100% Eat - Carl's Jr Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger & Angus Thickburger

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Carl's Jr Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger & Angus Thickburger so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about singing the theme song, doing BigFoot footage, and more. Sponsored by us. New 100% Eat variant shirts coming July 14th @ 10am central https://store.roosterteeth.com Follow Face Jam on Twitter: https://twitter.com/FaceJamPod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it, you probably do. Thanks to us, once again, our heroes, your heroes. Here we are, in our cars, once again, our heroes, your heroes. Here we are in our cars once again, making this show possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Pretty good. A little tired. Not hungry. I'm tired too, man. A couple of sleepy boys today. It's going to be a low energy episode. I feel it already. Nah, it'll bring the energy.

The power will rip through me. I just want you to know aside from the persona of Michael Jones, Michael Jones for real, he's sleepy. I think Nick, I'm going to make a request. The persona of Jordan Sweers is always sleepy. They're both sleepy. I get it. I don't think the persona

of Jordan Sweers has ever not been sleepy. Yeah. Sleepy Joe over here. More often sleepy than not. Sleepy Joe over here. I think you're more often sleepy than not. Sleepy Joe! I think Nick should replace the musical intro with Eric's rendition. No. Just because we have yet. It was so good. Nick has also

donned the mask. Oh, he put it on! I wonder if he's going to wear that the whole episode. He has to wear it! No, he's shaking his head no. Dude. The monkey's shaking his head, but I think Nick is nodding. Let me just throw this out there.

Today we're reviewing Carl's Junior, not Carl Junior's, it's Carl's Junior Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger and Monster Angus Thickburger. We're once again back in our cars.

On the road again. This one might possibly be the furthest restaurant we've eaten at yet. It was ridiculous. It was still about 30 minutes for me to get here. Yeah, but not for Monkey Man over there. Certainly not for Nick. Monkey Man drove about an hour To get Carl's Jr Funny how it all evens out

You know he only had to drive 5 minutes The other two When Eric told me that I was shocked And then I also found out That he didn't have to drive far at all For Steak and Shake and Fridays And then I thought good Take that

So for Steak and Shake and Fridays, and then I thought, good. Take that. Monkey bitch. What I've done, don't confuse it with a fish bitch, okay? I like monkey man. Nick now has an official mascot head. Today he's wearing a monkey head. I don't know precisely what kind of monkey. Just seems to be a generic monkey that you would see if you were a small child,

perhaps reading an alphabet book. You'd get to M, and there would be a picture of a monkey. That's what it looks like. It's a curious George-type monkey is how I would describe it. Yeah, it's curious, all right. It's a sauce monkey. It's a monkey that has a mouth hole that opens up so he can drink his sauce through it like a disgusting little sauce monkey yeah uh so he's excited yeah

so hopefully we can use it in some sort of visual component um i don't anticipate that happening anytime soon no it's just look at the pictures at face jam pod oh there's the picture of course you're right that's good plug um i am more referring to like wanting to do another snack attack uh but oh uh so that's gonna keep a mask well we'll have to figure out specifically no goo right now no we but but we can figure out how to do it like remotely we can figure out how to do it differently because people keep sending me fucking snacks there's so many i i have a room in my house devoted to all the snacks these people fucking sent because i can't keep them in my kitchen it's i have no more room it's insane you know a lot of like uh new shows and and stuff are

doing the yeah feet apart. Yeah. So maybe we can all get in the same room and just be six feet apart. But we're all eating the same food. Oh. Uh-huh. How many have you eaten? I mean, how many of the snacks? I have gotten into zero of the snacks, and that is so incredibly hard.

Let's rent someplace and just do it really far apart let's wear gloves you wear gloves no no no hang on hang on you wear gloves you wear a mask and then you open it and you divvy it up and then i mean we could we can do that yeah two things surprised me about that one that you haven't gotten to the snacks. Two, that you answered my question 90 seconds after I asked it. You waited for so long to answer. We moved on to the next thing and then you both thought you didn't hear me. And I just went, oh well, I guess he didn't hear me. And then you answered me and I was shocked.

I'm shaking. Is Michael on like a super delay? I don't know what's happening. He is, look! His mouth isn't moving! But he talks. Eric's looking at me and nodding. What the fuck? He was looking at me and his mouth wasn't moving.

And he said, Eric's looking at me. That was weird. There's definitely like a latency issue. Oh, there's a huge, Michael has a huge latency right now. It's gigantic. Look, Oh, there's a huge Michael has a huge latency right now. It's gigantic Hey, can you hear me? Let me know when you hear this Let me know when you get this when know when you get to this. When you get to this message, wave your arms around.

Wave your arms around when you get to this part. That's a big delay. That's a pretty big delay. Well now we have to start over. How are we going to use this? can you hear me yeah yeah but i'm back in present time what happened with that no he's still like crack you're you're now you're like crackly robot weird yeah it's the only thing where it just slows you way down it's the only thing that Zoom does. It's because we're all the way in fucking Cedar Park where there's no internet.

Well, this sucks. Did you set up a hotspot or are you just on phone stuff? It's the same thing. Yeah, it's the same internet. I set up a hotspot on my phone. It's the same amount of data. Then why would it be a fucking problem? That's weird.

I don't know. Mine's fine. I'm crystal clear. Now you sound okay. Listen, I'll tell you, that's going to be't know mine's fine i'm crystal clear now now you sound okay listen i'll tell you that's gonna be weird edit man that we went for a ride why is nick shaking his head oh no uh-oh now you're a robot again put your phone next to your computer or whatever there now it'll help oh great if that fixes it, what are you going to do? The fucking podcast. What are we going to do if it doesn't fix it?

Not the podcast. I'm just going to climb in the back of Jordan's car. Does anybody have a trash bag? You can walk off the front seat in the back seat. There's room in the trunk. I mean, it sounds better now that his phone is next to his computer huh oh yeah no joke oh man oh man eight inches closer left yep listen yep did you did you understand what i said when it caught up to you about why were you answering my question so much later yeah yeah because you were like yeah why'd you wait 90 seconds and we all looked at each other and went what the fuck is he talking about yeah no it was a long time what a mess talking about about new studios and stuff and i looked over and saw you

talking but heard no michael and got really concerned the entire time you talked in like that last like section as soon as you stopped that's when we started hearing it that was insane Yeah, it was weird when you were looking at me, and you said Eric's looking at me, but your mouth I'm a ventriloquist oh Boy so Hang on hang on hang on and we're back Hang on. Hang on.

Hang on. Hang on. And we're back. Oh, and we're back? And we're back. Dude, it worked so well last time. I listened to the episode. It really did. What a clean edit.

You had no idea all the stuff we cut out. It was seamless. You'd never know. Nick's good. Nick's good. You also wouldn't have known if he didn't say welcome back. Yeah. So now I gave Nick an out to fix the mess

that just transpired. I don't even know what he can do. It's going to be exciting. Just fucking delete it all. I don't know. Ba-na-na, ba-na-na-na,

welcome back. Welcome to Face Jam. See? Do the intro. You did the song too. It's great. No, I did one little part

that did well. You do a lot of stuff at the beginning that doesn't sound anything like the song, and then you get to that part. That's exactly what the song sounds like. And I go, there it is.

No. Carl's Jr. I've been there. You've been there? What's it all about? They sell burgers, mostly. The burger thing. I've been to Carl's Jr. more than I've been to Hardee's.

I can tell you that. I've never been to Hardee's. Whoa. Hmm. Groundbreaking, huh? So they're like the same thing, right? Yeah, so there is a fact where we will learn more about it, but Carl's Jr. is a West Coast thing.

Hardee's is an East Coast thing. However, they are not located in the Northeast or big sections of the Northeast. So that might be why you've never had Hardee's, I guess. I've always wondered where the crossover happens though. Like where does it become Hardee's? Texas is the Eastern most part where it's Carl's Jr. One time I was on a road trip and I was in Oklahoma

and we went to a, it was a Carl's Jr. But the burgers came in Hardee's wrappers. And I was like, ooh, a transition mayhaps. Yeah. You said it like that, and then they all kicked your ass? Well, I was like, you know. You got struck several times. I was about 12 years old.

This motherfucker just said mayhaps at a Carl's Jr.? You can't make two words, combine two words into one word? No, they don't do portmanteaus at hardy's sorry no especially in oklahoma well like i said it was a carl's jr so i i've never been to a hardy's on the east coast what i had been to which ever since having carl's jr i've always associated as very similar is uh roy rogers very similar restaurant i've never been there it's a very like southern eastern thing right no roy not buck rogers roy not bucky o'hare that's a cartoon show well that is a cartoon and a hard nes game but a good nes game Bucky! Bucky O'Hare! He goes out of space and shit.

I mean, like, the amount of listeners of this show that are going to understand that reference, like, it's me and you and maybe, like, two other people. Yeah. I barely understand it. I'm not sure how many people know what a Roy Rogers is. I'm still lost. Well, anyone on the East Coast probably knows what a Roy Rogers is so Roy Rogers is a restaurant Jordan is this the hard NES game because I'm I can't get past the first guy so it's a it's a southern and eastern thing that's

it whenever I went to Roy Rogers it was usually at a rest stop traveling somewhere through Jersey all like the you know like gotta piss and shit come on in over here and they have like you know a bunch of restaurants some crap they try to sell you you know some like it would mostly be for like people coming in and out of the state you know traveling like in the tri-state area and shit and that's usually where

I would eat Roy Rogers but the first time I had Carl's Jr. I was like oh it's the same thing with like the you know like just the same kind of burger the same kind of like wrapped in the classic foil, like that grease foil that holds in all the shit and the gunk. So good. And interestingly enough, I hope it's not in this fact sheet. I was looking it up.

And at some point in the 90s, the parent company that owned Hardee's bought Roy Rogers. Oh. the parent company that owned Hardee's bought Roy Rogers and then started converting the Roy Rogers into Hardee's and it ruined them because apparently everyone that were going to the Roy Rogers were like fuck you Hardee's I have brand loyalty so they stopped going even though it's basically

the exact same fucking restaurant and it like ruined the business wow I didn't know that that's fucking crazy yeah that sounds like that's how they would try to get in on the uh the northeast side yeah i mean that it was a big problem in texas they tried to broach texas and it took them until like the 90s like the mid 90s to like really get a foothold in like dallas and then spread out from there. I think it's just- Did people know that their chicken nuggets are star-shaped?

I mean, I would have sold me right away. Oh, they didn't tell enough people, I think, is the issue. Gotta lead with that. That's what I always got when I was a kid. Gotta lead with that. Hey, what kind of shapes are we talking about here? You get rid of that. You don't have a stupid fucking bone shape, do you?

Bones and boots and hats, right? Oh, star. Now we're talking. Star only. I want it to look like a butthole. Let's go. Well, no, it looks like a star and then you lick out the middle and you make your own butthole. This is going to be a good episode.

Am I still delayed? No, no. I mean, you're good oh you're good yeah well we heard that one right on time all i had to do is put the phone near my computer i told you who would have thought it's like when you move next to your router and get faster internet it's just like that just like that anyway we should get a van and go to roy rogers right oh that's what i was ask you, and then the whole wormhole happened. We don't have a van yet. You're talking about the snacks. Any

word on vans? No word on vans yet. I'm sorry. Nobody sent you any vans? No, no one sent me any vans. Okay, here's the thing. Before I got here, I did get an email from the studio that said, hey, you have a package ready for pickup. Oh boy, vans come in packages.

I think Devin, who is a person that I know, you have a package ready for boy vans come in packages. I think I think Devin who is a person that I know Would have told me if it was a van Maybe he's just in on the surprise Yeah, and they were like whoever finds it. Don't tell him you wouldn't use the word package though. You would like Use crate. Yeah, you'd say hey you have a whole car here. There's a car here waiting for you. Or say someone has a big surprise. Uh-oh, we're getting a wormhole delay again, I think. Again?

No. You don't think so? I think we are. I hear him just fine. Say something, Michael. I'm saying something. Yeah. See?

You don't see that delay? I mean, that's what he looked like already. There's already a delay! That's the natural delay with doing this. Hey, I'm very sensitive to it. Just don't look at him, okay? We're staring at each other in our cars. Just don't look at him.

Now I don't hear... No, he's faking! He's pretending now. You're messing with us. I was playing make-believe. I wasn't talking. You son of a bitch!. Son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. This fucking podcast. I'm an actor with my props.

Let's get serious here. Okay. Let's dive deep into the fact. Let's dive deep. So where's the van? Give us answers. Okay. Let's get to the facts about Carl's Jr. Okay. Let's dive deep into the facts. Let's dive deep. So where's the van? Give us answers. Okay. Let's get to the facts about Carl's Jr.

You let me know if you lose track of me here. Like most other restaurant chains we've reviewed, Carl's Jr. started as a hot dog stand that grew to a hamburger franchise due to its popularity. That's just a simple fact. Why don't they ever stick with the hot dogs, though? I feel like Wienerschnitzel's the only one that stuck with it. Yeah, and they were bad.

Well, yeah, but at least they stuck with the thing that got them there. I mean, how are they doing right now, dude? Who's the rich Wienerschnitzel guy? I don't know. He's scraping by. But Wienerschnitzelel has new world of wiener hot dog event or whatever so we could eat that again i guess i mean they still have another one yeah it's like there's like a kansas city one and something else i don't know louisiana dog

i bet they're all the same anyway this isn't an episode about Wienerschnitzel. This isn't about them. This isn't their time. Okay? It's true. It's true. And also, we've yet to go to the same restaurant twice. The word restaurant feels like a bit of a stretch, just in what we're doing. Yeah, I agree with you. But it sure as hell ain't going to be Wienerschnitzel.

No, I agree. No, there's no fucking way. That's just insulting. We'll die before Wieners Stitzel gets two episodes. I'll do it. In 1997, Carl's Jr., under the name CKE Restaurants, acquired Hardee's for $327 million. They kept the different names to reflect how it doesn't matter what the restaurant is called, you'll eat it anyway, you little piggy.

Oink, oink, eat the slop. Eat it anyway, you little piggy. Oink, oink, eat the slop. See, and that was their mistake with Roy Rogers. Exactly. They messed with the formula and the piggies went away. They rebranded the slop. But not the slop.

They wanted the old slop, not the new slop. The piggies turned their nose up at it. Okay, let's see. I don't know. I don't know what we're getting into here. What do you mean? Due to their horny commercials. Hang on. Oh, boy.

Due to their horny commercials, Carl's Jr. is the horniest restaurant that exists, but hopefully the two guys from Sonic will suck each other off in the parking lot and they'll get it on film like Bigfoot. What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah, what are you doing? What, do you remember those commercials? It's like, oh, one of these commercials. We're fine with the horny commercials, I remember. Remember Paris Hilton's eating a hamburger and then Kate Upton's eating a hamburger? The $6 hamburger that costs $3.

Too horny. Too horny. So now someone has to come along. Someone has to come along and dethrone them for how horny they are. And I nominate those two guys from Sonic Burger who are always in the car together. It's not called Sonic Burger. But they're out. You know that. That was your own fact. They're out. It in the car together. It's not called Sonic Burger! But they're out! You know that. That was your own fact.

They're out. It's the family now. Yeah, they're gone. I haven't seen those guys in years. I say no, but this is the great situation to bring them back. You bring back the two horny guys and then you film them through the trees like Bigfoot. They're not horny. They're hot. They could be. They are. See,

they're hot. And everyone wants to see what they do. And you know what they do. They haven't been gone long enough to make a comeback yet. They'll be like, eh. It's true. They need to be gone like 10 years like the Sprint Can You Hear Me Now guy. No. That worm.

That fucking worm. You can't miss out on their hotness. He woke up one day and he was like time to grift and he was like I got an idea give me money and I'll shit all over those guys and then a bunch of sleazy lawyers fucking threw bags of money

at him and they were like oh great job shit on them yeah rub shit on your spear before you throw it at them. That way they'll get sick. That's what you do. That's how you fight. You cover your blades and weapons and shit. And then when you cut them, even if they don't die, they'll get infected.

Because they don't have medicine back then. We're in ancient times now. They don't have medicine. They'll just die. They don't have, like, fucking penicillin. I knew it wasn't polio, but I wanted to say it. They did have polio. I also don't have polio.

Well, so those guys aren't going to suck each other off at a Sonic? I don't know. I'm just saying enough time hasn't passed yet. That's all I'm saying. Next fact. That's a reference. In 2007, Carl's Jr. sued Jack in the Box because Jack in the Box 2007, Carl's Jr. sued Jack in the Box

because Jack in the Box implied that Carl's Jr. Angus Berger came from cow anus. Quote, They're not being funny. CKE Chief Executive Andrew F. Pudzer. Puzder. Puzder.

It looked like Pudzer, man. What a Pud. Andrew F. Puzder Puzder It looked like Puzder man What a Puz Andrew F. Puzder said Puzder is the guy who would be Okay Puzder is the guy who okayed The Horny Carl's Jr. commercials And after a failed bid as Trump's

Secretary of Labor he is probably Doing some Bigfoot footage in the Sonic parking lot too What arefoot footage in the Sonic parking lot too. What are we doing with the Sonic parking lot and Bigfoot? Also, why are you spelling Bigfoot this way? That's how Google Docs

auto-corrects Bigfoot. Bigfoot? One word? Yeah. One word with a big F? I thought it was weird too, but I went, I guess that's how you spell Bigfoot. It makes it feel like it should be pronounced Bigfoot. He's not French. But foot isn't his last name, right?

And if his foot's so big, it can't be a little F. Right. You know, I'm sticking with Google on this one. One word. I'm with Google Docs, man. I'm with Google on this one. Has One word. I'm with Google Docs, man. I'm with Google on this one. Hashtag, I stand with Google Docs. Hashtag, Pudzer.

Pudzer? Pudzer. I looked at it and was like, oh, wait. Was he really? He tried to be the Secretary of Labor? I don't know if you remember. There was a guy that was nominated for Secretary of Labor. So many people have been fired this was like kind of like 2017 and it was in that uh he was trying to yeah he was trying to be the uh secretary of labor and couldn't get enough votes so he just

like because everyone came out and said like oh you're that guy who made all the horny carls junior commercials and then also in an interview you said, yeah, of course we have hot models sell our hamburgers because ugly ones don't sell hamburgers. And everyone just went, what the fuck? I mean, honestly, I'm surprised everyone kind of went, what the fuck at that because he sounds perfect for the administration. You think he would have made it right into the Trump administration?

What happened there? You have to get, like, he was just nominated, so everyone had to give the thumbs up, and they all just went, what the fuck is this? No. Carl's Jr. sucks. Well, I think part of it, too, was because he was in charge of Carl's Jr. when they got hit with, like, a billion dollar lawsuit for unpaid overtime. So that might also have had something to do with it. Yeah, that seems like as the person in charge of labor for the for the country yeah he seems like a real piece of fucking shit so anyway they didn't know but hang on secretary of labor this guy knows how to save some money

that's a lot of money you know yeah you gotta run america like a business let's go across the aisle here okay i'm not getting the fucking partisan politics Here I am to play devil's advocate Just kidding In 2019 I would never Carl's Jr. rolled out the first CBD infused burger In Denver It was released on 420 And cost $4.20

That's so lame If you want something cool to do in Colorado Check out the hot chicken latte And drive through a coffee shop where you can look at girls' butts while they make you coffee, and it's not illegal no matter what my dad says. You...

What episode is this calling back to you? He's called back to so many episodes. That's the Wiener Schnitzel episode. This has been the least informative The least factful one yet There were all kinds of facts in there

Cow-iness Bigfoot shit Cow-iness Sonic burger A lot of references to other restaurants I did confirm with Eric That he wrote it this morning I did write it this morning

Yeah this reeks of Confirm with Eric that he wrote it this morning. I did. I did write it this morning. Yeah, this reeks of I just woke up and my homework's due. You know when we got here in the parking lot, he gave us the food and we said, can we get the fact sheets? And he went, hang on, hang on. And then he was furiously typing. I think that's where all the sucking off came from. I feel like I heard a printer. Yeah. I mean, you really want to know how late I did my homework for this one.

We'll find out when we get into a later section of this. Okay. I got to tell you, Carl's Jr. is trying to sell a CBD-infused burger. Sounds like the most Carl's Jr. thing they could do. Yeah, definitely. So it's not that surprising. It just sounds gross. It's going to taste like your college roommate's bong.

It doesn't sound like something I want to eat. You know what I mean? But why go there when you can go to Hot Chicka Latte, a place that once we get our van, we'll have to visit and see what they have as a limited menu. Also, like... We'll have the van. We can drive right through.

The thing is, too, you're in Denver, right? Yeah. Just get a cheeseburger and get really fucking high. 100%. Absolutely not. Kill two birds with one stone. Yep. Maybe eat a couple of them.

CBD doesn't even get you high. Get a good buzzkill. Cut off a piece of your hamburger and smoke it. See what happens. I don't know. Might work. Roll it up. Roll up the burger?

Yes. Take that chopped meat and roll it up. You want a beef blunt? I just made one. Beef blunt? Puff puff snack? I don't even know. I want to get people to interact with beef blunt somehow on Twitter.

Hashtag beef blunt. Yeah, right? Hashtag, yeah. Is it a good idea? You ever roll up a fat one and get high cholesterol? Hashtag beef blunt. I'm clogging my arteries one puff at a time. Yeah, all of your burger related weed jokes.

Hashtag beef blunt. Oh my God. I was just going gonna say going to hot chocolate is like watching a carl's jr commercial yeah in real life yeah yeah it's way better so yeah you might as well just go there instead go there and then smoke a hamburger or whatever i don't know yeah smoke a hamburger they don't even know we exist. Yet. Oh, they'll know. We're all up in that van. They're going to know so hard.

I don't know what that means. That sounded dangerous. It means when they find out, they're getting horny. Wait. We're going to do Bigfoot footage? Oh, man. I hope there's a Sonic nearby. I've unironically called it Sonic Burger two or three times in this episode, and I want to apologize because that is not apparently the name of the restaurant.

Yeah, we can never tell. I just assume you're doing it ironically. No, I promise I'm not doing it as a joke. I definitely did say it as a joke, I would like to point out. You planted that little beef burger in my mind. It was a little beef seed, and he watered it into a strong beef flour. It was just the tiniest seed from a sesame bun.

Is that where hamburgers come from? Groomed to a burger boy. Holy shit. Okay, let's talk about what we ate then, I guess. Yeah, we did. Here's the word on the spicy western bacon cheeseburger. Char-broiled, all beef patty, two strips of bacon, not more, not less, melted pepper jack cheese.

Jalapeno coins? Crispy onion rings and tangy barbecue sauce on a seeded bun. 920 calories. Pretty good. A lot of spicy stuff. You got the western with the barbecue sauce and the onion rings. I don't know what a jalapeno coin is. Yeah, I thought they were just jalapenos.

I didn't know they were a currency. Can I exchange those for goods and services? Yeah. I'm going to exchange mine. All debts, public and private? Mine are going to be exchanged for some spicy poops later. That's the exchange rate going on over here. You put the coin in the slot.

Oh, no. And then you turn the knob in the slot of your mouth. And then you turn the knob and the little bell rolls down through your digestive system and it pops out. The Monster Angus Thickburger, which is just so fun to say. Two!

Count them, two! One third! Char-broiled. One third pound. Char-broiled. 100%. Black Angus Beef Patties. Don't let the numbers confuse you. It's just a lot of food. One third Char broiled One third pound Char broiled 100% Black Angus beef patties Don't let the numbers confuse you

It's just a lot of food Four strips of bacon That's twice as much as the other one Three slices of American cheese And mayonnaise What is this? Three slices of mayonnaise Served on a premium bun

1,290 calories The big boy So for like 300 more calories, you just get so much more. That got the premium bun. Yeah, the premium bun, you can tell. I forget what the other fucking thing we ate that came on a premium

bun was. That just seemed like a regular ass bun. But looking at the two buns, this one's definitely premium. Yeah. You needed a big boy bun for this burger. It's huge. Yeah. It's not just thick, but it's wide.

It's a large disc. It's definitely thick. It's very tall. I'm surprised it's only 300 more calories. Yeah. With all that stuff. Like it's twice as much bacon. You'd think that right there is the difference, but no, it's two one-third pound charbroil,

100%. They got calorie-free bacon. Yeah, but the other one's got barbecue sauce and onion rings. You know what I mean? That'll do it. The thick burger was really just a cheeseburger. The Western bacon is like full on, like there's shit. You know what I mean?

There's a lot of stuff going on. There's coins. Yeah. I like how this is it the way it's worded three slices of American cheese and mayonnaise yes it's fucking poorly worded right what's the fuck I don't know let's find out more and go to the next piece Jordan yeah I can't wait to hear the press release all right let's see what let's see what their press uh department says all right reached out to carlos jr twice all caps but they refuse to return my inquiries and are now withholding vital information from this podcast that's the end of it okay up that's what you fucking think

update to what is printed here well i have a nine email back and forth chain with these fucking people. Can I read it? No. Where they have asked, what's this for? And I said, we're doing a podcast.

We'll be eating this food. Can you send me a press release? And they said, well, what's the segment? And I said, it's not. The segment is the episode. So I had an associate producer

start tracking it down and tracking it down. Not getting it. Not getting it. Keep going in a run around with the media inquiries for carl's junior they would not want to be misrepresentated as i got here misrepresented as i got here it got sent to me they said look hey here's the fine break our arm we'll do it yeah here's the press release it's not a press release it's just what they put on the website but then it says the burger is the hottest new iteration of the cult classic western bacon cheeseburger which was introduced to carl's jr menus in 1982 that's like the addition they didn't they withhold that? I don't know.

So I have a bulldog associate producer who's going, give me the information. And then that's what we fucking got. Can you fucking believe that? I'm pissed. I'm pissed. This makes Carl's Jr. look awful. You look goddamn foolish, Carl.

What are they doing? What are their relations? What are their public relations people doing? The relations are poor now i'm not horny at all no it's true i was horny for some for some press releases yeah and you usually are fucking got blue balls yeah damn damn well do you okay we're 34 minutes in and we're ready to review the food we got nothing dude you guys want a wormhole you want to talk more about the van

eric did you kill anyone this time or no we don't have a van yet okay i don't know why i said yet i mean i don't think we're gonna get a van we're gonna get it i think we're getting the van i think we're getting it i think eric knows something. He keeps looking up. He's like- You know something? We don't know. Look at him smiling. I think he knows we're in for a big surprise. Is it the Mercedes Sprinter? It's not.

There's no van. Michael's had his eyes on that one for a while. Dude, it's only 140 grand. We're good for it. It's 136, but there'll probably be some fees or something. Somebody reached out to us on Twitter and asked us how much it would cost for them to sponsor an episode.

They did, and after this episode, I feel like we're going to have to contact them. We need to reply back. Someone's got to pay for all this food. I don't know what we're doing. They work in package deals, so you would have to do a three to four episode run.

Yep. Maybe up to eight episodes. And that ain't gonna be cheap. We're not just going week to week. You better make sure we got bread on the table for months to come. Because the thing is, everybody knows, including this guy, we got a lot

of offers on the table. We're very busy. People are very interested in our podcast. We can't just say yes to anything. I wouldn't say we're desperate. No, not at all. I wouldn't even think it. I don't know why you said it.

I just wanted to make sure nobody else was thinking it. So, you know, just like if anybody else wants to offer us so we can drive up the price for this guy, now's the time to do it. Even if you don't intend on buying anything, like paying for an ad spot. The auction is open. Right, just say you will because we can leverage that into a higher

offer. You know, because that's how business works. It's just the perception of want, not really what it is. What's he playing with over there? I'm just trying to get everything organized. How many impressions do you think this podcast gets? Also, what's an impression?

Millions. I leave one on my couch when I get up. I left one on the burger when I accidentally sat on it. Oh, you sat on your burger? Is that going to affect the score? Oh! I assume it tasted the same. It was just a little smushed. It's fine.

I forget what affects the score anymore. Does driving 35 minutes for Carl's Jr. affect the score? Not at this point. That's an old hat. At this, you know, third time. I can't even remember if what I ate was good. It was so not long ago. I know.

That time has no meaning. I'm happy to be here in this parking lot with you guys, but, boy, it would be nice to, like, be able to go outside one of these days. Whatever. I don't wear a mask outside. I just hold my breath. Smart.

So when I leave my house, just like because the thing is like masks you know I don't know I'm no scientist but how much do they really do you know particles get out you hold your breath you don't breathe nothing's getting out you're asking the real questions I'm not asking I'm telling it's

100% containment if I go and then I run to my car I've left no droplets at all Smart It's hard to go to the grocery store You gotta be quick You gotta plan your route beforehand

Yeah dude just fucking run in Barrel in It's like a snatch and grab but you pay for it Anyway let's rate this burger So it's not like a snatch and grab Well they're still snatching grab well they're still snatching and grabbing you just stop on the way out uh-huh uh the first thing i was the uh i i broke into the the thick ass burger he's still fucking with this over there he's been

trying to take the snack out for nine minutes you know him he's got a fiddle he found something to fiddle with and he's delightful and he knows and he's giggling over there because he knows we're gonna love the van when we see it i'm waiting for him to pull out a van do you like his new producer hat that's how you know he's a producer you know how hard it is to get everything organized into like a 2008 hyundai accent like this there's not enough room in here for all the shit that i have in here but there clearly is because you have no there's not because you're yelling at me for trying to get shit organized. Man, if I'm able to fit this mic stand in my car,

you can fit a fucking snack in the passenger seat. I did fit a snack! I fit a snack just fine, and then I got yelled at! What's going on here? What is going on behind us? There's a guy talking into a car, and he keeps pulling down his mask to talk, and then he put his mask back up, and then he'd pull it down and talk

and I'm like that and he reached into the car and now he's walking away slowly looks like he went to Mighty Fine and he's going to his car I thought he was a street magician excuse me excuse me is this your card yeah

the car is now leaving and is just gonna back into my car. Yes, it is. Oh boy, it really is. I'm on the edge of my seat. They're gonna go... I think, you know what? I think I could tell what they were saying. They're like, hey, where's the closest?

Sonic. I wanna get wet and wild. He's like, I got a camera What the fuck Nick in the monkey mask scared the shit out of me It's Bigfoot We got Bigfoot That's Bigfoot Jr

That's Littlefoot No that's a dinosaur Jordan Alright Let's review this food. All right. Thick burger. It was thick. Yeah.

Not much going on in Flavortown. It smelled charbroiled. It smelled like Burger King. Because they cook them the same way. And it just has that Burger King charbroiled smell. I tasted... It doesn't say anything in the copy about there being anything special on the bacon. But to me, it tasted like it had like a maple glaze or something.

Like there was something sweet going on. Also, the mayonnaise was gross. There's quite a bit of mayonnaise. But like, it was fine, I guess. It was just, it's so thick. Like I looked over at Michael and he was like, he wasn't on, he wasn't on Discord yet. He was just guess. It's so thick. I looked over at Michael, and he wasn't on Discord yet. He was just like, it's so thick. And then I held up and went, big bite.

We didn't talk, but we had that reaction. We vibed each other. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we were vibing. It was drift compatible over here. And I thought it was fine. The bun, premium bun bun premium for fast food and then i and then i uh went over to the smushed uh spicy southwestern barbecue burger which in

contrast has so much stuff going on i opened it and like, you can see the jalapeno coins and the onion rings like sticking out. And it's just like, you can, it's a sight to behold and you can smell how spicy it is right off the bat with the jalapenos. Eric said he was spice ratting over it. It was.

Oh yeah, it's true. You were ratting over there? Oh, big time. Just rolling on his own filth? There were some, there were some jalapenos that fell out i put them back on the burger they'd fall out again i just started eating them oh you sound like you were in a carl's junior commercial that's what they would do they would like yeah like the the barbecue sauce would drip

and then yeah like the gross sounds of people eating then i started rubbing my dick and it was just like it was you started washing your car for some reason yeah wearing daisy dukes did you put the jalapeno in your dick oh no i put it in my ass because i thought you guys kept telling about put the coin in the slot and i know what to do gotcha yeah okay i'm burning anyway i thought i thought that burger was pretty good it was just spicy enough for me for a spice mouse like myself on the whole though just very average like most carl's junior things in my opinion 55 wow interesting okay interesting wow interesting i um i ate them in reverse i had the spicy one first uh because it was the smaller of the two and i thought let me eat this one and then i'll get through as much as the other one first uh because it was the smaller of the two and i thought let me eat this one and

then i'll get through as much as the other one as i can because it was a honker of a burger yeah it was it was spicy it was good spicy but it smelled so much spicier than it was it really does smell spicy you unwrapped it and i was like whoa i i teared up a little bit while i was eating it i had some i had some so beautiful i had some spice tears you know they were twinkling in my in my beautiful brown eyes people have said it i didn't say it it's been said to me but um there was a twinkle or two and i went oh that's there's some spice levels there i pretty thoroughly enjoyed that burger there was a lot going on but it worked well together. Everything in there.

They were good onion rings to have on a burger. Sometimes they have like the onion straws. You know, they're like almost fries. Sometimes they fuck around. These were just like thin onion rings. But for as much stuff that was on the burger, I was surprised I really didn't have an issue with shit falling out. I mean, I also ate it in about 40 seconds, so it wasn't much of an issue.

But it was surprisingly good. I enjoyed it. Moving on to the other thing. Holy shit. Too big. It's just too big. I didn't see the need for it to be. And I get, you know, it's like, Black Angus is a big boy.

You can't call it a thick burger if it ain't thick. Well, you can. You can just have one patty. I thought the two patties was overdone. Because it was already a super thick patty, and there was two of them. That was like I had to unhinge my jaw like a snake in order to eat it. And I did not, just having the burger, I did not enjoy the Angus nearly as much as just the slop hamburger meat. I was a happy little piggy rolling around in a mud pit.

And then they switched gears and I was kind of like, what is this? This isn't the same slop I was just eating out of my trough. That's crazy. Pigs are smart that way. And there was a lot of mayonnaise there was a gross amount of mayonnaise i'm not a huge mayonnaise fan i would say they indeed put three slices of mayonnaise yeah i don't know what that someone in the back just went what the hell is a slice of mayonnaise and they said i don't know just put more on three more it needs three three slices he was like you spread

it on the burger I'll count it I'll count the slices um I did not enjoy that burger nearly as much I would eat the whatever jalapeno one again I wouldn't eat the Angus one again one thing I forgot to mention is the balance of the

barbecue sauce complimented it was good the spiciness they didn't like i said for all the stuff on the burger it was actually it was really well portioned and evened out and and with the with the angus i just tasted a lot of meat i really didn't like you could have told me there was six slices of cheese on there but i was like there's so much meat and mayonnaise that thing was a fucking beef blunt, I tell you what. So, I think, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have Eric do work here.

I'm gonna give my combined score, but I'm gonna give them separate. Okay. So, I would give the Western Burger, I believe it was called. Yes. I'm gonna hit that with an 80. I enjoyed that a lot. Okay. But I did not really like the other

one and I'm gonna I'm gonna slam that with a 50 wow that's like what a 93 right if my math's right 665 oh yeah that's right carry the one yeah right right you forgot to carry the one so the average score the average score for the for the burgers here between the both of you is 60. I think for that thick burger, I agree. I think that if we only got the spicy Western bacon cheeseburger, I think the scores would be much higher. I would be giving, yeah, that one about a 75, close to what you gave it, Michael.

It was really good. I was telling Nick that that would be hard for me to top as far as a fast food burger goes. Like, I would see myself stopping to get that on a road trip, driving around, whatever. Because I don't really stop and get fast food. But I would, if that was, like, an all-the-time thing, man, that would be, like, regular rotation. I would have a hard time turning that down. It was good.

I'm a spice rat through and and through. I'm gonna throw this out there too. Nothing to do with the rating. The fries were very good as well. I liked them. They got good fries. Carl's Jr. doesn't do a lot well, but they do. I like their fries. They seem to me like someone took curly fries and straightened them out.

I was gonna say, they have the same texture as a curly fry. Right. Because a curly fry isn't just curled. It's different. It's got a different texture. I was like to say, they have the same texture as a curly fry. Right, because a curly fry isn't just curled. It's different. It's got a different texture. I was like, they fucking done flattened a curly fry. Yep. And it's funny that you say that because I was thinking,

it's like, why didn't I like the fries? And it's because they tasted like that curly fry texture. There you go. There you go. Not that I always need to be a contrarian but you're you're wrong sir we would hate it if you weren't where would the drama be eric why are you staring this guy down i think i think it's the other way around no it's definitely trying to swim you know that guy with the fucking sharks yeah he's toast can you get out of your car and

give us the snack? What? Listen, he wants to get in on this snack attack that we're about to do. Do you know that guy? Yeah. He's toast. That's what was said. And it's an old man.

We haven't seen him. We haven't seen him. He could be a natural piece of toast. He's a senior citizen. I can see him. Just some old man. And Aaron goes, this guy's toast. This guy's fucking toast.

Who's parked two parking spaces away. Can you go over there and make him toast? I don't think he's looked at me one time and that's really pissing me off. No, you were staring at him like a hawk. Respect your youth. Alright, let's get on to the

snackies. Here I come. In recent history, I'd call this a short episode. We're gonna do it. Under an hour, let's do it. Yeah, and especially after Nick cuts out all that crap at the beginning where you guys were pretending like I was delayed. Yeah, that was a good prank we did

on you, huh? Social distancing. Too close. Too close. Oh, you touched me. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. If I pop the trunk, Eric, can you put it in the trunk?

He's struggling to open the bag of Oreos. Thank you. I touched another one, so you gotta throw that one out. What the hell am I eating? Oh my god. Oh. It smells like a cake. It smells like a cake. Well, they're melted. Yeah, that's why you just gotta take that half.

Why did you melt it? I ain't touching anything melted. Oh, this smells so bad. Here you go, man. What the hell's going on here? Is this a dunkaroo kitkat? I guess I'll eat this first. Listen, I'm just trying to do snack effects. Who's yelling?

I don't know. I don't know. This is how he gets when he doesn't take his medicine. Birthday. This is a birthday cake Kit Kat. And tiramisu Oreos I don't know why we're eating both of these things I feel like one of them would have been enough

No no they were both sent by the same person I gave you the card Okay we're gonna eat them on two separate shows We gotta slow down eating the snacks We're gonna run out from everything you're saying No we don't We have so many Save the snacks and then we'll load up the van

No I can't stop smelling this Oreo It smells so bad There's a lot I have like the film on my fingers now I can't get it off Did you read the card? No

I'm eating the crap you handed me first Calm down it's not going anywhere This isn't Mission Impossible It's not going anywhere. It's not. This isn't Mission Impossible. It's not going to disintegrate. That guy left, by the way. Yeah, you scared him out of here. He's toast.

He's toast. He's going to check into an ER. He was like, this man was staring me down. Oh, this is elaborate. They got really good handwriting. You don't have to read. The back is just descriptions, but the front's nice. Well, I was going to read the front.

Yeah. Would you tell me what I should and shouldn't read have you read it have you pre-read it yeah did you pre-read it yes I did so you opened my mail I say Michael reads it and we just cut out he just said he opened my mail it's true that's a federal offense does it say who it's addressed to

courtesy of Eric Badour I don't have that offense. Does it say who it's addressed to? Courtesy of Eric Badour. I don't have that. I just have Face Jam. Face Jam on there. Now he's looking for fake documents. Who's the host of Face Jam? Who's the host? He's not even a co-host.

He's lucky. I'll tell you what he is. He's a worm. He wormed his way in. He's a wormy little spice rat wearing a producer hat. He got a microphone and he went, I'm on the show now. Yeah, the guy buys himself a fucking producer hat. Thinks he's a producer now.

Piece of shit. All right, here we go. Dear Michael and Jordan, for the brave souls who face fast food innovations on the front lines, we send you these tributes. We happened upon these limited edition snacks whilst on our weekly shopping spree. His handwriting's very nice. He also used the word whilst, which is great. Mayhaps.

I'll admit, we've never tried them. Frankly, we're not sure we want to. May the odds be ever in your favor sincerely paco's mom and paco thanks paco's mom and then at the bottom it's a snack descriptions on the back and then under that in tiny little print it says all hail the sauce god and then there's a little who's that there's a what seems to be a crude drawing of a table and a fire sauce packet on it. Then they describe what we've eaten, which is tiramisu, Oreos...

Nick, cut that mention of yourself. And birthday cake Kit Kat. I mean, they weren't terrible. My first problem is that the Kit Kat melted. Yeah, that's Eric's fault. There's nothing I can do about that. Sure it is. Keep it in a cool place. Yeah. Could've turned on your air conditioner. Air conditioner's

way up. I couldn't help but notice you weren't sweaty this time. I mean, could've brought a little could've brought a cooler. I don't know. How do you transport ice? I guess it just melts. Everybody just delivers water. Yeah, I just let it Yeah, what do you do? I just let it melt. And then I drink Yeah, then I drink the water. Yeah. I just let it... Yeah, what do you do? I just let it melt. And then I drink the... Yeah, then I drink the water. Yeah.

And then your drink is cold. Have you got any ice for this drink? No, but I got a cup of water. You want it? It was just a really sweet Kit Kat, which a Kit Kat doesn't need to be. Like, you get the... Pleasure from it is derived

from the combination of the crispy wafer and the smooth milk chocolate. You don't need to introduce sprinkles and cake icing into the mix. Not a fan of that very much. The Tiramisu Oreo reeked like sugar. It just smelled of sweet. Not like anything specifically sweet just sweet um but it tasted less sweet it was actually pretty good i didn't hate that tiramisu combining them i give it a 72 oh interesting that's pretty fair yeah i feel like i feel like they're um

it is interesting. See? They're both things that don't need to be improved upon. The Kit Kat especially. If you want an Oreo, eat an Oreo. If you want a Kit Kat, eat a Kit Kat. I don't know why. It's not like pizza.

You're not going, yeah, I want a Kit Kat, but like really fuck it up first. Just throw a bunch of crap on it. Make it into something that's not a Kit Kat in any way. And Eric did melt it because he's the devil. Yeah, I feel like he purposely did it. No, it's because I'm so hot from all my spice rat tendencies. No, you're not nearly as hot as the last episode. You were screaming wet while you were dripping.

I'm wet! Yeah. I was soaked. This is a... Wet burger, wet Eric. The Oreo was better. Very dry, Eric. You're right.

And Eric is dry, so you're right twice. It's two rights and they make a wrong fucking god yeah fuck you this guy's looking we got a guy looking he looked right at me he looked into the microphone I don't know if you could hear that

he looked right into my microphone for a second. Maybe you felt his- I thought you were going to follow up with a very low score. Yeah, I'm in agreeance. I'm in agreeances. Representatively. I'm in agreeances. The airing of agreeances.

I'll give it a 67. Okay. Was that a 93? It's an average. It's a 69.5. Did he do that? Wait. Damn.

Yep. There it is. That's that. Thank you, Paco's mom and Paco. Great. Good send. They did a good job. Do you think this letter was mostly written by Paco's mom?

Because she signed it first. I think Paco's mom, yeah, Paco's mom 100% wrote that letter because it's in cursive and Paco's mom's name is first. Yeah, also cursive, also known as the dead language. It's the Latin of handwriting.

I was struggling to read it. I was like, what is this? That's an F? Oh, okay. It looks like an H to me. I had to like shift gears. Yeah, I had to like shift gears into cursive. And what else is interesting to note about this is the front letter is in cursive, but the descriptions of the food are not in cursive. What's up with that?

Maybe Paco wrote some of it. Maybe Paco's mom wrote some of it. Maybe it was a team effort. I think it's all Paco's mom. It would be weird that she goes, all right, I filled out the front. Is this a fun thing that Paco and Paco's mom do where they listen to the show together, you think?

Is Paco's mom a fan? Is she a mama jammer? I would hope so. Otherwise, this seems really fucked up to put your mother through. Mom, can you write this letter to my favorite podcast? You're really insulting Paco for no reason. The guy wrote us a nice letter.

I mean, his mom wrote us a nice letter. And sent us snacks. And you're over here slamming him. Paco's probably 6'10", 280 pounds, and he's like, I love this, Jeff. That's my vision. I'm going to kill that spice mouse. That's my vision of Poco.

Yeah, he's like, that spice rat's dead. He's toast. That rat's about to drown. Mom, write him a letter for me and tell him he's toast. Oh, man. I appreciate you, Paco and Paco's mom. Don't reverse shrug at me. I don't know what else to call it.

He went. Maybe her name is Paco's mom. Now you're really pissing him off. If you want to send us snacks to review, send it to Face Jam. Don't talk over him. Care of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723.

Don't feel like you have to because we already have a bunch. But if there is something that you come across that you want, then send it. But you do have to. What are we going to do? We're running out. We're running out and we need a van.

So let's get that going again. Also, didn't you... I don't know what you were referencing, because if it came up, my pea brain didn't put it together. You said, like, later you'll know what time you wrote the facts, and I was really expecting, like,

information on the paper of, like, I wrote this at this time, and it the time and it didn't go it's because I was getting the breaking the break I got the brakes. Yeah, I got the breaking. Yeah, is that it took this long and okay That doesn't really tell me when you wrote it. That just tells me you didn't get information. He told you this morning I mean I said that and then he elaborated beyond that I feel like it really helps to draw the whole picture that I did my homework before I coming to school, like in the parking lot coming to school. But, I mean, whatever.

It's okay. Follow us on Twitter. Who is your assistant producer? I have a bunch of associate producers. Did you say associate? Okay. Yeah. So after the last episode when we were like, you don't dig enough, you went, you're right,

I don't. And you said somebody else did. Well, yeah. I went, oh, I'll show them. I'll show them what fucking digging's all about. And I put a bulldog on it. Right. And you got nothing.

Yeah, exactly. Because it's not the matter of the amount of digging. It's that they don't give a fuck and they don't send a shit. I bet Ariel's saying the same thing to you. It's not just the amount of digging. It's the tenacity while digging. You know what I mean? Like, it's not how many times you swing at the ball to get a home run.

It's how hard you hit it. But that's it. Like, I had this associate producer who, like, called two defunct phone numbers for Carl's Jr., sent all these emails, and was, like, digging, and we still only got it just before the show was starting. So, Bulldog, how about that? Your words, not mine. Hey, here's some merch update. Ready? Hit us. The 100%— What's's that i cut that out

shut up here we go take two here's a clap so you know to cut it out nope okay the 100 percent eat variant shirts what will be on sale tuesday july 14th at 10 a.m. You want to see what they look like? Follow us at FaceJamPod on Twitter you goof. Who dropped? Jordan dropped. Probably Jordan. Were you calling him a goof or the audience? No. No the audience. The audience is a goof. He's back. He's back. Don't worry about it. Is the episode over?

No. There are two variant shirts. We have two variant shirts on the 100% eat shirt they're two variant colors and they look fucking awesome we have to give it up for the face jam e-commerce team doing a great job with our designs

they look so fucking cool and I'm really excited so July 14th at 10am central they will go on sale so go check it out. Get ready. We'll post some pictures. Who's burping in here?

You? That must have been Nick. He's a little monkey. It wasn't me. Nick the monkey. See, he's not saying anything. He's not saying anything. Hey, guess what?

Guess what? The 100% Eat hat, it's back in stock right now. What? Yep. Let's hope it's still in stock by the time this episode comes i hope it is too but uh we just got it we just got it restocked we just got it restocked so hopefully it'll still be up all right not if i can help it 100% eat hat and our two variant 100% eat shirts uh follow at face jam pod for more updates, photos of the stuff. I mean, I'm really excited.

Should we say which restaurants we're varianting? They can figure, I think they can figure it out. I don't know what you're talking about. And for legal purposes, I don't know what you're talking about. I think they can figure it out. So you guys will have to check it out at Face Jam Pod on Twitter.

Rate and subscribe. Please tell a friend about the show where we eat the food and then rate the food. That's it. Another one in the books. Yep. Carl's Jr. We did it.

Man, this would have been so much easier if we had a van. It would have been. It would have been. Eric, next time bring the van. These Kit Kats are like soupy now. They're like worse than before. Yum, yum. We're going to hold them up to this AC vent.

Yeah, that'll re-solidify them.