100% Eat - A REPEAT YouReviewer?! %% Panda Express Cantonese BBQ Brisket

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Hey have you played Resident Evil 2 on Nintendo64? Let New Achievement Hunter tell you about it. Our Heroes are seeing if this BBQ Brisket is worth it here in Texas. We're the cutting edge technology so stay tuned for the new RT NFTs. Bad Kids Rise Up and use your electricity callous. We'll be at HomeBrew on Saturday June 27th at 7pm. Full transparency: Sauce Monkey will not be there so we will be doing a Michael, Jordan Podcast and MORE. Get tickets: https://www.eventim.us/event/tickets/687902Grab some merch at https://100percenteat.store Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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where we try every new fast food restaurant. Sometimes it's not new. Usually it's not. To let you know if you need it. You might. You might. You definitely do. I do.

I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host. Jordan swears, Jordan, how are you? We really have been trying a lot of stuff for the last few years. The songs just went off so fast, I feel like. Yeah. He didn't really keep it going. I feel like the song's definitely longer than that.

It was like, we definitely paid money. for that song. He hates the song. I know, but I'd like to hear it. Nick's got a lot to edit. Nick has a lot. He has to put photos in.

I have to have candy corn teeth. Dildo fingers is what you're getting in. I don't think I could do that one. Just for our personal collection. Oh, okay. Every picture he's in. Yeah. Every one.

Every promo from here on out. Dick fingers. Yep. No. What? That one's first. That one's first. What's funny is that Nick doesn't even have to do it now.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that should be... Here comes saying. That should be a little fun contest. I'll make it even easier. Nick won't have to do it when I bring in a dildo tomorrow. So we're pre-recording a bunch of these because Nick decided he wanted to go on vacation because he loves going on vacation.

How dare you for my wife does? All right, come on. You historically hate vacations. I mean, I enjoy them once I'm there. It's the build of that sucks. Nick loves, he's got a lot travel. That's me with everything. That's me with the show.

I like it when I'm here. I'll kill you. The travel has to be Nix-alotting his Xanax already. Oh, how's that going? He already knows. I got 30. Whoa. And when you get back, how many are you going to have?

It went up. Okay. You don't have them just like a normal amount? You're talking about it. Like to take them regularly? No. I see. They're specifically for flying.

Oh, I see. Yeah. We were just talking about... Pick yourself up something. Double that number. We were just talking generally about maybe going. going somewhere. Uh-huh.

And Nick's first reaction when I was talking to him was just like, oh, that's like for Xanax. It's good, dude. It'll get you through some times.

Let me tell you. What the fuck? You have them here just in case. You never know when you're going to fly. We went to the airport. Yeah.

That freaked out. He got really freaked out. Is that why you have them? Yeah. Yeah, just in case. Dude, they'll keep you alive. Oh, yeah. Do you have some M&Ms

that were in the freezer as well? No. Okay. They're in the freezer. Not as important. I have two bags. Does Xanax was in the freezer? That tastes better.

Oh, do they? They taste. They don't know cold. Do you have to microwave them three seconds? Do you ration them even more? Do you take a whole one or you like break them in half? Oh no, I take two at a time. Holy hell.

Wow. Well, I guess I don't know. I guess I don't know what. Yeah. Okay. Millograms. That's that one. That makes sense.

Yeah. I'm like, whoa, Nick's like afraid of flying. I usually just like I get a big rock of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just bite off. Just kind of gnaw. Rat style. just chew on it.

Yeah, I say, I go to the, I say, Ola, one Xanax ball, please. I'm like, give me a big ball. It's a bunch of gummy worms

they roll it around in Xanax. Yeah, dude, it's great. It's like 200 bucks or a bottle. It's like 100? It's crazy cheap. Arriva. Has any-

America? He's clearly got anxiety around flying. Has anyone else gone through periods where flying like made you nervous? or you hated it. Just my life.

Interesting. Yeah. I mean, like, I imagine that I would have anxiety if I had like a kid and not like, I'm afraid to fly, but just like, fuck, this is so, this is now one more big thing

that you have to like handle at the airport where it used to be just, I go to airport, I get on plane, I get off plane, I go to destination. Yeah, I never really got people who get stressed when they're traveling. Like, there's a time crunch. But as long as you're there,

Early enough. Yeah. I said you have other people. Yeah. My wife has never been on time. Doesn't stress me? For anything. Makes me angry.

It makes me angry. I just want, it's not like I want to get to the airport early. Yeah. Your wedding? Is she on time? Was she on time for that? I don't know. I don't think so.

No, I think we left later. You left later. Yeah, you're just there like way early. Oh, we didn't have like a load. Oh, I don't know. Yeah. You didn't fucking invite me. Yeah, I know.

Like, Gus. signed the paperwork. And it was at the botanical garden and a guy came up, we were all wearing masks or whatever. And a guy came up, he's like, oh my God, Gus, I'm such a big fan,

can I shake your hand? And Gus went, no, Gus went, no. Because it was touring COVID. It was the pandemic. The guy went, oh, right. Oh, hey man, I'm a big fan. I guess went, thank you.

Can I give your kiss? Yeah. I like being on time. I like being early. The airport, I have it down where it's like, oh, you get there and you're through and it's an easy thing. I'm not trying to be at the airport for an extra hour.

Right. Because then you're just sitting around. I've got it wound down to like a pretty easy time. My wife likes to push that. Yeah. To the limit. Oh, I'm getting. You're telling me.

You're going to start taking me. So it's going to be that with a kid and then who knows, you know what I mean? When you start adding another variable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's all a kid is, right, is just a variable. And like, and like the Murphy's law variable.

Oh, yeah. Anything this kid can do. Yeah, and then double it. That, I heard, I heard going from zero kid to one kid is like, oh my God. And then going one kid to two kid is like, what the fuck? But then going past two. It's all diminishing. I heard something go like, if you have two, you might as well have 10.

It's just like the doubling of one to two is just like such a different ball game that it's like, oh, what we were doing before was practice. And it's like, that's wild. You got three. And then like, you know, they can start taking care of each other. Yeah, yeah. It's like dogs. Or they can start... Yeah.

The dogs are teaching the other dogs. Like, oh, it's dinner time now. That's right. Yeah, these children have a wolf-like pack mentality. I like being the youngest because then my older siblings would always get in trouble. I go, I'm not going to do that. I've learned. Yeah, the two, it's like, it's way more than double.

Yeah. Because they can actively, like, corrupt the other one. Like, it's not like, well, one's on time and one isn't. It's like, well, now they both aren't. Because the other one, fuck, well, no. Let me tell you about that. My brother is like so bad. He was so bad about being on time for stuff.

And he hated, he hated like going to school. And so he'd always like, he would always like, he'd always delay it too and like try to go at the last minute. Which is fine when he's on his own. But when we were in high school together and he was my ride, it became probable.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Then you get fucked. And you're just like, I don't care about this. I had like a million tardies because of him. Yeah. And you're just like,

That's so annoying. What a bummer. What a stupid thing. That's so annoying. That sucks ass. I think I got detention. I had no... My defense was,

I was on time. Yeah, like, I was ready to go, but like, they didn't care. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Ridiculous. My brother wanted to beat Resident Evil 2 on Nintendo 64.

He wouldn't let us go. Why would you be playing it on Nintendo 64? That's how I beat it the first time. Dude, what a port job. Like, looking back at it, like, at the time, as a kid, you don't really understand. that or like back then because it's like

not just being a kid but it's like it's like pre-internet days. You don't really understand the metrics behind it but even then you're like why does this suck ass? Yeah yeah yeah it is fucking crap. Yeah yeah yeah sucks. You don't like this? Remember playing it going like this is crazy we'd play it I go to my friend Matt's house

to get a ride to school and we play it for like half an hour every day before going to school or whatever and then which is no amount of time at all. Zero zero. Zero. But then... You go to go back in the same. Yep.

But then, you know, beating it and everything going like, holy hell, man. We'd be Resident Evil 2. And then looking back at it, it'd be like, that game played like shit. On Nintendo 64. Fucking brutal. It's crazy to think about that game.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weird. It's weird when you think about it because when I think of Resident Evil 2, I think of it on Nintendo 64's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, that's not right.

It's not normal. I've never played it. It's not normal. I've never played it. on any platform, I don't think of it as a situation. You shouldn't. That's crazy.

It's just, you know, it's how I played it and that was fine. And they didn't even, they never even made the first one, didn't they? No, no, I don't think the first one was on to 364. I think the second one was and that was it. And I feel like way later. Like, I don't think it was like immediate. I think it took like a long time for her to come there. They're going back.

Which was way later back then. Oh, big time. We're remaking a whole bunch of one. Now they just announced Veronica. Yeah. Reilly of Veronica dropping the code. Looks totally different. That's Garrett has been campaigning for that for.

And that's probably why they're doing it. Years. He has, every time he streams, he has a sign that he's handmade in the background that says remake code Veronica. But he didn't know, and we did not tell him for a long time that it was misspelled. Oh, nice. It was like, Verroenka. Varroenka. It was just like, fuck yeah, man.

That's Garrett. We demand to be taken seriously. I think I had a lot of concussions. The nugs. Yeah, yeah, baby. That's the man. White guy with dreadlocks? Holy shit.

That's awesome. Big boots. Yep. Yep. That's how the guys from Nirvana, the band the show described Mega 64. They're like, it was Jay going, so what was Mega 64?

And they were like, the video games, you know, the white guy with dreadlocks. And you're going, oh, okay. It's like, damn, that's awesome. That's what they're known for? That's great. Michael, what do we eat today?

Oh. Oh, right. We did go get food, didn't we? Yeah, he's rushing us again. I'm not Russian. American. Panda Express Cantonese barbecue brisket. That was Cantonese barbecue.

Yeah. I just thought it was barbecue brisket. Yeah, I don't think it said that there. I did. Did it say Cantonese on the sign? No. He did. What was the calorie count?

He kept asking when we were there. Yeah. What's calories? Are you fucking serious? I told him not to worry about it. Do you want me to look it up? Yeah, he would. Yeah, sure.

Go ahead. Go ahead. It seemed like you to look up. It seemed like if you didn't say yes, he wasn't going to say yes. No, I was going to. No, I was debating about whether I really want to know or not. Well, you're going to. Yeah?

It's probably not that bad. He got a double of another thing. Oh, then why do you care? Well, he's got a single. Well, yeah, I'm going to add a double entree. Well, you got to look up the other one, too, so you know how many calories do it. Right. So look that up too. That's 400.

He looks, no, I know that. Oh, he already knows. I got half chalman. I bet it's more than 400. No, it's 400. No, I mean the brisket. Oh, yeah. Definitely more important.

It was big and greasy. Brisket for a serving says 3.85. Really? Wow. 42 grams of protein. I got room to play this tonight. He's got room to play, baby. 482? That seems like a lot.

So. What are you going to eat instead with all your extra room? Let you know later. This again later with his wife. No, actually maybe. She likes. Okay. Then why?

No. It's actually a good idea. Well, I forgot. Normally it's like, she probably wouldn't. want this. She might want this. She liked panda. She liked panda.

She might be able to. They're kicking in. Amanda, watch the ride along. When it comes out, Nick's talking, shit. Oh, you don't watch this either. When you're editing on the big screen. We determined that Nick edits from his couch in his living room with 5.1 surrounds. It's got to sound good. It's got to make sure. By the time this is out, quality control. By the time this is out, we're pre-recording.

By the time this is out, we've revealed who won the Cuckcher contest. We had a call with him today to make sure he wasn't a serial killer. Seems nice. And he said, wow. You wouldn't be able to tell. This was before you got here.

He said, wow, this is so cool. Usually I just watch you guys on TV. So it's like I'm talking to the TV. And I didn't, I didn't like drill down, but I really want to go like, you watch the podcast on your television? Probably he's got like a YouTube or something. Really?

Yeah. I've never thought about putting this on a TV before. Yeah. After this, just do it. I do. After this, there it is right there. I'm looking at us on TV.

It looks just like this. I'm pointing it Michael. It's also like, it's even, it's even less weird to me because we see it on the TV as we shot it. Right, right. We see it on TV. I never considered people consuming it that way.

Wait. Yeah. People are watching this? Yeah. There's so much to view on this set. There is, there's a lot of stuff. There's cool drawings. This is nice to look at. They want to see you.

They want to see you. Yeah. You want to see your eye to wander on you and stuff. Yeah. We should put one in 4K so they can see everything clearly. Okay Does our camera do that? I bet it does

Probably need a new one No, I bet it does And if it does it probably will overheat If it doesn't we can use the phone to do it One out of the phone to do it. I forgot about that the overheating camera Yeah, that's why we bought a new fucking camera Well almost a used one

Uh huh That was close Well also it helps that we're in a place With much better air conditioning It's nice and cool in here This is so nice Not over here How's it over there?

It's toasty Not in the Nicknuck? You have that fan, turn it on Nah. Can you imagine too loud? Yeah. He would rather melt.

Why? Then you just get room tone and you take it out. It's that simple. It doesn't sound good. You just change it, you fix it in post. It's just an automatic thing. Just like everything else that I heard at rooster teeth. Just fix it in post.

It's fine. We didn't film that part. Fix it in post. It's fine. Make it happen. Roto's go. Dude, what would it be like still working there and AI being a thing? Oh, God.

It would have been. Like, people would be pushing for it at like the highlight. level. It'd be annoying. Yeah. Kind of like whatever it would be would be fucking annoying.

Kind of like with do you remember some, uh, remember some, oh no, my duck. Remember some, uh,

actually, remember some panels? It was your frog. Oh, no. Remember some panels at RtX? Oh, God.

Where they are panels? Well, they weren't. Uh, they were, uh, were they were like scam panel. Uh,

they were, they were, come on guys, we need to get excited about NFT panel. Oh. That's sad. And that was pretty high up. And we all,

and as a company, Everyone just went Was there was never talking about like Web 2.0? Uh-huh Yeah Right,

Web 3.0. That was the thing. I'm still on Web 1.0. Oh, man. I'm still using dial up. I'm just on the internet. We would be,

it would be a lot of meetings about how do we use it? Mm-hmm. And this is how we will. How do we, how do we use it? Well,

but without pissing off the audience. Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers wants the cutting-edge technology and we can be that for them. Can we? What? They could.

not piss off the audience without NFTs. Yeah, right. Because already can't piss them off. We're already struggling to just... Hey, let's throw a grenade in there. Yep. Yep. They loved it. It's great. Here's a rebrand. Panda Express. I'm just glad we don't have to deal with that. No. Panda Express a place you guys go to?

I miss it a little bit. Yeah. R.T? Yeah. It was fun to watch train wrecks sometimes. Boy, there were a lot to pick from. There's a lot of story. A lot of bitching to be done. A lot of like, I walk inside the chief owner, and you shut the door and you go, let me tell you.

You know what's going on over there? I just came out of a meeting where someone was telling Gavin what to do. It didn't go well. That was happening at the end. That was pretty interesting. And then Gavin was like, it's ridiculous.

Michael, what do I do? All right. Here's what you say next time. Yep. It was happening with fuckface where they would, I remember, I think me and Jeff missed this meeting. So Gavin,

and Andrew went to this meeting where marketing was explaining what they should do with fuckface or something. And they just sort of like kind of sat there. Let them explain everything and they said, okay. And then they went, we're not doing any of that.

Like it wasn't, I do you think they explained to us what happened in the meeting. They just went, it was a big waste of time. Yeah, that's right. That's what would happen a lot where it's like, you know,

for other people to like, not like justify, but like they're there. Yeah. A department with a job. Mm-hmm. and they need something to do, they are like,

I'm a marketing person. Here's ideas for marketing for your show. Okay, well, your job's done. Thank you. Appreciate it. What if you just market it? I don't know. I'm making it.

I don't know what else to do. Like, what else do you want here? Sorry, we have a Ruby tweet. Yeah. What about this? What if, like, you're making it? Yeah, but you also market it. Yeah, you're welcome.

You do it. You're welcome. I will say some of the social media stuff. Do it. I always appreciated that they would come to us, like, with ideas for something. I think Devin was super good about that. Always great about that stuff. It wasn't, hey, guys, what do you want to do for social?

Yeah, no, it was like, hey, here's like, here's like, here's like three ideas. And then at least we can hone something from that instead of like, what do you want to do? It's like, I don't want to do this at all. Where are you talking about? I want to make the show. Yeah. What do you want to do? What do you want to do?

It was annoyed me if someone from another department would come over and it's like, like, it's supposed to be working and collaborating. Yeah. But it's like, it boils down to like, what's your idea. for my job. Yep. And I'm like, I don't walk, guy,

hey, what should I do for a video? Yeah. You guys have any ideas? Could you have any ideas? Could you have any ideas? What should I make? Like,

what should I put out? Like, what the fuck are you asking me for? Fucking tell me what it is and then I'll do it. Yep. I don't know how. I'll tell you it's stupid, but I'll do it.

I don't know how your job works. Yeah. It's okay. Need to do that. It might have been in, honestly. So back to Panda Express. Yeah, I mean, when I want Chinese food, I just go there.

It's the easiest. It's fast food sloped Chinese. It's not bad. Yeah. You know, there's like, it's one of the... Austin isn't like running over, like, overfloweth with Chinese food. No, no. Like, I don't, a lot of good Chinese in Jersey.

There are pockets of like, um, the shopping centers and stuff that have like authentic Chinese food stuff. But like, unless you're there. Right. It's like, it's like a hassle. Yeah. It's like a trip or sit down or whatever. If I just like, yo, give me some. some fucking chalmain.

Yeah. Like, it's no authentic, you know, like beef lomain. Yeah. But it is also, you know, seven minutes away. Yeah. And I can just go get it and it's quick. And they always have it. Convenient when you got the craving.

Yeah. So I go there somewhat. I haven't been in a while because I haven't got the craving. But it's a regular for me if I want, if I want chalmaine. Panda is one of my like preferred fast food restaurants. Yeah. It was up there with Wendy's for a while. It has that craving thing where you're like

The only thing that I want right now is the specific flavor The only thing that will hit is orange chicken from Panda Express With the Chalming It's also pretty reasonably priced still Yeah It's fine. It's why I always get the bigger plate Yeah, because it just gets cheaper. The value. It's like having more kids.

It really, it really is. It becomes less than a hassle and I have kids. You might as well get three. So it's like, dude, if there's ever like Oh, I'm gonna get like a single laundry and single entree, I'll get like two triples. Yeah. Because it's like,

the kids also like Panda Express. So they'll, they'll eat it. Like, it always gets eaten. I never throw it at Panda Express. Yeah. You know,

like if I went to McDonald's got like an extra cheeseburger and you don't eat it, it's trash. It's garbage. Yeah. You're not gonna eat a couple of, like everything I have, I'd still eat that tomorrow.

I'm talking about me in my life. I'm not gonna eat a fucking old cheeseburger. Like I won't eat it. This guy's talking about the TV. I won't eat it a couple hours later. I am the TV. Panda Express, like,

I'll eat that full on a whole day later. the chicken, they like the orange chicken, and they like the chalman. So it's like, if I'm going, I just get like a couple bigger plates and it's, I think it's like 12 bucks. You went with a triple today. Yeah. And you were like, we'll just eat it later. Oh, yeah.

He heard about 43 grams of protein and went, I just get that. Problem solved. It just saves well, man. It heats up fast and he does. It really does. It's like fast food, mush food. With air fry or text on your throat. Right.

I already ate way more than I thought I would. Because I was just like, oh, a little bit now. And then I'll finish it later. I ate all the chalmain and probably half the entree. Wow. I just went with a bowl, which is just like the one scoop. Yeah. With the with the entree.

Pretty generous scoop. It was. It was like, it was still only like, what, six pieces? Yeah. But they're huge. But they're so big. And boy,

it's big. It's really filling. Yeah. It's really filling. I only ate about half the noodles I had. And I was like, half the rice. I'm done.

Fucking love chalman. Yeah. Their chalman is also just hits different. I love it. See, I'm all about the fried rice. I really like the fried rice. I used to be fried rice.

And then I did like a half combo once. Like half chalemate rice. And I was like, these noodles are really good. I know. And I was just like, I'm just gonna go noodles. I usually get like a large converted. The way you get fucked at Panda like super expenses, if you get Alicart shit, it's so expensive.

Oh yeah. It's so expensive. But I'll just get like a plate. And then at most I'll just get like one large noodle because I'll feed my kids for two days. Yeah, that's my wife. It's the same thing. She gets the big. It's like that big.

It's one long noodle. Yeah. And they'll do. They'll just like. I'll put a fork in it. I'm like, eat to your heart's content. I just throw to them.

Dude, that's like multiple meals for both of them. They both of them. Yeah. Multiple meals. What else can we call back to you? We're having fun.

We're having fun. I think Panda hits when you want Panda. So it's interesting to see the amount they've been doing the limited time stuff, which they've had over the years, like different limited time things. But I feel like there's been more

in the last probably years. year than there ever has been. And I feel like in previous Panda limited stuff, they do a lot of shrimp. Yes, and it's been less shrimp.

It's shrimp or it's like, try our new like twist on chicken. It's like, which I imagine is very easy for them to do because chicken's like, it's the same thing. It's a different sauce. Yeah, just something they can put a different topping on. This being brisket is like interesting.

Because. Yeah. It's totally going to try to do barbecue brisket. Yeah. Okay. Cantonese. Which did not say there. It did.

We'll never know. We'll never know. I wasn't reading. And Nick doesn't know how. So the... Fuck you, dildo face. No dildo fingers. You can't have dildo eyes and then you can't read.

With my... Dildo vision? My sweet candy corn teeth. I'll take him off the TV. Do you think if we rammed two dildos through his eyes, it'd be like a steel inquisitor type situation? Oh, shit. Wow.

He can only move plastic. I'm hoping more than plastic. Like rubber? I don't know. Rubber, rubber. Latex. Silicon. You know the plastic?

Silicon. Silicon. Plastic. Hard plastic. Ah! Oh, man. All right. So, Zan,

a dildo steel Inquisitor. Yeah. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if, like what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if.

Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. You guys want to learn about Panda Express? I guess it's time. Yeah, whatever. Our last Panda Express episode was on March 24th, 2026. It was? Where we ate dynamite sweet and sour chicken.

It received an average rating of 87. Still there, still good. Nick got it today. Oh, that's what you got. I don't remember that. You know, okay. I don't remember it either. Eight seven just happened. It must have been good. The consensus was, this is spicy. Oh, that's right.

Now I remember. There's no sour. It is sweet orange chicken hot. Now I remember. It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. You guys were happy with the heat.

There was no sour, so that was confusing. It was actually impressive. How hot it was for a fast food thing. Yes. Yeah. And so it got a high score for that. Actually, it was in 87. You guys both gave it an 87.

Wow. There was no this way and this way. average out to. That's the same joke you made when we did 87. Yeah, and he's saying it again because it's fucking timeless. So answer it. Timeless. Yeah. He didn't answer. He didn't answer. Let's learn.

Boldak believes this is not a spicy dish and therefore not worthy. Unless it is good, then Boldack will allow anyone who is not a crust lover or salad stuffer to eat it. We've had a lot of weird ones lately and we're really ram jamming them together. I'm sorry.

Salad stuffed stuffed up. Trust me, Weird ones still coming up tomorrow. That's going to be good! We have a nickpicks next week. No, it's a next week. That's a nickname. No.

Jared from Chief Has Gamer, he's going to be mad that we have a nickpick. He gets mad. He gets mad. He gets mad when it's a nickpick. It's a hell of a swing. Yeah. If he didn't save me money,

if he didn't post those good deals. God damn it. Remember Bulldog was the, yeah, he's the alien. Bulldog the alien. I remember you guys just saying Bulldog. Yeah.

What was the name of his alien companion? I can't remember. His Gert was with an A or something. His GER. Like companion? Yeah, I can't remember

our own war. I tried looking it up and I couldn't fucking find it. It was tough. Watch it on the TV. But Bulldok was definitely the one that really... Bulldog's definitely main alien

and he's got a sidekick. Hey, let's learn about Panda some more. In early June of this year, Honolulu Panda Express caught fire! Oh, no. Due to an electrical short in an appliance in the kitchen.

No. injuries were reported, but the restaurant isn't expected to reopen anytime soon. Honestly, this sounds like foul play, and Fire Marshal Sauce Monkey can't abide by this. So to show how dangerous electricity can be, he's going to shove a folded up gum wrapper into an outlet like a high school bad kid who doesn't even care if he gets detention. This guy really is all about sticking it to teachers, man. Give it up for Sauce Monkey. Dude, hell yeah.

Oh, he's doing it! Oh, man, do you guys have that in school where the kid would be? Nobody at school trying to do, but I've seen like it's like a stereotypical thing for the bully kid or the bad kid to like be messing with the outlet. You get a paper clip, you unfold it or you get a gum wrapper

and you fold it so it's like a V and then you put it into the outlet just barely and then you tap it in and then it like short circuits. I remember being in a math class I was a freshman. This kid was a senior. Wow, you were in the same math class?

You were in advanced. I was way up there. That's like when I was a freshman and my brother who was standing ahead of me who you're both in algebra A. And you guys were both playing. Yeah. I remember in the middle of the class,

he just, he was teaching, just standing at the front of the room, and he just stood up. He had a cum wrapper, walked over to the outlet, crouched down, and he just started flicking it back.

And it was just, yeah, sparks came out of it, the lights turned off and it was like, what the fuck? Did he go flying back? And he just like, and he just like stood up. And it was,

it was just in the middle of class. He didn't say a word. No, but he got up and walked up. Walked just if it was like, if Nick is like where the teacher was or whatever, he was just here and he just walked over to the wall and just did it. And just started doing it.

She couldn't wait until the end of class. Could not wait to do it. That's cool. That's pretty sick. Got us out of school. Can't learn if it's dark. And then it was just to play with electrically a lot. Just doesn't make sure.

I got shocked so many times. So many times. It doesn't. Is it always shocks? Is there ever like, you're not at risk of like the actual like electrocution that like you're holding on. I mean, not with a wall outlet.

You can't break the circuit or whatever. I was doing stuff like that. Cool. It doesn't get easier to get shocked, huh? No, it does. Oh, you guys do it? Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

I've been shocked like twice. Oh, yeah. No, you just start for small stuff. you just don't turn the breaker off. Oh, you don't got time for that. No, it's just, oh, no, it absolutely gets easier. Oh, damn.

You got like electricity. I like it. You got like electricity callous. Yeah, kind of. God damn. Wow. Well, I feel like if you know what's going to happen.

Yeah. Then, you know how to work around it. Again, if you're working within, if I were doing it, I would just be like, I don't, it's an exposed wire. I don't know what is about to happen. I'm scared of it when the breakers off.

Yeah. If it's an exposed wire and then, and there's nothing a, with it. Like, it's not a shitty job. It's like, if you get zapped, that's your fault. You should be able to handle it without getting zapped. You just know where not to touch it. Pretty cool. This guy knows.

Yep. Oh, let's learn on the next fact. In early June of this year, a Roswell Panda Express caught fire due to an electrical short and appliance in the kitchen. No injuries were reported, but wait, didn't we just do this? Once is a fluke, but twice?

There might be an arsonist to foot. Fire Marshal sauce monkey might have to step down so the sauce knight can exact his vengeance on whoever is starting these fires Someone who doesn't think this is food Someone who doesn't think this food is hot enough. Oh my god, Bulldack Oh no What are you? Right in fact sheet? I'm creating the universe here

The sauce monkey universe. SMU Oh no Yeah So why isn't the first one going to reopen anytime soon? Because of the because the fire got burned, burned, and then the same thing happened with this one, but they can't put out faster. I can't believe you said an arsonist as a foot and made no joke about that.

Yeah, I didn't think about it until you said it out loud. I was pretty focused on Bulldog. Yeah, I was just waiting to get to Bulldog. I don't think Bulldog's a villain, though. I think he's setting fire to these Panda Expresses. I think he's got a good reason. I think we just need to understand where he's coming from. Maybe they weren't up to code.

Mm-hmm. It's the only way, like management wasn't listening. Yeah. Yeah. How did what I was thinking, but sure. It's not up to code. See, the sauce night knows. He's figuring it out.

He's taking them down. Bulldog, you're done. He's analyzing the fire footprint. In the lab. He's got three toes. Yeah. There's a fingerprint. Oh my God.

It's Bulldog. It's Bulldog. How do you think of, how do you think a short like that happens with an appliance in the kitchen if it's like an overnight thing? Like what, they usually leave something plugged in

and then something's, it just, no, I mean, leaving stuff plugged in isn't a problem. You know, I mean, if it's overnight, it's probably just like a wire deteriorated or they probably have too many things plugged into a breaker that's not big enough. Oh. And the wire is too thin. Sounds like somebody who's managing a finger gauge wire. Yeah. Because, like, you'll have like a proper gauge wire goes to like a proper.

I feel like we're on car talk. Yeah. I'm learning. Good. To like a proper breaker. Good. But if you overload it, the breaker will trip. So what people will do is they'll just like, we'll just put a bigger breaker in.

So then it won't trip. Right. But the, but the wire on the wall is not rated for more. So the, eventually it'll get hotter or hotter. It'll melt. Breaker turn off.

Put in bigger breaker. Breaker turn off safety. That's why breaker turn off. It's turning up. It's trying to tell you something. And what I think is trying to tell me, I'm too small. So you just put a bigger breaker in,

it won't turn off. And then the wires will just melt. Get hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, literally just melt. And so usually what happens is it, finally it'll melt enough, it'll break.

And then there'll be like a short, in the box or wherever. Can you do that again with a Boston accent? Or like a New York accent. Welcome to Cartock. No. Yeah, good move. No.

Can't wait Bulldogs doing this. Final fact. Okay. In May of this year, a Woodbridge Virginia Panda Express was terrorized by a man who attacked a customer, stole that customer's shoe, then exposed himself to the entire restaurant

before running off. Sounds like Bulldogs' evil brother, Bull dick, is up to no good. Sauce Knight, we need your help. Get down from that lamp post and grab that guy's dick or catch him and call him an ass wipe. Whatever, man, it's up to you. You're the superhero?

Here. Stop right there, asswife. See, that's it. He's doing it. I'll kill you. The sauce night. And then he's on the lamp post. I wouldn't be on a lamp post.

Like this. He would never be on a lamp on the roof. He'd be right behind you, kicking your ass. Oh, no. He's kicking my ass from behind? That's where you're ass is. your asses. Take his

dildo fingers. His ultimate nemeson. Bold dick and dildo fingers. See, this is where Bulldock has that like they come to understand and it's like, oh, he was just trying to help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, he's got a redemption arc. It's a real rogues gallery for the sauce night.

It's pretty tough. Who did the, who did that artwork in the... Oh, yeah. Who was looking at it? The fan art here. A monk night. Yeah. Oh, the...

A weird, weird ass one? Yeah. The monk knight was from Lexi Lucy. Thank you very much. Looks like a cryptid. It really does. He also, just so you're aware, he's doing the hands thing.

He's going spooky style. He's got wings, of course. Yeah. So that's it. Yeah, that's a cryptid. Yeah. That's the creature. That's the San Antonio creature.

That's the San Antonio creature. By the time this is out, the spurs have won the championship. The games you got a win to win that? Four. They won one. They lost two. Right?

They won the one Trump showed up. Yeah. They were like, we'll do it for you. Trump was excited to me. I feel like he cursed the Knicks. He was excited. I think he's first fan. He was excited to show up.

He was excited to show up. Salute during the national anthem. Get booed. And then fall asleep by halftime. It was like my grandpa was watching the game. It was awesome. I think so. It's pretty good.

He's sleeping a lot. He made it the second quarter. He thought it was the second half. He watched a lot of college, you know? Yeah. Why is that different? Yeah. Why do they change the game and how it's played in college?

I don't know. Someone should fucking know. Yeah. I feel like the people who watch the sports should know. Why are these aluminum bats? I don't know. That annoys me. Why do they do that?

Now Nick is getting pissed. Yeah. Yeah, tell him. And he's got an apple on his apple. on his apple. It's Cosmic Crisp. Right, but it's still an apple. Yeah, it's true.

Oh, shit. It's a good one. See, now he's doing. This is, he looks at. That's it. Those are all the facts. We learned a lot. They keep burning him down, dude. And the guy showed his dick and stole a guy's shoe.

Yeah, I feel like we didn't talk about the actual guy doing that very much. Bull dick? I thought you were going to say he terrorized a man, terrorized Band Express by starting electrical fire. It could have been him. We don't know. He attacked. the customer and then stole his shoe

and then showed his dick and then ran into the woods. What drug do you think he was on? That's possible in Virginia. Yeah, Woodbridge is where I grew up. But not in Virginia. I knew that. I knew that the word looked familiar

and I couldn't remember what it was. Well, it wasn't Jersey, sorry. Were there woods there? Is there a bridge? Was there a guy with one shoe and a dick out? Oh, for sure. He was in the woods. At any given point, probably.

Oh, tons of them. Just the likelihood. Tons of them. I knew it. Is that a township? It's both. Yes. Sorry. It's a town and a township.

I don't know what that means. Uh-huh. Yeah, I still know what it means. Inside a county. Yep. God damn. Riddle an enigma. Jordan teaches about the food.

All right. I lived in the town proper. Not the township? Well, yes, also. The town is in the township. The township encompasses the town. Correct. But you can live outside of the town and still be in the township.

Yeah. Yeah. So a town is a township, but not all townships are towns. No, a township. in a township. A town is in a township. Town's in Township. There are many towns in Woodbridge Township, but I was in Woodbridge. Got it. In Woodbridge Townships. Just a county. No. No. It's in between. No. It's in a county. Yeah. County was Middlesex. This is worse. That's crazy. It should have been Woodbridge

County. They should have just kept going. How many townships are in Middlesex County? I don't know. Do we have townships? And I don't know how many counties there are. No. I don't think so. No. We have a million counties in Texas. Yeah, we didn't have a million. It's a big state. It was probably only like 10, maybe less. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. New Jersey is not that big. Small state. I've seen this small state, few counties. Seen sopranas. Big state mini. Okay, true to the spirit of the best barbecue traditions,

Cantonese barbecue brisket, prioritized quality and craftsmanship. The brisket is slow cooked to achieve the signature melt in your mouth tenderness before being hand cut into thick, bite-sized portions. I don't know about that.

That is not true. Oh, my God. For the final touch, the brisket is. flame seared in an original, ooh, Charsoe style glaze for the perfect smoky,

sweet and savory flavor. It has... It has that, like, orange, uh, kind of like, oil grease to it that you get on like pork stuff.

Yeah, the hue. Yeah, the hue. It has the hue. It has all that flavor. They are right. These are cut, they are cut thick

into big pieces. Yeah. I don't know that I would call all of them bite size. No, they're not bite size at, not at all. They're key. Most of them are two bites.

I guess you could call, Like, if you're comparing them to cuts of regular brisket, absolutely, they are small, right? Because it's like a strip. And this is not. This is like a chunk. But it's, but it's not how you're eating it.

You're not eating like regular brisket. You're eating it like it's chicken, you know, at Mende Express. And it's fucking huge. They're cut, it's a pretty, like, thick piece of brisket. But all of the pieces, instead of being like,

oh, just bite size, they're like just a little too big to get like one. It's like one. like this so it's like, it's like, I swear it was this big. It's like four, my fingers are, they're all, they're all like four and a half inches.

They're all. They're a little too big. Bro, if you take one and put it in your mouth, that's crazy. It's, yes. Like, you got a bite in half. It's a half bite. It's even more impossible to get it with like your side.

Yes. Like in a sort of rice. Oh, I had it with a price. Oh, you're eating it by itself. You're eating by itself and then like, for sure. And then maybe following up to get two things. in your mouth. Yeah, and you're right about like the

flavor and everything is just, it's so much like on the outside because then when you are eating it and you're getting, because it's so much brisket. It's a couple, it's a couple seconds of chew in there. Yeah. It gets the flavor really gets lost fast and it becomes sort of like

samesy where like the flavor punches at the beginning and all sort of like goes away. Yeah. The flavor is on the outside and it's good and it really does have like a kick to it. But the bigger bites that they are, the less there is of that because it's only on the outside. I don't wish there was less brisket.

I wish it was smaller. I feel like they could have cut them in half. 100%. And if they were truly than bite size, then it'd be like, I feel like the flavor would go longer. Or at least you'd eat it faster. My solution was to make it burnt ends.

I think Jordan's totally right. I think if the whole thing was like burnt ends, it would be, that would be it. Because when you had like some of like that outside like brisket it was really nice it was really really good

but it's fleeting in flavor I guess let's see how irrelevant the press material is okay Cantonese barbecue brisket is the most American Chinese dish

we've ever made I don't think that's true I mean I kind of Cantonese and barbecue in it yeah I kind of get what he's going for I mean I understand it's just you make orange chicken yeah

which is also American Chinese right and I would say that's the most said chef Jimmy Wong, executive director of culinary innovation at Penda Express. We've taken the spirit of American barbecue infused it with Cantonese flavor, slow cooked to achieve that signature tenderness

before flame-searing it in a charsoo-inspired sauce. It's all built around the sole of barbecue, the bark, the tenderness, the smoky finish. If you really want to taste what makes this brisket special, I'd pair it with a side of our white steamed rice. Nobody got that. That would be crazy. I guess it's just to like get the juices and the rice.

Yeah, I guess so. I can see that working pretty well. But going to what Jordan's day, you can't eat it. You can't. They're not, what you can do is cut it up in a bowl and then mix it. Yeah. And then maybe you got like a dish. Yeah, but you'd still be eating the rice by itself.

Yep. And just it would absorb the sauce and juice. Yeah. But that would taste pretty good though. Yeah. Like the rice collecting it. But I think that's what he's saying. But even still like, I had it with the fried rice.

Even Stevens. Even still I had it with. with the fried rice and like I would cut it into like smaller pieces and try to get it with like the rice or whatever. It's not like it was making the rice. It wasn't doing anything like to the rice like oh my God, I'm getting all this flavor. Yeah. The flavor

was good on the brisket but it's not like it really transferred to anything. I guess he's probably saying that that's why he's seeing do white rice. Yeah. Can I also point out? Because I don't want this to go unnoticed. Point it. This was a very normal press material. Super, all of it's super normal. He's given tips. He's talking about the food. And it's

true. He's not talking about how saying it's pretty accurate. Yeah, he's not talking about how they reinvented the wheel for their fans. No. You're right. He's giving you a tip on how to eat it. He didn't call it a product. He's telling you what this is.

And he's also telling you why they did it. Hey, this is like, this is what barbecue is and we're mixing it with the Cantonese flavors and we're doing the sauce. And it's like, hey, hell yeah. This is like that. And it is that stuff. It is all of those things.

It's like that strong bad email where like the guy didn't make any like spelling mistakes. He made fun of Homestar. And he was like, this is a solid? Yeah, you just don't know what to do. It's like pretty good. Yeah. It's like when nothing weird happens for the show and you just go, I don't know what we're going to do.

I want to make fun of you, but. Yeah. Not like when you see that guy getting his car towing by a cable that's just wrapped. Put that picture in Nick. I'm just making it to the episode. I'm glad something happened. There's always something that can happen. There was a tire on the side of the road.

Yeah, you were really into that tire. There was a single backing. And then that cop car, the airman was crashed in a car in the car in front of us. Fuck crazy. That was crazy because that was. That was happening before I even clocked the cop car coming. I was like, oh, we're just stopping. Yeah, it was just like, I just went, stop!

But like, why are we stopping? I don't know. All right, cool. This truck was pulling, what's the ride along? We talk about it, but a truck was pulling a car. There's no tow hitch. It's tied to the bumper of the car and of the truck. And tied just like a knot.

A knot around the bumper. What was wrong with the car? Because it was running. It was running. And the guy was operating. it with brakes and the steering wheel, which was good because it kept going slack and taught, and it was

dude, it must have been. Probably. And he could just control the brake. I guess so. Yeah, I imagine that's how they were doing. It was fucking. So what, it just doesn't drive? Like, was something wrong?

No idea. You would think not. Yeah. I don't know why you'd be doing that if it could drive. Was it? Was it, could it ignite? Did the engine?

Like, I couldn't tell if the engine was running or if it was just like, you could see the brake lights. Right. So at least had battery power. Yeah. I just wanted to follow the car. It was very, very strange.

It was very, very strange. And it looked like it was going to get in an accident with the truck at any fucking second. Either it was going to run into it or the bumper of the truck was going to fall off. Was it, do you think the distance when the, when the like tie down, which is what it was taught, what distance do you think the bumper of that truck and the bumper of that car was? Five feet? I would say five or six feet. I think it was five or six. It was so close.

And every time that truck. truck would break. That car had to break fast. Yeah. Fast. Yeah, we were watching it. We were in a turning lane and we turned before they got a green light. So we went and kind of circled back in the gas station parking lot and watched it. And yeah, it was, he was on the brakes for a long time. It was. And he was trying not to hit that truck. It was scary. It was pretty funny. It was pretty scary. The 2006 Chevrolete Equinox awarded the most dependable compact SUV in the U.S. by J.D. Power is designed for your everyday. And with available all-wheel drive,

you can handle your to-do list with total confidence. Start your build at Chevrolet.ca. Details at J.D.power.com. But we have our review of Panda Express, but we need to hear from you in a segment. We call you review. Oh my God. Hey, hey, don't get into it yet.

Let's read the first one. It's on the front. Okay. Yep. It's like two lines on the front. Oh, that's it? That's the first one. Yep. Oh, okay.

This is the first one? I'll read it. This is from Concho C. Concho Concho. The staff attends the people in a rude way and they throw the stuff when you ask them for. Okay. That's it. What?

That's it. I don't know. Jordan, here's the thing. Yeah? I kind of want you to read these first three and I want Michael read the bonus. That's fine with me. That's fine with me.

Okay. Okay. This was from J-F. Okay. That's J-A-Y-F. Yeah. I give it a one-star because when I, because when we went, I'm, it smelled like someone ate Taco Bell. That's good.

And when we ordered food, it tasted super bad. It didn't taste the same. And then we got a root beer and tasted horrendous. I advise you to never go here again. And we got sick overall. It sucked. And then That smells like

Someone ate Taco Bell in here And then it was super bad Wow Okay Following up Much to unpack there Following up is Jonathan O Okay

We went to eat at y'all's establishment After we played basketball And we didn't smell the best Uh oh did you smell like Taco Bell Because of this I made a comment about how it smelled and one of your workers said, do we have a problem?

I was taken aback at how hostile she was at me, even though it wasn't directed at her. And I felt very unwelcome there because of her. I would like a compensation for their, this is, they are hostile interaction. I could not enjoy the meal because of her. As a matter of fact, I didn't finish my meal.

Panda Express, please resolve this conflict. Thank you. I want to be. I said it because I smelled like shit. What? I went in and smelled like shit. And I was stinky. Give me free food. He didn't play basketball. He's a bitch.

What the fuck are you talking about? I really like, we didn't smell the best. So I said it fucking stinks in here. Do we have a problem? I can't enjoy my food anymore. Yeah, I mean, I demand compensation. I even say, do you have a problem? Like, I mean, yeah, you're stinking up the place.

Yeah. You just said it. You just said you were. So she's asking. She could also be asking it was like Did you just say it smells in here? Do we Do you have a problem with how it smells? It's like she doesn't even know that

He's the stinky one. Right. So I don't understand why you should get a free meal for that. The fuck are you talking about? Right? I was mildly inconvenienced. Barely. By myself. Yeah. I smelled like shit and I said it smells like shit And she asked me if we have a problem. I'm scared to eat my food. Compensation.

We have a bonus one. I felt very unwelcome there because of her. We have a bonus one. There's a reason that I chose this as our bonus one. This is from... Do we get to find out the reason? This is from Daniel L. Daniel L.

who also left a review on What a Burger? I could not... Which one wasn't it? Remember when there was an extra page? Yeah. It was a guy who, like, somebody on the Discord said, this guy got kicked out of a writer's group. And now has to write on Yelp.

I could not. I stunned. Is this the guy in like Houston or something? Yes. Absolutely stunned when I found. Daniel L is going to be our enemy. Daniel L. Oh, I fucking hate him.

Daniel L wrote another review. Total happenstance. I don't have an account. I can't look at other people's reviews. Total happenstance to find this. Daniel L is our bull dick. Yep. He's our dildo fingers.

All right. Daniel L. The Panda gave me a very disappointing experience at lunch following a Thursday morning that really, really had not gone well. So I decided I needed some delicious Americanized Chinese in my belly to kill me slowly and deliver me into a food coma so I could be oblivious, dumb, fat, and happy for the rest of the day.

This was a two-ontry adventure, but could have easily turned into three. Dot, dot, dot. Keep reading about the food brimps. presentation appearance issues. Are you, are you, keep, keep eating. Later the review. Unlike the Taylor St. Panda with the marvelous drive-thru,

where I am on a first name basis with most of the staff, this place requires parkage and walkage to go inside. Shuffle through the line and all of that nonsense associated with fast food that is trying way, see what I did there? W-E-I-I-2-hard to put on airs. That is not fast food. Hello, Panda. I sought you out because I wanted your panda paws all over me,

like a double double bacon cheeseburger, parentheses, a Daniel L. Custom at several waterburger locations. No big deal. So, quit trying to act all uppity. You are fast food. You are good for two things, which always overlap. One, curing a hangover with your salty food. We might be halfway.

Caring a hangover with your salty flavors. And two, eating here on a day where you will not put the fork down until you hate yourself a little, wait, until you hate yourself a little less. Like other reviewers mentioned, the food presentation is kind of a big fat flying fail. Epic fail. Most dishes are either totally out or on their last dregs. Fried rice? I got the scraped remains of fail from the bottom of the bucket. Orange chicken?

I got the reject pieces that were misshapen, ugly, and off color that were not suitable for all the other customers who came before me for lunch. Soda machine, semi-coigne, only Pepsi products. Yikes! But at least it wasn't flat. Oh, he's got a problem with that. Although, Diet Pepsi really makes you think about how Pepsi is so comfortable with the motto of, quote, second or third best. The only thing that was done right is that. that I asked for extra soy sauce and chili packets

because I like to soak my fried rice in a biblical, biblical flood before I devour it. I got one extra packet because, oh wait, I got one extra package of each. Wow, thanks, pal. I might totally bankrupt the company if you do like at my beloved Taco Bell

on Vermont at Shepard. When I ask for extra fire sauce, everyone is well trained to know what that means like 10 extra to use most. and apportioned the rest among my fire sauce package deposits in my car, in my office, and at home. Extra means extra. Quote, one more of each means one more of each.

I am very disappointed in you, Panda. Do not put your paws up. You go sit in the corner and think about what you did to ruin my lunch. What a sanctimonious asshole. So what was this problem exactly? Dude, I remember I said this last week? And I was like, I don't even want to say. And I said it afterwards, I did just fucking die.

It's hope you die. Like, just fucking die, dude. Just die. I'm sorry. No, this is the highlight of his day. Like, just pass away peacefully in your sleep. But just be dead. You know what I mean?

Just die. Oh, my God. This is what, this is what would happen if we couldn't, like, talk about other stuff. Like, if nothing happens at the band of express and we had nothing to talk about, like that would be just going. Nothing happened. He didn't like the look of the chicken. going. And they gave him

only one. Also, you, you showed up at a time where you got the end of the walk. That's how it works. Someone gets the end of the walk. We got the end of the walk? We're gonna throw the food away?

I got the end of the walk. You get the end and then they bring another one out. That's, hello. If it was lunchtime, it's still pretty fresh. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you.

It's not like it was sitting there for five hours. Like, do you see how fast they replaced those? Like how frequently? Yeah. Like Nick's saying, the end is nothing.

They're already cooking it. Yeah. We dreamed two walks of the brisket. Yeah. Oh, the end? This has been sitting on for seven minutes. Shut up. I got to go to Whataburger and get a double-double bacon cheeseburger

a Daniel All-Custom. NBD. Shut the fuck up, you fucking loser. How long ago was this like review posting? I'm not sure. How often is he posting? I don't know. I found this again.

I found this by happenstance. Hopefully he didn't make it. Dude, I cannot believe. When I saw his name, I'm scrolling. and going like, it's short review. All of these are like, big block attention. Short review, short review.

And then I saw Daniel L with like the little like top Yelper like icon or whatever next to his name. And I just went no fucking way. That should be derogatory. Dude. Dude. Extra means extra. Extra means extra. One is extra.

You fucking wrap. One more than what you were given is extra. Everyone knows it's to put it in my car, my office and my home. You fucker! I want to know what he thinks acting all up and he is because he doesn't. They made him walk! Oh, my God. He had to walk in.

Parkage and walkage, Jordan. Parkage and walkage, both. Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? God damn it. Oh, no. I disavow him. Nick's going in monkey mode.

He's pissed. No. He is no sauce monkey. He's sauce nighting. You sauce people. Are you all the same? Yeah. Never.

This is crazy, dude. I think you put the mask on because he's after he's going to go kick Daniel's ass. He's going to sauce jail. Bitch. Nick, send him the sauce hell. Yeah.

Dude, he'll kill you. When he will, he will kill you. I'm pretty sure. Daniel, he will kill you. I'm pretty sure

the Waterburger review started similarly where he talks about how fast food is just. And he's like, I mean, I need you, my comfy,

hold me, hug me, hug me, fast food. Fast food makes me suckle like my mommy's peaties. He was, it was caressing a lot. Yes.

Shut the fuck on! And this one's panda paws all over me. Dude, this guy has like a MAPE's got a mommy problem. He's like Homelander want milky milk. Yeah, that's what I'm getting from this. Jesus Christ. Straight from the nip.

Why is he talking about, you walk in and order the food? I don't understand. Unbelievable. You're fast food. Act like it. I've never been through a Panda Express drive-thru. I have, but also,

but also I don't understand what's wrong with going inside. Walking is fine. I would say walking in something is a better experience. You're at. You're fast food. Yeah, it's pretty fast. See how the food's already sitting there. They're AI and drive-thru. It sucks.

You just walk up. Yes, they did have AI drive-thru last time. I did read a thing. They're having new McDonald's AI drive-thrus coming out soon. Great. They did it like a while ago and it like sucked ass

and so they pulled it. But now they're like... They fixed it. It's like it's like 2.0. Great. That's what it would be like if we still worked at Rooster Tatee. Absolutely.

Soda machine. Only Pepsi products. Yikes! I mean, that's just Panned Express. That's how cheap. That's how Chet's how Chia. That's how Chubes. It's not random.

Taco Bell. Also, your beloved Taco Bell, also Pepsi products. Are you talking about? Also, he's on a first name basis with a different Panda Express. Most of them. Probably not, though.

I bet he is because he gives his name and when they see him coming, they go, here comes fucking Daniel again. He'll ruin our day. I bet he knows their name. Oh, no. I don't think they probably know his name. Oh, no. I didn't even think of it that way.

He was like, hi. Hi. How's it going? I'm back. You know he sounds like that. Oh no. It's me, Daniel. I'll take you Daniel special.

Oh, yeah. Remind me what that is again? How did you forget? You know, no. You guys get Coke yet? That's a good one. Well, those are your reviews. Those are your reviews of Pandexpress.

You got it next week or next time to find a Daniel one. Hell. We gotta read it in his voice. Yeah, dude. Incredible. You know he'll pop up again. If you do like at my below Taco Bell on for Vermont at Shepard, when I ask for extra fire sauce, everyone is well trained to know what

that means like 10 extra to use most and a portion in the rest among my firesock package deposits in my car office and home. You have to do that yourself now. Well, if you go through drive-thru, no, if you go through drive-thru, which clearly he does. Do they just handfold? Yeah, they do. They do do that at Taco Bell. They don't get to fuck.

Usually, I usually just say fire sauce and they'll just But I am going, I'm sure, with the walkage and the parkage, he's talking about drive-thru. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If he's complaining about walkage and parkage, yeah. Well, those are yours of you, Nick, edit that. Here we go. Get the fuck out of here.

There you go, no problem. Hey, those are your reviews of Pada Express. We have our reviews of Panned Express. Cantonese Barbecue Brisket. If you go back there at that clab, just loop it. Yeah. Slow it down. Jordan, we'll start with you.

What do you think of what we had today? We talked about it a lot during the episode, but it's got some like usability issues, we'll call it. It's good, it's flavorful. They're too big. I could see this actually working pretty well with white rice in hindsight. Thanks for the tip. A little late, Jimmy.

That's his fault. He could have told us, though. That's true. He already had this information. Printed it out. but the flavor is good. The first bite, I was like, whoa, hold on. This is going to be pretty amazing, actually.

Because it was very flavorful. It was like, it wasn't dry on the inside. It's really moist. Really moist. And it's like, tear it in layers very well. Thank God. When I saw it big,

they were always worried. Like, dude, this is tough. This is going to be hell. This is like Stubbs barbecue. We're fucked. But no, it's real moist. It crumbles.

But yeah, there's just a problem with it where like the more you eat, the more it just kind of loses the flavor. Like the first time you eat it's like, whoa. It's like really hits you. Smaller pieces would benefit. Yeah. And then I think it's just the fact that they're so big.

There's nothing on the inside flavor wise that you just kind of lose it. But that aside, it's flavorful food. It's brisket at Panda Express. And they didn't fuck it up. No, I think they did a pretty good job here. I agree. I think it's going to keep it from like really high level. stuff, but I'm going to give it a 77.

77. Okay. Michael? They did good. I agree with everything Jordan said. I think they did good and I really liked it. 83.5. Why the point five? You want to explain that? Not good enough for an 84. 80.80. 80.25. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You're getting the map in here. 80.25. Yeah, it's too high. I agree with you. I didn't want to give it too high a score. I wanted to give it the lowest I could give it across 80. Just enough.

Just enough. I held up. I think it was good. 80's good. It's good. I held up my phone to show the score and then Nick held up his phone just to show me his phone. Taco Polenke. They have a $2.99 deal today.

He was like, hey, since you're looking. Oh, we're talking? Since you're looking over here. I heard that we were talking now. Yeah. You want our phones to talk? Here. Still thinking it over?

No, no, what? There's a text for Mesa. It's surprisingly good for brisket. Yeah. Oh, shit, she's doing bad. I'm kidding. Way off. It's, uh, it is good for brisket, especially for like lean brisket.

It was moist for lean brisket. Um, it is, you got to eat it in smaller bites because it is a chew to get through compared to everything. else at Panda Express. I don't think anything else at Panda Express is you might benefit from and this is if you want to put extra work in but cut them all in half boost. Yeah. Yeah. Cut them all in half

and then do like a one bite. It might enhance your experience. It might make it easier to mix stuff with. Yeah. Yeah. It's just too big. You can't, you can't fork it and get anything else. Forty-three grams of protein in one serving. That's a lot. That's pretty good, dude. That's a lot. And it wasn't like, I ate all the brisket. I don't feel like overfilled. No, I feel full. Yeah. It's, it's a good

amount like it's a good amount of protein for the size it's not like shit protein and just massive piles of it like it's a pretty like rich protein like meal it's though kind of full i don't feel when i eat panda express because i just eat orange chicken until i'm gorge and then i'm hungry in an hour this does not feel like that if i'm in that orange chicken mode yeah i'm getting the double oh absolutely 100% and i'm eating all of it and then the rest of my day is ruined yeah i feel like shit all day but i did it yep i'm gonna go snagling a couple pieces right after this. Nice. Well, if you want to join us, we're going to be live at HomeBrew Austin. What the fuck? This Saturday, it's 7 p.m. Central Time, but we will be monkeyless. When's this Saturday? The 27th. Okay.

At 7 p.m. Central time, we're going to be live there doing the Michael Jordan podcast. Nick and I can't make it. Because there's no, because there's no monkey. The monkey won't be there. Michael Jordan and myself will be there. No monkey. I kept telling you that. Keep getting that wrong.

Well, is that true? Find out. Be there in Austin live. Is that true? Find out. Eric's head will. Explo. Watch him die live on stage. We'll be doing a Michael Jordan podcast plus more, so be there. It'll be a lot of fun.

No 100% eat episode, but 100% eat represent. Yeah, we can't do it without the monk. We can't do it without the monk. Without the sauce monk, how are you supposed to do that? Who will deliver justice? Yeah. Who will sit there in silence? Turning gray like ET and then going, I couldn't hear my mask.

I couldn't hear. It's funny. You mentioned that. Let me jump into these 100% fan show. Oh, that's really interesting. A 100% fan where you can become that. Patreon.com slash 100% Eat it with 100% fan. Go for it.

It's from Colin who has some marketing for us. Oh! Hello, Bug King Michael. Emmy Award winner Jordan, Sauce Monkey Nick and Eric. Okay. All right. I'm excited to see most of you at this year's homebrew, Austin, June 27 and 28. He doesn't even care that you're not going to be there. Hopefully this year everyone

feels up to par and brings their A game to give an amazing life show. That's awesome. I couldn't hear. He's talking shit about you. That's awesome. What a tea up I gave you. There are going to be a ton of other awesome people there. So get ready for a spectacular weekend. Make sure you get your tickets at homebrewaustin.com before they sell out.

How about that? P.S. Yeah. I donated the alleged expired mountain dew at Homebrew Austin last year. So wanted to let you know I am bringing some better Mountain Dew products this year to make up for my prior gifts. Okay. What are better mountain dew products? They're probably not expired.

Lessics and less expired. We still have them in the fridge. Less is better. You're not going to be there. You can bring them back. We will. Okay. But then they'll be expired.

I don't care. By the time you get back. I come back the next day. Better hurry. It's true. You're missing it by one day. Yeah. Which really sucks.

Yeah. They can't move it for us? No. No, I don't think they can. They told us specifically, we don't care. They said he's not available. Good. We planned around it.

We were banking on this. Yep. Oh, thank God. Other shoutouts. Reed. This one is from Trigger. Hard R if you dare. our friend Trigger

who works at the restaurant Trigger Who offers a bit Uh huh Welcome and hello to eat 100% Where show the try we fast Every food restaurant No to you let you

If it need Do you probably I think I'm activated I'm your Jones Michael host My co-host We're alongside Jordan How are you Jordan How you are Jordan

I'm gonna throw up Bungled it right at the end No no you And we could tell. They made too much sense. Last one, Ken McKee, general message from bellows of Massachusetts saying thanks for the great work and keep at turning Eric Gray. Yeah. I think we can get some more gray.

He's our Obama. You keep telling you keep telling him that you're our Obama, trigger the hard R. Obama. You keep telling him you're not showing up to the live show. We get some more grayes. Watch when I don't. I show up late. It turns white.

Fashionably late. Great. Try fashionably on time. What is this? An airport. That's it. So you can become a 100% fan. Thank you.

Patreon.com slash 100% eat. If you don't want to become a 100% fan, that's fine. There's other tiers. It's not fucking fine. I mean, you don't have to, but I'm pissed about it. Yeah, he's mad.

Just know Michael is pissed. Yeah, yeah. $5 tier, add free. And you get the Discord access. $10 tier, you get the Michael Jordan podcast. and every other episode of Michael Jordan podcast that you're not going to want to miss.

It's really the most logical. It's the one you can become a grackle or for $1 more because you're better. Compleance crackle. Nice hat. Yeah, beautiful. You look gorgeous. I love you.

And then you can get in the Discord. The fan art sub part like section is like my favorite. It's fantastic. There's so much good stuff going on. I'm behind on pinning stuff. Yeah. We'll get to it.

You go to 100% eat. For some merch. You can follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky. 100% eat. And you go to Peelebox 143241, Austin, Texas, 77.07.04, that's sending stuff to P.O.B. 14, 3, 2, 4,000, 100% treat probably pretty soon.

So get your stuff in now. Do it now. Before it's too late. Anything else, Nick? Go Spurs! By the time this is out, it's over. Yay, Spurs! Oh, that was close.

I think that's a bad, yeah. That's a bad sign. Is it? That's a bad sign. Looking like Castle right now, you suck. He carried them last time. Who are you? How dare you?

I'll kill you. Not in game six as far as it goes. What if they just keep tying? Dude, it got so far away from. I don't think I've ever seen basketball go past, like, how many overtimes? I don't think I've ever seen it go past. I don't think I've ever seen it go past three.

Or did you mean games? Yeah. It's the first of four. Right. So what if they, what if they, what if they get to three and then it ends in a tie? Oh. Oh. Then they both raise the trophy.

What if the game, Game 7 is still going on now because there's so many overtimes. You didn't see that coming, did you? No, I know. It was like that Wimbledon match that lasted three days. Yeah, yeah, hell yeah. Anyway, rate subscribe, tell a friend about the Spurs, where we eat the Spurs and talk about the Spurs.

Taco Polenke. And tell your friend about Daniel L. Don't tell anyone about Daniel L. Don't tell your enemy about Daniel L. No kidding. All right, we'll see you next time. Bye, bye, bye. Nice.

That was good.