100% Eat - Nick Wants Dessert - Applebee's Ride Along

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

Applebee's was too hot and Michael is 'eepy. You're getting too comfortable, Nick. Are you guys in the Pretzel Haters Club? Michael's kids eat like animals. Stay tuned for the ending. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, so where's Madameoose? It's over by the Chipotle over there? We're stopping for dessert? No, we're not stopping. No, we're not stopping for dessert. I mean, you guys want to stop. No, we're definitely not stopping. I'm not going to get out of the car.

I'm going to take a nap. Oh. We're not stopping. Oh. Welcome to the sleep along. Dude, I was already like a little sleep. I stopped a lot last night, but then we got it in that apple bees and it's like 150 degrees. What were they doing?

And it just sucked the life at. And then Nick wanted to be there longer. No, me, what? Oh, you wanted dessert. You wanted dessert. That is be there longer, though. Yeah, you know I hadn't considered that. It's true.

However, we said no, we want to get out of here. Maggie Moose. That's what it's called. And then Nick said he wanted to go to Mama Moose. He's like, Mama Moose, Papa Moose. I don't know, what is it called? Madam Moose. We looked it up while he was in the bathroom.

And then he came back and he kept guessing. And he got close. It's good. It's ice cream. That's what it says. It's good. It's good. It does say Maggie Moose ice cream.

It's good. All right. All right. I like it. Okay. It's good. Hop out and get it. Maybe.

Okay, never mind. Finish his for me. I was going to say maybe we'll still be here, but he was like, I'll Uber bag. So shit, all right. We go to Sam's getting a big old trade dessert. Crazy. That's even smarter.

Fuck Maggie Moos. Let's go to Sam. Let's go to Sam. Look at, did you see the logo on the other side? It's like all crazy. It's like it's like a stylized font on one side of the building. On the other side of the building, it just goes, Maggie Moose. You missed that.

Plain text. Yeah, it's plain text on one side, but then on the other side, it's all wackadoo. Wackamoo. Whoa. Okay. Don't patronize me. Eric, go ahead, laugh, clap. I'm getting everyone clap.

Take the credit, asshole. Whoa. Wow. Now, this is bringing up something that Michael said earlier, which was, you're starting to think you can talk to me

the way you talked to Eric. I was just when I was getting out of the seat. Uh-huh. What did I say? It was hurry. Nothing. I was like, shuffling out and you're like,

I got to go. Hurry up. Hurry up. I feel in the bathroom. Get up. Get up. And then he was like, oh, when you're ready.

Yeah. Like, well, I'm in the process of moving and you're rushing me. So I don't feel like you're giving me time when I'm ready as you're chastising me. Applebee's, let's go back. Holy shit. Whoa, they have good desserts. Yeah, what temperature do you think it's in there?

Look, Cineabon. Ooh. Touch to the Schotskis. Ooh. And what's next to Schatzkis? A Cineban. Okay. Endless loop.

Across the trip and a long run staccouts. Ooh. I always got steak. Hurricane grill and wings supposed to have good wings over here. I've been doing it. to the note. It's on his to-do list. It's already clocking Wednesday is kids' night. That electrical cabinet?

Oh, yeah. I don't know. We walk in. Do you think that should be open? Yeah, probably not. You can go there and touch stuff if you are. Yeah, you sure can. I'll reprogram all the lights. We walked into Applebee's and they started clocking the deals of like, ooh, today is, oh, kids get

a scoop of ice cream day. And 399 meals for kids. You're not going to bring your fucking kid to Applebee. You don't know that. We do know that. I feel like after this, I know. Definitely know that. I probably won't. You're right. You're right. Yeah, you got him.

Yeah. He nailed it. He almost had to say he's, he's trying to wiggle his way out. Go ahead. No, you're right. I'm all Nick. I feel like there's a world where Nick could be like,

you can't tell me I'm not allowed to go there. It's different than you can tell me I'm not going to go there because you know I'm not going to. Yeah. That is what's going to happen. Maybe I'll go there out of pride now. Yeah. You still won't though.

It'll be hot though. Yeah. I'm still recovering. I'm having flashbacks of my heat flashes. Manipause? Is this what it's like? Yeah. Manipause.

Whoa. Give me some dog paws. Woof. Woof. Wow. You know when a man turns into a dog at a certain age. Oh, man. I just get so hot all the time.

Ugh. I might lay on the podcast table and sleep during the episode. Do we need to take a little power nap before we were Only if we all do it together in the pluffle. Okay. Well, Gracie doesn't want the pluffle, so that maybe is okay. It's not even that she doesn't want it. It's that she doesn't like it anymore.

Yeah, she said she hates it. And she's on the fence about pretzels? Yeah, I heard that. I heard she's starting a club. Oh, shit. The pretzel haters club? Yeah, I heard about that. You guys hear about that?

Yeah, yeah. I heard a lot about it. It was in our group text with Gracie earlier, and that is a fact. Yeah. That is a fact. You can't not prove it. You can't, yeah, you can't prove that there's not pretzel haters. club talk in the chat because there is 100%.

Yep. Eat. Eat. Fuck. Damn. Dang. You just meet him. He would have won that. We could just do a quick drive-through at the McDonald's over there or... For what?

Ice cream. He wants ice cream so bad. Oh, you're still on the ice cream. You think he was joking? Do we have any sweets at the office? We get any of this in a joke? Okay. Do we have some?

He literally won. You want ice cream going? What he said we wanted to leave the restaurant? He would... immediate response was, oh, we'll just stop somewhere. Yeah, on the way. Yeah. He didn't even. What the fuck?

I had licked ice cream last night. This one was a fucking ice cream cone, all right? Or a cookie or whatever. You had ice. You thought he was joking. He doesn't joke about it. I don't fuck around. You had ice cream last night.

Yeah. Where did you get it from? Lick. Lick's good. What was the flavor? The dark chocolate, olive oil, sea salt one. I like their goat cheese one. That's a good one.

I can have that one. It's the one with time in it. Yeah. It's like a really fancy. That's like fancy. It's pretty good. Yeah, they do some fancy ones. But it's local.

It is local and they got a lot of devil vegan options. Oh. They do. So Nick's happy with that or just McDonald's Cone or whatever. I mean, I had the fancy stuff yesterday. Like whatever it is. Mama, madame, madam, Mrs. Maple?

Maple. Mattel. Mattel. Did you really guess what you know? Yes, he did. We after we told him it was a joke. There was a name. Well, he dialed it in.

He said a name. He said something, and I'm like, it is MA, and then it is a name, and then he started guessing names. It's got to be Mattel. Yep. Mattel, Mood. Montel Moo. Oh. That's not M.

No. Do you think this is going to be the new location for Maggie Moose? No, that's Momma Moos. Oh, wow. That's where they all come from. Ice Cream and Pretzel Hater's Club Emporium. Yeah. That's where we can hate pretzels.

If you love ice cream and hate pretzels. This is what I'm talking about. But Gracie can go there because she hates pretzels and ice cream. Fucked up. I know. I'm trying to, I actually don't remember. Does she hate ice cream? She has chocolate.

Seems like the wrong place to get off. No, you remember. Well, if we're going to McDonald's. I don't know if you heard Nick almost trying to stop. Yeah, no, he almost helped one way or the other. He almost remembered about the construction. And then he went, oh. It does take you the right way unless your intent was to get directly onto 1.30.

Was that your intent? Answer the question. Was that your intent? What are your intentions? Yeah, what are your intentions? Why would my intention not be... Just go left again. Directly on one there.

Answer the question. Oh my God, I'm so tired. It's still zapping me. The sun has blasted me through the windows. It's true. It's like, hitting in the car is just like a magnified glass. Dude. The sun on us.

It's like, like, dizzy for sleepy. It was like getting punched when we walked into that. I'm still getting punched right now. It was so. hot. And then it was so much salt. And then Michael started walking around like in, I feel like it was like in that little walk-in area. It's like, oh, maybe it's just right here. And then it was just like, we're trying to find any spot. They were all bad. Well, we've been in places like that before that have the lobby

in the front. Yeah, it's like 10 degrees hotter because the windows are there. Yep. Not the case in that restaurant. Oh, it's Denny's. No. Oh, it was Denny's. You're right. And so many vents. And sometimes the vents were just blowing the hot air right on us. I have to take another fucking caffeine pill. get back. It was so hot, but I think the rest of the clientele it the Applebee's was just fine with that. Oh yeah. Yeah. They were also upset with the slow service, I'm sure. Yeah. There's a Lucky Claw over here. There is. Lucky what? Lucky Claw. Oh, look. Oh, yeah. Go check it out. This week's

Michael Jordan podcast. No way. Okay, we're trying to travel. It was way closer. Why are we going all over there? There's the new Cura and Tumble 22. Oh wow. I didn't know it was on this side. Yeah. It's over by the Costco. By the Costco. Corso. Curr opens tomorrow. Are you gonna go? All you can eat? Maybe. I have a $10 coupon. How much can you eat?

You have a $10 coupon? Yeah. That's at least what? Three plates. Yeah, give you take. Probably about three, yeah. About three plates. I think it's like 350 a plate. Is that all you can eat?

Nope. Are you going to take your kid? Maybe. Are you going to take it? The one sounded like Elijah Wood. He was asking, do you wear wings? Maybe. When will you wear wigs?

Will you wear wigs? Maybe. Maybe. Does your kid like sushi? No. He doesn't like anything. But he does like fish sticks, so maybe, I think they have like a... You're not gonna be able to trick him with sushi.

Right. They have finko fish sticks there. Mike gets fucking love sushi. Is that right? Oh yeah. That's awesome. Dude, I don't think I had sushi until I was... Oh yeah.

I was in college. Yeah. They asked to go to curl. Like the salmon rolls is their favorite. Salmon, deli tuna. Salmon and tuna are the go-tos, but they'll love it. That's good. Start them young on-

Yeah, on good shape. Yeah. Expanding the palate early. Yeah, I'm definitely grateful that like, you know, their kids, they're still all are like, I won't eat this, is it. You're trying, it's like, I'm not gonna eat the crap. I won't eat salmon.

I'm like, the crab's fine. You're gonna like the crap just fine. I don't eat salmon. It's like, that's their level of like chicken nuggets only. Yeah. So it's like, that's not bad. Yeah. It's a good deal. Yeah, I'll take that, honestly.

I saw how they eat pizza, though, and I'm not about that. It happens, dude. I told you. I told you. That was crazy. That picture was nuts. Like I said, I started doing it and went, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I yelled stop just so I could take a picture off. I was like, all right, go ahead. Describe, as you were. Describe how they do it.

Well, that, well, it's different every time. That time was different. That was just like, I'm going to, I'm going to rip it. Like, I would cut it in half because it was kind of, And for a kid, you know, they do like thin sliced pizzas. You know, say like a birthday party. You can cut it into 16 slices instead of eight because they're not gonna eat the whole slice.

Sure. So like it could have been like foreseeably like that. It wasn't. She was just like I'm gonna rip it in half but just rip it with my hands from the crust and there's no, there's no like tear line. No. So it's just like an earthquake splitting the ground apart

and it's just ripping like, it's like a fissure down the pizza that just goes in any direction. And so there's no rhyme or reason to it. there's no stability. Cheese is coming off at every angle. I was telling you guys the other day how they like pizza. I'm like, all the top of my head,

I pulled like, oh, there'll be a hole in the middle. And you laugh, like, oh, how would you? I was like, I'll tell you how they do it. As you fold the pizza in half front to back, turn it around and you bite the back of the pizza. Then one one's the thought of eating pizza that way crossed my mind. No. I don't think so.

And it's not even like, okay, I'm a fold it. I'm going to eat it from the back and then continue like this. Right. I took one bite. Now I'm going to unfold it. Now I'll eat it for sure. somewhere else. It's just a hole in the middle of it.

You don't know where I'm about to buy it. So we were at, we were at six flags the other day. We were getting pizza. And she just started going to town. Oh, is that where that was? Yeah, she started going to town. I took a picture.

And I'm like, all right. So then she was like, I don't remember, I don't remember if she cut it first or started wiping the sauce off first. So I was updating you. But I'm like, you got to cut it. You got to cut it. And they're just like these little shitty plastic

knives. And I gave her one. And she, I filmed it. She's just going to town on it. And she's like, it won't work. It will work. It will work. And it's just like butchering it. You know, where she's trying to cut it with the knife, but it's not cutting enough.

But also she's not being very precise. Yeah. And so it's like slapping the cheese and the sauce everywhere. And she's just mutilating it. Ugh. And she looks at me and goes, I have to wipe off the sauce. There's too much. And she's taking a napkin.

And I'm like wiping sauce. And again, it's not a like a pat or whatever. It's just wiping off the pizza. And I'm going, my God. That is so upsetting to me. Conversation was, Nick was talking about how, you know, you're like, unfortunately, like, forced to eat your kid's food even when you don't want to. It's more of a Nick thing.

Like, oh, I can't eat anymore. I don't want to want to, but it's there. But I can't let it go to waste. And I was like, wait until your kids destroy your food so much that you are okay with letting it go to waste because you don't want to eat it. And that was a perfect example of me. Yeah, I would not eat that pizza. No. It's like, hey, you want this?

Fucking no. What the fuck did you do to it? A whole time, I'll just tell her. I was just like, you could have just stopped eating it. dude. This is now trash. You did. You've taken perfectly good food and turned it into garbage. It'll also be like, not just the end. Say you have a perfectly good slice of pizza.

She'll do things like that because it's like, well, I want to make it how I want it so I can eat it. Like, I'm ruining it because it's the way I like it and then I'll eat it that way. So do you watch your mutilate a perfect good good size of pizza? And then if there's one bite, she's like, I'm done. And I'm like, okay. You could have just taken a bite of the normal pizza. I called it a day. Yep. But no.

They riding roller coasters yet? The little ones. Do you like them? Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty good about, we got a solid understanding. And this time, because we haven't been to six years, or six flags in, I think we went like halfway through last year. Oh, wow.

So to take them at like six and eight was the most, like, well-behaved and functioning that they've been. Like, we didn't have to, we usually have this wagon we bring to throw their asses in. I was like, I'm dragging your asses around. You're old enough. You can walk on your own little legs. But it was great. They were just like, they never, like, complained about stuff.

There was no, like, tantrums. We're over, like, the baby-ass rides that even I'm like, I suck. Yeah. Even you can't muster enough. Yeah. Yeah, well, thankfully, well, I had to. Oh, I love it. They don't want to, thank God.

Yeah. You're free. But thankfully, as far as, like, the rides go, they're pretty well aware of what they do and don't want a ride. And I don't give a fuck. I'm not like. You could be a baby, get on it. You know what I mean? Like, I want to make you ride this ride.

Because that's what's fun about an amusement park. It's being told what rides. It's being forced. Yeah, being forced to ride. Like, it would be fine. It's fine. They have this. They have this cyborg ride.

Oh, yeah. That's like the spinning thing. It's kind of hard to explain. It's just like a bunch of arms that all like crisscross and like spin at a certain time. I don't think it ever goes upside down. It's just like, yeah. But it's near a couple of the rides. they were on and Iris is like I want to go on that one and I'm like I don't think you're

gonna want to go on that one because you haven't seen it spin yeah because it's seen it in action it has like a fucking Ferris wheel type situation where it takes forever because you can only stop like one bucket at a time to like get people on and off and so it's like first of all I explained it or I was like okay first of all you know I haven't seen this ride go yet why did you wait to see it so you tell me why I want second of all do you see how long we've been looking at it and it's not going you're being bored at your mind.

Yeah. You're going to hate it because it's mostly sitting and waiting for people to get on and off. The spinning part, like, it's too intermittent. I don't want to fucking go on it. So she's like, I want to go. We'll go on these other rides first.

We're going on this ride next to it and this right next to it. And there's this, uh, it's like a Lex Luthor transit ride because it's kind of like a DC area. Oh yeah. It's like the metropolis tram or something. Yeah, Metropolis transit, which is like, it's fine.

It's not like a roller coaster at all. It's just like a little loop around an area or whatever. as we get on this, the ride turns on. And on the other ride, I'm like, hey, look, look at that one. She stares at it and goes, I don't want to go on that anymore. And I was like, yeah, I didn't think so, dude. That's why you wait. Yeah, that's what I was telling you.

Wait, that whole area used to be like a German-inspired area. It was called Sposburg. It might still be. We went there all time. But now it's all D.C. They got some branding. They got some licensing. Well, they always had the Superman Krypton coaster, which was right there.

Did you see the, uh, roller coaster they built at Circuit of the Americas. Yeah, it looks awesome. Yeah, I was just there. Oh, really? Have you been on? Did you do the Peppermint Parkway thing?

Last day. Because we were supposed to go, we were supposed to go before Christmas. And the day we got there, fucking rained. Oh, yeah. But it started raining like when we were driving. Like, just tiny drizzle.

It's like, whatever, you know, hopefully it stops by the time we get there. Got there pulling up and we're like, ew, why does it seem empty? As we're pulling up. up, I'm like, going through an email to get the QR code, like for the tickets or whatever. When I searched for it, I realized literally like two minutes after we started driving, it's probably like a half an hour drive or whatever, has an email, it's like, hey,

Park's close today. Oh, my God. I wish I would have saw that before. Yeah, that would have been nice. But it was like a free reschedule, just come back whenever. Oh, that's cool. So we went the very last day, which was like January 4th or something like that. Dude, it was awesome because it was like, it wasn't empty, but it was like,

not crowded. Yeah. So it was actually like really enjoyable. I feel like after New Year's it drops off big time. You saw the coaster and I was like, holy shit. Yeah, I saw some people get stuck on it. Yeah, did you guys see that? No. For like a long time, they were not stuck on it too. Yeah. Yeah. It's always good right after it opens. Yeah. It was brand new

and people got stuck. It was like two and a half hours. I remember the old Rattler people got stuck on sometimes. I just don't like. Yeah, but they got stuck on purpose. That was part of the ride. Yeah. I don't get what the, I don't get what the point of the roller coaster is. It's just something to do at Dakota? I guess. Next time, it's part of a, they're trying to make a theme park.

They're trying to build a theme park around it so that you're not just going there for the races. They want it to be a multifunctional space. There's no infrastructure around it to get you in and out of there. No, there's not. No. Well, I also like that just by like how they're doing that. Exactly. How they're doing is it building. That's why they're not building a theme park. They're just going rollercoaster? Yep. Yeah. We'll start there. Could do more? We'll see. Want to come back? Yeah, the infrastructure. See we can unstuck to people first. Infrastructure's like crazy there. Yeah, there's like two lane roads. Like dirt roads all the way. Fucking wild.

I mean, if you're going for a big event, that's where you have to park. But like the main entrance, like if you're just going to go carting, it's fine. Yeah, nobody's going to go carting. Yeah, you're right. Nope.

Never done it. I've been to... I've been to... I told you. Something very funny. Hey, I'll pull it into the driveway. Hey, don't worry about it. All right, I'll put it into the garage.

Yeah, you're good. No, I will. No, it's good right here. I'm not moving my car, I'm good. He's good. He's good and happy about me. I'm done. You are?

I'm done the end. Yeah, well, stop filming here. We're done the end. Should we stop in the garage like we always do? We should stop in the garage like this. I think it's gonna stand with the wind. Great. Really good, I'm hiding it in my shirt.

Oh, I'm letting it. I'm letting it hang. This is the most important part of the episode. Ending in the garage? Yeah. The big finale? Yeah. Well, we did it.

Let's show them that. We're here we go. We're going to end it. It's Gracie's room. She's back there somewhere. Whoa. Crazy? Jeff, we're about to start filming.

Jeff, are you there? All right. Nap time. Nope. All right. Oh. It worked. That's a sleep word.

Make sure Nick's hand doesn't touch me inappropriately. Not again at least. Hey, no. Bye. You gotta put your hand on it. It's so dirty. That sounded weird. What?

Are you? Oh, okay. I don't know. Okay. Yeah, I don't. That's unfortunate. I don't know what he just said and why he said it.