100% Eat - Insomnia Cookies Hibiscus Berry & Lemon Poppy Seed Cookies

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Insomnia Cookies Hibiscus Berry & Lemon Poppy Seed Cookies so you know if it's worth eating. They also scream WHY ARE YOU CLOSED, talk about how no one wants to work, a truly unhinged episode, and the last episode for intern Cat. Sponsored by Upstart (http://upstart.com/facejam), Honey (http://joinhoney.com/facejam), and DoorDash (download the DoorDash app + code FACEJAM). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I know this song. Yeah, but he was clearly holding it up to his ear. Look at him! I do it every week. Right. I sat down, and I was like, what's Jordan doing? Oh, he's gonna listen to the intro, I thought, as a human being. And so, first of all, false start. He started it too loud. He yelled, Nicky yelled, ah!

And I just refused. Started over again. He exclaimed to the room for no reason. Three, two, one, boom. And then the song didn't start. And then he said, come on, fucker. Yep. Then he turned down Jordan's headphones. Because he wasn't wearing them, but he had one cup against his ear like a cool rapper.

It's a mess. But thankfully, from here on out, the show is going to be everything. Smooth sailing. Smooth sailing. Eric doesn't even remember what it's like to be angry because this, my friends, is Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food

creation as long as they're open to let you know if you need it. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my ever-present co-host Jordan Sweers. Jordan, what happened there was... my ever-present co-host. Jordan swears. Jordan, what happened there was I started thinking about

what I was going to call you three words too soon. Around where a long slide happened? No, no, no. See, the long slide was me fixing it. It was just off a cliff. And I had to get it back up. Climb back up. Right.

Right. Up, up, up on the shelf. Up on the... Nope. Canceled. How are you? Great. I got in the building.

Yeah, you did. All right. Unlike some people. Yeah. Everyone got into the building. Guy is having some real door trouble today. This sucks. And I even proclaimed on the way back, hope you can get in.

And then we were walking in and he was like, I don't have my card. And he had to run back over the car. Yeah, because it got trapped by the seatbelt because somebody gave me a new clip and the new clip got trapped by the seatbelt. Do you know who gave me the new clip? I'm going to guess it was Michael. It's absolutely right. But even

that seems too simple of an answer. I gave him a new clip and he didn't even know. It's true. He kept going. So you really planted it on him. I planted it like drugs. You knew what was going to happen and you knew he was going to leave it behind

and you knew that joke that you set up when you said, I hope you can get in the door was going to pay off when he got out of the car and it got stuck between the seats. Jordan, I'd stop now because you're starting to know a little bit too much. You might have to get disappeared. Just like when State Farm knows about what Jake really did. There's only one Jake.

There only was ever one. Oh, no. Okay? Yeah, well, I borrowed his key card once. It was Chicago. It was when I went to Chicago because I cuz I love my name All right I remember that whole song so he let me have his and then cuz I got home a day earlier because he was staying an Extra day like a lazy layabout not producing doesn't want to work. Yeah, and I wanted to see family or something. Probably. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, I was back to the grind so grinding away Chewing on wood rising baby. baby is that what you think grinding is yeah as I grind my teeth chewing on wood I like bark like two angry beavers I don't think you were alive when that came out

are you a Daggett or a Norbert Daggett the look of panic this is Kat's last episode and Jordan just addressed her why directly

she went why why because the internship ends so higher The look of panic. This is Kat's last episode, and Jordan just addressed her directly. She went, why? Why? Because the internship ends. So hire her. Why are they so short? I can't hire anyone. She got so excited. She went, I can't hire anyone.

She didn't know that was an option. I'm trying to hire her for other work for other projects. No, this one. Why? There's plenty of work to do. What are we supposed to do? People are fleeing en masse. There's so many open positions. Nobody wants to work anymore. Nobody wants to do. What am I supposed to do? People are fleeing in mass. There's so many open positions.

Nobody wants to work anymore. Nobody wants to work! So anyway. I hope the reverb got picked up. I saw his card and his little clip was broken and I had an extra one on me. Swapped it for him.

Did he ever thank you? Then about a week later, no, he didn't even notice. I had no idea, but he kept going, you like that new clip? And I went, I just kept thinking like, yeah clip and i went i i just kept

thinking like yeah because i went that must have been this is a joke i'm not getting it's like i don't i don't get this it's gonna be easier if i just move past it did you think it was like a twitch clip like no i didn't know what the fuck i know honestly i'll be honest he was smart he just ignored yes okay he didn't he didn't say i don't know whatever he just ignored it and i and i i understood in my head gun clip That's where my head went immediately Cat or gun Oh no But I just went, I'm gonna ignore this one

But now I see that he laid a time bomb I think we were in person, I went, I fixed that, I gave you a new one And you're like, is that what you're talking about? Like I see something wrong, I fix it Weeks later Couldn't get those cookies baked though Oh hang on, oh shoot Oh shoot I fix it. Yeah. Weeks later. Couldn't get those cookies baked, though. Hang on. Oh, shoot.

Oh, shoot. Oh, yeah. What are we eating today? This is how you know something real is about to happen. So Michael goes, oh, shoot. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Today we're reviewing Insomnia Cookies Hibiscus, Berry, and Lemon Poppy Seed Cookies. Yep.

And as true as that is, I think Eric might also be hiring Kat on the episode. I don't have. Wow, two facts back to back? No, it's not the facts section. Well, this is... What happened? To what? The fucking cookies!

First of all, as I like to do, I poke around the old FaceJam information thread. Things get slung around. The Slack channel? Is that what you're referring to? There's more than one. There's a merch one.

And then there's text messages. And then there's text messages we exclude Jordan from. There's a lot. There's a lot. Sometimes it's for secrets and sometimes it's for spite. But either way, I have to check a lot of channels. If I'm really excited about food, I'll dive in.

If it's something that looks good and you all have it handled, I just leave it. And I just go, oh, I look at it and I nod to myself and I say, well, eat that. And I don't feel that – when three people go, I want it, I want it, I want it, then I guess we're getting it. And I looked at it like yesterday and I go, are we eating cookies? I looked and I was like, what? And then I scrolled, because you put them back to back and you were like, or we can do this. And then it was a burger from a burger place under that. And I was like, I assume we'll do the burger.

Kept scrolling down. Jordan's like, cookies. And Eric goes, I'm thinking about cookies. Eric planted this cookie seed so long ago. Like a week ago. And I went, okay, whatever. They want cookies. I don't care what good cookies. I bet they have food. I click it. Oh, they also sell ice cream.

Yeah, that was the other thing we were going to get. What the fuck are we eating? It was ice cream. It was lucky. Yeah. What? We didn't. So it wasn't lucky, was it?

Well, some of it was lucky. I don't think anything that happened was lucky. Nothing's luck. Yeah. I think it's all predetermined. So we went and drove across town over by where the Taco Bell cantina was. My favorite part of town. I love the drag.

Which we mentioned before, the Taco Bell cantina that wronged us in the past. Correct. Closed. What is it now, Jordan? It's a big old hole in the ground. It's a fucking hole in the ground. It's like a sinkhole. They closed it and then gave it back to the earth. It was like we parked on the ground. It's a fucking hole in the ground. It's like a sink hole. They closed it and then

gave it back to the earth. It was like we parked on the street over there and there was a big wall and that wall was gone and there was just a big hole next to it. Taco Bell Cantina, we weren't going to do that again. Paid our respects though. We all drove by it. We said, fuck you, good.

Then we went a little bit further down the street, and we were heading to Insomnia Cookies, which is in the campus area. Yeah, it's just off the drag, which they call this. Over by UT. Yeah, it's right next to the campus. You're saying a lot of things. It's the lingo.

Yeah. I think you probably keep up with some of that. Also, it doesn't matter because you're not going to go there. Also, don't go there. Some people might call it ut. Yeah? Who? Would you graduate?

Ut. Oh, so not yet? Okay, got it. Graduated. Eric went to CSUF. Yeah, that is true. CSUF grad. So we went to Somnia Cookies.

Kat met us there. Briefly My favorite part about this Is that Kat met us there Usually she meets us back at the studio So we don't subject her to us But it's interesting too though because My favorite part about that is when we leave

You give instructions to let her in Every time Like she comes in disguise Every time you You don't! Like, she comes in disguise. Every time you... She might look different this week, so... You don't just say, oh, she's coming. You, like, say who's coming. You say her name.

You describe her every time. It's just in case! It's just like, who are you? Listen, security here is strict. They're very good at what they do. And I just want to make sure that they know that Kat is coming and that she can come inside. She's allowed to be here. But since she's a college student, so she lives nearby, she was going to meet us there at the restaurant.

The angry beavers. Right. So I assume your birth year starts with a two. Well, there you have it. So, we, um... We went to Insomnia Cookies, we met Kat, and then we walked right up

and tried the door. Oh, oh. I believe we tried the door before she got there because, hang on, this is good to tell in proper chronological order. Yeah, because it gets good. What happened when we got there? Yeah, it gets good.

Oh, it got good. So what happened? We walked up. So we walked up and I tried the door. Locked. Nothing happened. It's noon. It's afternoon. It's like 1230. So we go, we try the door, and it's locked. And then I

go, it's the wrong door. Nick is next to me, and I go, it's the wrong door. He was like, watch this. I got it. So I go around the corner to the other door. That door doesn't have a handle on it. Seems to be an exit only type device. So then I go back to the first door and try it again.

Shockingly still locked. And then it's looking into windows, seeing that there's nobody in there. Oh, all the lights are off. Clearly they're not open in any way. But opened the phone and started looking and going, they're open. It said they're open. It's listed on the website as open. His best friend Google.

So looking at all that and then Kat shows up. And then she walked up, and we said, they're closed. And she tried the door. And then I think you went, yeah, we tried that. Stand back. Did you try this? So then it was looking on Google Maps, and it's open. Going on Google Maps and it's open. Going on their website, it's open.

This is the point where I couldn't, where he just kept on his phone going, they're open, they're open. I kept going, right, but they're not. So who cares? They should be open. But move on. What are we going to eat? And he's like, hang on, hang on.

See, look. Okay, it's open here. I had to make sure that I wasn't crazy. And I'm just like, who cares? There's no fucking cookies in there. Who gives a shit? What are we open here. I had to make sure that I wasn't crazy. And I'm just like, who cares? There's no fucking cookies in there. Who gives a shit? What are we going to eat? Keep going.

I don't know what we're going to do. We're going to eat somewhere else. Hang on, let me check. Yeah, this says open. Look, 12 o'clock. It says 12 o'clock. It says 12 a.m. We're open until 12 a.m.

And I was like, right. So what are we going to eat? It said indoor dining was open. Right. It wasn't just delivery. Outdoor dining wasn't open. Nothing was open. There was no dining to be had. I will say, too, when we were standing there off to the side, a couple came up.

They had the same experience. They just tried the one door. Tried to open it. It didn't open. They kind of went, well, walked away. And I said, I wonder if they're making a podcast. What do you think it's called? Hey, we're Face Jam.

Who are you? This is bullshit, right? Eric, show him the phone. Show him the phone. Where's your producer? It says it. So, we have an entire episode

prepared for Insomnia Cookies that Man, 30 minutes of your time wasted this morning doing this. Right. Wow. He had to wake up extra early to do this. No, he didn't. I bet he didn't.

He was 30 minutes late to work. Did this on time. Could have spent the 30 minutes this morning calling insomnia cookies, making sure they were open. Right. Or just have Kat, who lives down the street, go check. Why would I? That's insane. Hey, Kat, what are you just doing?

What was that? Oh, I thought you were punching someone. What you could have done? Right. I was like, what are you? She could have tried the door. Fire me! And then started punching people.

Kat's at Insomnia Cookies. Someone hire me. I want to work! We found one oh man Eric she wants to work oh fuck so

here's the other part that's great I go hey you know what we'll do the other thing cookies and another thing and you're like yeah we can do that or we can just go to Chili's so Yeah, you're like yeah, we could do that Or we could just go to Chili's so we haven't gone to Chili's for this podcast Yeah, right you literally sourced two options uh-huh a didn't work well And we just ignore it and then you made C appear. I saw rare opportunity where he didn't want to go down to Brody

That's why we have close Jesus Christ That oh, here's this other place. It's on Brody Lane That's why. We have- It was close. Jesus Christ. That- Oh, here's this other place. It's on Brody Lane. Eric starts taking everything that's said as an affront. He was furious. He's like, we go here, it's on Brody. I go, whoa, Brody. And you go, what do you want me to do? Like, you think that's

what I need at this point? It's, oh, man. Oh, Brody Lane. I didn't even want to go to this thing. And I just tell Eric, I was like, I'm not blaming you for where the restaurant is. I was. We were really giving it to him in the car, and I kept saying, hey, this will be good for the podcast. Do you think you can stay mad? And I said, hey, man, no problem.

I kept going, I don't know. I think he might not be mad by the time we record it. We were like, just think about how that door didn't open and you'll get back in the headspace. I said when we get back to the studio, someone go inside and then hold it closed and he tries to open it to recreate it. Then I also kept saying, why don't we eat inside? Right.

Fuck off. And then we walked in and stood there for 20 minutes. It was so insanely long. So we went to Chili's because since the show started, Chili's has been a restaurant that has a monthly rotating menu thing until COVID. And then since then, they haven't had anything rotating. We thought we could count on them. So we haven't done Chili's since the beginning.

We have not done Chili's at all, which is fucking crazy to not do that restaurant for the show. So I saw an opportunity for us to just go to Chili's. Better than going to Brody. And it was like Nick and Kat both going, I know exactly where the Chili's is. Dude, dude, yeah.

Kat was like, oh, it's just right up here on like 45th. Nick giving directions to Jordan while he's in the Tesla that drives itself anywhere is really awesome. With the big screen that has the blue line for you to follow. Even if you don't know shit, if you are a brainless moron that doesn't know what time it is or where you are, if you have a GPS alone, besides a Tesla, which is a 40-inch plasma screen TV in your car, the species of people going, yeah, turn right.

They don't need to exist anymore. Quiet. Quiet. Don't tell me. I don't need to know. Don't. You should ignore this. Take a left.

Nope. I'm going to do what this says. Quiet. We don't need you anymore. We were going, and Nick then nick went like at the next light you're gonna hang a right and jordan went i just turned around like looked at him it kept driving and he's like if i would have turned right here it would have been a dead end and nick nick started going i said the next light you have to listen you have to listen when i say it i say to

write the next light i literally don't have to listen yeah also also nick's like yeah take a right up ahead and jordan's car said jordan do you want me to take the right up ahead or should I keep going the way that I've showed you? Do you want me to eject the left rear passenger? No car, it's fine. Just do what you want to do. Ignore the man in the monkey mask that he's wearing in the car for some reason. So we went to Chili's. It wasn't busy, but everyone was parked there.

Yeah, that was crazy. It was packed and we walked in and it was not packed. Empty. We stood at the front waiting to get sat for... Okay. Without exaggeration, 10 minutes is probably fair. I'm going to say 7.

I think it's longer. I think it's got to be around 10. There's a multiplier in effect of how angry Eric was. So every second probably felt like five. You know what I mean? And so it probably wasn't. Because I was laughing the whole time, just going, man, this is ridiculous. As Eric's just going.

Just standing there. But what was crazy was that we didn't get seated and it was empty. We're just looking around the restaurant and there's just an oasis of seats. It was so many. And just going, hello? Anyone? Crazy. Crazy.

So they finally sat us, and then everything else was fine. Yeah, it all came out pretty quick. The service was fine once we sat down. Why did it take so long to seat us? I don't know. There's absolutely no explanation for it. I had to go back there. You know what happens?

I'm pretty sure he was also the cook. The other thing is, that was the one guy. But that's fine, right? Because even here's what happens when you're crammed. You know, you're crammed and you're serving everything. And the woman who sat us saw us. Yep. You go, you walk by and you go, oh, hey, just grab a seat over there.

I'll be with you in a minute. Nothing. Nothing. It was just like. Somebody. It has to be the guy in the blue shirt. Yes. Somebody walked over to us and said, sorry, it's Nothing. Nothing. It was just like somebody. It has to be the guy in the blue shirt. Yes. Somebody walked over to us and said

sorry it's taking so long and then walked. I really want to take your order but. And then walked away and then that ended up being our server. Yeah. What? Sit us! It was, it made me furious because then we were already behind

and I knew we had other stuff that we had to do and then now we're gonna hold up this other production it's like god and now we're eating at Chili's and I have a whole sheet

it thankfully um everything else after this was incinerated to the to the lords uh huh

um because boy he said the lords but he looked up to hell I looked up to hell. Hell is up. Heat rises. Yeah.

There was other shit going on later in the day that fell through this morning, and thank God, because- Oh, boy. How bored would you be right now? We are behind. I was cackling. We were supposed to be wrapped with this show, as in what we're doing now, at 3 o'clock, and we were in Jordan's car until 2.10.

I was just like, holy shit. And usually we finish with time to spend. That's batting. But that's why I schedule it for so long. Right. So we aren't fucked. Right. Guess what?

I don't need to guess. Somebody didn't double check the fucking restaurant. What am I supposed to do? Call them. Email them. You said that earlier. Fat signal. You're saying email

Insomnia cookies and go hey are you open or call them you're gonna think twice now Yeah, now I will right so why did why did you have to get hurt for you to learn Jesus Christ right? you got a Jordan can you got it the high you know be proactive what the one about reactive mm-hmm? Yeah, can you yeah, it's called a produce react not a react, not reactive. Yeah, can you... Yeah, it's called a pro-deucer, not a react-deucer. Yeah, dude. That's, yeah, he's a deucer, alright.

He liked that one. That's fucking stupid. That's very stupid. I love that that's stupid, but cracking up every say it. Well, it's not so much him laughing in the face he made. He really liked it. That's so dumb. He's a deucer, all right.

All right, this haiku is about insomnia cookies. We'll see if there's any crossover with Chili's, though. I'm pretty sure they're pretty universal. The only person that's eating cookies today is Kat cat and it was when we got back here. Yeah sweets displace my dreams Tonight same and wields wield sugar cookie moon above There's something there what? Chili I Sandman, Chili's. There's something there. What? Sandman and Chili's?

I mean, we were sleepy when we left. How is something there? When we left, we were sleeping and going, we have to record a fucking episode. I definitely kept saying I don't want to work. You're part of the problem. The only person around here that wants to work is Kat, and that's it.

Oh, come on. Give her the job. She did a little dance. So Angry Beavers was a show about... Two Angry Beavers. Yeah, well, I felt like Daggett was much more angry than Norbert. He was way more angry.

He was the funnier one. That wasn't the name of it, right? Two Angry Beavers? No, it was just Angry Beavers. Oh, no, it was Angry Beavers. You're thinking of Two Stupid Dogs. Two Stupid Dogs is a cartoon about two stupid dogs. Now I'm the stupid dog.

Was it the big one or the little chihuahua one? I like the little dog. He was the best one. Just do what Eric does. That one's always causing trouble. If you don't know what's happening, don't respond. I like when the big dog sits on the little dog. That was funny. If you just nod a little bit, they go, that's enough. And then they move on. That's what Cat was doing when he was funny. If you just nod a little bit, they go, that's enough, and then they move on.

That's what Kat was doing when you were telling her about that anime you saw. Jinjo, what was it? Watch it, buddy. What? Watch out. Is that not what it was? No, you're talking about Jujutsu Kaisen Zero? What is it?

Jujutsu Kaisen Zero. Oh, okay. Jujutsu Kaisen Zero. You want me to keep saying it? No, I don't want you to keep saying it. What's Jinjo? The thing isn't that- You're the one who said it, man. Stop saying it. The thing about keep saying it No I don't want you to keep saying it What's Jinja The thing isn't that You're the one who said it man Stop saying it

The thing about it isn't that you don't know what it is It's that you fail to just repeat what I'm saying Jujutsu Jog Jogga jogga You don't need to know what it is To fucking use words And you're not saying Jujutsu

The fucking letters are English Jujutsu Jujutsu See now I got it Now you got it After being yelled at But everybody saw it Everybody's talking about it The fucking letters are English. Jujutsu. Jujutsu. See, now I got it. Now you got it after being yelled at. But everybody saw it. Everybody's talking about it. Yeah, everyone's saying it's the best one yet.

Cursed kids running around. Not magic, curses. The sorcerers, yeah. So what's Jinjo? The sorcerers fight the curses. That's from Banjo-Kazooie. That's what it is! You really hung up on that.

Yeah, because I kept going, it's fucking something. Well, they go like this. Jinjo! Oh, wow. We're going to make a whole video. Here's when you beat the game. Ready? Ginger.

Nice. There's a big one. It's statue. The Gingenator. Between that. Now that you know for sure. Between that and Crash Bandicoot, wow. Then we're going to be all right.

We got this. Do you guys want to learn about insomnia cooking? Yeah, sure. No, there's definitely going to be crossover here. Now, anywhere in the facts, do you have accurate hours of operation? Yeah. Okay. Uh-huh.

Eric, why are you crying? Let's get into it, I suppose. Yep. Founded in a University of Pennsylvania dorm, people call it UP, in 2003, Insomnia Cookies has over 200 locations all over the U.S. offering warm cookies from, quote, 10 a.m. to 3 a.m.

So do I have accurate information? Wow, you did. Yeah. So the answer to your question is yes. I mean, you don't because they weren't open. That's what they were supposed to do. The hours are supposed to be. The answer to your question is yes. I mean, you don't because they weren't open. That's what they were supposed to do. The hours are supposed to be. The definition of inaccurate information because we went there between 10 and 3 a.m.

and they were closed. Did we go to like a knockoff? No, here's what we do. Where are the other 199? Yeah, we got it. Let's go. Let's try one. Nick, pause it.

Where's the closest one outside of Austin? Cut to us in the car. Why are you closed? Feeling that in the car? God, that clip is amazing. He goes on for so long. People deserve to know. Those kids come up next to him and start making fun of him right next to him.

And he kind of looks at him and then goes back to yelling, why are you closed? But aren't people going in and out of the doors next to him? I don't remember. It's hard to focus. There's definitely people inside looking at him. Now that you know, right? That's a meme. The why are you closed guy?

You don't know that? When the mall was closed? Oh, no. Well, I don't think it was closed. He just assumed it was when there was one locked door. I was kind of like you today. No. Everybody was going inside the other side of the building.

We only checked two corners. The building has four sides. The other side of the building We only checked two corners The building has four sides The other sides of that building was a parking lot It was like a parking lot We could have tried I guess For the cookie store We didn't check the underground parking Despite it's name

Insomnia cookies don't have a secret ingredient Quote unquote Which is code for weed But they're really cute About not saying it secret ingredient, quote unquote, which is code for weed. But they're really cute about not saying it, so it's tongue and cheek. Despite marijuana still being illegal in 34 states.

He, he, he. Cute. Tongue and cheek? Yeah, tongue and cheek. Why'd you write that? Because it was 8.30 this morning. He was already 30 minutes late. Didn't realize I wrote tongue and cheek until you read it out loud.

Don't think I've ever wrote tongue and cheek. I'll say this though. Here's a tongue and here's a cheek. This is great. That's why I glossed over it. The number of people now going, it's not tongue and cheek. It's astounding glossed over it. The number of people now going, it's not tongue in cheek. It's astounding.

I guarantee you. I was ready for Eric to go, it's not tongue in cheek. I was waiting to see where it was going to go. This is the first time I've ever wrote an and. That's insane. That's the first time you've ever wrote an and? How do you form sentences? It's such an important word. The ampersand.

He says the word with a lot tongue with tongue with cheating it sounds like I'm going to record face jam with Michael with Jordan and Sonia Cookies is designed to be a late night treat

because they're sure not open during the day for college kids after studying or partying all night because I can't think of something I want more when after a night of drinking than a heavily frosted cookie sandwich? Yummo. You'll get sued for that. That is gross.

Yeah. That's what's so great about shitty street pizza and those sandwiches and hot dogs and shit. It's also just like meat and bread. It's just like shit to soak up all the crap inside you. It's not a sweet cookie. God, dude. Why?

I had like two shots of Bailey's last week and I got a headache. Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. You're done with it because it's so sweet before you're drunk. Oh, 100%. Like, it feels like it just like lives in your teeth. I had a headache and my tummy hurt. We're pretty cool, huh?

Dude, these cookies would have fucked my ass up. I would have been screaming at the end of this episode. We kept saying before this started that we... I hate sweets, dude. We just kept going... I can't believe Michael didn't come in and say no to this because he hates sweets. Well, I just hate a lot of it, right?

Like, I like sugar. Yeah. But it's like, I can't wrap my head around a giant cookie. Yes. And eating it. I'm eating the whole thing. I'm not, like, taking a bite and going, that's good, and then putting it down.

I think the last episode... I just get headaches then putting it down. I think the last episode. I just get headaches so fast, man. I think the last episode you explained it where it's like, it was having like the sugar, if it's like part of a meal or like a bigger food

or whatever, it's fine, but you were talking about like just having like the sugar, like cake or whatever. Right. It's just a sugar formed into a shake.

Yeah. You don't like cake because it's basically just that. Right. That's why I like pie. Because there's like filling. And it has some savory. And I'm like, I like cake. Motherfucker, you go to it, you're like, you want a piece of cake?

Yeah, you cut me half the cake. What the fuck is up with cake cuts? It's insane. It was like, hell was that Friday's episode. That carnival thing. Oh, yeah. That was an absolute nightmare. Or multiple.

That was an absolute nightmare. Then I went to... That Friday's is close. Then I went to Vince Young's after that. Oh, God. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. I kept screaming.

That's why we had to do the podcast the next day. Yeah. Because... I kept screaming, no, my steak! I had a tummy ache until I was putting it in my mouth. We were eating donut sandwiches and like- Cotton candy drinks. Yeah, and it was like-

Oh, man, I'm going to go eat a steak later. Yeah, we were eating it just on like a good expensive one. This is gross. And Michael's going, I'm supposed to go to Vince Young. I'm supposed to go to Vince Young. Yuck. In 2018, Insomnia Cookies was acquired by Jab Holdings, a German conglomerate. Jordan is punching, I see.

No, I'm opening the door. That's exactly what she did. That's exactly what she did. That also owns Panera and in their own home. That just went on and on and on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So now how did they feel about the guy after the turn, though? That I couldn't tell you.

You can't box him out. But I can guess that they were still for him. That's an assumption. You can't blame him beforehand. Right? I don't know what the guy was up to before he hit it big. I can guess that it was probably more of the same.

Yeah, but you know, probably like... I'm pretty sure you could tell. You could tell where it was probably more of the same yeah but not but you know probably like I'm pretty sure you could you could tell where it was going I think it was more like at a local level I think given more I think given recent events you can kind of look at something and then look a little down the road and go see where this is going

you know like maybe Adolf Hitler like he's just not filling in the potholes I'm not gonna hate the guy for it you know, like maybe Adolf Hitler, like he's just not filling in the potholes. I'm not going to hate the guy for it. You know what I mean? Sure, sure. But also, I'm pretty sure that stuff was, everything else was also around him. I mean, I am ignorant. I don't know at all.

You know what? I agree with Michael. He is ignorant. I have no qualms about this at all. I'm pretty sure he wrote a book about it. I'm just saying, if Eric here, fact checker extraordinaire, is making a point to say they loved Hitler before he took power, it just leads you to believe, you know, maybe he wasn't always Adolf Hitler.

That we know. I don't think that's what it led me to believe. When did it turn, though? I don't think there was ever. I don't think. No, there had to be at some point, Eric. I think it's when his art career didn't go it wasn't that he loved it was when his art career didn't take off Okay, so is this a pre post art this has to be?

Party oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, they're bad. They supported the Nazi party. That's bad. Yeah, that's bad Eric You almost made us eat Nazi cookies. That's bad. Yeah. That's bad, Eric. You almost made us eat Nazi cookies? What the fuck? That's why I kept pretending it was closed. Holy shit, dude. What the fuck? I don't like to get political on this show, but I'll do it. Nazis are

not cool. Don't like them, don't want them, don't need them. Finally, someone said it. Jordan, back me up on this. I'll back you up 100%. Me and you against the world, or Eric. Where do you stand? I'm drawing a line in the sand. I'll leave you on your side.

Welcome to our side of the sand. Why were you making that so confusing? He was sending mixed messages. No, I think it was confusing. Okay, all right, I'm good now. All right, now I'm back to just being upset about you failing to get us the food today. In 2014, 64-year-old Georgia Spence filed a $10 million lawsuit against Insomnia Cookies for being closed in the middle of the day. Oh, no.

After being attacked on the street by an employee while she was walking two dogs. What the fuck? Kicking dogs. Nazi-owned. Insomnia cookies has it all. Also closed. Which you didn't even know at the time. This is why they were closed.

You wrote a hit piece. Yeah, I think they're out of business now. They saw them coming. I was wondering why I saw them draw the shades and scurry in the back. But Eric was going, why are you closed? I think just as Eric was rounding the corner to try the other door, I saw someone just get out and leave the door closed. Oh, man. They were like, that's the guy. That's the not Nazi sympathizer.

He's sympathizing with all those non-Nazis out there. He makes me sick. Is what you're saying about insomnia cookies. Not me. I didn't write the facts, and also I haven't even eaten their cookies. And I've never heard of them before today. But you know what?

After learning everything I've learned from these facts, I've never eaten their... Never. I'll eat a cookie. I'll take a bite. I'll take a bite. A bite is all it takes sometimes. To what?

Ingest sugar? No. Who knows how hate-filled these cookies are? It's true. You're saying, like, who's the next guy? Like, he could be amongst us right now. Right. He could be wearing a red hat.

I'm not saying names. Oh, it is. It is. I mean. It is red, huh? I wouldn't go to red as the first color. I wouldn't either, but... As far as primary colors go, you're not going to miss it.

Jordan draws a lot of cartoons, so you have to listen to him when it comes to colors. Not well. I've seen him draw on a window of a car. Yeah, with markers that don't work. Yeah, and apparently five broken fingers. This guy's over here drawing soup cans. We're all very talented artists and have made a career out of it.

All of us. Can you draw? If you can draw, you can work. Yeah. I guess those are the facts. Yeah, we learned about insomnia cookies. That Nazi fact was just so long.

Yeah, well, I wanted to be comprehensive about the Nazis. Oh, okay. They liked the Nazis before they took power. Enthusiastic supporters of Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party. Yes, correct. Which were never cool. Right. But they got even worse. Yeah, I would say that. Yuck. Yeah, correct. Which were never cool. Right. But they got even worse.

Yeah, I would say that. Yuck. Yeah, yuck is right. Did you know there was a party kind of around the same time in Britain just straight up called the Fascist Party of Britain.

Really? Wow, they just didn't even they didn't pull any punches on it. Yeah, it was just called that. And they made a little too much headway for a party with that name. I like the

idea of calling your group We're the Bad Guys, and then some people going, well, maybe they're not all bad. Yeah, but at the same time, though, you're not sending any mixed messages to the bad guys. No, you're being, they go, those are my people. There you go. Right, you don't gotta wonder. The other bad guys are going. This is finally a place for me

Yeah, yeah, I don't have to like right, you know I don't have to put any feelers you see what's going on Do we have to speak in some kind of like coded language for like a few times? Absolutely not and then we kind of like knows right up each year. No, what's the secret hand shake? Oh you say I'm evil Let's get to killing. That's the fascist party. Yep. That was the best fact on the sheet, and it wasn't even there.

Thanks, Drew. It didn't even have anything to do with insomnia cookies. And neither does this episode. I think it did. Well, it was supposed to. So we drove up to the famous 45th and lamar chili oh that's right the chili's on 45th and lamar's like the one the one that is a meme amongst uh austinites because i think it started on the austin subreddit where people would always be like coming to austin for

a spell what good places should i eat at and it turned into a joke where people would just go you gotta go to the chili's on 45th what's month. But what's the joke? Because it's Chili's and not a good place. Delicious treat? A delicious snack that's open when they're supposed to be. You don't get seated right away, but you do get fed. They let you in. Yeah, they...

From there, you're on your own. Already better experience than the cookie place. But yeah, uh... Dead Inside, we covered that. And mostly dead people. They gave us. That was true. Hey, we got a lot of work done.

There were a couple of zombies roaming around the place. What did you call them? Like people with. I called them. I paused and I said, there were some bipedal organisms in there. They were walking around. People who knows, but they had two legs. And they were talking to us.

Yep. They're making noises. Making noises. Asking questions for some reason. So we're at one of the higher tables. We're in the bar area. Adjacent to the bar, yeah. one of the higher tables. We're in the bar area adjacent to the bar.

There's one guy at the bar who's directly across from me and Michael where we're sitting. He's behind Nick and Eric. I saw him in the background. Kat was there too, floating in the evening. She was above us.

If I remember correctly, Kat was to the right. She was watching the corners. Nothing was going on. But that guy, he was, for the most part, just doing what old people do, which is sit at the bar and eat by themselves. Yeah, yes. And then like. But also getting into conversations with people who do not want to talk to them.

Right. So we were talking about some work stuff and like what we've been up to and like some other like opportunities and stuff. And then I look up and suddenly the guy is standing. Turned around. Dude, like you said, we're looking at him, right? Like his back. He's there. Right.

Yes. And I was like, holy shit. When did he get there? Right. What did he stand up? I think he was a fucking vampire. It's the fastest. He fucking floated across the floor. It's the fastest. I'm pretty sure he fucking floated across the floor.

It's the fastest anyone was moving in that Chili's. He was. It was a high top table, but Kat used that to her advantage and started going under the table. What is happening? Boom. He was at her table and just started talking at us. I have to give Michael all the credit in the world I don't think I've seen a more like

graceful sort of like I shut him down explanation and pass off to never talk to us again I gave him a couple of sentences and he turned around and sat back down and I was like look we were boxed in we can't

leave that's not an eric move of just ignore the text and pretending like you didn't get it because this guy will not carry on i just gave him like a succinct nice but clearly i don't want to talk to you correct here's some here's the answer to your question thanks and then he just slunk back in his i felt like not to brag we were the most interesting people at the Chili's. Oh, absolutely. We were the life of the party. The most alive people. I feel like we

had the thinnest blood there. Yeah. And he could smell it because he wasn't. That's why he kept licking his lips. How's your flow, he kept saying. The guy asked us what we did and Michael used the right amount of words that he did know and the right amount of words that he did not know to get him to not ask any questions and just disappear. Yeah, he turned into a bat and flew away.

It really was like perfect. He came over too. He said something. Everyone was silent. No one said a word to the guy. I went back to my phone sending Drew a message and I just went,

not for me. Yeah. I went, Eric's thinking about getting mad. I'll take care of this. It was pretty great. I leaped over to Kat. She was sitting next to me

and I was like, gotta give him something to make sure he goes. Like give him a stray dog just a piece of meat. I don't have any more but I'll save you for now. Shoot.

That wasn't even – Michael was the star of the restaurant as that was not the only thing that people were checking him out for. Oh, yeah. There's another guy at the bar making eyes. For a while. Yeah. He kept glancing and especially being from the East Coast. It was a general like i'm getting pissed that something's going on i'm looking at i'm gonna keep turning around glance

like people are saying something that's pissing me off or somebody's too loud and before someone says anything we kept saying let's go face stream yeah they do the neck snap where they just keep looking and they're not being discreet and it's almost like, I want you to know I'm looking in your direction. And also, I don't think anyone else there had a pulse. So he had to be looking at us. That guy I was talking to, his heart definitely did not beat once in that

conversation. Correct. And he just kept looking and it was clearly like is he going to come over? Is he that guy's son? Because the first guy was 97. This guy was in his late 60s. And then finally, I guess he was waiting like 10 minutes like us

just at the bar. He was brave and didn't wait in the entrance. He walked to the bar to wait for 10 minutes. The waitress came over. I saw him pick up the menu. He pointed at the menu and then he pointed at my food. And I was like, oh, he wants my food, and insisted on looking at it and watching me eat it.

And then after showing her on the menu what he wanted, which has words and a picture, still had to point at my plate. Well, I want that. Well, he saw the picture, and he went, that looks almost like what I want. Right. But he truly has. But is it a trick? Yours was a little different. Yours looked a little different. Oh, because mine was jacked. Yours got, not just jacked,

it was jacked up. It was jacked up. It wasn't jacked down, it wasn't jacked off. It was jacked up. So we all jacked down was something that I heard and don't think I ever heard before and it really threw me for a loop. We went to Chili's, and I just said, get whatever you want. At this point, we're not making any of this work.

Almost angrily, right? When Jordan went, are you mad? He's like, get whatever you want. He was like, maybe we should all get, get whatever you want. Get whatever you want. Who cares at this point? Eric was like, I'm just giving up. In its truest form, I realize it's what we do for this show, but in its truest form, we just said

fuck it and ate lunch. We went to Chili's, we all ordered different shit. It took forever. Kat's last meal here was gonna be like this oh, it's cookies thing and this is weird, isn't that crazy? We just went to Chili's. And that was it. She's like, I'm gonna have a

Caesar salad. Is this how you pictured your internship? Going to Chili's? So we all ordered different things and it was like, I'm going to have a Caesar salad. Is this how you pictured your internship? Going to Chili's? So we all ordered different things. And it was like, Jordan went, what do we get? And I said, get anything. And then he went, maybe I went, Michael went, get a car. Tell him you want a car. You said, well, what do you want?

And I go, Michael just goes, tell him a car. Car, car. Tell him you want a car. And if someone's selling a car, you have to buy it. You have to buy it. So I'm waiting for that car. Yeah, that's what you want. You should have asked.

You're driving a Tesla, but you want a car from one of the cooks in the back. Could be a newer Tesla. Yeah. Don't think so. Could be. Could be one of those newer models. They fly yet? They got one of those yet?

Some guy tried. Some of them do. And they're not supposed to. It has to stay up for a period of time to count as flying. Well, then this one definitely jumped. Yeah. Jordan, do you want to

teach us about Insomnia Cookies? What we're going to eat? Oh, wow. Sure. How does this sound, guys? Featuring a colorful blend of... Well, you have to say what it is. Oh, it's the hibiscus one.

Jesus Christ. This one is featuring a colorful blend of a blooming tart. What the... All right, I hate this already. I was confused. I was on the wrong page. A blooming tart and floral essence and a sweet strawberry flavor. This new treat is packed with unique flavors including dried cranberries, dried strawberries,

and melty white chocolate chips. Dry, dry, melty. I'll be honest, this one sounds like too much. Also, I realize there's nothing wrong with dried cranberries because that's generally what you're getting. Right. But it seems weird to be like, you want cookie it's dry and this is dry you keep describing also dried strawberries are very bad yeah dried strawberries are weird that's like dog food yeah that's for yeah that's what i feed my dog is dried strawberries uh insomnia lemon poppy seed

cookie this one's short yep this sugar cookie that gets the zesty treatment with a fresh lemon twist and a sprinkle of poppy seeds. That is the copy from them. This sugar cookie that gets the zesty treatment. And then there's another line that just says tongue and cheeks. All right, that was weird. I've said it before. There's no way I haven't yeah we don't need zest

do away with zest you're anti-zest I'm anti-zest wow zest sucks I like a lemon or I like a lime zest no zest

I think zest can be it can be appropriate in certain situations but don't overdo it it's so easy to fuck it up everyone's so they over

yes it is very easy I guess like I've been over-zested so many times they've ruined the zest for me. You're anti-zest. And I just don't want people to do it because you're going to screw it up. Don't even get me started on zestimates.

Oh. They're never right. Are those Zillow estimates? I liked it. With zest. Nick is giving the biggest thumbs up. No, that's not where your thumb was. Your thumb was all the way at the top.

You gotta measure, not zestimate. Exactly. You gotta measure twice, cut once. Don't zestimate. Take a normal food dish for a family. The amount of zest you need is... You don't need half a goddamn lemon.

It's supposed to be a hint of it. It's not supposed to be the main flavor that hits you. Because that's all it's gonna be. Correct. And also people go way too far into like the rind. I've had so many ruined enchiladas. Soured. With zest. Alright, press material. Go on.

Inspired by their loyal fans' cookie cravings, the flavor-bursting treats that are inspired by food trends such as, colon, a rise in popularity of the hibiscus flavor and overwhelming consumer demand for lemon. I don't know why, but... Lemons! Give me lemons! They're coming for the lemons!

I can't hold it! Eric, we need your expertise. Make sure this door does not open! Overwhelming! Haven't we been good on lemons for like a hundred million years avocados were a problem recently but lemons i've never heard like everyone has a lemon tree in their backyard we're fine we're fine on lemon we've been wasting them on all the tea it shouldn't have been the default flavor god man i can't wait to get home and have some lemons though

god that that demand for that's, I can't wait to get home and have some lemons, though. God, that demand for them. That's why you can't afford a house. From their trendy... Why did they write this in the third person? From their trendy hibiscus... It's written very oddly. From their trendy hibiscus berry cookie featuring bold new flavors to a highly requested, some would say overwhelming demand for,

lemon poppy seed cookie bursting with sunshine. Insomnia's spring lineup is here to juice things up this season. I mean, it's a cookie, for God's sake. It's a fucking cookie. You're describing a cookie with lemon in it, I guess? Overwhelming consumer demand. One cookie has strawberry and the other cookie has lemon. Ah! Give it to me!

Jordan must be one of the loyal fans and he has cookie cravings. Why are you closed? The second we're done with this podcast I'm watching that video. I can't stop thinking about it. That may be one of the most insane things I've ever

read. it doesn't need any context at all you could just say let me ask you this in any company in any franchise of any business do you think there's ever been an overwhelming consumer demand for lemon like in general like i think people have a pretty appropriate like want and use for lemon. They are just as excited as they need to be about lemon. I think people use lemons and they get lemons and that's where I'd call it even. I don't think I'd ever use the word

demand. Right. I don't even think I've ever said want a lemon. I think I said I guess I'll get one. I see those kids make lemonade stands with security guards just to make sure. Watch out, they're going to take the product. A Brinks security truck shows up with the lemons.

Somebody sneaks up and says, you want a box of lemons? Fell off a truck. Remember when we were- Give me half price on these lemons. Remember when we were filming the van short? Nick put the mask on to get the gun out to shoot him down. The security van was at the ATM. It was filled with lemons.

It was filled with lemons. We're trying to rob the lemon truck. Rob the lemon truck. How do so many things go wrong with this show? How is it possible? We were talking about it. It's like we tempt fate by knowing that it's not a big deal if something goes wrong. Because if this was any

other production, like, Eric would almost be actually mad. To me, this show is the Mario Party of shows. Where you do it and you just go how did it just end up so fucked up

but just so good I had seven stars how do I have two stars how how did how did Yoshi win again son of a bitch Yoshi and his lemons

Donkey Kong's face pops up and just goes hi Donkey Kong's face pops up and just goes Hi This episode's fucking insane Alright let's We're 51 minutes in we haven't reviewed the food Yeah I got a steak because I thought Yeah Jordan got a six ounce steak

I thought why not let's see how Chili's does it. Wasn't that bad, actually. I got the fajita, which I guess was steak. And you got it jacked up. You got it jacked up. We both got steak in different forms. We glossed over it, but I was looking at the specials menu, and it was some sort of fajita. You know, your traditional spread

with your onions and your peppers and your disgusting guac that i don't want um and so i was like oh that actually looks pretty good and that's that's when i looked at jordan and i said is this a trick as in like it looks kind of good yeah is that the trick what are they trying to do here they try and and then i think maybe even you pointed it out, but you could add like it was I guess like Monterey Jack. I'm assuming. Like melted cheese. Yeah, like a little white queso. And pico, which is also like a disgusting cousin of guacamole.

And I saw it and went, oh, I'm getting jacked up. Because it said like jack up your order. The way it's phrased said, like, jack up your order. The way it's phrased is so weird. Jack up your order. It sounds like you're fucking up your order. Yeah, right. I was sold the second I saw that. And then when I ordered, I was like, yeah, I'd like to get jacked up.

Right. I said, this guy's been wanting to get jacked up all day. I've been wanting to get jacked up. He's jacked. It was pretty good, honestly. Yeah. It was actually good. I ate, like, almost all of it.

I've been to Chili's before and usually hate it. Last time I went to Chili's was, like, for the joke of, like, I had a friend who was, like, a chili head, they call him. And it was his birthday. so we went to Chili's. We humored him and went to Chili's for his birthday. And I got like a burger that like fucked me up later that night. So we'll see what happens with the steak, but I don't feel awful. Honestly, I actually kind of liked it.

It was the fajita. Like I don't know how they prepared it differently besides they cut it like my mommy. Yeah, right. I just got a steak that was cut and I was like, I don't have to cut it. Yep. They only had one pasta. It was steaks and pasta.

Steaks and the pasta. They had to put the pasta somewhere. They had a section on the menu that said steak and pasta, and there was a couple steaks, and there was only one option for pasta. I was just like, why is it called steak and pasta? It should be called steak and the pasta. And Eric, that really bothered him.

He was like, you're saying it like you're learning how to read. The cadence at which you said it was steak and the pasta. You just kept going steak and the pasta. Because there's only one. That's the cadence it deserves. It's so strange. You should be clear. This is not a menu for steak and pasta.

This is a menu for steak and the pasta. Okay? So I ended up with the fajita, and it was actually, like, really well seasoned. Like, it had a bunch of shit on there that was good. Steak was cooked well. By which I that was good. My steak was cooked well. By which I mean medium rare. But it was cooked correctly. Yeah, and I didn't like... Did you make yours to order or they just made it like that?

I didn't even say anything and it was probably medium rare. Now that I think about it, they probably should have asked me how I wanted it cooked. They didn't. It was good. I actually forgot we were making the show where I was going to attack the food. Yes. One, because Eric was still thinking about staying mad.

But two, it dawned on me like, oh, this is just decent food. Which is weird because we're at the Chili's on 45th and LaVar. But there was so much. I was getting jacked up. There were vampires coming at us, okay? There's a guy pointing at my food. He's trying to get jacked up. I kept saying two people are getting jacked

up now. I'm Jack Senior. He's Jack Junior. There was a lot going on. We got no cookies. This guy, I was afraid he wouldn't be able to get out of the building, but you know, we'll get the door for him. This is a lot happening. And then it just kind of dawns on me, yeah, the food was pretty good. If I'm

rating that jacked up fajita at Chili's, I'm going to give it a 75. Wow. All right. It was pretty good. I was thinking my stakes are 70. I got no complaints, honestly. It's a Chili's.

I'm honestly surprised by it, you know, because I was not expecting. Eric's colossal failure all worked out in the end. What the fuck did I do? Look at that. You didn't even have to do anything, Michael. It all worked out. 72.5, shut up. Why'd you push your phone? Because I have a pop socket.

The restaurant was closed- That doesn't really answer the question. But it all worked out in the end, didn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're having fun! I like it now. The steak was pretty good. It was juicy

Okay, this is from I feel drunk yeah I couldn't believe I had a little bit of almost thinking about maybe in a couple years like 10 or 15 years having a midlife crisis on the way back thinking about recording this episode

because I was so out of it when we left but this was good we got through and honestly pretty normal episode it was a pretty good one

but now we have snack attack is this where you're gonna hire Kat? nope Hannah and Pretty normal episode. It was a pretty good one. But now we have snack attack. Is this where you're going to hire Kat? Nope. Hannah and I don't have any money. Job attack. It's an interview. Go.

This is from Hannah. I'm kind of late for an interview. This is from Hannah and Emma. They said, please try the roast beef and Spitfire ale crisps. I'm glad there was another word after spit. Right. There's a plane on the bag. I was on high alert. These are Kent crisps. Roast beef and spitfire. Are they

from... So many things. Are they from England? Oh, yeah. What kind of food is it? Chips. Oh, okay. Ale chips. I thought you kept saying kale when I was upset. That's weird. They just look like potato chips. Oh, okay. Ale chips. I thought you kept saying kale when I was upset. That's weird. They just look like potato chips. Um, what? That's weird. It tastes like a pub.

It tastes like stale beer. Yeah, it doesn't taste like any of the words that you said. It tastes like stale beer? It tastes like ale, I'll tell you that. No, no, no. It doesn't say stale beer on the bag. Oh, oh. I thought you were saying that I said. No, no, you say stale beer on the bag. Oh, oh. Okay. I thought you were saying that I said. No, no.

You did all the words on the bag. I said it doesn't taste like any of the words that you said. You read the bag for four and a half minutes. And so I'm talking about those words. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It doesn't. Everything you said went out my brain.

And I went, I don't know what this tastes like. I don't know if it's stale. Stale is a good word. It is kind of just there mustily hanging out. Yeah. Am I eating mold? Is this mold? I think like if you were to eat mold, this is what it would feel like.

It's got a weird happening taste. Every taste. Yeah. No, I'm good. It's no malort happening taste. Every taste. And happening taste, yeah. No, I'm good. It's no Malort. Definitely no Malort. At least Malort. It does kind of have a hoppy taste to it.

It does. But they're not stale. For some reason, it reminds me of Old Bay. Huh. Just a little bit. It's not as spicy, but there's something there hanging out in my mouth that reminds me of that. I don't get that at all because I hated that. I don't hate this. What I'm saying is I'm trying to decide whether or not I hate this.

That's just weird. I don't even know how to describe that. I've never had a chip that tastes like that. It sure as shit doesn't taste like roast beef or spit. Or fire. It might taste like your spit now. Yeah. Doc, fix my spit.

Why does it taste like this? You don't need to eat a chip that tastes like this. Yeah, I would pass on that. It's not the worst, but I would not. Very weird. Sometimes I think a good metric is like, would I go get this? Yeah. Or would I eat it if it was there and I was lazy?

Like, it's not great, but it's there. Or is it like, I don't want it, or this is disgusting. This would be in the I eat it if it was there and I was lazy? Like it's not great, but it's there? Or is it like I don't want it or this is disgusting? This would be in the I don't want it category. Yeah. If it was on a platter readily available to me, I would go elsewhere. Yeah. Interesting. I agree.

But it's not awful. 35, Jordan? I'm thinking 40. Okay. 37.5. And that's, I think, probably pretty fair. I think it's appropriate. That's what that is.

Did we have a note? Stuff like this, I got to imagine. Now, look, I know we had different taste buds. I read it. But stuff like this, I got to imagine, is like Burger King, right? The only people eating these are people that were forced to. Oh, sure, yeah. Where it's like, gotta have my roast beef and spitfire ale Kent crisp potato chips.

And someone else says, what are you saying, boy? You're possessed. They eat beans on toast for breakfast. Yeah, yeah. They're all fucked up. What? So. It was juicy.

But the beans are moist. If you want to send us snacks, you can send them to Face Jam, care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Don't forget to visit facejampodstats.com

if you want to see every previous score from every episode of this podcast and follow us on social media at Face Jam Pod. It's on Twitter

and Instagram. Stay up to date with everything what we have going on, what's coming up, what we've been doing. Follow Michael on TikTok. Follow me on TikTok

if you want. Mikey J Talks. I'm breaking out. It's a lot of high-level shit, but I'll explain it to you if you need it. Also, the live show coming up. Chicago? Buy tickets.

Nope, we already did that. Oh, yeah, go to rtxevent.com and why don't you just buy some tickets for something. Buy tickets for anything. See if you can still get tickets to Chicago. Because if you legally buy a ticket, we have to do the show. We have to.

It's kind of like that thing like as advertised. Like, hey, you said it was $2. It's a weird loophole thing. Yeah, right. So we'll just send Nick because that's our loophole. Right.

You can come see us. Oh, Michael from the live show? We're going to get Michael from the live show for sure. Are we all getting live shows or just me? Are we starting with me? See how that works out.

Yeah, I think that's a good way. Let's see if anyone notices. Maybe it's too much at once. We'll see if anyone catches on. I feel like, though, if that's the case, we do, I don't know who we do first. I think it would have to be you. You don't want to go. Yeah, you don't want to go.

I mean, if you wanted to, if you're talking like dip a toe in the water kind of thing, like monkey. Yeah, but I don't care if he wants to go or not. Like, he doesn't get the option. Right, but throw someone else under the mask and see what happens.

Yeah, but what are we gaining from that? How does that help us? Intel. It'll be fine. They'll go, ooh, ah,

monkey. All right. And then, and then we move on to this guy. You think you want me out? See, it might, it might fuck with the,

with the chemistry though. Cause like, well, what happened if we got into the store today and had the cookies? We get an error from the live show. Nothing funny would happen. The facts make sense.

Eat the food. He does a good job. He doesn't talk because he's not one of the hosts. He produces. His name isn't in the top of the show. He arguably talks more than Jordan. I don't think it's arguably. I just wanted to be nice.

You can also go to store.roosterteeth.com and check out all the Face Jam merch that we have there. We have some new stuff coming out soon, so stay tuned,

but also get some of that classic stuff. Get that chicken tray. That chicken tray's been good. I've been using that. And I think that's it. I had a thought and it went away.

Oh, great. I can't remember if it was relevant or not. Hang on to it. We'll see what happens. I don't have it I had a thought and it went away I can't remember if it was relevant or not hang on to it we'll see what happens I don't have it how am I going to hang on to it it went away

you know the thing you lost go lose it tell a friend about the show that's what it is that's what it is thank you and then rate the food

thank you here's the thing though that's at the end of the show nobody cares they're like they're doing the credits nobody gives a shit that's why he says

all this stuff worthless whenever he talks we should do all a shit that's why he says all this stuff worthless we should do all this stuff that's why he talks so much just because I don't like put up a fight because I just zone out all the boring stuff at the end that no one cares about front load and just bury it so then everyone

turns off the podcast because now they just stop listening because it's over but at the beginning they have to listen to it they can't stop. We have the power, not you. And so we should start doing, we go, and we start with saying, welcome to Face Jam. 10 minutes.

Get ready. And we hammer them with just like ads and promotions and stuff. But I have a couple, you may be familiar with some of our merch. We've got that sick face jam red web t-shirt that we sell on the website. So we're on the spots, right?

This show. We're out there. That's Spotify. Yeah. Oh, gotcha. We're out there. We're on this and that. I think they just recently jumped on the spots, and they got good numbers.

Yeah. Numbers, it's like, jammers, what are you doing? Right. I know you little monsters are out there. So just, like, don't listen to the normal Eric, like, and be sure to subscribe. I'm reading copies. This is your bug king.

Fucking do it. Go give us some spots numbers. Not as, hey, I like them. I should do it. But spite, right? Don't you want to see us win? Because if we win by a scale, very small

scale, but a scale nonetheless, you win too. It's true. It's all relative. I would say plea, but a king does not plead. It's a decree. I decree that you rate us five

stars, specifically on Spotify. And also, if you must comment, say hi. You had it. You had it. It was all in the palm of your hand where it was like, this is so good and we're going to get people, people are going to do this. We're going to go to fucking Spotify. They're going to get our numbers and go, a lot of comments. They all just say hi.

Yeah, but five stars, baby. Five stars. They say hi? Or they just say Donkey Kong. Maybe Hi, are they donkey Kong We should do we should do this like because I feel like we're gonna be in a lot of battles Oh, man, the next time we have to do it. We should instead of like explain this whole thing It just it just needs a term spite of I Wow Wow!