100% Eat - Face Jam - PF Chang’s Holiday Menu

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review the PF Chang’s 2023 Holiday Menu so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Ernest, Mark Davis, Draymond Green, Eric being a Jehovah’s witness, Feastables, and more. Follow us @FaceJamPod Sponsored by Katos Koffee http://katoskoffee.com code FACEJAM10 , Factor http://factormeals.com/facejam50 , Nuts.com http://nuts.com/facejam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, hey, the theme song's going. That was wild. Oh, it is? Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation. To let you know if you need it. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones. Alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers.

Jordan, how are you? This music sounds like the music from that F1 podcast. Oh, yeah. Did you guys see that? No. I mean, you saw it, obviously. No. Also, it's obvious music from that F1 podcast. Oh yeah, did you guys see that? I mean, you saw it obviously. Also, it's obvious I didn't see it. Today we're talking about the Las Vegas Grand Prix. What a crazy race that was, I assume.

It's a week before. Somebody got choked, I think. They were hiring F1 fan actors for $600 to $3,000 for the day. Just to fill the seats? Yes. And so I signed up. They looked at me. Well, before they looked at me, they said $1,500.

Then I got there and they said $750. And so. Pretty good. Yeah. You know, not bad. Pretty good. Just to sit there. And then every time the camera was on me to go, Verstappen.

And then that was it. The. Fake fan. One of the. Yes. Paid fan. One of the F1 shows used our theme song for their...

It's like the F1 F1 nation. That's not quite how this works. What do you mean? That's ours. You're right. Imminent domain. We're living it. That works. We're squatting on it. We picked it. Doesn't it come off the library once we pick it? I don squatting on it like we picked it

doesn't it come off the library once we pick it I don't it's like a mission impossible message it deletes itself from the servers I don't think so that's messed up now we're out here promoting F1 and the Try Guys I think

I'm not fine with that I don't know a god damn thing about don't know a goddamn thing about those guys. I know one thing about those guys. It has nothing to do with the content. One guy was trying too many things. Trying a little too hard. He should try to calm down. That's all I got I don't know Hey

It's that time of the year Oh yeah? Yeah Today we're reviewing P.F. Chang's 2023 Holiday Menu We went back Face jam style Gracie style

That's right Gracie style I don't know what it means I'm not sure Gracie style That's right Gracie style Oh yeah I don't know what it means I'm not sure Gracie knows what it means I don't But That was like

Is this the first time we went out With me With like a big ass meal With Gracie Like sitting somewhere No out back We did go to out back My very first one

Back on Yep And then When she got rehired That's right Right Yeah I mean she worked here

But it's Don't worry about it She was reborn. We don't need to rehash it. She was working somewhere. So P.F. Chang's. Are we do we dare say that this becomes a face jam tradition?

It really worked out in such a serendipitous way where you saw it get posted. And I was like, oh, we should find out when we did the last one, when the last one came out so that we can release at the same time and you were like okay well it came out November 22nd last year so if we do it this week it'll work out and I was like things just work out like that sometimes like within a day we'll be releasing another PF Chang's it's just the week of Thanksgiving I guess which let's just not be confused with jamsgiving. No, which is different. Which could be any time at any year. Whenever we want. Yeah.

And we don't give, we get. Yeah, we get. You get, God, we get. I seem to remember that. Yes, that's true. Maybe we should. The spirit of jamsgiving is still within me. Yeah.

Not all the details, but the spirit. Where you get got, I'm really into that. Oh, I get. You could definitely tell, again, that this was like the first week with their limited food. Like with their holiday menu. This was a bunch of people who worked there going, huh, first time I'm doing this thing. Yep.

Oh, I think I'm supposed to do it this way. Yep. Oh, yeah. We'll get those. Oh, my hands are burning, but I'm doing this thing. Yep. Oh, I think I'm supposed to do it this way. Yep. Oh, yeah, we'll get those. My hands are burning, but I'm still holding the plate. You've been so nervous. And I'm going, shouldn't you have gloves? More so than last year. They really dialed up the showmanship and the presentation of the food.

Yeah. Whereas, like, last year they had the, the cocktail was like very nice and just, um, well presented in its own right. This time it came with, uh, interact, interactive elements.

Yes, it did. Swag. Take home gifts, uh, which, uh, we can get into,

but it was, it, they were trying to dial it up. Yeah. It felt like they saw success with it last year, so they are doing it this year. That is what we had. So Gracie held up a picture of the P.F. Chang's

cocktail from last year and that was excellent. And it was the thing that people kept coming over to our table and asking us about. Yes. This year. This year, they came up to our table asking us about something different. Oh, yeah. They kept asking us about the shoulder monkey. They were ferocious for the monkey.

The guy stopped his car in the middle of the parking lot and held up traffic. Blocked fucking traffic. And he's like, hey, you. And I was already in a daze. We were standing out in the sun. It was hot. People were melting. I was like, what's going on?

He's like, hey, you. We're like, what? He's like, what's up with the monkeys? And now normally when someone's like, what's up with the monkey? It's Nick standing there with the mask on. But at this point, we were rocking a bunch of monkeys on our shoulders. Yeah. Which are out now, if you're listening to this.

Which are out now. They're awesome. And they're a head turner. Shouldermonkey.shop. We decided at lunch, we should just get a website to tell people that it's easier to get this thing. We should explain everything to tell people that it's easier to get this thing. It was because we're not going to explain everything to these people. Also, the guy stopping his car in the middle of the parking lot, he doesn't give a shit about the podcast.

No. But he'll buy that shoulder monkey. Like, two people came up to us, and I said to you, you've got to have a website for this thing. And so, just because we're like, they're like, what's up with the shoulder monkey? And we're like, oh, it's a podcast we do, and we're losing them. Yeah. We are losing them. They don't give a fuck.

And their eyes glaze over it. ShoulderMonkey.shop. Like the Dakota Johnson. You got on it. Madam Web herself. Ten bucks, got the website. Uh-huh. And now, look, obviously you're listening to this.

You're a jammer. You know the whole spiel. But when you get this awesome ShoulderMonkey, and you're walking around strutting your stuff, maybe you've left your house for the first time this year. I know it's November, but still get out there. Someone's going to go, oh, I hate you, but that monkey's amazing. Where do I get it?

And you say, thank you for speaking to me. This never happens. Shouldermonkey.shop. Buy as many as your little arms can carry. It's going to be the gift that keeps on giving this year. It's a cute little thing. It was such a head-turner. I guarantee you the woman who Gracie gave hers to

and the people asking have no idea. It's a man in a monkey mask. Nope. No tail. The legs of a man. They might look at it and go, wait a minute. A little short.

What's with the other pair of eyes? You know what? They didn't ask. They just went, cute. And the woman was jumping up and down, running in place. Like, giddy screaming

that Gracie bestowed her with a shoulder monkey. Yeah, so, so. That's viral marketing. The lady who showed us to our table was going on about it. It was like,

what's with all the monkeys? This is so cute. She's like, I'm a little jealous. I don't have one. I wish I had one. Three out of five of us were wearing them,

so she knew something was up. I didn't bring mine because it's at home and Jordan didn't wear his, period. Well, I left a little jealous I don't have one. I wish I had one. Three out of five of us were wearing them, so she knew something was up. I didn't bring mine because it's at home, and Jordan didn't wear his, period. Well, I left mine on the mic here so he can be like a little spider. That's fine. I lost mine afterwards. What do you mean? I sacrificed mine. Oh, did you have to give it to a child?

Yeah. Understood. It's fine. I'll get more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it. I get it.

It's a noble sacrifice. It is. And they won't go to ShoulderMonkey.shop. No. That's just a lost monkey. But you will. That's not a sale. I won't. I get it. I get it. It's a noble sacrifice. It is. And they won't go to ShoulderMonkey.shop. No. That's just a lost monkey. But you will. That's not a sale. I won't.

Not you. You, the royal people listening to this. I want free monkeys and free nuts. I want chocolate gummy bears. I was already clear about that. I will say, if you're a first member, you don't listen to the ads. If you're a regular person, you probably don't listen to the ads either. Really recommend the ads on this one.

A lot of screaming at me about specific food Where are they? Yeah, alright, that's enough Gracie gave her shoulder monkey To the woman that worked at P.F. Chang's And she was so happy Did that feel good, Gracie? It did

It shouldn't feel good as a person It should feel good as a business decision Like, I'm going to make money off this woman We told her That's why she should feel good about it business decision. Like, I'm going to make money off this woman. We told her. That's why you should feel good about it. Let's make sure we squeeze this humanity. When I handed it over, I thought I heard cha-ching. There you go.

All right. That's what I'm talking about. Now she's producing. I was sitting there at the table and I was like, man, because she sat us down and then she disappeared. Yeah. The ethos. And I was like, that woman, we should give her one.

Because they mean nothing to us. I hate them. And then she came back and Gracie was like, boom, take mom. Well, she shouted. She shouted. She was like, oh, I need one next time. I was like, how about right now? How about this time?

How about right now? Yeah. It was awesome. And then. Gracie was like, wow, made me feel good. We walked outside and she went, she better fucking wear that. She better wear that. She better wear it every day.

I'll come to check on her. Oh, Gracie said she was going to come back and check. No, a week from today. That is a very Nick. Oh, big time. Yeah, yeah to come back and check. A week from today. That is a very Nick-ism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A Nick-ism. Shouldermonkey.shop is where we're going to put these on sale.

I mean, they should be on sale now. I mean, also at the regular place. Yeah. It's sort of RGC.com. But that's just, again, if you want to recommend the monkey without getting stuck in the mud of Face Jam. Oh, it's a Face Jam. It's these guys.

They do this thing. Shouldermonkey.shop. The more you say, the worse it is for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not. It's already a bad pitch, and you say, the worse it is for us. It's already a bad pitch, and you're not going to do a good job. We don't do a good job. We're not going to deliver.

It's so funny. There's food, and there's a van. One guy likes it. It's really funny. One guy's a monkey. It's a man. He's a guy. It's good. And it's 10 seconds of silence.

Shoulder monkey does shop. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, that's all I needed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, that all came about. So that felt like old Face Jam where it all just came about so naturally, so quickly in the middle of doing something else.

Yeah, that's the way, that's the way. Doing things easy is the best way to do it. I assume you also were going to tell us. I assume. Maybe that's giving too much credit. I just rifled around and found mine in the box. Oh, yeah, no you also were going to tell us. I assume. Maybe that's giving too much credit. I just rifled around and found mine in the box. Oh, yeah. No, I was going to tell you guys about that. Just put it on.

We also have the Christmas shirts. So, yeah. Good stuff. Monkey Mouse. Oh, Monkey Mouse is out. Get that before it's gone. And gone, not being sold out. Gone being like burned in.

Sent to a third world country to close the less fortunate. He doesn't know how to spell his name. He can do that. Monkey Mouse stuff looks so good and when you see it on someone else my friend Jason was in town and he

saw it for the first time and he went oh Jesus oh I don't know if you guys can do that because he just saw the sweater and then he saw the t-shirt which is him in color and he went you definitely cannot you can't do it you're going to have fun in jail

well we won't Tony Tony Tony probably get some have fun in jail. You already did. Well, we won't. No, we're good. I have no... Poor Tony. Tony. Tony, Tony, Tony. Probably get some good snacks in jail. Oh, jail snacks. Jail snacks.

Toilet wine. Toilet wine. We'll make a break. Any kind of PF pinions for this one? It's good. I don't know that I've... No, I lied. I was going to say I've been there since last we went. I went for RTX.

Probably the only time I've been since. And it was great. I have not been since. It's a good meal. But I got no complaints. Like, should be going more often, honestly. I think the last time we went, it was me talking it up. I was like, I like to go when I go.

And I was just kind of like, I don't know about this. Yeah, there was some reservation. Like, Pia Chang. And I think you were reminded and or surprised at the quality of it the last time we went. This is better than I feel like it should be. I think sitting at the Sopranos table, that's the move. We sat at the same table that we did last year. I was so happy.

You guys said that walking in, and I was like, you could have a gun to my head and say, which table did you sit at? And I'd be like, just do it. No, I have no idea. I have no idea. Well, it's not like we asked for it. No, I have no idea. I have no idea, dude. Well, it's not like we asked for it. It just worked out. And I was like, oh, we got so lucky. It's the table in the corner that faces the whole restaurant

where old people can walk by you and go, what's that? And they did. Again. I got to say, since we're talking about the old lady. Yo, she grabbed me up. She was manhandling me. As she was saying, if my seven-year-old grandson were here, he would be like, what's this?

What's this? You're already doing it. So anyway, he's not here, so I'm doing it. Anyway, I've never had kids. I made him up. Anyway, let me feel your muscles. All right, thank you. Oh, yeah, she did.

It's like the old people hugging Nick on the road trip. Now I'm finally like Nick. Yay! Thank you. Welcome. She would have hugged you if she could have... He was buried into the booth. He was, and he didn't quite understand how the drink distribution worked.

Oh my God! No, no, Jordan. You have it. I sacrifice my drink until the other one comes in five seconds from now. He was just like, are you sure? Are you sure? It was a... You're the furthest back. Well, also, it was a thing

too, further complicated that because there was swag, the drinks came in little... Ornaments? Like ornament balls. That look like buzz balls. They look like buzz balls. And all that they did was just open them up and pour them into a big martini glass. But he insisted on doing it himself, which was fine. It just took forever.

He was new. It was his third day. Yeah. So it was fine. We let it happen. It was slow, but we let it happen. He spilled a bunch of the first one. It was just a drip.

He went, oh. He made that switch when he spilled it. It was very funny. That's how you know we don't have a problem that no one went, what the hell? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need that. Honestly, I was surprised Nick didn't lean over and go, this guy's fucked. So anyway, he poured the drinks. He was doing a lot

and so I passed it to Jordan. Jordan passed it down to Nick and he was like, what are you doing? Jordan's like, I'm giving you your drink. He's like, no, no, you take it. Are you sure? Are you sure about this? And I'm like, I just keep going. There's five drinks.

There's one drink. We're all going to get one. I don't understand what's happening. He would not take it. It was real Texas. Yes. No, no. I insist on complicating this. There are, there's the guy pouring it and then two people between him on one side and two people between him on the other side.

Oh, I get it now. Jesus Christ. Wow. Only took like what? Two hours? Even if it wasn't the number of people. He was on one corner. You were on the exact opposite.

Yes. He's the furthest. You were directly across. And then when I told him that, he went, you're equidistant. And it was like, I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. No.

Hey. No. Hey. You can, I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. No. Hey. No. Hey. You can't say that anymore because you get it. You can't live on that hill. But it was all in a good time. It was a good fight. It was such a fun.

It was a good fight. It was a true family ragging. Yeah. It was like a real like end of year hangout. Like what a cool way to like put a cap on. We can only afford one of those. Yeah. It's the end of our. It's definitely the end of our fiscal year. What a cool way to put a cap on. We can only afford one of those. It's definitely the end of our fiscal year.

I had to squeak in the extra ribs. When you ordered, he was the last. I fucking noticed. Because Nick went, What? I thought he said clapped. He probably got up. His heart clapped.

That's my guy. It was a lot of food that we ordered. We mowed through most of it. I think we mowed through like all of it, except personal entrees. Right. Myself not included. I mowed through the shit. Oh, I ate all of mine.

Gracie's excited to eat hers for dinner. I had half and now I have half for dinner. Yeah, she can't wait to eat that for dinner. That's going to be so exciting. It was a very good outing for Face Jam where we got to reminisce sort of, not just in like the last year, but we talked a lot about like the road trip

and like remembering this, remembering that. We regaled Gracie with the road trip. We kept talking about how good it was before she got here. Yeah. Which maybe seems like an insult. This used to be so much better. Dude, you think it's good now? You should have been there.

You should have been trapped in the van and then Cam goes, all right, let's get this shot. Where's my bag? I got chicken. As we were talking about Cameron and our memories of him, we were trying to describe him to Gracie. And I said, he's like Ernest. Yeah.

And Michael goes, she has no idea who Ernest is. They had no clue. And to a further point, Michael says, we shouldn't know who Ernest is. Right. Like we barely know Ernest. It's not at all. Somehow it's a thing from like my grandparents or something. And then Ernest is not a millennial guy.

And then Nick went. And I was like, you're right. Why do I know about Ernest? And Nick went, did he die? And I went, yeah. Ernest died? They made a movie about it, too. Ernest goes to hell.

Is that where he fights the trolls? No, that's Halloween. Scared stupid. Yeah. Don't worry about this, Gracie. Who died first, Mike Illich or Ernest? Holy shit. Hang on.

Look it up. I don't know. Also, who was taller? Oh, dude, I don't know. They're both short guys, right? No, no. Ernest was a tall man. Was he like a Gus? I think so. He's tall, but don't know. They're both short guys, right? No, no. Ernest was a tall man. Was he tall? Was he like a Gus?

I think so. He's like tall, but like he's curved. He's deceptively tall. He's curved down like this. Mike Illich, February 10th, 2017. Okay. Okay. Ernest died first.

Definitely Ernest. I don't know why I thought Mike Illich had been dead for a while. What's his name? I mean, type Ernest movies. Ernest World? Ernest S. Christmas? No, what's the actor? Oh, Jim Varney.

Oh, right. Right. I mean, why call him an... Go ahead. Not even close. What year do you think Ernest died? I said 2002. Okay.

Michael? I have no idea. I'm going to guess pre-2000s. Okay. 2000. 2000. February-2000s. 2000. February 10. 2000. They died on the same day, 17

years apart. Holy shit, really? February 10. A day of mourning for Face Jam. Also, Ernest died before 9-11? That's also crazy. Wow.

I can't believe they hit the second tower. So now do you know who that is, Gracie? Do you know who Ernest is? Absolutely not. He was Slinky Dog. You don't remember him on your VHS tapes around the house growing up? So he played Slinky Dog in the first Toy Story, but then he died, so he wasn't in any of the other ones. Or he might have been in Toy Story 2.

Oh, man. I might not be a smart dog, but I know what Rogue Kill is. Wow. That's crazy. Ernest. Dude, do you think his last words were, Mike Gillich, watch out, 17 years. I don't know why it would be. I've seen the future, Vern.

So now, let me throw this. Do you want to watch Ambulance? Or, Gracie, do you want to watch this earnest triple feature? Look at these hits. They're like movies gone by. It's almost like the 80s equivalent of a silent movie. It's kind of like a real shitty Mr. Bean. They just don't make it anymore.

He talks, but it's just like slapstick, like, I'm gonna go up this ladder. And then he hits his head at the top of the ladder and it's like, oops, I got framed for murder. I think I gotta go ambulance. She seems pumped. He just goes to camp. He probably stops some nefarious plot.

I remember that movie. He gets scared stupid. He fights all these trolls. Shoots them with milk. Scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. There you go. Any milk shooting an ambulance? There is a Keurig, so maybe. Interesting. We should get to Jordan's haiku.

Okay, I have to say, until we got back, I forgot to write it. That's okay. Someone forgot to write the fact sheet until late this morning. No, I'm sure everything's in order with the fact sheet. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Alright, so here's my brag tag slam together haiku. Okay, here we go. A new tradition. Three syllables

on that one. Which is not jamsgiving. Okay. Jams getting some food. Oh! I like it. We get, so jamsgiving is you get got and we get. And then jams getting is just where we get. Yeah, jams giving is you give us.

Yes. And then jams getting is just us getting. We got some P of change. That's all I know. It's so different. You're just, you're not understanding it. I'm trying. I know.

Maybe I'll figure it out later. You're trying too hard. Yeah, if you try too hard, it blurs together. You got to kind of let it like flow through you. Just wash over you. Yeah. And then you'll know you're truly getting or not giving. Because we don't give.

We get. We get. But sometimes we get get. Sometimes we give get. Do you James get it? Oh, yeah. Oh, James got it. James good.

Yeah, James good. This one really, this one was real over the top because at least for myself, Nick and Eric, we started and ended with a dream. Oh, yeah. We bookended that motherfucker. I'm glad I didn't go for the second one. The first one was strong, too. It was. That's why I was like, I don't know.

And then they brought an additional one. Yeah. Yeah. Because they liked us so much. Yep. Because we had the monkeys. They looked cool. We had a fun vibe going on.

Eric was there, and they're like, oh, I guess he's taking out his younger brothers and his daughter. And then they came over, and they were like, hey, you bought all this alcohol. Here's another alcohol. We have like half of one. What good fortune. Yeah. Well, see, I thought it was a makeup one because they said the bartender gave us one that wasn't filled all the way.

So that one that they gave us wasn't filled all the way and they were going to throw it out and they just went here. You can have it. Okay. Because I had made the joke when Nick was doing his, are you sure? Are you sure you want to give me your drink? I made the joke saying he wants to see all of them get poured first so he can get the one that has the most. Right. And then I thought it was funny when I thought that like, oh, they under poured one.

Here's another one to make up for it. I was like, well, I guess Nick was on to something. The one that they gave us that wasn't quite filled. Would you say it was five sixthsixths of the way filled? Yeah, it looked like every other one. Maybe four-sixths. It was a lot. It was more than half.

I'd go as far to say it was 99-100. It was not much that slipped out. No, I poured it. It wasn't that full. It wasn't that full. It was more than half. Nick was so excited to get more. No, I would say it was like 70% full

And then he was too excited So I did take some off the top Yeah yeah you had to take some You had to take a little off the top I should have taken more You should have The um What?

The ride along was rowdy Hey watch the ride along It was a little rowdy And I'm in the back seat Yeah it's weird vibes It was Before we left Jordan's like Should we take like A bigger car

Cause there's more of us We're like no Just put Gracie in front And then it'll just be weird For us in the back You also Last second I didn't question

Why we weren't taking Gracie's car Cause as we established It's great It's big and roomy It's way better than your car And I'm just like Yours being Eric's

Right And I'm just like Oh whatever And then When we were in the car Eric was like Gracie needs gas and I went

why don't we just get some and he went and he went I don't know she's trying she's like I'll ride with you guys because I don't

I have to fill up and I'm trying not to it was like wouldn't that have then just been a face jam expense and you just give her like $20 for that Gracie you should have

done that you should have been like give me money for gas. That's what I don't understand. I don't think Gracie blew it. I feel like Eric blew it. I do shit. I've never gotten money for gas.

She's been doing it with food for a month now. I would never take advantage of the company credit. Yeah, right. We're eating this because I want to eat it. That's good. It's on recording. I have to drive there. I guess you have to give me gas.

If you want some advice, I would say stop thinking that way. I would never get myself a Diet Dr. Pepper now. No, no, no, no. Of course not. Hammer her for drinks. Okay, let's learn about... Whoops. Hey, let's get in here.

What was our last P.F. Changs? Shut up. Our previous Moo-Yah episode was released November 21st, 2022, where we ate the holiday menu and received an average score of 93.5. It is one of... That's a Moo-Yah score. You guys scored the holiday menu and receive an average score of 93.5. It is one of... That's a mooyah score. You guys scored the holiday menu. We're feeling good. And Jordan

gave it a high score. You gave it like a 92. And you gave it a 95. And Michael, you were like, are we going to give this the highest score in Face Jam history? And I think it is among... I think a lot of it also had to do with the pleasant surprise of P.F. Chang's. I think that had a lot to do with it.

For me, yeah. For sure. And y'all loved your waitress, right? Oh, that was the last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like from Buffalo or Tampa or some shit. She had just transferred through the P.F. Chang's transfer portal.

She was like a college quarterback. She's like, I'm having more playing time in Louisiana. She's in Heisman contention here in Texas. Good for her. Yep. This guy that we had today was nice. He was just brand new.

Boy, you could tell. I'll say this. He was slow and methodical. He was. He was like, let me read this back to you. And it was like, hey, you know what? I appreciate that. Because it could go wrong.

Very methodical. When I asked for the to-go box, he said, well, here's what I'm going to do. Yeah, he was like, I'm you know what? I appreciate that because it could go wrong. Very methodical. When I asked for the to-go box, he said, well, here's what I'm going to do. Yeah, he was like, I'm going to clean off the old plates. I'm going to bring out dessert.

You're going to finish dessert. I'm going to clean that plate off. Then I'll get your to-go box. Yeah, it was like very taken care of. The woman that was training him had, she had to be wearing

colored contacts. The bluest eyes I have ever seen probably in my life. You can give it a thumbs up. She was like over me. I didn't love her. I never look anyone in the eyes. If they don't look at the ground, I do.

I just start going, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I do the forehead trick. See a lot of different foreheads, tell you that. Oh, man. She had a very normal forehead. Nothing blue about it. Oh, good.

Good job. That's cool. Yeah, she seemed pretty normal. Yep. All right, hit us with a fact. Seems pretty normal. All right, fact number one about Muya. Mark Davis, owner of the Las Vegas Raiders, is a longtime P.F. Changs fanatic.

I don't like P.F. Changs anymore. Eating at the same spot at the bar every day for lunch for years. When the Raiders were not chosen as the Los Angeles relocation team, Davis said, quote, I have lost games before. That's how I live my life. You lose on Saturday, you're pissed. You go to P.F. Changs on Monday, have lunch, and then you're on to the next week. End quote.

He actually said that? Yep. Grab a lettuce wrap for your boy, Raider Nation. I was waiting for that to be Eric, but that was still quoted until I was done. So he goes to P.F. Chang's after every game. He is a P.F. Chang's fanatic. I need to show you what Mark Davis looks like because you don't know. And it's about to be very exciting. I is a P.F. Chang's fanatic. I need to show you what Mark Davis looks like because you don't know and it's about to be

very exciting. I don't know how to prepare you for what this man looks like. You are prepared. I want you to remember he's a billionaire. He's a billionaire with a B. He can do anything he wants with this look. Oh yeah, I've seen that guy. Yeah, I've seen that guy's

haircut. That's like his thing. Big seen that guy's haircut that's like his thing but that's like his thing right he's always getting those bowl cuts that is an atrocity there was a story there was a story that I think was just like billionaire

bowl cut gingers there was a story that was going around and I think it was just a joke from a tweet or whatever, but people had like sort of kept telling the story. Right before Halloween, the Raiders lost and they had lost very badly. They had a coach,

this guy Josh McDaniels. He came in on Halloween after losing and dressed like Mark Davis, the owner. And everyone went, this is maybe not the vibe. Yes. That's fine.

So then he was doing Mark Davis quotes. Did he mention the P.F. Changs? Yeah, did he? Yes. And then Mark Davis came and he was like this. Oh, so funny. That's great. That's so funny, Josh.

Let's go get lunch. And then they go get lunch. Let's go to P.F. Chang's. P.F. Chang's. Whoa. And he promoted him. Again, this is a made up story, but I want it to be true so bad. They eat their whole meal.

The fortune cookie comes. Josh McDaniels does open it up. Josh McDaniels opens up the fortune cookie and it says you're fired hot shot so here's the thing josh mcdaniel's really got fired on that day but god i wanted it to be in that way at a pf chang's getting shit canned at a pf chang's that's going out on top did he actually dress up as him? That I don't know. I have a feeling that he didn't dress up and he did not come to the facility because he had already lost the team

and the thing was fucking over. I think he got a call the night after that game and he went, you're done. And that was it. Mark Davis, Raider Nation. That's bad fortune. Yes. Yes. Unlike our drink. Good fortune. Which is called good fortune. And then the three day old server

he's not three days old but he was there for three days yeah goo goo gaga he said something like when we you were like

we'll get five good fortunes and he was like that's fortunate yeah but it was so like he was like that's fortunate

he loved his little it was like a little it was like almost robotic and the woman training him loved it. Clearly, that's like, whoa, okay, you're getting a little better personality.

She was really supportive of his job. Yeah, he was that. It was definitely like, oh, you do, I think it was her looking at him and going, you're capable of being more than just a guy going, uh, uh, yeah, let me, can I read this back to you?

He wasn't that nervous. No. He was slow. I will say there was another, uh, like, waitress that kept coming by, like, just to bring us stuff and kept going, I'm so nervous. I've never done this before. I'm gonna mess it up. And Jeff kept saying it over and over again.

It was very funny. Had a great time. It was fun for everyone. Hey, did you know that you'll find a unique mural inside each P.F. Chang's restaurant? It's the same facts from last year. No two are alike. We're hoping the mural in Oakland

has Mark Davis's weird-ass haircut slamming down some Kung Pao shrimp while reading the newspaper at 11.30 a.m. after a 38-point loss to the Cleveland Browns. Watch out for the silver and black attack. Did I do sports? Oh, yeah, you did a great job. Hey, you see what Draymond Green did?

Yeah, dude. I've seen it. You tackled that fact like Draymond Green. Tackle for you, Gobert. That fact was Rudy Gobert going down the court, and boy, you got it in a headlock. Should have been standing there. Shouldn't have been standing there trying to break up a fight.

What are you trying to do? Help? Go to some fucking hell. You showed that clip like a while, not even just before this podcast, many filmings ago. Yeah. First thing this morning. It's been a face jam day, which is maybe even more why this was like

off the rails because we've been jamming for hours and then went to P.F. Chang's. But you were showing this footage and not only did you replay it a bunch, but then what you were playing had replays and it like punched in and every time you had narrated the clip, you're like,

I'll kill you! I'll kill you! Die! I'll kill you! He said it like nine times. Eric reenacted it over and over and over and over again. Die! I'll kill you! Draymond Green's like my favorite basketball player because he's a maniac and he doesn't give a fuck

and the league goes, you can't do that. It's fine if you do that. Keep doing it. It's great entertainment. Grabbing Rudy Gobert, oh yeah, big that. It's fine if you do that. It's fine. Keep doing it. It's great entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grabbing Rudy Gobert. Oh, yeah. Big money. The only reason I watched anything from this, like, in-season tournament.

Oh, yeah. Oh, where we looked at the courts and our eyes melted. Yeah. Fucking incredible. Love it. Hey. Yeah. It's not all good news at P.F. Chang's, though.

Because former employees are suing P.F. Chang's. This is crazy. A lawsuit. And the facts crazy wild. Former employees are suing PF Changs and their HR contractor UKG for wage and hour violations stemming from mishandled record keeping of all hours worked. Coincidentally, PF Changs sued UKG in December of last year for losing all employee records and data. When reached for comment, UKG said, quote, shrug emoji. Imagine that being read

as, how as an HR company do you just go, yeah, so we like, everything's gone. And then as a company you go, yes, that's fine. Anyway, we're getting sued for this also. They lost everything. That's insane. Did you lose it or never have it? It's the data. I think that it was, I have a feeling it was a mixture of like, oh, our record keeping's fucked.

Oh, all the data, our server. There go a feeling it was a mixture of like, oh, our record keeping's fucked. Oh, all the day our server There go our servers all of a sudden. What? Is there a flood? We got. Oops, who emptied the pool? We got hacked by Thor. He's in that movie. Those boxes. Wow, that's a shame. I hope that works

out for them. Probably not. Well, shit. In October 2019, this is the last fact, everyone. In October 2019, a class action lawsuit was leveled at P.F. Chang's claiming their food contains, quote, crab mix. Crab with a K. Yeah, correct. With no actual crab with a C. with, yeah, correct, with no actual crab with a C. The suit was thrown out in 2021 with the court stating no reasonable person

would assume there is a crab with a C in the crab mix with a K. Oh, yeah? Then why was the monkey slamming fists and whooping about how good the crab with a C was during our lunch, huh? Checkmate, judge. How did you know?

He was very complimentary about Saw it coming from a mile away. What's the thing that Nick is gonna love? This thing has crab. Oh yeah, I love this crab! This crab is so good, he said about five times. You gotta try this crab. Michael, you gotta try this crab. Michael, I know you don't like seafood. You gotta try this crab. Michael, you gotta try this crab. Michael, I know you don't like seafood. You gotta try this crab. And I did by accident. Also, to his point,

the crab was pretty good. It was pretty good. I don't even know. I'm so predictable. You ruined Nick's day. No, he didn't. Trust me. I'm feeling good. Nick knows what's important. And it's not Eric's words.

It's what goes inside him. He can't take that away from him. And those are all the Muya facts. Oh, man. Oh, Muya. How'd you muck that one up? I copied the Muya sheet, changed everything except for that one thing. What, do you want me to rewrite it the whole time?

No, I just want you to fix it and get it right. Copy and paste it and change it to P.F. Chang's. If it helps, nobody even noticed that it says P.F. Chang's facts. It sure does. It sure does say P.F. Chang's. So now who's an idiot?

What I was focusing on too, which was on purpose, but we didn't bring up, when you wrote P.F. Pinions. Yeah. Instead of something like chain pinions? I don't know. What is that even from? What? The first pinions. Muff pinions. There was muff pinions.

Was that the first one? No, I don't remember. Been doing pinions for a while. Do you have an archive of these? Oh yeah, I have them all saved. I have every single one of them saved. As long as it's not a living document where you change it every time. Make a copy. Write the title of it first time.

Schlotz Pinions was there. Was it the first one? I don't remember. The point is, it sucked then. It's been like a year or more. We got PF Pinions, baby! I wouldn't say it sucks. I would say some are better than others, but I'm also more on the level with Eric where

we like to do the portmanteaus and put words together. Yeah, PF pinions. That one is not a winner. What, Chang pinions is better? I don't think so. Chan pinions is a winner. But those are the facts. There was no MSG in that, right?

No. Good. I think. Uh-huh. Or bad. Or not. Yeah, I'm not clear. It seems like it doesn't do anything to people.

It seems like it's made up. Yeah. Then it's fine. However, gonna err on the side of caution, I guess. fine. However, gonna err on the side of caution, I guess. Well, if we wanna err on the side of caution,

we shouldn't have eaten at P.F. Chang's. I'm gonna assume it's littered with MSG. My blood pressure is through the roof. It was, I wouldn't call that a salty meal, like while I was eating it, but how I feel now, that was a salty meal.

Yeah. That was definitely... It's hard for me to say, because those drinks really throw a kick in all that food. Again, the double drinks. Yeah, but we had the espresso, so we're wired, you know? You're at least

evened out. Yeah. Well, it's called finding the middle. I don't think that's how that works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're down in one side, and you're up on another side, but those are two different sides. Well, it's called finding the middle, you know. I don't think that's how that works. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're down in one side and you're up on another side, but those are two different sides. Right, right. You're walking all weird. It's fine. You're good. I want to know about

the food because there are so many things on this. How are we 38 minutes into this episode? We're flying, baby! Because we're cruising, dude. How much of that was earnest talk? Not a lot at all. It was a little bit earnest talk. A little bit, not a lot. It was earnest, earnest talk as well. Yeah, we were being earnest about earnest.

You know what's another crazy one? Because we're talking about the food and the restaurant. Yeah. There's so much to say, though. We could almost exclusively talk about our experience at the restaurant and the food, and it would fill up an hour. It's a great one. So many things happened.

Yep. And we haven't even talked about it all yet Let's talk about the food Flaming Flaming You alright? He only has the food Too much salt Flaming filet mignon wontons.

Tenderloin, ginger, garlic, scallion, spicy chili sauce, lit table side. So let's talk about it. This is the show. Let's talk about it real quick. Go off, King. That was the one that we were, I think, we were all excited about the most. Yes. On God.

Holy shit. No cap. On God. Holy shit. No cap. Bar none. Don't teach them phrases. I know. I know. I know the lingo. I think we were most excited about that.

And we were excited, I was, about it getting lit table side. I think that's like, Which is crazy, because I would think you'd hate that. I think if someone was getting lit table side, Yeah, this is where Eric which is crazy. Cause I would think you'd hate that. I think if someone getting lit table side. Yeah.

This is where Eric's going to rant about it. And you kept saying, I like it. I like it. I like it. Sounds like fun. So, uh,

you don't have fun. We brought, I feel like I don't know Eric as well as I should. I don't know. Through this show. Yeah. Who knows him the most? We had two orders of these cause because it was six in an order,

and we figured we're going to try, like, everyone's going to want these. Right, yeah, we might as well get two. Who doesn't want a tasty wonton? So they're pretty good size wontons with stuff on top and then the filet in, like, the middle. Not a ton in the middle, but it was good. They come on a tray, like a dish,

that is like nestled or set inside a... Slightly taller plate. Yeah, that is probably, if you put it in like the dead center, there's probably like an inch, inch and a half around. Creates a little moat. Yes. So the person who...

Was very, very nervous. Came over and brought us our food, very nice. And they're like, oh, I have more. Came back and put these things down. And they're like, okay, I've not done this before. I'm very nervous to do this. They put the sizzling

sauce on top of the wontons. Very good. It sizzled. It did. It was like, even Nick went, ooh! Yeah, it started crackling and it was like, oh, went, Nick went, ooh! Yeah. It started crackling and it was like, oh, is this the show? Uh-huh.

And it was not because then they had small, like to-go sauce ramekins, like plastic ramekins. They put them in ranch containers. Of isopropyl alcohol? Maybe?

Probably. I didn't ask. Like, it was like, it was just alcohol. Yeah. And they poured it all around the little moat. None of it touched the food. it all around the little moat

None of it touched the food They did it on the one and then they did it on the other And they're like I did great They were like I think it's even and it wasn't Not at all They did fine Brought out the lighter Click click click

And they went This doesn't light Click click click And then lit They both went up And they went, if this doesn't light. They did say that out loud. Click, click, click. Oh, okay. Then it went. And then lit. Foomp. Foomp. They both went up.

Awesome. And then they're just on fire for a while. Yeah, for a long while. We filmed a video. Maybe we'll post it. We kind of just wait for it to go out. Yeah. Because while the wontons were on the upper saucer, it's still sort of engulfed in flame. There's flame all around.

You're really not grabbing them. You can't get to it. No. So then it finally goes out. were on like the upper saucer. It's still sort of like engulfed in flame. There's flame all around. You can't get to it. No. So then it finally goes out and we're all pretty excited. She came back after a few minutes and it was still going. Oh yeah.

It's still going. Whoa, it's still going? And we're like, that's what we were saying. Crazy. Eventually goes out. We all grabbed the wanton to have like these little serving dish things

and grab the wanton. It tasted like the alcohol that was poured around the food. Like the flames. And then lit on fire. The fumes got into the food. Right. The flame carried it into the food.

For sure. You know how when you're around a tiki torch and it just tastes like citronella oil or whatever? That is how the wontons, you could taste how good they probably were if you could get past that astringent, like, alcohol taste. It wasn't like, bleh. No. But it was like, oh, this isn't part of the food. Immediately.

This is not part of the food. It was everyone going to, just to each other. Not to the, we didn't need to fucking tell P.F. This is not part of the food. It was everyone going to, just to each other. Not to the, we didn't need to fucking tell P.F. Changs here's what you do. But like, it was all of us to each other going, shouldn't have lit this on fire.

Probably would have been better without being on fire. Would have loved to try this before it was on fire. Would have been like super soft and tender. Like the wonton was like crispy on the side.

They looked like they were supposed to be crispy and they were not. Yes. So definitely recommend if you get this, like if So definitely recommend if you get this, like if you go here and you get this, ask them not to light it on fire.

Because you heard... You don't need the show. Yeah, if you don't... The sizzling sauce is a show in itself. Be happy with that. Don't be a greedy little American watching more and more with your Starbucks and your Walmart.

That's right, get them. And your electric cars. We're a nation of consumers. So when you go to consume this, just ask them not to light it on fire. Your Starbucks and your Walmart. That's right. Get them. And your electric cars. Uh-huh. We're a nation of consumers. Uh-huh. So when you go to consume this, just ask them not to light it on fire. Just say, oh, you know, I heard that like some of the flavor gets weird. I just want to try it like this.

That's it. Because it does. It got. It was really a bummer. I think we all. It was. It was the most disappointing part of the meal. I think we all landed on it being a really big bummer. Yeah.

Yeah. But what wasn't a bummer was the chili crab and pork belly fried rice with its jumbo lump crab that Nick loved. These are all crabs with C. Oh. Every crab is with a C. Okay. Everyone who ate the crab had the crab.

A lot of people are saying it was crab. Has crabs. Oh my god my god jumbo lump crab smoked pork belly egg scallion and spiced chili butter i think this the spiced chili butter is what made the um the crab taste so good yeah honestly like it made it really like tender and creamy. It was tender. The pork belly, it was like bacon, essentially. Fuck, it was good. It was like bacon. It was very, very good. It was salty, but not too salty.

I ate the crab by accident looking for the pork belly. I was like, oh, this pork belly. This is crab. And I was like, I'm already eating it. I think you're like, it's not that bad. This is fine. The Oolong Chilean sea bass, which Michael could not get enough of. I hate it.

One star. Wild caught. Wild caught. Tea marinated filet. Ginger soy sauce. Wokt. Spinach. No, that's woke spinach.

Woke spinach. Yeah. Woke spinach. It was just like systematic pressure, and then you eat it. Yeah, then you eat it. It's fine. And then it gets in your brain. Oh, no.

That's how the woke mind virus happens. Spinach? This is, I got this. No one else got this. I got the Chilean sea bass. And you kept making everyone try it. I asked if anyone wanted to try it. No, I asked if they wanted to try it. Because, I said, I asked if they wanted to try it

because it's part of the menu. And if you wanted to, that's fine. I really enjoyed this. It was a really well cooked piece of fish. It had a great sort of marinade sauce to dip it in or you could eat it straight. And the fish itself was very good. The wok spinach was good.

I was very impressed with the size of the fish too. It was a lot. It was like quite a bit. And I ate the whole fucking thing. It was so good. I was very impressed with the size of the fish too. It was a lot. It was like quite a bit. And I ate the whole fucking thing. It was so good. So I really enjoyed it. I did also think it was very good. See, there you go.

I don't dislike fish as much as Michael. But if it's an entree, I'm never going for it. I feel like if you get something like a sea bass, it's such a flaky white fish that it's going to be so easy that it's just going to start tasting like everything else. And did a really good job. He's a good cook, and I was really impressed with it. That tends to be my problem with fish. What is the flavor of it?

What are you going for? Yeah, because if it tastes fishy, you don't want it. No. And so I think that tea marinade and ginger soy sauce thing is fantastic. I really liked it. Good Fortune Signature Cocktail. Remy Martin VSOP Cognac. Joto Yuzu Sake.

Orange and Peach Liqueur. Lemon. Served in an Ornament Keepsake. And we kept it. And they tried to take it. They tried to take it from us. They tried to take it, and I said, I said,

I think what you said was, good thing I'm not an introvert, otherwise we never would have seen those. Well, it was like, and it was one of the other, like, like the people just clearing the tables that were like, oh, let me get this shit out of your way.

And normally I wouldn't want this shit. It's just like, it's more shit that I'm going to take home and throw in a corner of my house somewhere. But because it's a podcast, it's like, let's save this thing. And so we all talked about saving it already. And then this person came over and was like, I'll get these out of your way.

I was like, oh, we're keeping those. Yeah, those are going on my Christmas tree. That's fine. And then I said, imagine if I was an introvert. They'd be gone. I would just stand there going, no. I'm going to listen to the Snoopy Christmas album. I'm going to put this thing on my tree.

Whoa. My wife's going to go, what the fuck is that? I'll say. I'm going to put this thing on my tree. Whoa. My wife's going to go, what the fuck is that? I'll say. I'm going to go, it's from P.F. Chang. What we should do to get the ball rolling on this and really hold ourselves accountable, i.e. you, is we were talking about with those little balls, like, oh, we should do Christmas ornaments.

And I was like, no, we should do like a monkey top of the tree. Oh, that's a good idea. Either like a star. We've got a tree topper. That's going to be great for next year. No. What do you mean no? We'll put it out in January and people get it at a discount. Well next year.

Oh that's true. They'll buy it January 1st. Discount. They have those awful snowman head tree toppers that are like the kitschiest thing in the world that for some reason my mom has one.

Oh, really? Yeah. She had the most like when we were growing up like a beautiful angel and star that we always put on our tree. Gotta have an angel.

We had that too. Now she's like, look at this cute snowman I got. We should do monkey angel. Yeah. Monkey angel's a good idea. Make him beautiful. Monkey angel's a good idea. Make him beautiful. Monkey Angel's a good idea.

I mean, we've done Monkey Cupid. Or it could just be a big old dumb head. I mean, Nick's idea was put the monkey in the manger, and we went, I don't know about that. I mean... We'll put him as a tree topper. It's fun. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I'm really tired of Nick pushing his religion on us. The word come down on high. What do you guys do for tree toppers? I have a star Do you? Of David Just confuses the shit out of people Keep zagging on them We have this thing that's like

It's like Leaves and holly. It's not, it's not exactly a star or anything. It's more like a feature or like a headdress kind of thing. That's what we call it. Yeah. If you saw a picture of it, it would make more sense. I don't really know.

It's just like a bunch of squiggly shit on the top of the tree. Basically, yeah. Yeah. And it's, luckily it's all fake, so we can just put it in a box. Nice. But the only way to get it on the tree is to zip tie it to it. So it doesn't really fit because it's a fake tree, too. So it can't just slide on the top.

So we got to tie it to the tree. Yeah, you just put it up there. Yeah. See, I have a similar situation, but I just bend a bunch of shit at the top to make the topper fit. There you go. It's a fake tree, but you bend it. I do that with ornaments, heavier ornaments. This branch has got to curve up

a little bit to hold it. I've had that tree like seven years. You take it out of the box, put it up. Wow. Lose a couple lights every year. One section doesn't work. What's one section? Merry Christmas.

Turn it around. It's one section. It's usually like a height thing So it's all the way around But if it's the middle section nobody's looking at that Put some more tinsel on that part There you go That's why you got shiny shiny That's right

You good? Yeah Okay Do you want us to ask about your tree top? No I don't care. I was just asking. Are you sad because you don't celebrate Christmas and you don't feel included? There was just no interjection at all.

I don't celebrate Christmas. Yeah, your job is witness, right? Yeah, I can't even talk about it. You're going to kick me out and kick my ass. That's why you got so upset about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not done with the food, right?

No. We're like halfway. Okay. Yeah. That's what I was waiting on. There's more food. That's right. We got to the...

Now we're at Chang's Apple Crunch. Yeah. New recipe! For some reason. Our take on the classic apple pie served in a buttery, flaky roti. Wrapped, drizzled with cinnamon, sugar, and caramel. Served with vanilla ice cream. Or, if you're like us, you get two scoops.

Yeah. Two scoops of ice cream. That's true. I forgot about that. That guy was working for Tips. Tell his manager. Yep. You told his manager they did a good job.

I did. Oh, yeah. Good. That's great. I wouldn't have tracked her down, but she came to us. No, but she came right there. She took a picture. She took a picture of us.

What did you think of the dessert? It was good. Oh, that's interesting you say that, Nick. Wow. Wow, Nick liked the whole thing. And that's that. Thanks for listening. I just know that Michael's not much of a sweets guy.

It wasn't too sweet. And the ice cream always helps with a dessert like that. It just makes it. And when it's warm and the ice cream's cold. It was pretty standard, but in a good way. It was simple. Yeah. No need to reinvent the wheel here.

It was a nice flaky little apple thing with some ice cream to cut it with. I enjoyed it. Gracie started screaming about how it tasted like fair food. That was my first opinion. The second I touched my tongue, I was like, I'm at the fair. She loved it. She's going crazy. Which is funny because I'm also not a big sweets person. Like, I'll never ever order

dessert at a restaurant. So what was it like? What's up with you and the candy then? I don't... Those were sours. Yeah, that's a whole different thing. But I'm never around any of that stuff, so when I get here, it's like all hell breaks loose. There's a spin silly coming out. Don't worry about it.

He just keeps yelling, I know that name. Preach it, sister. Now, you said you were excited that it tasted like fair food, and then there was a last bite, and you're like, Nick, split it with me. Nick, split it with me. And Nick's like, no, you have it. You have it. You have it.

Well, because he said, he was like, if you don't have it, I will. I was like, let's both have it. Uh-huh. And then he said, you have it. Right. Because he doesn't actually want to share with you. No. No, no. you have it. You have it. You have it. Well, because he said he was like, if you don't have it, I will. I was like, let's both have it. And then he said, you have it. Right. Because he doesn't actually want to share with. No, no, no. He wants it for himself. So he let you have it.

You swam it around in all of the sauce and all of the ice cream. You got to pick up all the goodness. You did. Too much maybe. And then you took the bite. Too much. And then you started not being able to chew. Yeah. No, I definitely clogged my mouth a little

bit. It was like a small little freak out. Yeah. Well, it was quiet. None of y'all even noticed but Eric. I mean, I noticed. I just didn't interrupt you talking. It was... No, I had to cover my mouth with my napkin and I was like... She just kept going, I'm like you with the pickle. I'm like you with the pickle. I was like, I can't chew it. I can't chew it. I couldn't cover my mouth with my napkin. She just kept going, I'm like you with the pickle.

I'm like you with the pickle. I can't chew it. I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to get a bite in. It was wedged. That pickle almost took me out. I conquered. She did. She conquered it.

Within three chomps, it was gone. It was hard. Thank you for your service. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten. That was my first of two sacrifices at that lunch. What was your other sacrifice? The monkey. The monkey.

The biggest sacrifice. The more important one. I changed a life today. You did. It's true. Wow. And you're going to go back to make sure that life stays fucking changed. Yeah.

Yeah. You think they do that on like Extreme Makeover Home Edition? Yeah, come back. Are you still enjoying the house? Do you like this? Do you still like your weird treehouse when you were five? I hope your sick kid's enjoying it. Oh, man.

Oh, damn. I want to get into a little bit what Nick was talking about with the dessert. Uh-huh. And his thesis on an apple pie is not a good dessert. Oh, my God. I forgot about this. Because it's inherently healthy. Too healthy.

Too healthy. So even though we're all standing there going, wow, this is amazing. He's like, yeah, but it's kind of bad because think about it. If it's this good with a fruit, which starts out as healthy, imagine if it was something that tasted better than a fruit. It's not healthy. It would be even better. If it was something like candy, like chocolate.

It was just chocolate. What the hell are you talking about? And Eric just kept going, it's too healthy! After eating fried apple pie and ice cream. It's too healthy! This dessert's just too healthy. Imagine if it were bad for you.

It would taste so good. It was like, yeah, man. It tastes like vitamins. You can tell the way they've chopped it up, put it in syrup, fried it in dough, and then stuck it with ice cream. Way too healthy. Yeah, dude. This is so

good for me. Am I at the doctor's? Apple Crunch of Day gives the doctor away. What am I, a teacher? Oh, but then you said something like, what about peach cobbler or something? Yeah, is that also considered healthy? I like that. And it was like, right. But we're saying that as you're just fruit.

I think what happened is that somebody had a little bit too much of this last food item and had a lot of opinions. You're talking about the thing Nick was most excited for. The Espresso Martini signature cocktail. Kettle One Vodka, Cafe Borghetti coffee liqueur, vanilla infused cold brew, and orange essence. Didn't get any of the orange.

No orange. It was just essence. Boy, the first drink that I had, I went, this is so sweet. Pure coffee espresso. And, the first drink that I had, I went, this is so sweet. Pure coffee espresso. And then the second drink that I had was something that you pointed out where you went, oh, found all the alcohol. It's all in the back. And boy, it's all kettle one. It was fun.

Like, it was fun. I don't really like an espresso martini. I just think it's sort of like, it's a drink that I just don't go to. It is chocolate chips uh you're not gonna you're not gonna order at a bar because you're not a jerk yeah it takes so long to make it's just like a prick yeah it's

just it just takes so long every time I've ever had it it's been like a batch thing or whatever this tasted like that but boy that kettle one is fucking like a batch thing or whatever. This tasted like that. But boy, that kettle one is fucking, that was kettle one. That was,

Gracie took a, like the first taste, it was, oh, it's so sweet. And then Michael's like, oh, it's a lot of alcohol.

And she took another drink. He went, I didn't need that. Yeah. Could have done without that one. Clean your throat out. It was not a big drink. It was a boozy drink.

Yeah. It was really boozy. Nick was so excited for it. Apparently he loves boozy drink. It was really boozy. Nick was so excited for it. Apparently, he loves espresso martinis. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Guys, we're almost an hour in, and we still haven't read the press material.

Let's do it. It's going to be a short one. This time of year provides numerous occasions for getting with loved ones, gathering, gathering with loved ones over a decadent meal. Boy, was it. And our limited time menu has new selections to complement the festivities, said Art Kilmer, not brother of Val.

Chief Operating Officer at P.F. Chang's. Whether you're seeking expert level catering service for a holiday gathering at home or aiming to give your family a special evening out pf chang's ensures every festive moment is unforgettable gotta say no lies detected on that yeah that's uh it was unforgettable real blanket statement on this year time of year provides numerous occasions for gathering. There's a little, yeah. Yeah, a little. A little wordy. A little not human.

Yeah. You could just say the holidays. Just say happy holidays. You know, this time of year, in quotations, wink, wink. Numerous occasions. Numerous occasions for gathering with loved ones. Jesus Christ. I'm just glad he didn't call us consumers. That's true.

I wish he called us fans. Yeah, we are. I think we're P.F. Chang's fans. I think maybe this might be the start of a tradition. Maybe we're P.F. Fang's. That's fun. That's P.F. Fang's. Big smile.

Okay, what do you think? I'm gritting my teeth again. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. He's hyper-focusing. Learning about TMJ at lunch. Big smile. Okay, what do you think? I'm gritting my teeth again. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. He's hyper-focusing. Learning about TMJ at lunch. Really something. We were learning about it way before lunch.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, that's right. It was a long time ago. Two hours before. It's been a long day. It's been so long. We've been jamming all day. It's been like five and a half hours.

I know. It's wild. I feel like also we got so little done. Oh, we did quite a done. Oh, we did. I think we did quite a bit. Well, we front loaded. Yeah. We got a lot done in the first hour.

And then we drove all the way to BFJ and had a really long lunch. How long would y'all say we were there? Oh, hour and a half. Yeah, probably. I mean, honestly, two hours because we had to wait about 15 minutes before we got seated. That's true, yeah. You were melting in the hot sun. We were selling some shoulder monkeys.

Distracting drivers. Giving some away. Holding up traffic. Literally. Okay, what do you think of the food? What did you think of P.F. Chang's holiday menu here? Awful. Really delicious.

Whoa! Saved it! Another Simon Cowell. Another Zag. How fun. Dave Day. Another Simon Cowell. Another Zag.

How fun. I thought the drink, the Good Fortune cocktail, was a little bit better than last year's. Okay. And I thought the real star is the crab and pork belly fried rice. I would go back just for that. The other stuff was whatever. The wontons were definitely the most disappointing. Again, I think because of the fire. Yeah.

I think that's the only reason. I am not fired. I can't say what it was like without. On the whole, I think last year's was a little better. But definitely go for the fried rice. So I'm going to give this year's an 87. Nice. Still pretty

good. It's still pretty good. Michael, what do you think? It was very good. I'm inclined to agree with Jordan. I feel like maybe the food was a little bit better last year. I think the drink was better. Yeah.

Which is not to say that last year's was bad because it was also very good. No, it was good. I think I'd have to give it an 88. Okay. For the food that we ate. But for the times, which are even better, and they built off last year, plus Gracie multiplier. Right, right, right.

Oh, the Gracie multiplier. 96. Whoa! That's an average score of 91.5, which I think is fair. I think the thing that this had to fight up from is that the main entree was something that you guys weren't going to get.

Right. There's no way I would have rated it well. No. I don't like fish. But hey, it's not always about the food. No. I mean, the show used to be about the food. It should be, but it's fine that it's not. I got the beef lo mein, and it was amazing always about the food no I mean the show used to be about the food

but it's fine that it's not I got the beef lo mein and it was amazing and P.F. Chang's it's also about the memories exactly we got some memories

we'll go look at that mural next time yeah hell yeah or was it the woman with the sword was that the mural yeah the woman with the sword

with the sheath on the sword yeah but you guys just holding the sword yeah but you seem to be under the impression she was dragging her cut hand across yes that's what it looked like there's no sheath on the sword. Yeah, but you guys seem to be under the impression she was dragging her cut hand across Yes,

that's what it looked like. There's no sheath. She's holding it over her head. I don't think so. No, she would have been bleeding. It's awful risky.

I didn't see any blood. It's risky but that's the risk you take. No risk, no reward. I think if the wontons came out better the score would have been higher.

It's possible. It's possible because it would have been Nick, you gotta go back. score would have been higher. It's possible. It's possible. Because we would not, it would have been, Nick, you got to go back. It would have been, this fried rice is so good and those wontons were so good.

Instead of just the one thing. I'm looking forward to 2024. I might too. I might try and try them before they're gone. Yeah, I might try and make another trip to the Changs. Yeah, let's see.

I was thinking maybe with my wife. We'll get a little post. A little post. Yeah. He can post script review. Yeah. Double date. We'll show his wife won't be there. Yeah.

Like what is this? Double date. You and your wife and me. Yeah. Your kids as well. And me, Nick. All right.

I got a sitter. My wife. Yeah. Someone's got secrets. He's got a secret box. Yeah. He like, okay. There's got secrets. He's got a secret box. There's a skull. He did a whole thing. He opened the whole thing by himself.

Why didn't you do it over here? I didn't know it did this. No one filmed it. So he opened the box that had some sort of pop up. I didn't know it had that. And it scared him. And he did it not only on the other side of the room, Why do I have a hanger? But behind a TV where we couldn't see it.

I didn't know it was doing this. I'm just explaining what happened though. Oh, and candy fell out. Hey, it's this candy I made. Hey, this is a Mr. Beast thing called Feastables. Whoa! I made this. Yo, he's Mr. Beast.

Anything about like nuts around here? Like, suck my nuts. That's funny, right? Okay, ready? You guys ready? Uh-huh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Guys, we talked about this. We don't listen. I'm sorry. It says, Happy Halloween, Mr. Beast Feastable, chocolate bars. From who? Who's this from?

Feastable sends us. Mr. Beast. Senior Beast. How is it? Wait a minute, there's a note at the bottom. It says, Jordan, stop impersonating. Uh-oh. Yeah, this is a crunch bar. This's a note at the bottom. It says, Jordan, stop impersonating. Uh-oh. Yeah, this is a Crunch Bar.

This is a Crunch Bar. It's got a hint of something else in it. Beast nut. Well, I guess it doesn't have a hint of something else because it literally just says milk chocolate with puffed rice. It's the puffed rice. That's what you're tasting. The other one's just milk chocolate. Yeah, I mean, here's what I'll say about these Mr. Beast's what you're tasting. The other one's just milk chocolate. Oh.

Yeah, I mean, here's what I'll say about these Mr. Beast bars. Gracie's not gonna eat it. Nope. They do a good job of just, like, copying the popular chocolate.

This is a Crunch bar. But, like, 100%. To a T, this is a Crunch bar. It's just called something else. I'm not so sure I agree with that because... Oh, really?

It's goddamn close. I'm a Crunch bar connoisseur. Okay, well... And they're better than this. It's goddamn close. I'm a crunch bar connoisseur. Okay, well, I'm not. And they're better than this. It's fucking close. If you're not a connoisseur, I can't tell the difference. It's close, but it's not exactly... I can't tell the difference.

This is the knockoff. If this was like half the price, you make do. That's crazy. Sure, yeah. Like, it's very close. Who the hell just eats regular milk chocolate? That's crazy. A milk chocolate bar, yeah.

Give me something. Yeah. That's crazy. A milk chocolate bar, yeah. Give me something. Yeah. That's like a... What am I, 100? My favorite kind of like chocolate bar is like the Crunch bar, like with puffed rice and stuff. So to me, that's the default. Just give me one of those green chocolate bars.

Like from Reptar? The Reptar bar? No, the shit... No, that's cool. That's like almost like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ooze and shit. Yeah, it's got ooze in it. No, I'm talking about the old people candy. What's that called, Eric?

The little old people candy? Yeah, the one you eat. The reason? No. What do you mean? That's not green. The little green. It's like peppermint candy.

It's like green wrapper. The little disgusting chocolate bars. Andy's Mints? Are you talking about Andy's? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he knew about it. Isn't that like what they give you in your

bill at Olive Garden? Yeah. Although I think they have their own. I think they just re-wrapped them. I think my childhood was a lot of eating Andy's Mints at my grandparents watching Ernest and March of the Wooden Soldiers. Or Babes in Toyland.

It had two names. You know that movie, right, Gracie? No. All right. What do you give the Mr. Beast bars? I give them two Beast Claws. I rate them two Beast Claws. You got any more questions?

Yeah. How many Beast Claws do you rate it? What do you want from me? What is two Beast Claws out of what? Like five. Okay. I also give it two Beast Claws do you rate it? What do you want from me? What is two Beast Claws out of what? Like five. Okay. I also give it two Beast Claws. All right.

Well, that's two Beast Claws out of five. No, maybe three Beast Claws. Three? Two and a half Beast Claws? Yeah. Okay. That's an average score of two and a half Beast Claws. Yeah.

I would say so. I would say that translates maybe to something around like 67. Okay. That was exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Well, there you go. Thank you for the snack, 67. Okay. That was exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Well, there you go.

Thank you for the snack, Mr. Beast. Love you a lot. Hey, if you want to send a snack, you can. Can I get a hearing aid next? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I want a hearing aid next. He gives those out. I want to see, maybe I can hear better. I want a well. Get a diggy well in your backyard. Okay.

Mm-hmm. If you want to send us snacks, you can. You can send it to Face Jam, care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. And if you're Mr. Beast and you want to send us money, you can do that too.

You can do that too. We'll take your money. Instead of candy, you can send $6 million. If you want to prank us with money. Yeah. Oh my gosh, let's prank. Like a skull jumps out

and money flies around the room. $100,000. He got us. Uh, Abe. He got us. Damn you! Uh,

the Face Jam comes out and then tomorrow is Ride Along and then we have some more supplemental content you can check out at facejampod.com. If you want to sign up

for First and support us directly, you can. It's the best way to support the show. Facejampod.com slash First. Please watch next week's Spittin' Silly. Yeah. It's the best way to support the show. Facejampod.com slash first. Please watch next

week's Spittin' Silly. Yeah. It's probably the best episode ever. Fuck you. We referenced it a couple times in this episode. That was so rude. Alright. I have written here Ho ho ho! Grab your Facejam holiday merch now. We got the monkey mouse crew neck shirt and pin

plus the monkey magnet plush that sits on your shoulder. And to get that, you go to monkey shoulder dot shop. Shoulder monkey dot shop. Edit that. Shoulder monkey dot shop. Shoulder shoulder dot monkey. Move on over, Rover.

Monkey dot shop. Wear it to P.O. You can get it where you always get it. Yeah, you go to store. When someone goes, ah, monkeys. When you're walking around and you're freaking out. ShoulderMonkey.com. Write it down on a piece of paper

and get ready to hand it out. And then you can follow. And if there's any older women nearby, they're going to fill you up. That's true. That will happen. Or if they're seven-year-olds,

they might also go for it. They just want to know what. My seven-year-old would be grabbing your biceps. Yeah. You can follow at FaceJamPod to stay up to date on everything. Spit and Silly will be out. Yes. You can follow at FaceJamPod to stay up to date on everything. Spit and Silly will be out next week.

You can email FaceJamPod at RoosterTeeth.com with your food conundrums for food court. Do you think this episode will also be, we'll go back and let's do it, it's just us screaming at the top of our lungs incoherently, or do you think we've leveled out a little bit since the ride back?

I think we've leveled out, but the ride along is definitely, the ride along is mostly us screaming. Gracie, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good. Nice. Doesn't it come down anymore? No, it doesn't. Michael's under the table. Dude, it's cozy down here. Look, you got a little

cave. You could take a nap in here. Now that the room's nice, you got some nice lighting. Do you think it's picking him up? Absolutely. Okay. He can hear me fine. My voice carries.

My voice carries. Okay. I guess that's allowed. Sorry. My voice carries. Rate and subscribe. Tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Happy Jamsgiving, everybody everybody but not jams not jams giving or jams getting it's it's the jams giving pf chang's thing is what i'm talking about happy time of year providing numerous occasions for

gathering to you and your loved ones. This was definitely a numerous occasion. Happy numerous. Surprise your babies. Oh my God. All right, cut, cut, cut. Erner saves numerous occasions. God wants you to cut their penis. Oh Jesus Christ.

Oh my God. Michael's done. He's done. Michael's all done. Stop the steal. Yeah.