100% Eat - Nick's Roommate - Panera Ride Along

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

Stop calling it Game F A Qs. Our Heroes have a rainy drive back from Panera and Nick gets chips. A lot of argument about an apple and roommate talk. Prepare yourself for Nick's stories because they're wild. Abandonment abound. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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He's on GameFAQs. Do you think they did it because of the song? Yes. No, I think Slim Thug was on game FAQs and he's like I was game Yes, it's game facts. No, I think you Q's Hey Nick, yeah, yeah, what'd you get, what'd you get, what'd you get? Woo! I thought it was gonna be a cookie.

I got excited and then disappointed. Hey, Nick. Yeah, I know, I saw the, yeah, I know. You didn't eat your apple, son. So, it's back. Well, what happened to my apple? You gave it to me. He did cut it in half for you.

I did cut it in half for you. Now, is that the reason that you cut it in half? Yeah. Because did cut it in half for you. Now is that the reason that you cut it in half? Because you thought I wanted half an apple? Did you eat both halves of the apple? Yeah, after you said, I'm not going to eat that, you eat it. I certainly didn't say that, and that's not how I said it. No, that's how you said it, and I know that's how you said it because for a second when he was saying it, I thought that he was talking about me. Did you close your eyes?

Well, I thought I was talking. That's how I knew it was a perfect a second when he was saying it, I thought that he was talking about me. Did you close your eyes? Well, I thought I was talking. That's how I knew it was a perfect impression of you. Who's talking? Me? Who is that? Me? Is that you? I remember at Rooster Teeth, we were in the kitchen. This was like a year or two ago, not that long ago. We were in the kitchen and you guys were doing a regulation thing, like on the broadcast set. And there was people in the kitchen, like eating lunch or something.

And someone came up to me. I remember someone came up to me and and the audio was being played for the TV and they're like, oh, is that you? Why? And I went and I went no, that's live right now. I'm in the kitchen. Yeah. That's that's Eric.

Is that you? Yeah. What the you are 50 feet away in the other room talking live, and they're like, oh, when did you do this? That's not me, and it's a different show. Are you astral projecting? It's also you work here. That's happening right now.

Confusing on so many levels. I hope they weren't broadcast. I bet they were. I bet they were in sales. I don't remember who it was That's my guess probably Gavin. Oh Yeah, yeah, you're right. He was awkward. He does that and then yeah, and then he doesn't want to talk to Nick or whatever It's like Nick doesn't want to talk to him. No, it's a guy that worked at the store

Now it all makes sense What did we do? Panera. We ate Panera bread. What did we do? Where am I? Who are you? Trying to get the show back on track.

Oh. Be serious. Stop being mean. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're a nice show now. Bitch. Short bitch.

What? Dude. It gives him... It makes him so excited. Let me go. Let me go. Weebie, weebie. Well, he had to attack you for having the audacity to give him two bags of chips. Uh-oh.

Let him eat my half of the apple. Yeah. And give him two bags of chips. Well, thank you for the apple. He got the apple, he got the two bags of chips, and die. Yeah. How dare you? Who the fuck do you think you are?

But also thank you. Yeah, thank you. We were talking about it in there, but it's weird that we've never done Panera. Yeah, it feels like we have done it. I couldn't tell you exactly. Is it you? Yeah. Look at that. What is H6?

Okay. Nevermind, that's Nick. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Oh my god. What is H? Okay, never mind that's Nick Wild Tornberry's ass Hey, what was that kid's deal? Anyway, he was voiced by flee. Yeah, I think he meant like in this lore Yeah, yeah That was the Lord is what would actually have happened to Tarzan. A child dropped into the jungle. Was not of sound mind, I think is what happened. So they just found him.

He's not their kid. Yeah, they found him and it took him. Well, they like to think he took him. Yeah, they just stole this child. You know, like when you find like a stray cat, it's kind of like that. And then taught him nothing. Who adopted who, though?

Yeah, he was like. Yeah, it's true. They weren't very active parents. No, they weren't. So Nigel, right? That's correct. I don't know much. I didn't really watch the show.

I was unaware of it. Why do you have a tattoo of dead people? Oh, that's a whole other reason. There's a whole other reason for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hear me out. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you see Mega64 did that? And Garrett's first one was the like xenomorph queen. Oh, that's cool. What? Like whoa, what? I mean, that's, that tracks for Garrett. Yes, yeah, it really does. It really, it really does.

He should have gotten boots tattooed on his legs. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. He didn't, when I first met Garrett, he didn't have any like arm tattoos or anything. He had like these two on his shoulders and then the straight edge across the chest.

But he had full, I don't even know what you'd call them. Like if this is like a sleeve, what's the leg version of that called? Socks? Pants? He had full sleeves from like the knee down on both legs. And like one was Resident Evil, and the other one was Evil Dead. Oh, that's cool.

And those were his tattoos. His evil legs. A lot of evil going on. Yeah. That's Garrett, wouldn't trust him. Yeah. Yeah, classically evil guy. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

When I think, well, they took a psychopath test and he was the most Machiavellian, which was very surprising to him because that's also the day he learned that word and learned what it meant. So. So he loved it. Yeah, he was really offended and then someone explained to learned what it meant. So he loved it. Yeah, he was really offended

and then someone explained to him what it is and then I think he understood. He was offended. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't like being called a word and then didn't know what it meant. So yeah, he took offense to it. It makes sense.

I just remember him having that dead rabbit in the freezer. He has no about that. No, I don't. When I lived with him, he would, his cats would sometimes kill like a bird or a rabbit or something. And then he's like, oh, I gotta like bury this. Cause like the coyotes will get it or it'll get all ripped

up like in my backyard. So he took a rabbit and he put it in a bunch of like bags and then put it in the freezer So it didn't rot so I bury it later and it was there for So I just brother Bailey He had a brother Bailey and it was a rabbit that he kept in the freezer Which would be really crazy when you would go like, oh, I want an Otter Pop. And then you'd open it. And then you'd go, what's the, oh, right, the dead rabbit.

Well, it's a rabbit pop. Uh-huh. And yeah, that was. Did he write on it, like, dead rabbit, do not eat? Yeah, at the very least. I think after I brought it up the first time, he's like, oh, yeah, I better label that. And I'm like, just bury it.

He's like, oh, yeah, I will. After I label it. Yeah. Just throw it in the trash. Yeah. It's frozen. Put it in the trash on trash day After I label it. Yeah, just throw it in the trash. Yeah. It's frozen. Put it in the trash on trash day. On trash day.

Yeah, go away. Let it decay in the dump. It's a rabbit. He got an idea and he's gonna see it through. So did he bury it? Is that rabbit still in the freezer? No, I believe he did bury it, but I think it was after I moved out.

Oh, he didn't want any witnesses. Maybe he ate it, I don't know. Beats me. He was waiting for you to leave. Buried the shit out of it. I gave it a good hug. I dug a hole, and then I put it in the hole, and then I covered the hole up. Why is your mouth full?

Are you having a spasm? Why do you keep winking at me? Are you having a spasm? Why do you keep winking at me? Didn't you, Nick, didn't you have like, lived with like weird roommates or something? You ever have weird roommates? Yeah, I had one. He had snakes. My oldest friend in the world had two snakes. Two?

Yeah, one was like a, one was a king snake and the other one was a python of some kind. But they share the same enclosure? No, two different a king snake and the other one was a python of some kind. But they share the same enclosure? Or did they have to be kept separate? No, two different ones, they hated each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're snakes, that's kinda what they do. Yeah, so it was unfortunate

because he'd have to go and buy mice to feed them to the thing. And then he'd be like, you guys wanna watch me feed my snakes? Like every fucking snake person in the world? From the next room you'd hear, squeak, squeak. Oh. Yeah, it was pretty terrible.

Didn't like it. Installed a stripper pole in that apartment. To what end? I don't really know. Probably up and down. For the snakes. Yeah. Give the snakes something to do.

To the ceiling and the floor. Oh my God. So. Support beam is probably. Did he think maybe build it and they will come? That's kind of what I was going at. He feels it and I will come? Yeah, I will come. If I build it I will come.

There we go until you try. I asked him, I was like, surely it's not load bearing and he said, he's like, I tried to spirit, it didn't work, you know, like Goldberg style. What? So, well, he said he didn't move. Truly someone who's just doing stuff. Talking about like Rube, not the wrestler.

Yeah. Goldberg style. Rube. Rube is where I went. So, that's what I hoped. Yeah. He had a, this is the apartment you lived in with him? Mm-hmm.

Were you the stripper? No. Was it ever used? Did he make you like test it? Maybe. He made you test it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he made me. Yeah, he made me.

Let me try it out. Well, you got to take your clothes off. Otherwise, it's not a real test. Otherwise, what are you doing? And what are you doing later? Yeah, right. So nobody used it? No, probably not.

There was a dude who lived beneath us who asked us to borrow money one day because we hung out with him all the time. And we were like, oh yeah, here's a couple bucks, whatever. And then his roommate was like, have you seen so and so? I was like, nah. And then it turns out he used that money to run away. Wow.

How much money did you give him? Is this a grown man? Yeah, it's a grown man. How much money did you give him? Is that called running away? Yeah, you just leave. His roommates were his family. But if you leave as an adult,

I don't think it's called running away. Unless you're being chased. His wife and children. Hang on, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, oh, oh, oh, he had a family. So when you said roommate. Fuck, it's cold. I was trying to like undercut it.

It's gotta get warm once we do the episode. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but it could also be warm now, yeah. Put it up a little bit. So he, you said roommate. Yeah, when I was trying to soften the blow it was his wife and children. I Mean those are also his roommates. I mean, it's not really running away. It's called abandoning Yeah, that's actually you're doing him a favor by saying he ran away. Yeah

We thought you were being weird and now you're now you realize you're being nice to the guy You funded it yeah, I see that's that's the real unfortunate bit also. He wrote me a bad check afterwards. Oh excellent We have a money like you better use this for drugs not a bus ticket I swear I'll buy drugs he asked us for like Greyhound a hundred bucks altogether. He's like, I'll pay you back more. He's just like, I just need it. That's a deal. Oh yeah. With interest.

I'm 18. I'm 18 at this point. Take this check for a thousand dollars and then I'll give you 10,000 dollars. No, it was a hundred dollar check he wrote back. I gave him 50, he wrote me a check for a hundred. I was like, oh, you didn't have to do that, but whatever. So if I'm running away,

I'm definitely gonna write checks I'm not gonna cash. I'll write checks everywhere. Oh yeah, guess who added it to his bank account and then had it not only taken out of his bank account, but was penalized 50 bucks. Who was it? Who was it? Was it him?

Was it him? It was my roommate. Oh. Also known as me. When the guy. When the guy? I think he might be too empathic. See, oh, that's where the darkness started.

That's where it started. That's also when he first thought monkey money. Oh! He gives $50, me get $100. Oh dude! Now he's fighting for that $50 every time we do an episode. But really it cost him $15.

Yeah. Fuck, it cost me $65. It cost you $65. Did he ever come back? No, he was gone. He's gone gone. He's just gone gone. And then what happened to the family that lived below?

They moved out. They ran away too. They moved out, somebody smashed the window downstairs, a cat got in their unit, got into our unit because there was a hole between our two floors apparently. What the hell? Yep. Where did you live?

Well that's how he passed, when the guy said, can I borrow some money, he looked up and yelled, can I borrow some money? And I looked down and whispered yes. Well, Nick was confused. And I dropped it down. He didn't actually install a strip of poles. A fireman's pole.

You could just slide down to his apartment. Hey, what's up, family? Yeah, hey, what's up? I heard you. You're thinking about running away. I heard your dad laugh. But then every time you leave, you have to be like, anyway, and walk out the front door

and walk back up, because you couldn't climb back up the pole. There you go, let me see if they're out. Too slippery. Hello, I'm coming down. Open the hatch. Yeah, slide on down. So your cat climbed the pole again.

Watch out because the snakes are climbing down. That's not our cat. That's a snake. So a cat got into your apartment through their apartment, through a hole between your apartments. Yep, through a broken window. And it pissed everywhere, I assume? No, it just scared the shit out of us. Where was this?

Like, was this in Austin somewhere? Well, we didn't know what it was. It was clicking on the walls. Was this in Austin somewhere? Yeah, off Runberg. That sounds right, yeah. Yeah. The cat scared us.

My first apartment. He walked in and he said, hey, can I borrow like, off your... I'd fallen for this before. No, he and he said, Hey, can I borrow like a hundred? I've fallen for this before. He said, all right, Mitch. No, he was just holding the bad check. Come to me. Did he go boy-o-oing after he hit me too?

No, he went, boop, boop. Yeah. Did he run off like Scooby-Doo? Yeah. Man, I'm glad I asked. This is fucking- Yeah, what a tale. What a tale. Man.

Yeah, he put a stripper pole in there. Also, our roommate abandoned his family. What? Oh no, he lived below us. What? He ran away. Well, we talked to him through the hole the cat came through.

Oh. You know, normal stuff. Okay. Don't, now you're getting, almost close to being mean. Uh-oh. You're being pretty mean, God, be careful. Reel it in.

Reel it in. We should reel in this episode. Call him normal and let's end it. Nick, you're so normal. That didn't feel real. How's this? This is real. All right, say it again. No. You're so normal.

All right. Ew. Get on the pole. Normalize me, baby.