100% Eat - Fazoli's Lasagnafest & Sweet Bacon Glaze Wings

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Fazoli's Lasagnafest & Sweet Bacon Glaze Wings so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about being raided by Pasta Pete and his food pirates, BREAKING NEWS, being in a new room where the recording stops, and more. Listen to the audio version at: https://bit.ly/3k8XRSb Sponsored by: Upstart (http://upstart.com/facejam), Honey (http://joinhoney.com/facejam) and DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. These microphones don't sound as good as usual. Nick, why don't they sound good? Is there a reason? They sound worse, right? This space sucks. Bring back the old space. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it.

You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, FBI, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? You're in the FBI? Yeah, in a way, yeah. Jordan, can you retake that from the bit? What? The recording literally stopped.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What show do you think this is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry What show do you think this is? I? Mean this is good morning from hell are you recording discussing the bits and then editing them on to be fair to be fair Sometimes you have to redo it because the recording stops So there's not a whole lot we can do so I get that so did it when did the whole thing? What that was the best five seconds of the show problem for the rest of the hour can you i'm worried about the next hour not the five seconds of garbage we lost i'm concerned eric can you pause the time stop holding the goddamn

laptop swinging it around no one can hear it i just... And he's just holding it in his hand like the fucking Olympic torch waving it around his head. I'm going to play the theme song off my laptop this time. Can we just start over? Wait, so what's the breaking news? I feel like... Do we have the intro? I feel like we went about a minute

and then it stopped. Uh-huh. And I think we're still good. Yeah, we're rolling. All right. Well, I guess I'll read this news alert. Boy. I will say when I heard it start playing over there,

I thought that he put his headphones on, couldn't hear his own laptop, and he just played the next song. I mean, it doesn't matter because I can't hear anything. If you hear... So the fact that he's going, this is the news alert music. It's all the same to me.

Read the goddamn piece of paper. This is my favorite show. From delish.com, Dolly Parton is set to star in... Taco Bell's TikTok musical? What? The most exciting comeback story of the year is now getting its own musical. Mexican Pizza, the musical.

The short round is in that everything everywhere at once. I think that's a better comeback story. I agree. I don't think it was a comeback. Mexican Pizza, the musical, follows the journey of the titular Taco Bell dish, which was retired back in 2020 to the dismay of passionate fans. Two years after entering the fast food graveyard, a renewed campaign to revive the Mexican pizza took over the internet

with Grammy-winning rapper Doja Cat posting a viral TikTok video about it. Did you guys see that? No. Well, now Dolly Part posting a viral TikTok video about it. Did you guys see that? No. Well, now Dolly Parton's going to be in it. And Taco Bell said, hold on. All right, you got it. Taco Bell described the musical in a press release as a satirical musical about the harrowing story of those who fought to bring back the Mexican pizza.

about the harrowing story of those who fought to bring back the Mexican pizza. In 1985, International... International? International chain Taco Bell launched its unlikely favorite, a crispy tortilla crust layered with plenty of beans, pizza sauce, meat, and cheese. And then Taco Bell pulled it and fans cried. To recount the tale, Taco Bell tapped Hannah Friedman to write the script. You guys aren't like oohing and aahing.

I'm looking at Hannah Friedman. I'm listening. TikTok musical veterans Barlow and Bear created the musical score for the show. Okay. Hannah Friedman is the writer of the new Obi-Wan Kenobi show. Well, that's second on the resume. I thought Hannah Friedman was the one with the unibrow. No, that's Frida Kahlo. But she got naked in the movie, right?

Yeah. Weinstein made her do that, right? I don't know about that. I think that's true. Mexican Pizza the Musical premieres on TikTok on May 26th. That's two days from when this episode comes out. Sorry. Dolly Parton.

When is the food? When's the food? When is what food? The pizza. When's the pizza? The pizza's already out. The pizza you can get already. I'm talking about the musical. Are you sure? By the time this is out, yeah. I'm not talking about by the time this is out. I'm talking about our timeline. I'm talking about the Alphaverse. Two days from

now. Yeah, unless you're me. Oh! Breaking news! Exclusive early access! Exclusive breaking news! Be one of the first to try the Mexican pizza from Taco Bell! I can order it today! Breaking news! Yeah.

Yeah, not that breaking to me. Don't try to out Mexican pizza me, Jordan. Nobody out Mexican pizza's the hut. Dolly Parton was singing it in my dreams last night. Mexican pizza. And I looked at it and went, why would I want this? Uh-huh.

Right. Look at it. Yeah. That's how they got rid of it. Pretty whack. It's a taco. Also, it's been a year and a half. Yeah, really.

It hasn't been gone that long. Wow, guys, it's back. It's back. Oh, did it go away? Oh, okay. I didn't know it existed. That was some pretty breaking news yeah uh and broke the podcast apparently yeah um if i remember i might watch it so if if i remember

i might watch it the musical uh may 26th 8 p.m eastern on on tiktok appointment viewing on tiktok the thing i've always wanted yeah i love when i when I'm scrolling through TikTok and just happen to catch a musical live in production. What an old idea. Oh, I don't like this. Okay, yeah, he showed me. What's Michael? What are we doing? I got a Frida Kahlo fact from the movie.

Oh. Yeah. Michael proving he was right. Yeah. Hey, I downloaded this. He also wrote Garvey Weinstein. I did. I did.

I did. You know what's funny? I noticed it as the first letter Garvey Weinstein. I did. I did. I did. You know what's funny? I noticed it as the first letter and I went, it'll figure it out. We got it. I printed this from like the reader view on the website and they had a bunch of tweets from like people reacting to it. But in the reader view, it just says, this content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format or you may be able to find more information

at their website. Oh, cool. And then it says that three more times. Oh my God. What a press release. Can I ask you this? What are we eating? Yeah. Let me see. Oh, it's on our format. This has to be the longest it's ever taken to get to

even announcing the food. It's true. Not that I care in any way. I mean, yeah, I'm just trying to undercut the expectation when the breaking news happens. Because you can never predict it. Like a thousand cuts. I'm pretty sure we're not even recording right now. Jordan, if I've ever

been sure of anything, it's that. He just looked so hard to make sure. Why wouldn't we just record on the board? If we ever sit down and record an episode and it doesn't get recorded this he's got to do on on his own yeah i agree i agree yeah like i'll never do a makeup episode no it's not gonna happen i agree we have we have managed it since its inception we have yet to lose an episode it's true the one that was six different recordings over the course of two days i tried

to record it on a fucking MacBook and it did not want to make it happen. Jordan kept saying, why don't we go inside? And I was agreeing. We've done it outside. Michael was a robot. We still didn't lose it, though. We've done ad reads on location. We're on the farm.

We're like the post office. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow. Well, don't say that because with Stamps.com you don't even need to go to the post office. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow. Well, don't say that because with Stamps.com, you don't even need to go to the post office. No, Michael, it's okay. That's for later. No, I'm just saying every time I do a Stamps.com ad read, I pull back on really going after the post office.

I want to say don't go to the post office. They're crazy. Don't even use them. They're crazy. That's where Postal came from. There is a place down by the old office. I don't know that's where postal came from oh there's a there is a place like down by the old i don't know that's where it came from but that's what it's no it totally is yeah yeah uh there's a there's a place that's like a um it's like a ship not

sponsored by stamps.com it's like a shipping center i don't think so either it's down by the old office it's literally called going postal jesus christ it's so horrible thing For a business It's like you know because of the horror story It's weird science And we're back Nick just Killed a fly I heard it I don't know why he saluted it Hey what are we eating today I forgot honestly

Well What we got to eat Before it was ravaged Before the... By a rival podcast. They were a posse. Aficionado and his gang. Yeah.

Of food-eating hooligans. Yeah. We are reviewing, that's right, you saw it when you clicked this podcast almost ten minutes ago. Get to the food! That timer is inaccurate, by the way. Fazoli's Lasagna Fest and sweet bacon glaze wings.

Oh, boy. I don't know why they had wings. Also, they're not wings. They're just little balls. They were, yeah. Even to call them boneless wings. I thought they were meatballs. Dude, boneless wings aren't really wings, but they just get to be called boneless wings.

These are just, they're boneless wings, but they're little balls. Yeah, they were. They're not wing of any kind. They were from, is it a separate thing? Are they Fazoli's wings? No, no, no, it's Fazoli's. There was a thing called Wingville on the door. I don't know why something is called Wingville.

Nick is gone and his chair is comically spinning in place. Like a fucking movie. I think he heard the air conditioning a little too loud. I think Wingville is probably just, you know how like one time you ordered from Hooters, but it wasn't Hooters, it was called something else. And it was a hamburger. And I got tricked and then I kept ordering.

Because they actually had a really good hamburger. I think that's what their... I think Fizzoli's, like, order of wings thing is probably called wing, though. Based on the place we picked it up from. Could be anything. Fucking crazy.

What a... That was a Fizzoli's? So, I come into the studio. He comes in. We're sitting around waiting to get going. In the old recording space? Right. Nick made sure we meet in the old recording space.

All right. Let's start here. Eric's convulsing. Driving over to the studio and get a Slack on the Face Jam Slack that says, Make sure you meet in the old recording space. Don't worry, he wasn't texting and driving. His car is alive. Yep, it's true.

I was out of my house. I was very safe. Nick says, meet in the old recording space. I go, that's weird. There's a new one? Uh-huh. Nick went on to describe it. As the place we've always been going to. Uh-huh and uh nick went on to describe it as as the place we've always been going to uh-huh

and i was like he his what was his word the place we've been going to is now the old place right and so i responded okay so i'm just going to the place i've always been going to and then eric eric says this is why i didn't bring it up. I didn't even bother. There's no way you guys knew that we moved our recording space. There's no way. Also, chime in to tell you go to where you were going to go anyway. Nothing really kind of upsets your rhythm of something. Stop! Keep going.

Keep doing what you're doing. Oh, I thought you were just hanging out. I was. Right. I mean, Michael didn't even know we moved recording studio. Now, here's the thing. I knew. I didn't know where it was or that you were in the room waiting.

Anyway, so we're waiting for Michael because he hadn't left his house yet. Oh, the direction is confusing. He went to the wrong place. The directions confuse me. He went to the wrong place. And so I was just looking up as like making sure that the Fazoli's is the same one we went to last time. Which is like way up in fucking Cedar Park, which is like 30 minutes away. And a new one pops up that's like two miles away.

I was like, whoa. I was like, Eric, there's one on like Anderson. And he's like, he goes, yeah. I don't know what he said exactly, but it was something that made me go, are we sure that it's a Fazoli's? I said, here's the thing. I ordered it at that location from their website. I think that it's a ghost kitchen because it doesn't make any sense that it would be where it's at.

When you look at it on Google Maps, it's literally at the heart of a warehouse. Yeah. It's a warehouse building and it's like right in the middle. This is where the Fazoli's is. And I'm like, there's no way that this is a restaurant.

It is behind the Wendy's where we got the pretzel pub chicken sandwich. So I missed all of that. Uh-huh. Following the confusing directions. And so I knew nothing of it. I get here, we're going to Fazoli's, and it's just like a regular drive through Austin.

There's roads, there's people. All of a sudden, we just turned down a road, and I'm just like, are we getting murdered? We're like, immediate, it's immediate. Suddenly everything changes. Sometimes on a lot of date lines the person's like, they turned down this road and I started getting worried.

There was no time for that. We were fine and then I was like, where are we? It was like a dilapidated field. Children were playing in the field. They might have been alive. They might have been dead. They were dressed like 1880s children and playing around

a maripole. Some of them were playing stickball. It was a hoop. They just kept rolling it. And it was like, what is happening? And I look at Jordan's GPS, which is about 12 feet wide.

And I'm just like, why are we going to a dot in the middle of a, like off the road in the middle of a bunch of like business complex? Like what? And so we go down this road that may have been named Elm street. It's just, there was a bunch of signs that just says, it's fine.

Don't sleep. We get to the other side and it's clearly like, there is a bunch of gates they were open but it's like gated it's it's for trucks like imagine like staples trucks driving in and out of the back of staples exactly right it's like a whole center where every store is the back of the store so it all looks the same and there's just a big like nondescript sign like place A. Place B. Building A. I said it looked like made up businesses

from Marvel. Right? It was just like Veritron. It said that in like every building. And it was like what the fuck?

It's like the complex if you've ever seen the video of the two old ladies looking for the candle supply store. And then they fall into like a docking bay. Now you guys

had known of this so immediately Jordan and Monkey start just going in on Eric. And I'm just going, are we? I legitimately thought we were meeting a person that had the food. Like it was like a food delivery, but we were meeting them halfway or something. I was so confused. I was like, I just don't know.

Because we didn't want to drive all the way. I just don't understand. Seriously, because this is so far. I'm just like, I just don't know. We didn't want to drive all the way. I just don't understand. Seriously, because this is so far. I'm just like, what is happening here? And Eric just keeps going, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. We go in. Which, by the way, that's

Eric panicking. Right, right, right. That's Eric whenever it's not fine. And the fact is wrong, and it's copy-pasted. I was telling you that it was fine. And lo and behold, we turn a corner, though, and right next to all these random made-up businesses, there's a little tiny door that just says Fazoli's. There are.

And it was like, wait, wait, what? And Eric was like, vindication. Oh, absolutely. There are probably three or four food trucks parked, not in operation, and 50 cars in a jam-packed parking lot with no people anywhere except two dudes hanging out in front of the fazoli you know what that looked like on some rocks you know what that screamed to me that screamed people in austin who do their business meetings at torches

oh yeah oh yeah where it's like let's let's let's talk business and grab a taco. I see that all the time. Let's go to Fazoli's. Let me tell you, I don't know how long this place has been open, but somebody assumed a hit because there's about 25 of those picnic tables out front. There are so many picnic tables.

Who are these boys? Were they like, finally, we got the best spot for our fazoles. The one behind the frontage road that you don't want to turn off of in the gated warehouse complex. And the whole front of the store where they all are. It's sand and rocks. It's just the loosest rock gravel. We sank. It looks like you're walking through it. it's sand and rocks it's just the loosest rock gravel it's so loose it's so we sank

it looks like you're walking through it you're walking through it like the opening of Red Dead 2 we came we came out of the fazoli we'll talk about the inside of the fazoli

we came out of the fazolis and Michael stopped me I'm carrying like all this pasta and Michael stopped me he's like stop you'll sink it was just dude

we were from the second we turned down let's call it Elm Street, it was like, what is happening? Down the street, into the parking lot, parked, look around, through the sand trap, into the store, if you can call it that, into the room. Into a room, yeah. Into the room where the people were shocked and startled that we got in there.

As we were walking in, I said to Nick, and I was like, now, do you think they're going to say, hi, how are you? Or how did you get here? Because it seemed like they were surprised. Oh, you found us. What the fuck? That door's unlocked? They yelled.

And then we were back in the car, and I just kept going, what just happened? And then it continued. We got back here. We got the food. We were raided by food pirates. Yeah. Talk about a place where you have to know where you're going.

Yeah, could you imagine? You could not happen upon that fazoli. It's impossible. It would be. Impossible. So here's the thing. There's armed guards. I wasn't going to pick that fazoli's

because I had a feeling it was just going to be a thing where they're going to leave your food outside and you have to fight a bird for it, whatever. And I'm like that I'd go. So I'm like, oh, we'll drive all the way up to like Cedar Park. It sucks. It's half an hour, but we'll make it happen. I went to order online this morning to make sure we had everything, all that stuff.

The Cedar Park store does not have this limited time food. The actual restaurant. The Cedar Park store does not have this limited time food stuff. The actual restaurant. The real Fazoli's that we went to last time doesn't have the food that the Fazoli's inside the dentist's office that we just went to had. The half Fazoli's, half hair salon. Yeah, maybe Fazoli's Prime. Maybe there's like a Michelin star rating thing like within their own network and they've been stripped of it

so they're not allowed to have like until you get back up to where you belong you cannot have this lasagna thing out there

I was looking forward to reminiscing about the monkey lady and all the other adventures we had in that parking lot I'll tell you what I was doing

I was checking the corners just in case what's going on here man where are we that was how would you ever know? It was so bizarre.

I couldn't believe that it was an actual sign. When we saw the sign, I was like, that's not what I expected. Because it literally is next to, it's got prep written on it. It's like a ghost kitchen place. It's a big ghost kitchen place. And we went, that's it. That's the ghost kitchen. Never mind.

There's Fazoli's. There's a literal Fazoli's next to it. Here's a big ghost kitchen place. And we went, that's it. That's the ghost kitchen. Never mind. There's Fazoli's. There's a literal Fazoli's next to it. Here's Fazoli's. Not the big tomato sign that says Fazoli's with neon. Just a vinyl that they've hung where a hair salon used to be. Right. They gotta cover up the old sign. Still might be. There are two people in there

shocked that we made our way in. Also, why did that door only open toward the inside? It's like they put it in backwards. There's not enough room to have that door. It almost hit the front counter when it opened.

There's a picture that I'm sure is going to be posted in a couple hours from when you're listening to this. If you're lucky. Of Michael pretty much in in the entire place i'm in the corner and that's the whole place essentially in the other corner and he could touch me it was really stunning oh my goodness it was uh well they had the food ready though my favorite part my favorite part was the ikea bookshelf they had assembled to put the food

in that's exactly what that was. That's the thing that you get in college to go, oh, I guess I'll store a whole bunch of this whatever. And then you move out and you leave it to a roommate. And then now it's the fixture in the living room where they put a bunch of stuff. And then a bong's on top. Like, that's what that was. The Taco Bell?

Fucking crazy. No, Taco Bell. Bong. No, that's Dolly Parton. That's a different thing. No, the Taco Bell sound is called bong. No, Taco Bell. Bong. No, that's Dolly Parton. That's a different thing. No, the Taco Bell sound is called Bong. Oh, thanks. All right, good.

Yeah. I wasn't sure I needed someone to corroborate. Well, you did something right there. We're still recording, right? Yeah. I did not like that pause. Yeah, he did have to check. That was a really long pause.

He did have to check. Yep. So that was our adventures to Fazoli's. I'm out of it, man. I gotta do egg later. Yeah, but can you... Do you know what could reinvigorate you? A powerful haiku? If I could get this food

out of me. I mean, you could baby bird the pasta pea. If the pirates could come and fucking throw a grappling hook down my throat. I also wanted to point out real quick, if there were a situation, as you mentioned, where they leave the food outside and you have to fight a bird, I imagine us getting there and Jordan going,

I can't. I know him. All I could think about. Jordan, you can take him. No, you don't understand. He's got a family to feed. He was in my wedding party. Don't talk about Isa that way.

Weird. She was at the cat party. Hit me with a haiku. Tossed out a window. Just like in the old country. Pasta in your car. That was good. That might be your best haiku yet.

It makes me think of what you said, and also just, it makes me think of trash in New York. I was like... Does it really work with the one we went to? No. Why? Not at all.

Because I was expecting a very different experience. No, it was, yeah, that was bizarre. And the other thing is, it's not like someone broke the mold. Fazoli's isn't the only place like that in that whole complex. You know what I mean? It wasn't like, oh, I guess there's a bunch of little places. Nope, just them. Does Fazoli's, could they not get into the food

place so they made a restaurant there for people to order? It's literally like The Office when he does Michael Scott paper company. That's exactly what it was. We'll give you the thing in the basement that's got the leaky pipes.

And Fazoli was like, we'll take it. It's bizarre. It's so bizarre. They was like, we'll take it. It's bizarre. It's so bizarre. And they're like, in this climate? And they're like, in all climates. Worldwide, baby. Yep. Oh, God. Man.

Let's get on to some Fazoli facts. Let's do it. We call them fact-zolis. See, you should have wrote that, but you didn't. Our previous Fazoli's episode was released October 13th, 2020. Kyle's birthday. Kyle's not even two yet? Dude, he's growing fast.

He's already got that beard. He's like the Bioshock baby. Oh, man. Hey, would he kindly be on this podcast? Wow. Where we ate the Parmesan crusted Alfredo with meatballs. It received an average score of 41. I don't remember what we ate.

Not at all. I remember being there. Hey, monkey. Yeah. Remember sitting in a parking lot? Yep. And that's about it. God damn.

That was 2020. Holy hell, dude. Feels like it was three years ago. After years of steady decline. Oh, it was about Fazoli's. I thought it was about Face Jam. After years of steady decline, Fazoli's was sold to fat

capital F-A-T brands. Fat brands. The holding company started by Fat Burger. Not all capital, just the regular fat. Other fat brands. Restaurants are Hot Dog on a Stick, Round Table Pizza, something called Ponderosa and Bonanza Steakhouses, and Twin Peaks.

Fazoli's may be done for. Wait, so Ponderosa and Bonanza Steakhouse is one restaurant? Is one restaurant. Okay, Ponderosa's from Sunny. I know that. Yes, that's what I thought. I thought it was Bill Ponderosa. I thought it was a restaurant called Ponderosa

and then another restaurant called Bonanza Steakhouse. No. Yeah. Why? Well, see, I didn't think so. They really wanted two wacky words. See, I didn't think so, Jordan, because if you see the trend, the food is in every title,

and Ponderosa, to my knowledge, is not a food, and so I knew there had to be more. What's the food at Twin Peaks? Titties. Titties and milk. Can you tell I was waiting for you to ask me? You were really... The second you opened your mouth,

I knew where you were going. You were just looking. I knew it. Well, I left... Throw it down the middle. I left little crumbs, and this fucker's like, I'm gonna, I left. Throw it down the middle. Throw it down the middle. I dare you. And this fucker's like, I'm going to strike him out.

Throw it down the middle. I fucking dare you. I love the food. Get me out of here, Rick. I thought the food was motorcycle gangs having shootouts. Oh, yeah. That was in Waco. All the charges were dropped from that. Did you know that?

What? Yeah. Yep. That's fucking crazy. Only in Waco. Yep. Why does Fat Brands only buy up these like failing restaurants i've never heard of and it's great like round table pizza is in there they also like it's weird that that's not that's more like they're still around yes

exactly well they've been around since king arthur oh you have you never been to a round table nope that's their whole theme and they do have like the King Arthur special. And guess what? I figured that out. Yep. That's a weird place. Well, it's called the round table so no pizza can sit at the head. They also have a pizza called the wombo combo. So the pizza can sit everywhere. Yeah. Did they do

any green knight promotions? Yeah, but you wouldn't like when they put one green knight in it. Can I get the green knight pizza? Well, it's weird. They hand it to you and they go, you're no knight. And then you have to eat it and it's not good. They give it to you with a piece of parchment and say, you do the rest. You can order it pickup, but your mom has to pick it up for you.

Fazoli's will cater your wedding or your school fundraiser for around $4 a person. And you can charge whatever you want, because no matter what, everyone is going to be mad at you for making them eat fazolis, especially at a wedding. Now, especially after today, asterisk, a couple of people do not fall into that category.

No, we found some people that met several of them today. Very many people do not fall into that category. Freaks. Straight up freaks. We got freak attacked earlier. Nick was the only one who was like a Fazoli. Have you ever watched someone switch sides so fast, though? No. Where Nick's like, my people.

Yeah. Suddenly we were outnumbered tonight. They started doing this weird handshake. They're like, let's do the breadstick. And their fingers were wagging. Yeah, it was bizarre, dude. It was not good. In 2020, that's when the breadstick. And their fingers were wagging. Yeah, it was bizarre, dude. It was not good. In 2020, that's when the year Kyle was born,

a Department of Labor suit was brought forward alleging that 40 Wendy's and Fazoli locations broke child labor laws by allowing 14 and 15-year-olds to work more hours than allowed by law. So if you were in Wisconsin the last couple of years and you thought your Fazoli's tasted a little different, it's because it's no longer being made by high school freshmen at 10.30 p.m. Breaking child labor laws for fazolis is the craziest fucking thing. Sacrifices must be made.

It's for the fazolis. Sir, I have to go home. I have homeroom tomorrow. No! It's lasagna fest. These 65 year old experienced eaters, they're coming in with their punch cards. Hang on. Now, to be fair, it says

more hours than allowed, not late shift. They were outside of the allotted hours as well. You can only work between 7 and 7 or something. It's like these weird hours. What if you just kept saying, my teacher said it's fine. Oh, then that's probably okay. I have a note.

And then your teacher was your manager at Fazoli's. Well, that makes sense. I'd have to get a second job. That's how they're gaming the system. That's how teachers are gaming the system. You're right. They're working at Fazoli's. They're getting all this free food.

They work at Fazoli's. More implying that that's what Fazoli's was doing. Hiring teachers. Yeah, exactly. Hiring teachers. Yeah, exactly. Hiring children. Don't even get me started on teachers. They're so ungrateful. Spending money on their own supplies really pisses me off.

Who do they think they are? Yeah. Working during the summer. Getting side jobs to pay the bills. At Vazolis. At Vazolis. Making their students work. Telling them, don't be like me don't be like me kids today we're taking you let them work at fazoli's we're taking a field trip to fazoli's wow this is fun i'm pretending i'm working yes

pretend with all these costumes Costume. As of February of this year. It's 2022. The SEC. It's the Southeastern Conference. Has begun to investigate the CEO of Fat Brands, the CEO's family, and three directors of, quote, looting the company in connection with the merger. When news broke, fat brand stock price dropped 24%,

and now we can only hope these millionaires get a taste of their own medicine. Parentheses, they should have to eat Fazoli's. Is this going to be the next? I think they'd rather go to jail. Is this the next Game Stonk? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we should hold Diamond Hands, Monk, or whatever.

Buy the dip. Well, here's the thing. If you buy Fat Brands stock, and then you get three Slurp juices, you can triple your Fizzoli stock. Can I mint my own Fizzoli's? Hell yeah, bro. Absolutely. You can fucking peppermint that shit.

You call it minting. I think they call it franchising. And based on. Absolutely. You can fucking peppermint that shit. Yeah. Whoa. You call it minting. I think they call it franchising. And based on where we went today, it shouldn't be that expensive. That place was very fungible. Yeah, they got a deal. Dude. It was incredibly fungible. It was fun-angeable, okay?

Because, look, it was close. Uh-huh. We got our food. We got out. We got to play in the sand. We saw those two guys having a serious meeting out in the 115-degree sun. So let's talk about POSAC Spades. Let's talk about POSAC.

He wrote SEC in caps, and I got really excited. Securities Exchange Commission. So it's not like Alabama. Nick Saban has nothing to do with this. No, but he probably eats at Fazoli's. So we, I will say also to preface this. No, but he probably eats at Fazoli's. So we I will say also to preface this are in the belly of the beast.

Right. The old recording room. Also more just the building in general. Right. Now we've posted up in what's the old room now for some time. A.K.A. the place we've been going. So we got out of our cars Eric finally decided to let us go inside. What the fuck was that?

I don't know what that was. You tell me. I said the word wrong for five solid minutes. We got... We got... Hold on. I'm beer-cotting. I'm beer-cotting. I'm beer-cotting.

Meerkat. What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? Anyway, Michael opened the door with his phone. Meerkat. Meerkat. Meerkat? What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? Anyway, Michael opened the door with his phone. It was cool. I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm talking about him making us do the show in our car for a year and a half. Yeah. And I said, let us out of the car.

Right. And he let us out of the car. Me magically opening the door was just nothing but technological freedom. I waited inside security. He waited security and I screamed, no, don't let him in. And I held the others back. And then you went, no, monkey, you wait. And then as a result, I also had to wait.

Yeah, you did. Don't be behind the monkey. That's what you learned. Anyway, so then we went to another building where we recorded for a bit. And then we came to this building, which we've a bit. And then we came to this building. Yeah. Which we've been in for a couple of months now. Right.

Now, when we started, we were basically the only people here, like, making stuff. Pasta Pete and his cronies have infiltrated this building now. So they work here. And so today was just like, I assume they got wind, like, the food carried through the ventilation system. Yeah, I think so. And he went, let's go. That's why Nick doesn't like the air to be on. Let's bust him up.

That's why Nick didn't want the air to be on. It makes sense because the problem was earlier, not now. Food's gone now. Now he's just stopping in our comfort zone. He ruined it when he said, let's make it hotter in here. God forbid the quality dips on this podcast I'm not recording. Let me get up and make it more uncomfortable. He checked to make sure it was recording again.

So we're sitting there eating the smorgasbord of food. There was so much food. And Pastor Pete and about 17 people came to the office. And they just started chowing down. Yep. Just like. Whoa. Whoa. fazoli?

And Nick jumped up. He was like, oh, try some of this. I'm so excited. Other monsters like me. Other fazoli heads. The three of us are just sitting there and they're like, oh, can I have this? And we're just like, do you know what you're talking about? Do you see the food? You want this?

I pulled out a breadstick and was like, you want like i think they're like i pulled out a breadstick and was like you want this yeah it looks like the breadstick your mom tells you we have at home yes there's a guy blaine he swabs the poopy deck yep and he was just like oh i think it's just like we're you know we're hungry uh-huh and i was like right so i would assume you'd look for food yeah why are you coming here do you know what this is this is face jam this is patient we don't eat the good food why do you think whenever we had food that i'd bring back to the other monsters i don't call them gremlins or monsters because there's the only people that eats this you guys piling in going oh it's a buffet i like how much blame, I hate this, and then took five bites.

He just kept going back. He kept cutting it and going back to the lasagna again and again and again. And then he talked about splitting it with someone. Yes. Like, what? And then Pasta Pete is leading this whole charge. Yeah, he's like the- He walked in, no joke, was like, I love fazollis!

And then no shit you do. And he had a bandana on for some reason. He was like the steed bonnet of his pirate gang. He just said, Fazoli's was my favorite restaurant when I was 15. And without missing a beat, Jordan looked at him dead in the eye and went, how old are you now? He's like 40. And he just looked at me and then left. He was thrilled to be eating

this fucking pasta. He was thrilled. Apparently it was like childhood memories. Everyone was thrilled. They were going fucking crazy. So many people said, oh, I used to love this place. I used to eat here all the time. It was great when I was a poor student or whatever. And I'm like, damn, get him. You don't have to live this way anymore.

And no matter what, I'll never endorse wiping you dead. Ever. Pay it yourself, fucker. All I know is they were leaving. I don't know what sort of disgusting exchange was happening between Pete and Nick. It was mostly squeals. That's how they communicate.

And before walking out, some accord was made where positive Pete's like, don't throw those away. Don't get rid of them. Don't throw them away. And Nick's going, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bites have been taken out of all of the food.

I'm not gonna. Yeah. And he wants them. I'll die before these two breadsticks get wasted. It really was like, we ate, I would say we ate quite a bit of what was in front of us.

There was a lot of food. The portions were absurd. I was asked about it. The portions were absurd. We also got a lot. Well, you did, because you always do. One of those lasagnas is like more than enough. So we each got two.

Did you say it was two lasagnas? Yeah, it was like two lasagnas. Well, we ordered two different lasagnas. Yeah, but if you put them in the same container, how many would they be? I don't have time for this. Sure you do. Sure you do. Sure you do. We're scheduled out

for a whole hour. You got about 45 more minutes. An hour and one minute, dude. So they had all of that and the wings and the breadsticks

and we ate, yeah, right. We ate a substantial amount and then they came in like fucking grackles and were just screaming. I almost see.

One of them was swinging from a rope. They came in that way. It was so weird. I almost wish we were recording screaming. I almost see. One of them was swinging from a rope. They came in that way. It was so weird. I almost wish we were recording it. Yes. It was like people who had not. It's like they found food in the desert and they were dry, dry, dry.

And they found the oasis. If we had like a bunch of thick lasagna. If we had taken a time lapse, it would have been like piranhas devouring a carcass. And then like it's just bones there wasn't enough time but I snapped one picture of pasta Pete thrilled with the bite he's about to take

now to be fair I don't know what else they were doing today I don't even know what it is they do but maybe he was cosplaying as someone who worked at Pizzoli's I don't know but the it is they do. But maybe he was cosplaying as someone who worked at Pizzoli's. I don't know. But the man was just dressed like that. When you look at this picture.

Maybe there's a reason. Maybe that's just how he left his house this morning. I don't know. Probably the second one. Yes. But that man coming in like that, squealing and screaming about Pizzoli. I can have this? He was like, he's not exagger not exaggerating like what's the trick

what's the yeah yeah what's what do i have to give you rick was i don't fucking want this dude the trick is the fazoli yeah oh my god like there's the the monkey's pot is the food i've I've never seen him so like, it was like Scrooge had gone over and repented and like the family was- What day is it, boy? It really was like, ah! It's Fazoli's day! Post-a-pete, it's Fazoli's day! He was so, ah!

His heart was so full. Oh, Chip! Oh, he's back. Chipley's back. Chipley's back. Chipley's here to give you fazolies on fazolies day. No, no, Chipley, no, I don't want fazolies. Chipley only gets one with pasta pizza.

But there might be some broken glass in yours. Classic scamp. That is the craziest fucking thing. That's the only time we've really had anyone come over and take our food. We have never been swarmed like that before. It was like five people? Yeah. Five people busted in.

All screaming. Surrounded us. Like it was a corner. We're all sitting there going, all screaming, screaming. Surrounded us. Like it was a corner. We're all sitting there going, God damn this food. And they're coming in going, we won the lottery. Fazolis, Fazolis, Fazolis. It really was us saying, God damn this food. And then saying, them coming in and going, God damn this food.

I did nothing. I just sat there. I did that. i just sat back and just kind of like looked around just like let it happen i was like i wasn't sure like crazy what was happening i was just like they were asking everyone is here and they were asking to it if we had extra forks and i thought we didn't but somebody was hoarding all of the extra forks in front of them somebody was like somebody was like hey do you have any extra forks and eric's like oh no i think you just have you'll have to go to the kitchen and then you go oh wait and like there's right in front of you and right where the person was looking is a bunch of forks and i was just like they asked as like a

courtesy while clearly looking at the forks going can we can we get some? And you're going, no, we don't have any. I didn't know I had them. Somebody was holding onto them. They were all by Nick. Yep. He had, like, four, like, unopened. He's holding onto it. Fork and knife.

Like, little sets. When company comes over. He's going, mm-hmm. I throw these. My father-in-law can use these. I throw these when my father-in-law shows up, and it saves me a couple of sauces. Not getting my ketchup again.

Oh, man. All right, Jordan, you want to teach us about Lasagna Fest? Yeah, let's listen about Fazoli's Lasagna Fest. Cheesy double-stack lasagna. This is the giant cheesy double stack lasagna with 18

layers of deliciousness between the lasagna noodles layers of kiata it's ricotta but not right can you believe that what is that did you spell it wrong or did they this is from them I don't know

it's spelled C-I-O-T-T-A did you make sure that it's not a real cheese maybe it's From them. I don't know, dude. I don't know what to make of it. It's spelled C-I-O-T-T-A. Yeah. Did you make sure that it's not a real cheese? Maybe it's... No. Maybe it's... Maybe it's ciata cheese. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there you go. Ciata at home. Mm-hmm. Between the lasagna noodles, layers of ciata and Parmesan cheese, meat sauce, Alfredo sauce, and mozzarella cheese, our 1.33-pound lasagna is one of our biggest entrees ever. Sure is. You might want to plan to have some leftovers.

Or plan to have pasta pizza. Board your ship. But it's so good, we're pretty sure you won't be able to resist. Oh, I disagree. I resisted. Yeah. Resistance was not futile.

Resistance was recommended. Resistance was required. Let's keep learning. Triple meat lasagna. The origin of the word lasagna. Hold on. Before I go any further, are we going to learn

about celiac disease? I can't say one way or another. Jordan, I'm getting ahead of you and it needs to stop. Get back on there. I'm learning without you. All right, all right, all right. The origin of the word lasagna is uncertain.

Some believe it comes from the Greek word lasanin, meaning cooking pot. Lasagna is a rectangular sheet of pasta, most famously used in Italian casserole by the same name. Our new triple meat lasagna is layered with ricotta

and parmesan cheeses. Yeah, that's weird. Inconsistent. With ricotta. Well, they changed the cheese. And Parmesan cheeses. Yeah, that's weird. Inconsistent. With ricotta and Parmesan cheeses, ground beef, Italian sausage, and chopped bacon. Topped with melted, browned mozzarella and provolone cheeses, it's sure to be a crowd pleaser,

especially with those who crave hearty meals like our carnivorous friends. Who are our carnivorous friends? I think we met them. I think they boarded our ship. I thought they meant, when I read that the first time, I thought they meant dinosaurs. That was the first thing that my head went to.

The first thing my head went to was really something. It was dogs. Oh! Hey, when you're done with this, feed it to your dog. And we did. Like our carnivorous friends. What? What are you talking about?

He's got like one strand of hair that just won't sit down. It just goes straight up. It looks so good. You're like alfalfa. He does look like alfalfa. You know when he was murdered? Oh, Jesus. Was that on Dateline?

No. No, it's just a thing you do. He was. Not until he was like in his 30s, though. Oh, great. Oh, that's good. You're a long past dude. Speaking of dinosaurs and children who are dead. I've only just

started thinking about entering your midlife. Well when you hit 45 to 55 you'll be thinking about that midlife crisis. His little hair just bobbles. Yeah but his is in the front. His is in the front. Yeah he is more like Quail Man.

I am a real Quail Man. You keep trying to fix it and it's not working. He also likes to stick his dick in mayonnaise, so it makes sense. Is that a quail? Oh, the patty mayonnaise. I didn't catch it. I thought you were doing like an American Pie thing and I don't remember that episode of Doug. Too fast for you. That must have been on like Disney's Doug. Yeah, yeah.

That was on a different thing. When they kind of like redid the art style. Yeah, they're like, Roger Klotz has money now. And it's like, fuck off. This sucks. I hate when cartoons do that. Dexter's Lab did that. And they went to this heavy line. They also changed the voice actor. Yeah.

Which just... Fucked up. Obliterated it. Also, a lot of dad-centric episodes in the second run. Didn't like it. Kind of a mess. When I'm watching a kid's cartoon like Rugrats or Courage the Cowardly Dog, I tell the actors stop dying Because I don't like it. Were you really mad when you watched Land Before Time 2 and Ducky was different?

No, I wasn't. Also murdered. Yeah, right That's what I was gonna say speaking of carnivores and dead children. No! Murdered by her father actually. Yeah Fucking crazy. Are you just learning about this? Welcome to Face Jam. Yes. The show where we try every fast food creation to let you know if you need it. Or if you'll be murdered. You probably will be.

Oh, fuck. Guys, we're not even done with this segment. Yeah, yeah. Teach me about the food. I'm done. Fazzoli sweet bacon glaze wings. The first sentence is as follows. Yep.

Bacon flavored wings. Yep. That's the description. They're just balls. They're a little circular, but they're spheres. Also, bacon flavored wings? They were not. They weren't at all.

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you, they sure had honey. The flavor you never realized your life was missing until now. You can get your choice of boneless

or traditional wings tossed in our sweet and savory glaze made with slowly rendered... They're on a very slow computer. The GPU cannot give up. With the shortages. There's a shortage. It's because of all my

Fazoli's tokens. I've been mining them. Slowly rendered hickory smoked bacon caramelized onion and molasses. What year is it? I mean the molasses make sense cause that shit I picked it up

and I was like it was I knew there was like honey or something but the molasses really make sense they say it again bacon flavored chicken wings it's the beginning a solution to all your problems it truly is

Fazzoli's alpha and omega Is bacon flavored wings Bacon flavored wings Bacon flavored wings What is going on Do you think Do you think they put all those rocks And sand out front to steep

The molasses It's the same consistency Throw more sand on it Don't let them know this whole place is sitting On top of molasses. Right. That's where the molasses come from. It's the same consistency. Throw more sand on it! Don't let them know this whole place is sitting on top of molasses. Oh my god. Alright, Jordan, what do they say in press material? Oh my god.

I was already looking at review the food. I know. Quote. At Fazoli's, we're proud to keep our menu fresh with new craveable options, said Chief Marketing Officer Jody Conrad. Sounds like a fake name. That sounds like a name of somebody being investigated for a merger hiding out at the Avatron warehouse.

We want our guests to have the opportunity to experience our unique spins on classic Italian favorites. Plus, our limited time orange desserts are the perfect way to cap off your visit on a sweet note. And Fizzoli's delicious options are endless. Eric, why didn't we get the orange dessert? Why didn't we get capped off?

I'm capped on. Eric, answer the question. I'm capped. Are you saving them all for Kyle's second birthday? Oh, he's turning three this year. No, it's October. Oh, yeah. He's turning two.

He's turning two. Trust me. I would never miss his second birthday. Man. Dude, we saw him later. I know. Just after his first birthday. He's so big.

He didn't look a day under one. Oh, my God. birthday he didn't look at he's so big he didn't look a day under one oh my god october 13th 2020 hey what's giles birthday but for real there's no other mention of this orange dessert yeah eric so they have a uh cheesecake factory cheesecake dessert thing i didn't want to get it if we were getting the wings all the time. It's fucking gross. He forgot. It was an orange cheesecake. I would have eaten it. He forgot. That's crazy. Pasta Pete would have eaten it. Yeah, exactly. Somebody's listening to this going God, I hate this show, but I listen for the reviews.

I can't wait to find out if I should get that dessert or not. They sat through 45 minutes of this to find out how we reviewed the dessert. We should do the show twice. Oh, my God. It sounds like we're going to have to. Guys, that was a good test run.

Let's run it back. All right, one more time. Can it be as unhinged again? Yeah, can you do that again? You guys really, for a second, I thought I was at the post office. All right. What did you think of All of this together. It's a mess of a meal, I'll tell you that.

This room sucks. I hate it, by the way. It's too dark in here. It is very dark in here. No? No. Why not no? Why can't we go in the other room?

Yeah. We're not in that room anymore. That's getting repurposed into a different room. What's our new room the other room? Yeah. We're not in that room anymore. That's getting repurposed into a different room. What's our new room? This one. Forever new? No. It's being built.

That's why there's construction. So we're not in this one forever. Then what I'm saying to this man is the one we are in now, which sucks, let's make it good while we're in it. Yeah. Right. Right. There's a lot of holes in this ceiling.

It seems like he has no intention of doing that. He looked up as if it was impossible. Yeah. Yeah. But then I stopped talking and he kept saying yeah. And so that's where I knew the disconnect was. He left. The room's dark.

All right. Oh! Well, now we're going to get hot. It's too directional. Oh. I like what you're doing. Make it brighter and closer to Eric. Yeah. Poor Eric. He's too directional. I like what you're doing. Make it brighter and closer to Eric. Poor Eric.

He's melting. Eric looks like he just had something mildly sour. He looked good when he was sitting in the dark up against a newly sheet-rocked wall. Repeat that look. Anyway, I guess we'll rate this. What did we eat again?

We had some lasagnas and wings. At least the wings had some flavor. If you order one of these lasagnas, don't expect to move for the rest of the day. Because they are... They ain't kidding. We didn't even eat, like, I would say, half of what was given to us.

Not even close. Granted, we had over two and a half pounds of lasagna. So much lasagna. And I tried them both. Boy, was there no difference. There really wasn't. Except one had meat and one didn't. My carnivorous friends liked one more than the other,

but I'm not sure who those friends are. I tried to eat just the top to be like, this is where all the bacon and the sausage is. Let me see if this is any different. It wasn't. It wasn't different at all. It's just lasagna. And even then, it was tasteless lasagna

and also in general lasagna is a meal I never want to have I'm with you there man lasagna just why too thick there's too much shit in there it's basically a ravioli you're going down the pasta route

it's like if you want meat in shit like eat a ravioli. If you want the noodles, just do ziti. I just don't get it. I've never been to lasagna. Look, I'll eat it. It's there. It also just seems like more work.

I've never said, I've never said, in response to the question, what do you want for dinner? The answer has never been lasagna. No, I've been told we're having lasagna. Exactly. I've never asked for lasagna.

That happens. It just, I mean. It's never, no, not lasagna. No, I've been told we're having lasagna. Exactly. I've never asked for lasagna. It just, I mean. It's never, no, not lasagna. It's, okay. It's, alright, I would have preferred a nice baked ziti. Also, I'll say this, because I saw it on here. Fuck browned mozzarella. I never want my mozzarella cheese browned. It's not something that's supposed to be, right? I don't know. I don't like it. I don't ever

want my cheese a golden brown. Leave it the goddamn color it started as. Right. Okay. Then it gets all crusty. I don't want. I don't like it. I don't ever want my cheese a golden brown. Leave it the goddamn color it started as. Right. Okay. Other way. Then it gets all crusty. I don't want crusty cheese. There's some things I like crusty.

Like crust. Cheese ain't one of them. All right? Bread. Leave crust, crust. Cheese, cheese. All right? He's right.

He's very echoey. Because the room sucks. Hello. Well, I mean, there's no ceiling there. That's why I'm telling him to fix it. He literally does nothing else at this company. Okay? And then the wings.

Do something. The meatball wings. You're gonna flip. I would like to see him do a flip. Put the mask on first. Can you do a flip? Dude, flip off a boat. Yep.

Hell yeah. The meatball wings were like, at least they had flavor on the outside. Because they were ice cold on the inside. They were very much glazed and very cold as a result of it. Very weird flavor at the front. And then it got normal. It was like, I guess that's where that molasses came in. Eric really stared at one for a while.

He did. He wasn't sure if he wanted another one. I was thinking, like, I know this flavor hasn't been good, but maybe I was wrong about the flavor. And then I ate another one, and I went, nope. I was right. I was right. I was right the first time.

Sometimes you try something again just to make sure. I really had to make sure. To see if it's different or something. But, yeah, no, it was the same. It was not different. Maybe I'll try something again just to make sure. I really had to make sure. It was different or something. It was the same. Maybe I'll try this again. Certainly didn't get the bacon flavored wings. No. Bacon flavored wings.

Oh, thank you. Had to say it twice. This is not a meal you need to have. A 35. Wow. It's not a meal you should have, honestly. Just due to its size. It's not a meal you should have, honestly. Just do its size. It's just so thick.

I would also say if I were, say I finish this podcast and I'm hungry and I happen upon somebody with a bunch of food leftovers and it's fazoles. Even then, I'm not going to be like, whoa, fazoles for me? I just don't even want to try a bite of it. You know what I mean? There's other stuff where you're like, oh, I'll take a little nibble. Just don't have that with us. I'll say, and I'm not that I recall this, but I assume this was said last time. The best part of this meal was probably the breadstick.

Yeah. I bet we said that last time. I think we did because I had like three or four of them. They're like, they're a little, I don't know if soggy is the right word. They're limp. They're limp. They don't get the whole breadstick right. It's about 80% of the breadstick is right and there's a little drip.

They're the same shape as an Olive Garden breadstick without the sturdiness. Yeah. Without the structural integrity. They just quit. It really looks like they were put in the microwave. They kind of crumbled a little bit. That or whatever, however they're making them, they're just

make the breadstick 20% shorter. Right. And then there'd be no limp part. I was holding it up and it was like a Grinch finger. Oh, it is a little bit grinky. I say they're good and it was like a Grinch finger. Oh, it is a little bit Grinky. I say they're good because it's like Parmesan and garlic and butter. And so it's kind of like, not like they've reinvented the wheel,

but it is good because it's that. It's the most flavorful thing. But it's also like compared to other breadsticks, not good. No, but I would say probably the best thing of the meal. The wing balls, they were okay. The sauce was pretty good. The molasses was molassy. The lasagna by far the most disappointing,

which is, you know, probably not good considering that's the entree. That's the main attraction. They made a whole fest about it. It's just honestly, even in a smaller portion it would taste the same but it would be a little bit more acceptable I just don't know

who needs to roll up and get one and a third pound of lasagna and also it's like 18 layers but there's but there's like

six ingredients so they just like smash them in over and over and over and over again where it's like I just burped and it tasted like

that lasagna could have been 10 layers Could have been ten layers. Could have been six layers. I just in no way, shape, or form would consume that. Even if it was delicious, it's just too much food. So, yet

again, a disappointment. The most exciting thing about today, about Fazoli's, going there, finding it, and then being pirate rated when we got back. The most exciting thing about today, about Fazoli, is going there. What a treat. Finding it. What a treat. And then being pirate rated when we got back. It's not always about the food, but it's about the food journey. Yeah. Unfortunately, the rating is about the food.

I feel like I didn't hate it as much as Jordan, but I definitely did not like it. I'm going to give it a 40. 37.5. I just don't I don't get these Fazzoli fanatics I don't get it either What were they eating?

I don't understand What food were they going Ah I loved it Where is that? I gotta have it I'm gonna go grab the snack Dude they're freaks I don't know

I'm surprised like Every time like Fazzoli's gets mentioned I go crazy right? And they're like crazy I love it. I love the place. Is he going back to his car to get the food?

Yeah, I think so. Oh, he's going to the old place. Yeah, he's going to the old place. But then he's not going to be able to get in because he doesn't have. He doesn't have. He doesn't have meerkat. Tarushka. Yeah.

Terracotta. Terramassu. Are we just playing word association? No, we had Terramassu. He didn't order that either. Was that the orange thing? He didn't think we needed it. Orange Terramassu? This just playing word association? No, we had Terramasu. He didn't order that either. Was that the orange thing? He didn't think we needed it. This room sucks ass though. I will say. Too big. Too much empty space.

It's everything I hated that we- It's everything I loved about the old room ruined. The room we just got pulled out of. It's too dark. We don't have our flag. It's too echoey. The microphones are way worse. This table also sucks.

The table's awful. I want the old table back. I want the old table. I want the old chairs. I want the old chairs back. I want that little podcast thing that Eric had. The little windshield? Yeah, I want that.

They won't give me that. Shut up. Shut up. Then you took it away. Yeah, I want that. It's right there. You have it. They won't give me that. Shut up. Shut up. Then you took it away. Yeah, okay, buddy. Sure I did. What a weirdo. Why is he trying to gaslight you like that?

Food beast, spice rat, sauce monkey, and compliments graphic. FBI? They're talking about me. Food beast and jester. Yep. Here are some Indian snacks for you to try. Hopefully they arrive in time for the next Jamsgiving. From user esteemed broccoli.

I mean. Is it before the next one? In a way. Yes. We're going to try these. He's excited about something. I feel like maybe I feel like punishing him today and he doesn't get one. The original bourbon.

Bourbon. Do you want this? Is this something you like? No. Okay. Well. Then I guess there's no reason to eat it. Yeah.

I guess you shouldn't have it then if you liked it wait before it did nothing I want to go it's from Britannia yeah so these are make dictionaries right or encyclopedias did you say that did you say that you said that right yeah I did yeah yeah sure okay let's try them it's Britannica but but yeah, you got it. No, it's the same thing, right?

Yeah, it's the same thing. Britain. You feel like a loser, don't you? I'm fine. Kyle wouldn't have let go of it. Uh, what the fuck are these? Herbal- Encyclopedias. I just said that.

I've never had a encyclopedia. That's pretty good. That's a good cookie. Fazoli should talk to the chef that made this and go like, look, you're making cookies. We're making pasta. This is good. Can you help us in some way?

How do you make food taste good? What's your secret? I'm just going, but it weighs less than a pound? Yeah, it's a cookie. More equals good, right? How many layers? Uh, two? Three? There's two crackers and a thing in the middle.

Can you triple it? They're kind of Tim Tam-esque. Are these English? It's a good cookie. I've never heard of them. It says that they are Indian snacks. So they're not English. I mean, I don't know if you know about India and England

and their shared history. I have a feeling there's probably some overlap here. Yeah, but how old are these? Are these from the shared history or are they from now? Yeah, from now. They have a continued history I feel like I feel like I got an explanation

what he's saying is he doesn't know if you know about Pangea a long time ago like hundreds of years ago hundreds of years ago the dinosaurs started stomping around those are our carnivorous friends. It fractured the earth.

The mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex. Yeah, the mighty Tyrannosaurus stopped and everything cracked. And then all the liberal cavemen got stuck on the coast. They were going, we're too scared to go inland. Well, they would get on the back of their pterodactyls and go, these flyovers. They're rich pterodactyls. I'm so sick of these coastal elite dinosaurs. Anyway, this cookie's really good.

I'm going to give it a 90. It was a really good cookie. I like it too. I'm giving it an 85. I don't think I could eat that many. It's pretty sweet, but it's very good. Huh?

87.5. Long time to do the math on a very easy average. I hit clear and I was excited about the cookie. That's a good cookie. Thank you, Esteem Broccoli. If you want to send snacks, you can send them to Face Jam,

care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street. Hurry up so it makes it here before the next jam is coming. If you're lucky, it will make it. We don't know when it's going to happen. If you want to get a look at all of our past ratings and episodes, go to FaceJamPodStats.com, which is a list compiled by Jammer Tanner C. You can also follow us at FaceJamPod.

Still talking. Have we bought that website from him yet? Follow at FaceJamPod. Still talking. Follow at Face Jam Pod. Have we stolen it? To stay up to date with everything on Instagram and on Twitter. You can go to store.roosterteeth.com to get the new Spice Rat shirt and our home goods. I have the Spice Rat shirt. I'm wearing it.

Finally have it. We were at Fazoli's and more so than usual because sometimes we'll end up wearing the same shirts because they're new or whatever. You guys look like brothers. You're both wearing shorts and you're both standing in this weird business complex. Fazoli's.

Fazoli's brothers. A lot of people probably walk in there looking for a FedEx. I need FedEx Kinkos. Is there one nearby? It's right over there. You're looking for Avitron. You can get our pride merch also you get your 100 love monkey shirt and 100 eat booty shorts those are great

shorts they are great shorts those are really those are very short short and if you want you can wear them on the front yeah you can yeah michael's been doing a thing where he's wearing them backwards so it says 100 eat yeah on the front. You know. You choose to. One thing I will say. Crack that code. When those shorts, amazing as they are, they dropped and the fans loved it. They all thought that was what Michael was talking about with the very cool product he's excited about. Oh, no. I mean, they are cool.

They're very great. And they have been in the works for a long time. And we love them. But it is not the thing that we're very excited for. Yeah, this is a product that's going to revolutionize things. It's not just like a piece of clothing. Right, yeah. So you're going to see it and go, I didn't even know this was a thing, and we'll say, yeah, it wasn't.

Because we made it, and also you made it. Much like Jordan says all the time, I'll say, I did that. I did that? We did that. Great. Which, by the way, when you give us five stars, you should type, I did that. Okay. That's good.

That's a good one. Because you did. You did. And also, I'm getting word we're making stickers. Yes. After long hoped. Yep. It's just kind of a thing I haven't stopped talking about

because I like the idea so much. It's already entertained me so much, it never has to be real. In my mind, I've put so many of those stickers around. I've been in situations where it was like, sticker would be great right now. Yep, but if you're telling me now we're actually going to make the stickers, I'm even more excited. I'm told we're taking sticker pickers today.

We are doing that right after we hit stop on this thing. We're taking stick-ture pictures? Yup. Yup. Stick pics. So let's wrap it up and take some stick pics. Well, you can rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. We did that.

We did. You know what I was thinking about? What was that? I was thinking about working for the FBI. The actual FBI. Oh. Because, now you might say, that's a lot of work to become an FBI agent. You don't actually have to be an FBI agent.

What's easier is become a criminal, become an informant that works for the FBI. That's true. Then, like, you can literally say, I work for the FBI. You just don't have a badge or any authority. It's also kind of like, it's more like they work for you because they're trying to get the information. They don't know. Plus you just make stuff up. Suckers. Right. Suckers. If that doesn't work out,

post office.