100% Eat - Nick's Mad - Wienerschnitzel Ride Along

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Grasp this one with 2 hands, it's a burrito size Ride Along. Did Michael phone in the episode? Or is he incredible? A lot of anime talk in this one and Eric doesn't quite follow. We should remake 100% Eat as CG, right? Texas Pete is GONE! Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ontario. Bad? What? Uh-huh. He's trying the shake. Oh! Oh. It's not that bad. It's perfectly timed. Oh! It's bad. I ain't drinking it until we're like in a building that has... In a building? I'm not drinking this shit until we're in a building Cars are not a building cars a car not warm enough for it's a um My car's external temperature right now is 26 degrees sounds right. Yeah, I mean, what's the like windchill situation? It's down to six. Yeah, it says like feels like seven. Well, there's the Oreo cookie shake

They do have there it was all along I think it's down to six. Yeah, it says like feels like seven. Well, there's the Oreo cookie shake. They do have- There it was all along. The window. The outside window, but not the inside window. So when you were like scrambling around to find it, it was just, it was right there. Yeah, I said, I think it's outside.

And then you ignored me and walked up. Guys, it's okay. It's up to 12 degrees. He didn't ignore you. Or he didn't hear me. I don't know. Do you think it might've been one of those? He denied you.

He didn't ignore you. Nick's been like really mad today. Yeah, well he-'t hear me. I don't know. Do you think it might have been one of those? He denied you didn't ignore you Nick's been like really mad today. Yeah He can't figure out the burrito situation. Well, I mean they look they look like a pretty decent size actually He said if for it to be a burrito he has he must be forced to grasp it with two hands Yeah, it's got to be thick. I don't think it's gonna be that big what you were just doing He just went Did I say that I don't think I did you definitely did Texas Pete's gone I'm like That's why he's a little like a style, but also part just fucking tired You're running on empty. I'm gonna phone this in today sweet

That's fine. When you see the episode you're like man. What happened watch the ride along you go that makes sense Yeah, really? That's fine. When you see the episode and you're like, man, what happened? You watch the ride along, you go, that makes sense. Yeah. You really phoned it in. That's why. Or you won't notice that. You'll be like, that was such a great episode. Michael's energy was phenomenal. Then you'll see this and go, wow. And he didn't phone it in. He rallied. He's incredible. Or that's Michael phoning it in. It'll be wonderful. Yeah. It might be more extreme than ever because I'm solo.

I have to go as far as possible. Sometimes you bring the energy right before you start, then you're just kind of off the rails. It's like you, you, Haka Show style, like I've run out of spirit energy and now I'm using life energy. Oh, no! You're supposed to be out.

That'll kill you faster. Exactly, that's exactly what it does. It kills you faster. I'm taking years off the end of my life. I've been doing that for about a decade and I think I'm starting to worry about it. It's starting to get tough. You keep getting closer to where those years are supposed to be.

When I die at 39, you're like, wow, what was it? And they go, natural causes? Yeah. That's why. Oh, yeah. Life energy. That's why. It just doesn't make sense.

Too much life energy. It's like, oh, his heart blow up or just drop dead. And they're like, no, it's natural. No. You can't understand. It says here, this is what the machine put out. Life energy. Life energy.

He had the heart of a 90-year-old man. You don't understand. There's nothing wrong with it. That doesn't sound very natural for a 39-year-old. He's just aged 2.5 times his lifespan? How? That's how. Didn't believe in the heart of the cards.

It's so easy. How does he do it? I'm killing myself. I'm killing myself day by day. Day by day. Day by day. It's a by day a by day When are you gonna sacrifice yourself to save the kid in the street? Oh that never that okay? Yeah, sweet that it will not do That's where I do not identify with you sk. You're a mesh. Yeah, that was a big mistake. Yeah You're sk. You hunk of show. Yeah, I mentioned he knows it talking about it. Yeah, it's a great fucking show great show

That's not you know, Yasha. No, no You know what I got? You're just K. You're Yuhaka Shou. I mentioned he knows it. He was talking about it. It's a great fucking show. Great show. I love that show. That's not Inuyasha. No. No. It's better than that. You know what I got reminded of and was like, maybe I should watch this again. Big O. No, but that's a good one.

Show time. It was Tenchi Muyo. Oh, yeah. Which one? There's like 3000 of them. He's talking about a hair man in main. Now we know what Jordan's in now. Oh, yeah. Oh, now we know what Jordan's in now. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Okay. When I was, when they were showing it on Toonami, when they were showing it on Toonami, and it went from Tenshi Mew Yo to Tenshi Universe, I just thought it was like, oh cool, another new chapter. Did not pick up the fact that it was the same, it was kind of just a retelling in a different,

Oh, is it really? Yeah, it's like in space or something. Yeah. But I liked Tenchi Universe the best. Well, that was, was that the one with the, like almost lightsaber style combat in it? Yeah. Yeah, I believe so.

Are they remaking like Ronmo one half? I think they are. Yeah, really? I've heard about that. Yeah. That's, that's weird. That's like one where it's like, I didn't, do we need it? Yes.

Need to remake Ron but one half? Yes. All right. Well, they also had to remake How to Train Your Dragon, but live action. Dude, what, have you seen? You're our butler's back. Have you like seen the side by side shots?

Like, look, it looks just like the movie. It's like, that's not good. Yeah. That's bad. Yeah. We saw the movie. Yeah. No, they do it in Disney.

What is this Disney live action? Yeah, but Disney's movies all suck. All their fucking live action shit. That's right. Yes Little did we know that the animated version is just a storyboard. Yep. It's a storyboard for the live-action one It's also strange cuz like okay, it's cool. They got Dr. Butler. That's actually kind of I like that. Yeah, I think you pull that off But the kid hiccup looks exactly like he doesn Exactly. And then I haven't seen everybody, but then America Ferrera, can't remember her character's name,

is the girl, looks nothing like her. Oh really? She doesn't even have blonde hair. Oh, but that's okay. I just don't understand it though. They're going like one for one with some of it. That's what they should be doing with the rest of it. It should be a reimagining.

I don't understand. That's what's wrong with it, is that they're not reimagining anything. You're right, they're just going, well that's a storyboard, fucking use it. Again, they're doing it cause Disney did it. And they're like, time to get it, get it on that. We can do that, hell yeah.

Get on it. But the stuff Disney added in was bad, like the extra songs of Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, but most of them made fuck tons of money. Exactly, yeah, they don't care if it's very bad. They're doing the Stitch one, and then the- Yeah. Disney's also doing Moana, there's a live action Moana. Oh yeah, with the rock. Which're doing the Stitch one and then the... Yeah. And then there's a...

Disney's also doing Moana. There's a live action Moana. Oh yeah. With the Rock. Which is also the Rock. Yeah, he's playing. There was a Super Bowl commercial promoting the Little Stitch thing.

Did you see the TikToks of like, my grandpa didn't understand what was happening here? And it was the... Like the Stitch was like too believable. Yeah, he was like, so it's like, it cuts from the Super Bowl and then it's like this commercial, but it's like, it cuts from the Super Bowl and then it's like this commercial, but it's like, what?

Something's run down on the field. It's Joe Buck. Yeah. And he's like, Stitch is like running around like knocking stuff over and he like steals a golf cart or whatever. Yeah, crashes into the- Yeah, crashes into stuff.

And then it's this grandpa going like, what? What happened? What the hell is that going on? Someone took the dog. What is this? I can't believe someone's dog did that. Did Stitch look any good? Like the animation?

It looks like a 3D version. It looks like a 3D Stitch. It doesn't look realistic, but it doesn't look like the cartoon. Okay. It's this in-between space where it's like, again, why is it live action? Yes.

When it's 3D animated. Feel free to believe it or not. I don't really care. So many people are like, is it fake? You're watching a TikTok, who gives a action? Yes. When it's 3D animated. Feel free to believe it or not. I don't really care. So many people are like, is it fake? You're watching a TikTok, who gives a shit? Yeah. Oh yeah. That's for the entertainment.

I saw one, it's like, oh, but it was a guy. Who told his grandmother the news was on he was playing GTA V. Oh. She was like, oh! I saw that. I don't care if it's real or not, that's awesome. I don't care.

He was like, oh my God, I don't want you to see what's happening. That is a great idea. If it's fake, great sketch. Right. Who cares? Very funny. And very entertaining. If it's real, great prank.

Yeah. Either way. Either way, it works. Either, wow, you've scarred her, or what a setup. Very well done. I don't care. Yeah. Ah!

This is the news. This is like shit blowing up like fucking crazy shit. Where is this? Very cool. It's Las Venturas. Do you know what that is? Do you know? Do you know what it's all the way out here?

This is meth country. I'm gonna run this coyote over. Why is this on the news? I like that. And then when people mistake Madden football for like the real football game. And it's like, man, graphics look really good. The graphics do look good,

but you need to look at it just a little closer. I sometimes mistake real football for Madden. It's go reset. Start over. Concede. He threw a pick. Reset. Met country. I just watched the Jerry Springer documentary. Oh! Oh my god it was so good. Really?

Yeah it's called Fights Camera Action on Netflix. That's awesome! It's only two episodes. That rocks! And it's so funny cause I did not think about it until moments before I started the documentary. Who hasn't watched Jerry Springer? I watched it all the time as a kid. I watched Trash People whatever that I never thought about it until moments before I started the documentary. Who hasn't watched Jerry Springer? I watched it all the time as a kid. I was like, who has trashed people, whatever, that never thought about it?

Right before I watched it, I went, oh my God. Like the thing clicked in my head of like, I know what production is. Oh yeah. I bet I know exactly what this is. Not just like, people are crazy and that's it. It's more like the real people going, this is my job. This is what we had to do.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm going, it was like literally before I hit play, I went, I bet these people are fucking geniuses in that like, you know the show, and you know how the world reacted to the show, like it's trash, it's trash. And I went, I bet these people did not get nearly as much credit as they deserved

for not that they were good, but the master manipulation and the effort behind it. Because how fucking hard is it to make it look like it's seamless and just shit? And they're like, they don't do anything when they do so fucking much. And it's exactly that. And I felt, I was like, oh my god, not on the scale of the

trash, but I was like, this was my life. That's so easy, anybody can do it. And I figured this as a kid, and I was like, this is, this is, what's my life? I'm like, that's so easy, anybody can do it. Right. And it's like, and I figured this as a kid and I'm confident, like it's not fake. It's real, it's staged. It depends. There's a difference. Yeah, these people are real.

What I also never knew, there was a murder. People who were on the show, like a love triangle thing, someone murdered someone. Oh my God. And I was like, oh my God. It was riveting for two episodes. And it's so funny too,

because there was even like newsflash and stuff. And one of them was like, it was like a bunch of people that were former people on the show. And they were like, Jerry Springer, this was supposed to be like an expose or like, Jerry Springer didn't even really have much to do with it, it was just all the producers.

And I went, that's what a producer does. That's what a producer does. Guess what I have to do with this show? Yeah. Nothing! Jerry just shows up. Yeah. Right. Jerry just shows up.

He comes in, he comes out. And I was just like, oh my God, this is so relatable. Everything in this show is so relatable and accurate. It was insane. Jerry's holding those cards with the questions that will ignite the fight. Not only that, he's there to be likable, to be funny, and just never like be judgy

unless it's like Nazis. Exactly, Nazis, and that's it. But never weighs his opinion. And even as a kid without understanding the finesse behind it, I got it. But as an adult and someone who worked in production and who was Jerry You just show up man. Yep, you show up you go. This is what I'm fucking doing today. I'll do what I can Let's make some TV. That's yeah, and it's that it's mad. God damn, dude

It was fucking entertaining like especially for me. I think anyone here who watched it would be like, oh my god, I know that When regulations started doing let's plays I went went, have fun with that, buddy. And it still goes on to this day. Have fun wrangling the trash. Oh, and it was funny, you say meth country. Yeah. Fucking, they said this. They said 75 or 80% of the guests on the show

were from one region in America. No way, you don't say. It was like Arkansas, Georgia. It was either the Ozarks or Appalachia. But he said you could draw a triangle and they would call it like the Bermuda-Springer Triangle or something. Dude, that's awesome.

And he's like 80% of everyone was from there, was from that. And it's just people who've like never been on a plane before. Oh, of course, yeah. They've been in a big city before. They would wine them and dine them, pick them up in a limo, da da da da. And then they would literally like coach them.

Again, it wasn't fake or staged, but they would do like acting exercises beforehand where a producer would be like, bitch, you know what the fuck it is? And then the person would be like, oh, I don't even care. And they're like, no, no, no, don't quit, don't quit. Don't quit.

You put everything on the line for him. Give it to him, give it to him. And I was like, oh my God, like this is so much effort. Let him have it, let him have it. That's brutal. I wanna watch this. This was brutal. It's like horrible, but at the same time,

like it's fucked up. But you also, as everyone like publicly is like, I can't believe it, da, da, da, up. Yeah, but you also as everyone like publicly Cool people are watching it though. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like it was fucked up and they're shit people but so are people Yeah, that's why it was popular. That's why we were watching race. Yeah, cuz we suck Anyway, let's go make our Springer show I've got all the questions that will make Eric mad. No! Eric, why do, Nick? Eric, why did you take all the Texas Pete out of the window?

Yeah, where is the Texas Pete, Eric? Nick, why Jordan? No, go home. Where's my Donya? Where's Donya? Oh, I don't even care. Yes you do! No, no, yes you do! Don't give up! Don't give up! Don't give up! Don't give up! Don't give up! He's got the Donya! Holly doesn't even like it! Get mad about it! Holly doesn't like it! What, you do How does he even like it get mad about all he doesn't like

You laid it all on the line for this You think this is funny? God damn it. Who's laughing? Yes. Oh, okay Nick was crowing about like how am I gonna what if I don't have enough Texas Pete in the sauce drawer? Yeah, let's find out. Dude, what if Nick doesn't wanna eat all my food because I don't want it. And I'm just gonna sit here and do nothing today. Monkey money.

Monkey. Monkey, money. Monkey money, monkey money. Empty money. We're gonna need to organize this at some point. Uh-huh. That's fine, I'm okay. Uh-huh. What if we did get it? I did tell you, I did tell you if you didn't have enough,

a solution would be outrageous. Oh! I brought it. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! You get it? He picking on you over there? No, I'm doing him favors. I brought the sauce.

Thank you. I brought the donya. Doing favors like getting the guests on the show. I'm helping you. Fight for your love. I like it. Anyway, here you go. Slather this on the burritos.

Yeah, it could go on the burritos. This one's called burger. I don't want any of it. Too bad. How many are there? Three. Three different ones. And you gotta eat all of them. There's burger.

They're big and strong. And there's bacon ranch. None of them are hot dog much to Nick's dismay. What's wrong? Oh yeah, no hot dog. No hot dog. Where's the wiener? Let's have a look. You gotta slide the camera into the bathroom door. How's that? Is this is this acceptable to you? That's two-hander. That's actually pretty big. That's pretty big. I thought it was gonna be more like a wrap situation. Well there you have it. And we got the cotton candy shake. It does not taste like cotton candy. Looks like strawberry. It doesn't really taste like strawberry. Why didn't you check the outside? It tastes like. Yeah, what? He said he was checking the outside. I told him.

Yeah, but you ignored him. Yeah, you ignored me again. You're doing it right now! You won't even look at it that's it are you putting me sorry I'm sorry I'm getting a lot right it right good good this will teach you yeah this will teach you motherfucker I do like that like be nice to make thing do where it's like I I'll be bugging on that, but then Nick goes, bitch, you little bitch. There's no tats, there's no joke. Don't do nothing to me! Just zero.

We're gonna distribute these and eat them. Yum yum, dog food. Any final thoughts? Any last words from Jerry? Jerry's parting thought? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Michael's final thoughts. Michael's final thoughts? Any last words from Jerry? Jerry's parting thought? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Michael's uh... Michael's final thoughts. Spirit gun.

That was it. Oh, that was pretty good. Alright, bye. Okay, bye. Oh, you shocked me. Ow! Do it again, do it again. Not the shock. Yeah, end it. Okay. And... He's dead.