100% Eat - $10,000 "Chair Experience" & First Time PM McDonald's %% McDonald's Big Arch

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

Our Heroes have to tackle the Big Arch this week, especially if there's a mysterious benefactor watching silently from a chair just feet away. WHO paid to be in the cuck chair? How have they never had McDonald's PM food before? WILL THEY TALK?!?! New beanie, new magnet, & NEW SHIRT this FRIDAY! https://100percenteat.store Also grab an autograph from Our Heroes https://streamily.com/100-percent-eat Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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letting you know if you need to, you probably do today especially. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan, how are you today? I'm great. I'm excited. I feel like we're being watched, though. Yeah, we are. Take a whiff. There's a camera inside the wild. I knew it. It's a literal bug. That's why it was in the bathroom.

Oh, wait, what? Nick style. No, under. Under. Under. Under. With permission. Yeah, and he doesn't mean his phone. He just sits under the toilet bowl. And he looks up, yeah, he sits under the bowl. Sometimes he hides in the tank.

Did we talk about that? Mega-64 having the camera in the bathroom. Why would they do that? They bought a fake security camera for a video, and then they put it in the bathroom. And it's like, they were like, that's funny until they went in there one time and somebody had like turned it backwards.

And it was like, all right, all right, this is funny to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Don't use the bathroom. Yeah. So there you go. Michael,

what do we have today? I don't know. What? I didn't pick it. It's up there at the top. Oh, McDonald's Big Arch Burger format. Whoa. Big Arch.

Which just came out today. What are you doing? Whoa. Big Arch. Which in the giving you force, am I? You don't want to know. What? Like, like, Chase.

Yeah. I was going to say he's Goldo. What the fuck? He's the, Jason is the Australian one, right? Yeah. He's like the most annoying one. Can't believe it.

Oh, Bagelior. It's a bad, but it's Australian. You can't stalk the Gingu force. I like Goldo is, Goldo was the guy. He's got time. Then there was Gingu, and then Gordo is from Power Rangers. How come Gingu and like, like, Goldo are the ones with powers, and the other three are just like guys?

Because you gotta have guys to make them work. Like Raccoom is just like a big idiot. Yeah, because it makes them look better. That's why we have Eric. I thought they were all going to have powers though because they fought Goldo first. And I was like, well, they're all going to have powers. And then Rukum's just like, going to all but idiot. They phoned it.

Was Goldo the Krillin of the Gingh force? Do you mean they're strongest human on the planet? Wow. Is that not? What's the other guy? He's stronger than Tian. What about Yomcha? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He played baseball? He did, and he got piss. He did, he used to slay, here we go. Jordan. He died a lot. He did die a lot. He did die in the most memeable way. Yeah, that is the most iconic meme.

I don't know, I mean, I mean, I died in a pretty memeable way. He went, hey! He couldn't explode. It was pretty sorry. That was. Chowal Tzu just blew himself up for no reason. Chowsu, yeah, I died for nothing. We're not going to get Vajana.

Boom himself up too. The way Yomcha goes, we're just like, I'll get these guys. I'll fight these minions. Yeah, they're little babies. Yeah. Those guys are not like, Gohan takes those guys out.

As I called them when I was a kid, Cyberman. Yeah, cybermen. They weren't even like sell babies. At least sell babies were like sell. Yeah. That made sense. That made sell.

And that's what we're talking about here. That's what we're talking about here. Yeah. Four white guys talking about Dragon Ball Z into microphones? Hell, yeah. Not today. Oh! Five white guys, but only four of them in the microphone.

What's going on here today? We have a secret fifth member. We have a secret fifth member today. He's in the special chair, off to the side. It's called the cuck chair. We can see him, but you can't. You may recall an offer that we made. Forever ago.

Based on this chair that was sitting there for no reason. Yeah, how do that even end up there? Because Gracie came in and Nick was just a thing. Yeah, it was a chair swap that Nick didn't want a maze. He was sitting in that, right? He was sitting in that one

and then he finally got that one but he left it there for no reason. And so I was saying that it's the cuck chair because it's in between all the action. And if someone wanted to pass $10,000, like I'm sitting in it, by golly, someone took us up on this stuff. Somehow, some way.

And in like what I said, like in a Pepsi award situation, it's like the jet where I was like, we're going to get sued if we don't. Right. If we don't, uh, we said it. We said it.

We have to validate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, well, you said. Yep. And Nick immediately started. So we're like, how do we know this is real? Well, we got sent a cashier's check. Not just for $10,000.

$1,000. And Nick's done his eyeballs turned into the slot machines and they were just dollars. Right, right, right. It was dollars spinning around until the word tax came up. And he kept trying to figure out

how to get more money. More money to cover the taxes. He kept saying we should get him to cover the tax. Eric stunned. I can't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Jordan and I were going like, whoa, that's crazy,

but we believe it. And Nick's going, well I feel like it will only be right if you cover the taxes or he should say like $2,000 more there should be another way you know so that's not

three he just said just a case just in case the taxes are 30% so after he also kept saying maybe we just don't tell her accountant yeah that was that was awesome

keep it away from the CPA just a magic $10,000 that we have suddenly and they don't ask questions It is a gift, but it was... Justin, Justin, don't ask questions. It wasn't really a gift because it was a purchase for an offer we made. Yes, right.

So, on camera. We immediately were like... Money has been exchanged for goods and services. We have to investigate this. Right. As we had a call with Evan. We knew that money was real because he's going to cash in a shot. Like a maniac.

And Jordan immediately took it home. Yeah. Well, I was like, that is funny. That wasn't me trying to steal. No, I was trying to keep it away from me to protect. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I'm not going to leave the $10,001.

You put it in the safe with the Emmy. It's why I take my Emmy home. Smart, by the way. Nick's been looking at that too. We had a call with Evan to go like, look, you don't have to do this. He's like, no, let's do it. Hell of you.

A lot of the conversation behind the scenes was like, we should just like make sure he's like. Normal and cool and okay and not. He is a fact aware that he's spending that much money to do this. Uh-huh. Like that he wants this. this. So we had a call.

It was myself. Michael and Jordan. Nick refused. No, I didn't try Archie. And the whole. I've never seen your son, just to say.

Like you've talked about him with the baby. Yeah. As that's happening on this call, we're letting Evan know you're going to see Nick in real life. Yeah. What you're going to see is a real thing. This is a real person. Real Nick styles.

This is, he is what you're seeing on camera is how he is when we're just doing it. It was, and it was early on, like, going over the logistics. Like, are you sure? We can send it back. It's already cashed, but we can figure something out. But then I'd say, we got through that pretty quickly.

And it was a lot of, let me, let us tell you about Nick. It's especially good that he's not here. Let's prep you. Yeah. Because with the three of us, I think you're, you know what you're going to get. It's pretty much like what you expect. And not this guy. And it worked out well that he wasn't there to just go, no.

Yeah. It's true. It's true. And I feel like he's already lived up to that. He has. From the moment that we picked, that we kidnapped Evan from the airport. We did, we did kidnap him. Watch, please. I'm begging you, watch the ride along this week.

It is jumbo size. And it is crazy. It is. Yeah, we go from kidnapping at the airport right to McDonald's. Yeah. Which Evan picked. Evan chose the food. Had some ideas.

I talked with him. And then he was, I'm like, here are these things. Big Arch comes out or whatever. He's like, let's do McDonald's. By the way. I've never eaten a McDonald's hamburger in my life. Which is crazy. That's wild.

And then it's like, the first food I had was a McDonald's ham. You were like, yeah, right. Yeah. But then it's like, that's how you start. That's how you start there before you have real cheese. Yeah, that's the indoctrination. But then he's like, I'm like, so, so like you've just never had McDonald's. He's like, no, I have McDonald's all the time.

I get their breakfast. It's like, so you just. What's like a stand situation. Yeah, yeah. Right, you're right. I only go for very hyper specific things. I'm going AM style. They do have good breakfast.

So today was a. the first PM style that he's done McDonald's in. And this is the terminology. Yeah, he was. So, um, also have you had the fries before? Because you never had the fries either. Because he goes,

he was like, are the fries like that? Are they, that's, right. Are these a good bet? I heard him say it. And then I just went, I must, I must have misheard what he like met. Like, I just, I must not have got that right. He got a Nick at the McDonald's.

He, like, he filled in the Eric roll at the soda machine. He was explaining going on about the soda and the syrup or whatever. have you, they went to the bathroom together, which I'm sure Evan went to the bathroom by himself, and then Nick, that's what Nick's like, I'll go too. Right. I'm just saying, if anyone goes to the bathroom, Nick then immediately has to go to,

and he'll walk quickly to catch up to you. It does happen, yes, it does happen. It's true. Why are you saying, no, you just did it? Do I catch up? I'm not saying you do it intentionally. It might be worse that you don't do intentionally, but it'll usually be someone says

I have to go to the bathroom, and then Nick will hurry too. It was the three of us waiting. Yeah. He was like, when we were talking about how, like, how funny it was that we like, we prepped Evan for Nick.

And he was getting like as advertised the Nick. I don't think so. And. Okay. Well, he can be the judge. Yeah. You can try to persuade him otherwise of his lived reality later.

Yeah. Or, you know, gas later. That actually didn't happen. I actually did not say that. I didn't say those words. Do you have any,

do you have any cash on you? I had norovirus. I did. I didn't want it to ruin Taco Palenke. What are you not getting? What's wrong with you? A to B, man. A to fucking B, dude.

More guys! More guys! I was just saying, I was like, boy, he's just, he's getting the whole Nick experience. And then I was like, and now he's in the bathroom. I was in the stall.

He was in the stall. It was different. And then some other third guy came out. It's different. So, when I don't see your third guy, speaking of that, what I want to mention, go ahead and pull up the picture

that we took outside McDonald's. Oh yeah, this phone was plugged in. So I realized that's when I got back on, huh, I went to look at the picture. So my zipper was down since we left the house. Oh, oh, my God. I went to the bathroom where we started and went, whoops. Oh, that was easy. Well, guys, you can go on all of our social media and go see Michael's zipper down.

That's pretty good. I was just like, man, that's a rare. That's a rare miss. Covered with an eggplant emoji. Well, I think. At the airport while you were kidnapping that guy. I guess I was getting too excited. No one cared that we were kidnapping a guy.

And it came out of it with flowers. He brought flowers, by the way. And again, it's on the ride along. We had all escalate of trying to get a base from Walmart. Crazy. It's a crazy. It's a good one. And brought a blindfold, which immediately he went,

this is a sleep mask. And we said, shut up. Put the sleep mask on him. Put a nose strip on him. Well, you couldn't get the mouth tape first. We just went, well, get the nose one first. And then put the mouth tape on him. And then threw him in the nose strip on him.

and then threw him in the car. And it took forever. Yeah. It was a very, it was a very slow, organized, very, very, very polite. Right, right. Right at the arrival of the Austin airport with a cop car 20 feet away from us. No one said. We were parked at the pickup area for a really long time.

That's the longest I've ever been stopped at the pickup area. It's your license plate. Nick got nervous. Nick drove today, which is abnormal. That was a whole different. Yeah. He brought a big car so we could kidnap Evan and put him in a throw up. He is real, by the way, but it's cocked

But he's out of there, so don't worry about it. See him in the ride along in, probably in the Michael Jordan podcast. You joked, we're like, what if it's a reverse kidnapping where he's, Evan's going to kidnap us and then put us on a plane and we have to fly somewhere? That immediately made Nick nervous and he told me that he doesn't have his like anti-anxiety flying medication.

What did you call? You call it your flight meds? Yeah, my flight meds. He's just getting through security and then you drink. I tried that, doesn't it? If we fly American, I'll take you into the... He just started telling me that... Oh, yeah, I don't have my flight.

We're covered. I don't have my flight medicine. We're not really flying. Yeah, but now we're thinking about it. But then he could be flying us to his private island. Yeah. Oh, did you inherit it? Oh, God.

Jesus. But then, but then we started talking about Nick's M&M thing where he freezes his M&Ms. Yeah, that's I first learned about this. Uh-huh. Yeah, they're cold. He freezes his peanut M&Ms. No, I don't take peanut. I take regular.

Oh, he said peanuts. I thought it was peanut. Peanut was the long... No, I don't fly with the peanut ones. This doesn't fucking fly with peanut. You don't fly with peanuts. They give them to you on the flight. That was the only thing that they had on that one flight.

So he freezes M&Ms. Yeah. And then he takes them out of his freezer. Yep. And he drives to the airport or goes to the airport. He waits because I'm sure he's there very early. And then... And then he gets nervous.

And then he, yeah, the whole time he's getting nervous. And then he gets on the plane. Then the meds kick in. The meds kick in. We put the MDMA in the M&Ms. And then he finally eats the M&Ms. Yeah. cold. They're cold.

Why do they have to be cold? Yeah. I like them cold. Not only why, but I was just like surely by that point they're not cold. They're not cold. Or like they're not frozen. He said frozen. With an ice pack? No, you can't bring that. Yeah, you can't bring that. That's not safe. That's not safe. He hears something he can sort of agree with and he's going,

yes, I've thought of this. They're not safe. Really crazy. You can take down an aircraft with that. Yeah. Really fun going to the McDonald's where we sat and ate there again, where Evan has never. ever had lunch or anything. A woman came around. They came out of two sides.

A pincer maneuvered. Because like the Roman Legion. It was crazy. This is their biggest burger they ever had. They flanked us. And it's big and it's only a double. Yep. The box is like 30% larger than a big Mac box.

The five of them fit on one tray. Yeah. So they had to bring out everything. It was one tray of food. One tray of burgers, one tray of fries. Yeah. One tray of drinks. drinks. Right. And then a woman with a little sauce caddy that ever just went, is this how it is when you

did at McDonald's? And I'm like, I've never seen this before. And then we were leaving and he's like, there she is again. Yeah. She has the sauces. Are you real? Yeah. We get all the food. We get the soda. And then it's, oh, we all got coax. And then it's like, well, we're here. Just empty it if you want something else. So Nick's like, I'm going to go get a different soda. And I was like, I would get something to. He went over and came back and Evan just went, he talked to me about the syrup.

He does that. Well, why didn't you ask at the counter? They probably had it in the back. Okay. I'm not worried this. Well, we were shocked because they never, ever, ever,

ever, ever give you the soda. When you order diet, I can believe it. Just give me the cups. Just give five coaks. We don't need empty cups. And then they actually put the coke in it for one.

It was very strange. Also, Nick's code didn't work. Dude! Dude, you got the full experience. Yeah, you kept saying that. You kept saying this. That goes. We were getting out of the car.

And you were like, get your app, and he had his phone. We walked in, and he had his four-digit code, and went, sorry, you try again. Sorry, you try again. And he went to another one. He walked around to the other one, tried it several times.

I was like, I guess I'll try mine. And I knew, because it started loading. Immediately, it worked. And the voice went, welcome, Michael. And then Eric went, of course it does. Of course. I would ask if that was like a VIP thing. It was so.

I don't know how your shit does not work ever when we go there. It's hilarious. It's that McDonald's. And I'm you who picked it. There was true. There was a lot of conversation about where to go. Yeah. It was like because we went to the McDonald's that fucked us the last like three times.

It is the McDonald's that keeps fucking us. It is the McDonald's. We keep going to the McDonald's that hurts you. And Nick is like we have to keep going there. Let me love you. It's my fault. It's my fault. I just.

It's okay, baby. It is like, man. was really something. It was a whole maneuver. And we walked from the car to the McDonald's. Evan wanted to get his sunglasses out of the bag of the car for the walk from his, yeah, from his bag. And so it was like, and even you remarked on that, you were like, oh, for the walk for the car into the building. And then we sat down. Well, what happened was is like, they're, they're booths, but like the cushion is not attached to the booth. Oh, really? You sat down

and it slid. And it knocked your glasses on the ground and the lens popped out. Which happened. And snapped. But then broke it half. But don't worry. He shoved it all back into the sun. And I was like,

wait, what the fuck? It's like the frame is like holding it together. It's so, it's so tight. It's crazy. And then Eric had a funny idea for the picture. Oh,

I was so happy. That picture we posted is, it's, oh, we're going to McDonald's. And then walking out. No one will ever suspect the guy with the black Mesa shirt and the, They won't know.

And the double gold rooster teeth hat is actually a fan. They won't know. Hey, and the mic back. And the mic. It all worked out. It was this. And that's it and now we're done. The whole adventure was so good.

So now. Good episode, everybody. So no, because now we have to review the food. But before we do that, do you guys have? We bust out the script. That's right. This is how it's done, Evan. Do you guys have any arch pinions in general of McDonald's?

I almost went there today. So this is what I wanted to talk about. I didn't know if you were going to get to. to it later or now. Just talk about it now. Michael didn't know where we were going. Because Evan was going to pick it. You were just communicating with it.

And it was like, well, it's not really like a secret, but do you like want to be surprised? And then Michael went, is it McDonald's? And I went, yeah. Well, I said, you need to tell me if it's McDonald's. Well, I asked this morning and I said, do we know what we're eating or is it a secret? And you said, well, say, you know,

not really a secret, but you know, if you want to know, and I went, just tell me this. Is it McDonald's? Because I'm about to go to get it. Because the big arch came out today. It was about 10, 20, And I'm like, five minutes lunch starts. I could squeeze in a big arch before we eat this slop food for the day.

And you went, it's McDonald's. Yeah. So I was surprised. But you were also thinking about going anyway. So that's the thing. I thought you were going to get it anyway. And then you're like, no, this thing's fucking big. It's too big.

Because I wanted to like eat the whole thing. I actually really wanted to eat this thing. This is not just like regular slot. McDonald's does not come out with new burgers. Yeah. Yeah, this is actually like a big deal. And it's one of those things that are like in other markets. I really wanted to actually like eat it for the episode and not nibble on it.

And I was like, I can't fucking eat two of these things in it in like two hours. That's crazy. It's a thousand calories for just the burger. I was going out and I was going to, I was going out to run errands that I was going to get it while I went anyway. And I decided I'm not getting it. And then I got in the car.

I'm like, yes, I am. And I put it in my car and I put it in my GPS. And I was like, no. That's how close you can. And I deleted it. It might still be in my car. It's a heavy burger. It's 53 grams of protein.

It is just so big. It is substantial. It's double meat, triple cheese. There's so much. Three onions. He slices of cheese. Crispy onions, regular onions. Double onions is nuts.

The smallest bit of sauce you could ever put on any kind of food ever. Dude, I got here first. Fuck. Like at like 1130 and Michael and I were talking about the burger. And Michael was so excited. He's like, and they put the sauce on the top and the bottom. They did double sauce style. And I was like, that's how you know they're not skimping.

Yeah. Like that's how you know this is a big deal. We brought it up to Nick and he just started going. Yeah. Yeah. You were like they're not going to do it. Yeah. And I was like they have to do it.

And they did. Kind of, technically. Bro. Yep. A dollop. Yeah. On both.

And it's like, and this isn't just regular like ketchup or whatever. It's like, it's part of the thing. It's a new sauce too. It's like an arch sauce. Bro.

And it, and it wasn't, I don't think like lazy or whatever. It's like they're concerned. They're going to run out. You need to go. If you haven't had this burger yet, you need to go try it now.

It actually annoys me. It's like, I wanted a healthy slathering of it. And it's like, you piece of shit. Yep. And if you're going to run out, Run out then.

Run out. It's day one. Let me have it. First come first serve, so nobody's getting a good experience. You bitch, you're a piece of shit. And the sauce isn't going to last anyway.

Oh, that's right. You're going to have to go back. I'm going to have to make it two. Yeah. And then just scrape all the sauce off of one and it's growing away. Seems like something your kids would do to eat that. They would just be like. They would eat out of the center.

No, because yeah. They get an apple. Whatever they did. Whatever they did, they would eat it. Yeah. Great.

Or I just combine them and I do a four stack. Yeah. Four by four. It's a eating burger and it's rich. That's a lot. It was so rich. It's a thousand calories. Yeah.

Which also, I think the Big Mac is somewhere near 1,000 too, but remember, too, there's three pieces of bread there. Yeah. So it hits 1,000 with only two pieces of bread. It's large. It's a big one. Yeah. But, there's smaller patties.

But before we can review it, we need to learn about McDonald's. You guys ready to learn about McDonald's? How many times have we done McDonald's? It's got to be near the top. No, no, I don't think it's, I think Taco Bell is probably the top. Wendy's is probably way up there. And they fell off. They fell off bad.

Well, they're way up there in numbers. Yeah, not in Eric. Dude, but in quality. Wendy's has stuff right now and I'm doing my best not to go there because it's just going to suck.

It's going to be such a bummer. Sad. Yep. I'm not an astronaut. I don't need an astronaut. Audiences have spoken. Project Hail Mary is an awe-inspiring masterpiece. So, I met an alien.

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Only theaters March 20th. All right. Our last KFC episode was on November 18th, 2025 where we did not eat the McDonald's Buffalo Ranch and McRibb. Why would we? It's KFC. They received an average rating of 45. Also, part of the course, Evan.

Yep. You get it wrong all the goddamn time. Look, you get a format to take home that is really truly a format. Let's tell them all about Eric now. Oh, Eric fucks this stuff. Eric fucking that. At first I thought it was a joke, actually, because he said where we did not.

Yeah, I'm like, no, that just seems like that made sense, but it didn't. I had a really long day yesterday, so I wrote it this morning. I don't care. Right. Yeah, you showed up. What are you coming to your other job? You go, I'm doing a shitty job today because I had another job.

Yeah. Oh, thank you. Oh, I'm definitely doing that. At the other one? 100%. Absolutely. At the other job? I don't care if you're shitty other job.

Don't do shitty this job. say you have none. Sorry, boss, I got two jobs. This is your number one. I'm doing a shitty job today because I have other priorities. I do you understand. I'm saving my sauce for 100% of it.

So I can put it on both points. Yeah, do shitty there. I know you work hard there. I know you love it. That's your passion. That's your love. And you do it for the audience. For the fandom.

For the one person. You're always saying how good and smart they are. Every time he comes in and he goes, I wish this show was like that. I wish we had the fans that we have over there we just got

we got cup chair purchases and I'm just so sick of it keep your money give me insults just slander me and tell me how much you hate the content is there a way you can just say the same joke over and over

all right look at this bird eat the pencil triggered him look at this bird It's so funny. Look at this burnt. Ah!

Cool. How are you, Nick? Eh? Eh? Ha! He kept going, eh? In the car,

I don't know why. He kept going, he was the first time he did it. Eric said something. He went, eh? And then I clarified, he went, I know.

And I was like, that doesn't make sense at all. That's, you said, eh. More guys. More guys. More guys. That's step two.

With money. I didn't say. Yeah. You said it after the step two. I said it after you said it. Yeah. Anyway, last week, Powell, Wyoming farmer Alan Hatch was told he and his two draft horses, Cole and Onyx, weren't welcome in the McDonald's drive-thru.

Oh, no. After making international headlines, McDonald's corporate tossed that local manager under the bus. It has reversed the decision, now allowing horses in the drive-thru. McDonald's stay. they're retraining employees regarding this situation, but we say no so fast because the sauce monkey plans on doing a one wheel

in the drive-thru, and if they don't serve him, we're going to say he's being bullied by McDonald's like that little Japan monkey Gracie keeps sending his videos about. Nick hates that monkey, by the way. He legit fucking hates that thing. I just don't care. He says he's indifferent, but he says it's like so pointed.

I just don't care about the fucking mox. There's so many texts about it. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. It's crazy. Yeah, it's great. I don't care either. I don't care either, but I internalize it.

I just don't tell you guys how little like it. I also don't care about punch. I think Gracie liking punch is nice. Here's the thing. I also, she did text a lot about it. It sounded like 17 videos, but all in what, I watched them all and I'm done now. What you're not doing is you're not muting the thread. You go, you open it and you go to hide alerts.

Why are you looking at me? He's like burning off older and courage. You're encouraging her. Not only was he that, not only was he looking at it, but he had his head like this. You're a stand in for Gracie at this moment. You're a stand in for Gracie. I think Evan might be a standing for Gracie.

If Gracie sends a text, you're already off mic, so it's perfect. If Eric, or if Gracie sends a text and you guys reply immediately, or Gracie sends three in a row, I immediately hit hide a lot. And I'll still look at it. Like if I'm not at it,

doing something because I'm like, I want to know, but like say if I'm driving, I'm always listening to something and it's, do-d-d-d-da-da-da, like, I'm like, shut the fuck up! So to prevent that, I just mute it. And then I don't look like Nick, who hates, hates, hates. He hates the monkey so much. Again, I hate getting things about the monkey, too.

Dude, I went to the movies the other day. And like, I more often than not leave it on hide because I forget, usually I'll keep it on, because sometimes it's relevant and I actually want to engage. and so I want to get the first message and every time judge whether I need to turn this shit off or not. And then hours later

if the conversation's over then I turn it back on. But I had it on I was doing something 30 minutes. Maybe it wasn't even it was like 30 minutes I'd come back

I was like 65 seconds and I'm like Jesus Christ if I'm engaged in the conversation it's fine even if I'm in the middle of talking I gotta put notification I gotta silence it

because I was just like it'll drive me nuts that was probably the other day where it's crazy Gracie was mad at Nick for a hating punch. Yes, she was very upset. And being like, weird that the internet monkey

doesn't like this internet monkey. And I was like, oh yeah, are you working on the territory? Are you worried that you're not going to be the most famous monkey? Who throws the most shit? Honestly, might be Nick. Neck and neck. Neck and neck. Slingin shit.

All right, let's see here. Got it. Okay, that was a long one. In an effort that is sure to get an ad agency fired, McDonald's CEO Chris Kempzinski filmed a viral video where he takes the tiniest bite of the Big Arch Burger then is ruthlessly mocked online for days on end. After claiming, quote,

I'm going to eat this for my lunch like it's a shocking thing. Chris K calls the hamburger a product three times and holds it like it's a bomb. Being a CEO is the easiest job in the world. Honestly, if there was a guy in this room with us right now that wasn't on this show, We just make him the CEO. It's just something to think about, you know.

And pay him all of our salaries combined. That's right, because he's taking us to the next level. Right. I can't believe you haven't seen this video. No. It is. No, I haven't. I'll watch it right after this.

It is. The guy is, he looks like he's not from this planet. It looks like he was just dropped onto Earth and he was like, oh, we use our mouths to eat. Oh, how interesting. This is my food. A lot of people were rightly so mocking him for like,

he called it. He says this is one of my most exciting products. So I can't wait to have this product for my lunch. But we read the press material every week and that like glossed right over. Exactly. You know, just like I didn't even notice that. What I noticed was that he's like, he's clearly never held. Yes. A McDonald's hamburger or eaten one because he's saying things like, oh, I don't even know.

Like, I don't even know where to start with this. Like it was like, it's a burger. It's as big as the burger we had today. It's the same thing. And then. From the top ice style. That would have been funny. Kid style.

He then, yeah, he then, like, he goes and takes a bite. And then there's like a weird cut. And it's like, he's showing, he's like, look at this. Look at this bite. Look at this big arch bite. And it's like, you did not take that bite. No. It is.

I also don't even understand, like, you just spit it out if you don't want to, you know what I mean? Take a big ass bite. Yeah. And that's why you have spit buckets. It's just so. Even faking it should be believable. Right. But like, it's so clear that even if he did take the bite, he's never

eaten McDonald's before. Yeah. He's never going to eat McDonald's again. He should go to the White House. He's like, I'm going to eat this for my time. They can't have enough fit at the White House. You win a gold medal? McDonald's.

McDonald's, baby. You win a Super Bowl? That's right. McDonald's. You get fifth place in a swimming race? McDonald's. Tide for fifth. That's, oh, cool.

Thank you. The thing. You bomb Iran? Oh, that's McDonald's all day, baby. The thing about this guy is that we're so used to people who are fine on camera. Like, at least decently, like, okay on camera. You think a CEO would have some, like, charisma.

It is, Michael, it's like negative charisma. This is a guy who is not fine on camera. And it is,

you can tell, he's a Riz Lessing. You could tell that the ad agency went, all mid, no Mac. Yeah.

The ad agency went, well, we can get like really authentic, you know, like TikToks and we can do this like with the CEO. And then it went

through so many layers of approval that he finally did it, used his time, and then they watched it and then somebody went, well I mean we have to use it no you should at that

point do a you should have do some sort of like risk assessment and be like if people make fun of this will it be bad? Here's the other thing maybe it's good. Who knows through all that right? No one knows who the fuck this guy is. No I've never seen before just hire an actor and say I'm the CEO dude you get like

no one's gonna that's not the CEO you don't know any of these people that'd be great I know he's not the CEO yeah but it'd be funny I'm just saying you've heard a random guy that would just like not a celebrity. I'd go, I assume he's the CEO. I don't fucking fact check that's like, that better be the

Starbucks CEO. I'm going to look it up. I want to know who put the oil in my coffee. Then it turns it. It turns out of the chair. Somic, please. Yum, yum. It turns into the chair company where it's like, that's not the guy. This is an actor. Exactly. Exactly. You want Riz. You don't go to the chair company. My pillow.

Yeah, that's the guy. Using his whole fortune in the span of like 10 years. Mike Lindell money. Yep. So smart. Bro, I'll tell you what, I don't know if it's good or bad, but that guy's got Riz. I don't know what kind of Riz it is, but he's got it. He's got like Rudy Giuliani saw Riz, you know?

Well, they're besties. It's like double negative Riz. He still has his hair and it's start, but he goos anyway. He's just adding the goo. Yeah. I'm just like you. I'm just like you. I'm at the landscaping place.

Come on. How does that happen? Yesterday, a 22-year-old Bradford, Arkansas man was arrested after the police said he was drunkenly waving a gun in a McDonald's after asking people in the parking lot if they have, quote, seen some Mexicans because he was going to quote, fight them all.

The man chased one of the victims into the McDonald's, showed him the gun, asked if he was cool, then offered the victim $24 an hour to sell drugs for him. This guy is paying well above minimum wage. Honestly, some of those McDonald's workers should have overheard this and unionized. In fact, we might unionize

against their new ruthless CEO that we hate. If he was in the room with us, we'd fucking kill his ass. Workers together strong. It's something to think about. It's just something to think about. Also, do you fight people if you have a gun? Yeah. I don't think of a certain point.

You won. I don't consider that like, so you fought someone with bullets? See, Michael, you fool. You've already forgotten. Some guns are knives. Yeah. True. But not this one. And also, some knives are guns. Yep. Somebody posted. Some guns are guns. Did you see this video? It was like a knife that's

a revolver. It's a knife that has a six shooter, it's old six shooter like 22 in it where it's like stab, stab, stab, hang on, pop, pop, bab, that's a gun blade. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That actually turns into a gun blade. Crazy. He used it targets too. It was pretty cool. We got to get gunblades.

Did he find any Mexicans? Was it this guy? Did he sell drugs for $24 an hour? A very specific number? Not only going to McDonald's... I found that that's the sweet stuff. Not only going to Donald's looking for Mexicans aggressively, but Then shockingly turning on trying to hire them, but also, I didn't know you got paid by the hour for that kind of stuff.

I assumed it was percentage-based. I thought it was the, in all the shows I've seen. You know what I mean? Yeah, shows. You go to the meetup spot and then you have all the money and then they tell you if you're light or not. No, I mean, even if that, that's you just buying drugs. I assume that guy, if he has a boss, it's like a cut. Yeah.

Not like, give me all the money. Okay, how many hours did you work this week? Right. Where's your time card? Yeah. I thought I got paid more if I sold more. If I'm just doing it for hourly, where's my commission? Why do you think they're standing on the corner doing nothing?

It's like Stanley. Why do you think this is a run out the clock situation? I'm doing this for 20 years and then retire. That's it. Why do you think it was in the 90s? The joke was I got to go pick up weed from my weed guy, but he's going to make me sit there and listen to his demo tape and hold his lizard and all this stuff.

Right, because it's time. He's getting paid no matter what. He's getting paid. And his zippers down the whole time. Yep. And the last fact. One more. We just found out the Burger King CEO made a video where he eats a Whopper and you think it was making fun of the McDonald's CEO video.

But it happened before and is completely independent of the McDonald's thing. The Burger King takes a huge bite of the burger king. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's his Burger King daddy. The Burger King takes a huge bite of the burger and jokes about needing a napkin. Why are fast food places replacing mascots with CEOs? Are CEOs just mascots? Did we just stumble upon a huge revelation about what a CEO really is and they're real worth to a company?

we want to reiterate that if we had a CEO, we'd kill him. How would we get our performance bonus? I wonder if this is a thing where like, how will Nick pays taxes? Yes. CEOs, I mean, at least on this podcast, being so unpopular, are trying some sort of like,

we don't care who you are. Brand-referral. People barely care who we are. I think it's a sign that the, that the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Revolution is near. And they want to be on the good side of everyone.

You recognize my face? I ate them. I ate. I'm the burger king. Here's the thing. It's not going to save them. But also, even if that was their plan,

doing it poorly isn't going to help. In fact, in fact, now I know what they look like and I hate them. I also don't think how. Independent of them being CEO's. It's also so just lost it. Like even if they pulled it off and it's like,

oh, it's a regular guy like me. That means nothing. I don't care. Yep. I don't care about regular people that are like me. Right. You know what I mean? That's not like,

Well, now I like this guy. Yeah. I see regular people every day and I hate them. Imagine seeing that video be like, whoa, the CEO of McDonald's just ate that burger? All right. Yeah, do we start high-fiving? I got to go to McDonald's. But that's like, do you think I go to McDonald's and I like everyone who's there eating a burger?

Like, whoa, that guy took a bite. He's like me. Pretty good, huh? Honestly, the- Is this your first one? The only person in McDonald's that I like. The only person is what we make is that I like is the woman with the sauce. Is what we make?

Are these a CEO? Yep. He's holding it like it's a bomb. So the Burger King CEO, they're trying to rebrand like, hey, the Whopper's all flat. And we're trying to make it not flat. Yes, exactly. I was going to say ass, but it didn't.

It sucks dick. I do like that the Burger King also got upstage by McDonald's. Yeah. Doing the same thing. But even worse. Yes. But it's still. But still they got way more attention.

Because it's McDonald's. No one cares about Burger King. No one cares. What was that bug? Technically, Wendy's is still the number two burger in the U.S. Burger King is number three. Yeah, because it tastes like, boom. Yeah, but I think, I think by the end of the year, he loved it.

I think by the end of the year, Burger King will ever come. It's how you said it. Yeah, I think so. I think Burger King will be number two again by the end of the year. They are trying to really rebrand and re-rub. It's awful. It sucks. That's like a Pizza Hut situation.

Yeah, like, it's insane that they're in the top 10. It's too far gone. Burger King stuck with those annoying-ass commercials for so long, I will never willingly eat there. Hey, guess what? Guess what? If their commercials were awesome, I'd never eat there. The food is awful. Have you had a Burger King Burger?

I actually have. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, he knows. He's playing to the crowd. He knows what room he's in. I'm just saying it sucks ass. As a bunch of degenerates. That's my CEO.

A bunch of degenerates that do like this shit, even that shit sucks. Yeah. You want to take smoke? Here you go. We painted it on. Yeah. Watch you. Like, genuinely, I'm so excited for this McDonald's burger again because I love McDonald's,

but also they don't do. Everything to do is like, oh, it's a sauce. Or like, it's a fucking sweetie meal. Yeah. Like, completely new burger from the ground. Like, it's very different, right? It's like big ass patty, three slices of cheese, new sauce, like all across the board. It's crazy.

It's crazy. A hundred times I could not give a rat's ass. They have a new burger right now. What's it called? It's the maple bacon whopper. I don't care. Exactly. Because maple bacon, wopper.

Nope. I don't even, like, you put bacon on. What year is it? 2005? Yeah, I don't, the, like, we put bacon on it. It's the, oh, is that the 90s? Yeah. You know what they should put on it?

Mike's hot honey. Oh, genius. Did they put on it another piece of meat? A Wendy's burger. You know where they should put it in the trash? Yeah, no kidding. Watching these. Because it tastes like, poop.

Not as good. Yeah, sorry. I was like looking at you. Yeah, no, I hear you. He was as good. He just didn't like being put on the spot. He's like, I'll laugh when I want to. Not when you tell me to it.

Unless I make fun of Eric. He was like, a little bitch. Like, eh? You're losing them? I'm not losing it. I liked it. He did something silly. No, he did like it.

Short little bit. Oh. Oh, I think so imagine. I'll be honest. Didn't expect that. Nope. But that was, he was still excited. He'll do it.

Yep. Yep. And you. You can tell how much he liked to get he's still going. Give him enough rope to hang himself. He didn't hang in himself. He's getting himself off. Yep.

Nick's got the rope and he's like, I'm just jerking off. Yep. My feet still touch the ground. Careful. His short guy. Wait. When Nick hangs himself, his feet still touch the ground.

I'm that tall. Well, I got it. Just to be clear. Yeah, he showed me. Dude, he'll hang himself so much better than you. There isn't a rafter high enough. I hammer yourself all the time. You wouldn't live at all.

Holy moly. Hey, I'm gonna read the description. Oh, you wanna tell us about the food? Here we go. I'd love to learn about... Wait, you don't wanna fuck around a little bit? I wanna learn about this product. All right.

The burger includes two quarter pound beef patties. I think he meant product. Three slices of melted white cheddar cheese, crispy and slivered onions, lettuce, pickles,

and toasted buns with sesame and poppy seeds. Michael's bun was a little too toasted. Yeah, my bottom one. My bottom one was like hard. Like they cooked it too much It was like you can tell us some parts were like a little over cooked Yeah

It was weird for McDonald's to do What's the lift? They know what they're doing What's the lift of the poppy seeds here? What's the point of the poppy seeds on this thing? I just want to make it different I guess Because the sesame seeds are there and that's a burger Yeah they're trying to plus it up in some

Yeah you don't need to do that I like I liked it too But it also wasn't like whoa I liked it as in I didn't dislike it But I wasn't like the buns where it's at Yeah because the button wasn't where it was at No I mean even mine wasn't burned It's still just like a regular buns

fine. It's just there to hang out. I did like that... It's something for me to hold on to. They didn't needlessly add a 30. I'm so glad there was not a 30 bread in there. It's too fucking big already. Can you imagine? It'd be this fucking tall. It's a sizable burger. It's huge. Yeah. For McDonald's?

Why do they do that with the Big Mac? I don't know. Their assholes? Yeah, because they don't care because you're going to get it anyway. Fuck you. I won't. Like that... Okay. You won't. Hey, listen up. Listen up. Chris Kay. He's talking about your product over here. Jesus Christ

It is but like from the ground up It's very different Yeah It tastes like McDonald's But it's still very different The crispy onions are wild And that they have both I like that I love onions

That's what Chris Kay says in his review Is that it's The taste is distinctly McDonald's Right yeah He doesn't know what that is What does that mean? I don't know It's distinctly McDonald's

He also Evan's style He'd never even had the french fries before so I don't know He was also talking about How the onions added texture texture I said that to dry. I took a bite and I went

Oh, crispy onions are really adding texture. And then in the video, they added onion. In the photo for the like social post, I was like trying to take like a non-bite. It's so close to him taking a bite but not doing it. It's like that old sponge butt

where it's like a squidward eating the crabby paddy for the first time. Yeah, yeah. I just watched that. His teeth come out. And then he loves it. Just like the CEO. He went, and then he exploded.

And he ate too many. You can't eat that many crabby patties. I'm actually. This is actually. gonna be my lunch today. This is actually my product of choice. Yeah, this is like not, it's not crazy.

That's what people have for lunch. There was a guy, the third guy in the bathroom was a dapper man. It's true. He was a very, I didn't clock him. He was like, he came out and I thought it was Nick

and he was like, I got dressed up. I thought that was Nick going out of the bathroom. He was, he's like, I met a guy in there. We traded close. Like Charlie Kelly, like, guy, tried to give me a shirt. He wouldn't give me a shirt.

Come on, man. Try to trade shirts. And I got all stung up by horse. Hornets. All right. You're going to love this. All right. Customers are responding to this delicious, more satisfying burger that meets their demand for

something heartier while still feeling distinctly McDonald's. Okay, they're just... Wait for the next two words. There are some guidelines with their descriptions. Said Jill McDonald. What? How is she not the CEO? Global Chief Restaurant Experience Officer and heir to the McDonald's throne.

The experience comes from the birthright. Yeah. We see potential to continue scaling the CEO. platform. Dude, dude, as we strengthen our position within this tier of the beef category. I love it. This one- Did they help with Iran? We will be lethal. I had to, I had to go through- weeks, many months. Could be longer, that's fine. We have no plan. You're welcome. I had to go through- Give me, you're not getting me that peace prize? Fuck you. I'll show you

who you go through three or four press releases for this because it's just they feed this out to like USA Today and like all these websites and it's like the same thing kind of like copy pasted but no one's reading what they have copied and pasted so no one introduces Jill McDonald I had to go to like QSR magazine to get like the full thing so they did a profile the quote and it's the end of it's like the meets their demand

is something hardier while still feeling distinctly McDonald's said McDonald's. It didn't say Jill. It just said McDonald. And I went, what? The restaurant? And I kept going and I'm like, did the restaurant say it? The archers on top are the eyes.

The door is the mouth. But she spells her name the same way as the restaurant. I'm like, this can't be right. So I went to another one. And it's the same, no periphery copy paste where no one says Joe McDonald anywhere. No. And so eventually I'm like,

I have to go to like a true source. And then it's like, Joe McDonald, this thing. And then you go down and read the quote. And then it said, said McDonald's, but they gave the paragraph before introducing her up. And it's like, dude, this was like fucking insane. Did they also have to explain that she's not related to the original creators of the restaurant? They got a mole in there.

Yep. Oh. It's true because, you know, Ray Krocks stole McDonald's from the McDonald's. Yeah, I know. And then now she's back to reclaim her burglary. Well, they, she bred into. Oh, she followed the McDonald's. She fucked dynasty.

She fucked Ronald. That's why we haven't seen them lately. That's why we got rid of mascots and we're just doing CEO staff. Can't trust them. They're making mascots. McDonald's mascot.

Wow. Well, I got to say, but this one hit like so many marks with the like things you love to hear. Demand. Yeah. Distinctly McDonald's. Potential to continue scaling this platform.

Okay. What a sentence. What do you mean? They're trying to strengthen their position within this. tier of beef category. She's on that show industry where people just talk like maniacs.

What? Now, which really just speaks to the McDonald's office. Yeah, audience. It's true. Oh, number one. Usually that type of maniac is I'm going to rob this place.

Would you like to sell drugs? Yeah, $24 an hour. What? Where are the Mexicans? They're great workers. I'm going to pay them a livable wage. I'm racist in a weird way. I'm racist.

I only hire me. I don't want no white, no blacks, Mexicans only. I'm racist against everyone. I hate DEI. What tier beef category is normal McDonald's?

And what tier beef category is the big arch? I feel like it's the same category, whatever it may be. You think that it's the same tier. I feel like it is. Within this beef category. I feel like it is.

I would argue that it's kind of different. I would say McDonald's is like a tier, tier one restaurant. their burgers are probably like below that. Their beef categories probably lower. But that's just because like they don't really need to keep up the beef category.

And I'm just saying because they got so much like heritage. And I'm just saying regardless of this burger, whether it's better or not than normal, is still in the same category. It's still McDonald's goddamn cheeseburger. I think it's a little better. You think it's higher? It might be a new tier of beef category.

I do think I get you. And they should really consider scaling this platform. Okay, well, enjoy it while it last Because ain't the way they're going to come right They're strengthening their position But it's too different, right? Like that's the biggest thing Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that will become the deep

They're never going to continue to carry No, it's the cooked onions Not in America The size of the bun, the size of the meat. It's just not. They're certainly not going to do that in America Because we were talking about this at the restaurant They don't have to do any of this.

We're going to come in there and drink all the piss And eat all the shit they made Like I said, it was the, you know, it was the first thing you eat as an American child. Yeah, yeah, except that. It's like your rice. Well, he had the, he had the McMuffin. Yeah, he waited until he was 21,

then he had his first burger. But we have our review of McDonald's, but we need to hear from you in a second we call you review. McDonald's won stars. I don't love them. I think these are okay. So we're the okay portion of the podcast. Yeah, yeah.

This part is a better one. I tried. I really, I went through three different locations, like six pages. You tried. You wrote KFC. Well, no. No, I didn't write KFC. I left KFC.

Yep. Got me there. Yep. All right, who wants to read the first one? I don't know, but I want to read the third one. Okay. I'll take the first two. Okay.

How's that? That's fine. This is from Madison M. Madison? Me and my friend pulled up just a little bit before closing, but still open, and we're sitting there in the drive-thru

for about five minutes. Were you guys on your horses? And no one was coming to take our order. So we decided to just, just go to the window. And once we did, we can see multiple workers inside. And we're trying to get their attention. But nothing.

So my friend decided to honk and these people were deliberately ignoring us. So she honks again, once again. And his saying like, hello. And no one ever came to the window to help us. I get it was close to closing time. But it's not like it was five men before. It was extremely rude. Complete horrible service.

This place was closed. And they were honking their horn at McDonald's workers. Let us in. Uh, hello. Goodbye. Yeah. Trying to go to a fast food place right before it closes. Don't do it.

Half an hour before they closed. They also, they said just a little bit before. Right. But not like five minutes. But also like they're still open though. It's a little bit before. It sounds like five minutes. It is.

Imagine what it was like for the people inside just like closing up, hanging out, like winding down the day. Hello. Hong Kong. Hello. I want Big Mac and it's like Well I also wanted to say even that they close early Which you know sometimes it's like shit It's 10 minutes earlier or whatever right say they close it midnight

It's not like you can't find another McDonald's Here's the thing I question though I bet in this scenario even if it was still open But it was close to close like I bet the lights were off Oh yeah like the drive-thru lights oh I met I was gonna say it sounds like an experience Eric and I have had Where we pull up to the culvers Shut it off right but then you know

You don't go hang on Yeah I didn't roll down the window and tap on the microphone. Regardless of whether they're open or not, like on, like paper, they're closed. You can't make them make the food.

I've complained about this before. I went to a Wednesday. The hours are posted. Yeah. But the hours aren't. Right. That's what it's like, I'm going to let them know.

They're still open. Like, you can't make them cook the food. Like, complain. You can't make them unclosed the restaurant. Complain, call to corporate, do whatever. Like, yo, this location didn't serve. That's fine. They didn't serve my horse.

But there's no way they had all the lights on and shit. No. Because the second they're, they just flip it off. Yeah. You get fuck. Again, you roll up and go, fuck. It's true.

Watching the light, watching, pulling up, getting to the speaker and the lights turn off, might as well be somebody calling you a slur. Right. And you just go, it really is the most insulting. 100%. But you know what you do?

You go, fuck. That's exactly. Yeah. We're like, guess we'll go home. Oh, damn. This isn't over yet. Yeah. Not like by a long shot.

Let me in there. I'm not going to let the. get my goat. Hello. It's also like, like, maybe you could, like,

that could fly at like a store. Yeah. But like, they gotta make your food. There's no, like, it'll just take one minute. It's not,

it's like, you're going to a gas station and it's like, oh, you just need to buy something real quick. You know, like,

maybe as they can, you can catch them be like, oh, I just need to buy a thing around. They have to cook your food. Yep. There's no, like,

there's no, hang on. It's only gonna take 10 minutes. Yeah. Let me fire up the grill. And well, that's it. If the lights are off, okay, again, even if it's early, they turn that fucking shit off. It's done.

They're already cleaning it. If the lights are off, everything. They're already cleaning it. They don't turn the lights off and not answer, but still have everything running. Yep. It's just like, uh, silly crazy stuff. Did you hear about all the P. Tarees that are going 24 hours? Yeah, I thought that was interesting because so many, like, places stop doing that.

There's no more 24 hour or anything anywhere? Yeah. Not that I'm clamoring for it, but, are you upset that things aren't 24 hours? Are you upset that P. P. Terry's is 24 hours. the first one. What was the first one again? I don't know.

He's mad than things are 24 hour programs. But do you go? No, I don't. Okay. But for other people. What do you care? I was like, I'm... Empathy.

You're starting to understand. Empathy! I haven't done this in quite some time. Empathy. But also occasionally. But like, I'm a frequenter like 2, 3 a.m. whatever.

I'll go grab the thing. Right. He wants it open for you. Thank you. Altruistic. Yeah. Yeah. Altruistic.

What an impact. Don't help him. They're quiet. CEO. As we said on the call. Yes, CEO. Be careful. As I said on the call, you may sit there and laugh.

Jordan, you remember you read the second one? This is from Max P. Wayne? Holy shit, it is. Max Payne. Why is it that I know how to properly make a McFlurry? But this McDonald's doesn't. Dude, you've got to put the toppings in and then mix it.

No one ever does that. They always just leave the Oreo pieces on the top. This location either doesn't know how to make it or it is just lazy. One star for making me

mix my own cookie pieces and for running out of Pokemon cards for the happy meals. We're getting got to get into the heart of the issue. I feel like that was

the major issue. I feel like we have this experience as well. Because we did get McFletteries on that day. And also it was not yeah. But here's the thing.

Hmm. Camp camp. I agree. I agree. They should do it? Is that just like that? Why did you do that? I agree they should, but I complain because they don't.

They never do. Yeah. That's your, I feel like they definitely used to, but they don't anymore. But they haven't in forever. When you say this location, none of them do. It's an overall complaint. But not a this time I went and didn't do it.

Right. So it's weird. It's, they always leave them out. Right. Yeah. They always do. That's how that works.

They serve them in like a paper cup now too. Yeah. It's just so weird. The thing that I like about this review is that it's needlessly. For no reason. Why?

It doesn't keep the melted ice cream inside. What it pisses me off too because when I go with my kids and I always get my flurries, they hand them to you with the drinks. Yes. So if you're backed up, it's like, bitch,

hand me the ice cream last. Like, it just fucking melts. If it's like fucked at lunch. Like that time I had to get Chris an ice cream from McDonald's. A hundred degrees that melted in the car. Death sentences. If you're in the drive,

through, I get them ice cream and they go, can you pull in the number two? Fuck! And it's like, you handed me ice cream, fool! You might as well leave. You're handing me ice cream. Yeah, I'm going to leave without the happy meals. Then I'm dead there. Or the Pokemon guards.

Give me it's not a drink. It's a dessert. And it's fucking melting. It should come with the fucking food. I don't understand. That's crazy. I think. But Michael did leave this review. But, no, here's the thing though. He was him and Max Payne. Because that's what

they do. Exactly. It's true. If they did it, One time? Yeah. Yeah, I could see it. I'm going, it pisses me off that that's their process. It pisses me off

that Jersey Mike's put 16 gallons of oil and vinegar on. But that's what they do. So I don't freak out every time. I just get light every time. This is why McDonald's will never actually scale their platform of the beef category.

And it's why they're never going to sell soup sandwiches. They're stuck in this tier of beef category. I don't know. McDonald's said otherwise. I think that the... Which one? I'm confused.

Exactly. I think the heart of this whole thing is the cards and he won't get his time sand. So he's like, this guy's fucked. Dude, I'm up to 3,000 times. What? You gotta use some of them. No, I might need him for the final boss.

That's true. Oh, I know that feeling. All right, last one. All right, last one from Lisa H. This is a long one. The manager here is a middle-aged African-American woman. All right, see you guys.

Hey, so, hey, just out of curiosity, where do you think this is going? Look, I love Blackburn. However. I think a veiled cultural reference might be coming. There might be a little You shouldn't want to do it like a hat trick?

It's not. It never is. They think it is. The manager here is a middle-aged African-American woman. My husband and I went to this location, ordered a few things, as is our Saturday tradition. And when we got out to the window, they said the app deals weren't working. We asked to talk to the manager.

Mine was. We asked to talk to the manager. And when she came to the window, she said, out deals ain't working. Okay. So we said, it's a free fry with purchase. She said, ain't got no deal. Sorry. Then my husband told her, okay, thanks. Great customer service. And this woman went off. With a capital O. Asked if we wanted to see her pay stubs. It doesn't matter how much money you make. You shouldn't be rude to customers. She started yelling at my husband, telling him about her money she makes.

And she doesn't care about the app deals because this is her business. I was peacefully sitting in the passenger seat. And she said, I don't want to act like this. in front of a child. Dot, dot, dot, dot. I'm a grown woman. I told her I was an adult. And she said, shit, it don't look like it.

Oh, fuck. Who acts like this? We left without pain because we were concerned she would spit in our food. Update! Went to another McDonald's. Deals were working.

Shit. It don't look like it. Um, now, um, I just, I want to thank Lisa. for like writing out the fact that she got dumped on so good.

Like, damn. I'm not owned. I'm not owned. Exactly. So like, she fucking got you. Is that why she felt the need to say she was a black woman? Right.

Because she talked like a black woman. Right. You didn't need to. That has nothing to do with the rest. It doesn't have to be mentioned in any way, shape, or form. Except going, listen to this, black people talk. Yeah. Again, again, the dog whistle is about his last.

as a car horn. I don't want to act like this in front of a child. Yeah. Now, however... I'm not a child. However, if I were to point out, if this is what she said, I would point out, and I was like, so, there was this awesome black guy.

And this is what she said. Shit. I just, I just, I just, I just think of Michael Jay reading this from weekend up there. Yeah. Shit. It don't look like it. Okay, so. My husband dollar,

okay, great customer service, and this woman went off. I feel like there's some, there's always like a bit that's missing. Oh, always. When somebody writes a Yelp review like this, you know on their end, they go, I am the pious customer, always in the right. I was doing everything right. And then they were so rude to me after I was being rude to them. I also questioned it though.

The evil African American woman was there. I also question it though because even what they're describing, like the deals and that one specifically, it goes through the app. Yes. So like, did you try and just, like, ask. for a deal through the... Like, she didn't say you had a coupon.

Right. She wasn't like, I gave her a coupon. You said, you have a deal. And it's like, we'll just order through the app, though, right?

Like, I don't know how you get deals without the app. Because it's all in the app. But she didn't mention the app at all. Could it be a thing? It's not working. They can't process it? It could be a middle-aged black lady thing.

I don't know. But here's the thing. They do mention the app. Oh, sorry. On the third line, it says they go to the window and they said the app deals weren't working.

So it's, it's through the app they didn't apply it well not only that but here's the other thing too if they weren't you know that before you get there there are things when I go to do the app and it's like uh no no no they're good little little angels well they're good grown angels

a grown man and a grown woman it is the thing too we're like shit I wish everyone was a black guy Come over, you can say a bunch of stuff. Oh, man. There are a lot of times where, like, I go to order something in the app

and I can't get it. So then I either, I go, oh, I can't get it. Here's the other thing. Right. Like, even if they solved their problem anyway. Yes, there's 800 McDonald's everywhere. I don't care if you live in Wyoming and you ride your horse there. You can ride your horse to one that will let you use.

Or does you go. Anytime, like McDonald's, it's even not ideals, but like when they have special stuff, like the Grinch menu stuff or whatever. If they don't have it, you can't order it. Exactly. So then I just kept changing location. So it's like even if, even if you're right,

even if this lady don't give a fuck about the customer and she will show you her pay stubs, you still knew it wasn't working before you got there. She's probably mad at them because she knows that. I feel like you probably saw it wasn't working. Place the mobile order and then just went, hey, by the way, give me free fries. By the way. And you kind of knew that going in. It didn't work, but I still want the free fries.

I still want to get pumped on. Yeah. Shit. Well, those are you. More reviews of McDonald's. That's so fucking funny. But we don't want to act like this in front of a child. Eric, Eric, I think you're sold yourself short.

Shit, it don't look like it. That last one was great. Because the first two, I think, are pretty good. You have to get all the way to the end of the last way to be like this bangs. I also like personally, any time we are just for us reading a review in the first sentence, someone's like, so there's a black. Yes. Oh.

And then you're, and immediately, it just raised a flag where I go, this is going to be good for this show. And normally I love black people. But this time, have you seen some Mexicans around? I want to pay them a lot. Those are your reviews. $11 to $18 an hour. Yeah.

Blown that out of water. Yeah. Those are your reviews of McDonald's, but we have our review of the McDonald's Big Arch Burger. It says with benefits, but it's drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is what it is.

You get a little taste. Nick likes it. For me. Yeah. Like it's being 24 hours. He's like, Especially if you can't get drugs. For Michael.

He should get them. And you're right. $24 an hour. For Michael. It's been at least two hours since I've had some crate on. Ooh. Okay, Jordan.

Nick, I just restocked. Yay. Jordan will start with you. For you. I'm vaping. I'm cratiming. I'm losing my mind. I got Red Bull.

This is probably the worst thing I ingest. The least healthy thing. Oh, God, it's awful. High Guard will go offline March 12th. Yeah, I just saw that. Wonderful. That brand new game? Jeff Keely must be upset.

Jeff Keely's the one that broke the news. Guys, what are we doing? Stop making these games, man. Just, how about this? No, no, no. Make the trend chase. How about, yeah. Why make a game when you can train?

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Trend chasing is fine. If you ever do it successfully. No one does. It's trend chasing, but make it like successful. You got to iterate on it. It's just, hey, even if you don't iterate on it, even if it's like generic copy slop, but it sells, then you've done it.

But it never does. Every game like this fails and they just keep making them. It's crazy. How are you trend chasing when the trend is chase and fail? Yes, absolutely. That's the trend. We're going to do like all those other companies

that based on $100 million or $300 million and that horrible failure of the game. Sounds like they succeeded. Hey, who's excited for marathon? I don't know. Now the trend is evacuation. Extract. Extractors because fucking.

what's it called? Arc Raiders did it. But no one's Ark Raiders! Yep. I'm just glad. Fortnite's still Fortnite. You know what I mean? Like, who looks at it and goes like,

all right, Fortnite's been out for 20 years now? Everyone tries. Everyone fails. We're gonna do it too. I'm just glad Metroid is finally open world. Yes, thank God. They trace no,

they chase no trends. They just went, let's just fuck this up. I have it, dude, I played, I got to like that second level and I just went, this game sucks,

and I just turned it off. But Jordan, the big arch. played it, but I like start to finish played it in like three days. Yeah. And that's like I got, I didn't, I didn't even like, you can't like process it. Yeah. And I just get what I'm going. I'm going and I'm going.

If I stop, you will never start a game. If you stop, you will never go back. Because here's, here's the biggest thing that carried me. Like when I like Metroid, it plays like Metroid. But the game, the map is what sucks ass about it. It's not at all Metroidvania or whatever. But also I was just like, bro, this is like the fucking third switch game. Switch two game that's like three out of five that I'm going to get in the next two years and play the goddamn game.

I'm never going to play it again. I will go back and play remastered because it's amazing. That's also on the Switch. Metroid 1 on the Switch is fucking phenomenal. We're creepy in a Michael Jordan podcast. Yeah, we'll save it. It's okay.

Let's creep back into 100% and eat. Creep back into that big arch. What do you think, Jordan? This was a very exciting new burger for McDonald's. It was very different. Definitely different from their usual tier of burger category. Very different, but still very tasted like McDonald's. Yeah.

Which is usually rare. Distinctly like McDonald's. But like you've had something. I can't remember that off. I can remember the last thing we had, you were like, this doesn't taste like McDonald's. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it might have been. No, it wasn't the wraps. There was something that we had that was just like, why did they, why did they do this, this taste like it's from some or else? Oh, oh, oh, it was the steak. You'd never had it before. Oh, that's right.

You're right. You're right. You're like, nothing like McDonald's. I don't have the steak, and I'm the bagel. That was like, whoa, this is McDonald's? Yeah. This is not that, but it's still very distinct.

Which is rare. It's what I remember McDonald's tasting like when I was younger. It's a bigger size when I'm a smaller kid and I'm holding a giant murder, you know what I mean? It's like seeing your dad's dick in the shower and you just kind of go like, oh my God.

What? It's normal. Jordan, what do you think of the big arch? I'm just getting some more space away from that. And then, you know, your dad keeps going, I keep telling you stop coming in here. Whoa, I didn't know so big. That's what you say every time, Eric. Leave!

you're 22 years old god damn it I just want to grow up big like you one day I'm so waiting Kyle never does this shit oh fuck well now it stays in it's great okay look this was this was actually good I like it does feel like it's an elevated

McDonald's burger like and they really like the the the patty being bigger the um it being double. They did not skim on the cheese, like three slices of cheese. And it does make it like really rich. Makes some more noise with your metal water chain over there. Grace Jesus Christ.

The whole show. The most important part of the show, the review. Evans get bored. Sorry, we've been going for like an hour. The thing that struck me was like it felt rich eating it because of all the cheese. White cheddar is like so decadent. It like kind of slows you down. Yeah.

And it slowed Eric down. Oh my God. I feel like I could have eaten the whole thing. I stopped myself. Yeah. I could have. It wasn't getting stuck up here. Yeah.

Yeah. My food is stuck up here. He's like normally it's here, but now it's here. And you were like, I think that's a digestive problem. It is. I looked it up. It's a side effect. But anyway.

I really like this a lot. Very impressive for a McDonald's burger. So, I'll give it an 89. Wow. I really liked it. It was a good win for them. Yeah, it is. I really liked it a lot, too.

It's unique. It still tastes like McDonald's, but also it's a regular burger. Mm-hmm. Which is also impressive and surprise. Because you just like, and the barbecue sauce. Yeah, we did something weird to it. Yeah, it's just, it's meat and cheese.

Yeah. Right? but it's like it's a different cheese. The meat is, I'm assuming it's also freshly cooked, right? Because the only one they do that with is quarter pounder. Yeah, they also are frozen.

It tasted like, it tasted like the quarter pounder. It tasted and looked fresh. Yes. So I'm assuming it's like the same way they cook the quarter boundaries. But like, it's all the regular McDonald's shit,

but they tweaked every part of it where it was different enough. But it, again, it wasn't like, it's not a gimmick burger. It's just another really good cheeseburger. I honestly wish though, even for myself,

I'm not that hungry. I wish they sold it in a single. Because some people aren't going to get it. I get you want to eat it again. I get you want to be like, it's fucking huge. But it's like, right,

but some people would really like this burger, but also not one huge. You could do one patty and two slices of cheese. And also put some fucking sauce on it. Yeah. It's going to piss me off when this goes away because this is a really good burger. Yep.

It should be like the default burger. Like the fact that, it's Big Mac worthy. Yeah. The fact that McDonald's shows that they're capable of making something like this is like, well, why don't you do this? It's also kind of fresh.

What the fuck is this bit? Yeah. Oh, Oh, everywhere else. Right. It's a really good. Eat up American Big Bigger that could be your go-to. Up there with the quarter pounder with the Big Mac.

I hope it sticks around. Add it to the array. Add it to the array and offer it an offer in a single. Again, for Nick. Just so people fucking eat it. Yeah. Because it's ginormous. It's like this.

I could see there being people eating this going, I wish it was smaller, but I'm never going to finish this. I can imagine CEO is picking it up and being like, Right. What is this? People aren't going to waste food and get it if they know they're not going to finish it. Exactly.

But I fucking loved it. 90.7. Interesting. 90.7. Is it an average score of 89.85. Yeah. That's what I wanted. Okay.

That's good. That's good. 89.85. Yeah. It was just under a 90. Yep. Okay. So it was just under a 90.

There you go. Fair. That's our score. You guys give it a try. Let us know what you think about it in the comments. What do you think? Also, you've never had a McDonald's Cheesburger before. Yeah.

I just raise it. Thumbs up or thumbs down. Really good. Really good. I gave it a 90 to just bump that up a little. All right. That's fine. All right.

I said you didn't get a score. I said you to like, I'm glad you said this again because we would have thrown you the fuck. That raised it to 89.92. Yeah. Well, if you want to grab some merch, you go 100% eat.

store. You can also go to streamly.com slash 100% eat. I just remember we need to pick a day for that new stuff to go up. What new stuff? How about right now? Oh, oh. Today. Today. Say today. This Friday. One of those episodes comes out. Yeah, this Friday when the episode.

This coming Friday. This coming Friday. Yeah. Beanie. Tall shirt. Uh, fridge magnet. March 13th. March 13th. He looked it up. He just made it up. He just made it up. Oh, bad luck for everyone else, but you. You're going to get fucked.

100% eat. With great new product. To grab this stuff, go grab a tall shirt, be a tall guy. Michael Jordan podcast. You can check out at patreon.com slash 100% eat. That and every other episode of the Michael Jordan podcast, which is an exceptional show. Go back to the one where we talked about the cuck chair and it came true. I know.

And stay tuned for the next Michael Jordan podcast. Which is going to be Friday the 13th. Anything spooky can. happen. Yeah, the check's gonna bounce. He's already here. He got what he paid for. You follow us at 100% eat on Twitter, Instagram, and Blue Sky. And if you want to send anything to the PO Box, 14, 32241, Austin, Texas, 781714. PO Box 143241, Austin, Texas, 7871-4.

Whoa! What a day. Get it in the flowers. It's empty. Oh, yeah, get in the flowers. Maybe it'll rest on the top. almost. Thank you for the flowers. They won me over. We was really excited. We were kidnapping him and I was like, guys, maybe we should stop. The whole time we were driving, Jordan was holding them and then like smelling them. Yeah, and you're also going, get me the fuck away from Nick. It's true. I was like, I don't like being a front. It was a lot. I don't like being up front.

Yeah. Raid subscribe, tell a friend, maybe a rich friend, about the show where he food and rate the food. We don't know that. We don't know that. He just could have spent every dollar in him. Yeah, right. He's destitute now. Hey, it doesn't matter to me whether you have the money or not as long as we got it. That's all that matters. Got money? Send it our way. Okay. Bye-bye. Phase two. You're... Okay. Face two. More guys. With money. Whoa. Now, nice. Are you, are you done? Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988, Canada's suicide crisis hubline.

It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada.