100% Eat - Domino's Chicken Taco Pizza & Cheeseburger Pizza

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Domino's Chicken Taco Pizza & Cheeseburger Pizza so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about a bunch of Jareds, burning down Papa Johns, and more. Sponsored by Doordash. Get $5 off and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code FACEJAM! Also sponsored by RTX. Shop RTX at Home exclusively at http://store.roosterteeth.com through September 25th! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, dump, bada, bump, bump, Jordan, I'm doing the intro. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, B Welcome back. This is the second intro to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation. I'll let you know if you need it. You probably do. Thanks to DoorDash and RTX for making this show possible. Not the other sponsors that Eric left in the last read, so we had to do it all over again. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you?

I'm all right. I feel like you were better the first time we tried the intro. Definitely, yeah. And that's a reflection of what transpired. Right. I was really sour on the first one because of Eric. And then he ruined it by not rewriting the copy correctly. And then I bounced back a little bit.

But then you were soured this time. It's a zero-sum game with our energy and mood. Yeah. If you're riding a little higher, I got to ride a little bit, but then you were soured this time. It's a zero-sum game with our energy and mood. If you're riding a little higher, I gotta ride a little lower. You take the energy from me. You have to? Why would that be the way the show works? Because it's a zero-sum game. Yeah. For what reason? If Jordan and I are driving

to the office and I see him in the next lane, I just gotta turn and just cut through a neighborhood or something. Because I'm just like he's in the next lane I just gotta turn and just cut through like a neighborhood or something cause I'm just like whoa there he is and I just veer off course when I was on my way to go get the Domino's pizza I saw a woman drive off the freeway

over an off ramp onto a field and then onto the exit that she missed a quarter mile beforehand was it because she missed the turn mile beforehand. Was it because she missed the turn and she had to get her Domino's chicken taco pizza and cheeseburger pizza? It must have

been that! Is that why she was like, I missed the Dom's! The Dom's. I call it the Eno's. You call it the Eno's? I just take it from the middle. Could you imagine going to Jordan's house?

He's like, what's up, guys? You want to get the Eno? I can't imagine it. Yeah, in fact, it's something I'm going to start doing. Who the fuck? Whoa, who's this? We're in a private parking lot? Another van?

Is that the van? No. Is that it? No. Okay, that's not. All right, we're going to jump ahead to spitting silly and talking about vans. No, what the hell?

That's not. No, no, no, we're not going to jump ahead. That is just a van. That doesn't have anything to do with us. It's not our van. No, it would not be our van. Okay, because it doesn't say face jam on the sides. No, it doesn't say face because it's not ours.

That would have been my first note if it was, though. Honestly, good note. So yeah, we're eating some Enos today. Michael, are you okay? Michael's just watching us. Are you okay? He's looking around like he dropped his microphone. Yeah, he dropped his microphone.

Can you pantomime to us? Can you not hear us? Oh my God. Blink twice if you're in Milwaukee. I thought he just didn't like our tangent. Yeah, I thought he really hated the jokes. I'm like, wow, geez, bud. Oh, he's showing me his laptop.

He's pointing at something. I can't really see. It looks like a black screen. Uh-oh. Okay, hold on. I'm going to roll down. What's up? What's up, bud. I can't really see. It looks like a black screen. So, okay, hold on. Roll down. What's up? What's up, bud? Ah, got too hot. It overheated? Oh, there's a little thermometer on his

laptop. Too hot. Turned off. Yeah, just project into my car, and it'll pick you up. I'm trying to cool this guy off this guy's too hot and i'm back jordan was yelling that the van that we got didn't have our name on it but i kept telling him that that's not our van what do you mean it didn't have our name on it well it's not our van

i said i was saying my first note would have been if if that was our van, that doesn't have our name on it. Oh, God. The one that drove by? Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to chime in, and then my service turned off because it was too hot. We lost it for a second. But the recording's still good. We got it.

And I'm back now. What I was going to say, if you haven't picked up on it by now, we're in the office parking lot. Right. For the first time in quite a while we're tantalizingly close to where we used to record and it would be so much easier if we could right so eric said he wanted to do snacks which is why he said hey we'll do dominoes just come to the office i'll bring the snacks we can do a snack attack again we do we'll be doing a lot of Serp sides. I was like, okay, cool. But in the back of my head, I thought, maybe that's a trick, though.

And he's going to surprise us with the van that he got us. Oh, no. Why would it be? I was like, we're going to get to the office. He's going to have the whole thing ready to go. And we're going to record in the van. That's awesome. He finally did it.

You guys are fucking crazy. I was waiting and waiting. And I in the van that's awesome he finally did it you guys are waiting crazy i was waiting and waiting and i saw that van drive by i went oh this is it wasn't it yeah no it wasn't it it was a work van for a company i know well have you ever seen like fbi stings like they they're incognito it's true camouflaged been watching a lot of sopranos they're gonna peel off a sticker or something it would say Face Jam underneath it. Instead of New Jersey Gas and Electric, it says Face Jam. Here's the van update. No van. Why would we have?

We don't have a van. I don't have any money to buy a van. This is the perfect spot for it. Look, it's a big empty parking lot. You could hide a van anywhere. We could do some donuts. I had, no. I had to use my own money to buy pizza today.

Welcome to my world. I spent $7 on honey mustard. Yeah, see, some of us are willing. What did you do with the rest of that honey mustard? Did you just throw it away? I threw it away. I mean, not only was it in a bag, and I don't know how I would have saved it anyway. The least convenient of all. Right.

But then I played with it for the show and so it just got everywhere. Right. Yeah, no, that was I dumped it all in a plastic bag and chugged it. Your desk still smell like honey mustard? No, it's good. It came out. It wasn't bad. Honey mustard isn't the most offensive of sauces.

It's not offensive. It's not offensive. It's not offensive. Anyway, I guess we should get to the food that we ate. And what was that? That was the chicken taco pizza and cheeseburger pizza. Because when you're thinking Domino's, that's what you're thinking. I want chicken taco or cheeseburger. I just think usually sauce and cheese.

Right. I think one step further, you're thinking, I really want a cheeseburger i just think usually sauce and cheese right i i think one step further you're thinking i really want a cheeseburger but i don't want it in its usual format i want what if it were in a pizza would that be good interesting format format interesting so i agree with you i think it's just that no just thinking of just thinking of, just thinking about, just thinking about formats. No, just thinking about formats. No big deal.

Just how I won that. And you don't say format every time. It's not a big deal. Sometimes in a way I won in a way. In what way did you win? Well, I didn't quit. I just forgot.

And then being a bigger man, I decided to stop playing childish games yeah yeah you are unsurprisingly still being petty yeah it's still being a little bitter and it speaks for itself yeah who's the big man now Somehow you lost and still won? What the fuck? I'm with Michael. I'm with Michael. His logic checks out.

I'm turning right. This is the only time Jordan's ever been on your side. This is bullshit. Who's beeping? My car beeped. Don't beep me. It threatened to turn my engine off no my surface of overheat again all of your

machines are like rebelling against this is why I try not to hook them up to each other once they start connecting to each other they start talking they start talking about how much they hate you yeah make it hot kill him burn the surface destroy the podcast. Destroys livelihood.

Oh, man. So what do you guys think about Domino's, Dums, or Eno's, or whatever you call it? The Eans. I like it. I like it a lot. I think we've said before, it's the best fast food pizza joint. Yeah, it's my go-to pizza delivery, for sure. I order it a lot.

I think, and again, this is kind of a rehash, we've done, you know, what we call the big three. We've done Papa John's and we've done Pizza Hut already. And now we're doing Domino's. And I think we've said on those episodes that we kind of consider Domino's the best. And we would rather be eating Domino's. Correct. It's funny because as a kid, like, it was Pizza Hut reigned supreme. Pizza Hut, yeah.

And then Domino's stopped fucking around. They got their act together. Yeah, somebody came in, like, Gordon Ramsay or somebody came in and was like, you fucking idiots. Yeah, I think that was an episode of Kitchen Nightmares. And he started throwing garlic powder on everything. Yeah. Yeah, and then, like, overnight, Domino's was better. And I think what happened is Domino's cleaned their shit up and Pizza Hut was like, we don't care.

We're like the McDonald's of pizza. But they're not. And they slipped is what happened. And now I prefer Domino's. Plus, Domino's has that, they had that $5.99 deal that never goes away. It's fucking cheap, too. It's the cheapest of the fast food pizza. That was the go-to.

They did the 5-5-5 deal where it was $5 for three medium pizzas or whatever, $5 each. And that was like Friday night. Every Friday night, pick that up. That was before times got tough. Then they had to bump it up to $5.99. Now it's $5.99. But it's been $5.99 for a while,

but that's $5.99 for- With inflation, it makes sense. Sure. Yeah. You get a medium two-topping pizza, or you can get any one of their sides. They got salads, they got sandwiches, they got pasta. Pasta's not good, though. But any of that crap is $5.99.

And you could throw on as many as you want. You could get like seven $5.99 menu items. So, I'll occasionally order a Pizza Hut or something else, and it's like $20 more for sure than Domino's is. Oh, ridiculous. And if you're feeding a family of four. Yeah.

Baby's got to eat. I have to give it up to Domino's. They actually called me this morning because my card got declined. But they also said, hey, we didn't you didn't put any coupons you didn't you didn't apply any coupons to your order and i said that's right and then it was silent for five seconds which is a very long time when you're on the phone with domos uh and then they said okay well we have uh a special where these pizzas are actually less and also the wings that you got are actually less so we're gonna save you like 15 and i went oh damn why isn't that and i just said why isn't

that just the price and the girl went i don't know that might be above her pay grade but yeah really yeah but she was very helpful, so thank you to her. She's just like, hey, dummy. Hey, you moron. Do you want me to do it for you then? Yep. I have a story of getting hauled by Domino's. This just happened.

This couldn't be more perfect. This was like less than a week ago. I ordered Domino's at like 11.45 at night. And I think. What? Yeah. I think it was on a Friday or Saturday. So they're open until midnight.

And by open until you could order until midnight. Listen, I know my fast food hours. Okay. Trust me. There's a reason I'm here. I'm the expert on the show. And but on Fridays and Saturdays, they're open until 1 a.m. So I don't remember if it was a – it had to be a Friday or Saturday.

So it was only like 11.45. I'm like, boom, pop in some pizzas. I got two pizzas, $5.99 deal, done. My phone rings 30 seconds later, and it's an Austin number. And normally, like, I won't answer a random phone number. But I'm like, this has to be dominoes calling me and i just assumed either they were like out of some item or they were closing early or something so i i sighed and i answered the phone and lo and behold you didn't answer and then sigh yeah i

might have done that too i'm not sure But I definitely had a big inhale and exhale before I answered. And the guy was like, hey, did you just, you know, you ordered this food? I'm like, yeah. And it was one was just like a mushroom pizza. And another one was like mushroom, onion and spinach. And he's like, hey, you know, we've got a deal where for just like three dollars more you could get a pepperoni pizza they called you about

this yep yep yeah and he's like you get a pepperoni pizza and uh you also get free like the bread bites or whatever the fuck they're called they're not the cheesy bread but like the little twists the garlic knot things yeah the garlic knot're called there. Not the cheesy bread, but like the little twists. The garlic knot things?

Yeah, the garlic knot things, yeah. And I was just like, no, I'm good. I don't, no, I'm fine. And the guy was like, oh, really? I mean, like, it's only $3. And I go, yeah. Hold on, you get a commission for like up-sale, up-charging you?

Dude, dude, I don't know. I've ordered from this place 10,000 times. This has never happened before. So I'm just like, no, man, I just need the two pizzas. That's it. And he goes, well, if you change one of them to the pepperoni, it would only be $3. Like, you could swap one out. And I was just like, no, I'm good with what I ordered.

I hate this now. Dude. And then he goes, oh, you don't like pepperoni? And I'm just with what I ordered and then he goes dude and then he goes oh you don't like pepperoni and I'm just like no I do just to answer no

I don't okay alright well alright we'll get your food to you we'll get your food you ordered to you bye and I was like that was fucking crazy

that was crazy to me so this is like what happened this is like 1145 at night. A guy called you to upsell you on $3 for a pizza you didn't fucking want. Right. At first an extra one, and then he offered replacing one of the ones I had ordered. What the fuck?

It's tough times all around. It's fucking crazy. I'm sure that franchise is like some razor thin margins right now. $3 can make a break the month for them i was uh playing video games with people before i ordered i was like i'll be right back i'm gonna order dominoes and then i came back and i was like you're not gonna fucking believe what just happened i have like witnesses to this story i've already told you it's crazy people the people i were telling were furious they were like i'm

fucking mad i'm like i just thought it was weird i just i still wanted my pizza though so yeah i let the guy down as gently as possible but he just kept going why would you have to let him down at all why would he call you at 11 45 but i want i don't want it to be like wait a minute get your pizza now click i don't have a lot of options at midnight. Michael's got to kiss his ass. Yeah, I just got to be like, no, thank you. No, thank you. Like when my daughter doesn't want anything.

No, thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you. Pisses me away. No, thank you. Go away. It's crazy. Holy shit.

That's hilarious. I can't believe that they would call you. I mean, I know you just placed the order, but it's insane to me that you're putting in like an, it's not like you called. You put in an online order. It was an online order. Yeah. I didn't say that, but you know that's what it was.

Of course it is. I mean, who's going to call an order? Yeah. Exactly. But the thing is like the audacity to call you at 11.45. Yes. That you would start a verbal communication. Not continue one.

Insane. Yeah, it is insane. That's crazy. I'm mad for you. I know. Apparently I was the only one not outraged. Will this affect the score for the Domino's chicken taco pizza

and cheeseburger pizza? It might affect your score, for all I know. I don't score it. Because you're mad about it. Yeah, but I don't score it. It's just you two. I don't know if you're new to the show. You know. I don't score it. Because you're mad about it. Yeah, but I don't score it. It's just you two. I don't know if you're new to the show. You're the only two who score it.

What? Thanks, Nick. It's raining again. Oh, it is starting to rain. Keeping the streak alive. I got a little reflux, and it was all winged. I was going to say, are you throwing up? You look fucked up all of a sudden.

It was just wing burn. My eyes are watering. Yeah, you look fucked up all of a sudden. It was just wing burn. My eyes are watering. Yeah, you look fucked up all of a sudden. I got reflux wing burn. Oh, no. It's a fucking sweat box in his car. He's got wing burn. Your lights are going off.

Oh, no. I'm trying to warn you. Oh, no. Help. There's reflux wing burn. Well, I kind of like Domino's a little less after hearing that story, but overall, their pizza is very good. It is. It is good.

And I don't give a shit, but when you listen to this and say, my local chain's better, make sure you tweet Eric about it, not me. Yeah. Yeah, off. Just only tweet Eric. He filters that stuff for us and tells us about it. And sometimes he just likes to know. Yeah. filters that stuff for us and tells us about it. And sometimes he just likes to know. Dude, you, like, we have to

talk to the social team to delete the tweet that says, hey, what are some new fast food things that we should eat? Because it's been weeks at this point, and I'm getting tweets in a day that are just like, hey, have you tried McDonald's?

This new hamburger? And it just like, hey, have you tried McDonald's, this new hamburger? And it's like, please fuck off. What is it? What is it? What's the new hamburger? Yeah, is it good? Is it a good one? Does it sound cool? It's the Travis Scott cactus jack meal.

That sounds stupid. What? Yeah. Here's the thing. Football player? Who is that? No, he's a rapper. He's a rapper.

He has a new album coming out. He partnered with McDonald's to have this new meal that's like, this is the thing he eats. It's like. So it's not even food. It's a quarter pounder. Yeah, it's not limited. But he like adds onions or something and then has fries with barbecue sauce and a Sprite. And it's like, I didn't deliberately go to McDonald's and get that, but I've had that meal by accident so many times.

Yeah. Like, that's crazy. Stop sending me this shit. Fuck off. I have it. I got it locked down. To Michael's point about asking for requests, you know, sometimes they get it right. Somebody this week.

Somebody this week. I will say. Requested. I will say the one person who did request it I DM'd them on Twitter and said don't tell anyone but that is the episode that we're recording tomorrow. They are the only person

before this episode comes out, they are the only person that knows that this is what we're eating. Yep. But that doesn't mean, hey guess what we're eating yep yep wow but that doesn't mean hey guess what we're gonna eat next week because i'll just block you and then unblock you so you don't follow me anymore i'm not saying guess i'm just saying suggest and we might yeah i'm not saying suggest

don't suggest have you seen the yeah but we are we're saying have you seen the um wendy's has a new burger out do we have we done wendy's yet i feel like we did yeah that was on the options i wanted to do that this week if we didn't do these pizzas but the pizzas felt like more weird yeah yeah right so like we i feel like it's eno's time anyway so it's eno's time yeah that's that's fair i feel like the wendy's thing could probably wait a week because I think their limited things are a little bit longer. And it'll still be Wendy's. It'll taste exactly like Wendy's.

You know what it is. But we'll get it. We don't know. We haven't had it yet. It's true. It's true. We've had a lot of good talk so far, a lot of silly antics. It's time, I think, to move on to the Domino's facts.

Okay, let's do it. The Domino's Pizza Tracker, let's do it. The Domino's pizza tracker, an online tracker showing your order status, is real, and Tim McIntyre, assume it looks like it's spelled weird for some reason, the vice president of communications at Domino's claims it's accurate to within

30 seconds. Wow. Can you believe that? That's like a patent, like when you go to it, it says like patent pending, and there's a whole piece of accurate. They were the first. they did that shit. Yeah, they did that shit I love the pizza tracker because it'll have like the person's name on is like so-and-so is prepare is like Putting your pizza you get the whole team. Yeah, and then it's just like I'm like rooting for them It's like yeah, you you get it. Hey, Seuss. Come on. Come on Octavio. Make my pizza You can you can give notes to that that I'm sure they don't get.

It was like on the pizza tracker. It was like send a message of inspiration to our team. And I'm sure that goes nowhere. You can change the theme of the tracker. I'm classic. I'm a classic tracker. I like the classic pizza tracker. But it's also why I'm like, you know, with the contactless delivery,

it's like you don't have to knock on my door or ring my door. I got you, okay? Yeah. I'm watching you on your own tracker. Then when you get in my neighborhood, you switch to my tracker. I'm tracking you from five different angles, okay? Just put the pizza down and walk away. I will get it. I will get to it. It's

1215 AM. Don't ring my doorbell. Just leave the pizza on the seat. They'll do it. They'll fucking do it. Fact number two. There is a Domino's wedding registry website where your wedding goers can order you pizza as a gift, which is so dumb. And if you're the one guy who just heard this and thought, my fiance would love this as a funny joke, you should tell her so she can leave you over this, you moron. Joke's on you, Eric. I'm already married oh you got too late now i mean

just a minute there's one guy who heard the beginning of this and he's like oh that would be so funny and it wouldn't be so funny it would be it would not no don't don't do this to your fiance just get her the nice thing she wants how what i'm getting er Eric for his wedding. No, thank you. What's the protocol on renewing your vows? Oh, you know, I hadn't even thought about it. Because I'm just thinking about mine, and I want it. Now, with your ex-girlfriend being out of the picture and everything, and you got to renew your vows, it's a whole thing, and you can get free pizza. It's's all complicated if you're talking about free pizza

you can make it work domino'sweddingregistry.com i found by complete accident when i i saw a different fact that was like these two people got uh married and they put their faces on domino's pizzas for each other and i searched domino's weddingding. Go back a second. With like toppings and Yes. Oh like that meatball phase? Yep. And it took three hours each to make and it looked like shit because it was just Domino's Pizza. So I

searched Domino's Wedding. That looks just like me. So I found Domino's Wedding Registry which is the saddest thing since the Taco Bell. That guy getting married to the Taco Bell this is up there man this is sad pretty sad I don't know what I'm looking at this next one here

I gotta read this one slowly yeah it's a good one Domino's had a mascot called the Noid who was the embodiment of the difficulties involving delivering a pizza in 30 minutes. He also drove a man named Kenneth Noid insane,

so he held up a Domino's and took the employee's hostage, demanding $100,000 and a white limousine to escape. He was arrested when all the hostages escaped while he ate pizza. Noid's NES game sucked too I mean if the NES game had been break into the pizza hut and hold everyone hostage that happened? that's why the Noid's not around anymore

because of Kenneth Noid? yeah that guy went crazy there's more that I didn't write down so a guy was crazy he held up this pizza restaurant and then he's like, give me the fuck it.

Give me $100,000 in this white limousine to escape. But then they waited him out so long that he's like, I'm hungry. Make me two pizzas. Then he was eating the pizzas. He put the gun in his lap

and as he ate the pizzas, everyone left. Don't nobody move while I eat this pizza. Where'd everyone go? I love the fact that he put the gun in his lap and then everyone escaped. He was cleared. He was cleared. What? He was cleared of what happened due to insanity and then was let out and then was

let out of the insane asylum and killed himself in 1995 jesus well now it's not funny yeah you ruined it i'm not trying to be funny i'm trying to get this doesn't say domino's funnies this says domino's facts he was oh wait er, was it in a Quiznos bathroom? That would have been a hell of a callback. Yeah, now it's funny. I saved it. I'm talking to Eric, not you. He's sick.

So, when did this happen? The late 80s. Wow. Yeah, crazy, right? So, did they specifically say it was because that thing was named the Noid? Yeah. Yeah, it was because they wanted to keep... People making fun of him? Did they specifically say it was because that thing was named the Noid? Yeah, yeah. It was because they wanted to keep- Making fun of him?

Because they used the Noid. The whole slogan for the Noid was avoid the Noid. The guy's name was Kenneth Noid, and he was schizophrenic, and he just kept going, everyone's avoiding me! Oh, my God. And then he also said that Pizza Hut was, I think, beaming directions into his own brain. Yeah, it was a whole thing.

Pizza Hut or Domino's? Domino's, sorry. Okay. This guy's got a monopoly on pizza conspiracies. It sounds like something Pizza Hut would do, though. Pizza Hut sent him to Domino's. Who do you think funded this hostage situation? Since I was a kid, I have always mixed up Pizza Hut and Domino's.

I can't tell you why they don't either it i i don't there's no reason but i cannot keep them straight it's a lot of weird so fucking hard for me a lot of weird like idiosyncrasies with yeah yeah with fast food he's a real freak in nature it's not normal and you should you should get In Florida, in 2011, two Domino's managers burned a rival Papa John's to the ground and were arrested for arson. It was speculated that they did it because Papa John's was doing good business, but I think they knew what we all learned about Papa John the last couple of years, putting them ahead of the curve.

Yeah, it turns out they were heroes. They were time travelers. No! Let me kill baby Hitler! You don't understand! You don't think about that! Yeah, you're absolutely... Baby needs to die!

Think about like, oh, there's an oil refinery that exploded in Russia and they're like, oh, it's just like a malfunction. No, it's like some secret spy shit and they're like saving the world. But what they tell you isn't really what's happening. No, it's like some secret spy shit and they're like saving the world. But what they, what they tell you isn't really what's happening.

Think about it. Uh huh. Uh huh. Tell me more. Yeah. No, that's it. What he's talking about.

He went off. Chacaroni pizza. I kept it. Well, where's that? We didn't eat that. Well, that was just a pepperoni pizza.

We also already did Papa John's. Is that, is that in the shape of a chacaroni? Oh, that is Papa John's. No, it's just's. Is that in the shape of Shaq's face? Oh, that is Papa John's. No, it's just a large- It's in the shape of his stomach. It's just a large pizza with a bunch of pepperonis on it.

I'm going to tell you this, though. I got outside word, unprompted, that the shakaroni pizza was delicious. I mean, I'm just saying. When we were talking about it and saying, like, oh, this is a thing. I had somebody text me out of the blue and go, yo, I just had the chacaroni pizza. It was fucking amazing. I loved it. Yeah.

I bet it has more pepperonis. I bet it's really good. Don't yell at me. I'm just telling you. I heard it was good. But we already did Papa John's. I'm trying to avoid doing any repeats. We're right here, dude.

Like, we're trying to avoid repeats, right? We can't do Papa John's. We'm trying to avoid doing any repeats. We're right here, dude. Like, we're trying to avoid repeats, right? We can't do Papa John's. We'll get there eventually, but. And we can't, our first repeat can't be Papa John's. Nor should it. Is that still our highest rated food? Papa Dia's? I think it might be, yeah.

I think it is. Oh, boy. I wonder what that's, what does that say about this show? It says that we put all personal opinions aside for the the betterment of the taste of food that's what it says it says we're committed justice is blind and so is taste buds we're journalists you know and that's our integrity yeah yeah we don't have any bias we don't lean one way or the other no No bias. Even though Jordan graduating 8th grade didn't come up in that episode.

And it still ranked very high. What? He's about to set off his airbags over there. Okay, there's one more fact I gotta get to. I hope it picked up the banyan inside of his car. I thought his toupee was gonna come off.

It's whipping left and right, baby. In 2008, Domino's began selling sub sandwiches, and to take a shot at Subway, they offered free sandwiches to the first 1,000 Jarrods who came into their stores. I cannot confirm nor deny what they meant by a Jarrod, but I have some ideas. That's amazing.

That's obviously much funnier now. But even when it came out, what a weird promotion to just be like, thousand pizzas free if your name's Jared. And someone's like, I'm not. Can I have a sandwich? And they go, nope. No, get lost.

You gotta pay for it. You're not exhibiting enough Jared-like behavior in order to deserve this free sandwich. Hey, what if I just act like Jared? Maybe. Why don't you show me? You have to show us. You show me what a Jared acts like. Oh my god.

Holy shit. Damn, dude. That was good. now that's a fact hell yeah they've all been facts yeah but you didn't have to like disparage anybody in there except for Jared

and that's just a fact and now you can get into your favorite segment spittittin' Silly. I feel like we did that at the beginning. Yeah, we spat some sales already. Well, we combined Spittin' Silly with the van talk, which he still hasn't put in here, by the way. There's no van segment.

Why would I put it in there? Why'd you put Spittin' Silly in there? I know. Because you told me to put it in there, and that's fine. But the van thing. I told you to put in talk about vans. No, because what I'm telling you about the van is that there's not going to be a van update. And yet every episode.

There's no van update. But there is every time. And yet every episode we have the van update. No, there isn't a van update any time. Somehow what you're saying. Not having a van is a van update. No, it's not. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I agree with Jordan

per usual as this episode has happened. What the fuck? This is a weird episode. You guys are on the same team? We're parked next to each other? We're across from you. We're head to head. This is miserable. Nick, you better get on our side. You better move your car, buddy.

Park next to me. Get away from that guy. the eric yeah he's gonna start leaking over i mean give me a white limousine every episode we talk about the van and he screams we're not going to talk about the van but we do every time and then he tricks us into coming to the office yeah and i think like christmas came well, Christmas came early. It's only September. Yep. And then no van. I thought like,

you know, we got here today and I thought, wow, it's kind of early for the McMillions anniversary, but I guess you're surprising us with a van for some reason. A couple days early, yeah.

And nothing. If there's ever going to be a van, I'll make it explicit. If there's ever going to be a van, it will not be just a segment in an episode. It'll be, we'll make it explicit if there's ever gonna be a van it will not be just a segment in an episode it'll be we'll make a whole fucking we'll make a whole fucking thing about it but so you're saying there should be no van segment unless there's a van to talk about right which is what i've been saying the whole time what you said is what i said yeah but i feel like any news is good news yeah do you

have like do you have like a lead or have you been looking at people the thing is the thing i have nothing yeah well so you're not even trying that's the it's not good but it's an update but i think i think what's gonna happen is when you inevitably decide to get the van people are gonna be too shocked if it comes out of nowhere. And they're going to say, why didn't I have updates every fortnight? Exactly. That's what I want, too. What do you want?

What do you want me right now? What do you want me to say right now is a van update? I found a couple of listings. We're not sure which one we're going to. Not true. We're going to close. None of that's. Well, that's because you didn't. That's because you didn't do you didn't do what i want you to say is i have a van look

behind you that's what i want you to say don't know michael don't look behind you there's no van there i thought maybe jordan looked in his rearview mirror and snuck up on me there's just waiting for the day we're in true anyway that's that's the van update. Yep, there it is. There's the update we didn't have. Again. On to the food! Alright. So, they thought it was a good idea to make a chicken taco pizza, which is

not something I ever thought I would want, but here's the description. Topped with American cheese, taco seasoning, grilled chicken, fresh onions, green peppers, diced tomatoes, provolone cheese, and cheddar cheese. I thought that was going somewhere. That's the end of the sentence. That is what the pizza is.

Yes. Simply a list of the toppings. Thanks. I thought I did notice some taco seasoning in there. That's interesting. Did it taste like taco seasoning? No, but I saw some shit on the pizza. Here's the cheeseburger pizza.

I'm sure this one will be better. Made with a tasty ketchup mustard sauce, American cheese, beef, fresh onions, diced tomatoes, shredded provolone, and cheddar cheese.

Michael? Michael? What's up? You asked while you were eating the pizza, what is this sauce? Yeah, I was like, what is this? There's a weird sauce here that's not pizza sauce. Ketchup mustard? Yeah, it doesn't, just the way it's written, it's ketchup dash mustard.

So it's like, is that a hybrid? Is it ketchup and mustard, or it's ketchup dash mustard so it's like is that a hybrid is it ketchup and mustard or it's ketchup mustard sauce like you say it faster yeah just like it's we're not combining just ketchup and just mustard this is a whole new thing ketchup mustard this is catchered yeah it's like it's like a mayo chip situation where you're just like we're combining stuff yeah i don't i don't agree i think it's just mayo and ketchup that they whipped together probably with a bunch of fat and said, here you go, here's a bunch of, here's just fucking sauce.

There was definitely something else in there. You did not combine ketchup and mustard and get what we got. There was some sort of other component in there. Yeah. Yeah, there's something they're not telling us. I will say that we ate the pizzas straight the three of us yeah we just we took the pizzas as they came and we just ate them nick was like oh man i'm gonna bring mayo from home in a cup and so it was like oh

that's weird but then he went, I couldn't find any packets. So I just put it in this Tupperware thing. And the Tupperware thing is so fucking big. It's huge. It's so fucking big for the amount of mayo. And it just, I don't know. It just, it looks like paint. It just looks like he brought paint and he was dipping his cheeseburger pizza into it.

I was going to ask, did you just dip it in there like it's ranch? Yeah. What the fuck? It's like um... Why? What the hell... A sauce. What are those sandwiches called where you like you dip them into the sauce? Oh, the French dips? Oh, like the French dip with like the au jus?

Yeah, that's what he was doing with it. He was like French dipping his pizza into mayonnaise. It was weird. Yeah, that's what they do in with it. He was like French dipping his pizza into mayonnaise. It was weird. Yeah, that's what they do in the Netherlands or whatever. The thing is, here's the thing. He's like, I'm going to bring mayo to dip my cheeseburger pizza in. That sentence. Even in context.

Mayonnaise? If it was just a cheeseburger, you you're gonna put mayonnaise on your cheeseburger because it wasn't already on there you're like i can't eat this hamburger without mayonnaise it's ketchup mustard sauce not ketchup mustard mayo sauce so he's gotta add his own the ketchup mustard and three cheeses isn't enough it's a lot of cheeses a lot you know what the thing that really stood out to me? The American cheese. The ground beef. Oh, really? The ground

beef taste of just like when you got a bite that just had like the ground beef in it, it just tasted like, yep, this is some unseasoned ground beef. Yeah, I mean, I'm not one for ground beef on pizza. And that's kind of what this whole thing is.

Cheeseburger pizza. It was not good. Ugh. So here's some. Is this just? Okay. Here's a quote from Domino's about the pizzas. Quote, we're excited to add even more options to our lineup of delicious specialty pizzas, said Art Delia, Domino's executive vice president, chief marketing officer.

That is a lot of words in front of a title. Now, friends and family who are craving a taco or cheeseburger on pizza night won't be disappointed. Fucking hell. Domino's new taco and cheeseburger pizzas are sure to satisfy everyone. You can't get a taco it's pizza night I want tacos fuck you it's pizza night you piece of shit but the taco place is next to Domino's

fuck you only if Domino's sells it don't ruin the sanctity of pizza night could you imagine getting this food and going well this will surely disappoint no one yeah it's just crazy it's neither a chicken taco nor a pizza so everyone loses someone thought this was good to pr friends and family who are craving a taco or cheeseburger on pizza night. Like someone

wrote that down and went, you ever feel trapped? Brilliant. You know, like it's pizza night, you know, like someone has a gun in your mouth and if you don't eat pizza they're gonna pull the trigger. But you really want a taco? Now, hey, now solution. That's just

crazy to me. Here's a problem that doesn't exist. It's a problem that doesn't exist it's a problem that almost can't exist because when I think of anything night when I think of like pizza night macaroni night that means your family made it for you in which case this wouldn't help you anyway to me like

pizza night is hey mom made pizza and your ass is eating pizza not like can you make tacos on the pizza? No. Fucking wild. Now family who is craving a taco or cheeseburger on pizza night won't be disappointed. That is some mental gymnastics to come up with that.

Hang on. Hang on. I got it. Because someone's going, okay, we've got the taco pizza. We got the cheeseburger pizza. Next question. Why would anyone ever get this? How are we going to pitch this to someone?

How do we make them get it? Yeah. Yeah, like you would want this in any scenario. You want it, but you have to eat pizza. That's it. You have to. You have to. You have no choice. You're eating all this other food,, but you have to eat pizza. That's it. You have to. You have to. You have no choice.

You're eating all this other food, but tonight you have to eat pizza. What I'm reading it, I think their biggest blunder is putting the words taco and cheeseburger in front of pizza because that made me want both a taco and cheeseburger before wanting pizza. I could go for a burger. Would be way better than these. Doesn't this food feel like it was specifically made for a podcast it sure does we're getting big we're getting big yeah absolutely this is what they saw face jam and they said we should make a food for them i just can't imagine like my family gets together and i go guys i have the solution for everyone. Chicken taco pizza and cheeseburger pizza from Domino's.

No one is stoked. No one. You've got everyone there going, I want pizza. Can I just get pepperoni? No! Hey, if you want pepperoni, I got a deal for you. The guy just called me back. I have his number. He's in my recent contacts.

I can call the guy. Let's see what's up. He's in my recent contacts. I can call the guy. You can call him and see what's up. Man, incredible deals. He's like, dude, I'll call up. And he's like, it's only 2.40 in the afternoon. Are you crazy? Why are you calling me this early? This really sounds like the brainchild of someone with the title Executive Vice President Chief Marketing Officer.

A hundred percent. It is. He got everyone in a room and made them come up with ideas and he started it by saying guys there's no bad ideas and then this is what we ended up with this is like the mortal combat this is like the mortal combat of pizza it's just a lot of people not telling anyone no and they go what if alien and jason from friday the 13th fought scorpion in sub-zero yeah i guess what if and then they made it that is cheeseburger pizza and then they sell it with the confidence of this is a good idea yep you actually need it but but even in those scenarios

you don't have to eat those guys you're right that's true right you know what i mean they might not belong but it tastes fine i'm sure they do i'm just playing and i'm going hey there's predator don't have to eat them though you know moving on to the next segment getting the food it says we're eating in a parking lot and you didn't go to domino's yeah but thanks eric uh-huh no problem i forgot it was a good hookup it was a good hookup. It was a good hookup. I rolled up. Yeah, I like just showing up.

Got to stand outside. I didn't. That was kind of a nice day today. Yeah, it's not a billion degrees. I didn't like the part where we didn't get a van, but everything else is fine. Yeah, that was disappointing. Again, I was tricked. I was duped. I was really excited.

How were you tricked? He really deceived you. What? Well, like, why didn't we meet up in the Domino's parking lot? Because that's what we've done every time. We've met up at the place. Because that's a busy. And he was like, let's do it at the office.

And I went, there's a lot of space at the office. Must be something. Turns out it was just the pizza and Nick's cup of mayonnaise. He fucking tricked you. There's his little trick horn. The trick horn, yeah. Fuck this. Talk about the food.

I think we can get into the rating. And I think if you've listened to this episode, our review is really going to surprise you when we actually get down to the you know the nitty-gritty of the flavor and the taste i think i think people probably have a lot of speculations about whether we're going to like it or not and they're going to be surprised

i'll start with the one that i didn't like i didn't like either one spoiler the one I hated less I'll start with that one the better one um it was the chicken taco pizza and it's not good it tastes like it tastes like a microwave chimichanga I don't know if you guys ever had I forget what brand it is but you get it at like Costco in a big box go yeah you're taught wow holy shit and then you throw that in the microwave and then you kind of like you bite

into it and it's it's got all of those flavors and really it's the chicken that like tastes like it the most you fucking blew jordan you blew my mind with that that's a hundred percent what this thing tastes like holy shit wow i can't believe i didn't connect that. It's like they put that on a pizza and then at the end, there's some garlicky dusted crust. Maybe they just bought a bunch and unrolled them. Yeah, like put the ingredients in there.

Honestly, it tastes like it. It really does. That's what it tastes like. Michael, you might be onto something. You might be the new chief marketing coordinating officer of food innovations. Buy them by the box.

Fuck, I don't know. I got a box of these over here. Roll them in the pizza. Throw the chimichanga in the pizza. Oh my god. The fucking, what was it? Cheeseburger in Paradise. I guess it's, is it the provolone cheese?

It was like old melty white cheese that tasted like queso. Fucking disgusting. It like, the consistency and stuff is just like, oh, it like coats your tongue. And I got one bite that was just like a piece of chicken was coated with it. And I didn't want to take a bite. But then I was like, I I have to it's for the show and sure enough you did it it was

bad but yeah I mean at least that one kind of tasted like we got cops rolling up what the fuck oh shit are they bringing the van no there's no van I thought it was like a convoy and they were going to come in like a parade

yeah the van's protected. Look back and Eric's not in his car anymore. But yeah, that's it for the chicken taco pizza. I like that one more because it kind of tasted like what it should resemble. It was a little like, my first bite was like it tasted like an enchilada and then it started tasting like that chimichanga i guess what i'm getting at doesn't

taste like a chicken taco nor pizza the cheeseburger one i don't know what the fuck's going on with this one you guys i took a bite out of it and immediately was like something's wrong with this something's not right and i described it later as an uncanny valley pizza. Where it looks like a pizza. It feels like a pizza when you hold it. You take a bite. It bites like a pizza. And then you taste it and something's just off.

And I think it's this fucking mustard ketchup sauce. Yeah. It's not good. It's awful. And the American cheese. Yeah. It's not good. It's awful. And the American cheese, really, it tastes like somebody grated a Kraft single on top of it and melted it in. It is atrocious. It tastes cheap.

It doesn't taste like, ooh, this is a gourmet cheeseburger in a pizza form. It's my mom threw some Kraft Singles on a pizza and microwaved it. And it's something to be said because Domino's pizza in itself is cheap pizza. Like in the grand scheme. It's like a big chain, but it's, you know, it's like processed fast food, You know, it's like processed fast food, fucking, you know, filled with preservatives and like extra GMO shit food pizza. Yep. But like it is what it is.

And this somehow, even though you have that as a base, they added these things and it seems like an off brand. Yeah, it does. It's an off brand. I'm eating an off brand cheeseburger on a Domino's pizza. That's a really great way to put it. It tastes like it's not the, it tastes like the store brand of something. How fucking bizarre.

Of delivery pizza, it tasted like the store brand thing. How fucking weird. It tastes like a thing you'd see in the store and go, ah, fuck it, it's on sale. I'll buy it. I'll try it, yeah. And, like, the sauce is bad. The sauce just makes it taste not like

a pizza or even a cheeseburger. I had the cheeseburger pizza first and, you know, I don't like to discuss the food too much before we record the episode. Because sometimes it is a little more nuanced of,

oh, I like this part, I like that, or whatever. And my back was to Jordan when I took a bite, and I was looking at Eric, and I just started shaking my head. And he just looked at me, and he went, right? Right? I did the same thing with Nick. One fucking bite. And I just go, I said, not even to Eric,

it just forced this way out of my mouth I was like what is this what is this sauce and he just goes oh oh do you want to know should I tell you or you wait and I was just like oh wait it was just like a physical reaction I had to say it because it wasn't just like

oh this is the taste of ketchup and mustard and it's not good again there was something else in there where I'm like I don't like the this is the taste of ketchup and mustard and it's not good again there was there's something else in there where i'm like i don't like the taste or the consistency yeah it doesn't taste like cheese yeah it's it's like i don't the cheese must have fused with it but like it altogether was not good it the pizza itself wasn't good i didn't like any of it but then at the end of every bite there was like this just gross weird mayo ketchup sauce flavor and uh so then much like you said i had the the chicken taco pizza and it was amazing after the cheeseburger pizza because it wasn't as bad. In a world where there was just that chicken taco pizza,

I would have hated it. I would have been like, this isn't good. But because the cheeseburger pizza was there, I ended up, I think I had two slices of the, because I ate one slice each and I didn't want any more. And I was like, oh man, I'm so hungry though. There were little slices, so I ate one of the chicken taco ones. I didn't eat all day and I was like oh man i'm still hungry though there were little slices so i ate one of the chicken taco ones i didn't eat all day and i was like oh i was really looking forward to eating pizza and then i ate both it was like i'm still hungry but i don't want either one it is exactly

what i predicted i mean which wasn't a huge uh you know surprise where it was a chicken taco pizza yeah or just like both of them. And he goes, we're going to Domino's. This is what we're eating. And I was like, Domino's is easily the best pizza. It's going to be fucking terrible. This shit's going to be terrible. We're going to go to the best pizza place of the three and it's going to

be shit. And it did not disappoint. It fucking sucks. They both fucking suck. Dude, I can put like, some people like tomatoes. I don't like tomatoes. Maybe like mayo. I don't know who the fuck on planet Earth would order this pizza and

get it a second time and go, I loved it. It's just just fucking eat a regular pizza. Get a pizza with nothing on it. Get pepperoni. Get fucking mushrooms. Just get anything else i would buy it again to like deconstruct it and figure out what the fuck is going on with this to make it so weird you'd buy one to experiment on it yeah like break it apart on a molecular level

it's just it's it's it's it's probably the worst thing i've had in this show that isn't foul. Right? Yeah, great way to put it. I didn't eat it and gag or was repulsed. It was just like, no, this doesn't work. This does not work together, and this should have failed in the kitchen. Someone should have made this, and they went, nope, that doesn't cut it. But they made it and, shockingly, promoted it. They're telling people to go buy it.

It's all you can get on pizza night. If you want tacos or burgers. I said, as I was eating it, I'm already thinking about what I want to eat on the way home after we record this. Get this out of my mouth. Not in my mouth, because the taste goes away, but out of my mouth to just like not in my mouth because the taste goes away but out of my brain the the the idea of the taste is longer it's like it's like a phantom limb scenario they're still tasting it and they're like it was five years ago it's okay wake up a cold sweat it was it was a really sad sight to see because the chicken taco pizza was eaten first

by a long shot just because it was the way more edible of the two yep and then when it was like well we got three slices of this about about half of this cheeseburger pizza left and we all just went nah get it away from me get it away from me trash so it away from me. Trash. So Jordan, what's your score? What do you think? Combined. It's got to be a combined score. Yeah. So both of them, I'm trying to think because I'm thinking about Pizza Hut and what we ate

there was not a specialty pizza. It was just like kind of like their regular pizza, but like gimmick form with like the sticks and stuff. And that one I hated because it just tasted bad quality pizza and this one just tastes bad

because of like what they're trying to do and not so much because of the quality of Domino's yeah they ruined a good Domino's pizza that's kind of what I think I could have just ate regular Domino's and I would have been a good Domino's pizza. That's kind of what I'm thinking. It's exactly what they did. I could have just ate regular Domino's

and I would have been happy. I would have given it like an 85. I'm thinking 31. 31? 31. And I feel like

that might be too high. Yeah. My favorite part of the pizza was the crust. Yeah. I looked at Eric and I went, this is the best part.

And he said, Oh, cause it's over. But it wasn't, it wasn't like the joke as of it's gone. It was like, no, no.

Cause just the crust left. Just, I can pretend like I ate a real pizza because the crust was intact. It was like I said, it was a good bake. The crust was good. The, the garlic flavor was there. It's just, said, it was a good bake. The crust was good. The garlic flavor was there. It's just, you know, everything they put on it that ruined it.

When I ate the second slice, I gave up halfway through and went just for the crust. Yep. I could not eat another bite of that cheeseburger pizza. Just imagining putting that sauce into my mouth. No. cheeseburger pizza just imagining putting that sauce into my mouth no uh there should be some sort of like uh test done when the planet overpopulates and we're running out of resources where they make people eat those cheeseburger pizzas and whoever likes them gets put in a rocket and we shoot them to space because we don't need those people here they get to colonize mars

yeah you guys go check out mars we told you it was volunteer process. It's not. It's all the people that like the cheeseburger mustard ketchup sauce. We just don't need your input here on planet Earth. We just don't think you contribute to society. Yeah, it's just not good for either

one of us. You guys are into that and we don't want to come between it, but we definitely don't want it here. Yeah, First one on the ship is fucking Art Delia. The vice president of marketing. He's flying it. Yeah, he's the pilot. I'm gonna hit this

because of my love for Domino's and what this pizza did to me. I'm gonna give it a 15. A 15? It's fair. It's's a it's a combined score that score for for domino's cheeseburger pizza and chicken taco pizza 23 nice 23 yeah and and i feel like that's i feel i feel like that's fair i feel like for what we ate 23 is like yeah yeah i think that's pretty fair so many foods like jordan was

saying you eat it and we go like oh man this sucks like this this wasn't good but this one it could have been saved yep somebody could run in there and and stop them from making this no stop unrolling the chimichangas mustard ketchup! Get away from the oven! Yeah, but I feel like I applaud you for going with a 15 because I know it's out of a place of love. It is, yeah. You just gotta be firm with them sometimes. This is my asterisk for Domino's.

I love Domino's. I know you can do better. Yeah. Honestly, to me, this is like a Taco Bell thing where Taco Bell has to be like our first repeat. Taco Bell has to be like our first repeat place because we know, we know that they can do so much better. And that's how I feel about Domino's. Domino's can do so much better than the fucking shit pizza that we just ate.

Come on, Eno. It's like make a good specialty one. Make one where we're like, oh, wow, do a BBQ BB. That's what I want. That was crazy. Wow, you amped it up. I love Whataburger. And then you made something that I actually want

that's like a good specialty item. But so many places just go, I don't know, throw some shit on it. How's that? I just- Pizza night. I picture- Pizza night.

I picture a dad trying to be cool, and he wants to like, I have my kids for the weekend. Cheeseburger pizza. Wacky. Yeah. I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking about a situation. Give me tips. Uh-huh. I'm just like, and then like, he's like, oh, I know what my 12-year-old daughter and 8-year-old

son will love. I'm going to order Domino's, but I'm going to get, like, this new thing that they have at Domino's. And then this is what you end up with. Why does the pizza hurt? Yeah. Dude, kids would fucking despise this. Like, 100%. 100%.

They would not. I have. There's, like, you hit the. I got a green screen rolling up. You got the. I got a green screen rolling up. You got what? I got a green screen rolling up. What the fuck is this? I thought he was like talking about his monitor or something.

Wait, did you get a package? Is that a package you got? Or are they dropping it off for you? He's dropping shit off for him. Yeah, I can't go inside. Well, I got packages in there too. Go get my packages. Go ask.

You better roll down the window and yell at Hector. Ask him if I can get packages. I got stuff too. You better roll down the window and yell at Hector, bro. Jordan, ask if I can get mine. You're closer. No, I asked nicely. I didn't say I want them.

I asked if I could get them. I'm on your side. I'll pop in and get them. No problem. All right, cool. You all heard it. It's recorded. He said I could go in. All right, I'll pop in and get him no problem alright cool you all heard it it's recorded he said I can go in that's Hector a guy we know

that's a guy we know who said I'm allowed like a normal person he went oh you can just go inside and get him yeah exactly I won't tell anyone Jordan's over here sitting on my throne his package is delivered. Anyway, this pizza sucks.

What was that? I thought he was trying to hand that to Hector. Because he just kind of- He wanted him to like scoot around in his golf cart and hand it to us. Safety first, Eric. What? Why?

What? Whoa. Hang on. Ooh, Sour Patch? You see, Eric approached both of our driver's side windows and being cautious. Take a cookie! I'm trying not to touch the other ones. So we didn't have to be too close to him.

These fucking smell awful. Oh my God. I'm going to read this note. Did you smell it? Yeah. Oh my God. Dear my heroes, I know you will hate these because they are truly disgusting. I'm sorry. But seriously, I know you will hate these because they are truly disgusting. I'm sorry.

But seriously, I love the show. I listen to it every day at work, and I've heard each episode at least five times. Wow. I also eat at Subway every day. I go there so often, I don't even have to talk when I go in because they know my sandwich. I'm not gross, I swear. You're just like an employee. I like where she says, I'm not gross, I swear. just like an employee I like where she says I'm not gross I swear

yeah I know she's explaining I get a veggie sandwich so I feel like it's fine but my mask does smell like Subway after I leave P.S. I hope Eric didn't open your mail well I guess he did cause this is it

if that's what you're talking about I mean that's my job you did mail it to him so so technically it's his mail. Yeah, right. Hart, McKenzie, plus, I'm going to fuck this up, Soldado. And then it says Spanish in parentheses. It says Spanish right next to it. Soldado, Spanish.

Thank God, because I was about to scream. All right, one bite review of the Sour Patch Kid Chips Ahoy. Oh, they smell so weird. They smell bad. That is the worst thing I've ever eaten. What brand is it? Chips Ahoy. Chips Ahoy.

Chips Ahoy Sour Patch Kid's Cookies. They smell bad. They taste bad. They're bad. Eric is screaming in his car. He's clawing at the windows trying to get out. He's spitting it out. You spit it out.

Yeah, I almost spit mine out. I gagged on mine. So it is chocolate. Is it? I think so. It tasted kind of gummy to me. I think it's like both, though. Is there chocolate in here or no?

What the hell is the Sour Patch made of? Do we have a press release for this? He's looking at it. No. They're sour than sweet. It's the taste you love. All I heard is the taste you love. I got that.

That came in clear. No, it doesn't say anything. All right, well, it sucks. That's a five. It's a piece of shit. This is disgusting. Mackenzie and Soldato were right. Your kids also would not eat this. No.

What number do you give it, Michael? A ten. A ten? Yeah, a ten. Ten out of a hundred? Yeah. Ten. 7.5. Well, Jordan gave it a 5, so I was just making sure. I'm just saying. I mean, like, the cookie's okay if you ate around all the Sour Patch parts.

Yeah, you know, that's really easy. It just lingers. That's why it's a 10, Jordan. Give me the pizza again. Can you go get it out of the garbage? Yeah. Next week, they're gonna put these on the fucking pizza. Oh, God.

Domino's Sour Patch Pizza. I don't know what's going on with this. These fuckers are putting in on everything, by the way. I don't know if you know that. In my freezer at home, I have Sour Patch Kids ice pops. They're not nearly as disgusting. It is a cereal. That's got to be terrible, too.

I would hope not. Well, with the movies being closed Sour Patch is getting fucked they're like gotta expand Raisinets are next well that's Snack Attack if you want to send us snacks to review you don't have to but you can

didn't you say this is the last one we had right yeah that we're out of snack snacks no I didn't say that I said I have a table at my like last snack no it used to be filled with snacks you guys are you guys fucking suck I have so many snacks at home don't feel like you have to send anything to face jam care of Eric Boudreau 1901 East 51st Street Austin Texas 78723 we have a lot of stuff. We have a lot of snacks.

But speaking of snacks, who knows what we'll do? Maybe a snack attack at our RTX panel. Swear science. Hey, guys, just wanted to make a quick correction here. That's why you heard the swear science thing. Nick, you're editing that. I'm sorry. Swear science.

Very good. We are going to have our panel on Friday, September 25th at 4 p.m. Central. And guess what, baby? We're the main event. That's right. Our heroes are back with a snack attack that is going to close out RTX. So if you're hearing this on the day it comes out, this is the first day of RTX. But I'm telling you, on the last day of RTX, there's a very exciting Face Jam snack attack panel that's going to be taking place.

That's right. You know what? That's the main event. Dude, not only. So we were going to do it first. They didn't want us. They wanted nothing to do with us. We weren't even on the schedule.

Didn't even have didn't have nothing. Then phones started ringing off the hook and we realized they were like, holy shit. We didn't even have didn't have nothing then phone started ringing off the hook and we realized they were like holy shit we didn't face jam they just assumed we show up incorrectly so they started calling they started begging and we said maybe tossed it around you know and then we agreed to i guess we'll just do a panel it It's like 50 minutes. Fine. But then they said that's not enough. People need more than that. They were like, what if we give you top billing, close the show, and Face Jam reunion?

What? I mean, like, we're going the whole nine yards, right? We have to go back. We have to go back. have to go back we're getting the crew back together they're gonna take the those sanitizing guns from the movie theaters or blast in the studio we're all getting tested like the night before really looking forward to getting that swab up my nose i love it i've had it once it's a right it's a you don't like it at first but then you go home and you go oh i kind of like it i want it you get used to into this now we're gonna go in and we're

gonna sit at the same table boom whoa just to close rtx pre-march 2020 a revisit to the before the jammers this is just for the jammers really it's It's true. And here's the thing. Show up or else. At this panel, it's going to be a snack attack. I have so many snacks clogging up a table in one of the rooms of my house that we have to get rid of them. So we're doing that. That's great. There's also going to be special announcements and surprises.

There is? Yes. I will tell you right now that we will be debuting some stuff. We'll be, there'll be exciting announcements. Guys, we're not just showing up and eating some snacks. This is the main event of RTX. Even I don't know the announcements. And here's the thing.

Here's the thing. It's free. We want everyone to watch. We want all FaceJammers to watch. So now you tell everyone, hey, thing this is my favorite podcast and then they watch it and they go this is too long and what the fuck is going on yeah why they just they turn to you and go this is your favorite podcast yeah but but then the six or seven people that have a real problem with just listening they get to watch too because there's a video component.

Yeah, so we're getting them back. You can see where the voices are coming from. You don't have to be afraid in a room in your house as they're shouting into your ears through headphones you're wearing. Incredible. We really are heroes. I can't believe it. That's great. Well, I'm very excited

for September 25th at 4pm. We're going to be doing a snack attack for who knows how long. It'll be crazy. It's like the Face Jam keynote 2020. Yep. That's, oh, wow. That's really incredible stuff. So be there, and we'll see you there.

And now back to the last three minutes of the regular show. Guys, I'm calling it. I'm taking the belt. From who? Whose belt? Like the snack attack belt. Like I'm going to win. It's not a, whatever. You can have it. Yeah. Main belt. I'm going to win. It's not a...

Whatever. You can have it. Main event. You heard what he said. Whatever. You can have it. I want a belt. Classic rivalry like The Rock and Stone Cold.

Okay, you can have it. Well, you know, Steve Austin went and opened his little ice cream shop. No! That's not... Hey, you guys want to hear a joke that's a good callback jordan because that was over a week ago for us how did uh how did duane johnson's family learn that they had covid they couldn't smell what he was cooking boom that was i didn't even hear that that was just just so bad. I mean, one of three things I knew from wrestling. He says that.

Well, back to the show. No, leave that in. No, cut this whole thing. Don't tell him anything. Weird science. Social media, follow us at FaceJamPod to stay updated on everything. We'll have updates kind of as the week goes and everything

as we get closer to our RTX panel. Merch update! The uk store is live and you can get the the uk exclusive 100 each shirt it's uh called bake jam it's blue yeah yellow it's a very fun color yeah we gotta i don't understand the reference but i'm sure all the yeah what's when you get baked on fatso's yep done uh all these shirt variants are back in stock all of them uh we had a sellout but not anymore yep uh the mcjam shirt was sold out but not anymore uh 100 eat hat is back in stock 100 eat pop socket is back in stock a little update Pop Socket is back in stock. A little update on the new merchandise. Spice Rat shirt and other new merch is coming later than expected because of production delays.

What the fuck, Eric? Now you look like an idiot. There's nothing I can do about this. Explain yourself. These are production delays because COVID is going on. All of these people can't get. Why didn't you anticipate the delays? I tried.

And that's why I said mid-September. And then they said, hang on, later. So I was like, oh, okay, great. So now it's going to be later. Do you want to say how much later? No. Because I don't want to give anything wrong. So I can't say.

September 27th. So we'll have a merch update later at Face Jam Pod on Twitter. You can follow us there. We'll give you updates on the spice rat shirt maybe we'll post a picture of the spice rat shirt give them a little something to like just so they know we string them along a little more the van that you're stringing us along over

fucking ridiculous I know that's it that's all it is ridiculous I saw Eric sent a picture of one of the toy vans but I feel like he was using forced perspective to make it look small. No. I think it's a real-size van.

Well, I thought he was in the van, and I thought it was just a tiny Eric, but I think it was him. And if you did send a tiny van, again, if you still want to send a shrink ray or a grow ray... Yes, you can send those also... We can use either one to get ourselves in the van

yeah and uh keep the suggestions rolling at eric badour don't suggest shit to me I'm gonna have to block you and then unblock you it's gonna be a whole thing don't do it you can just re-follow him just check every now and then

make sure you're still following eric if you've if you've ever interacted with eric Make sure you're still following Eric. If you've ever interacted with Eric, odds are you aren't following him anymore. If you've ever sent him a tweet. If you've ever liked a tweet. If you've ever replied to one of his tweets thinking, I'll add on to this little joke he's making. You're probably blocked.

Yeah. No, I only block you and then unblock he's making. You're probably blocked. Yeah. No, I only block you and then unblock you. I don't keep you blocked. I just remove... You're not a monster. So if you haven't seen any weird tweets lately, just double check that you're following Eric. And then if you're the person who goes, hey, why did you block me and unblock me?

It's because you made a stupid joke. That's it. You weren't funny. And at that time, I didn't feel like seeing it. So I went, eh. And I got rid of it. But he, you weren't funny and I didn't, and at that time, I didn't feel like seeing it, so I went, eh. And I got rid of it. But, he might grow to like it later. No, I won't grow to like it ever. Over time,

opinions change. It's true. Bless you. I'm sneezing again. If you've been blocked and unblocked by Eric, make sure you rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and then rate the food. Man, you held out, man. Almost the whole show.

You were keeping them in and now they're just blasting out of you. Well, it's the Sour Patch Cookie. I'm allergic to the Sour Patch Cookie. You jostled him. He's a little sour. I feel like... We're done now. It's over. Thanks for watching.

I feel like Nick didn't laugh that much. I think he was laughing, but I couldn't hear him. Should we? Oh, maybe it was like a Discord mute situation. I hope it's a Discord thing. Otherwise, he's going to have to ADR some giggles. Because it wasn't enough. I wasn't feeling it.

I want to make sure the audience feels it. This was a good one, I can say. No, this was a good one? Yeah. Make sure you tell the audience that it was good. Okay. Okay. Make up their mind for them. Not all of them are. This one was a good one, I can say. No, this was a good one? Yeah. Make sure you tell the audience that it was good. Okay. Okay. But make up their mind for them.

Not all of them are. This one was. We'll see you next time. Bye. Da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da.