100% Eat - Dairy Queen Cheesy Dude & Cheesy Steak Fingers

Episode Date: May 10, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Dairy Queen Cheesy Dude & Cheesy Steak Fingers so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Bacon I am Your Father, The Walking Dead, being held hostage, and more. Listen to the audio version at: https://bit.ly/3k8XRSb Sponsored by: ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/facejam) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam16 + code facejam16) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. it's quiet hold on let me bring something up just so we have something we need some music and I can't I don't know where to find the fucking theme song no I'm just gonna play something that's good that shouldn't get us into any copyright trouble

no yeah we'll be fine hold on there's an ad we have to wait for the ad. Play the ad, too. If it's the fucking camp intro, I'm going to lose it. Oh, that's a great idea. Fuck off. Hey, you ready to get boosted?

No, I'm not doing that. Right? I feel like it's a trick. welcome to face jam the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it you probably do if you survive i'm your host michael jones alongside my currently not undead co-host jordan sweers jordan how are you i'm getting caught up on the walking dead yeah so i i decided for like the fourth time in my life to catch up on the walking dead because it's just insufferable to watch episode by episode. It sounds like it's insufferable to watch

binged. Yeah, but I binge it and then I kind of just let things get in my ear hole and then I go, what happened? I rewind it and I go, oh, that guy's dead now. Anyway, but also as watching it, I've decided to also purchase all the compendiums for the graphic novels. What? Which honestly

seems like a much better idea. It is better. And that's where I started. But I stopped reading them when the show came out because I was like, I want to spoil it. And now the show's about to end this year. Well, this version of the show. Well, yeah. You got the two spin-offs, the three movies.

The world's not ready for it to end yet. Fear of the planet of the world of The Walking Dead. Escape from The Walking Dead. And so now I'm catching Jordan up. Right, because I gave up after about season four.

Yeah. I made it to season two and I went, this is not for me. Season two, that's the best season. The farm? No, no.

The whole farm? I thought that was the bunker. You fool. First of all, the bunker. The bunker season one, my man. Is it really? The CDC bunker? Oh, wow. I watched season one. You watched the whole season. Also,. First of all, the bunker. The bunker season one, my man. Is it really? The CDC

bunker? You watched a whole season. Also, hang on, hang on. A whole season? Season one is six episodes. I watched six episodes. The best part about season two is that they're in a different location for longer. I think you just described the whole show.

You're never going to believe where they go next and who they fuck up. Honestly, I was shocked that Carol was still in the picture. You'll believe it. Dude, Carol can't get rid of her, okay? Got married, got divorced. I like that you describe her as hinged and then unhinged.

Oh, dude, her hinge is always swinging. She was re-hinging and then unhinging one more time. Dude, her and Daryl still getting into it. Will they? Won't they? He wants to fuck his... A classic Jim-Pam situation. Yeah, well, they did. Daryl and Carol are really the Jim and Pam of The Walking Dead. The Sam and Diane.

Yeah, but they didn't make the mistake The Office made. And 11 seasons later, nothing's happened. Yeah, baby! The Office blew it in season three. Yeah, they get together and now what are you watching for? I can't believe the season three finale,

which is the best finale of any season of that show, and then it just keeps going and it's like, we probably didn't need more of this. Well, it comes back with the fun run.

Season four, that's a two-part. Don't forget about Will Ferrell. Today. Oh, God. Today, we're reviewing Dairy Queen Cheesy Dude and Cheesy Steak Fingers. What?

I thought they were Cheesy Dude Steak Fingers. Dairy Queen Cheesy Dude. Yes, correct. That's one item. And then separately. The Dairy Queen Cheesy Steak Fingers. Correct. These just became available. I have a question, and this might be a personal question.

I don't know. Hey. What is a cheesy dude? No spoilers, though. Well, I just want to know what a cheesy dude is. I ate it, and I still don't know. From what I can tell, it's a sandwich with cheese on it. Yeah, but like...

You can put cheese on me, and I'm a cheesy dude? Yeah. I think so. I think so. Cheesy dude. Cheesy dude. Cheesy dude. We're all cheesy dudes, yeah. That could have been the intro.

That might get cut. That's gonna get cut? Yeah, it might. You're gonna cut that, but not the walking dead intro music? I mean, no, here's the thing. I'm a fan of good burger. It just wasn't very good. Oh, wow.

Yeah. But it was burger. It was Good Burger. It just wasn't very good. Oh, wow. Yeah. But it was burgers. It was simply burgers. Which, I don't know that the cheesy dude was. They call it a sandwich. I'm not reading ahead because I don't know what the hell it was. And I'm hoping the information

is here. But knowing you, there's information worthless. We're going to learn about whatever we ate last time. Or the time before. Jordan said earlier when you were out of the room crying or something. He said we're going to learn about whatever we ate last time. Or the time before. Jordan said earlier when you were out of the room crying or something, he said we're going to learn about those cookies we didn't eat. I was, that whole time I was gone. You were gone for so long.

It was me trying to print this format sheet. She's old. And it would not work. And I had to go to IT and bang on their door and go, hey, if you don't help me fix this, I might throw this printer out a window. It's okay, though. We're on the first floor. Yeah.

So it would have just lived outside. Which window? He was going to make one. Yeah, I'll cut one out real quick. That's fine, though, because I was filling Jordan in. Yes. No, I got that. Dude, walking dead.

We came back and I heard you talking about Negan or whatever. Hey, look up. Seven-year-old going to stab you with a katana. I'll katana you in the bottom of the chin right through your brain that judith judith style is that mostly what the show is still is like it like a hard cut to a zombie walking and then all of a sudden like its head exploding or it like getting chopped or something okay you gotta have exposition that seemed to exposition yeah that seemed to be like the favorite thing of that show. And really still really, really, really

bad CGI. Yeah. Like early 2000s CGI. They don't use a lot, right? But what they do is, for some reason, Daryl uses unbreakable bolts that never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever break. So anytime he shoots someone in the brain,

he pulls it out. And there's always a little that's clearly a digital effect when he pulls it out, and there's always a little that's clearly a digital effect when he pulls it out. I remember those. I remember those in the show. It's like the little black blood. Yeah, it goes That always looks bad. It does look bad every time. Dude, I was

watching a season 10 episode, which I think is 2019, and they put a CGI deer in it, and it was like Space Jam 1. I was like, why? Why would you do it? The deer's arm got really long. Don't write this.

Well, it came from outer space. He was one of the monsters. I was like, they had the really bad CGI tiger, but they had no choice if they wanted to have the character. The guy had a tiger. Right. So it's just like, fuck it. So think about it.

When was that? When was the tiger? King. He had a tiger. Don't Right. So it's just like, fuck it. So think about it. When was that? When was the tiger? King. He had a tiger. Don't worry about it. I'm very worried. But it was just like, okay, CGI. But don't be putting CGI deers in it.

Yeah. If you can't afford it, it's a goddamn deer. You can go rent a deer. It's fine. Just go rent a deer. Shit that. Yeah. And then just at the end, you just put one deer was harmed in the making of the show.

No one would care. Atlanta would rejoice. Yeah, it'd be fine. I guarantee you no one's reading the credits rejoice. Yeah, it'd be fine. I guarantee you, no one's reading the credits anyway. Yeah, it's totally fine. I don't think anyone that watches that show can read, myself included.

Do you think they have a really active subreddit? I just feel like that's what that show heads on. I don't know where the show is fan-based. I'm going to bet it's still, views have declined, but it's still popular. But I bet it's hate-watched a lot. I agree.

I just don't know how you can bring yourself to hate watch that i think i don't know i just watch it as like a mind melt right hey i just absorb and i get my enjoyment telling jordan about this is great having a katana and he goes what there's a rick jr who is rj said where'd he come from i said michonne's vagina oh don't worry all that's in the episode. Oh, is it? Yeah, sure. Yeah, why not? I watched your eyes roll in the back of your head and you started explaining season 7.

Don't. I'm not a walker. Don't chop me. Does that bother you? That they don't call them zombies? No, I don't care. Who cares? It doesn't bother me as much as this cheesy dude. What do you mean, cheesy dude? What do you think about it?

I've never had food from Dairy Queen. Me neither. I was saying this is the first time that I've ever had hot food at Dairy Queen. Yeah. All the food I get there is ice cold. Have you had ice cream? Yeah. Oh.

Have you had hot ice cream? I have hot ice cream. Oh, you have? Oh, yeah? You like hot ice cream? I like it piping hot. You like a soup? It's like a soup?

Because then when they- Can I. You like a soup? Can I get the Oreo Blizzard and can you put it in the microwave for about two and a half minutes? Because then when they go to turn it over. It's everywhere. Then you get a free ask. They don't do it. And I also don't put it in the microwave. It has to be an open flame. It tastes different.

It's not soup. It's still ice cream. It has to be an open flame. It tastes different. It's like you're kind of like propane or charcoal. It's not soup. It's still ice cream. It's just hot. Yeah, it's just hot ice cream. Right. So it's still like the same shape. I don't know what kind of soup bases you're dealing with, Eric.

It's still like a scoop. It's just hot. Go on. It's not ice. What do you mean? Cream. It is ice cream. It was ice cream.

I point to the picture and I say I want it just like that but I want it hot. Sometimes they give it to me and sometimes they say how? And I say you figure it out. Make sure it's an open flame. I'm just the cheesy dude looking for a cheesy dude. I'm just one cheesy dude looking for

you put out a call for cheesy dudes I'm coming. We had a different episode lined up for this until last night when this was released when this dropped and i went pivot this drop cheesy dude dude derrick queen just dropped the cheesy dude sandwich what i was excited about is that uh we could get it well you're excited about that today yeah yeah you did do a little celebration well i was incredibly nervous that they were not going to have it. Well, you reassured me last night when I, the first thing I said was, are we sure we

can get this one? And then you said yes, because it's Texas Dairy Queen. You did say that. But if you're that nervous, why put yourself in the line of fire? Oh, exactly. Why guarantee something that you're not 100% sure of? Let me tell you why. Because every episode I'm nervous they don't have the food. in the line of fire. Oh, exactly. Why guarantee something that you're not 100% sure of? Let me tell you why.

Because every episode I'm nervous they don't have the food. 100% of the time. So you're worse at your job than we previously thought. No, no, no. Even with places like McDonald's where you know

it's like the thing, I'm 100% concerned that we're going to go and they're going to go, I don't know what that is every time. You could still like, instead of being like,

oh, thank God and like dancing that they have it, you could be like, I fucking knew it thank god and like dancing that they have it be like i fucking knew it yeah i'm confident it'd be like if joe name is not that held together no i'm definitely not that held together and then they win the super oh my god i'm so glad we won guys i i'm more i was not sure we're gonna pull that off i'm more of a jerry west type where no matter what happens if i win, I'm still pissed. I think you're more of a George Costanza type. Oh, taking your clothes off to take a shit. I'm a classic Kramer. Does he do that? I don't remember that.

I don't remember that one. Is he the full on? I think he does it. He comes out of Jerry's bathroom and he's buttoning his shirt and Jerry's like, what are you doing in there? It's one of those things about that show where they just make up something so insane there's no way that you would have never heard about it before.

But they're like, eh, fuck it. Let's just say he always did this. And then, of course, it comes back to light in later in the episode at some hot woman's house that would never date Costanza. Yeah. Jerry makes sense. He's rich. That always makes sense.

He's just rich. Are these women just trying to get to Jerry through George? Maybe they're trying to get to George through Jerry. Wow. The irresistible. I think it's a whole Kramer situation. Do you think if we didn't say the word Seinfeld, Kat would know what we're talking about?

She does not hear. That's why I said, do you think she would? It's a hypothetical. Maybe. Do you have her phone number? Can you text her or something? Yeah, what do I text her? Do you know what Seinfeld is?

No, I said that's the part we don't mention. I say, do you know who George Costanza is? No, I said that's the part we don't mention. I say, do you know who George Costanza is? And then put don't Google. And then maybe put like a winking smiley face or something. Like, I'll know. Maybe don't do that. Yeah, maybe not gonna. Well, like you always do.

It kept going and it was fine, it was fine, it was fine. I'm just trying to sound like the text is coming from you. Nope, not doing that. Because that's how I always get your texts. Well, Eric would include a buff arm flex. Eric will tell me something. He's like, check this place in your house. And I go to check, and he says, no, no, not there, behind you. That happens a lot.

And then he sends me a smirking face. Instead of a picture of just him, grainy footage from a corner. And he just goes, where are you? And it doesn't matter. Yeah. He's behind me me usually uh i have a question sure go ahead are you gonna ask what a cheesy dude is my question is why does eric keep commissioning these drawings of him very buff i've not commissioned i don't know these are simply drawings have you seen these things that he accidentally is getting i think these are... Oh, people keep drawing. People keep drawing me old Spuff. I think it'd be a lot of money.

I think that's why he's always in crippling financial debt. I think the prices are going up too because the muscles are getting bigger and bigger every time. Well, you know, some drawings are just made and who can say what happens?

Uh-huh. I think he's saying what happens. He just said what happens. No, but what I'm saying... When in he just said what happens no no but what i'm saying when in fact you look nothing right but what i'm saying is who can say and you're small who can say what happens no also not a hint of gray in those drawings yeah artist interpretation you know right little artistic license baby maybe the grid just doesn't show up on camera maybe i thought you said maybe the grinch doesn't just show up on camera and I went, I would say that's

almost exclusively Grinch. I don't see him usually outside of it. I've never seen the Grinch not on a screen. I mean, I bet he's out there. I typically only see, Grinch lives in a little box that's my TV. And that's where the Grinch is.

And I feel safe because he's not getting out. I mean, allegedly he lives in something shaped like his own head or something. But it's just nice to know he can't get me. Yeah, he could, but he chooses not to. The Grinch could get me? Yeah, have you seen him slither around a Christmas tree like a snake? Yeah, but again, he's trapped inside the box. He's not trapped at all, he just chooses not to engage.

Just like you choose not to do the fucking facts in a reasonable amount of time. Like a day before, two days before, proofread, or like make sure it's the same name as the restaurant we actually ate at. It says Dairy Queen right there. Okay. Yeah. We're good.

I don't know if I've got too much cheese or not enough. I feel off, dude. You think you didn't get enough cheese? Yeah, I feel like, I'll be honest, before getting into review, I feel like there wasn't enough cheese for something sold to me by you as cheesy dudes. I agree. I would say there was an imbalance of cheese.

Also, there was an imbalance. Also, I like when Eric swooped in last second, both in his explanation and actually doing it going guys pivot and I said to myself did we have something else planned? Yeah we had 7-11 Oh I totally forgot I don't remember or care I was just glad I hadn't written the haiku yet

That's good That's three minutes You gotta wait on him I wait until the day of because you never know when this fucker's gonna change it on you because he waits until the last second and so now you're fucked.

He's fucking up the chain. You're not gonna do it the day before? Come on. No way. You're fucking up the chain, dude. It is also Dairy Queen's fault for dropping it at the last minute.

It is Dairy Queen's fault. I think that's the important thing here. They literally drop it in. They came down on a little parachute. Yep. Oh. This sucks.

Like the Grinch. This one sucks. You wanna start over? No, I wanna get it over with. Oh. Like the Grinch. This one sucks. You want to start over? No, I want to get it over with. Usually I wait till the end. Uh-huh. It's just, this is just not good.

And it's, okay, hang on. Bring me back a little bit. I think, I think that's maybe why I'm so macabre. You're, I mean,

you spent the better part of 15 minutes explaining. No, explaining is the most fun about the walking dead I'm I think I'm upset because I've been watching you I'm unloading some of my pain on the Jordan the worst part of the walking dead is watching the walking dead Telling someone else about it right and having them go why? You've ever seen.

He does it for moments. Yeah. When the people go, what? Yeah. I do it for now. Right? You know? I'm finally getting my worth out of it.

Are you thinking about how you have more to watch of The Walking Dead? Yeah. That's a bummer. Yeah. How much more do you have? I have about maybe like 24 episodes. And I'm caught up. Oh my god!

Well, you tapped out at a six episode season one. They're like 22 now. And so I've got like seven left in 10 and then 16 in season 11. And then that's it! There's only eight more! What's gonna happen? I see commercials for The Walking Dead still because when I

watch... What's a commercial? Oh, you mean like an ad? Yeah. Like a pre-roll. I'm watching Better Call Saul, which is the only time I watch live television. But I keep seeing ads for like the final season of The Walking Dead. The part two of

three finale. I'm like, what? Yeah, it's actually... They've cut up the final season into three parts. Three parts, yeah. I mean, usually they do. Why not just call it three seasons? Well, because there are only eight episodes each. Right, which is still longer than the first season. That's a lot of episodes.

That's a lot of C-dub logic, okay? This bitch has got to be 22 minimum, all right? Two parts, okay. You got to get those shirts off and those boners packed. I can see two parts. Let's go. Three parts is where it gets a little convoluted. It's a lot of walking dead.

Blame COVID. I don't know that that's the reason. But we got to blame something. We got to put it squarely on something. All right, well, stay tuned for part two of three of this podcast. Yeah. It's the ad break. We're going to put an ad in three different spots.

But now you know who that is. I sure do. A little girl wearing a cowboy hat and a katana. But now you know who that is. I sure do. A little girl wearing a cowboy hat and a katana. Oh, I know who that is, too. That's fun. See? That's pretty exciting. So do you think part one of this episode is the beginning part,

and then part two is the ads, and then part three is the back part of the episode? Well, if it's going into part two, you've got to end part one on a cliffhanger. We need to kill someone. You need something to happen where people go what and then they wait come wants to watch like this oh and we're back you guys welcome to part two welcome to dun dun dun dun dun I don't know what that's the pirate oh yeah it was it was it's another show

I watched the first season of. He went, and my brain went, It was all very close. All music is very lazy. That's why I hate the arts. And that's for taking them out of public schools.

Stop. Stop stabbing the factory. No, I'm Texas. Get this book out of here. All right, Jordan, you got a haiku? Yeah, I'll read the haiku. Let's do it.

Free range, cheesy witch, raised by cheesy dude cowboys with fingers of steak. All right. Awesome. And like, who knew the cowboy

was going to come in? Yeah, right. Referentially. That's pretty exciting. Dude, what's with the witches though? It's short for a sandwich. Gotcha. Did not get that at all.

Cheesy witch. Thoughtful. I have to go with him. When you see cowboys versus aliens but also witches are their kind of situation. Cowboys versus Dairy Queen. If you see it, it's like I'm the cheesy dude.

Cowboys versus Dairy Queen. The cheesy dude you see it, I'm the cheesy dude. Cowboys versus Dairy Queens. The cheesy dude's the one to unite them, you know? Directed by Jon Favreau. Bummer. That's a good haiku. Should we get into facts or what? Let's get this.

Yeah, I haven't ripped them back on track. Yeah, you only took out the arts at the top. Our previous Dairy Queen episode was released January 19th, 2021, where we ate the McDonald's McRib. Due to reasons.

It received an average score of 75. Pretty good score. Not bad. What did I rate it? Lower. I think you gave it like a 60-something, and he gave it like an 80 or something. That still feels too high.

It probably was way too high. You probably gave it a decent rating something and he gave it like an 80 or something. That still feels too high. It probably was way too high. You probably gave it a decent rating because it was there for us. It's true. It saved us. It's true. That was probably my logic. Yeah, I'm sure it was. Dairy Queen, a nationwide chain, has a whole different set

of menus and circumstances in the great state of Texas. What a circumstance. Where they've successfully tricked these yokels, Eric included, into thinking it's a Texas native chain. Good luck getting this food. Yep. If you are a jammer and you live in Texas,

you can have the dude. Okay. If you live in Texas you can have the dude. Okay. If you live in Minnesota? No. Doesn't that kind of go against the whole show? Are you telling me that when Don't we juice food so other people can eat it? Yeah. So you know we've done

P-Terry, right? Yeah. Okay. Where are they? Here. And where else? Texas. But where else? Buda? Where else are they? They're in the bermuda triangle dallas i heard they disappeared there no not terry um like so you're telling me when somebody in minnesota watches they skipped on a helicopter yeah yeah it got sucked in when somebody in minnesota watches a commercial it doesn't end with that's what i like about texas commercial, it doesn't end with, that's what I like about Texas. No, surprisingly, it doesn't.

What? Does it say, that's what I like about, and then just ends? It's like, that's what I like about Minnesota. I mean, like, growing up, Dairy Queen was, all I knew it for was, I've never had the hot food there. We were just saying that. That's true. Ice cream. Ice cream, strictly. Also, the logo is what made it. Why can't you just keep saying hot food? You can just say food. I've never had the hot food there. We were just saying that. That's true. Ice cream. Ice cream strictly. Also, the logo is what kept me awake.

Why can't you just keep saying hot food? You can just say food. I've never had the food there. What else is there? What's like medium food? Cold food. Why would you need to use the word hot? Because I haven't had the hot food.

I've had cold food. I've had cake. Right. Yeah. So food. Food. No, but I've had food. An ice cream isn't food.

I feel like if I didn't say hot food, we would be having the opposite of this conversation. Here's the thing. While I'll say it, you're getting buried no matter what. Eric's right. He's right, 100%. But that still doesn't get him out of the situation. Just knowing what's gonna happen can't

stop it from happening. I'm putting it out there so that way everyone goes, he's right in this timeline. But you still chose to say hot food and keep saying it. It's just a matter of what conversation you want to have. Was that about the ninth time you said hot food? Hot food, yeah. I thought it was enough. Yeah.

You need to be more specific. Hot food Sonic burger? Yeah. Right. You add too many words to food. No, it makes sense. It makes sense. It's stupid.

It's hot food. Just a stupid man. Hot food. Okay. Some of my food was not very hot. I haven't had the food at Dairy Queen. I've just had the ice cream. Oh.

Oh, what temperature? Oh, I don't know. Who's talking? Who is talking? So you've ordered a- Who's Rick? Who's this guy? Where is he?

That's a confused listener. The yokel. That's a confused listener. This is a guy who thinks Dairy Queen's from Texas. he? That's a confused listener. He's a yokel. That's a confused listener. This is a guy who thinks Dairy Queen's from Texas. That's a confused listener. What does circumstances mean in this fact? What do you mean?

A different set of menus and circumstances? Yeah, there's all kinds. Well, you saw Mayfield and shit. What's that about? I don't know. What is it about? I actually don't know. You answered the question with a question.

So Mayfield is, there's a- He's the quarterback for the Browns, but not for long. The Mayfield family owns a bunch of Dairy Queens. The Mayfields? Yeah. Right? The Mayfielder. They popped on the Mayfield. They ate a bunch of pepper. They were like, this stuff's awful.

We should make refrigerators. This all sounds right. And then they started a moving company. Then they got wherever they were going. Nobody was there. And they said, this is great. I can't believe this place is open for ours to be. Dairy Queen?

What are we talking about? It all started with the people on the Mayfield. Oh, right. They rolled up and they're like, this empty land would be great for a Dairy Queen. Then some other people showed up later and said, want to eat some turkey? And they went, hell yeah, dog. High five.

This is great for our hot food section. And then they were like, damn, you look cold. Want a blanket? Oh, God. And that's why they made ice cream. Because then they got too hot. Right? Am I right?

Yep. And that's Dairy Queen. Anyway, fact three. The swirl on top of every Dairy Queen soft serve cone is trademark. So we're asking you to do your part and report any infringement ice cream top you see. It's up to all of us.

If you see something, say something. And what happened when we were outside of that dairy we did see we did see trademark you were looking at the guy the swirl and you said that like someone was coming after him or something well yeah yeah it looked like a guy like the intended uh goal of the promotion was a guy holding up an ice cream to his face for some reason i don't understand why I believe he was meant to be looking through the iconic swirl. It doesn't make any sense. But it more looked like someone was about to shove it into his face. Yeah.

Like he had just wronged someone or said something he shouldn't have said. Like he called someone his wife when it was his girlfriend or something like that. And someone went, how dare you? And they went to shove it into his face. he was going ah take it back uh-huh and then the person said next time i'll kidnap you watch your mouth old man cnrtx yeah what's that are we going i'm not are we gonna be there how far is it how far is it oh it's like down the street it's like here it's in down the street or down the hallway no no down the street down the street it's like here what it's in on the street or down the hallway no no down the street down the street it's a little harder for michael yeah it's true it's a harder is it closer than

san antonio yes is it bigger than a bread box is that about it it is closer than san antonio and bigger than a fred box is it smaller than a bouncy house oh no it's a little bigger now after talking about that guy i think it's a good time to bring up the other posters they have outside. Oh, that's right. I am your father poster. You can see that on our Twitter and Instagram. What the fuck? I have no words. There's a construction man looking into the room. Maybe he wants some of our cheesy fingers.

Was that two different sentences? Is that why you have no words? Or were you starting another sentence and then that cut you off? I really don't know. I got cut off by the construction man. Okay. I thought you were saying, I have no words. There's a construction man with your intended sentence.

He's taking my words. I was worried he was going to hold up a hammer and just start busting through. He's here to make that window Eric wanted. Hey, where do you want this window going? How's this wall? You're going, no, no, no. This is further inside the building. The window has to be on the outside of the building.

That's just a window to a hallway. Don't help me, I'm in a union. I don't know. The blueprint I got says window going inside. The blueprint I got. Imagine the most for these posters, imagine the most

clip art ass drawing you've ever seen oh yeah they are as 100 true some microsoft word shit and a bake a slice of bacon holding a lightsaber it's it's a pig with holding a darth vader helmet but remember not like anything else right the darth vader helmet is also very clearly an asset stolen from Angry Birds Star Wars damn he I didn't realize that that's awesome holy shit Jordan's got this under his thumb he knows because he's stolen that asset before as well true but I'm smart how am I gonna make this RTAA I'm smart enough to trace it okay so it's a pig holding an Angry Birds Darth Vader helmet. Right.

It's looking down at a little slice of bacon that has arms and legs. Also, I'll say this real quick, too. The helmet is not remodified in any way for it to fit the pig. No, it's not like a pig-looking helmet. It's just the regular Darth Vader helmet in which this pig would never fit his no that is true and then uh the bacon is holding a lightsaber and he's looking terrified and then the pig is saying bacon i am your father and then the bacon's going no yeah and then that's and then for some reason there's some weird like i don't know very uh

crunchy i'll say uh like pieces of other clip art to like fill the gap it's not stars it's like it's just like art it's very weird it can only be described as art yeah it's so i hated it weird it's like described as art yeah it's so i hated it destroy the arts yeah they were really proud of that drawing because it was both inside and outside the building yeah so i looked at it and i went well he's not your father that's you you're baking your bacon that's not what right i was just going right what yeah you're one in the same someone pitched that and they were like well i mean i guess if you don't think about it i love it but like it's're one and the same. Someone pitched that and they were like, well, I mean, I guess if you don't think about it, I love it. But like it's a pig and the pig gets turned into bacon and they went.

And then they use. Good point. And instead of using the magic lasso tool to take out all the clipping. I'm looking at the close up picture now. There's so much like white artifacting around it of where they did their best to key it out, to drop it into their MS paint. How are you supposed to get that stuff out of there? There's some solid white lines around the characters.

Yeah, it's pretty interesting. Also, the zoomed in picture I took has a great shot of, it's just the hand. The hand is open, and the lightsaber is just on top of it. He's holding it with the force He's not holding it Yeah you fucking moron

How do you think they in later Star Wars But their earlier throw them And they come back like boomerangs The force Maybe he's just about to throw that But then he's so upset about his Pig father Going like well you're bacon.

Did you think your father was a duck? That made me very angry. Yeah, so we took a picture in front of it. And I started screaming, cheese now! Then Eric was sweating going, oh my god, I hope it's here. Oh my god, I hope it's here. We didn't get anything with bacon. And also on the menu, there wasn't stuff that was like, yo, check out this fucking bacon.

Yeah, we got bacon. Yeah, it was just sort of there. That's what I said. I was like, yo, check out this fucking bacon. Yeah, we got bacon. Yeah, it was just sort of there. That's why I said, why is it even here? It's a really funny picture they really like and probably has been there since 2003. It was like, this is too old for episode nine. Yeah. And clearly it's referencing episode five. So why is it-

But it came out after episode two. Why is it here? And the poster itself, whatever material it's made out of, is like completely like wavy because it's melted in the Texas heat. Yeah. So it's kind of like, it's like 3D art now.

It's coming at you where you go, oh, oh, watch where you're holding that lightsaber in front of your hand. Dad, I'm bacon.

Oh, fuck, you too? Yeah. No. Yeah. Then we went inside and Michael got kidnapped

That's not true I was fine I never felt like I was in danger I know one maybe two jammers That are gonna listen to this and get the cheesy dude Maybe one Definitely not the person there Was it clear oh my god

Someone I know knows you And then I don't even want to delve Into the complications of their relationship The person there. Was it clear? Oh my God, someone I know knows you. Yeah. Right. And then I don't even want to delve into the complications of their relationship. Please describe your relationship to the person that you're with in the same terms that they would. I'm just saying it was a very quick combo of, hey, talk to my boyfriend. Yep. And then, oh, hey, that's my wife. And I went, you guys got to figure this out. You guys got to get on the same page.

Someone is taking liberties or is not taking this as serious as the other person. We were simply trying to discuss the X-Men, and then suddenly Michael was kidnapped. Yeah. I handled it like a pro. Yeah, absolutely. I usually call myself in for my own kidnappings. I really like- I'm the hostage and the hostage negotiator. I really liked

when all of that ended and then the person went and just sat sort of down near us and then you started going, and so I've been giving millions of charities. So anyway, I gave more money and they said, Michael, stop. You need some. And I said, it's not about

me. I did say it very loudly. Do you think they heard me uh yeah and i think they probably did now too excellent there's no way she's listening awesome i got she didn't even recognize kelly yeah i also got real real good vibes that the person was like oh my god my boyfriend or husband knows you and then then she FaceTimed him, which I didn't agree to. No, you did not. And then I was talking to him, and the vibe I got was like, man, I loved you guys five years ago.

Yep. So I think we're safe. Oh, I totally got that too. Yeah, we're good. So I think we're safe. There's no way. He's not listening to this. You can say whatever the fuck you want about him.

You even mentioned FaceJam, and he was like. He said, he gave me the old, oh, you're breaking up. That's true. Yep, he did. Oh, is this Dairy Queen in's true. Yep, he did. Oh, is this Dairy Queen in a tunnel? Oh, I'm in a tunnel. Sorry.

The Dairy Queen must be in a tunnel. You must be going through a tunnel. No, I'm in Dairy Queen. Sorry. I said to him, sorry, it's all the hot food Eric's never had. It's messing with the microwaves are messing with the frequency. My 5G is making me itchy. My electrical interphenex.

And it's just messing it up. Can I tell you something? Yeah, what's up? We didn't finish the fact. Oh, yeah, that's right. Hit me with fact four. Too low. Oh, no.

From 1971 to 2001, Dennis the Menace was the mascot for Dairy Queen. No, he wasn't. I would have remembered that. In the UK, they also have a Dennis the Menace cartoon character who fights Walter the Softy with the help of his dog, Nasher. If that made any sense to you, you're a fucking freak, bro. How is there two Dennis the Menaces? It doesn't make any sense. It's pronounced Dennis is the Menace.

I'm surprised he's not renamed. Deny. I'm actually surprised that his name is still Dennis. You think it would be like Chipley or something. Well, I mean, look, he's fighting Walter the Softy and that's pretty British. And Nasher is there. Oh, it's my dog, Nasher. Come on, Nasher.

It would be like Chipley the Hooligan. Instead of like Menace the Menace. You know what I mean? Chipley the Hooligan. He just came back from a United game. He gets in and he just goes, Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi. Hey, Walter. It's time for me to put your food in paint and trick you to eat paint.

Your bangers is getting cold, they is. No, your bangers is mashed. I'm a big Chipley guy now. You got Chipley. I think we just created a new icon character. This is great. Trademark, trademark, trademark. We got some of the Dairy Queen.

Chipley. That's the next Peppa Pig. Your bangers is mashed. That's his catchphrase. Oh, Chipley. It's his neighbor. Chipley the hooligan. That's an old man.

Walter the Floppy. He yells that while hanging outside of a pub. Right, yeah. It's pretty good. The Union Jack's in the window. All my stout beers got spilt again! Chipley! Me warm beer is getting cold!

Nobody wants cold beer! Chipley turns to his gang and goes, Back to the gym, sweet friends. Come on, Nasha. This is a classic. It's time to get black lung. Lest Maggie Thatcher closes the mines again. Oh, man.

Oh, man. That's the thing. She's in it, and they can only call her Maggie. They can't call her Margaret Thatcher. You know who it is. She's always trying to close those buttons. Oh, Chipley. What a scamp.

The first DQ opened in 1940 at 5-0-0. That is not the letter. 1 North Chicago Street in Joyletlet back to joylet illinois and is considered a landmark so we're clear this location hasn't been a dairy queen since 1950 and is now a church get real city of joylet fuck you so lasted 10 years yeah and they're like this is our landmark and it's like it's been so much longer of it not being a dairy queen and also that's insane it's a dairy queen who cares who gives a fuck tear it down yep you'll be doing it a favor also what is that what's the definition of a landmark i think they just go it... It's like when the city goes, don't touch it.

But they did touch it. Well, that's the thing. It moved out, and it's just a church, so they probably just have a little plaque there that says, like... I feel like my house is a landmark. I agree. It's land, and there's something there. Stop calling it a landmark.

It's a big deal. Nobody cares about your fucking certificate you printed yourself. Yeah. I would care if that church had a pig holding a Darth Vader helmet and he's yelling at Bacon. Well, guess what? They might. Oh, no!

But they... You gotta ask to go in the back. The church came with the poster and they had to do some more photoshopping on top of it. Well,'s god so his arms are out oh no oh no there's a there's a there's a cross behind him and he's like i am your father and the bacon is a little devil going no that's pretty that's incredible he is And that's the plot of Lucifer. The show? Yeah.

I haven't watched it. Is it good? Are there 22 episodes per season? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. They're all an hour long. Well, with commercials. Right.

44 minutes. Trim the fat. Trim the fat. Do they establish in that show that hell is up? Are they one of those shows? No. They don't know yet. Or is the hell is down kind of thing?

They're too late. They're too late to the party. Okay. Yeah. He rises. Yeah, think about it. Did you ding? That was you dinging.

That's always me, baby. Nick's not here to yell at me about a ding. That's true. Nick's not here. He was getting, he keeps trying to string together some sentences. Yeah. It's starting to bother me. Yeah, it's a lot.

Well, he keeps, you know, he's really like living out of bounds when we like go to the restaurant and stuff and like he's really like living out of bounds when we like go to the restaurant and stuff. And like he's like doing things. How nice was it to like not worry about like what sauce we're getting? And nobody freaked out. No one even asked what kind of sauce. Oh, my God. I'll tell you this, though.

His dark mark still remains. Right. You were like, you were like flinching. We sat down. You, I know there's one of you people. You're the same. But somebody opened their fries and we're like, oh, there's ranch. Nick would have liked that.

Oh, that was me. Yeah. He still, it still comes up. Yep. He's poisoned our minds. Kelly is here recording this episode and then editing the episode and fighting her lactose intolerance. She got the food and she said, I'm lactose intolerant. And I said, half of the people here today Are lactose intolerant

But one of them is involved I said for now Did you say last night you had ice cream? Yeah I had a sonic blizzard Sonic? Wait sonic blizzard? The hedgehog? Whatever the fuck they're called

I don't know what they're called I believe they're called blasters Yeah I blasted. You're right. He's right. You're blasting off? Then you blasted again. I did not.

No. I just ate the blast. I didn't make a blast. And then was it you in bed going, ah? No, it was mostly this morning. Oh, really? You're going, ah? Again, he was there.

That's how he knew. He was behind me. He saw it all grainy. There's no other way he knew the exact sound. That's how he knew. He was behind me. He saw it all grainy. There's no other way he knew the exact sound. That was not coincidence. You hear rustling around under the bed, and it's like, what's that under the bed? It's like, oh, that's the cats,

because they're running under there. And I go, but the cats are on the bed. Oh, no. And sometimes you see you have a cat, they're sticking their paws out, like either under a door or like out from a bed. I saw a little hand. It's just going to be a tuft of gray hair.

I'm just saying it's going to be a conjuring situation where the camera is going to cut back and forth. And then all of a sudden I'm going to just be in the shot and it's going to scare everyone. Right. Well, unlike the conjuring, you're going to be in the shot. I'm going to beat you. It's going to be me popping out going, ha, ha. And then no. Pretty much

That doesn't happen enough in movies Right Where someone pops out And doesn't get What the fuck Beaten Like that kid popping out of that trash can With the Halloween mask

And getting punched in the face Oh man I think more shit like that would happen In real life Where like Even at a reflex Right Just hit it

That sounds like something Chipley would do Mmhmm Oh You soiled me bitches out of reflex. Right. Just hit it. That sounds like something Chipley would do. Mm-hmm. Oh! You soiled me, bitches. But I, I walloped him, I did. Oh, Chipley. Upside the head

with an old shoe. Chipley the hooligan. I'm old. Chipley's only four years old. Oh, no. He's into so much hooliganism. I'm old Chibli's only four years old Oh no He's into so much hooliganism We start young I'm a fan

My idol is Vinnie Jones What, Bullet Tooth Tony himself? Wow He's He's my one He's my X-Men Juggernaut bitch Bring back Vinnie Jones

Put Vinnie Jones in the MCU That's good we should start that Simply wants Juggernaut And those are the facts And those are the facts I think that definitely bled over into spit and silly. Yeah, Jordan, will you teach me about the cheesy dude? I would love to get to the cheesy dude.

Okay, here we go. Dairy Queen cheesy dude. The cheesy dude is topped with, quote, not too spicy, not too mild, just right, pepper jack cheese, crispy lettuce, vine ripened tomatoes, and a creepy, I almost said creepy, creamy salad dressing sandwiched between a toasted bun.

That was salad dressing? That's what they said. And it was weird. It's definitely just mayo. It's bullshit. There was a lot of mayo. Which is the only reason I'm willing to believe it because it was a lot.

My repulsion sensors would have gone off. It still wasn't very good. It was a lot. Also. It was a lot. Also, it was a lot of wet and not cheese. They didn't talk about what the fucking meat of it is. That is true. What the fuck is it? God damn you!

Because we were eating it and trying to figure it out. I was thinking of that! It really doesn't say, does it? Dairy Queen cheesy steak fingers. The cheesy steak fingers are infused with creamy pepper jack. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Infused with creamy pepper jack and served with crispy fries.

Crispy? Texas toast and ranch dressing, making it a, quote, pure Texas delight. No way in hell was there any cheese in those steak fingers. What do you mean? It was infused. There was nothing in there. What do you mean? There was nothing in there.

It was infused. Again, we were taking it apart. You guys, it was the same questionable meat on the burger, except it was hollow, where you'd think there would be cheese. Well, that's where the cheese was. It was infused. And there was nothing. Infusion.

be cheese. Well, that's where the cheese was. And there was nothing. Infusion. And so it was just like chicken finger versions of what that was but more like an empty mozzarella stick but flat. All this meal was very flat. Very flat.

It looked like one of those flat fishes. Yeah. You know? Like an olive flounder or something. No, it was a big flat situation yeah what maybe i don't know what a halibut is that a flat fish no i just learned the word halibut from um walking dead no did you do it did you learn it for the halibut no what's it called master chef is that it oh yeah he yells at people uh-huh that's master chief from halo you learned halibut from Master Chief?

Yeah. He, like, busts in and was like... Well, I only remember it because he said, Halibut, when his ass was out. And so anything he said at that moment imprinted on me. The Covenant was busting in and he was like... And I was just like, what am I watching? NYPD Blue Season 1?

Let's see that ass, David Caruso. That was such a thing, man. People don't know. That was, like, everywhere. That was, like... The butt. was like that was like the biggest fucking like can you believe they showed a butt on ABC and that was family network and that was 1996 and then no it was way earlier than that really yeah and then also what wasn't nearly as big of a deal as how just overtly and insanely racist everyone was on that show. And that was the minor plot point.

It's got some flaws. NYPD Blue, was that David Milch's thing? No, David Caruso. No, no, no, not the character. I mean, the creator of it. He's not the character. That's the actor's name, dude. That's the guy.

Press material. Now, if I said Horatioio That would also be David Caruso But on CSI Miami Yeah The taste and variety Of our flagship chicken fried steak Offerings are unbeatable Are they?

I guess it was chicken? No it's steak but it's chicken fried Dude that doesn't look like any steak I've ever had in my life It's very cool it's chicken fried steak. Dude that doesn't look like any steak I've ever had in my life. It's chicken fried. Offerings are unbeatable said Lou Romanis CEO of the Texas Dairy Queen Operators Council

Oh shit CEO of the Operators Council Hang on the CEO's coming. The CEO of the Operators Council specifically Texas. It's typically what I call myself around that. I'm the CEO of this household. Branch three.

Why are they getting the CEO of the Texas Dairy Queen Operators Council to release the statement? Insane. Crazy. I was like, whoa, they got the CEO? Yep. And then I was like, no, Texas Dairy Queen. Well, they got a CEO. That's weird that there's a Texas specific Dairy Queen CEO., they got a CEO. That's weird that there's a Texas-specific Dairy Queen CEO. Operators

Council. What? Also, the council is one guy. He's CEO because he's the only one. He also takes the minutes. Which as a child, always confused me. Why are they called minutes? That just means you're taking

notes. And how long is this? That's where the minute comes in, but you're not taking every minute. That's just absurd. That sounds like a weird British thing where they would just call notes minutes. Yeah. Fucking Shipley. Only found in Texas, we are confident

the bold flavor of pepper jack cheese paired with our new cheesy dude and our cheesy steak finger country basket will absolutely delight our fans. Don't call us fans. I'll be honest. They botched this whole thing.

I will say it's a botch and a half. You said don't call us fans. I'm walking around as a fan of Dairy Queen. I took a picture. We were inside on the soda machine. Was it the picture you took of me that was going to go up on the missing posters?

This is where we last saw him. When was he taken? 10 seconds after this photo. We turned around and he's gone. This is like printed from a Microsoft Word document and laminated and then stuck to the soda fountain. Due to health department regulations, From a Microsoft Word document. And laminated and then stuck to the soda fountain. Due to health department regulations, we cannot allow our fans to use outside cups or mugs.

Sorry for any inconvenience. I took the picture because the our fans thing is what hit me. Yeah. Our fans? Our fans? Also, do you need a sign for that? That's any establishment ever. That's everywhere. You're not allowed to bring in cups.

No shit. Yeah. You allowed to bring in cups No shit You can't bring in a bowl To get free soda I'm not going to bring my own raw meat For you to grill on your stove I brought raw hamburger Can you make me a burger But I'm not paying for it

I guess I'll pay you to cook it But it's going to be cheaper than a burger You bet your god damn ass it's going to be cheaper And a burger. You bet your goddamn ass it's going to be cheaper. And you better fucking hold that burger upside down when you're done with it. Hold the burger upside down. Yeah, I want to make sure this shit doesn't fall out. It's got the curly Q on it.

Calling people who eat at Dairy Queen, Dairy Queen fans, do you think that comes down from corporate? Like a Chick-fil-A, thank you, my pleasure kind of thing? So here's the thing. I think it's from Texas Dairy Queen. Ugh.

I think it's a Texas Dairy Queen thing. Ugh, I hate it even more. You know, I'm surprised there aren't more... Do you think it's a Texas Dairy Queen operators council thing?

I think that's what... I think it came straight from the council. The CEO himself. He was like, take this memo. And then he said to himself, okay. And then he started taking it. And he was like, now this memo. And then he said to himself, okay. And then he started taking it.

There's a mirror that he looks into. He's got several mirrors. He's got several mirrors and every mirror has a different title on it. He's like Steven from Moon Knight. He's just talking to these reflections. He looks into different mirrors. Some have mustaches drawn on them. Some have glasses. Some have little hats.

And he's like different people. You with the smart looking mustache. What do you think? He pretends to not know some people's names. Hey, what do you think? Four eyes? Yeah.

Yeah, then he just starts talking like a dream. Like, well, I think according to my calculations nobody wants to hear this. Sir, I've known you for three years. I was at your child's whatever it is children do

when they drown them. What? Oh, baptism? There it is. I watched you put your small child underwater for no reason. And say some pretend magic words that blessed him or something. You gotta drown the baby. That's what people should say when they go, you gotta get baptized.

But then you don't because then you can just go in a river when you're 50 anyway. And just go get dunked. Whatever. It's all fine. I'm going to get dunked. I'm going to convert to every religion just before I die. The thing is That's right. Trick God. The thing is the beauty in it is like these are the rules

you have to do. But if some reason you didn't do those rules, don't worry. We can still get you in to do. But if some reason you didn't do those rules, don't worry. We can still get you in the next time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? Hang on. There's one more person

can get in this club. Whatever you do, don't sin. Unless you tell us about it and then we'll absolve you. And then it's, honestly, it's fine. Yeah.

Eh, no big deal. Just say you're sorry. Hey, I was, perfect segue because we need, you know, we're running a little short on like taking. It's going too fast is what I'm saying. Are you sure about that?

We have. Yeah. Big time. Big time. I was perusing through. I think it was it was either Hulu or it was Prime Video the other day. And I saw a movie called. Oh, boy.

What was it it was like it was either the word priest or something like that combined with velociraptor velocipastor velocipastor yeah there you go yeah everyone knew i have a friend who worked on i watched i i spun through a couple minutes of that and uh he turns into a velociraptor. Who saw that coming? Apparently his parents were killed for some reason relevantly and then after he starts turning into a velociraptor

Is he vengeance? Some guy comes in for a confession and he's like, confess to me my son and he's just like I killed these people cut their heads off and he's like my parents and then he turns into a dinosaur and hunts him

I went what are the odds that's just fate that's philosophy it's like in Spider-Man 3 when you find out that Sandman was also there when Uncle Ben got shot and it was kind of mostly his fault but they didn't even have to retcon this movie.

They just started there. They didn't go, remember that whole boxing or the wrestling thing? What were the odds of Sandman being there? What you didn't see was from another angle. They didn't even show him. How did they know he was going to be there? Or like every Fast and the Furious film.

Where they keep undoing previous films by going, and right around the corner, Jason and Statham was watching. And then behind him, Han was alive. Amazing. And those are just the facts. That's right. So what do you guys think of the food? Here's what I want to say before we even get into the rating.

First of all, the cheesy fuck you sticks had no cheese in them. Yeah. 100%. Absolutely zero cheese. Dry as a goddamn bone. Very crunchy. Incredibly crunchy. Everything was crunch, crunch, crunch. It was a lot of crunching and then me going,

Before this moment, I wouldn't describe crunch as a taste, but I wouldn't now. It was the predominant taste in this food. The other thing is, dude, I want to attack this thing from so many angles. It keeps saying cheesy, dude. All it was was pepper jack cheese, right? Now, first of all,

first of all, not too spicy, not too mild, neither. It's just cheese. It was literally just cheese. Zero spice whatsoever. I wouldn't even, like, I wouldn't hold it to pepper jack to be like, it's spicy, but you've brought it up for some reason. Not too mild, not too spicy, just right. Right, so nothing.

Just right, it was cheese. It's just cheese. It literally was cheese. But then, I feel like the only thing they did do, and they didn't even mention on this description, is there was a piece of cheese on top and on bottom. Right, they sandwiched the chicken fried steak. I thought that was going to be their whole thing, because I went, oh, that's what the cheesy dude is.

And then they didn't even mention it. Instead of two pieces of cheese on top of each other, they made a cheese sandwich inside the bun sandwich. That said, still wasn't very cheesy. Had a whole lot of that mayo salad dressing or whatever that was. I had one bite that was like

just so mush. Probably to counteract the taste of the crunch. And those are my thoughts without even a review those are all just that's just right that's yeah those are those are true those are just the facts yeah those are actually more factual than anything eric puts on paper no those are all facts let me hang on i how many times in a fact is it is there a fuck you well that's a fact fucking freak bro yeah freak spelled two e's yeah he did he did. Freak on a leash.

But, you know, here we go. I guess let's get this thing. Who broke the pencil? Oh, the mystery solved from part one. Review in part three. The exciting conclusion. I was gonna

start doing the Walking Dead theme. Carl is dead and Rick left the show. Bacon, I am your father. And then he pulled the... As Johnny Depp, Luke Skywalker looked on, it was Amber Heard under the mask. Oh, no. And then behind her, Chipley.

Oh, no. And then the two of them, people were just like, I don't know what's going on with you. Fuck it. Both these people are berserk, right? Right? I did it all. I was the abuser. It was my shit.

Oh, Chipley. Oh, no, Chipley. Oh, no. All right. What's your review? Bad. It sucks. Now, is this,

is this the actual review or is this a leak of the review? Are you leaking reviews now? We can't keep doing this. Uh, yeah, the actual review, it was bad and not good and too, too not flavored at all crunchy with something like it was very crunchy crunchy crunchy flavor tasted so crunchy the steak fingers were so bad and then the sandwich was at least a sandwich i guess but there was one bite that

was just all the mush of the salad dressing. Gross. It was so much crunch and mush. Crunch mush. On opposite ends of the spectrum. Crunch mush. And then just some cheese in there and a piece of lettuce. And honestly, not a hint of flavor. Not even from the cheese. Not from the chicken fried steak.

I would argue the most flavor on this sandwich came from the bun. Wow. It tasted like bread. Dude, you might be right. I would not bun. Wow. It tasted like bread. Dude, you might be right. I would not review that. It just tasted like bread. Usually when we're eating something bad, I'm happy for like a side

or something. It's like, I'll just eat all the fries. And even the fries were bad. The fries sucked. Were they whack or were they freaks with two E's? Fucking freaks, bro. Well, freaks with a Z. Two E's and a Z. And then their Texas toast was cold and like soggy.

It's like. That's very un-Texas. Who wants this stuff? Like, it was not. Guys, that's why I called this episode at about 14 minutes. Yep. Smart. I just want to get back to my graphic

novel and see what happens next that I already know because I've already read it. Yeah. As far as cheesy dudes go, not a cheesy dude I'm hanging out with. Not at all, dude. Kind of like besmirches the name of cheesy dudes. And I didn't know you could do that

because they just invented it. Right, because I didn't know what it was, but I feel like it's been there's a mark on it now. Right, because I didn't know what it was. But I feel like it's been, there's a mark on it now. If I hear cheesy dudes, it's not this. No. Yeah. Whatever this is, I can tell you it is not a cheesy dude. Cheesy dud. Yeah.

Dude, I can tell you this won't affect my lactose intolerance in any way. It wishes it did. It wishes. I mean, apparently the cheese was infused. Yeah. Yeah, no, it it sucks it's a 21 wow 21 damn dude

it's way lower than last time we ate Dairy Queen well we didn't eat Dairy Queen I know a lot of people take these reviews very seriously and that's why we are very serious about them there's no hyperbole here or hyperbole if you're a moron um but i've heard people say it this is very disappointed i like the epitome

uh it i cannot agree with jordan moore when he says there was just no flavor. Like it didn't taste like anything. It wasn't good or bad, but I think innately that makes it bad. Not because it's bad tasting, but bad performance. It's not fun to eat. It was just crunchy. And it was so, the chicken fried steak or whatever

the mystery meat was, was so crunchy and so dry. And then the salad dressing was so just wet it was wet it was so wet there was two slices of cheese I couldn't even really taste the cheese quite honestly at all I felt it

we've certainly complained before about something being like cheesy and it's just like too much cheese I still would rather too much cheese than this right at least you've gone too far and it's called the cheesy dude it was just nothing and then fuck you

if you're telling me if the fucking CEO of the Texas council tells me that this fucking steak finger was made as designed and there's infused cheese,

then he should be dropped in a volcano on Mustafar. Wow. Because bullshit. Him and all his other little reflections. I am. No, sir. I hate you is what I say, spit flying from my mouth, my arms like severed, okay?

Because I am 100% certain these were just made wrong and there's no cheese. I agree. If you're telling me this is how they're supposed to be, it's insanity. It's just the driest part of the burger turned into a flat mozzarella stick with nothing inside of it. Yep. Just awful. Apparently steak, but also no flavor and very flat. It tasted like crunch.

What are you talking about? Flat. Flat. Flat crunch. Jordan has given you a 21. I've sat on this. Uh-oh. I've thought long and hard about this.

Here it comes. Okay. Can Chipley give it to us? I cannot. I cannot abide by this. Okay. Chipley, hit him. Awful!

Chipley gives it a nine. Wow! Chipley, no! Chipley, I agree with Chipley. All right. You cannot throw around the sanctity of cheese. Chipley mooned us after he gave us a score. Oh, man.

That's an average score of 15 for this. Yeah. Fuck this. I love it. Fuck you. Stick to cold food, not hot food. Cold food only. Imagine going there and instead of this, we got a blizzard. That would have been brutal. Oh, no. Chipley's farting now. Oh, no. I'm farting

and I'm slapping my buttocks. No. Slap, slap. Chipley. Alright, so the episode's over, right? Me cheeks are on the window. Snack attack. I'm in a car, by the way. My cheeks are on the window. Slap, slap.

Here's a snack attack from Daniel and Jordan from Ohio. Daniel, let's pump the brakes. Yeah. I want to dial in after the... That sucked. I want to bring it back, just to say. Oh, okay. The weight sucked. Yeah, that was... 100%. That's it. We don't usually talk about it after the... That sucked. I want to bring it back, just to say. Oh, okay. The weight sucked.

Yeah, that was... 100%. That's it. We don't usually talk about it after the... Yeah. It was just sort of like... I'm bringing it back. Like, why?

That's a big fat why. And I almost got kidnapped for this. Right? Can you believe that shit? That was actually kind of made it worthwhile. Yeah. Does all of Dairy Queen's hot food taste like this? Because...

Uh-oh. I will not be. Maybe I'll go back for the medium food. See what they have now. This is from Daniel and Jordan from Ohio. In this box, you will find some Buckeyes, the namesake of the Ohio football team, Ohio State football team,

and the item that gave our mascot, Brutus, the Buckeye life. Now, hold on. The Buckeye is a nut, and it's also a type of candy. Fun fact, one of the types of these Buckeyes in this box are poisonous to consume, and the other is a tasty candy version of the murderous nut. Gotcha. Jokes aside, the Buckeye candy is a mud monster. Whoa, it's a mud mouth monster.

Uh-oh, someone's going to get mud mouth. I got scared. Dude. I'll be honest, Eric looks scared. I got really nervous. He's sweating. It's all right. It's like the Grinch.

It can't get you. Can we dial back on the joke? Is there poison in here or not? This is poison. So those are the actual nuts. Why would you send that? Don't know. Don't send us poison or bugs.

Thank you. Also, I'll be honest. Even if it was candy, don't send something in a Ziploc bag. Yep. Because the only person that's going to eat that is Eric and Nick. That's true. And Nick's not here, so I'm going to be the only one who does. Goodbye. Yep. Cause the only person that's gonna eat that is Eric and Nick. That's true. And Nick's not here so I'm gonna be the only one who does. Goodbye. Yep.

I thought it was a joke that he was like, ha, I didn't send it though. But I did though. Here's some fucking poison egg ones. Did we need the actual like nut to compare it to the candy? We have to burn these now? Like if we throw that away is somebody, some fucker here gonna dig that out of the trash? Jillian's gonna get all these Buckeyes and she's gonna eat them. No, Jillian.

Do like a three card Monty and she's gonna eat them. No, Jillian. Do like a three-card Monty. Okay, this is a buckeye. Is that poisonous? No, this is candy. No, this is candy. Did you rip a tab? That's warm food. I swear, I just ripped a tab. It was sealed.

I can't trust you. Okay, you eat it. You eat it first. Yeah, Eric, you take a bite first. Eat it first and then do a little dance for me. That's the dance he did when he saw that they had the food at Derek's. Yeah, a little bit. It was a little berries and cream of you, what you just did.

What is that flavor? Poison. Like peanut? I'm going to wait 30 seconds to see if you guys don't fall over. It's usually peanut butter and chocolate. Berries and cream, berries and cream. Eric's the little lad who loves berries and cream. This one tastes like Della Rosa.

It does. It's like the texture. I thought you were going to say it tastes like dill pickles. Why does it look like shit? Because it melted. But it looks like melted shit. It looks like someone took something and covered it in feces. And you're licking your fingers.

It came from Ohio. I've had Buckeyes before. The poisons or this? The candy one. So what's the difference between them again? One you can eat, the other one you cannot. I bet I can eat both if I tried. Those are nuts.

Like from a tree. Hang on, wait, I got confused. Am I holding the poison or the candy? Hang on. Oh my God. All right, take your pick. He doesn't know which one to shoot. It's the only safe thing to do.

Just take both. Give me both. These must contain the antidote. The candy counteracts the poison. If you ever eat a Buckeye, eat another Buckeye. Eat a candied Buckeye. This looks disgusting. I've had these before.

Oh my God. Like a different brand. The, this looks disgusting. Um, I've had these- Oh my god! Before, like a different brand. The other part is soft! They were way better. I thought it would not be soft. Me too, when I bit into it, I thought it was gonna be- I thought it was like a peanut type thing. I thought it was gonna be crunchy.

But that's good, cause we had enough crunch. All the crunch is in the goddamn cheesy dude! They just- they just look like the buckeye. This isn't great, I don't like this. Yeah. Not a great version of this. Also, too messy. Yeah. What's version of this too messy yeah what's this what's what what's this half my burger that i threw out you gotta eat burger oh my cheesy dude

what why'd you have to like put that ranch on it don't that's not come on dude that's not ranch this episode's gonna be 90 minutes long i thought it was ranch why are you looking at me okay what do you say like i don't like it yeah this is a bad version a bad version of um i will say though i don't know if this factors in the review boy were they right about mud mouth yeah i said a baby bite and it's like fucking peppa pig would love to dance in my mouth. I'll give it a 42. Okay. 30. All right.

That's a 36. At the end of the day for me, it was candy. That's good. I also want to share this and then we get into business and wrap it up. Business. We got this. Cigarettes. I saw these Noid playing cards in an antique shop and thought of Face Jam from Dana and Kyle.

Okay. An antique shop? They're not even open. You want to be left on a real look at this season finale are you okay i'm not even i'm gonna say this hang on ready uh go to follow at face jam pod you can buy our pride merch which is on sale now 100 love monkey shirt and 100 eat booty shorts get them now store.roosterteeth.com hit us with it we have unbeknownst I've just learned and Eric knows of this too crazy we have inside access

with someone who could be described as the actual noid excuse me and they work here when you say the actual noid you mean the guy yes here when you say the actual noid you mean the guy yeah yes like new noid gotcha the cg one

with the little like yes yep is it just learned of this yep is it are you asking if it's you i don't think it's you okay good i good. That would raise more questions that I would have to figure out. That one question would set up. Just want to make sure. I'm just saying, I found this out. You asked it scared. I found this out in passing, un-FaceJam related. And I started freaking out and texting Eric.

Literally as it was happening. Should we show this person that we got these cards? I mean, they might. They don't care. What? That's annoying. I say we dive into that next time. Let's do it.

Who is the Noid? Maybe get a guess. I think our first guess, if I think if our first guess was the Noid. The Noid. I mean, come on, right? Like, quotations. Yep. Wow.

Like a Darth Vader conversation. He was a version of a Noid. That's true. That's closer than I ever thought we'd get, baby. Several people have played Darth Vader. Several people have been annoyed. I would argue less people have been annoyed than Darth Vader. And he's one of them.

And that's what we'll find out next time on Face Jam. Rate and subscribe. Five stars. Tell a friend. And tune in for Jordan's three-part movie deal. Don't tell Carol. What comment should they leave coming soon? The comment you should leave on the review is

Camp Camp Season 5. No! No! No! No! No! No!