100% Eat - An Airport Kidnapping - McDonald's Ride Along SUPER SIZED

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

To give him a true cuck chair experience, Our Heroes pick Evan up at the airport and kidnap him all the way to McDonald's. This Ride Along has Nick driving and it's a doozy. Enough a super sized helping of 100% Eat at their best (or worst?) Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, I'm in the backseat. Don't like this. I'm hanging out. My friend Michael. It's you. Jordan, what are we doing? We're en route to the airport to pick up our mysterious benefactor. Yeah.

Ooh. Yeah. Nick's excited more than anyone. So clandestine. Whoa. Do we charge him for the ride? What are you trying to Nicklin, dime guy who paid us $10,000? We're trying to Nick and Diamond.

Dude, if there's a, I saw this. I saw this thing on social media is like this woman complaining that her boyfriend's charging your taxi rates. There's an app on your phone that you can put on the dashboard. Oh, whoa. Taxi rates is like ultimate passive aggressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he won't be able to see it though. He won't be able to see his taxi rates.

Yeah, but we can tell him. Well, he can see when we get there. That's true. And it says you'll know this much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In cash. That's right, baby. Cash or walk.

Ask cash or grass. Nobody writes for free, Jordan. Just cash, please. Yeah, I'll take the, what? grass? Nick said I'll take the and then trailed off. You know exactly.

I was agreed. I'll take that. You know exactly what it was. Exactly. So we're going to go. Cash, grass, or foot? Yeah. No.

I don't risk this shit. I think we're risking at all like Nick driving to be in. So Nick got his big boy car so we can keep that. We did a third row. We had to take out the kid's seat. Where Michael is sitting.

You should have left it in. Yeah. Yeah. You could have. Eric could have sat in it. But we have. Because he went like this. Yeah.

He really liked it. His little legs kicking. But he, we have the accoutrement just in case of he won't know. He'll get so disoriented. Yeah. Michael has his kidnapping equipment. Well, we can't let him know where we live. Mindfold.

And then also. Where the airport is. And then just for his nasal passages. Yeah. Oh yeah. So he can breathe good. Yeah. Yeah.

It's smart. I got to make sure. We've got to place it once because I didn't bring extras. Yeah, he's not going to know. He's not going to know anything about this, dude. He's going to rock. Oh, should I not have told him that we were going to kidnap him? Oh.

Oh, he knows he's getting kidnapped? Yeah. Is that okay? Does that work? It's probably. Well, it's good that we get him to agree. I figured he'd be more agreeable. Yeah.

Yeah. But also, we're covering our bases. Yeah. Right. He can't come at us later with some frivolous, it's true, woke lawsuit. Especially against Nick. Yeah.

Who, again, is the driver in this whole thing? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, we're just along for the ride. Who's to say we're not kidnapped too? Yeah. Oh.

We couldn't stop him. Yep. We tried. He kept saying he was going to tickle us with a feather if we tried to resist. I couldn't find anything. Yeah, right. Couldn't find any clean ones. Yeah.

Can you clean a feather? No, you just got to buy a new one. Yeah. Damn. That prices of feathers and oil have gone up, too. Way up. Yeah. The Dow is down.

feathers are up sky high floating away Jordan is he ready for this kidnapping or what? I actually didn't tell you I think he What? No we're on the hook Dude maybe we might be kidnapped I feel like he's gonna be ready

like for a while I think his plane landed a while ago yeah well he's getting ready we're gonna throw him off his guard yeah anytime you like anytime you meet the boss you gotta make wait yeah he's like tarmac you know we sit there and we're just like wait for us to kidnap him.

He very well could still be like, you know, on the time. He's not. Yeah. This is Austin, not Dallas. We'll prepare to kidnap him from the cell phone lot. Yeah, there you go. What's the backup plane? The satellite lot?

Yeah, we'll wait. We'll wait till you're ready to be kidnapped. That's right. Let us know when you're ready to be kidnapped. Do you think he carries a lot of cash? We're going to have to find out. Okay, we'll check us pockets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll say it's to check for weapons, but really just to see if there's any spare cash we can take. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, there you go. I don't know why we have to keep stealing a nickeling dime. He's very willing to give us money. Exactly.

That means if he's willing to give us this much, how much more does he have? Whoa. That means he won't be keeping track of all of that. He probably just gave a tiny little fraction. Yep. He just gave us a taste. Little taste. Little lip.

We want the whole meal. Nick, Nick wants it bad. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, he's not. What? Little nip. He can't wait.

Wow. I don't like writing up here. Yeah, that's good. It's crazy in the front seat. I don't like this. Yeah, you're definitely a car cap. Yeah. The front and the back is the...

Hey, there's a car there. Yeah, the shirt is. It was safe, I feel like. God, I hate this car. And I'm just gonna be blown vaping his face. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, and he's like, I have asthma. I'm like, it's not.

It's only vapor, shut up. You're making it worse. The metals. So we're not going to the cell phone lot, right? I think you probably shouldn't go to the cell phone lot unless he's outside. Is he outside? He's not outside.

He's not. He landed already. Right? Right, but he doesn't just just, automatically transport outside. Yeah, I know, but he landed a while ago. Right? Did he land? No, we were driving here and he said he goes,

that was a while ago. We were driving, it feels like forever. It was like 15 minutes. Nick, just has not been just 15 minutes. Just drive up front parked. Get the ticket. We can do a couple laps. If you want to do laps, we can do laps.

Yeah, burn the gas. And then you have more of a reason to shake him down for cash. Ooh, now we're talking. Now we're talking. He can't wait. We weren't talking before, but now we are. But Nick's been thinking. And to be fair, talking for weeks.

Yeah. Money. You know, dude. Gotta find a way to make money on this guy. Off a lot of guys. There's only, what is he talking about? Well, this is. Are we all going to tile in and ride around on this S&B to make money off a lot of guys? This is step one.

What step two? More money. More guys. You do this at scale. Hey, you bring a friend? Yeah. You're part of the whale club, right? Yeah, right?

You guys have like a meeting, a monthly meeting. Yeah, yeah. You just like trade caviar. A monthly meeting where you give Nick money? That's what I'm talking about. Could be step two. It is what he's talking about. Wow, it's...

Well, look at that art. Look at that. Wow. There it is. In Austin. Oh, what's that? It just looks like part of a car that was an offender person.

It's like, I don't know. There's probably a piece of art that was an offender by. I've never been to the part with the Waterburger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is the cell phone lot. I've never been to the subway part. So you've been to this water burger? Yeah.

Is the subway new? Have you been to the Texas? I picked up this water burger for people who are flying in. Was it other kidnapped? Yeah. You do other men? You do this a lot. Was there other men?

You shouldn't hurt. No, but they gave me money. Keep it as vague as possible. Dude, I am. We're going to name this video. Yingling! One Nick in paradise. Yingling.

Yingling. This is. Yingling, yingling. Good beer. Anyway. Good beer. Sounds fun. He landed 10 minutes ago.

Right. So he's outside waiting, right? Yeah. Is he sweating in the heat yet? Sweltering. I mean, on the plane, maybe. I mean, it is fucking hot. Dude, it's 81 already.

Yeah. It's still winter. It's March. It's March. Yeah, but it's only March. Yeah, we're all ready to spring. Give it some time. March, more like arch.

Whoa. That's a bit of a sneak peek, except it's not because it's come of that after. Yeah. Tell them what we're parked. come walk. Come walk. I'll drop a pin.

Yeah, hell yeah. Drop a pin. Come meet your fate. Is this your first kidnapping? My first, yeah. My last? Fuck, no. Especially when we get the more guys.

You get a taste. Yeah. Yeah, it's like an addiction or whatever. And the money, but the guys, you get a taste. More guys. Where the fuck do you go to get out of here? Go, uh, go the way you came in. Okay.

I mean, you can go to the right over here. You can go that way. Yeah, if you can hang it right, you can go down. You can go down. And go. And then you hang a left here. You go right, go right, and then your dog causes a car accident. And then you hang a right here.

Okay. And then turn around and go to Waterburger. And then you follow this. I've been there before. You've been there before. Not the subway, though. This is the tiny, the poorest road I've ever seen. The playground?

We can have him and be like, welcome to the office. And then just follow this out. Okay. Woo. He's trusting you. This seems. This doesn't seem right. There's road work ahead.

There's road work ahead. Dude, this sucks. Oh, by the way, it's like, so right. There's no, yeah. I just remember. And everyone's going 80 miles an hour. Also, I forget every time that it's like, oh, here comes the parking,

then it's actually further up and actually there is, the sign is like, you're on the sign for parking. And then all of a sudden, secret lane. Secret lane. It's true. Secret lane. It likes to trick you. Sucks. I've gotten, I've gotten a couple times. We're gonna throw him in this back seat, right?

Yeah, well, I'm not really gonna throw. I'm gonna hope he just complies. Okay. Yeah, this one right here. one. Yeah, well, not today, though. We're going to rival. This is a rental. Okay. This is a Wendy's.

Sir, this is a. Sir, you're being kidnapped by Dave Thomas' 's ghost. Finally. At least Wendy's is doing something. All right. Should we have brought masks? I mean, at least a monkey mask. I feel like four guys rolling up to the airport getting out of a black SUV should wear

ski masks. I agree. And I'll be like, I got my vape. Then you're ready. Get in the fucking car. Sorry to think we didn't put enough thought into this. So we get out and we fuck him up or we just have it. We'll get out. We'll be nice to him for a second and then because we'll trick him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll trick him. Okay. We'll take care of his back. Yeah, yeah, we'll take care of his bags. We'll probably. Where do we put him? Do we let him bring back? He should be at the very end.

There you go. That way the least amount of witnesses. Yeah. See, that's smart. I hope people are watching this and they're going. I hope people are watching this going. What is going on? I feel like, I want him to say, they've explained it, but I don't understand.

They're kidnapping them? But why are they doing? Man has paid us $10,001. That's right. To sit in the cut chair. And we thought we'd plus up the experience by kidnapping him, blindfolding him, putting a table over his mouth,

throwing him in the car. And then, you know, in lieu of an NDA, we're just making sure he doesn't know where we live. That car just stops. And he's not allowed to use his phone once we get there. His car's insane. Do not give him Wi-Fi. Yeah.

Nobody gives him Wi-Fi. He'll get all our data. She you're right. Where is he? Oh, fuck. He called the cops. Jordan, where is he? I don't know.

All right. He said he's all the way. At the end. There's too many people. There should be a guy holding a sign saying, kidnap me. Yeah. Right.

All right. Michael, let's get out and get him. I don't know where the hell he is. Well, that's why we have to go find him. Okay. Well, you said get out and get him. We have to get out and find him. We have blindfold him out there?

Yeah, well, we have to go out there to get him. Well, yeah, we would blindfold him too when he's in here because it might be hard to find him. That's why I fucking asked you. Yeah, well, it's good to know. Did he fly to Austin? Yeah, what did he do? What did he get the right flight? Yeah.

He came to Austin. What if he flew to Boston? He's in the, uh, the dreaded staff. He said he's in the end, right? Oh, Jordan said he's happy. Where is he? He said he was here, hold on. Oh my God.

This kidnapping's going terrible. This is a bad. Okay, he is on the upper level. He's coming to lower level. That's departures. That's not where we're supposed to. He did this is a lot. He's not where he's supposed to do.

He's doing this in an honest mistake. He's not. He's rich, not smart. Should I run up and get him? No, he should wait. He says he's, he's... Oh, dude, this is, this is Jordan's worst nightmare.

We're gonna shoot away. The cop's not even in his car. No. It's probably off looking for some... He's messed up. He tricked him. He tricked us in his own... Oh, dude, is he kidnapped us?

Oh my God. He tricked us in his own day. He wants to make sure. He's got four blindfolds and he puts us on on a plane. No. No. No. Where will we go?

Actually, now it's not interesting. Yeah, George's actually kind of into this. this. Jordan likes, he wants to know where we're going on a trick. He wants to go back to go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back home? You want to go back home? Get some tacos? Go back home. Like, back home? Like, I need my helpful fly-fi medicine.

Like, Palib, what is the fuck? Oh, no. Nick's a nervous. Nick, you said that we're gonna fly somewhere. Nick immediately got nervous. Oh, dude. Oh, the anxiety's creeping up. For sure. Foot guy? Yep. Nick has, Nick has a peanut and emms that need to be frozen and eaten. What the hell are you talking about? That's his, like,

thing? For flying? Yeah. He eats, he freezes, ask him, he freezes peanut M&Ms. Why? Like they're hard enough. There's any peanuts. I think so too, but he wants some ice cold. And they hold, like all the way to the plane? No, they get, they get down to room temperature. So look, I've had this whole conversation with him.

Was it on another show? Yeah, I already talked to him about his peanut em and everything. It doesn't make it sound as normal. What you mean? It's like, he freezes the peanut M&Ms. Right, they stay cool. But they stay frozen by the time you get on the plane? No, they're still cool, though.

Is that your medicine? No, that's additional. Okay, it's additional medicine. Oh, what if he's coming out? What if he's hiding in the... Oh, do you think he is? He's hiding in the trash. Do you think he's hiding? Oh, maybe. That's what I would do. I would hide in the trash. I'm pretty scared. You mentioned flying. Yeah, you spooked them. Do we, did we figure this out? Do we know how to roll this back or do we put them in the trunk?

Yeah, what do we have... Push the button up there? Whoa! That's awesome. That's a great. Is that AI? It's actually really good for Kidness. Is that AI? Yeah, that's actually really good for Kidness. No, it's not... Oh, it's cool. This is pre-AI. And then after we get him face down,

we throw the sunroof thing over at. And no one will know eyes are. And no one will know. You didn't know who's back there? Yeah. I forgot. Didn't he clean it out today? I cleaned it out yesterday.

Okay, but he still looked at it. Well, there's plenty of time for people to add stuff back here. And I forgot overnight. Oh my God. And why'd you leave it yesterday? Very busy with all these drugs. So where did, where do you think he went? Do you think he's going through screening?

Do you think? I think it, does anybody know what he looks like? I didn't bother. We had that, we had that video call with him, but I have my eyes closed. So that way he couldn't see you. Oh, I was fucking glassed during that. They started doing a thing.

I was vibrating. Where they started telling people that you can go up or down or like pick people up and it doesn't matter. I feel like it does matter. It matters when we're trying to do this. Yeah, it matters and it's confusing to people. That's what I'm saying. What's going on?

You can get nervous. You can get picked up up top and it just makes everyone confused. Well, you're not, you can't, I mean, it's supposed to get picked up up top. No, they tell you that you can. It's a whole thing. But it's a rivals. Why? I don't know. Is this arrivals?

No, this is arrivals. So I don't. Top ones departures, but also it's arrivals. Oh, no. Let me check. I know this area is for immediate loading and unloading. Okay, here he comes. And I feel like this is pretty.

It's becoming intermediate. Okay, don't know, he's, none the wiser. Everyone's cool. Everyone's cool. This is good. All right, everyone's cool. All right. This is he has, he's got no fucking idea, dude. What?

What do you mean? Too close. Save it for him. What's the problem? Save it for him. We're talking about. Oh, the man himself. Oh, wow.

Whoa. Jordanie, more gifts. There's more gifts. There's more gifts. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow.

Oh, wow. Oh, excellent. He's already, he's already, he's got it before. A question to meet you. Okay. Here's your microphone. Okay.

You can just clip it. You can just clip it to your shirt. Okay. Like kind of higher up. Yeah, just like that. That's good. And then let's take care of your bag too. And we can throw it. Nick, I'm gonna open the bag.

Okay. I throw it on the ground. You'll make sure there's no bombs in it. Yeah. We go. All right, cool, you can throw your bags in there. Wow, that's tiny. Dude, yeah.

This is like no space. Well, the third row is optional, dude. The third row is optional. Yeah, I know third row. Well, third row is not option. That's why we have it. Okay, cool. Yeah, it could be money.

Yeah, it could be. All right, all right, get it. All right, get it's a sleeping. All right, get them. No, it's your blindfold. Yeah, but it's a nice one. Yeah, leave the hat on. You know, you know, where we're going.

Hang on. Hang on. Where's the mouth tape got? This is a much of the kidnap. You're letting you put the blighton. Okay, okay, now we have to, give me a second. It's not peeling. Come on, dude.

It's fine. You told me this was like good. You told me it was fine. Guys, I don't think we should kill us. We'll just run a flowers. Okay, hang on. This is to make sure you don't stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is, okay. And we can do the mouth when we get in the car. No, we're going to do it. Hang on. That's okay. Okay, that's good. That's good. Okay, so you can breathe.

This is good. Okay, okay. And then hang on, we're almost there. I feel like it could be easier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we wanna help you. We don't want you to die. Yeah.

Let's just cut my nails. Wait, we'll do it inside. All right, all right, wait, grab my hand. Okay, good. Thank you. Good, careful. He's gonna, there's a curb. Yeah, right in front of you.

Wonder. Okay, you're good. Okay. And then the car's right. I got it. I fucking got it. Just gonna like lift the blindfold a little bit. Yeah, yeah, take a peek. Start helping you.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, you're right. It's fine. Everyone, it's fine. Okay, he's getting in the car. Okay, here you go. And now, this is, just put this. Guys, this is going on. Don't worry, this is beard safe.

All right, is it too late to undo this? He brought his flowers. He brought his flowers. Look, I'm having second thoughts. But he acquiesced to being kidnapped. This is. Go, go, go, go, go. This is the craziest.

All right, all right, all right. All right, this is great. All right. Why didn't anyone stop us? Yeah. I know, right? I think it's because it was There's a cop car right there.

That's what it's gonna bring up. Stop, you can't talk. This is what you paid for, right? Wow, those flowers are really nice. Thank you so much, Evan. Those are great flowers. Those are beautiful. If you start to get cars sick, you can smell them back here.

You can mumble. Once we get out here, he's gonna be so fucking disoriented. We don't know which way we're going. We don't know where anything is. Because we could be driving. against traffic. Yeah. And that way you don't know where it's.

He's never been to Austin before. Yeah, right, right, right. Any idea. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? He looks fucking crazy right now. The tape. The tape.

The tape. He just got off. Oh yeah. That's good. Hide them. Hide him from the authorities. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it against the window.

Put it against the window. There you go. Oh yeah. There you go. Nothing to see here. Everything's fine, officer. That lady just got a car accident over there. Oh, no.

Are you serious? You missed it. You're good. That was a distraction. Right now the cops are dealing with that. I'm sure she ran into the curb or something. This is like the Italian job. Yeah.

That's so cool. Was it a car by itself or another car? Yeah, it was just her. And you're telling me Nick planned that. So that way we can get away. Well, he's the Jason State of me. He was planning, all right. So she's going to take a bit of a spill on the way out.

Bro, he thinks Jason things him in the car. All right, quick, let's get back to that water burger in the southern lot. Yeah, so yeah, we're going straight to the food now. Evan picked this food, by the way. So this is, this is all him. And Eric didn't tell us what it was, but I'm here of guest. I was going to eat breakfast this morning. Yeah, at 10.31.

Yep. But there's, but there's excitement abound that you guys don't know, which is very, I'm very. What? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I mean, I'm pulling a bouquet of flowers.

Now that we're on the highway, Evan's disoriented, do we want to, uh, now that he has no idea where he is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Evan, we're gonna unblindfold you. Okay. You're gonna blindfold yourself now. Okay. Cool. Yeah, I'm not touching you. That's okay. Cool. And you can take off you get that.

The, the note tape is up to you. Um, if it helps you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's up to you. You kind of like look like an athlete. So it's pretty cool. Um, Evan picked McDonald's. Correct. Oh, okay.

And on the day of days. Yes. For the big arch. That just came out today. And here's something special. Uh-huh. Why are we going to McDonald's? I have never had a hamburger at McDonald's in my...

Oh, you take the great day then. Okay. Well, you're going to have something they've never had before. Isn't that nuts? What if he gets hooked? What is he's so into it? I mean, it is nuts, but also he did say he doesn't really eat fast food. Yeah.

Oh. there. Yeah. You were crazy in this video where he's like, yeah, not really mad. No, he said, Oh, no, it was oh.

Yeah, it was oh. No, no. It was not mad. So just so you know, the whole ride here, Nick was talking about how we can nickel and dime you and get money.

But also kept saying, there's other guys. Yeah, he kept saying this is step one. When we asked him what step two was, he said other guys. We don't know. He said guys. No, I did not.

No, I did not say, other guys. No, I didn't. I don't know. This is classic Nick. No. This is. Evan, you got a front row seat.

We told you what this was gonna be. It's not something that I wouldn't say. It's just something I did this. Today. You said it. It's on the video. I'm sure I said it many times after you did because I said it, but I wasn't step two. It was different.

I didn't say it was step two. You did just say that. No, Eric was describing this step. Oh, whatever. You sound the same. Do we have anything at the house that we can use? A vase. Yeah.

As a vase. Yeah, we have just like a stupid. So like kind of like a Snoopy cup. Well, here's a shirky cup. Yeah. I mean, I could probably, I can see a Walmart in like one hour delivers. Yeah. All right, Michael's on it.

And this is step two. Is that what's happening? All I hear is we're about to spend more money. Yeah. We are. We are. We are. I don't understand still.

We are on a toll. We look. Oh my God. Can you cover the toll? Is this like a ploy to make up for the taxes situation? This is, no, he's been talking about is the taxes situation. He said today if it's a gift. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah. $28. I was reading more. I don't know if it's too much. Okay, here we go, $4. He did research. I did.

I read it. Because we want to do it legally to the best of our ability. Right. Yeah. Just claim it against my, what is it, like 11 million? dollar lifetime tax limit yeah there you go see I didn't know there wasn't a 11 million no it's true there is that's fine I think we're learning a lot about the system it's like a gift it's like a gift thing are we going to the regular McDonald's we

always go to yeah why the one that likely what the one that's gonna have it the one that's gonna fuck this up so bad gonna fucking have it I don't know where else did you want to go don't look at I I just don't look at me I'm getting up fucking face, bro. Well, you asked it in a way that tell me you don't like that decision. Well, he's, he's scared them. Well, we just don't like that. But they're gonna have it, but we don't.

Yeah, sure. We don't really have a choice. We don't. There's one off 183, but it doesn't matter. We're gonna go to Nick Special McDonald's. Where, back there? They're gonna have it. Don't worry about it.

What road do you think we're on? I don't care. None of this fucking matters. Where the fuck are you? Oh, I see. The further one. Yeah, I got it. Okay.

Well, you go to that one. There's a McDonnell. They're literally off of this road. could go to either one. It's about to hit that car. I thought he was going to start swerf in. This is what you, he does to you. Yeah, it's right.

Yeah. There is like a new McDonald's up here. I don't think it's open yet. No, it's not. I know that one. Trust me, I know that one. That was one that like popped up out of nowhere. Out of nowhere.

It's like next to a Dutch bros. Which also popped up out of nowhere. They built them overnight. I swear, I swear the helicopter like brings them in in a crate. It opens up and it's just a crate. It's one Dutch Bros and seven workers that get way too friendly about taking your fucking order. And the part that drops off is the parking lot.

Yeah, exactly. Right, that's good. Oh, did you get the vase? Boom, it's good. Hell yeah. Get a nice one. Okay, driver tip. No, it's $4.

Oh, hell yeah. That's nice. That's nice. Good, that's good. It still costs $20. Add it to the tab. Yeah, I am. All right, we'll go to the...

Boom, ordered. We'll go to the other one. I want you to go to, Nick. Yeah. It's not that I wanted to go there. It's just the one that I defaulted to. Oh, right. Another, okay.

I gave a cute name when he's on board. Now he's on board. He got so excited about a Nick. He's just still riding high off Taco Polinca. Oh, I sure am. God, I got so sick from Nora virus later that week. Oh, God. What the fuck?

Hey, can I write back? Wait, no, what the fuck? It's not, yeah. He has been upset sitting with a thing. It's not transmissible unless I vomit or shit on it. Why did the thought of the taco polandke? Well, because I was worried. I was so sick after that.

Archie and Amanda got it, and then I was like, well, I don't want it to ruin Taco Blanket for me. Because, you know, the last thing you throw up kind of throws off for a while. You get tired of certain foods if you get sick on them. So I, if you didn't have. But you threw it up and you were like, still tastes good. Didn't throw up that day. So it's totally fine.

Seven salsas. Seven good salsa. They taste just as good coming up as they did going down. What a reveal? Oh, I had neurovirus later. Right, I was worried about it ruining Taco Polenke. And it didn't. I ordered a vase and I looked up and I know what's going on.

I'm with you, man. I'm about to mouth tape myself. Remember Gracie's in a picture with duct tape on her mouth? Yeah. Yeah. Gracie said, we should get. the vase within 30 to 50 minutes. Yeah.

Hell yeah. We had some early morning Gracie texts today. I know. I had to mute it immediately. I was driving. It was so early. I was taking my kids to school. And it was like, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling.

And she's like, pretzel, pretzel, pretzel. I was like making a cup of coffee. Yeah, I had to put up your ass. What did you say? I think the toll road's over at this point. So you're done. No, no, no. No, no, a $2.90.

Oh. Oh. Is he? Is he? Dude, would you like to be reimbursed? No, I'm saying I don't think there's an exit quick enough afterwards. Let me look it up. What McDonald's are we goddamn going to?

Oh, I see. We're just, so get off here. Yeah. I was asking you. It's a fucking question. Eric, don't laugh. Don't fucking laugh at his question.

You think it's funny? It's not funny. Are we going to one on the, oh, fucking toast. I mean, you could have to get off. The one on, the one at Ed Blustein Boulevard's coming up, but I think that's the month's not open yet. That is, yeah, the one back there. Well, why the fuck is it showing up then? I don't know.

Jordan keeps sniffing the flowers. He really likes them. likes me so much. I'm so pleased. Don't, don't show up on GPS if you're not open yet, asshole. The $10,000 I was like, okay, maybe this guy's cool. He brought us flowers. I'm on board. Jordan started em buckling his belt. There's a, there's like probably like an old woman on the plane going, oh my goodness, he's, oh, my goodness. He's, he has them on the plane and not bought them after he got off. Yeah. Yeah, he had him on the plane the whole time. You're dumb. What? What are you talking about? They're on the plane. Lovely. They're definitely from the vending

machine. We're going to. We're going to the one in... I know, because I'm familiar with it. I did that once. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 8,500?

Yeah. He's that way? Probably. I mean, it's close. Yeah. I thought you were saying he was close. No, no, it's close. Okay.

So this is... So we're going to the McDonald's that we spend... It's three minutes. Yeah, we spend a lot of time at this one, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is our favorite. We're about to go to the McDonald's where we spent so much goddamn time.

This is what we saw someone get arrested? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We phoned you got getting arrested. Oh, we're gonna go inside, right? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Well, we'll cut the ride along and we'll pick it back up. This is a super jumbo-sized ride-al.

Yeah, it's a three-partum, though? Well, yeah, because of kidnapping. It's not that. But we've had longer. Yeah. Without kidnapping. Remember that time we went to Taco Cabana? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's like an hour long waiting to get this fucking food. Remember that time we went to Chuck Echise? We got into and then we had to get done on time because, B-Bee! Uh-huh. I do remember. Oh, my God. Look how that turned out.

Look at us now. We were just kids then. What a mess. I wore a nice shirt and everything. This is how I get to the box every time. I'm telling you, he loves it. Do we have to U-turn or left turn? You can U-turn.

Do whatever the fuck you want. Go insane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This, by the way, was the McDonald's I was about to come to do this morning. Oh, shit. He slowed down.

Yeah, that guy was going insane. break check me so so and then I texted this morning yeah I was like hey what are we eating today or is it a secret yeah because normally they tell me and I just don't listen yeah so I'll ask and Eric was like it's not a secret but like do you want to be surprised or should I just tell you and I went uh just tell me is it McDonald's because I'm going to go get McDonald's because I'm it's McDonald's yeah so I held off and I didn't get it I got thought about and it wasn't it wasn't because I won't eat it because I won't eat it again it's because it's fucking huge yeah it's Big.

Yeah, this is like, it's 52 grams of protein. Yep. Big one. This is. You're picking a special one for your first. And you say hamburger, not only is a cheeseburger, three slices of cheese. Yeah, Dewey. So close.

What? So close. All right, we're going to stop. We're going to stop down and then pick it right back up. So this is like, this will be like while we're trying to do. But this will be like one of those things when, you know, the police are investigating. Yeah. And they look at the security footage and they go, this guy wasn't kidnapped.

He was coming along with him. He wanted it. This is our evidence. Dude, it looks like I'm my phone, but I'm always working. You know, now I'm turning the house down. Well, did we get that vase or what? Okay, so while we were in McDonald's, the second base I ordered, also out of a stop. But they offered a substitution this time.

Oh, that's great. Which they didn't offer the first time. Uh-huh. But also the substitution was the same vase I ordered the first time that they said they didn't have. Then they said, hey, you know, approve this or deny the substitution. I went to it. There was no option to. And then it approved itself.

And it's like, all right. It's good to go, so I'm just waiting for them to realize you don't fucking have it. Yeah, but they're going to offer a substitution. It's going to be the first base again. That's going to be great. I mean, if we get it, we get it. Yeah, that's all that matters. Also, it's a roller coaster, man.

Just want to point out, I haven't fixed his glasses. Yeah, while we were in there, they broke. My God. I mean, he didn't fix him, but he just shoved it back in. I can't believe they held. I'm saying, they're cracked right in half. Pretty impressive. You can't even tell.

I thought he had another pair. Pretty impressive. I'm fucking full. Yeah, I'm cool, too. And I hate it all. No, I hate it all. I can't believe that. Energy levels of drops of the last cut.

So how did you feel about your first McDonald's burger? It was, I think, higher quality than I expected. It was pretty good. I think this burger is, actually. Like, not, let's not get crazy, right? Like, if I'm putting McDonald's at like an eight, this is like an eight point five. Yeah, okay.

Oh, that was it. But I'm putting it in an eight. Most people would be able to do. Thank you. It was a good burger. There was a lot of fucking. cheese. Yeah.

Which is, there was so much. Three slices makes a difference and also just the type of cheese. Yeah. White cheddar. Yeah. White cheddar is like decadent. I think it was thicker anyway. Yeah.

Even if it was just two, but having three of them, it was cheese sitting. Here's what I will say. Fucking skimped on the sauce. Yeah, they did. I don't. I mean, even to my level, not Nick. Like every, every promo, it's fucking exploding. They put it on the top and bottom.

They're on the top and bottom combined was still nowhere near as. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. It's different sauce. They weren't even splitting it out. Now, I'm assuming maybe they're just like, we have to, we have to conserve it. They probably don't have so much.

You're gonna fucking run out. They are. They will run out. Today was technically the first day. I know. They're put that much fucking sauce. Fuck you. I know that there were places that had it yesterday.

Give me big fat fucking sauce on day one. I don't give a shit about their fuckers getting it later. Yesterday wasn't. I showed up. I showed up. Give it to me. Yeah. So today was, today was day one technically of this burger.

So we really jumped on it. I really think they're going to run out of that sauce. Dude, they should keep that burger. Yeah. But they should. They won't. That was good. They definitely won't.

There is a world, though, where I can agree with me. It can be nice to offer in a single world. Yeah. Just call it the arch. Right. Yeah. Little arch. Little arch.

Little arch. Yeah, that's what's going to wrap. Single arch. Like St. Louis. Yeah. Isn't that just like an arch? It's like, it's like. Eh?

Yeah. I was asking it. It was today Arch Day because it's March Day because it's March third and it's a bunch of that was smart like a three three three three side way it's not because like ms we're getting to the bottom of yeah they should you should work for marketing for McDonald's yeah you should you should get the CEO for video we can replace you with Joe oh hell yeah oh can you just do it with Joe did you do with Joe not anymore we can't yeah yeah I talked to him the other day

oh that's good yeah he's still living on the edge yeah he Does he like not eat fast food anymore? Well, I mean, is Chipoli fast food? Oh, is that like his thing? That's GOSR. That is a quick service restaurant. That's right. Right, right.

I mean, he's all about the macros. He definitely would not meet him to tell you that. 53 grams of protein, I heard. Yeah. And other stuff. Dude, a thousand calories for the burgers. It was really funny when we were checking out because we bought five of the combo meals. It just told you the like,

total sum of all calories. It was like, 6,700 calories. This is how much you bought. And then it's because we just ordered it with five coax, which I was surprised they actually filled up our coax. Yeah, it was blown away by the other. Yeah, they never got it. And by, yeah.

By blown away, he means pissed. Yeah, I was actually upset. And so we're like, well, if you want a different soda, just go to different soda. And so Nick and Evan went over there. And then Nick got in your ear. Oh, yeah. I would have not thought anything about it.

Nick got in your ear about the syrup. Nick doesn't let it. Look, to water. Too watered down. Tasted water. Tasted bad. If Nick's thinking, you know about it. You're hearing it.

He's saying it faster than he's thinking about it. You filled in for Eric, though. That's all. Because it would have been me over there and I would have walked back. We went last time and he went, just get me out. Yeah. They got avocado salsa. Dipsy doo.

God, we can do it. He didn't say Dipsy do. I don't remember it, but I probably did. Okay. Now here's the thing, Eric. I was having fun with you. I was actually, I was actually, I was doing. was actually trying to create you said, dude, gypsy do.

And then you said I didn't say that. So is that where you disconnected? Don't have fun with this guy. Because he's not worth your time. You're right. You know what? He's not having fun. No, you're not having fun.

Another ride along and we're talking about Eric not having whimsy. What? He doesn't have whimsy. He doesn't have fun. Fun am I supposed to have. He doesn't have. Make fun, fool. Fool?

Fool. He that is you. Hey, fool. Have fun. Have fun, fool. Have fun, fool. Yeah, come on, man. You got to make your own fun.

Dude, if you can have fun at a sauce bar, where can you have fun? That's what I'm saying? At the bank. I can have fun. We had fun at the bank? We had fun at the bank. We had a lot of fun at the bank.

We got to have a lot of fun at the bank. We were like doing bits for the guy. Yeah. I had fun of the bank twice, because then I did it again with Alfredo. We did it again for regulation. And then that's what... With the black lady.

She was like, oh, crazy. And she had this giant couple of monsters. Oh, hell yeah. I started going off on like tangents. She was like, what? And I looked at right and went, just drink your monster. Stop asking questions. Drink your monster.

Nick kept telling Jeff that he's his best friend. Yeah, we were like, we were best friends. We became best friends at the bank. Was this for the same guy who played Warble Warcraft? This is a different guy. If it was for that guy, it was way cool. way cool. This guy was nice, but not as fun.

Yeah. The other guy was like... Usually, if you want a private show like that, you gotta pay $10,000. That's what I'm talking about. $1, 2001. That's right. Should we like them?

Just a little bit more. You certainly don't... God, you. Those people would never. And not only... More guys. More guys with money. This is the...

It was very much the offer as I described it as the Pepsi jet situation. We threw out a silly thing that wasn't real and then someone took us up on it. And they were like, we're not going to be Pepsi. That guy didn't get a jet. I sued him. And he's like, where's my fucking jet?

I got points. That was this situation. And they were kind of discussing in this. And Nick's going, oh, I can buy that TV. Fucking, woo. Yeah. I know. I'm saying.

Eric was going, I can't believe this. And Nick's like, honey, buy the dreams. We do need your curtain rods. That's what we're waiting for that check to clears that we get by curtain rods. What the fuck? They are $200 to $400 for this. That's crazy-ass curtain.

I'm sorry. Are they diamond-encrusted? You should get some fucking dowels or something, dude. What are you talking about? A dowel do? We'll do a little dowel we do. All right, well. Come on, have fun.

Yeah, why are you having fun? Where's your whimsie? The whimsy's here! Where's your whimsy short bitch? That's a tough. See that doesn't. That doesn't. work you're a short bit he's the tallest one here turn it around on him all right

every look down okay yeah yeah it's working we're coming up soon to where you could have seen my my wheel marks oh that's right are they gone now yeah oh yeah yeah oh they're gone father time eroded it yeah just driving on a fucking rim you like turning up here and you can start to see it you get a couple blocks we drove we drove we drove through it when it was like the next day and it was like oh fine Michael was here yeah it was like right here third like right you could just see it was so big it's gone now it sucks it was a great it was a great fucking scar did it ever even happen yeah you don't know the rain washes all the way

oh wow that we just need some rain see yeah whimsy oh wow whimsie whimsical wimsy whizzie wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy wimsy whizzie whizzie whizzie whimsie Whimsy. Getting a lot of Drew energy. I don't want to play. What, from Eric? Don't think of Drew. I saw Drew the other day at a, at a, like,

sandwich shop. Was he panicked? No, he was getting a sandwich that he wasn't going to eat. Were you back in text lines? You're a fucking sandwich. I'm going to eat this first. What the fuck are you talking about? We came here for this.

I've wanted this forever. I've been waiting my whole life for this. this peanut butter and jelly bacon and Elvis sandwich. All right, time to get firehouse. Dude, what? Fucking nuts. Madness. We're here.

Where's here? Here's my car with birchia. Exactly. Good move. Funny. Where's the third one of these? I have the third one. Oh, okay, thank you.

You have to let him out. I don't know how to. I don't know how to. Sorry. Now you're not used to having a prisoner. It's true. Yeah. You can tell because we're at the end of the,

long car ride and Michael just wanted to get away. Do you want your bags? I do. Okay. Well, just one bag. That's fine. Come on, gross. Thank you.

It says it's on the way. Yeah, man. How is it? We got room. How was it on the way? No. Whoa, what happened? What did happen?

Were we attacked? What is this? What happened? We were attacked. By what? What are those? Okay, that's interesting. Whoa!

These are clams. It's like a clam. What the, But also, I had this inside. Really? I don't know if it's another one. Did I leave the, I left the door open because you were trailing us.

No, but like when I walked out, the door was open. And it was windy. It might have blown all the way from the kitchen counter. This was on the kitchen counter. Normally we go through the garage. Or it's alive. Well, Nick doesn't have a garage. I do not have one, no.

I see. This is where that dead bird was. Oh my God, it is from here. No, it isn't. It's another one. What? So what is going on? Look, there's another one.

one. We're crewing them. It's just the wind done blowing it. I mean, this is from nearby here. Okay. So they're just blowing them onto our porch. It just got blown. Yep. Oh, that's crazy. Welcome. This is it. This is what it looks like in person. There it is. You have no idea where you are. It's the TV.

Yeah. What we were talking about? He wants to buy a TV. No. I can't always take that one for free. No, that's... No, you can't. That TV's going somewhere someday. Let's show the fucking trample. Oh, hell yeah. You want a tramp out? Uh, be safe, yeah. No golfing. No golfing on the lawn.

We didn't put that sign there. There's somebody. They sure did not. That dog likes to bark. Don't worry. He can't get you. Oh, good. Oh, you're fixing it.

Well, it doesn't look good. The wind. You got to make it look good. That'll be on the ground. Now it looks good. No, well, I guess it's not saving it. Tadda. The whole trampoline.

Here, we thought we'd get a video of you bouncing on it, and then we could post it. All right, then that's the end of the ride along, and we'll see you next time. Thanks for the flowers. Yeah, thank you.