100% Eat - Dell Diamond Grilled Cheese Hot Dog

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

Take ME out. In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Dell Diamond Grilled Cheese Hot Dog so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about recording at a baseball game, the national anthem, a grand slam, all these kids, and more. RTX is July 7-9 and we'll be there. Drop in to the Rat & Grackle pub then see a live episode of Face Jam. www.RTXAustin.com Sponsored by Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com and use code FACEJAM Sunday http://getsunday.com/facejam and Factor http://factormeals.com/facejam50 and use code facejam50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. that too, but good luck getting it. I'm your host Michael Jones alongside my co-host Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? I got good news. What's your good news? I'm drying up. Oh, you're drying up? Okay. How's the smell? You're talking about your outside, not your inside. I just did a pat down. Uh-huh. Everything's pretty dry. Okay. We have... Yeah, I'm having fun too.

We... This is a very special episode of Face Jam. For no reason. We're on location. We're all at the Dell Diamond. Our favorite. It'd be weird if we all weren't at the same place. Maybe Nick's not here. We're all here. He's here.

Triple A ballpark. He's here, but right before we started, he started asking you questions about the very tiny audio equipment. Nick, the audio engineer was asking me how to work the audio equipment. He literally looked at you and said it's this button right this is not how he operates you know what you know what at the beginning of this yeah i was nervous and i'm like oh keep it low fuck it okay i'm excited go ahead keep it low like like oh we don't want to get kicked out yeah so we're just like at yes we're in we're in the baseball field hold on should we talk about the fact that not only are we probably going to get kicked out for smuggling in podcast equipment.

I mean, we didn't smuggle it. We held it over our heads. We might get kicked out for the fact that we don't have tickets. We have tickets. He bought tickets for no reason. I bought tickets. What I told him was he should refund them because they weren't scanned. I'm definitely waiting until we're done with this to maybe refund these tickets that never got scanned.

But can you refund them after the game? No, it's going to be in the middle of the game. We are in the bottom of the fourth. We're at the Dell Diamond in Round Rock. What I didn't realize is how little people cared about the game taking place. Everyone else is just kind of hanging out. There's a pool here?

We're at a baseball game. We're at a AAA baseball game. So gimmicks galore. Yes. It is the Round Rock Express are playing the Tacoma Rainiers. It is a Rangers-Mariners proxy war. Just so you know, these are all real things they're saying. If you're lost

or confused. We wanted to do a game in honor of Monkey League Baseball. Eric's showing off his shirt. You can't see it. We're not all wearing it. We're all wearing it. All four of us are wearing the shirt. What did I wear? A face jam colored shirt. And?

The three quarters baseball team. It's a baseball team. That is a baseball team. That's what I was calling. It's called a ragland. And also Michael keeps saying, take me out. Take me out. It's been really working out.

Yeah, dude. I'm out, aren't I? We're at a baseball game. Some of us were very nervous on the way here now. Yeah, dude. I'm out, aren't I? We're at a baseball game. We were, some of us were very nervous on the way here if we were going to be able to get in and do this. And here's what happened. We waited in line to buy tickets. Now, hang on. What do you mean by come in and do this?

Come in and do this podcast. Like, to bring in some equipment, which we brought as tiny equipment as possible. Yes, correct. It fit in a very small bag, a clear bag. A clear bag, because you have to have a clear bag policy. And so the concern was, you know, will we be let in with this and able to record without being bothered by either attendees or employees? Yeah, we didn't want to get in anyone's face,

and also we didn't want anyone to see us. So, because that's just asking to get kicked out, and I don't want to do that. Right. This isn't some other internet content group. Kick me out. Kick me out. I spent years doing that.

You would think I would have some kind of shell to it. I don't. The worst. The worst. If Eric never gets kicked out of a place again, he'll be happy. Oh, man. So many times. Some people knew when to stop the filming when we were done.

Let it happen. And then some people would when to stop the filming and we were done. Let it happen. And then some people would go to the bitter fucking end. Some people's phones got thrown. So we were waiting in line to buy tickets. We are eating the grilled cheese hot dog today. We were waiting in line to buy tickets. The thing everyone can get. The line was very long to buy tickets.

So while we were waiting in line, I just bought them on my phone. And then we went, oh, great. By the way, while we were buying them on the phone, I was scoping out the metal detectors to see which guy was most lax. And I will say, I found him. Because we walked in and walked right by him. And nobody scanned our tickets. He didn't even care.

Nobody looked at us. Nobody gave a fuck. And then we scooted on through. Let me tell you, having never been to this particular state, I've never been to a baseball game before in my life, not besides like a child's baseball game. Okay, this is the highest level of professional baseball I would say I've attended.

You guys talking about it, you know, I know there might be like, hey, you can't bring this shit in here. It's a podcast today? Running rampant. There'll be 500 people in here recording podcasts. You know what I mean? That means nothing. Even if it's like, oh, it's for TV.

It's like, is it public access? A podcast means nothing. It's a podcast for my Twitch channel. Great. Everyone on the planet has one. You and everyone else are your brand. But when we approached, it was as you described. It's a podcast for my Twitch channel. Great. Everyone on the planet has one. You and everyone else here. Right. But when we approached, it was as you described.

Hang on. This guy is really excited about stuff. But look, we're live. I would say it was about a similar level of security that I witnessed as a child at the local pool club. Yes. Where you had to have a membership unless you just walked in, then they just didn't stop you because that's exactly what happened. Once you're in, what are they going to do? So you and I were,

I was behind a little bit for some dumb reason. I don't remember why. There's some tomfoolery going on outside. There's some giggles happening or something. But Eric was a good 10, 15 feet in front of me. And I witnessed, I watched him walk in, thought nothing was amiss, like walked through the metal detector. I was busy like making sure I had my shit in my hands I was talking to you like I

hold my keys or whatever and I look up and I just see Eric almost throwing a tantrum inside the building I walk through the metal detector walk up to him and I go hey what's up wait also wait who should we have shown someone our tickets and Eric Herakji's going, yes, yes, yes, we should have. Yes. I wanted to get out of there so fast. Get as into the stadium as possible. It was like we kept being at the front, and I could not get away from it fast enough. Nobody scanned shit.

We just walked through a metal detector, and we're just in here. And also, also, it seems pretty like you spotted the right one. It's a madhouse as well today because it's like kid filtrates. It's a Tuesday afternoon. I've never been here. It's a madhouse and 25% of the attendees are not watching the baseball game and are standing in line for food or whatever. And it's blowing me away.

To me, I'm just thinking, man, this must be so demoralizing for the players. No, they're getting paid either way. I think the fact that they're playing for the AAA affiliate of the Rangers is the demoralizing part. And no one's looking at me. I made it to the almost biggest leagues, and people are buying chips and Jordan's spilling beer. Oh, Jordan.

He already said he was dry. He said, wait a minute. Yeah, but it's totally fine now because I'm dry. We'll talk about all the food and everything. This is a very exciting episode, but Jordan Hauer, you are dry? I am dry. Dry, dry, dry? Like a desert? No, I'm not too dry. I'm not in need of lotion. I'm not in need of round two.

But yeah, I did, we got the food and we all got a little cheeky beer Because we're at the ballpark Yep We mulled over our decision What we were going to get Yeah, no one wanted just Budweiser

Yeah I mean, if there's something better I just had two things I didn't want regular Budweiser And I wanted all of us to have the same beer It's true You just kept asking, what do you want? And I just kept saying, what do we all want?

We just refused to answer you. So we figured it out. Carbock Brewing. Yep. Love Street. Love Street Blonde Ale. Which is nice. And now I'm blonde because it's all over me.

Jordan took one drink. One tiny little baby sip. I moved it to my other hand, which is where my baseball glove is. Because he thought we were going to catch a foul ball today. Dude, that'd be awesome. Hey, which is where my baseball glove was in. Just for a second. I guess he thought we were going to catch a foul ball today. Dude, that'd be awesome. Hey, you never know. You do never know. Uh-huh.

I think one could reach us over here. But I'm going to be honest. They'd be crushed. They're like 500 feet from home plate. Well, at this point, it's on one hand the odds of the ball coming to you. On the other hand, I don't think you'd be able to hold on to it. No. Yes, correct.

Based on the beer situation. Yes. I agree with that. Yeah, but beer and ball are different shapes. Anyway, suffice it to say the beer did not get secured and ended up all over. We're all standing there waiting for the food with our beers, and all of a sudden there was an explosion.

It just happened. It caught me by surprise, too, because I didn't feel it moving. And it was just... And the second I was in shock of what just happened. Of what? Aluminum-ish? Aluminum-ish? Aluminum-ish, yeah. Like 90% plastic with an aluminum tinge.

Yeah. They're spray painted. It's like 10% better than a plastic gun. You look at it and go, wow, that's nice. And you pick it up and go, oh, no, it isn't. It still reverberates. It kept the beer cold, and then we were done. Jordan, though, although he spilled his beer, I will say, Jordan was a hero.

Because he spilled his beer directly all over himself and the ground. And we, standing all within a foot of Jordan, dry. It could have been bad. I think subconsciously he pulled a Captain America, jumped on the grenade situation. He didn't even know what he was doing. His body reacted. I blacked out. I'm not sure what happened.

It was like a My Hero moment. Like, you used your power. Like, there goes My Hero moment? You broke your bones. Watch him as he drops his beer. He drops his beer. Yeah. Yeah.

You say run. Jordan says, no beer on my friend. So he did spill his entire beer over him. So it's fine. We will reward him with a beer after this recording. It's a good job beer. We rewarded with the thing he lost. Yeah.

So no reward at all. And then my car will drive us home. Yeah. Hooray! He'll smell like beer, but he'll be perfectly sober. So it's a day at the Dell Diamond in Round Rock. Hopefully a day that's almost over. Yeah.

A day. We're close. A day in Round Rock, Texas. We're about an hour into the game. Because we're going to leave. You're conflating me. This is Nick, by the way, I'm talking to. He was shaking his head.

He's conflating me saying I hope it's almost over with the game is almost over. Right, right, right, right. It's going to be over when we leave. Right. He's pointing at the timer. He thinks that you mean the podcast. I mean leaving this place. When the podcast is over, the day is over.

You're talking to someone who batch recorded, not batch recorded, sorry, piecemealed this podcast in three different locations. That's true. We did do that once. I'm not under the foolish misconception that it has to be finished here. The other half can be the drive home. Jordan's car is driving us home. That's true.

You know what I mean? We could do a podcast post-game. I would like to point out that we— But it's still the main show. We brought a clear bag. Jordan was nice enough to give us a clear bag to use, to bring all this equipment in. Stadium friendly.

Yep. And then we grabbed the new Face Jam sunglasses that will be out soon, and we brought those to the park. Shield in our eyes, good stuff. And then Michael also brought a Steam Deck. Well, yeah, because it got boring. That's the whole point of the Steam Deck. You can take it anywhere.

So he just went, I have this. When did it get boring for you? Was it after the three double plays in a row? Jordan, I don't even see any really. I've seen essentially no baseball. Mike, we're at a baseball game. No, no, no. You watched a guy be safe, and then you were the unbiased referee to go,

he was safe, he was safe. You guys disagreed, but I'm sorry. He was safe. It was a three-game play at first. He was going, no, guys, he was safe. We all thought he was safe it was a three going I was out and me going no guys he was safe and Eric's going I believe him

there's no reason for him to lie he doesn't have a metric for any of this none of this has any value or meaning to him Michael doesn't care if these men live or die

it's like saying whether a square shape goes in a square hole or not it just is or it isn't it's fine and to further that I bought Resident Evil I brought it in case you know Saying whether a square shape goes in a square hole or not. It just is or it isn't. It's fine. And to further that, I bought Resident Evil.

I brought it in case, you know. Just in case. I loaded it up. Haven't added to that. Play through number 10? Nine. Don't exaggerate. Sorry. Don't get nuts.

Yeah. Who would play this game 10 times? Michael, well, me. Just not yet. I'll get there. Me later today. Me in about five hours. We're in the bottom of the fourth inning.

It's been a slow game. What's the score? It's 1-0 Rainiers. Yeah, Rainiers scored at the top of the first. I did not see how it happened. I was spilling beer all over myself. Round Rock Express. That's us.

I love when we're not the Round Rock Express. Coming here when we're like the Jackalopes or Chupacabras. Should all those squatters be on the screen? No. Because when you're the Chupacabras and you got a guy on third and there's like one out and you just need a fly ball to tag up, you got to bring your Chupas home. Do my cat ears. Bring home our Chupas.

Michael has the cat ears in Resident Evil 4. We're bringing home the Chupas. We have cat ears in Resident Evil 4. Everything can happen. Are we bringing home the Troops or the Chupas? The Chupas. It's more the Ch in Resident Evil 4. We're bringing home the cheeps. We have cat ears in Resident Evil 4. Everything can happen. Are we bringing home the troops or the cheeps? It's more the chupacabra. That's fine. That's what I thought I heard. And then you have to stand up and salute and say support our cheeps.

Would you stand up or would you get on all fours? Classic. Chupacabra, I believe, is bipedal. Is it? It goes back and forth, doesn't it? Yeah, I think it can go back and forth. It doesn't run bipedal. It's only bipedal when it's going... Yeah, when it's like slashing at a goat.

Yeah, you know what? But thinking about the chupacabra running on two legs is very funny. It'd probably be slow shit. Yeah. Little Marionetti. That's not a person. Yeah, it's not some guy named Marionetti. Marionetti sounds like a bad guy in Batman.

Yep. I took out the Marionette. This is the last time. Have you guys been to the Dell Diamond before? I think I've never been to a baseball game. This is his first baseball game ever. Yeah. Eric, you know the answer to that question for me.

NFL games, that's about it. We've been to this ballpark like eight times. Yeah, me and Jordan come here all the time. But did you show your tickets the other times? Yes. Which is why this was really weird. So that's what I was explaining to Michael, is that for as many live sporting things as I go to,

which is a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. I have never... I mean, you were at like two in the last week. I have never not shown tickets in my life. Life. I've never done what we did today.

I'm one for one. Fucking crazy. As far as I know, this is over. Next time we go, I lean in and tell my kid, let's take a volunteer basis. It's not a big deal. You can donate if you want. It's kind of like a sponsor,

which I don't know if we've had on Face Jam probably, but I've had them on other lesser podcasts. It's rocket money. Yes. Where you go, you get in there and they go yeah, but then they let you kind of decide how much you want to pay them. That's how this place works. We came here once. It's not.

Well, that's not what you demonstrated today. You bought tickets for no reason. One time we came here with a big group. It's kind of a pay it forward situation. A big group of people and one of our friends he showed up a little late and I had everyone's tickets. Oh, this is bullshit. And so I like texted him oh wait, no, late and I had everyone's tickets. Oh, this is bullshit. So I texted him.

Oh wait, no, no. I had printed out all of our tickets because we weren't all coming at the same time. I handed them all out the day before and he shows up and he's like I'll name him Ethan. It's our friend Ethan. I don't care. His name is Ethan. I'll say his name. I don't give a shit. And he forgot his ticket and he was like, he was texting us we're all there.

There's like 20 of us. And he's like, yeah, I can't get in. I don't have my ticket. And then he shows up. He's in the stadium. We're like, how'd you get in? He goes, there was a lady who was like, she was like, oh, I don't need this ticket. Do you want it?

And Ethan was like, yeah, I'll take it. And it was a special ticket that gets him into this building behind us over here. What? It's like a premium. That's awesome. It's crazy. That's like me and Mario party. There's free food.

That's cool. He kept coming out with ice cream sandwiches and being like, does anybody want ice cream? He would just give us. That's so cool. He showed up with holes

in his t-shirt and going, I got a special wristband that gets me free food. I don't have a ticket. I'm homeless. Here, have some ice cream. I'm the king of Bill Diamond. It was the most insane shit I've ever seen.

Was that the Eddie Murphy movie? Not Eddie Moofie. Yeah, it was the Eddie Moofie movie. Where he swapped and the poor guy was the rich guy? Yeah. That was Eddie Moofie and he swapped with a friend, Ethan. Eddie Moofie and Ethan Go after their friend Ethan. Eddie Moofie and Ethan Goofy?

Ethan Goofy. Ethan Goofy is a good name for this guy. It's really right. He was watching our friend's cats one time. Was that Dan Aykroyd? Yeah, it was Dan Aykroyd. He was watching our friend's cats one time and then he texted her three days later and he said, hey, do cats drink water like every day? Because these don't.

Because of me. Because I haven't given them any. I say it all the time. Do cats drink water like every day? Because these don't. Because of me. Because I haven't given them any. I say it all the time. Do cats drink water like every day? So that's, I mean, our Dell Diamond experience generally, like Jordan and I come all the time. Nick, you've been here, right? Do you have Dell pinions?

Oh, shit. Is that what it says? What did we do last week? Oh, Pretzpinions. Right. Yeah, so I forgot. I realized after the recording, Eric had written Pretzpinions on the fact sheet, and I lamented the fact that I had missed it.

Well, this one's different. What is it? It just says, take me out to the ballgame. But it's a question. Take me out to the ballgame? Take me out. When did you change that? When did you write that?

Yeah. On the drive here? 8.30, 8.45 a.m. On the drive here. Well, I printed them all out and forgot them. Take me out. Oh, you're just like Ethan. Yeah, absolutely.

Jesus. Oh, we got a homer. No, that was a firework, dude. Holy. Grand slam. Wow. That's an official. Dell Dinger.

Grand slam. And apparently they shoot off guns when that happens. Oh, we totally. Wow! Dell Dinger! That's an official! Dell Dinger! Grand Slam! And apparently they shoot off guns when that happens. Oh, we totally missed. We forgot about the national anthem. We should talk about the national anthem. Hey, look. Look. Oh, man, we could have been there.

It's right in front of the pool they hit it. Yeah. It's right in front of us. I could have caught it with my glove. A Grand Slam? You can't score more runs than that at once. That's the most runs you can get here and also a great deal at Denny's. It's true.

It's 4-1 now. We're winning. We did it. Go Express. Go us. Heroes, guys. We had a run before that. Go us.

Us round rock boys. Yeah, round rock. We were finding a spot to record. Who's rocking the house now? And we were kind of walking around the stadium. And then as we were getting up to get the food then as we were getting up to get the food, as we were getting up to get the food, they said,

oh, remove your hats, National Anthem. And we said, okay. Oh, did they say that? I didn't hear that. I just did it because people were doing it. So they said, remove your hats, National Anthem. I don't wear it at dinner either. And then... By the way, the kids who were singing are right behind us right now in the gray shirts. Oh, that's awesome. They're in the choir.

It started, and then the mic flew out. I think they did a good job. It's the sound guy I have a problem with. Right, yeah. Not this guy. The sound blew out. Nick had a panic attack. We heard, oh, say can you. It went, oh, say can you.

And even the kids, you could hear before the speaker exploded, they stopped singing because even they were like, what the fuck? Yeah. And stopped. And then it was silence for a long time. And then realized that they had just said F it and started singing again. Acapella maybe. No one can hear it.

And we were very far away. We were in the outfield. Now here's the thing. We were very far away. We were hearing like little whispers here and there. We were very close to where they shoot off fireworks. So when they said rockets, red glare. Bang, bang, bang. Boy, they shoot off fireworks. So when they said, Rockets, Red Glare, boy, they shot off rockets.

And then it just happened now, but way more. That firework for the Grand Slam was way louder and closer. And even more surprising, because I forgot the game was still happening. Much like most people here who are not watching the baseball game. We paid our entrance fee.

We paid our donation. Our charitable donation. Just a donation of buying four of these sandwiches or hot dogs or whatever they are. This is really great what Round Rock does for the city. How they just put these free games on. Let people come to do whatever they want. Hey, pay what you can. Pay forward.

Hey, thanks for coming. We need all that we can get. Most guests donate $5. Jordan, we should probably get into the haiku. Okay. I need to open it up on my phone. I couldn't tell you what time we're at on this podcast. 20 minutes.

I was going to say 20 minutes. A very low time, I would say. But it's fine. Wow. Pick me out. He keeps saying it. It's so funny. That guy's got a hot dog hat.

We call that a hat dog. Yeah, that's right. Don't we? That's so fucking stupid. All right. Haiku. What a weird day. Yep.

One room flat. Five dudes. Minor leagues, but major dreams. Whoa. Eat like an A-leaguer. Whoa. This. Eat like an A-leaguer. Whoa. That was cool. This is a hearkening to the poor wages that minor league players are paid.

And also, what I imagine. I thought he was talking about us. Like, we're all in one room. No, no, no. I didn't think he was talking about us at all. Why are we in one room? I didn't think you were talking about us at all. Why are we in one room? I didn't think you were talking about us at all. I suspect the reason the food we ate today exists is because this is what minor league players eat.

Oh, absolutely. They scrounge up together some cheese and bread and throw a hot dog on it. They throw a hot dog on it, not in it. Not in it, but on it. Yep. In a DIY kind of fashion. I kept asking what we were eating and why is it the mac and

cheese? And it's not the mac and cheese. And it wasn't the mac and cheese. It's because this is the specialty food. They have a t-shirt dedicated to this food item. Well, we better get it. We should have bought it for Jordan when he spilled the beer all over himself. I told you I'm dry. Dude, you spilled the beer and you were just like,

God damn it. It was just a very like, damn it. And then you spilled the beer, and you were just like, God damn it. It was just a very, like, damn it. And then you just, like, walked off. And we all immediately laughed. And then we're like, oh, that sucks. Walked off. And Nick just kept saying, I shouldn't have laughed. I shouldn't have laughed.

Oh, I feel so bad. I feel so bad. I mean, it's expected of Michael and Eric. I just kept saying, well, I mean, he's just wet. Yeah. I think it'll be all right. It's not the end of the world. Whoa, look at this guy.

Look at this guy. Look at this guy. Dude, this guy's dancing. That guy's a player. See, he's just wet. Yeah. I think it'll be all right. Whoa, look at this guy. Look at this guy. Look at this guy. This guy's dancing. That guy's a player. See, this is not fun. I don't know if you can hear it or not, but they're playing right now. He's trying to make it look like it's fun. Nobody's having this much fun.

LMFAO. LMFAO. Look at that body. He works out, which is now my national anthem. There's the dog. Oh, the dog. He works out. What's his name?

Spike? Yeah. But there was some old man dancing on the, maybe not Jumbotron, but it's the Flex Cam. The regular Tron that is made of blocks. I think it's made of individual CRT TVs. It's a bunch of Legos with displays on them. It's not really a screen as much as it is a projection that they're bouncing off of another thing onto that. I'm just going to say, let's just stop for a second and look at that body.

Don't look at that body. Why are there Rainiers fans here? Why are they blurring the kid's face out? Hey, let's learn about the Dell Diamond. The pixelation is so bad it looked like he was in witness protection. That screen isn't bad. And here we show this small unidentified child dancing to LMFAO. Why isn't he in school today?

Great question. Great question. Truancy officer's on his way. All right, you guys ready to learn about the Dell Diamond? And the Red Rock Express. I actually am ready. Here we go. The Dell is like the hospital, right?

Or is it the computer? Yeah, it's... Is it the hospital or the computer? I think it's computers. Yeah. I think it's... This is Dell Diamond in the context of computers. It's the family name, Dell. And they sponsor this and they

have the children's hospital. So wait, this is the people sponsoring it? It's not the company? It's the company, but it's the name. Dell. Dell is the last name. Michael just wants to know what context we're in right now. I thought I explained it really well. Like, when I see this game, am I going to help a dude get a Dell or a sick kid?

No. Or are you helping some guy named Dell? No. Is that why the donation was charitable? I guess in that context, it doesn't make sense to me that you would be helping a dude get a Dell. I don't know either, but it sounds like that's what we're doing. Are we getting a Dell? That don't know either, but it sounds like that's what we're doing. Are we getting a Dell? That guy's got to be 55 now.

Anyway, let's get on to the facts for the Dell Diamond, not the computer guy. Or no, yes, the computer guy. Again, I thought it was really clear. Yeah, well, you've been here before and paid for some reason. So what the hell do you know? I paid this time, too. I know, for some reason. Built on 85 acres of former farmland.

No way. Out here? Hey, I paid this time, too. Yeah, I know, for some reason. Built on 85 acres of former farmland. No way. Out here? The Dell Diamond held its first game on April 16th, 2000. Where? Hang on. Hang on. Where?

Where the then AA Round Rock Express took the field. Yep. They made it up to AAA now. Dude, does it go to quadruple A? No, it's single. Quadruple A is single, double, triple, and then it's quadruple A would be the Pittsburgh Pirates. Oh, is that an insult to them? Gotcha. They've made it, but they shouldn't have.

It's like the Tigers. Yeah, yeah. Dude, hey, now let's just take a second. Jordan's plan for the Tigers really struck a chord with the Jammers out there. They were very into it. Is that true? That baseball thing you were talking about? Or buying somebody or doing something or whatever? I vaguely remember that conversation.

It was a lot of people going, hey, this is maybe the most unhinged Jordan has ever been. I'll be honest. I disagree. I think I was very hinged. I think it was a very well thought out plan. Here's the thing. You would disagree because you are unhinged.

And we've been saying this since six months into this podcast that little do we know, we thought it'd be like, Michael and Jordan, what do you know? And it was just Jordan slowly losing his mind and us just watching. So it tracks perfectly for me.

I guess like, not that it's that insane. We'll see who's unhinged when they own the Detroit Tigers and teleport them to Anaheim. I get enough of this Jordan outside the podcast where it, not that it's that insane. We'll see who's unhinged when they own the Detroit Tigers and teleport them to Anaheim. I get enough of this Jordan outside the podcast where it's not that surprising. To catch it on mic, I guess, is interesting. It's mostly people that were really set in their ways of the Jordan mold, I think. Yes. And they're just going, this doesn't track.

This isn't canon. Yeah, whatever plans we had for this podcast fell apart very quickly. I didn't see this. I didn't see baseball happening, but here we are. The Dell Diamond houses the now AAA, that's one more A, Round Rock Express, the farm team for the Texas Rangers. Last year, the Rangers finished 68 out of 94, so please consider that the guys you'll be seeing in Round Rock

are not good enough to make that team. Steve Reich. Ooh. Hang on, dancing. That's the way I like it. be seeing in round rock are not good enough to make that team steve right oh hang on dancing that's the way i like it see that was the music for my fat that was the songs that play for uh hey this is a real quick fact yeah just get through it the round rock isn't even around get real it's true it's more flat We will go as soon as we're done with this, we will take a picture with the round rock. It's right over there. They have it right in the middle. Have you seen the round rock before? No. It is. I've seen it now.

Nick immediately blasts. The train! The round train! It's the taxi express. Choo-choo! What's that say? Baggo? What does that say? Does that say Baggo the train? There's like a rat with chili peppers all around him. Banjo-Kazooie. On one of these cars.

Baggo the train. I can't hear. Eek-a-bokum. I can't hear anything Michael's saying. I'm saying what the train is saying. I don't think he needed to pull the horn there, but I think he has to if he's going by the Del Diamond. The Round Rock. So they have a replica of the Round Rock here.

And we'll take a picture with it because I need everyone to know. I don't know if you can hear it. Nick just went, what? And turned around like a rubberneck speed. I just want everyone to keep in mind that the name of the town, this is for me. Oh, it's Simba Cam. Here, let me

pick up Nick. Beautiful. It is called Round Rock and the rock we're about to see is not round whatsoever. I'm not going to even see it. It is miserable. It's flat and circular. I hate it. Think about landing, like, you stop somewhere and you go, round rock, and it's this.

I didn't land on round rock. It was like shit. Round rock landed on me. Dude, this is the longest, loudest train ever. Yeah, but now it's this. I didn't land on Round Rock. It was like shit. Round Rock landed on me. Dude, this is the longest, loudest train ever. Yeah, but now it's done. Why did you say Round Rock looks like this and point it to the state of Texas? Nope.

Because the Round Rock is on the hat. No, but that's the state. Right, and it's in the hat. You're telling me the rock is 50% the size of the state of Texas? No, that's artist's depiction. Yeah, well, the artist is a fucking idiot. Okay, he needs to get his fucking head checked. Let's go on to the next fact, huh?

Hey, let's get on to the next fact. Did you know that in 2004, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie filmed an episode of their show, The Simple Life? Remember that show? At the Dell Diamond? The Simple Life was a hit television show and considered by many to be the launching pad for its stars. I know you're expecting a sex tape joke here, but we're above that, fool. Girl up and realize that Nicole is still married to the guy from Good Charlotte who says love is dead. Wow.

I'm so happy for them. Little known fact, daughter of Lionel Richie. Nobody knew that. Adoptive daughter of Lionel Richie. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Her name is Richie. It's obvious.

I had to look it up this morning. It's like how Nick is related to Ben Schwartz. That's right. Yeah, that is crazy. Did you not know she was adopted? No. Or was she? No.

The Lionel Richie thing, I thought. And then in 2004, I was like. He adopted her as like a baby, right? As like his daughter. When Nicole Richie was on The Simple Life, I was like, why this person? And then I looked up the fact that she's, oh, Lionel Richie's daughter. Yep. That's why. Again, it's more why this person because she's friends with Paris Hilton that she's, oh, Lionel Richie's daughter. Yep. That's a lie.

Again, it's more why this person because she's friends with Paris Hilton. Yeah. How is she friends with Paris Hilton? How did she get Lionel Richie's daughter? Yeah. They went to the same private school. Yep. And she's classic.

So married. She's a Fremenese. Fremenese. That was the word. Yep. 13 years she's been married to the guy from Good Charlotte. I don't think it's going to last. That's like 50 years for celebrities, to be honest.

That's what I'm saying. 2004, I remember that show. I was still in high school. I remember it was a big deal when they didn't know what Walmart was. That made people mad. There's a clip on YouTube of them at the Dell Diamond serving popcorn and going on the field. It's fucking weird.

They could go on the field? Yeah, I mean, there's a whole thing. I mean, honestly, I feel like we could go on the field. Yeah, honestly. No one would stop us if the entrance was any indicator. We could just walk down there with the equipment and no one would stop. We're now walking down the field.

Guys, we're holding this. Guys, we're now on the field. We're standing on the field. We're getting looked at and we're leaving the field. We're getting waved at. During the next middle inning, I'm going to go out in the center field and then the guy from the Reindeers is going to come out. He's just going to give you his hat. Oh, you got it covered.

Then go back to the dugout. Alright, good luck, bud. One more fact. Sorry, my phone keeps falling asleep. Yeah, no, I understand. No, it's fine. Hey, here we go. Final fact. Located just across the street from the ballpark is the Kalahari Resort, an indoor water park and convention center that costs $350 million to build.

That is more than it costs to build Q2 Stadium. Although they've been hit with several wrongful death lawsuits from accidental child drownings, their current lawsuit deals with one woman claiming their website is not sufficiently digitally accessible. Um, lady, that's not what they meant when they said you could surf the web. I was led to believe this was a water park of some sort. Michael,

how do you feel about having to say that? No, that's great. Here's the other thing about the facts. I feel fine because I've made it clear over the years that I didn't write this. And I'm just a mouthpiece. That's fine with me. But if I can get you at the end, you have to giggle and put down

your microphone. I'm feeling pretty good. That's a win for Eric. And that's everything you need to know about the Dell Diamond. Can you believe that? You feel like you learned a lot about Dell? Dude, you're getting a Dell? I feel like I don't. And Kalahari Resort.

What the fuck they're doing with this hot dog thing. That's true. We didn't have any info on the hot dog. Well, we haven't learned about the food yet. It's called the Dell Diamond Grilled Cheese Hot Dog. Yeah. So here's what I'm thinking. It somehow combines a grilled cheese and a hot dog.

And that is what they do. Now I will say combined is pretty generous. Well it's not generous because it's what I thought they would do. It's a real expectations versus reality situation in which it's very disappointing. I'm going to be honest. I guess they're just going to put the hot dog

inside the grilled cheese. That's what you thought. That's weird. Or maybe they grill the bun with cheese. Nope, that would have been better. That would have been preferred. Yeah. Because they just put, I don't know if we want to get into the press material or just describe what it is first.

I mean, we should talk about, we can talk about what the food was. What it is is you take a grilled cheese sandwich, right? Like you have two slices of bread with an amount of cheese in the middle. You grill it, right? Then you have a cooked hot dog, and then you take that hot dog and you put it on top of the grilled cheese sandwich, and that's it. And for some reason it takes 20 minutes to make. It's so long.

Yeah, it takes so long. And you're looking at it and just going, I just, I don't, I don't understand. Like, it just seems like you ordered grilled cheese. Yeah. And then you also ordered a hot dog. Uh-huh. But they ran out of buns. Yeah.

So they said, fuck it, and they just threw it on top. And then it dawned on me finally, oh, my God, you're supposed to fold it like a bun? But. But it's a whole grilled cheese sandwich. It is a whole grilled cheese sandwich. And the bread they use is not big enough to wrap around the hot dog. No, it's not big enough at all. That's why when I saw it, I didn't even think of that because that's insanely stupid.

It is. It's just put a hot dog on top of a fucking grilled cheese sandwich. That's it. That's what it is. The grilled cheese is also cut in half diagonally, so when you are trying to eat the hot dog, the grilled cheese comes apart. And it's like... It's fucking...

This is why we're at a baseball game. It's so clearly... Because someone made grilled cheese and put a hot dog on it. On it. Just on... I can't be more clear. I don't know, fucking put this on top. The reason...

Just kind of rolling around freely. Yeah. The reason we're here is because me and Jordan came to a game here one time with our friends and our friend Andrew saw that shirt and it said world famous grilled cheese hot dog at the Dell Diamond. And we went. Is it? Great.

And then I think we had an immediate conversation of we should do face jam here. Yes. And it has been in the making for so long. It's been like a year. Yeah. And I am thrilled that you guys had to eat the hot dog on top of the grilled cheese. Yeah, it's pretty stupid. Is the game over?

What happened? No. It just got quiet. Did everyone die? No. They're playing baseball. Yeah. Oh.

When the music stops. Dude, everything stopped. It was the music, the people. You can hear a pin drop here. The music stopped and people went, all right, back to the shops. I just got up again and left their seats and flooded the winery. In between the innings is the best part for these people. They get to dance around.

I just want to say that Nick held up a sign on his phone that said, still hungry. Yeah, I ignored it. He was Wile E. Coyote in a fucking cartoon I mean here's the thing Nick if everything's running smooth I don't see a reason why you can't run off and get some mac and cheese card? I'm just saying

not using the card for that I'll give you my card he's still hungry he needs to eat yeah he can't tell his wife this is a good idea we should do this today do you want to go to the baseball game tonight? do you want to break into the baseball game? don't worry Yeah, he can't tell his wife, this is a good idea. We should do this today. God, so quiet. Hey, do you want to go to the baseball game tonight?

Do you want to break into the baseball game? Don't worry. I went today. You just walk in. I still have tickets. You don't need tickets or money. You don't need shit. Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. Jordan, we should get into the description of the food and the press material, though. Oh, they're still going. Hang on. Justin Foskey was up to bat. All right. Del Diamond grilled cheese hot dog. A must try for newcomers is the famous grilled cheese dog.

I tried it. Which is exactly what it sounds like. In lieu of a regular bun, a grilled cheese sandwich is wrapped around the dog. No, it isn't. Except it isn't. You're lying. This is why I was so excited wrapped around it. This is why I was so excited. This is why I'm so excited. False advertising. They describe it.

They describe it as retro. It is a perfectly normal, flat, grilled cheese sandwich, take a hot dog, put it on top. Done. That's what it is. They don't even like fold it for you

fuck off oh shit god dude when they came out cause again even waiting in line it just said just words

yup and they came out and I went what the fuck what it looks like something my kid would make and then I put a hot dog on

it is the most child food yeah it is the most child food in the world. Dude, any time. It's like a guy making 35K playing minor league baseball. Yeah, absolutely. Any time you have a hot dog with no bun and nothing, you instantly look like an infant.

Nobody is eating a plain hot dog without a bun unless you're like an invalid. Yep. If like you need like a smoothie or something. I'm just saying. If you're a child or like someone needs to chew up your hot dog that's got no bun, no sauce, nothing, and that's what they gave us here.

They're going, here you go, idiot. Suck this down. It needs to be cut like an octopus. That's all it's missing. Oh yeah, if you cut the hot dog like an octopus, it would be perfect. Press material. We tried to come up with a funny

name for it, but decided to make it self-explanatory, says Jay Kudla, director of food and beverage at Dell Diamond. Still, until people see it, the concept doesn't really sink in. Hey, I got news for you, Jay. It doesn't sink in when you do see it either. No, I'm going to disagree.

It immediately sunk in and it made me angry. I didn't... I think the only thing that sinks in is the amount of work you have to do. I didn't hate what I didn't understand. And once I understood it... Then I hated it. I was red hot like AJ. We tried to come up with a name for it

and then we decided it's a fucking, what the fuck? Grilled cheese dog. It's a chill grilled cheese. Like, honestly, what is it called? It's called grilled cheese hot dog? Yeah. Call it grilled cheese with hot dog on top, and it wouldn't bother me as much, okay? Because I would go, holy shit.

Call it first base and a bat. Yeah, really. That's what it resembles. Oh, man. It really is. And I love that they're so up front. You gotta see it to believe it. Call it the little baby.

I don't know what else. Baby food for morons. There's another quote here. Can I get three mush mushes? Goo goo gagas for me, please. The other quote reads the taste of the hot dog. that's what you notice first. What the fuck?

Phil Boyd, a musician and designated eater, but then it's followed by that buttery grilled cheese flavor. It's a good dog, man. Who's saying that? Who is this man? Is that Jay still saying that, or is that some random bastard vibe? This is Phil Boyd, a musician and designated eater. Good dog, man. When Del Diamond was like opening and they were

introducing this, this writer brought his college roommate and asked him for quotes and that's what he said about it and it is like man, this is the most fucking unserious thing ever. How do I become a designated eater? I mean again, it's like they just, because they probably did,

cut the hot dog out of the eight-pack or whatever, or ten-pack, slipped it out, and put it on top of the grilled cheese. That's a good dog, man. This is done, sir. So the first thing you notice about the hot dog grilled cheese is the hot dog. Then the subtle tones of the cheese. It's like talking with pasta Pete. It's a wet, plain, flavorless hot dog and bread with cheese.

So many notes. Fuck, man. My kids would probably love it. It is child food. It's definitely not for an adult. Before we get into the review, I would be remiss if we didn't talk about past times we've been here. Oh, yeah. Encounters we've had with players on the field.

Some scuffles? Almost scuffles? Almost scuffles. Thinking about scuffles? Some real one-sided energy and then really putting their place type of stuff. I think this is probably the first time I ever came to Dell Diamonds. First time, yeah. We sat on the first base side, and Miles Straw.

Let me say, one of the best things to do here is when one of the players screw up, is to say, oh, not going to make the team that way. Not going to get to the majors doing that. And then also they can hear you when you say it. So we were close enough where Myles Straw, who's now the Cleveland Guardians center fielder, was on first base. Gold glove

winner. He was on first base and he went to steal second and then the ball got fouled off so he had to go back. And I started giving it to him and started yelling at him uh probably from about 15 feet away and saying like there ain't no way you're stealing that base man no fucking chance brother you ain't getting to second no way no how he's on our team uh but well i, I mean, not really our team. Yeah. And then he went to steal second. Well, he was going to show you. Uh-huh.

And then he was gunned down. With a baseball? Yep. And then he got thrown out. And then that was the end of the inning. And he wasn't thrilled with what I said. What did you say? Good try.

And I just went, oh, I fucking told you. And he looked at me and went, he took his glasses off. I mean, pissed, dead, straight at me. And I just went,

sorry. I'm sorry. Literally said, not used to being this close. Yep. Yep. Usually they can't hear me. Yep.

Truly, very interesting to come to a park that is not like Minute Maid because this isn't 75 me. Yep. Truly very interesting to come to a park that is not like Minute Maid because this isn't 75,000 people. This is 7,500 people. You're not drowned out by the cacophony of other baseball goers. If you listen right now, the game is going on.

It really sounds like it does it. We're not very far away at all. We can still see the feet. Mason McCoy, apparently, is at bat. It's a 2-2 count. Yep. And it has been. He may have just struck out.

He is out. All of that happened, and we heard none of it. No reaction. I mean, it really is pin drop. You can hear a pin drop. Tumbleweed. This guy talking is confirmation of life for this game. Yeah. No reaction. I mean, it really is pin drop. You can hear a pin drop. Tumbleweed. This guy talking is confirmation of life for this game.

Yeah. Because if I didn't hear, they could be zombies out there. I could look over there and be like, oh, fuck. I think my favorite thing is that of all the players at that game that day that you yelled at, Myles Straw's the only one to make it to the major leagues. Oh, absolutely. We saw a bunch of guys who never made the bigs. He's a gold glove winner now. Well, he's also because he made it to the Astros. He made it to the major leagues. Oh, absolutely. We saw a bunch of guys who never made the bigs. He's a gold glove winner now.

He's also because he made it to the Astros. He made it to the Astros because this is back when the Express were an Astros team. Yep. Won a World Series, I think. Yep. Got traded to the Guardians. Yep. And now he's their guy. Yeah. Unfortunately. He also has the longest active

homer list streak. You can just change where you're going. They're like, hey, you make it, you'll get on this team. And they went, fuck it, not anymore. And then they need some other players, so they go, we're going to get rid of you. Imagine if you could trade Nick for Pasta Pete. That's baseball. You just make a trade. It'd be more like trading Nick for Kevin from Mega64.

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Set him far away. What's the value? And we're getting rid of someone. That is baseball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, send him far away. Like, what's the value? And we're getting rid of someone. That is baseball. I think that's a fair trade. We definitely come out on that trade.

Yeah, we get Kevin. Damn, dude. Yeah. From where? What? Hey, you laughed at me. Kevin from Mega64. This is what you get.

Oh, okay. Yeah, he's helping Garrett in his garage pack orders. Okay. Yeah. Well, he's doing more than that. The guy who didn't know how to operate our audio? He knew. He was just checking. He was just didn't know how to operate our audio? He knew. He was just checking.

He was just making sure. He was just double checking with some guy. Yep. All right. Let's get into the food. Yeah. What do you think? Well, it was a grilled cheese sandwich with a hot dog on top.

This is something. And some shitty fries. This is something. Well, they were chips. Sorry, chips. I meant chips. Womp, womp, womp. You don't have to dog pile me.

Dude, even the stadium's laughing at you. They're just fucking coming after you, bro. They got me. Stadium's on my side. I love when they don't have a picture from one of the guys. Because he just got called up, probably. Just a weird picture. Nick is holding up more Wile E. Coyote signs.

That's true. I forgot. That's a good point. He said no onions, though. So this was interesting. Oh, yeah. We got our hot dogs. Uh-huh.

And we're walking, walking away, and there's like a little condiment island. And so I got some mustard, disgusting yellow mustard, but I got it because it's the only mustard offered. And then Nick walks around the other side and he goes, ooh, as he does, onions. And I'm like, all right, I could kick some onions on my grilled cheese hot dog piece of shit.

And I walk around the other side, and there are little diced onions, and it's like a container with a lid on it. I'm looking around. Just no way to get them. There's no spoon. There's no scooper. There's no – I go, oh, it's this thing. And I tap like a big plastic thing, and I thought it was like a spoon dispenser.

No, it's napkins. And so we're just looking at them going, how the fuck? Hands? Hands? And here's the thing. Where we're at, somebody's doing it. Yeah, absolutely. Somebody has, like, to know, if I went, imagine I stuck my hands in it, I would

not be the only and I would not be the last. And we just walked away but I'm like, what the fuck is that? It's some kind of like, um, Mirage Oasis shit? You think it's an onion but it's just a bunch of people touching them? We thought about it in a joking way and then there are other people who did not think about it at all and did it.

Because they went, I have to. And then there's other people that just didn't think about it. And just went, oh, onions. Absolutely. So let me say this about this food. Hang on, hang on. They're playing under this. Is that children?

Oh, the red chicken one. There's people and children and chickens running. I don't know who's chasing you. What section are we in? Lawn 2. But it's an ad for pluckers. That's fucked up. Those chickens are dead meat.

Yes, they are. That's why they were not hustling. You don't show chickens for Pluckers. You show cows for a chicken place. Yeah. Classic chicken place. What I meant was... Canes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Zaxby's. Zaxby's. As the cow, we say, fucking kill that cow. Don't eat me, eat the chicken. Yeah, eat my ass. Awesome. So what do you think of the grilled cheese sandwich? So usually, hang on, we got a landscaper thrown into the mix.

If there wasn't enough sound going on, it went from really quiet to really loud. And there's a landscaper now. We got the stadium, the trains, and then there's the guy in the lawnmower. I hope anyone can hear us. Save us. If you can hear this, help. We're close enough to the very outside where the outside grass is right next to us, and it's not being mowed.

In the middle of a baseball game. Yeah. Okay, look, they actually asked them to mow during the baseball game because otherwise it's awkwardly quiet. They're like, we got to have some white noise going on. Can you mow during the game? They've been trying to pay people to splash in the pool, too, but it's not working.

Get in, get in. The pool seems closed. I don't know why. It's a beautiful day. You have to rent it. Well, fucking let's do that next time. Yeah, then we have a place to record. It's a miracle it's sunny. What? It's a miracle it's sunny today. But it is sunny, so we could have rented it. Well, fucking let's do that next time. Yeah, then we have a place to record. It's a miracle it's sunny.

What? It's a miracle it's sunny today. But it is sunny, so we could have rented it. Yeah, that's true. You need to do it again. Jordan, I know you're burning up to tell people how you feel about this. So usually when we get a food, it's you can only get it at this place. Yeah.

Here's the magic of this. You can only get this here. You can make this at home so easily. What do you mean? Yeah, but it's not official. What are you talking about? You can make it like the so easily. What do you mean? It's not official. What are you talking about? You can make it like the 15-year-old working here who made it. Exactly.

It is basically white bread, Kraft single, and a hot dog. Now, I will say. What do you mean? Basically. I was going to say. I don't think that's basically what it is. I think that's what it is. All the ingredients are out there.

That's it. So you can make this at home and turn a baseball game on and it's like you're there. Right. Actually, it's more like you're there because you're watching the baseball game. Oh, hang on though. Yeah. If you turn the baseball game on though, make sure you don't watch it. Yeah.

Then it's like you're here. Maybe go to the other room and then like. I'm hanging out with my dad. So it doesn't really have any flavor. Yeah. What? Whatever. No. What? Whatever. No, at first you taste the hot dog.

Whatever Phil Boyd's talking about. That's the first thing you taste. Yeah, and then the buttery grilled cheese. Tell him, Michael. I don't think so, Phil. It's a good dog, man. It is truly ballpark food. I'll agree with that.

Having no experience, I agree with you there. This is what you get, man. They'll try to do something funny like this, but it's still just the weakest ingredients. I was so excited one time. We went to an Astros-Padres game at Minute Maid Park. Great ballpark. I've been to a handful.

Probably my favorite ballpark I've been to. And they had a Shake Shack there. Yep. And I was like, I love Shake Shack. Right. Who doesn't? The freshly made, hand-spun shakes, the burgers. The thing with stadium food is it's food that's already made

that's sitting around, and then they just hand it to you. Right. The shake was a shake that was made probably three weeks ago that's been in a freezer. Right. And it's just very disappointing So even if it's something you like You are going to be disappointed

And this was not something you like Even if it sounds like an interesting concept You're going to be disappointed You're going to be disappointed And this unfortunately I feel like it just gets worse at the minor leagues So it's pretty Bottom of the barrel stuff,

even though they're trying a fun gimmick. I'm going to give it. Before you give your score, can I just let you know, today is Taco Tuesday, where they have $2 tacos. Yeah. How much was the grilled cheese? Way more. But here's the thing about the tacos,

and I just need you to know this because you're talking about ballpark food. They are hard shell tacos. Oh, my God. They are crunchy shell. Are they El Paso's? That is exactly what they look like. So when you're talking about ballpark food, just realize that it's on that level. And I feel like it's particularly ballparks because I go to other stadiums.

Yeah. Q2 Stadium in Austin. Great stuff. Has good food. Yep. Like they bring in outside restaurants, local restaurants that make the food there. And it's good. The ballpark is just there's nothing more American than baseball and bad food. It's also it's also a thing where I understand. I understand.

Dell Dinger. Everywhere. Everywhere you live. Right. It's like, oh, we have good food. Why does X establishment have crappy processed food, right? And that's just like, that's where I grew up. You know what I mean? Like, anywhere you go, movie theater, it's like garbage shit food. We've moved away from that a little bit in society, I feel like, right? At least in America. There's more discerning tastes.

There's more, like, good stuff. Even if it's processed, it's like good processed stuff. But I will say, especially um you know being in austin and round rock very austin adjacent you just kind of expect better than that here it is it is for better or worse i'm not even gonna lean into whether the notoriety is well deserved of like being the food town right whether you whether you agree or disagree the fact is that is what it is right austin is like the best barbecue ever. It's the best food ever. So any place like that, and we were talking about this earlier,

like Round Rock, desperately needs to be associated with Austin because nobody knows what Round Rock is. They have to be like, Round Rock, we're right next to Austin. We're basically Austin. So you'd think they would be part of the whole, like, wow. It's like a lot of me moving to Austin was like, wow, I went to this chain place, but there was this cool not chain atmosphere to it.

And this is not that at all. Like the places, I should take it back. The place is great. The food is absolute shit. This is a great place to come to not watch baseball. It's just real garbage. This has been very fun to come to. And I just keep forgetting there's a goddamn baseball game right there.

Also, there's all the people playing. What's worse? The ball game or the food? Well, I can't say the ball game's bad because I'm not watching it. The food is more insistent on itself. I know it exists more. You know what this feels like right now where we're sitting?

This is very location-based. You have to see what I'm talking about. If you ignore the baseball field over here, I feel like we're in an early 2000s movie and we're at a high school cafeteria. Also because everyone else here is fucking children. No, I'm not exaggerating. It's all

children and we're sitting over here. I'm going, it's lunchtime. It's lunchtime and the kids are looking for a place to eat. And we're at a covered section. They're playing Celine Dion. And we're in a covered section with a bunch of tables. And so it's like we're 21 Jump Street right now. Except we all look old as shit and we have a podcast.

And I appreciate that there's one table of kids sitting next to us. It can be as loud as they want. They're in public. And there's another table and a girl kept shushing them because we were doing a podcast. So funny. So I appreciate that. I watch her keep going, shh. So polite. This is what Gen Z is all about. They know what's going on. They go, oh, fuck.'re doing a podcast. So funny. So I appreciate that. I watch her keep going, shh, shh. This is what Gen Z

is all about. They know what's going on. It's Gen Z. They go, oh, fuck, they have a podcast. This is a big deal. This is important. Why is Celine Dion getting louder? Because there's nothing to fear. So let's not. Oh, look at that guy. He's doing the, he's doing the, he's doing it by himself. They're making it

louder for him. The Jack and Kate, is it? Is that their names? No, Rose. I like y'all said him. Jack and Kate, is it? No, Rose. It's Kate Winslet. That's the actor. He was just doing the Rose with no Jack. This guy's just singing. He sounds like Celine.

He's not just singing, he's drinking. Let's have no fear and give this a score. Do you want me to wait until she's done? No, fuck no. No, you're seeing the score while she's singing. It makes it more inspirational. Near, far, wherever you are, give us the score. Oh, don't say that about her.

He's talking about the disease she has where she's going to turn into stone. Oh, right. That happens in Final Fantasy a lot. Yeah. It's called petrification. Go ahead. Go ahead. 18. 18. It's called petrification. Go ahead. Go ahead. 18.

18! Okay, here's the thing. This sucked. What are you talking about? It's a hot dog. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did you just lower it to 12?

No, I'm saying you're going to give it a 12. Oh, okay. I thought he threw in a second one. The grilled cheese, I feel like it would be better with just the grilled cheese. Well, you taste it second. Well, it's also- But it's a bad grilled cheese. Mine was burnt. Here's the thing. I'm not saying it's not a good grilled cheese, I feel like it would be better with just the grilled cheese. Well, you taste it second. Well, it's also... But it's a bad grilled cheese. Mine was burnt.

Here's the thing. I'm not saying it's not a good grilled cheese, and I understand this is biased just because the grilled cheese, at least in my mind, it was not a grilled cheese hot dog. It was a grilled cheese and a hot dog without a bun placed on top. So at least to me, the grilled cheese was a finished product. And then also there was a hot dog. So if I could throw away the hot dog, at least it's not a great grilled cheese.

Hang on, Beetlejuice. No one did it. No one did it. It's just a sad hot dog. Again, it's like you're in the store. You're in the meat aisle, and they're pre-cooked. You know, hot dogs are pre-cooked. And you look over your shoulder, you take a little pocket

knife out, and you slice the package open, you pull it out, and you just suck it down. You just eat it. They're like the 7-Eleven hot dogs that have been rotating for hours. Oh, the 7-Eleven hot dogs are infinitely better. Don't even get me started. I eat them all the time. I would kill for a 7-Eleven hot dog in this slimy mess. Well, now I will say if you do get the pocket knife out and you eat the hot dog in the freezer

section of your local grocer. Not frozen. It's just cold. If you do that in your local grocer, you're missing out on the buttery grilled cheese that you taste second. Right. It's a good dog, man. But you're also getting it for free, much like this baseball game.

If you just eat it in the store and don't tell anybody. It's not a similarity. By the way, we're in the store and don't tell anybody. It's a lot of similarity. By the way, we're in the bottom of the sixth. Bottom of the sixth, but I feel like right at the end, truly an unremarkable disgusting thing. I want the macaroni and cheese. This kid's got Sire Patch.

Kids and I'm jealous. I'm going to give it a 10. Wow. Undercut again. I had to undercut your undercut That's an average score of 14 Yeah Too high Sounds right

Yeah Dude it sucks Get something else I gotta think There's some ballpark In this country That has good food Or a good specialty food

Oh you can You can go to You can go to Big League ballparks And they'll have stuff We've been to Globe Life Which is where the Rangers play

Globe Life fucking sucked That stadium Soulless. It was brand new. Soulless. Dude, it was brand new when we went, and it was a fucking dump. It's gigantic. State of the art.

And then you go to Minute Maid, which is this tiny ballpark in the middle of downtown Houston. Way better atmosphere. Way better ballpark. It's just a weird one, man. So, I would love to come here and hang out with my kids if there wasn't baseball. Well, they can go swimming. They can do the rock wall. That baseball is such wasted space.

There could be a park. Monster trucks might be coming. A lot more in here, though. Nick informed me there's a park nearby. He's never taken his kid there, but he loves it. So, for Snack Attack, we're going to date there once. Oh, yeah. What did you get us?

Well, some of us had it. Some of us had it. some of us didn't Oh, fuck no Some of us had it, some of us didn't And it was the Carbock Love Street That's why we all got the same thing What would you rate it? I'm sorry, I blacked out when you told that kid fuck no It was really funny

What happened? Carbock Love Street. What did you rate it? Oh, that was good. Yeah. And I drank it. I didn't throw it. Yeah.

That was delicious. I'm going to give that an 85. Oh, hell yeah. So I guess if people... I had a sip and I've had it before. What did you give it? 89. Oh, okay.

Wow. Did you say that or did I black out? No, I did not say that. Oh, it was after me. You went first. Average score of 87. I wasn't about to undercut you on Love Street. No, no.

Hey, if you want to send us snacks and we don't have to go to the ballpark, you can. You send snacks to Face Jam Care of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas. Or send them to the Dell Diamond. We'll probably be back. Don't come here. Hey, you want something that you can wear to the baseball game? Dude. We got it, baby.

Monkey League Baseball. Yeah. Monkey League Baseball shirt on sale now. It also dries pretty quick. ShortEyewrishTeeth.com. It does. It's true. It's black.

It really soaks up the sun. You can also come to RTX, to the Rat and Grackle Pub. Dude, that is a thing? Yep. July 7th through 9th. I knew it. RTXAustin.com to get your tickets. We're going to be there.

Nick's going to be there. He'll be wearing the mask the whole time. Not allowed to take it off. We're going to be there. Nick's going to be there. He'll be wearing the mask the whole time. Not allowed to take it off. We're going to actually secure it. Yeah, we're going to secure it to his head. That's Nick's monkey music. Do they play that when they're really making fun of the players?

It's like circus music. When they're juggling. It's so insulting. Well, that also seems insulting. The last very important thing. Okay, go ahead. Tell us. 420. Oh, yeah. And beyond just getting blasted your tits off.

That's right. It's the tracksuits. Facejam Mafia tracksuits. Are we out of that, by the way? There's no way they're going to call it in the store. But that's what it's called. But no, that's what it is. That's what we call it.

Facejam Mafia. There's also some other lesser known mafias coming out that we don't care about. Yeah, but don't worry about those. Facejam Mafia. The only one worth worry about those. Face Jam Mafia. The only one worth a damn is the Face Jam Mafia. Yep, rep it hard. Even if you see me wearing the other ones, I hate them. Yep.

On 420. Store.RoosterTeeth.com. You can get it there. Ride the train. And you can listen to Spittin' Silly. Is Spittin' Silly usable, you think? Some of it. Okay.

Yeah, Spittin' Silly is next week. You can email FaceJamPod at RoosterTeeth.com for your food, can I drum? It's 10 to 1? Yeah. There's a whole game going on. A couple of errors are occurring. I feel like half this podcast now was that kid coming over and I guess like wanting to be in the podcast, but he was being polite about it and he was miming. Like, can you I don't know exactly what it is. I'm not good at trades.

I'm sorry, you thought he was being polite about it? Well, he didn't want to yell. He was like, hey, can I be in it or something? He could have jumped in. He restrained himself a little bit. And then you told him, fuck no. But he took it in stride. He kind of walked off. Good for him. Hey, he shot, he shot. Sometimes you gotta learn by doing.

There you go. And we learned by doing. Oh, we definitely did this one. I didn't learn anything. So what's up? You want mac and cheese? No, it's too late now. I want to fucking go home now. And Nick wants both. See, now it's too late and I want to leave. Take me home. I'm cranky. You gotta stay for the seventh inning stretch. I want to fucking go home now. And Nick wants both. See, now it's too late. Now I want to leave. Take me home. I'm cranky. You got to stay for the seventh inning stretch.

I don't got to stay for shit. It's the best part of the game. Turn on your Steam Deck. You're fine. Get the catnips. You're fine. Okay, hang on. All right.

We raise him with a swing. Here, you take the mic. Finish my guess. Got it. All right, you got to wrap it up, Jordan. I guess I'm wrapping it up. Hold on. Let me.

Rap job. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food at ballpark. Bro, it would have been good if we had the goddamn youth shirt now. And handed this out. We had a hundred of them, bro. Oh, man. Gotta give it to them.

You would have said, fuck no. But here's the shirt. But wear this shirt and tell your friends. Anyway. We know Mr. Beast. He liked our tweet. He said a crying, laughing emoji. I don't know if we talked about that, by the way. Yeah, he liked it. He liked our tweet. He said a crying laughing emoji. I don't know if we talked about that, by the way.

Yeah, he liked it. He was laughing. There was this thing he posted where it's me touching Mr. Beast's cookies in a Walmart where I fixed it and went, oop, and posted it, and Mr. Beast replied to it with a crying laughing emoji. I showed that to my kid and I said, I'm friends with Mr. Beast. Was that really impressive? Oh, they know Mr. Beast. Oh, okay, cool'm friends with Mr. Beast. Was that really impressive? Oh, they know Mr. Beast.

They know Mr. Beast. There you have it. But to be fair, when I said I'm friends with Mr. Beast, I was talking about Jordan. Yeah. Right. She doesn't know. All right. Let's wrap it up and go get mac and cheese.

All right. Home run. Oh, that was the wrap. Run home.