100% Eat - Chili's Signature Bar Menu

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Chili's Signature Bar Menu so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about a production they're in the middle of, letting the food settle, a baby back funeral, and more. Spittin Silly next week is a good one. Tell a friend to get ready for Food Court. Sponsored by HelloFresh at http://hellofresh.com/facejam16 and use code facejam16, ExpressVPN at http://expressvpn.com/facejam and Black Adam, in theaters and IMAX internationally on October 19, and in North America on October 21. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. creation to let you know if you need it and sometimes after we eat it we'll even record a podcast but other times we won't and we'll do it another day that could be one of those days today but you probably do i'm your host michael jones alongside my co-host jordan swears jordan how are you i'm in a hurry we don't have time for this baby today we are reviewing the chili's signature bar menu that we ate not today. It is Monday. Yeah, we all hung out on Sunday. We all hung out on Sunday. And then we watched

some NFL football. Yeah, dude. Throw many skins of pig thrown. Oh, the regular way to say it. Yeah, dude. Football tradition, every time someone scores people oink. Yep. Oh, the regular way to say it. Boy, those. Classic football tradition. Every time someone scores, people oink. Yep.

Oh, they should do that. Those boy of cows. Yep. How about them? I like it. So we did do Chili's. Yes. We did eat it. Not today.

Yeah. It was, got pushed to the end of the day and then was up there with some of the slowest service we've ever received. Oh my God. the end of the day and then was up there with some of the slowest service we've ever received and it just became a pivot when we hadn't eaten the food yet in an hour 30 or 5 p.m and it was gonna be like an 8 p.m recording yeah even more so we were doing it a week early because of some things we have going on this week yeah and even in this moment right now right so we were like let's just get it out of the way the adventure adventure continues. We're face jamming. We decided.

We don't really know how this is going to play out. You've seen the van. You've seen, you know, face jam. Sometimes we get out. We get up to some stuff. We do. And so we're getting up to some stuff this week. We're up to something. And in fact, right now and in our downtime, we thought let's record that episode. It'll be great because

it'll give you a little, I mean, you probably won't get like a sneak peek, but you'll get a, you'll get a sense of the atmosphere. There's an anticipation about this production that we're in the middle of that you're going to want to see. And we can't show you, this is going to be very like road trippy.

Yeah. It's going to be something like that. This is similar to, yeah. When we recorded in the hotel room. Where that one was like an APM record after making the car. That was a weird one. Yeah.

We didn't want to do that again. No, no. That was especially in the middle of a shoot. So we were like, oh, we have, we got like 40 minutes. We can bang out some of this episode.

I went and I checked with our AD. I'm like, how long do we have? He's like, I got about 20 minutes. And Michael went, perfect. I said, that's a third of an episode right there. And then it wasn't because it took 10 minutes to start.

And then the music was off. And so when we arbitrarily cut throughout this episode, it's because we're being called the set and we just get up and leave the room. We have to go, oh, shit, fuck, okay, okay, okay. Now you could look at it this way. You could say, wow, they didn't prerecord this. They didn't do their jobs. Because as you said, we didn't do it last week,

but normally that wasn't the face jam week yeah we just tried to do it early because we're shooting all week this week right so people might say wow i'm professional i can't believe that uh-huh can't believe wow this is they can i'm getting and i will i'm getting a watered down product because you didn't make the episode or here's what you do think. Wow. They went above and beyond. Heroes. I can't believe that. Double duty. I am thinking that.

Wait, they're shooting a brand new Face Jam show, video show. That I didn't ask for. That I didn't ask for, or quite frankly, that I deserve. That's true. For me, specifically person. Little bug, little bug, little bug. Insert name here to watch,

and they're still doing the regular podcast? Wow! So you're welcome. I want to have some of that. So this production is going to be a lot of fun. We started shooting some of it that isn't in the show yet. So it feels like it's a big waste of time so far. However, I've been assured it's not.

Oh, no. Today was, it's funny. While you were gone, I said to Jordan, so this has been kind of a huge waste of time. We probably could have recorded a whole regular episode. We could have just done this. And not explained any of this.

And not... We could have not had to stop. But now we're already here. You know, I will say, never once crossed my mind. Yeah, yeah. When we were all sitting over there talking, it dawned on

me we should have been doing this yes um i i agree that doing it this way is better because it's different yeah and it's different it's fun and could you imagine it's less work for us yes could you imagine after work for nick which is also great yes i'm fine with that uh could you imagine recording this episode after we had eaten that food no No, God, no. I mean, I can't imagine it. I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to have done that. I felt like shit. I felt so bad for the rest of the day.

Well, we were, it was like, I just kept bringing it up going, so when are we calling them? Yeah. It was like 4.15. I said it first as a joke. It was. And then time just kept on it. Pushing up to 5 p.m. on a Friday. And it was about.

We got there at about 3.30, which was happy hour time. And then the waitress. Such a happy hour at the Chili's as well. Yeah, the two people that were working there were thrilled to be there. The waitress took our drink order and then. It was a long time. Did not return. It was a long time.

And then six more people started working at the chili's while we were there and then and then she she dropped the drinks off and then didn't come back and take our menu order for a long time it was just really like oh like 20 minutes the gap between drinks ordered and drinks received was even longer yes it was and now here's the thing it's chili's like oh well like if that was like an actual restaurant and like yeah it's fucking chili's whatever it's really like how face jam is you know if something goes wrong is you just roll with it and it's like this is just adds to the product it's great we can roll with it yep chili's is really like that where it's

like they're waiting 40 minutes how can we make them wait longer? It'd be a good story. Yeah, it's pretty interesting because you really can't come in blasting about Chili's. Yeah. But it's... Yeah. Right, exactly.

But it's more to bring it up... It's a mystery. Yes. I bring it up and go, how did it take so long? Right, yeah. It was empty. I really want to know

the inner workings. I wanted a waitress to be like so what you know and we picked the drink that there was a picture of on the menu you know it wasn't like yeah we want that one we tried to keep everything on that happy hour like their new signature bar menu like menu and it did not seem to matter as uh it was like no one was in that bar yeah there was nobody there was one. There was one guy sitting at the bar. He looked interesting. He looked like he hung out at that bar a lot.

Yeah. He looked like he's like, Chili's, my favorite neighborhood bar. 45th of Lamar, baby. Yeah, we went to the fabled Chili's. And this is the first time we've actually done Chili's on this show. On purpose. Yeah, that's right. The last time we ate at Chili's was actually cat's last episode

former intern cat who does work here but not for the show um haven't seen her i have could have seen her really just walking around or well no she was working over where she has her job that's where i saw her wow which is not face here i mean like at rooster teeth well i don't know how i saw yeah i don't know how she afforded to see harry styles so many times on a on like a non-face jam salary but she really did so good for her uh but you gotta get that salary that's the real difference maker that's what we were supposed to do have inside tell you one thing based on an email i got uh oh might not be might not be that uh oh that big of a difference maker oh don't worry i'll put i'll push him back all right good thanks man um you

can cut all that out we respect now i left it perfectly reasonable to touch or not touch and you guys touched it i touched it i touched it knowing full well more work for Nick. Yep. The last Chili's episode was Kat's last episode when we were supposed to. We were supposed to have. All right. It's almost a round of applause. We were supposed to have insomnia cookies.

And we still haven't had insomnia cookies, but now we've had Chili's. I still have insomnia thinking about them. As far as I know, that place still is not open. As far as I know, I'm still annoyed you picked cookies. What's wrong with that? They have ice cream too. They also had ice cream. That's not a meal.

We could have cookies and ice cream. No, we really haven't. It's usually pretty much a meal thing. It's very much a lunch or dinner meal. And he was trying to get us to go at lunchtime as well. Yeah, we were going to help you. Here's your lunch cookies. There's a company he's paying for. Hang on.

It's not opening. Try the other door. Try the other door. It must be stuck. Try the window. Try the window. I thought you guys wanted lunch cookies. Well, whatever.

So how do you guys feel about Chili's? I feel like we kind of went over it with shit service and what do you do, but how do you feel about it? Is that a place you guys went to a lot? I feel about Chili's kind of enjoy? I feel like we kind of went over it with like shit service and what do you do? But like, how do you feel about, it's not like a place you guys went to a lot. I went to Chili's. I mean, you know,

it's a, it's a Chili's is a real later high school and right out of high school hangout spot. Right. Because it's like when you, if you're working and you start to get a couple of bucks where you can actually sit down and eat, you know, I think your entry level there is Applebee's, Chili's, that sort of thing. Yeah.

I agree. And then I think that continues only outside of high school because once you hit 21, you drink, and it's cheap. They have the cheap appetizers and shit after 10 p.m. or whatever. It's about as cheap as you can get going to a, I guess, kind of like a big grand restaurant of like drinks and food. Makes you feel like a grown up. It is. It's like little grown up training.

It is like little grown up. Little restaurant training. You know what I mean? Because it's like you look at it now and it's like it's grown up baby food. Yeah. Mozzarella sticks and chickpe lots of sticks and stuff but it's it's more grown up than like you know a lunch tray yeah i guess sure yeah a little like rectangle of pizza it's like little grown-up training restaurant it really is like you can get your little grown-up

drink there and there's there is a cycle too where when you get older and you become more nostalgic for those simpler times you you come back to Chili's. And the deals. I witnessed this with some friends who bonded over their love of Chili's, and it became a whole thing where it was like, we're going to make it happen. We're going there for my birthday. And I was like, you want to go there for your birthday? And so, like, 10 people went to Chili's. That's extreme.

What I get is I get if those two people, they're like, that's our thing. Sure. And it's fun. Like we know Chili's is like shit. Right. But it's fun. We go together. I was trying to suss out whether or not it was a joke.

And I get the sense that it was not. Yeah. You don't have to like convince someone like i don't want to go to chili because then that's crazy but if you're like yo chili is like i fucking need some that's that's when you know you're not going to chili's you're going to get three food items yes yeah it's like i can eat the thing that we order there trying to plan a big group to chili's that's wild to me go to an actual place that makes no sense just go to a restaurant.

My wife likes it because she'll go like, ooh, chips and salsa. She wants the thing, and she doesn't feel like she's perceived there. And then she's not. No one is. Because the waitstaff doesn't talk to you. Hello!

I think that's the one place she's begging to be perceived at. Won't somebody help me? It's like a movie where someone's dead And they're going hello can you see me You're waving your hand in front of someone I'm embarrassed when I take her to Chili's Because I feel like people are looking at me going like Wow you brought her to Chili's And it's like no I didn't do it

This is my body to what Chili's is saying Wow you brought her to Chili's That's the hump that's like the mental hurdle that I cannot overcome. It's an oxymoron. It is. It doesn't exist. 100%. Because I'm looking at all these people going, I can't believe you're at Chili's.

Well, I'm eating my chili. You at Chili's. You're like Chickie Fingy. Yeah. You go, me like Chickie Fingy. I'm a big adult. Chickie Fingy. Can I get my Bahama rum punch in a sippy cup?

Can you just give me like six straws? Can I get more curly fries, please? Oh my God. Okay, here's the thing. Now we're starting, we're about to get into the food, baby. Do not let me get curly fries. You are fucking...

Okay, well, here's the other thing. Here's the other thing I should mention, too. It was, as you said, end of the day Friday. I already was becoming, I was becoming unsealed to the general public. It was happening.

His mask was slipping. Week public it was happening his mask was slipping weekend michael was yeah it was it was normal michael was emerging my my mask in the general public was slipping and it was eking out at the woman where like i started i started fucking with the waitress but not okay i want to be an ass in very subtle ways we're like place the order wait for her to like take two steps and then michael says i think we should get some more curly fries after we ordered curly fries with everything every single thing we didn't order any curly fries but every food item we ordered came with curly fries so it was like it was like nine things we ordered and so she made a point to go with curly fries yep with ordered came with curly fries. So it was like nine things we ordered. And so she made a point to go,

with curly fries, with curly fries, with curly fries, with curly fries. And we all joked about it. And then she walked away. Two steps. And I did the thing too where I didn't even go like, oh, wait, can I? I went, like I pretended to stutter

and the woman comes back and then now I have everyone's attention silent. And I go, what? Do you? And the woman comes back and then now I have everyone's attention. Uh huh. Silent. I go, what do you, I don't know. Do you guys maybe want to get curly? She couldn't believe it for one half second. It was her going,

what? And then I immediately apologized. Yes. Yeah. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help it. And then, and then she walked away. I was like, guys, I'm slipping. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help it. And then she walked away.

I was like, guys, I'm slipping. Yeah, it was really something. You know the thing where you just stop yourself from being you all the time because it's not really accepted or wanted in the general public? It was happening. It was happening. We should do Jordan's haiku. Do a haiku.

And then we have to do a breaku. Yeah, and then we have to do a breaku. Nick really liked that. Yeah, he was a good time. Whoa. By the way. This is a great stopping point. Yeah.

You were worried. We have segments. Well, yeah, because I thought we were going to be able to get through all the facts. Well, you were like, that'd be so weird. You came back and you were like, hey, guys, I asked about FaceTime. Is that your impression of me? Well, that's what you sounded like at the time. That's not what you sound like now.

Was I hiding behind Armando? That's not what you sound like now. Was I hiding behind Armando? That's not what you sound like now, but you came back and you kept going, we don't have enough time. That's the real me. My mask was leaving me. Very confused. Look where I'm shrunk over here. Here we go.

The Chili's happy hour bar menu haiku. Sunday at the bar, you and the Dallas Cowboys. Nothing happier. Excellent. You know what else it dawned on me too? It doesn't even tell you shit. It just says signature bar menu. We'll get into what the foods are later.

Later when we're back, which is right now for you, you just keep listening, but we have to leave and come back and we'll probably leave. We have to go. And come back. And we'll probably be very confused as to where we were. Yeah. Or what we were talking about. No, no, it'll be fine. Because we'll get right into the facts where we can learn about Chili's. We'll get right into the facts.

There won't be any vamping. Whoa. I'm cheering us on for when we come back. Yeah, let's hear it for Face Jam! Cut. Weird science. You look great, by the way. Well, a lead-in would be nice.

Now give me a lead-in. Okay. Welcome to the next part. That was bad. That haiku was amazing. We all loved it. Now it's time to move on with the rest of the show. That's a good point, Jordan.

So now here we are, not taking a break. In a seamless, not a transition, because it's just one life event to the next event with no gap in between. We're going to get right into the facts for whatever. We're going to learn about Chili's? That's what we ate. It was Chili's, right? So long ago.

The first Chili's opened in a converted post office in Dallas in 1975. The second Chili's was a converted flower shop in Houston. Wow. End of fact one. That's so fun. Well, that's you learned about Chili's. Now you know where it started and where the second one was. Wow, what was the third one converted?

And what year was the second one, though? You immediately provided less information. 78? 78. That's how you said it. It is a tradition in most Chili's to hang one photograph upside down in every restaurant dining area. They were featured on The Office and they have a festival called St. Chili Head Day every year. Guys, I think they do things a little different around here did i read that like you wrote it i don't remember how i wrote it when you were reading it out loud i went why is it written

like that yeah yeah that is how it's written there's there's commas everywhere that really there the the first comma hits you They were featured on The Office This is a real transition from nothing I was gonna say You kind of jammed a couple Three facts in here It's like he wrote the fact and then went I can squeeze another fact in between that fact

I think that might be what happened I think that might be what happened What's funny is you guys immediately started laughing Like I was reading it wrong and I knew I wasn't, but I was struggling. I was just surprised that it was written that way. I was like,

who wrote this? The guy who wrote this said. When you fight to make a sentence, but your mouth doesn't want to do it because you don't know that language. You're just kind of reading, sounding it out phonetically. It's a real duolingo situation where you're like

This is how they talk right? I think I remember the word Well, I felt like I was reading it like I could read the word But I didn't know what any of the words meant you know what I mean, so it's like Chilly sponsored NSYNC's last tour. This is the next fact by the way. Chilly sponsored NSYNC's last tour effectively killing the band We're hoping that we can get a similar sponsorship here on FaceJam and are currently entertaining offers. Yeah, we should start looking at killing this thing. Yeah, who... Right.

The six days are numbered. Yeah. It's just something to, I think, I think you should be able to face your own mortality. Yeah, you have to look in. And we know that FaceJam could have a long and storied history for the next 50 years. Or could die in the next five weeks. No. Today.

Oh. Is this it? Do you think this might be the last episode? We might not make it to the next segment. Come back in two weeks and find out. Yeah, or we don't finish this. If there's no spitting silly after this one, you can start going, uh-oh. Somebody screwed up.

If the download ends, just come back later. We probably uploaded it in several parts, too. Yeah, we're doing it in pieces. Nick couldn't figure out how to edit all the parts together. He kept saying, I have them separate, but I can't make them one. He kept saying one thing. He kept saying, how do I make the three things one thing?

So just uploading this in three parts makes much more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the next bit in Silly might just be the back half of this episode. I don't know. Oh, who should kill us, by the way? What brand?

Yeah. Just so you know, Nick volunteered. Fucking, in a gun hand. Smile on his face and then an offer, an offer

to execute you if that's what you wanted. I will say it was very strange to see him, no monkey head doing the gun. However,

wearing the rest of his costume from the shoot that we're in. That is true. That is true. Didn't even realize. Chili's was the first

sit-down restaurant ever. No, that's not true. Chili's was the first sit-down restaurant ever. No, that's not true. But it was the first sit-down restaurant on an Air Force base, being established on the Kadena Air Base in Okinawa, Japan in 2003. Before it opened, you had to eat in your plane like an accountant eating lunch at his desk. Danger zone. That's Top Gun 3. He's eating.

He's eating lunch in his fucking plane. Going to the sun. So these wings. What the fuck. Oh, there's sauce everywhere. Oh, there's wings on my wings. Dude. That would be awesome.

A wing on your wing? Yeah, if you had to eat wings on the wing of a plane, that would be sick. That seems difficult. I was thinking about the logistics of it, and I'm just like, well, I mean, he hung out. He hung outside the plane on Mission Impossible. Imagine if he was eating a wing. Dude, if anyone can do it, it's 60-year-old Tom Cruise. No.

You know what? I don't think it is. I don't think 60-year-old Tom Cruise can do it. It's 60-year-old Tom Cruise. No. You know what? I don't think it is. I don't think 60-year-old Tom Cruise can do it. What? I think this is a job for 70-year-old Tom Cruise. He's not ready for it yet. Tom Cruise, you have 24 hours and 10 years to get ready.

We're laying down the gauntlet for Tom Cruise to eat a wing-on-wing. By the way, did you hear that there's a new medicine for ALS that was partially funded by the Ice Bucket Challenge? Really? Yeah, it was good for something. Oh, wow. We did it. No thanks to Peyton Manning.

You weren't here. I wasn't here, no. But you weren't here, so you can't take credit like we can. Sure, yeah. There's us and then you. What does that mean? Yours was less about the charity and more about you. I was just swimming around in a pool.

Yeah. He was over here doing it for clout. Yeah. You know all that clout from pouring water on your head? It's true. He didn't do it for the love of ALS. God. And the final fact, Willie McCoy, the man who sang the baby back ribs jingle, is dead.

He died nine years ago in 2013. His funeral was barbecue themed. His ball bearers sang the song. His casket looked like a smoker. Are you serious? And a group of dancers carried in fake baby back ribs. No. Willie, no.

No. Finally not a brownsides guy's name. Guy Bomarito, the man who wrote the baby back ribs jingle for Chili's, said he wrote it in five minutes and has never eaten ribs. I'm fucking crying.

I couldn't say the guest name once I read the last line. What the fuck? What? I love those two things juxtaposed to each other. When I die, if someone says face jam, you're going to be kicked out of my funeral. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Imagine, so here's the thing. Imagine. I might not even go.

You won't be invited. There's just a person that makes. You won't be invited. There's just a person that makes... His whole life is all about the fact that he sang it. He sang it, he sang it, he sang it. The guy's like, I did what? The guy who wrote it went,

fuck these rips. Jilly's never heard of them. Baby back what? I've heard of those words. I've heard of baby back and ribs, but what are you saying? That was a tummy tickler. Dude, that might be the best fact ever.

Imagine they're carrying his dead body in a casket and they're singing the song. I like to imagine they're doing it in a very somber way too. It's in a minor key. One, one, I baby

back root barbecue sauce. And then he's lowered into the ground. He's lowered into the ground. He's lowered into the ground. He gets a 21 rib salute. Dude.

That rules. That rules. That rules. Eric's trying to fight his way out of the room through a wall. He's not near the door in any way and he's trying to fight his way out of the Out of the room through a wall He's pounding the wall He's not near the door in any way And he's trying to fight his way out

A man I just picture them taking 21 ribs And just throwing them one by one in his fucking grave Yeah yeah They definitely kind of just throw them in the hole Like empties You know when you suck the bone It's just a bunch of

the whole funeral is catered and it's just people going and just throwing them in the hole. They're just looking at you, Willie. Guy Bomberito shows up and he goes, what the fuck is all this shit? What weird cult is this? A dead man in a

hole full of bones. Oh, fuck, dude of bones. Oh, fuck, dude. Ow. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck me. Hey, rest in peace. Rest in peace, Big Will. Big Will, you killed it

and finally they killed you. Oh, fuck. I feel like he probably had a rib or two. Yeah. He probably loved singing it while he was eating. Oh, I'm sure he told everyone that he was, he would go to Chili's and be like, I bet he didn't tell anyone. I bet he performed. Oh, a hundred percent.

And then said, sound familiar? Yeah. And everyone's like, they don't know it's him because everyone can do that. Everyone sings it. And everyone goes, and barbecue sauce. And you won't go. You're the guy? Michael, you're him? I thought you was dead.

Oh, fuck. A ghost! He's probably listening right now. Oh, he's deaf. Yo. Man. Love the song. Love the ribs, Willie.

Yep. Way to go, Big Will. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Again, just want to be clear. He didn't write the song. No, but, Willie. Yep. Way to go, Big Will. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Again, just want to be clear. He didn't write the song. No, but he sang it. He did sing it.

He did a hell of a job. And so did all the pallbearers. Right. Why? Yeah. Why? Why did they do that again? Did they do it while they were carrying him?

Why was his casket shaped like a smoker? I don't know, but the handle is better. That one is especially weird. No, 100%. Coming out of the rib. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. What do you think his gravestone looks like? I don't know. It's handle is better. Oh, 100% coming out of the rib. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

What do you think his gravestone looks like? I don't know. It's just a big Chili's menu. I bet it smells good. Oh, yeah. It's probably spicy. Yeah, oh, definitely. It's like a good blend.

Signature sauce all over it. Do you think something's hanging upside down on his grave? Hopefully not Jesus Christ. That means something else, Nick. If he's hanging upside down in the grave, that's a whole other business. Oh, man. Oh.

Yeah. It's terrible when a life is lost. Rest in peace. So we will dedicate this episode. That's right. As we usually do here on Face Jam, when a food hero has passed on. Has been discovered to have passed on.

Has been discovered that nine years ago, I guess they died. It's a real Mike Illich situation. Yeah, exactly. Now moving on into not only the Face Jam Hall of Fame, but even better than that, into the ghost listener category. Oh, you're welcome.

Yeah, so this is dedicated to you, Big Willie, and also you're welcome. Thanks and you're welcome. You need us. We don't need you anymore. You're dead. You're toast, baby. Hey, Jordan. I'm ready to learn about the food.

Oh, God, I can only imagine how long this one's going to be. Which we still don't know what it is yet. Just so you know, this one's a bit of a mystery for the jammers because even reading the title tells them nothing. Signature bar menu. Chili's Ranch Water TM is a Texas staple we're proud to shine the national spotlight on with just three ingredients, Patron, Reposado tequila, soda, and a splash of lime.

It's a no-nonsense cocktail with a name to match and a fan base that's growing by the minute? Time is ticking and the fans are multiplying. What are they talking about? It's exponential. The fans. Ranch water is getting everywhere. This ranch water is starting to look like lemons.

Uh-oh. Which is weird. It has lemons. I like the idea of that just being a standard of going, give it to me straight. Is this lemons? Is this lemons? Is this lemons or not?

Medium. Lemons is like the median in which we, it's either above lemons or it's below lemons. Rarely is something above lemons. Rarely. I can think of when it is. But you have to be careful. When it's above lemons, it's when it's above lemons it's coconuts

oh it's coconuts it's coconuts oh coconuts fan base is growing by a by the minute god damn minute several fans since we started this conversation have now switched over to ranch water tm they are now fans uh it's spreading like wildfire fans can chow down on any of the 10 new bar bites while cheering on their team. With prices starting at $5. Chili's is featuring nine bold wing flavors from house barbecue to spicy mango habanero. All served with a side of curly fries. And house made ranch. That was ranch?

Yeah. I thought it was blue cheese The brands White queso curly fries Are served with a side of house made ranch House made ranch I thought that was blue cheese What?

I like when Jordan reads something And then reads it again himself Just gotta have a conversation with myself I like when Jordan reads something and then reads it again himself. Just gotta have a conversation with myself. I like it. The brand's white queso curly fries are served with a side of house made ranch and the option to load them up with bacon and jalapenos. While Chili's Philly is made up of premium thinly sliced steak, grilled bell peppers and onions, jalapenos, and white queso served on a toasted buttery roll. One more. Let me ask you a question.

Do you want to sweeten the squad? Oh god. To sweeten the squad, Chili's added a grown up molten to their roster. The fan favorite molten chocolate cake served with a sidecar of screwball peanut butter whiskey.

Did Eric write this one? I didn't read this when I was saying it's grown up place. And they literally describe it as grown up molten. What? Like we added a grown up molten to their roster. Do you call those types of cakes just molten? No. There's more words.

What is going on? Like the Domino's lava cake. It's not. It's not. You order lava? No. There's more words. What is going on? Like the Domino's lava cake? It's not, it's not, you order lava? No, I hope not. I don't know what the fuck that is. I'm guessing that's their version. A grown up molten. Yeah. Yeah. Now you don't want that little shit kid molten.

Yeah. I want a grown up molten. Are you going to tell anyone molten over here? I want the one with the screwball peanut butter whiskey. Hello, Mr. Molten. Mr. Molten's my father. This is a grown-up Moulton. Also, to sweeten the squad.

I'm sweetening the squad. What year is it? What does that even mean? I'm getting a grown-up Moulton. To sweeten the squad. The squad of food? I love the word. Are inanimate things squads now i guess anything could be a squad was at bare minimum a group of living things yeah i would say people right but okay even if you want to be like hey that dog got the squad together and there's four dogs but for food

right but i don't like sort my laundry and go, time to get this squad of laundry. I walk into H-E-B and I go, yo, homies, I'm back. The squad's all back together. What's up? How you doing, banana? How you doing, banana? Orange, orange. Nice.

I feel like the weirdest part of it is not just to use the word squad, but there's a term you use. To sweeten the deal. Yes. Not the squad. But this is like suicide squad. This is signature bar menu. It will be soon. This is Chili's signature bar menu.

Yeah. Come in here with Willie. One. What? I'm gonna hang out with Willie One One Hey One day Jordan will go From host to listener As he crosses through the veil That's what happens to us all man

We're all just hosts Until we're listeners We're all just waiting To listen to FaceTim There are two things That are certain in life Life's a bitch We're listeners. We're all just waiting to listen to Face Jam. There are two things that are certain in life. Life's a bitch and then you listen to Face Jam. There's only two things certain in life.

Listening to Face Jam and taxes. I don't know if any of that's getting cut or it's all staying. Oh, it's all staying. It's all fine with me. Just in case, though. The claps are crazy today. Yeah, really. With the reverb.

Swing your sides. Oh, wow. That was a new one. Yeah, that was a... When did you record that one? Pretty good. There's a weird button you just played. It just came out of nowhere. It kind of sounded like the barbecue sauce guy.

Fuck, I wish I could meet that guy. How's he doing? We're taking our bar experience to the next level this football season and doubling down with deals on beers and an all-new game day lineup, including nine new flavors of wings and a Chili's Philly that won't disappoint. Plus, introducing America to Texas' favorite way to drink tequila with the Chili's Ranch Water, said George Felix the Cat, Chili's chief marketing officer.

Our guests can come to Chili's all season to watch their favorite teams while our team serves up an awesome new menu. You know what? Not a bad. It really isn't. Not a bad one. It's not the worst one. He hit the highlights and he said, come on in during football.

Yeah. He told us what the food was and he gave us a time and place to do it. It's also maybe why that explains. He didn't call me a consumer either. Or a fan. Yep. Or a fan of Ranch Waters. Chili fans.

Well, here's the thing about Ranch Water. I didn't realize that this was Chili's doing God's work and attempting to spread ranch water. The good word? Yeah, to the country. Well, the fans are growing by the minute. Because I can't avoid the goddamn shit here in Austin. It's everywhere.

It's ranch water. I hate it. I can't think of a less appetizing name for a drink. It doesn't make any sense at all. It's tequila in. It's a tequila soda. Yeah, ranch water. Ranch water.

It's insane. Ranch water. Why ranch? It makes me think we're rustling cattle and then we're having tequila in a can. With soda? It makes me think of pouring ranch dressing. Oh, that's in a cup of water. Yeah.

Which might taste better. Yeah. It also might happen to us this week. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Hey. Hopefully. Why were the rims of our drinks?

What was that? Yeah. What was that? It was. Because it doesn't say that anywhere on here. Yeah. It was sugar. It was sugar.

On one part of it. Yes. On like halfway down. I would say like a third of the like rim of the glass was. Yeah, it was sugar. It was sugar. On one part of it. Yes. Halfway down. I would say like a third of the rim of the glass. But then also halfway down the glass. But also, it wasn't just sugar. There was some brown stuff there. Don't know what it was.

Didn't taste like anything. It didn't. And I kept trying it to see what it tasted like. I was licking the cup like crazy. I don't know. And I kept saying, stop licking like crazy. They're going to tell us to leave. And you wouldn't listen. You just kept licking. I was licking the cup. crazy. I don't know. And I kept saying, stop licking like crazy. They're going to tell us to leave. And you wouldn't listen.

You just kept licking. I was licking the cup. I kept saying, hey. Hey. But then I would wait until he was looking away. And then I'd start licking the cup again. Kept doing it. Yeah.

Bad boy. First of all, we got different drinks. Yes. And second, I don't know if you have it handy here. Because I don't know what the fuck we ate. We still haven't provided a list of what we actually ate no

we yeah so they just told us that there are wings yes which I think we got so the nine and then we got here's like three of the nine

we got like the queso thing because we're going to review the food so review the food tell us what we ate in case I forgot not that I did but imagine I did

go ahead we got the white queso curly fries impossible with bacon and jalapenos so we got that we got we did get the white queso curly fries. Impossible. With bacon and jalapenos. So we got that. We did get the fries. We got those fries. They were there, yeah.

I remember. We got two flavors of the boneless wings, the garlic parmesan, which our waitress said was her favorite. It was very good. And the other one was like a honey garlic barbecue or something like that. It was a Chipotle something. I think it was. It was Chipotle.

It was Chipotle. I think I was looking because they had it on a spectrum of mild to spicy and I was like I will go no further than Chipotle honey. It was pretty mid. Not mid. Not mid new slang.

Not ginzy mid. It was in the middle of the hot. mid-tier it was right right i like that center mid mid not mid new slang yeah not mid yeah but mid like the middle yeah it was in the middle of the hot uh we got chili's philly got two of those we got what is not listed on here but is part of their new menu it is the uh the slider like the new oh yeah there's a whole ass half ass burger. Yeah. They're called Borgers. Yeah. They got Borgers. Oh man.

Borga? Yeah. Cheese Borger. You kept saying Borgers, please. And she was just kind of like writing down. She was like, uh-huh. Dude, there was so much fucking food. It was a lot.

I took pictures. You can see it on Face Jam Pod on Instagram. A real smorgasbord we ended's a lot. It was a lot. And we ate all of it. Yeah, we did a really good job of eating all of it. We did not get the molten, the grown-up molten. No. They only had kid molten. I think if we ate it, I felt like shit after this.

So I think I would have been sick. Probably would have. If we would have eaten that. Probably would have vomited. It changed me. You're different now? into what? I'm not sure yet wow I just know it's happening it's a metamorphosis

it's ongoing it's a real fly situation yeah yeah yeah okay hopefully fingers crossed on a fly situation I'm hoping for a butterfly

I'm hoping I end up with no fingers butterfly situation? yeah wow you'd be beautiful yeah but I want to

I'd be beautiful and then dead yeah right very yeah classic butterfly it does like I'm just kind of signal the end yeah but that's what we got from this menu with Marilyn Monroe this is okay this is the she's the butterfly of people uh if you can't handle her

at her caterpillar you don't deserve her at her butterfly I can handle the caterpillar pretty good You don't deserve her at her butterfly. I can handle a caterpillar. Pretty good. This was the first... Yeah, it kind of gets left out. The cocoon you get to take a nap. Night-night.

Well, cocoon you just get some peace and quiet. Yeah, finally. They're just napping. Yeah, this won't leave you alone. This is the first time Chili's has had a limited time food since before the pandemic. So that's why this is the first time we're doing Chili's. I mean, they're not really dipping their toe in.

Yeah, they're throwing a lot out there. It's a big ass menu. It's a huge menu. And it's all just the new Chili shit. I don't recommend going during a football game. I feel like if the service is like that, they gotta find out their schedules.

I don't trust that shit at all. Here's the thing. You're also gonna have to use your own Although it was again happy hour. You're gonna have to use your own best interest and find an appropriate chili near you. We don't know what your wait times are gonna be at your chili's. This is not a great Chili's.

Maybe you have a very fast functioning Chili's. Maybe you'll wake up from that dream. I think the problem with going to Chili's in Austin is that it is a good food place. So not a lot of people are going to Chili's because you have so many better options than Chili's. We're there though.

We did it. Watchful protectors. Yeah, but like ironically. So it's like when we do it, it's like when Eric says, don't leave a comment, but when I do it, it's funny. Yeah. When we go to Chili's, it's funny when we go to Chili's.

It's very funny. They only get half our money because it's ironic. Yeah. Waka waka. What we say is we eat the food. Well, they actually don't get any of my money. That's true. Yeah, that's definitely true.

They get all of Eric's money. It's his money. It's his own personal card, actually. He keeps saying they're going to reimburse it. Yeah, I'm waiting for that check. It's been two and a half years. It's going to be a huge check when they finally cut it for us.

He keeps saying, they're so stupid, they're going to owe me so much money. They're so dumb, dumb stupid. Yep. Any day now, they're going to cut that check for me. All right, Jordan,

let's review this food. What do you think? Already? I know, can you believe it? We All right, Jordan, let's review this food. Already? I know, can you believe it? We only took... Do you know how long we've been going? We didn't take enough breaks. Do you want to take a break? Yeah, let's take a break.

All right. Guys, right after this, we review the food. We're science. We're back with ice cream. That is not how you come back. What? Oh, I'm sorry. That is not how you come back.

This is how you come back. Ready? So we got ice cream during that break. And I'm going to be honest. It wasn't really planned, but ice cream. That last one, we didn't even need to take that break. No, we really didn't. Turns out we still got a lot of time.

We do need to get miked up at some point. It might happen in the middle of this segment. Let me tell you, if you don't know how shoots work, hurry up and wait. Let me tell you. Go, go, go. Stop. What are you doing? Record your ice cream eat your ice cream i make this ice cream delicious i love it it's really hard being a movie star must bang this mommy i keep walking around going up the ring like i'm talent

is this still the episode? This is still the Chili's thing? Wow. Speaking of Ray, it's really nice to see him again. It's been almost a year since we recorded that road trip with him. And other people. I see Ray all the time. I see Ray all the time.

Well, I haven't seen Ray since that fateful road trip. That was like a year ago, right? That's crazy. Yeah, I see Ray all the time. Well, I haven't seen Ray since that fateful road trip. Okay. That was like a year ago, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. What are you doing?

I'm getting snack ready for snack attack. Should I review the food? Yeah. What is this? Has he ever started tearing into boxes in the middle of the main show? No, I'm just getting stuff ready. Why are you getting ready into the microphone is my question. No, I was over here to the side. You lifted the box up to the table where the microphone is and started tearing into it.

Eat your fucking ice cream. I'm setting my ice cream aside. Anywhere else. You're losing bits, Michael. I'm losing bits. No! He's losing bits of his drumstick. Okay, here I'm at.

Jordan. Chili's signature bar menu. I'm going to try to remember everything. I know you just said it to the listeners. Yeah, but that was like a half an hour ago. That was before ice cream. Philly Chili Philly Chili. Easily the worst part of this menu is the Philly Chili. Yeah.

It's a dumb name too. Tasted bad. Weird bun. Also, it's made up of all the same shit. It's white queso and peppers and meat. i don't know how they screwed it up versus everything else best part was those wings we got some great flavors definitely the garlic parmesan is the best those man fuck those were good they were her favorite

and she was right she was right listen to your listen to your weight stuff um and it's probably what since we all felt bad afterward, it's probably what fucked us up the most. That was like thick sauce. Also, the curly fries, I know it's a hot button issue. I'm not a curly fries guy. These ones, though, pretty good. Pretty up there for curly fries.

I rate Arby's as the worst curly fries you can get. Interesting. They're usually soggy and seasoned weird and just bad. is like I I rate Arby's as like the worst curly fries you can get interesting okay um they're usually soggy and like seasoned weird and like just bad but these ones they had some good crunch they had um not too much of that seasoning so I thought they were pretty good um and then you just dump a bunch of shit on them like queso and yeah but you had bacon and jalapenos and it gets even better right but you also had them plain on every other fucking menu item. You're right, I did. You didn't have a choice.

And the slider was actually pretty good, too. It was fine. Could not tell you what was on it right now. No, neither could I. I'm going to guess it had some white queso on it. You think so? Maybe jalapenos, maybe a pepper. Onions, probably.

Bacon. Nick's just looking at me like Nick's muttering bacon in the dark it's pretty cool that one was also pretty good even though it was like clearly like overcooked it was like burnt it's a slider yeah it was it was two bites

of it it was two bites of whatever so I think on the whole I hate to do this because also. And the drink. Don't forget the drink. Oh, don't forget the margarita. I didn't get ranch water.

I thought, what'd you get? You guys had the ranch water. Nick and I got Margie's. You guys got like a triple tequila margarita. Yeah. I thought it was part of the menu. I didn't know it was ranch water only. And I could have been a fan a minute. Yeah, there was a very much a this or this.

I remember a drink option. And so you guys went with that. We thought we were covering all of our bases. And now we're finding out that it wasn't street legal. Also, she brought it to us and sat down like, your guys' drinks first, and then she came and brought ours, and she goes, these ones are different, I swear, because they looked identical.

They looked exactly the same. So as far as I'm concerned, we all drank the same thing. That's true. Yeah, and it was pretty good. I'm sure yours probably had like Cointreau or Triple Sec or something. It had a much more like that like margarita syrup

taste to it. Like a sweet and sour type of thing that they put into it. Yeah, like the mixer thing. But yeah, that was fine too. Where I struggle is having the hindsight of knowing how it made me feel afterward i know but that's why we don't usually put time right we usually record right after we eat when we feel before it can before it can affect yeah before you wait an hour and a half and we're all texting each other going, fuck, fuck. But it does remind me of the whole impetus of the show, which was Michael just feeling so bad having eaten Taco Bell the day before and being like, why do you do this to yourself?

And you're just going, I know how it makes me feel, but I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. It only made that infinitely worse because it used to be, why do you do this to yourself? And it would be, I don't know,

I had a hankering for it. And now it's, well, that's my podcast. We have to do it for FaceTime. It's way worse. You'll never believe what my job is to feel that. Not really how I saw it going

when we came up with this idea. But yeah, knowing that it's like, when I, when we came up with this idea. Um, but yeah, knowing that it's like, it doesn't make, it doesn't make me love it because I didn't enjoy the act of it. You know what I'm saying? Like, like,

like, like when you feel bad, you loved it. It's like, so it's worth it, but I ate it and I just feel bad. Right. Okay.

I'm trying, I'm trying to wrap my head around this. Okay. But there are some things that I like. So I'm going to give it a city sis. Really? Okay. City sis. That's pretty good. Uh-huh. I like how you said that too. That was pretty cool.

I'm going back to my ice cream now. Wow. I don't know if you guys noticed while Jordan was giving his review, I took about three minutes to just eat my ice cream and chew my very crunchy cone. Was it good? It was very good. I opted for a, fuck, what are they called? Drumstick.

Drumstick. I'm pointing at Brian because he also enjoyed one with me. Everyone knows, but there's different ice creams, and everyone chose differently. I saw Brian grab a drumstick. We're recording in our podcast studio. Brian was in here getting ready for another show, and then we all went, let's go get ice cream. Brian joined.

Yeah! Also, it's the other show's ice cream. Yeah, it was not. All that ice cream's gonna get in here and Brian's gonna go, ooh, ice cream! I wanna see Brian on the next show going, who the hell ate all the ice cream? I saw it in here earlier,

goddammit! Oh, man. All I can say is, you know, we come down to the review, and that's... You're here for the numbers, alright? You're not here for all the bullshit leading up to it. But I'm just going to review it.

I got to say, like, 95. Wow. Yeah, drumstick's a good ice cream. No! That's not what we're reviewing. We're not? No, Chili's. But that's what I ate last.

Yeah, I know, but that's not what we're reviewing. That's all I can do. Chili's? Okay, that's not a 95. You got to flip back about it. Let me erase that from the calculator. That was the a nightclub. You gotta flip back about nine meals. That was the drumstick. You gotta flip back about nine meals.

Right, right, right. It was the variety pack, by the way. I got the vanilla with caramel. And it was on the outside, which is crazy. And it was also all inside the wrapper. Yeah, weird. I got a bomb pop in case anyone's wondering. Nice.

Jordan is right. This food was food. Simply put, you can eat it. I liked it probably more than he did. No way. The Borg, yeah, was fine, but uneventful. It was a Borg. The Chili's Philly, dumb name.

It's Chili's, but the sandwich isn't Philly's. And so close, but no cigar. You should have said, someone said, we can call it Chili's Philly. And I'm like, ah, Chili't Philly's and so close but no cigar you should have said someone said we can call it Chili's Philly Chili's Philly's would be better yeah but that doesn't make sense let's call it Chili Philly anyway because they wanted it and it almost worked but it didn't it's like when you come up for a name

for a show and it's the first thing you come up with and you're just like go with it like the Michael Jordan podcast I wish and everyone goes can't illegal and it's the first thing you come up with, and you're just like, go with it, go with it. Yeah, like the Michael Jordan podcast. And it's good. See? I wish. I wish.

And then everyone goes, can't, illegal. Literally our names. You'll be imprisoned. You'll be chained up in the desert. The borgs are good. The fries were amazing. I am a curly fry person, and they were good curly fries. Ranch water was ranch water.

It doesn't taste like ranch or water. It's true. Probably for the best, too. It was a pretty good meal. I would definitely say it was good. I think we were eating it going, this is actually pretty enjoyable. For the ingredients that they had, nothing was insane where it's like and then we added pesto sauce like right it was nothing on the left field it was it was pretty safe yeah

nothing to me it was all pretty safe it just seemed like they had a lot of white queso they needed to move it it really skirts that line of limited edition and isn't more like a deal just to get you to come to chili like a it's more of a discount than a limited edition. It's closer. This is all shit we always have. But we do need to make this show. It's super limited. I'm going to say meal-wise, I enjoyed it.

75. Okay. 70.5 is the average score. It was a decent Chili's meal. What was it price-wise? With tip, right around 120, I think. I always tell you, don't tip. Oh, I keep forgetting.

I keep saying they get paid a livable wage. You don't have to tip. This is America. We take care of our own here. They get paid a livable wage, and they have so many employees. Yeah, there's so many people working here. They all love it. That's the most football-eaten food.

Hey, what's up? You want curly fries? Yeah, check out these curly fries. Yeah, tiny hamburgers with curly fries. You want a Borg? Jesus Christ. It is just the most like who's playing Food wild put on the Sunday ticket and let me just fucking go ham absolutely what it is

It's fucking red zone meal like just eat this shit. It did not matter. What do we got? What do we got for snacks? What are we so on here? It says for face that Face. That's different. What? Get that out of here. Burn it. That legally, that it came. What does the box say?

What does the package say? What does it say? Then that's ours. Okay. Yeah. Give it to me. There you go. Jordan's going to open whoever sent this.

Jordan now owns the thing you sent for F*** Face. You cannot put it in a box. Open it right now. Address the Face Jam. Yep. You should open it right now. Legally, that's ours. Technically, this isn't breaking the law because for F*** Face is not someone else's mail. Right. Yeah, that was...

The mail was addressed to us. This simply said, hey, give it to your friend. This is a great letter. Here's some snacks. Love the show. Ellen. Ellen, you rule. Ellen, you rule, but you fucked up. You have fucked up. Yeah, you might not be Jordan is gonna eat these cards you sent cards. He's gonna eat these

They're on there's gonna. I gotta open it before Eric starts filling Yeah, you should just you should just go with the tape not against the tape You see oh the problem is it's wrapped around the whole thing no I know, but you know you just you peel it all the way around and then you slip it off the side. You're almost there, bud. You should have just left it for Jeff. Dude, it looks like a dog got to it. You would have gotten it open much faster if you'd done that.

What cards did I get? I don't know. Let's find out. Did you get the Zoomeroo? That's a rare one. Is this BTS? No, it says V. That's an old show. V is an old... I remember that show, yeah.

They remade it. Is this Lizards? I think so. It says V. Is V Lizards? Yeah, it also says Lomo Card. That's not Lizards. He doesn't look like a lizard. He looks like a man. He looks like a man.

He looks like a people. So I don't know. I'll trade you blue hair with rose for glasses, microphone. We've been very distracted by a thing, I guess not intended for us, but shipped and mailed to us. Right. And addressed to us. So we have to go through it. We have to.

We are clearing this for face. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Honestly, like this is is we're just the filter and we did them a favor um i don't think they want this gotta gotta go jordan on this one um um why is he nodding what is he doing does he want them um it was like he was about to start talking and then forgot he shouldn't do that. Yeah. That was a video in the middle of the episode.

Can you give me a snack? I am losing my mind right now. I feel like we're on the road trip and my body and my mind are separating again. We got to figure out which snack we want. I'm getting spread into two different time zones again. Oh, no, not again. Do you want to do the chips or do you want to do the lollipop? I don't want to do the lollipop.

I don't want to do the lollipop. I'm not saying I want to do the chips, but I don't want to do a lollipop. Okay. It was a reaction when he opened it. Hmm. What? Uh-oh. These are just chips in another language that say devil on them. It's a very odd smell.

Very odd. Very, like, it's like whatever they're made of. Synthetically spiced. Yeah. All right. What did you pull? Let's give them a try. You pull a chip out and it says, I'm hot.

I'm hot. I'm hot. Oh, boy. It is just in another language, isn't it? And then it says devil. I know. And to clarify, it's in English. It is just in another language, isn't it? And then it says devil. I know. And to clarify, it's in English. It's just written as another language written in English.

Crazy. Like in Prey. Right. They're all speaking English until they're not. All right. We actually have a whole slew of people. All right. First bite, hot immediately.

Immediately hot. But I feel like it's, Oh God. I feel like it's not intensifying. There's too hot for a mouse. Or did you, Yep, I'm dead. You got it caught in your throat.

That's what always happens to me. It's the worst, dude. That's the only one that, that's the only one that really get murdered is like, it falls in the little hole in your throat. I'll be right back. Yeah, it's hot. He's really getting up and leaving. I mean, it's hot. He's, here's the thing about Jordan. and they really get murdered is like it falls in the little hole in the floor I'll be right back yeah it's hot

he's really getting up and leaving I mean it's hot he's here's the thing about Jordan he always claims to be a spice mouse yeah

and I gotta and I have disagreed with it over the years because the guy eats the same stuff that we do and I'll be like that's not spicy and he goes

that's not spicy and I I don't eat very spicy foods right and so I think the guy doesn't give himself enough credit. And I've said that before. I feel like maybe he's leveled up to Spice Rat.

This was an ultimate Spice Mouse move. He's definitely not ratted up to this one. He left the room. It is hot. It is hot. It's definitely hot, but that's a rare reaction of spice level from Jordan. Yeah, it went straight to the back of the throat. Yeah.

I saw Fiona on that slide. She suggested I just shoot some of the coffee cream Jordan. Yeah, it went straight to the back of the throat. Yeah. I saw Fiona on that slide. She suggested I just shoot some of the coffee creamer. Oh! Oh, Fiona, who's doing that other thing we're doing while we're doing this thing. Oh, is that why she's here? Yeah. Yeah. Did you know she was in it? Yeah, I did.

When did you know? When I saw the email. Okay, so the same time as me. Yeah. Like three days ago. Okay. Uh-huh.huh okay good um i went yay she's a friend of mine so what do you think of the devil chips oh they're fucking hot i think they're fucking hot um this is too hot for me is in like okay so i can eat this yeah this is too hot for me to enjoy oh really like i couldn't eat this enjoyably of like oh man like the hot will distract me too much it's too much like fuck this is hot then oh as i'm eating it um that said it's a good chip

um crunchy sturdy ridged it's a sturdy ridge chip it is crunchy and i will say this again i think it's a it's a it's like a notch too high for me to eat like a whole bag of these i'd be fucking sweating oh yeah if i started eating these but i can't even get through one it's a very good heat i don't know how else to explain it i'm not really like a spice expert but sometimes it just tastes like shit and you feel like shit this is like it burns too much but this is burning evenly yeah it's not like one part of my mouth is on fire. It's an even level of spice. Oh, I hate when it's like the tip of your tongue or something.

It's a good level. I would like to work up to this level one day, to be a regular. I can see that. Eating this. But I will say, this is a good chip. I will give, what is this called? Devil. Devil.

Devil. I say devil, 80. Okay. Jordan, okay jordan i pretty much agree with all that um but boy do i hate it when it when it kills me um so good chip too spicy uh too spicy even for jordan i know the spiciest spice man um the spiciest spice man if you think you're a spice mouse uh you can't handle these chips that's uh yeah no this i'll tell you what though you know what these chips are these chips are a good decider yeah yeah you don't know it really will filter everyone into like what they are. Is you a man or a mouse?

He's a fucking mouse. And then you go something below that and then you go to mouse. I was thinking about the spiciest spice man. The actual spiciest spice man is a man named Adam.

He lives in another land. Yes. Okay. But we're talking about mice and rats. Right, right, right. Yeah, we are not man yet. Yeah.

So he gave it an 80. What do you think? I'm going to give it a respectable city five. Wow. Okay. Good. Jordan's feeling generous. 72.5.

A city six. City sit? Mm-hmm. Or city six? City sis. City sis? Mm-hmm. And a city five.

City five. Okay. There you go. I thought that was good. I like those chips. It's definitely like when you go and eat, like when you get like Thai food there you go I thought that was good I like those chips it's definitely like when you go and eat when you get like Thai food

and you go like give me like medium hot and it's definitely medium that's like Thai mild is what that is

I really like it here's here's what maybe we should have done or should still do go get more ice cream cause all the ice cream it's so hot

it's kinda catching up let's wrap it up and then we'll go get ice cream guys if youhuh. Oh, the ice cream. It's so hot. It's kind of catching up. Let's wrap it up and then we'll go get ice cream. Guys, if you want to send us snacks, you can. Send them to Face Jam. Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street,

Austin, Texas, 78723. And if you put something in for F*** Face, that's ours. Yeah, right? Now, Eric, you can maybe pass along the leftovers,

if you will. It's been tampered with. I mean, I'm not gonna. Well, I mean, we will look at it first and if we want it, we'll take it. Yeah. You can tell me Jeff doesn't want that? No. You can follow us at FaceJamPod

for all your FaceJam news on Twitter and on Instagram. See what's going on. The Halloween Spooky Food Guys shirts are out now. Switchforks. Uh-huh. And Switchspoons. Whoa! Whoa! They're coming in November.

We are going to have another stream to launch. Oh, excellent. I've been told it's more stock. It's more than we had last time. It's more stock. It's more spoon. So here's what I'm thinking is that if you got a fork last time, you're probably going to go for the spoon.

So if you didn't get a fork, you probably want to to go for the fork but maybe you call an audible and you go oh i'm a spoon guy or you don't know by both what are you talking about well you can't well it's good they're gonna go fast you better what do you mean you really can't get them no no you can't both no you can yeah it's they're you're gonna try they might go too fast i don't know two fucking computers whoa double shipping people people click double shipping but you get the fucking but you get

that's it oh I'm sorry let's go your route single shipping in the product you don't get and here's the thing if you go like

how much does that cost zero dollars Jordan oh I didn't get one great deal on shipping that's how limited stuff works I don't know or here's how it works you

Eric yeah put it up early definitely not putting it up early. Don't do this. Don't do this to him. There's nothing to do. He says, guys, I'm pushing the store item button now.

That's what I do. You know, remember those hugely popular Amazon buttons that they're like, stick them on your cabinet. Yeah. You'll get a new one. You know how everyone loves those you know how everyone wants like a non-descript number of an item

and no sort of checkout or suddenly there's a button that can get pushed and you look at it and you go did it go

I just spent money yeah I think right so we got switch forks and switch things in November if you want to switch knife

that's your own thing we don't have anything to do with that you want a full utensil that's weird that's a full utensil. We don't have anything to do with that. You want a full utensil. Who would want that? That's a full utensil set. We don't have anything to do with that. Yeah, we can't. Switch spoons go nuts. Switch forks, absolutely. Also, why would you even

fold a knife? Yeah. Why? It should be out all the time. Why would a knife ever be switchable? That just seems stupid. We could explore other kitchen utensils though. In switch form. Of courseils, though, in Switch form. Of course. In Switch form or Pocket form.

Yeah. You gotta start thinking about cheese slicer. Mobile eating. Yeah. Mobile eating. Always eating on the go. Always eat. Always be consuming food.

Yeah. ABC, baby. But that's kind of it. Oh, did you guys see that video of the guy recreating the Big Top? You know I did. The donut hamburger? The one that ends? Dude.

Suddenly? That is, that guy's video rules. We retweeted it from the Face Jam account. I can't fucking stop watching that video. So you sent me that video. Well, quickly describe what it is. So he decided he's going to, he's like, oh, my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm just going to try to like make this thing.

He said his girlfriend broke up with him. I think four years ago. Just to be clear. He said that he's like worse. He said that he's going to recreate the lowest scoring face jam foods and try them himself. And he doesn't know how to cook. Boy,

he doesn't know how to cook boy he doesn't know how to cook jordan he pulls out an onion and it's like i'm like oh he's fucked this guy's fucked he doesn't take the skin off and he just starts fucking hacking at it it's so scary also i don't know like i assume it was a cheddar cheese like block situation oh my god but like he makes he makes a bunch of little burger little borgs Little sliders And each little borg He's got like Eight ripped pieces of cheese It's not like a slice

It's just like a bunch of like It looks like he just started Grabbing it Kind of like shoving it on there He needs face jam Switch utensils I said to Eric When he sent that

I was like This is so fucking bad Like I love this I love it Like Like this looks like Like the video looks like shit because he also put some sort of ugly ass

fucking filter over it. You can see the bottom of the cabinet that he was leaning his phone on. I feel like a cat keeps jumping on his counter and then he's handling raw meat and touching everything. God, it's the best. He doesn't know how to cook and he doesn't know how to food.

And then it just sort of ends. He doesn't even eat it or review it. So he doesn't know how to cook and he doesn't know how to food. And then it just sort of ends. He doesn't even like eat it or review it. Did you see his response? People are like, oh, this is going to end suddenly. He's like, oh, I uploaded the wrong one. Sorry. That's fucking awesome.

That's awesome. Anyway, I was like, this is a piece of shit. I was like, this guy is face jammed. This guy face jams. So go check out his video. It's awesome. I just, this guy is face jammed. Yeah, this guy, this guy face jams. This guy is face jammed. So go check out his video. It's awesome.

I just, I can't get it up. That's the kind of content that I like from the jammers. Make more bad videos for us. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food

and rate the food. We have more filming to do. We're not done, so we have to go. What? We're not done. We're not, we're not,

we're not wrapped with the thing that we're filming, so we're not done. I didn't think we, the podcast is over. Yeah, no, we're wrapped with this. So what are you talking about?'re not done. I didn't think we were. The podcast is over. Yeah, no, we're wrapped with this. So what are you talking about? We have to go and shoot more.

I know. No shit. No one's saying we don't. Yeah, we're not done. Okay. Guess what? Oh! Oh, that's going to be loud.

Oh, God. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Michael. No, Michael. Michael!