100% Eat - Fazoli’s Pizza Baked Pasta

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Fazoli’s Pizza Baked Pasta so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Graysie’s dog's birthday, girl math, the allure of a cigarette, LinkedIn, and more. Follow us on Twitter twitter.com/facejampod and Instagram instagram.com/facejampod. Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam, Nuts.com http://nuts.com/facejam, and Uncommon Goods http://uncommongoods.com/facejam. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And the all-new Toasted Breakfast Tacos, only available starting October 12th. That's why it's not on there yet. Starting October 12th. Oh. That's it. Okay. And that's the intro? No.

Yeah. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it, but you might have to wait until October 12th. You probably should. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, what day are you looking forward to in the month of October? Oh, the 23rd for sure. What's going on then?

That's my birthday. Whoa! Now, even then, Gracie could have went, whoo! Shows not to. You and my dog have the same birthday. Shows not to. Wow. How great.

How great for me and the dog. The really old dog. What a way to ruin your special day. Her dog that just pisses on the ground. Are we the same age? Probably. You and old dog. Why would you ruin your special day? Her dog that just pisses on the ground. Are we the same age? Probably. You and the dog are the same age. And not in dog years.

Whoa. You think my dog has the same potential? To know your dog's birthday like that. Really crazy. Boom. I don't remember when I made up my animal. It's in my calendar. I made it up and I don't remember when I made up my animal birthday. It's in my calendar. I made it up, and I don't remember when it is.

What is it? It shouldn't be insulting that you have the same birthday as a dog, but it just feels like it is. It definitely came across as insulting. You got a dog birthday. I did it in a very nice way. Happy birthday to Gracie's dog. Enjoyment.

But this dog! Get a load of this dog. But it's dog. Enjoyment. Whatever. But this dog! Get a load of this dog. But it's nobody's birthday yet. Uh-uh. Right now. Double checking. No, it's not. We're celebrating

Fazoli's pizza baked pasta. We're celebrating. Hell yeah, dude. That's right. We're back at Fazoli's. Somehow. Same hell hole we went to last time. Still smelled like trash.

Oh, talk about smells in this episode. This one's smell illusion. Yesterday, me and Gracie were working on another show, and as the day was ending, like, oh, see you for Face Jam tomorrow, and she went, what are we eating? And I went, oh, have you ever been to Fazoli's? And she just went went and walked away i didn't ask what the food was i thought that was going to be a sigh that led into i love it yeah you guys you guys keep kidding me i also love fazoli's i keep my

experienced eater's card right next to my AARP card. I think your dog might qualify. There was a big sign, handwritten for some reason, on that Fazoli's that said, no pets allowed. But also in that Fazoli's, there is no room for pets in there.

There's hardly room for people. It also said on the door, there were two handwritten signs. And I mean handwritten on like, you know, white printer paper. They just like taped the shit out of it. The first one said, no pets allowed. Like, no! But then right under it, well, service animals are welcome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is, you know, normally the standard, I think. And then also there was a huge piece of paper that said, push! animals are welcome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is normally the standard, I think. And then also there was a huge piece of paper that said, push! Push hard! Push hard! Push hard! Yeah. Which is a horrible way for a door to open into a room that's that small.

Into a room that does not fit people. If anyone's in there, you're gonna kill them with the door. Exactly. You're gonna be crushed behind the door because you're pushing hard. Yeah. Push hard. It'll be funny. Yeah. We talked about it in our last Fizzleways episode. It is so small

in there, and this time we went in and there were more people that weren't just working there, although one woman was back in the kitchen and then came back out and waited for her food. So I don't know if she was making it and then coming back or what. She should have been an off-duty Fazoli's.

That's sad. Don't eat at Fazoli's if you work there. I don't know. I'm just saying. She looked pretty comfortable in the kitchen. Go next door to Mangia La Pasta, which is also, we think, Fazoli. It might be, yeah. Look, she may have worked there, she may not have,

but if it was anything like us standing in the front, no one was going to acknowledge her or stop her. So he probably could have just walked into the kitchen and made her on food, and the employees would do nothing. We talk about it some in Ride Along, but I really want to get into it in the episode because I have a lot to say about this. I am

furious. I would never reach a point where I'm complaining to the restaurant about these people. Because I have an outlet. Eric's a customer and he deserves to be treated with respect.

How dare you treat me this way? I came here to be served. Gracie, it was like if you died in a movie and then became a ghost and you didn't know you were a ghost and people looked right through you. It was fucking, there were four of us and a man working at Fazoli's

who acknowledged a woman who was also on the phone but then looked, not at us, threw us to the door, and then turned around. No one to acknowledge us because our pickup order was sitting right there. Not in the pickup area, but behind the register,

on a shelf, under a sign that said, Island Time. Okay, Nick said he could feed off. Yeah, yeah. He could feel the anger coming from him. He is... I'm so mad.

And then Nick the whole time going, ooh, candy, ooh, candy. Oh, I can buy candy. Ooh, cheesecake. Jesus Christ. In the fazoles? Oh, there was a handwritten sign. Gracie, there was a handwritten sign.

There was another handwritten note. His place was covered with them. Taped to the register that said, ask us about $2 candy bars. We're trying. For a child. Yeah, we're trying to raise money for a student or something. It was like clearly some sort of fun drive that a student was doing. And their parent works at the Fazoli's.

Right. Nick's saying that he would have bought five candy bars. He whipped out 10 bucks and he had it the whole time. The only reason we didn't... Well, because Eric was about to start punching. The only reason we didn't do it is because the amount of complications that would have ensued...

We would still be there! We would still be there. We walked in and our food was ready from the time we got there, sitting on the counter. We just had no way to get it. And he's not exaggerating. In the tiny little lobby there is, there was still one the time we got there. Sitting on the counter. We just had no way to get it. And he's not exaggerating. In the tiny little lobby there is,

there was still one of those pickup cubbies where it's like, put your food in here. And now, possibly, it wasn't in there because the pizza box wouldn't fit. Everything else would have fit, though. Nothing was in there. It was behind the register. But to make it clear,

it wasn't like a food table behind the register. Imagine there's a register and Imagine there's like a register And then there's just like A counter behind them And there's like paperwork And all kinds of shit on it And the food was thrown on that It's kind of, you know when you go through a drive-thru

And there's the person working And you can tell that's their drink Yeah, I was gonna say I thought it was their food Cause it's like off to the side Or it's in a corner It was like that. Like,

food shoved in the corner under some mail. And we're looking at it from the second we walk in. This guy doesn't, like again, not I'll be with you in a second. Nothing.

Just like we're dead people. I thought he was mad at us. Like it was our, it was our anniversary and we went to the restaurant and she signed the bill, the tab and just went, happy anniversary, and walked away. And Bruce Willis is like, oh, man.

Oh, wow. And then it turns out he just, we were dead. He's dead the whole time. He got shot. Yep. That's what happened. It is a woman who was in the back and saw us the whole time, eventually came up and was like, oh, can I help you?

Oh, here's your shit in this corner over here. you go dipshit here you go fucking moron you look dumb as fuck here you go she's the one who talks to the customer yes the other guy looks through you yeah yeah so she gave us our food and before it's even in our hands nick is out the door. Gone. Out the door. We are hands full. There's so much food here. There is a pizza. There's 32 breadsticks.

There's two things of these pastas each. And we have these little mozzarella bites. Bag, bag, bag, bag, bag pizza box. We're loaded up and I go to like hand some to Nick so we can all walk to the car gone gone didn't stick around to buy candy well we told him we told him to get stuff the cash away but i was the one opening the door to get us out of there as soon as possible and nick was just like all right we're. And then we had to take a picture in front of the restaurant. And then Nick was still leaving.

Yeah, and then Nick was like, here you go. And he handed you guys the bags and then he was gone again. And he was going to the car. He was going to the car to get it ready for us. So that's why he's climbing

all over the front of Jordan's car. Eric's just like, I can do the thing when you're shaking. He's like, I just feel like, and he kept doing it in the restaurant. And then when Nick left, you went, Nick's out of here.

Yeah. Like Eric's pre-rage gets so pent up that like. It starts coming out. Anything will set him off. It's just like, oh, Nick's walking. Yeah. I mean, basically. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why. In my ear the whole time. You getting breadsticks? Cheesecake. You getting breadsticks? Are you getting breadsticks? I pointed out the getting breadsticks? Are you getting breadsticks? I pointed out the cheesecake.

I mean, you pointed it. You thought I pointed it out. Honestly, my bad. And Nick probably went, ooh! That's exactly what happened! Or something like that. And so he targeted you for it. Ooh is going to get more attention than a point.

Yeah, it's true. It's going to happen. Little does Eric know that I knew exactly what was going to happen. And here's the thing. And I was like, ooh, Mick, look at this. I was potentially on board with it, too, because it was pumpkin, it's Halloween, and it was immediately Eric looking at him going, no.

Did not get it. We have to get out of here. We have to get out of here. Oh my god. It was $4.59. I don't know why he needed a one-week pay-per-view. I don't know why

he wrote that down either. But that's how much... Good deal? I mean, it was cheap for one slice. It's not cheap at all. Nope. He had a 10, though.

That doesn't make any sense. He could have got two. But it was less than the money I had. Don't throw up. Eric laughed out of burp. He's turning into Gavin. Don't get burpy.

Who carries cash? He basically just now, I think he's making the point where essentially if it's cash, it's free. Yes. It's money already spent on your account. It's not garbage paper. This is free. He's doing girl math? It's got garbage paper. This is free. He's doing girl math.

That's real girl math. He was like, well, if it's $4.59, I have to get ready at $2, which means I have to be home by 1 because I got to relax. It is. I knew going to Fazoli's was going to be a thing and it was when we had to make the left turn to go down the beat up road when the left turn doesn't

take you down the road you have to make a small U-turn it's a J-turn it's the craziest fucking thing that road is insane it's full of potholes cars are kicking up dust. You know it's a good road when you can't really see the end of it because of all the dust.

Dude, the cars kicking up dust is pretty normal in Texas. Not normal in Austin. Right. You're just dum-da-dum-dum-dum. We're on a dirt road? What the hell? It's mostly dirt because of the potholes. I had to do some maneuvering on the way in.

I feel like you did more maneuvering than you needed to, but I was for it. It felt like D-Box. I think he was working for us. If you want to see it, it's on Ride Along. You can see us get tossed the fuck around. The other, going back down that road, not as potholes. I had to make more maneuvers on the other side. I think

that road, from the point you enter it, and then the point where you come out in hell, is like that parking lot well you gotta go through those gates that are open and those are the gates of hell we have to go through these gates until like a business park where you go I don't think we're supposed to

it looks like there's a bunch of trucks loading am I gonna get in someone's way? yeah I feel like that strip of road might not be American soil like just it's not maintained Yeah. I feel like that strip of road might not be American soil. Like just like it's not maintained or anything like so it's like somehow that's a territory that isn't technically on U.S. soil. It's a shit show.

Who was the journalist? It's like war torn. Who was the journalist who come to find out was like kind of lying about going to like Afghanistan and covering the war and stuff. Brian Williams. Oh yeah. Exaggerated story. Yeah. Cause he got hit by a missile. And it was like,

well, do you think that's the road he went to? Yeah. Yeah. He just stood there. They filmed it. Via satellite, Brian Williams.

And then like a Chevrolet Tahoe goes behind the back. His, his daughter was on that show girls and, but she got on that before he was exposed, so she could still be on it, but I think the nepotism wore out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty tough.

Sorry. Man. You guys like Fazoli's or what? Well, he answered immediately. Somehow, someway. You're talking to Nick, right? This is the third time I'm eating it. I can't say it's warming up to me. That's crazy. We've eaten this. I Nick, right? This is the third time I'm eating it. I can't say it's warming up to me.

We've eaten this. I know, right? But it's the first time it smelled and tasted like cigarettes. How have we gone here more than Olive Garden? And yes, why did it smell like cigarettes? It got increasingly more cigarette-y as we opened more dishes. Right. There was like, I think Eric detected it first and was like Something smells like cigarettes

He was like standing over there Something over here smells like cigarettes And then Michael you kind of smelled it And then you opened I think the Supreme one I was sniffing the sausage first And I was like oh I got a little bit And you were like it's the Supreme I opened the Supreme and it was like

I just licked an ashtray Then you said it's like you're a kid again, back at Denny's. Back at Denny's. You know, smoking or non-smoking. Doesn't fucking matter. They're right next to each other. Do I want smoke wafting into my face or being directly blown into my face? It doesn't really matter.

Oh, I'm at the bowling alley? Surrounded by 90-year-old men and cigars. So, these pizza bakes, they're pizza-baked pasta. Pizza bakes! They're pizza-bakedold men and cigars. So these pizza bakes, they're pizza-baked pasta. Pizza bakes! They're pizza-baked... You said it weird. Pizza-baked pastas.

What does that mean? What's the baking part of it? Well, you bake it on, like, a pizza. Yeah. Right. That's kind of why I'm confused. Are you baking the pasta instead of boiling it in water?

I think that you make the pasta normal style, and then you put cheese and crap on top of it, and then you throw it in the oven. You throw it in the cigarette ash. Yeah, you put it in. Well, you drop it. You ash your cigarette, and you go, here, I got to make it the same,

so you put it in the other one also. Now they'll never suspect it. They'll just think the food smells like cigarettes. They won't think one is messed up. They'll think this is how they all are. I can't be more clear. It's not burnt. It's not burnt. It's not smoke.

It's cigarette. I have smelled burnt food before. It doesn't smell like an ashtray. It's an ashtray. It doesn't even smell like a fresh cigarette burning. It smells like old cigarettes. Like an ashtray would. It smells like walking into how Vegas used to smell.

It really is like you're walking into Circus Circus and you just go, fuck. It reminds me of when they had the ashtrays outside of stores and stuff. Like next to the trash can. Sometimes it's built into the trash can. It's the smell I've phased out of my life. Which is crazy how a smell

can just take you back to a certain time in your life. But when I was a kid, I was just the right height to walk into Target and walk right by those. Yep. And then you were telling us about Lucy's. Yeah. Just buying single cigarettes.

Sometimes people would buy a single cigarette. That sounds very Jersey. I had never heard of that. Yes, it does. Yeah. It'd be like It sounds like you only do it when it's raining outside and you come in wet. You do it'd be like... It sounds like you only do it when it's raining outside and you come in wet. You do it when you can't afford a pack of cigarettes. That's when you do it.

You have a dollar or two dollars, and you're like, can I get a Lucy? Dude, you could buy ten cigarettes. You could buy ten cigarettes, which you were like, I think that's highly illegal. I'm sure it is. I'm pretty sure it's super illegal. I think it would be more like if you knew the guy at the store.

And then that guy would just literally sell you like one. Because everybody smokes. And he'd be like, I'll sell you one in my pocket for $1. Yep. Saw it all the time. Smoking. It's all crinkled. Smoking smells so bad and is so bad for you.

But boy, nothing looks cooler than smoking a cigarette. That's why you stick with candy cigarettes. That's what I'm saying. Fun for everyone. There's something about... I want to be cool like that camel. I got to be like that camel. Fucking camel, so cool.

There's something so cool looking about a cigarette that has never been replaced because what they replaced it with is robot fingers. The dorkiest thing in the world. Oh, God. So let me just plug my USB-C into my smoking device. Yeah, dude. That's how you do it. Beep, boop, boop.

The ones and zeros. I was just going to say that. Hey, let me light this spliff One zero zero one zero Injection complete Oh man I have now smoked one cigarette You don't

It's hard It's You don't see the ads About vaping Like You know cigarettes It's like You know it's like

Cigarettes are bad for you Don't do it to look cool No one Accuses vaping of looking cool No Right Yeah like you know cigarettes it's like you know it's like cigarettes are bad for you don't do it to look cool no one accuses vaping of looking cool no right yeah that's one angle that they don't have to attack anymore picture James Dean ripping clouds

oh man what kind of rig would he be working with the good the bad and the ugly it's just these huge plumes. Right. He does a fucking strawberry water. I was going to say, what fucking flavor do you think he's going for?

Cherry lime. Cherry lime. Pilgrim? Oh, my God. He was looking at you, kid. Oh, hold on. Hold on. It ran out.

Hang on. Hang on. I'm shorted. Oh, man. You have to be 21 to buy cigarettes now. Like, it was like a grandfathered in thing where you didn't have to. Now you have to. And it's like, yeah, I'm sure people aren't buying cigarettes now.

Yeah. Well, it's also, it's different every state. Yeah. Is that here? I think, I think you'd be 21 here. Jersey? it was 18 for everyone when I was a kid. And then when I was, after

I turned 18, it became 19. Really? Yeah. Wow, that's weird. And it wasn't like grandfather. Yeah. So there was a time I could have bought cigarettes for like a couple months, and then I couldn't for another couple months, and then I could again. So funny. That's hilarious. Yeah. couple months and then I couldn't for another couple months and then I could again.

That's hilarious. Yeah. The thing I feel like has replaced, you know, other than like vaping, is those Zin pouches that are like the little nicotine pouches. Have you seen these? Do they put those in the fazoles? I think that's why it tastes like that. Yeah, they're trying to get you addicted. Is it like different?

I love fazoles. I'm getting mad not eating it. Zin pouches are for people that follow barstool sports on every social media and play pickleball, but due to peer pressure. Right. Like that is what zin pouches are for. If you're listening to this and you just popped one, I'm making fun of you specifically. And also you are a mark. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm making fun of you. No. Yeah. No. Where do you put yours, Michael? How could you? I don't know. I think at the bottom of my pasta tray or something. I think that's where my zins go. Alright, we're talking too much about cigarettes.

Oh, we gotta do a haiku. I'm worried it's gonna Oh, Nick's gonna get, Nick's gonna start getting scratchy. Well, he came over He came over and smelled it and he went Oh, that takes me to start getting scratchy. He's not going to have to. He can just eat this. He came over and smelled it, and he went, oh, that takes me back. Maybe that's all you need. Yeah, but you really don't know with him if it's the cigarettes or the Fazolis. That's what started getting him into cigarettes. He was spying.

Nobody in his family smoked, and then he ate Fazolis one time, and he's like, I'm kind of into smoking. Fazolis is a gateway drug. Oh, man. I wish I would have put that in the haiku. Oh, fuck. Keeps you thin, though. Yeah, absolutely.

Keeps you thin. It's called a diarrhea. Zero fiber meals. I gave up Fazoli's, but I just gained so much weight when I quit. Grease weight. A good food made worse. Pasta disguised as pizza. Nice try, Fazoli.

That might be your best haiku. Starting off with a good food, it really gives you whiplash. Good food made worse is so funny. I feel like they're trying to trick people into, it's pizza, come get it. Wait a minute. I feel like nice try, Fazoli would be a good catchphrase. Some sort of New York character. Oh, nice try, Fazoli. Oh, nice try, Fazoli. Oh my good catchphrase. Some sort of New York character. Oh, Nice Try Fazoli.

Oh, Nice Try Fazoli. Oh, my God. All right. Are we ready to learn a little bit about Fazoli? I don't know. We're only 22 minutes into the episode. What else is there to learn? Yeah.

What do you mean? It says it right there. Fazoli's facts. Dude, I don't remember this. The last one was not good. We're going to need numbers. It says Fazoli's. All right.

It does say Fazoli's. It does say Fazoli's. I can't wait until next episode When it also says Faxolies I don't want to gloss over it He also wrote a Pinzoli Yeah I think His opinions would have been better there None of it would have been better

You know what I say to that? Nice try Faxolies Oh come on! Our previous Fazoli's episode was released May 23rd, 2022, where we participated in Lasagna Fest and ate sweet bacon glazed wings. It received an average score of 37.5. Did we have to go somewhere specific for Lasagna Fest and ate sweet bacon glazed wings. It received an average score of 37.5. Did we have to go somewhere specific for Lasagna Fest? No, we brought it back with us.

Was it a time and a place thing? Did we need to buy tickets? We got the Lasagna Fest lasagnas, brought them back here, and then Chris ate so many of them. Shane is going crazy. He smells the fazoles in the cigarettes. I mean, come take it. The sharks are circling.

They are. They heard about the fazoles and they can't wait. It's blood and water. You got pasta in here that tastes like cigarettes? I mean, feel free to take it. Don't let it go cold. Honestly, it's the kind of food Shane would like, I think. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Don't let the smoke deter you. After selling to fat brands, that's all capital. In 2021, Fazoli's president and CEO, all capital. Carl Howard retired just one short year later for quote,

personal reasons and quote, taking time for my health. On his LinkedIn, Carlis himself, as the first ballot, Fazoli's hall of Fame inductee 2023, truly making him the Ray Lewis of giving you diarrhea. On his LinkedIn, I had to see where he was working.

He's on the board of something, whatever. But he lists himself as... Big tobacco. He lists himself as a first ballot Hall of Famer for Fazoli's. But he also is a... It says... Gracie, can you read that at the top? It's like the inductee.

Is that the right guy? No, that is a different Carll howard whoa yeah that's crazy um he also lists himself as like the fast food fast casual dining hall of fame inaugural class and it's like i did you make this up and i think the answer is yes. But first ballot, Fazoli's Hall of Fame, I think is fucking cool. That is pretty cool. Yeah.

Yeah. So. And that was just this year. Yeah. Who knows it's going to get next year. I think cigarettes is 2022, 2024 Hall of Fame. I mean,

to be in the first ballot, Fazoli's Hall of Famer is pretty impressive. Yeah. I mean, also I'm confused too of Famer is pretty impressive. Yeah. I mean, also, I'm confused, too, because, like, he retired in 2022. Yeah. So how did he make it in 2023? Well, you have to retire, and then typically—

Oh, I see. And then in, like, baseball, you have to retire, and then five years later, you can become—you're eligible to be in the Hall of Fame. That's what he did. But if he doesn't get in, do the writers get, like, a chance to vote him in later? Yeah, they have a chance. Well, it's crazy. He's, like's unanimous. He's the Mariano Rivera of Fazoli's Hall of Fame.

Is he the only one who votes? Yeah, absolutely. He went, me? I feel like putting that on your LinkedIn is a very LinkedIn thing to do. I feel like LinkedIn is the most cultish of all social media platforms. It's a lot of everyone thinking they're some sort of thought leader and business whiz and everyone kind of agreeing

with them or whoever's posting to be like, oh, we're on the same wavelength. Can you hire me? It's all the weirdest networking. It is the weirdest networking. It's gross. You're going it make it LinkedIn You don't have a LinkedIn then who am I connected to? Oh, no

My Lincoln mentioned my LinkedIn or my Lincoln Abe style. Does it mention my taco pass? Not yet. No, you just made like a 5,000 word post about how brilliant it is and a great business opportunity to Synergize the taco marketplace and i was like i was like this is michael yeah yeah this is definitely michael then then i and then someone saw that one million dollars they heard me wow million dollars linkedin networking it works next fact in 2022 that was last year this is before he was inducted uh Fat Brands acquired Nestle Tollhouse Cafe and turned them all

into Great American Cookies I assume that's the name of it not they turned the cafes into cookies correct Fat Brands CEO Boo style

uh Andy Widerhorn Weiderhorn said we want to grow the brands that we already have then

we'll continue to acquire strategically if we can find interesting acquisitions that we already have. Then we'll continue to acquire strategically if we can find interesting acquisitions that are either easy to onboard to our platform. What? Yeah. What? There was no other to the either.

There's no follow-up. Wirehorn is still under SEC investigation for, quote, running fat brands into the ground and bleeding it of its cash and resigned in disgrace. This guy should run for president. He's truly the SBF of Fazoli's.

What was that gibberish I just read? Well, he was either running fat brands into the ground and bleeding it of its cash. Yes. fat brands into the ground and bleeding it of its cash? Yes. And so he had to resign in disgrace? That hurt as I was getting through it. It really got to the point where you're like, I am

just reading words I don't know. Either I'll stay. Well, let's go to the next fact. Here we go. Since Widerhorn stepped down, two CEOs have been appointed to work together to oversee fat brands. While they're working to overcome the previous regime, the previous regime actually still owns 55% of fat brands while they are being investigated by federal authorities

on accusations of securities and wire fraud, money laundering, and attempted tax evasion. Cool. This just seems like it's prime for some sort of succession style dramatization. In four years, a Blackberry-style movie about fat browns and fazoles. 100%. Oh, my God. This makes a lot of sense.

I feel that energy when we were at the Fazoli right yeah the chaos truly does trickle down well I'm bleeding this dry good luck that's how it feels walking into that restaurant bad

is he going to continue to own 55% of it when he's in jail he stepped down and he's like don't worry my family still owns this and he's like, don't worry, my family still owns this. And it's like, that's what I'm worried about. Like, yeah, right. I also noticed that fat

is always capitalized. Does it stand for something? Fatburger. It is the original, that is the first brand in that fat brand is Fatburger and they own a bunch

of other things. They own like Johnny Rockets and shit. Another place that is purely chaos. Yes. They do the dancing. I hate Johnny Rockets so much. Fucking.

That place sucks. I hate Johnny Rockets. It was at the mall. Yeah, it's always at the mall. I've never seen one not at a mall. They're dancing. Yep. They got the malts.

Yep. Yep. Hey, slick guy. I would never, thankfully. I'm jazzed you're here. Thankfully, my parents never, like, would go in there and take me along with them. But we would always walk by because it was, like, you know, on the thoroughfare of the mall. And boy, was it always loud and I never wanted to go in there.

It was like choosing to go into a restaurant where you're guaranteed to get panhandled. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you know what I'd love to do while I eat? Have something happen around me that I hate and is in my fucking face and it's super loud and annoying. I would love for that to happen while I'm eating a fucking $20 cheeseburger. Oh, Johnny Rockets. Great.

I remember Rocco from Mega64. We were talking about Johnny Rockets like years ago and he just went, look, it's a restaurant where they do something. He said they do something with the ketchup. I don't know what they do, but the fact that they do anything with the ketchup makes me not want to go. That's why he doesn't want to go?

Are they insisting? Like if you ask for ketchup or whatever, I think that they draw like a rocket a rocket on, like, a plate and give you the ketchup that way. And he's just like, just give me the fact that you have to do something with it. Fuck that shit. We'll bring your ketchup right out in about 25 minutes.

Don't let those fries get cold. We're teaching the new guy how to draw the rocket. The guy who draws is taking a shit right now, so we got to wait for him before we can give you your ketchup. He does not wash his hands. He never. It's the secret ingredient.

Last fact. Despite the negativity from Eric, Fazoli's ranks 201 in Franchise Time's Top 400 Franchises list, stating that sales are up and, quote,

Fazoli's restaurants offer unlimited breadsticks, end quote. So if you're looking for a succession style opportunity that overlaps with some really middling drive-thru spaghetti, look no further than Lexington, Kentucky-based Italian-American eatery Fazoli's. You can't

make a tomlet without breaking some Greggs. Tomlet. Boo. That is succession. Yeah. Now I see why you brought it up Yep That was not on purpose I did not read ahead

No you brought it together That was quite That was quite serendipitous He incepted it He incepted it Also I definitely Rizzoli's doesn't offer

Unlimited breadsticks No they don't And also how are they Right in the middle Of the top 400 Isn't that insane That was the How bad are the other

199 You think they would be 350 or lower Yeah But I guess I can't the top 400. Isn't that insane? How bad are the other 199? You'd think they would be 350 or lower. But I guess I can't really name 200 fast food restaurants. Any restaurants? It's a top 400 list. There's 350 restaurants. Dude. There's 201.

Yep. Oh my god. I wonder where Johnny Rockets is. So Gracie is looking it up right now It is in the worst format I've ever seen Where they only give you 20 at a time And then at the bottom It's like 1 through 90

That you have to like click on Gotta get them clicks Click through Are you clicking through 203 is Dave's Hot Chicken. Wow, really? That should be way higher. Oh, 209, Shipley's Donuts.

Okay. 210, Golden Chip. Wait, hold on. 214, Johnny Rockets. No! I'm starting to think that the rankings... Shipley's Donuts is behind this? Crazy.

Crazy. The rankings in franchise times probably doesn't have very much to do with quality. No. And more about how big they are. No. Crazy. The rankings in franchise times probably doesn't have very much to do with quality and more about how big they are. No. Yeah. Because Shipley's not a big company. So I can't. And neither is Dave's Hot Chicken.

Can you tell us what's right ahead of? What's 200? Yeah. I'm very curious to see what is right around that. I'm just going to. McDonald's. 200 is the cleaning authority. What the fuck is that?

Okay, so anything notable right above it? Is that food? Clean food. Notable? No. There's not— Oh, okay. Here's the, I guess, most notable.

181, Wienerschnitzel. Nick is screaming. Nick saw the Wienerschnitzel logo and screamed Wienerschnitzel. He yelled Wienerschnitzel. Oh, my God. He saw the W. Wienerschnitzel. It starts with W. What's one of the last letters?

Around 180 is fair for Wienerschnitzel. Fasoli's being 201 is nuts. It's fucking dog shit. I definitely think this is like size of business versus quality of food.

Because number one is McDonald's. What's number two? 7-Eleven. Wow. Okay, keep going. Number three, Burger King, Ace Hardware, Chick-fil-A, Subway, Domino's, Circle K, Taco Bell. It's definitely franchises. Taco Bell's number 10? 10 is the amount of dollars you have to spend to get

the taco pass. Well, 10.83. Oh, that's right. Sorry. 1.83 is Wienerschnitzel. Wow. Oh. It's all coming full. It's based on sales, not number of franchises.

Wow. Okay. See, that makes sense. But the fuck are they selling 200 with 200? This is for people who use LinkedIn.

The guy who's in the Fazoli's Hall of Fame. Yeah. Oh, it only counts if you make a purchase at this place and you're logged into LinkedIn. That's right.

Right? So the pool is smaller. This is definitely food that I don't know who it's for. We've talked about it being experienced eater food where if you're old, they give you a discount. But like I. The only way they can get their grips in you. Don't grip me They're gonna grip you But it's only when you're a kid

You get gripped at a young age And then you keep going back He's been gripped Burger King style Just so you know when Jordan kept saying grip He had a three fingered claw To me that's gripping Cause he's not grabbing He's gripping. Because he's not grabbing. He's gripping.

Right. Yeah. Grabbing is full hands. I don't agree with that. They're going to swoop down. They're going to grip you. They're going to take off. Fazoli's is a hawk in the sky, and you as a child are a small chihuahua dog. And you're getting picked up whether you want it or not. And if your parents don't give you, like, the

spiky suit to keep you safe, then Fazoli's is going to take you away. You'll eat there until you're an experienced eater. Exactly. That's why they have that program. So we eat the limited food at Fazoli's. Like that's. Begrudgingly, yes.

Right. I'll say that a lot of times the limited food at restaurants, I find it to be probably worse than what you would typically get at one of these places. I agree. Sometimes it's better. Sometimes you get a cool thing. Maybe whatever. You might get a pretzel pub. Right. You might get something. And then it sticks around because it's so good. Exactly. Until it's gone again.

But those are the standouts, right? That's like not the norm. Do you think, taking out of account the limited food, do you think regular Fazoli's food is any different than this? Well, Nick does. Well, I will say, for this is what, the third time we've been there? Uh-huh.

I don't even remember going twice before. I will say the other two times, I didn't, I wasn't eating cigarette butts. That's true. So I feel like that might be exclusive to this. Yeah. And Jordan has left. Yeah, well, he's mad about the cigarettes. He's stormed off.

He kept saying, I want more cigarettes. Oh, no. Yeah. I do think that, like, I'm not saying we should give Fazoli's regular food a shot. I don't think it's going to be any better than this. It's not. Right? Because we also

got the pizza and that's something I wanted to talk about. The reason we got the pizza was because I want, these are the pizza bakes. I wanted something to judge the pizza bakes against, and that would be the regular pizza. When I opened it and showed it to Jordan, he went, you could have at least got pepperoni. And Michael, I did. It was pepperoni pizza and it was cooked like shit and it felt like shit and when I carried it from the car, I said, this pizza feels like shit. The sign says it doesn't count,

it's a side. What does not count? The pizza? The pizza doesn't count. What I'm saying is that... I don't know what he's... What he was saying, count for the score?

Yeah, no, it doesn't count for the score. But what I'm saying is that it counts as regular food at Fazoli's. Right. And that's what I'm saying. Like, do we ever try the regular food? Could it be better? There's no way. We got a hard no from Gracie and a hard yes from Nick.

Freak style. The one time we disagree. Yeah, right. No kidding. Trust me, you want that. I just can't imagine that what you would get would be any different than this. Well, I mean, the pasta is going to be the same, right? Right. Because that's piled under it.

It's that minus cigarette butts on top. I was traumatized by fazolis as a child. Really? Like the restaurant or the man? The food. Nice try, fazolis. By Carl Howard. I hate that guy.

Did your parents take you to Fazoli's a lot? So, I have two older brothers. They were obsessed with Fazoli's but we don't have them or at least I don't know if we did.

In Dallas, we don't have them so road trips, if we pass one, fuck, all hell was breaking loose in that car and we were going to Fazoli's.

Oh my God. She grew up with Knicks. I would get so upset every time we had to go there because I hated it. And the streak finally ended when my brother ordered chicken Alfredo. He bit into the chicken and there was a bone. No! Fazzoli's bone.

And we never went back. Nice try, Fazzoli. Dude. Being traumatized by Fazzoli's is very funny. And also your older brothers are just nick. That's hilarious. That's the equivalent of the hawk just dropping you. That's right.

Honestly, it's kind of scary in the moment, but in the long run. You might have a chance. Right, but in the long run, thank goodness.

If you can land on all fours like a cat, you might be able to get out of there. If your brother's road trip stop was Fazoli's, did you get one?

Did you have one or no? No, because I was the youngest. I just had to go where they wanted me to go. Damn. Wow. You didn't freak out when you saw a Dunkin' Donuts or something? Damn. That's wild.

Oh, y'all will enjoy this. Guess what their second favorite was? What? Burger King. No! What the hell? I hated road trips as a kid. You were a bad kid.

Oh, you don't want to go to any good food. I just bring a bag full of Cheez-Its and I just eat that. It's pretty good protein. God. Did you talk about the pizza when I stepped in? Yes. He started talking about how much he liked it. No. I was saying that the regular food, that's why we got the pizza, to see if it's any better than this.

But it's fucking not. No. There's no way. It's not. The pizza was bad pizza. Nick thinks it is any better than this, but it's fucking not no, there's no way it's not Yeah, it is Nick's wrong, baby All right. Hey, you know what? I don't know what that means Like what does that mean?

I mean like pizza as none of these dead, but yeah what but also i get what you're saying like restaurant standards but pizza isn't a side so i don't like the fact that they're giving it to you extra with the food doesn't make it a side dish it's pizza yeah pizza's an entree i also think that it's a good way to judge what the other food is here because if the pizza fucking sucks the pasta probably sucks and guess what happened with the pizza hey we haven't rated it yet. Oh, that's right. I wonder what it's going to be. 88's all around, huh? Your negativity isn't welcome here. Hey, but before we rate it, let's learn about the food.

Fazzoli's Pizza Baked Pasta. The classic pizza baked pasta is back. Better than before. This time featuring a penne pasta smothered in the chain's signature zesty pizza bake sauce. Is that what that was? Loaded with mozzarella and pepperoni and then baked to sizzling perfection. Guests can elevate the dish by opting for the meaty pizza baked pasta.

The meaty. Why wasn't there a space there? Don't know. Copy. Okay. I want you to know that what I have here is copied and pasted directly because I would never expect Hey, when we when we get through it very excited Okay, elevate the dish by opting for the meaty pizza baked pasta

Which includes the classic ingredients plus Italian sausage and bacon or the brand new supreme pizza baked pasta? Made with the classic ingredients Italian sauce, there needs to be a period somewhere. Keep going! Italian sausage, bacon, red and green, peppers, onions, and mushrooms, period. Period. All three renditions of the dish are available through the end of the year, giving customers

plenty of time to try all three at restaurants system-wide. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? Does this take place in Tron? Did AI write this? You can now enjoy all three at restaurants

system wide. Uploading pizza bake into your e-cigarette. Download flavor into your tummy data bank today. Pizza bake flavored e-cig 1001. Are you gonna, you thinking about

driving outside the system later? I'm thinking that this is the food they make them eat in the Matrix. The only thing that exists

outside of the, when you're unplugged is fazoles on the Nebuchadnezzar. It comes out of a tube and goes in a little slob bowl. It's cool,

but it tastes like fazoles. I get why Joey Pants says his ignorance is blissful. He's eating that steak, man. I would make the same choice. I'd turn on him also, brother. I understand. Plug me in. You just start turning on everyone and be like, I can't eat fazoli for another day.

Do it. It tastes like cigarettes. The agents promised me real food. Press the material. Yeah. At Fazoli's, we're dedicated to crafting innovative Italian dishes. The hell you are. Said Tisha, or Tisha, Bartlett, vice president of marketing at Fazoli's.

The return of our pizza baked pastas is a celebration of that commitment. And we're eager for our devoted fans to once again enjoy a quintessential Fazoli's classic. Wow, you haven't eaten Fazoli's until you've eaten this. If you want to

judge Fazoli's by something, brother, it's this one right here. Yeah. Start with one of its signature dishes. Also a little contradictory. Do you like cigarettes? Contradictory to say we're innovating Italian dishes. Also, this is a classic. Yeah.

I guess this is a thing that they had before because a lot of the other information that I found was the last time they did this. And I'm so glad it's this. The last time they did this, and I'm so glad it's this. The last time they did this, it was spaghetti. They just put spaghetti in the bowl and then all this shit on top. They put pepperoni on top of it. And they made it taste like cigarettes. It's like the worst version of this.

Cigarette spaghetti. This is a step up from cigarette spaghetti. It's the craziest shit. I'm tired. I'll be honest. I'm tired. I'll be honest. I'm tired of fazoli. This food, I'm just like,

made me sleepy, man. I'm just sitting here. It's all just soft mush. It's soft mush, and then... Soft mush, grease mush. Soft mush, grease mush. What's that smell?

Dude. That's that smell? Dude. Yeah. That's it. Yep. The flavor, cigarettes. The texture, mush. Yep. I mean, really, like, we could spend time really talking about what these are.

I think they all... And we'll do that now. I think they all kind of tasted the same. Except for one of them smelled like cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah, they really did all taste the same. Except for one of them smelled like cigarettes. Yeah, they really did all taste the same. Like, I wasn't like, ooh, the pepperoni one is so

good, or, ooh, the cigarette one is so bad. They were all the same. I was like that. I was like, the cigarette one is so bad. I was definitely like that. But you could say that about all of them. You couldn't really tell the difference outside of the cigarette flavor.

Right, but that was the difference. Yep. One definitely had more cigarette than other. So it was the supreme. I mean, you might. There was the least cigarette, the middle cigarette, and then the most cigarette. The least cigarette. It was a real Goldilocks cigarette situation.

It was Goldilocks, but she didn't find any that was just right. No. How much cigarettes do you want? She'd be like, I guess the pepperoni one? If you feel like we're really hammering it, I can't explain it to you in any other way that I've never eaten food that smells and tastes like cigarettes. And so in the year...

And I've eaten cigarettes. I've eaten food and cigarettes a lot. And to experience this in 2023, I just can't wrap my head around it. I've eaten food around cigarettes. Even then, you don't quite get cigarette flavor in it. I've never had a cigarette myself,

but I've been second-hand eat a cigarette. I just think you'd look really cool if you did. See what sucks is that I know you're right. And then it would make nick want to look cool oh yeah i'm gonna you imagine that fucking monkey mess with little burn holes all in it yeah smoking cigarettes this fucking cherry just lighting it up i'm gonna bring some candy cigarettes and light it up with nick we do face jam hand-rolled cigarettes. Oh! And like the monkey in a leather jacket smoking a Siggy's on the box.

He can't wait. He's right. Give him a pack of darks. Don't go crazy. Like the Humitador or whatever. At the Total Wine. He's just got a heater. Ripping a heater out front.

The fucking monkey mask in a leather jacket. It's just so cool. It's coming so cool. It's coming out the face. Yeah. The ears coming out the ears. Oh, man. All right, Jordan, what do you think of the pizza pasta bakes? What did we say?

Mush, cigarette. Is there anything we didn't cover? The pizza was also bad. Breadsticks, probably the best part. Yeah. They're like they're like the dollar store version of Olive Garden. But there's still the best part. Yeah. They're like the dollar store version of Olive Garden. I agree. But they're still the best thing ever as always. Like they're good enough.

Buttery and cheesy. Yeah really just like looking at them you'd be like they look a little off. And then you take a bite and you're like they taste a little worse but they're still pretty good. Better than the rest of the slop. The mozzarella bites dipped into the mozzarella dip was pretty good.

Okay, all right, fuck off. Shut up. Yeah, Eric was big on the mozzarella sauce. Marinara bits dipped into the mozzarella. I opened, I opened the mozzarella bites

and Nick came swooping over like the Fazoli's hawk. He did. And I had to guard them while asking, oh, there was supposed to be a dipping sauce and I couldn't think

of the word marinara, and I said mozzarella. I immediately said, what the fuck did you say to me? So I've been hammered for that for about an hour now. And Nick was just swooping over to grab snacks. I gotta be honest, I also thought the mozzarella bites were weird.

There's something weird about them. Either the breading or the cheese. Something's like weird. There's some salt going on. There's a weird about them. Either the breading or the cheese. Something's like weird. There's some salt going on. There's a weird like immediate taste when you bite into it. Because usually if a mozzarella stick is off, there's two reasons. It's the cheese. Well, it's either the cheese sucks or it's not

like melted right. You know when it's like dry on the inside or the breading's whack. I can't tell you what it is. I just went, this is just like fazoles. It was just what was wrong with it? Came from fazoles. That makes sense. You don't tell you what it is. I just went, this is like fazoli's. What was wrong with it? Came from fazoli's. That makes sense. You don't really need to elaborate more than that. I think the breadsticks were the best part.

The next best was probably the pizza. Which wasn't good. The pizza was better than every pasta dish. And, I cannot stress this enough, the pizza was bad. It sucked. Yeah. I want to give it a low I want to give it a 23. And I cannot stress this enough, the pizza was bad. Yeah, it sucked. Yeah, it sucked.

I want to give it a 23, but that's my birthday. And it's Gracie's dog's birthday. That's Gracie's dog's birthday. So I don't want to besmirch the number by associating it with Fazoli's. Gracie's dog would not have it. So I'm going to give it a 22. That's my wife's birthday. Gracie's dog would probably eat the fazoli oh that's right we have to have that yeah my wife's birthday is the 22nd don't do 22 then go the other way um no i'll gladly barbara's birthday yeah great thanks she's gonna be thrilled about that yeah i'll take her to fazoli's yeah yeah it's on me my My treat. I got $10.

Go get five cookies. You would be better off going to this Fazoli's, buying the cookies for that kid's fundraiser and leaving. Yeah, what can we get you? Some of those candy bars. Fazoli's, what'd you get? Cookies? I helped some kid

take a trip to Washington, D.C., I think. Yeah, whatever. Candy bars. Fuck you. All right, 22. What do you think, Michael? It sucked. I didn't think it could be worse than 37.

Uh-huh. And then cigarettes happened. Dude, it's just, it's heinous. Yeah. It's like. Heinous. Oh, I can't eat this. It's just, it's heinous.

Yeah. It's like, oh, I can't eat this. Like if you serve that and there were like five people, I don't know what the odds are that one person would eat it and not be like, this is fucking terrible. No, you're right. I mean, sometimes it's like, oh, I like it. It's just bad. And that one especially is what I asked when I bit the Supreme or whatever.

I was like, is there bacon bits in here? They're like, yep. Because it's also that terrible... I mean, it's bacon bits, but they're so burnt and shitty tasting, so it's like little charred bits of shit

in every bite. Already it's not good, but then you're like, oh, there's 12 little burnt bacon bits in this. Mmm, cigarettes. Just stick with the breadsticks and the candy, honestly. Mmm, cigarettes. Just stick with the breadsticks and the candy, honestly. Yeah, if you're lucky and they're doing a fundraiser for some kid,

you might get some candy. If you're on a road trip with your older brothers, just get the candy. It's fine. You know what? I got the perfect number for this, because I didn't dislike it as much as Jordan, but almost. But pretty close. 23. Yeah! That's Tracy Stokes'

first! Oh, no! What are the odds? Well, that's a 22.5. Dude, they went down so much from a 37. Let's not go here anymore. I can't promise that. Oh, man. You definitely could. No. You could. We could

potentially put them in a hole. I don't know. I don't know how the hole works. I don't know if it's a zero-sum kind of game, if we got to take the thing that's currently in the hole out to put Fazoli's in it. Because there's already something in the hole. Yeah. Does Fazoli's go in the hole-zoleys? It would just go on top of it, right?

What's in the hole-zoleys? Beep and the beep. Jangling locks. We should confer. This is interesting. We'll get back to the j should confer This is interesting Much discussion Much discussion to be had To be taking something out of the hole that I want That I want to eat

Have they even had anything recently? Yeah so they have these tacos Yeah do they make them blue You're never going to believe what color they are I have the snack. Oh, yeah, okay, so snack attack. Jordan brought the snack. Crunch.

Oh, that's the sound effect. Because these will not be crunchy. Oh, okay. Because I brought us sour dots. Oh, wow. That's pretty good. Get a picky. Nice.

Let's do some dots. I'll get some shit stuck in my teeth. Right? So you've had dots before. Get ready for them to be sour. Oh, I don't know. Yeah, Eric, you're going to love it. No, I'm not.

Elaborate a little more. This is the dot that bites back. That's what it says. Yes, it is. And they're all making disgusted faces. The one that looks like it's puking is especially... Yeah. All right, never mind.

That is a disgust face. I left the record on because I didn't want you to think I tampered with it, but I cannot get it open. Hey, Strugglin', dude. Where did you... I just trimmed my nails. He'll bite his way through it. Where did these come from?

I think they're pretty new because I saw friends rumbling about them, and I was like, oh, I... Who are friends? Huh? Is it Tony? What friends is this? Tony? Richard, Jeb. All of them.

Those are people you don't even know. I know. But you got left out. They're real. Yeah, what the fuck? Oh, Eric doesn't eat sour stuff. That's true. Oh, you guys have like a sour group chat?

Oh, Gracie, I hate sour. It was in the fantasy football discord that you're not part of. No, well, I don't think there seems like a lot to write off. Just like all sour. Oh, I don't like, yeah, I just don't like it. Yeah, no, I don't like sour. I think this will be the one that turns it. This is going to be the one that turns it? Yeah, Gracie don't like it. Really? Yeah, no, I don't like sour. I think this'll be the one that turns it. It's like me and chocolate.

This is gonna be the one that turns it? Yeah, Gracie doesn't like chocolate. Oh, oh yeah. That's crazy. There's so many different chocolates. No, that's Gracie. We all have our vices. That's Gracie.

A lot of purple. There's too many purples. Yeah. I need brown. You got a lot of purple there. Purple sucks. Okay. I think we all agree the red dot's the best dot.

Um, it's a good dot. All the purple. Thank you. Top to your dot. Okay, so these are- Well, it's a dot,. The red dot. All the purple. Thank you. Top to your dot. Okay, so these are... Well, it's a dot, but it's sour. Describe what they look like. They're like little bells.

Okay, all right. All right, Gracie, should be on mic. She can get into it. Unplug her. They look like little bells. But they have... Sourdust. Be making a face.

I forgot that the texture of dots is so chewy, sticky. Yeah, that's what I said. It gets stuck in your teeth. It's like impossible. They really do.

It does not work with the sour. It's like designed to get stuck in your fucking teeth. It needs to be, it needs to break down easier if it's gonna be sour like this. Like a kid? Yeah.

Yeah, like some sort of from the patch or something. Yeah, like a small human. Yeah. That you wanna eat and suck up That pedophile side is showing up again I love sucking candy kids Okay, alright

I'm trying the purple one The purple one was actually better than I thought it would be I don't hate it I had the purple one, I'm trying the red It's very grape Red was good. Dude, you're a sour mouse? Oh, my gosh.

He really is. I mean, there's I don't like sour, and then there's also it's kicking the shit out of me, which is what I'm witnessing. He's like, which face do you think he's making? I think it's this one. No, it's one of these two. He looks like the red one. I also have an orange one, but orange and yellow for like fruit snacks. They're always the worst.

I eat first because I want to get them out of the way because they taste. They're sour. I feel like that with green. Really? Oh. Yeah. Really? What flavor is green?

What flavor is green? It's usually watermelon, I think. Shit is what it is. Watermelon's usually pink. It can be. Pick a fucking lane, watermelon. Shit is what it is. Watermelon's usually pink. It can be. Pick a fucking lane, watermelon. Right? You know what I mean?

It doesn't know what color it is. What are you doing? The outside or the inside? It's bullshit. Eric, are you okay? They're so sour. You can take them forever to chew, too. They're not that sour.

They're so sour. They're really not so sour. Oh, they start so sour. They're very lightly sour. They're very lightly sour. They're so sour. Like, they end so sweet like a regular dot, but they are so sour to start. I'm saying it like that. They're very lightly sour. They're so sour. They end so sweet like a regular dot, but they are so sour to start.

I'm saying it like that. No, they aren't. Have you ever eaten a warhead? Oh, yeah. As a kid, it would be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to eat one. And then it's like, oh, I'm going to throw up. I want to see that.

No, I don't want to. Let's do warheads. Yeah, warheads. Warheads. Warheads. This sucks. They are... That's what they look like.

Yeah, that's what happens to me. All of my... Well, that's actually sour. Yeah, they're actually sour. These are wimpy sour. These are pretty good. I'm not going to lie. I like these.

They're pretty good. I'm a little... I guess I kind of talked them up in my head, I guess. I like... I don't... I'm not really a huge fan of dots. Yeah. I forgot how chewy they were.

But yeah, they do taste a little better flavor-wise. They get too stuck in mywise. but at least what's stuck in my teeth isn't sour. I'm going to go 64. Okay. Maybe 60.

I'm going to do a 70. 70. Yeah, these are pretty good. I like these more than regular dots. That's a 67, and I think that's a fair,

it's a movie, if I saw that at a movie theater, I obviously wouldn't get it. Can you find the seven differences between the two crows? Seven differences? It's two birds. Hang on, let me take a theater, I obviously wouldn't get it. Can you find the seven differences between the two crows? Seven differences. It's two birds.

Hang on. Let me take a picture. We'll post it, and then people can tell us what they are. Hang on. Tilt it down a little bit. There we go. One's a compliment crackle. The bird on the right is a smoker.

Can you find the sign? Well, you can send us snacks that aren't sour. That would be great. You can send us snacks That aren't sour That would be great You can send us snacks That are sour too Yeah Well send warheads

Eric doesn't really Eric doesn't really get A say in this Oh you know they're gonna be Like super sour warheads They make like super versions Well Oh yeah

That like Atomic warheads Yeah like they're so coated In that citric acid Oh I've tried one of those Yeah look He's sticking his tongue out already He wants it They like burn you Yes warheads. Yeah, like they're so coated in that citric acid. Oh, I've tried one of those. Yeah, look, he's sticking his tongue out already. He wants it. They like burn you. Yes, yes.

Let's see how many he can put in his mouth is one. One. You can send your snacks to Face Jam, care of Eric. Over, under one half. 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Face Jam comes out Tuesdays now. FaceJam Ride Along comes out Wednesday for first members.

And then on Thursday, I think we'll probably have our little, me, Gracie, Michael, and Nick, before Jordan got here, did a little Pringle taste test from a Tony tree. Yeah, this time you got left out. Yeah. What the heck? I don't know. How do you like?

But Ride Along was very good this week. If you're a first member, you go to facejampod.com slash first. You can sign up now. That supports us directly. That supports Face Jam directly. And then you can go watch this first content. We're going to be, I think, probably turning out a lot of this kind of stuff. I'm really excited about it.

So check it out there. Facejampod.com if you want to go do that. And facejampod.com slash first. The food court gavel is out now. You can go get one of those. I don't think there are a lot left. Go get a monkey peeing shirt and a sticker and a certified jammer shirt and sticker as well as the serial killer, what

Michael is calling the serial killer. Can we talk about Danzer for a second? Yeah. Yeah. You want to talk about Danzer? This is a social video that me and Nick recorded. Yeah. Doing a lower court ruling. Yeah. Yuck. I have never been more affected by hearing about how someone eats something gross than I was with Danzer.

How did he get started on that? He's just like, that's just something I did. Somebody told him it was good for you? Yeah. Yeah. But I was like, I legitimately went, Danzer, no. I liked you. So this is, if you haven't seen it, it's on our social. It's on at Face Jam Pod on Twitter and Instagram.

Sorry, it's X. Sorry, I apologize. It's on X.com. X, more commonly known as Twitter. Danzer, me and Nick went around, did lower court rulings with a gavel, which you can do if you have a gavel. Which I didn't even know we were letting happen. Oh, yeah, no, it imbues you with a lower court ruling.

I mean, let them do the grunt work, and if it's important enough, don't come up to us. We'll just overrule it. That is what it is, yeah. Or we'll agree with them. Because you can send an appeal to facejampot at roosterteeth.com if you have a food court appeal. But Dan Zert said that he drinks a glass of milk

after eating a garlic clove every day at night or the morning. Yeah. Like before he goes to bed, I think. What the fuck? Yep. That's like a whole clove.

That's like put a chicken in a pot and circle it three times before you go to sleep. Like what? Like toss the salt over your shoulder. Where the fuck is a clove of garlic and some milk? So I feel like there can't be a worse combination of flavors as well. So here's the other one

you haven't seen that just got posted. Uh-oh. Who do I hate now? It was Danzer again. No! Danzer, I liked you! We were in the IT room

and Dante went, tell him about your other one. And we went, what the fuck is the other one? And he said, oh, I like a cinnamon roll, like an iced cinnamon roll. All right, I'm with him so far. You rip a piece off, and then you dip it in nacho cheese.

Dude, what is going on? Honestly, that's not as egregious as... What's up? Michael is taking a phone call. Uh-huh. No, I'm chilling. You're on, you're doing face jam. Hang on, what's up, Eric? We're on face jam No, I'm chilling. You're doing Face Jam. Hang on.

What's up, Eric? We're on Face Jam. We're doing Face Jam. We're almost done. This is basically over. It's almost done. Just... Screaming about...

I hear someone screaming about Face Jam. You said... You said we're doing Face Jam. Uh-huh. And they said, No! Face Jam. Uh-huh. And they said, no, Face Jam does you. Goodbye. And then they hung up. Wow.

Aggressive. Honestly, that's how it feels sometimes. Face Jam did me all right today. Yep. So we have Spit and Silly next week. We haven't recorded those yet, but if they're anything like the last one that we did, which came out today, the day of recording,

it is the frozen pizza taste test where Nick said that he heard a woman say that she likes eating frozen pizza, and then we ate, we taste tested frozen pizzas, and then we sort of got halfway through the episode and went, do you think she meant that she likes, like she just prefers like pizza that you cook in your oven? Because that's what you call it, right? You refer to frozen pizza as frozen pizza. I never assume it's uncooked. And so I guess we all assume Nick heard a very clear like, I like frozen pizza,

but you know I don't cook it. We re-explained it. Well, she said she likes frozen pizza. In the episode, we all realize this isn't what she meant. Yeah, she just meant she likes frozen pizza from the grocery store. We had to pivot to a food court right

I felt bad the rest of the day was bad yeah the rest of the day was a wash yeah thank god I didn't have my taco pass yet yeah I don't know if I could have done it

so faceyampod.com slash first go sign up there and that'll do it for us alright thank you for listening please rate and subscribe and tell a friend about this show

where we eat food and rate the food. Sometimes it tastes like cigarettes. Ew. Hopefully we can go another 102 episodes without that happening. We'll see.

Oh, no. What's 202 on that list of franchises? Cigarettes Plus? No! Oh, jeez. I'll eat a Lucy. Me too.