100% Eat - Carl's Jr Primal Angus Thickburger

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Carl's Jr Primal Angus Thickburger so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about more breaking news, highway food, the Karcher extended family, and Mads Mikkelsen. Sponsored by ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/facejam) Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam16 + code facejam16) and DoorDash (download the DoorDash app + code FACEJAM). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, recorded alongside my co-host jordan sweers jordan how are you same old intro huh so yeah did it again so predictable like i was reading words off a paper um first time for this show is so like produced yeah well you're produced i was yeah yeah this is all scripted. Michael, you forgot. You gotta go back.

Oh, hang on. Which part? Today we're reviewing Carl's Jr. Primal Angus. Today we're reviewing Carl's Jr. Primal Angus Thickburger. Those are my own words. Literally, we were three seconds from starting, and Eric said, make sure it's actually recorded this time.

Not we start it and then five seconds later we have to restart it. And Nick under his breath goes, oh, it stopped. And then started recording again. And then the music started playing. And Eric lost it. I could not believe what happened. Yeah. I could.

It's happened before. It'll probably happen again. Yeah. I could. It's happened before. It'll probably happen again. Yeah, so we had the Carl's Jr., and let me tell you, it was not close. No, there's not a Carl's Jr. that's close. It's the same one you went to before. Yeah, I don't know. When were we there? A long time ago.

We'll get to that in the fact section. I'm going to say, if I remember correctly, it was around July 7th, 2020-ish. So it was pre-Kyle. It was three months before he was born. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, PK. Yep. What?

Nothing. This is your 1.5. No way. I've been telling him. Dude, we were in the car going there I glance over at your supercomputer car And I went, it's 22 minutes away? My favorite part was that

You noticed that too When we're going the opposite direction Of where we need to Because it's such a convoluted mess To get onto the correct highway at this point But yeah, like The best part is we're going the wrong way. Cause we had to like turn around.

We, Jordan thought we were going to Arby's. Michael didn't know where we were going. I never know. I was, I was looking at the food while you were ordering it. Cause they had a big old like display. And I was like,

look at that food, Nick. Doesn't that look like something Arby's would have? It's because it has like, is it the prime rib or whatever? It looks like roast beef. I think I got here. Also, it's called a thick burger.

Yeah. Yeah. I got here and Eric said, let's get primal. Yeah. And I went, what does that mean? What are we eating? Michael didn't know what we were eating. Michael took a couple of bites and goes, what am I eating?

But it was the whole way there. Okay. So let's get primal. All right, cool. What are we eating? Oh, we're eating Carl's Jr., the primal thick cut burger. Oh, okay, cool. In the car. Where are we cool. What are we eating? What are we eating? Carl's Jr., the primal thick cut burger. Oh, okay, cool. In the car.

Where are we going? What are we doing? What is that, though? When you say the primal burger, that doesn't actually answer the question. We got there, and it was, what are we getting? And then it was sitting out of the food. What am I eating? You still haven't answered the question.

What do you mean? It's the primal Angus thick cut burger or whatever. What is the meat in my mouth? I think it's stegosaurus. Bro, get primal. Yeah, I'd be a fucking dinosaur. Stegosaurus is too gamey. I prefer...

I only eat the spikes. Oh. I'm a spike eater. That's cool. Back in the day, spicy food was spiky food. Oh, wow. Spike rat? Yeah.

Spike rat. Somebody draw the spice rat like a stegosaurus. Exactly. Just put the spines on it i smell a new shirt it's the same shirt with two spikes on the rat and people go what is that but it still says spice rat what's wrong with this fucking house and then you just say it's pronounced spike rat you just tell people it's still the sea You said it's still Spice Red. I never thought about telling people that.

No, it's pronounced Spike. It's Spike Red. Look. Take it from someone who, depending on how you say the C in their name, can make a big difference. I'll also say take it from someone in animation. The fewer changes, the cheaper it costs. The more acids you can reuse.

Yeah, absolutely. That C can go either way. Just slap acid you can reuse. Absolutely. Slap some spikes on it. In fact, they look like they're taped on. They're the exact same shirts. That was good. I'm glad you read all that on this group. I like that. So yeah,

experience with Carl's Jr. I probably said this last time. It was a long time ago. Never really went a lot. I used to go, like, I don't remember going many times in New Jersey, but I went a lot when I first moved to Austin because I lived near the old office. And by near, I mean across the street.

I could see my apartment. Carl's Jr., yeah. I could see my apartment from the front door of Brewster Teeth. Yeah. So you were just always in the vicinity of your house? Yeah. I mean, I think I've told this before. We've been driving a lot.

But there was a time, I didn't have a car. There was a time where I sat. Didn't need one. I sat on, I mean, that's why I moved there. Wow. So I didn't need a car. I picked that out before I moved on. Well, that's not true.

I was mooching off Jack for a while. He's my friend. Anyway, there was a time where I was on. Well, that's not true. I was mooching off Jack for a while. He's my friend. Anyway, there was a time where I was on my balcony one night watching a co-worker who used to work at Rooster Teeth named Brandon

attempt to fix a gate that would malfunction all the time. And I just stood on the balcony opening it every time he got in his car. He'd get in his car and drive and then i'd open the gate and he'd stop and get out again because the gate had problems all the time my remote worked my remote worked from my balcony and then it was like in it was at night so i then he would get out and i would just hide down must have been at least 10 minutes are you serious yeah

it was very fun um but anyway and you told him like the next day i don't think i ever told him you never told him i've told the story but i don't think i've ever told him we'll see we'll see if he's an avid listener then oh i'm sure he is right doesn't really meet the the demographic yeah he's a we have outliers anyway as jordan said there was a carl's junior like right near the that apartment um so there pretty frequently for a time. What was your go-to? They had steak burger, I think. Right? Angus steak burger. The $6 burger.

The whatever. The one that Paris Hilton eats. Couldn't even tell you. Just food. Do they have a raunchy, sexy commercial for the Angus? Have you not seen the commercial for this? Oh, I saw it. Also, is this in relation to something?

Yeah, so the Primal Angus Thickburger is for... Oh, is this Gendy Tartakovsky's show, Primal? Yeah, it's for Primal. Wow, a little late on that one. It's for the new Jurassic Park movie, Jurassic Park 5, 6. Close. Where in the commercial called jurassic world actually

the totally imagine knowing that uh the two a man and a woman are like about to eat carl's jr and then like harrowing die raptor like people like run or whatever and like oh my god there's dinosaurs we have to hide the raptors like up on. Is it blue? I don't know what that is. Is it a blue raptor? Does Chris Pratt show up and do the hand thing? No. Okay, so like they're hiding underneath this thing and they're like, oh my god. This looks like Stranger Things. It does.

Oh my god, he's, oh, the raptor's gonna eat them. That guy looks like the kid. He keeps eating the hamburger? Watch, watch, watch, watch. Oh, he's gonna turn into a fucking dinosaur. Oh, they weren't there for the hamburger. Oh, this is... Oh no, watch, watch. Oh, he's going to turn into a fucking diamond. Oh, they weren't there for the hamburger. Oh, this is. Oh, no, they're dead. So.

I'm sorry. Did he, did they clever girl from the first movie? Is that what that was? But that's not. I don't think that's. But he thought, he thought the Velociraptor. Somebody added that part in. He thought the Velociraptor was there for the burger.

Yeah, they want it. He's like, oh, he wants to eat the hamburger. So I got to eat it fast. And then at the end of the commercial the two people die by getting eaten by the raptor but you don't know that they want that's insane that they had him it could cut that's the credits and then it's true they're all eating together yeah oh they're eating like shawarma avenger style yeah that's yeah cut that that was weird how you did it.

It was like, I couldn't stop it. It was a fight. But you flinched backwards like someone had punched your jaw. But get in a fight. But so, the answer is

I ate nothing memorable enough to care. Yeah. I was, I didn't, a very close fast food restaurant. I don't go a lot as a grown up. As a kid, I would go and just get the star shaped chicken

nuggets nice but did you ever throw them no never threw them like ninja stars but I did like to like bite the arms off and then like then bite the head off and then it's just like a little circle it was like I don't need to eat this

you wouldn't eat the circle just eat the points it's just like then just a little circle it was like I don't need to eat this you wouldn't eat the circle? just eat the points it's fun oh when it becomes nugget shaped I'm fucking out also here's the thing

like I know it's when he was a kid but it feels like he still stands by that today yeah he seemed adamant you don't eat the circle? fuck don't eat the circle

he didn't say it was fun it is fun there's only one way to find out. I gotta get some of those star-shaped nuggets. Alright, let's jump back in the car.

What if I gave him some throwing stars? Oh, you think you chopped them into nuggets? And then he eats it and he goes, this is spiky

like dinosaurs. There you go. I'm a spike rat. I'm bleeding internally. These chicken nuggets are making me sick. These pretzels are making me thirsty carl's jr is just kind of like it so it's a west coast thing uh carl's jr and then they east coast parties right uh in like the 90s so that's just sort of like the split there but it's

always just been to me like well we do you want to go to m McDonald's? Nah, we can go to Carl's Jr., I guess. To me, it just seems like highway food. Big time, right? Yeah, if you're going there, it's got to be pretty far down on the list. It's weird that it's not really a thing in Texas. Texas is so huge. Which is why we have to drive so far. And you have to drive so far to get everywhere.

But there's just little towns everywhere. I don't know. There's no similarity to like the turnpike, right? Which is where I grew up. Like the New Jersey turnpike, where it's just like, you're on the fucking turnpike. You can stay on it or you can get off. Texas, like there's highways,

but it's still constantly like, here's a town. There's a town. There's a thing. So in New Jersey, it was a big like, this is a stop stop and that's where you'd like we're going to pennsylvania you stop at the rest stop right get gas take a piss whatever and there's a carl's jr it's kind of like a little mall almost right inside uh i mentioned this before too but they were roy rogers it was very similar yeah and that's and it would be like the preheated shit, like precooked under the lamp and you'd grab it.

And so like going to this as a fast food restaurant like McDonald's is bizarre to me because it feels like that this isn't great, but I'm on the fucking turnpike. I don't have any other options. If I went to McDonald's, I would have to get way the fuck out of the way. This is like you get off and then you get right back on there's no detour and i abandoned that once i left new

jersey i'd never experienced that again yeah so it's a thing that i ate a lot when i was like 16 and worked at a target you know what it was like you have like carl's junior in the target it's like across the street so it was like well you have like your 30 minute lunch break that the state has to allot you. So go eat your Western bacon cheeseburger, you dipshit. Interesting. There was a Target in the shopping center we were at. There were also way better restaurants to eat at.

Oh, okay. So is that the worst part of going there? Not the drive? It's like taunting you with how many better restaurants there are. And not like, oh, here's like something that's like slightly better. Yeah, it's not like a McDonald's. It's stuff I would go to if I was just like, oh, man, yeah, we should go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know they had a Via 313 up there. No, there's a Mighty Fine. There's a Mighty Fine. It's kind of hard to explain where like, you know how if you find an oasis in the middle of a dry, dry desert, you're like, oh, my God, I made it. Well, imagine the middle is the dry, dry desert and around you is the oasis. That was Carl's Jr. Yeah.

It's like you're going on a trip. You're going, why are we going here? Why are we eating sand in the middle of this oasis? Why are you making me? But everything around us, it was water. And we were just eating handfuls of sand. And the other thing about it is like, compared to the restaurants we go to

at the times we go to, there was a number of people in there. Yes. And you question why. Look outside! I wanted to scream. Dude, there was a guy. Go in any direction

and you'll find a good restaurant. Anywhere else. Seriously. Like across the lot. Like just two parking spaces away. Like we have to go here. We don't have a choice. We're here because we have to.

Jordan commented on it on the way going in like, God, I wish we could just eat via 313. Yep. We went inside. We ended up eating there because it was just so far. It's rare for fast food, but it's just so far. Like, the food's going to get cold and also, I mean, Jordan didn't say it, but I'm sure he didn't want his car stinking. It was going to smell pretty bad.

You were ordering the food, and I was like, we should eat we should eat it here probably and we're like yeah it's kind of far and so i go up to you as we're standing at the counter with the employer right there and i go do you want to just eat it here and eric goes no i mean we can bring it back and eat it back there i was like yeah it's just such a far drive like probably i guess we should just eat it here and he says do you want to eat it here and i he says, do you want to eat it here? And I said, no, I don't want to eat it here, but I guess we should. And it's like right in front of the employee. I looked at her.

She was not thrilled with that answer. I was like, who wants to eat here? No. No. But that being said, there were a lot of people eating. There were. But then we left, and then I commented like, damn it, like coming back around to Jordan going in.

I was like, now it's like a different level of disappointment because I can see the restaurants, and even, like, if we did go there, I wouldn't eat anything because I'm full of Carl's Jr. It's somehow worse because I'm full of this Carl's Jr. that I didn't want to eat. If someone put a pizza in front of you, you couldn't eat it. I look at the VF313, and I'm like, oh, my stomach hurts. pizza in front of you. You couldn't eat it. I look at the VIA 313 and I'm like, oh, my stomach hurts. So this Carl's Jr. is the closest one in Austin. There are, if

you look on Google Maps, there are like four that are permanently closed. No Carl's Jr. We have to go up to Cedar Park. It's a drive. The one in Georgetown is closed? No, the one in Georgetown is farther. Right, but it's open. is open it's true we could have i checked yep when i'm like there must be one closer closer to nick maybe yeah

exactly but still very close together yes weirdly close and very very north but like but if they're in 24 minutes 31 minutes yeah they're in different cities it's fine they're not cannibalizing each other so this is the carl's junior that we went to last time we did it and this is the carl's junior where nick had the monkey mask for the first time where he's thrown up his hands and he's so excited and then this is also the parking lot that i remember because when we left when we were all leaving i just went this place is a fucking nightmare no one knows how to fucking drive in this parking lot. Oh God. Oh God. And then today. They still don't.

And then today, Jordan somehow did not get hit by a woman who was backing up directly into us. Still not entirely sure how I dodged that. It was four people in a car screaming, going, I wasn't. I was just so good at it.

First, it was like, so. I didn't say a word. We're at the end of a row. Yep. And waiting for other cars that are just streaming in, going past the turn out. So slow. So slowly.

So slow. And then, like, luckily, there's a small gap, and I'm about to go. And then Nick is just like, hey, check out this guy. And I'm like, what do you mean? And I look back, and there's just a car like all I see is like in like the the rear passenger window the car getting bigger and bigger just a Ford Explorer like the back of it right demolish us uh and it's like not gonna stop it doesn't see us at all and I'm just like creeping forward and it's still

coming it's still coming it's like I gotta go and like jordan was pulling up at the exact rate that they were backing up it was perfect insane and uh and the best part is like they had no idea they had like they still don't know they just went about their day like they were pulling out a great job pulling out of that spot they were pulling out of a handicapped spot and they were not paying attention to anything around them because me and nick were watching them as we were driving off they weren't looking around they weren't like oh wow that was crazy they were just sort of like straight ahead oh we're driving so then we get to we get around and we get to like a like a four-way stop and I mean this he mean this is like seven seconds later we are we're trying to just get on the road yeah you're in the middle of something

wow that was close that car almost hit jordan and then we're just at this four-way stop and a car is just stopped in the middle of the four-way stop yeah yeah and then we're like what the what the fuck is this so then they go and then they turn left down a one-way at Chick-fil-A. And it wasn't the right way. That Chick-fil-A is so fucking packed. Every Chick-fil-A is like that. Chick-fil-A is the only restaurants that I, like, fast food drive-thru restaurants I've ever seen where there's literally, like, inner circles and outer circles.

Like snakes. And they got the two's unbelievable and it's also a lot of times like they're designed where you could almost hop in like it's it's on a roll where it's such a huge line you have to just be like oh that's the back of the line and get in yeah but there's sometimes like the way it's set up you could just jump in and motherfuckers will try to do it every time. It's like you can skip the outer circle and zip in if someone's like too scared to not let you in. And it's Texas, so people will let you in. Yep.

And so it's like people are ready to fight. I would just so much rather go inside at that point. Like just park and get out. right like just like park and get out man that parking lot is just all every restaurant is right there and everyone's hungry and doesn't know how to drive so everyone's just like hyper focused they are you ever faint from a hunger spell no not typically do you no i've seen you get rough off an apple before. There was something wrong with that apple. We were on a boat for Eric's birthday, and somebody brought apples.

And he was like, you want an apple? I was like, you better be careful with that apple. I ate half the apple, and I threw it away. It's your birthday. Yeah. I got scared. I got scared of the apple. It was your birthday again?

Yeah. That keeps happening. I know I'm trying to stop them, but they won't let me. I think you have two a year. You threw it in water? Yeah, absolutely. Get it away from here. Fair enough. I know I'm trying to stop them, but they won't let me. I think you have two a year. Were you the one who threw it in water? Yeah, absolutely. Get it away from here. Fair enough. I don't want this fucking apple. Threw it in the lake.

Did you make a good joke that Nick really liked, but I'm going to hear when I have to listen to this fucking episode again later? I doubt it. Alright. Great. Cool. You listen to these? He has to. Someone has to. Yeah, I'll tell you what, it ain't me. He does. Jordan usually listens. I assume Jordan listens because he gives notes.

I listen to usually the first like three minutes. Oh, you make it that far, huh? And if there's something else that I know happened that is like either worth listening to or like, we'll see how Nick edits around this,

I'll go straight to that. Oh, when you really just become unhinged. We got to rein it in. Yeah, it was like, yeah, you need to dial me back here. Use the dial back filter. If you think you've heard Jordan upset about the food, you have no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the dial back filter is getting used.

It changes. It just changes what I'm talking about. From what to what? Who knows? Who knows? And we're back. It's weird science. You know, Carl's Jr.

Yep. Should we... We're about 20 minutes in. We should probably... Do a haiku? Get to the haiku, huh? You'd think I'd be ready, though. Oh, wait a minute.

Is this Fazoli's or... Why do you think it says Fazoli's? It clearly is written right there. Eric printed it out. It says Fazoli's or no why do you think it says fazoli's clearly is written eric printed it out it says fazoli's he crossed it out and then attempted to write it says carl's junior i it says carl's junior it you you crossed out a chicken i had to do it quickly because i had to do it before anyone thought twice about it and not only did you you crossed out fazoli's and wrote carl's junior but it looks like on mine you made a mistake in the j oh i had to fix it yeah i was again i was going to i was thinking about my next of the seven letters you wrote you fucked up one

of them and so it's like scribbled so mine just looks like carl sarr well i had to get it done quick because then if jordan saw what i was doing... Faster, faster, faster! Quicker, quicker, quicker! He wasn't going to let me. And then he was going to say, look, it says Fazoli's. Also, would not have noticed Fazoli's being written there because it's in a part that I don't read. Anyway, here's the haiku. It's past the first three minutes of the episode. He doesn't know what this is.

Hunters, gatherers. T-Rex tried stealing my berg but its arms too short wow damn dude just like in the commercial it turns out that was good um raptor ate my head the whole we are both dead. Eight burger too fast. Yeah. He's like, I'm willing to die for the Carl's Jr. Primal Angus Thick Burger. Me and my wife will be sacrificed to the raptor. I will not give him my hamburger. At least I'm going out having eaten this burger.

At that point, the raptor gets it anyway, though, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yes. Also, in the commercial, the burger's always so much taller. Yes. What we got was so flat, I was like, did we get the right thing? Now, I think that that's a notorious Carl's Jr. thing.

I think Carl's Jr. has just behind Whataburger. They have the flattest hamburgers. But they're always advertising how tall they are. Like in the commercial, they flop it down and you see it like accordion, you know? Whataburger is flat presenting.

Yes, I agree. That's true. Whataburger, they ain't trying to like, you know, show you that. Yeah, they're just like, put this in your mouth. Yeah. It's disc-shaped

so you can just fling it in there. It's disc-shaped. They're like, bring your big fucking white truck to our drive-thru and eat this fucking burger. Fuck you. Crack open the window just a little bit. We'll slot it in. All are welcome here.

Bring your white truck down to Whataburger. Punisher stickers all around. Punisher stickers all around What's wrong with Carl's Jr.? Water burger Our previous Carl's Jr. episode was released July 7th, 2020 That's incredible Where we ate the spicy

Western bacon cheeseburger And Angus Thickburger It received an average score of 60. That's six, zero, not six letter D. I say 60. I don't go 60

because that's weird. Some people do it, but it's weird. Right. And those people are given are count 59, six, D, six, D, one.

It's all fucked up. You ever talk to a, like someone at the cash register and hear them use the word 20? Not 20? Oh, no. And your change is something in 21 cents. And I'm like, that's too much, man.

I understand that's 20. Yep. 20. 20. That's what the dial it back filter does. Yeah. Every time I say 20, you just got dialed back.

Yeah. It drops that second T sound get dialed in 1984 owner and founder Carl Karcher told all of his family to sell their stock before the Carl's Jr. stock

plummeted oh no Carl the SEC charged them with insider trading fining them over $600,000, which is not a lot of money considering his family consisted of 12 children, 51 grandchildren, and 45 great-grandchildren. This guy fucked. Not only did he fuck.

Right. I mean, he did, but most of those people, I hope he didn't fuck to create. Okay? but most of those people I hope he didn't fuck to create. Okay? I hope he had no part directly in creating 96 of those people.

Okay? The first 12? Cool. Yeah. After that, I hope he stayed out of it. I think not only... I fucked over 100 times! Or do you think he just takes credit for it? Or it's like, every

time one of my children fucks, that's a fuck for me. You can take credit. You go to your kid and you go, hey, did we fuck last night? Did I get laid last night? Hey, can you ask your son if I got laid last night?

Great grandkids. Damn, I'm still going. Not only did he fuck, he just raised a bunch of other fuckers as well. A bunch of fuckers? 51 grandchildren! What the fuck? Can you believe that shit? Jeez. I was

writing a completely different fact trying to get around to like the $660,000 and then I found out how many kids and grandkids and everything and I just went nevermind why did the stock plummet how did he know that was happening it was in 84 and he didn't get charged until 88 and it's like what the fuck

and they probably made a lot more than $660,000 so much more I mean that's before Carl's Jr. fucking blew up too like it was public but it wasn't huge is it still public that's before Carl's Jr. fucking blew up, too. Like, it was public, but it wasn't huge. Is it still public? Can we buy Carl's Jr. stock to this day? Why would we want to?

Man, great question. Unless I can buy. Can we avoid buying Carl's Jr. stock at all costs? Can we make sure that it's not automatically getting Carl's Jr. stock? Yeah. Besides taking out our taxes. Yeah. Carl's Jr. stock. Besides taking out our taxes and crossing Carl's Jr.'s stock. AT&T, what are you doing?

Carl Karcher loved launching restaurants with insane themes like Taco de Carlos, Mexican food place, or Carl's Whistle Stops, a railroad-themed spot where the server is dressed like conductors and served something called the, quote,

Hobo Burger. We're not sure what that is, but we assume you have to fight a three-legged dog for it. He's really happy with that one. Eric is laughing the most. I just picture going to be like, I heard Carl's Jr. opened a new restaurant

to get your hamburger. It's just like a mean looking dog and you go, oh man, why'd we come here? Train themed restaurants always make me think of the McDonald's that's train themed on, what is it, Beach Boulevard next to the Knott's Berry Farm. Yep.

I used to love going to that McDonald's. Yeah, yeah. Andrew is a friend from another podcast. He has a McDonald's up near him in Vancouver. That's so up. It doesn't get much more up. That's pretty up. You go any more up, you're in hell.

But relatively down for Canada. His McDonald's had a train also, and he was under the impression that all McDonald's had trains. Oh, imagine if he had just gone to that McDonald's and then this specific McDonald's would be like, knew it, fucking knew it. And then you're just in Barstow and you go, what the fuck? Excuse me, where's your train?

Where's all the trains? And then it's some like coke head telling you to like, get out of here before he eats your skin. It's bar stuff. Okay. Yeah. Does the McDonald's move with the train? No.

Apparently, it's a stationary train. Oh, no. I just missed McDonald's. McDonald's? You can get McDonald's every 15 minutes. You have to run. I have my briefcase and my overcoat, and I'm running to the McDonald's, and I go, wait. They should do that more.

And then your loved one is waving a handkerchief out of the caboose. Yeah, there should be more like train cars like in San Francisco. Yeah, there needs to be more moving restaurants. We'll call them mobile Donald's.

Why are you waving? He's waving goodbye from the caboose. You can't see him being a fancy lady. Is that what you're doing? Nick is being a fancy lady. He's being a fancy lady. Waving from the back of a train car, eating a Big Mac as we run after him. Yeah, yeah. He had a handkerchief, but it was a –

I'm sorry. He had a tissue. Don't worry. Stop recording. Yeah, he's just – He's smashing the audio recording to put his monkey head on. Sacrifice. Make sure you get all the tripods in the shot.

That's the best part. Okay, we've got to move on here. This is crazy. Sacrifices. Make sure you get all the tripods in the shot. That's the best part. I'm going to move on here. This is crazy. Eric kicked that three-legged dog. In 2006, at the Palms Casino in Vegas, you could order a combo of the Carl's Jr. $6 burger that came with a $6,000 bottle of French Bordiox wine. If you're looking for other ways to waste money,

check out store.rosterteeth.com for some Face Jam merch, you fucking freak. Any words on that? No, I just felt good to get a plug in there, you know? Okay. Yeah, make sure you get our spike right. I mean, you guys always try to hurry me up at the end where I'm trying to do the plugs. We're trying to hurry you up because everyone's turned it

off already. They don't want to hear your crap at the end. They want to hear what thing they have to comment. We gotta trick them. Roosterteeth.com. Dude, we fucking straight up done gone sold right out of the 100% Jordan Swears eats ass booty shorts. Oh man, I have that in my sink. They sold out immediately. Why did you put it in the thing? Because that's where it goes.

That's where we do all the business. Yeah, but I'm saying they sold out. What the fuck is the point of having it at the end? Stay tuned because we're trying to get a reorder going. Oh, we're trying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't just get a reorder? We have to try to get a reorder? Well, I'm not the one in charge of it.

I'm trying to make sure that a reorder happens. Okay, but I'm just saying it's a test. It'll grow on trees. Yeah, is it a test? Yeah, we have to answer the riddles three. Did you get the reorder? Sorry, I failed. What the fuck?

I think it's just an email or a phone call Try again I tried We're trying It's a magic 8 ball that you just gotta keep shaking Dude in an instant It went from lemons to booty shorts People just

Can't keep up with the demand Imagine putting some lemons on some booty shorts Don't even joke around Don't even joke People will kill each other The supply chain will crumble in on itself Imagine putting some lemons on some booty shorts. Don't even joke around. Don't even joke. People will kill each other over them. The supply chain will crumble in on itself. And the final fact, in 2008, a no-poach agreement was ended when Arby's, Annie Ann's, Buffalo Wild Wings, Carl's Jr., Cinnabon,

Jimmy John's, and McDonald's. There's one restaurant in there anybody knows. Eliminated the practice that prevents managers from jumping from one chain to another for higher pay. So finally, if you're really killing it at Annie Ann's but want to really make your mark at B-dubs for $9.25 an hour, you can. Nobody wants to work. I like how they had a no poach program. A no poach agreement amongst like six restaurants that are completely different from each other. And also half of them only existing at a kiosk in the mall.

Right? Hey, we'll offer you a nickel more. Hey, you know that's a good rule. Get away from him. Don't you talk to him. I'm calling Ronald. I really want to work at Jimmy John's, but man, I've just been working at Auntie Anne's.

I don't know a damn thing about sandwiches. My Cinnabon contract feels like it's never going to end. You know what's crazy too? $9.25 an hour, still like $2 above minimum wage. Yeah, it's true. That sounds low, but it's not as low as it can get. That's a manager's salary. You know what's crazy, too? $9.25 an hour, still like $2 above minimum wage. Yeah, it's true. That sounds low, but it's not as low as it can get. That's a manager's salary.

You know what I mean? Like $9.25, you're really doing it. $2 more. Yeah. Add in Arby's. I mean, apparently the no poach thing was like. Written in blood. With Satan. It's a thing with like a bunch of other restaurants also that were not part of this

particular these are the ones that said we will eliminate the practice but there are other ones that are like nah fuck that we stand together this is why we need unions brothers and sisters

we shall not move from this line. Hold your ground. Turn down any more lucrative offers. But I really want to go work at Auntie Anne's for a couple bucks more. No, slave.

Work until you die. Hey, a couple of us are thinking about joining a union. I like how all the restaurants joined hands to fuck all of their workers. It's like some sort of Red Rover. We won't help any of our employees. It really is global corporations holding hands and going, fuck you.

You want more money? No! Saturday's off! Go die! Look, McDonald's, you're our biggest competition, but we really hate our employees just as much. Hey guys, I know there's a feud between Jimmy Johns

and Buffalo Wild Wings, but we can all come together and agree that we don't want to pay our workers any more money. We like them paid low and their attitudes despondent. We don't want them thinking it's better anywhere else. As long as we keep them beaten down, we've all done our job, Auntie Anne. We're just a family here.

No, you can't have your wedding day off. Thank you. I would say you're fired, but then you might go to Buffalo Wild Wings. I would say you're fired from Annie Inn, but then you're the business. We only have one employee every four days. But then whose best friend will come see them?

That's true. Someone's got to drink the lemonade. What's your best friend going to do if you're not there? Are they just going to hang out near the front? Oh, my pretzel bites. And that's it. Those are the facts. If you work at any of those restaurants at the mall, steal.

Dude, honestly. Just steal. Steal what? From the customers? Steal pretzels. Steal Cinnabons. Hang on. Back up. I would say steal as long as it's not from the customers steal pretzels steal Cinnabons I would say steal as long as it's not from the corporation no

that's what I'm advocating no no I'm saying like just make sure you don't hurt their bottom line take the customers wallets when they're not looking don't take the cheese packets cause you know as long as you tow that company line,

they'll reward you down the road. How do you think Elon Musk became a millionaire? It all started in Antians. What? Huh? Huh? I heard something about his dad owning an Antians in

South Africa. He owned an Ant's in a mine. Would you like rubies with that? There are people listening to this, and you said that, and they got legitimately mad. And if that's you, if that was you, they're just driving. They're the Apu meme right now, right? Diving in front of. Hey, man, if you got mad at what Michael said,

you can turn this off. It's all right. It's okay. I was using the podcast, nor are we the people for you. But also, just turn the volume down. Keep listening. Oh, that's good. Keep it at one notch. That way we get the revenue for that. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, I mean, we don't, but someone does. Blood Diamonds! It's a good movie. I didn't know it was about Elon Musk until recently. Pretty cool to be portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio. Anyway, steal from your corporation. Yeah, definitely steal the pretzels and give me the pretzels. But cook them first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't give me uncooked pretzels that you've stolen. Definitely make Cinnabon and then give me the Cinnabon. Don't ever give me work. Yeah. All right? Who do you think you are? Don't give me a goddamn gift, but it's work disguised, right?

Like, here, look what I got you now build it it's like when you give someone a bouquet of flowers fuck you and it's like cool now i need to find a vase for these i got a water i need to put water in it now i need to trim them yeah why don't you just go ahead and throw them away for me just give me just give me like the 21 dollars yeah right yeah yeah i'll take if you hand me 21 dollars do I'll be stoked. Do it, do it. Could you imagine? I was going to get you flowers, but here you go. And it's just 21 bucks and you go, oh, right on. A couple of fives, a couple of singles.

Give me $21, but make it like all singles and hand it to me like a bouquet. Oh, wow. Wow. And then I'll smell it. Yeah, that makes it get sick. Ooh, smells like money. It makes you sound like it's like a stripper. Give me all singles, but it's like a stripper give me all singles

but do it like a bouquet wow you must be a really nice guy yeah now I need to find a vase for all these dollars the end and that's the facts

oh I already said that oh fuck yeah he said it a while ago I said it a while ago so we've been we've been spinning silly for a minute here. Oh!

Ah! I just remembered. I just remembered something. And it scared him. I just remembered something. I was just attacked by a ghoul. A memory. I just remembered something.

I was just attacked by a ghoul. A memory. Do you ever feel things inside your head that have happened before that are not happening now? But you're still reacting to them? You mean a thought? A memory? Who's talking in my head? Who is that?

Is there a podcast on in the other room? Are you calling Kyle? No, I'm trying to show you something. I'm trying to FaceTime Kyle. That would be, wow. What do you think he's doing? I don't know, but You should find out right now. In four months, you better call him for a happy birthday. What's that doing there? I don't know what the audio

is, but is there anything worth listening to? No. Okay. So we're looking at the shitty van. What? Drew found the van. Where? Drew. All right. So we're looking at the shitty van. What? Drew found the van. Where? Drew is in Colorado. Where we left it. And he found the van.

That's not where we left it. Drew is, he messaged me the other day. Why did he go back? I once again find myself down the street from hot Chickalotte. Well, he keeps the guy away. Yeah, we all know how much he loved it remember how much he was freaking out at hot chicken latte and we were like calm down dude it's just coffee yeah i remember i don't think that made it in the cut but i do remember that he was just like yeah yeah yeah

we kept we kept going up to him and saying do you want to try this delicious coffee and he kept saying i don't want to play i don't want to play he kept saying i'm coming back later by myself i don't want you guys to ruin this for me. I told him if he makes his way to Fort St. Collins to keep an eye out, and he made his way through, and he found the fucking van. Is it there with our friends at Voodoo Rangers? It is. It is.

Is that where we parked when we first showed up? Oh, I don't know. I have no idea. I think that's in the back near the dirt bike track. Oh, that's right. They have a dirt bike track. Several people that's right they have a dirt bike track several times they're so cool they're very cool um and beer just makes them cooler yeah you know what i mean there have been several times and in recently like in the last two weeks where people have approached me with ideas for the van like oh you know i was thinking about the van and i just go it's gone it's we don't have it like i just don't it's gone what do you mean i go have it. Like, I just don't. It's gone.

What do you mean? I go, we left it in Colorado. And there's like, you did either a didn't know it or B saw it and thought it was a joke. Right. It's it's gone. Go have it. Yeah. We sunk about 90 K into it and we left it in Colorado after it was towed.

All in all, a very good investment. Any dollar FaceGem has ever made went into that van, and we have not covered back yet. Yeah, we're not going to. We ourselves are not going to see any revenue from this show until that van is paid off. We need to go, I think, another two years, finally cover the van. Maybe get another sponsor.

Well, if Biden wants to wipe our van debt first, that would be great. I love that. Where's van debt forgiveness? That's true. Nowhere to be found, Jordan. It's not on anyone's policy. Because these people aren't anyone's friend. Right. I thought he was my friend.

But I see what he's doing there. I'm typically under the impression that politicians are my friend. I see what he's doing. I'm typically under the impression that politicians are my friends. I see what he's doing at every gas station. I did this. I did that. He's so proud of it, too. Why is he always smiling? He's smiling all the time.

Why can't I be that happy? Why can't I be on a sticker? I wish we had that sticker when we had the van. Yeah. I'm going to just put it on the van. I did that to this van. Oh, Byben did that. I'm each Byben.

I'm each Byben. Are you Food Beast? Mr. Food Beast. Do you want to read this fucking thing? Yeah, I guess so. Unless you had something else to say. I don't want to move this thing from your ceiling. I was going to say I don't remember what I was going to say.

Okay. It'll come to you. Hell yeah. Hey, don't worry. I scripted out the next part for you. I can't wait for this to casually unfold. Hey, guys, have I told you about the Cars Union Primal Angus Quick Burger? Have you?

Heck no. Well, let me lay it out for you. 100% black Angus beef patty, char-broiled over an open flame and topped with tender, slow-cooked, sliced prime rib. Michael's favorite prime rib. Mm-hmm. Sweet and savory amber sauce. Capital A Amber.

Hey, we're really getting into the dinosaur thing here. Amber's in the sauce. Amber's the color of this sauce's energy. Smoked cheddar and onion ring served on a toasted potato bun. You guys were like mystified. What? You guys were mystified by the onion ring. I wasn't.

Well, Nick and I, again, while we were looking at it. And then I heard them talking about it. While we were looking at it, we were like, what are these things? Because in the picture, it's very unclear. Yeah. See, again, the problem is you guys look too much at what you're eating. Yeah. Like, beforehand.

Yeah, you have to just surf it down like a three-legged dog. As many times as I'm like, what are we eating? I did bite it and go to myself in my brain, which is a thought. And then say it out loud. I said, oh, that's an onion ring. And then 30 seconds later, you guys going, it's an onion ring. Look, Nick, they're onion rings.

Pull them back and forth. And you're like, dissect it. Oh, saying it back and forth about an onion ring is pretty impressive. What is in the amber sauce? I don't know. And is it prehistoric mosquitoes? Yes.

Dino DNA. See, it just dawns on me now why you posted that. I told you I didn't know what we were eating. In the Face Jam channel, I saw Jordan post the fucking dino DNA thing from Jurassic Park, and I looked at it

and just went, I don't know what he's talking about. Didn't care enough to scroll back up. Basically, I was like, I don't fucking know. Who knows? And just now I'm like, oh, yeah, okay. The two lines before that was us making fun of it being like dino meat or something. Well, that also explains why you were surprised we went to Cedar Park. Because we were all responding to Eric going, is it okay that it's in Cedar Park?

And we were like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, I'll be honest, guys, really tuned out of that one. Usually I'm a little bit, I ignore the food every time, but usually I read the words. I really just tuned out of that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Press material. Let's do it. Jurassic World is such an iconic franchise.

I hate this already. Just like our menus. I hate it even more. Jurassic World is such an iconic franchise, just like our menus. I hate it even more. Jurassic World is such an iconic franchise, just like our menus, that we wanted to make sure we were doing the films justice and pulled a lot of inspiration from them when we were creating these innovative menu items,

said Owen Klein, Vice President of Global Culinary Innovation of CKE Restaurants. Is that Carl... Carl Creature? Carl... Carl Karcher. I think like Enterprise or something. No, Carl creature? Carl, Carl Karcher. I think like enterprise or something. No, it's Karcher.

Karcher. CKE restaurants. The culinary team had a lot of fun with this. And when consumers bite into these big meaty items. I'm sorry. Items. Let me get it. I'm hungry. I can go for a couple items excuse me do you have any big meaty items

excuse me I'm a hungry consumer who needs a big meaty item they start calling the police immediately this guy's asking about fucking big meaty items he keeps saying he's a hungry consumer and wants a big meaty item. He told us that we're a QSR

and he needs a big meaty item? Big meaty items. We want them to be instantly transported to the world of Jurassic, period. The world of Jurassic. This guy thought he was being really clever. What the hell was he talking about?

The world of Jurassic. Because you can't say the world of Jurassic World. Yeah. Yeah. That's why it should just be called Jurassic Park 6. Okay. Okay. I don't mean to cut in, but I will.

Breaking news. Yeah. Okay, okay. I don't mean to cut in, but I will. Breaking news. He's got it somewhere. He's moaning like he had it, but it still doesn't happen. I don't know if the mic's picked that up. If he starts doing it again, he might be closer. It's like he got excited he was going to hit it, and then realized he didn't have it. Now he's looking through papers.

We're recording, right? Okay. We got to be almost there. Hang on. We're recording, right? Okay. We gotta be almost there. Hang on. This is not the right music. Oh, it's not plugged in. It's not plugged in. Yeah, he really fucked all that up.

All right, you've now killed it. But anyway, breaking news. It actually is breaking news. It just had me laughing for so long. So many people have been attached to this. I've only waited to say they're both maniacs. Alert! The jury finds both Amber Heard

and Johnny Depp liable in defamation lawsuits against each other. Congratulations to the both of you. Congratulations. You both suck. You both lose. Fucking losers. Dude. Congratulations. You both suck. You both lose. You two fucking losers. Dude.

What a moment for face jam. Look, I didn't follow it enough to even know that could happen. Oh, man. I didn't follow it very closely at all, but I just kept going like, based on what I'm hearing, they both seem like they're pretty crazy. Yeah, they're both unhinged. Yeah.

I don't understand how you can pick a side. I'm so glad that's how this trial turned out. I guess the jury was listening. Yeah. I think I understand how a lot of the internet picked a side. It was a man against a woman. And boy, a lot of the internet just went, can you believe this evil woman?

How could she do this to this man? And then it was, can you believe how evil this is? What if that happened to me? man and then it was but and can you believe how evil this is what if that happened to me and i just keep thinking i assure you it will never happen right yeah but it could no you gotta be careful i'm cool like johnny depp my hero it's definitely like hey check you guys remember gamergate well this is just like that i'm swimming in amber herds coming at me. I didn't trust her. Amber sauce. I didn't trust her ever since. Amber sauce.

I'll be honest, I thought of it the second you said it and I just chose not to say anything about it. Wow. Dude, I got a news alert 30 seconds after that. It's like the world knew I skipped it. It's like life finds a way. Here's the thing though. Another Jurassic Park This has nothing to do with the trial where they both lost.

Two fucking losers. But I didn't trust her ever since Drive Angry 3D. Oh, wow. When Nicolas Cage, her 65-year-old senior, was her love interest in the film. And I was just kind of going. That's why I didn't trust her. I just kept saying,

is that your nurse? Even though it wasn't part of the plot at all. I never trusted Johnny Depp. Does she change your pee-pee bags? He turned out to be the bad guy in that Harry Potter movie and then turned into Colin Farrell, I think. Yeah, that's right.

Or was it the other way around? It was the other way around. Colin Farrell turned into him and then he turned into Mass Mickles. Why? Why? Why? Gotcha.

Why have Colin Farrell become Johnny Depp in the first place? Because he was busy turning into the Penguin. Yeah. Pay attention. Dude, and what a transformation it was. Yeah, and the next movie, it's going to be Mass Mickles. It's just Matt Nicholson picking up colin farrell scraps mass mickels what it's you saying it and then the smallest smile while you look to me it was just that's

mickels no mass mickels mass why do you keep saying mass this is how it's pronounced his name is pronounced mass and is is not like m-a-d-s that's how it's spelled that's not how it's pronounced. His name is pronounced Mass? Is it not like M-A-D-S? That's how it's spelled. Mass? Then his name would be Mads, and that's just weird. I've never, I don't think I've ever heard it Mass. Neither have I. I always just call it Mads. Mass, if you're listening, I got

your back. And I call it Mickles for short. Oh, that's fine. That's a good name. So what'd you think of this hamburger sandwich? That, uh... Primal. Now that time I had a big smile on my face.

Yes, you did. They really put the prime rib in primal. Okay. That was okay. The burger's okay. With a shrug he says yeah shrug yeah I mean

um very wet I'll say that right off the bat uh that amber heard sauce gets everywhere um I find it guilty of making a mess laughing

laughing laughing but uh I'm actually... That's really an unfortunate situation overall. It's a very toxic relationship. Right. Between the sauce and the wrapper. Yeah, two awful ingredients.

These two items should have never been together. Yeah, these two big meaty items. But I thought it tasted fine. The prime rib, very hard to bite. I kept getting a bite of it with the burger and instead of it ripping and me eating it, the whole thing would get pulled out of the sandwich. Okay.

I didn't really have that problem. Me neither. I called that out and Michael was like, I have no problem. whole thing would get pulled out of the sandwich. Okay. Oh, I didn't really have that problem. Me neither. I called that out and Michael was like, I have no problem. I didn't have any issue with it either. You said it's kind of chewy. Chewy.

I thought it was exactly not chewy. I thought it was very soft. Same. Almost like food for babies or seniors. Yeah, mush food for babies, yes. Or mush food for Amber Heard to feed Nicholas Cage.

Well, either my... I'm about to fucking drive angry. Either my teeth know work, or there's serious inconsistencies with the quality of the prime rib at the Carl's Jr. Teeth are soft like gum. Honestly, I'm leaning towards the latter. But yeah, the sauce is really interesting.

I'm curious what it actually was. There's a certain sweetness to it. No mosquitoes in it thankfully no um well i mean thankfully or unfortunately i certainly don't want to be eating any prehistoric i don't want to eat bugs but how about prehistoric bugs those are different maybe yep they got a different got a different aftertaste. Yeah, you got a different texture. But I'll say that it's a lot of food, but not unmanageable. And I think it tastes fine. It doesn't have the problem that other burgers have, where it's just like,

boy, this is so much meat that doesn't taste like anything. Oh. Yeah, Michael looked up Mads Mikkelsen and showed me that it's pronounced Mads. Coming from Mads himself. Wait, wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute.

No. Seems very American of me to ignore how you pronounce your own name. This is very true. I refuse. Take that, Japan. Germany. Did we say Japan differently? How do they say it?

Japan is totally the wrong name for the country of Japan. It's Nihon. Yeah. Germany's like the same way. That can't be right. I'm an American. That can't be right. Yeah, I'm waiting for a news alert about that.

Anyway, it's pretty unoffensive, this burger. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. I didn't find it delicious, but I did find it unoffensive. I found it. I found myself saying, this seems to work. I wish it tasted better. Yeah.

It needed a little something else. It needed more flavor, quite honestly. I think it needed to be taller. The Amber Heard sauce was actually quite good. It was good. The sauce was good. That's all you're getting. Yeah.

And it was just a lot of meat that was fine and not too chewy for me at all. But didn't have a lot of flavor. Yeah. So what do you think? I give it credit for being what it is. And I think it's fine. It's a 63 for me. Okay.

Going into this. Knowing where we were going. Knowing where we were going. Knowing what we were eating, when we were eating, and exactly how I would approach each particular bite. Right, right, right. I was going to rate this as a Colin Farrell.

But halfway through the meal, I decided this might be a Johnny Depp score. Wow! But then I thought... I don't know what that means, though. Me neither, but we're going to figure it out. Well, then he was found guilty. Oh, then he was a loser. And I thought...

He lost. Mass Mickles. I'm gonna mass this. I'm gonna mass blast this. And everybody likes Mass. He's beloved. He's that guy that looks not weird, but like gruff.

He looks like stoically handsome. He's a really good looking guy, but in a less traditional sense. He's just weird enough looking to be a good Bond villain. It's like exotic. Weird is what I called Nick over and over again at the restaurant. And he asked me to stop. And then he said, okay, that's enough.

I feel like you're saying weird too much. Yeah, because I had to sit next to him and and we were sharing a tray, and I didn't like it. Weird is like Steve Buscemi. He's weird. Mass Mickelson. Mass Mickels. Mass EM. Yeah.

He's interesting looking. Yeah. I call him Mickels of Mass Destruction. You know, when we vibe. Is that what they were looking for? But, like, there's just something about him you like. And maybe he cries blood for real. I don't know.

Yeah. But basically, he carried this score. I'd say it was 65. Oh, wow. Okay. Average score is 64, which I think is, like. I guess it's better than whatever we had last time. It was barely, but I would say like... I guess it's better than whatever we had last time. It was barely,

but I do agree. I would say he added the mass effect. Whoa! Yeah. I'm Commander Shepard and this is the best burger I've had on... What's the name of the ship or whatever? We got it. Yeah. The Normandy. That's not even what the thing is. The Normandy? Well, the Normandy is the ship.

Oh. He's talking about the Citadel. Oh, you're talking about the Citadel. I don't think it's the Citadel as a ship. I'm Commander, Master, Shepherd, or whatever, and this is the best burger on my own ship. Also, I made it. Yep. It seems like a thing that would happen.

Hey, Joker, when you're done fucking the ship, can you make me a burger? When Seth Green's done putting his dick inside the ship's exhaust port. Joker's freaking out because his apes got stolen. Don't worry. They patched in the best ending. We're all robots. Yay!

Gamers, we did it! And we have 91 grandkids and we fucked over 80 times. Snack attack. We have some extra snacks too, but this is the one that I brought. Hi, Face Jam.

I hope you enjoy these Irish potatoes. They're Canadian native to Philly. Wait a minute. They're usually for St. Patrick's Day, but I figured it's always a good time for cream cheese and coconut. Why did you swallow so intensely after each sentence? Because I was trying not to burp.

This is cream cheese and coconut? I'm getting fought back. There were so many different words being slung around. Irish potatoes. Right. They kind of look like potatoes. O'Ryans. That sounds Irish to me.

Oh, mama. I kind of want to say no thank you. What? This is from Sheon. You can say no thank you, but you're still going to eat one. Yeah, you got gotta eat it. I don't think I've ever, like, heard a snack be described and be like, uh, I'm good.

Let's take a look here. Uh, they look very much like tiny little potatoes. Right. They smell like a, uh, like, um, a churro. Yeah. So that's good. Don't keep smelling them. Save some smell for me. Okay, well, you didn't even want to eat it. Oh, they're much harder than I expected. Oh, really? Are they like rocks? Are they hard like potatoes? They are. Don't keep smelling them. Save some smell for me. Okay. Well, you didn't even want to eat it. Oh, they're much harder than I expected.

Oh, really? Are they like rocks? Are they hard like potatoes? They are. They are. Hold one. Hold one. They're dense.

Whoa. Hold one. Shake it. You could break a window with this. This is literally like a little rock. But also, tears apart. Not in toughness, but in weight. Yeah.

Very dense. Oh, man. That coconut. When you break it open, that coconut really comes through. Oh, wow. They are really hard. I love coconut. It doesn't taste like any potato I've ever had. This is a fucked up potato.

If somebody served me this on Thanksgiving, boy, I'd say that's not a good potato. I don't like coconut. Oh, then you're going to hate this. I do like coconut, and I don't really like it either. It's too creamy. It's very creamy. Coconut is generally not creamy.

Is... What's the cream? It can be all coconut. Cream cheese. Oh, that's... Okay, the cream cheese overdoes it. It's a very weird combination. Cream cheese overdoes it. I think it would've been better with just the coconut. It's too... I've never heard of these before. The cream cheese is too much in the middle, and it's too thick

the outside, the actual layering whatever the fuck the outside is there's a lot going on if you miss Ireland this much just eat a potato there's a lot going on you don't have to go through all this there's a lot going on but I guess the biggest thing is that they're the size

where you could pop the whole thing in your mouth or maybe eat it in two bites. I don't think I could do that. That's way too thick and sugary. To have such a small thing and I'm sitting here eating it in 17 bites tells me it's too much.

It's incredibly rich. It's too much. It's too rich. We're of the people, bug kings, even bug royalty, this is too much. It's incredibly rich. It's too much. Okay. It's too rich. We're of the people, bug Kings, even bug royalty. This is too much. Yeah.

Right. I would maybe like a, like a czar would eat this or like a Sultan, a Duke for bug Kings, a marquee. This is a pass for me. This is way too sweet. It's too sweet.

And there's too much like, there's too much like powder on the outside. It's too sweet. pass for me. This is way too sweet. It's too sweet and there's too much like powder on the outside. It's too sweet even for me. Like the chewy thing. And too coconut-y. To the point where it's like, that flavor is overwhelming. It's a little bit sickening. Yeah, my tummy hurts already. What's the score?

I'm going to give it a 25. Too much. Man, I don't want to punish it too. I punished it. Too much. I punished it. Because it's like Check out my white truck

Got a sticker on it, what are you looking at baby? I think the air just turned on and it's freaking arrogant Is it raining? It's raining bro Finish it up, we're so close That's 40 The devil's going pee pee 32.5

Fair enough If you like stupid The devil's going pee-pee. 32.5. Fair enough. Yeah, I mean, like, if you like stupid, obnoxious, sweet shit, this is for you. It's so rich. It's really something. It's intense, man. Jordan, to take us out, do you want to tell us about what you brought? What the fuck?

Yeah, I got some other snacks. Did you make these? This is a friend of mine who went to he just got back from Mexico City. The DF. And he brought back these soda pop lollipops. They're supposed to take a botella cola.

It's supposed to taste just like Coca-Cola, he says. All right. Are we going to find out right now if he's a liar? Yes. It's shaped like a bottle of Coke. It's the same color as Cola. And it tastes like...

No. He's wrong. It tastes like flat soda. Tastes like incredibly flat soda. Even that's a bit of a stretch. If I'm drinking Coke and it tastes like this, I ain't drinking it. This sucks. Also, no elegant way to eat this thing that's shaped like a bottle.

Yeah. I mean, you just fucking open up and pop it in. Eric's doing it. Eric looks like he's watching some peacock. He's doing it well. Yeah. Almost too well. Yeah, he's doing it well. Almost too well. He's doing it very well.

He's making eye contact and he's good at it. This guy's good at eating this candy. But he does have a bad aura. I don't like it. There's nothing clean about that guy's aura. No way, dude. No way. You go out of your way putting a target on your back talking about how clean's aura. Nothing clean. No way, dude. No way. Don't even,

you go out of your way putting a target on your back talking about how clean your aura is. I don't want to, like, send Eric into that Nature's Treasures store and see how the people

who work there react to him. They start screaming. This is also way too much. Yeah. The flavor isn't good and it's way too much. And it doesn't taste like Coke. You ready to try this thing?

How many snacks are you making me eat, goddamn you? Jordan brought these. Why the fuck didn't we just eat Jordan snacks? Why did we even eat the Orion? Because I didn't tell him about them. God damn it. Because it's the last day.

Oh no. No wonder they tasted so good. Give me this fucking chip. These are numb and spicy hot pot flavor. Fuck me. It's like Szechuan peppercorn. Which is why they call it numb. Give me one goddamn chip. Quick hands gonna his hands gonna fall. I can't feel my fingers. Oh

Man, I got a big one. Oh Okay, whoa the smell the smell a little bit spicy off the bat very spicy. I'm feeling the numbness I think my heart's slowing down Still spicy. But an adequate spice. But an adequate spice. That's a pretty good spice. It tastes a lot like hot pot. It sure does.

It's initially a good kick of spicy. And then it backs off. Which is how I like it. Although, now it's kind of like chilling on the roof of my mouth. I like that. I like that spice a lot. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Although now it's kind of like chilling on the roof of my mouth. I like that. I like that spice a lot. That, I like how it transitioned. I'm not like freaking out for water.

It didn't get hotter. It's kind of just hanging out now. The biggest blast is when you first take a bite. Now it's tingly. That's it. That's good. I like that. Yeah.

I would recommend it. This is actually not bad. We don't have to rate it. That's a good spicy snack. I'm going to rate it. That's pretty good. I would eat this. This is actually not bad. We don't have to rate it, but it's pretty- That's a good spicy snack. I'm going to have another bite. I'm going to rate it. Okay. That's pretty good.

I would eat those. Yep. I would even say I would buy those. I would buy them and eat them, and then I'd probably shit fire and not buy them for a little while. Yeah, you'd eat too many. Yeah.

Hey, if you want to send us snacks, you can. Send them to Face Jam, care of Eric Badour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. You check out our YouTube channel

if you want to see an exclusive video of Basta Pete getting a food delivery, then you can follow Face Jam Pod on Twitter, on Instagram. Stay up to date on everything. Go to store.richeteeth.com to get a Spice Rat shirt. Check out our home goods. Spike Rat. Oh, check out Spike Rat.

I said it wrong. Sorry. 100% each shorts are sold out, but being restocked. Maybe. Stay tuned. They're trying. They're trying. They're trying to restock.

I'm trying. Someone's out there in the rain right now fighting for you. Why is it raining? It happens from time to time. I'm wondering why you're so bewildered and why are you still eating that lollipop? It's not good. Put it out of your mouth, you fucking weirdo.

Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about this show where we eat food and rate the food he dropped it on the ground. No That's fine. He'll lick it off. Make sure you give us 500 stars. Yeah, what it is hundred stars and the comment of The fortnight is spike rat bike rat but spell it right spell it right rat Right rat, huh? Goodbye. Oh, it's over Shit dial it back and we're back Rat. Rike rat. Huh? Goodbye. Oh, it's over? Shit.

Dial it back. And we're back. Ha ha ha ha ha!