10 Minutes of Schaub - Why does anyone watch TFATK? | 10 Minutes of Schaub #19

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Nineteenth episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

Put an apron on me Cause I'm homeless as fuck Put an apron on me And put a sharp clip on Put an apron on me You know I'm thick boy buff I'm sharp, redacted as fuck Tryna get in and walk into my truck

Stop at my favorite time of the week When you get the ear pop, I try to speak Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop. Hope you enjoyed that new song we did and hope you joined the Discord. We're chopping it up in there. Got a lot of great people. We need more song suggestions. We run out every week. Suggest some songs because

every time it makes the episode start later because we're like, should we do Still Not a Player by Fat Joe and Big Fun? Should we do Sean Paul? Sean Paul. It wasn't me. Alright, but you didn't come here for that. You came here for 10 minutes of shop, so let's start the clips.

Clip it up. Clip it up. Clip it up. All right. So the first one's called Boppa casually stealing material from Andrew Scholl's new special infamous. Oh, okay. It's so ridiculous.

Yeah. Biden's merch sucks though. He needs help with his merch game. Yeah. Trump's merch is lit. I don't like it, but I'm just saying that thing went viral. The hats.

I see. No, I know. I'm just saying that as far as Biden Biden stickers. I see Biden stickers. No, I know. I'm just saying that as far as Biden merch goes. His merch sucks. Bumper stickers? Biden's merch sucks. The only place you'll see a bumper sticker for Biden...

Biden ain't got no merch. You see this? Yeah. Yeah. That's how unjust the president is now, bro. Can you move merch or can you not? Because Trump had merch, bro. That MAGA hat was iconic.

Bro, that was white people's teardrop tattoo. That's what that was. You saw white dude with the hat. Was Brendan saying it? I don't know. I haven't seen the full clip. He don't give a fuck! In public, dog!

Oh, yeah, you're great. Dude, like, if you wear a... That's true. That's very true. If you wear a red MAGA hat yeah you're great that's true if you wear a red magahack holy shit that guy is edgy you walk into a starbucks and see a magahack holy shit dude correct me if I'm wrong oh my god you're a gangster

I'm like riveted wanted to see if he does the teardrop I know that's what I'm waiting for because I'll defend him before a little bit gangster it's hard to pause i'm like riveted is wanted to see if he does the teardrop i know that's what i'm waiting for because i'll defend him before a little bit because everyone has talked about this this is a hacky merch thing like so it's not it is not stealing at all so far okay because like i mean i've tweeted about trump and merch that's his thing it's like of course that's all shop can see because all they talk about is merch yeah there's merch on this stupid table probably yeah they're shook they got the

tiger thick whiskey maybe they have a sponsorship with diet coke or something it looks like well we have three seconds left he can still call joe biden's merch gay so let's watch it but correct when you're when you're in places like no teardrop no so yeah not at all I mean Schaub may have stolen it because Schaub you know he has no material

and he has no original thoughts really he just kind of parrots what other people say yeah so he might have but like that's not really nah

yeah alright so this one's called Brenda gets approved wrong so decides to move the goalposts in order to win the argument classic Classic B. I love how long they are.

I know the titles. They're longer than the actual clip. Oh, this one's three minutes long. We'll watch the whole thing. I'll cut out parts that aren't funny. Or even her dancing. Shakira's? No, no. Shakira does. Oh, interesting. Not J-Lo. Oh, wow. Oh, you're out of your mind.

Hold on. You think J-Lo has a better voice please to take that catalog or song that's adorable please take it back you know you don't know what the fuck you think you think that j-lo has a better voice j-lo cannot sing for shit here's one thing that bothers me about this already i hate when like the the bro guys pretend to like something more than they do you know they think it's funny that callan thinks it's funny that Callum thinks it's hilarious that he likes J-Lo's music or something like that. No, dude, I really care about this.

Just another fucking stupid hackable thing that these guys do. But I will stand by Shakira singing over J-Lo's all day long. See, I was just a burr right there. See what I did? You did the thing there. I mean, Shakira's pretty good. She's better than J-Lo. Yeah, I don? You did. You did the thing. I mean, she's pretty good. She's pretty good.

She's better than JLo. Yeah. I don't really like any JLo songs, but there's like one or two, like that. She will songs pretty good. Oh, that's a good time.

Yeah. Here it goes. Can do me a favor. Hold on. Let's just, let's see. No one would agree with you. Let's see.

Hold on. Hold on. Let me do this. Let me help you. You're 55. Let me help you out. Holy fuck. Go to hilarious album sales. Jennifer Lopez. No, no. Let me help you out here. Go to album sales.

Jennifer Lopez. Album sales have nothing to do with it. Who likes who more? No. McDonald's sells more hamburgers. Do you see how BGL is blanked out? We have to make sure that he's blanked out. I forgot once.

I apologize to the viewers for that. It was a mistake. At least we talked about it when we watched. We apologize to the viewers for that. It was a mistake. We even, at least we talked about it while we watched. We planned on blanking it out. Yeah. Alright, we'll excuse you. You can't. Then what be? McDonald's makes a good hamburger. Then what? They don't make a good hamburger compared to

what other, compared to who? Don't compare numbers, commerciality to someone who has a great voice. You want to compare success? No. Okay. No. Okay, so that's the metric. So it's not about artistry. It's about artistry, dude.

How's J-Lo not an artist? There are people who are way better. But how's J-Lo not an artist? She's a, she's... There's people better than Shakira. She's a lot more, she's not, there's nothing J-Lo has ever done artistically, ever, that would be considered original, okay? shakira is shakira is a

better singer and dance yeah sometimes it seems like these two are literally being forced to podcast it does feel like that like they are stuck in this room they can't leave and that's why he's doing this weird like he's sitting like this and this. And Brian is saying all crazy is because they, somebody is like forced them for 24 hours to be in this podcast studio and they have nothing else to talk about. Hold on. But she's done stuff artistically. That's original.

I don't know. I don't know. But Shakira has a better, by far a better voice than JLo. And I don't think anybody that sings would disagree with that. You can't just go by how many records she sold. But she still beats her with records. Shakira still beats her. Shakira's a monster.

They're both huge. But Jennifer Lopez, to me, has always been just, I mean, I just think she falls short. I don't like you. I'm a fan of J-Lo and Shakira. She's my every way. But are you a fan? What do you mean you're a fan? I like J-Lo.

But what do you mean? What do you mean? Hold on, B, why are you a fan of Shakira? Calm down, dude. No, you're not. You're not Shakira's agent. Here's my other thing. I don't give a fuck.

But if you want to argue, you argue all fucking day. So calm down. Why do you like J-Lo? Here's the thing. Adele's better than both of them talent-wise. Shakira's pretty badass, but she's not amazing voice. As far as voice, no, hold on.

We're not talking about dancing. We're talking about singing. No, no, Shakira can sing. Calm down. Not like Adele, bro. Calm down. Adele is my- Not even close.

Well, no, no. Really, dude. Adele's amazing, but Shakira's amazing, too. They're not even in the same fucking category. Nobody would say that. I don't know. I mean, I'm a huge Adele fan. Adele compared to Shakira.

Shakira can sing compared to adele dude she's like once in a lifetime fucking voice adele's ridiculous yes she's great but but shakira so that's your point about your point is shakira's better because she has a more better voice right i think shakira is a this is a quintessential chop chop fuck i can't even talk yeah this is a very this is a very boring clip about like them pretending I, or maybe they're serious. They like really are into Adele, Shakira and JLo,

which is like, I can't believe people watch this show. Yeah. What the fuck? I'm in a deaf leopard, dude. Put an apron. Yeah.

It's more like put an apron on me. You know what I'm saying? More of a musician. Yeah. Sure. Boring as fuck. I would say they more like put an apron on me. You know what I'm saying? Put an apron on me. More of an artist. A musician, yeah. I'd say they're both. J.Lo and Shakira are the same thing. They're packaged. They dance.

They shake their ass. It's a little bit of both. J.Lo fucking sucks. Put an apron on me. J.Lo is an actual artist. Shakira's really hot. She's not shaking her ass. She's the best one.

I know her groove. Shawman Callen are fucking poop. Yeah. Yeah. Suck it. why is your hand on your dick you weirdo take your hand

off your dick Hollywood's saying just off the camera is that the CTE Jesus it's been on his hand his hand has been on his dick the whole fucking clip

yeah so strange oh I understand that's how good she is I understand but that would be more of a Shakira Jail is the exact same

Shakira did the same thing maybe you're the big, apparently you're some big Shakira fan. No, I am. I am a Farrah. Yeah, sounds like it.

I am. She's not Adele. But she's pretty amazing. Walsh was talking about, I forget what he said, but he was sort of

making fun of, Brandon Walsh was making fun of the sandals thing that Callan always does. He always does like the jeans and the sandals are just like

a real piece of shit. Yep. Not a good look. Shout out Brendan Walsh. World record pod. There may be some, uh, we know what they posted us in Chang's again.

They posted, well, they posted us, they posted Walsh and Chang's and he talks a little bit about me. So somebody wrote like the post was like Brendan Walsh homeless again or something like that and it says 10 minutes so we actually got this is probably the first time well no i i think we've been posted before i don't know oh shit yeah shout out yeah thank you thank you shanks i think

that's the end he's amazing she's she's i think next clip oh my god it's it's so frustrating that they don't even get to a conclusion yeah yeah, yeah. That clip made me homeless as fuck. I was already pretty homeless, but that one... Super homeless. Super homeless now. Alright, so this one's called Callan and Schaub use their hands to make a living. A lot of implication there. I'm not sure if I trust anybody who doesn't

use their hands to make a living. What? Ew. Ew, no. Stop. We got the ocean right next to us. We got droughts in California, but we can't

figure out how to take sea water off the ocean. It's too hard. A lot of people wash their hands after they piss. It's my dick. It's my dick. It's my dick. Why wash your hands before you piss? Because you have germs all over your dick.

You have germs all over your hand. Your dick is all safe. That's like something you'd guess about Chubb. You're like, yeah, that guy doesn't wash his hands. You look at him, you're like, I bet he doesn't wash his hands. Talking about soap. He comes out of the bathroom. You're like, Chubb, you wash your hands?

He's like, what are you talking about, soap? Is he really going to talk about soap he comes out of the uh the bathroom you're like shot if you wash your hands he's like what are you talking about show it's really a tom about show soap to me come on man that's gay come on that's gay that's gay chin papa papa doesn't need a poppy poppy get you a guy that doesn't wash his hands, bro. Talking about soap. Spicy. We've never knew Dicey Dicey anymore. Dicey Dicey. Dicey Dicey. Your hands are out. What do I get a little COVID on my hand? Whatever.

That's piss. I'm saying it makes more sense. Y'all are fucking pissed. I'm saying it makes more sense to wash your hands than it did in the real world before. Now you're touching your dick. Correct. My dick's not touching the doors. You're shaking hands.

You've got to influence on your dick. Y'all are so weird. Wash your hands after you piss. When do you get a little piss on your hands? Why would I? It's my dick. I don't know. On principle, I won't wash my hands.

I won't wash my hands after I piss. It makes me angry that people do that. Me too. What? Ew, these guys are gross. Okay, yeah. This is just slow-mo. Also, I don't think I ever piss okay, yeah. This is just slow-mo.

Also, I don't think I ever piss on my hands. Let's skip ahead. I don't wash my hands after I piss or shit! Get the fuck outta here! The air and music. Oh, what the fuck? This is hilarious, but it's hard to laugh. It's just like genuine concern for them. P.F. Chang's, baby. Chang's.

All right. So that one was fucking disgusting. Let's see the next one. The next one's called someone suggested GIF Brandon digging in his ass. I did you one better. Okay. Another one of him digging in his ass. Maybe I don't want to see that. Let's watch it. Okay. We edited that last one out because it was stupid. Yeah. Well, yeah, we can't even pander on that one. This one's called Eric Continuing the Open Contempt Part 2. I'm sure we've already seen part one.

We see him getting pissed all the time. Here goes nothing. A couple months back, Brendan Schaub was performing. That's what happens when you watch a Brendan Schaub show. Your brain just goes Brennan Schaub was performing. He just goes... Brendan Schaub was...

He's like, Brendan Schaub was performing. Are we back? Yeah, we're back. You were at a Brendan Schaub... Cricket Wireless. Yeah, I was at a Bainies a couple months back. Great club. Brendan Schaub was performing. Uh-oh. Motherfucker. That's what happens when you watch a Brendan Schaub show.

Oh, yeah. He said, pretty good. He said, cricket wireless. Yikes. That's like another one of those Shaw one-liners that just complete silence. And it's funny that it's cricket, too. He says cricket wireless, and then he hears crickets.

There he goes. There's Cooney right there, dude. There's Cooney's back. Cooney's back, baby. He's asleep for a while. You know, put that apron on me. I always love to do there, dude. There's Cooney's back. Cooney's back, baby. He's asleep for a while. You know, put that apron on me. I always love to do that, too. Put my name on.

All right. So this one's called, When You Lie So Much, Your Co-hosts Try to Create a Name for Your Lies. All right. Classic. Classic. I like it already. Yeah.

But you can probably hold four. I've turned trans. Because they put you in a different prison. They put you with the women. You can do that now. Guys are doing it all the time yeah i don't know that's true i'm telling you look it up some guy did it who's on trial for murder and was like oh i'm about to get fucked up hit with a brandon lie i'm trying out all right look it up nick a bri a london yeah what are we gonna call it a lie

i mean think about it. Yeah, well, I understand. Yeah. Really, especially now they can't really say anything. Woke prisons. That's hilarious. Woke prisons. Yeah.

You hurt my feelings. And my anus. That's such a bad joke. There should be like a Brendan News Network, BNN, and then they could just report on like who's become like report breaking news chris delia and eric griffin both reported as homeless as fuck we go now live to chris delia's house he's like and he's recording his podcast like oops oops brendan is a liar we knew that chris your joke at the end was horrific. Alright, so

this one's called Rinks Doesn't Want to Associate with Any Thig Boy for His Independent Stuff. I'm talking about I think he's talking about merch. Talking about merch? Yeah. Okay. So here we go. Thig Boy Squad. Got a bunch of podcasts to do and it's gonna be fun. You'll line up a little tour.

A little tour. Joey Diaz, Chris DiStefano. Here's my thing though bubba yeah you didn't send me and the boys like a trailer to post a flyer i need to do that i just don't but it should have been last week right right but i should have had this last week i have it but you just don't send anybody i don't know if that was appropriate to my friends to put on your on your feed did you did you post a trailer thing on your social media? Yeah. Yeah.

I did all that. See, I don't see it. If you sent to me, cause I don't, you know, I don't see anything. So yeah. If you just send it to us, you know? Yeah. But you could even send like boys it's out, you know, and then just let people don't force. We don't, I've never asked anybody.

Hey, make sure you post. It's obnoxious that they're so into like social, talking about the social media and the aspect of it, like the merch and like, Oh, do you post it on this? You post that on that. I hope we don't ever do that on our regular podcast.

Although we probably do, but not as much. This is like crazy. They have the, their whole show is like them talking about bullshit like that. I don't know why anyone watches that. Yeah. It's a question that I ask on every 10 minutes.

What's this? Never. Okay. Just, but he's like, Hey, it's like, you know,

take a look. Let me know. And then people do what they want with it. All right. But yeah, just definitely give me some of the assets. Like the trailer should be in today's episode. Well, I have it here.

Isn't this what you talk about when we're done though yeah okay right yeah or we can close the show with that oh that makes sense yeah all right i'll do 100 so you get the views on this you're right that's the move to daddy you're right that's the move to daddy i don't know what do you think about this week's clips kind of weird lackluster some of them for sure uh well what about think about this week's clips? Kind of weird, lackluster? Some of them for sure. Well, what about this one? This one's called the moment Shab learned that his DMs to groupies have been exposed. Uh-oh.

That's a salacious clickbait right there, dude. So you better worry about that spicy, spicy wife. You remember? Yeah. She's born in Guadalajara. All right, here goes. Now, again, if you think you're an athlete or you think you're muscular. Oh, no, I got one for you.

I was looking at this guy on Instagram. He's a starting pitcher, I think, for the Yankees or Oakland A's. It's going to hurt my feelings. Hold on. You know OSP for the UFC? Great body, huge ass, right? Think of him, but 6'7 and bigger. And he's a starting pitcher.

Throws 103 miles an hour. You want to hit that? 103 miles an hour. You want to hit that? 103 miles an hour. Let me find out. Mm-hmm. Alright. Yeah. Pitcher's got a big butt.

I just typed in big ass. Pitcher, big ass. That's not... More like bring a boring. Wait, something's not. I'm just having fun with this. More like bring your boring butts. Wait, something's happening. These players need their butts. Hey, can we cut for a second? Yeah. So are those total human optimization packets I'm looking at right now?

Yes, they are. You got day support and night support. That's what Onnit's got. Total human optimization, day and night support. That's him finding out that his DMs got exposed. What if like instead of, it's not, that's what this clip says, but what if it's him realizing that his sons are wearing Crocs? Hey, can we cut for a second?

A second. It's important. That's a lot of people don't realize you might need nutrients wet for recovery if you train hard at night. A lot of people forget that. If you want to focus their flagship of course is what alpha brain something joe rogan takes every time he does a podcast something you say every time you do a podcast something this is true now again if you think

brain causes that alpha brain this is there they take alpha brain and this is the best they can do i don't want alpha brain then fuck fuck alpha brain all i drink can do. I don't want Alpha Brain then. Fuck Alpha Brain. All I drink is coffee, and I don't say fucking Segend or Instagram. Yeah. You know? Yeah. This is just coffee speaking. Talking about Alpha Brain?

Talking about I'm not wearing that chin. So that would have been a better clip if they showed the fucking DMs on screen and shit. I mean, it was kind of, at least led us to the croc joke. Yeah, exactly. We got to the promised land, Papa. All mean, it was kind of, at least led us to the Croc joke. Yeah, exactly. We got to the promised land, Papa. All right, so this one's Dear Brenda.

So we got a couple of short ones to end off the episode today. Did you talk to a therapist about it? You talked to a therapist? Why would I talk to them? I don't know. Maybe they'd help you deal with some of the demons. I don't believe they're smarter than me.

Then is spelled wrong. I talked it up. I don't know. Maybe it'd help you deal with some of the demons. I don't believe they're smarter than me. Then is spelled wrong. That's all I notice. But it's just like, yeah. What is this from? I'm curious. Like,

how did this clip get made? Why was it edited like this? Maybe the Chang's edited like this? It's funny. It is funny, but it's so strange. He's just randomly talking to Mike Tyson. Yeah. All right. So this one's funny it is funny but it's so strange he's just randomly talking to mike tyson yeah all right so this one's called this is a long fucking title it's hard for me to read these

uh you should have ran that by me is boppa referencing that what toe said to him when he outed him for cheating on his wife on king of the sting am i misreading the menu here good pdf change joke nice here goes you should have ran that by me he's doing his bit again right i don't need a handler these guys need a handler i think we may have seen that before but i love i love it when he does the thing where he's like he does like the jimrey from The Mask voice. They always, welcome back. You should have ran that by me. Like why?

Very sassy. Yeah. All right, so this last one's called A Moment of Delusion. Well, before you play it, I bet that he does that when like the alpha brain kicks in. Yeah. Like that makes him do that stupid voice and then he kind of,

and then he gets to the point where he's scratching his ass or whatever. All right. Here we go. There's only one former UFC fighter headlining comedy shows selling out theaters

and clubs. It's me. So who's he going to go after? You're going to go after a guy who's not doing well. You're going to go after a guy who can't sell tickets. Thanks, dude.

It's fine. I'm on the right track. Not going to go after a guy who can't sell tickets. Thanks, dude. It's fine. I'm on the right track. Not going to go after Randy Feltface. Talking about going on the right track. Is that what he said? No, no. But it's funny because he's not selling out. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's got all these excuses about the venue, man. We just found out that they have a really strict COVID policy. Apparently, you have to be vaccinated. My staff forgot to call call this store it's all their fault you know my wife died and it's like why that funeral picture it was her funeral so i had to take some time off also you saw that randy posted in the tfac case subreddit right i know that's great randy becomes funnier and funnier every day well shout out to randy felt face shout out to wadsworth shout out to Dank Frankie

shout out to Thunuga Dallas Llama thank you for joining the discord we're having fun in there shout out to Robbie Goodwin check us out next week for 10 minutes of Shab hope you enjoyed let us know if you want different songs

and then also the the offer still stands we've been uh i think we said 20 000 views we'll do bgl yes sir we'll probably do it anyway for halloween but uh get it oh really dude we're so bad at this all right later