen mode for this. Entering full screen mode. How does Dana White sound? Such a fucking tool. What the fuck does this idiot know about the sport or the business?

Stylebender, for you to be listening to one word from this moron is a waste of your time. Guy went six and five in the UFC. The only thing he could teach you is how to get KO'd. Tune idiots like this out at the fake Matt Estrada. He's successful? As soon as Rogan stops carrying him he will disappear damn yeah daddy that's how we do it in these streets dude all right let's go to the shops now oh how do you zoom in it's not gonna let me zoom in yeah you got it oh shit right there okay i can

do that oh luca got a break from folding ronda's laundry to jump on Instagram. Bravo, sir. He's right. What do I listen to? A bald, fat guy who has never been in a fight in his life? Do that. And laughy emoji, dude. All right, there's more. You're a monitor?

You're a monster. I can't read, dude. I do that on purpose, man. I was referring to you guys with a little MMA experience. That was my main point coming straight to UFC or major in the MMA leagues. You have a ton of experience in MMA before getting to UFC. It's hard to—this is the thing. Now, I'm reading it, so I'm not really taking it in.

But I remember I was trying to memorize the first five minutes of the Gringo Poppy, which you'll be able to see someday. It's behind Patreon now. I didn't see it. But when you say the words of Gringo Poppy to someone who doesn't know what it is, it sounds like an insane person talking. It makes no sense. And a lot of what Shob shop says if you're not like

really thinking about it and like listen to it just doesn't oh my god that's the exact same hat that fucked me up just then i was like holy shit dude yeah dude holy shit that is the exact same okay wow already dude you completely forgot what you were saying i don't want to even know i'm on this now no but i agree with you what you were saying it's like it's insane it's insane speech yeah it's just gibberish yeah but i mean if you do like the nuances of like joe rogan's act and you know do his jokes i'm sure you'd be like this is insane right maybe yeah maybe if i tried to do maybe that's the same with all standard but the only one i've ever tried to memorize the shop yeah i don't know eddie murphy i used to memorize his

bits all the time and they make sense yeah job you can't you know how we're talking about bad comics dude we're not talking about good comics you know our one quick aside remember how eddie murphy had the thing where he was like white people are gonna go to work and try and do my jokes it wasn't eddie murphy i think they did that right and so because they're good what if somebody did that with shot like people are doing that because they're bad yeah this guy was like he was like dipping his nacho dude in the nacho cheese dude and shop was like oh i miss what did he say what did he say oh oh once again no it was so funny dude no wait wait it was uh he was and the shop was like okay mr all foods and what are your everyone at the fucking water cooler is just like, what the fuck?

What are we doing here? What are we doing here? You're at lunch and you're just like, just sitting next to a person eating a turkey sandwich. They're like, they don't know what to do. You're eating a burrito. The co-worker is just like, beans, cheese, beans, cheese, beans, cheese. You're eating a burrito. Coworkers

just like, beans, cheese, beans, cheese, beans, cheese. You wait. After you do that, you wait for them because you expect them to be like, every night. But they don't and then you're like, wow, you kind of suck. You're like, I've got to stop hanging out with you. Yeah, I guess I'll have lunch at a different time. Oh, that's so funny to me, dude.

That's a sketch, bro. We've got to make that a sketch. Yeah, that's good. Shop in the workplace. Yes, shop in the workplace, dude. That's a sketch. We got to make that a sketch. Yeah, that's good. Shop in the workplace. Yes, shop in the workplace, dude. HR violations aplenty. Go ahead and take it away from your Tanner. He's like... No, but that's exact...

Look, shop would be so bad at a workplace exactly for that. Him saying stuff like, instead of doing his job, he's like, go ahead and take it away, Tanner. He wants Tanneranner to do his job or he goes up to his boss he's like what else we got chin he's like you haven't even done i sorry i got a hard out a hard out what you work a nine to five sorry i gotta leave what no this is your job dude oh man i laughed way too hard at all that dude all right this is uh also if you're wondering why i did that impression of a guy at work talking about shop so well because i do it every day dude right you know what i mean yeah um this one's posted by technical gap 4581 it's called great

white bone nickel let's see here oh o'reilly who business? Oh, they are in the business of keeping your car on the freaking road. But all points would say he deserves it. Shop. You're right. All points, the way he looked at his hand right now. He's written something on his hand. But all points would say he deserves it.

Shab, S-E-H-A-B, all lowercase. Just a matter of time before they release that freaking great white bone nickel. Easy peasy. Japanese. You know what I'm saying? Easy peasy. You're friends with both Luke Rockhold and Joe Schilling right

correct are they friends too or no I don't know yeah but that's pretty cool I thought they were like homies but yeah I don't know um like subscribe do all the stuff they tell you to do alright kids love ya

oh oh fuck dude the Delia yelling thing is such a good punchline I think it's so funny that shop tells everyone that he's friends with people and then when Chin's like wait but you're his friend. And even Chin's like, I'm wrong.

All right, whatever, dude. How would you not know that if they're friends, if you're friends with both of them? Yeah, he's friends with everyone. So Chin's like, but you said you were friends. Never mind, dude. It's not worth it, bro. No. It ain't way to be.

I'm going to go cook some food, dude. Another cooking video. Oh, there was a cooking video. I got to find that, dude. There was a cooking video that we could watch today. I'll save it for last. This one's posted by Seth

Olinsk. It's called Two Years Ago, Bapa Took It From Hair. I started to watch this and it made me laugh so I was like, let's watch it on the show. Mike, what up, baby? Good to see you, man. Yo, what's up? What if Shaw was talking to a baby on FaceTime?

He calls a baby Mike. Mike. Shab, my son's name is Ethan. Mike. I'm here with Browz. What up, man? Big fan. Thank you, bro. Bigger fan. Bigger fan. Always one

interrupts. Important. I see the merch, daddy. What's up? Just. Bigger fan. Always one-ups. Important. I see the merch, daddy. What's up? Just came in, dog. This shit is fly. Can't wait to rock it. You look like me. Before you say anything, I need to cut you off.

Your footage for the music video we're shooting right now. Literally in the middle of it. And we're just waiting on your footage. So if you could, you know, get it done, that'd be great. The video, that's not going to work. I can send it next week. I'm actually rehearsing now for tour yeah what was the terrible idea that's stupid you know what you know what i got this i got it i'll take it for a minute what do you mean okay i saw this in my head now i'm in there tonight even paying any thoughts so far well

it's a masterfully uh put out sketch of some kind kind of like everything is pre-written but but you didn't you didn't see any of it coming yeah see we didn't laugh because we're aspiring to be one of the 250 right sure you got to kind of impress them with what you can take and what you can't take i was dying on the inside right from laughter yeah not from redacted um so not my first rodeo his shirt says that's good stuff it's just you punch up the bit dude have you never heard of this or what it's he's punching up dude yeah yeah that's stupid I don that depends so if you're down we could watch that again dude it's oh man i like that all of their sketches have the feel of like you in high school being

like not you specifically but you and your friends in high school being like hey let's like let's just like make a sketch and we'll be funny if we were eating pizza in it, right? And then they'll show us editing and all that. It's just everything is the same kind of. There's never a difference. No, for sure. It's all one note for sure, but I love that note, daddy. Film on the same couch.

That Lil Browz guy is kind of like if that amico guy was redacted redacted yeah it's like when you get married you start fucking the same way every time you're just like pump pump pump pump pump right right same thing here dude i'm married to shop dog just pump it inside me daddy that's it oh no diddy no diddy dude nah dude that's it that's that's the life right there dude i'm happy let's go uh it didn't go full screen uh this is called boppa bink or no that's posted by boppa bink called b shop talks comedy and work ethnic it's just another streamable i know it's been nice to me today it'd be that but also with stand-up like um in vegas this thursday friday but with stand-up, like, I'm in Vegas this Thursday, Friday, but with stand-up, it's like...

Damn, aren't you going to miss that, dude? Yeah. The show drops. Fucking blows, dude. Rally's not been the same since, dude. The only thing that would make it better is just a nice cold glass of liquid death. I did try liquid death at a show recently, dude. Oh, yeah?

The Phoenix Mic Drop Mania had nothing but liquid death. Okay. Never had one before. Pretty good, right? Drank that shit. I said. Yeah, I started slapping the chair. I was like, I get it now, dude.

Yeah, you were on that level, dude. That's another one. And then when I was like, can I have another one? The club manager was like, this levels to this shit, bro. Right. You didn't have three already. And then so I drank two more. Those are rookie another one i'm gonna go 25 lick my death a day yeah i can do the work and prepare for it and take out the variables like yeah you might get

a crowd who's tired on saturday night or loud but for the most part like the fail you you failing as a comic is due to you not putting the work in right so i'm and obviously you were like dude you know it's gonna take a while before your headline like no i get that i'm that doesn't scare me but i know that you want to talk about work i'm not scared of work so if i can put together an hour we know that he's that white boy i work too much he's not scared of having white pants either. Yeah. I could spill something on that shit, needy. I really enjoy when clips just start with Bapa talking.

Oh, yeah. You're kind of just like, what did they say before this moment happened? How did they get this speech? They're like, hey, so are you scared of work? And he's like. Yeah, let me tell you something. Enter whatever the fuck he says, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. They set it up for him. They set it up. Yep. Yep. And, you know, figure this thing out. Like, and I can control the variable.

We're in the UFC. Dude, I can't control the variable. It's I'm fighting fucking Travis, a killer dude. And I might be really good, but I can't control. I can't control anything he does. Yes. On stage. I can. You're like a lion tamer. That's true. I can't control. I can't control anything he does. Yes. On stage. I can, you're like a lion tamer.

That's true. I can control it. Yeah. And also I'll take up to you and I'll take my L's at the comedy store falling. You or Joey did stuff like that. All right. Like I'm figuring it out, man.

Yes. But then enough time goes by. It's like, right. I'm a lion tamer. You don't think I've seen like now I've been doing over six years. You don't think I've seen. I'm a lion tamer. Yeah, I don't know what that means you don't think I've seen let me uh I need this just for me enough time goes by it's like right I'm a lion tamer you don't think it's so hard I want to like memorize all the fucking things he says

but I know I'm gonna forget I'm a lion and tamer and like just like I don't do this for the thugs of it I know I'll forget that and then there was another thing he said this episode that was hilarious i've already forgotten what it is lemon squeezy japanesey i mean i'm definitely not saying that it's all you daddy chapelle is so serious dude i respect him for that he's like really like trying to give shop like brain power yeah the benefit of the doubt they They have on the same shoe. Yeah, I beg to differ. Look at the shoes. I did notice that earlier. All right, we can do the show, but you got to wear the same shoe as me, though.

They're different. They're slight. Because you see like the blue underprint here? Okay. There's none there. Which shoes cost more? Definitely Chappelle's, I bet. Let's see.

I've seen, like now I've been doing over six years. You don't think I've seen these type of lines before? You guys don't scare me. I know how this is going to go. I know exactly how this is going to go. Exactly. Yeah. It's going to go good.

And then if the one line gets out of control and wants to roast or something, you know, I've been doing long enough now where I can handle that. Or if the crowd's really tired. Oh my God, dude. Okay. So this goes back to something I said a long while ago and a lot of episodes ago. This is the Adderall days for sure, dude. Oh, really?

I don't feel good about making fun of that. Okay. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Drugs affect the way you think, Dady. Yeah, he's a line tamer though for sure. That's what Adderall gives you, like this delusional thing. Like a fucking, basically what I do, dude, control lines.

Yeah. Most important job, dude. Gotta pipe the piper dude dude yeah i'm the tiger king um oh shit jump scare dude again this is my brother tiger king this one's posted by stone zero seven seven seven it's called the redact considers anyone outside his circle of quote friends trash dicey dicey i hope that's not what he says to you that's so fucked up let's see i was blessed to come in through y'all and to y'all's community which is the most genuine group of friends i've ever seen and i brought my brother meat bag with me y'all let him in too i appreciate you know what i mean

like they're like real friends so of course that's what i'm saying you have to go through you know the trash exactly like you're meeting the the squad i can't write it dude he met legs tarik fucking nick chin dude he didn't have to waste his time with a fucking duck like brendan cooneyardo. Yeah, I think me and Sean would be really good friends. Yeah, someday. Mm-hmm. I mean, probably not going to happen in this lifetime, but there's a parallel universe out there where we're running shit, dude. You know what I mean?

Yeah, dude. There's a parallel universe where you're this other guy in TFAG. That's what I'm saying, dude. I think so. A boy can dream. You know what I mean? Dude, I'll be the kid all day long. Dude, when you're asleep at night, you're fucking thinking about that shit.

Like there's a dream where you're doing that shit. Listen, we can all agree on one thing. The show's not strong, right? Right? Right? Right. Oh, yeah. My question is, what did Brian Callen do to get that seat, dude?

Right. You know what I mean? He sucked off some executive. Legs, you don't want him on camera because he's getting sucked off in the back, dude. No, that's how everybody got on the show. Fucking legs is big. Ask Cat Williams, dude. Let's see here.

I bet you Jelly Roll put on a dress to be in that couch, dude. Probably. Big dress. Let's see. This is posted by Clock ChokesNayPokes. Is there some sort of thing I'm missing? ClockChokesNayPokes? I think you got it. That's some word

that's definitely redacted on YouTube. It's called Who's in Charge of Social Media. Did you see this? No. So they tagged Jelly Roll or at Jelly Roll. You go over here. This is Jelly Roll. And then this is the other Jelly Roll, or at Jelly Roll. You go over here, this is Jelly Roll. And then this is the other Jelly Roll.

Damn, dude, how socials. Yeah. So dumb. Struggling for sure. I bet you Mark wouldn't have done that. Nah, dude. Not a chance, B. All right, so this one I thought was interesting.

I did watch this one earlier. It's posted by A-U-S-L-O-C-O. It's called Homeless Dudezy. Some would say Will is the friendliestest. It's posted by A-U-S-L-O-C-O. It's called Homeless Dudezy. Some would say Will is the friendliestest. Let's see here. I'm a very friendly person. Just last week, I showed you exactly how friendly I was. Don't make any mistake.

I am the friendliest. Some would say the friendliestest. Yep. To me, yeah, I see the shop, but it looks like a skinny me and then a fat me i'm always seeing lolly guys that look like different versions of me yeah it makes me laugh there's a there's a world where you are fat dude there's a parallel universe where i'm every guy just fat skinny tall short one ear no no legs parallel universe legs just fucking planet brendan cooney yeah it's like the worst planet ever they're like i'll tell you one thing travel

like travel advisors like we are no longer invited they do like with haiti they're like we no longer advise people to go there rick and morty are like no adventures over there morty yeah rick rick and morty get there and r over there morty yeah rick rick and morty get there and rick kills morty or vice versa they kill each other murder suicide they just kill themselves all right so this one's posted by haphazard it's called new baird let's see what this is about friday with the 22 win streak 22 in row. That's damn near impossible at this level. 22-0, Ursel's 20. All right.

Oh, man. It's bad. But is that edited? I feel like this is like the fish clip. Remember the biting of the fish? There's no way that's real. I don't think so. It has to be real, though.

Haphazard has integrity, dude. Oh, this is a Hap clip? Sorry, I missed that. Sorry, Hap. I don't mean to question you. I mean, if you made integrity, dude. Oh, this is a Hap clip? Sorry, I missed that. Sorry, Hap. I don't mean to question you. I mean, if you made this, that's awesome too. That's pretty funny. I mean, it's pretty believable.

There's no way. That's crazy. This shit makes you doubt everything. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely the fish experience we had. The beard is the grassy knoll or whatever this this is the zapruder film dude he was probably in a hurry to get out of the house that morning but he knows

he's gonna be on camera and probably do vlogs and shit he just doesn't care he just goes it doesn't count and oh in his last 22 versus the young freaking Alexis Nicholas, who's 23 and O. That's for a world lightweight kickboxing world title. And then you got my boys, the Rutolo. I'm just getting patchy. You know, I can fucking do this shit. And this one looks lighter than that one.

I'm shaving every day now, deity. What do you think? Yeah, you're good. You're okay. I'm in danger. Dude, I look at pictures of me with a mustache and I'm like, why did I do that? Nobody told me anything, dude. I don't think you look crazy

in a mustache. I think it's because I see my face now. It looks so wildly different. Well, you got a, you know, let me compliment you. You got the face for no beard. You got the face for a beard. You can do both. Me, on the other hand, I remember I asked this girl once, should should i shave my beard down and the way she said no i've never had anyone tell me no more forcefully in my life

because i hogged it yeah don't ask me how all right this is another stone zero seven seven seven clip it's called bapa has no clue where tuscany is located water that's hilarious you know where tuscany i don't want All right, this is another Stone0777 clip. It's called Bapa Has No Clue Where Tuscany Is Located, Water. That's hilarious. You know where Tuscany is. Italy. Okay, good. I don't want to deduce you.

Remember when I said Antarctica was up there? Yeah, you thought that Australia was in Europe? I said they're basically European. I know that they're not part of Europe. Don't you start painting your narrative, sir. They are, dude. They fucking act like Europeans, bro. Okay, there we go.

That's what you should have said from the beginning. Okay, here we go. It's on the- Tuscany, Alabama? Okay. Where's Tuscany? Tuscany is in northern Italy. Sort of middle.

Oh, Tuscany, yes. Italy. Really? Wow, dude. We really become the show dude i know i'm brian callen and you're brennan chop in this instance and again and it flips sometimes i'm that and then yeah tuskegee is in alabama i'm asking i don't know don't ask questions you don't want the answer to is it. Is it, dude? Let me see. Because if that's the case, then I understand why he would. Because it's a live show. Tuscany, Tuskegee, they sound the same. Oh, shit. Fuck.

I'm sorry. I was trying to talk to somebody. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're wrong. It's not a live show. This is T-Fat K. Oh, yeah. Shop show is a live show.

I mean, even if it's not a live show. I mean, it's not a live show. But still, those words are similar. Yeah. You're not thinking, like, sometimes in the moment. It's still funny because anytime he gets it wrong, it's funny. Yeah. But it's not as ridiculous as the usual shop is.

It's in Alabama, dude. See, there we go. He's a fucking black belt in podcasting, all right? Sorry, cats. Yes. Oh, sorry, fucking. he's a fucking he's a fucking uh black belt in podcasting all right sorry cats yes oh sorry fucking i maybe your mom's basement's a mess today and you're fucking upset about it dude guess what dude you done matter you done count didn't even count this time yeah dude get yourself some red chairs then we could talk b all right let's see here this is uh another stone zero seven seven seven clip boppa is the nicest guy with a dot dot dot dot let's see here. This is another Stone0777 clip. Bapa is the nicest guy with a dot, dot, dot, dot.

Let's see here. Here's the issue is what I won't tolerate is when you go, oh man, they look fantastic. He's a hand. Listen, now it's better just not to say anything. Her sister on the left, I would say, is legit fairly pretty. Brian. They're all pretty, pretty, dude.

They're pretty people. Yeah, everyone on the screen is hot. Yeah. Brian Callen, the twins, the guy, Schaub. Honestly, Brandon Schaub is the ugliest dude on the screen right now, dude. What I don't get, like, why Schaub feels the need to gadouche himself by doing this every time. It's like, when has this worked out for you? How did making fun of Robert De Niro's kids go? How did making fun of Brock Lesnar's daughter or Balbacino, how did that go?

This is going to go the same way. You don't sound smart. You sound dumb. You're also dressed like fucking Mexican Steve Irwin or something. What are you doing?

That's a great, dude, that was a great riff right there, dude. Mexican Steve Irwin all day, baby. For real. Like it might work

for a Mexican who's into that, but you look like a redact, dude. And on today's episode, we're going to go to a Dodger game we're going to try to

kill us some heiners yeah what if they're just like at the game and they're like oh and and then we'll like

I'm trying to do an Australian oh we're at the Dodgers game now can I get a churro and can we get a large Michelin I'll have you stay quiet Dodgers game now. Can I get a churro? And let me get a large Michelada then. If you stay quiet here, you'll be able to hear the Dodger dogs being eaten by the fat.

Clayton Kershaw. He's a great pitcher. Never met him. Clayton Kershaw. Walkabula. Yeah, Shohei Ohtani. That's Muncie. Shohei Ohtani. Imagine Brendan Sharpe saying Shohei Ohtani. good sure walkabula yeah dude show hey otani monty show hey out only imagine brendan shop saying show hey otani i know like brendan shop hasn't talked about that show yo tani controversy at all dude no that's interesting i'm surprised that we haven't heard about that chin's like dude

please for the sake of my people asians everywhere don't say anything let's see here but i mean they're all handsome dude what the heck they're fine I see more pictures hey you know there's an episode of American Horror Story the circus season

hey hey hey but I don't want to make fun of these women because it's hard we're not going to but I'm also not going to say they look like fucking Rihanna because we had

you don't just bullshit everybody all the time no but right not all the time here's the the time that pops up look at that I just yeah no she looks great in the middle uh hey chin

go to American Horror Story twins yeah dude I mean he's got a sock dude yeah sound dumb baby those are the hottest Siamese twins I've ever seen in my life Gerardo's like horny now yeah I'm pretty bricked up right now, dude.

I'm not going to lie to you. Those are two baddies. You're in the DMs DMing baddies. Yeah, dude. You know, Shab is the first one to go over there and slip him his number if you know what I'm saying, dude. I love the idea of someone finding your phone and being like, oh, okay.

You're just DMing them nonstop. Swipe, right? What up? What up? Hey, hey. I'm a big fan. How are you today? You look beautiful this morning, like one of those guys.

What are you doing now? What are you doing now? How about right now? All right. So this one's posted by H2O. We doing here. It's called Watch Out for Those Bulls, Fam. Do you want to guess what happens or no?

He gets hit by the bulls. Oh, man. Oh, yeah, I saw this one. Oh, okay. This is good, though. Good thing I was in my true classic. This crew neck is sweet. If you like this, make sure you check out True Classic.

Dude, what are you doing, True Classic? How would you like this make sure you check out true class dude what are you doing true classic how would you allow this no he's trekking out true classic dude what do you mean that's what he said i fucking missed it sorry sweet if you like this make sure you check out true classic fuck jesus dude even like small creators will put fucked up subtitles if they fuck up a word and they put it out there. You know what I mean? There's just like, we're supposed to not notice this shit, dude. Yeah. Or

he's the smartest fucking person of all time, dude. Because this is marketing genius because this ad would only be on the fighter and kid, but now it's on the fighter and the kid subreddit and us and probably other things. Yeah. They got hoodies they got joggers they got jeans they got button-ups they got the best tees on the planet go to true classic.com slash fighter you get 25 off those bulls man interesting all right so i've just saw the best advertisement in my life

typical of shop um this one started to make us laugh and then so i wanted to play it on the show this one's posted by uh pilt or kinkajou i forget pity the kinkajou oh yeah they they've been on the chat before yeah one of our guys uh that's not or that's completely normal behavior b it's about to get dicey a little dicey alert you know i'm saying okay let's see here have you ever have you ever actually fooled anybody uh into being uh from somewhere else well i i don't know if i've ever told i'll tell this this i don't know if i ever told the story on the joe rogan podcast but um i, my buddy, and I used to pick up girls in New York by being different characters.

And what we do, we had two scams. One was we tell them we were stunting in South England. Not good. Yeah, we're doing stunts out here. I do it all. I ride motorcycles, and I ride horses, and i do a lot of fighting stuff and i do of course horses are involved yeah because he has a bit planned it's not maybe it's not real it's just part of the bit you know what i think is funny isn't jimmy burke the name of the goodfellas

character like the robert de niro character probably i think so who was like based on a real guy he's friends with a mobster i thought it was jimmy calloway no that's a homie of ours huh oh fuck yeah that i you almost got me there i was like wait a minute i'm totally wrong no i think there's something burke okay jimmy i don't know let's see i was amazing because we always got laid always you know yeah but my but jimmy had the worst english his exactions suck he'd be like well do you know what i mean uh well we got a spot sportive oh god like dude you're fucking overdoing it you suck that's hilarious and then we play uh doctors this is so sick i can't believe i'm saying this on the on the podcast but we used to get laid by my buddy be over there drinking like a beer and i

me and my friends come over and go yeah we'd be like excuse me um we sorry to bother you girls but we're surgeons and my buddy just lost his first patient and you guys come over and just maybe cheer up. You're so beautiful. And dude, it worked. It worked? Oh, they'd ask us medical advice. But I feel like.

Oh my God. Rough. Well, I need you to talk while I pull up another clip. Go ahead. I mean, the idea, like Brian Callen comes up and he's like, I hate to bother you, but you too. But my friend and I are surgeons. And the thing is, he just lost his first patient.

And you two are so beautiful. And like, well, while he's saying that, the women are like nodding and stuff. Like they're like desperately searching their purse for like fucking a mace or like some sort, like a key. One of them, while he's saying it, one of them has like the keys in her hand. Like, you know how they put the key on the end?

She's like gripping it. And they're like, just do what he says for now. And then as soon as you get a chance, just right in his eye. And Brian's like, we're going to get laid. And then he has all these bruises from getting keyed by women. Is my internet out again? I think the internet is out. Oh my god.

I think, but I am also redacted and I went to thefighterinthekid.com but the internet's not working. Well, good timing, I guess, because it's basically at the end of the episode. Yeah, so we could just watch the chink cooking clip next week. Alright, well there you go. There's a teaser. See you next week.

Bye.