100% Eat - Live at RTX 2022

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

An episode two years in the making, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review convention food so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about switchfork, Eric's hair, monkey sauce, and the general craziness around RTX. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I hope that's sauce. What? We're throwing sauce? Has it started? Yeah. Well, you got to wait until the song's over. The song's over twice. Well, that's because you played it again.

We timed it perfectly the first time. Do not play it again. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't. Yo, what did I tell you about him? Ego trip.

Dude, yeah. Now you can do the intro like the regular episode. Like the regular episode? Yeah. I'm listening to it. I'll wait till it's over. That's not how we do this. It's how I do it a lot. You just complain every time. And so now this again is like a regular

episode. I'm waiting. You're complaining. Jordan's regrettably here. I'm patient. And Nick's putting on a show. I'm doing what I'm told, you're complaining. Jordan's regrettably here. I'm patient. And Nick's putting on a show. I'm doing what I'm told. He said the music will play, and then Michael will go out first, and you follow Michael.

And then Michael didn't go out yet. And Eric just kept going out and telling us to come. I was like, I'm waiting for Michael. This sucks. Hey, welcome to Face Jam. That's different. Yeah. Actually, Jordan, it's not in my head.

That happens every time. That's why you pause all the time. We have to edit that out a lot. This show where we try every new fast food creation. As long as the door's not locked, Eric picked the right place, the food isn't discontinued, or he's not firing another intern to let you

know if you need it. We hire the interns a lot of the time. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jordan, alongside my host. What? What? Michael Jordan. Michael Jones. Oh. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside your co-host, Jordan Jones.

What the fuck? How are you? I thought I was Scottie Pippen. Yeah. I'm a little nervous. This is our first Face Jam panel. Eric's more of a Jim Jordan. Whoa.

What the fuck? What is going on? G-Y-M. Oglin Buff? That got nothing. They don't know. You know why I think Nick played the song three times? Because it worked for once.

It's true. He had the song ready and it played. That's pretty great. He pushed usually pushing the... Look at the lengths he went to to get it to play off his phone. It's because usually he pushes play and then you hear, oh no, and no song. And then a lot of, is it playing?

Yeah, and you don't know anyway because you don't wear the headphones. I'm not wearing the headphones. I could hear it today, which is interesting. Three times. It's hard to read this with the shadows. Today. Don't you fucking dare. Look for that word.

Today, we're reviewing Austin Convention Center's food for RTX 2022. Which is very, it's very exclusive. Yeah. You can only get it for three days. It's incredibly limited.

Past experience with the restaurant? I've had a lot Past experience with the restaurant? I've had a lot of experience with this restaurant. Yeah. I come here a lot. I don't eat the food very often. Other things kind of... That doesn't surprise me. Where do you usually go to eat during RTS?

Jordan sends his guardian out of Austin to get food. No, there's plenty of good food in Austin, just not in the Austin Convention Center. You've got to stop spoiling. We haven't gotten to the end. Jordan? He might love it. Jordan's been on a real kick of getting to talk.

Yeah, for about the last year. Yeah, to talk about the food before we're, we haven't learned about it. Mind-blowing, guys. The food usually sucks. Have you heard the show before? What if it doesn't? What a twist. I'm just setting the expectations. Maybe I undercut them and say, I love it.

Probably not, but you never know. They don't get to see Hopeful Jordan, which is the Jordan where when you post the food, sometimes he'll be like, oh, this could be good. But then by the time we sit down, he's just like, this is fucking dog shit. I hate this.

And the audience never gets to hear that hopeful part. We're always, I'm putting these links in. Oh, we'll check this out. Maybe we'll go here. And Jordan's like making selections. And he's like, oh, maybe I can get like on board. We're driving there. And it's always like, maybe, maybe, maybe.

And then we look at the food and you know the rest of his day is fucked. He won't eat dinner. He's going to lay down for four or five hours. The other thing that we do as regularly as the show that the audience doesn't get to do is the Slack follow-up later in the night of how bad we all feel,

how bad we feel or how sleepy we are. This one we did this week was a rough one. Was it? Yeah. Oh, I loved it. It was straight to bed for me. See, the thing is you said that and I thought it. I didn't actually care enough to reply, but I was like,

sleepy is better than sick. Yes. I'll take a sleepy. I'm sleepy over that because usually it's I'm dying. He usually is the sick one. Yeah, but that's because he eats it again later. He makes his wife go get it for him again later. Have we ever talked about. You know what would be a great idea, honey?

If you went over to the Austin Convention Center and picked up some food for dinner tonight. It's buy one, get one. Have we ever talked about the sardines? Was it sardines? What? What? I don't even know what you're talking about.

What show do you think this is? He's mentioned sometimes if he eats too much and he doesn't have room for dinner that night, he just eats a can of sardines. I forgot. I mentally blocked out that freak shit. I just don't question anything anymore.

Right? Really, it doesn't... Nothing he does surprises me anymore. You guys showed up to his... Lindsay and I were doing a signing right before this. My ex. Why do they keep scheduling you guys together? It's a drama thing. You know what I mean?

Manufacturing it. Real housewives type stuff. People are like, oh, this is going to be catty. I can't wait to get a front row seat. And so you guys swooped in with the food. And I was like, where's the sauce packet? There was a food with the sauce. And you go, he's got it.

And Nick goes, oh. And he pulls it out of his pocket and puts it in it. I'm like, why was it in your pocket? And he's like, where am I supposed to put it? I'm like, in the tray you just threw it into after it came out of your pocket. That's where it could have been to begin with. And now he's waving another packet around like, does this help? Yeah, I see that.

And I was just like, don't carry my sauce around in your pockets, please. It was not an extra. It was just a single mustard packet. I don't like that it came out of his pocket. Just leave it in the little food trough. What the fuck is going on? It goes through a metamorphosis. How many did you get?

We're done eating the food. We're not going to eat it more. It's Heinz yellow mustard. This is the other reason I ignore this this freak because he's always like oh this sauce and he's trying to hype up some sort of regular about why it's so good but then he does the same thing over yellow mustard and so it's like he loves everything yeah you like everything somebody came and gave us thing to me gave us a packet of peteri's ketchup

what's he doing? Well, his head was down for like 40 seconds. I think he had more sauce that he was fishing for. I think he thought he had more sauce, and he ate it all on the way over. He gave someone some like Whataburger spicy ketchup. Yeah. At the booth earlier. I think he's panicking because he threw out too many. I know.

He knows he needs it. It was like his father-in-law came to visit. Oh, no. Pistache. It's like when he gavein-law came to visit. Oh, no. His stash. It's like when he gave all his cookies away to Pasta Pete. Yeah. And then panicked immediately. At the very end of the video, after he was like,

okay, you guys are done? I really wanted to eat those. Yeah. Why'd you give them to him? Insane. So that's mostly what we do. So that's Face Jam. Convention opinions?

Yeah, so what are your convention opinions? It's really expensive. How much do you think it costs to get the food that we got? Like all together? Yeah. Like times four or one of... No, no, just all, like what we got. Like what we spent.

I'm going to guess, let's see. We did the thing, and there was this other thing. I'm going to guess about $75. What? Jesus Christ. You should have guessed way lower. $80? $85? guess about $75. What? Jesus Christ. You should have guessed way lower. $80? $85?

It was $46 to feed four adult men who only ate half of everything. And also we didn't get drinks. We did not get drinks. Not true. Ate everything, not half. Dry. It was dry. Did you go back for the second half that we left for you?

What are you talking about? There was no half. It was the. Did you go back for the second half that we left for you? What are you talking about? There was no half. It was the food and I ate the food. Yeah, he was backstage eating the sandwich. Yeah, but you didn't finish it. Yes, I did. Oh, no, not that sandwich. The other thing. Can we say what we ate? Well, I don't know why we're beating around the bush. Yeah, I don't know. We had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a hot dog. Yeah.

Or say finish the hot dog. We have to keep the food a secret on the podcast about the food we ate. It wasn't right. You want to know how this went? You want to know how this went? You should have decided. You should have decided.

Let's go to the convention center and look around and be like, do you want that? And I was like, what about the... I was sticking to the J. We should three things, and Jordan, we should get two things, and it's like, okay, cool, so this is why I didn't pick it ahead of time. Okay, you know what you could have done in the

time you were fucking fiddling with your phone backstage? You get a goddamn pen and write what we ate on here, because I'm just sticking to Austin Convention Center food, not peanut butter and jelly sandwich and hot dog, which is what we ate. A dog.

A dog. That's hot. Yeah. Mine was not. It was. No, they got ice cold. It's got cold really fast.

So fast. What happened? Yeah. So we basically like it outside. Stand outside for four seconds. Me, Eric and monkey man went to the cafeteria area and kind of just looked at the menu and decided to pick hot dog and something that was just called PB&J Crunch.

And I was like, why crunch? I think because it was crunchy peanut butter. No, that's what I was thinking. They put granola in it. They did? Did you not get any of that? No, that's what I was thinking. They put granola in it. They did? Did you not get any of that? No, I'm sure I did. I just assumed it was like crunchy peanut butter. I don't think I tasted it. Oh no, this is better for you.

I don't know. It was all good for me. Peanut butter is protein. Hot dog in a peanut butter jelly sandwich was good for me. Dude, what do you think Blaine eats? Blaine drinks pickle juice every day. Right. He's a freak.

You're nodding way too hard at that. I don't like that. He likes subtlety. So, do you have convention food opinions in general? Michael, you go to a lot of conventions. Jordan, you also show up here. We're talking about this convention.

So let's dial it back a little bit. Right, I'm thinking about you go wider and then you get narrow as the show goes. Right. Yeah. Well, the best part about going to a convention, especially in different cities, is going to experience the food of the city. Which doesn't exist in the convention. It's just hot dog, pizza.

For some reason, it's always those things. Every convention around the country gets their food from the same building. It's the convention food co. And they ship it. If you had a hot dog from here, you've had a hot dog at every convention center. No one goes like, oh, man, were you at the Austin convention center? The Austin food. That PB&J crunch.

Whoa, what restaurants did you go to when you visited Austin? Forget about Franklin's. There's no crunch in that brisket. They don't even do things like cook? Ballparks, like baseball stadiums.

They'll have a special thing from the city. You can go to the Philly Stadium and get a Philly cheesesteak. Or if you go to the Round Rock Express, you can get the... Grilled cheese hot dog. Grilled cheese hot dog. Which is a hot dog on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. They serve it on top of it, but then you've got to do the work where you make it the bun.

Right, that sounds awful. No, it is. Just from a shape standpoint. It is. Yeah. A hot dog doesn't just go on bread. That's idiotic. And of course, this one went.

Yeah. When he heard it. I thought if you can like toast the hot dog bun and make that a grilled cheese thing in some way makes more sense because it's designed to hold a hot dog. Put the cheese in the bun. Right. But consider this. Make that a grilled cheese thing in some way makes more sense because it's designed to hold a hot dog. Put the cheese in the bun. Right, but consider this. Make just a grilled cheese sandwich and then you boil a hot dog.

That's it. Someone did like that. One of the three ways to make a hot dog. So you can grill a hot dog, you can boil a hot dog, you can eat it like a freak just like straight out of the package. You can microwave it.

Octopus hot dog. You microwave a hot dog? You can microwave a hot dog. I don't, but you could. Would it explode? I mean, anything will. That was a fast, I said, would it explode? The fastest yes from the crowd in the front?

I mean, that's really on you. Anything will explode at some point in the microwave. Yeah, it's about taking it out in time. Hot dog, 30 minutes? I don't know. That's how they get the times, all the instructions. They do it until it explodes.

Hot dog, 30 minutes. Yeah, that sounds right. It's crunchy. I'm making a hot dog crunch. What are you baking? A turkey and a hot dog. Anyway, it's all the same food. Yeah, I mean, it's convention center food.

Who here had a hot dog? Great. Wow. Wow, did you guys go to one of the fine restaurants around town instead? Gotta hear. Who here, now who here got

peanut butter and jelly crunch? Very enthusiastic person. Wow, even less people. Look at these little freaks. That's exciting. Okay. It's the most interesting thing

on the menu. Yeah, definitely. By menu, I mean sign they've written Sharpie on outside. Menu's a menu. They did more work than Eric with this. I did this. You know how hard it was to wake up this morning and do this?

No. After drinking last night? This was tough. Did you not know until this morning that we were doing? It's not like we've been planning this since we started the show. Did you check out the RTX Austin app and see Eric's packed schedule yesterday? That one panel that he was on that I was also on? Yeah.

Where did the time go? Oh, man. I have to stay up all night drinking because I did nothing all day. I was busy. He was mingling. He kept saying, I'm mingling. Networking.

Yeah, networking. Networking with this voodoo ranger let me network this beer down my throat networked about nine of those yesterday I met you before the panel we did yesterday and the first thing you said you're like I'm oof and I was like what? I was like you don't feel good?

and he's like I've just been drinking I was like you haven't I was like, you don't feel good? And he's like, I've just been drinking. I was like, you haven't even done your first panel yet. Didn't eat, just started drinking 10% beer. Just kept pouring them. If you haven't stopped by and you're of legal age, the Voodoo Ranger little section they got going on, their beer is delicious. And they give them in these little fancy,

oh, no, it's plastic but classy cups but here's the thing, it's the normal sampler size but it just eating or drinking something small is just like a little bit more fun it's like having an umbrella in your drink but specifically

if it's a normal beer, like it's a tiny beer with a Voodoo it's almost like one regular beer because it's a normal beer, like, oh, it's a tiny beer. With a Voodoo, it's almost like one regular beer because it's 11% alcohol. Honestly, that's the size that should come in. I said to them, I go, you guys should really start selling, like, four-ounce packs of Voodoo so people like Gavin can drink one and not black out. Oh, yeah. Absolutely ripped. Yeah.

Absolutely ripped. Remember when we were there last year and we had the fan meetup and stuff in Colorado and we just kept getting more and more beer and you were like, you guys ever think about making it not so much? Right, right. And I get it. This is the alternative too, right?

Like, okay, don't fuck with the system and the percentage. Maybe just make the can smaller. Yeah know like i hate those little coke cans the little six ounces because you crack it open and then half the can spurts out uh that would be great for food ranger they are so like they'll keep serving you in your little glass it's not like you can only have one by nine right well they i don't i don't know about them, but you can. They are... Just go slow. It's fine.

And eat a hot dog. I didn't eat anything yesterday. So that was... And then had to do the wrestling panel and then I remember most of that. Yeah.

What the fuck? Whoa. Yeah, he did suck. It sucks. He did suck. That's true. Can we get to the haiku? Please.

Oh, okay. We're still doing this? All right, RTX haiku. Can't make time for food. Between panels, booths, and friends. This'll have to do. It's the convention experience. And it did do.

I'm done. It did do. It certainly did. It certainly did in my belly. Yeah. Convention center food, huh? What? Just like.

Yeah, but here's the thing. Yeah. You could really harp on it. Are you coming here for the food? No, but I have to... That's how they get you, you know? Right. It's like you're here, you're trapped. Who's getting me?

Larry? Like, who's getting me? The convention center. Oh, Larry would get there. What are you going to do? Leave and come back? Yes. You don't have time for that.

Yeah, if you're a fool. Oh, you think they should be eating hot dog PB crunch, I'm just saying man, you know suck it down keep moving This is a place to be this is a necessity situation scenario. Okay, I don't give a fuck What give me some paste just fuel slurp it up. Fuel me up. I got lines to stand in. Ah He keeps showing me his mouth. You said, give me paste? And he went, uh-uh. Did you see his shirt, by the way?

Oh, yeah. Look at this shirt. You can get this at the RT store downstairs. Like, this. Why did we make that? It's like a kid. Because it's pretty rad. Oh, boy.

Nightmares. Yeah. He's pretty rad. Oh, boy. Nightmares. Yeah. He's doing it. When you're close to it, it's like, I don't like it. Do we want to learn about the convention center? Like this one? Well, yeah. No.

What do you mean? Yeah. I want to say, Jordan, why did we make that? Why not? But why did no one else make this? Oh! That's right. If you're listening.

Introducing and sneaking past the metal detectors through the secret tunnels of the Austin Convention Center is the official Face Jam Switch Fork. Not available to purchase at RTX. Coming soon. So there was some confusion about if it would be here. Nope. But it's okay.

It's only a fork. Some people say only a fork. I say it's three times as many knives. it's okay. It's only a fork. Some people say only a fork. I say it's three times as many knives. It's true. So we were like, we'll sell it. Four times as many. We'll sell it at RTX. And then

security went, nope. I'll be honest, the words came out of your mouth and I said nope. Because it was a stupid ass I said nope. Nope. Because it was a stupid-ass thing to say. No. I was sure we were going to have it here and not online very soon, right after RTX, probably

like the end of next week, I think, is probably when it'll be on sale. He's making promises again. I'm going to say it. Don't believe anything he says. Come on. I don't know how many were, like, stalking. Yeah. Act quickly.

Oh, these things are going to sell out fast. I have been focus grouping this work the whole weekend. Yeah, running up to people and going, yeah! Yeah, yeah. I tried to, I held up Matt Bragg with it. That's good. Oh, good. I came up behind him and put it into his back,

and I said, give me your staff badge. And then he said, oh, I forgot it. And I went, all right, never mind. That's true. He lost it after he got in. Don't need this anymore. Oh, no, it didn't even start. That was Thursday.

Jesus. It was at one of the mixers before the convention started he goes i don't have it and i was like was i supposed to pick that up dude i don't know i can't look we've only got 36 minutes i don't have the time for that well it's great for it's great for holding up your friends and getting your staff badges that they don't have and it's good for eating too so you can really do anything with it yeah yeah i it's funny enough i was, I ate again with it. It was also mac and cheese.

So I've now eaten mac and cheese. You can eat more than just mac and cheese with it. It doesn't have to just be that. But it has been a proven system for macaroni and cheese. I do recommend finding a napkin and wiping it off before you put it back in. The other thing that surprises me, how many people ask that are interested in it as a product is the first thing they do is,

whoa! Unless you're Leslie, then you go, wow. The second question they say is, is a dishwasher safe? And I'm like, I don't know. No, probably not. Wash it with a sponge. Why is everyone asking that? Why you got to put it in a dishwasher?

What do you plan on doing with it? Just use the end part and wipe it off. Imagine eating a whole meal. You're like with your girlfriend's family. You're just eating a whole meal. Don't worry, I brought my own. By the way, can I just throw this in the dishwasher? I got some potato salad gunked up in the springs.

Can I use your dishwasher? We need an instruction booklet that's like proper care for your switchboard. Yeah, no kidding. Man. All right. You want to learn about Convention Center now? Yes, sure. All right.

All right, here we go. Wow. Hang on. It's so hard to read. You see all these shadows? Oh, here we go. This is it. You got to go this way, Jordan.

Oh, that's good. This is the way to do it. Oh, okay. That actually works gotta go this way, Jordan. Oh, that's good. That's the way to do it. Okay. That actually works. Now we're like the Beatles. Stretching over six city blocks, the Austin Convention Center amounts to 881,400 gross square feet with five exhibit halls, two ballrooms, and 54 meeting rooms.

That was a boring one. That's the fact. And there was nothing fun about it. What's so gross about the square feet? Eric's in it. No, I think that means like a total thing. I don't think it's any disgusting. It's July in Austin.

Yeah. We're all gross. Pretty gross. Some gross square feet. All right. Here we go. Now the second fact immediately starts as a question. Did you know that sometimes in a back room,

pizza is brought to you at 11.30 a.m., then disappears by 12 p.m., and if you ask if there is going to be more food, no one can look you in the eyes, but the bartender is at least still nice? I inquired a lot about it. Is the food coming back? I went, wow, morning pizza?

That's great. And they took it away, and I thought, they must be refreshing the pizza. And then I came back at 2.30, and there was no food in the green room, and I went, hmm, they must be re-refreshing the pizza.

Maybe I just missed it. And I said, I started asking around, saying, hey, is the food coming back? And then the best I can missed it. And I said, I started asking around saying, hey, is the food coming back? And then the best I can get from everyone is,

yeah, I think so. Or, well, they just put the tongs out so it must be. And then 30 solid minutes went by

and I kept saying, I'm getting concerned that the 11.30 a.m. pizza was lunchtime. It went from, ooh, a nice little treat in the morning

if I hadn't eaten to, why would I eat that at 11.30 in the morning for lunch and then don't worry though as best as I can figure I don't know if it happened today they were instructed to don't take it away

but still I don't think there's more because to clarify there were about three or four pizzas and they were only there because it was 11.30 in the morning and people didn't go pizza but I imagine if those same pizzas were there at lunch about seven people would get lunch

and then no more at no point in fixing the situation did I hear and then we'll get more food so if you're my question is, the pizza was still there, and they took it away. They didn't wait for

the pizza to run out and be like, well, we're not going to replenish it. They probably brought it out to the floor to sell. I was going to say, the pizza they have a sign to get to. This is more a PSA to anyone that might be a cast member or a special guest

or like, Larry, if you want lunch, you better hurry and get back there because it's going to be gone real soon. Definitely go back in time. Well, no, it's 1.26. It's probably still there. I hope they took it away. On February 22nd, 2007,

former NBA player Dennis Johnson suffered a heart attack outside of the Austin Convention Center. We cannot confirm what he ate at the convention center, but we can confirm he died. Oh, God. And he continues to haunt these halls. He died here in Austin?

Dennis' spirit is in the room with these halls. He died here in Austin? He died in front of the convention center. Dennis' spirit is in the room with us today. He's trapped. I mean, this is a ghost podcast. It was a mix of woos and boos, I think. I don't understand what that noise was. He's like a really underrated player. He was a supersonic in Boston Celtic for a while,

and then I think he coached whatever D-League thing we had before whatever we have now. Wow. And he died. Was he old? No. Oh, man. This is sad, man. I didn't.

Why'd you kill him? All right. Eric got him. Maybe it was the food. Say someone taught Otbog. Maybe that DJ was too crunchy. These are not good facts. Well, he wrote them this morning.

In 2017, we're flashing forward 10 years, by the way, if you're keeping track, a Florida woman, I don't got the light, filed a $1 million lawsuit against the Austin Convention Center when a set of stage stairs collapsed under her.

We don't think that the Austin Convention Center probably wants us to report that fact. But Face Jam is for the people. Especially the people who have stairs collapse under them. We do it for you. And that woman's soul

also haunts this room. Right, did she... That day, a part of her died, and that part haunts the convention center. My original ending. Although we are technically

not in the convention center right now, so. Yeah, that's true. We're fine. My original ending to that fact, I wish I would have written now because it came true.

It was going to be something like, and I'm sure by the time the ending of this reading is happening, the monkey is stomping around the stage trying to collect the settlement. As you were reading it, Nick is looking around going... Yeah. That tracks.

These aren't stairs, though. No, I know. That's why I didn't know why he was stomping. Bigger settlement. Four million dollars. I didn't know why he was stomping. Bigger settlement. $4 million. On August 2nd, 2018, a bat was found outside of the convention center during RTX 2018

and was handled by some of the attendees. Someone like McMillions remembers in the front row. Days later, it was reported that the bat had rabies. So, if you've been feeling weird since 2018, and you played with a bat Michigan J-Frog style, please keep it to yourself because we don't want rabies. What do you mean keep it to yourself? Yeah. we don't want rabies. What do you mean keep it to yourself?

Yeah. I don't want rabies. Yeah, keep the rabies to yourself. Okay. Not like don't warn people. I don't know a lot about rabies, but I don't think you'd still be here if you had it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You kind of like go insane, right? Like very quickly.

I don't think they would have made it to September 2nd, 2018. The part of the fact that I didn't write in there is that when they found the bat, these people were trying to give it water and like picking it up and going like, oh, we're helping the bat. Then they left it on the ground and left, but covered it with a traffic cone and then reported it. And then animal control came and they went this is a rabies bat and then that's

not good. So don't cover a bat with a cone, I guess. Or do. I mean, I don't know. I don't know that that's either one way or the other with a bat. In their defense, if they were from out of town The people or the bat? The bat is definitely from town. Do you think the bat was visiting

his Austin bats? And he's like, I got to hear about this bridge everybody's talking about. My cousin lives under it. And it's RTX weekend? Wow. Just knock that out. I never had to worry about bats until I moved here. So you don't really know. I feel like if you see a bat on the ground, you still

don't have to worry about bats. Just keep going. I never tried to resuscitate a dead rat I saw in New York and went, stop everyone! This rat needs our assistance! 100,000 people on the sidewalk! Clear out of the way!

And then you put a traffic cone over it. Don't worry! on the sidewalk. Clear out of the way. And then you put a traffic cone over it. Don't worry, I got this. What the fuck? Hey, Mac, grab that cone. What the fuck? If there's no traffic cone, just grab the copious

amounts of trash, strewn through the streets, and just kind of make like a protection circle around the rack. A trash circle. Plus, if it wakes up and starts feeling better, it's got something to eat. Oh, great. And those are the facts that Eric really phoned in

after doing nothing yesterday, getting too drunk, and sleeping in. They're cheering for Michael tearing into you Oh absolutely Michael told me before this He's like I'm just going to tear into you Like he told me that So now it was just an hour of waiting

And I'm going wonder what that means And I'm finding out I feel like I haven't started yet He has not even begun to tear I really haven't I'm just talking to my friend oh no beginning to think about tearing into me yeah i'm beginning to think about starting to spit silly oh now on a spit and silly which usually just sort of happens yeah rarely it's usually. It's usually, oh, I guess we've been spitting silly. We should move on.

But having such a clean transition here and being live in person, I think this is a wonderful opportunity to point out something I've talked many times about, something I'm really passionate about that you can now see. And it's just how fucking old Eric looks. Come on. And how absolutely gray he is. This man is like less than two years older than me, and he could be my

dead father. And I do mean he looks dead. Okay? Just the gray has just taken over his life. It's dashing! Look at that. Gorgeous. As you can see. Beautiful. And so... The hard... the top is where it's the hardest. But, like, yeah, this is the sides. Don't worry. I is where it's the hardest. But don't worry.

The sides are like that. I'm here. Ray knows. Ray's getting me. Ray, you get my good side right there? What the fuck? Try the other side. Maybe that one's better.

Here we go. This is a big deal. We're going to make you RTX ready. You've got to be kidding. Get ready to get laid into. Hang on. Yeah. The years are coming back to him.

Wow, look at him. He looks great. Wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Hold on, lower it a little bit. Lower it. All right, move the paper. Yeah, lower it so he can get your sideburns.

You're still great. You're so great. There you go. There you go. Whoa, who is this young guy? Whoa! Whoa! What a young man that's coming home to your wife tonight. This looks like the Eric I met about 10 years ago.

It's true. Although he had more hair. The monkey wrote 10 years back. I told you. Wow. Now you just got to do it every day. Don't touch it. Can you get his mustache a little bit?

No, no. Won't do that. Hang on. Hey, thumbs up, thumbs down. Oh, another't touch it. Can you get his mustache a little bit? No, no. Won't do that. Hang on. Hey, thumbs up, thumbs down. Oh, she's... Ooh, another mixed reaction. What'd you do? I didn't see.

She went... Does that mean you want the mustache too? No! Mustache? She's waffling. She wants to see half of it just to see if you want to do the other half. You know what's happening? It's not...

It's the perception. You're just pointing out that she's being perceived. It's true. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. This means how dare you point at me? Why are you pointing at me? That's true.

I'll kill you. I'm TikTok famous. Why are you talking to me? That's true. It's so dark. Yeah, like it should be. It got in your ears, which is unfortunate. Well, it was because all the ear hair he had.

It only sticks to hair. I like that it got your... I told you not to touch it. It's all over my mitts. It got your forehead a little. Why is it on my nose? I don't know how that happened. He's touching his face.

He can't stop touching his face. It got your forehead a little bit, so it's like filling in where it's receding. Come on! Zoom closer. Zoom closer. You kind of just look. It's like the day Rocco found you.

It's not good. Did he find him in a dumpster? Because he looks dirty now. God. It looks like you've been down in the coal mine with Chipley. Oh, boy. Just so everyone's aware, it's not like that was a planned thing. Oh, I planned it this morning.

And I had no idea. So, great. That sucks. Eric can follow the path of it being planned because yesterday, or two days ago, I texted him and I said, I dyed 17% of my hair for no reason. And he said...

Were you testing it out? And he said, did people like it? And I said, I don't know. I wore a hat all day. I assume that you did 17% because you ran out of the stuff. So I had nothing to worry about. No, that was a choice. It was leftover from when I dressed up like Neo.

I bought like 17 cans. It's from the first hardcore tabletop. From Monopoly. Do they not sell bigger cans than that? You know, I just made it happen. You know what I mean? Do I want to buy a bunch of inconvenient little cans or do I want to ask Sarah to do it and not

get it? Yes, that's so... I went with the little cans that I still have to this day. Fair enough. Fuck. He just whispered, looks good. It does look good. And now Eric and I match.

I think yours could be darker. It could be darker. Yeah. It's pretty dark, though. You want me to fill in the other? Yeah, fill it in a little bit. Yeah. I'll get you the ASMR.

Quiet, so you can hear it. Just be quiet. Listen, shh. Close your eyes, and maybe you'll fall asleep or get off, if that's what you do. Just be quiet listen close your eyes, and maybe you fall asleep or get off if that's what you do Just be quiet whichever one is Let me get my eyebrows what Got it Got it.

You, uh... Now I look like Gus. You look exactly like Gus! He looks exactly like Gus! You look exactly like Gus! I'm gonna go fly a plane after this. Hang on, I got it. We're good. It comes off so easily.

I like that you got a little raccoon under. You look a little bit like a bandit. Yeah, you got a little bandit mask. I don't know who you are. I'm getting closer to looking like this guy. Don't worry, I'll fix it. Oh, boy. Oh, that's good.

Oh, God. Still good. Somehow the hat really makes it really stand out even more. What do you mean? It was cold. I felt good. Hey, Jordan. It's like walking through the walking through the mystery flag. Did you find press material for the convention center? Jordan we get some black paper. Yeah, it's all right. You don't have to read it Okay, it's an extra

And now it's out And now it's out. I'm safe. Pretty white looking shirt. You know, I was wondering what it looked like but we made it in black. All right, Austin Convention Center. Food. Uh-huh.

Oh, God. Delight in the exclusive catering services provided at the Austin Convention Center. Our team comes prepared to deliver you the utmost quality in all our culinary offerings. Whether it is an extravagant gala or a business lunch for a corporate meeting, everything is produced and served with much attention to detail, much attention to detail to maintain our high level of excellence. Well, I mean, why even just lie that hard?

The only thing I believe is everything is produced. Right. Like somehow that rings true. I was trying to help him out early when I said, look, it's a convention center. What are people going to expect? And then you come in with something like this. High level of excellence. Yep. Has the Austin

Convention Center ever had an extravagant gala? I hear we're hosting the Met next year. Furthermore, has there ever been hot dogs served at an extravagant gala that you've been to? The food is to die for.

Did you try the PB&J Crunch? Jordan, that was only a blurb about the food. There's still press material. I can't wait to hear the CEO of Convention Center Food Company. Executive Chef. They have one. Executive Chef, they have one?

Executive Chef Brad Kelly leads with 41 years of culinary experience. Leads what? Everyone else? He began his career at 12 years old. And he hasn't done much since. Right. The PB&J crunch makes sense now.

He's 53. Elvis would have loved it if he ever had it. This is insane. He began his career at 12 years old and has since accumulated knowledge

in restaurants. Quiet! I'm accumulating knowledge. Restaurants, hotels, convention centers, and catering groups. Is that like a band? They just travel around? Certified as Achieving Pro Chef Level 2.

Which took a lot of grinding, just so you know. And he never bought a single loot box. It's all in-game currency. Brad Kelly is a no-money-spent account. He puts his Pokemon in the gyms, and then when it gets knocked out, he gets 50 coins.

One person got it. Certified as achieving Pro Chef Level 2 and Certified Chef de Cuisine by the American Culinary Federation and Culinary Institute of America in New York, or just America, that's fine too. Kelly is prepared for it all. Leading our team for the past 16 years,

Chef Kelly has truly made us the creme de la creme. Holy moly. 16 years this guy's been trapped making hot dogs. And he's only at level 2. How many levels are there? You think this guy got Truman showed? He thinks this is

all true? He was like, my five-star restaurant. I would leave, if I'm a chef, I would leave convention centers off my resume. He's been doing this since 12, man. PB&J Crunch is like, that's the height of cuisine.

There was so much, yet so vague. Who has ever said and has since accumulated knowledge in restaurants? What does that mean? That's what we call padding out the resume. That's called, like, I watched a guy eat a sandwich. Now I know how to eat a sandwich. He didn't work there. He was just kind of hanging out in the back of the kitchen.

I mean, there wasn't, like like a single credential here, right? I went to this school. I trained with this person. I don't know. I've been floating around for 40 years. I think I know a thing or two. Oh, where have you worked? Work's a loose word for it.

Where haven't I? Yeah. Here, there. Restaurants. Hotels. Convention centers. I've been slowly acquiring knowledge over the years. I don't want to bore you

with the details. I would describe it as accumulation. You want to come by my restaurant? Sure. You know where the Austin Convention Center is? Oh, is it near there? It is there. Do you like hot dogs? I don't. We have pizza, I guess.

But you got to get there at 1130. Look, to be fair, don't worry. That's just for everyone working at RTX. You can buy the food as late as you want. It's just the food provided to us went away at 1 o'clock. It's free, but it's not here long. Why didn't you eat lunch? I was doing

a panel. Whose fault is that? Skip your panel. That's what Jeremy said. He's like, I think they brought out the food, set it down, and went, quick, before they eat it, and then took it to the back. Breaks you. I had, and I say begged, my guardian to get food. Before we did the AHW panel yesterday,

I said I had not eaten at that point. We came out, and she had two pizzas from Southside. And me and everyone I could grab dropped to the floor, like children, and just started eating pizza off the floor. Now, it was in the box, but it was still just us going, just making eating food pizza noises. Joe

was like, or that was Fiona. Fiona was like, Mikey, I think you're so happy you're crying. I'm like, no, no, I'm choking. Because I'm just shoving this fucking food in my mouth until someone takes it away from me. I just kept telling my guardian, Robin, I just kept saying, you saved a lot of lives today. Oh, man.

Should we review the food? I guess. Oh, shit. People need review the food? I guess. Oh, shit. People need to know if they should get it or not. If the last 45 minutes haven't been indicative about how we felt about this, we're about to give it numbers. Oh, we are? All right, Jordan, lead us off.

Part of the experience of eating it is also seeing how they serve it to you. Oh, no, I missed that. Yeah, so I'm going to fill you in, Michael. You go up and you say, I want four hot dogs, experience of eating it is also seeing how how they serve it to you oh no i missed that yeah so i'm gonna fill you in michael um you go up and you say i want four hot dogs and then they lift up a little uh the water thing a little a little lid where uh they bathe um right the dirty water as they call it uh and they uh pull it out with tongs and then uh they pull out from the bag of buns a bun and then they put it in there and they put it in the little tray and they hand it out with tongs and then they pull out from the bag of buns a bun and then they put it in there and they put it in the little tray and they hand it to you and then they give nick 47

mustard packets and no that's diy because they're like the condiments are over there so then you got to cut across a bunch of people waiting in line for pizza uh a lot of people waiting for us to get pizza. Oh no. And, uh, what's going on down there? Hang on. He just has more mustard.

And I don't know. I don't know why I expected anything else, but I thought, I thought it wouldn't just be the packets. I thought maybe they would have the little, like the little pumps or something. Yeah. I guess I, you know,

Brad Kelly letting me down again, huh? That's how you get to level three. You got to get those pumps installed. I mean, that's the thing is Jordan, to level three. You got to get those pumps installed. That's level three? 16 years in the making. They have the pumps, but it takes forever to open all these little packets and squeeze them into the pumps one at a time.

Right. You don't want the packets to go to waste. This is Petari ketchup. Was that at the hot dog stand? No, somebody gave that to him. You just have this? Somebody gave it to him at the Voodoo Ranger booth. Okay, here's the thing.

Somebody gave it to him, but the somebody was his wife, who he asked to come here because he said, quick, can you come to the convention center? I might run out. Leave our baby son at home. He'll be fine. I forgot my P. Terry packets. Get them here fast.

He's good. He's good. Does your wife know what you do? I hope not. He mumbled, I hope not. I was at the voodoo booth yesterday, and I was there for maybe 45 minutes to an hour, and at some point, Nick walked up behind me,

and he turned around, and I was like, in my thought, I was like it's nick and then i had a second pause where i was like oh to be fair that could be anyone it doesn't have to be him right but then i then i looked at his badge which is a staff badge then knew it was him and then he he's like, and I was like, knew it was you. And he goes, how? How did you know? And I was like, well, you're wearing your badge. And he's like, oh. And I went, but to be fair, I would have

known it was you in about 10 seconds. And he was like, why? And I was just like, are you kidding me? You would have said something absurd. Oh, not only that, even if he said nothing, I was like, he's been doing this for about two years. Do you think I'm not going to be able to spot a fake? There's no way.

It's true. The fluid movements that I see this freak do on a daily basis, the intricacies to his art. You can tell when somebody's just imitating versus the real, the genuine artifact. Dude, maybe we do that next year at RTX,

where we have a monkey, a sauce monkey competition where we hide Nick amongst a bunch of other sauce monkeys, and we try and pick the real one. Oh, that's crazy. Wow, another idea. And we didn't even need a meeting yeah i was gonna say that who's taking the minutes it's a very it's a very uh opportune like uh moment to like throw out ideas like we do in a podcast and get immediate feedback yeah uh so that sounded like usually the feedback is a

little bit later and it's no yeah yeah But here we can make decisions on the fly. So if I see a monkey mask out there, you found it. You found it on the same internet that we found ours. Can we maybe buy that from you so we have a backup? Oh, shit. Just backup. We're going to need a bunch for next year. We have a year to collect four more.

No. We got to find them anywhere. They're not on Amazon anymore. If you're listening to this and you have any, and in the future someone from Rooster Teeth reaches out, don't let them play hardball. We're desperate. Start high. You should know. You have all the leverage.

Start high. Right. If you got like some medical bill you need paid off, go with it. Yeah. Anyway, back to the food. I put mustard and ketchup on mine. I took a bite. Was that divisive?

Is that a hot take? Mustard and ketchup. Is mustard and ketchup divisive? Does it have to be one or the other? You have to pick one or the other. Okay. Well, I did both. Wow.

So you were McDonald's-ing it. They put mustard pick one or the other. Okay. Well, I did both, so. Wow. No, so you were McDonald's-ing it. Huh? They put mustard and ketchup on the burgers. They do do that, yeah. Maybe that's where I learned it from. Yeah. Subconsciously. All right.

Don't worry. It didn't make a difference. Okay. It took about three minutes to get the food, take it to where Michael was, and then eat it in the back alley of the signing area, like a couple of, like, gremlins. Uh-huh.

And it was, boy, it was cold. Boy, we huddled around the, uh, we huddled around the lone chair that was our table, and ate the very suddenly cold hot dogs and dry, dry bun that it came in. I don't know if Brad Kelly deserves any praise for the quality of ingredients. And took one bite, dry, cold. And I was like, well, that's enough of that.

And I was like, the sandwich, this peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it was in the refrigerated section. Was it tart? The sandwich? Yeah. Not in my. Did you think it was tart? No. Okay. I thought that was a trick question for a second.

No. They came in the little triangle containers and they were in the refrigerated section so we just grabbed that, opened it up. It was supposed to be cold and it tasted good. Way too much peanut butter though. Yeah. I feel like when you make a peanut butter

and jelly sandwich, you need to be careful with the amount of peanut butter and if it's just if it's a machine that is uh that is uh producing it and serving it with much attention to detail i can understand why like something slipped through the cracks also all of the granola was like in the middle of the sandwich yeah so like well if I want the crunch, I'll just bite here and then it's just a mess. But that bread was weird too. My wife was with us and she described it as white nationalist bread,

which I thought was a very good description. It was like, there's something wrong with this bread. She would know. Jordan has a lot of it. Jordan has a lot of it. Stop right there. I was there. I saw him building the desk. It's been a good six months before that.

And then you said the word white nationalist. So whose fault is that? Thank you. I guess I don't really know who to blame for that one. You're right. But yeah, there's just something weird about that bread too. But that is my review of it. Points for creativity on the crunch part.

No points for quality whatsoever. And questionable bread. And questionable bread that is in the pipeline to fascism. No points for quality whatsoever. And questionable bread. And questionable bread that is in the pipeline to fascism. It's just asking questions. It's just asking questions. It should stop.

Yeah. It needs to read the room. Eric held the bread up to his ear and it was just like, what is a woman? Yeah. Well, here is a woman? Yeah. Well, here's the thing, Jordan. All they've done is they've kicked the bread

back to a state level. So the state's going to decide the bread. Okay, and fortunately, we live here. Yeah. Hell. This is where we get the bad bread. The real bad bread. I fucking hate the bread.

I hate the fucking bread. If you like the bread, fuck you. Yeah, get the bad bread. The real bad bread. I fucking hate the bread. I hate the fucking bread. If you like the bread, fuck you. Yeah, it's bad bread. I would never condone doxing the bread. Right. But I'll just say the bread's address is public. Yeah, this is also pretty on brand for the episode that comes out next week. It's true.

It's true. Definitely at the top of our minds. 33. Wow. Oh, my God. Okay. All right, Michael, how about you? Before we get into it, I'm honestly,

I'm thinking that I might just have to start packing face jam because I think we need more judges if Jordan's just going to keep making these bad decisions and giving these low ratings. I, for the longest time, have agreed we just need two judges, but at this point, you're leaving me no choice. I'm going to have to make the monkey a judge. What? If he goes south, two more.

He can't even count. He doesn't know what numbers are. We need to codify the rating system. There's only, I'm the one person holding it up. Did you notice how when Face Jam started, all of Jordan's debt just went away? That was interesting. Interesting. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt just went away. That was interesting. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. Fascinating.

I'm in the pocket of the lobby of lowly rating food. Like you don't know. Yeah, Michael, you sound crazy. You know, it's convention food, so I can't really. What's worse, convention food or stadium food?

Convention food. It's got to be convention food. I agree. It's got to be convention food. At least they have the pumps at stadiums. That's level three. Yeah, but have you seen the prices on the gas pumps? I did that.

He did that. Where's our goddamn stickers? I think they're coming soon. I think they'll be... Why weren't those at RTX? The gas prices are going to go down by the time we get them. I don't think the gas prices

are going to go down. I hope the gas prices... I'm sure everyone here, we don't want the gas prices to go down until the stickers come out. You got it. All the jammers here

are willing to pay until the stickers come out. You wanted goddamn fork knives at the convention center, but somehow didn't get stickers where everyone could have flooded the halls with R and the monkey's faces. Right. Awful. So, in summation, I'm going to give the food a 92.

What? What is this, episode two? the food a 92. What? What? It was good. What is this, episode two? What is that score? Well, it's after 91 and before 93. This doesn't go on the big board of

canon, right? Things we've reviewed. This is outside the scope of a regular episode. Well, look, I was hungry, and I got a hot dog. That was great. This is why I hate going first sometimes, because my score needs to be lower now. The average score is 62.5.

Wow! Ron, don't walk to get yourself the PB&J Crunch, but he's not wrong. There's a lot of peanut butter on it. It's dry, dry, dry. It's dry, dry, dry. If sucking on that mustard packet I ate earlier wasn't enough,

that combined with the peanut butter and jelly is making me a thirsty camel. They're going to include in the press material for next year's RTX, try the hot dog rated a 62.5. Yeah. Michael Jones of Face Jam gave it a 92.

I mean, if it's going to put our names on the building. Right? It's like when a movie is like, even a roper give it thumbs up, where it's like clearly somebody didn't like it. Somebody gave it thumbs down. While we are fully aware that this might have been a joke, we don't care because it happened.

They mentioned us. I'm also pretty sure they wouldn't go with the average score and would just go with mine. Michael gives it a 92. Don't ask any more questions. Well, that's the convention center food. We did it. It's over. We were going to do a snack attack of voodoo.

We were? Yeah, voodoo ranger beer, but we already talked about it and said it was good. Can I have it, though? Where is it? I don't have it here now. How the fuck are we going to do it? Well, I drank it all backstage. Don't worry about it.

That one's the 92. I'd say 94. Well, average score of 93. That's not our rating. That's the alcohol percentage. The Switch Fork will be on sale soon. You can go to store.roosterteeth.com This is the part where you guys can just go.

No, no, no. This is the part of the show where it's really boring. Store.roosterteeth.com! He plugs stuff, but also does it in a monotone, boring way. Go, go, go! Get the hot dog! Go get the hot dog before everyone shirt. Go, go, go. Get the hot dog. Switch fort coming soon. Jordan, take us out. Switch fort coming

soon. Oh, you already said that. Rate, subscribe, and tell a friend. Go now. About the show where we eat food and rate the food. Mention it to the level two chef in your life. Is this like a real episode or a bonus episode? Bonus episode! Bonus! Thank you very much!

Enjoy RTX! It's all downhill from here! We'll see you next time.