100% Eat - 1 Star Str*p Club Reviews - Papa John's Ride Along/YouReview?

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

Eric BLEW IT and didn't order the pizza so now Our Heroes are waiting in the car. Michael creates a new game where we YouReview strip clubs. THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE! Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my God. So there's like three things going on. You got three things? Yeah. What? What's the fuck? What's going on? That's step away.

That was crazy. That was crazy. That was crazy. Second thing is we're waiting for the food. I think your order just went through. Yeah. I went through because he just ordered it. Yeah, exactly.

The guy was, the guy was real adamant of like, did you check? Dude, he was, okay. So I ordered the pizza ahead of time. He swears. Noon pickup, walk in, hang on order for Eric, and he just looks like, could it be under a different name? And I went, absolutely not. So I started looking for an email, no confirmation email.

Just saying, once that started happening, Nick started whispering, he's like, they don't have it. Yeah, Nick was like, guys, things are happening. Nick was hiding. And then Michael sidled up to Eric. Yeah, yeah, started whispering in Eric's. I just needed to figure out if it was in a different location, but it was this one. So I don't know why the order didn't go through. But we ended up just placing it and he's like, I'll be ready and like, I'll be ready like six to ten minutes, whatever. But he just kept going,

oh, place in a row, okay, cool. You didn't already, so you didn't get like another charge, did you? And I'm like, no, I don't think so. Is it on there? I hate for you to be charged twice. I'm like, no, I don't care, man. I'll get it figured out with like the bank. It's like, don't worry about it.

It's on a credit card. And he was like, I just don't want to, I just don't want you to like come back and shoot up the place. And it was like, it's cool, it's cool. Yeah. So don't worry. The bank will call you personally. Yeah.

You'll be responsible. But while this was happening. Michael started reading reviews on his phone for places. Oh, yeah. There's a gentleman's club, XTC Cabaret in Austin. Uh-huh. I spotted this.

Five stars from Michael B. Jordan? Whoa, he did it. He made it. I've got to say, I had a great time. And what's hard to believe is that I have a case of E.D. But the girls there got it up for me.

L.O.L. No kidding. L.O.L. Hang on. I got to open Yelp. Also, that's a huge. There's more.

Hang on. Oh, no kidding. The only thing I'll say is the stripping portion was disappointment. From you should be able to tell, I loved the lap dancing. Drinks were in crazy amount. Five stars. Dude. But when they took their clothes off, me.

Yeah, I didn't like the stripping part. Oh, hang on, though. Pedro S. One star. Oh, no. No. Do not waste your time here. The girls won't even give you a chance.

I can't. And they don't take no for an answer. What? Whoa. my money and left. Perfect 10 is my safe spot now. Jesus Christ. Dude, I never once thought you were of you for strip clubs this rock. They don't take no for answer.

Ah! What the fuck? They wouldn't give me a chance. Let me guess. He said, I love you, will you marry me? Yeah, right? They don't give me a chance to sit there and look at them. Right.

I bet they did give you that chance. I like the first guy saying he's got a case of ED. Yeah. Like he's got a case of it. I caught the ED. It's okay. Hey, it's going around. I caught it.

Or you could crack one open. You guys have been sick and penis has been limping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, they fixed it for them, though. Which also isn't how ED works. Right. I have a case of ED, but they were so hot, I got hard anyway. I'm scared.

I defied the laws of science. My erectile's dysfunctional functioned so rectilely. Oh, my God. No, I've got E.F. I've got a case of EF. Jordan said I should check out Yellow Rose, but I don't feel like it's right to go to a place Shane got kicked out of it.

You don't want to patronize a place that like that got rid of a kick out of friend. All right, cool. Then I'm going to look real quick at landing strip. The landing strip. The landing strip. Nick knows. No, those are the ads they ran.

Hey, three stars from Albert E. Don't accept any kind of smoking devices and make sure that the drinks are close when are broad. I've seen some cases of drugs abuse. Whoa. Parentheses, plus music and dancers, they are okay. Okay. What does that mean?

Thanks for the heads up. What was that review? They're okay. Yeah, they're high. I can't smoke in here. Somebody's doing drugs. Fuck you! Take off my clothes, not good.

Put it back on. I have biker shorts on. Do you think the one guy working here is just going to wave at us when it's ready? Probably. Yeah, he will. Do you think it was his way of saying, please don't buy more? We don't want to eat pizza right now. Oh, probably.

Here's a good review from Taylor G. Five stars. Hi, yes. I was a recent customer at your establishment. On entering, you have an employee, period. That was absolutely professional from top to bottom. Oh, great. He went above and beyond to make sure that everything I needed was taken care of.

It meant a lot more, seeing that as I'm fully disabled and walking around with a cane, he made the visit memorable that I will be returning to your establishment. Oh, good. How nice. That's very nice. What a nice story. Wow. That's not where I thought I was ghost, to be honest.

You have an employee and I want to kill them. I'm fully disabled. Walk with the cane. Mike P. Landing strip, one star. The food is average at best and the service is terrible. There is no reason to come here. Whoa. How do he spell that word? How do he spell it? Michael H.

Place, beautiful ladies. Hot a few dances from Kaylee. Beautiful lady that gave me excellent dances. Highly recommend this place. Reletus J. One star. Whoa. I went to this club

and tried to get a private dance, so I had to pay $60 for the VIP. And the girl asked for $250, so I gave her the money, but then she called security on me, and they kicked me out, and I didn't get my money back. What a scam.

This sounds like the U reviews were like, and for some reason, everyone was mean to me after I left out details where I was probably mean to them. Oh my God. These are great. This is a great review to leave at a strip club.

One star, Shannon F. This place blows. Not in the good way. Awesome. They literally charge $3 for a cup of water. Not a bottle of water. A plastic 12-ounce cup. Pretty positive.

It's illegal to charge for tap water. Root staff and no transparency. No, I heard there's one guy that's really nice. That's your review on the strip club. The water. The water. One star. Haley P.

Okay. This place is gross, and the dancers are not pretty at all. Oh. One girl offered my boyfriend a hand job with me sitting right beside her. Whoa. Trash. Trash. That's pretty cool.

Wow. Well, that was very rude. Oh, here we go. That's worthy of one star. Martin Pete. I was a regular. Nicknamed lazy. From my heart, I warn you all.

Do not go. I used to love it here. No longer. Now worth the money. You will thank me. If you go, Don't say I didn't warn you. I won't ever be back.

No details. That's the Trumpist sentence. He's right. He just said words. Just keeps talking. Well, hang on, Robert C. Five stars. Eric's got a long one.

Five stars. Probably the only true side of Austin's best of the best. Hell yeah. The way people make feel really gives you sense. Yeah. That's the NCE of security. And I pun intended. Best bang for herb.

Oh. The fam omen are always feminine. I don't know. Fam Omen are always top of the line. With the physical image, along with seductive routines, I highly recommend this to you. Out of towners, but I didn't have a chance to enjoy it because I had no idea it existed.

But spend the 25 on VIP and be all over, but definitely a game that's worth it. What? Sounds like a kid explaining something. Huh? Did you ever go to a strip club that made you ever run? All right. So, we've heard from patrons.

Yeah. We even heard from a woman who went there with her boyfriend. Uh-huh. This next one's from Joyce H. Okay. I tried getting a gig here as a dancer. Oh, brother. Because it's the closest club to my new house in South Austin.

When I arrived, most of the dancers were quite overweight and old, but still looked like they could be making money. I was getting in shape at that time, so I had a few extra pounds. But all around my butt and tits while my tummy was rather flat, So I imagined it wouldn't be a problem, especially since the Yellow Rose extended a job offered to me earlier that day, looking the way I looked then. Wrong!

After auditioning on the stage and selling two dances and getting them to accept for VIP, the manager on duty tells me I need to leave because of my, quote, extra weight. I told him that right after I finished the stage set, I sold two dances and some customers were eager to be with me for a VIP session. read i could had made the club money that night money he said he can't have me because i don't represent the image of the club really the landing strip come on i look thinner and much younger than three quarters of the dancers and sold two dances immediately i left i didn't even bother to pay my share

of the two dances i should have accepted the job offer at yellow rose despite it's quite a drive for my house well i mean you still can you stay no one's not they see they think they Take your money and when you get to VIP, they want you to pay more money. Make sure before you go to VIP, you agree on the amount of dances. They might also call security on you. Oh, no. What now? Oh, hang on, I got to read some.

I want to read the two stars here. Yeah. Attended a holiday gathering here. Walked in starkly reminded me, walking in starkly reminded me of a horrible strip club experience in Nuevo Laredo years ago. Okay. Lots of bad tats and. Porcine dancers?

Porsing? Huh? Oh. Didn't see any barbecue on the menu either. Had a beer and left. Here comes. Oh, hell yeah. See?

Yeah! Awesome. Yeah! Dude, thank you very much. Yeah, you appreciate it, man. He liked that. Yeah, he did. He liked that a lot.

He thought that was awesome. That was a highlight of me there. That was the biggest smile. That guy thought that was so cool. He's having fun, man. Oh, dude. There you go, got the pizzas. We effectively killed time.

I mean, yeah. Dude, apparently it's detrimental. We made it. Yeah, dude. We utilized. We just made a new show. It's just a new review of strip clubs. Strip review.

Dude. I just, I can't believe. Going home, being so mad about the strip club leaving a one-star review. Can't imagine. That's crazy. Anyway, what's this truck say? Dude, I'm a five-star. It's, uh, big juh.

Big Juh. Big Juh. Dude, do you think they got it? They got an offer from Yellow Rose. Is this a parking spot? Yeah, it's where you park. What? We're parking spots.

Huh? I'm not gonna be able to turn. Dude, no, this sucks. What do you mean? We'll never learn. Do you have to turn? Honestly, it's better to go straight here anyway. Yeah, because this turn sucks.

Yeah, just do, turn around up here, yeah. We're trapped. No, we're not trapped. We just have no way out. That's right. I'll kill more time by reading Sherryl-C. Oh, okay. I've never seen that name before.

She rail. She rail. She real. Yeah. The girl, one star. The girls here are just not that appealing to me. And frankly, they're kind of rude. I've been to plenty of strip clothes before.

And yeah, usually the girls' bathroom are in the same room with the girls' locker room. But I've never seen security just able to walk right in and stand around and talk while you have customers trying to use the bathroom. Ugh. And the bathroom just absolutely disgusting. I've attached photos. Oh, cool. You have those waitress walking around. You can get someone to refill the toilet tree and clean.

up a bit, I won't be back. Foxy's is way better and don't have bouncers walking into the girls' restrooms. Plus, they have a lot more parking than this place. That's the thing. That's my, issue with it. Oh, we didn't take a picture in front of the restaurant. Oh, no. Oh, dude, hang on. Yeah. Nick, you'll leave on. Get this? I have the best one next. Okay, ready? Mm-hmm. Great, we got it. All right. This is from poop pee. Cool. One star. Poopie. The dancer drugged me. What? Ambulance pulled me out because I was paralyzed. What? What? time manager totally lied and said it was all my fault when he was trying to hire me prior. The only person who helped me was a cocktail waitress when I couldn't open my eyes.

Thank God for her. What? That's from poop pee. Poop pee, are you okay? Poop. Poop, please. Talk to me. Oh, shodky, the daytime manager.

So you were there in the middle of the day. Here's a guy throwing up. And now he's kicking it. He's burying it. He's burying it. He's burying it. It's instinct. He's burying it.

He's like, dude, I had a little upset tummy last night. I sent Eric a picture. Yeah. Yeah. Michael showed me the reaction of the picture. I was glad that the picture was nodding. Yeah, I agree.

That's not for Jordan. That's for Eric and Alfredo. That's right. That's where Eric to look at in the middle of the night. Get scared. Wake up. Look at my phone and go, what happened? Block it all out.

Go back to sleep. Wake up and then remember it. Remember it like nine hours later. I had this weird dream. What the fuck? Oh, it was real. Oh, there they go. Dude, it was karaoke night and they weren't even doing karaoke.

That's crazy. I was annoyed. I was ready to drop bombs. Hell yeah. But I kept on forgetting. Mike spaghetti. Nick, I got you wings. Thanks, man.

You got your wings. Dude. Blue cheese. That guy was so happy when I screamed. That dude, that dude rock. The guy working at Papa Johns was cool as shit. He was really concerned about. He's a cool guy.

Yeah, he was nice that he was so concerned about you getting charged by. You got a question, though, like how cool is he works there? It's true. Something to think about. I mean, he's, you know, it's just, it's his, it's his, it's a stop before his next big thing. Hell yeah. Ice. Oh, no.

Have you heard about the- No, that guy looked too nice? Have you heard about the $50,000 bonus and the way it's paid out? I've heard that it's not. I heard it's not. I heard his nugget. $60,000 bonus, but over years and years. It is, it's a five-year payout, so it's $10,000 a year.

But if you, if you, if you quit, you have to pay the money back. If you quit or you're fired or whatever reason you don't work for ice anymore. So say you work three years, you own 30 grand. Yes. So if that happens, if that happens, now, then you pay back the 10. But in 2020. eight or whatever when you get the 40k and then they stop funding right exactly and then there's no more ice everyone gets laid off you have to pay that money back it's almost like the whole thing was a

grift my god oh no no no i knew we should have no no argued for one-year contract guys no papa john will pay it out of this pocket yeah papa john's gonna pay it okay i think reckoning it's here i think it's oh yeah no michael dell will come through and pay off everyone's bonuses i'm sure I do think we should go down to the ICE office and sign Nick up. Hey, you guys want to go to the Trump Kennedy Center in two years? But Trump? Well, I would go right now, but oh, dude, it's not- I hear they're doing construction.

Even though he said it was fixed though, and it was bad-in- No, they strategically cleared out their calendar. Right? For two years. Oh, I got cleared out all right. Hey, so we're closing for two years. You know what? Let's make it to the end of my presidency.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Right. I wonder if that'll get extended. Yeah. That's make three. Oh, oh. I'm gone. Oh, oh, oh no. Oh, so fucking crazy.

Subway, eat now. You had Subway the other day, and I can't wait it was actually like $5. Dude, it's so cheap. I've been going there a lot. Cookie was good too. Cookie was so good. He ate it in one.

He ate it in one bite. I know, I looked away. Thanks for confirming I looked away. You did. When you were done with your blowing, it was on. No, no, no. The way, I didn't suck it down. I didn't suck it down.

I didn't suck it down. You just took a breath. Right. I was going to say the way Nick is like, mentioning is like, well, I had to eat it fast. You weren't looking. Right. Right.

Yeah, I was got a ticket from him. Yeah. He's like, it was my chance. He's like those weeping angels from Dr. Koo. Yeah. The only time you can eat his cookies. Oh my God. Whoa.

Following you. Weeping monkey. One star. Yeah, this strip club is an absolute piece of shit and misleading. Not to add that the club had literally no attractive women working in it. Sign says $10 dances for Sunday, but the strippers are asking for 20. Got my homie, a VIP wrist. span 25 each for his birthday.

I also went in a VIP and three strippers, prostitutes, bombarded me asking me to pay $600 for a private room. F-O-H-L-M-F-A-O-O-O-O-W. After I said no, they asked for 40 each. Once again, G-T-F-O-H. After I said no, they went and got the manager. Then the stripper that danced on my homie asked for $80 for one dance, L-O-O-L.

I paid her the 80, then we left. Please stay far away from this place or prepare to be seen. Damn. Guys who go to strip clubs and then are upset about like a $10 discrepancy is so Prostitute! These, ah, they said 10 on the sign, but then they said 20. That is-

My ED was cured and then it wasn't. I had a relapse. My E.D was cured but at the expense of my wallet. Yeah. But at what cost, George? Guys, I have E.D. And let me tell you, these titties fixed me. Pup-puff.

You can't put a price on EF. Dude, I kind of want to swing by and go, you got puff-puff. There was a Buff-Buff-Buff in here? Do puff-puff. Do you do Puff-Puff-Puff? You do Puff-Puff, Puff. Why, do not have Puff-Puff. They don't Puff-Puff.

I puff-puff, but blacked out. I think they drugged me. I was paralyzed and woke up to a strong man wearing a Skyrim-type helmet horn, and he was puff-puffing me like crazy. He asked what I upset me the most was it got me off so hard. We'll never puff puff there again. Signed, Pee Poooooo. Oh, you're finally here.

Mr. Poo-Poo, your room is ready? Oh, man. How's a good rabbit hole, though? Now that kills pizza time. We might have to go down that rabbit hole more. We might have to do something. Oh, we have to go to the strip club. One-star strip club.

Oh, no. We have to support sex workers. I don't think stripping sex work, I don't know. I'm not really sure. I mean, I don't worry. These comments will let us know. Yeah. Puff Puff hand job?

Yeah. Well, Jordan's carrying the food this time. I feel like if you get offered a hand drop at a strip club and that's you don't want it. Like you just say no. Yeah. But you go, that's a solid service to have here. Who gets upset about it? I went with my boyfriend to a strip club.

I'm okay with them grinding on him and flailing their titty. But she offered a handjob? That was the line. Step too far. One star. I think that's the crossover to like a different kind of sex work. Yeah. Yeah, sex work.

I'm going to walk in and just keep saying I support sex workers. Uh-huh. Just keep saying it until someone says thank you. I'm sure somebody would be like, okay, support me. Right, exactly. One star. Someone kept saying I support sex workers. The guy would not shut up.

All right. Ruined my puff pup. Are you guys excited about this? No. Not even... I am. I like pizza. Not even a little bit. It's not Pizza Hut.

It's not Pizza Hut. It's Papa Jones. Hang up before you open the box, race check. Jesus Christ. All right. We got a pepper. We got a pepper and we got a cheese. That's for Nick.

There you go. Yeah, I mean, that looks edible. Yeah, that also looks good. It's got a nice crisp. That was right. Yep. That's good. I got lactate. This was definitely cooked in a pan.

You can tell. I'm sad, dude. Dude. Okay. Okay. Well, that's, why does it look like pretzel? Always a good sign. What sauce is it?

When it's stuck to the lid. Honey chippole? Yeah. You can't tell? Red. Red. Yeah. And sparse.

It's just kind of smattered throughout. Not much of a toss going on this. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it.

It all came apart. That's the pain experience. Yeah. Hot. No, well, it's fresh. Yeah. Bitch. One star.

Not enough tits. Find out what Eric thinks on the episode that you watched already. We don't care what he thinks. What a strange in between. Oh, it's a strange in between. It's not quite a pizza. It's not quite a pan. Like the breast and the navel?

It's this. Right below. Rib. Mm-hmm. Right. Bottom rib. The one I take out so I can get the job. Dry.

Rub. Whoa, there's tinnies on screen. Oh, shit. Ah! One star! Is this at the yellow rose? Whoa, that guy just got slapped in the face. We're Shane.

All right. Guys, we can't keep showing you this. Yeah. Here you go. Oh, my phone. No! Oh, no. No, it's everywhere.

Oh, man. Oh, it's all greasy.