100% Eat - IHOP's Halloween Menu

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review IHOP's Halloween Menu so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about what exactly qualifies as being on the Halloween menu, the cool waitress, a dead grackle, and Tony gives us some Treats for a special Tony's Treats Snack Attack. Sponsored by DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM2021) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam14 and use code facejam14) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Boo! Did I scare you? Good. Welcome to Face Jam, the spooky show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it and to scare you. Now you probably do doesn't make sense because I paused in between. Now you probably boo. You probably... Thanks to DoorDash and HelloFresh and Jordan

for making this show possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are boos? And then we all go... Very clever. Is it October yet? Very clever.

When this episode comes out, it will almost be October. It says IHOP Halloween menu format because it is Halloween. Right. That's why I said boo. Sorry, audience. I know I'm playing with fire, scaring listeners of our demographic. Don't want to give anyone a heart attack. Now, hopefully, at worst,

I'd be charged with manslaughter or negligent homicide because it was not premeditated. It just sort of happened. Today, we're reviewing the IHOP Halloween menu. And then you didn't write what it was. Because it's too much. It's a lot of things.

And then also, we got there and added more. Well, we added what was left off. Because it wasn't part necessarily. Look, this says on the paper, word for word, IHOP Halloween menu. And what Michael ordered was on the Halloween menu. It was half the menu. It was one whole page. It was one whole page of the menu.

Suspiciously not on the other side of the menu. It was on the picture, but not the itemized menu list. It's weird. It's like they were telling you they had a hamburger, but had no information about the hamburger. They were simply letting you know. I got scared by it. It was spooky.

It scared me into ordering it, and then Nick making a chopping motion. He was so excited to get an Anchor hamburger. He couldn't wait. He needed that, which makes sense because this was the sweetest meal maybe that we've ever eaten.

It's up there. This, TGI Fridays. I mean, the last IHOP one was fucking sweet too. That one was like melting the food as we ate it, if I remember correctly. Yeah, those little balls, those little death balls. Yeah. The metal they put in the food.

Yeah. We have all these ornaments. Throw them on top. Little obstacles for your mouth. Yeah, I'd say it's comparable to that. I still think Friday's is probably. Friday's was definitely. Yeah, we were talking about that

while we were there. The sweetest thing, like the most sickening. We were kind of going like, would you eat this or that and whatever. And I just said the thing that I would rather eat this just because I'm not sticky.

I'm just not. Well, three of us didn't get sticky. Yeah. Well, yeah. If somebody got sticky here. Mr. Sauce Boss wore his Sauce Boss shirt. And then what else did he do? He decided that he had to be in character.

So he brought his own syrup. He brought his own syrup. He brought his own syrup. He slowly took out a syrup in a little container. A little Tupperware container. And I just kept going, look at this, look at this, look at this. It's happening, it's happening. And Eric was kind of looking around the room and then slowly it dawned on him. And he did like a triple take.

I couldn't believe it. It's just that time. And he didn't even bring that much. It's all very confusing. He brought enough for me and him to share. Especially, which is weird, because Jordan was against it yeah i was until i needed photographic evidence of him being disgusted by it look in the moment i was definitely embarrassed to know this man yeah to be next to be next to him least of all but then when you needed him like a hero he stepped up it's true we are we are he just kind of took it But then when you needed him, like a hero, he stepped up. It's true.

We are. He just kind of took it. And then we walked. And then as we were leaving, he went, oh, I think I spilled my syrup in my pants. He did. He did. He did. Hero sacrifice. He brought his own maple syrup into IHOP.

Yeah. Now, IHOP, do they not have maple syrup? Is that the problem? They have. They do, also because I... Is it different? He's about to pull up information that IHOP, their syrup,

they only have real maple syrup in Vermont. Nick wants real maple syrup that they would have in Vermont IHOPs. I don't know what you're showing us. You're showing pictures of syrup bottles. He just googled real maple syrup and started showing us photos. I don't understand. What is fake

maple syrup? The stuff that you get at IHOP. What does that mean? It's syrup. Here's the thing. Even if you want to be a syrup purist, you're pouring it on the IHOP. It's IHOP. Yeah, exactly.

The moment it touches the pancake. Once it touches, it's diluted. It's pointless. It's like getting a big hamburger from Burger King and then going, let me put my caviar on this right here. And then taking a big bite and going, mm, a masterpiece. Oh, the caviar really ties it together. Yeah.

I kept getting hints of caviar. Now that makes sense. Mmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, okay. He's writing. Oh, my God. And he says, it's a delivery system for the syrup.

Why does it keep getting bigger? Why does it keep getting bigger? Because he's curiously passing. He's so mad. He keeps enlarging it. He's just, I mean, I'm going to be honest, though. I'm going to be honest, though.

Nick doesn't, he could just drink it. Yeah'm going to be honest, though. Nick doesn't... He could just drink it. Honestly, if he had opened that up and drank it and not brought it to IHOP, it would have been less weird. Right. Honestly. The thing that I liked most about him

bringing the syrup is then we went back to the car and he sat down and he went, Jordan, do you have any napkins in your car? And Jordan went, for what? And Nick went, oh, nothing. Just luckily it's a short drive. There was also there was two moments with her with her very nice waitress. Oh, yeah.

Very patient and nice woman. First we ordered and she asked if we needed syrup and I jokingly said, no, he brought his own. And she laughed and I went, no, he didn't. And Nick was kind of shaking his head like, well, because I think he was hiding it at that point. It seemed like everything we said she took as a joke that we were being 100%

serious. Then she left and Jordan was like, but are we getting syrup? And then wanted syrup but then didn't want to ask again. Oh my god. We're talking about the food a lot, but there was a problem with one of them. There was a problem with one of them that it needed syrup. And we'll get into that later. Dude, I'm a big fan, as you know, of we each get one. Yes.

To Eric's detriment, most episodes, I compromised today because you let me get a burger that was clearly on the menu. We all agree it was on the menu. It was on the menu. On the Halloween menu, which I hopped Halloween menu. Well, then why don't you write it on the format? I hopped Halloween one side of the menu. Yeah, no, I't you write it on the format? I have Halloween one side of the menu. Yeah, no. I didn't know how their menu was structured.

What I'm saying tracks. And then I cut it in half. I had the anchor to protect me from all the sugar. But you ordered. Yeah, you kept saying like anchor burger. It's an anchor burger. Yeah, because I'm laying the foundation for everything else to fall on top of it. And it will keep the structural integrity of my bowels.

And I'm feeling great. So let's fire off what we ordered here. Do you have any idea? Because you didn't write it down. Is it on the back somewhere? Oh, is it on the bottom? We got Reese's Pieces pancakes. We got pumpkin spice pancakes. We got the Monster Mummy burrito.

We got the caramel apple a la mode pancakes. We also got the classic burger,rito we got the caramel apple a la mode pancakes we also got the classic burger the classic steakhouse burger with bacon and i cut it in half and shared it yes yeah uh and so you ordered how many of each two short stacks of all the pancakes two burritos one hamburger and what we have in front of us now, four Reese's hot chocolates. And so all that basically got split up. The entire table was filled.

You can go to our Twitter and it's just it's going to be so many pictures. The table was filled before she brought the burritos. We forgot about them. We made it work and then she brought more food and we were like, oh shit. We were laughing about it. She puts all the food in the table leans in and was like, oh, we made it work. And then she brought more food and we were like, oh, shit. We were laughing about it. She puts all the food on the table, leans in, and she goes, did you guys smoke?

And to which I replied, no, we have a podcast. And then again, she laughed. Yeah, she's like, oh. And I went, I'm serious. Oh, man. It was... That... It was just a fucking table of candy. That was insane. We had less pancakes than candy.

Yeah. Oh, and a breakfast burrito. And so many French fries. It was a lot of fries. She's like, yeah, you get a side because you got the burrito. Why? She's like, with the burrito, do you want a side of pancakes? Yeah.

And we're like, no. I think we're good on pancakes. It was like, just give us the fries. Because you know how when you go get a burrito, you get a side of French fries? What the fuck? It was super weird. Well, I mean, you're going to get pancakes, and you demanded fries. It was very weird.

You didn't want the pancakes. No, I didn't want any more pancakes. I would have asked for hash browns. Turns out hash browns were in the burrito. Yeah. Yep. So that would have been too much hash browns. I mean, they were going for it.

I think that the burrito was my anchor because that was, man, it was. I'm anchored. It really fought against the sweetness of all the other things. Here's what upset me. Nick kept agreeing with me on the anchor. He kept saying anchor, anchor, anchor. And then I'm like, you're anchor. And he was stuffing his face and he's like oh i'll eat it later he's eating pancakes and going i'll get to the burger and then you're like we gonna drop your anchor when

you're ashore like you can't have the anchor when you make it back to shore it doesn't make any sense it really it was a lot of food yeah i love I love a lot of food. Um, not, you know what though? Quite a bargain. Uh, for how much we got. I mean, that was an insane amount of food and I guess it wasn't very expensive. It was not. It was, we also got extra for a friend. That's true.

Yeah. A friend of mine, you don't know him. His name is Matthew. He sounds like a good Christian boy. He likes, you know what? It's got a bit of a sweet tooth oh yeah and i said i'm gonna get some reese's pancakes for him and he told me i don't think you were here for this he can if i need it he'll give me a backup review oh obviously

i won't have it here no but i can you can let us know i can pass it along in the future yeah yeah just to let you know what he thought. Will it match up? Jordan correctly guessed that it will. No. We don't know how big the difference will be, but it will be. Right. Somewhere between 90 and 100, I'm guessing, is what it's going to be. There are Reese's Pieces on top of the pancakes.

I mean, right there, that's 90 baseline. Yeah. Speaking of a guest review, and not necessarily for this food, we have another friend named Blaine. Who? Yeah. He's a friend. He actually was in Orlando, and he went to the giant McDonald's there, and he got the

McPizza. And he told me all about it, and he recorded a little thing of him trying it or whatever. He's like, you can use this in face jam. And I went, okay, we'll see what happens. Uh, but, uh, but he did, he did game. He gave me a review and about the McPizza. I actually remember that because he told me that and I was standing close to him talking to him and he said, yeah, I went to Orlando. And I started backing up.

Right. And I said, what are you, fucking nuts? Get the fuck away from me. Do you have any idea where Orlando is? Why would you do this to me? Oh, man. I have kids. Well, I used to.

Oh, it's like the Nick solution? Turn him into my dog? Oh, oh, taking my back. Gotcha. Turn him into my dog. Sorry, I forgot back. Gotcha. Turn him into my dog. Sorry, I forgot about that. No, yeah, that makes sense. His dog has people eyes.

He doesn't talk about his first son. Yeah, weird. Weird. I went over to see how his baby was, and he just had two dogs. No, third dog. Sorry, Brad. And two of them had human eyes. Human eyes.

Oh, man. I'm calling them chimeras. Oh, man. Why did he make the noise? I don't know, man. What now? I'm wetting my whistle. Where do we go?

Well, this is a rare thing where we're still reviewing in the podcast. We're still drinking your little feces. Feces? Yeah, the feces hot chocolate. Feces hot chocolate? I always call them Reese's feces as a kid. Does that surprise you?

No, not at all. No. So, are you eating some feces? If we're still. Reese's feces. It's very funny. I like i like it hey did you smoke uh no i have a podcast uh we're still wetting our whistle we could talk about face jam secret menu a little bit uh that's more of a showing plug because uh sorry i'm leaning back let me take care of this

we did we did a taste test of uh We did a taste test of a new show. And I liked eating in-and-out french fries for the first time in a long time. It was good. I'm just watching Michael. Yeah, Michael's trying to lay back. What's happened, I'm trying to do is I'm trying to rest it on my stomach. You lost so much weight. You're too small now.

I'm fading away. Don't worry, today's going to help. I'm trying to rest it on my belly and I can't anymore. Yeah, secret menu. The secret is out. Bam, there's another one. Go watch it. We took it and we gave it to the people.

And I do say watch it for all you people that are screaming right now in despair because you can't see us. You can see us in this video. It's on YouTube. It's on Rooster Teeth. Eric keeps yelling for some reason. You can't see us. You can see us in this video. It's on YouTube. It's on Rooster Teeth. Eric keeps yelling for some reason. You can't see Nick. I think everyone is yelling a lot in that video. The beginning is just the screaming back and forth.

It's so fucking good. The intro of a potential new show that we want to do semi-regularly literally opens up with no introduction. No like- Just yelling at each other. Just nothing but me yelling, what do you know?

What do you know? And you saying, what do you know? That's how this show starts. Where's the file? And Eric Bussin, I have the file. And then I go, you have the file. We got a very lengthy note, like the day before the edit was supposed to be finished.

We got, like, a very lengthy note from another producer that was like, really feels like you guys should probably do an introduction explaining what the show is, what's happening here, what's going to be happening. And I went, great note. And then I talked to Peyton. I said, do not incorporate that. My note was just put our names on there somewhere. Yeah.

And it happened. Throw a lower third. I just told Peyton, who's a friend of ours, to just get just punch. Just go. I'm the fact finder. What was yours? Has the file. Yeah. That was it.

It was so fucking good. It was fun to film, and I feel like the whole time we were filming it we just kept going what is this what are we doing it was one of those things where we had kind of talked about a format for it but we then we started filming it was like we realized we didn't really talk about the meat of it no it's like we know the format but it's like what is the actual like how how are we going to act in it so then we just started yelling and i think that worked pretty well it's all very well it's all screaming until it cuts and then it's like a transition and then it's after we've eaten and it's just dead it's like we calmed down yeah

i just ran out of steam there was nothing left now imagine the yelling in the 12 minutes but it was 45 minutes. It was. And so it was about 40 minutes of yelling. They cut out all the stuff talking about the helicopters chasing us and look for laser sights on us. They cut out the part where Jordan is going to order something else from

the secret menu that's not part of the show that we were going to do. That was just absurd. Oh, my God. I liked when we pulled out of the parking lot and then had to wait for traffic. And then when it cleared, we just started screaming. Except Michael was like plugging his ears and looking back at us. Guys, please.

So there you go. Did we wet our whistle here? That's fine. All right. Chill. Yep. We're going to chill it out. No problem.

You want to talk about the new shirt too? No, we can sell out. Oh, well, I mean, if you want to eat ass, now you too can eat ass like Jordan Assman Sweers. 100% eat ass shirt now on sale. And let me tell you right now, so far, a resounding hit. Yeah. It is big.

Like, I'm not joking. It's big. It's like, imagine you're the waitress. I'm not kidding. Okay? like, imagine you're the waitress. I'm not kidding. People, it's taken off. We were very clear. We said, look, I think some loyal jammers out there would really like an eat ass shirt. Normal people are not going to buy this shirt.

Even some people that buy it are not going to wear it. They're going to go cool and then put it in their closet. They're going to hide it with their porn stash. And that's it. uh people are loving it a lot a lot of like uh inner circle people that we know chiming in on the uh ass eating turns out there's like a uh like internal struggle for ass eating well what it is is it's it's what it is is a struggle to represent their brand of eating ass. And I'm just like, look, I'm not saying that Jordan Assman Sweers was the first one to eat ass. Right. But he is the first one in our circle to have a shirt. To have a shirt.

So I think that kind of solidifies it. Maybe I'm the best one. I mean, you can talk about eating ass on an amateur level as much as you want. But until you start backing it up with merchandise, I just like, okay, what do you want me to do? They're all talk. Feel free to make a shirt, you know? Boom. Alright, time for the haiku.

Ah! Ah! Oh, man. Remember that time when it was House of Burgers? What the fuck was that yeah we'll maybe learn more about that in the fact section that was like oh that was like a month

the thing they did but they didn't really do it they only did it big like in one place I'd say more than anything it was people going wait why isn't it burgers and them going we didn't do that because there's 900 million IOPs in America and two of them changed their name to house of burgers.

But everyone knew it was a real case of that. Hey, you doing that special thing? And the people working there going, I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean? Yeah. They're not on the internet all day long.

Like you are guys. They're working. Oh, I just, they're working 90 hours a week at IHOP. Yeah. I'm going, do you want pancakes?

We sell burgers. What are you asking me? Did you smoke? Let's get into these facts. Let's do it. Let's learn about IHOP. You didn't put up the times. I know. He forgot his laptop. He didn't fucking do anything today. I fell apart today. God damn it. Our previous IHOP episode was

released December 24 2019 where we ate the IHOP elf on a shelf menu format back then it was. It received an average score of 63. We were generous. Maybe I was. That was an

early episode and we were really generous we weren't righteous no we didn't have righteous fury although it was not a full episode we've actually done IHOP two times before this making this another

I don't know why it says another first ever three-peat episode the IHOP Adams Family Menu is available as an off-topic post-show from October of 2019. That's a popular general comedy podcast. Don't try to go watch it. It's on the post show and you have to pay for it.

Yeah. So you can check it out there. You little cretin. If you want to see sort of like a proto version of what this show is, it's that. If you want to see us do the show because we were waiting on other departments to let us make the show and I was getting angry about it, I just started making this show inside

other shows. What other avenues can we use? I mean, that's what it was. That's the real episode, too. I got mad. Although known for their boigas, IHOP recently rebranded to IHOP. Oh, and boasts a full menu of pancakes and other breakfast foods.

Many hope the novelty wears off and they return to hamburgers. I mean, you got a hamburger today, so it was sort of an IHOP situation. We were at IHOP. But we did get like 19 pancakes. That's true. That is true. We got one hamburger. So many pancakes.

Yeah. There's nothing really spooky about your hamburger either. No, that's not true. It was a cowboy cheeseburger. Cowboys aren't here anymore. They're dead. They're ghosts. You know, kind of like a Halloween costume.

Yeah, that's a Halloween costume. Yeah. They dressed it up. They dressed it up. They had a little hat. Yeah, it's a Halloween costume. Yeah. They dressed it up. They dressed it up. They had a little hat. Yeah, it's a trick or treat. Had a little cowboy hat on top. That's the rationale I made before I even spoke to you.

Because I went, how is this on the Halloween menu? It's a cheeseburger. Oh, cowboy. Oh, yeehaw. Yeehaw. My cowboys eat people. Oh, wow. I only like cowboys that eat human flesh. Uh-oh.

Zombie cowboys. Damn. No, just the, what's his name? The guy from The Lone Ranger who eats people. Oh, the Army Hammer? Army Hammer, yeah, he eats people. Oh, God. Right? Yeah. Boy, was I waiting for an explanation. That is the explanation. I thought it was going to be a Red Dead

thing. No, I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Johnny Depp thing. You guys are going nerd gamer explanation. I thought it was going to be a Red Dead thing. No, I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Johnny Depp thing. You guys are going nerd gamer stuff. I'm talking Hollywood out here eating people. I'm talking mainstream deep state eating people. Army Hammer's deep state eating people? Who else is eating people? Where does that fall, do you think?

It's got to be a skull and crossbones type. Do you think eating people falls deep state or QAnon? I think deep state. I think it's deep state. I don't think. I think QAnon would eat the menu that we ate here today. This is QAnon food is what we fucking ate today. It would be one guy going, do you hear what Biden did?

And then he would order everything that we just did for himself. He's one man. Then the waitress asked, did you smoke today? Did you smoke today? God damn right I did. And he would say, are you silencing me? While getting their first restaurant started, IHOP hired a Le Cordon Bleu schooled chef

to create crazy pancake creations like the Tahitian orange pineapple and cow-y coconut. Nobody liked them, and they fired the chef. 60 years later, they threw some candy on pancakes and were wolfing it down pig style. So who got the last laugh?

Their Le Cordon Bleu chef? He was ahead of the curve. But they fired him, so he was not laughing. What does he care? Well, he's probably dead, too. He's actually, if anything, pissed. They threw candy on the pancakes? He got fired.

And then we ordered something some kid made today. Oh, yeah, that's right. The kid made it. Is that even on here? The apple thing isn't technically part. So here's the thing. The caramel apple Alamode pancakes aren't technically part of the Halloween menu, but they are limited time.

They were made by a child. They were created by a kid, and they just went, put it on the fucking menu. We fucking sucked it down. And then they hired a cordon bleu chef and they went, fuck you. That kid went donkey mode. No doubt. All right. Is this the last fact?

Here we go. Since our last IHOP episode, none of us have eaten at IHOP, nor have we heard any news on IHOP the kangaroo, who we still have to assume is dead. Plus, I, this is Eric, still can't find any rule 34 of him but i found someone who drew him like as a fursuit to wear so that's progress maybe that's that's one foot in the door that's pretty good 34 somebody somebody's to draw that guy yeah right yeah someone said look like rule 17 they said here's i kangaroo from IHOP, but as a rubber suit you can wear. And it just looked like him, but you could see, it's like when he puts on the fucking

monkey mask and you can see like eyes inside of it. It was not, it was gross. It made me uncomfortable. I forgot about IHOP, the kangaroo. Well, didn't we all? Yeah. Well, he's dead. Rest in peace.

I forgot about IHOP. Stop. You looked away. He did it again. He killed, he killed the kangaroo. He did it again. He killed the condor. He executed him again. Execution style. I like that we were discussing this.

I just looked up what we were eating today. Like what the menu was. And then Nick chimed in. And Nick, I guess preparing to blow our minds was like, I haven't eaten at IHOP since the last episode. And I was like, why would any of us have eaten there since the last episode?

And you said something like, yeah, no shit. What a reveal. Who eats at IHOP? Guys, get a load of this. I know. This is going to be a tough pill to swallow. I have not eaten at IHOP since December of 2019. What have you been eating for breakfast? Yeah, what do you mean?

We go all the time. We're like a breakfast crew. Where do you get your burgers? Where do you get your candy? They got everything at IHOP. I also said right before we recorded, I do feel overall better than when we ate Fridays. Like my body was shutting down and my stomach hurt. But I did say, man, I got a headache.

And everyone chimed in they have a headache. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the sugar going. It's really crawling up into my brain right now. That Friday's episode, was that the one where we didn't record the episode that day? Like we did it the next day? Oh, yeah.

Because we were like so out of it. Yeah, we felt like shit, remember? What would that episode have been? I have no idea because I think that's the only time that happened. We were like, we were, I forgot about that. Me too.

I mean, it was like awful. Yes. It was a full body. Awful. We truly felt fucking. I think I went home and went to bed. Yes.

Yeah. I think we all, yeah. Because we were texting each other later going like, uh, I just woke up. Dude, there's always various episodes. Someone go, I just woke up and like, yes, I just woke up there's always various episodes someone go i just woke up

and like yes i just threw up yeah i took a shit that's step two there's that's that's a post show somewhere in there later that night face jam after the evening there are uh There are episodes of this show where I feel like we get through it and it's fine. Like we feel okay. It's not like a struggle. We don't feel like shit. And then there are other episodes where it is just like somebody hit us with a bat and then we feel like we've done 10 hours of work in the hour and a half that we've been there eating. And then we go, we have to record a fucking episode

it's true but I think most of the time though when we actually sit down and record the episode we have that that like stage thing where it's like I don't give a fuck if I'm sick I don't care if I'm dying I don't care if I'm throwing up I'm gonna do the performance and then you finish and you drop dead

and you go to the ER but they don't let you in because there's no space I mean what is it? You're just left outside. Why? Did everyone else record podcasts? You know that old, like, oh, we fucked up our friend and he's dying, or they overdosed and they dump him out front of the ER and they drive away? Like, that old cliche?

That's us dumping ourselves. Well, people see that now and they go, get this man in the hospital. And the hospital goes, no, no, we rolled him out there. There's no space. No, we put him out. No, no, no. We put him out here. Come back in space. No, we put him out. No, no, we put him out here. Come back in three days. He recorded too many podcasts today.

He's wiped out. We don't have room. I don't. The QAnon ward is blowing up. It's taking over the whole place. People, IHOP is getting crazy in here. This guy ate too much IHOP and Ivermectin. People keep saying, learn from me.

Don't eat everything on the holiday. It's a cautionary tale. It's not political, guys. Yeah, and then somebody else replies and says, the deep state got you. I'm going to order everything on the IHOP menu. This would never happen to me. I'm not out here eating people like Armie Hammer.

Somebody else posts tagging that person in a Facebook post, and it's like, prayer warriors, we need you. Uncle Scott is in the hospital after eating the IHOP Halloween menu. And then the TLDR is, we need someone to fill his seat. Yes, who will come and eat these cakes? Prayer warriors, we need you. prayer warriors we need you that's a that's a staple of the herman cain award subreddit absolutely oh shit can't believe how many people eat this fucking Halloween menu, bro.

Yeah, it's crazy. Damn, dude. I'm getting big. Oh, no. I think this is setting it off. I'm still sipping on this hot cocoa. For some reason, I took a drink and then I was like, get this away from me. It's making me grow.

I feel like fucking a monster and Rita Repulsa is making me grow. Oh, no. Make my Michael grow. Come on, Jordan. It's morphin' time. Yeah. Let's go. Good topper on that one, bud.

Yeah. I'm shrinking. Oh, no. This just tastes... He's growing. I'm shrinking. Here's the thing about this hot... The Reese's hot cocoa

just mostly tastes like water. I think it's super water. I think it's super water. I think it's super water. You know what they should do? You know what they should do? They should take this. This is another menu item. They take this water cocoa.

They freeze it and they put it in the middle of a pancake. No! I hadn't thought of, but here's the thing. If you put that in the middle, isn't it going to be too wet? Or is that perfect for these dry, dry, dry, dry, dry, dry pancakes? So wait, you're talking about not ice cream. You say merely put ice in the middle of your pancake. Since it's practically water,

you want ice cube. It's practically water. You want an ice cube, not an ice cream. I feel like there was so much food. This is a shocking twist for Face Jam because we just keep talking about the food. It's insane. It's very abnormal. I'm uncomfortable about it. Inevit inevitably, you're starting to spoil something. But there was like 900 different kinds of pancakes.

And one of them was dry. And as I mentioned, we didn't have syrup because he didn't bring any. And I said to Jordan, you can just ask. And you went, I'm not talking to them. And so then we just didn't. Also, I had syrup. I was fine. So we're eating the fucking, bunch some pancakes have shit on it

Some have ice cream on it All kinds of shit on all bunch pancakes And we're fucking eating the one And we're like man this is really dry And fucking Nick goes You can put an ice cube on it And Jordan and I just go excuse me And you were like

You said something about ice cream And I was like did you say ice cream? No no no he didn't say ice cream he said ice cube and then we just started laying into him and he went fuck you guys and then I put an ice cube in the middle you took a picture I put an ice cube

in the middle of my pancake and I kept saying is it moist yet and I would just slap it with the and it would just go tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. The normal pancake noise. It was sinking into the pancake. You put it right in the middle. And Nick went, that's not how you do it.

It was sinking into the middle because as we found out, they were the driest pancakes. The Oasis looked like a mirage. It was a real topsy-turvy where one set looked super moist and it was dry and the other set looked dry. It was the last thing I ate. I went, oh my God, this is so moist. And everyone was like, what the hell?

It's an Iceland Greenland situation. Yeah, truly. Yeah, and then we decided it was a mirage. And I keep going, it's water, it's water, it's water. And Jordan's going, stop eating sand. Why am I so thirsty? And Nick just kept going, it's delicious water. Delicious.

Oh, fuck. It was nice that that restaurant was fucking empty. Dude, we walked in, we walked in, and somebody was like, it's really quiet in here. I was like, it's about to not be. Oh, shit. We only had like one waiter working. It was just that one lady.

She was great. She was awesome. Also, it was in a similar area of like a time gone by. It's not a great looking IHOP. We parked and got out. There was a fucking dead bird right next to the car. First I was like,

should I leave my car here? And then there's a dead bird next to it. Just a dead grackle because we haven't been doing outside episodes. I said, come take a picture. He took a picture of the dead bird. Because it doesn't have any crumbs. There's no crumbs. We saw other grackles hopping around outside

going like, where'd he go? He said we were doing an episode at IHOP today. We got back to the car and we left. I was like, oh my God. Nope, there it is. It was behind this other car. And then we saw a car that was like, had no wheels and was jacked up.

What the fuck? In the parking lot. There was a car in the restaurant parking lot that was on like a lift with no wheels with cables attached to the battery no one was there no one no one was there no one was there pretty spooky it was fucking weird they were really getting into it yeah this is the halloween spirit this is the ihop that has like hostage situations and armed holdups. Here's the other thing, too. That IHOP is famous for being close to our office, and someone who works here went to that IHOP, and then somebody with a gun came into that IHOP and held up the restaurant,

and he was slacking us saying he'd be late because he's in a hostage situation. Oh, my God. This is why now I don't know how it would really affect the patrons, but this is why it's always maybe not a bad idea to suggest sucking off the server. Yes, it's true. If you can Denny situation

this thing, you might be safe. That's what I kept saying. I kept saying that it needs to be offered more and they have the suggestion box for a reason it says customers should suck off servers would boost corporate morale we we really went on a on a walk for that one because at first it was like yeah they should suck our dicks wait that's not what happened hang on they suck the server's dick yeah okay so we have to suck off the server okay we're on board

it was like so like yeah whatever this is let's whatever it is we got it we want it we want to get it right oh yeah that's true that's oh man fuck yeah uh it was a good old uh just just to set the tone for us too it's good old fr to Friday. Usually we do these on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but just because of scheduling, we had to do it a couple days early. And when we have a cheeky Friday one, we like to go to a sit-down place. We like to mix it in every now and then.

And I was also going to bring up, too, you mentioned, I don't know if you and Nick mentioned, the Fridays we went to last time's closed now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Fridays that we go to. No! We did it. It's done. Where are we going to get time is closed now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Fridays that we go to. We did it. It's done. Where are we going to get our cotton candy?

I have no idea. San Antonio. Oh, no. We got to drive 90 minutes to go to a nightclub. Can you imagine driving 90 minutes to go to. Fridays? Fridays? I don't want to drive 12 minutes.

I don't want to drive 15 hours. Well, listen, there are stops along the way. We're not doing 15 hours straight. We got it all planned. And this is where we're going to that Arby's. Are we driving 15 hours or not, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're driving 15 hours.

Yeah, we're getting in the van. So your solution is, hey, we're not driving 15 hours. It's going to take even longer than what you're telling me. Don't worry. It's going to take days, actually. Like three days. So don't get worried. Yeah. Don't worry. It's going to take days, actually. You're going to be stopping. Like three days. You're welcome.

So don't get worried. Yeah. You're welcome. We'll just break it up into three-hour chunks. You fuck. And you'll never get there. You like living on the road, right? Oh, man.

I'm fucking hot. It's so warm. I'm going to rip this shirt off, but I can't because I'm fucking hot. It's so warm. I'm going to rip this shirt off, but I can't because I'm too busy being nice. Hell, yeah. I think that's under be curious. You're a curious little fellow. I'm working hard. I'm being curious.

I'm smoking. I'm eating pancake candy and being kind oh man I say to to just paint the picture it's even funnier this woman did not fit the bill of like Austin Stoner

no it was like a mom working there you know just like nice you know just like

not young just like hey man she just like, hey, man. Yeah, she wasn't like, hey, can I get in? Let me get in. Are you guys on the smoke? Yeah, no. Are you doing a marriage, Awana? Fucking crazy.

Fucking crazy. Like, there was so, I just keep thinking about how the table looked. It was fucking stupid. I wish we had, because then that would be a good excuse for showing up there. Oh yeah, she looked down on us after we said no. She went, four white guys in their 30s? Yeah, I should have assumed.

Yeah, podcast. That's a podcast way to happen. She was just like, guys, I know times is tough, but you should really be working. You know how a group of crows is called a murder? Yeah. A group of white guys in their 30s is called a podcast. I think you're absolutely right. And that's how it felt when we were there the whole time. Jordan.

That was so silly. Yeah. I'm spat out. Absolutely. You're all dry. I keep drinking. The headache won't go away. Stop it.

Stop drinking it. Why are you holding your finger up? Dude, we have one, two, three, four, five segments of press material. We're at 40. Just so you know. What the fuck? Is that too long? No, no, no. I just wanted to let you know in case you were wondering. We're at 40. Just so you know. What the fuck? I just wanted to let you know. Too long? No, no, no.

I just wanted to let you know in case you were wondering. We're like halfway through. Yeah. I feel like we're 10%. Without the timer, it's very hard to check. Reese's Pieces Pancakes.

Reese's Feces Pancakes. What? It's funnier. Four fluffy buttermilk pancakes topped with Reese's peanut butter sauce, chocolate sauce, Reese's Pieces. It's all in caps for some topped with Reese's peanut butter sauce chocolate sauce Reese's pieces it's all in caps for some reason Reese's pieces candy and whipped topping that's all it says that's all it was yeah uh spoiler this was the dry one for something because it's

all on top yeah also though it's for something covered in sauce you just think it's gonna be wet and it's gonna be moist and it's all the driest sauce. It was like peanut butter. The peanut butter and like the chocolate sauce. Like that dog in the Got Milk commercial. I was like the Got Milk dog. It wasn't bad tasting but it was not like

a syrup wets and absorbs a pancake. It didn't even make it into the first layer. No. Not at all. Did the ice cube help though? No. It wouldn't even melt. into the first layer. No. No, not at all. Did the ice cube help, though? No. It wouldn't even melt. Oh, no. Yeah, he kept tapping it on the way out. Pumpkin spice pancakes. Four. Count them. Four

pumpkin pancakes made with real pumpkin and seasonal spices. Crowned with creamy whipped topping. Oh, shit. Was that a crowning? Yeah. I missed that part. That's the one that we thought was gonna be dry dry but was moisture. You ate all mine. No.

The whipped creamy did, yeah. No, I did not eat any of that whipped cream. That's funny because I didn't eat any of it. It got absorbed into the pancake. Here's what happened. Eric hoarded it, right? Then at the end. You asked right away, right?

Then right at the end, he was like, are you going to eat this or what? And offered it to me. Whipped cream, gone. Then I said, all right, give me it. And then he just kept floating it in front of me. That's true. He was like waiting for you to like take it. And I just went, put it down.

You're sitting right next to him just letting him eat it. And then he was like, cut it. Why don't you cut it? It was haunted Too spooky guys It's a spooky meal Monster mummy burrito Scrambled eggs plus

Don't know why it says that Must be a typo from the company Scrambled eggs plus Curry smoked bacon Pork sausage, diced ham, shredded jack and cheddar Cheeses, hash browns, avocado, poblano queso, and sour cream, wrapped in a warm flour tortilla, and finished with jalapeno eyes, served with a choice of side.

There's a lot of that thing. God, there's a lot of crap in that. Also, I forgot when we ordered that, too. I said, I want to get scared. Were you scared? Did the eyes scare you? Yeah. Well, yeah, because I ate the dick.

That's true. You gave me the head. I cut the mummy in half and gave you the head, because I ate the dick. That's true. You gave me the head. I cut the mummy in half and gave you the head, and I ate the dick. You got the mummy feet. Which was weird because you kept complaining that if we cut it in half, no one's going to want to eat the dick. And then you ate the dick. And then you chose me.

Well, because I had to. I'm a hero. Oh, okay. I took it upon myself to eat a dick that no one else wanted. He did you a favor, Eric. It was weird because when Jordan described it, he said it was like eating the feet. So that really just shows kind of like- There were no feet, though. I'm just saying. I don't- Oh, wait. No, he said it was like eating the feet. So that really just shows. There were no feet though.

I'm just saying. I don't. Oh, wait. No, no. I need to be on brand. It was like eating the ass. Oh, nice. Good, good, good.

Yeah, I got it. Shirt on sale now. Yeah. Dude, I don't want one. I got friends that are waiting in line. Wait. Some people are threatening lawsuits because ass is their thing. Yeah, but you have to contact their lawyer for some reason.

It's very confusing. Sounds like a good lawyer. Oh, shit. I'm working for you? I don't know why it says this. Maybe this also? Because I was going to see if that was the one that you guys were going to, if you wanted to get that also, and then we, as soon as we sat down, Michael's like, we have to get all these other things.

And it's like, all right, we're getting that also. Yeah, it didn't really seem like it was ever in question. No, because it was not worth the conversation at that point. Maybe this also. Caramel Apple Alamode Pancakes. He, capital H, he created. Joe? No, no, he gets there.

He gets there. He created the mouthwateringly amazing Caramel Apple Alamode Pancakes. Ray-an. Ray-an? Ray-cakes. Rayan. Rayan? Rayan. It's like Ray. R-A-Y-A-N. Rayan.

Okay. That seems right. I think you just call them rain. That seems wrong. But why the two A's? Is it rain? Why the three A's? Yeah, that's rain.

You can call them R-Dog. Yeah, call them R-Dog. All right. Our Bizzle's Creation Tops Our Flmilk pancakes with apple cinnamon compote, a drizzle of caramel sauce, and one scoop of vanilla ice cream, plus with $1 from every sale of You forgot. Our Peasies pancakes supporting local children's charities. You can help make a difference when you join us in restaurant.

We did it. We made a difference. Yeah, we made a difference. True heroes you can help make a difference when you join us in restaurant. We did it. We made a difference. Yeah, we made a difference. True heroes. We definitely made a difference. Way to go, Art Drizzle. I knew Eric screwed us when he wouldn't get us each a scoop of ice cream. Because I kept asking, how are we going to split that?

How do we split the ice cream? How do we split the ice cream, though? Yeah. What do you mean, just eat the ice cream? One scoop is one. It's true. You know what I mean? How do we split the ice cream, though? Yeah. What do you mean, just eat the ice cream? One scoop is one. It's true. You know what I mean? How you divide one by four can't be done.

It's impossible. Simply can't be done. And then you're over here licking off all the whipped cream, giving me the dregs, floating plates around. It's fucking spooky ghosts. It's fucking crazy. I was vibing with Nick this episode. It doesn't usually happen.

It's not something I'm happy about. Guy's got sticky syrup pockets. I'm fucking leaving. I'm like, he's the only guy fucking bringing syrup into an IHOP. What a maniac. What an absolute maniac. I think Eric thinks he's a ghost and he was like doing like antics trying to mess with us, but

like he doesn't know he can see him. Antics? Like licking the whipped cream off of a pumpkin spice pancake? My favorite Eric antic is when he pays the bill. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm so scared. Uh-oh. Yet relieved. Last bit of press material. What a trip. Quote, we are thrilled to crown, oh boy, our DZ with this year's coveted Kid Chef title. They have Kid Chefs now? Yep. Do they go to the court this year's coveted Kid Chef title.

They have Kid Chefs now? Yep. Do they go to the court on blue? No. Oh no. They'd be fired. The Kid Chef title and welcome guest to sample his pancake masterpiece said J. Johns, a made-up name, president of IHOP. J. Johns did a crime in the past, and now he lives under an assumed identity.

Probably at this IHOP. Yeah. His punishment, he's president of IHOP now. For more than 60 years, IHOP has committed to serve its communities. Have you, though? In fun, engaging ways that bring joy and smiles to guests of all ages.

I couldn't find any press about that. I don't believe that for a goddamn second. I couldn't find any press about the Halloween menu. Oh, so this one was just about our hero, Rain Man. By the way, just getting the food says we're back at the IHOP that gets robbed a lot. We were, yep.

We were back there. Maybe that's how they give back to the community. Yeah. Well, the community has to take it back. Yeah, come in whenever you want and they'll give it to you. Rob the fuck out of us. Damn, dude, that sucks.

What did you guys think? My head is spinning. Yeah, I know. This is a weird one. This is what happens when we get the weird Friday afternoon ones but also so much sugar

it makes us fucking sick. We were due for a weird one. Thankfully, I had an anchor so I'm fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ink? Yeah. Damn.

Fucking genius. I'm in the inky pinky. It's a legitimate strategy. Yep. All right, Jordan, what do you think? Boy, so much food. And so sweet and so dry. I also like Reese's Pieces

and was pretty excited about those very disappointed with how those turned out but when Nick busted out the syrup that was not in his pocket you still got some left over in your pocket? still sticky? there's little droplets we got a little left

whatever was left over From spilling into his pocket He also He also used an old cup That was used for Getting a urine sample Yeah absolutely It totally looks like that

That's a straight up piss cup Oh no Oh no the cups got mixed up I used the piss cup by mistake Oh my god. Your test results came back and it's weird. I don't know what to tell you. You're real maple syrup.

You have fucking type zero diabetes. It's fucking bad. Type 10. But yeah, once we put the syrup on it, they're pretty good. The dryness, solving that problem helped a lot. But still the sweetest thing.

I would say it's one of the sweetest things we've ever eaten. On whole, the TGI Fridays thing, complete mess because there was no safety there. There was nothing savory. It was all sweet. It was all a barrage of stickiness and sweetness. Collectively, that was the sweetest thing. This thing individually, I think, rivals some of those individual things. I think this is probably the sweetest thing ever.

And then the burrito, that was my anchor. I kept going back to that one in between bites and it was actually pretty good. I wasn't expecting it like that burrito. Um, for some reason, Nick said it was dry, even though it's drenched in. Yeah. He started going like different sauces. I wish we had hot sauce and we did. Yeah.

It's right there on the table. And then he went, Ooh, and then grabbed it and then drowned his burrito in hot sauce. So I think the burrito's the star of the menu. I think it was french fries. They were good. The french fries, I think, were the star. The french fries were good.

They don't count. They don't. It's true. The pumpkin spice, I only had a couple bites of that. Very flavorful. Very pumpkin spicy. If you want pancakes off this menu, I only had a couple bites of that. Very flavorful, very pumpkin spicy. If you want pancakes off this menu, I say you go with those. And the Alamoad one, pretty good for a, how old was he? 10-year-old?

Not bad. I couldn't have come up with something like that. I mean, he didn't make what you ate. What? No, didn't we see a kid running around in IHOP? We told him he had to go back in the kitchen. Yeah, we did. Yeah, like two-year-old. Yeah, to go back in the kitchen. We did, yeah. Like two year olds.

Yeah, I figured that was the kid chef. Oh. They're giving back to the community. Damn. The cocoa was just bad. I don't even want to include it in my ratings. You have to though. It's gonna drag it. It's gonna drag it. It's gonna drag it down. You sure that's not

Nick's Vermont syrup piss? I don't think I've ever seen piss so thick. Yeah, I'm really sick. Mine was green. It also leaks out of me like sap. My old piss pocket.

I would say on the whole, it's got strengths, it's got weaknesses. It ends up 47. Yeah. Where it begin. Friends.

Countrymen. Started with the anchor. Before the 900 pancakes and burritos and candy and cocoa, I ate half a cheeseburger. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're smart. I'm smart. I sat down.

I sat down. I ate half a cheeseburger. It was all right. The fries were very good. The fries were great. Those fries are Wendy's fries. Damn, that's tough. Because this is a different kind of

These are like the epitome of a sit down restaurant I feel like the answer is I don't have time for this right now Alright Magic 8-Ball Ask again later Let's start with the Sandy Reese's Desert Pancakes You're right

They're so extremely sweet. Neither sauce is like a moistening sauce. Plus there's candy on top. Decoration. And like butter could have softened them up. Yes. I don't think butter was in play.

And your only solution at that point is to add syrup, which is insane. Yeah. That's the other thing, too. It's insane. It's only going to make it sweeter. So it's like, do you want it dry and already too sweet? Or do you want to get diabetes and be able to eat it without coughing?

It's pretty insane. The pancake as a whole would be better, but would you taste anything at that point? I think my eyes would roll in the back of my head. At a certain point, cut the pancake out of it and just shovel the sweets in your mouth. Just bring in your own syrup and start drinking out of a piss cup. I brought my own piss cup. Can you fill me up?

I'm pretty much in agreeance here. The pumpkin spice pancakes looked dry as shit and they weren't. They were tasty. Definitely moisture. I feel like maybe they fucked up the other pancakes too because The pumpkin spice pancakes looked dry as shit, and they weren't. They were tasty. Definitely moister. I feel like maybe they fucked up the other pancakes, too, because, like, I just feel like the pancake was moister. I think it has to do with it being a flavored pancake and not shit with toppings on it. That probably makes more sense. Because the pancake itself was better.

The spice, the flavoring was good. It was light. It wasn't, like, insane. That was pretty good. The apple al was better. The spice, the flavoring was good. It was light. It wasn't like insane. That was pretty good. The apple Alamo, I mean, it was like, you know, apple pie, but on a pancake instead of a pie. It's, you know, there it is. Like a 10-year-old made it. Right.

So wet, it was like the ice cube trick worked. Right, because it was ice cream. Right, right, right. Not frozen water, the look you're getting right now. Fuck, because it was ice cream. Not frozen water. Look what you're getting right now. Fuck, dude. Don't turn around. You're going to get execution. Laser eyes.

Monster Mommy Burrito. I bit into it. There was so much shit in it. Didn't even bother looking. I bit into it and I went, oh man, there's avocado in this? And Jordan said, don't worry, you're not going to taste it. I took a bite and went, oh, my God, you're right. There's 150 ingredients.

I could not. It was insane how much was in there. It had bacon, sausage and ham. And those are the meats. It has so much other shit besides three. I also I, that was after Nick said it was dry. We all gasped. And I said,

I said, do I detect a hint of sour cream? Because I had about four pounds of sour cream inside my burrito. It was covered in cheese. It was fucking covered in everything. It was so wet. It was so wet. I could have rubbed that on the top of the pancake.

That would have fucking worked. Nick is still shaking his head like we're crazy. It was insane, dude. Like we're the crazy ones. There's so much moist shit in there. And then I didn't hate this nearly as much as everybody else did, the cocoa. It didn't even taste like Reese's. It's fine.

It tasted like feces. I think it tastes kind taste like Reese's. It's fine. It tasted like feces. I think it tastes kind of like peanut butter. It's got the almost dryness of peanut butter and that's about it. It's hard to describe. It's a dry wet. They did

like, I take a sip and I'm not like, whoa, peanut butter flavor, but I am like, I'm making my lips sick. Oh, my God. This cocoa is making me thirsty. My fucking head is killing me. Yeah. That's it, though.

My tummy anchor is in place. It was fine. Smart. Stomach is good. My brain is trying to escape from my skull. I need to do some, like, fucking Egyptian shit and put a hook up my nose and pull it out. I need to dry this thing out. No doubt.

Maybe I need to moisten it up. I'm going to give it a... For pizzazz, for going for it, I'll give you some points, but that's a 42, dog. Wow. I don't like when you rate it lower than I do. Well, I just did, bro. 44.5. You like sweets more than me.

Yep. That's true. That's the only reason. Trust me. If we didn't have that anchor that I didn't calculate into the rating, the rating would be lower. Yep. True. I believe it.

Are you guys ready for a believe it. Get that shit out of my face. Are you ready for a snack attack? I'm ready for the attack part. Yeah, I feel like we're about to be attacked. Because Monkey's about to go nuts. Monkey, get him. Aim for the nuts. I love we've

crafted such a thing where the sound engineer is shaking the table violently. Usually the person that would be stopping that. We have to get him away from the mic and we have to make him make noise on the desk. What's up? What are you looking at? Is somebody sneaking up on you? Why do you keep them over your shoulder? Because I'm looking at the whole box of stuff.

We'll drink them all. Do you want to? Head strong. We'll drink them all. Do you want to? No. Head strong. I'll drink them all. Suck them down. Not all of them. That's a lot.

So our friend Tony. Different. Not. Not. Tony. Different Tony. You have Tony ready to be called for this road trip, right? Oh.

Yeah. Oh, I got Tony on speed jump. Okay. Yeah. But this is a different Tony. Okay. He said, guys, I got you covered mostly because he wanted it and he bought it himself and then he gave us the extras he got the mountain dew flaming hot i'm going blind well this heat will bring you back are you ready for mountain dew flaming hot caution flaming hot taste i don't understand

when do you need insulin when you have too much sugar or not enough sugar? You know what? It's probably good just to take it anyway. It's like Adderall makes you hyper if you don't have ADHD. So if you take insulin and you don't have diabetes, it works better. Oh. I'm watching Michael.

Michael's like doing the math. That is red. That's just red as a fucking taco that has no flavor. Holy crap. I remember when they announced this, we were talking about it in the Slack.

I hope we never have to eat this. Hold off. Hold off, right? Put it all up in your nostril and then inhale it. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna sneeze. It's got like... Let him do it too. Take a big ol' sniff.

It's a fucking liquid Mountain Dew, but it still has the spice going up your nose from smelling a liquid. It's like pepper spray. Oh my god. Anyway, let's's like pepper spray. Oh my God. Anyway, let's drink this pepper spray.

This is one of a few drinks that we have. If this is the only one we do, I'm not opposed to that. It's up to you guys. But hey, cheers. Let's see how it goes. This is a weird episode. See you in hell. I inhaled and it burned.

Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew. Pretty flavorless. Tastes like Mountain Dew. I'm waiting. I don't even think it tastes like that. It doesn't. Pretty flavorless. Tastes like Mountain Dew. I'm waiting. I don't even think it tastes like that. It doesn't. It tastes different. What a gulp. This guy's swishing. He's drinking wine over there.

I want it to be hot. It's not hot. There's like a little tiny bit. The smell is way worse. It is. It's like going up the nostrils. If you drink, if you glug that down, you'll get a little tingle in the back of your throat. It's. Going up the nostrils. If you glug that down, you'll get a little tingle in the back of your throat. It's like a little dash of pepper.

It tastes like... Next says you gotta swirl it. Go ahead and swirl it, Jordan. I'm swirling. Big swirl. You have to swirl it. Swirl the mountain. It's from breathing. I had that too the first time I swirl it. Swirl the mountain. It's from breathing.

I had that too the first time I drank it. I can drink it. It's inhaling it. Hold your breath and slam it. There's like... It's like drinking everything. There's exhale. It's an aerosol.

Yeah, no. Swirling didn't help. Yeah, I mean, this is not good. I wouldn't drink that, but it's not really hot. Yeah. No. It's weird. I'm kind of bummed.

Yeah. I thought it'd be fucking grossly hot. I give it a 10 for false advertising. The can looks like you're going to get your face burned off. And then you pour it and it's like bright orange. That color is insane. That's going to come out

poopoo later. This out in the wild, this is what berries evolved to tell you not to eat it. I'll tell you what, though. It's not sitting well in my stomach. Now, maybe it's the Mountain Dew, or maybe it's on top of all the candy. Oh, no. Is it defeating the anchor? The anchor is being dissolved. It's eating

right through it. No, it hasn't eaten through the anchor. It's resting above the anchor. It's like the top of a volcano. The crust is intact. It's fighting your whole ass hot cocoa you ate. Godzilla might be coming out soon. Oh, no.

All right, what do you rate it? Oh, it's not good. 15? Okay. 12.5 average score. So here's the thing. This is really upsetting my stomach. I feel burpy all of a sudden from this, and that's it.

It's just sort of like, yeah. Should we end the episode before we die on camera? Do you want to do one more drink? Let's do the good one you were talking about earlier. All right. This is something that my other friend, well, Tony gave us this, but I have another friend who drank this and rated it 10 out of 10, and then 20 minutes later went, never mind, 8 out of 10.

Okay. This is the Bud Light Seltzer Toasted Marshmallow. It's a hard seltzer. Take a picky. I really like their new marketing plan for Bud Light Seltzer, where so many people have complained that like, I don't want to drink Bud Light flavored seltzer. And they're like, no, it doesn't have beer in it. It's just water right

and so now their new marketing campaign is like don't ignore the bud light part yeah i mean because that sounds disgusting yeah like when they first announced it i was like why is bud light making a bud light seltzer yeah everyone else had the benefit of not being a beer yeah exactly exactly they could have called it anything else have a a big ol' whiff of that. It does smell like Bud Light. It does. That's crazy. It smells sweet, but like It doesn't smell like a toasted

marshmallow. It smells like I'm about to get toasted. It smells like a candle? Exactly like a candle. I'm gonna eat those McDonald's candles. No! Alright, here we go. No Alright here. We go Try it out. Cheers. I Don't like that at all

What the fuck ten out of ten out of ten that's He's a doctor Wait, I know what to say this is dr. Right it is dr. Right well then this tracks You got a vet these people what to say. Is this Dr. Ryan? It is Dr. Ryan. Okay, well then this tracks. This fucking tracks. You gotta vet these people. This is crazy. You gave it a 10 out of 10. I have a feeling anyone on like can just go by Dr. First Name and nobody really questions it.

Christ. I'm a minister. I'm President Jordan. Why the aftertaste is so... The during taste isn't good. This sucks. This sucks. This is not good at all.

This is terrible. I don't like that. I don't like it. I don't like that at all. It's like fake sweetener. It is. 10 out of 10. It's bizarre.

That's not good. You know what? I agree, though. It's a 10 out of a hundred Damn two in a row no wait wait wait. That's an eight. Okay. Oh nice. Okay. There you go smart To Wow Ever or a five what average score of five that Fucking dog. She's gotta get new friends average score of five average score of five that sucks fucking dog shit

you gotta get new friends yeah no kidding you guys a doctor oh my god well thank you to our friend Tony for hooking us up with the craziest

drinks it's in my mouth still I wanna drink the flaming hot oh I drank I drank more of the flaming hot it's a palate cleanser I'm gonna get the cocoa

oh that's good that's smart if you to send us treats and snacks, you can. Send them to Face Jam, Care of Eric Bedour,

1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. You can send good ones, too. Yes, please. You're allowed. You're allowed to send good ones. Please don't feel like

you have to send, like, this is the most insane shit. You can send crazy stuff, but you can also send, hey, I like this snack. I hope you like it, too Even if it's bugs don't send bugs. No

Gummy worms. Well, yeah, but that's not really bugs. I'm where was a bug dude. No Are you an idiot? I mean like actual bugs your dog or if it's a gummy worm in case around a real worm No, no, that's no your eyes A gummy worm encased around a real worm. No, no. That's no. Your eyes got lit up. Trick worm.

I think your brain is trying to escape. I think I got smoked. Yeah, you didn't smoke, but you got smoked. Yeah, no kidding. What's going on? Oh, my God. Follow us on social media, Face Jam Pod, to stay up to date with everything. Face Jam Secret Menu is out now on Rooster Teeth and on YouTube. You can also follow us on Face Jam Pod to stay up to date with everything. Face Jam secret menu is out now on Rooster Teeth and on YouTube. You can also follow us on Face Jam pod to stay up to date with our road trip.

Yeah. Don't worry. It'll be way more than 15 hours to get there. It'll be. Don't be worried thinking you'll do it in a day. Yeah. It's going to be such an unnecessary amount of stops. You don't have to do it in a day.

So there's no pressure. How quickly until you have to change a tire or like pour water on something. Pour water on something? Yeah, you open the hood and it's like the blanking box is overheating and you pour water on it. And then we keep going. And then we're like, we don't have any water.

And Nick goes, don't worry, I have a piss cup. And he starts dribbling piss syrup on it. We'll have dates announced and stuff pretty soon there on Twitter so you can find us there. It's going to be pretty cool.

Hurry up, I gotta go to the bathroom. And you go to sortoutroosteeth.com for all your face jam needs. 100% eat ass shirt and sticker are out now. It's not syrup. Number one or number two. It's not syrup. Hell yeah. So all that stuff is out. Go check it out. If you get

that shirt, tweet a picture of you wearing it outside. Yeah. Please take a picture of you wearing it out somewhere like a maniac. Wearing it out don't. Wear it out to dinner. Don't tweet a picture of you wearing it while you eat ass. Yeah, don't. Yeah, I don't want to see that. Please don't do that.

Please don't. I don't want to see that. I'll see you get it dirty. Jordan, you represent. That's fine. That makes it more real. Rate and subscribe. Come on, man.

It's falling apart. I hop. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Send it to your anchor in life. Mmm, beautiful. All right, we'll see you next time. I won't see them. Well, that's true, and they won't see us.

I've never seen anyone. I'll see myself. Out. Boo Hedgehog. you