10 Minutes of Schaub - TFATK Live was a HUGE SUCCESS! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #90

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

NEW REDDIT https://www.reddit.com/r/raccoon_tweeties JOIN OUR PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/raccoontweeties Join the discord! https://discord.gg/z7eSGTE6hG Follow Raccoon Tweeties on Social Media! https://linktr.ee/RaccoonTweeties

Hey, come on, get in the car, drag it up slowly, got plastic, baby, bring a poppy, got deep down to the skin. Got to be a joker, he just pee in the sand. say I know. One thing I can tell you is I do. You always can. Mr. Right now. Not your shoes. Stop. My favorite time of the week. When you get there, Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop.

Thanks for tuning in. Good to see you. Happy you're here. If you haven't, join the Discord, Reddit, Patreon. Check it out. We just did Trevor Noah's stand-up special. Oh, yeah. We did Trevor Noah. And it's woke nonsense.

It's very bad. Yeah. But check it out if you're interested in hearing what we really think about it. I call them Trevor No-Ha. That was good. Yeah, I laughed at that. It took me a second to get it, but once I got it, I was like, different. Yeah. I enjoyed it. Trevor No- Laughs. That really I laughed at that. It took me a second to get it, but once I got it, I was like, different. Yeah.

I enjoyed it. Trevor, no laughs. That really is what it is. It's a lot of speeches, you know, and then clapped, or we counted off the amount of times where the audience would clap instead of laughing, and it was a lot. We're not numbers, guys. No. But we did count it. It was quite a bit. But yeah, dude, that's not why they're here, though, dude. No, no, no.

You're right. Thanks for bringing that up. That is not why you're here. You're here to watch 10 Minutes of Shove, so play the chin clip. Start the timer now. All right, so we got a light week at Chang's, dude, but we're going to check out the new Elephant Graveyard drop date. Oh, yeah. One of our guys.

We don't have to watch the whole thing, but I believe the beginning is fucking Netflix, dude. The whole thing is pretty Netflix. Yeah. Some would say the most Netflix. It's called The Last Gasps of the Redacted, dude. Let's see here. He's back.

We caught this over the line off of J and Marina Del Rey. And no joke, we saw trash bags floating by. We saw a used condom, a giant used condom that just floated right by us. And I froze this for a couple days, and I thawed it out for two and a half days, now three days probably. The question of free will touches nearly everything we care about. Most of what is distinctly human about our lives seems to depend upon our viewing one another as autonomous persons capable of free choice. But free will is an illusion. Our wills are simply not of our own making.

Thoughts and intentions emerge from background causes of which we are unaware and over which we exert no conscious control. Don't you ever wonder why you are what you are? Do you ever wonder why you are what you are, dude? Yeah, yeah. From time to time, you always have to ask, what am I doing here? You're right. I think this looks like me right here.

This looks like a shot of me as an old man. But let me ask you, do you ever wonder what the question that I can't remember the words were? I mean, honestly, I believe I know who I am, dude. I'm that Latino that talked too much, dude. Yeah, I would say you're a hawk.

You know, above all else. But yeah, that's a good... What I am, I would say... Coming from a man in a green shirt. That's right, world record pot. I'm wearing the colors of a duck, but actually in a green shirt. That's right. World record pot. Ever heard of it? I'm wearing the colors of a duck, but actually a hawk shirt.

Oh, okay. Because it's a walsh. You're a duck in sheep's clothing. Or a hawk in duck. A duck in hawk's clothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. We'll get there. We'll get there.

What am I? I don't matter. I didn't count. Oh, that's the answer to answer all, dude. Exactly. I mean, don't you ever just look around at your life and think, what the hell even is this shit? The guy before, the suit guy.

It looks like D'Elia. Doesn't he? Don't you ever just look around at your life and think, what looks like D'Elia? That's you in fully formed. Realize, dude, suit, kingpin, big office, thinking about what's next for T-Mose. That's the hostage room in the future.

What the hell even is any of this shit? How did I actually get here? What the hell am I even doing? For instance, how does one become a stand-up comedian? Well, you must first be born with an intact nervous system and then provided with a proper education. No freedom there. And at some point, you must decide.

Flappers, dude. That's awesome. Is T-E-G reaching out? Yeah, dude. That's amazing. Yeah. When I first saw this, I was like, flapper. We have to watch this.

I love this guy, man. Yeah. Elephant Graveyard, one of our best, dude. Yeah, yeah. A comedian. A result, presumably, of first wanting to become one. I don't know who this is. Where does that want arise?

Not from you, but from the result. We all have embarrassing videos of us online. So, I mean, I don't have anything on my shirt off humping another guy. But, you know, I got some pretty bad stuff out there somewhere. All right. Look for it. Yeah,. Yeah, look for it. I'm not going to comment on that. A combination of events and forces that you will never understand.

To become a comedian, you must also have the talent for the job and develop the best brains for the art. Becoming a comic requires effort. You must do many things deliberately and well and in the appropriate sequence year after year. We watched that on Patreon. Yeah, we watched this one. Honestly, without the verbiage, it looks like it's a fun time.

But then when you hear what she's saying, you're just like... No, yeah. I mean, it depends. Whether you like the visuals or not, the content is not good. No, it is not king. Audio in this situation is even worse than the visual. You know how many jokes I write where I'm visualizing that and I'm like, I'm not going to do that on stage.

Is it a lot for you? You'd be surprised, dude. You're a physical guy. You work the stage. Conscious source of this wanting, will you be responsible for its prevailing over all the other things you want? No. If you succeed at becoming a comedian, you will suddenly one day find yourself standing on stage, microphone in hand, at the confluence of all the genetic and environmental causes that led you to develop along this line.

Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, is a progressive brain disorder caused by repeated head injuries that leads to cognitive decline, including impaired decision making, unstable impulsive behavior, drug and alcohol addiction, memory loss, and problems planning and carrying out tasks. CTE symptoms can appear at any time following traumatic brain injury. You know what would be funny is if, like, when you got CT, some version of that song comes on where it's like, ma-na, ma-na, ma-na, ma-na, ma-na, like you get hit enough that that just,

that's the alert, there's some sort of alert for it. It's like, ma-na, ma-na, ma-na, ma-na,'s some sort of alert for it. It's like, my nap, my nap, my nap, my nap. Fuck. Shab definitely has it. I worry about the drug stuff and the alcohol. I hope he's some kind of handler that's like, you know, hey. I guess he must have something, though, because he's thinking about it. He keeps saying that nicotine helps his brain. I don't know if that's true.

We'll see, dude. It only worsens over time, eventually leading to a full-on detachment from reality. We do not have the freedom we think we have. Just as within a circuit

an electron follows the path of least resistance, so too do human beings. And there's no telling where you'll end up. Horizon guy, 449, Quebec X-ray. Hey, I found myself in a bit of a predicament. I'm in the air right now. 449, are you not supposed to be on that aircraft?

Uh, yes, yes. Did you just take off? Yeah. And you're not supposed to be on that aircraft? Uh, no. What's going on? Are you flying the plane? Yeah. Usually you're not supposed to be on that aircraft? Uh, no. What's going on? Are you flying the plane? Yeah. Usually these patterns. What?

I think that's from that thing where the guy stole the plane. Okay. Right? I had never heard the audio before, though. That's hilarious. Also scary. Dude, Elephant Graveyard's amazing. Yeah, he's pulling stuff from out of the zeitgeist. Ever heard of it? Things go about doing what they ought to.

There's a moment where it changes. But the universe, given its infinite vastness, sometimes manifests into reality what we call karmic mutations. Coincidental waves of cause and effect that lead to circumstances that appear to make no rational sense. So you hijacked the plane, is that what you're saying? Uh, yeah. It's kind of a bad thing, kind of a selfish thing.

Just that broken guy, got a few screws loose, I guess. Never really do it until now. This isn't a sad thing. Oh, man. I didn't even know it. We're going to go to the barrel room. Oh, man. I didn't even know it was from that. Is that what it's from?

What? Wait, I don't know that he did audio for it. Just like, it'd be crazy if the guy who stole the plane said this is not a sad thing and Shob said it on Showtime.

Maybe he said this isn't a sad thing. I don't know. That'd be a wild coincidence. That's why it would be in the video, though. I'm just here for the good time, Danny.

Yeah, true, true. How are we doing, my man? Another shot for the road? No, I probably shouldn't, man. I'm shooting my first comedy special tonight. How long you been doing it? Three years. Suppose your hero and mentor insisted to you

that you should become a stand-up comedian. He's so short, dude. He's so short. Oh, my God. That guy in the purple is 5'5". Isn't that wild? And so you do it. Sorry, what did you say?

He looks like a... If that's true and not edited at all, he looks like a hobbit. Is that your own conscious choice? Or have you just been persuaded? And would he then be responsible for whatever terrible fate that surely awaits you in that pursuit? Ladies and gentlemen, from the Fighter the Kid podcast and below the belt on Showtime,

give it up for the great and powerful Smith to Brandish! I mean, come on, look at this. This doesn't make any sense. Look at him. Stop deluding yourself! These mutations are inherently unstable. Eventually, the great cosmic gardener,

who goes by many names and takes on many forms, comes along to pluck the anomaly out of existence. Don't be such a fucking troll. They get to this spot where you know, everyone knows there's something wrong, and no one says anything. You see the deterioration, and no one steps in, and then I talk to him alone, man. There's something has to no one says anything you see the deterioration and no one steps in and then I talk to him alone man

there's something has to be done like now you gotta get out anyone can do comedy you just you might not be able to like you

look you might not have it in you how many fucking professional stand-ups are there there's only like a thousand of us on earth there's so fucking few

what do you want that art form to die off? You gotta stop. Shrub is the quick tour. Shrub retired from prom gear. Yeah, I had to cancel Austin and Nashville. Usually I hate doing that. I think this time I just don't care.

You had so many possibilities. You know, I have a weird relationship with social media and that stuff. A lot of negativity. We're starting to flourish. You're hilarious on podcasts. What do you know? I can't do it anymore. I'm tired, man. Oh my God, dude. This is so much.

This is insane. It's an anthology, dude. He really, I mean, he put in the work. I can't talk. He's a director. Have you ever heard of it? Oh yeah. All faith in social media viewers now.

Oopsie. Persuaded again. We do not have the freedom we think we have take for example charles whitman an unassuming man with no history of violence who suddenly one day in 1969 climbed to the top of the clock tower at university of texas austin campus charles spent 90 minutes indiscriminately firing upon the helpless campus crowd killed 17 people and wounded 31 before being felled by a shotgun blast to the head from a police officer his autopsy revealed a significant brain tumor that had been pressing on his amygdala the part of the brain responsible

for amygdala what is that like your medulla oblongata with salsa on it, dude? Probably, dude. Probably. Medulla oblongata. We only know that because of the Adam Sandler movie, right? The medulla oblongata. Probably, yeah.

The water boy? That's the only time I've ever heard that thing. Anxiety and the fight or flight reflex. He murdered harder than I've ever heard that thing. Anxiety and the fight or flight. He murdered harder than I've ever seen you kill before. No freedom. It's like a different person. I was surrounded by you, Cal, Bert, Tom. I wanted to be in that party.

I was so fortunate. The stars aligned for me. I didn't realize at the moment that that was the golden age. We took it for granted. Those days are over man and it's heartbreaking what did you do the direction you took homes swami snake all feeding in the same who made it i had to cancel austin and nashville usually i hate doing that i think this time i just don't care when you quit you you have to find meaning in your life. Like, what are you good at now?

Focus on family. Do my thing. Unexpected problems. Like, Schaub, I wonder if he has the worst medulla oblongata and amygdala in all of comedy, right? Like, the lowest functioning. I don't know what those things do, but I imagine he has the most low. Maybe Burt has similar to that. But Schaub's, it would be interesting to know what part of Schaub's brain isn't working.

Like which one? Which like left side, right side, all of it. Well, I'll tell you, he's got a really strong gluteus maximus. Oh, okay. Yeah, because he's an athlete. Yeah. His hamstrings are not as strong. Remember, he blew that out.

He blew that out. People don't respect Chopin enough. He's doing this without a medulla oblongata. Without a chapelleus lacius. Yeah, without a chapelleus. What part of the body is the chapelleus lacius? The woke part. Fair enough.

I like it. I would have accepted eight inches as well. Is there anything else? else sorry I had to say I like the Chick-fil-A slices man I don't think I can top that good good get startled don't get frustrated get up dust off

recalibrate re-engage go out and attack what's up guys I'm Brennan Schaub welcome to the channel this is Toontown re-engage. Go out and attack. Good. What's up, guys? I'm Brennan Shaw. Welcome to the channel. This is Toontown. For fuck's sake.

You gotta like the page, subscribe to the page, also email right here. When are you stopping this, Brennan? Toontown. What if he did a thing where he was like, what's up, guys?

I'm at Cedars-Sinai. I'm with this, what are brain, I'm with neurologist Dr. Smith. He's gonna Kibbe-tech my brain. He's going to get in there and see what's wrong with it and everything. Seven times a week. It cuts to the doctor and he's like,

it's worse than I thought, dude. The doctor's doing a Goodwill hunting math thing, trying to figure out what to do. That'd be dope. He should do that. Oh, man. So like, subscribe, in the comment section.

What are you doing? Toontown? Let us know what you want to see. This has to be some brilliant Kaufman-esque bit. What happened to building fish tanks? What do you want to see? Let us know.

Why don't you just show me something? Isn't that how it's supposed to work? What made you go and be like, all right, I'm going to bomb forever? We? What made you go and be like, alright, I'm gonna bomb forever? Uh, we'll bomb forever since she goes. Dude, dude, I bet you did with Latina, bro. You know why? Because they're fun and you can see it, right?

Now that you're out, you see it, right? The ego that I had at the time, that ego's insane. Oh, really, dude? My girl's grandma died. Stage four pancreatic cancer. You know, what are you going to do? I pumped her full of CBD. Dude.

I don't even remember that one. That's amazing. She was like, I'm sick. I'm in pain. I was like, try Happy Hippo. Yeah. We got to create them inside of her. She didn't make it, but she loved it.

I created her out, dude. I was like what are you doing mama try magic mind because it's fun spicy get some suspension in you did you did you do that good no no that was oh my god i'm like that was a good good dude yeah that would have been the yeah like my grandma's sick and you know she's very or my my girl's grandma's very sick and i said good and uh yeah grim reaper came knocking on the door in chicago that's the circle of life you're out good charles left a note saying quote i don't really understand myself these days i am supposed to be an average, reasonable, and intelligent young man.

However, lately, I have been a victim of many unusual and irrational thoughts. These thoughts constantly recur. You never see a bald Native American. That's a legit point. You know, the only time you see them bald is if they get scalped. You feel me? Comedy's just different. I've seen a lot of bald Native Americans? I've seen a lot of ball natives.

You've seen a lot of ball natives? What are you doing? What? What? He thought Chappelle Lacey was confusing Indian people and natives? I don't know, dude. After my death, I wish that an autopsy would be performed on me to see if there is any visible physical disorder.

I told you to take care of your wife. What did I say? Say it on the picture. Remember? It's public policy. What are you doing? Suppose you felt inadequate your entire life. Restless. Knowing you're repulsive and without value. Disgusting. And all you felt inadequate your entire life. Restless.

Knowing you're repulsive and without value. Disgusting. And all you wanted was to be liked. Nope. Suddenly you stumble upon a neat little trick that gets people to want to be around you. The downside is that trick will slowly kill you over time. Would you follow that instinct all the way to your own grave? Of course you would.

Not your choice, though. Oopsie. Rest in peace. Suppose you were born into immense wealth, but on the outside you look like a disgusting, cringe slob who nobody respects. Oh, that's bad. Would you cope with the rejection of the world

by convincing yourself you are actually better than everyone else because you've got that lovely trust fund. A wonderful fund. And if you finally manage to build up the admiration of the public, you sabotage your own success by hanging on to that old coat and eventually being exposed as a toxic person. It's kind of like a cautionary tale for a lot of this stuff, right? Is this stuff, I mean, we don't matter in Duncown,

so we don't really have to think about it yet, right? No. Is it sinking in with you, these messages, or what are you thinking? Yeah, no, this is making me, this is a really well-done documentary. I mean, obviously, if there was a genre for this, it would be painted narrative. But the way he's painting it, i'm like wow it all makes sense you know the music and ai voice are very um cool this is like a new i don't know if other if there's

other things like this but i really i like the way he does these things yeah yeah it's really good let's finish it off and we'll talk and then losing it rest in peace just another oopsie. Let's go. Right? Yeah. If, for example, a boy was denied love and affection as a child and instead received frequent allegations of homosexuality from his violent father, Joe knows he's sweet and he's got a sugar in his hand. would that lead him to a lifetime of trying to reconcile his manhood, non-hinged addiction to extreme exercise,

hormone replacement therapy, becoming a male-to-male trans man, desperate for the external balance. Male-to-male trans man, dude. Whoa. This is insane. Was this guy a stand-up comic? I know.

Was he one of the thousand, dude? Wow. ...other men. Mom really should have bought those steaks. Only to transform his own body into a grotesque monstrosity.

Amen. No! And he can't be a joke. And becoming an icon to a legion of unfuckable losers even more desperate for a father figure

than he is. He can take on all the survival. What's sadder? When you run into a guy who used to do comedy, like, you don't do comedy anymore? Run into comedy, like, you don't do comedy anymore? Run into guys, and like, you don't do comedy anymore?

No, I'm a producer now, or no, I'm just like... Yeah, I'm not quitting. I just... You don't do comedy anymore? I'm a producer now. I'm not going to Toronto. I'm not going to East Coast. You don't do comedy anymore?

I'm really sad. Especially if they had at least one good set. Yeah. No, I'm not going to East Coast. Cool hat figure. Or maybe even a special or two. This is a long life we got. Are we going to do this forever? Huh. I have a good hat figure. Or maybe even a special or two. This is a long life we got. Are we going to do this forever?

I've set next week. Jim, did you ever hear me say quick comedy? No. No. No. I just juggle a million things. What happened? Oh, my God.

I lost. You don't do flappers anymore? I just got a slight headache. I lost. You don't do flappers anymore? Just kind of lightheaded is the... Man, and, you know, the sights went by so fast. I was thinking, like, I'm going to have this moment of serenity, you know, be able to take in all the sights. There's a lot of pretty stuff, but... I think they're prettier

in a different context. Well, Shad definitely cannot steal an airplane. We don't have to worry about that. Oh, man. That was fucking deep, dude. Airplanes are like TRXs of the sky. Shout out to Elephant Graveyard.

I know he's always on our channel. Yeah, we see him in the chats from time to time. Appreciate that. Dude, that was solid as fuck, dude. Yeah, we see him in the chats from time to time. Appreciate that. Dude, that was solid as fuck, dude. Yeah, very good. Very good. Yeah.

Thank him. I will say, though, that, you know, they are the fucking monsters of comedy, right? Who? And not in like a I'm scared of monsters way. It's like they're the titans of comedy of this industry. Right. These three, four, or three. Because they're in the closet yeah

bert tom and joe you know yeah and they do their thing for their fans dude they do their thing for their audience you know what i mean right poor osos alpha brain all these things that you need to survive create them yeah yeah they people sleep on like all the all that they've given right yeah just be yeah i mean and not only do you as a fan of them do you get access to all these like really helpful things in your life but there's also always a promo code you know maybe maybe you didn't even know that a wood grill was something you needed and then traeger grill joe talks about it now you got steaks that are cooked on a wood grill would you have had that without joe rogan i don't think so i think uh what it comments more to me uh that whole thing is just that they

do treats i don't know they they're just they embrace the idiots basically i think i don't know what is the right taste to have in comedy you know what i mean i don't know it's a very subjective art i mean i well for, you're asking me seriously. I would say eight inches. No, right. If you're asking me seriously, um,

I think that for the most part, yeah, they seem to embrace their fans. Yeah. I've from like, I don't really watch a lot of it, but Joe Rogan is a fun watch most of the time. And I've,

I haven't watched Tom Segura's podcast, but he was good at standup. And, uh, they, they like, you know, they like settling and talking. They like doing shows for their fans.

They don't seem like bad people. Or mean people or anything like that. I will say that, them getting on the CJ Stroud interview, that stuff, that shit is fucking ridiculous. We can say we never need that. No, that was a misfire, for sure. trying like it obviously it was

cringe to watch but just trying to get new audience it's like nah live with what you got for now because you guys are fucking it's just i don't know everything is gross you don't really know what's going to happen until you do it and that was a situation where you know how brennan he just goes tom and bert they just went and uh it ended up being the two drunken old dudes waving a bottle of alcohol next to a bunch of football players on the McAfee show or whatever it's called not a good idea no it didn't end up being a comedic hit that they thought it would be but you know they just went sometimes it doesn't uh when you bet on yourself it doesn't work out.

It just sucks that there's only a thousand. Alright, so this one is posted by Don't Know Who to Axe. It's Eggplant, Eggplant, Eggplant WWDH with the C-clamps emoji. And yeah, let's get back to the show, dude. There's only

one way to start this off. Let's go. Take your pants off. We have to look at it. Take them off. We don't one way to start this off. Let's go. Take your pants off. We have to look at it. Take them off. We don't have time. Get them out. All right, there you go. All right, there you go. He must have a small dick.

Smallest dick I've ever seen on a man. And it has a banjo. And it has a banjo. You go in. What? You go in. Why are you gay? I don't know Man

I fucking hate that kind of humor God That is the worst Yeah That's almost worse That is worse than Schultz I'd rather watch Schultz do like Hey there's levels to this shit, okay?

Than that shit. Fuck. Wow, dude. That was aggressive. That was aggressive. Yeah. Is he sucking his dick? I think that's what he's going for.

Is the bit, is like he got bit in the dick by a snake or something? And I've not seen this. I'm just guessing. You're the best brains, dude. It's sad that my brain can go there. Like I immediately know what they did. There's one person that could turn the best brains, dude. It's sad that my brain can go there. Like, I immediately know what they did. There's one person that could turn this all around, though.

What's that? Eight inches. No, Jordan Peterson comes on this show. Just talk some sense into them, dude. You should make your bed, have a daughter with plastic surgery, and wear all my Benzons. I was trying to think all day today how to shoehorn

all right so here we go we got to post by winder mere fan if i said that wrong sorry it's called anthony justin he tells story about brendan always giving him advice and having to put him in his place oh yeah i've seen this one we make a cameo in this one, dude. You don't care if people don't like you. You've just never cared? I try to do things, and if I'm going to be mean, I try to do it in a very concise way that it's like... They got a Bobby Lee thing too. I didn't know that. That's funny.

That's so funny. I wonder if it was there before we... Probably. Probably, yeah. We are not... We don't matter. Yeah, I'm yeah they would think we're copying them or something like that yeah Trash Tuesdays

shout out no we're just fans yeah best fans you kind of have to laugh and respect it but I'm not I've said some like really mean stuff

but it's like I've got to give you some rope you know there was a comic who just kept giving me advice this was like

a couple months ago just kept being like oh you should do this as a podcast you should do this and I'm like trying to be polite for as long as i can and finally i'm like if i need more career advice i'll let you know and the room laughed the guy was like oh yeah i'm yeah you're you're right i'm sorry and everyone's like that was really funny i'm like i didn't i wasn't trying to be mean but he like didn't give me any choice yeah i saw him in anthony

before uh a show one time in the green room and he had referenced a time before when he was like trying to like give anthony jess on like advice and it was front of other people and he kind of framed it as like oh yeah anthony snapped at me but i'm like well yeah you're trying to like he's one of the greatest living you know what i mean like his specials brush like like and he's also like he's kind of got this mystique where like, he doesn't even need to use Instagram or social media. It's like, you know, like when Anthony Johnson like drops a special,

like I'm watching it, you know? And I've seen him perform enough times where like, he's just, you obviously know, it's like, he's all about comedy and doesn't give a fuck. And,

um, we know what else he says, but yeah, that's, that was legit, dude. Yeah, man.

That was a good, uh, we got the scoop there. It's like, all right, we're journalists., man, that was a good, we got the scoop there. It's like we're journalists. I will say that was a long time ago, dude. I know. When was that? Do you remember?

First of all, we had the fucking mic stands in our legs, dude. Oh, right. Pause. God. That was a long time ago. And then also we had the signs, pause. You know what I mean? I like how we set up the fern there.

I wonder if people realize we spent some time trying to put, we were like debating whether we could have Marg hand us a drink through it. Oh, yes. Remember I talked about buying a plant? Yeah. Actually, is that the plant that I bought? No, that was the one that was in the studio. The one that you bought was very small.

Yeah, dude. Yeah. I don't have the best brains. I think I didn't. I left it with, I I was like do you want this to the guy who owns it we gave it to whoever has it yeah yeah

like we don't even know where that fern ended up I'm pretty sure after the fact it was like hey what do I do with this plant I'm like oh yeah remember

Brendan gave it to you and then it was like an issue I didn't know what to do with it I was just leaving it on the street dude but yeah anyway shout out to Mark

for coming through that one time let's see here we got another post from George Nada it's called Bapa is Stavi's North Star let's see what this is about here

what's going on with you what are you eating what's your little slutty treat huh what was that yeah I know you didn't have to I'm honestly What was that? Yura? Yeah, I know. You didn't have to fucking... I'm honestly a little offended that you... You know what that's like?

Are you Greek? Huh? Oh, he is Greek. Okay, all right. Because if you're just some regular guy, that's like when you go to a Mexican restaurant and your dad's like, we'll have the fajita.

I thought some fucking Philly trash was trying to give me the real Greek pronunciation. All right. Yeah, I mean, that is going to be a bit forever because it's just a part of society. You know, there are people that are like Shab that are kind of blog boss off, you know, and they want to do that.

I hate us. We just have to live with it. It's their world. We're just living in it. Yeah, dude. Speaking of which I got my haircut by an Asian. Okay.

Let's see here. This one's supposed to be a haphazard. It's called if he's here, who's making stupid faces while other people do the work. So this is a fresh post 15 minutes ago dude oh shit good morning how is everybody it is february 19th it is 10 a.m a little bit of a later start uh it is torrential downpour here in los angeles and i had to drop my truck off my lightning off at the tune shop at full throttle customs and uh we've been waiting for some parts

all this stuff today was the day it's been a long time coming and uh here's the issue with that that thing's on slicks so when it rains it's bad combo. And it's about an hour from my house and you got to cut through the mountains. So the guy goes, dude, when this rain, I know we're scheduled, but just come another day. Went,

you don't know me. I'll figure it out. So I left at 6 30 AM in the pouring rain. And it went about 30 miles an hour out down the highway. And there's nobody out. Cause today's president's day. And when he cut through the Valley, it got the highway. And there's nobody out because today's President's Day. And when he cut through the valley, it got dicey. I'm like the lighty guys.

There was times where I was like, I'm a bona fide moron. But made it. Your boy made it. Yep, that's right. Guy wasn't planning on it, but your boy made it. He made it. So hopefully they get it done. Hopefully they get it done.

Brendan is the guy that tells you stories where you're like, he thinks it's funny, but you are thinking, what are you doing here? That is not safe. Don't do that. It's not funny. You should not be driving an hour in the mountains in the rain when you've already flipped your truck once. What are you doing?

Wait a day the guy that you're giving business to told you to wait a day he makes money from you bringing the truck in and he said no no no bring it in when it's not raining probably because he knows that you're on kratom and where's were you on any was you're on magic mind when you did this yeah is that your takeaway then yeah i will tell you right now, dude, that he figures it out. He finds a way. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. He could have got a towed there. Oh, are you happy now, dude? He's going to tow his truck in the rain. Yeah.

Well, he's got slicks. He's not changing that. That's true. He's not gay. Yeah, I don't like the lightning. We watched that whole toontown thing on uh patreon lightning kind of blockbuster all right so let's see here this one's astro creeps goo posted this one it's called shop back to hating on the ufc let's see here that this with ufc fucked up and you can see it with their with their the the placement of certain fights on ufc 300 ufc fucked up they're they're too big they're too fancy now they're not paying attention to details

and ufc 300 would show you this they stack 298 they stack 299 and 300 which they should have been playing for a year ago was a byproduct and they're scrambling they're scrambling to get things done it showed max always justin Gaethje makes no fucking sense. Nobody's asking for it. Everyone loves Max Holloway. He's probably going to get destroyed. We don't want to see it. What's it do for the division?

It moves nobody forward. Everyone stays lukewarm on it. Max Holloway, by all means, should be the guy fighting Topirio next. That's a huge fucking feather in Topirio's cap. Okay, Max goes out there and gets so much brain damage from Justin, the murderer of Gaethje. That's out the window. So Max Holloway's not an option.

Okay, so I guess we're going to do the winner of Yair Rodriguez, Brian Ortega. Yair in Spain, that makes sense. Spanish speaking. We just saw Yair get absolutely destroyed by Volkanovski. Okay. Max Holloway was the choice, but they didn't plan it out.

They fucked up. Max Holloway's your choice. That should be the next guy. But he's on UFC 300 fighting a fight that makes no sense for anybody. They panicked. They agreed to all these fights, and now they're going to pay for that? Besides that, I don't know how to say it.

Is it Tepuria? I don't know who that is. He just beat Volkanovski in the last UFC. But it seemed like he was nailing the names. He named a lot of names here, so that's pretty good. Do you think that hat is like an Illuminati thing? Yeah, he's trying, dude. He just wants to get in.

He's a little nervous. He's like, you know, stuff's not going well. I'm quitting staying up. But, you know, I could. I wasn't, but I like having money. Fake it till you make it, dude. Yeah, maybe he's trying to get in the Illuminati. He's like, a little nas x music video i don't give a fuck dude yeah i'll do it don't put me in a room and make me suck my way out or do or do yeah yeah that's what he thinks

the illuminati is you get in a room and you have to fuck your way out that was the first assignment like the illuminati just wanted to have fun so they they're like, all right, Brian Callen, act like you're going to suck his dick. And then they're like, we'll not only do that, but we'll film it and put it online. That thing was insane. That was crazy as hell.

Well, let's see what else we got here, dude. This is BusyMiddle8108 called A Different Day, Same Bullshit. Let's see what this is about. I was three, you know, told my friends. I tried putting 10K on Merab over Henry Cejudo. And they wouldn't take my money. California laws, I guess.

I don't know. My brother didn't have the money to help me out there. So I tried putting 10K on Merab. Jesus Christ. Yeah, dude. It's a pretty wild bet there Jesus Christ. Yeah, dude. It's a pretty wild bet there. He is right, though. You can't bet live in California.

Yeah, counting for your lol. Because it's against the lol. Yeah. Any lawyer will tell you that. The jujitsu system, dude? Yeah. Don't get me started ain't a joke ain't no joke

nope I mean they will recall the DA in a minute right oops alright this one's posted by ppstains in the front

it's called the Hana Center is hard to get to and remember the name of when you got get snubbed by Joseph for an invite to the event fuck dude

and and remember the name of when. What? Does that make sense or am I tripping? The Honda Center is hard to get to and remember the name of when you get snubbed by Joseph for an invite to the event. And remember the name.

I don't know. We'll see. Maybe the clip will tell us. Let's see. Did Shaw post this one? No, it's people's names. But finally, thec season is here the first big boy pay-per-view kicks off this freaking saturday it's a big one it's in orange county

so for those of you that say it's a la pay-per-view this is not la this is about in traffic early in three hours but about two hours. Conservative two hours to get to Orange County. Your boy has fought at this arena twice. I fought Gabriel Gonzaga there. It might have been once. Tushisher before that was Vegas. Regardless, I fought there.

It's a great arena. But it is at the Honda Center. I think it's still called the Honda Center. I fought there. It's a great arena. But it is at the Honda Center. I think it's still called the Honda Center. I think so. Heavy on the Honda. It's the center of Hondas. And that is where Volkanovski and Topiria is going down. I want to call this fight so bad, I'm willing to go back to California.

Is it Honda Center? Yeah. Eddie, do you want to come to this? Let's do it. What's the date? I'm doing commentary. It's in February. Yeah, 16th and 17th of February. Of February?

16th and 17th? Yes, sir. Come on, son. You ain't got nothing better to do. I might even go to that one. Go to that one. I'll be down to go if you can make it, Eddie. I don't want to roll by myself and get fucking sniped out with some UFC hater.

Painted the narrative goes. Yeah, dude. This is a light week at Chang's. Good morning, Lyotna. Lyotna. I don't know. That was just fun to do. Well, let's see if it gets any better from T-Fat clips dude this one's posted by toronto rapture it says uh lol imagine letting brenda

lecture you on how to get a how to be a good parent be oh for the for the cats out there with kids make sure you tune into this one yes keep in uh keeping them notes, dude. Yeah, dude. How to be a dad. Yeah. How to be a hawk. I mean, and also like it's the, these, you know, age basically

one to 14, you're never getting that back. Can I do stand up to them? Can I do it every weekend? A hundred percent. But I'm missing games. I'm missing,

you know, and I'm coaching as well. Yeah, I fucked up. It's not worth it. Don't say that. I would, well, I'm trying to make it right,

but for the first, my daughter is the one who took all the shit. My daughter was 15 now. You know, I was gone. I was always on the road. I was trying to make my name and I did real well.

And I made lots of money and all that shit. None of that matters. I was on a TV show, a podcast. None of that matters. I'm telling you, none of it matters.

Your kids don't give a fuck what they care about. How much did I'm telling you, none of them. Your kids don't give a fuck. What they care about. How much did I miss? I missed all my kids. I love that he doesn't let him finish, dude. He was going to say what Shob is saying now. And Shob's like, but it doesn't matter though.

As if Shob's like some wise genius. Callan is just a bad father. Imagine your dad dressed like that though. Like he's taking you to school or maybe you get bad grades in your report card and he's like, Tiger, we got to talk about this

in your report card. Have a seat. And you look at him and he has a button down that says donut on it. He's like, these grades are no good. Okay?

When I tell you to do your homework, I'm going to start watching and make sure you do it. Yeah. Like you can't take him seriously. Now I dress crazy too, but I don't have kids. My takeaway is, imagine spending

that much time having a bad relationship with your daughter and still sucking ass at stand-up, dude. Yeah. You didn't really do that well. You'd seem, you appear to be a man in debt with the decisions that you do. Like, nobody who's doing well is going on to Crowder to be, to be vilified.

To be Crowder's fourth mic, where he shocks you when you talk too much. He probably has some weird thing that goes like this and slaps him if Crowder wants him to stop talking. He has to give speeches about apps from grifters. Not good.

I would rather spend that time, not have a good relationship with my kid, and then be good at standup. It's just like at the end of the day, if you've not even good at standup, it's like, why did you do all that? How? Yeah,

that's a good point. I mean, other people are able to do it. Jim Gaffigan's kids seem to like him. He did pretty well for himself. He's not on a promotion for a manectodon by Patrick, but David, he's also not talking about

his regrets on earwaves dude this is like fucking sad dude yeah these guys are worried about talking to a man on airwaves what they should be worried about is talking about their regrets on your waves you're filing a file you're firing on all cinders also just live with your choices they're doing this because he's not doing stand-up anymore it It's like, just don't do stand-up anymore, dude. Dude, if there is a, you know that meme where it's like the brains, like there's three of them and one is like, you're on the third one, dude. Right now, you're fucking on, this is, you're on the third one. Okay, I'm not a numbers guy.

You're fucking, these are good points. I don't matter, dude. You're on the road and you missed the birthday? I missed everything. I missed your birthday. I don't give a fuck if I miss my kid's birthday, dude. You're on the road and you missed the birthday? I missed everything. I missed your birthday. I don't give a fuck if I missed my kid's birthday, dude. I'm on the road, baby. Let's go! San Antonio, get your fucking hands together.

I could do with you five minutes in the belly room and suck my dick. Did I miss it? I don't even know where they happen. Jesus Christ. Let me try that again. What did you mean to say? I meant to say not only do I not know them, I don't even know when they are.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know who they are. They don't matter, dude. They don't matter. They didn't count. You know, everything. And I'll never live it down. But I'll make it right. You can make it right being president now. Like being gone all the time ain't the move. And I'll never remember. never forget when i first started doing stands

oh man kevin kneeling we're at the airport and he goes oh where you at i'm telling him i'm like yeah next week i'm in oklahoma and the week after that i'm in palm beach and he goes you have kids yeah he goes man the disappointment on his face yeah Yeah. He was like, this ain't it, bud. He was like, this ain't it. But I want to make you two feel a little better.

Like my dad is a normal guy, normal Joe Schmo, owns his own business, right? When I grew up, my dad worked six, seven days a week. Yes.

I didn't see my dad often. Yeah. Okay. So please like, your dad didn't have a choice. He didn't have a choice, right? We have a choice.

We have a choice. But did you? Yes. You're trying to provide for yourself. In a way, you're right. We didn't. You're providing for your family. In a way, this is a motherfucker, this gig. Let's be honest. You want to compete? You got to keep writing. You got to come up with ideas.

Let's be honest. It's just a hustle. It's a hustle. And it's okay. At some point, but yeah. There's a balance. You can find the balance, but in order to get where you're going, there's no balance. If can find the balance, but in order to get where you're going, that there's no balance. If you,

if you want to sell at mass square garden, if you want to sell at the forum, there's no balance. So if getting to mass square garden and doing the forum and selling out every show is the goal, that's fine. And I do your thing, but as far as it's impossible,

it doesn't exist. There's no way to do that and be a full- as far as it's impossible it doesn't exist there's no way to do that and be a full-time dad it's impossible i had a somebody i really respect who hardest job there is they did a they did a poll recently where they're like what are the most dangerous jobs number you want to get like do you want to guess what number three was be uh be something be what firefighters firefighters firefighters number two were the guys that be beehive uh Number three was? Bee, bee something. Bee, what is it? Firefighters. Firefighters. Firefighters. Number two, were the guys that. Bee, beehive,

what are the operators, what are the people called? Beekeepers. Beekeepers. There we go. Beekeepers, very dangerous job. Yeah.

But it wasn't number two because number two were the people that catch the alligators, alligator tamers. Well, you know, beekeepers honorable mention. Yeah.

And I'm going to go back. I didn't do four or five. Four was like loggers, you know, they sometimes, and you know, trees,'m going to go back. I didn't do four or five. Four was like loggers. You know, sometimes I like, and you know, trees, they don't, they don't fall very fast. Right. No. But it's still, that's why it's under cops. It's crazy how people get paralyzed from trees.

Cause they fucking take forever to fall. Insane. Yeah, dude. It's like, and you're just still, you're still like waiting. There's what are we doing here? It's like, well, let me do some taxes really quickly. What? What?

Where am I? And then you still have time to go and then you fucking imagine being that guy wouldn't be me couldn't be me there's you have a choice you have a choice you have a fucking choice yeah and then five five were um uh those like the people on the boats that catch the crab yeah deep sea fishermen or whatever not Not as hard as number one, dude. Number one, dude. And I was actually kind of surprised by this, but I shouldn't have been because of being a little bit of a dug. Yeah. Stand up comedian.

Yep. It's just the most hardest job there is. A million and 38, 5000% dude. I mean, think about how many loggers, cops, alligator people, deep sea fishermen there are. Probably millions on each. They're avoiding stand up comedy because of how hard it is compared to their job. Dude, ask a deep sea fishermen there are probably millions on each they're avoiding stand-up comedy because of how hard it is compared to their job

ask a deep sea fisherman yeah like hey would you would you try a set at the comedy store he will look at you and be like

I would rather be in a fucking boat in the ocean yeah when it's going fucking waves and shit I would rather be driving through a sinkhole

yeah this is shit this is not I'd rather be driving through a sinkhole as Yeah, this is shit. This is not... I'd rather be driving through a sinkhole. That's the shit that you don't want to even fucking think about doing. You're not ready. Okay? You're a pedestrian. These are two murderers. And honestly,

I mean, if you're going to criticize either one of these guys, walk a few minutes in their moccasins first. Yeah. Right? You can't. Yeah, put on some toe holds, first. Right? You can't. Mm-mm. Uh-uh. Yeah, put on some toe holds, dude.

Yeah. You can't. Yeah. Let's see you in toe holds, dude. Mm-hmm. Right? Ridiculous. Can't even afford them. No.

They're $500 a piece. Yeah. Anyways, this is fucking the dumbest. This is the dumbest I've seen tfk dude that's pretty dumb yeah it's dude are you a stand-up comedian or not they're looking for any reason not to do stand-up yeah just don't do it yeah if you don't want to do it don't do it they're like i can't even see my kids anymore it's just rough even if this was a reality i would never go on a podcast and be like oh yeah

and all that stand-up i've been doing that i told you guys to come support me and be at my shows for has ruined my life uh indefinitely my my kid can't even look at me guess what guys welcome to hollywood yeah right you signed up for this yeah you want to be in movies and tv sometimes you're gonna have to have uh video calls with your kids sometimes I drive to go to Chipotle and I'm stuck in traffic for like three hours. I regret ever going to Chipotle, dude. That's three hours I could have spent with my little ones, dude. Yeah, or your girl. Yeah.

I mean, when we're podcasting right now, I can't talk to my girl. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No. So, you know, I will miss a lot of things, right? Mm-hmm. Like her reading a book. Okay? Yeah, you know what? I quit, lot of things, right? Like her reading a book. Okay.

Yeah. You know what? I quit. I quit the podcast. Now that you're putting it into perspective, dude, fucking, I quit.

Yeah. Like, you know, her being like, why don't you ever cook me food? Yeah. You've never cooked me a meal. And I'm like,

I'm missing that. Well, you're really smart, dude. Cause you're actually another one that's rising up the ranks as far as like hardest jobs. Yeah. It just passed NASCAR driver. it just passed nascar driver

it just passed uh what's it called chef streamer yeah it just passed the sex worker it's podcaster dude i was gonna say yeah podcasting is fucking hard you guys can't do this either only a thousand they can do this i was gonna say chef streamer because i said the cooking thing it made me think of chin. Chin cooks all the time. Yeah. Condom fish eater. Condom fishy. You mean like, are you going to make a fish taste good? It's been in the water with trash without a condom

next to a trash fish. Yeah. That was the most redacted I've ever seen. T-Fat K dude, just do stand up dude. And also at this day and age, you have FaceTime. You could be have facetime you could be there what you should be talking about is how you cheat on your fucking wife dude that's probably what you're living with dude forever spicy yeah there's comics on the road that don't do that

shout out gerardo dude uh all right this one's posted by pp stains in the front let's be clear it's not stand up it's a crude dead pod that we're selling tickets for so they've recently had a live show in austin this last week. Oh yeah. Yeah. So it's, this is the funniest thing ever that they do one night in Austin. What are they us?

Like we want to do, we want to do one night and they're just like, they're fucking, it's like they've been doing this for what? 10 years or some shit. Yeah. I don't know. It's a lot.

Let's see. Um, I, this Thursday, one one night only one show only me and brian callan it's a live fighting the kid not stand up it's brian callan and myself doing a live fighting the kid with some special guests in the capital of comedy these days that's austin texas we're at the vulcan gas company theater that was good editing hell yeah pp stains in the front dude shout out to you that was great uh all right let's go to the next one pp stains in the front this one's called fish talk let's see here you should have a cat size fish see here. You should have a cat-sized

fish. How big is it? I have a catfish. Are you talking about a catfish? How big is it? How big is your marijuana? You're kidding me. No, I have two of them. How big is the tank? I bought one when he was a baby like this. How big is the tank? Bring up marijuana.

He was like this. He was like this. 400 gallons? How big is that? Yeah, we don't know, bro. How big is it? He was like this. He like this. You want to answer me? How big is it? 400 gallons. How big is that? Yeah, we don't know, bro. How big is your house? How big is it? How big is your house? His house is 300.

No, it's as long as this table. A little longer than this table. Okay, so imagine. That's marijuana right there. Oh, my God. See, that's me right there when I was younger. That is so. That's stupid.

That poor fish. Don't have that. That's it? No, he's thriving, dude. How is he thriving? He's got a job. He's talking about like. Yeah, yeah. He's got like a family. No, he has a 401k. Don't have that. That's it? No, he's thriving, dude. How is he thriving? He's got a job. He's talking about like- Yeah, yeah.

He's got like a family. No, he has a 401k. He's crushing it. No, that's the little space this poor fish has to live in? Poor fish? Oh, I'm sorry. Let's put him out in the wilderness where he's going to get killed by a fucking mountain line or whatever's out there eating these things every day.

It's called nature. Yeah, or he can be coddled in a warm tank. He'd rather swim free than die in a fucking tank tank tank this is tank let's go that does seem like kind of a waste to have that big of a tank in your house yeah that's like a lot that's huge that's huge you would i don't know i guess and also he's he's always talking about how he has no time for things you know with his kids and stuff but if you have little time why would you get gigantic hard to maintain fish tanks yeah i don't know also you want to talk about fish in the wild versus at home being coddled what about a stand-up

in the wild dude i don't want this fucking great stand-up comedian to be coddled at home being coddled what about a stand-up in the wild dude i don't want this fucking great stand-up comedian to be coddled at home dude oh yeah fucking road yeah yeah don't go where it's easy here where you just crush all the time west covina laugh factory comedy store where you're a monster paid regular beast go out to where it's tough man go to the tough shows make more fans go to dublin dude. You did them wrong. What about that? Yeah. They were waiting for you in Europe, and you didn't go there.

You could have opened up. Think of all the funny things you could have seen. What about the Irish accent? Right? I'm sure there's some sort of carne asada thing out there. We got a lot of leprechauns in the crowd tonight. What's the difference between Dublin and Los Angeles? Yeah.

Right? What's happened there? I mean, Schaub's take on Ireland or Scotland would be great. Yeah. Schaub is like the four-leaf clover of the world. How so? He's just such a sight to behold, dude. He's a lucky guy.

Mm-hmm. You know, he bet on himself and luck helped him out. Dude, he started stand-up, but he went to the top. Who else does that? It is kind of nuts that he was like the best UFC fighter and then just decided to do stand-up on a whim. As I've said before, he's a renaissance man. Yeah, dude.

He deserves it. Nobody else does. He put in the work. Yeah. Nobody, I mean, what does he do? Five hours a day? Remember he did the math? Oh, yeah, he did.

Five hours of comedy a day? Oh, you guys are doing minutes? I'm talking hours, B. That's crazy. Yeah. He dropped in at the fourth wall. They were like, oh, you could do six hours. I was thinking with the fish tank, what if the fish was swimming in rain?

Energy drink? Yeah, dude. That fish like never went to sleep. You can't sleep when you're a fish anyways. Yeah. Probably good for them to drink that shit. Dude. And it would be tasty when you bite that bitch, dude.

Yeah. You'd be like eating a fish and then also you get energy from it. Dude. Shout out to rain, by the way. We forgot to plug rain to plug rain here rain is always like i'm drinking that shit all the time yeah always all right this one's posted by haphazard dude it's it's before the show so you know we're recording a day late because your boy was in berkeley day late a block short uh this one's called big surprise the special guest isn't Rogan. Let's see. How excited are you for Austin, buddy? First live show together in a hot second.

I'm pumped. I talked to Rogan. I was saying, yep, I talked to Rogan yesterday. We told him we're coming. Did he give you his approval? Because you can't go to Austin without him granting you. Well, we were just talking about, that's also part of just being honest, being telling the truth.

It's fucking hard. I'm sorry. So what do you say about Farting Kid live or? I said to him, I just said, hey, this is all I'm going to say. I said,

hey, you're in the area. Are you invited? Be on stage. I go, I'm just saying, I'm not saying, I'm just saying,

we're in the area. You could stroll down. He's like, I don't know, man, I might be busy counting my money. Whatever he said. The point is,

I'm going to count my money Thursday night. He's at the mothership. It Whatever he said. The point is- I gotta count my money Thursday night. He's at the mothership. It's a stroll. How long of a walk is it? You could throw a hush puppy across the street. It's something you could throw a hush puppy in. Listen, dude.

What a random choice. Who's throwing hush puppies, dude? I know. You eat hush puppies, dude. Those are just as good as tater tots. You're only getting 12- Dude, with inflation? You're paying an X amount for 12 hush puppies.

You're throwing one, daddy? Straight talk, wireless. Hush puppies are like not at every restaurant. I actually really do love them. You know?

Well, I've heard it both ways. I've seen it at a lot of restaurants. Yeah. Do you like hush puppies? Oh, dude, the likiest.

Okay, so the next time you're in Arlington, Virginia, you got to go down. Oh, dude, Josh Terry voice. Shout out to Josh Terry. you got to go down. I'll do a Josh Terry voice. Shout out to Josh Terry.

You got to go down over to the fish market, Old Town Alexandria. You order yourself a fish sandwich. Eat some hush puppies. But literally, those are the best hush puppies I've ever had in my life. Get my friend Carbattery down there at the fucking winery, a good little holler at him.

Or you can go to a pizza shop that just opened named Extreme Pizza that this donk decided that that was a good idea to go to. Did I go to it? No, actually you didn't. I didn't fucking go to it.

Jesus Christ. You turned into a joke though. You said you thought about going to it. I accepted your joke as reality. My apologies. God damn. I would never even consider going there. The thought that of going to a place

called Extreme Pizza, dude, Jesus Christ. But you said on stage, you were like, I went there and they were of going to a place called Extreme Pizza dude Jesus Christ but you said on stage you were like I went there and they were closed when I drove by Extreme Pizza some of the lights were out there was an empty parking lot and I'm just like no there's so many good places you can go

my joke was that I was like what's extreme about this place so I went the next day and I went in there was a bunch of stars of David I was like whoa that's pretty extreme free Palestine dude that was the joke I don't know of David I was like whoa that's pretty extreme free Palestine dude that was a joke I don't know I thought it was like when they were open

yeah alright so this narrative this narrative was painted yeah dude I did go to Artichokes in Berkeley it's apparently like

amazing pizza it was pretty fucking bomb yeah okay Artichokes well let's check that out yeah let's see the rest of this edit I'm saying

your two old buddies good old Brendan Schaub and Brian Callen on stage cutting it up. Maybe. We'll see. We got some tricks up our sleeve. Don't think I'm not going to call them from the stage. We'll see.

Yeah. Some tricks up our sleeve. The old Austin. We'll see what happens. Either way, it's going to be exciting. We're going to be in Austin. I like that he did the voice when he was talking about Rogan. He come down.

And then he was like, maybe the funny will double up. They know that that's Rogan's weakness. Rogan's like, I love the voice, dude. Dude, that's so funny. Because what if that is really like the guy that plays the Pied Piper, playing the flute? Joe Rogan, he hates these guys, but then when they do the voice, he's like in a trance.

Oh, fuck. I got to hang out with Brendan again. I want to. We're going to Austin. They're trying so hard. It does sound like kind of a fucking, what is it when you- A hypnosis. A hypnosis voice, kind of.

A hypnotic voice. So just to catch you up on what actually happened. And also, this is like probably, I don't know why, but I just feel sad today, dude. This is like a sad episode. It's not a sad thing. It's a sad thing, dude. I just said it for the thing. Why do you say that?

I mean, we watched that first video and it was like, oh, it's like, you know, pretty accurate. Right? And then this show, dude, they, okay, So there's a comment in this comment section that says, watch chin be the guest dude. Right. Yeah. That's hilarious. And that's what it is.

Uh, and so for the show, there's another post on Chang's about what actually happened during the show. Yeah. And apparently everyone backed out their special guests and it was chin that came on stage and chin didn't even want to be on stage. That'd be dope. If they had you. Yeah. I wish I would've been their special guest and it was chin that came on stage and chin didn't even want to be on stage that'd be dope if they had you yeah i wish i would have been the special guest how excited are you yeah anyways that's just that is sad dude right yeah i'll honestly they don't watch us and we don't matter don't count but if you guys ever need a special guest and you want

to embrace reddit have me on gerardo on the both of us dude i was talking the voice well dude we'll play ball too i'm not even gonna try to do anything silly dude no i won't get douche you i mean i'll use every slang that there that you guys have watch so check this out really quick text that to you yeah dude and then you got our phone numbers you can hit us up with anything you want dude anytime. Any time, seven times a week. I mean, honestly, we've talked about this before. You guys only said boner alert once. That's going to be the main

topic of discussion. You guys got to use that at least once a week. Yeah, dude. If I leave there and we haven't talked about digs, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Oh my God. Your boy's getting over a fucking flu. Yeah,

that's okay. Um, all right, let's go to this one, dude. This is the thousand K grand has been downsized to just 250. Thank them posted by a thick boy with three C's. Let's see here.

It's one of the critical things about our occupation is that we're constantly surrounded by people like us. Like we're all kind of very like-minded animals. And we have an appreciation for each other that is very different than most occupations. You know, I have like a reverence for like elite professional comedians. Like I'll do anything for you. Me too. That's how I feel. I feel like we're all in like a very sacred tribe of there's sacred tribe. I always say there's probably a thousand of us on planet Earth

if we're really being kind and generous and giving people a great amount of curve. The reality is it's probably about 250 that I would want to hang out with that I would say are legit. It's fortunate that we get to be part of this fraternity of comics who are just very cool and luckily

most of the people that I've wanted to meet have always ended up being pretty cool and if they're not look there's exceptions the exceptions I think existed in the TV world Joe Rogan's podcast room is comedy Wakanda

there's the tribe. And then when he dies, there's going to be like that thing where it's like, who got what? And they're like dancing and stuff. And they're like, I am the king or whatever. And they fight. But who? Who?

And the fucking. Who? Who? The shop is Killmonger. I don't know who Killmonger would be maybe it's sam moral or andrew schultz or it's no you know who it is dude it's fucking norman dude oh so i guess i'm the king now okay all right well better get out your spear black panther uh curry underwood black panther all right let's see this one this is posted by Pharrell80s.

It's called, Claiming that he got Tiger Thicke stocked in Marine bases should never be forgotten. Let's see here. No, I'm celebrating. Tiger Thicke just got on all Marine bases. It's a big deal. You just announced it. All right.

Hoorah, bitch. So, yeah. Marines shouldn't be drunk. But while they're shooting. Well, no. It's in their off time. No, no, no, yeah, Marines shouldn't be drunk. But while they're shooting. Well, no, it's in their off time. No, no, no. It's while they're shooting. It's while they're shooting and invading.

So. Hey, do you like freedom? I love freedom, dude. You're welcome. How much is freedom though, right? $59.99. And that's what it does. I looked it up.

It said $89 on some sites. Well, it's $89 everywhere. That's out of my control. And your boy fought tooth and nail to get it down to 59. Really? So now it is? Hey, 59.9 starting April 1st. Daddy got a new investor.

So now it's less money. Your stupid fucking whiskey is less money. Why? So now it's less money. That's so much whiskey. That's so much whiskey, dude. Whiskey and rain. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good mixer. It's hard to tell, you know? Yeah. It's hard to tell how much consistency of what is in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Oh, my God, dude. This is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Oh my God, dude.

This is a sad week at Chang's, dude. It's all just like hitting the fields this week, dude, you know? I'm doing all right. I mean, I'm feeling good. It's because you don't feel anything, dude. That's right. I mean, I've taken so much Kratom that I don't really have those kind of emotions anymore. Yeah.

Which I'm, you know, I don't need them. Dude, what goes first, your legs or your dick, right? You don't even know. You're willing to find out. I mean, I got kratom everywhere, dude. If my dick, like I feel the kratom in my dick and my legs. Yeah. You know?

It starts turning into a hippo with a smile on it. I mean, if, I guess it's kind of like a hippo because it's so big. Yeah, there you go. All right, let's so big. Yeah, there you go. Bo-do-do-do. All right, let's see here. This one's called Chris is Right Sometimes, posted by Haphazard. Let's see.

America. You guys aren't truck guys, but he has some filthy trucks. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You guys don't care. Nah, all of that, honestly, is so boring. Post Malone's cool. I like him a lot.

But talking about Post Malone's truck guy. We have similar trucks. Yeah, but we don't, right? Eric and I, we don't. But I'm trying to get you guys out of your pussy face. I do. I would like to have a truck. I don't want a truck. I would. I would like to have a truck. But if you had a truck,

you wouldn't be on it. At least I'd keep mine upright. You would be on a sandbag. Hey! Too soon, bro. With no seatbelt on. No, I had my seatbelt on. Yeah, he had it on. You wouldn't be on the sandbag. Hey! Too soon, bro. Wait, with no seatbelt on. No, I had my seatbelt on. Yeah, he had it on. He wouldn't be here. I took it off.

This podcast would be in you. Yeah, he's right about, you know, the truck stuff is ridiculous. Yes. I agree. Yes. But, you know, it's Brennan's thing. The most annoying thing about that was that weird laugh that Brennan did. Yeah.

I don't know why he did that. Well, I don't know. I've talked about this at length before. I don't know why he does the phases he does. Why? They're weird. Yeah,

that's right. We were talking about that during Toontown when he's like, he keeps those in. It's almost like he asked for, yeah, why does he think that that's like really funny? Maybe. Crop out the uggos.

Do you? Yeah. You're the guy that said that. Maybe listen to your wife. Do you listen to your mess again? All right. We got one here. It's called one of the thousand murderers out in the streets posted by

okay. Estate nine, five, four, two. And the caption says, can someone please help me find Bobby Lee's NPC burner account? Because I've never seen him go live.

This is pretty funny. Have you seen this? No. Okay, I have a feeling that that's going to get gadooshed. So let's unmute it and play it. All right. Yeah. What do you think, dude?

This is NPC live. Like I was saying, this is the hardest job that there is, dude. Sometimes you have to debase yourself. To be a murderer, to be one of the best, the ones that do it, you got to fucking have no fear. I will not let you slander Bobby Lee's name, dude. You got to film yourself in the streets sometimes, man. He is hilarious.

And this is hilarious, dude. Yeah. No, I'm just saying. You got to do it. I'm sure it's hilarious. I didn't see the actual video. If I saw it, I'm sure I'd be laughing. But you have to commit to the bit fully.

Well, I haven't seen the actual video either. I've only seen that. Yeah. That's fucking funny, dude. Yeah, it is funny. Why are you in the middle of the street doing that? It is funny. It is genius.

I want to see the actual thing to know how funny it is, though. Yeah. Because right now I'm just seeing a guy in the middle of the street filming himself. Why doesn't he have someone doing it? It's comedy, dude. But it's good. It's good. You wouldn't understand comedy, dude.

You're right, dude. I'm not one of the thousand that can do it. Yeah, you're over here good. It's good. You wouldn't understand comedy. You're right, dude. I'm not one of the thousand that can do it. Yeah, you're over here trying to have a good relationship with your kids and shit. I know. I just want to see my kids play t-ball, dude. Yeah, dude. That's all I'm in it for. Alright, so this one's the last one for the day. We had to leave it off with some

chin cooking stuff, dude. Sure. This is very funny. It's posted by ODOlovesKira. Chin flying home from Austin. Where's paying your life? It's Delta Flight makes a U-turn after maggots fall on passenger from a bag of rotting fish. Hilarious, dude. Could be, dude. Absolutely could be chin.

Yeah. I mean, if there are maggots in any food, it's probably something that Chin cooked. It's definitely the fucking condom fish, dude. He's like, oh, no, it's good. We'll just put it in a bag and put it on the plane we'll get there alright well that's all we got for today right check out our Patreon

check out our Reddit, check out our Discord check us out online, have a great week, bye