100% Eat - Panda Express Honey Sesame Chicken

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Panda Express Honey Sesame Chicken so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about the orange chicken burrito, the van they received, and more. Sponsored by AT&T 5G x Samsung. Head to http://att.com/galaxynote20ultra5g to learn how you can get the Samsung Galaxy Note 20 5G for FREE and head to https://mark.app to download the MARK AR app! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it, you probably do, thanks to AT&T and Samsung for making this show extremely possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Life is thickly sewn with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to eat Panda Express. Oh, you're lucky because that's what we've done here today. That is a slightly modified Voltaire quote. I don't know if you picked up on what was changed.

I've watched Voltron. I don't remember the quote. You don't remember when Voltron goes to panda express yeah it's the one where they turn into into the giant uh mecca and then that's most episodes my friend there's one where they go to like the space mall and there's a cow i thought maybe it was that episode i'm trying to win a cow anyway they went to chick-fil-a there we're reviewing panda express honey sesame chicken wow get right to it people were wondering they're going what what did they eat they're screaming screaming at their phones looking at nothing because there's nothing to see just a picture screaming at the voices they're just hearing voices and they're going and that's that's it and it makes sense regular just just like the panda we're going, ah! And that's it. And it makes sense. Regular.

Just like the panda, we're going express here. Yeah. Fast food, Chinese food. I can't think of a better combo. There's not a lot, at least here in Texas. There's not a lot of chains that jump to mind for me as far as

big national fast food chains. I grew up with just a ton of actual, you know, like little Chinese restaurants. Sure. So I never really went to Panda Express, but here. Even Austin has some good ones,

but sometimes you just need it fast. Yeah. And if you're me, the last place you want to go is Panda Express because it's the slowest place on earth. It is. It is by far the slowest fast food you can ever get it like crosses the line of being fast food it's like I feel like

it's fast food I'm in my car I'm getting drive-thru but I it's next to a Wendy's and I've seen 40 cars come and go and I'm still waiting here and also how are you out of orange chicken that's like your thing popular one that's the number one it's the it's the fucking hamburger of of panda express it's like mcdonald's being out of meat like oh we don't have hamburgers what

else do you want i imagine they just have people cooking the orange chicken and rice constantly and they still can't keep up with the demand i don't understand how you're totally right why is it so slow my my ex and i anytime she wants panda she knows it's an uphill battle because i just don't want to go and wait because it's a nightmare and if they mess the order up you know back in the olden days i'd have to go inside i'm like now, oh, now you got me again. Now I'm getting out of the car, I'm walking in here. I'm like, come

on, man. It's, I've had a couple of meltdowns in the drive-thru of Panda Express. You had some panda meltdowns? Dude, I turned into a panda. I was raging. I was an angry panda, dude. The rage panda? Yeah, man. I was a pissed off panda. I started just? Yeah, man. I was a pissed off panda.

I started just like, you know, people are like, what's that guy doing? He's freaking out in his car. And then some guy's wife was like, that's a panda. That panda's going nuts. That's no man. They're like, that's crazy. They're not native to Austin, Texas, but there's one driving. And he's at Panda Express, no less.

Weird. But they just, I hate it just i hate it the food i like i'll eat the food i don't have a problem with panda express food i just it's like all right steal myself i'm going to panda express it's gonna piss me off i'm gonna get pissed off it's gonna take somehow going inside is even worse it's a worse option than the drive-thru because then you gotta deal with them like you know going up to the different bowls and like you want this one it's like no i told you what i wanted it's the orange chicken over here and they're like okay two scoops it's like no i said one put it

in the bowl and it's just it's just always a it's always a an uphill battle like it's it's weird because it's not a build your own thing like subway like subway and chipotle makes sense because there's like the glass you can look at it you're like oh i want this thing and that thing put that on my sandwich whatever this is i want a bowl of fried rice and orange chicken and it's like okay they don't have to there's no more there shouldn't be any more conversation just put put it together like Carl's Jr. does. It's half Subway, half ice cream shop where they're all on display for you. I don't go inside Panda Express unless I'm a raging panda.

So I don't know how the format actually works. Do they like throw it around in the air and shit? Like ice cream shops? No, it's not like a stone cold creamery. Yeah. Like, so you go to an ice cream shop, they're like,

they'll flip the fucking scooper in the air and then they'll catch it. Cold creamery. Oh, hell yeah. Two scoops. You son of a bitch. That one, that one slipped right by by me because I don't go there. Oh, man.

No, it's just behind the barrier thing. It's like Chipotle or whatever. I'm just saying if it's halfway to Chipotle and ice cream, they should at least be like throwing around the tongs and shit. I agree. Putting a show on, you know? But they don't. Getting chow mein everywhere.

Maybe a guy's got chow mein hair and that's funny. I don't know. It looks like a mop? But they don't. Getting chow mein everywhere. Maybe a guy's got chow mein hair. And that's funny. I don't know. It looks like a mop on his head, but it's chow mein. Then he puts it in your fucking plate. He's like Medusa. Yes. You look at him, you turn into a panda.

I knew a guy. I knew a guy that would only ever refer to Medusa as Medusala. And he didn't do it on purpose. And he couldn't get it right. It's like an Eric Sonic Burger situation. Yes. And he'd be like, Medusa. And he'd be like, what's the Medusala?

No. What is he like crossing that with? Medusala? Medusala, yeah. Sounds like an instrument from a Dr. Seuss book. Yeah. Let me play my Medusala. It sounds like a bunch of snakes. Well, I mean, it is. It's Medusala. It sounds like a bunch of snakes.

Well, I mean, it is. It's Medusola. Right. That is what it is. There is a ice cream place in Austin called Amy's Ice Creams, and they have a yearly or an annual competition of ice cream scooping Olympics where they have different categories of like doing tricks with the scoops and the spoons and stuff. And employees will go and compete. And I don't know if it's like an event you go to, but I've seen ads for it.

Do I get to eat the ice cream? I think it's purely entertainment. That's not, I mean, we have different definitions of the word entertainment, I suppose, because that doesn't sound at all entertaining to me. you don't want to see cool ice cream tricks what if he spills it i want to eat but i want to eat then i'm looking at it going well i guess there's more ice cream i can't eat what a waste a hundred percent yep that's why i only go to stone cold creamery especially in the ring if you're advertising this event. I feel like you can't just go throwing around the word Olympics.

It's true. That doesn't sound sanctioned. It's like saying Super Bowl. You're right. There might be another word they use for it, but I haven't been a part of society for so long that I don't remember. They could call it like Amy's Acrobatics. That could fly. Amy's Ice Cream acrobatics

come on down every Eric in town watch us flip the ice cream you can't eat it but you can watch it they put me behind a glass panel where I'm just pressed up against it just pressed up against it licking it no give me the scoop there's just a couple of holes

for you to stick your nostrils in but you're just licking the glass like a dog like a wet dog Why I only go to stone-cold creamery stone-cold cream Austin and then and then he crashes two ice cream cones together Yeah, I really wish I knew anything about wrestling to really pile on top of Jordan here, but yeah, right. I'll keep doing it. I don't mind.

It's fine. Well, it's fine. I'll carry that torch. I got no problem with that. Any kind of like inside jokes that wrestling fans might get. Feel free to use those. Oh, okay. Cool.

And tweet him at Eric. That's you don't do that. Yeah. Tweet him. Tweet him a couple of like, maybe if he has a, he's got a tight five coming up and he needs some. Oh yeah. Eric will love to review your tight five. He wants to review it well he doesn't want to review

yours he just wants to steal your jokes i don't know who on the social team decided to send out a tweet that said like hey we're we got to find new places but uh i'm frustrated with that tweet that fucking sucked well why does it suck we need because i don't need help finding new places we have plenty of places we've gone this long you need new ideas. Because I don't need help finding new places. We have plenty of places. We've gone this long. We need help getting a van. We don't have a van. And people trying to help there.

Yeah, they don't need to help. I don't know. I don't know, Eric. I saw you in there replying saying, first of all, I don't remember exactly what you said, but it was basically like, thank you. I really needed this. Thanks a lot. You say that to people.

But I saw several people suggest the very food that we ate today. Yeah, that's true. But we figured it out. We already had it sorted a week ago. I'm just saying, like, that means they're as good as us. No, it doesn't. That means they're as good as us. And when we slip, they'll be there to catch us. No, because most of the people said, like, yo, get a Costco hot dog.

And it's like, oh, the limited Costco hot dog. Did you write it down? Why would I write it down? We're not going to do it. If it runs out, it's limited. It's not, why would it run out? There's going to be a national hot dog shortage. It's going to hit Costco the hardest

and we're going to miss out. We should be eating coins right now. Apparently there's a coin shortage. Everybody's talking about it. Every fast food place has it on their window. Nobody cares. Nobody's fucking paying with coin. No one has coins to give you.

Who uses money during a pandemic anyway? Psychopaths. Psychopaths. Who uses money before the pandemic? Psychopaths. Okay. It says, please don't use cash unless you have exact change because we don't have change. Or if you've got change, fucking give us that change we'll take it there's a national coin shortage and everybody's

got these posted everywhere like missing kids it's like missing kids it's crossed out have you seen my coins yeah have you seen this man and it's a fucking picture of washington on a quarter but i'm like oh eric found one. And I'm just like, who the fuck's running around paying? Well, great. Now I can't shop here. I guess I'll have to leave. Oh, man. I didn't know anything about a coin

shortage until we went to Panda Express today and they were adamant. Adamant about exact change. When you live in my world, the news spreads fast. What world? The world of fast food, Eric. When you're a fast food insider.

When you go to Taco Bell and there's a coin shortage. You go to McDonald's, there's a coin shortage. You go to Whataburger, coin shortage. Wendy's, coin shortage. Coin shortage.

It's everywhere. I knew. They were all talking to each other. The collective heads, the Cerberus heads of all the fast food organizations all got together and they were like, we gotta tell people we don't have coins! People keep coming and asking

for coins, we don't have them! I'm just picturing a Doctor Strange love style round table with the panda from Panda Express, the redhead girl from Wendy's. That's Wendy, her name is Wendy. Ronald McDonald. Yeah, it's true. That is her name. You don't have to guesscdonald yeah it's true that is her name you don't have

to guess at who that is her name's not dave thomas i don't know that it that isn't dave thomas and he didn't fake his death he's a little girl with red hair pigtails and it's like i get that now yeah she's not a little girl though she's like No, she's like an adult woman who just has to live with the restaurant named after her and like a image that's just like her second grade like photograph that somebody drew and they're like, that's it. That's your whole thing. That's you now. And then she goes to someone in real life and goes, I look like this.

And they go, no, no, you look like that. Wendy signed. I look like this. No, no, no. Nah, I don't believe it. Oh shit, is that you over there? Oh man. Jordan, did you eat at Panda Express a lot?

I go there occasionally, not for any reason other than I don't have an actual lunch to eat or something. It's close by work, so sometimes I go there when I need a lunch. Not a fast lunch, as we've covered, but a lunch. I usually get the orange chicken, and I totally acknowledge it's not good or good for me, but it provides sustenance until dinner time.

When I go to Panda Express, my standard order is double orange chicken fried rice. Done. It's the simplest thing, and it's straightforward. I've done the thing where it's like, well, I'll get one order of orange chicken fried rice done it's the simplest thing and it's straightforward i've done the thing where it's like well i'll get half i'll get one order of orange chicken one order of like that just confuses them don't do that or another thing and it just it that you're totally right it leads to like questions and then i end up just going like i should just got double orange chicken anyway yeah it's like do you want orange chicken on the first scoop or did you want the the kung pao chicken on the

second one it's like it doesn't matter just put it all in the fucking bucket feed it to me like a pig i don't care like jesus they got confused when i ordered today what yeah what was the confusion so i got i just got a i got a bigger plate uh-huh so that's three entrees whoa living dangerously selection and one side. I was like, I'll take a bigger plate. Let me get the sesame, honey sesame chicken. I'll take a side of chow mein. She's like, okay, what do you want for the other two entrees?

I'm like, just give me all honey sesame chicken. Got it, done. Then my ex was nagging me, wanted something too. Out of the kindness of my heart, got her something too she's got to take the kids this weekend so i was like i'll give it to her when she comes to pick them up so i was like really far with this from your bedroom i didn't say yeah you know i mean who's to say yeah i'll leave that up to the audience it's like the end of inception you decide what happens um so i was like let me get another bigger plate movie's 10 years old let me get another bigger plate and i'll take orange chicken and a side of steamed brown rice and she's like okay and

then she just started kind of mumbling something to back to me and i and i was like i'm sorry what and she's like what did you what what did you want and i was like well i wanted the i was like just all orange chicken and then a side of steamed brown rice and she's like so you want you want the chicken ala carte what you want ala carte chicken and another side i was like no no i just want another i just want to say i just want another bigger plate i just want to oh you want a second plate that like blew her mind that like i'd ask for a second one you just started like making up some other order and then she had to reel it back in what the fuck the sound of her voice when she's like whoa there's a second plate you're expecting me to do two of these yeah

she was just like i don't know if this has ever been done before i gotta check with my manager i gotta talk to the panda i gotta see if i can clear this uh it was it was solved guy says he wants a second plate what do i do it was quite simple uh much like you said i just went boom give me the plate one meat one side second plate, second plate, one meat, one side. And I lost her. I had to reel her back in. I just, why is it always this place that has that problem? I don't fucking get it.

I don't understand. I think that it's a power trip. I think they do it on purpose. Oh, like they're sticking it to you on purpose just to twist the knife. And they're like, look at this fucking idiot have to repeat himself. It would be like something I would do yeah if i ran a fast food place i'd have the you know there's the person taking your order at the window but then like i'd be watching that person and i would be like over comms like fuck it up fuck up the order fuck it up get it wrong make him say it again make him

say it again i would say you don't know what it is and tell him to pull up and we'll have the order oh i was like oh did someone come to get a limited time item when they order it say i don't know what that is that's my favorite and i've gotten that at panda express before dude absolutely like my biggest fear with this show is going to order the thing and they go what is that and i have to go oh i guess i have to go somewhere else it's funny because that hasn't happened yet and something i didn't expect would happen was when i went to subway and they went we have that but i don't know what it is i don't know what's on it yeah when i ordered the the rib and they didn't and i can't be expected to learn we yeah we have it how does it come however you want i and i can't be expected to learn oh we yeah we have it well how does it

come however you want i guess i don't know subway have it your way i uh i went i think they had some kind of like boba tea thing and like they don't it was like a limited time thing at panda express and they were like oh you get the boba tea and it's like the like bubble tea goo shit yeah and uh again my ex we weren't separated at the time she was like let's go get it we're gonna go get it and i was like there's no way there's no way that panda we're going to it's gonna have it there's just no way and she's like i saw a commercial or an ad or whatever i saw somewhere we go there we go to order it and it's just like dead silence and they're like what i'm like oh this thing again i saw a commercial for it and it's just like nah you're an idiot that's not real like not we don't have it or even like oh yeah this it's never like oh we actually didn't get

that like they don't even acknowledge that it's a thing and they didn't have it it's just like the fuck are you talking about idiot why'd you why did you make up stuff about panda express why are you coming over here making stuff up yeah we'll include it with your cupcakes i guess oh man fact time it's time for facts panda express facts coming at you now. Panda Express chef Andy Kowkoe, I don't know how to pronounce that, invented orange chicken, the chain's most popular dish, four years after the first restaurant opened. What do you think people were ordering the first four years? They were just like.

What do they think they had? They probably had, I'm going to guess. Other Americanized Chinese food dishes. I'm going to guess, other American Chinese food dishes. I'm going to guess that beef and broccoli was a heavy hitter. Oh, I bet you're right. That's what I'm going to guess. Absolutely. Because, you know, it's weird to me that Panda Express, their go-to, their number one is orange chicken.

Because I don't think of that at like a real Chinese restaurant. I don't think of orange chicken as like their big seller. But Panda Express is like, we got slop with slop sauce. That's what it is. We put sugar on the chicken. Eat it up, piggy. Eat it up. Panda Express claims that it is actually authentic Chinese food because of its sugary deep fried offerings and paid a bunch of websites to write articles about it we have yet to receive any

payment so we here at face jam say it's not chinese food your move panda dollar sign it's like it's supposed to read pandas yeah i'm just like kesha i just won yeah it's like kesha the thing is if i said pandas dollar sign they would think that there was an s then the dollar pandas and then a dollar sign yeah i didn't want i think i think we've explained it perfectly though okay i think that they could pay us and we'll say it's real chinese food sure yeah i think i think we've explained it perfectly though okay i think that they could pay us and we'll say it's real chinese food sure yeah i'll say anything for money yeah that's yeah look at us i mean we're getting paid for this right now so i mean really we're already saying whatever for money in 2017 some panda express location sold the orange chicken

burrito consisting of orange chicken and chow mein in a tortilla which sounds like something your college roommate would invent after he smoked mushrooms out of his bong just to see what happens that's wild i want to eat that i don't an orange chicken burrito with chow mein that's very easy to recreate you just buy buy that and put it in a tortilla yeah but i but i want to see the panda express version like what do they do to their tortilla do they like deep fry it too is it a crunchy tortilla no it's just a tortilla yeah but maybe they like deep fry it after they make it and then it's a crunchy tortilla no you can see pictures and video of it online and it's just a regular tortilla that they just went here's the here's the slop i don't have

pictures or videos in the fact sheet i don't know what you're saying is accurate i'm clicking on it but it's not in front of me bringing up any pictures it was weird it was only in california like why would it only be in that makes sense does it he's out there like smoking mushrooms who smoked mushrooms out of his bong just to see what happens what happened did he make a an orange chicken burrito he didn't feel good and then when he smoked weed out of it again the next day he came into my room and he went i didn't clean it good enough and he went to go lay down i for my own edification you can't smoke a mushroom can you no okay nope You can't smoke a mushroom, can you?

No. Okay. Nope. Nope. That's why it made him not feel good. That's why it made him just one of those edible things. I mean, it is. And here we are. Arizona-based restaurant Panda Libre is being sued by Panda Express.

Why? The suit claims Panda Libre is trying to, quote, pass off and confuse the public into thinking they are a Panda Express, which is a great trick if you want people coming into your restaurant and going can i get double orange chicken no what the fuck kind of panda express is this again this is like the kind of fast food joint michael would run yeah i mean like try to confuse them i mean libre and express they're right they're like they sound the same so i'm confused already the mascot for panda libre is a panda and a

luchador mask like doing a flying kick dude he's like ah he's like doing a flying kick so i can't imagine looking at that and going here we are kids the panda express it'd be hard to confuse but what i have heard though is they do a lot of those combo restaurants. They do a lot of the Panda Libre and the Stone Cold Creameries. Whoa. That's what I was going to say. Because it's fighting themed. You get your entree.

You get the Panda Wrestling Steve Austin. He comes out. He chokes out a panda. He pulls his mask off. You know, I think if you pull their mask off, yeah, like you destroy their honor or something. That's how that works. Oh, it was Ling Ling the whole time. Oh, no.

And that's cool. But you have to tip enough for that to happen. And it's like, ugh. Yeah, you really have to pay more. Otherwise, it only happens every hour. And if there are enough people in the restaurant. then stone cold he starts throwing the scoopers and shit yep that's oh hell yeah he's in the cream olympics yeah i just think panda express like the panda restaurant group is what owns panda express or whatever they have all these copyright

claims on panda as like a restaurant title. Do they sue a lot of zoos too? I mean, I don't think you can eat Panda Express at a zoo. Hang on, depends which zoo you go to. They have pandas in it. You ever go to a zoo and you go, hey, how much to eat that? No, but I see that thing in there. No, but we should start.

I want to fucking take a bite out of that thing. You don't got to kill it. I just want to take a bite out of it. Let don't gotta kill it I just want to take a bite out of it but you have to start small like if you start with like the badgers and armadillos like the lesser animals that are just like about they just happen to be there

we've got like 10 of these go ahead the koala I think koala flamingo I think that's kind of like where the line starts getting blurry on if they'll let you or not armadillo's gotta be a tough eat that's gotta of like where the line starts getting blurry on if they'll let you or not. Armadillo's got to be a tough eat. That's got to be like 20% eat, dude. Yeah, Armadillo's maybe 20% eat. Maybe.

Maybe. Yeah. All right, the final fact. The shell's like a bowl, so you can eat like, you know. Oh, it'd be a good soup. It's like a, yeah, a little soup. It'd be a good soup. Okay.

Like a turtle soup. Panda Express hands out over 282 million fortune cookies each year, but the fortunes are less proverb and more expressions of kindness. Imagine opening a fortune cookie that says, quote, you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Then looking around and you're inside a Panda Express at 2.30 on a Tuesday. So kind. Yeah, I don't know what it was at one point where some some guy said

fuck it i'm not writing fortunes anymore i'm just gonna put shit in there yeah i'm tired of this old shit you get ones that are like don't forget to smile today yeah well i say that to every woman i see imagine being being a woman and opening a fortune cookie that says you'd be prettier if you smiled more. That would be so enraging. That's not so much a fortune. That's just like a word of wisdom I pass on when I'm out and about. You know, I go, hey, lady.

Hey, you. Why didn't you smile at me? I'd like you more if you smiled at me. Hey, you seem to be minding your own business. Give me a smile how can i make this situation way more uncomfortable for us yeah when i'm no no just for her just for me it's fine i'm in my comfort zone my comfort zone is when i'm at the gym and i see a woman with headphones and i go how do i get those headphones out of her ears and i walk over

and i just start waving around wave my arms around and then i go i motion like take your headphones out and then she takes them out and i go hey you couldn't hear me talking to you what's up with that didn't you see me leering at you from across the room you see how many curls i just did i know you could see me in the mirror i saw you and they love it yeah according to me the guy who does that they love it donald trump you do that it's cool it's it's great said it's cool they want to be left alone and they're trying to just do some stuff that nobody wants to do like work out um yeah but what i do is i go over and bother them and then uh it's a fun treat and uh not at all weird for me the guy who does that it's not weird and i read and i read i've read several articles that says it shows

confidence and they say oh they go wow you were really confident how you just ignored all the signs and everything that i was doing to like tell you not to talk to me the social cues of that or they're all just a trick of like of like oh i hope you break all these like yeah you not to talk to me the social cues of that or they're all just a trick of like of like oh i hope you break all these like yeah you just barreled right through it in such an impressive manner like let's fucking go right now like let's go get some take me yeah it hasn't happened yet but you know how i'm not out in the world for your enjoyment or amusement i'm really just trying to live my own life and not trying to interact with you in any way shape or form well check this out what i really wanted you to do is talk life and not trying to interact with you in any way, shape or form. Well, check this out.

What I really wanted you to do is talk to me on the bus while I'm just going to work. Well, that's the test. Yeah, that's and that's how you, I think, become president. I'm kind of unclear. It's what the fortune cookie told them to do. It was a long cookie. Imagine pulling that one out. It's just a very long...

It was on an 8x10. That was a whole sheet. It's just a big ass fucking cookie. It's like the size of your head. What the fuck's up with this? And those are the facts. Those are the facts. Those are just the facts. Well, now we're into the spit and silly section.

Spit and silly. Fuck around a little bit if you want. Anyone got anything? Anything to get silly about? I feel like this has been a pretty on-brand episode so far. Yeah, I haven't really been getting too off. Except for that whole last. That whole thing, yeah.

Okay, well, here's what we do. Besides the last five minutes, put the spit and silly thing right before we started that. i feel like i feel like we were there already now that you mentioned i feel like we were already spitting silly i might have been reading ahead yeah at this point if you'd ask me how we got there i couldn't tell you no no don't read back at what was right before that because you'll go oh okay, okay, I can kind of piece that. Follow the chain of events. Yeah. What the fuck is Nick doing?

I don't know, but he reminded me. It's like a fucked up fortune cookie. But the fortune cookie is how we got there. That's how we got there. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it all made sense then. No, that wasn't spitting silly.

That was on Brynn. He's got hot sauce. Yeah. What else are you going to show us? Show us something else. The other handful of soy probably. He's taking his penis out. Yeah. There's more sauces. There it is. soy probably. He's taking his penis out. Yeah.

There's more sauces. There it is. More sauces. He's putting sauce on his member. He's lathering it up. His member. He's rude. I can't tell if he's screaming in pain or elation.

He's so confident though. It's somewhere in the middle. I thought of Nick the other day. Oh yeah? I went to Taco Bell and I got an order and i asked for fire sauce i hear there's a coin of course exact change um and you know as i am persecuted regularly i get delegated to the can you pull up and wait because you ordered 15 things yeah right right right pulling the slot it's just hey it's the life you chose man it's it's the life i live you know i i see people that come and get one thing and they get it right away

and they leave and i'm like it must be nice those ever pull up with somebody else waiting and you look at each other go ah you too huh uh sometimes the lifestyle well the lifestyle well it's you funny you brought that up because there i there is something that happened today that i forgot about until you just mentioned that. But I'll finish the Taco Bell thing. The only problem with this is when they give you your order, they're like, here's your shit. Bye. You're not at the window anymore.

You can't be like, this is wrong. You didn't give me this thing. So I ordered it. What are you going to do, chase them down? And I asked for fire sauce and they gave me like five mediums or like five milds. What? And like five Diablos. And I'm like, cool.

Nothing of what I asked for. Mix them together, I guess. Yeah. It'll meet in the middle. So I drove. This is great. This is my car. I sat there going, do I drive around again?

It was a lot of food. I'm like, I need my sauce. I need the sauce. Oh, I get it. So I go to drive around. What would Nick do? WWND. I pull around. But now there's two cars in the fucking drive-thru. I'm gonna have to wait. Oh no. So I say it's not worth it. I'm not doing it. So I pull all the way

in a circle, but now I have to drive through the outside lane and I just like drive away. And, and I goes through my head that they're like, oh,'s coming back oh never mind that guy left and then so when i leave like to get back out on the road i still like end up driving around the side of taco bell and by the time i'm like driving around to leave one of the cars moved forward and there was only one car i'm like now fucking i am going back oh my god are you a crazy person yeah so then i turn back in now the third time, and then I wait, and I go right through the speaker. I don't stop at the speaker, and I'm just like, oh, that probably set off some red flags. They were like, this guy's in the drive-thru lane. Yeah, they're fucking scrambling.

Yeah. Alarms are going off. I pull up, and I'm like, the guy was freaking out. Like, I didn't mess up your order. I'm like, no, dog. I just need fire sauce. And he's like, okay, let me go get it. Takes him like two minutes. Like, he went to the fucking fucking that's why you didn't get it the first time 100 jordan i was like oh they didn't have any and they just went fuck it give him whatever

but now i came back so he he had to go get it he couldn't fake me out again the guy goes and comes back gives me a like an individual bag there must have been 45 fire sauces in there i was just like nick's eyes just got really big he was like i'll give him one sauce for every 10 seconds he waited i just wanted some i mean like it's the only time i got home and i thought i guess i'll keep it because it just seems insane to throw away 35 sauce packets. Right. I never wanted this many. This was,

this burden was foisted upon me, but I guess I'll just save it. So now I have a little Taco Bell bag filled with fire sauce. Oh my God. What? Donate it to the sauce gremlin. I could, I could.

Just throw it at him. He'll catch it in his mouth like a dog. Thinking of like-minded people, I went through Panda Express and then I parked so I could get out and take a picture with my food. Very nice.

And when I parked, it was like, you know, I guess it was the wait for your food parking area. There was someone sitting next to me parked

and I thought like, oh, they must be waiting. But as I was getting out of my car, I realized they were just sitting in their car eating and they were looking at me and they were looking at me like, what are you looking at? And I was looking at them like, oh, maybe they were just sitting in their car eating and they were looking at me and they were looking at me like what are you looking at and i was looking at them like oh maybe they're just

recording a podcast and they didn't want to wait until they got home because their food would be cold i don't know if that's what happens but that's what i thought it was like a deer caught in headlights like she was like looking through the side of her window like shoving food in her mouth just like her eyes were screaming. I couldn't wait. It was going to get cold. Do you know how far? I don't know how far she lived.

It was probably a 25 minute drive. There was a bunch of people back there. They were probably already eating in the comfort of their own home. And she's like, it'll be cold and wait. That's been silly. Is that,

is that Panda Express you went to? Is that, was that like turned into a Panda Express or was that like built new? No, it was built from the ground up. It's a very modern looking like architecture. I mean, it's only like two or three years old. It's it doesn't look like a fast food restaurant.

Looks like an art gallery or something. Oh, yeah. The art is the orange chicken and they're making it every day. The artisans inside Panda Express. It's like Krispy Kreme. You can like go to the window while you wait in line and watch them make it. And put your face against it like it's a stone cold ice cream. Yeah, that was

half a callback. That's really all this show does. It's funny. What did we talk about in episode one? We had nothing. No, and you know what? I listened to that. We mostly talked about Mike Illich, I believe. Yeah, somebody made that best of face jam thing.

I listened to the whole thing, which is crazy because it was like an hour and a half long. And I just kept going, it's us. Why am I listening to this? But we're so funny. It's a very different show in like those first 10 episodes. We were like way happier. I wasn't. It was a quieter show and it wasn't as like antagonistic maybe that's 10 episodes seems like a stretch though i don't know about that i feel like we got into it long before 10 i think by

seven or eight we're really kind of like finding the rhythm but it is like the first five are like it's we don't have the rhythm down of like michael reads the facts jordan reads like the other pieces it's like this kind of like hodgepodge of like trying stuff without knowing that that's what we were trying but now it's just like super bloated yeah well that's because we have so much history now every episode adds history the show

is just going to continually evolve I think you know like yeah because I think when we get tired of doing it a certain way we're just going to do different shit and who cares? And then the dynamic will change to something else that's fun. Like maybe me and Michael team up and both hate fast food. Maybe we team up.

I just want to get back within striking distance. You know what? I was listening to those episodes. I really miss being in a space and being able to eat and talk shit with each other before going right into the episode because we do that here like we eat on camera and whatever hang out or whatever but like it's different driving there getting the stuff it's like this really prolonged thing i think that's the thing i miss the most is like driving to the restaurant as a group and like bitching about shit yeah uh listening to NPR or not not music

and then getting the food yeah and like we all have the shared experience the thing is too it it really primes the tank for the show oh definitely because we're face jamming for about an hour or more before we hit record and then and then here we're like face jamming for five minutes.

Two minutes on a voice call. And then the music is playing and we're like, oh shit. And the music's playing and we can't hear it because Nick has like fucking noise canceling on. I mean, he's like an audio engineer and he's fucking it up. And it's like, what are you doing? It's crazy.

I honestly, my recommendations keep going unheard of like, let's get, we could get somebody else. That's what I keep saying. They did. Yeah. He meant literally. I'm like, let's get rid of this guy. Better get rid of this guy.

If I don't, if I don't move my lips, he can't. You can't, He can't tell. Does he work only on motion? Nobody. Nobody move. Don't move. He's looking. He's wondering why we stopped talking.

Welcome back. what's next it's time to jump into everybody's favorite segment talking about vans not everyone's favorite segment what What's the update, Eric? There's no update. There's no van. Okay, here's the update. Thank you for listening. Every time. He yells. This segment can be as short as he wants it to be.

All he needs to do is say there's no update and then we end the segment. This is why we need the social team to keep tweeting Eric's suggestions because he doesn't know what to do. Here, here. Yeah.

Look how mad he is. Hi, thank you for your order. Your prompt payment is much appreciated. We hope that you are happy with your purchase. Eric, you are blood pressure. And if you are pleased with positive feedback, should you have any problem with your item, please contact Etsy messages and we will do our best to rectify.

Regards, Peter and ellen i have a question i have a question somebody sent us a van we can't use that it's purple and it's a sprinter panel van mercedes-benz do you have a where's the grow ray yeah we need the grow ray did they write it as angry as you read it yeah because that seemed hostile did it say at the top like please read very angry yeah this is not a message of kindness do not read this like a fortune cookie from panda express oh my god i'm they sent us a van something you haven't done and you're getting all mad about it from joshua david flynn i think. And this is a van. It's a Sprinter van.

I'll send a picture. But this is a thing that's just in my fucking house now. It looks like a Grimace van. So here's the update. Here's the van. No, that's not. No, Eric. Yeah, we did it.

Here's the van. We got it. Congratulations. We got a van. I got to give you a D minus on that van acquisition. I agree. Whoa. Whoa. got it congratulations we got a van i gotta give you a d minus on that van acquisition i agree there there's the van update it's everybody's favorite segment wow that segment can be as short as you want it eric but you always you made it so you make it so long why do you drag it out oh no he's popping poppers He's so mad

Yeah and I'm not talking about plastic I mean he's doing drugs He's popping them in yeah He just started sniffing something I saw him take something out and started sniffing them I learned what poppers were when I watched Oz Why are they sniffing that jar What is that

Why are you just getting high from sniffing I don't understand it Michael were you old enough to be watching Oz, or were you like every child of our age that watched Oz? Physically, I retained the information. My eyeballs could scan the images before me. Were you the target audience? I think so, probably.

I mean, what year did Oz come out, right? It was in the 90s. Yeah. So I was probably 10. Probably. I mean, what year did Oz come out, right? It was in the 90s. Yeah. So I was probably 10. 1997. That's a show for 10-year-olds, yeah. Dude, I was 10 in 1997. There you go.

Dude, I could have been 11 or 12 by the time I was watching it. Mm-hmm. And I was just like, whoa, there's Christopher Maloney's penis. There it is. I love it. Check it out. A stabler. Why is your dick hanging out? Do you know he's he's coming back yeah it's a spinoff yeah what really stabler's coming back yeah he's coming

i mean not even just coming i mean like the character's coming back he's getting his own show yeah he's uh that what it's law and order cyber crimes i don't know it's whoa dick wolf pressed five on a speed dial yeah another law and order was born that's smart dick wolf jordan tell me about the food let's go i got i got all all sorts of quotes on this food uh we ate the honey sesame chicken breast it is described as follows crispy all white meat chicken and fresh wok cooked veggies are tossed in a satisfyingly sweet sauce to help you find your sweet spot find your sweet spot was all capitalized for some reason like it's because that's their i think it's a james smith tweet yeah it's like a uh it's like a fine it's find your sweet spot i think is their like little ad campaign for it but okay was this a uh item that used to be on the

menu and they took away it's come back a couple of times gotcha but it also does not stay wow maybe it doesn't get along with the other food it's too sweet yeah it orange chicken i mean honestly orange chicken probably goes i don't think so yeah it's too sweet yeah it orange chicken i mean honestly orange chicken probably goes i don't think so yeah it's like orange chicken is the mcdonald's and it's the honey sesame chicken breast is the burger king and it's just like nice try you think it's like alissa milano and rose mcgowan yep they're like we work together but the orange chicken made that menu toxic as fuck i think it's just like that yep sense i get it i'm trying to think of something else to add to that but i think that's too good you got it i was trying to think of like it was a charmed joke i loved it yeah go ahead i was trying to think of like an ellen's charm like a hostile work environment but uh oh man but yeah the the i was gonna say the honey sesame

chicken breast now gets up to four days off and sick leave anyway you should have just left it yeah you just cut that out we can cut that and we're back welcome back welcome back all right press material the wait is over for honey sesame chicken breast which offers the bold chinese flavors one can expect at panda express i don't like saying that phrase said chef jimmy wang director of culinary innovation. We got another one. As one of our most popular limited time offers, honey sesame chicken breast brings families together at the table. I know he means that in earnest, but I couldn't help but chuckle.

An important moment in life that we hope all of our guests have more time to enjoy with their loved ones. What is happening? I got to laugh at that one. i don't know what that one is why why jimmy why why why why is you painting panda express as some sort of restaurant that families gather around the table to enjoy the only reason families are talking to each other because they're waiting 40 minutes in the drive-thru. Maybe that's by design. That kid's screaming in the back, yeah. If you want, we can talk

about the drive-thru situation that we had to endure. Sure. I didn't have to endure it, thanks to you. I texted you and messaged you on Slack. I got every way that I could try to get a hold of you. I tried to get a hold of you to let you know, do not sit in this drive-through

there's like there's one red light on the way to the panda express and i happened to stop and look at my phone at the at the slack and i saw your picture of you waiting in the drive-through and you're about 20 cars deep yep uh waiting in line it's like snaking out of the parking lot and into like the street almost it's so fucking long and what michael was saying was right it moves so slow i waited for 10 minutes and moved two car lengths maybe and i had seven or eight more cars in front of me and so then you actually went to the restaurant this time. So that's what I did. Dude, once I once I had room to maneuver out, I like like zoomed out of that, went around, looped, parked, walked up to the front and ordered.

They had opened their to like the main door and then like the exit. And they had set up all like this it was like the window system at the drive-thru like you ordered in one door but it was just a walk-up yeah and it was like oh just order the menu was here you ordered the thing faster you walk over to the other thing and like they set it there and you grab it and go and it was like why are why is everyone waiting in the you should tell people that this is fucking here that was insane and it was so that's the fastest i didn't have to wait at all it's the fastest i've ever gotten panda express from ordering to actually having the food and going it was crazy it was fucking crazy it was maybe two minutes yeah i only had two people in front

of me today so i got dude the line i mean i took a picture and posted on the slack group you know you didn't just say but you were sending advice yeah you were like that's what you say don't do it this is how you get it dude i had just enough time to reply oh jesus or something and be like well guess i'll see you soon and then like i started getting like blown up like text messages and like don't do it do yeah there do it. Yeah. There were so many people. There were so many fucking people at Panda Express. They heard about the Honey Sesame Chicken Brass. And it's right next to a Wendy's. And it's like, if I had a choice, I'm going to go to Wendy's every time.

Yeah. Yeah. It's 100% of the time I'm going to see Wendy's. I have a, like, in order, there's like a Panda Express, then a Wendy's, then a Whataburger. They're all kind of, like, near each other. And Panda Express is the slowest fast food restaurant. express then a wendy's then a water burger they're all kind of like near each other and pan express is the slowest fast food restaurant that particular water burger is the second slowest fast food restaurant water burger normally isn't that slow like what burger takes a little bit

longer yeah than like mcdonald's and shit i think because they're like cooking i think they're cooking real food or something it depends what time of day you're going to because if you're going at like midnight water burger is it's already packed so it's going slower this place packed or not it's the slowest water burger i've ever been to every single time it's just like they they love it they revel in it they're like we're the slowest never gonna change it's on their like marquee it's like voted slowest water burger it must be management or something because there's no way the same people work there i mean it's a fast food restaurant it's been like five years and it's still the slowest nothing has changed but there's a wendy's in between them and it's

the fastest restaurant like fast food restaurant i've ever been just throwing the burgers out dude like consistently i pull i order i pull up to get the food they hand me the food and then i'm waiting to get my card back like i'll give them the card they give me my food and i'm just waiting for my card weird and paying exact change just so i can drive away uh and it's just kind of like it's a nice little bright spot i'll sometimes go to go to whataburger see the line like fuck this i'm going to wendy's and it takes me 40 seconds to get my food. I don't get it. I don't get how these places can be fast or slow.

Just be fast. It's not called slow food. It's not called slow food. There's not an option. Be fast. There's no option. Be fast. Done.

Panda Express? More like Panda Slow. Yeah, it is like Panda slow i mean it's called panda yeah drop the express dude it's fucked up it's not express at all we move like pandas if we if we don't we don't chomp on some bamboo we're gonna be moving real slow oh my god should we review the food yeah i my my number one gripe right out of the gate i didn't have any sesame seeds on mine oh there's the sesame they gave it all to you i didn't really have a lot of sesame seeds on mine either i tasted a couple but i couldn't

like visibly i did not see them so they throw in some like vegetables some some peppers i ain't gonna eat those why they were good nah i don't like peppers what they were good yeah that's crazy they're not to like about peppers they taste like about peppers and they're not hot peppers they're sweet peppers they're sweet peps they're sweet they're sweet i don't think they went with the uh the flavor profile so i avoided them. How would you know you didn't fucking eat them? I gave one like a little nibble like you would at a... You licked one. Like a meerkat at the zoo.

Like stone cold. Can I take a bite out of this? I was actually... I was glad those peps were in there. Yeah, they were good. I thought they were great. I wish I would have gotten more chicken, but peppers were fine. I don't know if it's because I haven't been to a panda express in a

while but to me it kind of just tastes like the orange chicken as well like i i i think flavor wise it's chicken and the chicken you're getting at panda express is going to taste like any other chicken regardless of the uh the sauce they uh allegedly put it. Did you not get sauce? Yeah, allegedly. I mean, they put, like, whatever, however they skin it, it's just the same thing is all I'm saying. Oh, it's just the way you threw around the word allegedly.

It sounds like you didn't get sauce. They allege that it's different sauce, I guess, is what I'm saying. I see, you're alleging that it's a different thing. I understand. It's definitely different sauce. There's no question there. Yeah, one is yellow, one is orange. It did change it yellow instead of dark brown so yeah it's like when you

play apex legends and you get different skins it's like that different flavors of the robot whatever but on the whole like it's it's it's just a typical panda express food item you know like i ain't gathering around the table with my family to eat this and wax poetic about the good times. Yeah, I'm not going there for eighth grade graduation. Panda Express? I'll be in tenth grade by the time the food comes out. Whoa. But yeah, I mean, it's just...

I guess how I'm going to rate it is... I'm going to rate it like it's just an orange chicken because that's what I get and it's what it tastes like so I'm gonna give it 44 44? I don't even understand what you mean you're gonna rate it like it's orange chicken

what does that mean? because it just tastes like the orange chicken and I'm trying to be fair because the thing I always get is the orange chicken so I'm not trying to single out this thing that you said i don't eat there a lot it tastes like the orange chicken i could buy it the fact that you're saying you eat the orange chicken i have no idea how you're saying it tastes like the orange chicken it's completely different it's completely it's the same chicken 100 but the sauce is totally different. I not only know because I eat it enough, but also I ordered a plate that she tried to turn into an a la carte for my ex.

And I saw the two of them next to each other. It's very different. Did you try both of them? Yes. They're pretty different, huh? Do you think they tasted the same or what? The chicken tasted the same for sure. But the sauce, the sauce is very different.

The sauce. 44. You know, I can't change your rating. Can't the sauce, plus it's very different. The sauce. 44. You know, I can't change your rating. That's your rating. That's your rating. And I'm not going to. I don't.

Yeah. Well, that's good because I'm not going to try to make it. Good because you can't. Yeah. You can't. You can't change my rating. I quit.

You can't. You can't. Your rating was fired. So get out. Take Nick with you. We're going to replace him anyway oh geez we were gonna we were gonna get a real monkey i'm moving my mouth and everything he heard that one all right that took a turn so i liked all the other crap the peps that it came with. They were a good addition.

I did get sesame seeds. I liked the sauce. I wish, like, the chicken absorbed it more. It tasted like it was fully cooked, and then they just added the sauce. 100%. And I agree. I agree with Jordan. Like, yeah, the chicken is just.

The inside was not dry, but it was sauiceless. Oh, yeah. There was. It's like you're basically thinking about it. Dipping the chicken in the sauce. There was no flavor inside of it. If you were to. It's not marinated.

If you were to lick the sauce like Eric at the Stone Cold Creamery, the chicken underneath would be the same. But the sauce was different. It's actually. I was thinking about it as I was eating it. It's one of the rare times, in my opinion, where something is called honey something, and it actually tasted like honey. I was like, holy shit. Like, it actually tastes like honey syrup in this sauce. A lot of times people love throwing words around, and I go, yum.

I thought it was all right. Again, I wish it was it was like saucier in the middle somehow i don't know how they would manage that but it's fine you're like more come hither yeah like like maybe it had like a nipple hanging out or something yeah now we're talking yeah or some side some side boob it's a chicken breast let me see that boobie. You know? Can I order one chicken boobie? Doesn't compare to Beijing beef. Beijing beef, still better.

In my opinion, the best thing on the menu there. You think Beijing beef is the best thing on the menu there? Yeah, I prefer it over the orange chicken. Wow. I'm a beefy boy. I'm a big panda. I don't know if you knew that. Alright. But I'd have to give it a probably i'm a beef i'm a beefy boy i'm a big panda i don't know if you knew that um all right but i'd have to give it a probably 65 it's an average score of 54.5 spare that's i think that's fair

i think it's like balance it's really just middle of the road i get that people really like it uh i don't. so it's like it's a big deal but just get the orange chicken like i think the orange chicken does everything that this does but better i don't think there's anything that this does where you're like damn that's some standout shit i'm the only thing is if if it's what you're looking for the only thing that this has over the orange chicken is it's not as thick yeah you know it's a lighter it the chicken was like longer yeah it was in a different shape it's just it thick. Yeah, you know the chicken... The chicken was like longer. It was in a different shape. It doesn't feel as like gelatinous

and like it's going to slow me down. It's going to slow me down 80% of the orange chicken. That's about it. It's like orange chicken light. Yeah. So it's like if you want to go to Panda Express and be like, whoa, orange chicken, that's unhealthy. I'm going to eat this.

And then, you know, you're good. I think it's vegan too. You're healthy after work. It's vegan. I think. I didn't see that on the fact sheet. Yeah. It's spelled chicken.

They just dropped it. And the honey factors in negatively, so it's fine. And that is, that's Panda Express. I think it's a fair score score i think it's like not something that i would tell people to go out of their way for our scores are always fair oh yeah yeah it's it's all science-based jordan they don't have a lot of sides uh they did have a breaking that streak. I got the cream cheese ragoon. Oh, I got it too. I worried about that. What else would you get?

I was worried. Michael. Man, Michael was so spooked he left the channel. What else would you get? Goodbye. He didn't know how to answer that question. I was excited. That was so, what else would you get?

And then you dropping off the call was so fucking funny it was like oh yeah i guess so holy cow uh well what'd you think i haven't eaten it yet oh you didn't eat it yet oh well you're fucking who cares what your score is one bite review it it's gotta be hot it's hot you gotta eat the goddamn hot food when it's hot i can't i can't fucking win in this segment can i if it's cold you can save it but like dude i've been into it i ate it actually on the drive home and i was like thank god i ate it hot because it's like warm as shit and the the cream cheese is hot and gooey in the middle the cream cheese is all curdled it's cottage middle. The cream cheese is all curdled. It's cottage cheese now. It's weird that they gave it to you like that.

What are these like? Is this like blue cheese? Like, gross. No, it's cream cheese. No, no, no. It's cream cheese with green onions. Ah. Yeah, that flavor really doesn't come across.

I like it. What's your score, even though it's cold? I don't know. It's... I don't like... whose idea is it to put cream cheese in this it's not a good not good consistency uh doesn't taste great i don't like it uh 19 michael what's your score michael nodding his head 99 he loves it 90 it was delicious i loved it i decided on the drive home i was going to give it an 85. And then Jordan

said 19. I had to punch it up 5 more. I should have rated it 98. No, no, no. The average score is 54.5. Which is the same score we just gave the other thing at Panda Express. We're so good at this.

I think across the board, we can say Panda Express is 54.5. Across Panda Express. No, I disagree. Ignore Jordan's rating. It doesn't count. Second bite was a little better. I'll give him the weird thing where he rated it like he ate orange chicken, which doesn't make sense to me because he didn't eat orange chicken.

I don't understand that. He can rate the food he ate whatever he wants. He's rating a food he didn't eat which just confused me. It still confuses me. But this, he ruined.

He ruined it by not eating it warm. It was piping hot. The lady whispered out the window, make sure you eat it hot. And I said, why are you whispering?

It's the middle of the day. Thought it was weird. Then I parked, saw the woman shoving them into her face. I think she was eating the cream cheese because she was like,

why is it hot? Oh, definitely. She was shoving them into her face. I think she was eating the cream cheese because she was like, you're hot. Oh, definitely. She was shoving them into her face. But you only get three. So make sure you get two orders if you want to share with friends. I sucked them all down. Jordan has two more that he doesn't want to eat and he's going to throw away. You want them?

Yeah, throw them at your screen. Dude, it's great. They're all crispy on the edges edges but they're soft in the middle with the cream cheese it's good it was an adventure the whole way my heart hurts after eating that no the second bite was better but it's a one bite review and i can't i can't change that tough 54.5 well if you want to send us snacks to review and you don't have to because we have a lot and we have to figure out we have to figure out. Yeah, now you did write send out snacks SOS. So

that makes it sound like it's an emergency and we need snacks desperately. It's not, I just thought it was I thought it was cute and then also until you brought it up again, I forgot that that's what I wrote. So if you want to send us snacks, you don't have to because we have a lot. You know, you could just omit this segment. Yeah, but I think it's for consistency sake, it's good's good to have it yeah the episode would be 30 seconds shorter if

we omitted this and we can't have that send a face jam care of eric bedore 1901 east 51st street austin texas 78723 we currently have too many snacks so you don't have to send more but we're telling you to send more and where to send them anyway i'm telling you that you can i'm not telling you that you should. So if you want to follow us on social media, follow at FaceJamPod to stay up to date on everything. There's all kinds of things going on. See all the fun hijinks.

Yeah. Great hijinks. Messing with Eric. Uh-huh. Oi, mate. We got special. Excuse me. This is my fun sentence part.

Oh, okay. Eric's going to read this. Oi, mate. We got special UK exclusive variant of 100 fun sentence part uh here eric's boy mate we got special uk exclusive variant of 100 each shirt is like good is that is that like cockney yep well we have a blue and yellow shirt that's called bake jam that you can get exclusively on the uk store which just launched so uh i assume it's store.roosterteeth.com i don't know how to get to the uk slash uk this is our olive branch to the uk listeners this is a the uk jammers who can't eat the food that we eat

here in america you can get an exclusive shirt that i don't think we are going to have on sale in america it'll be blue and yellow it's a reference don't you're gonna give it away and they're gonna i don't know what that is so okay just beep out when i said great jam uh all the variants of our shirts are in stock except for the mcjam variant 100 sorry there you go 100 eat hat god damn it i didn't change it again 100 what an idiot is in stock 100 eat pop socket is in stock. 100% eat pop socket is in stock. Let me just go ahead and make a change on my sheet. This guy probably calls it cold stone creamery. Pop socket is in stock.

Special update news. Spice rat shirt will be on sale in mid-September. Oh, September, September, September. That's so close from now. Along with some secret new merchandise that we haven't talked about yet or haven't shown. Can we start teasing that? No, we shouldn't at all.

It should just be a secret. Okay, so don't spoil it like the end of Avengers where everyone dies. What? Make sure you bleep that again. This... Although, actually, that wasn't what we spoiled it was nope it was star wars was it oh you're right it was yeah um wasn't that in the arby's episode

we were talking about star yeah who's to say um this secret merch uh-huh i don't remember we were talking about merch we just threw it out i threw this out and i was like what about this and it was an outlandish idea michael thought of the most ridiculous thing that merch would not do and they right and they did it they did everything they did every i i could see like okay maybe they'll take the suggestion take out the dumbness and make like a real thing. And they went, we'll try. And they did it. And they made a real thing.

They made it a real thing. Yep. You really like to a fucking T usually when, when somebody says I'll try, that's just like the millennial way of like saying, I don't really want to do this and I'm not really going to try and I'm going to fail. And it's really on you for making me do it

yep right and you're just not gonna get what you want but i'm trying to make it seem like i'm gonna at least make exactly right exactly right but they but they did it they did it dude they did it if this if this was a food i'd rate it 100 yep so mid-september it'll launch along with our spice rat shirt which uh well maybe we'll show some images of pretty soon so you can follow us at So mid-September, it'll launch along with our Spice Rat shirt, which maybe we'll show some images of pretty soon. So you can follow us at FaceJamPod, and you can see the exclusive cool Spice Rat design for the new shirt. The teases continue. Yeah, compliments, grackle, a little tease.

Compliments, grackle. I saw someone saying they were a little worried that they thought Spice Rat was drowning out the compliments. Crackle. No, that's true. I mean, we haven't,

we haven't really done much. They didn't want it to die. That's good. We'll try to work it back in. Nick went and got really blurry. That was weird. I saw that too. Oh man.

So that's, that's it for the merch section. And that's it. Well, section and that's it well maybe now now we're moving on to the closing section oh my god this is how does it get longer every time yep do the it's not much longer yet i mean i can make it longer no it is it is we didn't put the ads in yet we didn't put the ads in yet jordan oh boy i could read this like uh uh eric's cockney accent no all right rate and subscribe tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food that's great and please rate 100 any suggestions at eric but keep keep them to yourself he needs it no i don't it yeah no i don't follow face jam pod they'll tell you when to tweet eric

nope nope it's all it's they won't even tell you what to tweet him sometimes they'll just tweet tweet at eric bedore yeah and then that's your cue to just tweet whatever you want adam yep you can say you can say hey look at that mug you can send him a picture of your dog i don't want anything don't send me any of it you can send him a picture of your dog i don't want any don't send me any of it you can send him a picture of your hot dog i want to i want to next next product face jam mug and i want it the cup just to be eric's head and you're drinking out of his head and uh then you can someone will be like what are are you drinking? And then they just say, just some donkey brains. You like that a lot.

Eric liked that. Well, see you next time. Bye.