100% Eat - Let's Go Back to Rattopia - Pizza Hut Ride Along

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Our Heroes are in a traffic battle in the Pizza Hut parking lot but that's okay because they're on their way to rat neighborhood. Stop thinking about hackers and how the Matrix has you because Nick & Eric are on the same page. Rats move in and Nick's Nifty Team is taking over. Sorry Graysie. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox is an eight-episode Hulu original limited series that blends gripping pacing with emotional complexity, offering a dramatized look as it revisits the wrongful conviction of Amanda Knox for the tragic murder of Meredith Kircher and the relentless media storm that followed. The twisted tale of Amanda Knox is now streaming only on Disney Plus.

Yeah, get us out of this hellhole. We're back at the Pizza Hut. We're still in Texas, though. Okay, get us out of this part of this hell. Okay, yeah. Let's go to a different hell hole. Let's go to a slightly less hellish hell. Let's go back to our hell hole.

Why did this, why did this guy back into this? He had to. He had to. He had to pulled up to this Pizza Hut, and then immediately everyone descended upon it. There's so many people. And that person just stopped on the side, though. He does have a van. Maybe he's just going to take loads and loads of pizza.

Yeah, I bet. Because you can't walk four more five feet to the back. Yeah. the trunk and immediately from door to the trunk. They're going to throw it out the door. He couldn't decide whether he was going in around. So. Ew, that was like, let's go back to Rattopia.

We got to drive to Rattoe. We took a circuitous route. Can we take this circuitous route back? I think I can remember how to get there. Yeah. Oh, this would be fine either way. Well, actually, I don't know if I could direct you. You got to go down that street that ends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then keep and then keep going. You got to bail out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. neighborhoods and then you go, then you go to where I got married, and then you're out in the woods. And then you got a rat neighborhood. And then you just follow that. And you just keep on to the right. And you go past the farm. And then the rats, you're near a neighborhood.

Tell you, man. If this was a simulation, this would be a nasty bit of code. Yeah. A nasty bit of routing. Mm-hmm. Think about it. I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it's all I've been thinking about it's all I've been thinking about. Is that all you've been thinking about? You're not thinking about Flatsis? And I'm very impressed. If we can just not talk about whatever this food is. What do you mean? What do you know? What do you know a lot?

Michael knows a lot. I know a lot. Hackers are out there. Let's just say Neo is a rookie. Whoa. The Matrix has you? Yeah, you wish. I'm making, I'm so good.

I'm making you think the Matrix has you. Wow. But I'm like three layers. I've created a matrix to put you in. Inside that matrix is a fake matrix that I'm also for. That's like a cartoon. Me and Nick are the audience. Yeah, and everyone at home is saying it with us.

Everyone's saying, whoa, Keanu Reeves style. Yeah, exactly. I was tapping my temple as in the man. You were both like Ralph Wiggum's. You right? Me, when the code is a little, is a nasty bit of code, I'm in danger. It's him wearing a coat.

I'm in danger. I know Kung Fu. I also got us, so we got the flats. You got flats? Yeah, but lots of, but in honor of, we're not gonna believe these when you see them. In honor of Gracie, rest in peace. I could eat all these.

Also got the Cinebonne Cinevone. Oh, how many is she getting? Yeah. She gets zero. Oh, actually, I have one now. Hey, hey, take a picture and send it to her while this is happening. Tell her to come get some.

Because she, Gracie was already texting us. She texted us the breaking news. Yeah. That if you want a timestamp, exactly when we're recording us, that Taylor Swift is engaged. To who? Wow. I said to who. Who's the answer? Who's the lucky guy?

She said, uh, to me. Yeah. So I said, congrats to Gracie. Here, I'm gonna take a picture and say we're celebrating. Yeah. Oh my gosh, she's gonna flip. Yeah, she is. Jordan, is our fantasy football group also pinging right now? No. Is that a different group? So what you're saying is Cole pulled through. No. I'm afraid he would rather fly to South Korea than hang out with him.

Jordan ripped it out of Cole's hands. We removed him from the equation. I had to circumvent. And then Jordan, what's the name of your team? The name I went with is the California retaliatory gerrymandering. Okay. And Nick, what's the name of your team? Nick's nifty team.

I did not name it. He did not name it. It automatically went. He gave him the, like, my team when I said it was like Jordan's, like, uh, sporty team or something. Like, it always, like, adds something. Um, and then I saw Nick signed up. I go, Nick, did you pick this name? I have to know.

And said Nick's nifty team. Crazy. And he's like, I didn't pick it, but I'm keeping it. Yep. It is pretty good. It's out of mine. Fucking crazy. Did you send it to Gracie?

Sometimes it's sending it right now. She's going to cry. Can we, can we buy that, um, Gavin Newsome's shirt with. with like Hogan over his shoulder. What? No. Cause like, you know, he's doing the whole Trump thing. Yeah.

Yeah. He's selling his shirt. It's like, it's like him at a desk with like, uh, who is it? It's like Hogan, Kid Rock and somebody else like with their hands on his shoulder. He's like an angel or something. Oh my God. Yeah, no, it's awesome. Oh my God.

I need it. It's in the store. Wow. That's why. What I love about that is everyone who says that they hate it. Yeah. Because, you know. it's working.

Right. Because it's fucking stupid. Which it is. They'll say it's like, this is so childish to behave in this manner. Right, right. This is not a professional way. He's desecrating a Bible by signing it, Jordan. You don't get the meta game that is happening.

Yeah, no. It's pretty easy. Can you believe this guy? By you critiquing it in this manner is you also critiquing Trump. Can you split this guy selling Bibles? Yeah. Can you believe it? Blach for me.

No. I'm gonna find this t-shirt. Are you? Fucking serious. Take a vital one. Take a vital one and take a picture if you do it. Yeah. Is that in real time?

I'm going to say happening right now. She's going to flip. Oh, take a pic. Yeah, get me. No, hang on. I want to do a video. Oh, hell yeah. Double video.

Yeah, check it out. Gracie, this is real life. This is real time. This is a Tuesday. Good luck, Gracie. Oh, come on over and get a synopon if there's any labs. Jordan said he can eat all of them. I can eat all of them.

Oh, crazy couldn't eat all of them. Good luck. that's gonna make her upset she's gonna she's going to cry she's going to scream she might just said it she might bro what the fuck i want i mean cinnamon rolls last night for the love island reunion oh man i'm gonna make this my lunch hell yeah you might gonna have it by you're gonna want to are you saying these aren't filling and or good they're flat they're They're our flats. Flatses.

They're flats. Nick, Nick got here today and started calling them flatsas. And I'm like, yeah, we might be going with that one. It's pretty good. I don't know why Pizza Hut didn't go with that one. Right. Understand what they put the two Zs on it? Like, you don't two Zs usually indicate sleeping?

Yeah, it'll put you to sleep. Yeah. So inspired is flattening the pizza. I think it's three Z's usually asleep. Oh, you're right. Let's be fair. I think it's two and up. Two and up?

No, you gotta be at the tree. Two and up. If I saw a single Z, I wouldn't know what was going on. Two Zs, I'd start to get the picture. Two Zs, I'm thinking it's like a person. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was easy top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'd be thinking.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'd be thinking. Oh, shit. Oh, this is it, the day you finally ask for that big promotion. You're in front of your mirror with your Starbucks coffee. Be confident, assertive, remember eye contact. but also remember to blink. Smile, but not too much. That's weird.

What if you aren't any good at your job? What if they demo out you instead? Okay, don't be silly. You're smart, you're driven, you're gonna be late if you keep talking to the mirror. This promotion is yours. Go get them. Starbucks, it's never just coffee.

Oh shit. Sorry, this is the worst road. It really is. It's stupid. It's because of the elevation of like that little turn, you can't see and you miss it every time. My cell service sucks, it hasn't said yet. No way. It's almost there.

Yes, way. We are in the middle of the middle. We are in the middle, we are in the middle of the middle of rat. Right. Rat town needs fucking new towers. Forget it, Michael. No, I just went. It went, it went, it went.

A rat pushed it through. It flattened its spine and slipped through. Like a flat, like the flats was. Whoa, rats. Rats with a Z. Rats with two Z. Rats with two Z. Not three, they're not sleeping.

No, they're not sleeping. They are awake. These rats are away. I got so many texts all the ones. I must also be in the same. You are. I am so upset. That's what she just said.

Is that what I just pinged on me? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bro, what the fuck? I want it. She missed out. We were going to do an episode of Gracie again, and then. She said no?

Right. She's probably working or something, right? She's going to, now she won't be able to eat. nine cinnamon rolls in one sitting. Dude, when we put the trampoline together, we should get her like 10 cinnamon rolls. She's gonna throw up! No, that's what I want.

No! That's exactly what I want, like a little kid and then she'll just go back to jumping. I'm good, I'm good. I got some more jumps than me. Give me another cinnamon roll or leaving me out. I think maybe the jumping is too much, so I need a cinnamon roll that's gonna get me there.

You can find the balance. Yeah. You can find the balance. Oh, man. And that's the way it goes in Rat Town, baby. Rat Town. That's how it is, man. You don't expect it in Rat Town. Are you need another one?

Yeah, I might- Whoa! The other thing is that like, Cinemon's just so, like, addictive. Me and Nick are on the same page. We're just simple. You guys are the audience. You guys have rat brains.

Only when it comes to these things. I heard Rat Town. I heard Rat Town. I heard Rat Town. That's like our Comtown. It's Rat Town. Yeah, she said, I wish I could, I'd eat so many, possibly all. Possibly.

Well, it's not possible now. Yeah, too late Jordan's eating them all. Yeah, I've eaten three. What? Oh my God. You eat three? Yeah, this is getting insane. Yeah, this is my lunch. Jesus Christ.

What do you mean we all these flats? We have all these flats. Little Jordan's sweet tooth. We're gonna end this episode with us looking at the flats and I'm gonna say I've made the right thing. I can guarantee you, you're gonna say that. If they look anything like the one I saw yesterday. Michael showed me a picture of his flats

And it made me go, oh. I ordered one yesterday for the kids because I kind of wanted to see it. Uh-huh. And also, I really wanted breadsticks because we were talking about breadsticks. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was, I wouldn't say reminded because I didn't forget, but reassured once again, pizza had fucking sucks.

The regular pizza I got was fucking pathetic. I was just like, come on. I looked at the flats and I went, oh, you got to be kidding me. This is what we're working with. Is it power of flats, maybe? Also, isn't some of the sauce, if not all like, Sweet mariner sauce. Oh, I don't know.

Is that the way they operate? I'll tell you one thing. My hands are very sticking out. I think it is. Well, yeah. Do I bother to help him? Yeah, thank you. Yeah, you need help this time.

He's willing to accept your help. I will. You didn't even ask. You're a helpful helper. You just did. You're a helpful helper. You get a gold star. Hey, you're a helpful help.

Somehow, somehow worse. It's definitely worse. Great job, kid. Kid. No, you come sports. Hey, sport or squirt. Hey, Jimmy. Hey, squirt. Yeah! This squirt's good. It's very good.

Scroats's great. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, it's so nice and cold in here. Yeah. Rats, we're home. I turned it down to 16. Rats are up. No, the rats don't live here.

You want to take these things upstairs and have a look? Where else would we go? Uh... The kitchen? Into the basement. Why would we go to the kitchen? Yeah, the basement. The Coraline door?

We can go out to the attic space where the rats are. No, we don't have rats. So the rat talk, we don't have rats. Rats moving into the neighborhood. The rats are gonna move into the neighborhood. The rats are being displaced. There's gonna be some displaced rats soon due to the evil man. It's all part of the ratification.

Yeah, all right, Jordan, are you ready for these flags? Oh, God. Let's take a look. Film my reaction. Okay, I got your reaction. Like Pulp Fiction style. Ready? All right.

Go. Oh, fuck. Jesus. What is this crap? What is this dog shit crap? Hang on, there's three more. I couldn't even, like, fake it. Nope.

It's just so... Oh! A single tomato! Look, look how, like, well-cooked and attached that is. I do love it and quite a little. And then there's one more. What's this one? Yeah.

Wow. That actually is the best looking. It's the best looking, and that's not saying. Now, let's see the cinnamon rolls. Yeah, I think I may have made the right call. All right, let's get a look at these bad boys. What the fuck, Jordan? He ate of all.

I ain't three. Nick's mad. Oh, okay. Nick is, they're gonna squeeze two fucking more. This is some bullshit. I don't think it's by the size of the tray. Nick is, you buy like 10. Gracie style.

Oh, although I did go to the donut shop yesterday after I got home, my kids wanted donuts. I got six because they closed at six, and it was like, I didn't get six because it was six, but I was getting six, and it was like five o'clock, and I wanted three raspberry jellies, and there was four, and the guy went, and he put a fourth one.

Yeah. Nice. Nick logic. I got it. Yeah. I got. That was monkey donut money. All right, guys. Donut money. Look at this crowd. Look at this. Now we're eating. Now we're eating them. The flats feast. Guys. These both look like they've been like under a heat lamp. It looks like they've been stepped on. Yeah. Well, flats are room. Come in soon. Look. It's not even facing the same way. I know, right? How did that happen? It's flat time, baby. There we go. All right. Well, you fixed it.

You fixed it. These are separate pizzas. they look good these are separate pizzas yeah it doesn't they frankenstein do uh what do you mean that's the pepperoni duo feed good times yeah nobody out pizzas the hut nobody nobody nobody out flattens the all right well we're gonna eat these bye bang gosh