100% Eat - Culver's Pepper Grinder Pub Burger

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Culver's Pepper Grinder Pub Burger so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about the Spongmonkeys, driving Eric's car, cow labor, weird vibes, and more. Follow us on Twitter twitter.com/facejampod and Instagram instagram.com/facejampod  Sponsored by DoorDash Download the DoorDash app and use promo code NOBUGSBTC , Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com + Code FaceJam , and Katos Koffee http://katoskoffee.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Now playing under the big top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting partner Sun Life. The world is yours to create. Hi. Welcome to Face Jam. That's right. It's the show where we, not you,

try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. Don't tell us if we need it. I don't care if you think we need it. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? I'm good, thanks. Too many people have been telling us if we need it, right? Really? Well, I mean, hands.

I haven't seen that in the comment section. No, no, no. People tell you all the time like, you gotta try this, you gotta try that. That is true. So I was lashing out for you because you've been lashing out all day. I don't know that I've been, it hasn't been all day. We've had plenty of time to lash out today as it is

5.30pm now. And now the lashing continues. Well, the problem is from the very beginning. There are a lot of problems. Not all of them have to do with this show. But the problem is that right from the beginning, the vibes are off. Okay. We're recording on a different day than we have been.

That's true. We're recording at a very different time. At a different time. Yeah. And we drove in a different car. That was. Which really threw off the vibes. I don't like that you both chose to sit in the back.

I would say. Solidarity with Michael. Who was yelling about vibes first? Him? Who was yelling about vibes being off. He was just like, the vibes are off, the vibes are off. It was when we were leaving the restaurant. To me, didn't think the vibes were off at all.

Right? Didn't even notice it. For the most vibe off, this guy with that backwards hat on. It's a nice, it's the face jam hat. I know it's a nice hat. I'm just saying. I clocked Eric and went, he's dressed weird today. Then he keeps saying vibes are off.

It's a very weird colored shirt he's wearing. Just for him. Make it 64. Shopped on make it 64. Everything he's wearing is fine. It's just your vibes are off in this ensemble. I have normal vibes. No, you don't.

So he comes in wearing non-normal vibes, yelling about non-normal vibes. Couldn't even have noticed the day. I barely ever know what we're eating. The time is noticeable, yes. It was true. We got in the car and Michael went, what are we eating? Burger? Cheeseburger? Yeah. It's not so off with the time. Well, look, we had to move it. I will say

the vibes officially cemented we're off when we climbed in the back of Eric's car Eric was almost adamant about like maybe we can't do the show if we have to take my car I wasn't saying we can't do the show. He was asking everyone else if they could use their car. Are you okay with it? I have little human seats in my car. I have a two-door Hyundai accent. We can climb in that back.

You bought it from a Brazilian woman in a parking lot. In a parking lot for like $3,800. I mean, that's pretty good. It's a good deal. It smelled like cigarettes. I climbed in and I said, it's a high school car. It is absolutely a high school car. High school car, just size, climbing in the back, the fabric, the smell, the shit all over the back seat. I mean, you nailed it. I have that car that I bought because when I was living in San Diego, I was around downtown.

And it's like, well, I got to get, like, if I'm parking like around downtown, this car can fit fucking anywhere. It's so small. And then I drove it out here to Texas and now it feels like I'm going to get run over by every other car on the road at all times. I mean, the parking is still true though. It is. But when I go downtown, I go.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Just zip right in. They put those tiny slots everywhere. Do you remember that company that was in Austin for a little bit called Car2Go? Yeah. Is that like you rent it and then you go to the car

and it like... Yeah, they were just like little... It's like the scooters. Yeah, they were cars. Little smart cars that they sprinkled around Austin, which back in the day was very... It was much more involved to get approved to use the service. You had to go to their headquarters that was on like Lake Austin Boulevard

and show them your license. Oh, wow. Yeah. I only used it like a couple of times. Wow. But it came in handy during South by because then you could just like drive to it. Oh, very far away from downtown and then drive into downtown and a little smart car. You can like you can back into the little gaps in between two cars that are like parallel park. Oh, yeah.

So that's what that reminded me of. Like you could get, you could always get smaller. You could get a small size. I was going to say that is about the size of my car. Now I think you chopped the back off of your car and you got a smart car. I do agree. If I, if I had to keep everything that was on the backseat in the backseat, that would be the size of my car.

Cause you couldn't have anything in the backseat. Exactly. You'd have to, you'd have to bring that inside and put it away. I had size of my car. You couldn't have anything in the backseat. Exactly. You'd have to bring that inside and put it away. So we had to drive my car to this place. What are we eating today? Did you forget? We're about five minutes in. Fine. Today we're reviewing Culver's Pepper Grinder Pub Burger.

We're back at Culver's, baby. Yep. Culver's is a little bit of a distance from where we are. It's not... Is that how you say it's far as shit it's not far as shit maybe it's not that far but man it took fucking forever to get there it was traffic there was a little driving at 4 30 p.m a little bit of traffic and also eric's car being not the best ventilated oh god it was just so you know we were on max ac

full blast soon we were i wasn't I wasn't going to say anything, but I just assumed you couldn't precondition your car as we walked up to it. Precondition? Do you understand that when we got... He can't active condition. When we went back to the car leaving Culber's, I had to tell, like, wait, don't try to open the other door.

I have to unlock it. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. I have to unlock it. It's like you're embarrassed to be seen driving in front of your friends. Don't go in. Don't go in yet. I understand the... Depending on the context of who you're with,

especially with older cars, man, growing up, you got the handle grabbers. Let me fucking unlock it. And then you're unlocking it while they're pulling it. He reacted like that, and we were all three feet away from the car. I'm not close enough to the car. I assume you're close enough. I don't like that. Eric does that sometimes with a Tesla. I'm not close enough to the car. I assume you're close enough. I don't know how close you have to be for a Tesla,

but it's really close. This is maybe even why he's the one doing the yelling because he's the one pulling the handles when it's locked. He's the handle grabber. Because we got near there. He's like, hang on, wait. And I'm looking and I go, who's he talking to? It wasn't open yet.

I wasn't near the car yet. We're all very far away. It's because my key fob doesn't work anymore right now, so you have to wait. Vibes are off. The vibes are not immaculate. No, it's not because I knew it was weird when we were at the restaurant and when

we ordered all the food and then Jordan afterward was the one asking for more food. And then when they brought us the food, they're like, do you want sauce? Nick didn't even say yes. Jordan went, yeah.

And it was like, well, what's going on? It was Michael who said something. Cause I looked at Nick and was like, and then he froze. And I was like, what happens next?

And then Michael was like, what kind do you have? It was like two kinds. I'm like, why wouldn't you have? I don't know. It was. And then she was like, two kinds. I'm like, why wouldn't you just give me those? Was my thought. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I wasn't going to make a big deal of the cheese curds, but in the grand scheme of things, very glad we ended up with them. I should have ordered the cheese curds. I just didn't want to make a big thing because he was already kind of thinking about getting angry. No. We didn't think about it. That's fine.

You brought it up and he did a little lash out of you. It was a little like, no, I didn't get them. Nobody said anything. That's fine, but it wasn't, oh, I forgot. It was, no, I didn't get them and don't ask. Yeah. He had that tone about it. He had a tone.

Yeah. He had that tone where it's like, dad's in a bad mood. No. Dad had a rough day at work. Don't make me reconcile two transactions. I just got up and I said, I'll take care of this. You did. Ma'am, cheese curds.

Onion rings and cheese curds. Well, it's going to make it worth my while. You're welcome, Nick. Tracy laughed. I mean, look, she didn't turn down cheese. No. I never would. No, she would never.

I don't know if that got picked up. No, it didn't turn down cheese. No. I never would. No, she would never. I don't know if that got picked up. Her microphone's all the way over there. Her microphone's far away, but she mumbled it. I offered her a cheese turn when we got back, and she's like, I'd never turn down fried cheese or liquid cheese. And it was like, what? And she went, also, I would eat the cheese popcorn from the last episode. What the fuck? Gracie, you can just say you like cheese yeah god i do i love cheese there you go

yeah oh if you have not listened to that i will look we don't try to cross the streams too much with spit and silly but if there's a food court to listen to it's the last one because those are fucking those are yeah those are some of the best and they're crazy as fuck. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with eggs and sausage ended frying it. Is that out? How does that work? It came out today. Oh, okay.

Thank God. And people, it is just comments of people going, if you said that fucking email, explain yourself. Don't forget the pretzel milk. Dude, pretzel milk got back to us We don't want to cross the street But here you go I have to do it pretzel milk got back to us

I cannot believe this again This person's name is now pretzel milk To be able to have somebody Get back to us about this is fucking crazy Pretzel milk Is fucking great My friend this is Sydney My friend Pretzel milk is fucking great. My friend, this is Sydney, my friend has been

sent the ruling. She has agreed to stop calling it cereal and will instead call it pretzel milk. The rules! Is that our first, like, what do we call that? Yeah, like a follow up confirmation of the ruling? I don't want to call it a success. I mean, everything we do is a success, but it's like our first proof of

sentence upheld. Right, right, right. You've served your sentence. Yeah. Oh, that's good. You can now be released back into food society. Eat your pretzel milk in peace. You're on parole now. Your history will follow you for five years, and if you don't do any stupid shit again, you're on

parole. Keep your pretzel milk to yourself. Stay out of trouble for the next five years That rules Do we have Colv pinions? No, it's Pub Pinions Why would it be Pub Pinions? Because it's Culver's Pepper Grinder Pub Burgers Here's my opinion

This place, it took way too long to get there It was way too hot But the Ryback was so much better I ate about 40 cheeses. You would not believe how many come in two larges. Like, I'm not joking. Dude, we still have so many. I'm not joking.

It might be 50 in a bag or something. Me and Nick ate most of these. There's like one left. How many would you say is in that bag? 25 or 30? Oh, something like that, yeah. I probably ate 20 at least in the car. I could see Michael

through my rear view mirror and he was just popping. Because again, with everything being backwards, instead of me and Michael up front like we usually are, we rode in the back and we were holding the food. Yeah, it was really weird. It's something we're not allowed to do.

It's ripped out of my hand like a baby. We were taking the picture and Michael started going, we should take the picture of Eric and Nick. And it's like, stop, stop. And then you said he should read the intro.

Yeah. It has to be a regular episode. Yeah, super regular. We have a format. We have it all figured out. Oh my God. How often do you guys go to Culver's?

I think this is the second time I've been there. Oh. I hear about it a lot. I never go to Culver's. I think this is the second time I've been there. I hear about it a lot. I never go to Culver's looking for food. I go looking for a concrete or a snack. Oh, I see.

Their main attraction foods, like their sandwiches and burgers, do nothing for me. Interesting. But, you know, them being from Wisconsin and very dairy focused, the cheese curds are great, and the custard is great. And, like, you can get a concrete or something.

They sold them in a freezer in little pints. What is that? A concrete? It's like a blizzard, but with custard. Yeah, custard is... I agree. I was waiting to see. Someone is just going, is it concrete?

I'm telling you. I'm just going, is it concrete? I'm telling you. Quick crete. I'm telling you. I'm doing quick crete in a medium. It's like a Sonic situation. Yeah. That's how I go to Sonic. They call it a concrete, I think, because custard is just inherently thicker.

Yeah. That's what sets it apart from ice cream. And that's why I like it so much more, because it's just being more dense and thick. And it's bougier. Yeah. It has a nicer texture that's why I like it so much more because it's just being more dense and big. And it's bougier. Yeah, it has a nicer texture. Which is what makes it better and why you like it. It's an impressive... If it's more expensive, it has to be good.

Well, the end's got a whip on it usually. You don't get that kind of flair at McDonald's. Culver's is a very interesting restaurant because somehow they took the fast food concept and then really just made it worse for you it really took out the fast they really it really is like hey we do ice cream it's worse for you hey we do hamburgers but hang on they're worse for you we call them butter burgers do you want some french fries okay how about cheese curds what happened happened? It is the craziest. We saw ice cream by the pound.

It is the fucking most nuts restaurant. That shit kind of hits you because it's like a culture change. It is. Because up north in Dairyland, it's probably all very normal to them. So I found out Butterburger is not what you think it is. And I think it's a very deceptive name. Wow. It is not.

Are you about to expose them? I'm about to expose Culver's. Are you about to blow this thing wide open? This isn't even in the facts? No. What is this? Is this the investigative journalism section? Is this the haiku?

This is not the haiku. This is where I blow it wide open. Is this your scoop? This is a face jam scoop. Okay. A face jam ice cream scoop. Oh! I wish it was a concrete.

I didn't get any of the stuff that you said. Now I want it. You want to pop back in a quick 90 minutes? It might be closer to go to Wisconsin. We made Gracie wait here because there was no way she was fitting

in the car. Oh, you didn't want to be here. Once I heard about it, I was like, thanks. You sit in this cold, cold room. Don't worry about it. So, Butter Burger, you think it's a burger that is fried in butter. It is not. It is a burger that has a dollop of butter on top of the bun at the end. Why?

Is that why it's so greasy? Yes. What the fuck? That's it. Why are you making greaseburgers? That's all it is. It doesn't have anything to do with the hamburger. It works because it's greasy as shit. We took a

picture. You have to check out the pictures at Face Jam Pod. Jordan held up the greasiest bag. It's fucked. It's eating through it. You can see through the bag. You can see the wrapper inside the bag what why would you do that like just put butter on it like especially on the outside on the outside yeah like i don't care one way or the another you know i perfect scenario would be no

butter involved at all like i didn't care if it was on the patty or on the bun but i don't need it but the reason is what you're talking about it's the culture change right it's yeah it's dairy land like that's all all this stuff is just milk and cream it's crazy yeah did you hear that yeah you go you go up on that one didn't mean to man um i don't know culver's is just a weird place okay don't get choked up. I just think it's sad. Culver's is a weird place, but it's not prevalent. No. I don't know why it's not more popular. There's like two here.

Yeah. And it's too far north and too far south. I feel like they would be way more popular if they advertised themselves more as that kind of snacky ice cream place. They should just cut out the burgers. Cut out the burgers. Interesting.

Interesting. I wonder if that's a foreshadowing to what Jordan thought about the burger. I'm still making my mind up. Wow. But what he's not making is the sick haiku. Because he already made it. Because I already made it. Oh, okay.

And it goes like this. Okay. Doubled cheese, bacon, that pepper grind set mindset. A new pub delight. Wow. That was good. I like that a lot. That one tickled me.

Yeah. I think I might be in a pepper mindset grind set. Yeah. I knew pepper grind set mindset would get you guys. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's very good. I'm like a Sigma, so I really identify with that. Sure.

Yeah. Rising or? Yeah. I'm a Mega Man. That's pretty good. Yeah's pretty good yeah yeah i'm more of an ex but hey should we get to the back yeah i mean i guess wow we just did this thing huh our previous culver's episode was released july 5 2022 where we ate the big cheese pup burger it received an average score of 84.5. It did?

Yes. Oh, my God. Yes, it did. It was very high. Huge. Yeah. Jordan's still making his mind up. He must have liked that.

Jordan is- Is that George's bet? You must have given it a good- Unless it's like 100 for me. No, it is both like- No, I think we both gave it. It's like 80 and 88. It's like really close.

I also can't- Jordan... I have no comment. I have no memory of this. Jordan was so shocked by the score. He's just kind of looking around the room. Yep. There it is. It looks identical. It looks like the fucking thing we just ate. I thought you accidentally brought up the pepper man. But look, they got cheese curds

in the picture. Maybe that's what it was. I like Jordan couldn't believe the score. You said it out loud, and he went, what? And looked at his format sheet. And then even. Typo? There wasn't even any kind of quip or anything.

He was just kind of shaking his head going, I don't know what I was thinking. Yep. I just. Kennergy. Anywho, let's get on to the next fact. I like that, by the way When we do Like anything we've done before Which is everything at this point

Gets him a free fact Oh it's the best Oh yeah When we have to go to a new place And I just go Oh no My freebie No that was my free bingo

Culver's claims To serve over 150 million scoops of ice cream a year And have 5400 dairy cows Working full-time to keep up with demand. We're not sure what a cow working full-time is exactly, but we at Face Jam believes the cows should unionize to grind the dairy industry to a halt only to have Joe Biden tell them to get back to work, rail workers. Get back to work, comma, rail workers. Style, stupid cows.

Hey, he's the most pro-labor president. It's the funniest thing. I'm the most pro-cow now. It is the funniest thing he's ever tweeted. Joe Biden loves labor unions, and then it's just immediately fact check.

Like, whoops. I think that's great. We gotta get these cows vacation time. Dude, it's hot strike summer, you know? Like, get the cows to do it as well. Like, especially you deny people their frozen custard. People are going to be on the side of the cows. She didn't even mention it. Yeah.

They're going to be on the side of the cows immediately. Oh, I side with the cows. Get them a free, a fair deal so we can get back to eating ice cream. What about, who's getting chopped up? That's a different kind of cow. Yeah, that's a different kind of cow. These are dairy cows. You're talking about meaty cows.

The dairy cows are in UAW. The beefy cows are in IATSE. Yeah, definitely. Different unions. Yeah, way over my head. Craig Culver, founder of Culver's. Oh, that makes sense. Said that when the office got too stressful,

he would head down to the local Culver's to flip burgers and get, quote, a little grill time. That would be like Nick going down to the Chuck E. Cheese, throwing a rat head over his monkey mask, and dancing around because audio got too overwhelming. Actually, he should do that. Nick, you should do that. I wonder if you walked into a Chuck E. Cheese monkey head style, could you blend in?

Could you kind of just start dancing? Would the kids kind of gather around you? Oh, I don't think that. I mean with the employees, right? Like the kids wouldn't say anything. Hey, wouldn't we hire? We know he worked there, but so everyone knows he worked there. He held up a sign.

Wouldn't we get a monkey? Great. Yeah. And then he's just like dancing around. Well, that's how he gets into the back room and stuff. He knows the lingo. Yeah. He'll be like, oh, I'm here to jiggle the arcade machine.

Right. He knows all the lingo. I'm Rapolo. Is that one of their names? What's the name of the pizza guy? Pizzanucci or something? What's the? What's the name of the pizza guy? Pizza Nucci or something? What's the... That's the quarterback of the Cowboys.

He doesn't know shit. He doesn't know shit. How come you don't know what his name is? I don't think that guy's on the Cowboys anymore. Is this why you were let go? I'm telling this guy. Show him. He doesn't know his fucking friend's names.

His name is Pie Plate. What? I don't think it is. This is crazy. This is... The vibes are so off. Oh, Pasquale. What? I don't think it is. This is crazy. This is, the vibes are so off. Oh, Pasquale. Remember,

you can order Pasquale. You can order, remember they were tricking people on DoorDash to order Chuck E. Cheese pizzas. Oh, that. That's what you were

talking about. What did you order? Didn't you order Hooters? Yeah. And was it called that? Yeah, it was a burger place. I don't remember what it was. It was like Owly's or something?

Yeah, but it was good. I kept ordering it. It was, after I got it, I went, this is Hooters. Fuck, this is Hooters? And then I kept it. I ordered it like three more times knowing it was Hooters. I didn't even know. These are really good burgers.

It's so funny, too. Ordering Hooters and not going there is maybe the funniest way to experience Hooters. They got a whole thing going on and you're like, no, no, no, no, no. Have you had the burger? I would never go there, but I'll order the burger to my house. Yep. I'll only take about 95 minutes to get it delivered. So I order it before I get hungry just so that it shows up right on time.

I don't want to get too far away from, quote, a little grill time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is that a happy place yes i just gotta go down and uh relieve the fry cook of his duty so i can do some grilled time he also said now there's no there's no like date on this right it says you know founder of culver said when he gets too stressful now this is like after he opened the first culvers or this is now no no no i just walked in he goes so boom daddy's here i feel feel like he's tired. I feel like he's in any Culver's there is

and he's like, give me the spatula. He's in his ivory tower in downtown Madison or Milwaukee and he's just like, oh man, this is not why I started. I need to get back to my roots. Gets a little time and he goes, oh yeah, this fucking sucks. And then he leaves and goes back to his ivory tower.

Oh, no fucking shit. We pay these guys $9.50 an hour. All right. Bye, idiots. He retired in 2015, but he was doing this up until he was retiring. Great. Yeah. So, I mean, definitely.

I bet that didn't fuck everyone in the kitchen for the colders he showed up. That is 100% what happened. The owner likes to do a thing for one second. I just fucked everyone here. I just, don't worry. I'm getting some grill time. He says, like, back to the drive-thru. He's got a hundred

cars piled up. There's a fire behind him as he's like, don't worry, I'm just doing some grill time. If you go to that Culver's and you see a Maserati in the parking lot, you know to go later. Turn around. Fuck, he's here. No, he's getting grill time. God damn it.

Fuck this guy.'s that's crazy i forgot we were in the middle of fact oh right yeah we should we should go in the may of the in may of this year that's 2023 the eeoc filed charges against a minnesota culvers for discrimination based on race sex disability and more managers harassed employees with slurs, and the franchise exposed female employees as young as 14 years old to sexual harassment. Hey, that's terrible, but can we slow down? Why are there 14-year-olds working at Culver's? We're going to get so sick.

That just snowballed horribly. That whole thing was just horrible snowballed first discrimination and then uh the slurs yeah and then whoa uh the sexual harassment and then what 14 year olds how many problems does this one culvers have a lot and they just keep going deeper and deeper the thing about the that I read, and there are a lot of articles about this, reading them and them going like, yeah, and these employees, some as young as 14 were sexually harassed. And it just was like,

and they didn't talk about how employees were 14 years old. What the fuck? Is that even allowed? Are you in eighth grade? Probably Minnesota. That sucks. That's even weirder to me. That's insane.

Yeah. What? Like, they've made laws that, like, recently, they've just, like, rolled back child labor laws in certain states so that they could get 14-year-olds. But I don't think Minnesota was one of them. Well, they were already rolled back. Yeah, I know. They never got rolled in. That's what's so confusing. In 1903, when they said, get these kids out of the coal mines,. Yeah, I know. They never got rolled in. That's what's so confusing.

In 1903, when they said, get these kids out of the coal mines, Minnesota went, hang on. My 12-year-old the other day was telling me that the price of cigarettes went up again. These fucking Pomo extra longs are getting a harm in the leg. All right, well, I have freshman year, bye. And the final fact in this hell, in 2011, the city of Madison, Wisconsin, paid $10,000 to, quote, the Culver's Five. Five dorks who open carried guns into a Culver's and had the police called on them. Their group, Wisconsin Carry, claims to be a, quote, nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation and reclamation of the basic human rights critical to a free society, end quote. of the basic human rights critical to a free society, end quote.

Hopefully these guys had a good time at January 6th and are enjoying the treason charges that were surely leveled against them. Honestly, if we can find their names, we can look up if they... Yeah, I mean, like, these guys carried guns to a Culver's. The reason for it is so somebody would call the cops. Yeah, clearly to demonstrate. A hundred percent. And then they're like, yeah, and then they got... Our rights are being infringed. They didn is so somebody would call the cops. Yeah. Clearly to demonstrate. A hundred percent. And then they're like, yeah. And then they got.

Our rights are being infringed. They didn't even get arrested. The cops like, let me see ID. And then they're like, three of them gave ID. Two of them didn't. So then two of them. Oh, well, they're sovereign citizens. Yeah, exactly.

And then two of them were charged with disorderly conduct. And then all five of them were charged. And then all of the charges were dropped because they didn't break any laws. They were just shitheads. They were just shitty dork guys who carry guns to a Culver's. So when they talk about the preservation and reclamation of the basic human rights

critical to a free society, I thought they were talking about healthcare. No, no, no. They're talking about human rights, you dumb shit. They're talking about go to a store with gun guns oh guns the one i thought these were unrelated what if one of the meat cows escaped and charged them oh exactly i'll put it down i'll take care of the uh the woman who called 9-1-1 was interviewed later and she they were like why'd you call 9-1-1 you know how did you feel

whatever and she was like well I don't know the law about open carry in Minnesota so I just saw five guys with guns and I didn't want to be the person who didn't call 9-1-1 when five guys with guns went to a Culver's yeah because what else could you assume right I imagine the scenario was

man what do you you call 9-1-1 every time with five guys with guns walked in? Yes, I have. Yes. This is the first. Stuff like this happens every day when people are out reclaiming their basic human rights. You don't get it. We're the good guys with these.

Yeah, that's right. Look, and you're trying to eat a hammer. As they're like waving, they're going at you. You're eating a concrete. They're dipping it in Sorry I was free society this is our claiming there's a basic right idiot you put me I use a concrete like a silencer Put it in the mint shake and pull the trigger. I don't think it come out of concrete. Yeah, think. Oh, my God. I think that's how they do test ballistics. They shoot them in the concrete.

The concrete is what saved Teddy Roosevelt when he got shot. That's right. He had a concrete in his breast pocket. Teddy Roosevelt, Culver's still cold. Thank God. Those are the facts, though. What did you feel like we learned about? It was terrible.

What? Man. Some fucked up stuff. It was all fucked up. It was all fucked up and then just weird. Yeah. It matches this episode. That was a weird one.

Yeah, weird vibes. I can tell reading through the facts because sometimes I can just go through them. And sometimes as I'm reading them I'm going oh no a second before I have to say it out loud and this was definitely one of those some of them are oh here comes Eric's next like his quick

five this comes his best five he's been writing these tonight today was oh no oh this is all he had to work with great here I go not a lot of Culver's news. That doesn't surprise me. Whatever news there is, it's fucked up. It's not good. No.

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Uh-huh. Oh. I wanted to talk about some stuff that's been popping up in the news recently. Top of the list for me is the Spung Monkeys coming back. Oh! At Quiznos. Yeah.

Just one random ass day. Yep. They put out a video, and they're literally just saying, we are back! Okay. We are back on the road. They are going on a road trip.

Is that the silliest thing you've ever seen Jordan do? Yeah. Oh, we've done this before. Gracie, are you aware of the Spung? Gracie, do you aware of the sponge monkeys? No. Okay. Okay.

So just so you're aware, these are things that we are big fans of on Face Jam. This was a Quiznos ad campaign in 2002, maybe? Okay, so I was like eight months old. Okay, cool. It's cool. So you've seen it. Maybe you were rocked to sleep. So how are you 12?

Yeah. Why are you, are we Culver's? Culver's hiring 14-year-olds. Wait, what year is it? So Culver's, Culver's, Quiznos was on the cutting edge of weird internet thing becoming a thing that you put on TV back when nobody had the internet. So they have been gone for 20 years and now they're back and this is them.

Road trips are part of the American. We are back. Gracie covered her mouth. There they are. She gasped. The gasp she just gasped. Yep. There they are.

Sounds like Eric, right? Yeah. This was on TV. Yep. There they are. Sounds like Eric, right? Yeah. This was on TV. Yeah. This celebrated you into the world. So I feel honored, actually. Those are really something. But if you listen to the rest of that commercial,

they're talking about how it's hard to find Quiznos nowadays. It's hard to find Quiznos now. Michael, do you know why that is? Why is that, Eric? Because they overexpanded as a franchise and they all closed. So now the commercial that they made is it's really hard to find a Quiznos, but we're making it easy. Do you want to open a Quiznos franchise?

That is the reason to bring back these little fucking potato gremlins. How much? I don't know. How much? Let's look into it. Do you think we could get a face jam Quiznos? Absolutely. Why couldn't we?

Listen to this. Quiznos has been on Why couldn't we? Listen to this. Quiznos has been on the front lines fighting for flavor since 1981. Did we write this? Today, we're turning the innovation up to 11 and offering a revolutionary new restaurant model with a completely new dining experience. With millions of loyal fans seeking out Quiznos but unable to find them apparently. It's the right time to bring Quiznos back to your community. Holy shit.

You can be a hero and open a Quiznos in your neighborhood. Yep. We should look into it. They have a unique approach to construction. This is on the website about owning a Quiznos. Right, which is what the Spung Monkeys are telling you. Right, because it's been 20 years and now you're 20 years older. You're 20 years richer, you can make a bad decision and invest in Quiznos.

When you were a freshman in high school and you saw the Spung Monkeys and it changed your life, now you can open a franchise. Now they can ruin your life. So Quiznos has a three-pronged approach to their path to profitability. All right, let's hear it. This is great. Unique approach to construction. They have a revolutionary new business model with prefabricated modular units that can be assembled and open in a matter of weeks. I don't understand.

Wait, these are like pre-built houses? They're going to just slam down on a lot. What the fuck? Do it. This is crazy I want to own a Quiznos I want to own like a quarter or whatever us and then Nick is If we do it

We have to film it like Red Dead Redemption 2 Where you're building the house It just won't even be that hard The crane comes in And drops it and then it's done Hooray Okay so that's one prong Innovative menu meets high efficiency.

This is where it gets cloudy. This is where I think they had one idea, and then they're trying to come up with other ones. Quiznos is the brand that invented the toasted sub, and we're getting back to our innovative roots by rolling out a menu unlike anything else in the sub category. I don't think you should call it that. With new equipment such as, get a load of this, deep fryers, we can offer items the rest can't, all while being faster

and tastier too. Here's the problem with Quiznos. They did invent the toasted sub in the fast food, like sandwich category thing or whatever. And then Subway got it and then Quiznos went under so fast

you forgot they existed. Exactly. It doesn't matter. At all. It's a real Hydrox situation. Yeah, exactly. We were here first. Nobody gives a shit.

Who gives a fuck? Fuck you. Their last thing is just, we're fast. We can make anything on our menu in a matter of minutes. That's all places. The last one is,

please, God. Yeah. Please. So if you're ready to make a mistake. How much does it say? We can request info. Do you want me to do that on behalf of the podcast? Yeah, I want you to go ahead and do that.

For sure. All right, cool. I'll go ahead and put in Nick's name. I think there needs to be a Sauce Monkey Spung Monkey. Oh! Right? It's like, can somebody Photoshop? Can somebody Photoshop that?

Gracie, here's the original. I'm assuming that's going to be me. Did you just turn her on or up, finally? Off. Off. Okay, Gracie, here's the original. Did you just turn her on or up finally? Off. Okay, Gracie, here's the original Spunk Monkey ad. Wait, this is real? Yes, this was on TV.

Can't you hear the bit rate? This was... This is it. This is all it was. And it made my dad so mad. Well, that was their job. Yeah, it's a piece of shit. Yeah, it's bad. I'm looking at it going, we're of the generation where like, I don't think that's funny in any way.

But it doesn't bother me. It's just, oh, yes, this is a thing that happens around me. I think it's funny that they're on TV. I find that very funny. Do people know, like, it was an internet thing first where they sang about how they liked the moon. Do you remember that? No. Okay, we have to watch it.

We like the moon. We really don't. Yeah, no, no, no. No, no, no. You have to learn about how they liked the moon. Hey, do you know he thinks the vibes are off? Now watch this. Now watch this video on the audio podcast.

Eric kept showing people videos. This is... I like how it just gets worse and worse. Somebody saw this and went... Audio quality was... We should put this on TV. Gracie can't believe what she's looking at. Yeah, she can't.

She straight up can't. I just like, I can't for some reason comprehend that this was real and on television. The bar is low in 2002. 9-11 just happened. 9-11 just happened. The country was trying to heal. I just want to... I just want to bring it back for a second. Gracie said this looks like something I would see

on Vine and that made me feel like I turned into dust. Gracie, would you rate them as love them or hate them? Which category do you fall into? I love them. Yeah! But I don't know why. You are with 88% of people.

Oh my gosh. There's a poll on the website. No way, really? If you go to quiznos.com slash spong monkey, there's a poll. Tell your dad. He's got a vote. As it stands, they're at 88% love them. Wow. Currently, 88% love them. Dude, if we

teamed them up with the monkey, we could have a hit on our hands. We could finally make this thing profitable. We gotta figure out how. Face jam is the missing ingredient to really energize Quiznos, you know? When those checks come in, let's remember who made the idea.

Oh! Was it Nick? I've already forgotten. It took a really long time to respond. We'll never get the checks. I love the idea of these spunk monkeys trapping you in a room and going, We have an opportunity of a lifetime. They really are selling you a timeshare.

That's pretty fucked. No, a timeshare is a trap. This is a goldmine. I'm telling you. Modular prefabricated. Modular. They're modular. It can be open in a matter of weeks.

A deep fryer? A fryer? Fast food? Are you listening? Time buy. Time buy. Time buy. I really like the one-two punch of a spunk monkey starting something and the salesman

just hammering you with it and then he goes and the Spong Monkey says more shit and the guy just keeps going. Oh man. Somebody added a Spong Monkey into Glen Gary Glen Rock. Always be closing! Here's what people don't know.

We open this Quiznos, right? And there's millions of Quiznos fans out there with no Quiznos to go to. It's true. They're just wandering around. They come in and wander around aimlessly like you have a fucking theme park simulator and you remove the exits.

And they're like, how do I get out? Exactly. How do I get out? You keep walking around. They come in this Quiznos. They go, finally, I'd like to have a sandwich. The Spung Monkey's hitting with, we don't have sandwiches,

but would you like to buy a Quiznos? We're just a Quiznos that sells all the franchise. You're a genius. You're a genius. We'll just be on the ground. There you go. Making things happen. The guy from Culver's will come in for a little grill time sometimes.

It's going to be fine. This is going to be great. Putting butter on all our bread. It's fucked up. Yeah, no, stop doing that. We don't do that here. We don't need butter sandwiches. Don't on all our bread. It's fucked up. Yeah, no. Stop doing that. We don't do that here. We don't need butter sandwiches.

Don't do that here. Craig is in the house. Craig is in the house. Oh, man. Jordan, let's learn about the food. Sure. You have more news that we need to get to. I mean, I was going to touch on the Subway contest.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we should talk about that. Yeah, I linked that. Yeah. Oh yeah we should talk about that Yeah I linked that Subway is having a contest where If you If you change your name to Subway

You win a chance To get free Subway For life A chance Right but here's the thing It's not exactly That dumb it says Subway fans will be asked to commit to legally changing their name to enter for the chance to win.

So you just have to sign something that says, if I win, I'm obligated to do it. Then I'll change my name to Subway. But it's not even that good of a contest. Because then your name is Subway and then you get cursed with free Subway. Yeah, I was going to say, also, you win Subway sandwiches. It's kind of like you lose twice. You have a dumb name now

and you can only eat at Subway. But is there a time frame in which you've got to keep your name Subway? Because you could just change it real quick. I'm sure there could be some backdoor way out of this. Somebody check in on you every month? Your name's still Subway?

Let's see your paperwork. Yeah, because if you're like, well, my name is Terry, but I legally changed my name to Subway because I won this contest, so I get free Subway. And you're like, right, so your name is Subway. I'm calling you Subway. Your name is Subway. He's like, no, I was Terry, and then I changed my name to Subway.

Your name's not Terry anymore. If you go to file your name, like, again, to change it, they're like, we'll change your name back, but we are going to notify Subway. We are going to let them know. We have to let them know illegally. Prejudice revoked. Yeah, absolutely. However, is there a, is there, like, an age requirement? Because this could

be a real easy way for, like, a family to just be like, my kid, I got any kid, I'll change my name to Subway. This is my child, Subway. I think you have to be a certain age to change your name. They did think of that. What the fuck? What the fuck? I gave them their name! I should be able to change it! They didn you have to be a certain age to change your name. They did think of that. What the fuck? What the fuck? I gave them their name. I should be able to change it.

They didn't have to be a certain age when they were born. That's right. I should be able to change it whenever I want. You do have to be one, a legal resident of the United States, and at least be 18 years old. And for whatever reason, 21 or over in Mississippi. We don't know what's going on over there. Weirdos.

Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, fix that backwards hat. Putting it back on. Anyway, we can learn about the food now. That killed enough time. Yeah, that's what we were hurting for. Alright. Culver's Pepper Grinder Pub Burger.

Cool. The Pepper Grinder Pub Burger gets its name from a flavor-packed peppercorn mayo blend, which is spread across a savory everything bun. Atop the beef burger, two slices of crispy smoked bacon offer a delicious contrast with the richness of Swiss and cheddar cheese slices. That's a pretty good description. Did you taste bacon? There was bacon on it, that's for sure.

There was. So what I asked is, did you taste bacon? No. Okay. I definitely tasted that peppercorn mayo blend. Jesus fucking Christ. Wait, was yours packed with peppercorn? Oh my God.

It wasn't. It was more than packed. It was slathered. I don't know what flavor I was expecting, but when I took a bite, I was like, I was stunned. You were stunned. And I said, I think it might be that mayo. There's something sliding around in there. It was crazy.

What was funny, too, is that we were just talking about how salty all the other stuff was. Because we were trying the cheese curds, the fries, the onion rings. Because we were trying the cheese curds, the fries, the onion rings. It was like, boy, they put so much salt in all of this. And then as if the universe needed to balance itself out, we took a bite of the burger and it was like, here's the pepper. Here's the pepper. Oh, God.

It was absurd. Also, they asked me if we wanted singles or doubles of that burger. If you're getting a double of that, take a step back and really... Re-examine. Yeah, like fix... Do they put double butter on the double burger? They put one on top and the bottom button? And then you eat it upside down? Yeah, they really want to make sure

you don't make it home alive. It is... A double burger of that is so rich. It's so much. That's a good way to describe it. Yeah. Is that it's not even just a lot, like, or a big burger. It's all rich.

It is. It's all, like, oh, like, as you're eating it. Everything feels like, you know when you drink, like, 2% milk or, like, a low-fat yogurt or something, and you're just like, well, this clearly isn't, like, the full version because I would be going, like, whew, like, there's isn't like the full version. Cause I would be going like, like, there's a lot here. This is 110% everything. This is double.

It really is. They're chewing it. This is full on like, they're like, this cheese is made of heavy cream. And you're like, I don't think you're supposed to make it like that. They go,

right. We do. You're like, Oh fuck. Okay. That's how the 14 year olds make it. Why two slices of cheese? Like different ones, too.

Like Swiss and cheddar. Maybe they tell you in the press material. Oh! The combination of fresh beef mixed with really great Wisconsin cheese and our four peppercorn mayo is what sends this burger over the top. Says Craig Culver. He's back. He's getting a little grill time.

I like to get a little press time. I like how, like, he's the guy doing it. Like, he doesn't even work there anymore. Uh-huh. It's unique combination lets our guests explore other taste experiences. And positive guest reaction to its introduction last year meant we just had to bring it back. So this is from 2014, the last time they had this burger. God damn it.

I thought he was back. I thought he just wrote his own press material and then quoted himself because he's like, well, I did say it. Craig Culver retired in 2015, and this is from 2014, the last time this burger was there. Maybe he came back for this, though. So how many times did they bring this thing back? This is the second time, and it went away for that long. Why was it gone for that long?

Well, because it didn't get a great introduction, the guest reaction to it the second time. We're hoping they forgot about it. Do you think this is why Greg retired? Oh, no, ever flopped? Oh, man. I'm going to grill time in shame. It was his baby, and he was like, oh, no.

People hate my baby. I gotta change his name to Subway. Anyway, back to really getting into this burger, which we were already doing the press material.

Yes. I saw the gloves coming off. It's true. I think, now before we really get into like how the food was and what we thought and everything, I think that you should be really informed by when Jordan saw the score of the previous hamburger, why he was so stunned. Uh,

what did you think of this burger, Jordan? It made me realize something that I probably give Culver's too much credit based on all the other things that I like about them. I probably didn't realize until eating this burger that I don't like anything that they make as far as burgers or sandwiches and I just like all the other stuff that they did. Except for that pub from last year.

Yeah, you love that. I may have had Culver's like bias or blindness. I don't know. That's why that score is shocking to me. Especially when Gracie pulls up the picture and it looks exactly like the thing we ate today. Oh, 100% the same. Yeah.

So, yeah, now I'm not so sure because the only flavor it has is pepper. It's fucking, dude, that's why you're wrong. That's about it. It's insane. And it's not just a, it's you're eating it going, oh, yeah, like pepper.

Like, I mean, I'm. It's like when. It's like when somebody grinds too much pepper and then like it's in the air and like you breathe in and you go, in my throat. I love a food that packs a punch.

This is a bun that packs a pepper. And that's about it. Fucking crazy. It's not the kind of punch you want packed. No. This is not what Fucking crazy. That's just, it's not the kind of punch you want packed. No. This is not what anyone wants. It overpowers everything. Yeah. That's all it tastes like.

And then I don't think it helps to have the two different cheeses. I don't understand why there's two different flavors of cheeses. They put bacon on it and it did nothing to the hamburger. Again, it's so much stuff on it that it's dense. And so it, it's impossible to eat a single all the way through. I'll be honest. Not only to eat because it's going to fill you up, but to get through because it's so intense.

I had like 40 cheese curds, as mentioned. And so that was an interesting. I couldn't finish this. And I went, thank God I filled up on cheese curds. Yeah. It is not a decision I regretted in any way. No, let's. I'm done with this. I would have rather key. Yeah, honestly. It is not a decision I regretted in any way. No, let's- I'm done with this.

I would have rather eaten the two skirts. I don't know this, but I would like to test something. You didn't finish yours. You didn't finish yours. No. I didn't finish mine. Gracie, did you finish yours? No.

Nick? Yeah. Right. Are we surprised? I even nibbled down to the end, you know, like the bits and went, I'm done. I mean, even without knowing, I felt like I could throw myself one, run around to home plate and knock it out of the park by asking Nick that question. He was hungry.

It's late. It's dinner time. Are you going to go home and eat dinner? No. Are you actually though? He might. He might stop at Culver's for a little concrete. Oh, yeah. I could go for some ice cream. Or custard.

Oh. He's not messing around. He really is getting pissed off that we keep mentioning it. He keeps getting so sad. He's gonna be so sad when we don't go. Yeah, no kidding. Whose car are we taking? Guys? Fellas? Eric, can you drive? We gotta stop saying we're gonna be so sad when we don't go. Yeah, no kidding. Whose car are we taking? Guys? Fellas? Eric, can you drive?

We got to stop saying we're going to go in the episode and then not go. We're setting up expectations to the audience, and they're getting disappointed. Yeah, they are. People keep asking me, did you get that ice cream after the show? I don't have the heart to tell them no. I lied, so. You don't have the heart. Well, I don't really lie, because I do go by myself, and you guys don't have the heart to tell him no. I lied, so. You don't have the heart. Well, I don't really lie because I do go by myself and you guys don't go with me. Oh, my God.

I mean, there's not much else to say about it. There's this to say. Everything else we ate was very good. Not only, like, fine, it was great. The cheese curds were delicious. That's what I love about Culver's. The fries were great. It was all salty as shit, but it was still very good.

Salt, good. Pepper, too much. Let me tell you, the Dr. Pepper didn't do shit. Oh, that's right. We didn't even talk about that. You gotta do, because it's fucking stupid. Yes. That's why we didn't talk about it.

So we talked about it. I talked about it with Gracie. When we were leaving, I was like, oh, Gracie, what drink do you want? We bring it back. I said, the thing online says, have the pepper burger with the Dr. it back it's like I said the thing online says have the pepper burger with the Dr. Pepper she's like Dr. Pepper and then we went I think it's just because they both are the word pepper right and I'm pretty sure that's all it is I mean it's lowing fruit but like Dr. Pepper doesn't taste like pepper but this burger sure does Dr. Pepper doesn't help that

I wonder if Dr. Pepper tastes like pepper if you take a bite of the pepper burger first and then drink some Dr. Pepper I would definitely not order this what score would you give it Jordan? I'm not trying to make up for yes you are

you are but you can also just give it whatever score you want Let's call it past mistakes Okay This one He liked it last time But now he doesn't know But I'm not so sure I did Now he's doubting everything

I had Culver's tinted glasses I don't know I mean I clearly liked the last one Yeah Which is fine I like all of them But even this one This is Really something

38 38 Wow Yeah It was really I'll be honest really liked the last one, which is fine. I like all of them, but even this one, this is really something. 38. 38. Wow. Yeah. It was really, I'll be honest, and maybe this is why the last one was so good.

I can't even tell you how good the burger was because I couldn't taste it. Yeah. I couldn't taste the burger, the bacon. I wanted to. It was just overwhelmingly that peppercorn and just, I'm chewing.

And that's about it. Yeah. Right? It didn't taste bad, but I'm like, this is just peppercorn. just i'm chewing and that's about it yeah right it wasn't it didn't taste bad but i'm like this is just peppercorn there was one moment where i was like i feel like i need to eat more to get a better opinion but i looked down at it and like the pepper mayo was like seeping out of the burger and i was like i can't i can't go back in there so i i didn't i'm gonna give it a 45 okay uh that's an average score of 41.5 which is about half of what we gave the last this is exactly where i wanted us to end up

this is less than half less than half this is great we really didn't i don't doubt my last decision yeah it was probably good this sucks that's 45 this This sucks. It sucks. It's not. Let's not get crazy. Got some stuff over here? Yeah, we got a snack. We got a snack. These are... Twix?

It's from Amanda. Prince. What the fuck? Polo. Dark chocolate perfection. That's a Twix knockoff. What? Is it?

No, I just mean like just the wrapper. Oh, I kind of, yeah. If you don't look at the top. I can kind of see that, yeah. I saw it come out the side of the box and I'm like, this is a counterfeit Twix. It's from Amanda Watson. That's fool's gold they have. It's Twox. I've been listening to your podcast, catching up on

present episodes. Absolutely love the show. My friend got me into Achievement Hunter. Blah, blah, blah. Who cares? What's that? Ship has sailed. It's my favorite podcast. Love each of you. Eric's my second favorite producer, blah, blah, blah. Second favorite?

Yeah, right? That's awesome. Okay, this is fucked up. It says behind Christian. That's not. Damn, dude. That's fucked up. The t-shirt guy?

It looks like their favorite podcast is. FaceTree. No, the t-shirt podcast. Why are they emailing us? Why are they why are they mailing us why are they emailing us yeah i don't know so anyway here's prince polo and each other me and me and gracie will split a prince polo i feel like now is a better time than ever uh-huh y'all might all hate me i don't like chocolate whoa i don't really give a shit like last week or two weeks ago those macadamia nuts y'all swallowing them whole. Wow, really? Swallowing them whole.

Oh, my God. Weird. You could have just said no. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to eat this. You don't have to eat this. I mean, Gracie, if it helps, your rating doesn't count for anything on this show. My rating doesn't count for anything on this show.

Also, I don't work for Big Chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Not you. Then I'm going to be pissed. Okay. But I guarantee you someone listening does hate you now. You're not wrong.

I think a lot of them probably will. Someone is actually very upset. My ratings, my opinions on the show, not relevant. Nope. Also, this sucks. Yeah, this is like. Okay, good. So yeah, you dodged a bullet.

I like chocolate and I don't like this. It's so melty. It's dark chocolate, which is not my favorite. Wafer and more chocolate? It's like the shitty cheap wafer as well. It kind of tastes stale and musty. Amanda, thank you for sending a snack. Where is the scrum?

Who is Prince Polo? I don't know. Let me see if I can find any information on this. It's so melty. It's from the Melendez International Group. I don't like the sound of that. I don't know. Let me see if I can find any information on this. It's so melty. It's from the Melendez International Group. I don't like the sound of that. I don't like any chocolate. It says it's a Polish chocolate bar.

It was made in Poland. It tracks, huh? Yeah. Nice. I don't like any chocolate that I'm holding it for two seconds and it's melting on my fucking fingers. Fuck off. You shouldn't even be invented. I don't want.

The fact that I know chocolate exists where that doesn't happen. I never want that kind of chocolate. And then flavors or whatever. But Jordan said the wafers aren't the best. They make much better wafers than that. What's your score? You can get some high quality wafers and those ain't it. This one is a...

I'm going to do 65. 45. Too musty. 55 average score. Like an old bag. It's like your grandma's purse. It's like the back of Eric's car.

Alright. Very teenage flavor. High school flavor. Dark chocolate is inferior to milk chocolate. Definitely. Definitely. What's the regular chocolate? Is this just milk chocolate? Milk chocolate is normal.

Yeah. I would say normal milk chocolate. Dark chocolate just does nothing for me. It's not good. And it doesn't help this in particular because it's more bitter already. Yeah. And the wafer being as poor as it is. Wow, he likes it a lot.

Wow. He likes it a lot. To be fair, I think he's just really happy with paying attention to him and gave him some chocolate. That's 100% true. I think he actually fucking hates it. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, he's like, I'm waiting for him to think that we can't see him anymore. I'm like, he's going to spit it out. Oh, there it goes. No, he ate it. No, he thanked Nick. He like bowed to him.

Yeah, he did. Very interesting. That was a snack. And you can send in a snack. If you think your snack can outdo that one, you probably can. Is that what people try to do? I think so. Outdo snacks?

Yeah, they're trying to outdo snacks. Well, see, the thing is, I still never know. A lot of times people send us shit because it sucks. Yeah. And they're like, this sucks. Eat this. Or they send us shitty things because they like a different podcast better. Yeah.

Oh, do you think it was sabotage? Oh, shit. I didn't even think about that. They got the milk chocolate? Yep. Yep. They got the better flavor. Wow.

Maybe they're not as milk. They probably got actual Twix. Dude, I could go for a Twix right now. Yeah, I'm with you. You can send us snacks. Hey, you want to go get a Twix? Yeah. After this? And a concrete. All right. Nick I'm with you. You can send us snacks. Hey, you wanna go get a Twix after this? And a concrete. Alright, Nick's gonna flip.

You can send them to Face Jam courtesy of Eric Bedour. 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas. Is it courtesy or care? Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas. 78723. Um, hey. Hey, what's up? Hit me. Face Jam sunglasses and keychain noisemakers

are out now. Yeah. They are keychain noisemakers are out now. Yeah. They are awesome. Noisemakers. Dude, the day I brought one home when my kids got it, just would not stop hitting the monkey noise. It's so long. It's so long, too. It's so long.

It's like, whoo. It's the highest pitched, most siren-like. It goes for an extra two or three seconds. And it was just nonstop. Just pushing. Just firing it. Had to take it away. All right, that goes up on a shelf now. Those are on sale now.

You can ooh later. The sunglasses are on sale too. I love the fucking sunglasses. You know who's been wearing them nonstop? You. Big Ray. Oh, yeah. Dude, he's been posting.

He's been posting. He'stx he's uh he's been posting he's like oh going out running and it's him no shirt by the lake big ass sunglasses sweat those are great those are great like throw on some sunglasses if you're doing something and you want to look kind of ridiculous you and you don't really care what happens to them it's a great look yeah you gotta taco has got a pair, too. He loves them. Yeah? Damn.

See, here's the thing. Here's the thing about these sunglasses. They're just too cool. They're too cool. And they're on sale now. Start at RoosterTeeth.com. Is that why you don't have them? No, I have them.

No, you don't. Yeah, I do. No, you've never. Every time we ask you to put them on, you say you forgot them. I don't. Well, I don't. I don't have them on me right now. Yeah, well, yeah.

No, I forgot them again. Whenever we have a cool guy off. It's not a deal you're always like i'll get i'll get the next one well no i got this i'll start the next one no i got the back it's the backwards hat because last time you're like well if you're really cool wear the sunglasses and i forgot them again so you put your head on but you kept saying they were in your car but we were in the back of your car no but you looked in the trunk. Where you saw, I couldn't reach. They were further back from where we were in the car. I don't think there was any more back I could go.

So I put my hat on backwards. No, so I put my hat on backwards. That's pretty cool, right? Right? Does he have these glasses or not? He doesn't have them. No, no, no, I have them. There's a cool meter to get them, I think is what he was saying.

It just kind of knows. There's like an algorithm when you go to the store. Yeah, and I have them. And it kind of just approves or declines. Kind of like getting the car to go. There's an approval process. It's just passive. It's very passive.

It's not approved. If it's approved, it'll show up in your cart. That's how you know. So here's the thing. Here's how you can test to see if you're cool enough. Go to store.rusheteeth.com, put them in your cart, and then take it all the way to checkout. If you're not cool enough, it'll kick them out. But if you are cool, then you got those sunglasses.

How are you going to work the monkey shorts into this? Here's the thing about the monkey shorts. Monkey shorts are also on sale. Literally the most comfortable shorts I own. What can I do to make you understand how comfortable these shorts are? These shorts are incredible. I understand them. I own them too. I mean, you don't really need to convince us. They're great.

I could tell you that I use them to run in. I use them to lounge in. They are so comfortable and not they're not like gratuitous unless you just really look at them. And then you're like, man, the monkey face is right there. Yeah, it's just right on at them. And then you're like, man, the monkey face is right on the dick. It's just right on the dick.

And for a second, people might be like, whoa. But then you kind of look at it and go, I guess it's not really a statement or anything. There's just a monkey on the front of the shorts. You catch them looking. They're the most breathable pair of shorts that I own. They're great to exercise in. They're an insane quality for what is printed on. Yeah. We really tricked you

by putting this monkey's fucking face on it. It's truly dumb. Yeah. I think. If you go to store.roosterteeth.com, you can grab them too. I really do. They are fucking great lounging shorts. I love them. When I go home, I will change into those shorts.

Yeah. Just let your legs breathe. Let your monkey breathe. Nick wears them to Culver's at night when he drives back in Eric's car. Are they fairly, like, symmetrical? Could you wear them backwards and put the monkey on your butt? You could. I haven't tried.

I'll let you know. You have to tie the back. Yeah. You know, like the strings, the drawstrings. I never tie those anyway. I let't tried. I'll let you know. You have to tie the back. Yeah. You know, like the strings, the drawstrings. I'd never tie those anyway. I'd let the elastic do its work. Well, I'm not like me. You're wasting away.

You'd be walking around here without drawstrings? You'd be arrested. Oh. You'd be walking around with pants around your ankles. That's right. I would. Hey, we have a... I'll come in straight now.

We got it approved. You're still going? It has been minted. We have more announcements're still going? It has been minted. We have more announcements? Jesus Christ. It has been minted. We will have it soon. And I believe that we will have a live stream for the release of the Cat Trilogy coin.

Come and write this once in a lifetime event. I like how you accurately say, it's been minted. That rules. We've sent it to the mint in Denver. The one that the treasury uses. Lucky Denver Mint. Yeah. Uh-huh.

We're minting this coin. We will be doing, I think we're doing a live stream for it. We'll get our dates and everything. Follow us at FaceGMPod. This is going to be momentous. I cannot wait. What is the monetary value of this coin? Priceless.

Here's the thing. It's priceless, correct. It's so much, but we will only be charging you a fair amount. Whoa. Is it like one one-hundredth of a guest appearance on an episode is the value or something? Wow. Yeah, priceless. Yeah. So if you get a hundred...

Uh-oh. So buy a hundred of them. knows what will happen so you can follow us i do at face jam pod to stay up to date with everything uh spit and silly is next week listen to last week's where uh we rule in the food court really weird shit that you send in but you can email us face jam potter roosterteeth.com with your food conundrums and you can be like was her name sydney and she had a friend who uh now eats pretzel milk and not cereal yeah follow up with his friend yeah yeah she got in contact with her friend real fast that's so weird how it was immediate when i heard when i friend my friend heard the episode that was the stutter

oh i said when i when and then had to fix it. It was so smooth, you didn't even notice. I would, you went up at the end. I was expecting more. Like when somebody says, rate and subscribe

and tell a friend about the show or eat food and rate the food. And I would say, okay, thanks. How were the vibes on that? It ended up all right. We skirted by.

Is that it? Yeah. How did we get out of here? That was the end of it. Oh, goodbye. How many innings does this episode have? I don't know.