100% Eat - Culver’s Wisconsin Big Cheese Pub Burger

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Culver’s Wisconsin Big Cheese Pub Burger so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about you giving us $20,000, a man named Christ, which bug kings we are, and more. Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam16 and use code facejam16), Upstart (http://upstart.com/facejam), and DoorDash (DoorDash app, enter code FACEJAM). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I'm a little Christian to let you know, if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones. I'm your host, Jordan Trees. Jordan, how are you? I knew right about there this was going to be, this next part was going to be a problem. Once it started getting into the real stringy parts. I'm your host, Michael Jones. No, you're Eric. And I don't know why you still have a microphone.

That was good. It fit the melody so well. That was really fantastic. So is that our new theme song? No, that's the theme song we've always had. That's the regular theme song. Right. I mean, I guess those are the official lyrics.

The official lyrics to the theme song. They always have been. Oh. The secret lyrics revealed. It's on the intro every single episode. I'm just saying this is the first time you've really sung it to melody. Well, you just assume people are singing it at home. That's what people keep telling me in the street.

They go, I love singing along to the intro. And I was like, I don't sing the intro. And they're like, no, but I do. And so I thought this was for them. Oh, I thought this was a random unhoused person just saying that they do this. Not at all. Yeah. No, this was very deliberate.

And now I assume, you know, there's a couple of jammers out there going, wow, he sounds like me. Finally, someone like me. You're welcome. Today, we're reviewing Culver's Wisconsin Big Cheese Pub Burger. I may have, in the history of of face jam had the least information ever about where we were going even though you were eating you've eaten it i still don't think you knew what it was called attention while at the restaurant it it's been a busy couple of weeks

and it's been a busy day sir 48 48 48 48 i didn't order. I was just standing to the side. And I guess we were number 48. The three of you went and sat down. And I'm just like working on my phone. Like almost the whole car ride over. And I'm just standing there like doing work emails and shit. And I just hear someone going, 48. And I'm just like looking down.

48. And I was like, what? And I turn and they're looking right at me. While I'm looking down. And I'm just like looking down 48 and I was like what and I turn and they're looking right at me while I'm looking down and I'm just like what and they go are you 48 and I almost fumbled because I was going to explain it I'm like well because I'm thinking I didn't go to the counter I didn't order

I don't even know what food that is yeah all of these thoughts came to mind I just went no no and then they just walked away and found you guys and then i yelled to you i'm like are you 48 and you were like yeah and then they came over to you and then i said many times after they left get away from me i didn't say it to them right you were saying loudly you got into the restaurant and never left a three foot radius from where you were. I didn't come near the register.

I didn't come near the woman that was like, welcome back, y'all. Hey, welcome. Hot dogs. We got us a couple of wet ones today. I didn't even associate with that woman. Trust me. She pierced the veil of my work on my phone. I could not.

Even that broke through. I had a brick wall and it came crumbling down, which is like, hot tamales! Come on, Becca! And then like someone walked in with a child behind me and she's like, look at this princess! Look who just got here! Look at them jowls screaming for a squeeze!

And this woman was somewhere between 60 and 112. I don't know exactly how old she was, but it was fucking wild. She was thrilled to be there. Very thrilled. When we ordered some stuff, she's like, do you want a sauce? And Nick was off in the wings, and I couldn't reach him in time. And I just said, what do you recommend? And she went, I get the marinara.

And I went, let's do it. And then she started trying to order it on the menu. I heard her saying, where is said, what do you recommend? And she went, I get the marinara. And I went, let's do it. And then she started trying to order it like on the menu. I heard her saying like, where is it? Where did you go? Marinara, where are you?

Okay, on my screen. I also like at one point you turned and asked what kind of sauce we wanted, but specifically and correctly, you only looked and spoke to Nick. Oh yeah. Generally,

if you're getting, you know, if we were the group of friends, you're like, hey, what do you guys want? Right, no. And you know we won't care. You don't give a fuck. And this fucker will so care. You turned and went, what do you want?

Yeah. You. And then. And he flew over. And then it was like. We got marinara. She listed two. She said ranch.

Marinara, ranch. And he went, can you repeat them again? Yeah. Hang on. Slow down. Slow down. And he went both. Both. Yeah, he went both of them. Can you repeat them again? Yeah. Hang on. Slow down. Slow down. Go over them again. But, like, she got to two, and then Nick was just, like, on it.

Like, yeah, both of those. And then she was like, okay, honey mustard. And he went, and Nick went, no honey mustard. And then I think she had more to list. But at that point, she was just like, okay, I'm done. Yeah, but fuck this guy. Right? This freak.

This little freak. I mean, he walked over. I've never seen him walk over more like authoritatively. He was just like, what do you have? Then I think while this was all happening, the three foot girl behind the counter looked at me and went, I bet that's 48. I bet that's 48. I'm ready.

I'll get to him in a minute. Target locked. Uh-huh. We've got him. As soon as I get this bag of food, I'm going. I'll get to him in a minute. Target locked. We've got him. As soon as I get this bag of food, I'm going straight to him. It was like one of those cartoons where I answered the door. I was like, hello?

And then you have to look down. She was small. The bag of food was just about as big as she was. It must have been so heavy for her. It's not like it was a heavy bag, but for her, she was probably three times the weight of the food that we ordered like she

was so tight it was that was crazy uh culver's lunchtime crazy place to be fucking old people midwest central it's all the people who i guess grew up in the midwest or are from there and live here now uh being like, a taste of home. Yeehaw. They say yeehaw? That's pretty accurate. I'm trying out to be the narrator for this upcoming game. That's like a gritty southern accent. It needs more grit.

That was pretty gritty. How is there a gritty southerner in here? You want some grit? Like that. That's what you need to do are you eating your paper you yeah i don't care today man i don't care the one thing this guy's don't go the one thing they don't really talk about when you're a voice actor is how much oral posture helps. Oh, I go nuts. And what technique you were employing there was the don't let your mouth close and don't let your teeth touch each other.

It was very good. A mostly gaping maw. Stick out your lower jaw and don't let your teeth touch. Yeah, some people can do it without that. I need it. Yeah. It was very good. It's like you're a professional or something. It's like.

It's like. But not quite. These days it's like. It's like. Good at getting emails though. I get those like nobody's business. It's a like. Good at getting emails though. Oh yeah. You were. I get those like nobody's business.

I felt like you were thinking about getting mad today. He was thinking about it the whole way to the Culver's. I felt like you were how I was when it was KFC Jack Harlow time. I felt like I was like I was between the age of 14 to 28, which is just, I'll kill you. So mad every day. That's how I felt. There's a true regression. He's in there.

Just way down there. And they dug deep to find him today. Oh, it was like pulling up the Titanic. We're going to get this thing to the surface. I don't care how many crew members die in the process. A team led by James Cameron and others who work here dove deep into Michael. I wanted to know what you were dealing with every step of the way, but did not venture to begin to ask yeah because it was not going

it was not gonna be good it was like because when we got glimpses of it when you would tell us like little things that you were dealing with it was like oh i don't want to uncork we'll keep the cork we're like lifting the cap i got no work with with Eric. It's funny when we know Eric's mad and we, we, we say stuff like, Oh, we could just eat inside. You know,

then it's funny when he explodes. Oh, Oh, it's still funny. Right. Uh, we were, we were,

uh, taking the picture when we were leaving the whole time, the whole time. Michael's been just like really mad and frustrated with, with what's going on. Yeah. And whole time, the whole time, Michael's been just like really mad and frustrated with what's going on. Yeah. And he just says, as Eric's taking the picture,

get ready to burst. Yeah, I'm like, I said, I said, get a burst ready. Get a burst ready. Yeah. Meaning the burst feature on your phone.

Photo burst. Because everyone's going to do something and I didn't think you'd be fast enough in the wild west to catch it whoa are you enjoying some culvers on a wednesday afternoon um gotta quick slow poke what i thought you were saying is that you were going to i thought you were going to spike all of our food on the ground i would never do that and like i thought of this show i really thought you never do that. And like, I thought you have this show.

I really thought you were about to fucking lose it. And I thought you were telling me I'm about to burst. And I'm like, Oh fuck. Oh no. So when I finally figured out what it was, I just took a video. Yeah.

But that's like a super, it is. That's like the most bursts that you can get. The thing is, the difference is I would never spike the food. First of all, that's a sin. Um,

second, as, as angry as I get, it's still funny in context. thing is the difference is i would never spike the food first of all that's a sin um second as as angry as i get it's still funny in context it's just less funny because it's happening to me but it's still funny i would never be like eric and get snippy at the people in the show when they had nothing to do with it that's his thing where he's like i'm mad so i'm gonna be mad at you i'm not mad at you i'm just mad i don't want to be mad at you. I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad. I don't want to be mad. No, you're needling. The least mad I am is when I'm telling you why I'm so mad. No, you're needling.

And then everyone laughs. Wow, that's so funny that you're furious with this nonsense situation. And I go, I know. Eric's like, don't look at me. Don't look at me. I'm talking to my phone. Don't needle me, and then it won't be a problem don't push his button don't needle him it's like hey what are we getting you know what we get it's like our friend it's like our friend blaine

where like his buttons his buttons are so careful it's fine it's just annual pass his buttons are so like they're huge with like lights pointing at them that are just like oh man I gotta push this button to like just bother him you know. Yeah my buttons are pointy. Right yeah it's built in that's why I don't push them. But I'm going hey push it. I'm good. Yeah.

I'm about to burst oh fuck. So trying to. We're all just having fun. Trying to get out of the parking lot was Yeah the drive through was yeah the drive-thru was like backed up I had to roll down my window I had to like roll down my window

and look at old people so they would get the fuck out of the way I thought you were gonna climb out we were like halfway backed out of our space and cars were still coming and they weren't

like leaving space for me to get out like they were like this is where the drive-thru line is and it's not like we were getting into the drive-thru line there was plenty of space for us to not get into the drive-thru line is. Yep. And it's not like we were getting into the drive-thru line. There was plenty of space for us to not get into the drive-thru line.

To get out and leave, which is what we wanted to do. A car that pulled up behind us, and I rolled down my window, and I went, hey! And the old woman and old man looked at me and then backed up. Yep. That was it. And it was great. There were so many old people with old people hats. Yeah.

In that restaurant. I don't know how to describe it, but you know when you see it. Like you said, like Midwest old man with hat. You see that on a casting sheet and you picture it. Yeah. Dude, that's a fucking utopia. This guy was in the Dust Bowl. That was a cattle call for that.

That was happening at that call. Oh, that in the Dust Bowl. That was a cattle call for that. That was happening at that Culver. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah. A cattle call. It's a weird, it's very Midwest. I don't think I've ever been to a Culver's before. Really? I don't think so.

I'd never been to one until I moved here. Me too. My friend Gus, big proponent. We used to go there for lunch back when our office was down south. There was a Culver's down there. Yeah, it's ice cream places for me mostly. Yeah, great frozen custard. Yeah, their frozen custard is like...

There's ice cream there? It's our go-to post-Austin FC victory ice cream place that we've had one time. Me and Jordan will try to go after a soccer game, and then usually what happens is we pull up to the drive-through that no one's in the lights are on. We try to order. They turn the lights off, call us a slur.

And we have, right. Yeah. It's just like, well, Hey morons were closed. It's just like, Oh,

thank you. I think that was the first time we tried. It's like, we won, we won the match. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We went down on the the field i picked it up with my hands that was the game where people were throwing shit at

the other players if you ever need me to show up and show brad stewer yeah that's right yeah we go way back yeah he tweeted at me yesterday really oh that's cool he was talking about kicking the shit out of me that's our stew yeah yeah that's why i cheer for him you know that's true yeah i'm always like i thought maybe he'd forget by now a lot of he didn't forget a lot of people about it every day forget a lot of people in my ass you're gonna let me unload on this fucking guy? I'll hit that British guy one time, and then I'll hit this guy 19 times in a row. I don't like the look of this guy. A lot of people at the stadium will cheer when he makes a save, catches it or something. I always cheer when he kicks the ball really, really hard.

Yeah, when he kicks it 115 miles an hour to the other side of the field. Yeah, it's great. It's pretty great. Yeah. But we go to Culver's. We try to after the game. Are you only allowed to go if they win?

Well, we try to keep it as victory celebration, but at the same time, they close at like 9 or something. No, they close at like 9.30. So if the game is like too late, it's like, well, win or lose, we're not getting Culver's now. And then sometimes we try to go to Dairy Queen

and we just go, this is not. What if you pack ice cream in your car, go to Culver's and eat it in the parking lot, even if they're closed? And then it's still kind of like, we went to Culver's for victory ice cream. Jordan could leave his space car on. Yeah, leave the air on. Yeah. Hmm. Hadn't considered that.

That would take a lot of, we'd have to like really know they were going to win. Otherwise, we'd have to throw the ice cream away. Oh, man. Then you just. You're going to go through so much ice cream. to throw the ice cream away. Oh, man. Then you just... You're going to go through so much ice cream. Then you throw it at Brad. That's true. Hey, let us down.

There was a game where one of the other players, like on the other team, faked being injured for so long that when the guys came out with the stretcher, which is like eight or nine minutes after this happened, he just gets up and starts walking away he sees him and it's like oh no i'm fine the crowd started throwing like half drinking beers and just trash at this guy it never booed so loud and it was like like in front

of us which was great really made me feel like i was a part of something special oh yeah it was like this is true hooliganism this is what we're missing because usually you go to the games and everyone's like we're polite and it's like fuck this throw the fucking shit get nuts that's what i want to see nuts yeah they probably sell peanuts there right they do they do yeah we've had them they're pretty good they have um pluckers also you have pluckersers, yeah. Easy Tiger Pretzel. That's not a peanut, though. Oh, you moved on. Double Dave's.

You can get Double Dave's. You can get Check Stop, or is it Quick Check? Check Stop? It's probably not Quick Check. It's Check Stop. Yeah, that's the other one. Oh, wait, no, it's not Check Stop. It's Slova Checks, which is next to the Check Stop.

Yeah, no, yeah, they got that. Yeah, yeah, no, they have that. Is it also spelled like the country? No. They got Publix. Yeah, yeah, it's all there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no Publix.

No. No. Nice try. Anyway, that's Culver's. That's Culver's. Oh, wow. Yeah. That took forever.

Should we fuck around or? No, I want to hear about a, I want to hear a haiku. You want to hear about a haiku? I want to hear a haiku. You want to hear about a haiku? I want to hear about what you're thinking about. Jordan's thinking about talking about a haiku. Thinking about might read this haiku. Okay. Cheese curds and custard.

The bounty of Wisconsin. Lights on. Drive-thru closed. Damn. That was personal. At the end. I'm really glad we talked about that you told that story in great detail

came from a special place keep that shit separate though I don't want to hear it again don't put your personal make the corporate face jam haiku I know it says Jordan will give haiku but Jordan should be in parenthesis face jam will give haiku

face jam Jordan face jam Jordan Jordan from the podcast Jordan will give I a Q, but Jordan should be in parentheses. Facejam will give I a Q. Facejam Jordan. Facejam Jordan. Not real fun time. Jordan from the podcast. I'm alive outside the podcast. Right, right. Yeah, Jordan from the podcast. I try to be as unalive as possible outside the podcast.

Yeah, well, you're slipping today. Well, I mean, okay. Well, let's just say like lights on, drive-thru closed was actually like an allegory for like how we feel like so alive on the inside and then uh love that wow then he pointed and laughed more yeah he did i think alligators and crocodiles are the same thing 100 yeah like i you just that just means you can't tell them apart no well this shouldn't be told yeah yeah, but it's the same thing. It's, they're the same thing. One has a snootier snoot

than the other one. Great. Yeah, they're both, they're both giant lizards with chomper teeth. Yeah. Like,

it's just such a small distinction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know how different human beings look? Mm-hmm. They're just one thing.

Yeah. It's just like, that's a human. That's a great point. They're like, no, this guy's dick curves in

not to the right. Oh, we're pulling from a real place again? That's a different species. Well, I'm just saying there's not humans that have like

snooty or snoots than other humans. Well, not, but like, if we had a very elongated like, oh,

you want to talk about elongated snoots in a friend we have it's like look there are people that look real different from other people but they're the same thing and that's why I'm saying alligators and crocodiles are the same thing cats are all cats but they look different but they're cats

you got those freak Egyptian cats yep those fat like the fat one little alien looking fuckers. Freaks. Fat fuckers up there with Garfield. Think about it. They're both cats. So alligators, crocodiles. Dude, how could Garfield

be the same species as that as a naked cat? That's crazy. That's what I'm saying. Doesn't make any sense. So as long as you guys are on board. That cat loves Mondays. Whoa, but they're both still cats. I'm more of a Heathcliff guy myself. Also a cat. See, now that I got you guys.

I thought that was a chocolate bar. Heathcliff? Yeah. Heath bar. Heath bar. But I think there is also. And a cliff bar. Yeah, cliff bar.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I like Heathcliff because he wears helmets, and the helmet always has something that he likes written on it. Yeah, he explains. It usually says ham. Heathcliff. Yep.

Loves ham. I think Fahrenheit and Celsius should be the same thing now too. Why? I just don't like having to like separate them. I just don't think it needs to be like the same. You just even it out? Yeah, just like let's like find the middle and be like that. Instead of choosing one or the other, you think they should be combined?

Well, we should like find the middle and be like that's the thing we're using now. Yeah, that's called Fahrenheit. No. No. We combine them and we call it neutrosis. This is odd, dude. Neutrosis. That is.

It's like 13 degrees. 13 degrees what? Neutrosis. 13 degrees neutrosis is incredible. It's the perfect temperature. What is that in Fahrenheit, though? I have no idea. I abandoned Fahrenheit.

Why would I go back to Fahrenheit? We got to find the middle and work from there. Figure out. You learn it. Is that on the higher end of the scale? 13 degrees neutrosis? Well, it's at 13. How hot is too hot in

neutrosis? I don't think it's about being too hot. Like a hot day. Let's put it this way. 13 is extremely comfortable. 14, too hot. Now this is starting to sound like Celsius again. Too hot. Dangerous, actually.

15, water boils. It might make you sick. 15 is actually more comfortable than 14. 15, now you're good again. Oh, I see. I'll explain it to you later. The thermometer looks like a squiggle line. Oh, wow.

It's like one of those. Oh, it's 13 now. Oh, that's nice. It's almost 14. It's okay. It's almost 15. Keep going. We really had to push through that 14.

It's like one of those rooms with the staircases where people are walking upside down. Oh, like an MC Escher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an MC Escher 14. It's like one of those rooms with the staircases where people are walking upside down. Oh, like an MC Escher. It's an MC Escher. That's pretty good. It's the Winchester House of Temperatures. Yeah, but nobody walked upside down in those. That was just a stairway to a wall.

That was a lot less magical and more fucking crazy. I'm just going to keep building these rooms. No one was doing anything cool in that house. They were just wasting stairs. There's a lumber shortage. Build! I want stairs! So when does water boil in neutrosis?

Yeah, neutrosis, water does not boil. It's a resting hot. It does freeze, but it does not boil. It's room temperature. You got to freeze, but it does not boil. It's room temperature. You gotta be careful. It also freezes at 16. You gotta be careful. You look at it, you think it's not hot.

You're in trouble. It's scalding. You know what I mean? The resting temperature for water is just hotter. You'll never know what temperature it is until you touch it. If you see one bubble bubble run out of the house get out now get out sound the alarm oh man should we go to the facts yeah and let's learn about culvers or whatever it was

started in sock city wisconsin in 1984 culvers has expanded to over 600 restaurants in 24 states. Wow, that's almost half. It's not that many. I mean, it's a lot, but also not. I mean, it's not subway numbers, but it's... Yeah, no shit. 600 million? I mean, you think about it being...

It's like neutrosis. It's like it's not subway, but it's also not... It's not Torchy's. Now, if this were 601... Get out, get it's also not. It's not Torchy's. Now, if this were 601. Get out. Get out. Get out.

If you want to franchise a Culver's, you must. I'll think about it. Work. Okay. 60 hours in a Culver's restaurant without pay before completing four months of training for every job in the restaurant, all while giving Culver's $20,000. We're looking to do something similar with Face Jam, except you don't get to own anything and you just give us $20,000. You're welcome.

Okay, yeah. So let's do some Face Jam franchises. That's the part they have to do all of our jobs. Yeah, that's true. That's important. And then pay $ left out the part they have to do all of our jobs. Yeah, that's true. That's important. And then pay $20,000. They have to do each job. They have to do Nick's, and then they have to do Eric's,

and then they have to do Michael's, and then they have to do mine. It gets a little easier at the end. And then they have to do Kelly's, who actually edits the podcast. Right, right, yeah. And then if we have an intern, oh, that's an extra. Oh, man. They come and go like the seasons, though. They come and go like neutrosis.

Whisked away, hired to somewhere else that's not Face Jam. Guys, we can never hire them. Hey, I hired them here. No. No? For our show? No. Will we ever see them again?

Are you on this show? Maybe in the corner. No. I'll only see them when I see them reaching up, screaming, save me. And I say, I'm sorry, it's out of my hand. the no you'll only see them again when i when i see them reaching up screaming save me and i say i'm sorry it's out of my hand they reach up and scream save me and i look down and whisper no i mean that's what you did when you didn't hire them you already did true yeah i mean you are you are the rorschach straight up happened on this podcast when you refuse to hire cat uh-huh

she works here now yeah not here not right. You say here, but not in a very literal sense. She makes sloppy joes now. It's not even a department. She's paying us $20,000 to open cans of sloppy joe and then add more slop sauce because Nick kept saying,

it's not wet enough. It's not wet enough. Here, I brought this sauce from home. That's what she does now. What a waste. Being about as Midwest as they can, Culver's is known for their cheese curds and frozen custards, but their standout dish is their butter burger. In 2022, the obesity rate in Wisconsin

is 34.2%. What's the correlation there? Correlation does not mean causation. Culver's is more of like a symptom. I think it's also a cause.

I don't think so i think wisconsin's the cause yeah he's like okay i think wisconsin's like the reason i mean yeah i mean i mean culver's is like fuck we're in wisconsin what do we do you know what to do start eating butter on the burgers cheese everywhere they already have it on their head? Cheese is good, though. Cheese is good. And their cheese curds, very good. I one day... I actually don't really like their burgers. I one day look forward to rolling a wedge down a hill and chasing after it. Oh, yeah.

Don't they do that in like... Or break a clavicle or an arm or something? I'm going to break... No, does that have like whales or something that they do that? No, Wisconsin is what I want to do it in. Because they have cheese. Oh, you want to do it there. You want...

Well, yeah, there's probably a hill somewhere. They got like small hills and stuff. If not, I'm going to do a slide it in. Oh, you want to do it there? Well, yeah, there's probably a hill somewhere. They got like small hills and stuff. If not, I'm going to do a slide or something. Yeah, we'll roll it down a slide and chase it down a slide. Pretty swampy. Yeah. I mean, I assume the cheese will be wrapped.

Yeah. Okay, okay. It's going to roll it. We're going to catch it. And then we're going to eat it. Then open it. Yeah. And then eat it rat style with our hands.

Take bites. This guy's going to get caught in a trap. No, a giant wedge of cheese in a giant rat trap. Is that what, is that, is that just what Culver's are? Just giant rat traps.

Hey, 34.2%. We got away. Hey, they tried to keep us. 48. 48. Yeah.

Had to roll down the window and yell. Hey, they tried to keep us down. 48? Yeah. Come on now! Come on! Had to roll down the window and yell, hey, so that we could get out of the trap. Yeah, and they were like, oh, fuck. Oh, man, we almost had them. We figured it out. And now, Culver's frozen custard is meant to be customized with over 80 flavors of the day. And if they're anything like Sonic Burger, which is not a restaurant, it's just Sonic. Over 1 million bad ones from weird employees.

This one's the incredible Hulk. You tell me you don't go to Sonic and Hulk out? That's how you get the power to get inside the building, my man. Yeah, Eric, that's how you get the power to get inside the building my man yeah Eric that's the problem and then you say Hulk sit inside Hulk dine in Hulk walk through the door

that's my secret Cap I'm always dining inside it's my secret it's always for here and now we come to the final culver's fact in 2017 a man named christ died of a stress induced heart attack during a robbery at a culver's in Madison, Wisconsin. His family sued the store because they did not, quote, take reasonable precautions to prevent armed robberies, end quote, but probably would have had more luck if they sued for serving this man burgers with butter on them. Dude, like, of course this happened.

I was going to say, like, I thought they were going to sue for feeding him burgers because the obesity rate is 34.2%. I don't have enough facts here to know where he died from. Stress-induced heart attack. What is take responsibility for? We don't know that it was. You can say stress-induced heart attack, but you can't say with a certainty why.

Well, the franchise was just getting started, so he was working 60 hours a week. I was ready for- Three jobs. He was working for no money while paying them $20,000. I'll tell you why he was so stressed. His franchise had not started yet because he had not met the prerequisites. He was getting robbed and he's like, I'm already so underwater. I'm out of 20K.

Yeah, there's no money here, you idiot. And then he said that out loud and was like, oh, no. Sorry, Christ. Did Christ work there? I assume he was just eating there. I have no idea. He made it sound very much like it was his franchise and he was getting robbed. That's true.

I kind of assumed he was the one getting held up. I assumed he saw a robbery. He was probably just sitting there eating his butter burger. And then someone just turned around and went, 48! 48! And he went, oh, he had a heart attack. Oh, he died from a robbery. Yeah, a robbery.

I just kept screaming 48 at him and he passed away. What does reasonable precautions to prevent armed robberies look like? Machine guns. Yeah, right? The woman who took our order should have been firing

a machine gun in the air. There should be somewhere in the counter for an R2-D2 type droid to insert itself in so it could go That was really good, Eric. That was really good. I've never done that before. insert itself in so it could go if something's going down that was really good

I've never done that before yeah right if something's kicking off he goes spinning around and shit and then someone's like you dumb droid how come they didn't take that precaution this man would be alive you know why

they fucked around and christ found out oh did he die for our cheese curds wow he is not risen that's why he's not hey not yet yeah it's only been it's only been five years maybe they're gonna maybe him and the other christ are gonna come together oh two guys just holding hands coming down, like walking down invisible stairs. Yep. Which one of you is Jesus Christ, and which one of you is the Christ that died in the cold verse?

I can't tell the difference. Which one is, like, manger Christ, and which one is Wisconsin Christ? Manger baby Christ? Yeah, can you? Manger Christ in Wisconsin Christ. He's from, like, Bethlehem. And we have risen.'re back he's from he's from bethlehem pennsylvania welcome me my jesus christ of nazareth pennsylvania bringing the good word jesus christ was known for scooching on over to philly

eating those deli sandwiches with pickles instead of bread. He loved them. He loved those. He ate them like a monster. He said, watch this. I'll turn this bread into a pickle. Oh!

And people were like, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. We should start growing giant pickles. Get this bread out of here. We save on carbs. You know Jesus was counting carbs. Oh, yeah. Big time.

Shredded. Shredded. Dude, yeah. so we'll definitely know which Christ is which when he ends with amen go pack go which one was that again Nazareth Nazareth America or the other one

I think I'm pretty sure that's in the Bible those are the facts that's the show. So this episode's coming out after RTX. Yes. Yeah. But in our timeline, the true Face Jam timeline, it is before RTX. That is right.

So did you find the switch fork in time? Oh, yeah. Do you have it still? I told you, I lost it and found it. You said you lost it. Yeah, but you said you lost it like 13 times. But that implies I kept finding it. Right, but I can't keep losing it.

Oh, I disagree. I think I can't lose it. You might keep losing it. I do think that maybe you don't have it. I can't lose it, not find it, and then lose it again. Did you find it yet? No, but I lost it three more times. What the hell are you

talking about? We promised the jammers they could look at it. I'm promising them shit. Fuck you. We didn't promise the jammers. This fucking idiot promised you could buy them and I kept going, there's no way you can buy them. He's like, oh, for sure. And then we ended the episode and they went, no, you can could buy them and I kept going there's no way you can buy them he's like oh for sure and then we ended the episode and they went no you can't buy them

that's crazy like I'm pretty sure that wasn't the plan but Eric said so no it wasn't the plan they kept saying he doesn't listen he doesn't listen they're talking about you huh yeah I got it somewhere it's rooting around you got it somewhere it's in my house have you used it do you keep it in a safe place when your kids can't get it

because that's dangerous no I let them play with it whoa why would it be dangerous my younger daughter kept poking me and then going and saying i eat you daddy i eat you oh did you get eaten are you okay i got eaten dude oh fuck what the fuck did i just tell you i just told you but i got eaten but i mean you're asking me if i'm but you look okay it was you that I got eaten and you're asking me if I'm getting eaten. But you look okay. It was just some of my leg. Okay. She's not very tall. Okay, gotcha.

About the size of that. But I'll have you know she didn't pretend eat me. She just kept poking me with a fork. She never got to the nom nom part? Just the poke poke part? No, she got to the nom nom

but that part was pretend. The poking me was just not. She's pretty strong. Method not. She's pretty strong. Method acting. She's pretty strong to be able to use that thing. There's like some serious like weight to it. It's like a- To hold it?

Yeah. I mean, it's a three-year-old child, not an ant. Right, but it's like- The hell are you talking about? It's gotta be like the size of a four. Well, I mean, even an ant could hold it. Like, it's pretty big for her.

I think you underestimate humans. How big is like a three-year-old? Like a foot and a half or something? That big? What? Yeah, bro. That's a how big is like a three-year-old like a foot and a half or something? That big? What? Yeah. That's almost how big I am.

Wait a second. Hang on. It's almost your height but looks 40 years younger. Hang on. 45. How can she

48? She's so strong. Wait, she's lifting stuff now? When did that happen? She walking around? You said you were going to let me know. She's three. She can like walk and stuff?

Like what? That's crazy. I never have any like scope of like the difference between like. It happens fast. Between like even like an eight month old and a three year old. It's going to be the same in my head. Dude, there is a difference between an eight month old and a 10 year old can be the same in my head. Dude, there is a difference between an eight month old and a ten month old.

Like a vast difference. Wow. You don't know unless you're watching them. It's like David versus Goliath. Dude, in the first 18 months, a week is like a year. Wow. They just, they transform. Yeah, I was going to say, it's like how puppies just like expand.

I don't know what the fuck he's doing over there. He was doing octopus. He was doing wet waves. I don't know when they turn into octopus-eye. That's the plural for octopus. That's pretty good. Octopus-eye. I like it.

Yeah. That's pretty good. Are we done? Jordan, read this shit. Oh, no, we have to learn about the food we ate. Hang on. Hey, you're going to figure out what food we ate. You know what?

Didn't even ask. I didn't even ask. Again, usually I'm like, man, I kept asking. You didn't even care. No. You're like, show up at this time. You got it. Whatever, man.

And even then, I didn't show up at that time. I was late. Yep. I'm looking on the other page to see if there's more description of the food. This is very short. Yep. All right. Almost two sentences.

Buckle up. Three. That second sentence is, I don't think, a sentence. It's one run-on sentence. Somebody ought to quote it to me for sentences, I think. Three kinds of Wisconsin cheese cheddar. Never heard of that. What?

That's not a dash. That's an M dash, not a hyphen. Oh, okay. You get it? You've named the first of the three cheeses. Somebody threw out their ALA handbook or something. I'll be honest. I was with you because I wasn't looking at it.

Isn't that what it looks like? And so I was going, whoa, that's crazy. And then I looked down at it and it made more sense. You're supposed to do a space between those. Yes, you let them know. Three kinds of Wisconsin cheese. Cheddar, American, and Havarti. With our roasted garlic aioli.

Period. All served on a cheddar cheese bun. Period. Done. That's it. In and out. And we got no room for vegetables on this thing. Just put more cheese, a little bit of garlic sauce.

All right, let's put some cheese on that bun there, too. It really is like we opened it and started eating it, and I was stunned. I assumed there would be tomato or lettuce. Meat and cheese only. It really is a 12-year-old's dream. That was like, that's crazy.

Here's the press material. We're always looking for ways to surprise and delight our guests with additions to our menu and bringing back a favorite like the Wisconsin Big Cheese Pub Borga is something we've been excited about for a while, says Culver's Director of Menu Development, Quinn Adkins. Says Culver's director of menu development,

Quinn Adkins. Is it the Adkins or no? It's Adkins. No, this is, this is Chad Adkins brother. Yeah. It was with a D also director of menu development.

That's the cut. It's a job for life. I was going to say like, we always make fun of these titles and stuff but like all these people have the same responsibility they just make up it depends where they work yep it depends where they work yep to get a different title is is is director of menu development not a lifetime appointment i don't know that it's not he had to be confirmed in front of the Senate and everything.

He lied under oath about what he was putting on the video. It doesn't matter. He's the director. He said he would recuse himself if they were ever to bring back the Wisconsin Big Cheese Pub burger. Quinn Atkins' wife led an insurrection against McDonald's?

Yeah. Oh, no! Look, you can't just go out and have a fit if something happens that you don't like. Yeah. But let's overthrow this government. I mean McDonald's. I agree. I do think that we should pass legislation

to protect Culver's directors from anyone who doesn't like what's happening at Culver's. This is good. This is why they need term limits on the director of menu development. Also, they keep talking about maybe impeaching this guy, but he just thinks they're going to give him some peaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, that's great.

I'll put it in the ice cream. It'll be a new flavor. Yeah, new menu development. It's like, no, stop. I'm just saying, we were there. I saw his constituents this guy's not going anywhere and he's getting some peaches

okay I'm just saying that was just the first half of it oh right adding the cheddar bun to a burger with three delicious

types of cheese makes for a uniquely Wisconsin butter burger hey look they did the dash right this time and capping it off with a root beer float or shake

is the perfect way to celebrate summertime at Culver's. As long as it's not too late. Yes. Summertime is during the day. Well, as long as Austin FC won and it's not too late. When you think of summertime, do you feel like what we just ate is a summertime food? No.

God, no. Also, that's hibernation this is technically a butter burger as well yes are they all butter burgers no matter what okay yep i guess they didn't need to advertise it then no no they didn't they want you to know because you forgot yeah they had to work it in there somewhere cheese butter cheese butter i mean burger burger, butter, cheese, butter, bun. Cheese on top of the bun. Right. Did you not notice that when you opened up the wrapper

that it was just glistening? The greasiest thing you've ever eaten? Well, I wouldn't say greasy. I would say buttery. It was buttery biscuit base. Yeah, I do like that it's so greasy and buttery. Here comes the wobble. The wobble.

That it was making the paper transparent so I could see the food before I opened it. When I tried to open mine, it was all stuck. Or you're getting x-ray vision. Oh, man.

That's fun. Why? Did you not? Could you not see yours? No. Why aren't you wearing a shirt vision. Oh, man. That's fun. Why? Did you not? Could you not see yours? No. Why aren't you wearing a shirt today? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the x-ray vision.

It's kicking in. Oh, wow. It must be the butter. It's whatever. Whenever you're thinking about getting mad and I am mad, he gets x-ray vision. Oh, wow. We got to really narrow that down. He's going to be seeing secrets.

Eric, you might want to get that looked at. I do, probably. Just leave it. It'll take care of itself. Let's get a robbery going at the Culver's. I don't know what to do in nine days. I don't have much time anyway, so it'll be fine. I tried to open the wrapper for the burger,

and it was so wet from the butter. There we go. Eric said wet. That was a wet burger. Wet is really the worst way to describe food and but it was like it was so it was apt it was very was it wet was it not wet am i wrong it was soaking call it wet it was really it was like soggy i mean no yes it was sopping mine stop now we're going you just keep going it Yes. It was sopping. Sop? Now we're going. You just keep going.

It's wet. It was so wet. You went from greasy to wet to sopping. You skipped right over moist. It's not getting more wet as time goes on. No, but I'm using words that are describing it right. No, you're using words that are increasing the drench factor. Because I'm really thinking about it and going wetter and wetter and wetter.

How? You thinking about getting wet? On the neutrocious. Neutrocious? Neutrocious scale. What the fuck is neutrocious? It's when something's nutritious, but the temperature's just right. And that's neutrocious. The burger

was good for you, and it was at the right temperature. It's neutro burger was good for you. And it was at the right temperature. It's nutritious. Good for you. The hamburger was good for you. I like when the hamburger was good to me. Yeah. I like kind food.

When it was nice to me the whole way. I'll be honest. It calmed me down a little bit. Yeah. Oh, really? Was it all the cheeses? Because it was so fucking dense that it just slows you down. No, I think it's what happened is I haven't looked at my phone in the last 45 minutes.

Oh, that was actually. Yeah, that'll do it. Don't worry. It's waiting for you. How many messages do you think you have? Hopefully zero because the more hostile I get, the less come in. That is a tactic that I know you employ. But also, based on talking to you every two weeks weeks it doesn't seem like it works all the time

because people keep talking to you oh yeah but I mean comparatively I guess it could be worse it would be far worse yeah

you should see the people I sit next to it's like a hundred times what I deal with I get mad for them I go start yelling at them they're like

oh no I gotta calm down let me eat this cheeseburger yeah and they're like why is it at him! And they're like, oh, no. I gotta calm down. Let me eat this cheeseburger. Yeah, and they're like, why is it so dry? And then Aaron breaks the fucking wall down. It's sloppy! It's a monsoon! It's a monsoon! This damn break of a burger.

Incredible. Speaking of which, it calmed me down by that is a i i was a lot of food man half of my um like thought power to push my blood through my body right yeah because otherwise it's getting stuck. I noticed you were talking a little slower. Yeah, well, normally it kind of moves on its own, I think. Yeah, but you gotta push it. Yeah, I'm feeling it clump up. I'm having to pump my heart.

I'm controlling it. You better not be sending me a message with that phone, motherfucker. I would never send you a message, okay? If you send me anything, it better be a picture

of a goat or something. Oh, that's a good idea. I'm just saying, that's fine. Goats are allowed. You send me a text without pictures, you're dead. This toad eats chocolate, and the thing is, that's

so rare. Is that an ultra rare? Well, that one is. He's surrounded by guys. Guess what, I just took a picture of your phone. No, my toads! How much is it worth now? A lot less.

You actually owe $14,000. Dude, you should have just started a Culver's. Oh, fuck. Six more. You're in business. Yeah. At that point. At that point, you know.

At that point, at least you're getting a Culver's out of it. Yeah, exactly. That's a chocolate eating toad. My toads. We're done here, right? Yeah, for as dense's a chocolate-eating toad. My toads! We're done here, right? Yeah, for as dense as this burger is. Review the food time. Yeah, as dense as this burger is.

You love this cat. And is too much. Oh, yeah. A bit played out, but I'll accept it. Thank you. It's not a goat, but... No, it's also not a bunch of words, though. I'm satisfied.

Neutrosis. We found the middle. Usually we'll get something like this that's like, check out this crazy burger. It's cheese and got a cheese bun. It doesn't taste like the thing at all. Dude, this had flavor. Their butter burgers, pretty flavorful.

Butter and cheese. It goes a long way, turns out. And there was some Cheese flavor in the bun It wasn't just like cheese colored Which is what we'll get sometimes So you know I at least applaud them For bringing things to the table They'll also like to go like

We've got seven cheeses And you go it tastes like cheese This actually was like different cheese Yeah you can They really splurged on the havarti they spent no expense well they made their money back on the american they uh yeah they're all different colors too so it's like it's like whoa look at all these cheeses in harmony um and also there was like some uh there was some like you know how when you eat... Yellow and white and yellow.

Holding hands in beautiful harmony. It's like that scene in American Beauty, just filming the burger. Majestic. Beautiful. I don't know what I was saying anymore. Hell yeah. You're talking about the coalescence of cheese. Yeah.

You used the word harmony. There was some like, you know when you get a pan pizza and the cheese gets all like crispy on the corner. There was some of that going on too. And you could taste it. You think that was by accident or on purpose? If it was by accident, don't fix it. Because I thought it was a nice touch.

If it was a single instead of a double, I'd say like eat it for lunch, you know? Yeah. What? But like, yeah. As in go'd say eat it for lunch. Yeah. What? But like, as in go get it because it's good. But what are you saying about the double? It's too much food. It's too much for lunch. It's too much food.

But you ate it for lunch. Yeah. And now look at me. I'm having to. I can hardly put string words together. You look like that before the book. I'm having to pump my heart on my own. You think you're not going to be self-pumping on a single?

I think the burger has very little to do with that. It's the butter and the cheese. I think it will derail your day a little less if you can get it on a single. Yeah, but maybe if you're looking to be a little lethargic. Yeah, if you're looking for an excuse. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, boss man. I had a double.

Have some of this burger and chill. Look, I know you said you don't like us eating breakfast tacos before a shoot. Right. It slows us down. But I had a double for lunch. It was just meat and cheese. Oh, I'm sorry. And butter.

Yeah, and a lot of butter. But I didn't see the butter, so it's fine. Right. Yeah. It's in the burger, so it's like empty calories. Good for you. But yeah, I do applaud it for being very flavorful. We know you like the cheese curds.

I'll subtract. Yeah. That's spoiler out immediately for some reason. He's a crazy man. This guy just loves rating in the middle of the show now. It's like every time. Guy, it's like saying we had french fries and they tasted good. Stop saying what?

That's not part of the review. Sure it is. Saying it's good or bad is the review. That's what the whole thing is. Guys, the burger was good. Right. Well, you can say it now. We're at the review part.

Thank you. If you start the next episode with that, I'm going to flip. I'll talk about the Culver's Burger on the next episode. I don't care. But yeah, I'm going to give it an 81. Wow. Wow. Wow.

All right. I had my number ready from the second we finished the burger. Wow. And I can't believe how nice Jordan was. 88. Wow. It was good. And those cheese curds were excellent not just good maybe it's because every time we get cheese curds they're fucking awful yeah yeah and they always know what they're doing when i went oh that's good like maybe it

isn't excellent but again compared to the last four cheese curds we had which sucked ass they were good those were the best cheese curds i had, which sucked ass, they were good. Those were the best cheese curds I think we've had on this show. The average score is 84.5, and I would go out of my way to have this burger again. And they still somehow kept them hot. Yes. Like the cheese curds. Like the cheese was actually like warm and melty.

It's not a short drive from the Culver's back here. It wasn't like cold and stiff. Like you get any kind of cheese in bread, the second it's cold, it sucks ass. It's not very nutritious, I'll tell you that. No. That being delicious. That's what I meant that time.

I got you. What are you doing? Getting snack attack. Why are you handing us papers? I didn't hand you anything. I like that he waits until we're done talking to do it so that there's a big quiet moment. Anywhere in this area is my reach.

So you've essentially put that in my hand. Striking. Can I see that drawing? Yeah. I have territory. The bug king. Now you've passed into Jordan's territory. It's a cute little drawing.

Which one are you? We're different bugs. I'm the praying mantis. Let's see. Unlikely. But I'm not religious. I'm like Chris different bugs. I'm the praying mantis. Let's see. Unlikely. But I'm not religious. I'm like Chris Pratt. I'm not religious.

That's the most bullshit. I never was. Are we going to start calling Jordan CP? Please don't. I don't like when people call me Chris. It's not my name. Call me CP. What?

What do we got here? I don't know. I think that one might be a flea is that a praying mantis or a grasshopper it's a grasshopper it doesn't have crazy hands it's got some crazy hands that's praying mantis okay it's a praying mantis yeah it's gonna cut off and then there's some sort of beetle i think there's a yeah it looks like now what the fuck is this that one looks like a flea what is this piece of of shit? That's gotta be Eric. That's gotta be Eric, yeah. What, that ugly piece of shit over here? Well, why am I that?

Why would you be the monkey? I don't know, that's why I was confused. Guys, can I be the monkey? I'm like, I'm not the monkey. Eric's trying to be the monkey now. I like how we're bug kings

and we're just straight up three different bugs and then they just drew the monkey. Yes. Although, didn't draw a monkey mask. He's just a monkey. He is a monkey,'t draw a monkey mask. He's just a monkey.

He is a monkey, yeah. With monkey eyes. But I think that's okay because they made us bugs. You know what I mean? I guess it's true, yeah. I think we were bugs hanging out with a guy. But, but, but, hear me out. Hear me out.

I'm going to criticize this art. Do it. Get him. Not being able to create art my own. I can bash yours. Hell yeah. What would have been better was they did the monkey mask, but he was a bug inside of it. Oh.

Right? Like, he just had little antennas poking out. Little antennas, like, I'm a bug, but wearing the monkey mask. Yeah. Cute drawing. So this is from Sestiva.

I give it an A. I think that's you, Jordan. I could live with that. Michael! Michael, the stag beetle on the left. Fuck me. It's a very kingly and strong bug. That would also definitely jump over a table and tackle Eric.

We don't know yet. Jordan. We know. The assassin bug on the right. Oh, you're the ugly bug. I couldn't think of a better bug for a 100% eat ass man than the one with two asses in its name. That makes sense. Eric, the praying mantis in the middle.

They move their arms around in wild gestures. And also, when they're praying, it almost looks like they're just so little. Also, male mantises usually have their heads eaten off by their mate. So, sorry. Oh, man. All right.

Good luck, Eric. In a very proper royal court, needs a jester, and the sauce monkey fits perfectly. Yeah. Thank you, Sestiva. We're going to rewrite what you said and do what we said. Yeah.

That's good, too. I'm going to be the praying mantis who doesn't get his dick ripped off. Mine doesn't. My dick doesn't get ripped off as a praying mantis. My dick doesn't get ripped off. He gets his dick cut off or something. And then Jordan is this beetle over here. Just like this.

See these little pincers. It's like they're crushing the restaurant. When he punishes them. Yeah. He looks like he also looks like punishing pincer. He looks like he's looking down his nose at the restaurant, too. Oh, yeah. I'm just saying.

I never looking at this. And then this piece of shit's just sort of there just like eric he he looks like a little like uh he looks like a minion you know like yes he's a bug king but also a servant bug to the other he looks like he's he does look like he's he definitely he's a bug king that somehow works for the jester yeah he's the lowest level of those yeah it's bad dude come on It's bad. Well says Teva sent us a snack anyway This is cool. We should I'm talking about posting this and then not post it. I'll post it So then someone goes why don't you post it? Why can't you do that? Our description of it is. Oh, is this jokey?

What is this? This is the snack that says Teva sent Okay, could have just said yes Nah, we got it. I got it. Mine won't open. Open sesame. Oh fuck, it's the space food all over again. Fuck me. Wait, don't put it in the poison? Or do.

Or do. I don't remember. Pour the chemicals on it. Fuck this. I'm about to throw this. I'm getting mad again. Oh no. You got scissors? This is like fucking stupid. Again, Eric, You got scissors? This is like fucking stupid. Again, Eric, you could have had this prepared. Wow.

It really came after you. Give me that lightsaber. That dung beetle now. What? The lightsaber. It's plastic, Jordan. Oh, fuck. I thought it was a real one. Well, it says it's ostrich jerky. We're all going to sit here in silence trying to open these. It's one of those things. Eric's using his teeth. It's one of the... Oh, and a in silence trying to open these it's one of those

things using his teeth it's one of the and a couple teeth just came out it's one of those things again it looks like you just rip it at the top it's super glued what the fuck are you doing well if only one of us could get up and find some scissors in like the kitchen that's right outside the door well i just poked it through with keys. There you go. You can do mine. Okay, cut this part out. This sucks I think leave it in it's just okay. You can leave this part in but put like some kind of music bed Yeah, something I mean like like the jeopardy music Well, we're definitely not thinking We're not cavemen we have technology technology. Just so you know, his teeth were all over that.

Not that part. The look on his face right now. Give it back then. Well, you already touched it, so. I know. It's too late. I mean, the top part is where it was in your mouth. It's true.

That's where he grabbed. I read the part that was in your mouth. It didn't grab. He didn't grab. Not to mention he's been exposed to people who have COVID. He absolutely did. Also, he's been exposing himself to people. Can I have your keys?

Fucking oh no. Do you want to do it with my gross hand now? Jordan, I can't do it for myself, okay? Nick is showing us an empty wrapper that he ate the whole thing. Nick's proving that he did it. Get a hold of yourself. Do you think this key still works? What is this building?

Oh, we should try it. In the olden days. We'll definitely try it. They were like, no one can have these. And I got my hands on one and just didn't give it back. Does it work on that building? Or is it just this one? Like five or just four?

I think it's just this one. Great. He just doxxed us. Oh You know this is all edited out anyway, so is it good no Not really I'm not getting like what ostrich. No, it's meat. It's jerky. What are you talking about? This tastes just like ostrich. It's dry and it's fucking salty. It is so dry and salty. And it's just that hint. Now, I understand it's jerky.

Just that hint of dog food. I mean, there is jerky that doesn't taste like dog food, but a lot of it does. And by dog food, I mean like dog treats. Yeah. I love when you chew something and you don't really bite it as much as you kind of just disintegrate it into smaller pieces also when you try to bite it but you end up just closing your mouth around it

and it just pokes your mouth and you go oh I thought you were going to get cut up or something I thought my teeth were going to take out of that you got to work with me here I could get around all those teeth in there are you so strong that's crazy I mean it's not awful but I would not eat this You get around all those teeth in there. How are you so strong? That's crazy. I mean, it's not awful, but I would not eat this.

Yeah. Honestly, the most shocking part is how salty it is. It's so salty. Like, I'm dying of thirst right now. It's more salty than the thing that was covered in butter. 49. I'm in the desert, dude. 49. I'm getting dry, dry, dry.

49. Maybe if I eat more, it'll wet me up. I'm here complaining about being too wet. Mm-hmm. I'd kill for wet right now. Balance. It's all about balance.

I'd go for it. I'd kill to be wet. I'm sucking up a pool. 55. Okay. Maybe my no was a little harsh. It's fine, but it's so salty.

It's an average score of 52 and it is very very salty the flavor honestly isn't bad I agree with that it's better than a lot of jerky if it was less salty and the texture was better and it wasn't so damn flat and pokey yeah I take a bite and go ow

that whole 49 for me is nothing but the flavor of the jerky everything else is zero. All right. There you go. Especially getting into it. I've never been instantly dehydrated before. Usually it takes hours of drinking.

This jerky is making me thirsty. If you want to send us snacks, you can. Face Jam, care of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Send us some snacks. Thank you. I'm saying you did a good job. Jerky's making me thirst. We're going to be live recording this RTX episode.

You won't hear it, but Well, I mean, you won't hear it because this comes out after, but I think that'll probably be released as a bonus episode. I would think that that's probably what we're going to do. Now, let me ask this, which is what we discussed two plus years ago.

Or maybe not plus yet. When did this piece of shit start? Yeah, it's about two, yeah. Are we going to be hidden behind curtains or can they see us? No, they'll have to see us. Are you sure? What if I bring a blanket?

Then I guess we can try to hang up a blanket but there's no one to really put it. I'm just saying the experience is you don't see us. Right. You hear us. Right. But you can be in the same room as us.

Uh-huh. I don't know if you should get to look at me we did do that live show where people could see us but that's different and you know it oh I hadn't considered that it is different and I do know it well see what I can do and if we're not hidden

worst case scenario we bring blankets then at least they won't know who's who it'll be a secret. But he'll still have to wear the monkey mask. Right, under the blanket. Yeah, he might know who he is. Either that or... He'll be the one with the monkey head underneath the blanket.

It's either that's the monkey or someone fucking hit their head hard. Big time. Got a big cartoon well. Someone's got a big fucking concussion. If that lump starts falling asleep, they're dead. You can follow at FaceGamPod on Instagram and Twitter to stay up to date with everything. Also, go to store.roosterteeth.com for all your FaceGIM needs. The Switch Fork.

Not available at RTX. Will be coming soon after RTX. So stay tuned. You can buy it in the store on our website. Yes. Yeah. That's where you will be able to get it. When it is out.

I'll tell you this. Incredibly fun to just open and close it's a great little fidget toy yeah you know even if you don't use it for fork i'll tell you this after the last episode uh i got behind thanks i'll need those i got behind jordan's car before he was pulling out that's true i took it out and started stabbing towards him and he threw his hands up like that yeah i just started going hey i saved i saved that clip i should dig it up that's good yeah i'm pretty sure i probably hunched when i did it we should probably release that that's that's good uh that's good social marketing yeah dude there you have it

all right jordan uh close this out why did do you have anything else to say michael uh comment switch fork isn't that what they did last time did they did we say that last time i don't think we said it but then i saw a lot of switch for oh comments did we not tell them what to say we can't be letting them start thinking on their own that's true that's a dangerous precedent was it switch work okay we said switch oh my god i got fork on the brain switch fork that is um i don't know what was that thing i said earlier neutrosis put that. You spell it the way you want. But if it's wrong, we'll let you know. Very similar to necrosis.

Yeah, think about it. Yeah, I was thinking N-E-U. You dead piece of shit. I don't know. Think about it. T-R-O-S-I-S? Okay. Maybe S-U-S? If you think it is.

Neutrosis. Okay. Don't say that. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend. Hold on, someone's calling me. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about this show where we eat calling me. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about this show where we eat food and rate the food. Thank you for listening.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye. He added the thank you for listening. Yeah, he just said goodbye. You might even want to change that to get out. Bye. Thank you for listening.

Get out. When did he learn to say bye? I think just now.