100% Eat - Humanoid Shaped Cookies - Torchy's Tacos Ride Along

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

Pasta Pete broke in and maybe ate some humanoid cookies with chocolate on the back. MAYBE ITS A TIE! Let the chips fall where they may as long as there's one loser. Monster Munch sucks still, by the way. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's see if anyone hits me from the side. Well, it hit Jordan. This really is one of the worst parking lines. It is. It's so small for having, like, torches. Like, it's crazy. It's the torches and the UPS store. Everyone is coming here for that.

Yeah. Yeah. And nothing else. And everyone parks haphazardly at the UPS store because they're like, I'd just be a second. Right. You're never a second inside the UPS.S. One fucking second, bitch.

It takes so, it takes so long. It's one second. Give me to say, I'm doing it myself. It's an Amazon return. It's an Amazon return. I know how to do it. What's the big deal? It's only double parking.

They're out of bags. Oh, um, jeez. Oh, um. All right, let me get in line. Yeah. And don't even get me started on the EGB parking. I park as far away from the EGB as possible. You gotta walk, otherwise you have phone.

I mean, the time it would take you to drive closer to the entrance in front of it where everybody's crossing, and all these other cars are coming out and there are no parking spots. You could just park further away and walk there. Now imagine this, you park further away and then you one-wheeled. Oh, that's the true.

And then you're one-wheel through the whole H-EV. No, then you put it in the shopping cart. Oh. You could be even smarter and faster by parking close and one-wheeling. That would be, you got the third spot. Yeah. Get on. Yeah.

All right, cool. That's how it goes. Remember when I one-wheeled to suburb. to subway over here oh yeah you like it was close were we with gracie yeah we were yeah that was the boss i think she was like nervous for you she was yeah she but she was also nervous about all of us thought you were gonna get hit by a car yeah but she was mostly nervous about getting the pretzel that was mostly nervous about the pretzel that was the boss's pressel episode yeah yes that's right yeah yeah because then i had to put it in the

ride in the car with you yeah yeah because she like ordered ahead and was like They have it. They have it. They have that. Yoki! They have that. They have that. What do you like getting on?

Spaghetti? Boring! Spaghetti! Loser! It's like, okay. Are you getting spaghetti at the spaghetti restaurant? You fucking moron? Oh my God.

Try something original. Like, I don't know. They have like seven spaghetties. I feel like it's a popular thing. I didn't say it was the best most original. You just asked me what I get. That's spaghetti. Exactly.

I like spaghetti. If any. Anyone would like a trampoline update. Oh, that's right. Gracie has been out of town. Yes. And she's not coming back for, I think she's out for two weeks. She's not welcome.

Yeah. She's not welcome. So she hasn't jumped on the trampoline yet. In the meantime, Pasta Pete has come over. And jumped up. Want to be clear, want to be clear. He let himself do it.

Has come over without us being there. Yep, yeah. He has jumped on the trampoline. He let himself in. Yes, he did. Yeah, he got there a half an hour early, but then I was 25 minutes late. Oh. It all worked out.

Before he got access. all worked out. Do you think he went through the gate to reach it? No, absolutely. No, no. He went into the house. He texted me. No, he didn't do anything. He sat there. He texted me. I gave him the how to get in. The information. And then I imagine he was like, looked out the back window. What? Let me just go out there. What food do you think he ate? Oh, in the house? Oh, in the house. He ate those cookies because they were open when I came in. Which ones? The ones that are shaped with the chocolate on the back, but the cookie on the front?

And that was so specific. It was, but also not. What is he? They're little, they're little, like, humanoid shapes. They're three in them. They're cookies. They're humanoid. I'm good at crash.

I can't wait to go back to the house. So Nick can show us what cookie it is. And it's gonna be like, E.L. Fudge. I could be wrong. I could be wrong. I had a right. The humanoids. You could be right.

It could be a tie. It could be a tie. be a draw. Everybody win. You can tie in the NFL. Surprisingly, life ends in a tie. Sometimes you want the chips to fall one way or another, and they just fall right in the middle, and it's a draw. And everyone except for one person wins.

That's right. Flip a coin. You're going to land on its side. Yeah, flip a coin. Each face sides of the coin wins. The side of the coin gets fucked. You ever play Rudy Light, and the ball just keeps spinning. The ball keeps getting kicked. The ball's in the middle, and everyone's beating the ball up.

The ball flies off the wheel and lodges in someone's throat and shut the bet from the casino floor. And everyone's just like, I guess, uh, and then Nick goes, it's a tie. Yeah, draw, draw. Come on. I guess, I guess no bet. Everyone wins. The humanoid cookies that are cookie on the front,

and what did you say? They're chocolate on the back. Chocolate on the back. I mean, they don't have a name that I remember because they're from another country. Right, I'm sure they do, have a name. Sure, but I don't know it. Right.

You. Did you eat this on the Michael George podcast? Is this one of the things? A hundred percent treat, bro. Yeah, Jordan. He's saying it to you, like, you're a fucking evening. Yes, he is. Yes, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, yes, he was. Yeah, yeah, all right, fine. We are you on the fucking thing. Sorry. If you're in the corners, comment that time. No, no, no. Hey, guys, Nick's being put in the corner. Can you imagine being in the corner?

No one wants Nick in the corner. Ah! We gotta get him out of the corner and get him a draw! Yeah, Eric's being selfish again. You ate them on 100% treat, you fucking moron. I just don't remember eating the humanoid took you. With chocolate on the bag. I think there's little people or I remember.

Humanoid is the best way to describe it. They're little people. And now it's falling apart where now it's, now you don't know if they're humanoid. People are humanoid. People are humanoid, yeah. People are humanoid, people are humanoid. I wouldn't describe people as humanoid, but sure.

People are humanoid. I would not describe them as humanoid. They're people shape, I think. See, this is what I mean. I don't, you know what? And it doesn't have a name. And he knows it. It's a cookie with chocolate on the back.

The only thing we know for sure is that Chris ate some maybe. Yeah. Did Chris like them? You know he did. You know he did. He likes everything. You know he liked them. He didn't like that magic trick,

Blaine was impressed by. No, he did not. No. Like, the plastic. He was almost mad about it. He was like, oh, that suck. I've never seen for him. That suck.

Chris just lash out. Chris was just like, yeah, I just really didn't think it was that impressive. Yeah, it wasn't that impressive, but I just went along with it. I didn't want to make the guy feel bad. Or something like that. Blame was just like, this guy did this cool magic trick where he did this thing. Chris was like, that wasn't cool. That sucked.

That sucked. I just didn't say anything about. It was such a weird, like, way for Chris. I've never seen Chris do that before. And then I was just like. We were talking about clowns, and I was like, I mean, at least get like a magician or whatever. And he goes, do you ever have a magician at, like a wedding? I was like, yeah, probably the same wedding that you were at.

Was it the same wedding we were all at? And I think Nick was like, was it in Flugerville? Michael showed me, he still has that card. I do. I have the magician's card from that wedding in Flugerville. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side. So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and varied by race.

Turns and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca. slash Y-Amex. Oh, speaking of Flugerville, we just put out, uh, Jordan did some snack reviews while he was in Scotland. I was in Northern Flukegerville. All of the comments are Scotland, Northern Flugerville? And it was like, oh, wow, these is like, like the fans are good? Like the fans are good.

It's funny and it's good. It's awesome. That's fantastic. Nor is the looonger. I tried Iron Brew and I tried Monster Munch. Is that what it's called? We've had Monster Munch. Yeah.

It's fucking terrible. Did you read the bag? No. No. What? Did you secure it? On the back, there's something about how it's like, these are monster feet.

And I'm like, what? Why would you write this? Why wouldn't you write it? I don't know if I took a picture of it. a picture of it. Nick's in tree. Nope. Yeah, that's what I said in the video.

What I said in the video. Keeps being funny. Don't worry, Nick, they were flat feet. I know that pain. They don't like those. What? I don't have a picture of it, but yeah, it's just like, on the bag it says like,

you can eat it toe by toe. Oh, yeah. Or is it a, what the fuck? A flavor of Fingies or something. Oh, what are you saying? But like the flavor of it is like onion and something else. Fingi flavor? I described it as a funnion that they dropped in vinegar.

Yeah, yes, yeah. That's a pretty good description. They paid funnions worse. Yeah, it's a thing that like Gavin likes because it's British or whatever. Oh, the crisps, y'all. Yeah, get them. You have bloated cookies, hey?

You know, he always says they are. Yeah. He's calling everyone, governor. Yeah, governor. Oh, we go, whoa, Shane de Queen, we is. Is that right? He's not a shame. Oh, you declare.

I'm so excited to get back to the office to look at these humanoid fucking cookies. Boy. I can't wait to see the human cookies. Yeah, I can wait. I can wait. I can wait. You can wait.

You can just throw me in cryo for use for a little bit. Follow me out. Is that, is that gonna solve it? Give me a year and see what's shaking. Let me see if you've gotten to the bottom in the humanoid debate. Talk about Vash to Stampede, the humanoid type.

Oh, yeah. There we go. Bang. Oh, man. When the preacher died, I was out. You were out? Nicholas D. Wolfwood? Yep.

I got it. I think that's like one of the only animas I've seen. This light just turned green. It's red now. Dude, it's the short. What the fuck happened? This red too. Alright, kind of know what yellow is right in the middle.

I found it, guys. Oh, it's a tie again. Everything evens out. What is this car doing? This is on a bag of- I don't know you're driving it. No, the car behind us is like swerving to get around and it's pissed. Should I like that thing?

God, we are bouncing like a motherfucker. No. Dude, this road sucks. No. This road fucking blows. Guys, here's what the bag says. I got a firecracker. Boy, boy.

Is it quiet in that ride along? Oh yeah, it's the best. Man, and everyone has to. Monster Munch, miniature monsters with big crispy heads or crunchy claws plucked straight from roast beef beasts. Bite off each crispy toe or is it an arm? Nibble the sides or stick your tongue throwing. the hole.

So! No! Let it melt in all it's meaty glory! No! They wrote that on the back! That goes in the monster fucking section. It's the bookstore. Yeah.

Is this smut? It sounds like a book from my wife's podcast. Disgusting. Stick your tongue in the hole? I think I know what guy haven't liked it so much. That won't get you demonetized on YouTube at least, though. Watch this.

Woo! Well, they can't, but we will. Wow, we watched. That's right, baby. Turned the car. God damn right. What's this car doing? He turned. What's the dog doing?

Dog? Jordan lit a stink bomb? Oh no. Oh no, the windows open again. No. It's not any really quiet enough. You're any of those stink bombs that were like the little silver pouch that you kind of like.

You step on, you activate. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't as good. You would get those from like the ice cream truck. Yeah, yeah. We get from the ice cream truck and we'd take them to school. And sometimes they'd have little jets on them because they just pop.

Yep. They go, bang. It's like, America, surprise. Did you think it was a gun? Give it a year or two, it will be. Do you ever do that thing too with the Piccolo Pete fireworks where you kind of like pinch the base and it explodes after it kind of-

No, I don't know that at all. I don't either. I do that to myself. Pinch and explode? Yeah. And scream. Some people are, let it go up. I watched one battle after another.

Some people are into that. Got to see this movie. What if you have two battles after another? What do you have two battles at once? Oh, two battles simultaneously? Luckily, there could be a tie. It's like DBZ. What's going on over here? What's he looking at? What are you looking at?

Whoa, dead... A giant dragonfly that's dead. Yeah, whoa. The ants are going after it. The ants are fucking gobbling it, dude. That thing's huge. That could be me soon. How'd that happen?

Gobbled by ants. All the ants just gobbling me up. Soon is the thing that makes me nervous. Yeah, it could be any day now. Oh my God. It could be any day. Bye. You had to pry it out of me! Okay, it's not these.

It's not these. Show us the humanoid men! We still have to try these. Is it this? Those aren't humanoid, you idiot. They're also not cookies. Yeah, right. Let's find this.

We found them. Look, they are humanoid. Get fucked. It's the Moomin cookies. Yeah, suck that dick. Look how dumb he looks. What's it called? Is it called humanoid?

It's the Moomin' chocolate biscuits? It's the Mooman cookie. Yeah, a little person. Look, guy. Yeah, Moomin. Classic little guy Moomin. All right. That's what they're like.

Let's take a look at the food. No, we already ate the food. We did? Yeah. Michael didn't. I did. Oh, Michael ate the food. Then he drank half your drink.

He ate enough. That was a quarter. He ate enough of it. Yo, I ate. No crumbs. Oh, it's aura farming to the max. Hey, check it out. Do you want to send something in 100?

percent treat it's easy. Stop glazing. P.O. Box 14, 32, 41, Texas, 7, 8, 7. He can send us all humanoid cookies. He's not. He's showing his whole humanoid cookies. He was right. He was right. It's nice to be right. No! Oh, man. Not with the Gavin Newsom shirt. Craven gruesome? All right in the middle. See you next time. What the... Ah! Arc Raiders, a multiplayer extraction adventure video game set in a lethal yet vibrant future Earth. As a Raiders, scavenging the remnants of a derelict world, you settle into an underground settlement. Hoping to thrive, you jump on the chance to start over.

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