10 Minutes of Schaub - BRIAN CALLEN SENT US A VIDEO | 10 Minutes of Schaub #153

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

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Walk to my truck My chub My son We did a live Me to my ratto To my truck Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop As always

Join the Patreon Join the Discord Watch our other show Raccoon Tweety's This week on Patreon We did a live episode Ever heard of it Also

You get early access To this show In May We're going to finish finish out May. And then in June, we're going to switch over to doing Timos twice a month, probably on live. Live Timos. Can you believe that? It's a thing Tiger Belli told us, and they're our boss, allegedly. So we're switching. So it's not going to be weekly in June. It'll be twice in live. Nice. Hell yeah, dude. Just like Brendan would want it, dude. Yeah, dude. We're dry fast,

to all gas. Yeah, we're changing it to the Brendan Chob show too. Yeah, yeah, he's going to be on the show. You know, so, and we're going to be in Austin. But anyways, that's not why you're here. You're here to watch him as a shop. So start the timer. Play a chain clip. All righty.

Let's see here. This one is posted by Don't know who to axe. It's called Dana White's Power Slap receiving heavy criticism after a fighter is left redacted by powerful blow. I haven't seen this yet, have you? it's the pinned.

No, I haven't seen any of this. It's the sticky note this week, so let's see. Hopefully this is only one clip. I said any of this. Hopefully this doesn't get taken down. See, I think he's a little too far. I agree. Yeah, you're good.

That's your measure. You want to laugh at the point. How do you think he reacts? Eight inches. Oh. No, like the grape lady. Oh, oh, oh. Like something redacted.

If he just said eight inches after getting slapped, then I would be very worried. Dude, if he said that for real, that would be fucking funny as shit. I mean, that is for sure brain damage. Are you okay? Eight inches. Oh, not the finger.

Oh, I stay. I don't see that coming, dude. That is great AI work. I said AI sucks. That's funny. Wow. Let's see. He would allow them to the palm.

Not the fake. Instantly Brendan Chau, dude. He turned right into Brendan Shob when he was slapped in the face. I need water, Papa. Cut my life in two pieces. This is my last resort. ification.

Lobby. It looks like he's redacted now. Oh my God, it just keeps going. There's no way he's coming back from this. He'll probably just randomly ask for bananas now. He spells giraffe with a D. Giraffe, yeah. He won't be able to say that word.

anymore. Yeah, that was great. Shout out to that dirt serpent. Let's see here. This is posted by Hemp Farmer 90. Now he's lifting his merch art from Nazis, it says. Yowsers. Dry fast all gas.

It does look like something that would be. Fuck, dude. Why? Let's see. Oh my God. No, Brandon, no. Come on. That's pretty nuts.

Jeez, dude. What's next? Are you going to suck off your cousin, Trub? Wow. Oh, yeah, because of, yeah. Or as like Red Bar likes to call him gay. Let's see here. This is posted by advanced spinach 650.

Imagine being this much of a pathological liar. I feel like we've seen this so many times. Yeah, there's an old hot chip, Glenn. Your girlfriend is Mexican. Born and raised. Is she illegally? Yeah. Wow, it's just like, he has to say the illegally thing.

Well, it's his punchline that work once, I guess. Maybe it doesn't even seem to be able to realize. whether the jokes work or not. But in his mind, it worked one time. So he's going to use it every time. It worked when, like, in 2001? I don't know, dude. I would say probably never.

Yeah. I was born in Hollywood, California, which is ironic, but it's true. I was born at Kaiser, I'm off of sunset. Is she Americanized it? Can she read and ride and everything? Kind of.

Okay. English, tough. Why does he say that? There's just no truth of that whatsoever. It's funny, I guess. maybe he never talks to her. My wife is a rattlesing. What does he say?

I forget. What is it called? I forget, yeah. Yeah. No, not serp. Demon or something. Demon. I would rather do anything.

All right. This next one's posted by Smind, 893. My Choice for Brain Dumb. Number one redacted moment is anytime he tries to go viral, particularly this one. Going viral with a little tinnus, dude. Just sad. Yeah, just be a father, dude. Yeah.

Can you just be a father off camera? Like, do your job as a dad? Yeah. Why do we got to see this? Yeah, nobody wanted this. No. And also put more production work into it. If you're going to do this, like, I feel like he entered this house and was like,

oh, dude, watch this. Get a camera. And then they're all like crying in the background. Like, we don't want to do this, Brendan. You know? It's also a little bit of foreshadowing for Austin kind of because this could be something that he could wear there. Yeah.

just what's the date i mean the tick-tock dance i guess i don't i don't know or he's just improvving which more power to him he's kind of like a stupid version of kendall in succession you know yeah same kind of cringe but just dumber i would like to see him hit a three in an NBA game and then see how he celebrates you know he does he does this that'd be great from three guys guys we're not going to pass the ball to breton anymore okay Just so we can avoid that. Yeah, he makes every shot, but they don't want to see this. Brendan Chubbs trying to take over the business from his dad.

Dad, dad, can I take over the business? That's so funny, dude. They're like, dude, Brendan, when you make a three-pointer, you have to get back on defense. Meanwhile, he's like, hell, yeah. They're scoring. The guy he's supposed to be guarding is scoring more than one time because he's still doing this different position. session.

Yeah. Still dancing. He's like, save it for the timeouts, dude. Oh, man. Let's see here. This next one is posted by, oh, my God. Seweed Remarkable. It's called Dicey Dicey.

Looks like she is in some kind of garb. Very Texas, right? Is it? It's got the... I want to move to Texas now. Longhorn, the Longhorn necklace. Oh, okay, got you. And then I think this is something that...

It looks like something you might wear where you're aware when you're, you know, line dancing. Hmm. Dude, I'm into line dancing now. I want to move to Austin. Yeah, we've been wanting to move to Austin. Yeah. Now I got my reason.

This is posted by Gunslinger. Uh-oh. For Jeff Dye wants to know why Brendan is moving. The last cowboy wants to know why someone's moving to Texas. It is. Interesting. Let's see here. A place here.

Sherman Oaks. Yeah. It's nice. I love Sherman Oaks. Yeah, because we're out. I know you guys. I know you guys are going. Yeah, mine's there already.

What have you? I probably already explained. This might be a repeat for your audience, but what was the decision that made you guys go, we're going? It was what you said to me, to be honest with you. Rogan said, after I shot my special, he said, move here.

It'll change your career. And you said, you're just going to become a road comic. You're just out here isolated. You're that guy. That's just on the road and not comics comic. Brian lost his peers. You're that guy. No, you are that guy.

Well, I'm not that guy. I am that guy. Their whole life, all of these fucking redax is like a horrible version of a Bruce Willis movie. We're in the trenches now. Get you, I'm the guy. No, I'm the guy. You're that guy. Turn off the alarm.

You're the gay guy. Cut the wires. You're gay. Let's see. I was like, you got to be out in Austin. And then I said, I'm going. Remember? I was like, I'm going.

How did you convince you? What made you want to go? The fires. Me too. The fires were at start. He says fires, but he didn't live anywhere near him, but that's a different story. He bothered me. I was like, I'm done with this fucking love.

But the fires were right by us and we lost power for two weeks and then we couldn't be in the house. And then we have this big gate, like this security gate to get in and out. And the gate wouldn't work. And we had to like rush out. And I'm there pulling it. And my ears in my face. That's when I cut my hair shorter. So I was pulling it in the wind.

My wife looked at him. I was like, oh, we got to get out of here. Yeah. And I was like, really? because I was trying to get her out during COVID. I was like, you're down? She'd like, I'm down. Put the house for sale like a week later and boom.

Good. Off to the races. Because of the fires. Brennan, yeah, if she saw Brennan trying to open a gate, and she was like, that's, we got to get the fuck out of here. It's so easy to open those gates. Even I can do that. Maybe I'm nitpicking here, but off to the races?

Stop the tracks. What's that mean? Like, I understand that's a phrase. but what is the race here? Yeah, no, I don't know. I guess he's just saying. You're moving to Austin. Race to the bottom.

To be the worst comedian somewhere else. Off to the races. Maybe he understands how much more culturally diverse where he's moving is. He's like, off to all those other races. Bad joke. I mean, who knows? But yeah, no, it would be difficult for him to be, even for him to be the worst comedian in Austin.

He's looking at his competition right. now actually. Yeah. Those two. Yeah. The last cowboy. Yeah. Yeah.

Does anyone ever walk up to him and go, damn, dude. You're a cowboy. They're saying yippie kai, yeah, motherfucker. Let's see here. This is posted by seven digit called slammed him. Oh, yeah. I saw this one. Isn't that the eagle and shield design?

The same design that the Nazis used. Nah, man. Nazis don't know the eagle logo. America. They also don't own this wise. Dude, the skull with lightning bolts and eagle looks especially like Nazi symbols. You should fire whoever designed this. Yeah, that's terrible

and I'm sorry that happened to your fam, but Nazi don't own or represent an eagle, my man. You're going to be exhausted fighting that battle. Wow, the my man thing is just, it's becoming racist at this point. I mean, I know it's probably just white guys they're talking to, but... Hey, listen, Bubba.

You know, you can fight this battle all you want but you know eagles are fucking america br yeah hey hey hey b um yeah the nazi symbol uh they don't own that i'm he's reappropriating the nazi eagle for dry fast so gas i like how many likes the people's comments have compared to brendons yeah two likes on brendon 13 on the accusation 28 likes zero and his that's very that's good a good observation it reminds me of how like Like there's all these different things going on on Twitter with race. There'll be somebody getting in trouble for some race thing. And whoever responds like, hey, guys, can't we all get along, get zero likes?

And there'll be a hundred replies that all have the 100 like each. Like, fuck you, woke bitch. Yeah, dude. But Brendan is, when he writes comments, gets the opposite treatment. He gets the treatment of the woke bitch people. Brendan should be, you should be hitting Brendan with a my man before he gets you with one, you know? Definitely. You always go with that first. Maybe that's when he understands. He's, there's like, you need to have that. You know how like in Pig Latin you add A at the end of all your words?

Yes. That's what my man is for Brendan. Yeah, it's something that turns his brain on to listen to you. Yeah. Oh shit, it is a Nazi symbol. Like when you talk to a dog. Yeah. You go, hey, or like outside. And then you can say whatever else you want. Yeah. But food. Yeah. It's not, it's exactly the same I'm talking to a dog. You got to do stand up again, my man. Hey, Bubba. I like Hey Bubba. Oh, okay. That's my new thing. But my man is, it's very effective. It's very effective. You're probably right.

You know, he says, I'm sorry that happened to your fam, but they don't own or represent an eagle. My man. See? If you're seeing a period in something he's writing, my man came before it. Oh, for sure. Yeah. The most period. Let's see here. Who's next? Next. This one's posted by Volcano 420. Some protesters picking any outside of Brian's comedy shows. I don't think that's true, but... 86. I like how old they are. At 86, still at risk. That's awesome, dude, because it rhymes. Admit your crimes. Wow. Shout out to those. And what does it say? Tidicut? Titty cut street?

Titty cut. I don't know. They've been there. I'd ever heard of it. This one's posted by air pumper. Is it a lie, though? Chris, I know you've been through. First of all, let me just state this because you said it too. He was accused of something that he didn't do, that he didn't do. Okay.

And if you have trouble with that, take a look at the FBI and everybody else who investigated any notion that he had anything to do with anybody underage. Okay? That's a fucking lie. I. Is it the? I'm speaking to Chris. Oh, that was great.

Can he do it again? Can you play him saying, Is it the hook in? Oh, my God. It is funny. Yeah. Like just that sound is hilarious, but it's perfectly place here.

The notion that he had anything to do anybody underage, okay? That's a fucking lie. Is it thugs? We haven't spoken to Chris. We've never been on the road. It's going on. It's going over.

It's going over his fucking thing. Oh, my gosh. Genius. How great is it that they are, not only wear flip-flops, but they flip-flop on all these things. And they're so, like, When they flopped, they're like, yeah, it never happened.

But it's like, dog, you, you were scared. Every time, but, I mean, how great is it? Is it the? All right. That's a fucking lie. Is it thud? What's important is that we haven't spoken to Chris. And we've never been on the road with him.

I, you know. I know you've seen some of the messages online. I mean, there's way more than that. I would get 50, at least 50 messages after a show each city a night, and I would reply to all of them. I'm hurt.

I'm mad. I'm fucking mad at him. I'm mad at him. I'm mad at lies. I would tell my fiance and my friends. Ow! I really do.

I'm sorry. He's guilty. be an asshole. He was, sure. Oh my gosh. That was great. Damn, dude. I wish I could play that every day when I wake up. Alarm clock vibes. Is it the? Wow. Imagine waking up to that every morning. Thanks, Chris.

Sorry, Chris, I'm awake. All right, let's see what else we got. Are you the? Are you the? Deep dive 2930 posted this ones. Nazis don't own the swashdick. Yikes. If you have to say that. Yeah. You're fucking up. Let's see here.

This one's posted by Wonderful Salary 5432, U-Hall for seven items. I don't know who this is posted from officially emptied out storage unit today. This was the second U-Haul all by myself too. Well, I have an idea who it is. Joanna? Yep. It's very funny. how like Zoolander goes to the coal mines.

That's how I picture she loading. Oh, yeah. That's so good. Yeah. She's dressed like the line dancing outfit. I'm a working mom. Yeah. Hardly working. She seems like someone that would wear like a wine o'clock hat. Yeah. My kids are driving me crazy bumper sticker.

My towels have to say eat prey live. Like a hand towel. I'll cut that part out. Let's see. What's next? Long day posted this one. insufferable people. I mean, 19 pictures, dude, is wild. You ever notice that whenever people just, they abuse Instagram.

19 pictures. And the first one is just look how fat my fucking ass is. Pause. Yeah, dude. Any thoughts? I mean, you don't get it, dude. This is what you do. You reach a certain level of success, dude.

You got to fucking do this shit. All right? Sorry you're fucking Mr. Whole Foods over there and you don't get it. Yeah, she's illegal anyways. Let's see here. She's just dipping her natural Metro cheese.

This one's posted by Dazzling Rabbit 633. Brian Callan took a little break while at the peak of his Hollywood career because he was eating too much food, felt bloated, and wanted to spend time with the kids more. I can speak just, when I was 53 or 54, I was on two TV shows,

a big TV, ABC. Yeah. Always wanted to have my own show. I know. Drew a line through that. I'd shot complicated apes. I sold out a thousand tickets at the, where the fuck that place was

and sold out right away. I was like, I had the great house, I had everything. I'd literally come to L.A. and drawn a line through everything I set a goal for. And then, you know what happened to me? I was like, holy fuck, I'm starting to feel I was spending too much money on food.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I was like, I'm going to take a little break. The worst thing, it was such a weird feeling. Yeah. I felt bloated. Bloated. And by the way, I missed a lot of my kids, my first kids. I missed a lot of my first kids growing up.

What is the subtext, Cootie? That, like, you know, fame is a bitch, I guess. And, like, you can fucking, you don't see your kids ever because you'd be at a restaurant and be like, well, I got to fucking order food. Can't really talk to them, right? I mean, what are you going to do? You're ordering an appetizer and you're talking to your kids at the same time? How do you do that? That's literally what are you saying?

but I'm saying the subtext. What is he really talking about without saying it? I'm too stupid to know. Oh, okay. Dude, all right. Can I have a banana? But what do you think of this? He was drinking too much rain. Would you get a lot of energy. The subtext is, I was drinking too much rain.

Rain makes me horny. Oh, fuck. Yeah. That's what I got. Blooded. He was bloated, meaning equals horny. Yeah. I mean, that is true.

He was too horny at the height of his career. and now and probably before. Look at this. Yeah, it's a horned up man. That's a horned up man. Boner alert! They need to bring it back, dude. Let's see what else we got here.

This one's posted by Dazzling Rabbit 633. It's called New Milestone, failing to reach 40K for three straight episodes. Oh, I thought you just hit a blunt or something. We have a mountain line problem here, y'all. All right, Dallas. God damn it. Oh, man.

What are we doing here? We need more subs. Yeah, dude. They do. And us too, but. 36, 38, 35. Come on, guys. Watch a show.

I mean, let's be honest. This is a good thing. Okay. This is not a sad thing. No, you're right. Why? Brandon Chob is not doing anything ridiculous. When he does ridiculous shit, the numbers go nuts.

Oh. Right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I always forget that. But, yeah, I mean, when do they actually go to Austin? Do you know? Me. Oh, fuck.

So it's May now. Yeah, they should be there now, right? Yeah. But we haven't seen a new studio or anything, right? Not that I've seen. We're going to be going live with Timos, so I'm sure we'll be more up to date if anything transpires before now and Tuesday. But, uh... Oh, fuck, man.

I will say, whoever took this picture is one of the views. Look at this red line at the bottom here. That's... We need to see the homeless cats, you know, YouTube, like, history watching thing. That's how you know it's a good episode of TFACA. This one tells me that it's really good. Look at it. He went further.

This one, not so good. He went five minutes in and quit. You know what I mean? This one, all right. Middle, mid, you know? Like, Brian's not even smiling in this one. No. Couldn't even get one screenshot of him being like,

Chin has a set amount of time to deal with these kinds of things. Like, how long will it take for them to be so desperate where they watch our show and they're like, I'll try anything. And then they take our advice, you know? I would always wonder that. But, you know, you got a fucking video. So I didn't remember?

What? Somebody did. Oh my God. I forgot about that. Somebody did. Maybe we should have talked about that on our Raccoon Tweety. I totally forgot about that. Yeah.

God damn it. Maybe next episode. But a very nice person sent a cameo from Brian Call into Gerardo. And we watched it. It's very funny. Do you want to play it? We can. All right.

Give me a second. I haven't. Keep talking to the... So, like, you know, it's been a rough week in general and, you know, and a very nice fan. I don't know who. It doesn't matter because they don't count or matter. Voodoo Adult. Shout out to you. Shout out to Voodoo Adult. He sent Gerardo a cameo of Brian Callan giving him somewhat of a pep talk is what I got from it.

Is this illegal to play or... Why would it be illegal to play? You're right. Let's do it. And I didn't mean that like, you're stupid. I meant it. Like, I don't know why. But I don't think it is.

Torado. Wait, you got to play that one again. That's right again. Toronto. Brian Kell. I'm talking to your boy, Artie. Apparently you wanted to stand up. And sorry, there's TV in the background.

He says, what are we doing here, dude? I know. I know. I kind of got, I put the cart before the pig or whatever it's called. But, dude, that got me like, is he, does he know who he's talking? fucking do? Yeah, it's really like, it could go either way. Yeah. It could go, he knows or he has no idea who we are. Yeah. Both are plausible. Let's see. Possible. Pawsable. Toronto. When he said that, I lost it, dude. I was like, whoa. I know. It's such a great beginning to the video.

He said it right. That's what I'm saying. That too. Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course. But I want to, he just, for all of his faults, he does know how to make a selfie. That is a skill that he has. I can't, we'll not take that away from him. Not going to sugarcoat. At his age. At his age. Let's see. Still a risk.

He's talking to boy, Ardy. Apparently you wanted to stand up. And sorry, there's TV in the background. Turn it off. We got to pause. I'm watching Temptation Island. Now I feel like we're friends, dude. He's leaving me a video where he's laughing.

Mm-hmm. He's telling you about his life. And he knows, he knows you, dude. You're a hawk. You're gonna make fun of him. Yeah. So he's laughing thinking, what is Gerardo going to say about Temptation Island? You're my girlfriend now. Oh, God. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. My wife's laughing at me right now. Temptation Island. I'm into the show. I said it. I don't care. I don't care what you think of me, dude. So I don't care what you think of me, dude? Oh, I didn't catch that because I only watched this once and it blew my mind. I was almost scared to watch this again.

Yeah. Especially on the show, yeah. This is a deep-ass fucking, it gets deeper than this. Yeah, pause. Yeah. How many times have you said that? Okay. So bro.

It gets deeper than this. Bro. You think about doing stand-up, huh? Are you sleeping on the idea? Everything in life that you want to do, stress comes from not doing what you're supposed to do. Illness, depression,

all of it, I think. My theory comes from not doing what you know you're supposed to do. Procrastination. So grab your balls. Okay. I'm already doing that. Oh, yeah. He's like, my balls are in my hand.

I grab me seven times a week. And just take the step. Do it. If you have to move to Austin, it's fine. But more importantly than Austin, start creating, start writing. Always be writing. Here's my advice as a comic. start with questions that matter.

Start with the most important questions. What are you afraid of? What are we doing here? Start with questions that matter. It's such a ridiculous thing for him to say. No, it's not. Cooney. The stuff he talks about?

No, but listen, you're thinking, you're going way too far. Okay. No, take it at face value. Just listen to what he's saying. I get it. You're applying it to practice, and you're always going to fail

when it comes to these two. But just take it at face value, what are you saying? Oh, okay. All right. Maybe that will work. We're not killing it, dude. You know what I mean? Okay.

All right. Revere, love. What are you, what are you going to regret? It's so funny now because I can't stop thinking of like, why are there two stools? Yeah, when he does this thing. But what if he watches this, dude, and we're making fun of him? I want him to. He's not going to watch this.

He doesn't know who we. are. It seems like he has no idea who you are. He has no skipped. The name Gerardo comes in. He doesn't think about it at all. Yeah, you're right. It's you. Yeah. Then he probably doesn't know who we are. Or maybe he does and he's just fully insane. We've said some pretty mean things about Cal. Yeah, you're right. He's got to hate us. So I just don't know at this point. What, but I love, I love this video. It's like he's going to be reading a book to second graders and Chin comes up to him and like they reviewed the video. A second cameo has hit the Tmos. Not doing when you die. What are you going to regret doing or having done when you die?

Who are you pretending to be? Who are you really? Who were you? Who are you now? Who do you want to be? These are the questions. You got to ask. What are we doing here? If he did that as a bit, he knows who we are, then I take some of what I've said back. Yeah. That's pretty funny. Like, he, he, he, he, He has the, there have been certain clips where he has been hilarious, unironically. So I don't take it away. It's not like it's impossible for Callan to be funny. It's just that his stand-up is some of the worst stand-up that's ever been done by anyone.

Atrocious. Yeah. I was hoping you'd say atrocious. Calden. You know, these are the questions. If God exists, what would he say to you when you die right now? What do you want him to say to you? If God exists, what would he say to you right now?

Love the chairs. Oh, I didn't even think of that. He would ask me, he's like, do you have a good? You say less king? Yeah. I think that is funny that what would God say to me? I don't know. I would say, why is God talking to me?

God will be like, is shop that dumb? I'll be like, you too, dude? Yeah. He's like a fucking fan of the show. Love the show. He goes, daddy. God is just. doing shabisms,

I wouldn't put it past him. Jesus is probably more into the show than God if I had to guess. Younger demographic. Yeah. He's like, my son can't stop talking about you guys. He always is eight inches when he's about to ask me a question. You know, these are the kind of questions, I think,

that you start with a serious question. You start with the emotional truth of something. And then let that inform your comedy, expression. And when you work from an honest place, you know, when you work from honesty, you're no longer afraid. This should be play. This is not work. Writing. I'm not going to be mean to him. I mean to him. I mean, I like some of what he's saying. I don't know if I've ever tried this. It's just so funny to put what he's saying to what he does. Yes. That and also outside of standing up what he does.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's not at these questions haven't stimulated like good. behavior or good content, really. For him. That doesn't mean they couldn't work for us. I'm going to feel so bad if people chop this up and added into their little dishes, dude. Comedy is about playing. It's about making yourself laugh. It's about daydreaming.

It's not work. Don't think of it is work. Don't think, I've got to do this. No. It's always, should be on your mind. Just be a silly goose. Allow yourself the permission to be a silly goose and not look for results. Just kind of try to surprise.

yourself with what you come up with. It's like a process of discovery. And every day there's a little gift. Like today I tried to write. And I only came up with one tiny idea, but I'll take it. You know? So that's my pet talk. All right, buddy.

I'll see you in Austin. Mother shit. Et cetera. Et cetera. Mother ship. Yeah, dude. And there's my broken. Shout out to Brian Callan.

Thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it, dude. and, you know, I'm going to be watching that every day. I thought the camera was on me. It wasn't the whole time. Shout out to you. Thank you so much. Shout out to voodoo adult.

Oh, yeah. For that because that made my day for sure that day. Yeah. One thing I'll say last thing on that is that I have a respect for people that just don't care what you say about them. If I make fun of you every week for three years. For 10 minutes. And you don't, and for only 10 minutes, we forget, it's only 10 minutes.

And you don't hate me to the point where you want to kill me. I respect. Respect. Great, dude. All right, well, back to the TFATK subreddit. Let's see here. Let's make this big pause. God damn it.

My computer. This one's posted by haphazard. Finally, I was like, did haptic the week off? Oh, yeah. Where has he been at? That's our guy. Diddler catches some strays. Once I have kids, I stopped caring about so much shit.

Notice I don't go on other pods. People like, man, it's to be really good for your image. I don't do it. I just don't. I'm like, you know, I didn't like Delea until he had kids. Watching Delea become a dad was the most beautiful chain. He wasn't. Just the fax thing over and ever again.

Facts. He's in fact. Ching Delea. Facts. Yeah. I just don't. I'm like, you know, I didn't like Delia until he had kids. Watching DeLea become a dad was the most beautiful change ever.

And it's not like I hated DeLia. It's just we were cut from a different cloth. Is it the... Not the same guy. Completely different. But then being humbled, he got very much humbled by the industry and getting into trouble. And then he had two children. And he's a totally different guy.

He's still a funny, nice guy. He's still autistic, but he's actually a good autistic. I called him up. A good autistic. Yeah, that's just redacted as hell saying that. If you said that, I would be like, what's a bad autistic? Yeah, it was very easy to call someone out on that. I got distracted because I was looking at Jeff Dye's head or small.

Really? Yeah, he's a small head. I mean, he's got a big cowboy hat, though. Did he have a big cowboy hat on a small head? He's stupid, and maybe his brain is small. That's what I was thinking. If you want to know, really, sorry, maybe he has a small brain. Six inches.

Let's see. seeing that special and seeing him. What was that? I called him up after seeing that special. Somebody went, yeah, that was strange. Seeing him talk about his dad's and stuff. And then maybe somebody was tugging the sure shot.

Daddy. Sure shot. Seeing him with his two kids. Oh, yeah. And how much he loves him. And you know what I said to him? I said, Chris, I know you've been. through first of all let me just state this because you said it too he was accused of something

and that he didn't do that he didn't do okay and if you have a trouble with that take a look at the FBI and everybody else who invest is it though investigated any notion that he had anything to do with anybody underage okay that's a fucking lie like how he turns into like a valley girl a little A lie. He's guilty to be an asshole. He was, sure, sure. Vuminizer, all that stuff. We warned him how many times.

Great. But what stuck was this myth. Yeah. Somehow he was a pedophile. Well, it's fun to tear things down and that's what people like to do. He's one that are trite and laughable. Yeah. Not like us.

We're trying to build this show up, Jeff Dye. Mm-hmm. We're part of the 36,000 views. Mm-hmm. We're part of the $10,000, or what is it? $250. $250, yeah. Yeah.

All right. It's always changing. Let's see what's the next. Oh, I thought a spider was on the wall. Let's see here. This is posted by haphazard. I thought he stopped talking to comics because of the General Lee incident. Hmm.

Painted narrative, haphazard. Nope. racist. You say you're, if you say the lab leak is, that's why. Dude, how many friends you lose during God,

that I'm going back to COVID thing. How many friends you lose during COVID? I went to, oh my God. And you know me. I was like ready to storm the Capitol. Dude. My shit, I was like, oh, I'm not anything like you guys.

All our comedy friends, I went, oh, buddy, we can't be, I can never talk to you again. Not because you're on the left. I never talked to them again. How many, there's so many people. With this shot here, it looks like Brendan and Jeff Dye

have good-sized heads. But then Brian Callan's got the tiny head because it's the way that the camera is. But if you go and you look at it, head when it's like this. I'm telling you it looks like it. He looks like earthworm Jim kind of. He's got the, you know, earthworm cowboy. Yeah, yeah, I got you. Let's see. Do you guys know, I'm out, man. You're not my foxhole. Well, you're up to when the shit, because you're a bitch. Correct. And when the shit goes, when the, when the, when the shit is the fan, all you guys scoured,

you wore your mask, got the shot. You start preaching against all my friends. Dude, we're out. You're out. I got a lot of, I got a lot of hate during that chapter of my life. Yeah. Same. Same. I remember people publicly being like, and Jeff's having people at his house. I'm like, I'm going crazy over here. We were doing the podcast. People were yelling at us. I was in my house with alcohol problem and guns. I was an alone, dude.

I'm like, I can't be. And also, the one positive, like, you became a star out of all this COVID nonsense and bullshit. The thing that gave. I didn't know that. Debatable. First I heard. Yeah. This is the first I've heard of some, a bunch of the stuff.

stuff that they're talking about. Yeah. I didn't know that COVID killed friendships for Brendan. I didn't know that Adderall was alcohol. Although, I do remember Shab and Callan getting in trouble because they went on tour. And they had COVID and they performed with COVID. And then they did a meet and greet with COVID. Yeah.

So it seems like that seems to me to be a valid criticism. Yeah. They're like, that was bullshit. it brought like the fight back into me. Oh yeah. Like I kind of you know lowered it during comedy. I was like, no, I'm the funny. I'm not mean. But I was never mean. But I was like, no, I can't really fight. You know, and dressing all. Yeah. Imagine being Mr. Whole Foods watching like, you are mean, dude. I was just eating nachos. I love cheese. And then COVID happened. And I was like, oh shit. And I have two, you know, two.

young boys. I'm like, oh, no, they need a man. 100%. And so I'm at coffee and this, and I was going there before the studio in Santa Monica every day. And then the mask get, you know, I'm like, God, I'm not wearing a mask. And I go in, I'm like, the usual. And the security goes, you got to put your mask on eating that coffee. And I was like, oh, you woke up the deal. Yeah, you don't want this.

I went, bud, I'm going to get that coffee. I'm not going to put my mask on. There's no, you and I go, guarantee you. I know. And there's no you're not. I went, I'll tell you what's going to happen. I'm like, why do people like this? I don't know. I don't get it. Yeah. The idea of somebody bothering a poor coffee guy

who's just telling you the rules of the coffee establishment. It's not really his decision whether you get a coffee or not. He didn't make up COVID guidelines. Bubba. You woke up the demon. Give me the coffee.

Go home and make your own coffee, you stupid Neanderthal. I could understand the moment. what I don't understand is talking about it and getting like riled up listening to it being like, who-hoo-ho-hoo-ha-ha. That shit is weird to me. Obviously, the masking is new,

so you're going to be like, I really got to wear a mask. And then maybe they'll be human and be like, next time you come in, have a mask on. And then boom, all right, cool. I'll wear a mask next time I come in. Right, right? Yeah.

I don't want to wear the mask, but I also don't want to threaten somebody's life over a garment, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah. Shav is one of the people in Twitter videos that jumps over the counter, punches somebody and gets their own fries. Yeah.

puts ketchup on it. What? I mean, give it to me, so I took him. I fucking don't care. So we need to have that CCTV footage of him stepping up to the security guard. Yeah. Do you know who I am?

I'm the Gringo Poppy. Yeah. Say less. Do you have a gun? Let's see you. Grab that coffee. I'm going to meet you in the back of the parking lot. Yeah, dude. Are you serious?

You're going to fight somebody over a mask? That's crazy. There is something happening here, dude. Yeah. I mean, this didn't happen, probably. But even, yeah, it makes, the story makes you look like a moron. He was like this during the story. He was sleeping.

He was a dream. Yeah. That was not a good joke. We're going to see how it goes for you. It was okay, cool. See you there. I'm like, oh, shit, he's down. Big black dude, like six, six.

Of course. I mean, we saw that. That's what I was picturing of Shob. There's a lot of six-foot-six baristas these days. In my head, I'm like, I'm just going to kick him in the fucking head and drive off with the cops. Also, you know you can take him. Oh, of course. That's the beauty of what, like, I can't do that.

Real quick, too. So I, and I was kind of nervous. The comedy cadence. He got it in. Keep you busy. I can't do that. That's Jeff dies. That's 75% of his punchlines is.

I can't do that. If a cowboy came up to me and said, I can't do that. I'd be like, oh, you're not a cowboy. You're forced a cop. Yeah. You're forest scum. Gen A, I can't do that.

To be like, I'm going to shoot you with a gun. With my head. I'm like, ah, here we go, man. They did it again. With a gun. I'm going to shoot you with the gun. It's all cadence. There's no,

there's no joke. It's just like, yeah, so I told him, I'm going to bitch slap you with my hand. Pause for laughter. The other skills dust off the old fighting mitts. And I go back then. He was in there. Nothing. And I went there every single day during COVID.

Love it. I'd walk in and just turn and said. Yeah, of course. I'd say, thank you. He might have known. They might have said, hey, he's a UFC fighter. Yeah, yeah. The barista was like, no, no, no.

Like, we're like, uh-uh. Yeah, that brief. Why? That's not because you're a UFC fighter. Probably because you're a crazy person. Yeah. The Bruce is like, dude, it's easier if we just say nothing. You know?

He'll start doing stand-up if we say no. Yeah. There's one time where Carl asked him a question, he said that his dick is eight inches. He always asks if we have guns. Yeah. To save his life. Yeah.

I was like, oh, saved you some money, too. You know what? I would actually shake his hand now. I'm like, oh, thanks, dude. I lost it and you brought it back out. I've been down to fight in a long time, and I was going to snap your... There was that giant...

Snap your neck again. Oh, man, I wish Bill Burr would talk about this. Oh, yeah. They'd be great to hear us to take. We need to get a black couch. So this is a comedian. He's threatening barricis. He's protected.

All right, let's see what else we got here. That one was posted by haphazard. Shout out to you. One of our guys. This one's haphazard. He's getting out ahead of the controversy. Anti-electric vehicle club he put, dude, the skull with lightning bolts and the eagle looks especially like, you know,

symbols. You should fire whoever designed those responding to. Laughing face. Most of my family was murdered during the Holocaust. My grandfather told me a nightmare. stories done by people wearing very similar symbols. I'm not sure he would laugh if he saw someone wearing that eagle. Kibatek can't like this.

Yeah. Kibatek, what the hell, dude? Yeah, what are we doing here? Kibatek sent me the hat and they wrote, you know, like, thanks for buying our shit or whatever. And they liked that video that one time. That was funny. I forgot about that.

What are you doing, Kibatek? They commented nice hat once. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah. So Kibatech, okay, as someone connected to our show, I'm going to need you to lock it in. Yeah. You can't be letting stuff like this go.

Yeah, dude. I didn't know Kibetek was like that, though. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, me and Gerardo may have to re-evaluate our relationship with you if you continue this way. I don't really need suspension that bad. Yeah, I can mod my own truck. Yeah, I can suspend my subscription. Okay, I don't know how to make it.

You guys do a great job on trucks, but I can do it myself. Don't trust me. My truck, so Kibat-Tek. Yeah, no, I got, I mean, they're great. Yeah. It's really good. I put the Kibatek sticker on my laptop. But I'll put the truck away.

they'll stop walking in my truck. Yeah, dude, I'll say goodbye to blow jobs I said out to the comedy store, dude. Let's see. The next one is going to be posted by Deep Dive, 2930.

Josh clearly hasn't meant to P.F. Chang's. Where is the proof he cheats on his wife? Okay. And that's why he quit comedy. I've seen this said before, but never seen an ounce of proof to back it up. What? Drumbeat said,

you mean the security camera footage of him handing his number two a girl at a club, the YouTube channel Unique posted it. How about when BBL or BGL, not BBL, BGL Mark Carly showed all the texts he was facilitating for Brendan to flirt with other girls, I can keep going. Well, you know, you ask a question, ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. Is that what it is? I try to mess it up. Yeah, drumbeat will keep you busy. You know, if you got questions, B. Facts. Facts. I like how little views are on both these posts. Let's see. Like one of the. the views is deep dive 2930. Shout out to you. You don't matter. Let's see what's next.

Posted by Moonwalker. Bapa got a facelift B. I mean probably. I don't really see in these pictures, but I assume. I don't know what I'm looking for. That's the thing. They keep doing this on online. They did this to Bill Burr too. And I just, I don't know what to look for for a facelift. It does look like two different people. To me, it just looks like another picture of a caveman. Neanderthal. Yeah. He's got Caveman, Neanderthal vibes. Ikebetric, chuck. This is a man that's feared saber-toothed tigers

at some point in his life. Into a mechanic shop. Let's see. Go to T-ball. Have cubby. Let's see what's next. What are you going to do? Okay. Oh, yeah. Posted by remarkable benefits, 359.

It's called 100 group of Rillas versus a redact. That's actually more enticing, I think. Let's see. what he says. What are you going to do? Volume punch me, motherfucker? That's what you're going to do? What are you going to do?

Outgraple me? In what fucking sense? What sense? I think the gorilla would be scared. The first one at least. I don't know about the other 99, but... I mean, the gorilla

looks at Shab and it would probably be the first time that the gorilla knows he's smarter than the human being he's looking at. I don't know if like, I don't know, maybe the gorilla doesn't even use force at that point. It's not a threat. Yeah.

He outsmarts him. The guerrilla tricks Shab into leaving somehow. Yeah. He throws a banana at him and then Shab was neutralized because he can't open the banana. He needs someone else to open it for him. So he leaves to get someone to open the banana. Yeah.

I, listen, the odds are not in Chaub's favor. 100 gorillas versus him? Oh, it's 100, yes. Yeah. he's not going to, but put one mask on one of those gorillas, dude, he'll keep them busy. Just PTSD, like he sees the security guard naturally because he's racist. And he just starts going, you know? Yeah.

I mean, watch out, girls. I heard. Because he just goes. Let's see what's the ending. What world are you living in? This is the real world. The gorilla world. And are the guerrillas into podcasting?

Mm-hmm. Because maybe they have a conflict of, are they homeless? You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Maybe they enjoy shop. They're like, we can destroy you, but you're so funny, you know? Like chimp, uh, was that chimp documentary on Netflix, Chimp Empire or whatever?

Shab becomes in the running for the chief of the guerrillas. Yeah. Possibility. Mm-hmm. You know? Same sort of brain, right? Yeah, it's about the same size, probably. Mm-hmm.

Huge. Uh, let's see here. Next one's posted by I see Fondand 8441. Don't lose your breath over it. Okay. Okay. Mine guy is very funny. That's good.

It's a lot of N-words today, huh? Not that kind, but I see Fondant. Don't waste your time, my man. Okay. It's going to be amazed. I don't know what that's from, but yeah, it's pretty good. Mm-hmm. This one's posted by dandy coffee.

Hoffman 2, been there Bapa? Let's see what this is. Oh, why does it do that? And to be honest, like I used, I used alcohol and the comfort of a woman, an extramarital affair to, to help me survive. Because I couldn't even leave my room. You burned it, though. I couldn't even. Don't beat yourself up. I couldn't even. He earned cheating on his wife. How do you earn that? I wonder if Bapa has like a thing, he has a thing on his door. You know, know kids measure their height or whatever. He has a thing for accomplishments. And once he gets to that, he gets to cheat on his wife.

Yeah. Oh, I've earned it, though. Mm-hmm. He's like, Tiger hits three home runs. Guess I better go cheat on my wife. Thanks, Tiger. Yeah, dude. We moved to Austin.

It's like super simple achievements, though. He's like, I zip my pants up that day. Yeah, I took the dishes out of the dishwasher. I washed my balls. Oh. Sell my house. Sell my... Stuff that has to happen.

I forced my family to move. Yeah. But I did it. Let's see what's next. This one's posted by Dav Oz, never worn. Comedy special.

Is this real? What does it say? Das Brake. Be shot for showtime. You'd be surprised San Diego, California. January 19, 2019. Mm.

Hmm. I don't know. Wow. Whoa. It's a real. shirt. Holy shit. 33 bucks? Beast. You'd be surprised.

Damn, how do you find this shit? Wow. That is a terrible shirt. Probably terrible quality. Oh, the worst quality, some would say. But remember how all the sizes would be wrong when we get them? Like large would be like way small.

Extra large would be insanely big. It's crazy how long the shirts are. Yeah, and then they're the length. That's a thing. That's a thing. It's like Delia-sized. Yeah. It's like knee-sized, literally down to your knees. Yeah, the way Delea wears shirts. I don't like that at all. No, same. Even if it's fire merch, B.

We're done. We don't get it. We're not tall enough. Right. We don't count. Like the Dice shirt I was so excited for. But it's down to my thighs. You got to get that altar. You got to like tuck it in and then let it hang out a little bit. But even then it's like trying to come out, dude. Now my waist is hurting because it's so tucked in.

Sure, but you get so much pussy when you wear those shoes. You're right. The second a chick sees a donut that's dripping icing, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm married, okay? Don't throw your pussy at me, you know, squirrel pussy. Squirrels just can't get enough of dicey shirts, dude. Fucking squirrel pussy, dude. Yeah, more like...

Gung! Gohr! More like nutty. let's see here let's see this is posted by Todoroaki first Texas

totally true celebrity interaction who is the odds on favorite to first notice or have you run in with Mista Shab Oh great question I mean he's already had one because of the cowboy hat

which I lost mine I had it last week Hmm Hmm Celebrities in Texas Oh, by the way, was that a clipper game? Guess who else was there? Jelly roll.

Yeah. Damn. I'm not going to lie. I'm actually happy he was there. You know why? Because I was with a lady, right? And she was like, ew. Pretty good, right?

That's good for her, yes. Didn't even need to ask her thoughts on it. You know what I mean? Yeah. I just understood. I was like, all right, she's one of the good ones. But let's be honest. Jellyroll.

I'm glad that he wasn't out of a Lakers game because he's not going to get on the Jumbo Tron. You know what I mean? Won't fit on that thing. Oh my God. I mean, I don't think you realize how funny that is because they have a halo board at the Clippers new arena,

which is huge. It's literally like the biggest screen in all of arenas. How many jelly rolls is it? It's one jelly roll. Thank you. I mean, how many chigs you fuck? But yeah, he fits on that one. Staple Center, yeah, they're going to be like,

this is, we tried. Right. But this is jelly roll, just a pixel. Right, right, right. Yeah. But I was, yeah, he showed up. There should be like, either like some sort of jump scare warning or something,

but there wasn't, dude. It was just jelly roll in front of your face. Roll warning. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like jelly alert or something. Jelly alert.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Boss. Let's see. This one's, okay, so it says,

who's the odds on favorite to first notice or have it run in with Mista Shab? forgot to tell you about this. I was in Starbucks the other day

getting my coffee. You know, Daddy needs this juice. Anyway, I'm waiting for my order saying, what's up to some fans? They're all like,

yo, B. Shop, you finally hear. The last giveaway was dope. Anyways, I hear this old guy is like, hey, a big boy, big boy over here.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this about? He keeps it up. A big fella, big guys. So, So I finally turn around and I shit you not. Jerry Jones of the Texas or Dallas Cowboys.

He's all, we could use a couple big strong guys like you. How'd you like to come to training camp this summer? Callan, wow, wow, you're certainly turning a lot of heads down here in old Tejas.

You know, I bet you could still outplay 95% of these college kids. Yeah, I don't know with all the peptides. I'd melt the piss cup anyways. It was cool. That's pretty good. Yeah.

I mean, he nailed all the mannerisms. Mm-hmm. I think maybe he meets Greg Abbott. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris lives in Texas. Yeah, that would be good. If he did Chuck Norris bits,

like Chuck Norris came up to me. He's like, hey, you're that guy that comedian that fucks people up. Thanks, Chuck. Appreciate it, dude. Let's see what else we got here. We're almost at the end of the show here. Next one is going to be posted by,

I don't know why it's not going. Okay, a lot of, N-A-Z-S stuff. What the fuck? Okay, got to go all the way back down, I guess. God damn. God damn it. Where were we here?

We're getting there. Okay, so, oh, I think this is it here. We saw the shirt. And then. All righty, wristy drop. One, two, three posted this. Dicey, Dicey. Oh, Texas Dicey on a plate.

He's ruined the Dicey thing for everyone else, too. Because now it's redacted. Dicey with three WIs. Wow. Should be three Cs, but wow. You know? That's another way of doing it for sure. Shout out to you, dude.

You're truly a thick boy nation, dude. This is posted by Dandy Kaufman 2, Blue Collar Statistics, is what it's called. Let's see. The NFL is made up from guys from the third to sixth round. 70% of the players you watch are from the third to sixth round. Because they're humbled. They work their ass off and they're just, they feel like they have, you know, they're honored and privileged to be there, you know.

It's the first and second round guys that have these big egos. They never work out. They're hard to deal with on the team in the locker room. Third to six round is where your team's foundation is found. It's like 70% of the players you watch on Sunday are third to six round picks. So people that don't watch those later rounds, you only watch the first round? Boy, you're missing out. Because your team's made up of that third.

third to six round. He said so many times. I got nothing to say. That's facts. Yeah, I mean, I have nothing either. I had something, but I just like,

my mind went completely blank during the third to six round talk. He kept saying it over. It was almost like he was hypnotizing me. Yeah. He should start repeating things so I can't focus, so I can't make fun of him,

like 40 chess. 40. 40 times. Yeah, he's a master of hypnosis for sure. Seems like it. All right, let's go one more. Let's see what we got next. This is posted by urinal zin.

That's a great name. Every time I go to a urinal, I do see a zin. Nice to see his film carrier picking back up. Disney introduces, okay, child predator and predator. Anyways. Big,

Smoke big, big smoke, big smoke 92 posted this needs more cowbell. I saw this. Diesel Dadfit. Pretty redacted to post something like this. Yeah. It's weird. I mean, he is getting very strong as opposed to very fat where he was. I wonder, you know, definitely steroids and all that shit.

But I wonder, do they, celebrities, they just feel the need to always be posting, right? Yeah. So this is some of that. It's just, I need to post to be relevant. So, dad fit. You know? Yeah, isn't that disgusting? It's not even celebrities.

It's just like sometimes people you know are just posting. It's like, maybe don't post this. I don't know. Some people like it, but it's Brendan doing it, so it's different. Yeah. Let's see what's next. Okay, this is the last one for today. Danny Kaufman, too, blackbelled in body language.

Let's see what this is about. At the beginning of the year, you said you were super confident. It's definitely going to happen. Are you still super confident? Still super confident. In your career... Oh, I don't like that. I don't like how he took a sip of water and was like that.

It's probably one and a half happen. You know, oh. Does he not like it because it's water? Or because he took a full sip, he's saying. It's not coffee or rain. I think Shab is just he heard somebody say this, so he's saying it. I like your first thought. that it's an ad drop.

He said, It should be a rain. It's an ad drop for him and a missed opportunity for Dana. Yeah. To have a product placement there. So I was drinking Shurshot and nailed it. Let's see. I don't like the way he took a sip of water.

Why does he talk like that? It's different from putting the hand on the chest, but it's the same vibe. Sure. And why is his finger? his mouth. Yeah. Watch how it goes from his, he goes finger into the mouth,

making a point back to the mouth. Weird. I want to have happen. You know, oh, I don't like the way took a sip of water. Something about that

seemed real feminine to me, Doc. Let me answer it. I'm not buying it. Yeah, that's the, that's why you want to make this year. It's like,

that's not, you don't sound confident, dude. Are you picking that up from like all the serial killer stuff that when they do, you know,

interrogations and stuff. Like they just kind of... Yeah. A little. Yeah. They didn't like his body language. Wow. Chin is trying to get him to

saying body language. He's like, remember we talked about... You were going to talk about body language before? Remember? Oh, yeah, body language. You made it. Nailed it. I don't like a skin language.

But yeah, that's all the clips for this week, dude. See you next week. On the patron, remember we are doing live Timos. We're doing all Timos in May like we normally do. And then we're switching to live Timos in June. Wednesday nights. Wednesday nights. Bye.