100% Eat - Boston Market Sweet Thai Garlic Chicken

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Boston Market Sweet Thai Garlic Chicken so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Elden Ring dung eater, bug interactions on the AH Live tour, and flavored pistachios. Sponsored by: ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/facejam), HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam16 + code facejam16) DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I think Michael's enjoying his blink. What I was doing was I was trying to sneak in some more blink naps. I could tell. I was telling Jordan when you left the room that sometimes you blink and you're like, hang on. Before you open your eyes. Especially when you haven't gotten a lot of sleep. You really let it sit and you go, it's almost like sleeping on the fly. And then you open your eyes again. You take a good six seconds for a blink and it's like a micro nap.

Just taking micro naps everywhere. This is Face Jam. Did you fall asleep right there? Yeah, just a little bit. I think it happened to you earlier. Have you done the intro yet? When you blinked and fell asleep and you almost threw your papers. Sorry, I thought I was dropping them in my blink dream.

Welcome to Face Jam. The show where we try to try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it it helps if you're open and uh selling the food that you're advertising but you the audience probably do need it i'm your host michael jones alongside my co-host jordan sweers jordan let's just sit for a second. Sure. And remember. What's going on? We all miss Kat.

Oh my god. Eric did not hire her. I, what am I, I don't have any money. We'll never see her again. You're hired. That's what you would have done. But it was a good run. She didn't get almost anything we said. Just sort of sat there and nodded.

Do you know what Angry Beavers is? She really did keep us... She kept us grounded, I feel. She kept us... Bless her soul. Wherever she is now, she will be remembered. She's up with Ariel wherever... Or down.

She went down to heaven, not up with Ariel wherever or down. No! She went down to heaven, not up to hell. I didn't want to ask how you were because I knew the mood was going to be somber. Oh, it's somber, yeah. We set a place for her. I don't even know if you saw it. When we started eating, I went like this and I just looked at it for like 10 seconds. The chair. Lest we forget.

Yeah. The worst part is her last day was this show. Almost finished with it and then had to do Red Web. Yeah, had to do Red Web. Which is a show based on her shirt, as far as I understand. That's my understanding, but I don't know. Anyway. Weird that we have a spinoff of a shirt.

And it has its own show. Yeah. Yeah, I don't even. What does the shirt talk about? Right? Is it two of them? Two of the shirts? Yeah, I think so. All the shirt news? Do you think there are other shows

that begin their first episode post intern with a memoriam to their intern? I don't listen to any other shows, so I'm going to say no. Are you talking about the Red Web? Is that what it is? No, I'm talking about our show that just did a memorial to...

We're a food podcast. We're a hit food podcast. I learned that you can just throw that word around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You learned that? Yeah. See, I mean, I know. Yeah.

I did... I was waiting for someone to tell us. I just came back from some slop I had to do over the weekend. Oh, yeah? Just some like... It was like a Craigslist ad. Is that why you're so tired? Sorry, I blinked again. No, you fell asleep.

And let me tell you, I saw some jammers out there. Jordan has blink terrors. Anytime someone refers to me in person as a bug king, it makes my day. Oh, yeah? Did that happen a lot? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say a lot, but it happened. More than zero, someone yelled, the bug king. It makes my day. Oh yeah? Did that happen a lot? I don't want to say a lot, but it happened. More than zero, someone yelled

the bug king! If it happens too often, you're not going to enjoy it. I did a bow. Did everyone turn and have to clap for you and then you allowed them to have smaller bows? Or is that just me and Nick? There were no producers there.

Everyone did something. There were no producers!. So everyone actually, everyone did something. There were no producers. Then how did the show happen? That's crazy. The way it always happens. The cast does it. Just like this show. From what I heard, it was.

My understanding is that the producer does it. And that's why I'm on this show. Yeah, that's why he talks so much. Right. I thought the producer could hire people too. Let's ask Kat. Yeah. She, she'll be,

she'll be back probably. You know, yeah. Begging for scraps. It's funny how. Did you save the scraps from the, hang on, Boston Market,

sweet side garlic chicken. That's what we ate. And they were open. They were, they were. They were open. It's true. No one was in there,

but boy, were they open. There was a guy in the corner enjoying his chicken. And the, the guy at the register, he was happy to see us. Everyone working at Boston Market was fucking cool. Yeah. Everyone there.

They were cool. What were you, like, when you think about Boston Market and where it is on the spectrum of quick service restaurants, which is like on the, like, kind of, I guess, lower end, you're kind of expecting a bleep in the bleep style employee demographic where they're half dead. Where they're half dead gliding through, gliding behind the counter. Yes. No, I'm with you.

Like ghosts. I agree. But these guys, I want to hang out with these guys. Yeah, right? That was a place where I would be like, oh shit, these guys were cool. You ordered something and he said like to himself, but obviously loud enough for us to hear was like, good choice. Yeah.

Oh yeah. I don't remember what it was, but I was just like, this guy's hyping the menu. He's happy to be here. He wants to work. He was asking. Maybe Kat can get a job there. He was asking if we do like video stuff or something or like, or we shoot things. And it was like, oh, we got podcasts.

We're just running around today. I didn't tell him that we were reviewing his food. Right. You didn't say that. You didn't want him to get suspicious. No. You actually did specifically say we're running around today. And I said, he doesn't run very fast.

He doesn't do a lot of running. Or producing. All right. Well, I don't want to get into it. Come on. I just don't know how you do a live show. There's no producer. It doesn't make any sense.

Who's there to talk and keep it on track? The cast. They kind of self-regulate. None of this is making any sense. It's like, they're producers too. They should get producer credits. Did you get a producer credit on this? I don't get any credit.

I don't get regular credit. How many tickets did you sell? How many tickets did you sell? Between one and 20,000. Ask me another question if you dare i don't know i don't know what you're trying to hardball me michael you think michael's gonna get a producer credit he's never had a promotion i've never had a promotion true in my life actually my last job was six years no promotion i mean i got i got raises yeah right right right but not a promotion usually i wonder what that's like it's it's i think that i think the first i

think the first step that i need to take care of if i want one is i need to get a plate for my desk like a like a plaque a name plate yeah because i work i thought he meant like a food plate. I'll get that too. A commemorate plate. Joe Biden commemorative plate. What's the point of promoting me if I can't display it anywhere? That's true. You've got your emails, your signatures. Mine's been blank for almost 11 years.

It's just Michael Jones. It's usually Michael Jones sent from iPhone. That's what you do here. Or my one sentence emails. Right. You can tell that my job like involves stuff because I don't fluff up my emails. Yes.

Yep. I usually just answer someone that asks a question and I leave it at that. He's not playing. He's got to play the corporate game. Yeah. Hello, Eric. Hope you. He's not playing. He's got to play the corporate game. Yeah. If you. Hello, Eric. Hope you're having a good day.

Well, on the question. Yes. Have you. Have you seen commercials where that that like software called Grammarly that's like supposed to like. Seen it. Plus up your emails. Are you serious? Yeah.

Where it's like. That's what everybody wants. It offers suggestions about like how to have positive actionable sentences is there a drop box of like I don't know sports

but I'm talking to a sports guy oh that's a pretty good one it's like an auto where it's like did you see and then it's like it branches out the game

the match the race I mean it would have to be smart though I want actual information like 72 hours updated when you go to the game then it branches out more it's like NCAA basketball tournament

I was watching it just came back baby I don't know what it means but it typed it well you hope that you throw it out there and then go anyway you get to the point because you don't want to have the conversation because you don't know the answers I think Michael's trying to get promoted.

Now this sounds like the corporate game he's playing. Now if I'm the higher up and reading this, I know so much about this guy. He likes basketball. Hey, Jordan,

great touching base with you. I was just talking to my friends. Did you see the slap on the Oscars? Reminded me of the NBCbc hit classic the slap slap in which zachary quinto slapped someone else's child and they made an entire show about it right anyway anyway my last email i feel like that's something that would like i feel like that's something that would screw up the algorithm where it just

keeps saying slap slap slap slap slap slap and, absolutely. Slap, slap, slap. Grammarly. Yeah, you're just like, cool, great email. Thanks, Grammarly. And then you get a demotion. Yeah, and at the end you just say, BM. Oh, Boston Market. Yeah.

Yeah. Is what we aim for. Always bringing it back to Boston Market. That's how you do an intro. I like it. That was pretty good do an intro. I like it. That was pretty good. In between micro naps too. Which is.

I got at least 12 in. Wow. That's crazy. I've been watching. I'm watching your eyes close and I'm waiting for them not to open. I'll be honest. I haven't seen you watching. I'm sleeping.

He's been trying to blink at the same time you are. So that way it looks like he doesn't blink. No, that's fine. Catch me napping. How was your slop fest over the weekend? Were a lot of bugs or no? Yeah, we're still going on.

I thought we circled back to the actual food. Oh, I don't get it. That was like 10 minutes right there. Hey, we're just gonna talk about shit. Yeah.

I just wanted to know how it went. I wanted to know if there were any jammers that came out. I literally told you there were. Yes!

I wanted to know if there was more stuff. I didn't poll the fucking audience. Hold on. Oh, you should have. I mean, I could have. Yeah, you should have stopped everything and said, here's a jammer, and then counted them and then let us know. Right, well, it would have taken me five seconds to count them all. Eric, what's your real

question? If you're bringing it up twice, you clearly want us to say something specific. No, there's nothing specific. I just thought, I want to know if you had fun, if there was face jam adjacent things that happened. Or are you asking about your stupid thing that no one cares about? No. No, okay.

That's what I'm getting. I heard something about a donkey. Because I was, I'll tell you this. Talk about producing. The guy that doesn't do anything for our show. In the middle of me on this other show. Can you make a video for me? Can you give me a video?

Unbelievable. Can you give me the thing I'm doing? Can you produce a thing for me? Yeah you give me a video? Unbelievable. Can you tell me the thing I'm doing? Can you produce a thing for me? Yeah, exactly. I produced it. Right. Producing isn't always just asking somebody to do it. No, you forwarded it.

I don't understand. He forwarded the request. Asked for something short. Produced by. I imagined 10 or 20 seconds and I sent him a one minute and 40 second video. That ends with a toilet flush. Yeah.

It did. Sounds like a Rocco the Food Guy video. It really definitely was. Well, that's cool. I'm glad your slot fest went well. That's fun. Stop. Michael's wearing a crop top.

I'm thinking about going only crop tops at this point. I mean, summer's right around the corner. Summer's right around the corner. And it's here. Two weeks of spring. Yes, it is. It's, summer's right around the corner. Summer's right around the corner. And it's here. It's hot as shit. 95 degrees today. I was on the west coast and it was cool. Temperature wise.

And everyone was chill. Everyone was wearing sunglasses. Everyone was fucking big. And everyone looked like movie stars. And they were all holding surfboards. Like this. Everyone there looked like me. Sick waves.

Oh, no. They're all wearing crop tops. Sticking out their tum-tums. Showing their tummies. Well, there were a lot of people like this slumped up against buildings. Yeah. Oh, those were the jammers. With needles adjacent.

They were micro-napping, too. I walked around the Tenderloin District in San Francisco and I kept going, look, he's taking a micro-napping. I'll be honest, that's exactly where we were. Of course. Said Tenderloin everywhere. I mean, that's the place where I saw someone taking a shit on the street and then a drug deal and then someone doing heroin

all in like two and a half blocks. It was awesome. That is San Francisco. Pretty crazy crazy and they all had surfboards it's crazy that they can afford like to do drugs and stuff given how like expensive property is out there i mean you make a choice right yeah i think property or heroin term, you really can't have it all. I watched a video of a guy who's like, I'm a functioning heroin addict. And it's like,

did he look at, he did. And I watched the video and I went like, this is because he kept talking about in the video, like, yeah, eventually it's going to catch up with me. Then I'll just, you know,

he'll just deal with it. And it's just like, he's like, you know, I'm probably spending about 1500 a month on heroin. And I'm like, oh, that's like a mortgage. And then he's like, yeah, you know, and then eventually one day, you know, it'll probably just be too much.

And then, you know, where do I, you know, does he think when he says he just thinks the cost will solve the problem? I, yeah, it's like, oh, it's too expensive. I won't have a choice. Then I'll just stop it. I'll just, like every other habitual drug user, cut my losses and get back to life. I'll stop.

I'll look at these prices when my heroin dealer comes to me and shows me my new prices. I'm going to slap a sticker of Joe Biden on him that says, I did this. Dude, Texans, I don't know where they're getting those stickers, but they love slapping them on the gas station. They can't get enough. And don't you even think about removing them.

The idea that the president is sitting in the Oval Office and going, gas prices. Make them go up. He loves it. He loves doing it. Why would he keep doing it if he didn't love it so much? Hey, Jack, enjoy these high gas prices. Damn, that's Jordan.

You called him Jack. I thought you were referring to some other person. I thought this was like a skit he was doing. I was thinking about Corn Pop. He fell asleep for a second. I didn't even think to be insulted. I don't know that we've ever gotten our whistles so wet. Yeah, they're soaking.

And in a rare move, do we try to get back to something like the show, and Eric go, no. I just want to know more about the tour. Maybe he'll ask us about the tour again. And maybe you'll ask about me and my show. There's nothing I want to talk about this show. This is the only show that I want to talk about. I don't care about the rest of them.

I already did that. That's done. I mean, I did the thing too that you're asking about. Yeah. I didn't do that. I didn't work on that. Right. You already told me there's no producers.

It still doesn't make any sense. You don't work on this, yet here you are. What do you mean? Did this at 9 a.m.? Do you still have Kat do that? Kat never did this. Yeah. Right. Can we get back to something? It's not so much I care about the integrity Did this at 9am? Do you still have Kat do that? Kat never did this Yeah Right

Can we get back to something? Let me just read It's not so much I care about The integrity of the show I just want to leave You know And the sooner we do have to get The sooner we check all the boxes

Right right right We got the boxes We're down to like the third or fourth Box My main goal in this show Particularly Is to check all the boxes That's right And our box checking

quota is abysmally low right now. Between one and 20,000. I gotta be honest, that's not very be purposeful of you. I'm being very purposeful in checking boxes. He's trying to stop me. I'm trying to be collaborative. He's trying, he thinks

we're doing the stupid like punch holes, not check boxes. Oh, I'm hanging chads, bro. He's fucking chatting over here. I'm hanging chads. He's a. He thinks we're doing the stupid, like, punch holes, not check boxes. Oh, I'm hanging Chads, bro. He's fucking chatting over here. I'm hanging Chads. He's a real Chad. That's what the Californians do on their surfboards.

The boys are back. Hanging Chads. Hanging Chads. All right, here's a Boston Market haiku to get us back on track. Wow, we're going right to the haiku?

Right to it. Right to it. Well, we didn't even get to past opinions, Boston opinions, or market opinions. We don't have time. You ruined it. We gave we didn't even get to past opinions, Boston opinions or market opinions. We don't have time. You ruined it. We gave

San Francisco opinions instead. No, we gave San Francisco facts. That's what we did. A facts podcast. I'm going to tell you, from Seattle, San Francisco and LA, the number of screaming people in the street was astronomical. Everywhere I went, someone

was yelling. And again, coming from New Jersey, it's like someone's yelling. You look and. Everywhere I went, someone was yelling. And again, coming from New Jersey, it's like someone's yelling. You look and you see they're yelling at a person. They're yelling at the thing. The number of times I've turned and it's a person facing a brick wall. I'm not even kidding. You go, oh, I wonder what's going on over there.

The guy is staring at a wall. I'm going to go ahead and cross the street because I just don't even want to deal with this right now. What do you think he's saying to the wall? I'm not kidding. Like, ah! Ah! Why are you closed? Guy at a wall just shaking.

Jesus Christ. Well, he's trying to be considerate. He's not going to yell into the street. To be fair, there might have been a Diagon Alley situation where he forgot. He forgot what's brickety. He's a real Harry Potter and he's just like

I know I look crazy the wizards are in there he got it mixed up he thought it was platform three nine and three quarters he's trying to go through the wall

straight up there was a woman screaming up and down the street and then a man opened a window like a sketchbook

of Sonny to yell out at her. But he was on like the first floor. So he was like just above her. It was like up the stoop. Not next to her. But like two feet above her. And it went from my thought going someone just saying shut the hell up person to oh, these people know each other.

Oh, no. And it was like I'll come out there it was like the only thing that made the other guy look less insane is that he was in a building not on the street but the building was not anything to write home about and so he may

have wandered inside a moment before her and just opened a window and I was just like what is happening see that's fun anyway haiku beans from Boston Mass and just opened a window. And I was just like, what is happening? See, that's fun. Anyway. Haiku. Beans from Boston, Mass.

Parked the car in Harvard Yard. Sad-ass dining room. It's true. I'll be honest. I put that line in there, that last line about the dining room, because we were talking about Boston Market over the weekend, and they had like they had like two options for this chicken and eric was like should we just get like both and have like two half chickens and i go that's a lot of food to take back maybe we should stay there and eat and then uh then a discussion ensued about

can you even like what what is the atmosphere of atmosphere of Boston market? Like, yeah. Cause I was picturing a, a kind of more of a Jason's deli type thing where it's like kind of hustling, bustling people go there for lunch. And then you showed me a picture of inside the Boston market. And it looks like a Carl's jr. Like decrepit, like the,

the, uh, it looked like there would be a man shouting at the wall. But even then he'd, at least he'd be in a building. That's true. I think you have an idea about 1998 Boston Market. And that's the thing, too. And times and restaurants have changed.

And they have not. And it's not done them any favors. No. But the difference between the way the Boston Market that we went to looks now versus the last time we went there, they remodeled it because I remember just going in and out to pick up the food. Last time we had Boston market and the counter was in a different place and it looked like the old pictures that you posted a little nicer, still not going there, but they,

they freshened it up a little bit. It was a little nicer. Yeah, it was fine. The again, everyone that was working there was cool. And then it would just seem like a place where you go. That's why you invest in infrastructure.

It just seems like a place now where you go if you work in an office building where you go, well, I got to get a lunch. I'll just eat this half chicken. Yeah, right. And it's connected to the Einstein bagels that has a boarded up window. They're still open, though. They are. They're open. They're still open, though. They are. They're open. They're just protecting themselves from attacks on that side.

Einstein bagel is shored up. They're good now. Damn. They're protecting Boston Market. Yeah, yeah. They're the buffer nation. I think it's why the guy started asking us what we were doing was because we were there.

Yes. He was going, wow, four guys at 1230 at Boston Market? What are you doing? the guy started asking us like what we were doing because we were there. Right. Yeah. Going, wow. Four guys at 1230 at Boston market. What are you doing? Cause you must be doing something. You must be doing a production or something.

And he was right. Yep. Yeah. I think it's like, we mostly get producers, actors, you know, I think it's the thing where people just think like,

it's like, Oh, here are these guys. They look like they might be in a band. I think it's just that. I don't think anyone ever thinks that. Yeah. We would be so lucky. Do you think like they might be in a band. I think it's just that. I don't think anyone ever thinks that. Yeah. We would be so lucky.

Do you think people think we're in a band? Yeah, when he's carrying that monkey head around, I think they go, that's a band guy. I don't think so. His gimmick is he drums with the monkey mask on. Yeah, I would say like, are you part of the gorillas? But that's just a cartoon. That doesn't even make sense. Oh, because of the monkey head? Yeah oh because of the monkey head uh yeah because of

the monkey head whatever i do when i found out that they weren't real i got pissed yeah did you find out that it was also the guy that made that song that goes woohoo that's the same dude oh yep but is there just one dude in gorillas yeah it's like his band yeah i mean there's like a bunch of musicians there's like a bunch of musicians. There's like a bunch of musicians and stuff, but it's him. So he's always bringing in other people. Yes, yeah. It's like collaborative, but it's like it's his.

That's his project. He is Gorillaz. I guess it's just a weird thing to say it's his band because to say band implies that there is more than one person. Right. He brings in a lot of people. Well, no, this is my band. You guys are my band.

Who are you? I'm Michael, my band. Is it one guy or a bunch of people? No, it's his band. And I just looked at Nick, and Nick looked at me, and I went, what does that mean? Usually those people just have a name.

I'm Cher from Cher's band. Anyway. I'm Bruce Springsteen sting and this is e street man i do think that the sauce monkey should be in gorillas okay i'm not i'm not arguing that he is a cartoon yeah right it's like in some more popular right right better looking uh less hostile cuter forms um less hostile he's losing it today too he didn't know what gravy was and what kind of sauce is that he looked at the grazing what kind of sauce is this i you know what i'll be honest i don't think he even used the word sauce i think he said what is that oh my god because because in my head he just keeps shaking his No, because in my head, I thought, is he asking about a sauce? Right. Man, I wonder if he's taking some micro blink naps.

He missed the entire trip. I almost, I'm certain he didn't even use the word sauce. I'm just like, what do you think it is? It's just a little cup of liquid. It's a little drink. It's Russian dressing. They gave you a little drink with your mashed potatoes he's looking stuff up he's turned to the internet he either gave up on this podcast or he's

trying to prove himself right i feel like everyone gave up on this podcast for the fact that we just got through the haiku in like 24 minutes all right then you know what we should get to the let's check some more boxes yeah let's learn something. I like that Eric took one box and made it five boxes. Yes. To try and trick you into thinking he's doing more. We're getting more done. I did more. Our previous Boston Market episode was released.

It was, Nick is holding up highlighted text that says, it was too thin to be gravy. No, it wasn't. Absolutely was not. thin to be gravy. No, it wasn't. Absolutely was not. It was simply gravy. My favorite part about that. He said no, it was dog shit. It certainly was not dog shit.

It was gravy. Okay. It was gravy is what it was. I didn't ask what your opinion of the gravy was. My favorite part about that. It was gravy. Was him holding up the laptop and he's just making the text bigger and bigger. He started small.

He had to start small and make it big instead of just starting big. He put on a show. It had a real threatening aura too. It was kind of blinking too. Man. All right. Who knows what it was? Our previous Boston Market episode released December 8th, 2020.

20, 20, 20, 20. Where we ate the Tuscan chicken and chicken marsala. It received an average score of 6-4. It's true. Thanks, Ryan. It was a little smile. Originally named Boston Chicken. In 1984, in the town of Newton, Massachusetts,

Boston Market went through a name change in 1995 and moved to Golden Co. To company, I guess? What? The Golden Corporation? Golden Colorado. Is that near... Where'd we go?

Michael, wake up. You might be right. I can't have it. You're talking. Are we doing the show or are we not? We are doing the show. So they changed their name to- St. Fort Collins.

St. Fort Collins. I forgot about the saint. That's what he was reaching for into the annals of his mind for. And there were so many naps to fight through. After filing for bankruptcy in the late 90s, Boston Market was purchased by McDonald's. What? And successfully run until they sold in 2007

because we have to assume it was eating into McDonald's quote, single dad who has his kids for four days this week instead of two. And what do kids eat anyway? Chicken.

And quote, bottom line budget. That was wordy. I just figured that that's what Boston market's for. You just go, my kid likes mac and cheese and this is chicken, so this is probably this is like child food. This is safe for them to eat. Yeah, but if your kid likes chicken, just so you know

that you go to McDonald's and you get a chicken. Right, and then that's why McDonald's sold them because they went, the fuck is this? You can't, you can't, if you're gonna have chicken you come here. Come to McDonald's. Right. You don't gotta cut it exactly you just shove it in your hole yep during its expansion in 2002 not 2020 2020 boston market was met with a trademark lawsuit in the streets by a man screaming at a wall in canada from boston pizza sadly. Sadly, McDonald's owned Boston Market, lost, and

shuttered their Canadian restaurants in 2004. Thanks for nothing, Canada. Can't let the little guys have anything. Wow. Eric was mad, dude. It's not even a really strong case for a trademark. Not at all. It's Boston Pizza

and Boston Market. So they filed this trademark lawsuit and said, you can't call yourself this. We're Boston Pizza. We're here. People are going to think it's like this expansion restaurant. And Boston Market said, no, that is what we are. We're Boston Market. Boston Market said, so? So they shut down all their restaurants in 2004

and the lawsuit kept going until 2008. Did they win though? No. Boston Market lost. Did they win though? No. Boston Market lost. I'll tell you one thing. I've heard of Boston Market. Never heard of Boston Pizza. The closest. So who's the real winner?

The closest Boston Pizza. I looked it up because I went, oh, maybe we can do that. The closest Boston Pizza is in a Costco parking lot in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. That's not too far. It's not that far. Let's go to Windsor. If we start in like Detroit, get there in no time.

They are close to that border, man. We could do like brunches along the way. Oh, wow. Not with the jammers. Right. We have the brunch and then we can see them afterward. Oh, if we do, here's what we do. We do brunch with the jammers. We do like a big tour of like a sightseeing

tour where like the jammers we do like a big tour of like a sightseeing tour where like the jammers have brunch like at uh like the statue of liberty uh-huh but we're looking no no through like the quarter binoculars at oh from very far away your your idea is to have the jammers yes have their own brunch yes away from us yeah on an island on an an island and we look at them from very far away. Can we have brunch? It's called an interaction. Oh yeah, we'll get to eat whatever we want. We're not stuck at the Statue of Liberty. I see. So we just want them

in a place where they can't get to us quickly or easily. Unless one of them's a really good swimmer, we're safe. Yeah, but I mean, we just start walking. Exactly. We gotta head start. Something in the water will probably kill them before they get out probably the water itself to be honest yeah yeah so hold your breath so they have their own brunch knowing that they're all jammers together i don't know that they sell something at the like i don't at the bottom of the dress i don't think so but so they would have to like next to the foot this like i guess like a store yeah no i don't think so oh so they would bring their own brunch and then we would

also have our own brunch we would do it away but we wouldn't bring it we'd get to buy it we eat our own brunch separately uh-huh and then and and because the way it works is the binoculars kind of point at the statue of liberty people don't really want to see out from it. They also have to bring their own binoculars so they can see us. Well, I guess if you're interested in this, let us know. I mean, that's just one option. We could, hey. Eiffel Tower, they're at the top.

Oh, okay. We're at the bottom. They're at the top? Yeah, they're at the top where they can't get to us. Oh. Because we're at the bottom. Yeah, yeah. We want them stuck. That's smart. I hadn't considered it that way. No, no, no. That's good. Yeah, yeah, at the top where they can't get to it. Oh, we're at the bottom. Yeah, yeah. We want them stuck.

That's smart. I hadn't considered it that way. No, no, no. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I thought it was a little on the nose with the Statue of Liberty because it's like you're huddled masses, you're poor, you're tired.

All of which are jammers. You can just rewrite that to jammers. Give us all your jammers. End of sentence. Right? It's an all-encompassing term. Yeah. Old, poor, tired, hungry, fed, scared, afraid of sound coming from places you can't see.

Who said that? Ah! Oh, there's one more fact. I'm going to investigate this. Yeah. How'd that get down there? Over the last 20 years, the only thing Boston Market has done successfully is created a brand of freezer dinners

called Boston Market at Home, a meal for the upper crust bachelor who wants a boneless short rib shaped patty from a chicken place but refuses to put down Elgin Ring maidenless for real. That was pretty good. Call me dung eater.

You eat Boston Market at home? I'm a dung eater. I'm a dung eater. Oh, shit. You eat Boston Market at home? I'm a dung eater. I'm a dung eater. Shit. Oh, man. What is the deal with dung eater? Does he eat dung? Oh, he makes dung.

He eats dung. He's very dung focused. Imagine if that was his name and he didn't. The problem with Elden Ring, I'm going to get outside of Boston Market just for a quick second. Okay. I'll see if we have time. The thing that sucks about Elden Ring is,

unlike all the other FromSoftware games, the achievements are actually quite attainable without being absurd. It's like, collect these eight legendary weapons, not every single weapon in the game. You've got to play 15 times and do every quest line and all that shit. Here's the problem, though. There's an achievement

for getting three different endings. I only want to get the dung eater ending every time. Why would you play the game and not end in dung? You know what I mean? And so it's like, I feel like you're, you know, for a game that's like, play how you want, you know, do what you want, you're making me not eat dung,

and I don't like it. Don't like that. Like that like it's unsatisfying it's very unsatisfying do you think anyone would go ahead if george r martin hadn't been a co-writer on that on that game do you think anyone would give it a second thought about dung eater being a character in the game did george r martin pitch dung eater i mean i don't't know. I'm fairly sure he's responsible for everything. I'm going to be honest. And I'm holding him accountable. I'm going to be honest, though. Now we're talking.

Having played them, all that shit's always there. Uh-huh. Right? Dung Eater is not from the minds of George R.R. Martin. I'm a baby gamer, so I've never played the nice adult games. I think what he mostly did about six to eight years ago, because he sure doesn't fucking know. He asked him about

the game. He's like, what's that? It's a Dark Souls sequel. He's like, oh yeah, I think I did something with that. I signed a contract that said I could use my name on it. It's funny that the game's press and everything's like, George R. R. Martin! He's like, I mean, that was like five years ago. I don't remember. I don't know. I've made some monsters or some shit. It's funny that the games, like, press and everything's like, George R.R. Martin! He's like, I don't know. I mean, that was like five years ago.

I don't remember. I don't know. I made some monsters or some shit. It's crazy how that was. He created the world as far as I know. Which, to be fair, is the most different thing, right? Right. It's much more medieval.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was everything that I heard in all the press before the game came out was George R.R. Martin did this. He created this world. The game came out was George R.R. Martin did this. He created this world. The game came out and you hear that zero. Like, I don't hear that from anyone going, yeah, it's that game that George R.R. Martin, because now they're just soaking it in. Yes, exactly.

Now it's like, oh, it's like, oh, this can stand on its own two feet. They marketed it. They got Dung Eater in there. I don't know what else you fucking need, bro. You got Dung Eater. Dung it up. Dude, that was like the Baby Yoda of this whole thing.

Like, you weren't expecting Dung Eater. Get Dunged, bro. Well, I think the Maiden was the Baby Yoda. Oh, that's, yeah, that's pretty good. Guy, you're two seconds in. You're getting called Maidenless. What the fuck? Way to put me in my place.

Damn, dude. We know exactly who we're talking, we know who's playing this game. You are surely Maidenless. Oh, you know what's even funnier, too? The other thing, it's even funnier to the other thing. I, it cannot be not intentional,

but the bonfires in this game are called graces. They're like forgotten graces. And when you find one, it says touch grace. And it's absolutely telling you you're an incel touch grass. Oh, every time I do, I go,

I go, I say touch grace, bro. Go outside and touch grace. Every there's like 10,000 of them. You can't not think of it. That's awesome. You made in this fuck touch grace, bro. Go outside and touch grace. There's like 10,000 of them. You can't not think of it. That's awesome. You maidenless fuck, touch grace.

They're really slamming people. Good. Well, they know exactly who their audience is and they know they're going to eat it up. And those are just the facts. See, we learned. We learned a lot. We're going to eat it up like dung eater.

No! I think they should do baby dung eater. Like baby Yoda. Yeah. We'll call him BM. It's pretty good. Like a snake eating some ass. Like an Elden Ring.

Yeah! An Elden Ring? Do you think we could start our own pyramid scheme? Absolutely. Oh, that's a great idea. It would be this show if we made money somehow. Yes. We just didn't get that far down. Oh, that's a great idea. It would be this show if we made money somehow. We just didn't get that part down.

I feel like we got the rest. That's exactly what I was thinking. I feel like we have the framework. We have everything except us making money somehow. Exactly. It's like, we're losing money. He just bought four half chickens. That's two whole chickens!

We have all these fools yes uh uh just following our every command decree exactly

and somehow they're giving money and we're not getting it where's it going did you see the number of highs on the last episode

of course not you think I looked I don't care I said do it I didn't say I was gonna check comments out of control everything just good hi all of them hi hi hi hi but then but then how do we get paid for that

we gotta fight i'm still trying to figure out why i'm taking naps in the middle of the show what we need to do is get there needs to be levels of membership uh Uh-huh. Oh. So you start out as lowly bug. Right. Okay. And then when you get some people under you, maybe you become like bug squire. I feel like, again, we've already done this. That already exists. The problem, Jordan, is we don't get that money.

We got to fix the flow of money. Yeah, we got to. It's going somewhere. We need to like. Who got money for that shirt you're wearing? I didn't. It's literally not me. I don't know. Nick's wearing the same shirt, too. What we money for that shirt you're wearing? I didn't. Who knows? I don't know.

Nick's wearing the same shirt, too. What the fuck? What we got to do is get that tube and break it out and direct it towards us. Oh, just point it the other way? Yeah. I think that's how the money flows in this company. Like pipe dream. I'm trying to get us there.

It's flowing. There's a cutoff. It's not water. It's money. It's flowing right past us. What we need is a T-junction to divert into our pockets. Maybe like a small one so they don't notice. Well, when money does come in, though,

Eric likes to spend $250,000 on a van that doesn't work. It's not that it was $250,000. It was just like $10,000 and $15,000 and $9,000 and $6,000 and $4,000. Yeah, but I can't hire you. That's why I go, sorry, Kat, I can't hire you. Yeah, that's why I go, sorry, Kat, I can't hire you

because that point at the van crumbling and abandoned at St. Fort Collins. It just found it and they went,

look at this piece of shit. No, I will say it wasn't abandoned there. I will say that maybe ran away. Maybe they didn't know

and she saw us running. They didn't. Hi, Eric. She held high as we ran away. Maybe they didn't know. And your mom was there and she saw us running. Maybe they didn't. Hi, Eric! She yelled hi as we ran away. Hi! Which. Hi! That's where it started.

Which I will say maybe blew our cover. I'm not saying it was abandoned there. I am saying that however it is there. Michael just woke up from a nap. No. I just. Mom kept yelling, do you need a ride I just went on the Spotify app and gave us 5 stars

did you say hi? I couldn't leave a comment it wouldn't let me oh hey here you also have to actually like listen to some of the show before you can rate it on Spotify did you do that? I'm not asking you I'm telling the audience

if you want to go slam us with a 5 star download it on Spotify. Did you do that? I'm not asking you. I'm telling the audience. If you want to go slam us with a five star, download it on spot. If you're not listening on Spotify, one idiot, um, to go download it, listen to a couple, right?

And slam us with the five star. And now I've heard, I've heard through the grapevine from our t-shirt podcast that, um, the jammers they still basically they haven't come out enough in full force yeah right we're still behind unbelievable but what we do have a perfect 5.0 perfect 5.0 i think i think our shirt's sitting at a 4.9 out yeah so we've got we've got the quality but they have more numbers absolutely right but it's a podcast

hosted by a shirt yeah two shirts and again i can't stress i can't stress sorry the shirts look alike this isn't like yeah go review but no we want you to come review bomb us with five stars and the word don't say bomb though because that doesn't mean yeah no it's like we're demonetized and now we're poorer you want to say like yeah it's like a slam dunk. Come review Sergius. Eric also, when he went, his tongue came out and he pretended like he was dunking. Yeah, I was dunking a basketball. He was Michael Jordan. We were the demons.

I was getting my face stepped on. Everyone here, it's Michael Jordan and I was Michael Jordan. Michael's having blink tears. Hey, Jordan, do you want to teach us about the food? I'm having the number of people From that thing I did being like Man we got a couple days off And I'm saying I don't I came in 20 minutes late

That was my That's your break And most of it was poop time I was They say, cutting rope. Oh, God. It's a sick phrase. First time I heard that, I wondered why it existed. You were having a BM to make room for BM, so another BM.

Yeah, that's true. I'm going to be going on my third BM soon. Teach me about BM. Sweet Thai garlic chicken. Hell yeah. This dish starts off sweet, but red chili peppers provide just enough heat to fire up our signature rotisserie chicken. Perfectly complemented with a garnish of sesame seeds. That's it.

That's what I'm going there for, the sesame seeds. All right, here's the press material, which just glancing at for a second. Yeah, no, just read it. Okay. Read it! I do not endorse anything I'm about to say. Quote, our 2012 bull I got ahead of you. Shut up, Michael. Our 2012

bull poll will determine whether the left-wing market bull or the right wing market bowl rules the roost at Boston market said George Michelle CEO, AKA the big chicken. Please tell me that's part of the material. Absolutely. That was part of it. Uh, CEO, Boston market in a year when campaign promises, dude, dude, dude, any year when campaign promises sometimes fall short.

Read what he wrote, not your own thing. These candidates can guarantee consumers will be rewarded come election day no matter which side claims victory as top bird. Note, this present material was from Boston Market's 2012 bullpull promotion. 2012 was such a simpler time. Stop! Stop! Stop! No! That was him hitting it. Eric's slamming my

microphone into the desk. You're rolling around on the ground. He's trying to get up, but it's only getting lower. It wasn't on the ground once. He's on the ground. Why did you get something from 2012? Something tells me he couldn't find anything. So looking for press material, they've done press material through like 2019

and then a little bit in 2021. And then they stopped doing press material halfway through 2021. And they didn't do any press material about their Thai garlic chicken, anything. Couldn't find quotes, couldn't find anything. And then I found the bowl poll. Okay.

And felt like it was pretty good for them to go, are we a left-wing restaurant or a right-wing restaurant? I saw right-wing and was like, oh, no. Mm-hmm. It's pretty exciting. At least they're not trying to do like an alt-right chicken. Oh, I think in 2012, that wasn't a thing that anybody knew. That was the last election.

This was palatable. Yeah. In 2012, that was just Nazis. And then so what happened is they started doing, oh, I got a different term for this thing. And it's like, ah, cool. Corporate branding. Nazis really needed a rebrand. Yeah, exactly.

Don't worry. They got it. As we established, they're bad. Yes. No matter what Eric says, I don Corporate branding. Yeah, like Nazis really needed a rebrand. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry, they got it. As we established, they're bad. Yes. No matter what Eric says, I don't like them. We definitely said that they're bad. No matter what mental gymnastics other people... Nick's giving a thumbs up, and I don't know. Are you giving Nazis a thumbs up?

I'm not sure what he's giving a thumbs up about. Two thumbs ups. And enthusiastic. Now he's just pointing a lot. Tell you what, my pizza ancestors did not fight on those beaches for those Nazis to come back. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Dude, my third

BM has come. Oh no. Boston, Oregon. Can it wait 15 minutes? It's gonna have to. 15, good luck. Okay. Then let's talk about Oh! Right on the head. He domed me, bro.

I domed you. Headshot. Well, let's talk about the food. What did you guys think? That mac and cheese was fucking gross. That mac and cheese, I did not like. It was so soupy. Why was it soupy?

You're talking about thin sauce. That was the mac and cheese. I like mac and cheese. You don't have to chew. Oh, boy. You really got that. Just slurp it up. You could straight up gullet that thing bird style.

The mac and cheese was a consistency and honestly like the shape of the pasta you get in chicken noodle soup. Yes. It was. It was the same noodle. It was the same noodle. It was a full on slurper. Yeah. It was a slurper It was the same noodle. It was a full-on slurper. Yeah, it was a slurper. Yeah, that's definitely for experienced eaters.

And speaking of which, I feel like the mac and cheese out of Fazoli's would be better than that mac and cheese. Yeah, it was pretty whack. Not only was it wet, it was so tasteless. And the thing is, I don't think that's the way it was prepared by these guys at Boston Market. No, that's just Boston Market. That's just Boston Market's mac and cheese.

You know what? We'll call it whack and cheese. Whoa. Something to think about. Michael started dipping mashed potatoes in it. Well, in the soup that was left. Right. Right, because he somehow ate all the noodles, which I was surprised by. He was gulping them down bird style. Yeah. I was doing the old

stomp and suck. Yep. Closed my eyes, and I opened up. I thought a second went by, and suck. Yep. Closed my eyes and I opened up. I thought a second went by and it was gone. We... Mom! Mom, who ate my mac and cheese? We went to order and each chicken comes with two sides. And then I asked what size you guys wanted.

Got nothing. What do you mean you got nothing? Got nothing. First of all, you asked one person right what would turned around you were all standing in a little semi-circle so let me ask you this you wanted three people to yell six sides simultaneously or you wanted one person at a time to tell you the reasonable human way to i wanted one person to speak up and go i want this and then the next person goes exactly what happened no No. It was I had to order my sides and then I turned around and Nick started going, yeah.

Mashed potatoes. Yeah. Okay. What's your second size? Yeah. I mean, I'll give you that. I feel like Nick was under the impression you were getting sides for everyone. I was ordering sides for everyone. The reason Jordan and I weren't talking is he was talking. I was letting that finish. Then the second it finished

I went, yes, give me the same thing. Yeah, exactly. It would not be easier. Which is fine. You nailed that. So I guess what it comes down to is this is Nick's fault. Yeah I mean, I'm willing to say he botched it. I'm not willing to sit here and go we screwed you. Yes I let you know what? Okay, he kind of Michael I'll concede. Okay, I agree with you. That's fine. I agree with you fucked it up. Yeah I mean you definitely yeah when I didn't say here are my two up. Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, you definitely did, though. He didn't say all the same things. Here's what I'm getting. He did just keep saying, yeah.

And then I turned around and said, what do you want? And he just kept going, yeah. You said, what do you want? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Too many words. Hang on, what show are you on? Too many words. There's a full sentence here.

Chill out. And then he started going, yeah. You're not playing Resident Evil 5, right? Mashed potatoes. Shut it. We need to we need to edit it so that like when he's talking there

it's just like an adult from Charlie Brown somebody's a little rusty forgot how it works here I'm gonna chime in now with a full sentence what the hell

so it leaves and the floodgates open. All of a sudden. This is what we were afraid of. It's a physical barrier. This is why we contain him. Somebody's got to sit in that chair. I'm not turning my back to him.

That's true. That's the intern's job. They're the Einstein bagels. Just so you know, you are in the most vulnerable position in the office. You're a back turn to this maniac. So we all got the same sides. Yeah, it doesn't even matter anymore. So we all got mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and the chicken.

And then we got cornbread. Cornbread comes with it. Cornbread was all right. Cornbread was pretty good. It was not dry. Not dry. It was a little sticky, which is fine because it's like a sweet honey kind of yeah it was a little sticky but didn't leave me angry no it wasn't it was not hate inducing yeah yeah

the chicken would have been way stickier had i touched it yes oh there was no way i was oh no way it was so and yeah they put glue all over it's sweet thai garlic it's so sticky so what did you think Jordan what are your thoughts on the food on the whole Boston Market does do a good rotisserie chicken it's always juicy it's always well cooked

they always got interesting at least they got different flavors and stuff and you know chicken is a very let's say meat tasteless kind of meat that works well with something good on top of it. And as far as this goes, I think it was fine.

It's like there's, I wouldn't say just enough heat. There is an inkling of heat. Like spice? Yeah. There's absolutely nothing. None, I got zero. There's the idea of it.

This is definitely coming from a salt mouse. Like 100%. There's no hint to this whatsoever. There was absolutely nothing. I didn't even consider that. Me neither. Until you said that, I forgot that it was supposed to be spicy.

Was it supposed to be spicy? I think that they talk about red. It says right here, just enough heat. Red chili peppers provide just enough heat. Oh, I thought it meant it was like cooking temperature. You put enough red chili pepper on it

to cook the chicken. Too hot, you're gonna burn it! Fire hazard. But, um, it's good tasting chicken. Not dry. The flavor, the

sweet Thai garlic tastes good. Good enough. I'd say this is pretty average. And thinking about the 64 that we gave the other one, I would say this is in that range. I'm going to give it a 66. 66. Slight improvement. Yes. Even with the

suck noodle mac and cheese. I'm excluding that. I just wanted to complain about how bad that was. I understand. That makes sense. I get it. It was pretty good. The only thing that sucks about Boston Market is it's like its feature is also its downfall to me where, you know, it's like it's half a chicken.

Right. It's not like a drumstick or a wing or boneless. It's just like here's half a chicken. It's so much chicken. Yeah. Who's eating half a chicken? But it's also like, if you don't pick it up with your hands, especially this one, I don't want to.

It's very messy. We've been sauce everywhere. We're all sticky and shit. After a couple of bites and cuts, it becomes work. There's so much. You're starting to lift up the leg and cut it. The thing is, there is so much meat. It's mostly meat as opposed to bone.

But when you start running out of easy cuts, it's like, God damn. Like you said, you got to lift this flap and dig it. And you just want to pick it up and bite it because it's going to be faster. So it's like if you go in, I feel like it's perfect if you want to get half a chicken but eat quarter of a chicken. Because then you can just eat all the easy parts. Pretty good, yeah. You know what I mean? The other quarter

is for your dog. Yeah, if you go for all chicken on the half chicken, it's way too much work. Yeah. I imagine you gotta pick it up and turn it over

at some point to get the bottom. I ate my fill when I was done. Some of their other ones are even messier. Oh, yeah. You're not even gonna be touching it.

I just don't wanna touch messy things. Yeah, no, I get it. I don't wanna touch them. I so badly wanted to just rip that leg off. Pick it up and just go for it. Yeah. Eat it like an actual dog.

It was good, though. Like you said, it was good. It was decent, quality chicken. It was cooked well. It was juicy. The sauce was good. It had taste, right? The sauce and the chicken was like, this is a flavor that I'm eating.

And that's about it. It was decent chicken. Yeah. Nothing mind-blowing here, but nothing that's making us think about getting angry. Yeah. I'm thinking about, hmm, what should I rate? Oh, God. Whatever you do. Micro-Nag No! Now he's on the ground. Now he's definitely on the ground. He fell out of the chair. I'm gonna say

72. Okay. Fair enough. It's a average score of 69. Hurt my knee. Very nice. I'm sorry. Screamed it. He's gonna show us his knee. I'm not showing you. I'm checking for myself you're just fucking a voyeur

a sick pervert I got a couple old spots nice the thing about Boston Market is that every place like every grocery store does a rotisserie chicken already and this is more work than I ever want to put into fast food

yeah I agree but I will say it's definitely better than those rotisserie chickens in my opinion and this is more work than I ever want to put into fast food. Yeah. Does that make sense? I agree, but I will say it's definitely better than those rotisserie chickens, in my opinion. It's good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good.

The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good.

The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good.

The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good.

The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good.

The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good. The sauce on this was good also whole chickens yep like if like if you're eating this for lunch you have to be careful not to get your work shirt messy because it can be a messy meal but also don't get too full that you take micro naps oh no you can take micro naps it's fine are you gonna pull out a vampire no can you believe this is the box they sent yeah i can't believe isn't that awesome halloween candy greeter

vampire and it looks how big be a blow up vampire. And it says, happy Halloween. Chappy Halloween. He looks like he's in a band. I am chappy. Snack attack. Hello, Face Jam. I'm a longtime listener, but I haven't found the right snack to send.

Dracula? For a snack attack. Dracula is a longtime listener. However, I recently discovered a local company specializing in flavored pistachios. Please enjoy Fiddy Mint Farms pistachios. Air blown?

No, don't look at the box. In garlic, onion, lemon, barbecue, chili, lime, Fiddy Fire, and sea salt and pepper from Jammer Shelby. Fiddy Fire? So does that mean you're going. Fitty Fire? What? So does that mean you're going to have a fit? What does that mean?

What is the name of the company again? Fittyman? Air Blown Inflatable. Fittyman. Oh, no. Sorry. Stop reading the box. It's called Gemmy or Jemmy.

I don't know how you... There we go. Had to show that it came in a vampire box. These are Sea Salt and Pepper. I also have cups for everyone, so that way we can all try... Fittyman Ponds. California Pistachios. Who was sea salt and pepper. I also have cups for everyone, so that way we can all try. California pistachios. Who was that for? Nick.

I don't even think you got close to being halfway. I'd just like to point out Eric threw a cup about two feet in front of him. Nick is, I would say, 10 to 12 feet at a different table. Right. Just hit him with a bag of nuts.

Nick, which one do you want? Whichever. Okay. Nick says that he wants... Ooh. You want Fitty Fire? Yeah! Fitty Fire.

Fitty Fire. It's so cool to hit the soundboard. I just went... How do you guys feel about pistachios? They're work, but I like them. I love them. I, uh... I don't know. Pistachios ride They're work, but I like them. I love them. I don't know. Pistachios ride the line of

sometimes, because they're like half open, right? You gotta pop them. And you're gonna get some that are not open. Yeah, and some are hard. Harder to open because they're just gonna bend your nails. Yeah, it's like, ah, too much work.

And sometimes you wanna prep some, right? Like, if I open 10 before I eat them, then I can just Then you just Then I burn through. You just throw them right in.

But then like, I just feel like you're eating too many at that point too quickly. The great thing about them being in their shell is that they provide moderation. It's an intentional slowdown.

Yeah. This is the. It's an intentional slowdown. Yeah. This is... The chili lime is fucking good. I'll tell you one thing. I was a little... Sea salt and pepper is kind of... It's just like a regular pistachio. Dude, these are good.

I didn't think of... I'd never thought about a flavored pistachio before. I usually like plain ones myself. Because I just like the salty... the light salted kind are my favorite Yeah, the sea salt and pepper. It's just pistachio. It's very well. The lemon one is also really good. That's like whoa Sorry, no even Shelby. These are pretty good. Whoa I

Like the the array of flavors as well Michael you can do it bitty fire pretty good. Ooh very chilly You don to help there, bud? Let him. I got it. He needs to do it himself. Did it open? Did it open? Did it open? No. Oh, almost.

Okay, well, now, if you were a producer, what you would have done is opened it low and then went, yeah! And lifted it up. And we all know it was a lie, but we wouldn't pretend it. Instead, you just went, no. And now, comically enough, you can't open it. Wow, Michael, you threw it and opened it.

Wow. You arguably as long as I tried before I threw it. Wow. Garlic onion. What do you think of Fitty Fire? More like garlic. That's pretty spicy. Definitely spicier than the chicken.

Are you sure? Shelby, these are good. Fitty- Fitty Mint Farms. Way to go. Dude, I never would have thought about a flavored pistachio. I'm taking some of these. The garlic onion's pretty good. I wish it had a little bit more salt.

Um, that's pretty good. Try the garlic onion. I- I wanna- I wanna try all of them. You sure, my friend? Bear with me, this is taking a little bit longer- Hang on. Than a snack them. So my friend. Bear with me. This is taking a little bit longer. Hang on. Than a snack attack.

There's so many snacks to attack. There's a lot of garlic. A lot of onion. Oh yeah. I wish there was a little bit of salt. But um. It tastes like uh. What do we got over there?

We got lemon and fitty fire. Oh god lemon sounds awful. I want the lemon. I mean I'll try it. But it sounds terrible. It's got a nice like acid bite to it. Definitely try the fitty fire. I want the lemon. I mean, I'll try it, but it sounds terrible. It's got a nice acidic acid bite to it. Definitely try the Fittiment Fire, it's very good.

How much zest? Are these the lemons everybody's gravin'? They put them in the pistachios! The demand of the lemon! I demand lemon! Oh, it does not taste like lemons at all. Ooh, the barbecue very much tastes like barbecue. Yes, it does. Holy shit. Oh, where's barbecue?

Um, it's written on over here. Alright, fitty's all I need. Wait, what is this? That's right here. Oh, chili lime too. God damn, how many are there? That's six. That's the last one. Mm-hmm.

Good lord. Mm-hmm. Dude, Shelby. Good send. They've been robbed! No! I've been robbed! No! I've been had!

I will say, lemon is better than I thought. There was no nut in this shell! Bee! Shelby, did you suck any of these out and reseal these bags? Is that what happened here? That's what she did. Is that what you did?

Do you have chili lime? Oh, chili lime's my favorite. There's a good one. It's fire, man. It's just like a... That's pretty good. Yeah. It's like a chili pepper flavor.

Where's disgusting lemon? God damn. All right, last one. I need to try them all. Saving lemon for last. Let's see what we get. Oh, it sucks. Oh, that's awful.

That sucks. I'd say that's the only one that sucks so what do you guys think i wouldn't eat the chili lime either all the other ones i would eat though i like the chili lime and lemon the best um as an array probably fitty fire and garlic are my faves chili lime and lemon for me chili lime and fitty fire think. This is what snack attack should be, where it's just like, that's a great snack I'm going to eat. That's a great snack. Yeah. Way to go.

Could be bugs, though. Think about it. That is not a great snack. I agree. So this gets a 96 from old Jordan. Wow! 96. Great snack. Michael? That's extreme. What do you think? Extremely good. I'm giving it an snack. Michael? That's extreme. What do you think? Extremely good.

I'm giving it an 80. Okay. Bring down the mood. As far as snacks go, very good snack. Shelby, that's an average score of 88. Very good job. Very good snack. Hold on.

I'm getting hit with the spice from the 50 fire. That spice went straight to my nose. Yeah. It got a little drippy. That's pretty good. Hey, if you want to send us snacks you can, you send them to facejamcareofericbadour 1901 East 51st Street Austin, Texas 78723

if you want to get all of past ratings go to facejamstats.com which is where a list is compiled by Jammer Tanner C and you can follow us at facejampod to stay up to date on everything on Twitter, on Instagram. Hey, guys.

Spice Rat shirts are back now. You got one for me? Can I finally have one? Oh, yeah. I'll get them sent. Oh, my God. The rats are back. The rats are back.

Spice Rat shirts. Store.RoosterTeeth.com. Check it out. Get them now. You're hearing this they're out right now um you can also

nice uh you can also check out the chicken tray where you can carry things around your house go to store.roosterteeth chicken tray

alley-oop there you go store.roosterteeth.com uh for all your face jam needs check it out uh don't forget to

check out our red web shirt too oh that's right yeah and rate us five stars on Spotify and say hi on Spotify you gotta download it just download this episode

if you've listened to this elsewhere go listen to it there go listen to it again on Spotify and then give us five stars and say hi

and say hi say hi or maybe this week you know so we can tell when it got posted maybe this week say whoa whoa whoa you know that way we'll know we'll give you a different code that's pretty good i like that dude you know what the popular youtubers do somewhere in the middle of their video they go oh let me hey say this word and it's just like a way to get people to like

prove like i didn't just skim. I didn't just watch the beginning. I didn't just watch the end. It's true engagement. You dropped a secret word in the middle. Wow. Spam that word. The secret Face Jam word this week is wow.

Wow. Yeah. Even he did it. Yeah. He got excited. You almost said wow. Wow. Yeah.

That's next Fortnite. Yeah. Don't say wow. Yeah. Wait two weeks and then say wow. Next Fortnite might be like, no building, huh? Oh, wow. That's cool.

But it's already back. Oh, well, there you go. Jordan, take us out. All right. Well, rate and subscribe on Spotify. Tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Tell a friend of a friend so we get that net cast a little wider. That's how our marketing works, baby.

Why did you stop the timer? We don't know how long we've been going. We're still going. I'm just going to keep going, I guess. We need to get at least another 50 minutes. Tell a friend of a friend. Get the friend under you on the pyramid scheme. And then the more under them that they get, you become a higher ranking bug until you're a bug king.

But you'll never be a bug king because we're the bug kings. Goodbye.