10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Scuab CRASHED HIS TRX! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #86

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

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Wake up, Annie, I think I got something to walk you to. It's late, truck timber, and my Raptor's only made for two. I know I'm big on you too, but I feel I'm being gadooshed. Oh, Annie, I couldn't have tried any less. I mess up my ad reads. Then I go pissed in the sink. Audio is king and that's what really counts. One take.

It's time for my favorite time of the week. When you get the ear, bop, bop, try to speak. Release surprises today. You better actually watch 10 Minutes of Shop. Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop. Thanks for tuning in. We appreciate you joining us. As always, join the Patreon.

Ever heard of it? If you like just we just watched Matt Reif's movie he did a movie with Jamie Kennedy called Don't Suck and if you want to know how we thought about it check it out

it sucked it's not not too good yeah we also did a scathing review of Nadav from the YMH yeah

yeah dude he had some things to say about Reddit yeah which we didn't like no we discussed the podcast here Bob check out our other

show, Raccoon Tweety. It moved to Thursday now instead of Mondays. Gerard, do you have any shows to plug? I got a bunch of shows, but just follow me on Instagram. I wanted to say real quick, at Gerard of Comedy. A little plug right there. You like that, big dick? Sorry about that.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that subscribed last week. We got way more subscribers than usual last week. Oh, on YouTube? Yeah. Nice. Yes, sir. Thank you, guys. Shout out to all you guys.

Subscribe, you fucking duck. Yeah, yeah. Make sure to gadoosh that like button. Yeah, dude. All right. But anyways, that's not why you're here. No, dude. No, what you're here for is to watch 10 Minutes of Shops.

So start the timer. Play the chain clip. All righty. So I wanted to start off hot today, dude. No, what you're here for is to watch 10 minutes of Shob. So start the timer, play the chain clip. All righty. So I wanted to start off hot today, dude. So I had to get my favorite clip of the week first. It's called Huh by Haphazard, dude. I think you've already seen this. I'm not going to sugarcoat this thing. I'm not going to put sugar all over your wiener and tell you it's delicious.

If there's one thing he's not going to do, it's going to be not putting sugar all over your wiener. No, and telling you it's delicious. Yeah. I mean, it's one of the best clips I've ever seen. I can't believe it didn't go viral. I'm at a numbers gap. I'm looking at that, and I'm like, 421, D.D.? It should be near 1,000.

Isn't this what the Reddit's for? We're discussing the podcast, dude. This is really what it's all about. Yeah. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, man. I'm not going to put sugar all over your dick and say it's delicious. That's actually kind of, I mean, it's so out there. It's like absurd comedy.

It's almost unironically funny, him saying that. Yeah. But, you know, you go back to the weird sort of he does all this gay shtick that's horrible which is part of that but it's the best version of that i've ever seen i mean a gay broken clock is right twice a day right you're right yeah best brains yeah all right let's go to the next one i wanted to start hot dudes and we got this one it's called get pards for your truck delivered with o'reilly auto parts Parts ad edit posted by Exambular. Let's see this one, dude.

Getting the parts you need when you need them has never been easier. Shop online at OReillyAuto.com and choose same-day curbside, same-day pickup, or free next-day delivery to your doorstep. If you need the job done today, get the parts today. Oh, oh, O'Reilly. Auto parts. Ow, ow. Sign him up.

Yeah, dude. Okay, you've seen the workshop is done. Yeah. He knows promo codes. He knows trucks. He knows truck guys. He has his own show, toontown yeah he's also a car guy he knows knows a lot about cars so auto right o'reilly auto parts what are we doing

here yeah get him signed up and you know what else goes with trucks what fish thank god right he's your guy you can put fish right in the back of the truck. Yep. It's got plenty of space for all your tanks, for your arowanas and your... Your blowers and superchargers. Supercharger, catfish. Yeah. You know? Bear to dragons. Bunch of owls.

Bear to dragons. Yep. Dogs. Basically, the engine combustion system of a truck is a lot like a fish's playground. Chob is like a Dr. Dolittle, you know know, with his truck, has all the animals and stuff in the back. He's just driving around, just being funny and goofy. A man of all, or jack of all trades.

Yeah, a lion of the mountains. Yes, sir. A jack trader. Okay, so this one, we're going to keep it going here. This one's posted by RondaeXeaxe. It's called The Cooler You Look, The Funnier The Special. Let's see what this is, dude. It's fun, but it's not actually cool.

You know what I mean? Well, it's a fun. No, I think it's cool, obviously, but I'm saying it's a fun rap song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tough to pick an intro song for a special without taking itself too seriously. Without taking itself too seriously. And now! Ladies and gentlemen, from the Fighter in the Kid podcast.

This is the moment you've all been waiting for. And below the belt on Showtime. Give it up. It's. For the great and powerful. Tom. Fighting. Out of New York City.

Mr. Brendan Shaw. The one. The only. Andrew. Shaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one, the only, Andrew Schumacher! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tough to pick an intro song for a special without taking yourself too seriously. It's fun, but it's not actually, like, cool.

Oh, man, dude. So well edited. You know, Ed, the thing about the difference between Schultz and the UFC fighters that come out to that, in the red corner, these are guys that have trained their whole lives. Some of them are from, like, favelas in Brazil, and they're literally putting their life on the line. So when the guy's like, and the red coring fighting out of whatever, it's like a big deal. And then Schultz is just like a guy doing standup and he comes out and he's like, black people can't swim.

This guy's Somalian. Look at this Somalian ass dude. Oh, you just got off the boat. Somebody, you should have the chair on stage. You can slap it. Yeah, let's not focus on intro songs. Let's focus on cheers, fucking slapping them. Get Akash in there.

You know what I mean? I want to just have like George from T-Fat K be like, hey, coming to the stage, his first ever headlining show or first ever special, Brandon Cooney. And then I go out. I'm going to have George do it. Pay him a lot of money instead of Bruce Buffer.

And then your first joke is firing him. Yeah. Sorry, we had to fire that guy. Because he's going on to bigger and better things. He's going to do Gerardo's one. A lot of opportunities. I'll thank you to me and better things. He's going to do Gerardo's one. A lot of opportunities. I'll thank you to me, Cooney. All right, let's go to this next one, dude.

You see how I got a little bit of variety up top here. Let's just check in with Chin. And a little later in the episode, we'll check in with Chin again. How about that? Okay. Big dick, sorry about that. This one's posted by PP Stains in the front. It's called chin demonstrates how to properly rot a fish caught in garbage uh garbage filled

water for sashimi let's see here all right my friends i will be doing one of the more scarier catching cooks i got this guy in marina del rey with me little brows and taylor uh i was able to catch an opal eye and opal eye are not typically big fish. So this was actually a pretty decent size one. Here she is. I have big hands. Probably doesn't look as big. We caught this opal eye off a jetty in Marina del Rey. And no joke, we saw trash bags floating by.

We saw a used condom, a giant used condom that just floated right by us and it's probably just like being in thick boy studios you know trash and used condoms and people pissing in the sink dead fired interns yeah yeah interns can't he can't escape it everywhere he goes is turned into tfk just like us like he's at home and he's still talking about fish yeah listen i would be like can't can't you like take a you know it's like nine to five dude clock out but you're still talking about fish what are we doing here i said what are we doing here on a set i bombed the other day oh really yeah good a lot of people drinking alcohol in here where's the water you know what i mean

what are we doing here and one guy laughed super hard in the front row. I mean, it's just fun to stay on stage, even if it doesn't crush. I still enjoy it. So what do you think about a fish next to a used condom? Oh, yeah. Why would you eat a fish that you caught near a used condom? He had the best brains. That went over my head. I didn't notice that.

Oh, yeah. But, yeah, no, that's also troublesome. You wouldn't probably want to. Let me show you how to cook this fish that fucking may have jizz on it. Or got fucked, too. Yeah. Somebody might have fucked the fish. Yeah.

Or took a bite. He's like, there's no bite out of it. Let's see here. I froze this for a couple of days and I thawed it out for two and a half days now. Three days, probably. So apparently you're not supposed to eat I thawed it out for two and a half days now. Three days, probably. So, apparently, you're not supposed to eat raw frozen fish? I don't know. I don't know anything about cooking.

We're the worst brains for these arts, B. Yeah, I'm just here to let him cook. Yeah, let him cook. So, and I'm going to actually try to do sashimi with this, and then also fry it up. So, let's see what happens. One scale just landed on my face it just looks wrong are you supposed to just put the fish in the sink isn't that where you piss i'll stop this in the freezer man this is sketchy

as much as i want to do this sashimi the the meat is just, it's so mushy now. So I'm wondering if it's just been in the fridge too long. It's disgusting, dude. And you want to moisten your sharpening stone. The smell is even a little odd too, right? Don't do it. The smell's a little odd. This is what we're going to make sashimi with.

His girlfriend said don't eat it. Okay, I made a decision. I'm going to do it. I'm going to taste how the first one is. See, you don't want to risk stuff with fish. Yeah. If you're going to risk anything about food, don't do it with fish. But I think probably don't do it with any food.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-mm. I know something's wrong. Spit it out. Yeah. Here goes mushy nothing.

Mm-hmm. Into the soy sauce. Here we go. Condom fish. Condom fish. That's on his menu. Here we go again. Bite number two.

This is gross. Yeah, I don't like it. By the condom man. Oceans fill the trash regardless, you know? We see it more along the shore. Self-gadouche.

I'll just do one more piece. Number three. His girlfriend is like the subreddit right now. Yeah. Oh, really, dude? We got another condom fish over at Chin's. That's what the EMT said when they showed up. They were like, why is he, what happened?

Oh, he ate some fish he caught near a conum. Oh, really dude? Oh, one of my favorite comments said this video's fake because you can't hear any gunshots. It's a CGI, or what is it called? Deep fake. Oh, I just closed one of the videos.

Fuck me. Oh man, you gotta do that reopen. I don't know. Just do the reopen close tip. I'll look for it when we're talking here. All right. So let's go to the next one. PP Stains in the Front. Experience high quality pod by professional entertainers. Something tells me it's not going to be that.

No. No. All right. This is a lot like Raccoon Tweety'sies are we both on the phone yeah okay fair enough can't put kimbo in are you putting kimbo in i'm saying no chill i love that your phone messed up and you're talking about shit look at my goddamn arm chill do we just lose him? Oh, you're there, buddy? It's breaking up.

I think your reception's bad, Chill. Chill's pretending to not be able to. There is a real issue with the popularity. Ultimately, it's a popularity contest. Okay. How does that work? Well, in rodeo, they will look at it over the course of a year. Why don't you bring your dog to work? will look at it over the course of a year. Why don't you bring a dog to work? Juno will go over the course of a year.

They will have different class A tournaments. That's for his Hulk Hogan. Why? He didn't know the difference between a wrist lock and a wrist watch. Yep. All right. What do you got, Jen? You guys want current events?

We're at 125 right now. Oh, okay. Is there any good ones? Obviously, Trump winning the Iowa like Let's say put him in jail. Yeah And they used to have to trap dudes gay dudes that were fucking in the sauna and stuff That's how people die, bro. For real. Don't trap me in a sauna and make me fuck my way out. Nate Brown with the line of the night.

Because I will do it, sir. I will do it. Don't put me in the sauna and make me tell you your dick's delicious. I'll put some sugar on that sauna dig dude i want them to do more of that though like they're both on the phone but like bring in laptops and they can both be on the laptop yeah have brian start doing his taxes and shit fucking maybe have a third or 12th job job should do like he should do the shop show while he's doing drug di Diaries. Exactly, B.

Give him more to do on screen. I want more angles of his content. You know what I mean? Have him interrupt T-Fat K with a fight prediction. The problem with that is the way they had that set up is they have Chael Sonnen on the phone, right? I'm assuming. And he's got CT too, so he can't even tell that he's not on. Yeah.

He can't hear the crackling shit. Yeah. It's just too much going on. I think this might've been the one that we missed. So here we go. Let's just go with this one next. All right. So this one's called Eric Griffin.

Just twisting the knife posted by where a damn helmet. Oh, Matt Reif might've posted this one. Leted by Wear a Damn Helmet. Uh-oh. Matt Reif might have posted this one. Let's see. All right, kids. Keep on trucking. Tour kicks off. Nashville, Tennessee, January 25th, Thursday night.

Two shows at Zaney's. I'm in Austin, Texas, January 26th and 27th at the Stepmothership Vulcan Gas Company. I'm in Sacramento. Two shows, Brea, Phoenix, El Paso, Albuquerque, Kelowna, Vancouver, Rochester, Kitchener. I don't got my date set up yet. I do have some dates. I'm actually going to be at the real mothership

in April. And then even worse is Shab's going to be there in January. January. I wonder how close is vulcan to the mothership is it really close i think it's on sixth street i don't know they're on the same street yeah damn dude yep okay he's got to walk in front of it and just like look you know what's what is the equivalent to that when you are like fired from one or you got moved from one chipotle

to the other yeah but the good one you so you would like fired from one or you got moved from one Chipotle to the other? Yeah. But the good one, so you would like look, drive by the good Chipotle, go to the one that was bad? That or like if you were used to like mow lawns and like you see like one small lawn and they're like, yeah, we'll let you try it out. $100 a week. What the fuck is a small lawn? $100. And then next door neighbor is like, can you give us like a cheaper rate? But it's a terrible lawn. You're like, well, I'm making enough at this hundred dollar one i can do this one's for 75 and then the hundred one drops you and then shop calls the guy

gay yeah and then the owner of the hundred dollar house is like he's not even a lawnmower i'm like fuck dude because joe rogan says he's not a headliner anyway that was a long-winded response but yeah dude uh big dick sorry about that this one's posted by haphazard it's called quote the guy and quote said he's the first person ever to walk out of hamlet uh spoiler alert they're not talking about hamlet b let's see here i panter reminded me of uh of uh what's that hamilton that's another one oh that have you ever seen no no no no black panther and ham, same thing. I watched Hamilton on Disney.

I started watching it. It's on Disney? I was like, oh, they're rapping. To me, honestly, people are like, oh, Hamilton is so great. They rap. To me, there's nothing that sounds worse than that. Hamilton, sorry, I'm rapping. Did you go to the play?

No. I left, and the guy goes, I was in New York. I went to the play. I'm out there performing. I need something to do because I had an off night. Dude, halfway through, I'm leaving. The guy goes, where are you going? I'm like, I've seen enough. And they just keep rapping in the second part, too.

He goes, yeah, dude, it's Hamlet. I'm like, ah, I'm good, man. Hamlet. He goes, you're the first person to ever walk out of Hamlet. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Hamlet. I thought you would never go to like music. Oh, my God.

So many things like, okay. There's a chance that he's actually talking about Hamlet and thinks that they're rapping because they speak in that old English type way. That's a chance. There's a chance that that's what, like he actually thinks it's Hamlet. And he heard Hamlet. To be or not to be. To be.

To be. Or not to be. To be on Netflix. To be on Netflix. Oh, my God. But probably he just is saying it wrong. He's like, why does Hamilton want to kill his dad? Dude, shut up, D'Elia.

Shut up, Griffin. Freeze frame. Keep going. Full review of what you saw of Hamilton. Now, I think, I mean, I think I probably agree with all sentiments. I watched some of it on Disney Plus. I wasn't a fan. I mean, I haven't seen any of it. Yeah, my parents, MSNBC liberals, love it.

They were like, they played in the house when I'm there. And it's like, please. They started wearing their hats sideways and stuff, right? But no, no, it's bad. But I would love to hear Schaub's interpretation. Because right off the bat, he already thinks it's called Hamlet. Can I give you a little preview? Yeah. He's like,

yeah, I was watching Hamlet. I left. I was like, I got to get me to a nunnery, dude. Wait, why? Why? It's a famous line in Hamlet. Oh, I'm Paul's deep in Shakespeare, dude. You got the best brains. I'm not really a Shakespeare guy. Never really been. And then the usher was like,

to leave or not to leave? I was like, gotta go, B. What are we doing here, dude? I imagine Schaub eating too loud or checking his phone or something, or falling asleep, just doing all the funny things someone would do. I'm surprised he went to a Broadway musical.

Yeah. That's cool. I'm glad he's trying to broaden his horizons a little bit. You know, with Schaub, you never know what what to expect he might have just saw jersey boys and was like hamlet sucks a renaissance man but uh not when it comes to musicals yeah all right i was excited for this one dude i love keeping up to date with the uh fake comments dude please leave us more dude yeah those are funny um all right we're gonna go big screen on this one because it's kind of small it says uh still going with the big booty bitches bots uh posted by lo-fi 404 is your videos are like fairy worlds that are so easy to immerse oneself in thank you for this magical journey clever humor that leaves an indelible mark ensuring a return for more strawberry. Picture of vagina.

Oh yeah, every single one has vagina pics or ass pics. Don't care, dude. That's a real comment. Bravo, if you haven't watched it yet, you've missed something grand. Who else is in awe with me? Six. What happened?

Would you want to give up with the kissy face emoji? What are your thoughts on these fake comments, dude? Um, the six is probably the funniest thing. I think just a random six. Like I can't tell whether these are Reddit people just being very funny or actual bots.

And I wonder why or how, like, is Bobby Lee behind this? Is this a tiger belly thing? Ever heard of it? Shout out Tiger Belly. Shatterbox. Shatterbox. Shout out to our secret CEO.

Yes. The head of the secret service. General. Alright, let's go on to some more Boppa, dude. I can't live without it. It's posted by PP Stains in the front. Sounds like Boppa destroyed one of his vehicles already. Yeah. Let's see.

Had an eventful weekend, which I can't talk about right now, but I will. Well, I couldn't understand that for a second. He's like, I thought he was saying, but I will. Like, you know, I'm well, but without the I'm. Oh, but I will. I wasn't him, but. Let's see. Had an eventful weekend,

which I can't talk about right now, but I will. So wait, he can't talk about it, but he will? Let's see. That's all I say. Oh, he can't talk about it now, but he will in the future.

Oh, okay. So we got plans for the future. Okay, good. Yeah, a good... Somebody with a black belt in podcasting is always like keeping you wanting more, ending with like that... What's the word when you want to see the next thing? Eight inches.

Exactly. Yeah. No, so he doesn't... Cliffhanger. Yeah. I was going to say, he doesn't start with exposition. He starts with a cliffhanger, baby. Right.

That's what... A bad show has too much exposition. Yeah. Schaub gives no has too much exposition. Yeah. Schaub gives no context for anything. Smart. Yeah. Very, very good. He probably learned that from Hamlet.

Let's see here. You'll see. It'll be out there. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly. Auto parts. I'm going to be using them because i might have messed up one of my vehicles we'll have some news for you on that very soon it's a disaster how long has it been since you totaled your truck how long has it been since you changed your spark plugs yeah

so he can't talk about totaling his truck be cool okay what are your thoughts it'd be funny if i during this show is like all right guys Be cool. Be cool. Okay. What are your thoughts? It'd be funny if I, during this show, I was like, all right, guys. Ba-na, ba-na, ba-na, ba-na, ba-na. I mean, I can't talk about it now, but in next week I will be talking about what happened to my Toyota Camry.

We've got some news coming out about that hybrid. Let's just say there's one less raccoon on the road. Why would anyone care what happened to my Camry? Yeah. What are we doing here? Well, we're also not

this level. Yeah, we're not. This is a different level. He's a big famous person. So maybe you care more about his car, especially since he's a big guy. How's he fitting in?

Yeah. When audio is king and you're pulling in at least 30k, dude. Right? The downloads, let's just say they're Negflix for him. And for us, they're blog buzzer. Yeah.

We're pulling in the hundreds of hundreds, dude. Yeah, dude. Hundreds of thousands. All right. This one's posted by Rick Manchester. It's called Chris Didler talking about Shab. What I want to know is what came first, that fucking him saying that he walked out of Hamlet

or the Soft White Underbelly interview? Oh, yeah. You're telling me he was on that this week. I haven't seen it. As soon as he said he walked out of Hamlet, he's like, I'm going to hit that guy back up, dude. Right? And then this is what we get.

But there are those people that are like, you know, hey, time to do stand-up. It's funny to think of like that. Like stand-up is like it's just – look, I get that there's like brain surgery and I understand that there's people trying to figure out time travel. Yes. But like stand-up is just – in that world, that's one of the hardest things to do, that somebody that's just like sees another comic doing well on stage that is just like some guy successful in another field that's like,

I could do that shit. It's just so funny. Hilarious. Because it's so not the case. Genius. Nasty. Nasty. Yeah.

He brings up so many good points. He said it better than I could say it. It's like Mr. Whole Foods is there in the crowd. He's a fucking astronaut. And he's been in the moon and all that. And he's looking at, I mean the moon, right. You know, we, I've seen it, you know, and he's looking at like a Chris D'Elia who's one of the best, a murderer. Yeah. And he's thinking me, I'm a, I'm an astronaut. I know like how to, I know all this stuff. I'm like a probably, you know, there's only like 20 of me, right? Yeah.

But there's a thousand headliners who can do it. And you're a duck, Buzz Aldrin. Buzz Blockbuster. More like Blockbuster Aldrin. I've forgotten all other astronauts' names. Neil Armstrong names Neil Armstrong what's a way to make him Duck Armstrong

Duck Armstrong strong duck alright this one's posted by Haphazard North Star it's called that's Boppa in a nutshell right here Brian's like my bad it's next week god that's Brian in a nutshell you're a wild boy Brian in a nutshell.

You're a wild boy. Brian in a nutshell. I'm in a nutshell. All right, let's... They just skip over it a bit. Here comes the real bit. Two we got here, huh? Parrot. I did that with Postmates the other day, and I was like, what?

Yeah, I did that too, yeah. I'm like, what? Yeah, I did that too. I'm like, what did I order? Like, imagine being the people, like, setting up the video show, and the guy comes in with a box of, like, cocaine, six guns, bullets, a used crack pipe. How do they do this? He's like, this is jewelry box, crack cocaine. First of all, I don't think a person that has all that.

It's funny. I know he's parroting, but to me, I don't think a person that has all that. It's funny. I know he's parroting, but to me, I'm waiting for him to do it. So it's like, I don't really care about what they're saying. I just want Shab to. My favorite part of the pod is when he does it. The room would be that organized. I'm saying, what kid's room is like that? That's like a library.

Dude, imagine having. In his mind. Non-stop. Those two things are on the same page. Like you opening up a Starbucks in Midtown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And a plane crashing into the Trade Center. He said.

You know, like a global event. Yeah. He's like, or you opening up a new business. He's like, that's the thing about new york one day a plane's flying into the buildings the next you open up a starbucks that's what crash parrot good damn dude i wanted you to have a Jams wallet Remember those? Pull that up That'll take me back

Jams wallet Fuck Wow, I pulled that from Is it Jams or Jans? No, Jans Are you saying Pan or Pan? No I'm not saying either of those

Pan or Pan? Jams wallet Jams Dude, wow That brought me back The one right there The third one up on the top Oh, I had that Tune Squad one That one right there Jams wallet. Jams. Dude, wow. That brought me back. The one right there, the third one on the top. Oh, I had that Tune Squad one. That one right there.

So anytime, listen, don't answer anything. Whoa. It's crazy. It's a whole new scam. They would have got me. Yeah. They would have got me. Yeah!

They would have used that for the confirmation. Yeah! You signed up for this subscription? Yeah. That's obviously not what I was saying yeah to. What do you think? It's so easy to pair it on podcasts, though. I almost just did it now.

I almost did it now, too. There you go. Yeah. It is difficult because you're talking and then you want to, and Chad probably wants to say something, but he has nothing to say. So he's just like, yeah, he's kind of just doing the earthquake bit. I hope they never have any like super duper controversial guests on because Shab could douche himself, you know?

Oh, I know. You know, like somebody fucked up with some fucked up opinions and Shab's like, oh yeah, dude, them most Jews. Yeah. And you're just like, what? All right. opinions and Shab's like, oh yeah, dude, them most Jews. Yeah. And you're just like, what? Alright, so this one's a great start to 2024. Posted by Haphazard. Haph gave us a little bit

of feedback. Or not feedback, what is it called? Insight into his process on the Discord the other day. He says, I just watched the first five minutes and I get a clip automatically. Remember that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just the first five minutes. That was the first five minutes? Yeah. and I get a clip automatically. Remember that? Oh, yeah. With the wiener thing.

Just the first five minutes. That was the first five minutes? Yeah, of the shop show. I remember that. Let's see here. This is really The Fighter and the Kid. Come on, baby. Got a lot to talk about.

A lot to talk about. Happy Monday. Thanks, bud. How are you doing? You seem a little concussed. It's just a question. Can't talk about it right now, but we will. Okay, can't talk about it right now, but we will.

But you're talking about it, though. Look at that face, dude. He's wearing his, like, son's sweater. It's like a Care Bear sweater. Got yourself in a little accident. Got myself in a pickle. Got myself in a pickle. Got yourself in a pickle. A pickle.

Maybe took a little, how's the arm? How's the knee? And how's the head? The arm and knee, I can deal with the heads. I didn't need another concussion in my life. No, and you think you got a concussion? Looked like it. I saw the video.

Looked like it. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll get into that. My producer, Mark and Casey go, dude, I'm glad you're okay. Because they were shooting it. like i saw the video looked like it yeah all right well we'll get into that that's my producer my producer mark and casey go dude i'm glad you're okay because they're shooting it they go are you okay you'll get they go listen as your friend i hate this but as your producer we love this we love it yeah dude well it's going to be interesting to see what the uh how this

unfolds as it were uh so besides that insanity which we'll get into when you're allowed to talk about it, what else did you do this weekend? It's like they're both suffering from the injury, you know? They're talking all weird. We'll wait until we get into it, as it were. Like, what's going on? I want the best doctors on this, though. I need the guy in the Will Smith movie.

You know, Will Smith was like the trauma CT doctor. I need him helping out because we can't lose Shab for any number of days. We need all the doctors at Mount Sinesine to be on this, dude. The best brains need to be helping out our guy. I'm a little worried about him. He seems because like this is kind of standard job i don't see any how would you even tell if his head hurt right you'd have to be asleep or something it would be a little softer than usual what do you mean like to the touch oh that's right. Well, they do kind of touch each other, but it's usually shop touching people. So how would you tell?

I don't know. I mean, you just watch the first five minutes and be like, is he speaking correctly? Well, that's what I'm saying. He never speaks correctly. Yeah. So it's hard. The doctors would be like doing tests

and they'd be like, oh my God, this is so troubling. And then Brian would be like, actually, he was doing that before. And they're like, oh, thank God. So this is so troubling. And then Brian had to be like, actually, he was doing that before. And they're like, oh, thank God. So this is normal. Wait, so he was always saying sugar on wiener? He said something about my dick being delicious. Yeah, that's normal.

XJ Hotline. They have to call XJ. The doctors. Hello, this is actually a hotline. Hi, this is Dr. Ross from Mount Sign Sign. We have a patient here. He says that he's modding his truck. He's in the process of modding his truck.

He's got blowers and superchargers in his Raptor. I'm not much of a truck guy, but it doesn't sound like it's actually... He knows anything about trucks. Oh, yeah. No, he doesn't know anything about it. But it's totally normal. It has nothing to do with the head injury. Why does he keep bringing up SeaWorld?

Oh, he's big into fish. He's balls deep into fish. So, that's why. All right. Have a good one. Yep, later. Let's see. Oh.

God, dealing a lot with that. Figuring it out. That's a lot. 2024 has been tough. Between that and fish. With the baby been tough between that between that fish and baby girl not a lot of time to think about comedy 2024 is kicking me in the nuts um yeah 2024 we're like let's go 22 let's go what god said if you thought 2023 was tough just try this yeah um yeah that 2023 was tough get in strap the fuck in papa all right let's go to the next one dude this one's got a flair of thief or sutherland uh it says papa saves his best yes and ability for the Patreon shows. Let's see what this is all about.

B. She doesn't like me. So I was like, I don't. Should I come out and just say it back? Well, you know what? I don't like her either. Don't you? Well, yeah, but you know, I mean, you are the one calling into a podcast talking shit about her. Yeah, but this is after you know she doesn't like you.

That's touche. Yeah, but also she said she doesn't like him. Why do you think you guys clash? It's probably because of this. She's trying to. She's trying to. Yeah, I think she said she doesn't like him. Why do you think you guys clash? Probably because of this. Yeah, I think she's trying to compete. He's like, she's black. Yeah, you're stealing her friend. It's real simple, man.

She's black. No, but here's the thing, man. You know what? We're Michigan. If he's your friend, he's your friend. And it's like sometimes. Who's your favorite fighter right now? Mr. Romero from Cuba

yeah dude on the Patreon it's totally different man because like the stuff you get if you're just one of these ducks that only watches the free show not like me and Gerardo who are super duper Patreon top tier T5K subscribers,

then you don't get the stuff where Shob really tells it how it is. If you saw some of it, even sometimes I'm like, oh, really, dude? You know? Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah, you've seen me. You've seen me react. But listen, that's the heat that you get from Big Brown. He bet on himself, and he cash Big Brown. He bet on himself.

And I'm, you know, he cashed in. He won the bet. He's ready to tell it how it is. Yeah. Damn it. All right, let's go to the next one, dude. This one's called Talks for a Living. It's posted by Eddie Pool 8mm.

Let's see what this is all about, B. Trolling the pace and changing the narrative of a fight than Sean Strickland. So that's why I ear towards Sean Strickland in this fight. Because besides Alex Piera, he just, out of all DDP strengths, and there's a lot of them. annual annual annual meeting of you know obviously with uh where was the one fight i'm thinking of obviously with the robert whitaker there was a good girl Quite some time to call. Usually these things, I mean, there's this in the first, second round. If Strickland can impose his will, and he's very, very technical, we saw it in the Whitaker fight.

So for DDP, it's going to be controlling. Today, Junior! Job sounds like he's one of those kids on kids say the darndest things bill cosby pierra is that what he called alex pierra obviously obviously we've been saying it the wrong way uh which one pierra oh yeah yeah you're right we've been calling it we've been saying perera yeah like a couple of days yeah yeah that's not what it is dude it's pierre dude uh this one's posted by scrim scampi where are you going this summer oh we think we're gonna spend some time in the pierre yeah just check it out check it out see how it is i don't want to go to purist because i heard there's a lot of bed bugs oh yeah yeah dude falls deep in them this one's posted by uh scrim scampi

it's called brendan with the most outrageous lie ever. I mean, we got in a little bit of gadooshing ourselves when we saw a lie. Remember the mustache one? People were like, Oh, yeah, you guys are stupid. You said it in the news. It's a joke.

Shut up, Doug. Shut up. You got to be a comedian to make jokes. Oh, I messed your camera up. Here we go. It's crazy. It's crazy. I can't get enough of Gypsy Rose,

and I think we can book her on the podcast. i don't know any i don't know much about that situation i i know what happened but i don't i don't she's doing podcasts i haven't looked into it we've been trying to get a hold of her for deos like through every channel i don't understand she's doing she is doing like some nothing podcast her people d DM me. Really? What's up, Theo? Why? She's just a big fan of Brendan Schaub's pod. Dude, that would be amazing if they interviewed her and she's like, you know, obviously I went through a really tough time,

a dark time, and I was in prison. And one thing that helped me out was like every once in a while, someone would smuggle a prison phone in and I was able to listen to the Schaub show if she did the name the movie

Good Morning Vietnam that's what I listened to on my darkest day then I started watching 10 minutes of Schaub yeah these are just my fantasies what if she's like listen I'm not trying to put some sugar on your wiener

until it's delicious alright Shab but I listen to you every day what if she said that and he stole that from her more than likely dude alright we ready for this next one dude this one's called Brendan Shabber it's posted by it's loon meme let's see what this is about dude

there's a chance that when we push that button we destroy the world i'm doing less tour dates near zero let's start doing less tour dates zero Zero would be nice. I really struggle with it. It's getting worse. It's getting worse. Mr. Schaub. You are the man who gave them the power to destroy themselves. We're not giving the guy kudos because he's the smartest tour in the shed. And the world is not prepared.

In order to shoot for the moon, you got to land on the stars or you want to land on the moon. But sometimes, you know, you make land on the stars or you want to land on the moon, but sometimes, you know, you make fucking mistakes as part of the game, but you know, I just think you're, yeah. Expert.

I'm an expert. You know what I'm not even about? I've been already came up with the, the bomb that dropped fucking. Yeah. He is. He is. I'll never get over him being like uniquely once in a lifetime generationally bad at what he does in comedy.

Like he's just the worst of all time because he's just a random guy, you know, and there have been other people that are probably random people that have done stand-up specials, but just the worst ever. And it's amazing. And you can, anything that's like the atomic bomb,

you can make content about Papa forever. Mm-hmm. You know? But you coined the phrase Roggenheim, right? Maybe. I don't know. You said like Joe Rogan made the worst comic ever. Yeah, Roggenheimer.

But I mean, a lot of people have said that. I don't know if said wrote maybe i'm maybe i said rogenheimer first i don't know i mean i'm not saying you said it first i said i did say coin the term which i don't know these words these words right right i don't think people know the meaning of these words um all right so this one's posted by pharrell 80s it's called shadow bandit let's see it is what it is um is it true that they banned our boy joe rogan shadow shadow band him i don't know i saw something on his on what look at his instagram but he's so famous does it matter if you're real something's up with it though i mean your post won't get as many views so uh well this is kind of fucked i'm hoping this is just a glitch people are saying they can't follow me is anyone else having this issue oh that well that's beyond shadow band

man they shut my shit down yesterday getting spooky out there it's like beyond me oh that's vegetarian shadow band you shot bambi right after i did your show heading to covid no rhyme or reason my friend welcome to the club fellas and i even spoke to instagram but they won't admit the shadow banning with youtube it's also like put a disclaimer on mine like i'm not in the kids section but if you want put a disclaimer on like you know you know uh but that's basically what they're doing because like but then they like they only show it to a small audience, and they put a much smaller percentage of their potential ad inventory on their videos. A lot of this is like marketing genius numbers talk, you know? Yeah.

It's sort of boring. It's going back to the like, oh, yeah, so we looked at the numbers, and we're doing pretty good, but YouTube, you know, we talk too much. We talk for a living, and they don't like that. And it's like, all right, guys. Yeah. We can't say what I want to say because YouTube is a big boss, man.

Can't you see? If I talk about this truck accident, I got it. I like how they're like, at the same time, they're like, dude, this is all independent. I own the studio, this and that. And then on the show, they're like at the same time they're like dude this is all independent I own the studio this and that and then on the show

they're like oh can't say bad words who's gonna tell you not to Legs yeah we haven't heard about Legs in a while

did he get fired did Legs get gadooshed look into it for all the money Legenheimer's dude let's see here the shadow like have you had

some of your stuff shadow ban where you know it should get like crazy views and you're like what's going on here oh yeah like I did this Rogan rant and I'm like let's see here the shadow like have you had some of your stuff shadow ban where you know it should get like crazy views and you're like what's going on here oh yeah like i did this rogan rant and i'm like let's get you know it's gonna get crazy what are we doing here there could be like a tv show where it's called what are we doing here or never know what's going on here yeah and it's like an investigation where boppa looks in a different fucking thing is going on in the world like israel palestine what's going on hair yeah and but it says h-a-i-r yeah r i'd watch it american where's the hoothies

yeah how would he say those that'd be great yeah it's like anthony bourdain like no reservations but it's just here he's going to different places and investing. Not unlike what he did with Dallas. Yeah. What happened to hair? Ba-na, ba-na, ba-na, ba-na, ba-na. What's going on here? We got Hooties getting attacked by American vessels off the coast of the Red Sea.

If he could say all of that, I'd be impressed. Let's see here. Blow up. And then I'm looking. I'm like, oh, what's going on here? And then one of my boys is like, yeah, my Rogan thing got taken down. I'm like, what's going on here and then one of my boys like yeah my my rogan thing got taken down i'm like what do you think yeah it's nice well i was gonna say i think of zuckerberg yeah this motherfucker knows everything he knows everything about us how to

target anybody he wants how to put ideas there that's why the government's got to step in every once in a while and be like yo yo yo yo dead that here's's the thing on Zuckerberg So rich right Ugly girl Yeah So I think I think he shadow banned me Hey dawg Yo yo You know what I'm saying

That shit mad bruh Like Out here dude Like They was like Nah nah nah Cut that period T bruh Yeah

Bruh bruh I did this Somalian bit In my special And it didn't get no view bruh I know that's right I know that's right. I know that's right. Quoting Cardi B. Oathman and Shorts' podcast,

they keep playing this clip where it's a woman going, I know that's right, but it reminds me of Schultz. It sounds like Schultz, because you know, Schultz code switches. At times, he's an old black man. Other times, he's a young black woman. Even other times, he's like a Gen Z black guy. But it's always a black woman even other times he's like um you know a gen z black guy you know but it's always a black guy it's never whatever he is bro i did this video

with my dad with me and my man is a queer guy so inspirational bro so inspirational bro and guess what mark zuckerberg said not uh-uh mark zuckerberg was like you can't swim you black exactly i mean that that's a good video to bring up because Schultz's character was like, hey, bro, like, you know what I'm saying? Aw, man, I got this successful podcast, bro. I grinded it. Right?

I grind. I put out videos every day. Period. Seven times a week, bro. I did that shit, bro. Like, I was struggling, man. You know what I'm saying? I was poor.

And now I'm rich. And now what had happened was... Grind set. Grind set, man. You know what I'm saying? I was poor, and now I'm rich, and now what had happened was... Grind set. Grind set, mindset, wake up every single... You only got 24 hours in a day. 4.34 a.m., baby. You got 24 hours, right? Me, dog, I got 28.6, bro.

And you know why? Because alpha brain, helix mattress, and all that other shit that I put in that motherfucker. I mean, the happy hippo is in my veins. It's my dog. Gerardo knows exactly where he— Because he give me the drugs. Yeah. When I come in, Gerardo already know that he's going to hand them to me and no one going to see it.

Addies, baddies. I say I take all this shit, but really, it's cocaine. But, what? So, I'm saying, I'm saying, I bought all the most ridiculous t-shirts that anyone's ever known. I got them in my closet. I sent you to- $400 a shirt, okay? And then you see the video of him showing his dad Madison Square Garden,

and he's the whitest person you've ever seen in your life. He literally looks like he's from England or something. He's dressed like Sherlock Holmes. We made it, Father. No, no. Schultz keeps the same voice. His dad's more like, oh, wow, cheerio. My son is so brilliant.

Oh, look at this. Madison Square Garden. Great job, Andrew. Wonderful. Wonderful job, Andrew. So I'm a little bit, I'm going to get emotional. I thank you, Dad. This is my dad, y'all.

You know what I'm saying? This motherfucker raised me. I came out this motherfucker nutsack. And you know what? You know what, bro? You need to keep it a buck right now, dad. Are you gay? I'm BD, dog.

Blessed. Blessed. I know that's right. I know that's right. And then it's cut to him on T-Fat K. My dad video ain't got no views, bro. Bro, my dad, see, I came from a family,

I don't really talk about it much, but my family had no views. My family wouldn't do no TikTok. My family wouldn't do no Snapchat. We go to the dinner table, ain't nobody even have a YouTube account, right? But I saw other people doing

shit you gotta be everywhere dog you gotta be a little bit on snapchat right you gotta be a little bit on tiktok right and every video that you do bro code switch bro and every video code switch but it's not just that people think it's just code switching bro it's not it is not code switching bro it's also saying racist things about every race, bro. Every time. Everybody can get it. See, you come into a video, bro, and I'm not dissing you, dog. I'm not dissing you, dog, because you're doing your shit, bro.

Like, for real, bro. But you come into every video. If you just say in a video, Latinas have a lot of babies, bro, that ain't enough. Dig deeper. Okay? Latinas have a lot of babies, bro. But, and check this out, because it's important. They also eat hot Cheetos, bro.

What you think about that? Yeah! Slap that shit, motherfucker! Because motherfuckers think they can just come out here and talk about Takis because that's what people eat now. But no, bro. Because not enough bitches know that Takis is what's what people eat now. But no, bro. Because not enough bitches know that Takis is what people are eating now because you go back to the hot Cheetos. And they're like getting sperm on their back.

They wet back. Bro, check this out, though. Because I'm not finished, bro. Check this out, bro. Okay? Motherfuckers don't know No, they don't Alright On my special, I talk about how blackface is sometimes funny

Right? Enough No, it's not funny What if Zuckerberg is actually like the good guy here? He's like He's shadow painting people that do blackface No, no, no Zuckerberg is actually like the good guy here? He's like, he's shadow banning people that do black set. No, no, no. Zuckerberg is the bad guy because he's allowed this to fucking go into the screen.

Zuckerberg is bad because he hasn't shadow banned enough. Okay. Zuckerberg is a duck. Zuckerberg did nothing to prevent this. And he should have, and he should be brought to trial for it. Him drinking water in the hook. Yeah.

That's what, if I was on Congress and we did the testimony in Zuckerberg's, I would be like, Mr. Zuckerberg, how would you like it if I showed your daughter

this? And then I would just play Andrew Schultz's clip and be like, because you showed that to my son. My son is now redacted. Thanks to you.

The next congressman, he's like, Andrew Schultz. That's all he says. I love that. That's so funny. When people drink and they shake, that is like the height of comedy to me. Well, I thought that his Far Far One special

was pretty funny. Everyone that said that the gringo poppy was like okay not bad I want to have them on congressional testimony I'm like so and then they go actually I think it's pretty good or bring Brennan Schaub in and discuss the fake comments

yeah you'd probably be able to Jedi mind trick them out of it so we read this one comment where it says like great job on this guys really brought me to a wonderful place. Duck emoji hawk emoji. The letter the letter H

697 siren emoji. What was that? You listen to whatever answer. I want to bring your attention to the profile pictures of all asses. Are you ready to finish this? That was a long little intersection. Saying that, bro. Oh, fuck.

Instagram, where did we start it? Yeah, well, no, Instagram. Oh, they own Instagram? They don't. They're like, well, what do you want? I'm like, man, I want the same kind of marketing that gets Patty Pimlet 2 million Instagram followers every week. He gets it deleted.

He gets his Instagram deleted for saying something, and then the next week he has 2 million followers. The next week he has 3 million followers, and he gets it deleted again. I'm like, that's the kind of marketing I want. You guys got to bump my shadow ban up. Muppet. You little muppet Oh we were talking about an Irish kitchen earlier

Oh god Just a bunch of Irish dudes in a kitchen Check out the Patreon if you want to hear us discuss Irish dudes in kitchens You little muppet Alright this one's posted by Bapa Loves Me It's called Beast of a Dad and Sport Mentor laying the foundation for a future excuse of no comedy All right. This one's posted by Bapa Loves Me.

It's called Beast of a Dad and Sport Mentor laying the foundation for a future excuse of no comedy on weekends. We are seeing the end of the world tour before our eyes. Fuck. Do you want to guess anything or you want to just play it? Wait. No, I don't want to guess. Okay. Let's see.

It's that insanity, which we'll get into when you're allowed to talk about it. Yeah. What else do you do this weekend? I just want to say real quick. Sorry. We'll keep going right now. Dog. Marketing genius.

The three C's right there, dude. Right. What the fuck? I mean, he's the GOAT. Those socks are GOATed. Those... I want to... Dude. If we had thick socks.

Brandon Walsh, please. Yeah, Walsh. Oh, and by the way. Shut up. I keep forgetting. Walsh World Record Podcast has a bunch of stickers. Yeah, right here. Put them up.

We got some here, here, and then the tiger belly thing. And, you know, Brandon Walsh is our benefactor and he gives us stuff. But if you want us to have more cool stuff, subscribe to the Patreon. Yeah, dude. But those, I mean, listen, the shoes are atrocious, but that's triple C right there, dude. Yeah. The bowling shoes take away from it somewhat. Yeah.

But at least they match the middle rain bottle. If you would have had some orange Asics, right? Some Vans. Let's see. Allowed to talk about it. Yeah. What else did you do this weekend? God, dealing a lot with that.

Figuring it out. That's a lot. 2024 has been tough. Between that and fish. With the baby girl. Between that, fish, and baby girl. Not a lot of time to think about comedy. 2024 is kicking me in the nuts.

Yeah. 2024, we're like, let's go 2024. Let's go 2024. What? God said, if you thought 2023 was tough just try this yeah every time i see this dude we've we've discussed this before isn't it a trip dude that we got chairs dude it's amazing this is so funny to me and it's a my dream is that people other people like other comics sit in these chairs and how hilarious would it be to see random comedians that you know sit in this chair with us? And we interview them. Wouldn't that be nice?

So we want to do that. We'll definitely have Walsh. We got Texel. Oh, yeah, dude. And then the three-camera setup is the same as theirs. It's just like... You did it, Doug. I've always wanted to be T-Fat K, dude.

Yeah. I'm not going to cry. We're almost there, dude. We're almost there. All we need is... We're going to get Chin. Yeah, we, dude. Yeah. I'm not going to cry. We're almost there, dude. We're almost there. All we need is, we're going to get Chin. Yeah, we need to get a Chin or someone that looks like him. The Chin. The Chin.

Yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, I coach on Tiger's football team, so he had his first game. He balled out. We won. And then he had baseball tryouts right after that. So I did that all day. Then I went and hung out with the dads.

Tiger's going to be an athlete. I think so. Yeah. He's still very reserved about that, but couldn't be an athlete. It's tough. You know, a lot has to happen. I mean, it's the skill set and the talent. So we'll see.

It's a long journey. As long as he's having fun, that's all I care about. Long journey. And he's good at it, right? Because a lot of time commitment for the parents. Yeah. Some of the parents, I don't get it. The time.

You know how it is when you have kids. You're not that guy. you're not that guy you're not that guy like especially if they're on a travel ball team i mean you gotta they have cuts with those so those kids are really good but even it's like your kid's not gifted at it yeah it's like your your weekends are done but you know sometimes your weekends are done right but you're having fun watching your kid learn about life right so it's not just about the sport. But then don't be on a competitive travel ball team. Like, just do it at your local place. But the kid may love it.

If you're the dad's, one of the other dads in that situation, you're probably like, damn, dude, I fucking I gotta watch all these kids and now there's another kid, you know? Shob's like slightly smarter and more mature than the seven-year-old you're watching. other kid you know Shob's like slightly smarter and more rely or like mature than the seven-year-old

you're watching yeah you gotta make sure Shob doesn't do something stupid I wouldn't let Shob watch my kids not because I think he would do something bad

to them but he just would forget they leave them somewhere be like oh yeah do whatever you want with the machinery over there he's stupid I wouldn't because I

don't want to buy fish yeah your yeah your kid comes home he's like i want arowanas yeah oh my god yeah yeah dude he's like shop bit one of his i'm like you know you want to eat the fish your condom fish really condom fish yeah i wouldn't leave my kids around chin all right so this one's posted by haphazard it says uh r-iX. Best brains for the arts. I love a hap clip. Let's see. This is really the fighter and the kid. Come on, baby.

Let's do this, man. I gotta get back to the shop, man. What do you mean? You're always in the shop now. Name the scent, dude. Name the scent. What are they hanging out smelling like? Gasoline. I was going to say Cheetos. Cheeto fingers? Name the scent, dude. Yeah. Name the scent. Oh, what are they hanging? I smell like gasoline.

Oh, okay. That's a truck guy. I was going to say Cheetos. Cheeto fingers? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, imagine. Probably right.

He's like, oh, wait, the shop was yesterday. I just got back from the liquor store. Smell like his balls because he's been pissing in the sink. Boom. Cadouche. I get it, dude. I got my own shop now, dude. Yeah, you got a little wound on your arm, too.

It looks like it's infected. That wound looks like it's, you know what it's doing? It's seeping. It's seeping. That wound is seeping and Sanaz's mouth just opened. It's still open right now. I can't see it. That looks like it's seeping.

It doesn't look good. Yeah. Oh. I thought you were joking. Really? You look like you're about to get gangrene. We're going to have to lop it off. This is the producers.

Can we get Brian to say seeping one more time? Yes. We need're about to get gangrene. We're going to have to lop it off. This is the producers. Can we get Brian to say seeping one more time? Yes. We need it. We need it now. We need it now. Boner Alert. I was hoping Boner Alert would catch on. I haven't heard them say Boner Alert anymore.

We're keeping it alive though. Forever and ever. Let's see you. Right at the old Shortsleeve. We're going to give you a Shortsleeve. I come on Monday. I'm like, though. Yeah, dude. Forever and ever. That's a year. Right at the old Shortsleeve. We're going to give you a Shortsleeve. I come on Monday. I'm like, what's up, everybody? Brian was right.

And that's when you lose it up to here. I got gangrene in my arm. Uh-huh. Not good. Not fun. Well, that's what happens when you crash the truck. Now, since you're talking about the shop, I'm probably going to have to bother you now. I got to get back to my shop, dude.

I'm feeling. I got to get back to my shop. You got to get back to your shop? I got to do. I got some going to have to bother you now. I got to get back to my shop, dude. I'm feeling... I got to get back to my shop. You got to get back to your shop? I got to do. I got some work to do. We're installing the supercharger, the wheel with brakes. You're doing more for the truck. This is for the lighting.

Different truck. The other truck's out of commission, which I'll be able to talk about once insurance gets figured out. Other truck might be in the hospital right now. Other truck might be six feet under. In truck hospital. So, Legs is definitely still there, dude. Oh, yeah. He's telling them, don't talk about the truck crash.

I'm glad there's a handler there. But can you imagine how easy it would be for the other side to prove that Schaub was at fault? They just show them clips of all the brain damage he has and they're like, you're telling me that this guy didn't do it? Really? What are we doing here? I rest my case. I rest my case.

I rest my case. I wonder if he was checking socials before he got in the crash. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, that would be another thing the lawyer could use. The lawyer's like,

I know my client was drunk. This is the other lawyer. I know he's drunk. I know at the time he was wearing a blindfold. I know I represent Fred Loya insurance. Not a good one. Okay, never heard of it.

But watch this clip. And then it's just Schaub going, Ba-na, ba-na, ba-na, ba-na, ba-na. And Monday morning, cocksuckers. No, the first clip he shows is like, are you about to do Kratom right now? Yeah. It's Schaub describing taking heroin after someoneom right now yeah it's job describing here taking heroin

after someone said yeah it's kind of like heroin taking kratom you said heroin by accident oh what are we doing here i heard probably should have been six feet under yeah you saw the video i saw the video yeah it's what happens though you know it's what happens i feel like insurance will be like yeah you got you have a claim, though. I talked to him this morning. We're good. Yeah. His face.

He's worried. Yeah, dude. Yeah, friend. Any thoughts on what happened with this truck accident, dude? I have no idea, Bob. You? I was hoping you would say eight inches so we could move on. All right. So this one's posted by PP Stains in the front.

It's called Guadalajara. Thank him. Let's see here. Immigration. More, less, even. Your girlfriend is Mexican. Born and raised. Is she?

Illegally. What? I know that she hasn't. I've seen this clip. I've not watched this clip. And I've watched or seen this interview before, so I know. It's just so funny.

Why lie about that? Yeah, so she says she's from Hollywood. Yeah. And so let's skip to the end of that. Real interesting. Now, do you ever threaten her with a little call to the authorities if she gets wise? Every Thursday.

Yeah. Listen, we can really. Daddy has to do it. We can really. Yeah. Talk back. Does she hate Trump? Here's the thing.

Okay. Okay. Listen. A little bit of an outfit talk again, dude. Oh, yeah. The leopard hat. That's the only leopard thing you see on the screen. Oh, it matches the shoe. Yeah.

Oh, man. That's atrocious, dude. Yeah, that's a lot. Those are the, I remember when I wear Vans. Yeah. And when I go to the Vans store and I see stuff like that, I'm like, hmm, that's an interesting choice. It's not going to be me.

I'm not going to wear this. Some alfalfa-looking-ass motherfucker. The hat with the color green, red, cheetahs on the side, weird. I mean, then it matches. It's pretty funny for Shob, right? Yeah. Shob shows up with crazy shit all the time. He's like the guy, your friend, who shows up wearing crazy shit. Kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah. He shows up, Shab shows up with crazy shit all the time. He's like the guy your friend who shows up wearing crazy

shit. Kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah. Embarrassing. Guys. Steve Martin. Is she Americanized? Can she read and write and everything? Kind of. Okay. English, tough. Oh, really, dude? I kind of grew up watching my mom,

you know, she was a singer in Mexico, a performer, and so when we moved back to the know, she was a singer in Mexico, a performer. And so when we moved back to the States, I kind of had like a little bit of that itch from what my mom used to do. But growing up in Mexico was amazing. You know, I loved everything about it. I, when I got here, I was kind of depressed as a child because I was so used to having my uncles, my cousins, my friends, going to school, all my family. And then I came to the U.S. and, I mean, I had my dad's side of the family, but I didn't know them. Knee locks and big in the smallest man. What does that mean?

I don't know. It's probably Chang's lore or something. Mr. Joseph Rogan. Yeah. Mr. Joseph Rogan out. Engage. Engage. Engage. So I just wanted to say to the staff at Chang's, like, let's cool it on the kratom before we cook yeah right listen 30 capsules a day is what i do i mean let's not

go over that don't go over that yeah yeah magna kratom and i don't want to see people in the kitchen fucking filling their own capsules again okay no no buy them wholesale yes all right so this one is a pretty good clip from the week. Have you seen this one yet? No, I don't think so. It's called Not a Hater in Any Facet, posted by Haphazard, dude. Right. Let's get to it. Oh.

The Emmys last night? Yeah. Did she win Best Actress in a comedy for Emmys? Yeah. Good for her. Wow. And then she won the Golden Globe last week. That was a weird show.

Did you see Beef? No. Oh, you got to watch it. I have no desire. Oh, it's a great show, man. It's weird. I thought it was a weird show. Did you see Beef? No. Oh, you got to watch it. I have no desire. Oh, it's a great show, man. It's weird. I thought it was just for Asians. No.

The way they're. What, dude? Oh, my God. You know what he was thinking about saying. Something he can't say on the Reddit anymore. Something Shane got in trouble for. He cannot do on the Reddit anymore. It's redacted for a reason.

Dude, Beef was such a big show. Yeah, Beef. Everyone watched it. Before I saw it, people were people were like did you watch beef i had no idea what they're talking about i felt like an idiot great show never seen it it is great yeah i bet if something tells me he's seen it oh he knows he just wants to yeah he's a he he watched it thinking it was going to be jamal. Yeah. He's like, there's a lot of Jamals in this show. A lot of Jamals in this show on Netflix. The way they're... Brendan will be in Arizona.

Someone's going through this, someone's going through this, and then you have road rage. It's a series. Just off one incident? No, but you get to watch it. It's actually good to watch it, but the ending's kind of crazy. He's like, seen Oh, cool. Yeah. Just off one incident? Yeah. No, but you get to watch it. No, no, no. It's actually good to watch it, but the ending's kind of crazy. He's like, seen it. I lived it.

I'm in a beef situation with a guy who hit my truck. I tried to walk people to my truck, and that was my beef. My beef's called Annie Letterman. Ever heard of it? She said that she wanted to blow me, or I wanted her to blow me in the car but I didn't and then we had a whole thing it ruined my life Reddit is mean

now I'm shadow banded yeah now I'm shadow band Beef could be a show about Brennan yeah we're literally doing that show right now we'd be minor very minor characters on the show yeah

T-Most rolls off the tongue Beef is like you know there could be an all Asian movie or TV show of like shab's life just switch it up starring bobby lee as shab yeah bobby lee yeah we got the cast ready yes sir asian movie everything there are a few there are a few and this is not an all asian what was it dick everything everywhere i'm absolutely not if no but there's another one crazy rich asians i'm, that's not for me.

It's like Black Panther. Never saw it. Okay, well. It's a fucking Marvel movie, you moron. I love it, dude. Go deeper. Keep going. One of the comments said that he in a different episode said he took his kids

to go see Black Panther. Oh, really, dude? Boom. Let's see. Sorry, I'm rapping. Did you go to the play? No. I left.

And the guy goes, I was in New York. When I did the play, I'm out there performing. I need something to do because I had an off night. Dude, halfway through, I'm leaving. The guy goes, where are you going? I'm like, I've seen enough. And they just keep rapping in the second part, too. He goes, yeah, dude, it's Hamlet. I'm like, ah, I'm good, man. He goes, you're the first person to ever walk

into Hamlet. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I thought you would never go to like... I've always wanted to see Lion King. That's awesome. But you know what? It's really good. The thing is there's an agenda behind it. He's like, no white person has ever

looked like him, ever. He does not look like a white man. And he calls himself Big Brown. Yet somehow he's white. So I don't believe that narrative. He is not white. And yet he's like the Chappelle sketch, you know, the blind black guy as a part of the KKK. You don't want to say Black Panther because it has the word black in it?

You say the word black almost every show. And you don't like it? Yeah. What are we doing here? It's a rough take. Your co-host is black. Yeah. That's what I was going to say right now, dude.

Yeah. Montez. Come on. Stand up for yourself, Montez. Montez, dude. Black Panther was entertaining. Black Panther 2 made me cry, dude. Oh, I didn't see the second one.

Was it good? Yeah. I'm not going to cry right now, but yeah. It was really good, dude. Black Panther was entertaining. Black Panther 2 made me cry, dude. Oh, I didn't see the second one. Was it good? Yeah, I'm not gonna cry right now, but yeah. It was really good, dude. It ruined my way. Well, I was fucking younger when I saw it. What do you mean? I saw Billy Crystal one-man play. Solo. Front row. That's really weird. Bought snacks and everything. Just... I wish I could have been there for that. Why is he so

racist just in this clip? I don't know. Let's see. Exit Wounds was one of them with DMX. Romeo Must Die. Romeo Must Die. Oh, my God. That's right.

I have the DVD of that. I've never seen it. I am a huge fan. That's fair. Romeo Must Die. I think you missed that. Yeah, but. Yeah, there's a pattern.

After Caduceus Black Panther. There's a narrative here though, unfortunately. After Caduceus and Black Panther. There's a narrative here. We're following it. We see it, okay? Jet Li fan. Oh, I'm not. Anything came out. What? Jet Li rules. You used to watch all those dubbed old Jet Li movies? I watched the one about the elephant. Is that Jet Li?

Where he's like, you have to save an elephant. It's like the protector, I think it's called. Maybe. I don't know. I didn't see that one. Least in comments, B. Yeah, because I could be totally wrong this year. Is that just for Asians? I know, dude. Is it just for Asians again?

Yeah, that's the name of the movie. You know who keeps winning the Golden Globe and the Emmy? It's Macaulay Culkin's brother. Oh, that's a great show. Did you watch Succession? I just call is Macaulay Culkin's brother. Yeah. Oh, that's a great show. Did you watch Succession? I just call him Macaulay Culkin's brother. And I don't like how he wins awards and doesn't acknowledge his brother. He thanks his entire family.

Like, Mom, thanks for being the best mom. He's like, my brother, fuck you. Yeah, weird. What? This is what Brendan sees all the time. Yeah. We're gadooshing him in like at his eyesight. Okay.

He barely sees anyone. He doesn't like black because he can't see the features. You know, he has bad eyesight. He's in CT. To him, a black squiggly line, you know, is scary. Imagine gadooshing all races and then being like, Billy Crystal, one-man show is amazing. Yeah, a one-man show. An old white man's one-man show you've seen that but you've not seen any movie the lion king the original lion king i didn't host the thing i wouldn't have known about the golden globes i turned off when they big they did the big gay segment of what do you

mean this one jesus christ you your whole show is you just doing gay things and saying you're when they did the big gay segment. Of what? What do you mean? This one? Your whole show is you just doing gay things and saying you're putting sugar on digs and it's delicious, but yet you can't watch something you've called the gay segment of the Golden Globes of the Golden Globes. That's a choice

you made to watch that, sir. Yeah. There was a big gay segment? yeah yeah what do you mean for celebrating gays in Hollywood Emmy yeah what what it was like a 20-minute LGBTQ thing like oh well but what is I don't mind I'm just what was it isn't it funny like Nick Mullen Shaneillis they could do like they could do jokes about different groups communities yeah and it doesn't come across as very offensive yeah yeah then shab enters the chat dude you know yeah shav is blunt force racism there you go that's what i wanted to say right there. Exactly, B.

For my birthday, a terrible drawing. That's what I get. Let's open up a Shakey's, dude. The Golden Hour Shakey's, dude. And they have chicken. It's great. And Freddie Roach serves it in shakes. I would have thought that...

I'm on one today, man. I'm about to cancel myself. I need to get out of here, man. A handler is needed. This is your random reference there, Freddie Roach, the boxer, trainer. Yikes. Wowzers.

And Shan's going to get the brunt of it. Why are you working with that Asian? Why don't you stick up for our kind? We got sucker punch in the streets. You know you eat pussy like Eric said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like that. Poor Chin.

Chin's like, please get me out of this. I'm going to go eat some condom fish right now. Which we will have an update on Chin's eating habits later. We already kind of watched this one. There's the clip called Another Thievery Example for the Compendium, whatever that word means. PP Stains in the front posted it. It's just he stole that joke about fucking his way out of the sauna from Superbad.

Yeah, yeah. So let's go to one of those Judd Apatow movies. right um this one is a little long we can cut it short let me know when you want to stop watching it sure it's called uh callan speaking in his quote i absolutely deny all the allegations against me end quote voice the post by leach schwab let's see here hello my fellow manectiners i'm on myecta i'm very excited about this platform my good friend and a man i admire very much patrick bet david started this app with the genius idea that a lot of times you don't need to be paying an hourly rate you don't need somebody for that long you need somebody maybe for just a couple minutes. Gadooshed himself right there, dude. I last half hours, dude.

I see. You know what I mean? Yikes. Yeah, dude. That's ridiculous. And then he's plugging some horrible app from a scam artist that's going to pay people instead of an hour or less. They don't get paid an hourly rate.

So that's probably illegal in California. I don't get paid an hourly rate so that's probably illegal in california i don't know but um yeah all this he does these like grifting grifting bullshit things and then he gives these speeches where he's like listen a lot of the woke left media don't want me to tell you about this but me and my friends patrick bet-David, Gavin McInnes, Nick Fuentes, all my good buddies, Patrick Cratter, Rick DeSantis,

Joe Biden, all these people, okay? We came together and we talked and we discussed how important it is for you to take AlphaBrain. Like, it's always some stupid, at the end of the stupid speech,

there's a supplement that he's selling you. Focus. And if you don't take it, you think that trans people should force your son to become trans. That's what you think. That's what you think. And that's okay.

They always have like this weird justification that doesn't even exist. They'll be like, if you think it's fine to like force uh trans people to be the head of our military that's your opinion okay but me personally i'm gonna be taking my naps on my helix mattress okay and if you can't sleep at night or maybe you were fine with your son being trans it sounds like you need therapy with better help. Are you tapped in? Okay, because I'm tapped in.

I take focus. If you take focus, then I don't want to take it because you sound like a redact. It's not helping you. You look horrible. A lot of these guys have problems with their eyes. I don't get a lot of sleep personally. I'm working too much. But my eyes, they're not great, but they're not that bad.

Dude, I didn't want to do this on earwaves. You got beautiful eyes, daddy. I shouldn't call you daddy when I say that. We went a step too far. Pull it back in. Go back to your Helix mattress. All right, Lizzie. And that makes so much sense. The stupid music, too.

The advice. Think about the advice that made a difference in your life. No. Okay, so what advice made a difference in your life? I mean none from him. If you have advice in your life and it came from Brian Callen,

come on. I wish I could pay Brendan Chopp for the advice he gave me. Just two words, dude. Say less. Yeah, there you go. That's it. I wish Brian would have heard that. Boom. Oh, really, shop for the advice he gave me. Just two words, dude. What? Say less. Yeah, there you go. That's it. I wish Brian would have heard that. Boom. Oh, really, dude?

Yeah, dude. Two words for me? Boner alert. There you go. That's not really advice, but for sure, dude. An hour to hear it or to take a couple minutes. Maybe even a couple seconds. Right?

A lot of times. Right? I can't believe this dude I love when people say right at the wrong time like you're trying to make a definitive point it takes a couple minutes, a couple seconds right? right? am I right guys? this is just like that stupid Crowder speech he gave

the woke media doesn't want me to tell you in my car about this app my friend made who paid me to say this. It just says something and you go, wait, wow, yes, yes. And then you make a decision that sends your life in a completely different direction. That's a word he's not used to hearing. Completely different and better direction. Well, anyway, that's what i'm here for and i think i'm a little qualified by the way because i'm i've been alive for over half a century that doesn't mean i'm smarter than you but i've definitely made more mistakes than you have and i've wasted way more time chasing the wrong things this guy if he was in the star wars universe would be making

videos for the empire he'd'd be like, listen. Yeah. A lot of these people out here, they're Jedis, right? They want you to save the world? No. Okay? The Empire and the Death Star is very, it's a great place, right? Yeah.

The Darth Vader, Darth Vader. Think about all the great things darth vader has done remember when that guy was being like annoying and darth vader did the and just strangled him to death in front of all of us yeah that changed everything he just sucks yeah listen senator palpatine has new skincare routine that is excellent. It's called thunder or lightning. Lightning skin. Supplements in the fucking Darth Vader or in the Star Wars universe. Hilarious.

For the Empire. They're killing all the Jedi children and he's like a lot of people are talking about the Jedi children but like think about how smart you could be dude. If you took Kratom. Storm Troopers have Kratom bottles. They're just like they're in their white suits and they're pouring kratom i bought a new ford lightning and it's kind of a lemon thank god for cloud city lando over at cloud city fixums

i don't know why i brought star wars because again I don't know any of the references. I could do this all day. You could do it. Yeah, you take over, bro. I'm a fucking nerd, dude. Gerardo, take the wheel, dude. Yeah, dude. All I could think of was Darth Vader. Listen, my buddy Brendan Schaub has a mush mouth, much like Boss Nas, which is why we take Boss Nas pills filled with kratom. He's also like one of the aliens in the bar.

You know, the Han Solo walks in. He's an alien that Han Solo shoots immediately. shoot first at brian callens at the bar my buddies down at the moss isley cantina are putting on shows all over the country instead of like the music it's one of the fucking shit dude power scissor haphazard somebody's gotta put shop's face on all of them and just put but and brian's giving his speech he's like listen my friend job of the hut made this app it's called manectin or whatever and i just you know all these guys these these people i'm friends with darth Vader, Bubba Fett,

who's the red guy? Darth Maul, okay? All of the drones, okay? These are good guys. We all know that. They're not like these freedom fighters. I never took blue chew until my friend Darth Maul showed me both his sabers,

if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, he says they're gay. Dude, Darth Maul's got a cock on him. I mean, that guy's fucking hot. I'm not gay, but I would suck his red dick. I don't give a fuck how big the hole in the back of my head becomes. All right, we'll stop. Freeze me and that stuff Han Solo was in because I have a heart on daddy.

Ever heard of it? Boner alert. Oh, really, dude? Oh, really, Darth? Oh, so worth it. Let's see. We could end the clip there. Yeah, fuck it.

That's enough. If you have questions. Fuck you. Shut up, you stupid moron. No one wants your stupid speeches clown okay let's check in with Chin one more time yeah this will be the last clip of the day dude we've been

cooking today dude I like the idea of you know how I'm like we're usually nice and I always talk about like we don't go too far I want someone to to take me saying that and then isolate him fuck you stupid moron don't go too far. I want someone to take me saying that and then isolate me and be like, fuck you, you stupid moron. Alright, so this one's posted by Haphazard.

It's called How to Make Breakfast Sandwich the Chin Way. How to Make A Breakfast Sandwich the Chin Way. So we're going to catch it back up with Chef Chin here. No fish were caught. Good work, Haph. fish were caught. Yeah. Good work, Hap. Yeah.

Just more, dude. Explosions next time, dude. Or, I mean, I don't tell the chefs what to do. Yeah. I take that back. Do whatever you think,

but that was great. But I'm begging for a Mos Eisley Cantina's Brennan Chop. Oh, yeah. That'd be a fucking Netflix, dude.

One more time on this because I'm going to turn it off. Cheese. Oh, snap. Oh, snap. Oh, he put paper on the cheese. It's crazy right now. It's right in my face. This is keto bread, so it's only one carb per slice. So it's basically a low-carb breakfast.

Dude, that Dave's bread is fucking good, dude. Isn't that gluten-free? I don't know, but Dave's bread is amazing. I don't know if it is or not. Probably not. It's delicious. It's too delicious. I've been losing weight, daddy. Yeah, dude. Check out Gerardo. I'm not eating any bread. Tortillas are good. Here's my one tip that you guys didn't ask for.

I think Trader Joe's, and you may already know this. Ever heard of it? We can't have a whole episode where we're ripping out plugs. No, no. Well, they're not paying me. Their gluten-free shit is good. They're cookies, dog. And I eat them and I don't gain weight. Unless my scale is broken, which it might be.

But I'm not getting a new one, dude. Play the clip, Jen. I made a difference. A little bit. The cheese is kind of melting. All right. So this is what we're working with right now slice of bread with some melted cheese on it slightly melted two eggs uh they're basically over easy another slice of bread with mayo and i got two slices of bacon got my son kissed here diet it's so funny how he's not even addressing the gunshot this is a small thing that bothers me

about certain guys yeah it's like especially guys in media they have like specific drinks that they like random sodas or they're like diet sun kisses better than the other sodas and i got my orangina here it's like nah dude i got my natural mountain spring water. Water only or rain energy drink, dog. Not that bang shit. Okay? Rain. Yeah, bang can go eat a fucking... If you come in here with a Red Bull, you're a duck.

Hawk juice. More like Red Duck. Let's see here. You know why it gives you wings? Because you're a duck. Best brains. Dude, let's just take a moment of silence for the gadusioning of all Red Bull. By the way, I'm listening to a podcast.

Am I here? So I can't hear the kitchen. Joe Rogan, as per usual. Bacon. Bacon. Egg and the yolk. Once I take a bite of that, it's going to gush in my mouth. All right, here we go. First bite.

The yolk was the other way around. That is damn good. The egg makes it so much better. It balances it out. Egg-spert. Damn, that sun's going to burn me. I do this all the time. There's a piece of paper in the cheese. He said delicious with paper.

There was clearly a bite of that paper taken. Yeah. And he just didn't address. Let's see. Is it? Yeah. See, there's a bite. There's a bite taken out of the paper, dude.

It's like the fish, but real. Hap actually CGI'd a bite. There's a piece of paper in the cheese. Still, there's just paper. It's still delicious. Dude, that would be such a good way of describing the show. If you're like

a show's not perfect, you know, it's kind of blockbuster, how do you like T-Fat K and you just go there's a piece of paper in the cheese. If you know what I'm saying. Yeah. Well done, Hap. Good job.

That was great. Good job, brother. Good job, Bubba. Dude, we should start doing cooking segments. What are we doing here, dude? We should. Wow. You're not we doing here, dude? We should. Wow. You're not a good cook, huh?

No. I mean, a lot of people have done the cooking things really well. Here's another plug. Ever heard of it? Henry's Kitchen. Great cooking show. Oh, what's his name? Henry something.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck, I forget. Henry Phillips? Yes. Yes. But it can't be you cooking. It's got to be me because I'm the chin. You know what I'm saying, dude? That's true. You should be cooking. Yeah. I it can't be you cooking. It's got to be me because I'm the chin. You know what I'm saying, dude?

That's true. You should be cooking. Yeah. I'll do the gunshots. I'll just shoot guns in the air outside. That'd be lit, dude. Because you know I got guns. Show them, B.

All right. Well, that's it. See you next week. Bye.