100% Eat - Burger King Wraps: The Face Jam Finale

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

In the final episode of Face Jam, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Burger King Wraps so you know if they're worth eating. But what's this? From the ashes rises a phoenix. 100% EAT lives. Our Heroes are continuing the Face Jam legacy under a new banner, completely independent and they're doing it FOR YOU! You can support 100% Eat as they launch their direct support avenue (we don't think we're allowed to talk in all detail about it yet) THIS SATURDAY. Are you 100% in? Follow @100percenteat on twitter and instagram but if you're already following @facejampod we probably already changed them over. A new look, a new name, but our same Heroes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is crypto perfect? Nope. But neither was email when it was invented in 1972. And yet today, we send 347 billion emails every single day. Crypto is no different. It's new. But like email, it's also revolutionary. With Kraken, it's easy to start your crypto journey with 24-7 support when you need it. Go to kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. Hey, you bitch, it's over. Welcome to the last Face Jam,

the show where we tried to try every new fast food creation to let you know if you needed it. You probably did need it, but you probably didn't do it because a lot of people go, I don't even have that where I live. It was never about the food, you idiot. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sures. Jordan, how are you for one last time? Do you think there are people who tried to get everything that we reviewed on the show? Yeah, I know there are.

Do you think they succeeded? I bet. I think for the people that I know for a fact, we're trying. Because there's people, remember, that had like spreadsheets of like our scores and their scores. Really? Their own? They, I guarantee you, could have got every single one if they wanted to. Because seeing how far they'd already gone.

The only thing that I wonder is like, did they lose interest at some point? Yeah. Were they like, I fucking hate this show. Yeah. I'm not watching this show anymore. But that- You know what I mean? It's almost, yeah, they they like, I fucking hate the show. Yeah. I'm not watching the show anymore. But that, you know what I mean? It's almost,

yeah, they were like, this isn't even about the food. I don't think, wait a second. I don't think anyone that committed, tried and failed. Right.

Right. You know what I mean? Sure. They probably threw in the towel and they was like, you know what I've realized? I hate them. I hate those people.

You know what I realized? This is, this is point. This show sucks and they suck and I'm doing more work than they are. What the fuck? They were eating all of the food that we were eating and they just kept going, why the fuck am I doing this? They're doing it. I don't think

they're like, no, I missed one. They got a look in the mirror and they were like, what am I doing? Yeah, we're not counting any weirdo Austin shit, but I don't know that we ever did that during a regular episode. I mean, sometimes we just did whatever. Doghouse isn't an Austin thing. Doghouse is a chain. But I mean, within reason, let's just say within reason,

I feel like I can't imagine Torchies was like the most localized kind of thing that we did. Did we do an actual episode on Torchies? Best case, so in Texas. I think we may have done a... This? Alright, he knows apparently. Jesus fucking Christ

What happened to him Here's what's gonna happen He Eric is gonna put Nick In the ground today This He's gonna bury him With the podcast

You have been I've never seen Nick more You've been totally fine More animated All day Freakish and giddy And Eric is I just don't fucking get it

Way beyond thinking about it We finished eating the food He's pissed We finished He also Nick is wearing a fucking Burger King crown right now on top of his hat. Nick,

we, on top of his headphones as well. We started eating. We went and we got the food and whatever. We started eating and everything was fine. He's just playing. He, he ate,

started burping, would not stop. So yeah, it all started. And then just started fucking like screaming. He held up the wrapper of the four. Yes. Whatever wrap we ate. And he looked at me and he said, uh-oh.

And then he went, blah. Yeah, the loudest burp I've ever heard. Over and over. Imagine his normal behavior. Okay. It's just even that, dude. He's still making noise over there. It's ratcheted up.

It's the last episode. And Gracie's not here. That's what I was going to say. Because she already got a job. She's the only one that's been on top of this shit. Uh-huh. She's like, dude, I start Monday. And they're like, oh, like a job where you can kind of just like leave. she's like not like a real job like i have to be there and i can't go away and record

a podcast and come back so we were like we're like we'll do this one without you and then we'll figure it out i guess we were talking about it last week and we were like all right cool so we're gonna record tuesday and that should be fine because it's within this contract time and we do all this stuff and she's like oh i start my job on Monday. Did I not tell you guys? And we went, again, fucking Jesus Christ. He's just burping around. He's like covering his face. So he's making up for Gracie, not the gross parts. I think Gracie is what regulates him.

I think so. Well, the problem is she didn't regulate him before she was born. Yeah. Before she was here. But she's released the valve that now only she can control. Yes. Right. She's not here to control it anymore. It's like the doctor about to perform surgery and realize the anesthesiologist isn't there and then going, I can figure it out without him.

And he cannot. You know how when a younger dog shows up on the farm and the older one has to show it the ropes? It just does these little things like nudging it. Sometimes maybe it nips at it a little bit just to keep it in check. I feel like that's what Gracie does. In a very subtle way, we didn't notice it. And then we were kind of

comfortable with the new norm. And now without her here, this is probably what Nick was like all the time. Probably all the time. No, he wasn't. Gracie was like, he was not. I have a job. I start on Monday. I didn't tell you?

No. Oh, okay. I'm like, but you're contracted through this date, so it should be fine, right? And she's like, oh, when I got hired, I told them it's fine and you can just end my contract early. And they did. I mean, smart. The smart move. Right.

And I went, right. In any other situation, I would be applauding you for like really making this happen. did. I mean, smart. The smart move. Right, and I went, right, in any other situation, I would be applauding you for, like, really making this happen. I hope you know you fucked us. I mean, no one's going to listen to this episode without Gracie. I feel like she's kind of fucked you. Yeah. There she goes flipping me off again.

Bye, Sarah. That's my friend Sarah. Oh, bye, Cameron. That's my good friend Cameron. He waved. Yeah. I'll probably never see her again. I just went to Vegas with that guy.

He didn't even look at me. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. He's mad. No! No! They heard it. Yeah, they heard it.

So what did we eat today? I don't know. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Because we got there, and I went, do you guys want anything else? And he went, what are we eating? We were deep in conversation the whole trip over there and into the restaurant. I don't care, dude.

It came to that point. I don't care. Michael hadn't thought about it until you asked him. It came to that point. I never cared. Michael hadn't thought about it until you asked him. Here's why I asked. I never cared. My question was, how much food are we getting? Is it a lot of food or little food? Because I'm real hungry.

It was a lot of little food. And sometimes it's like, oh, we're eating this. Like, dude, remember that time we got Taco Bell and it was like two tiny little like and I was like, what the fuck? This is lunch? And you were like, da, da, da, da. I wasn't still really listening to what he was saying. He started rambling off what we were eating, but it was too many things to calculate.

Yeah, see, he said it's too many things. And then I heard the woman say, that'll be $65. And I went, oh, that's enough food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. $65 at Burger King means we're getting enough food. Yep. Good thing we didn't go through the drive-thru. Nope.

So we done eated. Hang on. It's on here somewhere. Usually it's at the top. Uh-huh. Where is it? Top. But I mean, that's it.

Burger King wraps? Yes. There's no more information than that? Well, we'll learn more about the chicken. We'll learn goddamn wraps. Yeah. And we'll learn more about the wraps later in the episode. They didn't call them the chicken princess of the Burger King?

No, that's the name of the restaurant in one word. Yeah. There's usually more than that. Okay. Honestly, I'm surprised it's spelled the restaurant in one word. Yeah. There's usually more than that. Okay. Honestly, I'm surprised it's spelled right. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Oh, that was a dig at me. Oh, never mind. I know one was Hummy Nuster. I think he liked it. He didn't know why he liked it so much. I think it's the extra, it's just cutting, it's cutting out the Nickism that's going on right now that's really pissing him off. And it's a little bit of levity.

There's something about a man who just had a big trip and has a mortgage and all these responsibilities. Children. Hummy Nustard. Hummy Nustard. That is just. Oh, no. It fell out.

Oh, no. Hang on. Jordan, carry. Oh, boy. That is just- That is just- Oh no. Jordan, carry. Oh boy. I'm not carrying anything. Jordan looked at me with a grimace and wide eyes. Oh, I wish.

So, what do you think about Burger King in general, Jordan? It fucking sucks. Sorry, I'm back. It fucking sucks. Those are my kingpinions as well. Yeah. The Burger King that we went to was connected to a 7-Eleven. And for a second there, I was, you could see the little hallway that leads to the 7-Eleven. And in there they have the little stand for the lottery.

Like where you can grab the... It's small. Fill out your ticket and shit. And I was like, it doesn't surprise... It wouldn't surprise me if this Burger King also let you play the lottery. But I was like, that would be cool. Why is there a thing in the...

And then I was like, oh, it's 7-Eleven. It's right next door. And then I was like, Nick, we should go get Slurpees. I just came back from Vegas yesterday. Should have come back two days ago. Came back yesterday. I forgot that he's still going over there. That was you?

I thought somebody dropped a fucking, like, giant crate outside. Can you fucking believe this shit? That was the bassiest sound. I don't understand. I need you guys to know that this was happening before You had chicken and tortillas. Yes. What the hell is wrong with you? There was nothing to it.

It wasn't like I'm having a day. There's nothing that would cause any sort of reflux or reflex. Dude, acid reflux. And it was happening before the episode. You're hearing it on the episode. It was happening so much before the episode. That last one did not sound right. None of it's right.

You sound unwell. None of it's right. I forgot the world where everyone just smokes cigarettes and cigars everywhere. Yeah. And just like not in a contained place. It's weird, right? It's like sitting at a restaurant. Or like, I'm like,

ooh, I'm gonna play blackjack. Oh, three people are smoking cigarettes. I'm not going to play blackjack. It's like what it, it was like living in the 80s. It was like being back at Denny's, dude. Right. It was growing up being back at Denny's. Yeah.

Even then, there's like a non-smoking section. It doesn't do much because the smoke follows no rules. It goes wherever it wants. It takes the shape of its container. Yeah, it even wafts over to the non-section.

But it was just like, I don't know, it was wild seeing that in 2024. It's like, oh, where? And it was gross. You go to like Old Vegas, the Golden Nugget, and all the smoke there, it's like you're back in the 60s.

It wasn't. I didn't go Old Vegas, just like a little bit Old Vegas. I was at the Sahara. I mean, that's about as old as you can get on the like strip, strip, right? It was still like off the strip. Yeah. Right.

But not like, yeah, not the Nugget. There was no Nuggies. No, no, no, no. The Golden Nugget and that area, like Fremont and everything. There was some sort of weather in Austin or at least Texas going on where, uh, we were with a group, a big group of people that we were like on different flight flights, but, uh, we were flying all flying out Sunday. Oh yeah.

Sunday was fucked here. Sunday morning. Uh, Alfredo was there. He flew the fuck out. Got the fuck insane. He left. His flight was like, we did a festival on Saturday that went till midnight. He let his flight took off at like 7am. Oh my God. Yeah. And I'm midnight. His flight took off at like 7 a.m.

Oh my God. Yeah. And I'm like, why? Did he even go to sleep? I think. In Vegas? Yeah. Gone.

I was like, crazy, whatever. My flight was 4.55. Comfortable, right? Yeah. Great. Yeah, you could wake up at like 2. I'm there with other people. They're like, my flight's at 6, this, that, whatever.

Yeah. My 4.50, we get to the airport to get on my flight and it's delayed like an hour and 20 minutes. Uh-huh. That's not crazy. That's fine because we were there with people who had later flights anyway.

Yeah, so it was fine. You're just like, okay. And it was like, oh, cool. We were going to leave and they're still hanging. We'll just keep hanging out. Mm-hmm.

So it's delayed till 6.30. Everybody ends up getting there. We're all hanging out. Fucking, then it gets delayed to 9.30. So now our flight's later than everyone else's. And I'm like, what the fuck? Under the new rules, Pete Buttigieg will pay you back for that.

He better. Oh, he better pay me something. Okay? Because now it's like, what the fuck? My flight's later. Da-da-da-da. Even before they get on their flight, my flight gets delayed till 8 a.m. the next day. Whoa.

And I'm just like what the fuck and this is at like 8 o'clock but you're at the airport the whole time oh yeah what time did you get to the airport

I got to the airport at like 3 3.30 oh what the fuck we got to the airport where if my flight was on time I got to my gate

and it was boarding in 30 minutes fuck perfect timing oh we'll have a drink that's the best and then we'll leave yeah gate and it was boarding in 30 minutes. Perfect timing. Yeah. Oh, we'll have a drink. That's the best.

And then we'll leave. Yeah. And then it was like till 630. It's like, ah, whatever. Have another drink. I'll just keep drinking whatever.

930. All right, now this fucking sucks. Tomorrow, I had to leave the airport and book another night at another hotel and come back the next day.

Fuck. So I got home at 120 on Monday. Like I had to call my kids out of school. Oh my God. Whoa. Hey, Pete. Ring, ring. Can you drive my kids? of school. Oh my god! Hey, Pete! Ring, ring. Can you

drive my kids, Mayor Pete? So I was in a pretty good mood. Wow. Jesus Christ. I got home and fucking, it's like, kids, I'm home. I'm going to sleep. Don't bother me. Yeah, don't look at me. Don't talk to me. You want to hang out with me? Jump on top of me. I'll be asleep. That's what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn! You can play Pokemon

cards. It was a good trip, but that could have been avoided. That's fine. I've never flying had to, like, fly the next day. I've never had that happen. Well, hold on. I got a story then. About Burger King? No, about Humminy Mustard.

About Humminy Mustard. Dude, Humminy Nuster. The first time I flew over the Pacific, I was going to Australia for a convention. We flew from Austin to Dallas, and then we were going to fly from Dallas to Brisbane, I think. And at the time, that was the longest flight you could take at the time. It was like 17 and a half hours. But we were going to be leaving at 10 p.m. And it turns out, oh, there's a problem with the plane.

It's going to be slightly delayed. So we wait until like midnight. And then they're like, oh, it looks like it's going to be even longer. There's a real problem with whatever this component is. And maybe 6 a.m. We'll get you guys hotels and stuff. You can go sleep and come back in the morning. And I was with Monty, who went to the beat of his own drum.

He's like, I'll sleep on the plane and wait for it to take off tomorrow. Can I crawl in with the luggage? If he could have, he would. I know. I was going to say, you're arguing with the person at the desk. Let me sleep with the luggage.

So the plan was, by the time we get to the hotel room, we're not going to be able to sleep and we're going to be coming back here. Let's just sleep at the airport. So we found a spot. Tron Hank style. Yeah, to stay at the airport six six a.m wake up go to the gate uh they're like yeah so i mean we told everyone who was on the uh the hotel shuttle this we contacted them um yeah it's like super fucked so it's not leaving until 10 p.m tonight what so i was like

you slept at the airport for nothing? So at that point, I was like, Monty, we're going to the hotel. Let's fucking go. Holy shit, dude. So I got delayed a whole 24 hours. And we got to sleep at the airport for our trouble. Damn, dude. I'll say this.

The hotel we booked like instantly, cheap as fuck. And it was 10 times nicer than the hotel we stayed at granted we stayed at the Sahara just because it was literally across the street from the festival like that wouldn't have changed but it was like I don't know

it was like 300 bucks a night or something like that crazy yeah this hotel was 68 dollars what? where did you stay? Virgin

oh wow it was nice as fuck it was like the room was like three times the size I was like closer to the airport than like what the fuck? yeah or was like Three times the size I was like Closer to the airport What the fuck Yeah

Or something Yeah I mean Sarah was like 20 minutes 15, 20 This was like 8 minutes away

Yeah That's still like It's not like Right next to it And I'm just like That's crazy What the fuck Did we stay here

Dude prices can be so Like variable You could get like A fucked One million dollars It's like 70 bucks Yep It's like 70 bucks. Yep.

It's almost better to do last minute booking sometimes at Vegas where it's just like. Yep. And that's why I stay at Circus Circus. Oh God. Holy shit. Just looking at that place pissed me off. Just dude pissed me off looking at it. God, I hate Circus Circus so much. We would stay there when I was a kid.

Oh my God. You want to know what kind of river trash people I come from? We stayed there once in like 2003. We were on a cross country road trip in an RV and we stopped and we stayed on the RV lot. You can pull the RV right in the circus. Check this out. It's a house on wheels. They let you pull right into the log.

You're part of the show. You're part of the act. They cut your range. You need hookups. You can stay half off, but you got to keep the donkeys in your RV. I remember watching like,

like Survivor Season 1, like in a hotel room at like the Circus Circus. Like it was, yeah. I went to that hotel in dallas and watched a bunch of law and order sv yeah that's all that's what i did with my day so you do now it's uh it's all chicago we're chicago still there no yeah still hold down the floor looks the same but now when you're five years in when you're flying on a plane the usa network lieutenant usa network doesn't

really show it as much they show show it, but not as much. Now it's all Chicago PD and Chicago Fire and Chicago Med. I don't know what's going on in Chicago. They got a lot. It's Dick Wolf. The Chicagoverse. Is Chicago... It's the same. No fucking shit.

It's Law and Order styles. I didn't know it was Dick Wolf. That's why there's three of them. I thought he liked New York. I'm just saying, dude. I'm going to Chicago now, baby. Damn. Dude, I was watching a fucking... It's like a new- damn dude I was watching a fucking it's like a newish

documentary that came out on it's like a limited series documentary it's just like episodic it's just another like true crime thing I think it's on Netflix

and it was just like homicide in New York and it's just like it's like four or five episodes and it's just like different cases it opens up and the line is like

there's just like a blurb of text that's something like there are detectives in New York that this and that and whatever. I'm like, sounds like Law & Order. Literally the credits roll in episode one's like executive producer Dick Wolf. Motherfucker! My guy's even using

the same terminology! It was like 80% the opening of Law & Order. You can spot a Dick Wolf from a mile away. He's just like, money please! Are you getting murdered for real? Money. Are you getting murdered for real? Money. Are you getting murdered for pretend? Money.

Here's my idea. That show pitch must have just been great. Here's my idea for a show. If it happened in the news, have a writer adapt it, change it slightly. Barely. And then we never stop making it. Blitney Sprears. An insane thing.

Humming Monster. Yepitney Sprears. An insane thing of a crew. Yep. Pop sensation Blitney Sprears. And you're like, whoa, where'd they get this case from? Oh, man. Fuck. We should get to the haiku. Oh, the final haiku.

Was it about Burger King or Las Vegas? This one's just about the final haiku. Oh, wow. Okay, because Burger King doesn't deserve it. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest. I mean, you hear how much we're... You want to throw in a burp or something? You hear how much we're talking about Burger King in this episode.

One final rating. The sun sets to rise again. Heroes never die. Yeah! That's true. That's beautiful. That's true. Unless they do.

Did you know that they're bringing back heroes again? Yes. Yeah, why? Why? Why? Let heroes die! Some heroes should die. Some heroes should die.

Remember when that show was good, the first season? The first season only? That's it! And then season two was shoddy as shit because it was that writer's strike. And it was like a half season. It was like, eh, it was just a hiccup. It was just a little hiccup. And then season... And they tried to pull it back and it was just like's strike. And it was like a half season. It was like, it was just a little hiccup. And then they tried to pull it back

and it was just like, this show sucks ass. I stopped watching that show like early on season three. I don't remember what season T-Bag was in it. The guy from Prison Break. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, oh yeah. That was three or four. It was like the carnival people. So like, I'm like what, 16, 17 when the show's airing? Yeah. And it's like the first time i'm aware of

like how a show changes over time yes yeah yeah maybe isn't as good as you realize maybe they didn't have the whole idea when they pitched the show and it's just people sitting around a room going what about if this happens like i think i remember the scene where it was like one of the characters is like, I'm switching sides for the third time. Now I'm a bad guy again. Do you remember when Siler was their brother? Yes.

For a little bit? Yeah. There's the two main characters, Peter and I think Nathan, the politician guy. Yeah, they were brothers. They were brothers. And then they added the twist that like, Siler's actually their brother too,

but then he wasn't. It's middle class. He was solid shit is what it is. I mean, it's definitely comic and here's solidist comic books well here's what was

cool about it and like which I guess it sucked ass that one season here was reborn and it sucked ass and nobody watched it

and they cancelled it immediately I didn't watch a single second of it but that was only a few years ago bring it back again

and I'm like okay here's the thing maybe season one was kind of cool just in itself. Obviously, it was the whole like superpower thing. It was like,

oh my God, this is X-Men TV show. Yeah. That was unique at the time. Now. Now we live in a world where people are sick and fucking tired of it.

The last four like huge superhero comic movies, nobody gives a shit anymore. Yeah. Okay? And they have $200 million budget. Yeah. Who's going to give a shit about this show when it's like, oh, a shit anymore. Yeah. Okay. Superheroes are such a thing. And they have $200 million budget. Yeah. How, what,

who's going to give a shit about this show when it's like, oh, I can float. Yeah. Cool. It's, you know what I mean? It's like CW shit now.

Oh, exactly. It's the thing of like, if Lost came out now, or if like you watch it now and you just go like, man, this is fucking corny.

It's like, right. Because it's not 2006 where you are. you gotta be yellow jackets yeah yellow jackets is like law if lost was good yeah we have we have like limitless options for like all this stuff and there is a lot of good stuff amongst garbage so to just be like heroes is coming back it's like dude remember remember horn rim glasses yeah when you didn't know who he was oh yeah and then you found out it was the cheerleader's father.

That was crazy. Whoa! Out in Odessa, Texas. But also he was the bad guy kind of deal. But then it's like, I don't know, everybody knows and it's cool and he's got a name now and he's a good guy. It's like, it's a lot less interesting now, though. Yep.

Yep. Well, then they- You kind of blew through that arc too fast. Yeah. Then they had to start generating intrigue by like double, triple crosses and stuff like that. We got to start a heroes podcast. double, triple crosses and stuff like that. We've got to start a Heroes podcast. It's a thing where when you're-

I don't remember- I thought that's what this was. I don't remember- I said Heroes for five years, Eric. I said Heroes Never Die. That's the name of the podcast, right? What podcast? It's over.

We should definitely re-watch Heroes. You know when you're watching a thing and you're like, they're stringing me along and we should just get to it Heroes should not have just gotten to it no I also remember too some questions are better than answers I also remember too the big finale of season 1

they're gonna fight and then they didn't really fight at all right I just remember that I remember exactly what happens like Siler vs Peter cause his thing was like he had anybody's power that was nearby so he was kind of like he could have more than one at a time thing was like he had anybody's power that was nearby. Yeah, yeah. So he was kind of like he could have more than one at a time or something. It was like,

first he didn't know how it was working because his brother could fly. He thought he could fly and then he tried to fly and he couldn't. He fell down. Because he didn't really know

what was happening. That sucked, how they ended that. Also, maybe dragging it out a little bit more. Maybe. It was cool that Zachary Quinto was open

in people's brains though. That was cool. He was a cool villain in season one. He was a cool villain guy. And that's kind of all the show had. Remember when season one was cool. Peter woke up in a shipping container in season two. Yes. Yeah. And then they did the thing too where it's just like, and he doesn't have

his powers. That's why I'm watching the show! Stop taking their powers away! Oh, heroes, not normals. And then Nathan died. He died. He killed him. And then Siler had the shapeshifting power. And then they manipulated him, wiped his brain, made him turn into Nathan, and then erased his memory.

And he thought he was Nathan. Beautiful. That happened. Anyway, it sounds like you're explaining Metal Gear Solid. Definitely. My arm was cut off, but the spirit of Liquid Snake is in my arm. Bring Me the Horizon does tons of Metal Gear Solid shit

in their show. Ooh. They have like codec calls and shit. Oh, that's awesome. That's pretty cool. I like that. It's pretty cool. That's neat. Let's learn about Burger King. What? Yeah. Do we have to? Yeah. Our previous Burger King episode was released January 4th, 2022, where we ate the Burger King Italian chicken sandwich.

It received an average score of 7.825. Damn, we must have been pissed. That's on the lower scale. It was very low, and then Michael wanted to give it extra numbers. Jeez, I can't believe it's been a year and some change since I ate Burger King. More than change. In fact, even longer. What are you saying?

What? January 2022. What year is it? Heroes! His mind's been erased. Burger King, a notoriously low-scoring chain for Face Jam, is somehow still around and has money. What? Just this week, Burger

King's parent company announced that it is investing $300 million into modernizing its restaurant locations, which is great because we want to walk into Burger King and feel like we're in the future. Do you think your grandkids will be eating a Whopper in the year 2100? Do you think there will

be an America in 2100, do you think there will be an America in 2100? We don't have to go down this rabbit hole, but in my the year of gaming that I'm going through. The year of gaming? I am now playing Skyrim. I moved on

from Skyrim to another Bethesda game called Fallout. Oh, dude. The first one? No. I'm picking game called Fallout. Oh, dude. Which one? The first one? No. I'm picking up at three. Oh, okay. I just started three as well. But that's because I got the itch because of the show.

Me too. It made me want to play. I'm playing New Vegas and four at the same time. I'm playing these games so I can watch the show. Oh, okay. I mean, if you play the game for 10 hours, you can watch the show. I understand that. Yep.

But I'm going to play all the games. Play the game for 10 hours. You can watch the show. I understand that. Yep. But I'm going to play all the games. Okay. Well, I skipped New Vegas because really my wife wants to watch the show. And I was like, wouldn't it be fun if we like played the games first and we like knew a

little bit more about it? And she's like, can you play faster? Yeah. I want to watch the show. As long as you don't play fast at all. You just wander around looking through trash cans. Fallout New Vegas is the best, to me, the best of those games. It's my favorite one.

It is. But it's the one that is definitely the least fucking connected to that thing. Okay. Even though it takes place area-wise the closest to it. Right, because I know that one, the show takes place in California. Yeah.

But the rest of them are more in the vein of what... Like the storyline. 3 is real good, though, I'll say, just because you actually start the game in the vault. Yes. And you get like, oh, this is vault life. New Vegas. It shows you that stuff.

Oh, New Vegas, you're just a guy who lives in the area. The wasteland. You're just a guy. Fallout 4 is like... Fallout 4... It starts in 2077, which is crazy. It starts just at the beginning. When the bombs drop in Fallout 4, it's it starts in 2077. It starts just at the beginning. When the bombs drop in Fallout 4,

it's happening at the same time in the show. It's retro future. Oh, that's crazy. It's retro future. So check out Fallout. Yeah, I had no idea what this was. It was another, I realized that like Elder Scrolls and Skyrim, most Bethesda games are just a blind spot for me.

But playing Skyrim and most Bethesda games are just a blind spot for me. Yeah. But playing Skyrim and then going into the Fallout games was really helpful because they're all the same fucking style. The leveling up is usually very different

across the games, but like the world's like, I got it. I know how to interact with these people. I don't have to pick up every single thing I see. No, I do.

In fact, usually don't. Don't pick up the toasters. No. Okay. I don't pick up the toasters. You don't need them. Okay, I don't pick up the toasters. You don't need to pick up all those pencils. I need the Wonder Glue.

I will say, you do need screws and shit in 4. That's annoying. But it was only to get the achievements because there's settlements and shit. There's a lot of crap in 4 I don't care about. The interface with picking up items and stuff and looting people in 4 is great. Yes. It's way better than it was in Skyrim. It's real old in 3.

Fallout 3 is rough. Yeah, I mean, Fallout 3... It's rough in than it was in Skyrim. It's real old in 3. Fallout 3 is rough. Yeah, I mean, Fallout 3... It's rough in how it looks, too. I'm trying to think order of what came out. Was it 3, then New Vegas, then Skyrim? Yeah. Because New Vegas was like a different game. Obsidian, I think.

I just remember New Vegas came out and it was a pile of shit. It was held together with scotch tape. It was broken as fuck. Wonder Loop. Nothing worked. That's why you gotta pick up the Wonder Loop. But now I will say he's right

it's probably like the strongest you just wanna get in there and fall out play New Vegas they cleaned it up real good I stopped playing it because of that

when it first came out and I went back to a bunch of years later and I was like whoa it's a game now it was one of the first ones we needed to play playing Fallout 4

and this is the last week we can talk about it so we can get on with the other facts it's the most modern Bethesda game I've played. Yeah. Because I'm not going to play Starfield.

Not for another 15 years. We'll see. You're going to check it out. Maybe in 2100. Jordan's year of gaming. It's still going. You're going to be like, remember 100 years ago when I played Skyrim?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, see, Fallout 4 made me want a modern, Yeah. up-to-date, current-gen version of an Elder Scrolls game. Yeah. Right. That's called Elder Scrolls V. Yeah. Fallout 4 made me want a modern up to date current gen

version of an Elder Scrolls game. Right. That's called Elder Scrolls 5. Yeah. It's not out yet. No. When? Probably about 50 years.

Yeah I mean it'll be 2100? It's 2030 something. I mean they've released Skyrim 14 times. They're not in a rush. It was forever in between

Skyrim and Fallout 4. And then that was Cat. Cat walked by and Fallout 4 And then That was Cat Cat walked by And then Fallout 4 To Starfield So If Skyrim's next

I don't know what it is Probably like 7 years I would say He skipped Fallout 76 Yes I did Yeah I sure did That actually

That one I know I'm not gonna play I didn't play it And I don't really care But now that you mention it That's pissed me off That they wasted real game time making that shit. It's like Breath of the Wild.

Stop making it. It's enough. We need a goddamn real Zelda game, you piece of shit. Yep. Anyway. I like Tears of the Kingdom. I don't need open world Zelda again, though. Make the goddamn game you've been making for fucking 25 years.

They're going to feel whatever? Absolutely. I was fine with Breath of the Wild. You had to make them back to back? Yep. I agree. Where's Obsidian? Have them make that one while you guys make a real one. Yeah, fuck yeah. with you. I was fine with Breath of the Wild. You had to make them back-to-back? Yep. I agree. Give me something in here. Where's Obsidian? Have them make that one while you guys make a real one. Yeah, fuck yeah.

Next fact. The McDonald's snack wrap, which is not in Fallout, stolen and renamed the Crispy Wrap by Burger King, was not the king's first foray into ram-jamming food into a tortilla and making you buy it. In 2016, BK launched the Whopperito,

a food that consists of most of the ingredients launched the Whopperito, a food that consists of most of the ingredients of the Whopper wrapped inside a tortilla. Die. Literally die. If this sounds like something your dad would make for you after he moves into his one-bedroom apartment after divorcing your mom, and you said you wanted Chipotle, and he said

he can make the same thing, you'd be as, you'd be right as BK quickly and quietly discontinued this sad dad food within months of launching. Have it his way. Also, if your dad's living in a single

bedroom apartment, he did not divorce you. Just so you know. But that's not what he said. He was handed paperwork at the factory one day. No, that's not what my dad. What are you talking about? He was handed paperwork at the factory one day. No, that's not what my dad said. In front of everyone. He said it was his choice.

He said he's winning. And he keeps saying it? I don't know. He and his friend, the receptionist, both found out at the same time. She doesn't. I saw her for a while. She doesn't come around anymore. It's so weird.

She was around a lot. Maybe she wanted Chipotle, too, and that's what he was giving her. So it doesn't i saw her for a while she doesn't come around anymore it's so weird yeah she was around a lot i maybe maybe she wanted chipotle too and that's what he was giving her so it didn't make any sense in march of this year if that's 2024 jordan just so if you didn't know a new york 23 new york guys we gotta stop making these years in march of this year a new york filed a new york a new york filed a 15 million reading what it says a 15 million. A New York filed a 15 million. He's reading what it says. A $15 million lawsuit against the lower Manhattan Burger King. Now, what is a Manhattan? Would you describe that as a burrow?

Claiming that the franchise allowed, quote, rampant drug dealing in and around its store. Cool. Nick's excited. Cool. That wasn't this year, Nick. You can still catch it. He can get jet psycho. Oh, he's learning.

Yeah, we need just cams. After the suit was filed, New York City Mayor Eric Adams went to the BK and had an hour-long sit-down with the dealers. What? This is not a joke. Adams offered them jobs and they offered him a hit. This is real. New York, New York.

It's a hell of a town. I mean, Rudy Giuliani was the mayor. And look at that guy. That is Melton Goo. This guy filed this lawsuit and he's like, someone has to do something about this Burger King. He went down there man to man.

Trying to prevent a mutiny. They interviewed a bunch of people that lived in the area and they're like, hey, Eric Adams just had a sit down with a bunch of the drug dealers at the Burger king and everyone just went right we've been complaining about it because we want it to stop right so he sat down with them you gotta break bread dude let me get their perspective what the fuck i also like that he sat down with them at i imagine the burger he did he sat down with them at the burger it's their turf uh-huh yeah he didn't take a hit

but he did do a whip it. Yeah. Right, but that was unrelated to all of us. That was honestly before he went in. There's a 7-Eleven across the street.

He went down there and he's like, you guys still selling the Giuliani goo? When you OD, it starts oozing out of you. The idea that you would have to fire,

you would have to file a $15 million lawsuit and the mayor goes, guys, let me go talk to these guys. He looked at the lawsuit and said, I'm going to squash this beef. Don't worry. I'll settle this. Hey, you guys want jobs? And they were like, we have jobs.

Yeah, we have jobs. And frankly, we're killing it. And we get to meet the mayor. Comes with all sorts of perks. I've never met the mayor. Can I take a picture for my mom? I bet the mayor. I told you I'm out to something. You have met the mayor. And she texts back, are you in a Burger King? Did you offer him a hit?

And the final fact. The final face jam. On the R&B Money podcast, Chris Brown, known good guy, revealed that he invested in Burger King and owned, at one point, 14 restaurants. Okay, good stuff here. Let's rapid fire these. Chris Brown owns a Burger King? Question mark.

Oh, boy. Have it his way. Or else. Chris Brown's Burger Kings have prices that won't be beat. Fucking weird Chris Brown is renaming have prices that won't be beat. We heard Chris Brown is renaming the Whopper at his restaurant the Whooper. Chris Brown should be in jail.

I like that last one. That last one's good. Maybe Eric Adams should go talk to him. No, they're gonna send the rat czar or whatever the fuck over to him. Jesus Christ. Eric didn't write known good guy, by the way.

No. Yeah, no. I have with the audience. No, they don't get printouts of the fact sheet. No, no, no. But I'm glad I was heading in the right direction. I mean, as I said it, I went, I wonder if it's the same Chris Brown I'm thinking of. Oh, it is.

I was wondering that too. When I found out that there was a Chris Brown Burger King connection, it was like, it's the scene in The Simpsons where they talked about all the diseases inside Mr. Burns where it's three stooges syndrome and they're all getting crammed in the same time and I couldn't type fucking fast enough. I'm just going,

ah, shit, ah, shit. Yeah, it definitely felt like you were just like stream of consciousness typing this out. Ah, fucking it we got uh you just start like word associating you're going there's something there oh man 14 burger he's gonna chat gbt and you type in chris brown burger king violence oh man it that's uh those are a lot those are the facts and those are all real burger king things Oh, man.

Fortune's a lot. Those are the facts, and those are all real Burger King things. The mayor should talk to Chris Brown. I didn't know the mayor was so, like, available. Clearly. That means he's a good mayor. Can we get him on our podcast? Probably. I wonder when he's going to be on The Masked Singer.

Oh, boy. You know he will be. You know he's fucking going to be. You know it. Rudy Giuliani, who walked off? There's nothing worse than a politician who wants to be liked by everyone and be popular. Yeah. What's that?

There's nothing worse than a politician who wants to be, like, popular. Oh, yeah. Like, the funny guy or something. And it's like, oh, that's not what this is. A personality. Yeah, your decisions are affecting my livelihood. Yeah. I shouldn't like you

Can you think of any? I can't Some go the other way too, which is interesting But that's what we know about Burger King and that's the last fact ever was about Chris Brown That'll live in the archives

forever Put it in a time capsule and in 2100 That'll live That'll live in the archives Forever Put it in a time capsule and in 2100 When there's no America Unfurl your flag that you've saved Your great great grandkids have saved And then listen to these facts And the flag flying over America now Hong Kong

And then you salute it Can you imagine? Humble beginnings We've come a long way baby Remember when there was a podcast That the sales department Refused to sell But then sold

And refused to let us start it And then we did five episodes And then somehow forgot We did five episodes and they then they let us start it and then somehow forgot. Yeah. We did five episodes and they said, you weren't supposed to do ads on all those.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I thought you weren't starting this till next year. Well, those don't count. Yeah. And then,

and then it quickly became the only thing they could sell. And then, you're speaking like, you know, hyperbole. Yeah. These are all,

I'm doing air quotes the whole time. This is, yeah. Yeah. Imagine if a company ran like that. Yeah. I'm doing air quotes the whole time. Yeah. Imagine if a company ran like that. Yeah. And then a lot of people who are telling you you can't make this told you, and I am here, and I did it, and you're welcome. And you go, okay. You have been telling us that, and I don't know why.

Yeah. You need to stop saying that. Remember when the show was like going to be about? Eric. We're talking about Eric. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was all his fault.'t know why. Yeah. You need to stop saying that. Remember when the show was like gonna be about. Eric. We're talking about Eric. Oh yeah. It was all his fault. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Legally. Finally for you

to nice to come clean. Legally correct. Uh huh. Legally correct. Yeah. I want to listen to the first. For now. I don't want to listen to the first episode. I don't either. Because I never will. But I want it just has to be so fucking weird. I imagine it's slower, quieter.

Yeah. And too structured. Mm-hmm. And probably too short. Probably over by now. We're 38 minutes in. It's probably not even that long. Yeah.

Like, the show was like, it was supposed to be about, like, Michael loving this food and me being like, I don't think so. Yeah. And, like, just the way the show has changed so much since then. Which, on paper, is still such a better concept to actually get greenlit through a company. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean.

Like, how would we pitch what the show is now? We would never let us make it. We would have to explain so much. It was a much better. You know, sometimes people, like, I'm pretty sure, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that was kind of the story with Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And that's why, like, literally the pilot and maybe like first two episodes is like, they're like detectives.

They needed to be about something. What's the thing? And they were like, we doing that? Yeah. And that had not, that was planned. That's what this show was, but not planned. Yeah. But it was a great plan we didn't have.

Yeah. I was going to say. Get our foot in the door and then do this was a great plan we didn't have. Yeah. I was going to say, I don't know. To get our foot in the door and then do this. Our end game wasn't always monkey and shenanigans, but I'm glad like just in a natural progression kind of way. Yeah. You know, I look at all the crap it led to with sauce monkey stuff.

Much like a Bethesda game, it became a show where we started the main quest line and then never continued it. Yes, that is definitely correct. I just gotta get, we need to go, we need to go to the next step of the quest

and we're at max level with 400,000 caps. Every guy dies in one hit. We're only using the fat man. We had to go get, we had to go get all the Minutemen, like,

you know, settlements, establishments. Yeah. That's what it is. Do you remember when we were first starting? I think we had talked about it, and you kept telling me, oh, yeah, on this show, I don't think I'm giving anything below a 90.

You just kept going like, oh, yeah. You were like, I think this is going to be funny. Yeah, yeah. And then the show just took on a life of its own, and it's like, kind of didn't really matter. No, you didn't need it. No, because we found the fucking... That's what I needed early on.

Yeah. That was the hook. Yep. Since I'm like the pretentious artist writer type, I need... Well, you were. Well, I still need... You've become a wastelander now.

I'm a ghoul. Jordan started out as like a vault dweller. I'm a ghoul. He's been out long a vault dweller. I'm a ghoul. He's been out long enough. He's been drinking too much radiation from the toilet. The water tastes fine to me. What are you looking at, smooth skin? I still need this show to be about something deeper than just like us fucking around. I think what I have found in thinking about it is just the fact

that no matter what the food is or the quality of it, there is an intrinsic link to culture there. For me, I feel like since I didn't eat a lot of this stuff as an adult, it's like

discovering it. The fact that there's so many gremlins amongst us, amongst me, was truly... You mean in your circle? Yes. You had no idea. You thought you had a better class of friends. It's true. Someone like Gracie shows up

and in one second is like a fucking absolute trash goblin. She was normal for like two episodes. And then she's talking about the food troll. She ain't talking about it. She's pitching it. She's demanding fluffles. It was fucking crazy.

I used to like going to local restaurants with Pasta Pete. And then we bust out fazollis and he's like I love fazollis. You got pizza? Can I have pizza? My first reaction. What's a burrow?

My first reaction. Was it burrow, Chris? Omni-nustered. My first reaction when Chris liked Fazoli's was. Like you put clothes in it? A burrow. My first reaction when Chris said, oh, I love Fazoli's. I used to go there all the time.

It wasn't, you like Fazoli's? It was, you've heard of Fazoli's. I used to go there all the time. It wasn't you like Fazoli's. It was you've heard of Fazoli's. Absolutely. That's what was shocking to me because I hadn't even heard of it. Yeah, dude. They're out there, man. Fucking crazy. Them peoples are out there.

Yep. They're amongst us. Fucking nuts. So in a lot of ways, I, you know, would be pretentious to compare ourselves to Anthony Bourdain. So here you go. We're like, I'm the Jim Henson of Rooster Teeth. And that's. And so here you go.

I'm the Jim Henson of Rooster Teeth. Yes, you are. We are like if Anthony Bourdain, if every episode was him going to the Waffle House. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But the restaurants really were the surprise too.

The going there, that was never part of the plan. It was never part of the plan. I was driving up and you guys were leaving and I hopped in the car with you. And it turned into being part of the podcast. Because we were just going to go grab it. And it was all fun. The food going to get it doesn't matter at all. I can't believe we've never saw like a stick up.

Yeah. It feels like we've been close. Dude, I feel like we've been close. And Gracie was almost in a shootout, but it was just the people working there. And the corner next to the goo. And the P.F. Chang's adventures. Oh, yeah.

Dude, I looked this morning at the thing you posted of like food throughout the year. Oh, yeah. And I was like, man, there's some real fucking slop there. And one came up, I'm like, Oh, I think that was P.F. Chang's.

Yep. Yep. Like, cause it looked nice. Some of them, I was like a nice restaurant. I didn't want to look at them cause I was like, I don't want to think about how I ate these.

Oh, it's, it's, I know it's over like the course of five years or whatever, but still. It's a lot of grease shit, but let's, let's learn about Burger King wraps.

Whatever. We'll keep it going. Beautiful. Burger King wraps. Each BK Royal crispy wrap. that's what they're called, features crispy fried white meat chicken, tomato, and lettuce wrapped up in a soft flour tortilla. They come in three flavors. Classic with savory royal sauce, spicy with chicken coated in a triple pepper spicy glaze,

and honey mustard. Why did I eat four? Because. Oh! coated in a triple pepper spicy glaze and honey mustard. Why did I eat four? Because... Ah! The new Fiery Buffalo Royal Crisp Wrap features crispy white meat chicken breast filet coated in a spicy buffalo glaze and a creamy buffalo sauce

with juicy buffalo tomato and crisp buffalo lettuce and a soft, warm buffalo tortilla. So the crisp wraps came out... I had to check to see if it actually said that. They're limited time, but most of the... Act now! Most of the wraps came out

late last year. The buffalo one came out more recently, and that's the second push. So we ate one limited time thing. No, no, no. They're all limited time. They've been around since late last year. Yeah, they have been. It's May. It's a long limit. But here's the thing. No, no, no. They're all limited time. They've been around since late last year. Yeah, they have been. It's May.

It's a long limit. Oh, but here's the thing. You'll learn about more of that in the press material section. No, that doesn't surprise me. Which is... Burger King's very patient. Boy, when you take a look at it. All right.

Quote, at Burger King, we're no strangers to innovation when it comes to chicken. Ever heard of chicken? Yeah, that was us. We first introduced the BK Register trademark Royal Crispy Chicken Sandwich last August? And our guests with a capital G have loved it so much that we've turned it

into a snack-sized wrap version, said Pat O'Toole, Chief Marketing Officer, Burger King North America. The BK Register trademark Royal Crispy wraps offer our guests with a capital G an all-new way to enjoy our BK Register trademark Royal Crispy chicken without sacrificing quality, ingredients, bold flavors, and the choice to have it your way. At BK. No. Don't sing the song to have it your way. At BK. No.

Don't sing the song. Have it your way. He was good for so long. He was. Yeah. I think he was feeding off our energy. Now we're reading off paper, and he's like, where'd it go? Where'd it go?

He was getting it out in giggles. Yep. All right. Hit me with the next part. Quote, since their initial launch to menus nationwide last year, our Royal Crispy wraps, where'd the registered trademark go? Oh, because that was launch to menus nationwide last year, our Royal Crispy Wraps where'd the registered trademark go? Oh, because I was on BK. It's not BK, yep. Our Royal Crispy

Wraps quickly became the most popular limited time offering LTO to hit Burger King menus in the U.S. within the last four years that Pat O'Toole, Chief Marketing Officer, Burger King North America That happened five years ago. Despite being launched as an LTO,

that's a limited time offering if you forgot, wraps are here to stay. And we're excited to bring a new flavor to guests with a capital G with Fiery Buffalo, which brings a tangy, buttery buffalo flavor with the perfect amount of spice. End quote. That's why we got them.

They're here to stay, dude. Because they were LTOs that made the jump to... Now they're LTOs. Now they're just O's. Hey, welcome to the show. Kid, call your family. But the Buffalo whatever royal crispy

one, that one's not sticking around, apparently. So that's an LTO. Unless it does. Which it will. We'll find out in next August. Yeah, yeah. So Burger King, I wanted to do as our last episode because I feel like it's the one that split us from the jammers the most.

It is our most controversial take. I don't know about that. Amongst the audience. The audience fucking goes crazy for Burger King. Well, we also don't say nice things about them, like saying they need to be deprogrammed. But here's what I think, though. I don't think it's most of the jammers. I think the disgusting, lowly Burger King fan jammers are just so loud about it.

It's a whole other tier. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think it's split very evenly. Yeah. I think. Now I can see that. I think there's probably like a good 5% of the audience that are so angry that they were programmed to like Burger King that they have to fight back. I agree.

Their parents whispered, you hate McDonald's, you hate McDonald's, you hate McDonald's. Every night, yeah. I don't think it's that much of a split. But they do complain the most. For sure. And I understand being wrong. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't understand, but I can.

I imagine. On an intellectual level, you can get where they're coming from. Yeah I understand being wrong. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't understand, but I can. I imagine. On an intellectual level, you can get where they're coming from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. I'll tell you one thing. It doesn't split opinion amongst us because here's the conversation we had yesterday when we were telling Gracie, you know, we were going to miss her and stuff. And she said, I will miss you guys and a delicious meal as well. Well, I guess the second part depends on where

y'all end up eating and Eric said Burger King and she said oh okay I'm not that upset I don't think I like it there she said I was like Gracie went from being sad about missing tomorrow's episode to relieved and she said she's been spared the

atrocity that is BK I mean the thing about Burger King is that it's not so fucking bad that it is like this abysmal atrocious thing. No, like Burger King isn't as bad as Fazoli's. No. No. No, Fazoli's was soft and it tasted like cigarettes. I don't have any cigarette food here.

Fazoli's isn't number two. No. You know what I mean? That to me is the issue with Burger King. It's like Pizza Hut. any cigarette food here. Fazoli's isn't number two. No. You know what I mean? That to me is the issue with Burger King. It's like Pizza Hut. Get out of here. What are you doing here? Get the fuck out of here.

How are you still alive? It just doesn't do anything that I feel it should be doing. The fries fucking suck. We got fries. There are so many leftover fries, dude. The fries were definitely crazy. The onion rings mowed through. The onion rings were the best thing, but even then, they weren't

good. They were okay, but they were the best thing. Yeah. But we got the four wraps, and Nick ate them all in record time. Only one of them was good. Oh, interesting. Let's talk about the food. Let's talk about the rating and everything. One of them? Yeah. Oh, interesting. Let's talk about the food. Let's talk about the rating and everything.

I only liked one of them. Yeah. I only liked the spicy one. Okay, now spicy or buffalo? The buffalo was the worst one. Wow, really? The buffalo was just the lowest quality buffalo sauce. That's a buffalo from him.

It's like mostly vinegar, and they're trying to trick you thinking it's spicy. He really liked the hummy mustard. No, he really likes it. That's why I keep saying it. He really likes it. I'll say that the honey mustard was probably the second best. And then the original one was so bland.

There was like nothing to it, right? It was supposed to be like, oh, it has like royal sauce. I don't think there's anything on this. I think that's mayo. Yeah, I think so too. There's just nothing to it. The spicy one was the best by far, but still. Interesting. I think I like the buffalo the best. I think I like the buffalo the best also.

It was buffalo, then spicy, and I don't care about the other ones. I just hate that phoned in buffalo sauce. It was phoned in, but I liked that it made it wet. It needed to be wet. It needed phoned in. It was phoned in, but I liked that it made it wet. It needed to be wet. It needed to be wet. It needed to be a little wet, and there was some kick to it.

Yeah. That's it. But I do agree with you. It is the lowest quality on that. Yes. A hundred percent. No, that's, you didn't read the thing. Did you not listen to Paddo Tool?

About how they retain the amazing quality? Are you guys talking about the LTO that we just ate? Yeah, dude. No sacrificing quality ingredients, bold flavors, and the choice to have it your way. Oh, wow. The LTO from the QSR. Oh, wow. Okay. I don't know about that. I don't think it did. Also, here's

the thing. When we ordered, I ordered all the food. I asked people if they want anything else. No. Okay, cool. Okay, here's your total. Great. Put the card in. And Nick, immediately, like it's like one of our early Episodes just leans in yeah, can we make sure he gets a sassy sassy sassy sassy sassy sassy? He gives us a sassy saucy Do we have like six left at the table which means he's probably got some over there in the pockets. Yeah

He does but not from today like he had he brought those with him from the previous trip no so what so what do you think he that Jordan Levin

walked by you thought he was like hey get up he was going get the fuck out yeah enough so

equipment better not leave with you so you're saying that the that number one was spicy. Yeah, spicy was the best one. Wow, okay. By a landslide to me. Okay.

Like I, maybe I got a good one. Like is a strong one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disliked the least. There you go. Yeah. That's about right. I borderline tolerated it.

Wow. That's how much I liked it. Damn, dude. Huh. Okay, so what do you think of the Royal Wraps, etc., etc.? What did we give it last time? 7.825? These aren't

that bad. They're definitely better than whatever it is. First of all, I'm sure we were in a mood. Yes. Around January, dude, you know we're filming like before Christmas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're taking that before Christmas. Probably stressful times. 2021, still in hell mode.

Absolutely. Eating on Eric's car. People complaining about that cold going around. Dude, that was the one where we were in the car and Eric... Should we tell this story? It was when we were driving to

the Burger King and you got a call from someone saying, hey, I got exposed to COVID over the weekend. Motherfucker, that was this episode. And I was hanging out with you. We were all in the car together. Oh, cool. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.

I forgot about that. And then, so we came back and we tested again because I think we tested the day before. We tested again. I miss shoving shit up my nose brain. I know. I just find random stuff to put on my hair. Eye watering. It has to touch the back of your head or else

it doesn't count. In the middle of that episode, Eric gets a text and goes, well, I'm positive. Yep. And then and so that's why I spent Christmas separated from my wife. Yep. I forgot about that. Did you? my wife. I forgot about that. Yep. I totally forgot about that. I didn't believe in it anyway

so it didn't bother me. Oh, that's good then. That works. I think you were the only one who got it. But like, you know, we all decided we were in the middle of the episode. It's like we just went like, well, we're too far now. We're fucked anyway. Yeah. You were in the car when you got the phone call. I do remember going out of my way to touch stuff, like extra stuff.

Just in case. I stayed away from him more than usual. I licked my hands every time I went to open a door. Yeah, oh, that's good. Just in case. Before and after. Just in case. Yeah. Alright, what do you give this one? What do you think? He's going nuts over there. Yeah, he's just too much. Um, you know, for Burger King, it was surprisingly decent.

Uh-huh. Okay, because they suck ass. They suck shit, dude. There's nothing crazy about these crazy about these things but I didn't want to be dead while I was eating them I'd get the buffalo again the spicy wasn't bad it's really hard to not just fill my rating with hatred but

I give it a 50 wow and we finally got Michael to do it. We got him to do it. Michael finally gave his score first. I'm sure I've done that once before. Nope. Yes.

Never. No, I just don't care. What do you think, Jordan? Now you know Michael's score. I don't know how to operate in this. This is the second time Jordan's looking at me slack-jawed, wide-eyed. 99 points. You don't have it in you.

You couldn't live with yourself. It's like the last fucking toss and turn. It would bug me for the rest of my life. You would come in tomorrow and be like, we got to redo the ending. Can we do a pick-up bar? Just ADR. ADR.

And then also Eric has to redo the math. I'm going to give it a 39. Okay. That's a 44.5. For the four that we got, that's probably fair. I mean, like, again, I like the buffalo probably better. It's barely boondogged by the spicy one. The problem is, like, I think the tortilla fucking sucks,

and having lettuce and tomato in it is, like, weird. It is weird, yeah. You know, it's just sort of like, eh, whatever. Hey, it's Burger King. What did you expect? But now we have our final snack attack. And these are Cheetos that Jordan brought in. Yeah, my wife picked these up.

So there's a cool little like Asian online grocery store. It's called Wee. Wee. It's got like five E's. And they usually have like some interesting stuff. So we use it to get spicy chili oil. Oh, nice. She saw these and I was like, hey, this could be good.

So these are all in Korean. Okay. But I'm pretty sure it's some sort of urban chicken flavor. Yeah, there's a chicken drumstick on it. I forgot what it was. Oh, cool. She told me, but I forgot.

Jordan's going to get this open and we're going to try a Cheeto. I am going to get it open. Okay. Are you? Yeah. There it goes. I thought you had to turn it around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one side was faulty. I just trimmed my nail, sorry. All right. How does that matter? it around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one side was faulty. I just trimmed my nails, sorry. Alright. How does that matter? I don't know. I'm excited. You can't switch your fingers. I'm excited to- I grab it with my nails.

Okay, let's see. The consistency is different than a regular Cheeto. It's like softer and airier. It tastes like something I've eaten and I don't know what it is. It tastes just like another food that exists already. It's like softer and airier. It tastes like something I've eaten and I don't know what it is. It tastes just like another food that exists already. It's sweet. It is sweet.

Let me try. Oh. It's like a Funyun. It is like a Funyun. It is Funyun-esque. That's what it is. That's what it is. But then it finishes like something else.

Yeah, but the consistency of it, it's Cheeto shape. Yeah. But the consistency is Funyun. It's definitely not chicken. Yeah, maybe some sweet onion. Definitely a sweet onion. That's pretty good, though.

Yeah, I could eat a lot of those. I think it's a more convenient shape than a Funyun. Yeah. I hate Funyun. Funyun shapes are dumb as fuck. If Funyun was like this, I'd have Funyuns all the time. Funyun shapes are dumb as fuck, dude. It just crumbles in your hand.

It's stupid. How many times have you been cut on the corner of your mouth by those? Oh, yeah. Where you try. I'm like, this one I can get in. Like getting caught by the window of a Tesla. Right in the armpit. Hey, man, we've all been there.

Tesla windows, Funyuns, and Cap'n Crunch. They'll get you. They'll get you. Watch out. So what do you think? What's your rating on Cheetos? Tastes nothing like Cheetos Funyuns. Yeah.

Very un-Cheeto-y. And I'm not even sure if it achieves the flavor it's going for, but it's good. I like what it is. Yeah. It's a sweeter Funyun. I'll give that a 75. Okay. I'm going to give it an exactly 75 as well.

Okay. Do the math. What's the average on that? 75. Yeah. Check his work. Do the math. What's the average on that? 75. Yeah. Interesting. Check his work. I like it. It's, they're very, like,

if I had, like, a big bag of those, it's the right kind of Cheeto where I'm not going to have a billion, which is my problem with chips. When I have a chip that I want, I'm like, oh my god. It's in the neck. Dude, it's bad. It's really bad. But, when I have something like that, I can have about six, and then I go,

that's enough for me, I think. You have like a patch for that. You put a chip-a-teen patch on it. I'm addicted. It controls you. Well, that was the last snack attack. And then you eat them. Now here's the section that we cut out if we didn't get all the legal paperwork signed. What does that mean? Face jam is

ending. What? But. Yeah, remember when you said it was the last episode? I feel like this is, I'm finding out like Jordan's sleeping at the airport while everyone else is on a bus back to the hotel. Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I would have slept in this office. I would have been getting a new job with Gracie.

So, face jam is ending, but from its ashes will rise. The sun sets to rise again. 100% eat. The new show. Yep. So, and it's also, it is, and it's also the name of our new podcast.

What was a- Nobody saw that coming. Those are the subtle hints. Nobody figured it out. So what was a fortnightly podcast will now become weekly. No, nightly. Nightly podcast. Dinner. Eat it with dinner.

You know like talk shows? Five nights a week? Seven nights a week. Wow! Seven nights a week. So we're going to maintain... Stop making promises. No, I'm not making promises. I'm making guarantees. He's making jokes. We're going to maintain the

same RSS feed, the same YouTube channel, and all that stuff. Under the radar, though. Don't tell anyone. We got all the rights to Face Jam, so now if you listen... The show they really didn't want us to make, we get to keep. That's right. If you go back... They couldn't wait

to offload it onto us which we should take it yeah this might not be the same for every podcast out there from this company that's leaving and all this stuff but in fact it won't be yes i can guarantee you that knowing nothing when you won't be the case when you listen to our back catalog when you watch our previous stuff on youtube anything that we have done as Face Jam, we will have ownership rights of. So you are supporting us directly 100% as 100% Eat. That's actually cool because we already did all the work for years.

Yes. And now we retroactively get more credit. We reap the benefits. So along with 100% Eat, our weekly podcast, we are also launching a Patreon that we'll have more information on at 100% Eat on Twitter, and hopefully I get this Instagram thing

fucking figured out. 100percenteat.com. You own that, right? Yeah, I do, I think, because it told me, hey, yeah, you can start this, and I went, great. And they said, hey, what's happening right now? And I went, I don, because it told me, hey, you can start this. And I went, great. And they said, hey, you can't. What are you what's happening right now? And I went, I don't know. Sounds familiar.

Yeah. So 100 percent eat dot com should have it also. And with this Patreon, you can support us directly. We'll have different tiers. Everything will be laid out there. We'll record something. We'll explain all this to you guys later. And we'll actually get their goddamn money.

Yes. So for once in our lives, when you're supporting miserable, when you're supporting Face Jam when you're supporting miserable when you're supporting face jam you're supporting us directly when you're supporting 100 eat and just remember we have no jobs now yes this is it um i mean gracie does i say we isn't the people who are exactly not at their jobs so along with 100 eat the podcast we can also announce our bonus Patreon podcast. No. The Michael Jordan Podcast.

It's real! Bulls win! Bulls win! Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. We- Nothing but net. So it will be- I'm Larry Bird.

We might record- I'm Larry Bird. We might record the first one right after this, so we might be right in high from this, but we'll see. No, probably not, though. Plenty of time, baby. The Michael Jordan podcast is going to be a bonus one where we get together,

we talk about what we've been up to, what we're doing. Sometimes it might be food-related, like the way Spittin' Silly was, kind of, but a little bit looser. We're not getting so formatted with it. We know that we have this thing that we want to do with the Michael Jordan podcast, where it's just more.

We were spitballing ideas of not letting Eric talk. Yeah, but you know, some of those ideas are first ideas, and then we rethink the ideas. Back to our roots. Yeah, I said we were starting at zero, and then Michael said we're starting at negative. Yeah, I want negative, too. I want Eric where Nick is over in the corner and Nick outside the room looking in. Outside that window.

That's kind of like kind of frosted. I mean, none of these windows. We're being escorted from the building after this episode. Again, you want to know the best way to support us when we make this changeover, which the time of this episode, hopefully everything is coming out. We'll be able to announce everything right on the top of it or whatever. We're looking at May 11th, May 12th.

We're going to launch this Patreon. We're going to have all this information for you guys. Those are promises. You can support us. Those are guarantees. You can support us directly by listening to anything 100% Eat,

by going back and checking out all of our back catalog, by going on our YouTube channel. That's going to be the spot where we're going to throw our bonus content and everything. And if you want to go the extra mile, if you want to support us financially, you can on our Patreon.

And that Patreon is going to be where you can get the Michael Jordan podcast. And then also we'll have some other benefits and bonus things there and everything. But I don't- And you can keep us from getting real jobs. Yes, please. If you don't support us, we have to. We have and bonus things there and everything. And you can keep us from getting real jobs. Yes, please. Because if you don't support us, we have to.

We have to. Then can't make this. Yeah. When this makes no money. Like, when FaceJam made no money forever, we just still made it. Exactly. Because we didn't get paid for this show. We just got paid for working here.

Yes. If now this makes no money, this goes away. Yeah. So, we're really excited to be doing this. We're excited to be doing 100% eat you'll be able to see we'll we'll share it with our new logo and everything for Jason Cryer who did an awesome job it's so cool Jason's a fan of the show we gave him some like mild direction he nailed it and then we said oh hey how about like this one edition and he went I'll do you one better added

a fucking grackle eating a a French fry. And we went, baby, this is it. It's so fucking cool. He owns grackles now too, right? Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent.

Yeah. Yeah. All of them. So, um, you're probably wondering about merch and all like this other stuff. We'll figure that out when we, we had to start a business and incorporate and get a business checking account,

all this shit. That's kind of the other thing is like, we are kind of starting at the base level. That means like things can be added on and features and stuff like I really wanted everything. They're going to see the value plummet. Yeah. Okay. Like when's your next merch drop?

Drop. When Joe starts drawing t-shirts one at a time. And then handing them out to you. Yes. Yeah. Please send this to your house. $20! Walking around a fucking music festival. fucking one at a time. And then handing them out to you. Bringing them to your house. Walking around a fucking music festival. But yeah, I think like

I want to set the expectation that we are kind of starting, not exactly bare bones, but light. Little like small bones. Small bones. And then hopefully we get big bones and donkey muscles Okay but we'll get there

So there's definitely going to be like in the future More stuff added and stuff But like this is like enough to start out with You don't want to go nuts at the beginning and just really fuck ourselves over Exactly Hang on wait I actually like the sound of that I don't think you do Based on what you were saying earlier

We have an equal vote so I guess I'm outvoted Unlike Nick we're not going to bite off more than we can chew Also speaking of Nick Nick is coming with us hell yeah I don't think you do. All right. Well, we have an equal vote. So I guess I'm not like Nick. We're not going to bite off more than we can. Also, speaking of Nick, Nick is coming with us. Hell yeah. And that means we also get the sauce monkey because that is IP that we own. We own Face Jam outright and all that. So I'm very excited for our next steps.

And when Gracie has time off from work, maybe she'll show up. I'm not really sure. What I'm hoping. We'll figure it out. What I'm hoping is we can bring some other people into the fold too that are, you know, who were on the show previously. Bring them into the wrap? Yep.

The Burger Kings. The Royal Crispy. Roll around in some bubble sauce. So that's the future. That's the future of Face Jam and 100% Eat. And Michael Jordan. The Michael Jordan podcast. Wow. We did it. That was Jordanordan's idea putting it behind he's like what if we do that because we wanted to call 100 the michael jordan podcast and then jordan's like look

i think that limits us here's why i went like oh here's the reason really good reason then when we came up with it the same reasoning stands yes but it's also who cares we don't care yep we just work here right Right, right. Now it's going, holy shit, guys, we need this to be successful. We should not name it something stupid.

Like the Michael Jordan podcast and intro with fucking basketball music. So when you listen to the Michael Jordan podcast on Patreon, it will have the basketball music. We're doing the whole thing, baby.

You can only hear it on Patreon. We're very very very excited to do all this stuff so that'll do it for this you can edit this out if you want real quick I just got an email review and sign your business paperwork yes

awesome also going into this the classic you need us we don't need you. Yeah. We definitely need you now. We need you, and I love you, and I'm sorry, and I love you. We need you.

I'm sorry for all the mean things Jordan said about you over the years. That guy who was talking about, like, big game hunting, I'm actually on his side now. Yeah, I actually think that's good. Hey, if you were the guy who made that post about how big game hunting is good, if you give me $5, I think it's good, too. If there are any whales out there? Whatever you want, dude. Just like shoot an email. So we'll have some different stuff,

but at 100% eat, that's probably going to be, if I can change it over, the same Twitter, but under that name. That is the plan by the time this comes out. That's it.

So we'll have an address later. Can I leave the first comment in advance? I missed the old face, Jim. Yeah! Because everything changed. This is so different. It's so corporate now. Yeah.

It's pretty good. We're talking about starting a business. They're all corporate. Yep. They should just do this for free. Yeah. How come? Why can't they just do this for free?

So that's it. That's all the new info. And if you didn't hear any of that, it means we didn't get anything sent over to us, but we'll see. I think we should release it anyway. Yeah. I mean, fuck it. We might as well.

We just add a redacted at the end. Yeah, exactly. Nah, nevermind. Yeah. Don't, yeah. Don't listen to any of that. Here, Nick, edit this part in. Hey, all that stuff you just heard, ignore that.

It fell through. We're fucked. Is anyone hiring? Is anyone hiring? All right. Uh, but that'll do it. We'll have an address later to send snacks out and everything. So hang on to them.

Just give me your address. Nope. And see where that's going to go and everything. Very, very excited. And Jordan, if you want to take us out. For the last time. Rate and subscribe to this feed. Yes, you can.

Yeah, this feed. And get fed. And also tell your friends to get fed about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Is that what we're still going to do? Yeah, this feed. And get fed. And also tell your friends to get fed about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Is that what we're still going to do? Yeah, I think the format will change a little bit and that's it. I think it should be called The Menu. The podcast? No, the format.

Oh, that's a good idea. I mean, that's a good idea. We can also think of like a second idea. So then you can say, hey, what's on the menu for this episode? Oh, I like that. Yeah, but then he's going to have to like print and l. So then you can say, hey, what's on the menu for this episode? Oh, I like that. Yeah, but then he's going to have to like print and laminate new ones every time, dude. We don't have the money for that. I don't even have a printer.

He comes here to print out all of them. Yeah, what are we going to fucking do? Is this still going to be open so I can use the printer? Start printing now, dude. I don't really care about like anything else. Is the printer still going to be here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a way we can take the printer?

All right. Bye. He's just joking. He's not going to take the printer. I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a way we can take the printer? All right. Bye! Don't. He's just joking. He's not gonna take the printer. I will. Oh, he knows.