100% Eat - Applebee's All You Can Eat Boneless Wings, Riblets, & Shrimp

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review the Applebee's All You Can Eat Boneless Wings, Riblets, & Shrimp so you know if it’s worth eating. They also talk about Graysie double dipping, the guy living in the booth, the state of the bathroom, Taco Bell cereal and more. Sponsored by Fitbod http://fitbod.me/FACEJAM , Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com code FACEJAM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every single new fast food creation that has ever come out or ever will come out to let you know if you need it. If you think we missed one, you're an idiot. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Today, I truly am feeling like we've tried every single fast food creation.

You've taken some of your clothes off. I have. I'm laying down. You're laying down in an undershirt, which really just makes it look like you just woke up and you're on a couch. You're like, you're woke up at your friend's place. Like where am I? Yeah.

Hung over. And you're like, it's exactly how I feel after eating Applebee's. Applebee's all you can eat. Boneless wings, riblets, and double crunch shrimp. Any thoughts, Eric?

You going to pick your microphone up at any point? What's up? I don't feel good at all. Yeah, this was the episode for Gracie to miss if she was going to miss one, and she is. She is. She couldn't. Well, we took so long at Applebee's. We took so long.

Two and a half hours. What was the drive to get there and back? I don't mean we were there for two and a half hours. The whole thing was two and a half hours to do. It's 2.51 when we're starting, and we met at 12. Yeah. It was like 12.10. It was.

Whoa. Applebee's is doing... Applebee's is doing all you can eat, and it's a challenge to you. Yeah, it was a challenge. Gracie couldn't make it because she had to go to therapy. Yeah.

But to be fair, she made the appointment at Applebee's after eating it. She was like, I need to go now. She was like, I don't know if I keep doing this show. It's not really you guys. She was eating and going, something has to change.

Where did I go wrong? This is the rock bottom I've been hearing about. We were all telling her, it's not too late. It doesn't have to be this way, Gracie. Yeah, we were all telling you. It's like, it's not too late. It doesn't have to be this way, Gracie. You can turn it around. Yep. I was going to say, the term all you can eat does sound like a challenge,

which is why I always think of how they changed it at Disney resorts to all you care to enjoy. Is that for real? So that they don't put an onus on you to eat as much as you can in some sort of challenge-like fashion. They're not throwing the gauntlet down. It's simply a buffet where you can eat

until you don't want to. I guess I was out of the loop because I never felt like a gauntlet was thrown at all-you-can-eat buffet. I do. Is Nick nodding because he agrees? He feels that way. He's not at an all- can eat buffet We go to McDonald's

And he goes this is a challenge And he tries to order as many things as he can Every meal is a contest If anything All you can eat is a relief to me When there's Nick Cause at least it's like Fuck it you can just get it

He doesn't have to beg for it Right Then he begs for the brownie anyway He doesn't have to whisper Can we get this? But he'll whisper about something. Ooh, a dollar. You just knew

that's the example. You just knew exactly how to push him. You gave him just the smallest little push and it just sets him off. It's like giving him permission to do his worst. Yeah. You're an

enabling parent. I found him with a glue bottle he was about to huff and I opened it for him. I want to see where this goes. He was like, I can't get these pills open. Oh, you got to push down and then turn it. I don't do any pills. Oh, candy. We

were going to do this for a Spittin' Silly episode But then you weren't allowed to leave the house It's limited time But it's regular food But then we ended up not being able to Right, because you weren't allowed to leave your house Let's be clear why we didn't go

Disgusting the Spittin' Silly I know, I just wanted to bring it up In case they didn't want you I drove 35 minutes to a doctor's appointment. Guess what? It's being discussed now as well. Uh-huh.

Not my choice. No, but I don't do a podcast with your wife, so I'm going to take it out on you. Yet. Yeah, give it time. Never know. Crossover.

So we decided, oh, we'll do this for... The crossover? We'll do this for Face jam because it'll be fun like it'll be fun we'll go to applebee's it'll be like a like a goofy thing and um well the only applebee's is either 30 minutes north or 30 minutes south they're like none in the city limit so we've chased them out yeah jesus friday's applebee's your next chili's i don't know if actually even that 45th and Lamar one is an institution.

It's toast. Like that first ever In-N-Out. They're closed like the first ever In-N-Out. Did they? In the world? Like, yeah. I think that's like ever opened. It's the first one that's closed because they were like, too much crime.

Oh, I didn't hear about that. Wow. Yeah, they were like, we can't. This sucks. That's awesome. You know what's cool about that? Is that Applebee's would never close a location because of too much crime. No.

In fact, they would shift their sales pitch. Need to lay low? Come on in. And get their appetizer sampler. Do you need a place to live? Do you need a place to lay low? And also somewhere that will take the bloody money you have? We will.

Do you have three stars right now? Come lay low. We know how to wash dye packs off of cash anyway, so bring it in. We do that as a hobby. Do you need to get an Amazon package delivered, but you don't have a home address? Applebee's. Let's talk about this guy. Okay.

Man, it's a shame Grace is not here because it was like yeah she was two of you it was mostly gracie and i were we were sitting next to each other at a very weird table it was the strangest table i'd ever seen you all pointed it out when we sat down then the waitress pointed it out and was like do you want to sit here because people don't like sitting there and i was like it's perfect i loved it because it was fucking weird it It was so weird. It was a long oval table, but it was in the corner, so the booth seating did not wrap around the whole table. So it was like there was a seat on one end, a seat on the other end, seating along the whole length, and then just one in the corner across.

Yeah, like a nub. A little floater. It's like the table was kind of like a table you'd see at a poker tournament. And then imagine a booth going around 80% of it. Yes. Maybe 70% of it. I'm so used to like Michael being across from me, like directly across, but he was like over in the corner. Yeah, I was on the end because I was like, I ain't getting trapped.

I get too fidgety. You weren't even directly across from Gracie. I wasn't directly across from anyone. No. It was bizarre. trapped and I get too fidgety. You weren't even directly across from Gracie. I wasn't directly across from anyone. It was bizarre. There was a gap in the booth that didn't exist but I was also next to Nick. Just far away next to him.

Next to but far away. I was in between Eric and Nick but Nick was four feet away from me. It's very similar to now. So Jordan and Gracie were blocking uh another guest we had a view of the of the end of the restaurant and in the table in the corner the whole place was empty on our side except for this guy it's just a dude sitting there he had a bunch of like tote bags with him like grocery tote bags and a bunch of you're not you

wouldn't normally see at a table yeah or in a booth at applebee's roads uh stuff that most people wouldn't just be carrying around at least not to a restaurant yeah like maybe to and from your car really stuff you keep in a car if you had one right really in your house really had in your house really had us wondering what was in those bags and um i think uh when i first like clocked him and started asking questions was he was talking to an amazon guy where did that guy fucking come i don't know because then he went and sat down at the bar so he was talking to the amazon guys one a was one p.m. i raised the talking to the Amazon guy. One Amazon, one beer. He was talking to the Amazon guy. I raised the question to the table. Do you think that this guy got a package delivered here to the Applebee's? I definitely think so. I think the Amazon guy probably came in to use the bathroom because his piss jar was full in his truck.

Dude, what the fuck was that bathroom? It was not good. I don't want to sidetrack from this story here. Nick said he came from the bathroom too. So it all links up. It's all starting to make sense. Not in a good way, but

in kind of like a lynching way. So over the course of the hour or so that we were there, we saw many things happen with this guy. He just kept going. He did. He went across the aisle to another table at one point and his bags were over there and then our waitress was putting stuff in the bag as well like candy and then she took one of the bags yep and we were just so confused so so that's when it shifted again to like does this

guy work here and not live here and then we went back to he definitely lives here because the last thing we saw him do was put on deodorant just at the restaurant at the booth standing up in the middle of the area putting deodorant on he didn't lift his shirt he was doing it like through the through the collar she did hang on what hold on nick just nick just wrote a note and he said i forgot because he forgot this happened that our waitress hugged both that guy and the prime delivery guy dude it was something going on there's something about there might have been there might have been a polycule situation oh i'm just saying oh i got a network it's been on the rise lately they got a network going i'm'm just saying. The social network. It's a social network.

What the fuck? That means if someone else starts dating one of them, they get all of them into the polycule. So this could be like a... You know how they do... They'll do like a work sports club or something. You know what I mean? We're going to get, we're getting like a baseball team together or something from people at the office. Maybe it's like that situation where they're just like flyers up.

It's like, anybody wants to hop in? You bring your bags in. Anyone wants to join my softball team or my polycube? You can bring your bags in. He came in to borrow the deodorant. I'll give you deodorant. You're just seeing flyers for it. You take a little tear off on the bottom,

join a polycule. I'm in. Oh, fuck. What was I going to say? I was saying, based on the people at this Applebee's, I was not going to be surprised if we saw the dude who crashed into Gracie's car walk in. It's that kind of person.

You said that? I wouldn't be surprised if he walked in. He would walk in and he would be the manager here. Okay. In a sense of talking about that guy being like, oh, this is a normal person. A real world person. Not like a good thing, but these are the people that exist in the world. These are the people. And some that like doesn't have insurance or whatever

and he's like i know a guy who's a friend of my friend i got a picture of my license that's exactly what that that applebee's was like a couple a bunch of normal people yeah normal people real normal people here putting deodorant on so so the jury is still out on what that guy's deal was i gracie and i even talked about like should we like walk to the bathroom and like walk by and So the jury is still out on what that guy's deal was. Gracie and I even talked about, like, should we, like, walk to the bathroom and, like, walk by and maybe, like, sneak a peek at, like, what's in those bags and, like, try to get a better sense of what his deal is? Who is in those bags? Yeah. Uh-oh. That's probably the question.

Uh-oh. It's probably good that you didn't go to the bathroom. Right. Now this is something you and Michael and Nick got to experience. Nick went to the bathroom, didn't tell us anything. Came back and said nothing. Yeah, Nick came back. Well, no.

He said that he heard about these two guys talking about eating at Red Lobster. He saw the Amazon guy and the guy who maybe lives in the situation. I will say that if I went into that bathroom and I came back, the thing that I would remember is that those two guys were talking about Red Lobster in there more than everything else about the bathroom. That, what the fuck were they talking about

about Red Lobster? They want to eat there? The Amazon guy worked there. Oh, the guy who lives at Applebee's. Maybe homeless guy? The Amazon guy had never been there. He wanted to go. He's not homeless. who lives at Applebee's. Maybe homeless guy? The Amazon guy had never been there. He wanted to go. Oh. He's not homeless. He lives at Applebee's. He works at Red Lobster.

That all makes sense. And then he gets hugs and bags from our waitress. The Amazon driver had never been to a Red Lobster and then asked when that guy was working. So that way he could come in and check it out. Then that guy immediately started panicking.

Yeah. Because he didn't own shit. It's in Canada. So Nick came back and told us that about the bathroom. He didn't say about how it felt. Anything else. And then Michael went to the bathroom. Yeah, I just went to the bathroom before he left

because it was so far away. I was relieving myself before we were relieving ourselves from the bathroom. Yeah, I just went to the bathroom before he left because he was so far away. I was relieving myself before we were relieving ourselves from the restaurant. Right. And I approached the door and was just hit with like, you ever watch crime scene shows or whatever?

They're like the stench of death. It was one of those. It's like a wall. It was like, ugh. And I was like that's a septic issue or something yeah and then i walked in and it looked as bad as it smelled and so it's like we'll make fun of apple bees but like it it still was like a fine like taking care of establishment it was only kind of falling apart it was cleanish right it was a little bit falling apart but it wasn't like it wasn't like the whole vibe was like oh oh, this place is dirty and smelly.

We didn't notice that one of the ceiling tiles was holding five pounds of water in it. But even still, it was like, look at that one ceiling tile. This was like, oh, this is like, it was the bathroom of a fucking shitty dive bar. Yes. Not an Applebee's that people are eating at at one o'clock in the afternoon it had it's not like i i just want to make sure this this picture is right there wasn't stuff everywhere it wasn't dirty in a way where it was like fuck this place is fucked up right like there's trash but you walked in and the lighting was fucked. It all just looked

run down. Yeah, and the stench was so powerful. It's like when you people like on ghost shows, it's like, I feel an evil presence. Oh, 100%. Like I instantly started having eaten what we'd already eaten and then walking in, I was like, I'm getting a headache.

I'm getting a headache in here. It was just like a film in the air. Gross. Did it get on you? I must have. Honestly, I'm getting a headache. I'm getting a headache in here. Like, it was just like a film in the air. Oh, gross. Did it get on you? I must have. Honestly, I think it followed me back. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's a conjuring situation.

We need to put it in Annabelle. We need Jennifer Love Hewitt. We, um, remember when there was, like, that septic issue at the office in, like, the one bathroom, and they needed to, like, put water in it or something because it was like letting like sewer gas kind of like Whose bathroom? At the other office No. What's the other office? You talking about the bungalow? No the animation

one. Oh. Because I remember when that happened at the bungalow and Blaine and Chris were like did you what did you do to our office? Yeah. We didn't do anything. And they kept insisting that we'd done something. Because also we made a stink barrel. Yeah.

And it was just a septic issue. So they were just searching their office for a prank, but they were just sniffing turds for like a week. It smelled like that. It smelled like that. And if someone had been smoking cigarettes and lighting toilet paper on fire. Next to a dead body. It just smelled dead and rotting and fire.

It's not like, oh, what's that bad smell? It's like, oh, there's death here. It's like what I imagine the world of Walking Dead smells like. Yes. Oh, boy. That's what it was. I came back from the bathroom and looked at Eric, and I was like, you're going to want to say no.

You're going to want to say no. He just went for the episode. Just for the content. Somebody else needs to know. You got to walk just to the bathroom. Because it's going to, what, does it smell bad? And then you'd say, well, I don't want to go there. Yeah.

And it did. But not like someone just poo-pooed. No. It was just like, no, this is constant. In a totally unreal way. This smells like this to go there. Yeah. And it did. But not like, someone just poo-pooed. No. It was just like, no, this is constant. In a totally unreal way. This smells like this all the time. Yeah. All day. It gets to a point where it's not gross, it's interesting. It was. That's exactly what it was. I mean,

it was both. Yeah. For sure. But. It's gross and interesting. Sure, yeah. It kind of smelled like the zoo where, like, animals were, like, you know, there's like an unwellness that's a great description of applebees yeah it was fucking the whole applebees situation is like i have to be really careful with apple applebees because it like scratches a little white trash itch in me

yeah where i like being scratched oh i i really enjoy back home oh man when when you get one of those you get those boneless wings and they're fried and they're tossed in some fucking dog shit sauce and there's french fries and it's just like this is all i could legitimately eat that every day i could just be like that's it for me and i have to be so careful not but he's not happy about it no no no yeah i mean that's not it's not an it's you're proud of no no no no no no but but there's a real pull there for me well good good thing they're so far away they are so far away it's like oh you want to go to applebee's no i'm not on slaughter lane like what the fuck it's crazy boy it's exactly the same as when we went the first time and the second time.

Which Applebee's did we go to the first time? The first time we went to one that's closed now. No. Is that the one over by like 290? Yeah. Okay, yeah. The second time. That one was close.

Yeah. That was great. The second time we went to the one that's on like Lewis Hena. Yeah, we went all the way up there. Mine's a Round Rock. And that was supply. Yeah. That was great. The second time we went to the one that's on like Lewis Hanna. Yeah. It's like way up there. Mine's a round rock. And that was supply chain issues.

Mind you, you say that other one closed. We pulled up and thought this one might have been close. Yes. Oh my God.

Dude, I forgot about that. There were two cars and a lime scooter in the parking lot. Yeah. And the Applebee's sign with the marquee under it,

the marquee was totally blank. Oh yeah. And it was like, uh oh. And Eric just goes, no they're open, they're open, they're open, they're open, they're open. totally blank. Oh, yeah. And it was like, uh-oh! And Eric was going, no, they're open, they're open. They're open, they're open, they're open. It's not that he could tell, but it was definitely, it was manifesting it open.

He was worried, but definitely manifesting, just in case. It would have been like an hour drive to the other Applebee's. Gracie definitely would have missed her appointment then. Yeah, and she was not going to miss Applebee's. She needed it more than ever. Yeah, after eating that, uh-huh uh it is exactly the same it's fucking crazy it's so crazy how applebee's is exactly how i remember it 10 years ago and two years ago and four years ago how about five years ago yeah hang on yes okay let me read this haiku.

It's only been 20 minutes. For a half hour episode? We kind of loosely floated that. If it ends earlier than an hour, you know why. Just a harmless bite of the forbidden apple. Doomed to eat it all. Whoa!

That was good. That was very good. And it really describes Applebee's. I feel doomed and cursed. Yeah. What a... What a trip. Hold on, what else happened here?

We need to talk about some stuff that happened with Gracie because she's not here to defend herself. Eric was very excited about this. So we opened... A sta with Gracie because she's not here to defend herself. Eric was very excited about this. A staunch Gracie hater is really excited to hammer her while she's not here. Absolutely. Well, I was ready to hammer her when she was here and she just decided not to be here

today. Yeah, she decided. So when we sit down, I open the menu to the first page and I immediately see pretzels. And I think it's funny to be like, look, Gracie, it's pretzels. Isn't that funny? Yep.

And she goes, I know. I looked it up before we got here. She told me before you got here. And I just tossed the menu. It was like a fucking course. I can't surprise anybody. Oh, so how many pretzels are in an order? Well, it comes with four pretzels.

Oh, okay. There were five of us. Yeah. And then one of us said we didn't want a pretzel, Gracie. No. Oh, so how many pretzels are in an order? Well, it comes with four pretzels. Oh, okay. There were five of us. Yeah. And then one of us said we didn't want a pretzel. Gracie. No. Oh, it was you. It was Eric. It was Eric. And so that sounds fine. You get one order of pretzels. The conversation was, oh, we need to get two orders so Eric can get one. So we have enough for Eric. And Eric

says, oh, I don't want one. So it's perfect for one order. And then Gracie's like, I want two pretzels. And he's like, but if we get two orders then we can all get two. We'll get two. We we can all get two we'll get two there are this tracks so that's what we did yeah so we got two orders of pretzels while getting the all you can eat food yeah dude yeah dude nick got a brownie nick got dessert too the one dollar brownie that he was like and then michael went you want it? And he went, yeah. It took him no time.

I went, I couldn't let it go to waste. You could have said, I don't want it. He didn't order it. I mean, I did because he's like, brownie. And I went, and he's like, I don't want to get it. And I went, yes, you do. You want it? And he went, yes, I do. And then I went, he'll have a brownie, to get it and I went yes you do you want it and he went yes I do and then I went he'll have a brownie

ma'am and then he got the brownie and he went it's a dollar it's a dollar he'd be losing money if he did yeah at least that's how I would feel stupid monkey math oh my fucking god dude just like... Also, I turned the menu over and saw

Aaron Paul and Brian Cranston. I was like, everyone turn your menus over. You did say that. Then we had to get their drinks. Turns out they became friends on a hit TV show. They didn't say which one. I'm not sure which show they were talking about. I don't remember Aaron Paul being on Malcolm in the Middle.

No, he was on Seinfeld maybe? He was Reese. That was Dewey, baby. Remember Dewey? This is him now. Yeah, he played young Joe Dirt in the Joe Dirt movie. He did. He got left in a trash can.

So they are doing these drink specials that we also ended up getting. They're not on the rundown, but we ended up getting these drink specials. They had Dos Hombres Mezcal. Two men. It's Spanish for two men. It's Spanish for two men who met on a critically

acclaimed breakout hit TV show. Television program. But they are mixing Dos Hombres with The Rock's tequila Terra Mana. He was not on the menu anywhere. No, just his name. That was the only drink that used The Rock's tequila,

right? All of those. They all did? Those three all did. Oh, really? I thought it was all Dos Hombres and then a little special The Rock. The one that you got, you guys got the Breaking Bad meth-looking drink because it's blue. And that's why it had the rock rim

that was blue also. I was thinking of Malcolm in the Middle the whole time. What does this have to do with Breaking Bad? It's just a show. Yeah, but like, are Brian and Aaron fans of it? Brian and Aaron? Brian and Aaron?

Fuck it, that's so weird. Cranky Cranston. Using a celebrity's first name. Fred Durst. This is my friend Fred. I don't think anybody calls him Fred. He's Fred Durst. I thought you were going to say,

I don't think anybody calls him friend. Fuck. So we got the margarita things or whatever we got it and uh the mezcal was prevalent to all of us it was more like a martini yes um it was yours yours came out first uh smelled like which i thought was very strange that it was so staggered. It was a big gap. This is when I kind of started having worries about how this was going to go. They didn't have the right glasses. I don't think they had the right plates either, to be honest.

They had the plates that they had. They had some plates that got wiped down. Me and you got martini glasses. Michael just got a little shorty glass. Yeah, you got like a highball or something yeah it's fine and it was fine it was just she just came over and she's like we do these drink specials and they don't even have the right that was another thing that was like in those glasses i'm used to hell yeah i was getting concerned about the vibes when she would come over and start slagging off her co-workers. Oh, I like it. That's awesome. I thought that shit ruled for sure, dude. And just ditching at Applebee's itself.

Yeah. That I'm all for. It turned when, at the end, Gracie wanted a to-go box, and she's like, you don't want to put another order yet? And she goes, just to have it to go? And she's like, yeah, I mean, we're not supposed to do it, but who cares?

And I was just like, awesome. She came out with a double order. Stick it to Applebee's. And then even the riblets, when we got the riblets, it was three orders of riblets. She's like, here you go. She's like, yours, yours, yours. One more.

Whoever wants it. And she put it down. And then we didn't take it. And nobody wanted it. Nope. Oh, damn. Yeah, that's when I did a 180. I was like, okay, now it's awesome.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was an awesome waitress for it. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share. To each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil.

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Happy tastes good. But we should get to the facts and learn about Applebee's. We only have five minutes left in this episode. But then I have to get to the facts. Yeah. Like, some of us physically need to get to them. They're on the floor. I got them.

Did you hear that? Yep. That was the sound of grabbing. It's on the other side. Nope. All you can eat boneless wings. No, that's my part. No, stop.

No, other way. Oh. There you go. Jordan was like, I'm getting angry for some reason. Yeah, Jordan. Something's being taken from me. Our previous Applebee's episode was released November 22nd, 2021, where we ate the Cheetos boneless wings and Cheetos cheese bites and received an average

score of 34.5 that was a long time ago that was a long time ago I can't believe that was that's when it was Morbin time isn't that crazy I remember that specifically and as some people may know we'll have another video coming out

with Gremlin Larry we dropped off some some uh wings and shit for him some double order and he was he was fiending over the uh the cheetles dust yeah and that's when because he kept saying he was morbid over it yeah oh that's right that's how i know the movie was out he took him he just kept saying i'm morbid for these and he even went on to explain because in the movie he's got's like the good blood, but then there's like the fake shitty blood. Good morb, bad morb. And he was like doing shitty morb blood, like knockoff shit,

to try and get the taste of the Cheeto dust, but it wasn't as good. And he's like, I'm over here using the shitty morb. I need the good morb. I just kept saying, Larry, lose my number. Stop texting me. This is like not on Slack. This is him texting me after work. Larry,

it's 3am. You gotta fucking stop. He was doing a thing where when this was out, Applebee's, you know, they would deliver, but they wouldn't deliver to his apartment. So he was having delivered to like a friend's place or like down the street.

So he could get it. Did he know you could just get delivered to the Applebee's? What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. He was moving zones so he could get the Cheetles delivered to him. I've done that. We brought him. I've done that for

like something good. There's that app GoPuff and I was out of the zone and not for that. Well, some people do it for that, but like they were one of the only places during the pandemic that were like delivering COVID tests.

Yeah. So I had it delivered to the office and I just, it was closed. The office was closed, but I just camped out and waited for them to drop it off. And I picked it up and left. Awesome. That's pretty cool. When we drop, if you go to facejampod.com, you can watch this video later of us dropping off food to Larry.

And on the way there, it was, oh, he's going to ask where the Cheeto dust is. He's going to ask where the Cheeto dust is. We dropped it off, and he's like, oh, yeah, awesome. He starts eating it, and he's like, oh. Yeah, he was very excited about Applebee's. And then went, oh, no Cheeto dust. I mean, like, not that he expected it, but he had to joke.

Oh, yeah. Because it's his favorite. I called that one pretty well. Oh, yeah, that was pretty good. All right. After high turnover in the 90s into the 2000s, Applebee's turned to, quote, gamification and leaderboards to increase employee retention. Oh, that sounds like a great idea.

Having servers earn badges for upselling items or cooks earn points for taking a quiz about when they should wash their hands. What? We're going to test a similar system here at Face Jam, but we really expect the hand washing question to trip up the monkey on the regular. So really, this is anyone's game. Let's play.

Why'd you capitalize the P? He's just playing. I love that it's for servers to upsell items, but they need to include the back of house people. What can we get the cooks to do? When do you wash your hands? And they go, all the time.

And they go, Crate, you earned some. You're on the leaderboard. Never. You get a gold star. Fuck. Do you think that helped with the retention and the turnover? Probably not. That's probably the next fact.

It worked great. Dollarita Steve, who broke the internet after, quote, slamming Dollaritas, during an earthquake in the city last week, has partnered up with Applebee's, the restaurant chain announced on Monday. I think this is my magnum opus, said Dollarita Steve. I don't know what any of this means. I'm glad because I'm rereading it as Michael says it too. Dude, I know, right?

And I'm reading it like, this guy's I'm reading it out loud going, this guy's reading it wrong. But those are the words on there in the order that they were meant to be read. And the commas never stopped. Jordan has sat up and is leaning forward to further investigate. Michael, let me try.

Go for it. Dollarita Steve, who broke the internet after, quote, slamming Dollaritas during an earthquake in the city last week, has partnered up with Applebee's, the restaurant chain announced on Monday. I think this is my magnum opus, said Dollarita Steve. No, it's not any clearer. I feel like you tackled it a little bit better than me, but you had heard it once. Where's the earthquake? The commas just keep coming.

I was like, how many commas deeper? I know. You keep thinking the sentence is going to end, but there's just more commas. And then another sentence is just going. Did Applebee's announce that there was an sentence is just going. Did Applebee's announce that there was an earthquake in the city? Did Applebee's create an earthquake? Like, what is... Do we have

an earthquake machine? Who is Dollar Eats? Dude, I started wondering that. Once I got to the earthquakes, I was like, I'm not even going to ask. I'm just going to keep going. That's kind of when I perked up. Dude, that's when I started

slinking in my chair. Okay, this one's super relevant because let me tell you this. Yep. It says a week ago, but in our timeline, this was yesterday, I caught wind of this minutes before it happened. Yep. Just a week ago, you know,

when you're listening to this, Applebee's launched their Date Night Pass, a 52-use pass that has a $30 credit on it to be used weekly. The pass cost $200, and Applebee's sold out of them in 30 seconds, crashing the site and leaving customers upset. We have not received word from Pasta Pete on if he bought the pass, and we will have to change his name, but we're thinking it would be Apple Pete. Imagine eating

an Apple Pete once a week for a year. Tony tried to buy one. Surprise. But even he didn't get one. I heard about this at $10.58 yesterday and it went on sale at $11. And I was like, oh my God. There were like three people in that

room that pulled it up on their computers and the second it went live, it was sold out. Yep. The second. And so I was like, they could not have sold more than a few hundred. I refuse to believe it. Like, I understand people like buy shit immediately.

I mean, all they did was- It's not a PS5. It's promotion. Yeah, you know? It was seconds. I was so upset because I so wanted to come in today and have the Applebee's pass and go, guess what?

30 bucks off. Every week we're going. Dude. You can use it 52 times. It's like slightly over $1,500 if you used it every single week. It only costs $200. The only problem is you got to get an Applebee's.

The problem is you have to live with the consequences of your actions. Both. I mean, we just went there once and we're living it now. I know. Which, if you watch Ride Along after this, it'll come out tomorrow, it's Michael trying to explain that to Gracie. Like, the consequences of your actions.

She's like, I feel so bad. And Michael was explaining, right, because you are normal and you are feeling bad right but imagine that you feel bad all the time then that's what your normal is and so it you still feel bad but you forget what feeling not bad was like exactly yeah and that's where nick lives taco pass on steroids and that's why every time when nick goes i don't't feel so good, I don't care. Because he lives in the bad and he makes it bad every day. He makes bad decisions every day.

And so this is funny, also in the ride-along, as I was explaining to Gracie about living in that pit of despair, and sometimes if you feel bad now, just keep eating more bad things. It won't get better, but your brain will trick you into thinking it got better because you'll forget what it was like to not feel like this, which is terrible.

And don't ever let up either because if you start feeling good again, then you'll never let up. I thought your analogy was right of you're underwater the whole time and if you come up for air, that's not good for you. Yeah, that's bad because you're going back down. That's bad. You're going back down. You're going back under.

And you'll remember what it was like to breathe. And then that's when somewhere then somewhere in there Nick started talking about how that brownie he didn't want and I ordered it for him. And I said you are responsible for what you put in your own mouth. You are a grown man. You are a grown ass man. Nick ate everything. He ate the pretzel.

He ate all he could eat. He ate three offerings. All three offerings on the all you can eat menu. He definitely took it as a challenge. No dessert left behind. No one thinks there's going to be a dessert left behind. Here's how it doesn't get left behind. I don't want that. It's not ordered, and it's never made,

and so it's never left behind. Did you see the part where I said I don't want this pretzel, and then I didn't eat any pretzels? It's like that. Yeah, but when you said no pretzel, you made us order two. I didn't make anyone do anything! You did. Yeah. You did. Kind of like a Rube Goldberg. You made Gracie eat three, actually. Oh, we haven't even gotten to

hammering her. Oh, there's time. Let me finish this last fact. I know I'm getting there, guys. Face jam? Date pass? Do you think that's a good idea? We're going to do something. How can we do it? What kind of stipend should we give the bugs? I was thinking we sell a little card or something

and it's like, if you ever see Nick in public, he has to let you wear the mask. And you also gotta take a picture with him. Or you get to. We could sell that for $500. And that doesn't get you an appointment with Nick.

But if you happen to see him and own this pass, and it's good for one year. Also, we only sell like two of them, so it sells out in two seconds. And people go, and Tony bought one. Surprise. All right.

Hi, I'm here. Oh, great. This last fact. In 2012, the year the world ended, Applebee's instituted a bees late night campaign to-price apps and drinks after 9 p.m., but a Central Florida Applebee's took the idea to the next level, creating Club Bees, a nightclub within Applebee's, complete with club lighting and full DJ sets. Since Applebee's corporate quickly shut it down, Which fast casual chain do you think is best suited

For Tuesday night body shots And a dollarita wet t-shirt contest Maybe like a Pluckers Or maybe we can do it at an Arby's Someone died at the Arby's in a freezer Is that something for this? You gotta think about it What could it be?

I have A list of candidates No no I have... A list of candidates. No, no. I have a... Let me tell you, that bathroom smells like they turned it into a fucking... A few photos from the Applebee's Club Bees event. I like that photo. Oh.

They're in a polycule. There's this. There's that photo. Oh. They're in a polycule. There's this. There's that. Wow, life. This is cool. Let's make this place. It turns into a nightclub. Let's go to there.

Central Florida Club Bees. Did they just use the dining area for this? Well, Florida moved the tables. They didn't add on to it. Florida used to be a lot more purple. I wouldn't fly now. Yep. No, sir.

No, sir. No, sir. Yeah, so they move all the high tops get moved and stuff, and then it becomes Club B's. Wow. I'm just glad that DeSantis can get back to being governor. Meatball Ron? Don't say that about him.

The boots are off so he can walk normal style. Yeah, I'm glad he can finally take those shoes off. The boots and the body armor are coming off. Fucking ridiculous. He never shook the meatball Ron thing. It's so good. It's fucking meatball Ron thing It's so good

It's fucking Meatball Ron It's fucking perfect Meatball Ron It doesn't make any sense You could just call anyone a meatball It's not good The fucking nicknames don't make any sense

But they're They're deaf Politically Devastated Because they're so dumb They're from the mind of a fucking moron and the morons that love it they're like I love meatball

Ron DeSanctimonious was too big so then he went meatball Ron one time meatball Ron one time rinsed dude is fucking done remember when he was winning?

Like before he entered the race? The people, do you know about this? The people that he paid to like run his campaign in Iowa. He paid like a super pack to do it, right? He did. He paid like 30 million. He had like this insane amount of money

and it was like, we're gonna put, we're gonna pump this much money into Iowa. You're going to win Iowa. It's going to be this big thing. It's going to be crazy. The amount that they spent per voter ended up being around $30,000 per person, and it's the same people who ran Ted Cruz's in 2016 when he got fucking washed.

When he got fucked. When we found out his father was a Zodiac killer. Why would you hire him? It was when certain other candidates called his wife ugly. Yes. And then he said, thank you. Thank you. I endorse you. I will make

phone calls for you. My evil daughters, thank you. Thank you. He learned a lesson. He grew a beard. That's true. Remember that picture with like the hair and everything too God what a fuck I'm so fucking sick of these people Don't worry it's only just begun I can't even make jokes anymore

Well let's learn about the food Our previous Applebee's episode was really Nope no What No I'm getting mad All you can eat boneless wings crispy breaded pieces of tender boneless chicken tossed in your choice of one

or six sauces classic buffalo honey barbecue sweet Asian chili garlic parmesan don't get that one extra hot buffalo and honey pepper you're right about that one I wish I got the sweet Asian chili served with signature coleslaw endless classic fries and blue cheese or house made house-made buttermilk ranch dressing.

Waitress had a lot of opinions about ranch. Yeah, she did, and she was right, though. Oh, 100%. Well, yeah, because you agree with her because you're from the same place, apparently. Basically, yeah. She's like, I'm from New York, and we started shitting on ranch. Yep. These fucks here.

Yep. These fuckers with their ranch. She didn't say that exactly, but it was close. Right. I mean, it's like these peopleitting on ranch. Yep. She's like, these fucks here. Yep. These fuckers with their ranch. She didn't say that exactly, but it was close. Right. I mean, it's like these people in their ranch. It's certainly what it felt like.

That's what I'm saying. And then I said, I'd like mine with ranch. Yeah. And she went, of course you would. Of course you would. Yeah,

and I went, he's a California boy. I'm from California. So, which one, before we move on to the next one, we got the extra hot buffalo one We got the extra hot buffalo We got the garlic parmesan

And I got the honey pepper Did you guys get any of the other ones? No I didn't think so I was just curious I should have got the sweet asian chili Michael and I both got garlic parmesan And you got the extra hot buffalo

Did you split it up or were they all full? i think it was full orders she just brought them both out yeah yeah she didn't give a fuck yeah i can't imagine eating another order of those guys uh well certainly not the garlic parmesan they were so goddamn wet and greasy so greasy and not at all what i was expecting like long grates yeah Parmesan cheese. Usually it's like dry, maybe a little bit of sauce. Like just enough to stick the crumbles. Yes. And that's it. It was

sopping wet. And they were just like a pile of grease on the plate. Like all of them are greasy, but I mean compared literally to the extra hot buffalo to this, I was just like, that makes my stomach hurt. That's what it was. It was butter then, yeah?

Yeah. It was butter. And then, like, you were talking, it is shavings. Huge pieces. Giant pieces. Not like if you were to grate cheese. These are like if you were to take a knife and cut a shaving off of a thing. Shaving strips.

Unmelted. Totallymelted parmesan. On the top of these fucking wings. It was so weird. Unmelted, pretty par for the course with like grated. Yeah. But not strips of cheese. No. It was very, very strange.

It was very strange. Did I kind of talk like that? A little bit. It was very, but I had to double down. Very strange. Did I kind of talk like that? A little bit. A little bit. It's a berry, but I had to double down. Very strange. What are we eating at Applebee's? Homestar Warner is my favorite.

All you can eat, riblets. Expertly cut from the most tender pork for delicious bone-in flavor. Applebee's riblets are slow-cooked and come dripping in either honey barbecue or sweet Asian chili sauce. They did not give us an option. Served with signature coleslaw and endless classic fries. I feel like we got the honey barbecue. I mean, they didn't ask which one.

So you guys got the honey barbecue. That's pretty awesome. So they were expertly cut. So it had delicious bone-in flavor? It had... It had taste. It had sauce. It had the sauce? It had... It had taste. It had sauce. It had the sauce.

It had a taste flavor. But it was boneless? No. Expert? No. See, I don't even think bone in is... Bone ish. Yeah.

Bone in is not the right word. I call that bone have. Yeah. Bone ish is also very good. It's just these little... Like... Nubs. Tiny nub bones in the middle of them. Why were there...

In every bite. Yeah, they look like knuckles. You guys are eating pig knuckles? He's whispering over there. Knuckles, knuckles. Yeah, but he's whispering... I don't care who your favorite Sonic the Hedgehog character is.

Charmy B! It's just Elba. I don't understand How there were any bones in them at all He's canceling the apocalypse How were they bonish? I just don't get it Well there's bone like things

That's it I think someone put bones in them Got some bones We better re-bone these riblets. Added after the fact. Get the riblet bones! And it tasted like McRib meat. Like, not good.

I wish. Like, no. I wish it tasted like McRib meat. It's like a slab of it that was, like, made in a laboratory. It really did look like that, like, lab-grown meat every time they show it. Like, this could be what you're eating in a laboratory. It really did look like that lab-grown meat every time they show it. Like, this could be what you're eating in two years. The first bite, I was like, okay, this isn't bad, and then I ate the rest of it

and was like, what are we doing? Why were there bones? I don't understand. Guys, we're 15 minutes over, or 30 minutes over. Get to the last goddamn part. Press material. No, no! Oh, shit, there's one more.

Oh, you can eat double-crunched shrimp. No, no. Oh, shit. There's one more. God damn it. Oh, you can eat double crunch shrimp. Crispy battered double budget. I can't do it. Crispy battered double crunch shrimp are fried golden brown. That's the sentence. Now is where you'd expect a comma. Now you expect a comma and you get hit with a hard period.

What is with the copy in this episode? Crispy battered double crunch shrimp are fried golden brown. Period. I'm glad I ended up taking this one. I like Jordan tried to read it faster, but he read it at the exact same speed, just

frantic. Hard fried golden brown. I'm trying to make it make sense. I made it before that. Yeah. When your brain

broke. Where's the earthquake? It's happening right now. What is this sentence? Serve with cocktail sauce. Say it, goddamn you. Serve with cocktail sauce. Signature calls law. Endless classic fries.

I don't... I still don't understand. Pull the fucking knife out of me already. I'm waiting for the first sentence to make sense. What do you not understand? Crispy battered double crunch shrimp are fried golden brown. That's what they are. Jordan is confused.

Oh, fuck. They do. Like, it's such a, wow, delicious bone in flavor. Cooked and slow cooked. And they are dripping. Cannot give a shit. Double crunch chip or Frank Golden Brown.

Jesus Christ. I don't know why that's like the funniest copy we've ever read. That's so fucking funny to me. Oh my fucking God, dude. Oh shit. That is so funny.

I want to commission like a calligraphy of this. Oh my brain. Oh my brain. That is so funny. Calligraphy of this. My brain. Oh, my brain. That's so funny. Between that sentence and the earthquake dollarita steam thing, I just don't know what's going on today. Michael's whole face is scrunched. He's hurting.

Quote, we know America loves our all-you-can-eat boneless wings, so what better way to kickstart the year by bringing them back plus endless riblets and double crunch shrimp, said Applebee's chief marketing officer Joel Yashinsky.

He can't even talk right. Whether mixing and matching or staying the course with your favorite savory protein, there's no going wrong. So I describe Applebee's my favorite savory protein. I guess they should have marketed it like that I describe Applebee's as my favorite savory protein. I guess they should have marketed it like that. All you can eat protein.

Do you need nourishment? Are you going for big gains? But you want little cost? All you can eat. Come eat these double crunch shrimp. They're fried golden brown. They are fried golden brown. Oh, fuck, man.

What better way to kickstart the year by bringing them back? Fried golden brown. So, this is the total cost before tip. Well, we got three cocktails.

We did get three cocktails and two orders of pretzels. Yeah, because you had to not have one. Yeah. And a $1 brownie bite. Which I think was a dollar. I don't even know if that was on the receipt. It was like $150. That's for five people.

There were five of us. Yeah. It was $150. There you go. He was doing number math way to go man monkey math with tip and everything it was up there about the the price of a date date pass yeah it costs it costs about a date pass uh for five people to get these things look is it worth it what do think? We definitely ate our fill, and it's 15 bucks for all you can eat, which is a good deal.

And you have options. You can get the double crunch shrimp fried golden brown. It's not just... Our fried golden brown. Get it right. Get it right, you idiot. Read what the copy says. We're going to have to do a make good.

Michael's sliding out of this chair. I'm barely in my chair anymore. I need to get out of here. Our minds have left. We're astral projecting. I'm 19 minutes past this podcast. And, mind you, I have a timer set to go off in 15 minutes. It's totally unrelated.

But at 4 o'clock, I have a chance to get some cereal from Taco Bell or something oh yeah yeah yeah they send it to a cereal I just need to click it at 2 o'clock can we make that a video it seems like Nick is trying to do it too if he gets it and I don't I'm just taking his phone

then let's rank this food and wrap up and then we can do this video of Michael getting we'll just put it on YouTube. This will be fun. Yeah, it's... I think the regular buffalo sauce wings were better than the garlic parmesan. Gracie, let me try one of hers. Did you have the extra hot or just the regular one?

I think just the regular one. There really wasn't much of a difference. Only the first 500 reward members can claim a box of cinnamon twist cereal. Dude, good luck. I don't know what I'm getting. Do you think Tony's going to try and do it? As we've been discussing, there are bigger freaks than you out there.

I know, dude. Surprising everyone. Here's the question right now, right? Is this button just going to come live, or do I have to leave and come back? I probably got to leave and come back. Well, you should have a backup on the desktop. Yeah, we should go over to your desktop and do it, too. I think it's got to be in the app.

In the app? Oh, fuck. Well, let's wrap this to your desktop and do it too. I think it's got to be in the app. In the app? Oh, fuck. Let's wrap this up and then we'll do this. So what do you think? Because you can get riblets, you can get shrimp. I didn't get the shrimp. I assume Nick loved it. Larry did. Yeah. I'm not sold on it.

Wait, hang on. Turns out it was good. Were they fried golden brown? Damn. I did not like the riblets uh didn't enjoy biting it dude the riblets sucked bone out the riblets were shit cafeteria level they were like going going back to little white trash eric yeah and like the just the boneless wings in general they're pretty good right like the? Like the, they're fine. They're fine. Especially if you get the regular,

the Parmesan, that sucked. It was too greasy. So bad. But I got the extra hot, but it's extra hot Applebee's style, like white people style. Yes. Chain extra hot.

So it had like a little kick and that was it. Those are good. Like I just have indigestion. Like there's not really any. Right. Like I could, eating some cereal. That would be the move.

If you were, if you were if you were uh vegging out for protein you could go there and just get a fuck ton of like those buffalo wings and it would be worth 15 bucks yeah and you can get it without the fries like she asked if we wanted more she's like you get unlimited fries also if you want i don't want the fries yeah i think you can get a good meal out of it i don't know if it's going to be something that's going to enrich your life with flavor and dining experience. No, but it could enrich your wallet. Yeah. Nick's pointing at his bicep.

Yeah, you could get gains of another kind, I guess, if you're into that. But that's about it. Yeah, everything else I don't think. Everything fucking sucked. Everything else sucked. Nothing else is to write home about. But the riblets were shit. I also didn't like the pretzel very

much. I thought the pretzel was alright. Gracie felt a bunch of the pretzels and she liked them. Dude, Gracie and I agree that they were more like bread than pretzel. When Gracie was done double dipping the first one, she went right in for the second one. I'm going to stop you. That was the second one. Oh, right.

I mean, she was double dipping on the first one. I watched it. Here's the thing. There were there were well, I'm just saying when I called her out on it. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, she was double dipping on the first one. I watched it. Here's the thing. There were, there were, well, I'm just saying when I called her out on it. Yes, absolutely. There were two orders of the pretzels because Eric didn't want them, so we needed to get two. So one went in front of, Jordan is not sleeping. One went in front of Nick and Jordan. And one went in front of Gracie and me. And she picked one up and ate it within 10 seconds.

Like, just, like, could not control herself over it. Then I'm sitting there, and it just, I was really dialed in now, because she was mostly in front of me-ish. And I was like, well, she already ate one. And so now I'm just quietly watching. And I see her look down at the plate of pretzels and she just goes one and like touches it but then

puts her hand back like pulls it back to herself and I'm just I'm about I'm deciding what I'm gonna say cause I'm like why did you just touch that pretzel I don't understand but then she ended up picking it up and eating it and it was that same one I was like okay cause at first I thought she's just grabbing it and then she'd up picking it up and eating it. And it was that same one. I was like, okay. Because at first I thought, she's just grabbing it.

And then she'd let go without taking it. I was like, why did you pinch it? So then as I'm now locked in looking at it, I watched her dip it in the cheese, take a bite, and I just kept staring at her. And then she dipped it in again and took a bite. And I'm like, you're just going in there, huh? Just double dipping.

And she's like, oh, it never bothered me. Double dipping never bothered me double dipping never bothered me and i was like clearly no shit like it usually doesn't bother the person doing it you know what i mean right and she was like oh do you not double dip and i'm like i think that's like saying do you wash your hands in the bathroom i feel like everyone should wash their hands you get points for that and yeah i should get like a reward system. And everyone shouldn't double dip. Right.

Now, I don't think it's like the most egregious thing in the world, but I understand people that do, right? Because it's very much like, oh, that was in your mouth, whatever. But then also those same people will eat chips out of the same bag, which is very similar. You just touch everything, whatever. Right. Regardless, being an adult and then having children,

you don't double dip. I don't want them double. I don't want to teach them that. Control yourself. Etiquette. And so she goes, so I say this, like a shorter version of that, and she goes, I'll stop. She just goes, I'll stop. And I'm like, I don't care.

He's like, well, then I'll do it. No hesitation. Immediately. No hesitation. It immediately goes back in. She just went, great. And it was like Nick getting permission to order the cookie brandy thing. So then she's like, so you double dip too? Because it's like, you gotta have the cheese

and I go, right, so you would dip one end and bite it and then I would dip the other end and bite it and then Eric goes, right,

and then you would rip it and then you dip the, and I'm like, right. What I did was just spoon the queso onto a plate. You could do that too, but there's an easy way,

there is a way, multiple ways to get the cheese again and again and not double dip. What is he saying? It was like being able to see me from your perspective. Oh, a monkey's learning self-awareness. Yeah. So that was funny. He discovered the id.

And then because we had so much food and it was all you can eat coming, I was like, you know what? I took a couple bites know all you can eat coming I was like you know what I took a couple bites of my second pretzel And I was like I don't want that I didn't even say anything I just went you can have this And I gave it to Grace and I ripped the end off Or I bit it I just go I put it on her little plate

In front of her And she wasn't touching it And I'm like here you can have this And she's like puts her hands up in the air like I'm not accepting this And she's like I don't want'm like, here, you can have this. And she's like, puts her hands up in the air like, I'm not accepting this. Are you sure? And she's like, I don't want this. I don't want this.

You need to have food. And I went, yes, you do. Yes, of course you do. So she pushed it? And she goes, no, no, no. She didn't push it. And she goes, no, I don't want this. I don't want it. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to eat it then.

So it's just going to get thrown away. And then, dude, just like the double, she went, okay. And then touched it and moved it like a centimeter. A centimeter. She adjusted the plate. Yeah, she adjusted the plate. But that was the like, and I've accepted the goose it and moved it like a centimeter. A centimeter. She adjusted the plate. Yeah, she adjusted the plate, but that was the like, and I've accepted the goose. Yeah, it's mine now.

Literally, her hands were up going, I don't want this. This is not mine. All right, I've accepted it. And then she immediately consumed the third pretzel, minus the little nub she left that she kept offering to me. Yeah, just in case she wanted it. Which was, I went, I didn't want the whole pretzel. Why would I want the nut back?

Just a little bite. And so Eric got very excited about all this, and he wanted to hammer her. Yeah, hammering Gracie. It was great. It wasn't really a hammer. It was more like, that's what happened. I'm fine with it.

I thought it was great Gracie stuff. It was great Gracie stuff. It was great-sy. And people are going to comment that. They're going to be like... That's going to be the new thing. We love Gracie great C is goat

and Eric sucks. Great C is goat. Just shorten that even further. It's goat C. I don't know about that. Anyway, I'd give it a 20 20. That's so harsh. Leave a review. Grazie.

On Apple. Oh, like Grazie. So you gave it a 20? Yeah, I didn't like any of it. Wow. The wings were fine. The riblets suck. I'm not going to eat the shrimp.

Yeah, but I didn't get good wings. He didn't get good wings. The garlic Parmesan really sucked. We really probably should have gotten every flavor, and then we just didn't. We didn't coordinate at all. We all just got whatever we wanted and it was like three flavors out of the six.

And that's Applebee's fault. I don't think it would have made a difference. That's Applebee's fault. Well, clearly it might have because we already know the garlic wasn't good and the buffalo was. So it might have mattered. It may have gone up to 25. It actually may have gone up a little bit alternate universe he had the sweet chili he gave it an 80

best episode of Facebook ever Jordan actually retired no food will ever be better if we can't eat apple peas every week it's fine if you go shove your face it's pretty cost effective

but whatever there's nothing great there. I'm going to give it a 45. Okay. That's an average score of 32.5. Wow. Which is almost exactly what we gave the 34. I would give this...

More food, more opportunity to be bad, I guess. Go ahead. I don't have a rating, but I would give this like a 75. I would give this like a 75 or an 80. I fucking love this shit. It's fine dining in Santee, I'll say that. That's exactly 100%. I put on my flattest hat, and I go right over, and I'm fucking ready.

On my ATV? Dude, 100%. I got my lifted truck, my fucking dually kit, I'm ready. Salt life. That big time. You got a fucking sedan, my fucking dually kit. I'm ready. Salt life. That big time. On my way back from Glamis, I stopped at Applebee's by Parkway Plaza.

I love this style of food. It is gross. It is not good. I love unlimited, shitty, boneless wings. It is all I want. It's fucking great. But, in lieu of a snack attack, because we have to get this, Michael has to win the cereal,

Nick is going to rate something. We're doing this anyway? Without Gracie? Man, he's underhanded. We kind of did it in the ride-along. Oh yeah, at the end of the ride-along, Gracie does her rating. Sort of. Well, I'm doing it in two parts. What the fuck? the ride-along, Gracie does her rating. Sort of. She sort of does.

Well, I'm doing it in two parts. What the fuck? I was like, you have six seconds. She's like, all right, let me cook. Yeah. No. Who's driving? No.

This was Michael's idea of, because they're really getting out of control. Yes. They're a little like. They want to say things. Now there's two of them. They're kind of like talking back and forth. Gracie came out of her shell after five seconds. Gracie rated the fun that she had while ordering the pretzels.

She rated it out of 10. But then she rated. But she gave it an 11? Right. Right. But then she changed her rating to how she felt at the time. Which I'm not going to spoil. You got to watch it. You got to watch it. She changed her rating from an she felt at the time, which I'm not going to spoil. You've got to watch it.

You've got to watch it. She changed her rating from an 11. Was it up or down? We don't know. You should know. You should know. So, Nick, what are you— Go back to that conversation about getting a breath of fresh air

and then going back into the water. Right, yeah. It was one of those moments. Okay, Nick, what are you rating? The one-bite brownie. Okay. It wasn't one-bite. It was one dollar. It was brownie. Okay. It wasn't one brownie bite. It was one dollar.

It was multiple bites. It was pretty big for a brownie bite. One dollar brownie bite. It was like a wedge. Michael's dying. Okay, and what do you rate the brownie bite? I'll give it a 90. And that's out of what?

100. Wow, that's pretty high. For a food he was made to eat and was forced upon. And it made him feel bad. I docked at 10 points because I wasn't hungry. Shut up. But wait, so if he was hungry, it would have been 100. It all starts at 100.

And he knocks points off. I knocked off 10 because I wasn't hungry. That's the only reason it knocked off 10 points? And my stomach hurt. I wasn't hungry. That's the only reason it knocked off 10 points. And my stomach hurts. I wasn't hungry 90. I kind of want to start rating stuff that isn't the food because the food's the worst part of what we did today. But I'll tell you one thing.

I had a great time. I had 100 out of 100. Dude, it was a blast. Jordan, I'm always getting 100 out of this show. Yeah, right. That's why we keep doing it. Oh, yeah. hundred. It was a blast. I'm always getting a hundred out of this show. That's why we keep doing it. Oh yeah. Michael's hanging on. I'm doing an assisted gloop range. He's doing good.

Hey, you can sign up and support us at facejampod.com slash first. You check out our YouTube channel too and you get a little taste of the stuff that we're putting up over there. Taste me. Okay. And I think we're gonna start putting more stuff on our YouTube channel, more stuff on First. We just have to find the time,

but I'm really excited about it. Hey, the monkey vinyl toy just came out because it's after the 26th. But we didn't do that Jamsgiving. That's okay because I think we're doing it February 23rd. February 23rd. I'm out of town then.

Yeah. What? No. And he's like, do you like her? He said, yeah. Huh? It's like when we got the Applebee's

and he thought it was closed. No, no, you're in town. Get that sauce monkey toy. Eric is willing to stake his reputation on literally anything at any time. Yeah,

yeah. Because he has nothing to lose. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about my reputation. He won't suffer any consequences if it doesn't happen. Yeah, I'm good, baby. This is like the first time Trump said something controversial

and it didn't affect him, so he kept saying dumb shit. And he went, well, check this out. Get a load of this one. That's just one of the many ways in which Eric is like Donald Trump. At FaceJamPod, you stay up to date with everything on Twitter and on Instagram. But that's it.

We did it. Trump's not doing this. No, you're dead. I don't think he could. He's not doing glute bridges. Tell you what. I think Donald Trump is... Makes my ass strong. Do you think Donald Trump are fried golden brown?

Yeah. Yeah, he's definitely... Sometimes. Yeah, he sure is. All right. Wrap it up. All right, let's end it. Rate and subscribe.

Tell a friend about the show where we eat the food and rate the food. And now we rate other stuff, too. Yep. Wrap it up. All right, let's end it. Rate and subscribe. Tell a friend about the show where we eat the food and rate the food and now we rate other stuff too. Whoa. It's our show. We can make up the rules. Uh-huh. Bye.

Bye. Bye.