100% Eat - Homer Rule 34 - Ride Along Jimmy John’s

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

Our Heroes gotta look up some cool art. You want to see? We’re not sure if we’re even allowed to show this dude. You remember Homer? No the other one. Yeah well he’s hot now. Maybe. Shhh don’t tell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. what do you mean putting it up here because i'm not wearing a heavy structured shirt oh yeah it really droops i fuck that i hate that shit yeah you're wearing the shirt's also not great i'm wearing our

throwback pizza t-shirt yeah you can buy the pizza hoodie now follow that ambulance and if you want you could like cut it up and it could be a sweat shirt t-shirt you cut the sleeves cut the hood cut it all cut the pizza out of the shirt and eat it just try and put a different logo on it probably Oh, you can pull your own shirt. Whoa. What is Way back burgers? Way back? I don't know.

Well, thank you. Only one way to find out. I was so waiting for what was coming next. I don't have an answer. I know, but I was just like, I was excited. You had my attention. Right. Hey, what's tip and toe spa?

Tip and toe! It sounds like Nick knows all about it. Oh, wait, no, I don't know. No, no. He's not allowed in air. Oh, no. Well, no. No, no.

No. Stop. No. No. No. It's a blanket. No. Everyone has their own tactic.

It's either I don't want to play. He was screaming about the toes. That was crazy. No. You literally did yell like tip and toe. Tip and toe. That's an able to play. You were screaming about toes.

You did just go about toes. Nope. One toe. Doesn't count. Don't argue with the only guy that's ever on your side. You know what? Let this one slide. You yell toe.

Let it slide and move on. Don't bury yourself on this one. Okay. Okay. There'll be another one I'll help. Test the truck. There'll be another one. I'm sorry, it's not this one.

Anyway, I said toe. Let's move on. And we're moving on. And we're moving on. Jimmy John's on. One toe to time. One little baby step. We had to get way out here.

There's a GM innovation center. Wow. We had to get way out here on the outskirts of Austin. Yeah. This is where all the industries are. And also this guy with short shorts. Cool. Cool.

almost got a look. I was trying. We're, we're, look around. I was waiting for something to happen. It's fair, we'll get that one more time. Bro. Maybe you turn, I gotta see that one more time.

It's way out here and it's all past like the Dell campus and the Samsung campus. The one Dell campus. Yeah, it's, there's just like. Do they call it the South Campus? Because that would be hilarious, given how North is. Home Depot Technology Center.

Whoa! What is this? What kind of technologies are they developing for Home Depot? Door knobs? Well, trying to make the stores work as efficiently as possible with three workers in the entire store. And then you check yourself out. Don't worry about this. Fucking, man.

Yeah, man. How can they make it AI? Hmm. They got to bring back, what was the guy? Was the Home Depot mascot name Homer? There was a mascot name. You don't remember it? He had like a big nose and his hat was over his eyes.

I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I didn't know what he had to. I didn't know. big nose and I had it. I had to be like 90s, right? Yeah. I mean, like, I was probably existed before that,

but you're recollecting from the 90s. Yeah, definitely. Interesting. Just thinking of that thing you're talking about. I typed in Homer, ancient Greek poet. No, no, you got to take Home Depot and Performer is credited with authoring the epic poems, the Iliad, and The Odyssey.

Hey, that's Christopher Nolan's next movie. Oh, yeah. Is this where he got the idea? Yeah. Is there a trailer for that yet or no? There is, and it gives you nothing. Is Sean Bean Odysseus again? He played him in Troy.

I think it might be Met Damon. Homer Home Depot. Are you, like, you got like stuff about Troy memorized? Oh, this guy. He looks like he's from like that guy. Oh, yeah. He's like a comic or something. Yeah, that's the guy.

He looks like Tim Ellen's neighbor. Wilson. Oh, yeah. Yes, he does. Very Wilson-esque. Yeah. Except I can see all of them. Yeah.

Well, that's why he had to die. Right. What are you thinking? He's not in the reunion for some reason. Wow, he was the, he's been the official mascot since 1981. Wow, really? Yeah. And still is.

They just don't use him? It doesn't seem like, where is this fucker at? Yeah, we got to get this guy. Where you at? Homer, where are you at? Is his name Homer? Yeah, I think so, right? Homer D. Poe.

Oh, that's fucking stupid. That actually sucks now. That sucks. I actually am glad that he's gone. Yeah, I hope he's dead. Homer D. Poe sucks. That sucks ass. So is he related to Edgar Allen Poe?

Whoa. I don't know that was well-worthy, but thank you. It was not well-worthy. Illustrator rescinded. Gwynne Raker designed Homer to be a friendly and non-intimidating funny guy in store. I'm sick of all these mascots intimidating me. I'm so the Philly fanatic gets in my fucking face

and the San Diego chicken has made fun of me one too many times. I must create a new mascot. The Stanford tree just creeps me out. Oh, he is creepy. Homer has been featured in many ways over the. the years, including wearing a swimsuit for summer and their werewolf costume for Halloween. No, that's too intimidating. The Home Depot is really scary. The Home Depot also sells a five-gallon orange bucket called the Homer bucket. That's what I know is the Homer bucket. That's like the only

namesake thing. Homer, Home Depot, Swimsuit. Okay. Your costume. Rule 34, Homer, Home Depot. Can you look that up here? Jordan, can you look up? Jordan, pull up the image. Yeah. Welcome to the fandom. Let me see Homer's booty shaking the water. Can you rule 30? That's no. All right. Sorry. Can you rule 34 some Home Depot for us while we're on the drive back?

Sure, let me go ahead. Can we turn this into a fun house video? Let me go ahead and open a private tab. I don't want to blur or anything. Oh, just don't film it then. All right. Okay, Homer. I mean, there's a lot of other stuff to film then.

No, I like the ceiling. That was good. Rule 34. Okay, cool. You guys talk about something else while I pull this up. No, we got it. We're talking about this. It's good stuff.

I've been waiting to talk about something else. something else for like 10 minutes oh yeah yeah what are you thinking no I'm not I don't have anything in mind okay I'm just waiting for the transition this Homer covers I'm just I'm just waiting for it to be any waiting for it to just be over I was saying a lot when we started there's not there's not much for for our dude homer okay there's a lot of furries in like the Home Depot apron oh that's crazy what does that even look like though um all right let's come to a red light okay okay now eric can get his red light kisses this isn't even that bad really no no nick seems nervous

they sell a better version of that at conventions on pillowcases yeah again just more furry so are so they're helping me in the like the lumber department yeah because there's a lot of wood The hit was funny. There is a caption on this that says... That is physical comedy. Literally, there's a caption that says, I just got here and they want to help me with my wood. Yeah!

I made the same joke! Right, wow. Your job. Yeah, you're just as good as the phone. Your Homer Depot furry brain. That's what most people are saying about me. This guy's as funny as a furry. That's good, right?

You don't popped in my head the other day? What's that? You... Oh, because I saw it. ad for that Charlie Day movie. Yeah. And it popped me head that you said people tell you you look like him. Yeah. And I just got so angry.

Uh-huh. Thanks, man. Sitting there thinking about it and I was like, you don't look anything like him. Uh-huh. White guy with a mustache. Like not even It's white guy with a mustache. It's all it is. Like, I don't give fuck. You know, you know the other one. And I said, to myself out loud, I was just like in my bathroom or something. I was like, it's just fucking looking like anything like him. And I'm like, motherfucker,

I look more like Pedro Pascal than you look like Charlie Day. And I don't look like Pedro Pascal. Both egregious. But like, there's like a weird, I get it. Like 10 percentage of my face and like jawline and facial hair that tricks people. The rest of the part is a different human head. You have nothing.

White guy with a mustache. And short. All the time. All the time white guy with the mustache. It is funny. Nothing like him. You put those 70 style spectacles on and then immediately you're Mark married. There you go.

Which is also the guy from the like the Lehmu-Emu commercials. Good. You're fucking rich. Oh, you are the guy from the... Leamoo. Oh, wow, you do look like the Eboo. All the time. He totally does.

That guy? Wow. You get that, too? Yeah, all the time. Dude, people... What was it like leaving home? It really is... It really is...

It really is... White guy with the mustache. That's all it is. This is why, like... This is the level of people. There's, like, racist people. Yeah. Of, like, you know,

of people of certain color all look alike. But then there's people to say that who are fucking stupid. You're just stupid. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, don't. don't worry, they don't know what white people look different either. This white guy doesn't look like that white guy and a white person's telling you.

Don't worry, they don't know their own goddamn race. Like some people, huge races. Other people are you serious? You think they look alike? It's not even necessarily like, oh, I don't see color. It's just like, I have partial face boyness. I don't see people's faces. It'll just be like, like, there's no percentage.

Yeah. It's more like I have, you have to start with, is there a complete mismatch? and then it's over at that point. Well, it kind of look completely different nose. You know what I mean? Like, if someone has the exact same face, but like a pointy nose and like a flatter nose, that's,

how can you say that person looks like another person? It blows my mind. Right. But what if white guy with a mustache? Yeah, what if you just glance and also don't really think about it and also they're just, they have facial hair? I'm telling you, like, that's why it bothers me

because no, I don't. No, you don't. I don't. Exactly. White guy with a mustache. That's it. Also, I just feel like people should also think these things and never say it because you're only risking, like, insulting someone. Yeah.

I just don't, like, I don't know why it's better. Yeah. I don't know. I don't understand. I don't get it. Beats me. But I get it all the time. I know you do.

I know you do. Terrible. Terrible. Dude, I got one forever ago, like early on rooster teeth. Mm-hmm. Someone was like, you look like the guy from Les Mis. I don't know what I don't know what iteration this was like Eddie Redmayne the the picture that they were referencing Look very much like me I was like you kind of look like that guy, but it was a lot of like the hair like same hair and shit like I was looking like a baby at the time and he looked like a baby

Yeah, but it was one of the few things like I can see that okay I kind of kind of look like that guy The car's like backfiring at us like crazy it's so low of the ground the car's backfiring the fucking crazy They're very slowly turn in there and not bought it yeah and now it just smells because it just smells like yeah Gasoline. Yeah, like bad exhaust. Oh, yeah. How about my car is like that? Yeah, now we're talking.

Thanks, Michael. Ooh, thanks, man. Appreciate it. What are you ripping on? I'm stressed out. Wet bar is what it is now. Blue glacier. Yeah, I don't understand.

Wet flavor. That's my favorite Gatorade flavor. Oh, the blue? Yeah. I go blue or red. I like blue. I go blue or red. Who drinks, unless it's like you're in dire straits.

Who's drinking like the original? Pause. Pause. Yeah. Pause. Yeah. Let's just all understand, Nick. He just said, he said, who's drinking urine, dire straits?

Who's drinking urine? No, I said he's drinking urine. He did. Oh, what happened? He said it. What happened? What happened? He did.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's drinking. This is huge. You're in dire straits. And I'm like, what? Yeah. Yeah.

Box straws. Can I tell you? Uh-huh. Because you said, who's drinking? Uh-huh. And I wanted to scream urine so bad. And it was the next word that came out of your. your mouth, but you used it as a different word?

I freaked out. What happened? I'm not trying to like, I'm not like trying to like slide anything in, you know what I mean? Whoa. It's like, you know, it's like not a big deal. It's just like,

pee. Hey, why are you saying? Yeah. Drink pee. So when you're in dire straits and, uh, who's drinking like the, like the, like the regular original color Gatorade? Who's doing that?

What's the original color? The pea color one? Yeah, like the original. I'm trying to dire straits. I'll drink anything. Yeah, but I'm saying like if you're picking, Like, who's picking? Who's pissing you're picking?

Lemon wine? You have the full line up in front of you. You're a moron. You go blue. Nobody goes for. Or red. Blue and red are your top. Next.

White. White. I agree. Yeah. I don't want fucking yellow. I don't want orange. I don't want purple. There's the lighter blue.

There's the lighter blue is good. Light blue is good. And then power rate. I stay away from lemon and grape. Get it away from me. Oh, yeah. There is like a favorite. Favorite.

of anything. There is a grape gator. I hate grapes. But the artifice, it's just so, it's just so too, it's, yeah. It's just, yeah. They just don't nail it and it's everywhere, right? The great power is. I can just never drink anything great, but not taste medicine. Yeah. It does have a medicine. It is very, yeah. It just tastes like medicine. But isn't that what British people say about root beer?

Yeah, but British people are fucking stupid. That's, I've been saying that no one will fucking listen. Wow. I've been saying that. They call, uh, Sprite lemonade. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That can be very confusing. It's, it's, it's incredibly confusing. It's, it's incredibly confusing. It's, it's Incredibly confusing. We had this whole big discussion with Gavin about it like a couple weeks ago.

Who? I'm like, oh, hey, like we were talking about lemonade and he just thought we were talking about Sprite. Okay. Well, that's, again, British people. He's fucking stupid. He's lived here like 13 years.

That's what I'm saying. Get over it. He's either doing it bad or he's a fucking idiot. There's no reason for him not to know that or to say that name. You've got to be kidding me. Calling. That's definitely a Gavin like,

oh, you know, what a fuck with them thing. Or he's just a moron. Bullshit, you don't know that. I'm going to scream at him right now for that. I'm going to scream at him. Call him. Oh, shit.

That's right. I'm doing a signing with him on Saturday or something. Oh, are you really? Call him up. No. Talk to him about, Sprite these lemonade. We're almost there.

Yeah. All right. Then we're going to eat some sandwiches. I'm going to hammer this guy. See, if you want some lemonade. Get him some lemonade. Yeah. Oh, get him lemonade.

I'll make him some lemonade. Oh. You're in luck, Gavin. Oh. Oh. He said it again. Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. We're all on the same page. Yeah. We're all having fun together. Wow. Here, yeah. Pea drinker. Be drinkin to peepie.

That's you. Drinking to peepie, put it in you. It comes out. Get it back in there. Get it back in there. I gotta hurry, I gotta get it back in. Same hole, different hole? Oh, I would assume different.

Nick, are you just giving me your bag? I'm just putting it up. It's not my back. It's not my back. I'm leaving. my bag. Yes, it is. I've made my point very clear. He was in charge of the bag. It's also it's all of our friends.

I've made my point very clear. Yeah. Now, to be clear, what do you think his point is? His point was, I'm not dealing with. He's not going to help me. He's doing it to like make sure you don't try to use him of asking for help. Yes. It's a power move to counter your passive move is what it is. Right. It's a classic power passive play. And Nick's walking away with the wind.

Let's go upstairs. I know, I'm a sports guy. Hey? I was just saying you got him. Don't worry about it. I'm right. Nick wins. Yeah, yeah, Nick wins.

Now we did get some Jimmy chips as well. That's right. We got Jimmy chips. Apparently. What do you mean? I don't want. Nick can have mine. Okay.

This is just like, uh... He was way too into that. What do you mean? Oh, they don't have any Jimmy Cool ranch? This is not how many Jimmy chips I order. Oh, man. This is one more Jimmy chip. Oh.

That wasn't. That wasn't on the camera. Well, what are you looking at? Oh no. I was not on camera. Not the Jimmy Chips. Not down. Okay, at least he was aiming at you not down.

If he said I wasn't looking, I was just like, we just looking at all the way. I was at this level. The floor. That's fine. You could attract it. So. Gave some heft. Yeah, he arched.

We'll come up with a code word. Okay. There's, uh, there's only two sandwiches. There's, but. I count four. It's so we can get... What do you want the code word to be? Fire in the hall.

Okay, it's not really code word. There's a commonly used. What should we do before we kill this guy? Yell, I'm going to kill you. Too long. Right. Right. So what's the code word?

We're still on this conversation. Don't put him on the spot with words. Oh, Homer. There you go. Homer! Oh my God. Drag it? Did you get it that time?

Hey, it works. That was perfect. See? Now we go. Actually, I went straight. so we do need to find a knife okay we do need to find a knife okay okay there's well there's cutlery downstairs is it not we have plastic utensils right i think so or at jordan or as nick would say oh yeah he's getting that's getting

he's getting that kiki i know which one this is you are really confused over here it's i'm trying to make how many different sandwiches there are two different We just got them in like the biggest size So we can just cut this in half or whatever They're two pizza sandwiches Oh, that's right One is a three cheese And the other one's like a sandwich sandwich

I don't know It's Jimmy Johns Do you feel any which way about Here's how I feel about Jimmy Jones I will never go there I don't give a fuck because they only have provolone cheese And that's insane for a sub shop Okay like I understand that's the standard

No sub shop on the planet has one fucking cheese Okay So blows my mom that they get pizza sandwich with three cheese you fuckers can't have two cheeses for your sandwiches yep i literally will never go there because i like uh either american or pepper jack or whatever like i can settle if i went somewhere and someone said oh there's a little sandwich trays and there's provolone i'm eating i ain't going to order and pay for it god damn american cheese all right so these are these look cheese ones guys it's not looking good on the cutlery front

jordan it doesn't look good up here either i'll let's all find a knife let's all find nice Let's all find yikes. Nice. Together. Homer. Did you get it? I've opened all the drawings I've already looked in. And I looked in the sauce drawer.

I like that. Yeah. We can use, we can use scissors. What about that? Coloury, that's downstairs. Oh, I was looking in drawers. That was a real. Coming down here and all of this being open.

Rare bald-headed behavior from Jordan. Wow. You know what is also funny? I bought all this stuff. Put it on the front. There's also so much. Yeah. No, I know, I know.

That's great. All right, let's cut these things up. You were excited to see these sandwiches? No, not at all. Why? Because it's Jimmy Johns. I thought we were talking about how bad it is. It looks fine.

Just remember Nick said that. Nick has the app. The cheese one looks fucking stupid, but Nick has the app. He's gonna, he's gonna defend it. Jimmy Johns is fine. These are the pizza ones, and then these are the three cheese pizza ones.

They also smell like pizza, but not like, well, free smell. Free smells. Free? fucking smells. We had to pay for these smells, unfortunately. Free smells. I would not have paid for these smells.

They're pretty like, stomach churning. Okay. Half. They got a rack-a-go- Yes. Ham on the pizza sandwich. What sense is, okay. Ham on the pizza sandwich. Ham's a topping sometimes, right?

Yeah, but if you're only making two pizza sandwiches, and that's true. Now what, now, Michael, what do you think? You do three cheese and they do like a pepperoni or something. Yeah, check out this stuff. hand. Maybe you have a lactic? Oh yeah, do you have a lactate? Oh, I don't think so. Oh, okay. I'm gonna have one in my car. Okay, you might want to find it because it's a, this is three cheeses. There's one of mine. I'll try, but it's not looking good. You know what? I'll find another lactate, but it's a suppository. So come, come here. Oh, and the jimmy chips? I'm gonna help you. They don't feel as crushed as they should be. Yeah. Oh, I can work on then. Yeah. Let's Homer it. To close out. I wasn't ready for anything. Jordan through the code word for me. I'm going wine.

Remember when you slapped my knee earlier? Yeah. No! Hey, here, your hat kind of came low. You kind of look like Homer. Homer style. Whoa, it's him! He's back! All right.