100% Eat - Denny's Big Dipper Melt

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Denny's Big Dipper Melt so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about putting a rabbit in basketball shorts, being able to find a video of a tip at Denny's, dipping water, and more. Sponsored by DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM2021) and HelloFresh ( http://hellofresh.com/facejam12 and use code facejam12) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Oh man, this is really sounding good today. What's different? It usually sounds really bad and choppy, but that was good. Oh, the intro, right.

Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation. I mean, legitimately, we can't try every new fast food creation. We do our best, but I feel like maybe Legal wants to take a look at that because we could be opening ourselves up for a lawsuit. We've been doing this for a year. Yeah, and so I'm just saying after a year, we could be in hot water, okay? Also, let me finish.

I'm doing the intro, Eric. You're not part of the intro, okay? To let you know if you need it, you probably do. Although, based on our ratings, a lot of times, you don't. Thanks to DoorDash and HelloFresh for making this show possible. It's very bold. I feel like someone a bit

more their head in the clouds wrote that, you know, back in the day. By the way, I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, J-Unit! Now recording. Well, great, now he's recording. What the fuck?

That was a perfect intro, and it got ruined right at the end, and the audience isn't even going to hear that. A robot entered the call to tell us that they were recording it. Correct. Four minutes after we started recording. You're gonna have to put in the little Craig soundbite that says now recording. Yo, I straight up hate that fool.

I hate Craig, dude. Craig, you use him for backup audio, and when he works, it's great when you need it, but he quits all the time. He gets lazy. I look over over craig he's gone oh thanks for nothing craig yeah craig is unreliable and it's something we're planning on bringing up in his performance review yeah i i'm gonna get him in room and say hey craig

read this record this it's gonna be a piece of paper that says control alt delete. And he just goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Divide by zero. So naturally today we're reviewing Danny's Big Dipper Melt. How about that? What is the energy in this episode is so weird. This is what happens with the Dipper Melt inside me. By the way, if this is your first time listening to Face Jam,

we've already eaten the food. Yeah. But I fear you haven't made it this far because your terror of thinking we might take a bite has prevented you

from a year or longer from daring to even listen to find out if we eat the food. But if you know someone who's afraid to listen, say they don't eat the food.

Yeah, if you've been desperate to listen to this show and you've just been waiting for an answer to this question instead of just you know giving it a shot and finding out here's the answer we don't eat on the show right except so keep listening at the end yeah but we do we don't we don't eat into the microphones during when we eat the snack well we don't who into the microphones when we eat the snack. Well, we don't. Who does? Unprofessional people who will not be named. Some people start lip smacking when they're enjoying their peanut butter. Talking about Nick?

Or their little moon crumbs. Fucking moon crumbs, dude. Cheesy moon crumbs. I still like those. You guys are wrong about that. Look, that's fine. You can like them. Not good. I agree. still like those you guys were wrong about that i'd look that's fine you can like them not good i agree so we we did it naturally naturally we ate the denny's big dipper we got denny was anyone else disappointed that it wasn't like i don't know astronomy based it was just

it was just meat and cheese on bread. How did you want it to be astronomy? Where's the big dipper part? Well, it's called Big Dipper. He's got a point. No, you dip it. Where's the fun? Where are the stars? Yeah, but that wasn't clear. Yeah, but they clearly played off of it. Where's the big? Where's the, you know, it's

larger than average. You can't call it a big dipper. It wasn't that big. And then it was, okay, now I'm in the middle somewhere. I'm agreeing with him on that. Look, you say Big Dipper, you're clearly playing off the Big Dipper. And yes, it's a sandwich you dip, but I don't know. Take me to space is all I'm saying. But I will say.

How do you want, how did, how? That's not for me to do. That's not your job. Yeah, that's not my problem. I can't tell you how to do it I can just tell you they didn't okay but I don't know what you want like I'm not sure I'm not on the same page

because I don't even know what it would be like none of this conjures maybe they shouldn't have called it that did you turn on your left blinker yeah he's letting you know which side of the argument he's on now my hazards are on because this is a dangerous situation uh i will say for something called the big dipper i don't

know about the space thing but as far as the dipping goes not really on board with what everything what was happening there one not required at all. Correct. Two. It was a wet sandwich. Why make the sandwich wet? It was greasy. It was. I don't know. We'll get into our issues a bit. Yeah, we can't talk about the food.

We got to relax, guys. That comes later. I'm sorry. We don't do that in this part. The vibe is off. Yeah. Yeah, we're all over the place. Stick to the script.

Hang on. Stick to the script. We're getting there. I think what would help bring the vibe back is if someone got out, walked over to the trash can, fished out some of that dip, and dumped it on Eric's car. We'd be right back where we were. It is another windy day here, and we were at risk of that happening again.

Dude, Joe was pissed. He was trying to knock our shit over again. Yep. He was up there stirring it up. He was trying to do something about it. It's fucked up. I don't know what we did to upset big joe here's here's the thing here's what i think and this is maybe just to make me feel better about ourselves maybe he's not punishing us maybe we were just recording and he's just like he's just dropping deadlifts oh we just record on his workout days. He's a big guy.

You know, and just the shockwave. You know he's one of those guys that just throws it. He doesn't put them down. Straight up, just lunking it. Unless you're in a competition lifting the heaviest weight of your life, there's just literally no reason to drop it three feet off the ground.

But you know he does it. And then everyone kind of jumps. His whole life is a competition. It's like a metal clang, and you look around and go, who did that and why? And then blue cheese is on your car. So that's what I think happened. Before we started this episode,

Nick was so quick to be like, did you see how many people agree with me about the blue cheese in the last episode? That it's the best blue cheese ever? Yeah. And I saw one person. I saw one person as. Yeah. And I saw one person. I saw one person as well. Yeah, I saw one person we work with.

One person we work with defending Nick, and that was it. I think Nick was probably like, can you post a comment to say I'm right? I gotta prove these guys right. I'm surprised we have we haven't had Denny's in this long yeah it uh it wasn't

by design it's just kind of like their things that they do for a limited time aren't that interesting or and this is a great example not super interesting when it comes to space in any way yeah yeah they had nothing to do with space travel they got us with the name on this one.

It was fucked up, man. Yep. They tricked us. Wait, am I in the right mic? Okay. Oh my God. Wait, hang on. We're good.

That was close. That was close. This thing will not go backwards. Speaking of space, we can announce that we're doing a live stream on April 1st. Well, it's like, I'm not sure if it's like the pre-taped thing or if it's live. But either way, there will be another like snack attack style stream on April 1st. I don't know the time or anything yet. Give me a percentage of this.

What's the percentage of this happening? Likelihood. 95? 65? Are we a Pfizer vaccine or are we a Johnson & Johnson? We're not a Johnson & Johnson. We're definitely a Pfizer. Okay.

That seems pretty certain. It's in the 90s, but we don't know how effective it's going to be. Right. Against the new variants of snacks. And we have to do it in two parts. Because new snacks are coming out every day. And he's got old data from pre-existing snacks. Right.

It's true. So anyway. We're going to have to do half the stream. Stop touching your head. It's unsettling. I'm just waiting for you guys. And then we'll come back and do the other half. We'll be waiting all goddamn day.

A little booster. I'm trying to tie it in to the space thing because so far I've said speaking of space and then saying that we're going to do this thing. I haven't connected the dot on what we're doing that involves space. Oh, he's getting there. Ooh, like a constellation connecting the dots. Orion's belt. It was the cat.

Yeah, the cat in Men in Black. That was Orion's belt. Maybe they're doing a thing like that in Denny's. It's in the sandwich. That's what they should have done. We're going to eat. We're going to eat. We're going to be astronauts. Space Jam in space. Whoa. What?

We're going to go see Joe? Space Jam in space. Space Jam. We can't call it that. We can't. That's not the name of it. Why? Space Jam. Michael Jordan. Space Jam. Michael Jordan. Space Jam. Michael Jordan. Michael, comma, Jordan presents Space Jam. Space Jam. Michael Jordan, Michael comma Jordan presents Space Jam.

Space Jam. Is not the name of what we're doing. It could be. But those are the shirts we will be selling. Not in the store. Not in the store, but in person. They're going to be handmade. Out of the trunk of Nick's car, we'll be writing Michael, Jordan presents Space Jam on white t-shirts with a sharpie. Okay.

I have one question. I have one question. Yeah. Is Lola Bunny going to be there? Oh, boy. And which one is it? Yeah. Is it the good one?

Which one? Or is it the one I'm mad about? Is it the one that makes Jordan feel things? Or the one that's just like a bunny? Qualifying one is the good one. You guys know what I'm talking about. I know what you're talking about. This is the good rabbit.

Exactly what you're talking about. Oh, my God. Lola Bunny will not be there. I know the difference between a person and a rabbit and she skews more person than rabbit. Well, she used to. If you put

rabbit ears on a person and compared that to basketball trunks on a rabbit, one would look more like Lola Bunny than the other, and it ain't the bunny, okay? That's all I'm saying. It's not that weird.

Basketball trunks on a rabbit. You just, imagine the focus group where it's rabbit ears on a person, and basketball trunks on a rabbit going, which one do you want to see? Which one is Lola Bunny closer to? And I'll judge how weird you are.

Okay? If you're out there going, man, that rabbit in basketball shorts, there's something about it. You know, I'm with you. But... Oh, shit. Oh, fuck, dude.

What were we talking about? Anyway, April 1st, we're gonna eat space food. We're gonna go to space. Space Jam presents space. Keep saying that. We're not going to space. We got the right stuff. We're going to space. So there you go.

That's what we're doing. April 1st. Follow Face Jam Pod on Twitter and you'll get more information. Oh, wait, April 1st? Yeah. I think I can do it. Maybe.

Are you available? I can be available. I mean, we already talked about it, I thought, that you said you were fine. Yeah, but I say a lot of things without thinking. Oh, that's good. I'll keep that in mind. I just want to get it over with. Get what over with?

The conversation? Whatever you're talking to me about We're not eating We're not talking about eating And I just want it over And then later I go Oh man I shouldn't have said that Oh I'm getting my foot removed that day

Oh no Like hypothetically I'm not You're not actually, okay. I thought it was the diabetes coming for you. As far as I know, I might have agreed to it, and I just haven't thought about it yet, because I wanted that conversation to be over. Whatever, doctor.

Sure, yeah, take my foot. Whatever. Denny's. Okay. Now we're back on track. We're grooving. We're zipping through the stars. Now, the thing about Denny's right now is it was so fucking packed we could have eaten inside.

But if we decided to do that, we would have had to wait probably half an hour for a table. Not only that. Wow. But I'm going to say. That's what happens when. Go ahead. No, you, please. No, you.

No, please. After you. I simply must insist. Okay. Well, what I was going to say was, you know, COVID aside, it's dangerous to eat in a Denny's anyway. Yes, absolutely. I would.

You often get sick. I think we don't know that COVID didn't come from there. Mmm. Ah. Listen, maybe we'll learn more about the cleanliness of Dennings as we get into... What's Dennings? Dennings? I really thought I was going to slide that one in.

Cat Dennings? We will learn the cleanliness of Cat Dennings as we get into the fact section of the show. Guys, I just Googled Cat Dennings hygiene and there's some weird pictures coming up. How many feet? There are a lot of feet pics Where'd Eric go? I looked over He's trying to hide

He's looking down at his phone for feet pics Listen, listen Between the Lola Bunny conversation and this thing I don't like This is a weird episode I'm just gonna say It's not that weird But you brought it up

Lola Bunny You wanna talk Lola Bunny You wanna want to talk about feet. Do I? I'm just saying. I'm just saying. If feet, like no socks, no shoes, a rabbit, they're just out. No.

She's like a rabbit person. You know? You know what I mean? Eric just keeps looking at me, and I don't know what to do. He keeps looking at you. He's looking at you, and he's going,

they're on to me. Oh, man. Jordan, what were you going to say about eating inside of Denny's? I was going to say, it's not surprising, because once, you know, when the whole state opens up for no apparent reason, people are going to flock to Denny's like places, which when Michael said we weren't sure that Denny's wasn't the origin of COVID-19,

I had the thought, I mean, Denny's really is like the wet market of like fast food dining restaurants. I mean, this is a wet sandwich. If that's what you mean. That's what I mean. Very wet food. It's just wet food. Absolutely. And just kind of in my own experience going to Denny's as a child, more so than other restaurants, I feel like kind of a free-for-all. You go to Denny's for breakfast on the weekend,

and it's like the customers not only vastly outnumber the employees there, but they just kind of let people do whatever they want. I remember going to Denny's as a kid when you could still smoke in restaurants, and people smoking at Denny's is just burned into my brain of just like jamming hundreds of people knew a Denny's where they were just like trampling each other to get into their booths to eat their $3 steaks for breakfast. It's like the people who work at the subway stations in Tokyo,

just like cramming people onto the train during rush hour. It's that, but with people in the booths they're using brooms to get them in there. There's a person doing it into the booths and then the person that does it with the food. And they just cram it in.

It's a cram-filled kind of restaurant. It really is. What I would call a cramming slam. I agree. Not a cramming and slamming. Yeah. I always thought it was weird that they have numbers on the tables, all the booths and stuff, but they're not in order.

What's up with that? What? Do you think they know that? I don't know. I never thought about that. I remember being a kid and being like, oh, we're sitting at number 12. But why is number 28 across from us? Right.

Huh. They have a cool numbering system. I don't know. It's interesting. I just remembered. We have a lot of like, whenever we're in this part of it, where we're talking about the restaurant and past experiences, ones that we don't go to, we don't really have a whole lot.

So I figured since we all have experience with Denny's, I wrote a haiku about Denny's. Oh, okay. Here we go. Let's see it. Is this your new thing? I like this. Drunk at 3 a.m.

Nowhere else to eat, I guess. Dinosaur nuggets. That was great. It tracks. I counted. That was fantastic. It tracks. I knew you would tracks I knew you would

I knew you would I feel like that is everyone's experience with Denny's through their teens and twenties that is that's

incredible oh I got out before then you got out? I got out I was not I've never been in Denny's in my twenties

I got out man really? yeah I've never been there as an adult in my 20s. I got out, man. Really? Yeah. I've never been there as an adult. I was only there with my family. Oh, wow. Why would I ever go back to that hellscape?

I think the last time I went, I was 20 or like 21. It is like- It was the Hobbit breakfast. Yeah, getting slammed, just hammered after like a concert or something and then just going like, well, we can't keep drinking out in front of this place so let's just go to Denny's and we'll get buffalo chicken strips that makes sense yeah it's the only it's the only place that's open yeah because they're always I didn't do that until I got to Austin I skipped that from like high school until like my mid to late 20s

Denny's would have been a hot zone if that had happened back in New Jersey. A hot zone. They were everywhere. But here, it was kind of like go downtown, get slammed, and then eat those big sandwiches. Ah, yeah. Go to like Starseeds Cafe. Starseeds is the Denny's in Austin, yeah. Or it's like a Denny's.

There's only one. Yeah. And it's where you go when you're drunk at 3 a.m. But it's like a Denny's. There's only one. Yeah. And it's where you go when you're drunk at 3 a.m. But that's what it is, a diner, right? But they don't have dinosaur nuggets, so.

It's true. That's what I used to get when I was a kid. There's no way they were good, right? No, I don't think there is any way that they were good,

but I didn't notice when I was a kid. No. Has there ever been, and this is objective, I suppose, if you consider like fast food nuggets good Your McDonald's or Wendy's or whatever you're eating

I feel like A telltale sign of bad nuggets Are when they're shapes Yeah It's like this is a shitty subpar nugget Let's just make it look like something And then maybe people will just kind of like it Because it's shaped like something

But the McDonald's nuggets, yeah. I knew you were going to say it or one of the listeners was going to comment, well, McDonald's are shapes. Yeah, the bone in the ball. Yeah, but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about like discernible. It's also, that's a very like.

Fun shapes. Yeah. It's something. I wouldn't describe bone as a fun shape. Exactly. When you're talking about dinosaurs, that's a dinosaur. You know what I mean? Yep.

Come on now. Let's be realistic. They should have had a space theme. It doesn't make sense. Why didn't we go to the stars with a Big Dipper? I'm bringing it back. All they needed to do was put a little Big Dipper grill mark on the sandwich. Oh.

Wow. I feel like that's asking a lot of Denny's. put like a little big dipper grill mark on the sandwich, you know? Oh, wow. I feel like that's asking a lot of Denny's. I'm just saying it's the least they could have done. No, I agree. I think we're on the same page. It's just that the least they could have done is way more to ask of Denny's than anyone has ever asked of Denny's. Yeah. Yeah.

It's true. My fact sheet was kind of fallen and I picked it up and I fixed it and there was a phrase in the right in the center of it that leapt out at me and attacked my sense yeah I see it too I couldn't look away you want to start with that fact no no no no they're in order you'll know because I'll get there about halfway well they're in order. You'll know because I'll get there about halfway. Well, they're in order until I skip some. Yeah. That's true.

Unless Eric knew you would skip them and put them out of order. So he put them in a very specific arrangement. Damn, dude. He's on to me at that point. I will summarize. How do you feel about Danny's food in general? Not good food. Very cheap, at least as a kid.

It was cheap and a lot of it. Yeah. That's it. That's Denny's to me. You get a milkshake and they give you a whole milkshake and then they give you all the extra milkshake in a metal cup that's just as big as the milkshake you ordered. So you're getting like two milkshakes. A lot of food. It's fact time.

Hell yeah. Now I'll move on to the first Dennings fact. Opening in 1953, the restaurant's original name was Danny's Donuts. Changing to Danny's Coffee Shop, then Denny's Coffee Shop, before settling on Denny's. Why Danny first? So I don't know where the name

came from there were two owners and i don't think either of them were named danny maybe i missed where one of them was named danny one guy left and then they're like oh instead of danny's donuts i'm gonna change it to danny's coffee shop but there's another place in L.A. called Coffee Shop Danny or Coffee Dan or something. And they're like, oh, shit, it's too close. Ah, I know what we'll do. We'll change it to the very regular name Denny. Not only not only very regular, but also very different from Danny. Yeah.

It's funny how just changing one vowel can totally change the name. Yep. I just feel like if you're opening in the same place as a place called Danny's and then you go, we can't be called Danny's. Let's change it to Denny. The confusion still remains. Hey, you going to Denny's later? Denny's or Danny's? Denny's. Denny's? Denny's.

Are you saying Danny's just weird? No, I'm saying Denny. It's a very fine line. Yes. So, in summation. Is Denny short for Dennis? Idiot. Yep.

Denny's franchises most locations, but their highest grossing corporate-owned shop is on the Las Vegas Strip. in 3% of total revenue for all non-franchise stores or sometimes up to 6% if the general manager gets on a hot streak at the Balago. What? No, what Balagio? The Balago. Have you been to that?

I walk by when I'm in Vegas. It's there. And you walk by it and you just think this has to be the worst Denny's you could ever possibly eat at. Turns out you were wrong. It's the best. Well, no, it makes

the most money. I don't think it's the best. That makes it the best Denny's. There's a direct correlation. Most equals best, dude. That's why whenever we're under budget, our show's good. When they bring in money, they're the best. That's also why original's also why um original

lola is best because most like so that's how you know the inferior one that they tried to crap into our hands shove down our throats it's just not gonna play you know i'll be honest i'm not gonna take it right i agree i not going to take it sitting down. You know, it makes my donkey muscles pop when I think about it. I get so veined out. I get nuts. The rage kind of courses through my veins, and I get fucking like Popeye when he eats spinach. I just get fucking like big about it.

You know what I mean? You get one big. Listen, a lot of people get big when they start thinking about Lola Bunny, okay? You're not the only one i'm glad you came out and admitted it that you were veining and popping your nuts but there's other people out there in 2015 police were called to an illinois danny's after a woman attacked her server for not letting her entire party eat off the single $4 all-you-can-eat pancake order she made, I heard she is serving 25 to life in the Grand Slammer. Winky smiley face.

And then... Is there a goatee on it? Yeah, what's that at the end? He's like sticking his tongue out. Okay, I thought it's like snake tongue. Oh, like a little snake tongue. Okay. Yeah.

That plays. Usually that's like a P though, right? A P is usually the tongue. That's why it threw me off. I wasn't sure. But he couldn't do it smiling. It would just be a straight line. Yeah, it's true.

As soon as they make a smiling P, then I can use it. But until then, a tilde will suffice. It does. When you mentioned it, it until then, a tilde will suffice. It does, when you mention it, it does look like a little goatee strip, which is more unsettling. I thought he was like a little devil. I mean, if it helps you guys, we can say that it's like the devil and he's winking.

I was just confused why you put the Face Jam stock exchange logo or symbol on there. Oh, yeah. Winky smiley face. Winky smiley face. Winky smiley face with a goatee. He's trying to normalize it in the market. In 2016, just one year later,

one server received oral sex as a tip and had it filmed by the diners. He was fired soon after for getting his dick sucked in public, but probably leads a happy and healthy life because now he doesn't work at Denny's. What? What? How? What?

You say this and I just, as I'm reading this, I just think, yep, that's Denny's. That's the reputation they have where you read something like this and my just I just as I'm reading this I just think yep that's Denny's that's that's the reputation they have where you read something like this and and my thought is I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often I know there's that there's that joke about IHOP yeah it's like you spell IHOP and then say Ness at the end

despite that this would never happen at IHOP no no for those curious the video exists despite that, this would never happen at IHOP. No, no. For those curious, the video exists and is out there. That's what showed up when I typed in Kat Dennings hygiene. What? Yeah, so I don't know.

Just like that guy did his risk reward assessment and he went, I don't need to work here anymore. I mean, yeah. Worst case scenario is I don't work at Denny's anymore. Right? Isn't that like he fuck? He's like, hang on. Am I going to turn this down for my Denny's job? Oh, no.

What if I don't work at Denny's after this? And then every job afterwards, it says here you were let go from Denny's. What happened? And then every job afterwards, it says here you were let go from Denny's. What happened? Well, I was offered oral sex as a tip, and I could either turn that down and keep working at Denny's, or I could receive the oral sex and be let go. And then every job went, yeah, we understand.

No, we get that. Absolutely. Oh, so you opted for the severance package. Yeah, that's right. Didn't know what Denny's do was. That's how they let them all go? I got to get fired from a Denny's. That's wild. What you do is you sell that as good risk assessment skills on your resume.

Smart. That's good. Yeah, he went on to be an insurance agent. Yeah. And the final fact Dateline NPC You okay? He was a non-player character And he works at Dateline

He gives out a lot of quests And this particular quest Was Dateline NBC Ran an expose Got that word right In 2004 Into the dirtiest places to dine, inspecting local restaurants and eateries

to see what health code violations they found. Of all the restaurants they inspected, Denny's was the cleanest. Whoa! We now have scientific proof that Denny's is the cleanest restaurant to get your dick sucked in. That's crazy.

That's clearly an anomaly. I'm very surprised because nothing about those restaurants seem clean. So that's the exception, not the example. But that's the thing. That's the thing. When you eat at any other restaurant now, picture in your mind's eye a Denny's,

just your local Denny's, and then go, well, I'm about to eat at a place that is somehow dirtier than that. Damn, dude. Did they not take the food into account? Probably not. They probably just looked around. Yeah. They scoped it out.

They went, let's see, some people eating over there, that guy's getting his dick sucked, kitchen looks in order, and we get a passing grade. And they're like, well, he's groomed. He is groomed. he's groomed he is groomed he's groomed wow oh fuck well i'm just glad i'm just glad that cat dennings in the end had good hygiene did did you guys learn a lot about denny's i learned things i want to refute but the thing i can take again knowing my denny's at least or the denny's i grew up

around there were many and having an image of it burned into my brain i i can't wrap my head around clean i can wrap my head around dick sucked in restaurant yeah that definitely tracks that definitely yeah like you know the one i used to go to was like right next to a freeway on ramp in front of a best western oh jesus and so that just already seems like people are getting their dick sucked in that general area and it's probably just it's probably just overflow into it extends into the denny's yeah someone was like hey do you want to go back to my best western and And they said, why? There's a perfectly good Denny's right here.

We're already here at Denny's. We can go under the overpass to the 91 freeway if you want. No, let's just go to the Denny's. Grand slam my throat inside the Denny's. We don't have to get a hotel room. God.

Big dipper melt. What? Indeed. Foul ball. What? Three pointer. Slam dunk. Nothing but net.

Swish. There you go. Michael and Jordan present space. It's not. In space. Legally, we can't call it and Jordan present space. It's not. In space. Legally, we can't call it that. In space, no one can hear you get your dick sucked. That's the tagline.

In space, no one can hear you cream. Oh, God. All right, Eric. You took it too far. You took it too far. In space, there's only one Lola Bunny. The real one. And it's the good one.

It's the good one. The good one. Did they ever send a rabbit into space? Was that one of the animals they experimented on? Yeah, and then the rabbit came back hot. And now what? They sent her into space, but they dressed her like a basketball player. Yeah.

That rabbit's name? Lola Bunny. Dude, I'm just saying nerfed her. There's a nerf. Oh, they nerfed Lola Bunny. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's a nerf job, dude. Straight up.

PC Lola Bunny bullshit. Fucking patched her. Fucking patched her out, dude. What's the point? Well, those are the facts. We can now fuck around a little bit. I don't know what else to say. She just used to be the thing. She used to be like God tier

and now she's like scrub tier. Straight up. Yeah. He's come around. You see? She used to be banned from tournaments. Yeah. She used to be Marth. She used to be like Marth status. Oh, shit. Now she's Pichu. It's fucked up. What was her up in B? b oh you don't want to know

oh i'll tell you i'll tell you what the up b is oh oh it was generally like a jump move yeah it's like slamming a basketball i just didn't want you i didn't think you wanted to know that it's a recovery thing it's not really good for attacking. Anyway. Did we fuck around enough in that? I think so. I think so. I'm just making sure. The fucking around has been throughout. If Nick wants to go in and he needs to clip all the fucking around,

take it out, and compile it in that one section. I would say middle. That's where he needs to drop it. Something like that. We're tracking. We're only 40 minutes in. Yeah. Do you remember he needs to drop it. Something like that. We're tracking. We're only 40 minutes in. Yeah. Do you remember when this show started and we're like, it'll be half an hour.

We'll just talk about the food. Like you go back and listen to like those first episodes. Anyway, this is what it is now. What I can say confidently though is that didn't last long. No, it didn't. It really didn't. Like the second episode is like an hour. You are legitimately talking about a few episodes. And then we realized we need to fuck around because that it grew right the seeds of

food were planted and from that grew fucking around and you know i feel like it's silly you gotta spit silly you know maybe we should try to compile it more to a section but how do you stop silly in action it just seems you don't the applebee's episode was probably what started it because we went from like 45 minutes to that one being i want to say an hour and 45 and got yeah it was that was a long weird one oh yeah that got edited down and there were like some gems in there that did not make it that's still probably the longest episode we've ever done. The Applebee's one. I forgot.

And we were like, you just got to cut chunks out. Yeah. There was a whole bit where we were talking about the founder's Twitter. Oh, I forgot about that. Yep. Yep. We edited that out for her protection. Yep.

Because we don't trust you, audience yeah absolutely yeah yeah we were protecting her but from the listener but eric does want you to tweet him your thoughts on lola bunny and absolutely don't do that oh yeah guess what it's already it's already out there they're already doing it her feet are like really big maybe. Well they're always big. She's a bunny rabbit. Maybe bigger. That's what I'm saying man. Bigger than usual. Maybe one where she's like

big and like round and inflated. Just give her clown feet. Like just go nuts. Yeah man go nuts and send it to Eric. Put her in clown shoes and then in the next picture, she's taking the shoes off, and they're so big, and she says, these are so tight on my big, big feet.

Oh, and as she's taking the shoes off, make sure you draw stink lines. Stink lines, big stink lines. Gotta have the stink lines. But then draw Daffy Duck in the background, and he's going like, wow, he's shocked. He loves it. Daffy Duck's like a foot freak straight up. Well, he's doing the float when they smell food

except it's their feet stink. It's the stink lines, yeah. He's going like a-ooga, but he's a duck. Yeah, his eyes are popping out. It's fucking crazy. Guys, turns out we did have something to spit silly about. out. Jordan, tell me about the food.

Hey, life finds a way. The Big Dipper Melt is tender pot roast with melted Swiss cheese, caramelized onions, and mayo on grilled Texas toast. That's where we are. Served with French onion au jus for dipping and a side of wavy cut fries. What the fuck are wavy cut fries? That's where we are. Served with French onion au jus for dipping and a side of wavy cut fries. What the fuck are wavy cut fries? That's what we had. And were those it? Yeah.

Yeah. They look like regular fries to me. What? They were like a little wavy. They were wavy. But is that crinkle cut? Is that the same thing as wavy? I don't think it is.

But that's not what these are. The crinkles were lengthwise. Yeah, these crinkles are vertical. I know, I'm just saying it's the best way I can I just see like a burn mark in the middle. It's the best way I can describe it

as like, they're like crinkle cut but different. Basically, if you closed your eyes and ate it, that's what it is. Way to be different, Denny's. More power to you, I guess. Yeah. We do our fries

a little different here at Denny's. Suck on that one, Danny. Oh, somebody's getting sucked, I'll tell you. It's at Denny's. It's a matter of time. The press material says, quote, at Denny's, our a matter of time the press material says quote at Denny's our

culinary innovation team here we go I hate it already culinary innovation team is focused on crafting affordable high quality dishes that make comfort food available to everyone said John Dillon chief brand officer for Denny's our team

is constantly working to create new offerings. Yum, yum. I love offerings that feed all the senses. Whoa. Fueling our customers' bodies and souls by developing delicious and varied options that our guests have come

to expect. Dude, know your audience. It's Denny's. Tell them you put some slop on a plate and you slid it out to them. No, I don't know about you. I went to Denny's to get my soul fed. What the fuck? I need all my senses refueled. When people talk about soul food, they're always referencing Denny's.

Yep. Every time. How did this one affect your sense of touch, you guys? Oh, it was wet. How did this one affect your sense of touch, you guys? Oh, it was wet. How did this one affect your sense of hearing? Did it squish? Oh, yeah. Did you hear the squish?

Yeah, that's what they want. Like, yeah, this is for hearing, too. Gross. Damn. Yuck. I don't understand this gobbledygook that they put out. Look, I'll say this. I feel like we haven't got real press

material in a while. We haven't. I was going to point that out. It's true. As much as you hate it. It wasn't until I read the words culinary innovation team that I was like, I remember why I hate these. Right. They've been scraping lately. A lot of places don't do full

press release stuff. Denny's, they're like McDonald's. Like they know their shit. Like they have this stuff on lock. They've been doing it for so long that they just do. This is what they do best. But these always make me sad because they have quotes like our team is constantly working to create new offerings that feed all the senses. And it's like, and this is what you came up with?

Yeah, that's it's just a guy whose job it is to talk big about a sandwich and it's just like what can you say about a sandwich i don't know you can hear it i'm always in favor of like underselling and over delivering this is an oversell and under deliver but they don't have to they don't have to undersell you they just have to get you in the door they don't give a fuck if you like it. I guess it worked on us. We ate it. We got us and we didn't even get our dick sucked. Yet. Damn.

You're right. Denny's, you owe us. Yeah. You better make good, Denny's. I just like Nick going oh? Oh? Shit. I'm still just trying to wrap my head around that one. I'm going to be honest.

It's so outlandish. It's so insane. And it was only five years ago. Not that long ago. That wasn't even like the Wild West, you know? The Wild West. Back in 1868. You know what I mean?

Get my dick sucked into Denny's. If I heard like, you know, the 80s or 90s, people were doing blow in the bathroom. Hey, that's IHOP. Their dick sucked, you know, and they were like smoking cigars. You know, like, I don't know. I can see that. I've seen movies. But five years ago, that guy just went, fuck it, I'm going for it.

I'm going for it. I'm going for it. And not even, the audacity of it isn't that just some guy went for it. You had two people that went for it. Yep. You had someone offer it and someone go. How did the conversation happen? Hell yeah. Awesome.

Let's do it. And there's someone who filmed it. Yeah. And then the person filming it being like, I got to get in on this. The number of people that greenlit this thing five years ago in the middle of a dentist is insane to me. It's insane.

I like the idea greenlighting this idea. Someone, you think, in there would go, no, no. Could you imagine, even if there's someone in the background going, no, stop. You'd think that would ruin it. So apparently no one questioned this.

No one stopped it. They just let it happen. Yep. Well, what would you do, Michael? Would you get up in there and separate them and be like, no, stop? No, I mean, look. Don't get me wrong. I probably would do nothing.

Give. Give. I would probably do nothing. But I'm not a normal person, right? I'm not someone that would be like, oh, my God, I saw something troubling, or these people need to be fired, or whatever. I'd just be like, oh, shit! And then I would run and tell you guys. I can't imagine that was the standard reaction of the people in Denny's.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was filled with people like us right we'd just be like i don't know i don't know but if there was any normal humans unlike us in there that like the new lola bunny you think they would say what are you doing stop don't do that in denny's stop don't do that in Denny's Lola Bunny no not in Denny's okay look that's a rabbit and this shouldn't be happening in Denny's I know two things should we review the food now? Yeah. I mean, I guess.

I've been waiting on you. Well, here's the only thing. I hate to slow us down, but getting the food. Eric seemed very upset about it. Oh, yeah. Just get into that, Denny's. It's like the same place where we had to go to Applebee's or whatever, where it's like off 35.

We're like 183, 290, and 35 all meet, and it's just a fucking headache to sit behind. I almost got slammed into by like two different cars who just, not paying attention. It's just that part of like just driving around there. It just fucking sucks. And then I went inside, and everyone refused to help anyone at the front to get a table. It was Denny's midday. It was exactly what you expect it fucking sucked so that was a bummer put me in a bad mood yeah he showed up with like a as he yeah he just came the food out of his car and like slammed it on the i hate it was like

uh eat i hate being late and it was just like everything compounded into being late with this and it was like oh fuck it makes me miserable i miserable. I hate it. Man, I'm sorry. Yeah. Is there anything we can do? Can we take it back to the den? You know what you can do? Apologize? No, you know what you want people to send you twice as many Lola pics? You know what you can

do for me? You can tell me if it was worth it to go get by raiding the food. Oh, okay. I have bad news for you, bud. What? What does that mean? Yeah, he's about to blow your socks off. Jordan, hit food. Oh, okay. I have bad news for you, bud. What? What does that mean? Yeah, he's about to blow your socks off. Jordan, hit it.

Yeah, go ahead. Get this. I didn't like it. I know. Surprising. Shocking, even. You did, though. How did you like it, though?

How did I like it? Yeah, where's the twist? Oh, the twist? Where you're like, absolutely like, absolutely terrible That I didn't have this sooner No, there's no twist Oh What is the eau de jus supposed to taste like? I think it's It's brown water

It's like a meat dripping sort of like French onion Oh, shit Why'd you look at me? You were talking I said French onion. You said what's this supposed to taste like? Basically,

you're dipping it into something that doesn't taste like anything and it just makes your food wet. But your food's already wet. Your food was already wet to begin with. It was very wet to begin with. And I was just trying to live up you know, it told me Big Dipper so I started Big Dippin' and it just made it worse.

It just made it a sloppy, wet mess. Well, that's not good. And it already didn't taste good on its own. I was like, well, let me just try it, like, not sopping wet, and there's just nothing there. I agree. I guess the bread was pretty good but like hot roast and mushrooms and onions and mayo i'm not a melt i'm not a i'm not a melty guy like patty melts and shit not not

really my jam so already this was fighting an uphill battle and it didn't help that it came from denny's a restaurant that sucks i don't know if it helps but there were you said mushrooms there were no mushrooms so oh maybe that was onion sorry i don't know it was all they were all brown all just brown food you give him i have no idea i don't know if he knows anyway i don't really have anything to say about other than it was perfectly bad wow what should i give it michael i don't know i'm speechless perfectly bad i'm thinking let's, what is Jordan going to rate it? I'm guessing you tell me based on your, because sometimes you throw me off. Okay.

You'll like really slam it and then give it a higher score than I thought. I don't think that's going to happen this time. I'm going to guess you're going to give it somewhere like 35. That is exactly the number I was going to give it. There you go. Wow. You fucking nailed it. Damn. Good job. What do you number I was going to give it. There you go. Wow. You fucking nailed it. Damn.

Good job. What do you think I'm going to say? I think you're going to give it a 68. We'll find out right now. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. What a tease. I don't like Swiss cheese.

I don't like mayo. And I don't really Swiss cheese I don't like mayo and I don't really care for pot roast I don't dislike it here comes the twist here comes the twist I like the sandwich a lot I scarfed it down I mean I legit like the sandwich

it was messy as shit it was greasy they did give you a cup of water for some reason to dip it in. When Eric handed it to me, I said, this looks like water. Why is this water? And they were like, no, it's the au jus sauce. And then everyone was eating it. And then they were like, I can't taste anything.

What is this supposed to taste like? And I just kept saying, it water there's this is water i think i said am i a dog is this my water bowl because it's a little bowl um so that really didn't do shit for it like a sucker i kept dipping it in because it was the big dipper i don't yeah i don, it added nothing to it. But in my delight, several pieces of pot roast fell out of my mouth while I was eating it onto the ground. And I was like, man, I wanted to eat that and I'm not going to pick it up off the ground, you know, because of COVID. Obviously, I would have picked it up off the ground if we weren't in a pandemic. It is just a parking lot. But I liked it more than I thought I would.

So it's not amazing. It's not great. But again, in my brain, not only did I like it, but you're talking about Denny's. Denny's is not good. If you think Denny's is good, you're wrong. Sort your life out, okay? Go look at Lola Bunny's stinky feet pics.

Figure it out. Okay? But it's not good. This was good, in my opinion, for Denny's. And for Denny's, Jordan's almost spot on. I'm going to give it a 63. Wow. For Denny's.

Another restaurant probably would have been lower. It's an average score of 49, which I think is... I think for what weight? Just below average. Yeah. If I took myself out of my own body, it doesn't... It shouldn't be...

For two people, I'd be shocked if it was over a 50. So I can come to terms with that. I like that you gave it like a weighted grade because it's like, well, it's an okay sandwich, but it's from Denny's, and that's pretty good for them. Absolutely.

Overachievers over here, Denny's. Oh, for sure. Man, it surprised me. It was a big sandwich. It wasn't giant, but it was filling, you know? I've talked about it. It's food. I ate half of it, and I'm stuffed. We're done now. I'm telling you, that sandwich, that pot roast, Swiss cheese cheese magic mushroom sandwich it didn't have,

those are the weird vibes at the beginning of the episode. It's because they ate the whole thing. Yeah, it's true. It's true. I don't know what they put in it. I think maybe they laced it with something. This guy's mad today. Look at him just storming over here.

I'm a little upset just because, you know, I haven't eaten Denny's in a long time, like 10 years. Right. So now that streak is over and it wasn't even worth it, really. Yeah, but it would never be worth it. Why did you just give me a granola bar? Chewy bar, baby! Fiber One, this is like super normal.

This is a super normal human thing. What's going on here? What's the twist? Did someone shit on it or something? What do you mean? Yeah, what's special about this very regular granola bar? What do you mean? Melissa M sent us the Fiber One oats and chocolate chewy bars. Oats and chocolate.

What's special about them? Nothing. What's the note? What's the note? No note? Is there a funny note? Are there any Lola pics? No Lola pics.

Did Melissa just have this in her, like she had a couple left and she wasn't going to eat them? She really wanted to send something, but didn't want to buy anything. As a snack, I sent some y'all, I sent y'all some, it's hard to read the word y'all, some fiber one oats and chocolate chewy bars. Years ago, I had some dietary health issues and one of the effects was my poop absolutely refused to leave my body. So I got to spend lots and lots of times

trying all sorts of fiber-heavy foods to help kick it out. That's how I discovered these Fiber One bars. I think they taste pretty good and I still like to eat them from time to time just so my poop remembers who's in charge here. Hope y'all like them too. A loyal jammer and spice mouse, Melissa M.

Very good letter, Melissa. Thank you. Very good. Here's what I like. It explains that there's a hardship backstory to it. There's a history. Yeah. Because without that, this would be confusing.

Yeah. Otherwise, unremarkable snack. What I liked aboutissa's tale is when you got to the part of saying i had dietary problems i just held it inside screaming poop poopoo eat the poopoo and i thought they took the classy route and then they just started talking about the poop again and again and i really like that right i like that i appreciate that they i don't know who's echoing but i'm about to fly into a rage eric's staring at nick like it's nick nick also is still here he was supposed to be gone i always thought he was leaving halfway through the

episode the episode is over now he's still here i feel like he's just wasted nicholas's time for no reason uh so i'm confused by the whole thing. I looked over and I forgot he was still here. Don't forget about Craig. Craig's still working. Is Craig even here or did he leave? Craig left. Piece of shit. I fucking hate that thing. Don't get me started. Anyway, this thing, it's a granola bar. It's fine. It's good. It's thick. I don't like super thick, chewy

bars, but I guess I never eat these as a meal, and that's kind of what they are. They're like meal replacement or like if you have a long gap between breakfast and lunch I was gonna say that if you are someone who has to eat a lot of these I could see why you know you would have the

refined palate of fiber bar okay bye Nick now he felt embarrassed he doesn't even give a shit what is on his steering wheel? Monkey mask. He just said, oh, whoops. He left his microphone clamp on his steering wheel.

Anyway, if you eat enough of these Fiber One bars and try the different flavors. There he goes. You're going to have an acquired taste for it. And you're going to be like, ooh, this one's different and good. It tastes like a regular granola bar. There's nothing special to be like, ooh, this one's different and good. It tastes like a regular granola bar. There's nothing special about it. I mean, yeah, it's granola and chocolate is what it is. Why did you shake your head?

I heard all kinds of honking. Well, I beeped goodbye and he beeped back and then you flipped out. That was me. He looked up to see if it was Nick. It was me. It was me, Eric. All along. Alright, well, it's pretty good.

I'm 60. Okay. Yeah, I was going to give it a 60 as well. There you go. What's the average on that? That's an average score of 60. You're so fast. Because this episode is too short.

Yeah, definitely. It is. Under an hour recording, here's what I want to bring up. We got to do some kind of thing for Eric at the end cause I don't like ending on this note he's all bummed out he's shaking his head

his attitude is off everything's fine and like we need to do like a post jam pep up or something alright let's pep him up I don't know

what we can do let's take him to Denny's he's been ooh ooh hang on get him you want a toy you wanna go get a toy

oh no don't smile just for us okay Oh, hang on. You want a toy? You want to go get a toy? Oh. No, don't smile just for us, okay? I'm getting some real mud mouth eating this thing. Yeah, me too. That's coming through. I gotta stop eating it. It's not chewing, but it's mud mouth.

Oh, I just want to finish it, because then it's in my fucking car. It's so dense. I got half of it in my car, and now I'm just like, you know what? It wouldn't hurt my digestive system if i finished it yeah yeah really like because that's you gotta you gotta remind your poop we just ate zero fiber slop so it's probably a good idea to have a fiber one bar to help it out counters counters it out uh you gotta remind your poop who's boss that's right

like like melissa said like mel Hey, guys, check this out. Do you want to send us snacks? You can, but do you, not you, talking to the audience. Sorry. Okay. Do you want to send us spicy snacks? No. You can do that too.

We are still looking for spicy snacks. We are still looking for spicy snacks. If you want to send us regular snacks or spicy snacks, and I'm not talking about Pocky One Chip Challenge shit because that's hacky. We're looking for like Takis, like crazy, you know, things that are out of the ordinary. Some spicy snacks. You can send them to Face Jam,

care of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. We have some stuff coming up that maybe we need the spicy snacks for. Maybe not. We'll see. We're trying to put something together. We'll see what happens. That one's a little bit more like a Johnson & Johnson. Right.

That's a 60%. Can I just say, too, if you're gonna send snacks uh huh you're doing all the work just slip in a couple of Lola pics you don't have to slip in any Lola pics you don't have to but you can right

you're already going through the trouble of getting the snacks and mailing it and like writing a stupid name it's spelled weird and the address

and everything just slip in a couple of prints you know maybe a high gloss something that really shines. That would look good.

You could hang on the wall. Signed? Who's signing it? Lola Bunny, dude. Lola Bunny, you idiot. Catch up. Catch up, you little idiot. You little bug, I'll squish you.

I'll hang one in my bathroom. And then someone just keeps going, are you done yet? And I'm going, I'm almost finished, hang on I'm still going I'm eating another fiber bar I'll be out in five minutes and they say it's been 30 minutes already and then they come in and they go

why is this high gloss signed Lola Bunny print on the floor not hanging on the wall and I go oh it must have fallen off hang on let me put that back up there and if you would like to send more than one print on the floor, not hanging on the wall. And I go, oh, it must have fallen off. Hang on, let me put that back up there. And if you would like to send more than one, the second one should be, for comparison,

a real bunny in basketball trunks. Please, also signed. Please, if you own a bunny. If you own a bunny, please. We need to know. Put your rabbits in basketball shorts. And tweet at Face Jam Pod.

Safely. Safely. Why is this the joke? I don't know. Because you brought it up. Yep. I brought up a lot of stuff in this episode. You can follow for more updates at face jam pod on twitter yeah and that's where you can

also get more information about our live stream or lot event thing i don't know what we're calling it i don't know if it's going to be live on april 1st april 1st we'll have more details very soon and uh that's what we're doing this. Please know this is not an April Fool's joke. It's a real thing. Why are these people walking by laughing at us? Because they looked at you and they said this fucking guy, look at his car.

They looked at Jordan and they went little bunny, huh? They did rabbit ears just by looking at him? They did rabbit ears. Oh no. And chuckled. Oh no. So, get all the information there and also go

to store.roosterteeth.com for all your face jam merchandise needs. Maybe some new stuff really soon. Keep an eye on it. We'll let you guys know when we have stuff going out. That's all the housekeeping that we have, Jordan. Michael, anything else? Nah, dude. My house is

clean. Jordan? There's someone approaching you. I want to see how this plays out. Are you about to get carjacked? Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's the same guy from last time. Security, dude. Oh, I thought he was going to knock on your window. Oh, it looked like he was going to knock on your fucking window. He did. That guy likes to

walk up to cars aggressively and then freak people out. Yep. He's fucking duper yep he's fucking poor guys just walking poor guys just walking and you chuckleheads are attacking him because they just you know what he doesn't have bunny ears you're right you think less of him yep or basketball shorts imagine that man with bunny ears and then question why joe made him right why why would you do that big man joe come on because because he's made in his image it's true all right rate and subscribe tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food too late michael let me ask you this how long could we fuck face this thing oh my god right that's do we want to try well i have a very tight schedule today but that

means nothing to me now right like i'm in the moment i'm just drinking it in future michael can deal with the scheduling issues right now i'm just worried about sad eric i'm good from mad to sad no i went from mad to sad and now he's like like, put off. Now, I'm glad. You're a garbage bag? What the fuck? What are you doing with your teeth? I'm showing you them to assert dominance. No, chimps do that when they submit.

They show teeth? He's submitting to us. You look like a scared chimp. I don't think it's submission. I think it's aggression. Since Nick left, there's two of us on this side and just little Eric in his car. You look like a tiny chimp begging for his life. We'll spare you.

Cut all of this. No, it's over now. Goodbye.