100% Eat - IHOP Wonka Menu

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review the IHOP Wonka Menu so you know if it’s worth eating. They also talk about jackets, hot waiter Ben, supercharged lemonade, the henchmen sketch and more. Sponsored by Misty Mountain Gaming https://mistymountaingaming.com code FACEJAM , ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam , http://katoskoffee.com code FACEJAM10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Greatest duos trading cards have arrived at Tim's with two hockey icons on every card. Like Matthew and Brady Kachuk, rivals, teammates, family and more. Connected like never before. Head to Tim's and get yours today at participating restaurants in Canada. Oh yeah, let's just listen to Barbra Streisand sing Jingle Bells. That'll get everyone hyped up. Jingle bell, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation.

Let you and Barbra Streisand know if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones. Alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Also, Eric and Gracie and Nick are here. Jordan, how are you? Not them. I'm great. I'm not being propped up Weekend at Bernie's style, about to die.

Based on what we just ate. You were being propped down earlier. I was propping myself down. You were laying and blended in with the floor perfectly. Me and Michael walked in. We're like having a conversation and you just went, Ah! You got startled.

My eyes were closed. I heard Michael say, what's going on over there? And I just went, Did not know you were there. Like I was Jon Snow coming back. Yeah, the Barbra Streisand song. I grew up listening to that Barbra Streisand Jingle Bell song. I always thought it was a little wacky.

But as I get older. I'm wondering, what is the policy on the air conditioner? Sometimes it's off and sometimes it's on full blast right over me. I think he's in some kind of wind tunnel.

It's so cold and so directly on my head. I'm wearing headphones and I can hear half of what he's saying. When we did the next Spit and Silly that comes out next week, we were in a very similar situation. Oh, yeah, that's right.

And we were doing that in a different room. What is with this company with just uncovered vents shooting straight down on you? And then we go, turn it off. It's too loud for the recording. Well, cover it up. You know what else is funny? It's a six-inch. It's big.

It's a big asshole. You say, oh, what's with this company and doing this? The other one was a separate building. It was like a duct that was directed into the room and blowing on a specific person. We had to jerry-rig an umbrella. Upside down umbrellas. That you could pull up and down. It's like, I'm a little warm.

I'll move the umbrella by pulling the rope. Man, that's cool. Is Jerry Rig a German term? Right? So it's not racist then? Yeah, it's anti-intellect discrimination. If it turns out it is insensitive and

it's going to end up being on, is it problematic? I'm just going to go ahead and cut that out. Don't give Griff any ammo. Michael keeps that thing on him just in case. He's ready. Pull it out. That'd be insane. If you pulled it out right now, I would have fucking died.

I've been buying too many jackets lately. That's true. You've become a little bit of a jacket guy. A little bit of an adult person. Also known as a jacket guy. A little bit of an adult person. Mm-hmm. Also known as a jacket guy. Uh-huh, uh-huh. They look good.

Thanks. Mm-hmm. You also wore two, well, that's not a jacket. No, this is just a flannel that goes. The flannel, but I don't ever wear flannels. Have you ever seen me wearing a flannel outside of like a photo shoot or something? A production or something? Yeah, and I'll take it and go, my favorite. Yeah.

If I stop talking for too long, I'm going to fall asleep. I'm not a flammer. I'm crashing. Yeah, dude, it's a real crash job, which people say that's not real or something. Sugar high is not real. I don't know, dude. It's definitely real. I don't know.

Scientists are out there. Sugar high might not be real, but wonka high might be. Uh-oh. Yeah, we're pretty wonked. I hope you're having a good day because it's about to get wonked up. Today we're reviewing the IHOP Wonka menu. I knew we were going to IHOP.

I knew that much. As we were getting there, I'm like, what are we getting? What's going on here today? And you just said, Wonka. And I went, god damn it. And I knew exactly what it was going to be, and it was exactly that. Just candy and sugar and creams and crepes and whips and all sorts of cream cheese.

Scrumbles. Jameson's scrumptious. It was all up in there. And the person probably finding it the most ludicrous was the person who served it to us. He was like, you're coming in for this? You're getting this? Gracie ordered the drink and he went, wow. Wow.

Nobody's ever ordered that. We were like, hold on to your butt. Yeah, Gracie really gave him a preview of what was to come. Our hot waiter did not know what was happening. He was blown away. Yeah. Because you know, since this was promoted, he, like a sensible person, was going,

nobody's going to order this. This looks like shit. No one's going to eat this. And then we walk in and go, we'll take it all. Yeah. Give us one of everything. Two of some of them. Three of even some of them more. There was a lot. We walked in and sat down. He's like, oh yeah, you guys want to booth or a table?

Table. Cool. We sat down. Well, we had our choice. Yes. We could have picked any spot. Yeah, we were the only people in the restaurant. We could have each had our own table. Yes. We could have sat in the kitchen.

Yeah. We could have each had our own table. I just like. Well, we did talk about putting these two. Yeah. No. God. I talked about us getting a booth and then pulling a table a little bit close

but away from us and putting Crazy and Nick at that table. We got to the table and sat down. It's like, where do I go? Let me see. Let me see. It really was. It was the kid table.

I thought they'd catch on. I didn't want to say it. We sat down. He asked, can I take your drink order? Can I get any coffees or waters here? I mean, said that, and then before anyone could say a word, Gracie went, yeah, can I get that lemonade? I want that lemonade.

The dreamy, dreamy lemonade. Okay. And then Nathan, it's quiet for a second, and Nick goes, get a coffee and a water? And Gracie went, I thought we were all a water? I thought we were all getting it. I thought we were all getting it. Then we all make our drink order. I'm trying to work out exactly how much we're going to order at this shit.

So you and I are on one side of the table. I was sitting next to him. Yeah. And then the three of you were on the other side of the table. Jordan, you were on the end. of the table Jordan you were on the end next time you gotta sit in between them we have to separate them I might get caught in the crossfire

I told you two we're gonna order this many of this these other two are just looking at the menu and fucking scrambling oh look at this Nick's just reading stuff out loud that he sees I'm telling Michael and Jordan just ignore them and then Michael's going you're the one who Oh, look at this. Oh, look at that. Nick's just reading stuff out loud that he sees.

I'm telling Michael and Jordan, oh, just ignore him. And then Michael's going, you're the one who isn't ignoring them. And I just keep going, I can't. He just keeps stopping, going like. You just plow through. Just keep going. Just pick whatever you want. Oh, it's Shane. He was walking by.

I couldn't get like my thoughts. I couldn't get, like, my thoughts. I couldn't, like, form thoughts. It was just these two looking at, like, the menu, like two Tasmanian devs. There was a cacophony around you. You're trying to read a book in a hurricane. Oh, my God. And there was no one else in this fucking place. It's not like, oh, man, we got to oh man we gotta like tune out Like all this other noise

It was fucking empty We also went to a different one We should say This is a different IHOP than we usually go to None of the grackles were dead outside Why did we go to a different one? I just wanted to go to a different one We keep going to that one

We keep going to that one Had to pad out his day We keep going to that one And had to pat out his day. Yeah. Uh, we keep going to that one and the grackles are dead outside. And the woman asks us when we order the food, she goes, Hey, did you guys,

Nick goes, no, we have a podcast. It's like, okay. All right. Nick brings his own syrup there sometimes. And it's embarrassing.

He actually puts THC in the syrup. That's right. I don't blame you for not going back there because we might get a bit of a reputation. Uh-huh. Yeah. Also, we've been to that one like three times. Uh-huh. You guys remember too much.

Do you not remember going to IHOP? I don't. I have no space for it. No space? It has no place in my life. Oh. I don't know. I'm going to do an IHOP. Sure. Remember this one? it. No space? It has no place in my life. Oh. I don't know. I hop.

Sure. Remember this one? No. Some of us do this show to make cherished memories. Dude, I've gotta squeeze out ones to get new ones in. I hit my limit like 15 years ago. So my window is small. So I feel bad for my

kids in a couple years. Or maybe once they go to college, then it'll be a problem. Which one are you? As long as they stay constant. As long as it's a constant, you're good. It's like when I said Gracie was fading away into smoke, and then she came back. It's true.

Well, she wouldn't work somewhere else, though. For a long time. Forever. But our waiter was hot. You can't let that go. Well, I'm just saying. I mean, he didn't belong there.

No, at all. He didn't belong there. It wasn't like, oh, he's a pretty good looking guy. This guy was way too hot to be working at IHOP. At an IHOP at 2.30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Yeah. Can I name drop him on here? Yeah.

Go there and ask for Ben. Oh, his name is Ben? Oh, okay. Yeah, he was wearing a name tag. Unless he was wearing someone else's name tag. He'll be the only one working there. He'll probably be the only hot winner. He's the one who looks like Freddie Mercury.

He does. He looks like if Freddie Mercury was born now. Yes. Or like, you know, like 25 years ago. Right. Right. He just didn't. It was just like, oh oh you just don't look like you should work here And then he did but then we decided that he was he did yeah, and then we decided that maybe he was robbing

I'm robbing the place and I am covering he was like a laugh was like ah he's like We've been sticking out this place for weeks nobody comes here for lunch What are they doing? Just serve him and get him out the door. I'm sure it'll be quick Shit that's why he was like comes here for lunch. What are they doing? Just serve them and get them out the door. I'm sure it'll be quick. They brought the welcome menu. Oh, shit. That's why he was like, oh, getting more. We can hear him in the kitchen reading the order and the guy's like, are you serious? There were five armed robbers

hiding under the window, like the serving window, waiting for us to leave. Fucking crazy. But they were like, I'm making this fucking lemonade with the cotton candy. We gotta put the cream cheese on the outside of the cup. The cotton candy, it's gotta have a cream cheese on the outside of the cup. No, the cotton candy has gotta have a whip. It can't look like hair. It's too flat. It looks like

a toupee. We should talk about that one briefly. Hey, we're robbing the place. Because Gracie got that right away. She got the lemonade, which... You didn't like write any of it. Did you write this shit down? It's all of it. But we'll read it later. I'm just saying, it's the dreamy lemonade.

Yes, it is. Dreamy lemonade. Yeah, and Gracie got it right away. And it is pretty close to, I would say pretty close to the picture. Maybe the cotton candy wasn't as tall, but that was really it. It's a lemonade that has cream cheese frosting on the outside that is rolled in sprinkles, and Nick kept going,

like a margarita! Like a margarita! I don't know what kind of margarita he's giving. Yeah, because I said, because, okay, so it's like, obviously there's the look of it. You've got the lemonade, and then there's cotton candy on top of it,

kind of like what whipped cream would be. But then you've got cream cheese smeared down, halfway down the glass. It's like a nice drip look, whatever. You cannot hold that side of cream cheese smeared down, halfway down the glass. It's like a nice drip look, whatever. You cannot hold that side of the glass. But it's halfway down the glass. Shut up. He didn't even get one.

And then the whole drip is covered in sprinkles. And so my immediate question was, okay, what do you do with that? How do you incorporate that into the drink? And the answer is to just lick and sock the outside of the cup at IHOP. Okay, he's drawing something here. Hang on.

He doesn't do drawings a lot. So we gotta dial in on that one. Lick your IHOP glass. And it's not like a margarita at all in any way. I still don't know what he's saying. Because that's onOP glass. And it's not like a margarita at all in any way. I still don't know what he's saying. Because that's on the rim. And also, he's disagreeing.

It's not all the way. The whole thing is covered in salt. You know when you grab the bottom of the cup and it's covered in salt? I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. That's how I make them. But even if that weren't the case, you just lick that. This is like hardened cream cheese

With sprinkles And so you're like You're really like You gotta really try Like a fucking idiot In eye hop Lick in your cup And then you just get a mouthful of cream cheese

And sprinkles And you go why did I do that Let me drink some cotton candy lemonade. But then you got to a point where you kind of like lick a bunch of the cream cheese and whatever. And then you were just going, don't grab your glass the wrong way. Grab a bunch of cream cheese that you licked off the outside of an IHOP cup. Guys, don't be so hard on it.

It's whimsical. It's fun. It's the very embodiment of Wonka. It was so confusing to the waiter that he was just like, who made this? Nick is holding up pictures of margaritas. Just let him be.

Just say, oh, good job, buddy. Look, we're back at the restaurant. We're trying to order the food. This is what it is. Okay. Jesus Christ. The waiter has no idea what any, he's just like, I can't believe we're ordering it. He said, who made this?

A three-year-old? He said that about the drink. He did say that. Yeah. He said that about the drink. He came up with this. Hang on. We got more to order.

Yeah. There were so many things. There were so many things. And we'll get to all of them. It's such a long menu. It is. And we didn't even get everything that was on the menu. There's like some like kids menu stuff that we didn't even.

No, we got it all. Did we really? The only. Yeah, because we even got the hot chocolate. It was a smaller portion of pancakes, a smaller hot chocolate. Oh, then that's it. And we got the French toast six. Yeah.

So I think we had it all. We almost didn't get the hot choccy, but we did. I will say, afterwards, we're all like, and the food's all on the table, whatever. There was a, like, probably a napkin holder or whatever, but it's got promotions on it. And the one side was what some of the shit we ate. And the other side, crazy, just goes, should have gotten Salisbury steak. And I looked at it and I was like, that's not part of the thing. She's like, I know.

I was like, what? Like, out of nowhere. Should have gotten Salisbury steak. And you were the only one that heard it too. This was the whole trip. It looked terrible too. It looked like shit. It's a Salisbury steak and I hopped.

Oh, we messed up. Where's Ben? Ben! Fire up the grill! We're not done yet. Let the other robbers in the back know we want a Salisbury steak. Oh, my God. Oh, Jordan, we should get to a haiku.

Oh, boy. Okay, so I told you guys about this earlier so that I wouldn't chicken out. Okay. I went and looked at what this menu was was trying to come up with a haiku. And there's so much crap and so many things to say that I couldn't come up with just three lines. And I really wanted it to be like the song that Gene Wilder sings in the tunnel. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. So instead

I wrote a parody of that song. We're getting a little musical. Have you seen that movie? The original? Yeah. Okay, so you know this part. So imagine we're in the tunnel now. Okay, alright. I'm in the tunnel. I'm putting myself there. There's no earthly way of knowing why this film

is even showing. There's no earthly way of knowing why this film is even showing. There's no knowing if we're sowing some reaping of an act ongoing. Are we shrinking? Are we growing? Is this movie worth foregoing? The box office is slow going. So Chalamet's acting must be throwing. Are the theaters not overflowing?

Is the grizzly reaper mowing? Yes, the movie must be slowing. Audience minds remain unblowing as the children are outgrowing. The whimsy pander, they are bestowing. But the IHOP menu is a glowing. Wow! That was our first Face Jam musical number.

That was incredible. Oh my God. Jordan, that was so good. When you slacked us earlier and you were like, how's your 1130 going? I was just trying to write that song. That's how my 1130 went. That's pretty good. I was trying to slow the bleeding in my brain.

Sorry, it was breathing. You're right. Is my brain breathing? That also took all of my energy that I had left. That was pretty good. You nailed it. I thought you did awesome. I also feel like it was the perfect amount of energy.

Yes. Yeah. The way you built for that was really good. We'll have to isolate that. We'll have to have a jammer put something to that. That was really great. I'm really impressed. See if we can rip the song off the movie. We'll have to isolate that. We'll have to have a jammer put something to that. That was really great. I'm really impressed. See if we can rip the song off the movie.

Oh my god. Cut out that hack in the film though and put Jordan in his place. Oh wow. It was, you had mentioned you were like, I didn't write a haiku. And it was kind of a pause and Eric's like, oh you come up with it on the fly. And you went, I wrote a song.

Yeah. Yeah, did not think that I wrote a song was the next thing you were going to say. Yeah, me neither. Did not expect that at all. I'm really impressed. Thank you. That was very good. I'm not impressed because I knew you had it in you, but it was good.

Yep. You know what I mean? That means a lot. That means a lot, Mike. I went, this is classic talented Jordan. It's true. Cha-cha. I'm always tap dancing. He does it sometimes. I mean? That means a lot. This is classic talented Jordan. It's true. Cha-cha-cha. I'm always tap dancing. I'm a song and dance man. Jordan

Al Yankovic. Anyway. There we have it. Hey, let's learn about IHOP. Our previous IHOP episode was released July 18th, 2023, where we ate the pancake tacos It received an average score of 86.5 I can't believe how recent that was

And can you believe that the score was that high? That I can believe I can believe because I remember this I remember when we saw the choco tacos The chocos I have high hopes for those I was like, oh, didn't we do something like that last time? Because again, right on the edge of my july oh i'm starting to forget yep and i went and they were good they were yeah and the thing that we kept talking about was it was better than going to

stubs which we had just done also for rts stubs fucking sucked and so a lot of our episode where we're talking about how good this is is how bad Stubbs was. Which is fucking great. It was really really good. Yeah, I remember us really liking the savory ones over the sweet ones too. Yeah, remember? Because we kept saying get the chicken ones. Yeah, the chicken ones were really good. So, little, maybe it should

have been a bit of a red flag that the ones on the Wonka menu were chocolate pancakes with chocolate inside with chocolate inside and chocolate chips with more chocolate. Gracie refused to eat one. This is the most defiant I've ever seen.

It's the most defiant and disgusted I've seen. Yes, over food that you would think she would go insane for. I would think. But then she said I don't like. It's my fatal flaw. I don't like chocolate. She's like, I don't like sweets. And Michael went, you eat candy all the time. And she went, no, I don't like It's my fatal flaw, I don't like chocolate She's like, I don't like sweets And Michael went, you eat candy all the time And she went, no, sour candy

It's like, yeah, she eats sours She doesn't eat sweets She's eating toxic waste I'm burning my taste buds off I don't like sweet, I like citric acid only So she didn't even try that? That tracks But I did try 100% chocolate recently.

What? Gavin made me eat it. What did you think of the 100% chocolate? It was like licking tires or drinking tar. It's bad, but it's not that bad. It just tastes like poop. It goes like that. It just tastes like poop, but it's not that bad.

It's not that bad. Everybody makes it. That's true. Real quick, Gracie, can you do earmuffs real quick? Yeah. If you want to figure out how you can betray her. Okay, cool. Why are you laughing? All right, let's keep learning.

In the fall of 2021, I call that the long ago. Yes. A Florida woman sued IHOP after she stepped on a deteriorated step, fell, and broke all three bones in her ankle. The case settled this September with IHOP paying the woman over $8 million due to ongoing mobility issues so she can't hop, but she can run to the bank, folks. Eric got his arms open wide accepting silent applause well it's all the people at home going everyone who paused the podcast

stand up and applaud I think she'd be able to get there by now that was over two years ago she's like in her mid 40s she broke the three bones in her ankle and the doctor said that is it's one of the worst breaks that you can have because when it heals you

still have mobility issues and for the rest of her life she'll probably have. Didn't you fuck up your ankle? I've been run over by a car yeah. Whoa. Did you fuck up your ankle though? I was listening to Face Jam I got run over by a car. Shit no he was the one driving. That's right.

Beep beep coming through. Don't listen to the score. Gotta go for the people that aren't listening. Put them in the hospital, give them something to do. Wake up in a hospital bed with a sign that says, listen to Face Jam. What's that? We salute the jammer who got run over by a car while listening to Face Jam.

Thank you so much. And did not die. No, didn't die. Thank you for your noble sacrifice. Do it again. So she broke her ankle, and the doctor said that she would have mobility issues, whatever. But then it went on to read like, and she won't

be able to enjoy simple joys in life, like walking on the beach or playing basketball with her sons. And it was like, I just went, those are made up. No, I believe it and my heart's breaking. I'm ready to give her $8 million.

She got over $8 million. Good for her. I'll take a little tumble if that means something. This is the first time I feel like one of these cases is justified. Yeah, I think so. Her lawyer probably got $7.9 million. That's about right.

Wow, cool $100,000 for you. $50,000. She actually lost money. She'll break the other ankle and get rich again. Indian education technology giant Baiju is under fire for hiding $533 million

in a hedge fund whose primary address is a Miami IHOP. The elusive hedge fund has claimed other addresses, such as Lionel Messi's residence and a Cayman Islands address, so we here at FaceJam are going to allow this hedge fund to operate out of our address for a mere $11 million? $7 million? Whatever it takes.

Nick is willing to go to jail for this. Yeah, he'll take the fall, no problem. Well, the monkey will take the fall, and they won't be able to prove who that is. He's got the mask on. It'll be fine. $533 million is 66 broken ankles. Yeah. Wow.

We got to start breaking some ankles. Yeah. Okay. So they hid all this money in this hedge fund, but the hedge fund isn't like a real, it's like a made up thing. And they asked people. All hedge funds are made up. Yeah, exactly. They asked people at the... All hedge funds are made up. Yeah, exactly.

They asked people at the IHOP, so where's this hedge fund? And the people at the IHOP went, what? And it's like, why did you even ask them? Why did you expect what happened? Oh, it's right back there.

Hot waiter Ben doesn't know anything about the hedge fund operating out of there. I don't even understand, but it's a $533 million operation. They just can't rent an apartment or something. I don't even understand. They just picked an existing address

where the business operates. They just started filing papers and they went like we're here. And they went, IHOP? And they went, oh, sorry, this one. And they said, this is where Lionel Messi lives. We live above the IHOP. I live in the attic of the IHOP. This is a hedge fund. $533

million. I live in Messi's garage. It's messy. The Cayman Islands is like, of course, like that's the one that makes sense. Start there. Start there. Why did somebody just went,

well, no, we got to keep it in the U S well, what's the address? Why work at the IHOP? And okay, cool. Also,

if you're starting a business, you corporate in Delaware. That's like, there's, there's buildings that are dedicated to being the address for any number of companies. Like, they're not a physical thing. It's just, it's a

building that's like full of boxes and that's the address. And their mail goes in the box. Easy. Done. Do you think that Cayman Islands is where they make Cayman Jacks? Yes. Which came first, Cayman Jack or Cayman Island? Probably a tie. I think Cayman Jacks? Yes. Which came first, Cayman Jack or Cayman Island? Probably a tie.

I think Cayman Jack established Cayman Islands, but he was just Jack, and he said, these are my islands, the Cayman Islands, and I'm Cayman Jack. Here's another question. Here's a Moscow Mule I made.

And then somebody got a billion dollar idea. A $533 million idea. I'm Travis Scott, and I need your help. Whoa! In 2019, a Georgia man was accused of making terroristic threats at an IHOP and was then punched, tased, and arrested by officers. After a video of the arrest went viral,

the Marietta Police Department dropped the charges, then released a statement stating that they didn't agree with dropping the charges, and the arresting officer no longer works for the department, but not because of this incident. What the fuck? What kind of terroristic threats are you making at an IOP? Well, it's international. Oh, shit.

I'll crash this plane! I'll crash this plane Oh crash his plane He thought he could say whatever he wanted He thought he was an international artist Interpol's after him The guy that's chasing Lupin the third It's an international incident It's absolutely true

He's a pirate Damn you Lup Lupin! Later, pops! This guy was making terroristic threats or whatever, and he was upset in an IHOP, and then cops beat the fucking shit out of him, and then 21 months later, after pushing back and hiring

lawyers and all this stuff, the police department was like, fine, we're dropping charges, but we shouldn't have to. And also, this guy doesn't even work here anymore, but it's not even because of this thing. So don't even ask. Yeah, and it was that. And it was like, what?

Wait, what are you talking about? It was some other incident. He beat the shit out of somebody else. Yeah, absolutely. Not your client. Who could have seen this coming? Huh? I don't know.

He had such a good, solid D average in high school. And the final fact. In 2017, an Alabama woman claimed she choked on a condom in her French toast at IHOP. Don't laugh. She choked, Gracie. IHOP's lawyers immediately shot back. We absolutely deny this claim. It's total fabrication.

Come, he wrote. They can't even see this. Come on, IHOP. Show some spunk and own up to this load. Discharge the employee that planted the seed of doubt in this grandmother's throat.

Oh my God. This is what you were doing at 1130. Holy shit. That was like the craziest bunch of sentences I've ever heard at once. That's stupid. Those are all the facts.

Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. I can't believe that happened. I can't believe they wrote that. I can't believe she choked on a condom. I also can't believe that either. Nice try, lady. Why don't you fall down the stairs? Everybody else. I don't either. Nice try, lady.

Why don't you fall down the stairs? Everybody else. I don't know. I'm very sympathetic. I don't tend to believe that somebody's just trying to get something out of just saying stuff, you know? I think if there's a thing to say. Somebody will say something and I'll just believe them. Yeah.

I choked on a condom. Such a crazy thing. I don't need to hear the other side of the story. No. I'm with them. I'm with them blindly 100%. I've seen what they do at a Denny's, and I just assume they also do something similar to my house. I've seen that too.

They don't use condoms. Yeah, Michael, it's in the French toast. Okay, but we're at a French toast. Do I even want to ask what they do at Denny's? Gracie, there's a video that you should not look up about a waiter receiving a tip at a Denny's. Got it. Yeah. I'm good. And it was more than just the tip.

That was Jordan. That wasn't even me. The guy going, what? Yeah. So fucking funny. Looking around and going, twist my arm.

Well, what are they going to do? Fucking fire me from Denny's? I don't know. Oh, my God. Imagine yourself in Ottawa, surrounded by thousands of vibrant tulips. Oh. And discovering your new favorite micro brew.

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What? So we haven't had it yet. We're not going to. What do you mean? Why not? I mean, you're more than welcome. Oh, you're talking about Supercharge What? So we haven't had it yet. We're not going to. What do you mean? Why not? I mean, you're more than welcome. Oh, you're talking about supercharged? Yeah, we gotta get the charged lemonade. We gotta get the charged lemonade. I ate a little bit of sugar just now and my heart is at

130. Does it have a lot of sugar, though? I will die if I... The caffeine and sugar, I'm sure, is off the charts. Oh, I know the caffeine's through the roof. It's definitely got sugar. It's lemonade. It's definitely got sugar in it. Okay. Yeah.

We'll do it, though. We should go do it. Yeah. It doesn't have to be today. Right now. Right now. I'll do it today. I'm so sensitive to caffeine that, like, if I have two cups of coffee, I'm, like, shaking.

I'm really afraid of what it would do to me. I'm also very afraid. Grace is afraid of the kind of person you've got to drink. I don't drink caffeine at all I don't drink coffee, I don't drink anything You drink Dr. Pepper You're a DP girl 70mg of caffeine?

If even, 35 Me and Nick were talking about how much coffee Nick's like I'll have like 4 or 5 cups of coffee a day I have to limit myself to 2 Which means I'll have 3 So Nick could handle it Maybe, if he doesn't drink 4 coffees And then drink it which means I'll have three. So Nick could handle it. Yeah, I do. If he doesn't drink four coffees and then drink it.

Four cups of coffee is the equivalent of one charged lemonade. It's 390 milligrams of caffeine. And the FDA recommends 400 daily. 400 is the most that you should have in a day. And one of these is that. Not all in one sitting. Yeah. What are you looking up? Okay, so I drink a lot of G Fuel.

Yeah. That's 140 a serving. Oh, wow. Sometimes I'll looking up? I'm trying to say, okay, so I drink a lot of G Fuel. Yeah. That's $1.40 a serving. Oh, wow. Sometimes I'll do like four or five in a day. Okay, so you're right around one, one and a half will be. Panic attack in a cup. See, because my thing will be like, I got no- Panic at the Panera Bread.

I got no sleep or whatever. I do one G Fuel. That's nothing. I do that every day. That's my coffee. I don't drink coffee. But it's so light, I do drink 50,000 cups of water. Yeah.

Where I'll be like, oh, I drank it in two minutes. And I go, I might as well do another one. And then that's already 280. Yeah. Right? Which is like almost five cups of coffee. Yep. If I have any more later in the day, I'm fucked at night.

Yeah. I just get like fidgety. You described it as itchy. I feel itchy when that happens. I get itchy, but not like itchy. The aura around me is itchy. Itchy like Resident Evil 1 itchy tasty.

It makes me itchy tasty. And I bet that will do this to me. Yeah, definitely. So let's go get me itchy tasty. You can have one. I had some friends that had some this weekend. They're dead. Yeah, they're gone now. Rest in peace, Hunter.

This has killed two people. Yes. And Panera has done nothing about it. A lot of things have killed a lot of people. Yep. I get in the car every day. Every day. Three days my car away.

Yep. Think about it. So I had some friends that had it over the weekend, and they drank like one and a half and went like, I just don't know how you could have three. See, the other thing is it's killed two people. And Panera has done nothing to make it harder to get. No. They sit back and they bask in the public.

You walk up to the soda fountain and you can just fill it up. That's the craziest part. Free as a bird. That's the craziest part, that you can just get refills. You could just have some kid in there blowing themselves up. You know what I mean? Even if they don't go for that. I'm going to bring in my big gulp.

My kids go, too. If I get a drink cup that's got a fountain, they got to get one of everything. They go, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh. That's what they do. That one little psh is just death right at the end. Especially in a little kid. I mean, do you remember when

Mountain Dew and Surge were like, guys, this is crazy as hell. These are like the most caffeinated things in the world. And now there's so much caffeine. Soup in a bread bowl

is worth the death. That was so worth him writing. It really fell apart in the end. He was scribbling. He had an idea and then the idea went away. His handwriting went away. Like, you remember

balls and all that stuff? Even Four Loko was dangerous. So that's the thing. I think people have just gotten weaker because what we used to do is get a charged lemonade and then put malt liquor in it and then go out at night. And then it would be tomorrow.

Yeah, here's why Gen Z sucks. Honestly, hey, you know what? I'm going to be the first one to do it. I'm putting it on Gen Alpha. Whoa! The kids? Yep. The literal children of the world. Hey, Gen Z, I'm with you. Let's get them. Whoa. Yep. You got to start

early. Okay. Yeah, get on their side. Smart. What is the oldest Alpha? Are they like 20 yet? No, I don't think so Let me ask Doesn't it start in like 2013? I don't know Under 13 years of age Children born in or after

2010 The same year the iPad Was born What the fuck? Mama. Oh, my. So, yeah, they're iPad kids. They are.

And I blame them for dying to the charged lemonade. I'll let them know. I'll relate to you guys. I'm going to come home today and like. Yeah. You did it. Hey, you're in hot water. You're never going to believe what Eric said about you.

You got to drink this whole thing to prove him wrong. I'm going to be honest. I couldn't defend you. I've never seen you drink three charged lemonades. You asked me 400 times for chocolate milk. You don't even drink that. You drink half the cup. Mr. Beast said you couldn't even finish three of these.

Whoa. I did not say that. My kids are big fans of Jordan. If you ever want to have a really cool birthday for them... Put some sunglasses on Jordan and they'll know it's Mr. Beast. I don't really understand. I have object permanence. I don't know what Mr. Beast looks like.

The difference between my kids and those kids, they would go, that's not him. What are you talking about? I watch his videos all the time. That's a different guy. What are you talking about? I'll build a well. Here's a hundred bucks. Oh, my God.

What else does he do? You want a burger? My kids was watching that video where he gave people all those hearing aids. And they were telling me about it. Like, know, where he gave people all those hearing aids. And they were, like, he was telling me about it. Like, look, he gave these people here. And I was like, no, he's wrong. Let me tell you why this guy's a fucking asshole. All right?

Fuck this guy. Okay, daddy. Yeah, if he was such a nice guy, he wouldn't have filmed it. Yeah. But what about the people that can hear now? It's not about them. It's not about them. It's about me.

It's about me! It's about me! Look, I'm not here to defend Mr. Beast. I am here to make fun of you. That's it. That's all this is. I just need you to know that. Hey, we should learn about the IHOP Wonka menu food.

Again. I'm excited. Wonka's perfectly purple pancakes. I had to say all this out loud, by the way. Yeah, you said it with a like, the Grinch. Yeah. Yeah. Wonka's perfectly purple pancakes. Yeah, that's what I was, the Grinch the whole time. Yeah. You need to be whimsical.

Purple buttermilk pancakes layered with cheesecake mousse and topped with purple cream cheese icing. Whipped topping and gold glitter sugar. Scratch that. Reverse it. I was waiting for someone to say that there and nobody said that.

We didn't say it. The waiter didn't say it. It's fucked up. Turned upside down or something. And then Eric had to say hover chalk pancake taco. What is hover chalk? It's the flying. Yeah.

The flying what? That's why they're flying. They come flying on their little hover. That's what hover means. They're the flying. Yeah. The flying what? That's why they're flying. They come flying. That's what hover means. They're floating on their little They're floating on that thing they were sitting on. What if hot men would have brought them in like

He'd be less hot. He'd become less hot. He'd come in and he'd go, who's hungry? And then he'd be immediately disappointed because it would be Nick going, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, apparently Hubbard Chalk is something in the new movie. Oh. That's cool.

The movie's not out yet. Right. But I bet they float. How would we get that? Do you think that's how Keegan-Michael Key floats? Oh, no, he doesn't float. Yeah, he's in the movie, but he doesn't float. Oh, he's like the sheriff or something, right?

He's the guy that's like, ignore all these floating people. Yeah. Charlie and his grandpa, they float. But that's from drinking fizzy lifting drinks. You fucking idiot. That's not on here. In the background, that was Nick going, dip shit. It just made me feel like South Park.

Dip shit. Fucking get it. Such a thing that I don't, I'm not around anymore except really face jam is like someone doing something and someone else going, yeah, you fucking moron.

Oh, man. It's like the lightest piling on that we possibly do. I don't want to get off topic, but it really reminds me of the sketch idea we had years ago where it was all the henchmen

for like the mob boss. So we had this idea for a sketch and it'schmen oh like the mob boss like so we had this idea for a sketch and it's just not something we ever filmed but i really i think it's so funny it's just like 10 like yeah yeah like those kind of guys the big mob bosses are all meeting yeah so they all meet and then they all leave so then it's just the henchmen around the table yeah they're at their big meetings and the henchmen are just like, okay, we'll wait out here. And then they just start, one guy sort of like starts saying something. He's like, yeah. And then they all sort of start agreeing, but then it starts stacking.

They're like, yeah, yeah, we should get out of here. Yeah, we should get a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should get a gun. We should kill the boss. Yeah, kill the boss. Kill the bosses. It's just these 10 little weasel men.

I just love the idea of these guys. Who are just sheep, you know, she of these guys. Who are just sheep. Yeah. Sheeping each other. Who are just ping-ponging around. That's face jam. Yeah, a lot of ping-ponging around. Until a joke happens.

All weasels, no bosses. Yeah, all weasels, no bosses. Yeah, yeah, eat the Wonka. Yeah, dipshit, eat it. Say more magical. Anyway, hovered truck pancake tacos, three silver dollar chocolate pancakes

folded and filled with chocolate chips, cheesecake mousse, sliced strawberries, and a chocolate derizzle served with extra strawberries on the side. Derizzle. Jordan's got riz. Definitely had some driz.

Riz King Jordan rizzing had some drizz. Whoa! Riz King Jordan rizzing him up? Yeah. Whoa! Word of the year, baby. Somebody without Riz wasn't writing that song. No, I agree. I agree.

I don't take compliments very well. Daydream Berry Biscuit. I don't give them very often. You're right. You're right. We should both be uncomfortable. Dayream berry biscuit a buttermilk biscuit split and filled with cheesecake mousse again a mixed berry topping topped with purple cream cheese icing and powdered sugar maybe the most confusing one there yeah like it was all baby food, but this one we were just like, why make this?

Why a biscuit was the question. It's just all that shit that goes on a pancake. And they went biscuit? And then they just did biscuit. And I don't understand. I don't think the biscuit would have been that bad if the purple drizzle wasn't on top. Like the fruit and stuff kind of...

I don't know. I think the biscuit itself was bad. It was just so... It was dry. Pancake-y. It was dry. It was so pancake-y. It was so pancake-y. I just don't know. I think the biscuit itself was bad. It was just so pancake-y. It was dry. It was so pancake-y. It was so pancake-y. I just don't understand why. Again, all the toppings were bad.

More pancake than biscuit, for sure. It was like what you'd do if your kids wanted pancakes and you only had a biscuit. You'd be like, this is kind of like a pancake. And they'd be like, bullshit, it's not. And then they'd smash the fucking plate on the ground. But that's why you do it. They have pancakes.

So I don't know why they made this. I deleted this one because I didn't think we were going to get it because it's on the kids menu. But here's that. Willie's Junior French Toast Dippers. Sliced French toast with a side of strawberries, banana, and chocolate dipping sauce.

I did not. He wants his his phone back don't give it back hey hey hey dip shit that was very funny he said it that was very funny it wasn't me Jordan was handing his phone and then he pulled away I'm a weasel

yeah take his phone yeah hold the phone yeah yeah smash it Smash my phone Contact Take it down I didn't realize 48 megapixels

I didn't realize until these came out And they came in the little paper Kids cup and Came with just fruit on the plate. Just chucked on there. Oh, it looked like a baby plate. Oh, Gracie was the one that said we have to get these. It was the only thing on the menu that we weren't going to have.

And the Salisbury steak. Hey, that was a different menu. The Wonka Berry Steak. The Dreamy Lemonade. Okay. Which was the first thing we ordered. We. Prickly pear flavored lemonade served with a cream cheese icing rainbow sprinkle rim.

Rim my ass. And topped with cotton candy. Uh-huh. So the cotton candy in the menu, Gracie said, are there instructions. And there were. Right. I laughed at that. Yes.

And then there were instructions. But then also she didn't follow the instructions she asked about. Nope. The instructions were to dip, like, hey, you can customize your drink by putting your cotton candy and stir it into the drink. Yeah. Like, make it more sugary. So Gracie didn't do it.

Michael and Jordan did. How did the stirring go? Well, we tried to. Dude, it took like seven minutes for it to dissolve in the drink. Yeah, like make it more sugary. So Gracie didn't do it. Michael and Jordan did. How did the stirring go? We tried to. Dude, it took like seven minutes for it to dissolve in the drink. It was hydrophobic. I don't know what the hell it was made out of. It comes out so densely packed that when you put it in the drink, the liquid

does not permeate it. No. Yeah. I had to hold it underwater like drowning a dog. Not that I've done that before, but that was like what it was. Cinnamon, no! Leave her out of this. His cinnamon! That was a shirt roll. Oh, no!

I think even when we left, it had not dissolved. No, it had not dissolved. Mine did, but I literally held it under with a spoon for like minutes. He was like bashing it on the side of the cup. I would let it up and go, die, die. And then put it back down.

I was trying to Godzilla it. Yeah, it was good. Gracie just took hers out because she didn't want to make it more sugary, which is totally understandable. But like when I was doing mine, it changed the color. It became the color of the cotton candy. Yes. So mine was like next to hers. Hers was like still pink and mine was like purple. it changed the color. It became the color of the cotton candy. Yes. So mine was like next to hers.

Hers was like still pink and mine was like purple. Dark purple. Yeah. It was weird. Really weird. Don't worry. There's more. I wasn't.

Eric also had to say this. Yes, I did. The Scrum Diddlyumptious Strawberry Hot Chocolate. Hot chocolate flavored with strawberry syrup, topped with whipped cream topping A drizzle of chocolate sauce and gold glitter sugar I felt like it really I felt like it

Really shocked everyone on first sip It did yeah Because I didn't know it was going to be strawberry Me neither it really just kind of threw me Oh that's the only thing I paid attention to Yeah you guys were talking about it and I went strawberry Only because you had read it earlier. It did not click with me.

Also, shout out to Ben. We were getting on Eric about when he was ordering this. He's like, more whimsy. You're not saying it whimsical enough. I don't need more whimsy. There it is. There it is. Yep.

Oh, I didn't know. What year is that? 2013. 2012. 2012. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. Oh, yeah. What year is that? 2013. 2012. 2012. Jesus. So when Ben was reading everything back, he was like, and you wanted just one Scrum Diddle? Yeah.

Yeah. He was right. I like this guy. I only wanted one Scrum Diddle. The Fantastical Wonka Burger. Finally, some real food. Yeah. That's what I ordered that guy. Only wanted one Scrumdiddle. The Fantastical Wonka Burger. Finally, some real food. Yeah, that's what I ordered that one. Yeah, you and Nick.

100% USDA choice Black Angus Beef Steak Burger with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, four cheese blend, avocado, two strips of bacon, fried hash browns, IHOP sauce, and a ranch drizzle on a brioche bun served with choice of side. So whether you want the side or not. So here's how it went. First of all, I ordered it Wonka style with whimsy. Yeah, for sure. Dramatic reenactment, if you will.

I'll be Ben. Okay. I think it was something like, I'll have the fantastical Wonka burger. And then I said, no avocados. Okay, that's cool. What side do you want? I'm hot. I don't need it. No side, just a burger. You sure? It comes with a side for free.

And then that's when Grayson starts screaming, I'll have the fries! I'll have the fries! I'll have the fries! I'll have the fries! And then as we were wrapping up that conversation, Nick went, I'll have the fantastical Wonka burger. He was like, no need to also order it that way.

I liked it. I like that you ordered it that way. It was whimsy. We were there for a reason. Eric was upset by it. He didn't, he did want his fries. Yeah, he did want his fries. Gracie did not want your fries.

Even though Gracie wanted your fries. I know. She didn't want your fries. I know. What happened? They were the item I touched most on the table, I will say. She touched them. She just didn't need them.

I think the item you touched most on the table was your cotton candy. Oh. That's why I played with them. There was a point where Eric and I were talking about hating being sticky. And Gracie went, who doesn't hate being sticky? As she was playing with cotton candy. Playing with cotton candy. Playing with cotton candy in her hand and my eyes started hurting

No our timer died oh no yeah, I saw that We're in there yeah, yeah, we're in the late game so guys so don't play game now. We got press material, baby I was getting worried and now I'm unworried. Yeah. IHOP has established itself as a highly creative and collaborative theatrical partner in the family dining category. And the latest Wonka menu is the brand's most creative partnership yet. CMO Kieran Donahue said in a statement, Every good thing in this world started with a dream, and we are excited to continue serving more joy to more people every day and bringing families together for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

with this innovative menu of original items inspired by the story of Willy Wonka. Let me tell you. The tale is old as time. You weren't bringing anybody anywhere in that place. Bringing families every day! That was weird. The tumbleweed started rolling through the eye. Five weasels.

We'll get the candy, get the candy. Get the candy drink. He couldn't believe we ordered it. He was so fucking stunned. He was making comments the whole time. Oh, yeah. We're like, you went to get

to-go boxes for the Gremlins, and you were like, yeah, can we get some to-go boxes? And he's like, sure, what do you need, 17? He wanted to be like, listen here. Hey, fucker. Yes, we do. He had the best attitude of any IHOP winner ever.

It was good. He did it in my life. He had a bunch of catty comments, but in a fun way. Because also, he was right about everything. And we knew it. We went, we don't want this. We're just hating it, sir. We don't want it.

We were all kind of in on it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We all knew what this was. But what did you think kind of overall as a menu, everything that you had and sort of we had the pancake tacos before, so I don't know if you necessarily have to grade it against that, but it's something to keep in mind. I mean, this was the worst version of that we've had.

If that's the question you're asking. I ate half of one. I think it was a bunch of shit. I ate half of one before it was too much. I think it was a bunch of shit slop food. Uh-huh. Thank God I ate that burger. Otherwise, I would be blacked out from a headache.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a headache, yes. I can do sweet pretty well. I cannot do rich. It was both. The richness of the chocolate, the hover chalk pancake tacos was too much. I could only eat half of it before my stomach was hurting. But the purple pancakes, you guys all took a bite. Dude, that was so sweet. And we're like, my stomach was hurting. Yeah. But the purple pancakes, you guys all took a bite.

Dude, that was so sweet. And we're like, it's killing me. And then I took a bite and was like, not that bad. I didn't think it was that bad at all. I definitely couldn't eat all of that. That was, like, the sweetest thing I've ever eaten. Like, in the amount of food. We haven't.

In that, it was most, it's not the pancake that was super sweet. It was the syrup. It's, like, the the richest most thickest syrup ever Something's wrong with that syrup It should be hard to eat a lot of it You know what I mean It's like the supercharged lemonade And then someone melted it

Into a liquid and it's too fine Yeah something's up with that So it's not syrup and this was the important thing That I think we didn't know When we took a bite of those pancakes, it was like getting punched in the mouth. Oh, yeah. It's icing. So it is thin melted icing. It was icing with the consistency of

syrup. Yes. Straight up. It was like poured on. It looked like syrup, but it was like birthday cake. It tasted like five times sweeter. It tasted like sweet, sweet birthday cake. It was like, it was crazy. It was sitting there for a while and starting to like congeal. Yeah. It kind of looked like wax. It did. Yeah. When he put it down, it was wet like syrup. Yeah. It was like, it was crazy. It was sitting there for a while and starting to like congeal. Yeah. It kind of looked like wax. It did. Yeah, when he put it down, it was

wet, like syrup. Yeah. It was really, it was so sweet in a way that like other stuff was sweet. The pancakes were like head and shoulders above the rest. It was sweet like if you'd get something and it would be like, warning

this is a mix. Don't just drink this out of the bottle. You got to dilute it. Yeah. It was like non-diluted sweetness. You're supposed to serve it like this? It was all concentrate. Yeah. It was.

It really was like concentrate. Concentrate is the word I described. And I couldn't figure it out. It really is like concentrate. And it was so, so, so much. But then everything was relentless. There was no rest. The rest was the cheeseburger.

I said that. I'd come back to the cheeseburger for safety. And I would go, oh, bacon. Oh, my God. On our side of the table, we didn't have it. So Eric was like, okay, let me try this. And he was like, oh. There's nowhere to go.

There's no sanctuary here. It's just you eating different piles of sand in the middle of the desert looking for water. Where's the water? different piles of sand in the middle of the desert looking for water. Where's the water? And then just drinking black coffee with it

to try to just knock any of it down. Surely the hot chocolate is not going to help you. Fuck, that hot chocolate was so weird. The lemonade was pretty good if it was just the lemonade.

Brickley really liked it. Brickley pear lemonade. That's why I did not dunk the toupee of cotton candy. Gracie got the lemonade, took the cotton candy out, didn't lick the cream cheese or eat the sprinkle. He just wanted the lemonade, took the cotton candy out, didn't lick the cream cheese or eat the sprinkle.

He just wanted the lemonade. He just wanted the lemonade. Unfortunately, I did and it made it worse. Michael licked his clean. I licked on a lot. It wasn't clean, but it was a lot.

You should go to at Face Jam Pod on Instagram and on Twitter. You have to go look at these photos. The pictures you're taking at 10.5. I hear it, Michael.

We look like aliens, dude. I posted... 10.5 white. I think it was. 10.5 wide angle is awesome. Michael looks like either a YouTube thumbnail or a 90s kids commercial for fruit gushers. I posted one that just said, next week's episode is outrageous and it's your fucking That's me playing

with my moon shoes. Moon shoes, moon shoes. Moon shoes. Soccer boppers. Soccer boppers. It's exactly, yeah. Soccer boppers. They're more fun than a pillow fight. You blow them up, put your hands inside, get ready to have the time of your life.

Tracy, there used to be commercials on TV. So in 1996, when you watched TV, in between the program, they would show commercials. Yeah. You call them ads now. I'm familiar with these kinds of ads. In the middle of your content, there would be ads. Ah, now you're using her language. Gen Alpha!

All right, Jordan. Crossfire! Go get caught up in that! That kid got killed. That was like a crossfire commercial. Now that I think about it, it's basically how they portrayed card battles in Yu-Gi-Oh. Yes. Yes.

It was like a giant fighting arena. And it's like, I'll flick this thing and you'll fucking die. Now go to the Shadow Realm. Now I will say. I'm stabbing your head, Yu-Gi. I had Crossfire and it ruled. I also had Crossfire. Crossfire was great.

It was awesome. It's like fighting pinball. Yes. Because you get to shoot. Being able to shoot something like pull a trigger, and everything was metal. Everything was metal. 90s was still in the end of the metal age. Yeah.

I don't mean that as in hardcore. I mean, shit was made out of metal. Shit was made out of metal. You'd be like, what if you hit someone in the eye? Don't, don't. Crossfire! Okay, what do you think, Jordan? I'll get caught up in it.

So unfortunately, and we were talking about this while we were there, because we mentioned being sticky, it reminds me too much of the TGI Fridays. How do you not immediately compare it to that? It's the biggest disaster since that. It is. And we've been having a little, we've been having a good streak. A very

good streak. Maybe the best streak since the show started, I think so too. And maybe I wasn't prepared to be coming, crashing back down to earth, because boy am I crashing. Yeah. Someone didn I wasn't prepared to be coming crashing back down to earth because boy am I crashing. Yeah. Someone didn't check Face Jam's O-rings. When we were driving back I was just like

this really brings me back to when we started the show and like me hating what we're eating. Oh yeah. For sure. Watch the ride along that that'll come out tomorrow. Watch five sleepy people. You can watch us be tired and Gracie say, this is the worst I've felt in my entire life. In my life.

And also Gracie's driving. I felt really bad. There was a point when we were walking out, I think y'all were getting something off the table. Gen Z. I had to stand there and put my arm all on. I was like... Whoa.

Is that when you were leaving with the receipt? Yeah, it was. When I was tipping hot Ben's tip. Ben almost didn't get a tip. Sorry, Ben. Did you tip him? Yeah. Okay.

Oh, by the way, let's get back to your scores and everything. I was going to say, is this like the or one of the most expensive things we've ever had? Before tax and tip, well, before, yeah, tip, $130.

It's not worth it. No. No. Imagine spending $130 to feel this way. We straight up robbed ourselves. He was the thief. That was, oh, no.

Dude, he stole from IHOP and a customer. He was like, hang on, we can get at least $100 out of these guys. These fucking idiots are all the bullshit. There's only $42 in the till.

What happened? We're robbing IHOP Or did it go to Baiju? Or did it go to Timothee Chalamet? What do you think? God It's bad

I don't know if it's as bad as the Big Top thing But fucking a whole whimsical ass five Five Oh my god Oh my god I didn't get the burger A whole whimsical ass five. Five? Oh, my God. Holy shit. Oh, my God. I didn't get the burger. Gracie said that this is the worst thing she's eaten on Face Jam.

The burger was fine. The burger was fine. And thankfully for me, the burger was part of the menu. I'm not quite sure how. I don't either. It was just a burger with stuff on it. Not really anything whimsical about it. You know what, though?

I'm okay because it could have been purple shit. Yeah. Right? Like, I was okay with it. It just seemed whimsical about it. I'm okay, because it could have been purple shit, right? Like, I was okay with it. It just seemed like... Willie's purple shit burger. It was just like a super burger, where it felt like it was like... It was very tall. It was just your classic, like, bacon cheeseburger, but it had, like, even more shit?

There was, like, avocado on it, which I didn't get anyway. But it was real tall, and as soon as we got it put down on the table Nick announced I'm gonna smash it And he just kept crushing it He kept crushing it down He just watched it and went

Juices are coming out But I mean like he was giving it fucking CPR Like two hands on it Clear! He was in the back of an ambulance Yeah keep left The burger spleen rupt an ambulance. Yeah, keep left for 20 minutes. The burger's clean ruptured. He can keep that burger alive for 20 minutes.

Jordan gave it a 5. Anyway, my point is the burger was actually edible food. Everything else was fucking terrible. I don't even know how you salvage that as someone who likes sweets. I wouldn't send them. I wouldn't say it again. No winners there.

15. 15. Wow. It's an average score of 10. That's so fair. Burger really helped it, huh? It helped it a lot. Here's the thing about this. About 14? It's a candy shop man

and that's the crossover thing. The food sucks. If I was 12 years old and was able to eat this stuff, I would be going fucking ape shit. If I could have those pancakes that taste like birthday cake at 12 years old, I would have been fucking loving it.

100%. Man. I cannot condone any parent to allow their child to eat this food. Not only that, I wouldn't even get to the condoning part because that seems to me like food wise. No parent that I know

is going to buy this shit. It's expensive to eat this shit. It's like you want to pay what for what? There's a diner near my house that still sells pancakes for like 18 cents. I don't know how they do it. And I keep going, do you guys go outside? Have you looked around?

How does this entire breakfast for two cost $22? I don't know how they do it. And I keep going, do you guys go outside? Have you looked around? Have you? How does this entire breakfast for two cost $22? I don't understand this. And IHOP, it's the exact opposite. It's worse food and five times the price. It's crazy. It was really something. I just don't, I don't think in your right mind you can allow people to eat this.

Do we think the movie will be better? Do you think the movie will be better than a 10? I think the movie will be better. Larry told me that it's a secret musical. Is it a secret? I didn't know it was a musical. They're all kind of secret musicals. They're all kind of musicals, right?

He wrote a song. Well, this episode is a secret musical. Secret musical episode. The episode's a secret musical, but it's a tie-in to a movie that isn't a secret musical. It's usually a musical. It's just singing. Yeah, they weren't advertising it as a musical, but you wouldn't blame them for having music. They don't ever really advertise Disney movies as musicals either, but they are.

That's very true. And it pisses me off. Yeah, fucking get them. Whenever I'm watching, I start screaming, SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Trolls? Since when did trolls sing? I don't know. Justin Timberlake singing a Backstreet Boys song? What the fuck is this? Fucked up.

Yeah, he did. They were there. The guy was in two bands. He was in two boy bands. He was in Brozone and he was in Sync. Wow! I called the little guy Brick Brozone, because I forgot that's from Trolls. That was the name of their band.

You mean Brick? Yeah, Brick Brozone is the band because they're all brothers. Eric Andre is the oldest brother. Oh, that's weird. Hey, we have a snack. Oh, shit. Are we at like two hours yet?

Nick, how long are we? I didn't anticipate how I would be feeling after that one. Just remember when you have this, Gracie did this. And she said it was a weird one. It's small. But it's small. It's small. Okay.

Yeah. It's small. I'm not sure. But it's super sour. Okay. While Gracie gets the snack out, go to facejampod.com and watch all our first content. So here we go. Yep.

Okay. What is it? This is the Kraft mac and cheese tits the Cheesin' Gummy Camp. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Tits the... Okay, I thought she said tits the...

Tits the Cheeson. Kraft Mac and Cheese Tits what? Tits the Cheeson? Because Kat's the biggest tit fan. Tits the Cheeson. I still have a picture of that. Come on, IHOP. Show some spunk.

Okay, what are we trying to compete with Denny's? Tits the cheese on. What does that mean? What the fuck is it? Ew. Come on. You're the one making us eat it. Look at this.

They look like earplugs. They look like circus peanuts. They do look like earplugs. Are they cheese balls? They're mac and cheese. Why are you the one who brought it asking the most questions? Well, because, okay, the story was I was at Target not looking for snacks or anything, just doing some Christmas shopping.

And it happened to be on an end cap alone. I was calling to you. I don't know if somebody left it in the store by accident. Probably wasn't even from Target. No price tag on it. Yeah, there wasn't. Somebody left it. So I just said, that looks like something.

It was free. A man wearing a trench coat and a hat. I couldn't see his face. He had two glowing eyes. He offered this to me. They are mac and cheese gummies. I don't know why. I don't know why.

Give us a gummy. I watched her sniffing it. I said, she's sniffing it. And then Gracie turned and sniffed the microphone. I guess to give the sound. She's falling apart. She did this. I'm just going to say, compared to the last time she went nonverbal, she was way more

verbal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She kept saying on the ride back, I'm going nonverbal. It's taken everything in me to not go nonverbal. This looks so bad. It looks like a worm. Yeah, they look. Oh, they smell weird.

Oh, they look terrible. I don't know if they're cheese flavored. They don't have a flavor list. They're gummies scented with like... Oh, no. This is going to be bad. So they're like mac and cheese looking noodles, but they're gummies. But they're not because they're huge.

But they smell like cheese. Yeah. And they smell like sugar as well. They smell like gummy too A little I'm going in Gummy and cheese Should we all go in together?

Yeah Okay here we go That's not great Oh It's just a gummy Yeah there's nothing to it The flavor's on the back half Pure imagination

The flavor comes out halfway through It just kind of tastes like a really bland fruit snack Yep It's a fruit snack Yeah it's just a fruit snack Like it's not even candy Like gummies No It's a fruit snack. It's not even candy. It's more of a fruit snack than a gummy.

I was prepared to give this a low score based on it being a cheesy gummy, but now I'm going to give it a low score for not being what it should be. It's definitely a fruit. It's like a Welch's fruit snack. It's just a fruit snack. Don't fucking lie to me. It's fine. It tastes more manufactured

because there's like no flavor when you bite it. The initial taste is nothing. It's fine, but I'm mad. This is bullshit, is what Nick wrote. I'm on Nick. Oh, he's pissed because it's not disgusting. Nick and I are on the same page. There is nothing cheese related in any way about it.

It's just a fruit. Weird. Don't lie to me. It says you must be seated while eating. You have to be seated? Shut up, box. All right. Do you want to get an 18?

He's on a tear today. I mean, 40. Okay. It's not great. I mean, 40. 18. Yeah, 18. Average score of 29.

It's not good. This is bullshit. It's not like bad tasting, but it's odd. I expected to gag when I put it in my mouth. Yeah, me too. I was really looking forward to that. It just doesn't taste like anything. Nope.

Hey, you want to send us snacks? You can. Send them to Face Jam. Care of Eric Boudreau, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Always looking for snacks. If you can top Gracie's Cheesin' is the reason. It's kind of powdery. Yeah, it is powdery.

Just when you touch it. There's no powder on it. It's like phantom powder. It'll be topped very easily. You can top it. Send us snacks. You can also go to facejampod.com or sign up at facejampod.com. You can support this show directly.

Jambulance was a hit. Will it be released later? I think so. We're probably not supposed to but i think we're going to anyway oh i think it was so good i think so here's the thing i think i think i want to release it for first members so sign up you can watch this it'll probably be sometime in january maybe uh i'll work with nick we'll figure it out but jambulansary yeah uh you can listen to our commentary where gracie's eating a pretzel and then shocked at what she's seeing on screen.

We were going to have Alamo Draft House snacks. We all had pretzels. Right. It fell off me ambulance. I think that's the. He wrote the ambulance. It fell off the ambulance. You're supposed to read it with an Irish accent.

Oh, in a wink. You got to say the wink, dude. This is why you still have no Wonka. Right. Come with me and you'll see. So, Jambulance, maybe for first members later in the month or in the beginning of January, maybe. It was a lot of fun.

It was a movie that I think... I think the best way to watch that movie is with our commentary track. It is. It's getting fucked up because every time there's a drone shot, it's five people going, I kept thinking we were going to crash. Yeah, it was a lot. It was really five people going, well, I kept thinking we were going to crash. Yeah, it was a lot.

It was really, really fun. I kept thinking they were going to mean something. Yeah, they never did. Nope. Uh, and sometimes they would end the cut early.

Yep. Like sometimes there'll be jump cuts. Yeah. Oh, jump cuts to the same person. A slightly different, not even a different angle, just a different look.

Uh, very cool. Um, Hey, monkey mouse stuff is still on sale. You can go check it out. Uh, grab a certified jammer shirt

too I think that's an underrated shirt the yellow certified jammer shirt I love that shirt I love the way it fits the material it's on is like slightly different it's like a really really cool shirt I'll be honest I don't even know that you should be wearing it but I'm glad you like it it's like a tough guy shirt

no it's fine follow at facejam pod to stay up to date with everything we have spit and silly next week and I think we kind of

talked about it we got snoopy sushi coming out snooshy snooshy yeah so check out a little

let's go back Jesus fucking I want to go you want to know where I want to go I want to go fucking home he wants to go back

way down he wants to go back I need to be horizontal right now I need to go. You want to know where I want to go? I want to go fucking home. You want to go back? Lay down. He wants to go back. Jesus Christ. I need to be horizontal right now. I need to be horizontal and nonverbal. No, actually. When my wife starts feeling that way, she tells me that she does not want to be perceived. I feel that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially right now. Just want to fade away. Yeah, exactly. Like Jordan on the ground when he was laying over there. And he wasn't perceived. And he was not perceived at all.

Then he wanted to be perceived Yes he did He made noise Yeah That was it It's like when we're back in time 80 minutes I hate that noise

Rate and subscribe You got anything else? No that's all a friend Do you like the shoulder monkeys? Too bad they're gone They're gone We told you We told you

Fuck Hey listen up idiot We fucking told you No I'm talking about them Oh sorry Sorry I really got my attention. I know, I know. Used to be addressed in that manner.

No, no, I'm looking down going, hey, hey. Hey, stupid. We told you they were going to sell out. Tip shit. Nick, get him. Tip shit. Thanks for buying them, though. Hopefully we'll make...

I want to make more different guys. I want to make more different guys. You're a rat or a bird. This is now me saying, so when you go, whoa, you didn't do it. There's like, I want to make more different guys. I want to make more different guys. You're a rat or a bird. This is now me saying so when you go well you can do it that's there's like I'm not in charge of that. No. He's not in any of the meetings or putting any of the ideas out. So we'll put the idea out just now.

What about the little Face Jam Snoopy guy? Face Jam Snoopy guy. Yeah. Sure. The shirt y'all made? The shirt? Why are you tapping on your shoulder though? Because you're confusing me. Wait are y'all not talking about making more magnetic animals? Uh huh. Yeah. y'all made? The shirt? Well, why are you tapping on your shoulder, though? Because you're confusing me. Wait, are y'all not talking about making more magnetic animals? Uh-huh.

Yeah. Y'all have the shirt that is like Peanuts Face Jam. Yeah, right. Put him on. Right, you're talking about Woodstock, as the guy you're describing. But it's going to be a Grackle. Yeah.

Because that's Jordan's bird. You know the Snoopy guy? Yeah, Snoopy Grackle. Snoopy guy. Bird guy. Snoopy guy. Snoopy guy. Snoopy guy.

She's combining the shoulder monkey with the Face Jam peanut shirt. I think I might be insane. I think it's time to go nonverbal, guys. Like and subscribe. Tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Have a whimsical day. Goodbye. Oh, Sally.

That's... She's talking about Lucy. Oh, Brenner, Lucy? Lucy. All right, now let's do the ads No I'm kidding There's no way Hey stupid

Yeah Yeah ants