100% Eat - Little Caesars Cheeser Cheeser Pizza

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Little Caesars Cheeser Cheeser Pizza so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Danny Ocean vs The Devil, the top US pizza chains, the passing of Big Mike, and more. Sponsored by DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM2021) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam12 and use code facejam12) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You probably do. Thanks to DoorDash and HelloFresh for making this show possible. I'm your host, Mikey J, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Just like last time, hot and ready. Hot and... The return! Wow!

That's right, baby. We're back. To Little Caesars with the pepperoni cheeser cheeser. Why is it twice? Also, it's pizza, you know. It's usually written with exclamation marks, so I'm like, do we have to shout it every time? Yeah, I didn't write it with exclamation marks, but if you want to, go for it.

Maybe we should do it. I'll do one and then Michael does the other. Oh, that's exciting. It's the Little Caesar's Pepperoni Cheeser. Cheeser. That's good. Now people know what it is. That's exciting.

Okay, come on. All right. Ridiculous. Well, thanks for listening. Yo, this thing slowed me down. Oh, yeah. Okay, let's set the stage here. So this is our return to Little Caesars, which was the pilot, right?

Am I right? Yes. This is where the magic started. This is where it all began. And it's funny. It's our hero origin story. Exactly. If you go back and listen to it, the show is surprisingly still similar.

It's like one for one the same show. It's just a little shorter. Yeah, I think we got shorter over time. Yeah. But pretty much the same dynamic, same energy. We haven't had pizza in a while. We also haven't had not chicken in a while. So it felt like a good break.

And we've talked a lot. The burrito was pretty big. I'll give it that. We did the 21 Pilots burrito. But it was still just one thing. You know, it wasn't filled with like sides and this and that. And sometimes we've had a, this is it.

You know, we got blasted with the, was it Jack in the Box? Yeah, Jack in the Box. They conned us. Yo, Eric rolled up today with two bags of, what are they called? Crazy sticks or crazy balls. It's just like stuffed cheese bread.

They just put cheese inside of more different bread. It's cheesy bread. It's called crazy bread. Yeah. It's called crazy bread. It's nothing crazy about it. It's just cheese and breadsticks. And three pizzas.

Three. He showed up with a veritable feast. It was a smorgasbord. Really low class, class ineffective unknown kings of like maybe a dozen or so people like on a small island somewhere maybe like the middle of the rainforest you know there's like a king ruling over some bugs you don't know about this feast was for that king and you got four of them we truly are the lord of the flies this was a feast for a bug king yeah dude it was a feast for a bug king there was so much food and i just said dude i we were waiting for you to get, and I had my lactate opened in my hand.

It comes in a little wrapper. They're individually wrapped. I had them open in my hand because I was like, I'm going to forget, and I will die. This will be the end of me. I took it. I lost track. I don't know how much I ate. It was at least one too many, maybe two too many.

You're fucked. It doesn't matter that you took your lactaid. The amount of cheese you consumed is like- It was so much. I digest cheese fine and I'm fucked. Like, it's not going to be good. It's going to be bad. It's going to be like sticky.

Yeah, but you didn't have your shield, right? Like, my lactaid is like my vibranium shield. Uh-huh. It's not though it's like it's like it makes you a normal person it's like no it like helps you be no it helps you like raise your baseline to that of a normal human being who can process dairy there's nothing but the problem is if a normal person took it yes but i'm on a whole other level okay right what happened is he's built the lact is I took the lactate.

I took the lactate. The cheese is going inside of me. And all of a sudden in the middle of this episode, you're going to hear a boom. And you're going to go, what was that? And I'm going to go, that was the cheese hitting the vibranium. And it just bounced back. Okay. It lost.

Right? I'm not old cap. I'm young cap. So we did the Little Caesar'sars Cheezer Cheezer. We also just got the Crazy Bread Stuffed Cheese breadsticks or whatever. But when I was ordering online, and this is not part of the review. The Crazy Bread Stuffed Cheese thing is not part of the review. And this other pizza also is not.

It's a pepperoni and cheese stuffed crust pepperoni pizza, which I've never seen before. Pepperonis inside the stuffed crust with the cheese. They got them in there. They got them in there, dude. We had to get it. We had to get it. It's like a pizza with a calzone at the end. What it is is it's a pizza with a smaller pizza.

Whoa! I mean, which is what a calzone is. Yeah, that's right. Damn. Maybe it was a calzone is. Damn. Maybe it was a stromboli. I don't know. At what point does it become a stromboli? Well, calzone has ricotta cheese.

Yeah. Stromboli, I think, is more rolled. It's not as puffy as a calzone. Yeah, yeah. Stromboli's like, meh, and calzone's like, ooh. Oh, okay. So if you take the stuff crust and then roll it up into the pizza, then you got a stromboli.

Exactly. Got it. Which you easily could have with that pizza as it was so undercooked, it was shocking. It was undercooked, not in a bad way. It was just very floppy. And I think especially the cheeser cheeser, because there was so much cheese, I think it was sitting at about 850 degrees.

There was so much of it that I let fall from my mouth on the ground because it was, well, I'm not going to burn off my taste buds. Where I took a bite and went, nope. And just like a glob of cheese and like two pepperonis just hit the ground. And I went, grackle bait. And they were waiting. They were. Jordan didn't have to feed the grackles this time. It was Michael.

I think Jordan saw and went, food for you. I got to eat a little bit more this fortnight. I'll say this, though. They were here before the food started dropping. They know. We got out of the car. I swear to God, they must, like, at this point, they probably know in their little bird brains every two weeks

four kings of bugs come to this parking lot and just drop food all over the place. Because we, like, parked the car and we could see them circling. And all over the place because we like parked the car and we could see them circling and i went yo we're on the clock they've they've tagged us i'm pretty sure it's just the same like couple of grackles because yeah uh they're like in the grackles are in the corvid family and uh they are the type of bird that like hold grudges and they are the type of bird that like hold grudges and like remember friends. So as long as we keep feeding them, they'll protect us and they'll start bringing us gifts.

So maybe we'll get food from them one time. Wow. Do you know that? How do we get them to give us gifts? Do they have PlayStation 5? They might. It depends where they hang out when they're not over here. Do you know?

We might be able to trade up to a playstation 5 from what they give us if we start dropping like a ps4 with some cheese on it maybe they'll take it um do you know that can i get gamestop credit they hold grudges and remember friends because you've wronged one no i just jordan's like i used to have a grackle's best friend of mine then the motherfucker betrayed me that's that's when i knew i was part grackle because i'll never forgive him if i ever see that piece of shit he's really easy to tell he's got like a comical neckerchief it's because any of the important cartoon characters have defining traits otherwise they just look like he's the smarmy grackle he wears a beret and a neckerchief

and he's always he's always belittling me in my accomplishments and he's always like little caesars again do you think do you think the grackles went hey guys it's not chicken and they just started swooping in yeah so i like chicken i like that in this lore of this grackle he's looking down on little caesars but is like quickly eating out of the trash like well yeah i don't want this little caesars let me see what kind of uh taco garbage is over here the thing, we didn't say it made sense. You know, people and grackles do things that don't make sense. That's just his personality. That's part of the reason I also have this grudge. Part of the reason I have this grudge is because he doesn't make sense.

Also, I imagine that the second we go back to recording in the studio, these birds are dead. Yeah, right? It's true. We're really, like, sustaining really like sustaining this small ecosystem. The small colony of grackles are reliant upon us showing up every two weeks or so with some food that we drop. Well, again, we were king of the bugs, but it's starting to sound more like we're king of these four grackles that show up. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. Do you think there's four and then they eat the food and go back and have a bird podcast and rape what they ate off the ground? Do you think? Squat. Squat. Squat. Squat.

Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Squat. Squat. They do it every two weeks. They don't sit in their cars. They all just sit on like a power line

Yeah right The smarmy one with the neckerchief and beret is like Not the best I give it a 40 You're the smarmy Grackle Oh boy Anyway we ate some kind of food here I think we established that it was pizza

It was Little Caesars I don't think I've had Little Caesars since the pilot, because why would I? Yeah, I don't know that I have either. Not that desperate for pizza. Yeah. Also, it's a cherished memory at this point.

It really is. August 2019 was a different time. That's crazy that you even knew the month. You'd be lucky if I got the year right. I remember. I can zero it in because I remember the episode came out in November, and I was like, well, we didn't eat it around then because how did Michael sign in my wedding guest book referencing Mike Illich? And that was in September, so it must have been before that.

It wasn't easy. I scratched it in there. I almost started, I almost cut myself to use blood because the ink was not working. All I remember about the podcast is doing the pilot and then getting angry that the show didn't start.

Right. I really started started uh rustling some feathers that's kind of why you you wrote that it is the reason you wrote that in the in the guest book was like oh it's never going to come out so this will just be like a fun reference to something we did like a month ago and no one will ever see i remember getting really out of hand in the slack channel that we created that literally served no purpose and the show didn't exist. Right.

And I started making threats of what would happen to us, to no one else, but just telling you guys what I was going to do if it didn't happen. But thankfully, you know, it happened. And so the nuclear button was not pressed. No, boy, it would have been. It would have changed the face of the company. Things would have been different. The suitcase and the football went away.

And, you know, smash it. Cut to now. Kings. Yep. Of bugs. We'll have more information about the first episode or pilot episode when we get to the fact section but oh my god you can go listen yeah i know you can go listen to that episode right now it's still up you can go listen which is crazy you go listen to that we uh it was called

the michael jordan podcast and that is how it was introduced in the episode that it was i listened to it and that's right we didn't i totally forgot i forgot that that was i remember that that was the name that we were calling it but hearing it recorded in the episode was like whoa shit like we really went for it piece of history right there yep yep can we sell that can we sell that as an nft uh yeah we can sell that as an nft yeah let's do it you can sell like 45 minute audio files as NFTs yeah sure well you put it inside of a JPEG that's available to everyone

you put it inside of a JPEG and they have to change it to.mp3 no no no we don't sell the whole episode we just sell the part where we say this is the Michael Jordan vodka we just sell that I mean why shoot ourselves in the foot we could chop this thing up, sell it 150 times. That's true.

It's like in Ocean's 8 when they steal the necklace and then they cut it up into smaller pieces of jewelry and then auction that off. We all saw it. It's cool. Hey, you haven't seen it. Did you hear the fucking noise he made? He was very intrigued.

Well, here's what happened. Here's what happened. Where's Clooney? No, he's dead. It's explained in the movie. He's dead? He has a cameo. His gravestone. They killed the Cloon Dog? Yeah, it's like

a way in the future sequel. And yeah, Danny Ocean's dead. I can't believe they killed the Clune Dog. So you take my ocean from me. You know what? Why is it still the title of the movie? It's a dried up river.

Yeah, they should have called it Desert 8. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, you know what we mean? That's what I'm saying. Guy was on ER. I'm excluding myself from this. You guys go ahead and talk about this. Continue, please.

That's fine. He was on ER. You know what I mean? Carried that series on his back. Who was in it besides Clooney? No one knows. A bunch of no names. Who was in Ocean's 8?

Julianna Margulies, Anthony Edwards, Noah Wiley. Listen to what he's doing. This is ridiculous. Who was in Ocean's 8? All ofiley. Listen to what he's doing. This is ridiculous. Who is in Oceans 8? The artifacts all of a sudden? The ER podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was in Oceans 8?

Sandra Bullock. Brianna showed up for a second there. Okay, who else? Go on. The other one, I want to say it was Cate Blanchett. Never heard of any of these people. I don't know who these people are. They're all made up. They need to get some real stars and stuff. George Clooney's

gravestone made a cameo. You threw me for a loop. I thought he was in it. If his gravestone was the poster, I would have seen it. Because I would have been convinced he would have rose from the grave. It's just the headstone that reads Danny Ocean. I just don't get it.

Get some stars. They got Sandra Bullitt and Kate Blanket. Get some actual people in this thing. The thing is, the greatest heist you would have ever wanted to see. The greatest heist is Danny Ocean stealing life

back from the River State. Oh, it's the next O, but he's in the hell. He's in hell. Whoa. He cons the devil. Yeah. No, he cons the boatman. Holy shit.

And he puts a team together of other dead people who live in hell. He steals all the coins, and he goes, I have your money now, bitch. And it's a trick. And then the boatman goes, oh, oh no it's all i've got he's as literally just as the boat goes by he's like plucking them off their eyes and replacing them with like chocolate coins yeah that's when the devil finds out it gets so hot the chocolate coins melt the chocolate coins melt and no. And then the devil played by, who is the guy in the other, Andy. Circus. Andy Circus is the devil.

Yeah. But luckily, Danny Ocean planned on this happening. So he knew it was all part of the plan. He planned for this. The end of the film is the devil getting Danny Ocean, eating his soul. He falls dead to the floor again. And then he goes, now I have the money. They turn to chocolate.

And then you realize, what? That was a dummy? And then you see the beginning of the movie and you go, what? And the devil goes, Ocean! And then the end of the film is his hand busting through his own grave. Right. Skeleton hand. And he climbs out and he looks at the camera and he winks.

And then he says, the beginning of Ocean's Eleven. I dropped my microphone. He doesn't say that. He says, the beginnings of Ocean's Eleven was in Rahway, New Jersey. And then he winks. And that's it. Rahway State Prison. Am I right?

This might be our best episode. That's where he was. This is fucking genius. That was right next to my house. That was only a couple minutes from my house. At one point, he stood in the prison that I, too, could have ended up in one day. He basically liked Danny Ocean. If not for this show, you would be in Broadway, New Jersey, in prison.

Had Michael stayed in New Jersey and committed any crime, he would have won. Super Max. It's a Super Max. I think that's where Captain America's villains get sent. Oh, no. To the Super Max in Raw. Oh, no. Is that where Zemo is?

Oh, no. Well, he's, yeah. No, he's still dancing. Oh, bummer. I haven't watched a single second of the show but I watched that loop it's like a 10 hour loop him dancing in the club I think we talked enough about Little Caesars

I can't wait to get to Spittin' Silly later in the episode we'll just count that as Spittin' Silly apparently there are now two segments of spit and silly god damn well we have to let's let's move on and get your haiku all right here is little caesar's haiku crazy bread and za pass through the pizza portal big mike's dream fulfilled whoa he was notoriously small though thank you yeah yeah i think he was a little man that's why it's kind of an ironic name like okay yeah actually i don't think we ever figured out

how tall he is no we never i don't think we ever figured out yeah we just figured out that he was dead he seems like this guy whatever height it is just add six feet and you got it yeah he also mentioned something that we'll have to come back to in the actual spit and silly i don't know we gotta the problem is what happened is we've been to all these restaurants before yeah so a second prequel spit and silly has kind of filled that void right i don't know what to call it like wetting our whistle we got to build up whoa all right no i'm writing it down i'm writing it down that's yeah wetting our wetting our whistle is the name of that so you can write so so usually in the spouse really good on the sheet it says we got the wipers going oh and some and some

wiper fluid he got a little too excited. Wetting our whistle. I love that. He's wet. So the sheet usually says, spitting silly, fuck around a little bit if you want. So we put in wet your whistle.

Like, what does it say under that? It's got to be up at the top. Yeah, what does it say under it? Wet your whistle is, today's food will be, it'll just be shorter, and then wetting your wet in our whistle will go right underneath it does it also

say fuck around a little bit if you want oh 100% it's a copy and paste of spit and silly we just put it at the top and so all right let's learn about little Caesars we're approaching the end of the episode in episode one I I think, timeline. Yeah.

We're at about. Play these side by side. I think I'm reading the press material right about now. Oh, man. At this point, we're struggling to keep the podcast going. Yeah. It's like we're running out of things to talk about. Go to the show.

What else? Guys, this show will never work. Oh, man. All right. On to round two of the Little Caesars facts. Our previous Little Caesars episode was released October 11th, 2019. We ate the quattro pizza on our pilot episode. It received an average score of 78.5 jordan was pissed that it got 78

that was definitely because you gave it like a 95 yeah but in retrospect one of the better things we've eaten in the show yeah how could you have foreseen that yeah he couldn't have there was no way still up there in the top five isn't it if we went back jordan would definitely increase his rating if we had a time machine compared like compared to what he's eaten afterwards it the inflation inflation has right boomed all ratings snackflation yeah yeah um founded in 1959 by face jam legend mike illich rip little caesars opened in garden city michigan with the original name little caesars pizza treat our favorite pizza treat spaghetti bucket it's a big bucket i mean i think there's varying sizes but the biggest bucket is big it's just a

pail that you take to your grandma gives you to take to the beach to make a sandcastle with. And it's because she ordered spaghetti bucket. Make a spaghetti sandcastle. Oh my God. Shocking. Shocking. Fact number three.

Little Caesars is the third largest pizza chain in the US behind Pizza and Domino's. Falling to number four is racist Papa John, who is still trying to, quote, get rid of the N-word in my vocabulary. End quote. What the fuck? Number four is still too high for that guy.

I agree. What the fuck indeed. But here's the thing. Number five is like Papa Murphy's. the thing. Number five is like Papa Murphy's. Or no, number five is California Pizza Kitchen. Then it's Papa Murphy's. That doesn't count. And you're like, what the fuck?

What happened? There has to be other... Where are the other pizzas? But that's it. What are the other pizzas? Cici's is like number eight. Marcos is like number seven. Gaddy's. Gaddyies isn't on the list. These places definitely suck, but they all

deserve to be higher than Papa John's. The thing about it is they deserve to be higher than Papa John the man. Not Papa John's the pizza. The pizza is decent. They need a rebrand so that we can Finally separate man from food

There needs to be that distinction If the fucking CEO and founder of Domino's Went on a spree just like Chopping dicks off and eating babies Domino's would be fine Right his name's not Arnold Domino's Domino's CEO lost his goddamn mind. He had

a necklace of severed penises. He had a necklace of severed penises and we found 27 discarded baby corpses in his home. Anyway, who wants Domino's tonight? That's what would happen.

Somebody would watch that and go, ooh, they mentioned Domino's. I could go for that. Wait, hey, it is taco night. Taco pizza. It's pizza night. Damn. And this is relevant.

You mentioned this up earlier. On the cutting edge of technology, Little Caesars was the first pizza chain to use the pizza conveyor oven and their patented pizza portal, which we assume is really cool if we're ever allowed to use it instead of having an assistant manager just hand us our food like clowns.

Did not get to use the pizza portal again today. Hey, maybe in another two and a half years. Who knows? Well, here's the thing. Here's on into 2024. Get that pizza portal.

Mark your calendars. You were too hot and ready. You need to be slow and lazy. I guess. But when I put a time to go pick up my food, that's the time I'm going to be there to pick up my food. Here's the thing, though. You're talking a little Caesars.

Do you think they expect that of their customers? No. You put in a time of 12 p.m. and they look at each other and go, I hope to God this guy shows up by tomorrow. Also, they opened at 11 today. The earliest you can put in an online order is noon. Why?

Why is that the earliest you can put in an order? We were to breathe my my my guess is that you know how on sunday you can't buy booze until noon you can't buy little caesar's pizza until noon yeah it's the same law but for pizza huh it's the only it's the only explanation and i will accept no other reasoning there you have it side note but I'll come back to it final fact in 2017 Little Caesars created the pretzel pizza their first

foray into a limited time menu item in nearly a decade with such success who will be the first to get their own Little Caesars limited edition meal and what would you put in the God Smack special? That's true. They got to get on that train, dude. Everybody's doing it.

Who started that? McDonald's? By the time Little Caesars finds anyone, they can only get God Smack. That's what I'm saying. They're late to this, and also the caliber of person that I think Little Caesars would afford is like, I would say Kid Rock, but I think he still has too much notoriety. So I had to go down the ladder a little bit. I'm pretty sure it'd be real easy for Papa John's to get Kid Rock.

You want the Papa John's Kid Rock pizza? He could be the new CEO. And that's made in heaven, dude. Oh, fuck, man. Holy shit. Oh, fuck. This Friday. I actually like this so much better than a motel.

I'll bet the people who live here are really happy. Witness how the strangers. Hello? Became the strangers. You have to get out of here. What's the point of doing that? Why are you doing this to us? Because you're here.

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at A&W's in Ontario. Dude, that's... It's one of the, like, on paper, seems like the stupidest things you could offer up. You know, making this show, I think 9 out of 10 fast food items are just beyond stupid gimmicks, right?

Like, you could even say 10 out of 10 are gimmicks, but, like, sometimes you go, wow, this is actually really good, the Wendy's pretzel pub. But McDonald's goes, hang on, what if we just take the same shit that we sell every single day and we go, this guy likes this. And it was so popular,

people are taking the idea and using it. Yep. It's a nothing. It's a nothing idea. It's like this show where we go, hey, we eat stuff. Can we make that a show? And someone goes, that's not a show. That's no idea.

And we say, perfect. McDonald's did that. If we were to do it, it would be like the Face Jam Grackle special, and it's just a bunch of trash. It's the low effort, low hanging fruit. Right. Here's the thing though. We would do something that's low effort for us, but very hard to replicate. Right? Like if you're from an area with no

grackles, good luck. Oh, do you guys do the face jam? I don't have any grackles. Oh no. Some excuse. It really is crazy how successful it is because it's not like McDonald's doesn't make a lot of money. They make so much more money on this shit. Even you were talking about this fucking BTS thing

because that's what we were going to eat today. We were going to go, oh, let's get the chicken nuggets. But then they just have some sauce. That really made us almost go and do that. We really almost went and did that for this show. And it's like they just have like some sauce. That really like made us almost go and do that. Like we really almost went and did that for the show. And it's just nuggets. Like what the fuck? I don't know.

Like it's so crazy. It's literally two different sauce packets. Yeah. I also imagine in America in general, but especially some parts of America, Texas could be one of them. People are going to go, what the fuck is a BTS? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, they're just trying to get, you know, get the kids. I mean, but it's working! Yeah, it's working. My dad doesn't know who the fuck Travis Scott is, but he went Travis Scott, what's that? I didn't know who Travis Scott was. Are you Eric's dad?

It's just, oh my God. It's just funny because I just imagine, you know, McDonald's appeals to everyone, right? Like, yeah, there's people that are like, I don't go there. But what I mean is like every demographic ever can go to McDonald's. There's no like, oh, we don't have a McDonald's near me. You know what I mean? Like in the world. And I just think of America as,

especially being in Texas of like, you know, people going, America is the best place in the world. What's a BTS? Meanwhile, it's like, you know, the most popular band on the planet right now. It's like, what? I don't know what the fuck a BTS is, but I like my sweet chili sauce.

Hoo-wee! Did you get that new BTS sauce? They just start calling it, they know BTS for the sauce instead of the band. BTS, are those the sauce boys? That said, we did switch to pizza so I did have it that sweet chili sauce is a game changer let me tell you

man I'm just saying it's sweet and sour with a kick and I daddy likes I took one bite of it and I said oh no I hope they keep this oh no that's what i was gonna say do you think like in like two months when it's gone there's gonna be like a hoarding craze i think bts has the capability to make it happen right because of their fame and popularity i think

mcdonald's could be like yo let's just sell this shit because now the sauce lives in infamy the bts thing ends it'll always be the bts sauce in america i think they i think the whole thing is like they have the sauce in in south korea you know in korea but maybe north korea we don't know it's maybe the sauce isn't a lot up there that's i don't know it's true but um i because that was my first thing i went none of this is new and i like when i just heard the bts meal again it's like oh this is a new thing but at least in the states the sauce is new because we don't have that sauce regularly right and uh it's good and now i'm just talking about the sauce

and not the pizza this is the spit and silly but uh try the sweet silly sauce sweet chili sauce not choss do you think Do you think in like a year there will be no more like limited time food options and the show will just be us reviewing the celebrity endorsed meal from every restaurant? I hope not. Is it going to ruin our show?

I think that you're going to see more of them, but you're going to see more of them with more gimmick. Because McDonald's, I feel like, can get away with doing, here's this one sauce, or here's the, you know, a quarter pounder with no pickles or whatever. Travis Scott likes Sprite. Yeah, but I don't think Burger King can get away with that, and I don't think Wendy's can get away with that. And I don't think Wendy's can get away with that. I don't think other restaurants can get away with such an easy sort of just like,

well, it's our regular thing, but it comes with a Sprite. Whatever. What if Papa John's did a... I think they have to have gimmicks. What if Papa John's did a Papa's special pizza and you order what Papa orders?

I would be like, what is it going to be? It's 30 pizzas. They just deliver them over the course of 20 days you go no more you don't want to tell anybody what you ordered yep right you open it in a dark how you ordered it with a lighter yeah i i really do think that you're gonna see more of this stuff but it'll be like sonic Burger has a Sheryl Crow cheeseburger, but it has something different on it that you're not used to. But you can only order it inside.

No. You can only order it with Sheryl Crow. You have to bring Sheryl Crow to get it. That's the way that Sheryl Crow eats now. Take me to Sonic Burger. She orders her order yeah and then she goes

make it two and then you have the other one she's like behind you and then you go wow Cheryl Crow meal and then Sonic goes who the fuck is Cheryl Crow and she goes

oh I'm out of here she takes the food and flies away and she's a real crow and steals your car yeah that's how she gets around not again she's just got a she's just got a lot full of cars and steals your car. Yeah. That's how she gets around.

She's got a lot full of cars. Take that, Cheryl Crow. The commercial is just someone biting it. I think she was in Ocean's 8. Jesus Christ. Now you know why I haven't seen it. The commercial, someone takes a bite out of it and goes, I can't believe I'm If the commercial, someone takes a bite out of it and goes, I can't believe I'm eating what

Sheryl Crow eats. And then it pans over and she goes, it's good, right? You want to listen to Soak Up the Sun? I'm good. Yeah,

that's in the commercial for some reason. Don't stream it. You should buy it. You should buy the single a bunch of times. It really helps me out. She just goes, oh, I'll pop it in. And then the guy goes, sorry, I don't have a tape deck.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Well, that's a bit silly. And that's a bit silly. Oh, man. All right, Jordan, tell us about this cheeser cheeser. All righty. Got my paper.

Little Caesar's pepperoni cheeser cheeser. A large pizza with pepperoni, fresh mozzarella, sweet basil, and a toasted Asiago Parmesan crust. At $7 plus applicable tax. The flavor may feel extravagant, but the price isn't. Isn't that Little Caesars in a nutshell? Yes. Cheap food for you.

Yeah, they got to drive it home though, right? That is their thing. They're going to tell you. So I was looking. You can order the pizza any time of day you can like you know order it online or through the app or go and like order it wait for them to make it but from 4 p.m to 8 p.m they just make them and they're hot and ready like so you don't have to it's just like right it's there and it's like damn that's fucking smart like order it ahead of time or just

go in this window and you can just get it whatever yeah it's like that's fucking genius god forbid they put it in the pizza portal though yeah no no kidding well i mean i feel like i feel like we may have discussed this though with the pizza portal last time a song long ago but like it what if what if it doesn't work right what if oh we didn't put it in the, it's just not a real thing. I mean, I don't trust anything at Little Caesars. I mean, once Big Mike passed away, who knows who's handling this place. That's all I'm saying.

It's just like, you check the balance. Yeah, he was the heart of the organization. Like, he was the moral compass. And now they're just like, yeah, they're just trying their damnedest to, I don't know, like, just make a profit. I don't want to spoil anything, but I do write about this in the getting the food section, so you just wait. Alright, well, here's the press material

then. It's no surprise that our customers asked us to bring back the pepperoni cheeser cheeser pizza. The cheesy, crunchy crust is reminiscent of a toasted Asiago cheese bagel, said Jeff Klein, senior vice president of global marketing at Little Caesars. When you combine that with the fresh mozzarella and sweet basil, man, they really like the sweet basil is just like a garnish. Like, shut up about it.

I mean, look, they got to tell you what they got. All right. They don't have much, but boy, they have that. More is more, I guess. got, alright? They don't have much, but boy, they have that. More is more, I guess. When you add the fresh mozzarella and sweet basil, it tastes like a pricey pie,

but you're still getting the same value and convenience that Little Caesars always delivers. Alright, look, I've never eaten Little Caesars and been like, whoa, is this a pricey pie? Whoa! That's true. It's generally

Little Caesars is this is okay but for five bucks that's it yeah you go you never go the other way and that's the reason applicable tax yeah that's right well i'm not talking about that's true and i'm talking about this you know extravagant seven dollar pie the bog standard five what am i made of money yeah i. I mean like the reason we got so much food is because it was $33 or whatever in total. That's crazy. Again, we've gone through

some shit on this show. I think of Fridays. What did we spend? $480 or something? Yeah. I think the accounting department is still adding up. What we spent there. We got to eat at Fridays because of all the little caesars it was it was a lot of food when you rolled up with like two two bags of breadsticks

he just kept pulling stuff out of his car it was like 30 bucks yeah it was like man i mean that's what a great way to like feed a family though like that's highly's highly. Well, those are really different pizzas that we have. It's true. Here's here's the thing, too, though, when you talk about feeding a family. And I wanted to bring this up. And Jordan, I think you're on the same page. Why doesn't the family get drinks anymore? Right.

Yeah. Remember the show we used to get drinks and then not like there was a legitimate reason where it's like, oh, this place doesn't have whatever. Yeah. Or like, hey, quarantine, they don't have drinks. But then someone really kind of settled on, I'm just not going to buy drinks anymore. No drinks ever. Bring your own. I'm just so thirsty.

Was it Nick? All the time. And you're like, you feed the family and the family's like, salty where's my drink i'm parched what's they still sell drinks and then the dad just goes you didn't bring your own yeah get up and grab a glass and fill it up from the tap idiot like i can kind of yeah well i'm in my car like oh god where do I get it I can understand like today it's a pizza restaurant they usually just sell it by like the two liter

and I mean theoretically you could still get it you don't have to I guess but we'll go to other places and it's like bring your drink it's like I'm pretty sure they have a soda fountain. Remember when you got here and we said we were going to hammer you with something and we didn't?

Uh-huh. But we'll still bring it up later? Uh-huh. Yeah. It was the drinks. It was going to be right at the top. And then he just kept pulling out pizza. Yeah, Eric really saved himself because he just kept giving us food and we were like, okay, okay.

Jordan went, I was mad about something, but I forgot what it was. He lied. He didn't forget. He just saved it for later. I went, good thing I always have water. I gave this guy a drink. He went, I have no drink. And then he went like this.

Yeah. I was like, okay, little baby. And I started, I was like, I have an extra bottle of water. And he went, oh, thanks. Let's put his hand out. And I started, I was like, I have an extra bottle of water. And he went, oh, thanks. Let's put his hand out. And I went, huh? And then I sipped it. And then I offered to spit it into his hand.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. That's very nice of you. It was like that one drawing meme where it's like, uh, like the, the dying animal being fed by the poorly drawn man. That was, I was the animal getting water from Michael. And I was like, oh, so thirsty. And Michael was like, have, have drink. And I was like, oh, so thirsty. And Michael was like, here, have a drink.

And I was like, thank you, you saved me. But instead of a poorly drawn man, I was another animal. And I was a grackle. Two animals. I was in grackle form. Each other drinks. And then there was a third animal in the corner.

It was just a little ant. And he just said, my kings. third animal in the corner and it was just a little ant and he just said my kings. Two bugs on my kings. And then the sauce monkey was behind the ant with a knife and fork going oop oop. Oop oop.

Oh man. Anyway. What was it like getting the food, Eric? Oh, getting the food. I'm always nervous that Little Caesars won't receive my online order and will make fun of me when I go pick it up. Has he ever read it before? Why did he read that?

I don't know. He asked me. I don't know why he asked you. I understand you were, after the whole drink thing, you just thought, I better not make any waves. I'm just going to read it. Yep. 100%.

Stay on script. It's so weird hearing you read what you wrote yeah like Eric's reading voice Michael how would you have read that? how would you have spiced that up? I'm always a little nervous that little Caesars won't receive my online order and will make fun of me when I got pick it up

oopsie that's what I would have said won't receive my online order and will make fun of me when I got pick it up. No! Oopsie. That's what I would have said. Oopsie typo. Drop my mic again. Weren't we like legitimately concerned when we first had Little Caesars that they didn't have our pizza at all? Yes.

Also, like it was just not, it was a questionable environment. We were like, we're going to Little Caesars. It's not, who knows what's going to happen. There were those people. Whenever I hear the term or the phrase missed connections, I think of Little Caesars. Where those people were talking to each other.

You know what I mean? I feel like we walked in on two people that hadn't seen each other for 20 years and they met at Little Caesars. I always think about that. That was the day that, like, even though it didn't, it translated a little bit, but it didn't fully translate, or at least in my mind, how important it was to go experience it. Because you were just going to get the food and bring it and i was like i'll go with you and then right when we were leaving jordan was pulling into the lot and he was like i'll come too and then you were like don't tell

nick and we sped off and uh must never know like and again that first episode was like 35 minutes what how long would it have been if we didn't go get the pizza? I don't know. 20 minutes? Yeah, we would have had nothing to talk about. That's what, that's why like we have to, that's why we have to meet in our cars because it's like now once we started doing it from home, it's like, oh no, the void of like going to the restaurant.

I can't wait just to see the characters again, you know? Or even, even from our cars, we got the monkey. And that was just, that was just across the street in the Walmart. And some woman's screaming from Pizzoli. We got to go. We got to, we're Kings,

but we need to be amongst the commoners. Yeah, we need to, we hopefully everything lifts pretty soon and we can start going back to restaurants together because I think that's going to be, that's going to be a lot of fun. But I think you're right where that's just a big element to the show. It's always something weird.

I don't know how it's always something weird, but there's always something weird. It is, man. It is. At one point you might think it's us. It's not. It's not. We're four very normal kings. Yeah.

But sometimes just weird shit. You know what I think it is? People go, ah, kings approach. I am but a humble court jester. And then they just start doing like jester stuff. I think they all think they're bums. I'm slipping on this ball. I'm a little beetle.

I'm being a weird little beetle. Yeah, they got those little roly polies. You see them rolling around. Classic. And those are the people. Anyway, do we rate it now? Is that what we're up to? Now it's time to rate the food.

Man. We still do that? Not our longest episode. Not our longest episode. Hey, not yet. Jordan, hit it. What do you think? Well, let's see so I remember

with the quattro it being a regular ass pizza that they combined into four different types and I hammered them hard about not being very imaginative not really pushing pushing the creative envelope um and

I'll give them some credit for this one because it you know it's a pizza What can you do to a pizza? It's tried and true. You put shit on it. They spice it up a little bit. With the basil. Sweet basil. Man, that basil sure was not present. But the crust was cool because it did have that baked-in cheese, Asiago Parmesan, and it gave it like a pan pizza type of quality.

So the crust was actually pretty good. I like it. It was like cheesy crust. And I know that some people don't like to eat the crust off pizza. I'm a cruster. I'm a crusty cruster. I'll crust the pizza. Same. And sometimes the crust is the best part.

Especially on like classics, like New York style pizza. Yeah. Yep. But I'll go for a like fluffier crust too that's just kind of like it's basically bread like i'll i'll eat whatever crust but um yeah i like that they spice it up that way boy is it cheesy they're not messing around with that very cheesy you want to talk about a cheese pull like that's what you get here like this isn't like the fucking disappointing taco bell whatever

thing we ate where there's not a cheese pull to be seen you you're cheese pulling for days with this thing um you're gonna want to let it sit a little bit because you'll get lava mouth yeah yeah with the cheese the amount of cheese there is, and the grease of said cheese, that thing is like the surface of the sun. Boy, is it. And it's just so, it's oh so wet. Oh so wet. Yeah. But as a result of all that cheese, it's kind of like, you get a big glob, and then you're just kind of like chewing that for a while, and it doesn't really feel good in your mouth.

So, not the most pleasant texture um let's see i'm gonna give it i'm gonna give it a 60 okay i wonder if that's better or worse than his last one oh if you think about the averages numbers and everything that's probably right around what he gave probably close because if you gave it a 94 or 95 which i think you did uh averaging to 78.5 probably pretty close to the 60 um it was good i i pretty much agree with everything jordan said except the cheese i love a mouthful of globby cheese you know the? The only thing about that machise, it's just so hot. How are those lactates treating you? Are they holding up for you? I'm good so far.

I'm good so far, but it wouldn't hit me. It'll be the drive home. That's the critical moment. I remember you likened it to troops who are under attack. It's like we need more help. Send backup. Send backup. Unfortunately, the thing about it is we need more help send backup send backup

unfortunately the thing about it is no backup can be sent because it's too late it's like asking for backup after the enemy has breached the wall it's like well you know at best backup comes and kills whoever's left but you're dead already

you know what I mean their corpses are falling on top of yours so right um you kind of have to take the lactate with the food sometimes i take it afterwards just to look around and go i did it and then eric says i don't think that's how that works because the instructions say take with first bite of food um that way it's like it's like pairing a medic with a troop as they leave you don't like recover the body and then go here's your medic right and it's not so good it's not so good um but i liked it man and it was it was just like a pretty good pizza. Now, maybe my brain has, you know, done the like the long division of telling itself it is Little Caesars. Not going to eat this and be like, this pizza is amazing.

It's like this Little Caesars pizza is pretty good. And for seven bucks, it's a good pizza. It's got a ton of cheese, which costs extra, right? If you order extra cheese and everything, that's usually like two bucks on a good pizza it's got a ton of cheese which costs extra right if you order extra cheese and everything that's usually like two bucks on a on a regular pizza so it's got extra cheese pepperoni it's a decent size sweet basil has sweet crust the dude has sweet basil yeah such sweet basil i kept going you guys say something sweet i? Something sweet? Sweet like candy. Maybe it's just me because I'm so sweet. But I don't know.

I liked it a lot. I think I would have to give it... And this is learning from episode one. Episode one, I thought, Jordan's going to hate everything, which in a way was very right. But then little crazy Jordan breaks through every now and then and then rates something really high or really low for a reason he would have screamed at me for in episode one. But like, you know, I thought it'd be funny to always rate stuff high and then quickly realized, oh, this is a show we're going to keep making.

I guess I can't do that bit every single week. So then I had to start giving more normal ratings. So although I certainly gave the original one a whatever, a 94 or something, in my mind, this one's better. But I don't know that after this much of face jam, it deserves a score that high. Right.

So while I say I think it's better than the last pizza I do have to adjust my score and give it a 96.2 you son of a bitch fuck you 78.1 78.1

it's lower it's lower this time also Mike Illich 5'9 He's 5'9 Was 5'9 Wow He's shorter now

Wow He's shorter now Because Our subjects have gotten to him And nibbled away Oh no That's why you go with Mahogany

Don't Don't go with the cheap wood Yeah but how long does it last not for nothing's forever right this show will be i guarantee it oh yeah well i mean we'll just be ghost hosts exactly and then when we're gone we'll just have someone else like pick up the uh pick up the torch the thing is when we're gone and we're dead and we're ghosts, maybe the ghost producer will get us drinks. Don't count on it.

He really didn't have an answer for that. No, he didn't. He kind of just let it happen and was just like, oh, no. Oh, no, they're on to me. Trail off. Yeah. You know who can be our producer when we're gone? Old George Clune Dog.

Whoa, Clune Dog in hell can be your producer when you're dead? That's cool. He made it out. Get Danny Ocean. Yeah. Great idea. Take me out to sea. Welcome to Snack Attack.

These are Red Hot Ripplets from austin a these are a spicy snack left over from ghost kitchen that we did not get to so i want you guys to try them out oh well they're hot all right jordan you gotta open it up and then eat it i'm eating it now oh i didn't even look like you opened it Nick is going for it Nick showed me but he doesn't rate the food So I'm not really concerned on if he eats it or not It's pretty hot It's hotter than anything we had on Ghost Kitchen

I think you're right What I did too was though It's a very dusty hot You know Cause it's like a dusted chip Back of the throat I laid the chip face down on my tongue And let it sit for a second

Well I want to absorb the heat You know what I mean I'd rather it be on my tongue than the back of the throat. I laid the chip face down on my tongue and let it sit for a second. Well, I want to absorb the heat. You know what I mean? I'd rather it be on my tongue than the back of my throat. That's not comfy back there. It's got a kick to it. Yeah. That said. It's not too bad, but it definitely is lingering.

Well, it's not increasing though, right? Like the first one was very hot, but it's kind of setting. It's not getting hotter. I've eaten a couple. That's a pretty good chip. I feel like the spice is better than the chip itself. Yeah. The chip was kind of soft.

It didn't have a crunch to it. It could be a better quality chip. If this were the spice on a better quality chip, I would like it more. I could probably eat one of these. Bags or chips? Just the one chip. Like, I'm still, it's still there, and it's still bothering me. Oh, I'm sucking them down now.

Now I'm mukbanging. Uh-oh. You're godsmacking? No, I wish. I think I'm going to give it... Give it an 80. Okay. That's a pretty good chip.

Man. Jordan? I don't want to just give it the same score, but it feels like a 60 to me. Wow. Average score is 70. 60 is a different score than 80. Yeah, I think he meant from his food score.

I wasn't listening to anything you said. See? All right. Well. Hey, some things never change. What? Some things never change. What?

Some things never change. I stand alone. No, I'm asking what things never change. I stand alone. No, I'm asking what doesn't change. Oh, my God. All right, we get it. The fact that I stand alone. Hey, Jordan. Who? Keep away.

Don't be crying like a bitch. Also, voodoo. Need I go on? Hey, you know what? This episode, you are straight out of line. Are you just running blind? I think you should keep going. I think Jordan's sick of life.

It's because he's got that love-hate-sex pain. Whatever. Jordan, speak. What's the matter? Got a whiskey hangover? I'm not worried. I'm bulletproof. Anyway, I gotta go get back to releasing the demons.

They made a lot of songs, huh? You thought it was only one or two. Guess what? Page after page after page after page. And they all sound like the same thing. I wasn't sure if they were lyrics or song titles, to be honest. Well, they probably all are definitely lyrics. Okay. or song titles, to be honest. Well, they probably all are definitely lyrics. Did you?

Okay. I thought you were reading a list and cherry picking. Oh, no. I'm sure that's just, I'm sure all of their songs, Releasing the Demons, I'm sure, is the chorus for Releasing the Demons. There's no way. Hey, you know what, Eric? Touche.

Touche. Yeah. No rest for the wicked, am I right? This is unforgettable. There is, there are probably, yeah. What's next? There's like two jammers out there who are going fucking nuts for this bit. We can make a whole episode. And both of them are in god smack they're they're listening they're both listening through one device

and and they they hated the 21 pilotsots episode. Oh, man. God damn, dude. Oh, Christ. Dude, one of the most popular bands on the planet. Yeah, absolutely. No, in history. In history. They are.

On the planet's history. It's like BTS, 21 Pilots, the Beatles. Yeah. It's nice of you to put beatles so high on that list i don't know if i put beatles top three yeah it's tough you forgot about fergie i would say honestly i put dane cook up there just because he had that one stadium tour and i felt like everyone had that cd so like i think i think maybe dane cook he's got to be like quadruple platinum from that. Yeah. No kidding.

So, and that's what matters. That's what matters. Well, if you want to send us snacks, you can. We have a lot, but we have some, we have another snack attack coming up in July for RTX. You can send out your snacks to Face Jam. Care of Eric Badour, 1901 East 51st street, Austin, Texas, 7, 8, 7, 2, 3. As always, you can follow face jam on Twitter and on Instagram at face jam pod. Stay up to date with everything that we've going on here with face jam. If you haven't checked it out yet, ghost kitchen is on the rooster teeth site the rooster teeth app

uh i think it's behind the first paywall so if you're a first member i mean even if you're not you can sign up for a trial but uh check it out there's a lot of stuff on there and uh you can check out ghost kitchen which was uh highly successful and launched a very fun line of new merchandise that we just released at store.roosterteeth.com with like a haunted chicken sandwich and a crazy taco ghost and all kinds of cool characters all related to Face Jam Ghost Kitchen. So check them out. Store.roosterteeth.com I got stickers. One could almost say

Oh yeah, we got stickers too. One could almost say that the really cool line inspired the show to be made. That's kind of how it you know, chicken and eggs. Hey, we got all these designs. How do we sell them i don't know it's it's crazy how our design team works where we just go i have half an idea we think it's called ghost kitchen and then tobin and tony just go fuck it here's 28 designs and

it's like they're all good look at all the merch just just that drop alone right if you just take the bunch of shirts that just came out and you look at that flashback to finishing an episode one day going to them and saying hey we're a ghost show now yeah yeah a lot of ghost talk all of a sudden what they had no just do something with it but it really worked out yep so that was cool oh hey i i'll tease it right now because i think it comes out this month in june uh i don't know the date yet but uh somebody has a compliment scraggle hat and uh it's one of one right now that jordan has but you will also be able to get it this month sometime so stay tuned at Face Jam Pod on Twitter and Instagram

we'll let you know when that's gonna be coming out if you wanna be I gotta get that fucking hat if you wanna be friends with a grackle that's the hat to be wearing yep you gotta get the compliments a grackle hat

you can see it in the Selena and Chef video that we made Jordan's wearing it and I was jealous the whole time baby yeah you kept looking over yeah

I was staring at it but that's you kept looking over yeah I was staring at it but that's it that's all the regular business well we did it again seems like you know what today is a good day to die all right Jesus Christ

subscribe and tell a friend about this show where we eat food and rate the food thank you for listening everybody. Shout out to the two guys from Godsmack. They even made one for Eric. Forever shamed. Alright, get out of here.

Take us home. Please take us home, Jordan. Say goodbye. Goodbye. We'll see you next time.