100% Eat - Papa John's Doritos Cool Ranch Papadia

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Papa John's Doritos Cool Ranch Papadia so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Papa Johns lawsuits, if Papa John is still at Papa Johns, intense P Johns spyware, and a snack we all like from Nuts dot com who IS a sponsor but we didn't know that at the time. Come to our RTX and drink with us at the Rat & Grackle pub July 7-9. www.rtxaustin.com cheers to us and the monkey Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam Honey http://joinhoney.com/facejam and Nuts.com http://nuts.com/facejam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. They get louder. It's so low. I can't even do it. Good lord. Welcome to FaceTime. Stop. You shut up.

Welcome to FaceTime, the show where we try every new fast food creation. You know, if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Swizz. Jordan, are you pumped? Yeah. Nice. I like how not even two minutes ago, you're like, God, I'm so fucking tired. Because I am.

Yep. What do you think adds to it? I feel like I haven't done an intro in forever. It's been a while. It's true. Because of Spit Seal. Spit Seal and the Del Diamond episode was a while because of Spit Seal. Spit Seal and the Del Diamond episode was a little bit off

schedule for us because the way the game was scheduled. During the week. Where did they not do a lot of those? Well look, there was plenty of people there to go not watching the game. Yeah, there were a bunch of kids. Tons of people there playing by the water or something.

Hundreds of children not watching the game and not at school. Well, they wanted to be on our podcast. Oh, boy. There was also children singing. Not into a microphone. Not into a microphone. Anyway, but that was true. They were also lighting off fireworks.

I don't know if that was the kids. It might have been. Well, that was the Dell Dinger. You dingbat. The Dell Dinger sounds like some sort of, like, Hamburglar-type mascot. Oh, no. The Dell Dinger. like some sort of like Hamburglar type mascot. Oh no, the Dell Dinger. He's coming for my grilled cheese hot dog. And he's lighting fireworks off.

Like, also it could be misconstrued as the Dell Dinger's gonna come to hit you in your dinger. Oh, I hadn't considered it. Where's the Dell Dinger dude? He dings. He's gonna ding your Dell. Yeah. Is that the name of the grilled cheese hot dog

from his t-shirt? The t-shirt that he has of the grilled cheese hot dog from his t-shirt? The t-shirt that he has with the grilled cheese hot dog on it? Is he the Dell Dinger? Oh, is he the Dell Dinger? I think so. Did we eat the Dell Dinger? He can ding my Dell. Ding my Dell.

I've lost my voice. He can use that. Hey, today we're reviewing Papa John's Doritos. Some people say it like that. Doritos. Cool Ranch Papadia. Nobody says it like that. Doritos. Some people say Doritos. Doritos. Doritos. people say it like that Doritos Cool Ranch Papadilla Nobody says it like that Doritos

Some people say Doritos Doritos Doritos Like Coors Like you said Coors Coors Do-er-itos

Alright that's enough Don't understand It makes sense though That Coors with B-D-U-er I think Oh yeah He's like they're like me Even though it's spelled

I hadn't considered that Oh yeah I'm sure Did not know this existed Don't know if people Know this existed He's like, they're like me. I hadn't considered that. Did not know this existed. Don't know if people know this existed. Don't know if they should know. Don't really understand what's happening here. Why this is the combination.

What the fuck is going on? The thing with Face Jam is it's been going a while. We've eaten a lot of shit. We've eaten cars. We've eaten so many cars. We've eaten cars. We've eaten so many cars. We've eaten places. We've eaten at places.

We've eaten Bibin. We've done it all. We've done it all. We've eaten it all. And meat Bibin. And meat Bibin. I like that one. And sometimes we eat a thing, and I go, wow, this is a thing.

This is a one-of-a-kind thing. And I remember it. And then Eric goes, I'm scraping. Let's do this thing again. It's a little bit different. They're red now. Yeah, I vaguely recall. This is something like that. And I'm stuck in going, is this the second time or third time we've eaten these?

I don't remember. Did we do some? I think this is the third Papa John's, but the second Papo Dio. That is correct. I can't remember. Okay, we're correct, and two thumbs up from Nick. Yeah, well, he's just giving two thumbs up. That's just for the food.

He was doing it. You know those people who have infallible recall, and they remember every day of their lives and what they did? That sounds terrible. I don't trust them. That's kind of what Nick has, but only with food. With food. And he doesn't deny it. Yeah, but only with food. With food. And he doesn't deny it.

Yeah, and food-related things. Yeah. You were out of the room right before we started. Right before we started. I even forgot. Was it Gaddy's? Is that what he said? Yeah.

Fucking right before we started. He asks me. We're all standing here talking, and he says there, looking at Jordan, and nonchalantly says, You ever go to the Gaddy's pizza buffet? Jordan goes, Jordan goes, no. And Nick goes,

what? I'm like, what the fuck are you, are you new here? What the fuck are you talking about? Cause he was eating one of these and he's like, you know, it's like the dessert that you get at Gaddy.

And he immediately starts, Jordan goes, no, I haven't been there. What's like, you know, it's like the dessert that you get at Gatty. And he immediately starts drinking. No, I haven't been there. What's wrong with you? No one else is from Texas. But boy, that's like to me, Gatty's Pizza Buffet is the most fucking Texas ass place that you could go to. Well, the thing the thing that Nick was comparing it to is something that is quite common at pizza buffets. It was this little dessert we got that had some icing.

And it's true that they're all the same. Like, I haven't been to Gaddy's because I assume it sucks, but I have been to Cece's, which I know sucks. Which also sucks. So I'm just going to assume they're all the same fucking... They all get their ingredients from the same place. Are you talking about the cinnamon pizza? The cinnamon swirl pizza?

No, it was like a dessert pizza in general. It was like a chocolate chip pizza. Okay. That has like the icing that we got in this cup. You know the icing you ate half of in one bite? Right. A pump. That's why Eric's pumped.

So when I... Eric might fall asleep after we do this episode. When I made this format sheet... I need you to give me orange juice now. When I made this format sheet, I didn't realize that there was some kind of Oreo dessert thing going on. But when I ordered the pizza, I was that special.

I saw, I guess I saw it and I went, well, Nick's going to be sad if we don't get this. Yeah, right. But he's always sad if we don't get a dessert and we usually go. It's true.

It's, it's Eric going Nick sad. If you, if we don't get this is always true. The, that It's true. Eric going, Nick's sad if we don't get this, is always true. The next thing is Eric going, will I let him get it? Yes. Will he be sad today?

Today, I was benevolent. Why can't you be benevolent when there's a Froot Loops milkshake? No, no. That's when I'm Maleficent. Whoa. Dude, she caught on fire did you see that rocco was there oh really that's awesome he was there and did not know what was happening didn't

know something was on fire let me say we cannot ban tiktok because when something happens in public tiktok is the app that now will serve you every angle of this event. That's true. So what happened was that there's a big show at Disneyland called Fantasmic, and there's a big dragon from, what movie is Maleficent from? Maleficent. Maleficent 1. That's the name of the movie. That's true. Angelina Jolie plays the dragon.

What is that, Snow White? No, it's not Snow White White I think it's like Cinderella I think it's Sleeping Beauty it's not Cinderella anyway now that we cracked that code so there's a part where like the dragon breathes fire but on this particular night

the whole dragon just caught on fire and so on TikTok you can see from every angle people going whoa that's not supposed to happen and then like another angle from like the opposite side and then my favorite is somebody going down the slope on splash mountain they're like coming up over the crest and then they just see a bunch of fire off in the distance and they go what's going on over there and then they drop that's awesome the whole head caught on fire and like they shut down the show and it's just that pre-recorded voice.

It's like, ladies and gentlemen, please make your way to the exit. But also, we're sorry for the inconvenience. Can you link me the TikTok of the guy in the roller coaster? Because you're not supposed to be using your phone. Yeah, yeah. We have to. I want to report that. We got to report him to Walt.

Thank you for the footage. Straight to jail. Straight to report that. We got to report him to Walt. Thank you for the footage. Straight to jail. Straight to Disney jail. Dude, jail next to Disney. You're talking about the one they're building in Florida.

Yeah, we're going to send you to Disney World jail where you take pictures on the rides. You're talking about Disneyland and everything. That's what this dessert thing

tasted like. It was like theme park food It is something that you would get at a theme park It was like if you deep fried Oreos and then made them a caterpillar And then you broke it apart Or a centipede An Oreo centipede

Oreo centipede's good It was a little unsettling the way that it kind of looked like It was just a bunch of them put together And so easy to rip apart But boy, it came apart so easy. And then you dip it in icing and it just absorbs all the icing. Well, you put the thing you touch the bottom of the bowl for some

reason. You dunk the little dip. He went all the way in. He put it in, pulled it out. I went, holy shit, because I know Eric doesn't eat like sweet, sweet shit. No, not to, not like that. And it was like half the little centipede break off ball. Half of it was covered with icing. That's so much. He looked at it like, oh, centipede break off ball. Half of it was covered with icing.

So much. He looked at it like, oh, didn't mean to do that. And then ate it anyway. No, no, no. I threw a bunch of it off. Not enough? And then I ate it. No, not enough at all.

Then he started spasming as soon as he put it in his mouth. He started punching the air. I'm flying. Then he left the room. Then he came back and kept saying, I'm pumped. I'm pumped. Which then I got pumped. It was so sweet.

Didn't know that it was part of this meal deal situation with Papa John's, but there's no more. Nick ate it all. Well, no, that's not true. There's no more of the bread. Oh, that's right. Nick, there's half a cup of icing here. You want to dip your papadilla in that? I'm just saying you can save that sauce.

Oh, Nick, when we were pulling the centipede out, there was a cup of icing. Pulling the centipede out. Michael went, well, just in case he wants it, I'm not just going to offer it. And he put his Cool Ranch sauce next to the Oreo centipede and he went, for Nick. Yeah. I was like, Nick is actually going to appreciate this. He'd be like, well, he's going to try it. We went, oh,. I was like, Nick is actually going to appreciate this. We went, oh, I think he's going to do it, probably.

That's why I said, this is like a prank, but it's not a trick. I swapped the icing with a sauce. No, I just put it next to it. He'll consider it. It's a prank in the way where it's a kind-hearted prank where everyone is having a nice time and then we all go, maybe it was a prank on us.

Where the pranky is unf time and then we all go, huh, maybe it was a prank on us. Yeah, where the pranky is unfazed and just goes, ooh, thank you for the prank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Truly weird food from Papa John's. Why, Jordan, do you have like... Do I have pop opinions? Yes. Or range opinions? I feel like I'm

spreading the sheet here. I've definitely spread all my pop opinions throughout the pop episodes we've done. You can really tell that we're suffering from the writer's strike with words like pop opinions. Just wait. It gets worse. Do you think- You know what? Solidarity.

I'm not reading anything. Hell yeah. That's good. I'm not crossing the picket line. The rest of this podcast is just silence. I mean, trust me. I think we could hire some writers on the back end to punch this up because this is fucking rough. Well, I also like to say that, you know, maybe the punch up is rough and maybe the writing material is rough because when the subject line of the food, you know, right?

Like the thing the whole show is about. Yeah. Like this is where we're going to get. And yesterday, Eric says Cool Ranch Papa beat Papadia tomorrow, I guess. And yesterday, Eric says, Cool Ranch beat Papadilla tomorrow, I guess. There's other stuff, but this is the most interesting, and people aren't talking about it. And Nick goes, what's that sauce? Immediately, what's that sauce?

And then Eric says, it's got to be Cool Ranch sauce, right? Because we talked about being Cool Ranch. And then also, of course you noticed that. There is a thing on the box I'm looking at right now that says dipping sauce inside and that is i mean they are just trying to get you there's more and there's more did you know there's more could you have more you little glutton you'll freak i also don't even really i mean like i get yeah to point out it's coming up with sauce but the whole thing is that it comes with it right like that's the whole it's like it's the ranch thing coming up with sauce, but the whole thing is that it comes with it, right? Yes. Like, that's the whole thing. It's like, it's the ranch thing with the ranch sauce.

Well, it has the sprinkle of the fucking dust. Yeah, the ranch dust, and then it's got the sauce. But it is interesting to sell a food item, put it in a box, and then on the box go, yo, the food's in here. Yeah. Yeah, no shit. Open it.

You're not going to fucking believe what's inside when you open this. Sometimes other places want it to be a surprise for you. Not Papa John's. We give it to you straight. Open it, open it, open it. Try me, try me, try me. It was, we talked a lot about the food before we started.

Sauce pinions. It's true. While we were eating it, it's unusual. I think it's just, but I think the food is so unusual that like it's all we could do. It's unusual. But I think the food is so unusual that it's all we could do. I feel like they're trying to take a page out of the Taco Bell playbook. So that's what I was going to bring up.

They got this papadilla thing, which I guess is still around. It's been a few years. It's been a long time. They're still kicking those papadillas. Well, they're like the tiny tacos of the pizza world. What'd you say? I actually would have loved if we opened it and the papadillas were blue. It's better now.

It's better now. They're cold. Did you just fucking ask him if he goes to Gaddy's Pizza? You stupid motherfucker. How? It really hurt my hand. How do you think this came? We'll learn about the partnership and everything.

But you're right. This feels like a Taco Bell thing. And even as we were eating it, Michael just went, this feels like something they should just sell at Taco Bell. It just screams Taco Bell because the sauce, the Cool Ranch, whatever sauce it comes with, it's very similar to the Taco Bell jalapeno, the creamy jalapeno sauce, of just consistency. And then you've also got the ranch dust, which they do the dusted taco shells at Taco Bell. Not Cool Ranch anymore. Right, they used to do Cool Ranch and the nacho. Now they just do nacho, which is bullshit. Well, this Bell. Not Cool Ranch anymore. Yeah. Right, they used to do Cool Ranch. They used to do Cool Ranch and the nacho.

Now they just do Nacho, which is bullshit. Well, this is where the Cool Ranch went. I guess. And as they're buying up all the dust. Contract ran out. And as you were holding the papadilla, I think you were looking at it and you went, and also this is pretty much a taco.

Right, when you start eating it and you're left with like a certain side and there's a bunch of like meat and cheese and shit in it and I'm dipping it into the ranch taco bell sauce. I was like, is this fucking eating? They're eating. Do you think Papa John's just went like, we are a pizza company. However, we could trick some people.

What if? I mean, it's, dude, it's almost more. And this is obviously not that. The Papadilla is the papadilla, right? It's really like the extra ranch and the sauce that makes it like taco-y. Yes. But it, dude, I would have to say this is almost more taco than pizza. It really is.

Like when I'm eating it, I'm truly, my brain, if I close my eyes, my brain is like, what's in your mouth right now? I think there's something. like, what's in your mouth right now? I think there's something. Wait, what are you eating? There's something about the way you hold it also that is like, it's like pizza you hold a certain way, whatever. Tacos you hold a certain way. And this truly is more taco holding than pizza holding. Yeah. Very weird.

Imagine holding a pizza. Okay. Now imagine holding a taco. Oh, okay. Okay. Now imagine what you did when you were eating this papadilla. It's definitely closer to taco. It is definitely closer to taco.

Your hand shape is definitely closer to taco. Oh, I also let the gremlins know that there are no leftovers for them today. Oh, no. And Cameron, the head of the gremlins. Gremlin head. Yeah. He was, had never heard of this. Didn't care.

No, he was just like, they do a cool ranch. What? A pop-up. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying Cameron had never heard of us throwing the scraps. No, no, no, no. And I was very confused. Because he's been there.

Yes, absolutely. He now, don't get me wrong, a little more restrained than the others. But wait until we leave the room. He lets the lower gremlins eat first. Don't get me wrong. A little more restrained than the others. But wait until we leave the room. Well, I'm going to try it. He lets the lower gremlins eat first. Well, it's also much like, you know, the food is like, ah! And then he'll go, and I'll have one. Yes.

Yeah. That's why he's that gremlin. The other day I was looking for him, and I asked Sarah if she'd seen him around. She's like, oh, he's in the kitchen. And I went, oh, I just looked. I didn't see him. It was all of the other gremlins and not him. And I just went, camera's not here, right?

No? All right, cool. Sarah thinks you're all interchangeable. And I walked away. Gremlins are gremlin. Yep. Just get lumped in with those other gremlins. Gremlins and head grim.

Yeah. Anyway. Oh, hey, Jordan. What's up? You were telling us earlier how long and hard you'd worked on this haiku. Yeah, you were saying

that your haiku is good and you love it? The one that I just did two minutes before the one I was... I mean, I will say it wasn't really two minutes before. It was...

We were like, are you ready? Are you ready? No, I'm writing the haiku. Well, to be fair, that was Nick that just kept asking. It's true.

And then you said no and then he had to get it. Also... Well, I didn't had to get it. Also. Well, I didn't want to cross the picket line. As you didn't have one immediately prepared, Eric jumped to the chance saying, let's all come up with one together. Let's come up with one together. And you just went, no.

Yeah. It's not going to be good. Hey, yo, what's up? You guys want? Yeah, like this is going to fucking sail. I'm all for it. I'm like, we can all come up with one. This could be Nick's chance to shine. What if

he's a poet and you don't even know it? Wow. Too many syllables. That's what it is. It's like, okay, let me throw this line out there. Everyone stops and counts on their fingers. This won't work. This is going to be me throwing a lot of things out and not counting and letting you guys sift. Exactly. I really

like, there'll be people that post and be like, Jordan did a haiku and there were six syllables in that first one. And I think I just replied, too many rule followers in here. Really takes me out of the face-shim experience. Get to the ads! Well, I hope this one is standard. Folded and dusted. Doritos,

local Dia, the reckoning day. Whoa. Very good. That was great. Very good. I could have, you wrote that this morning at 4am right along with the fact sheet.

That's how good it was. I was going to say, having done or taco, do you want to, this is great podcast material. Have some now? Dip it in the sauce. Yeah, but if you did that in your head first and then said it, it would sound better.

Oh, that's true. It would. Somebody edit that and take out all the pauses. Right. I mean, all of them. Take it out so he says it without a breath. I want it to sound like one word. I want it to sound like one word.

You will sound so cool. You will sound like a very normal person. I do fast talking. I'm scrolling through because it's all in one list. I think I've done like 50 of these. I think I know by now that you can't just spit one out. I mean, you get that. I just did it.

Right, but like. And look what we got. Eat the food. Dip mean, you get that. I just did it. Right, but like... And look what we got. Eat the food, dip in sauce. Like, that's... You gotta make a reference. You gotta talk about the food a little bit more. Yeah, you had... He didn't even mention dust.

Did he say dust? Right. No. He didn't mention reckoning. No, that's true. That was too many syllables, and I was scared to go more than two. Right. Oh, no.

I started something I'm not going to be able to finish. Pizza or taco. All right. I'm almost there. Holy hell. Too much haiku talk. Let's get into the facts. Let's see what he managed to squeeze out on this one.

Oh, boy. Papa John facts probably number three our previous papa john's episode was released october 26th 2021 that seems way longer doesn't it that's almost 2021 where we ate the papa john's triple bacon pizza and bacon jalapeno popper rolls it received an average score of 46 so it must have sucked crazy right i don't remember this at all i vaguely remember i remember the jalapeno rollers i remember that i don't remember the triple making pizza but i bet it sucked yeah in november 2022 john schnatter amended his lawsuit against creative agency uh well okay hang on yeah no it does say laundry service that is the name of it.

Okay, I thought I skipped the line. No, no, no. I went Laundry Service isn't the right word here. Trust me, when I was writing it, I went, this is how the fuck do you work? Laundry Service? Okay, here we go. John Schnatter amended his lawsuit

against Creative Agency Laundry Service for portraying him in a false light after leaking his now infamous private media training session from 2018. No update on if he successfully got rid of the N word from his vocabulary. There we throw. Remember when he was doing that? And he's like,

I'm working, I'm working extra hard. I just got to get it out. Yeah. I just have to. And also portraying him in a false light. Right. It wasn't.

Yes. Well, is he going to go? Yes. Of what he said. Is he going to go with the Elon Musk defense and be like, that could be fake? Is that all you have to do now? That could be a deep fake. You don't know. Yeah, I definitely said it, but could be fake. Yeah.

So much to consider. Did Jordan actually do the haiku? Could be fake. Could have been edited. Didn't he have ChatG GPT do it one time? Yeah. And I think it also did too many syllables. Which means it's supposed to be that way.

Even the EAI fucks it up. See, that's what I'm saying. All right. More facts. In March 2023, hot off the presses here. That's like two months ago. Yep. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sued a Louisville, Kentucky

Papa John's for hiring a blind employee, denying his accommodation to have his service dog on-site, away from food and customers, then firing him before he ever worked a shift. When reached for comment, Papa John's said, quote, if you think this is bad,

you're not going to believe what happened in a leaked private media training session from 2018. You know, it's actually a pretty smart tactic if they were to do that because he's not part of the company anymore so they can just keep throwing him under the bus.

It must have been the one guy who doesn't work here anymore. I understand he doesn't work here anymore. I understand. He doesn't work there anymore. And even people that know that is still like, yeah, but it's Papa John's. Yep. Like, his name is Papa John's.

Right. He's Papa John. Yeah. They have tried. You're fucked. They have tried to, like, distance themselves, like, from a branding perspective. Uh-huh. Like, they've brought in Shaq, and now he's the face of it and stuff, but it's

still called Papa John's. And it's all you can think of is that guy. And it's not like a hundred years old Papa John's. It's that guy right there. He is Papa John's. He's Papa John's. He's still talking. Greasy.

He's next to his eagle statue in his home, and boy, he just keeps showing up. He lives in the police station from Resident Evil 2. And when you walk in his house, you need to put the right medallion in the base of the statue. Yeah, yeah.

In order to open the pizza oven. I'm sick of having to go up and down these stairs to access my basement in order to get the right jewels. Hey, when you get up there, can you kick down that ladder as a shortcut? I forgot something up there earlier. A lot of fixed camera angles. Yeah, absolutely. He's walking into walls and turning.

Why do we have tank controls in Papa John's house? In September 2022, a $705,000 settlement, had to get that extra five grand, was reached with the owners of Virginia Papa John's stores accused of violating minimum wage law by paying drivers well under a federal and state minimum wage, plus withholding overtime pay. When reached for comment, Papa John's said, quote, what are you, blind? Yikes. Fucking hell. What are you? Oh, man. Why would they say that?

And real egg on their face, because not even three months later. In quotes. In quotes, In quotes too. It says it right there. I can't believe this. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Guys, come on.

All right. And finally, by the way, all the facts are just lawsuits. That's it. And all within like the last six months. The last 18 months. There are just Google Papa John Lawsuits. And fucking apparently struck gold. The mother loads.

Usually I search whatever, crazy facts, whatever. And then I search lawsuits to see if there's anything recent. Lawsuits was the first thing I searched. And I went, no fucking way. Bang, bang, bang, bang bang bang bang Holy shit Okay Again I try not to read ahead I don't want to spoil it

Sometimes my eyes wander There's something going on What do you mean It's up by the several asterisks later on And the final fact, in October 2022. This is one month after they settled. This is one month after the last summit. A consumer sued Papa John's for violating the U.S. Wiretap Act.

What the fuck is Papa John's doing? To record how he browses their website. What the fuck? the US wiretap act by using spyware to record how he browses their website. When reached for comments, Papa John said, and I quote, yeah, we know what you're doing, you little freak. And we also know, quote, nothing else for we have never spied on a computer

device in our history, asterisk, asterisk. Edit made by Papa John's spyware, asterisk, asterisk, and it made by Papa John's spyware, asterisk, asterisk. They're on to us. How did they get into the paper? I don't know. That's not what I wrote.

Oh, no. They hacked the printer. They hacked us. They're in the server. Remember you got that Google alert earlier and you said, I must be trying to sign into something, and you just clicked yes? I just kept saying, yeah, and you said, I must be trying to sign into something. And you just clicked yes. I just kept saying, yeah, that's me.

I must be from Louisville, Kentucky. You kept saying, guys, do you know a Jay Schnatter? I just approved them into our network. I must be trying to log into something. Is this you? Yes. Sounds like something I'd do. Sometimes I take my phone out and I go,

this must have been me. Oh, boy, I love logging in. Oh, shit. It says I need this to log in somewhere. Oh, man. And those are just like the very straight and simple facts. There's the facts. Wow.

Oh, man. I bet you could probably hook some people on a phishing scam by saying Papa John's coupon inside. Oh, man. I bet you could probably hook some people on a phishing scam by saying, pop a John's coupon inside. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you can hook anyone on anything, man. Dude, do you know how many emails I've gotten about the beauty of it? Not only do I really fully understand what's happening, but I know the scammer doesn't either because you get emails.

It's like, your Silicon Bank money's gone. Click here. No, my Silicon Bank money. I didn't know I had any. I better go get it. Guys, were you a fan of that game for Nintendo 64? Well, all their money's gone. Oh, shit. I need to check on my

Nintendogs. That reminds me. Sean was saying that he stopped playing Animal Crossing because every time he logged on they're like oh we haven't seen you in so long look at how trash this island is and he's just like i need more chores four kids i gotta fucking take care of these animals finally i can unwind and take care of these animals and this island and be the mayor and oh my god. You know, growing up with a real lack of education,

playing this game really made life confusing when everyone kept talking about Silicon Valley and I'm like, it's the animals in space. I'm the bear. I'm the bear on the front. You gotta fit them through the tunnel or something. I used to rent this game. I never owned it. But I rented it several times.

It looks like a game that you would rent, forget that you had played, rent it again, and have no recollection of it. And now it's available anywhere from $55 to $85. Jeez. This is why I have had to learn how to solder in order to keep my original Xbox running. Oh, that's right. Because if I were to buy a replacement part or just a replacement Xbox, it would cost me $500.

See, this is why physical media is a scam. I never have to do that to download a video game. Think about it. Maybe Nintendo was a phishing scam all along. Wow. You play that new Zelda? I mean, I will. I don't really care about it.

You're not hurting for it? I don't give a shit about Breath of the Wild. I want a real Zelda game. Yeah. That's fine. This is like a side game. Interesting. What am I doing?

I'm running around in a field building cars. What? That's the new one. The new one. Yeah. You build cars? It's like... It's driving rocket ships?

Imagine the first one. Uh-huh. But add Banjo and Kazooie nuts and bolts. No! And I'm not talking like... They just went, let's do that. You are literally, like,

taking, like, a raft and a wheel and thing, and then you're jumping on it and driving it. I don't want that. I really don't want it either.

I don't want that. It's probably just because the game's huge, too. I don't know how integral it's going to be to the gameplay. Similar to Breath of the Wild

as to all the things you were able to do, you didn't necessarily have to do all those things to play the game. Right, but what that means is they're gonna do races, and I'm gonna have to do, you didn't necessarily have to do all those things to play the game. Right, but what that means is they're going to do races, and I'm going to have to do, if I want to unlock some side thing, but I always like that because I always want to fuck up people.

Or a wallet upgrade. You know what I mean? I've always enjoyed, like, imagine getting fucking, like, can you imagine a better power bottom than a Goron? Hang on. That's what you're talking about. Oh, yeah. Yep.

The fish people. Oh, fuck that fish guy. Yeah. He's like a prince or something, right? Yeah. Prince Sidon. Oh, well, who's the bird? I thought the bird was a prince.

That's Revali. I don't think he's a prince. The bird is a prince in Wind Waker. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. What was that? We don't fuck him, though. Yeah, no, no.

I don't know. I think it was like Plucko? Yeah, it's gotta be Plucko. No. Plucky. Oh! It must have been that. Bye-bye.

I don't like Wind Waker. Damn. I like the dungeons. I hate getting in the boat and having to make it go. When's the last time you played it? Did you play the original or did you play the Wii U version?

Wii U version. No, I played the original. The game is infinitely better because after that, they're like, boat goes fast all the time now.

Oh, really? Also, you don't have to change the wind. You never have to play the song to change the wind. Oh, then what? It makes the game

suck. Oh, I should play that. Just suck poop. Check it out. I should play that. It's the worst part. It is, and you're

doing it the whole game. So much. From start to finish. I love play that. It's the worst part of the game. It is, and you're doing it the whole game. So much. From start to finish. I love running around in Zelda, and this game does not allow that. And it's like, what? Yeah, that's true. Just like, hey, you would love Breath of the Wild.

It's nothing but Reminder of the Wild. I love Breath of the Wild, but now I can't wait to drive a car? That you made yourself with your dad. You're not going to be able to build a car. Come on, Link. We're going to Hyrule Boxcar Derby. Just fucking get your ass on top of this hill. Grab a log.

Whee! Oh, we're going to beat Ganon. It's going to be a... Well, Ganondorf's going to be in the car next to you. Oh, no. Oh, absolutely. He's going to be like, don't look away. Yeah, Fast and Furious. Ganondorf's going to be in the car next to you. Oh, no! He's going to be like, don't look away. Fast and Furious.

Ganondorf's going to be in the car next to you and he's going to have, in his boxcar, he's going to have little spikes that cut up your cardboard when he touches you. There's a Goron who's just sliding down on a rock. He doesn't have a car, but somehow he's really fast still. He's very, very fast.

He's rolling. What the fuck are we talking about? No, the Gorons, it's one Goron sitting on four Gorons rolling. He's bouncing. He's got a serpent on top of him. They better do that. This is a good idea. Shield surfing was cool.

No, Breath of the Wild is a great game. It might be the best Zelda game. And anyone who says otherwise is just wrong. It's fun. It's fun for them to be wrong. It's fun. Make a real one. Yeah, I just don't want to build's fun. It's fun for them to be wrong. It's fun. Make a real one. Yeah, I just don't want to build a car.

It's okay for them to be different. Right. They all did that last time. Now it's not different. It's the same as last time. Right, but you can banjo, kazooie, nuts and bolts it. Breath of the Wild 2 isn't different. Don't worry.

It's the same. Right. I'm going to play the fuck out of it. I'll play it. And I'll go, I want a real one. And everyone will go, ah! And then they'll make a real one, unless I'm dead before then. Yeah.

You'll be fine, Michael. You'll be fine. You're not going to die. I'm pretty happy about it. There you go. I'm going to be fine. There you go. Jordan's going to make me live forever.

You heard him. Oh, jeez. Those are the facts. This is just like that episode of Succession. Big shoes. Big, big shoes. Big, big shoes. How long are we going? 32 minutes?

Yeah. Guys, we got to talk about Zelda more. I know, and we're already at the spin silly fuck around. I know. I'm afraid to get into the press material because then the show's almost over. There's plenty of press material. Don't get me wrong. Here's the thing. I'm just popped out. Yeah press material because then the show's almost over. There's plenty of press material. Don't get me wrong. Here's the thing. I'm just popped out.

Yeah. Look, Papa John's sucks. How many times do I have to say that? Yes. How many times do we need to eat there and tell you it's terrible? I can't tell you the last time I ate it. Well, in fact, I can. October 26, 2021.

Had no desire to go back since. I will say the thing that we talk about, we'll talk about the food, like we actually get to the scores and everything, but something I always talk about when we do this is I think about a divorced dad taking his kid to have the fun meal because he gets them on the weekend. And is this going to be worth it for him to do that? And this doesn't feel like that kind of food.

This feels like food that you and your shitty high school friends get to eat in a car and laugh about what it is. It's meme food. It is meme food. I mean, that's unfortunately most of what this show is. Nick says, fucked up car ride. Oh, oh. That wasn't in reference to what you said. It was in reference to what happened to us.

Oh! It was a fucked up car ride. Well, it's just people can't drive In this goddamn city Yeah It's bananas It is And I feel like Everyone says that everywhere

It's real true here though Yeah Like it's real There was a big red truck Like I'm sure there's other places It's also true But it's way worse here Than where I grew up

There was a big red truck That was just driving In the oncoming traffic lanes Towards us Yeah it was It was really The only way we could navigate it Was for him to start driving

On the wrong side of the road Uh huh So fucked up was his position Uh huh That he was like i guess i gotta and then he started blocking other he was trying to get his 20 foot long truck yeah into a one lane road and to do that he needed to drive around us because we were the oncoming traffic right and then try to squeeze into like the the lane that's already built up traffic. So he's just trying to squeeze in there and blocking other people. And, you know, they just got to deal with it,

because he's the big truck, and he gets to go where he wants. He was a big fat boy. He was a big fat truck boy. I saved the clip because I had to see. I waited for us to drive a little further because it records the camera in the back too. And I wanted to see how it continued to play out before I clip it. That was maybe the fourth incident in five minutes. But it was definitely the most egregious.

Yes. And it made me start screaming in the car. You were screaming about that, but he was screaming about the other car, which I don't remember which incident that was. The was like, you were screaming about that, but he was screaming about the other car, which I don't remember which incident that was. The car like turning left. Yeah. He didn't get in the middle,

just stopped in the lane. Just from a face jam perspective, while Jordan is very frequently like mildly annoyed by people driving, rightfully so, this was just a straight up like, move!

And it's like, oh, people are like, we're getting testy. It was like the second or third fucked up thing that happened to like a million people just a little bit of like nicks here and there not nick but like little little annoyances here and there

and then like the fourth guy who is also mildly annoying he just gets it I just did I thought I was gonna have a panic attack in the backseat of the car trying to get back to the office holding these fucking Cool Ranch pizzas. I was losing my mind. Also, the exit from the store was insane

with Nick, where we took... So, usually... Okay. Yeah, get him, get him. The system is Eric orders the food, right? Beforehand, usually, almost every time. Beforehand, whatever. He walks in, he picks it up.

Stand around and wait. He pays for it, whatever. Nick stands there. He looks at all the treats and desserts and ice creams and all that shit that he wants. Jordan and I will look around at shit. We'll make fun of this, look at that. Usually, we're not too involved.

We're just back to the side. Then we get the food. We take some pictures. We'll go outside. Sometimes, we'll take some pictures outside. Then we leave. And usually it'll be like Jordan's driving and I'm in the passenger seat. And then they'll put the food in the back.

Yep. So we got the food, which is like little boxes. Seven small boxes. And so you gave some to me, you gave some to Jordan. And we take the picture. And we're walking out and I'm still holding the food. And Nick just like puts his hand out. Not really paying attention.

I just handed to him because he's asking for the food. First he was like, oh, I'll take that. Like inside the store. And then we go out and go, okay, cool. He knows I'm about to go drive. I can't be holding the food. That's really thoughtful. And then we're outside.

And then he just holds his hand out to you and takes the four other boxes. And now he's got seven boxes. He can't get in the car. Four of us are standing there and Nick's just holding seven boxes. He can't get in the car. Four of us are standing there, and Nick's just holding seven boxes. He's just like, Nick, why did you ask for Michael's? I'm helping. Yeah, well, okay, now he says I'm helping. I'm looking at Eric, and we're getting in the car,

and you're like, why would you do that? And Nick goes, he's not going to hold it. And I go, oh, yeah, you know me, I'll throw it on the ground. How dare you, peasant? I'm standing three feet from the car holding the food, and Nick takes it out of my hands and just stands there holding. He's like a standing jumping jack.

He's just standing there holding boxes of food. And we're like, and Eric's just yelling in the parking lot. It's like, what are you doing? I just want to go. And then Michael impaled himself on a fucking car window. Oh, my God. I forgot about that.

Oh, dude, it finally got me. It's true. It was so funny because I had the car door open and was distracted by this fiasco going on. And so I had the car door open and I turned and the top of the window of the door perfectly jabbed me and inserted itself. My arm was off into my armpit. And especially, there's just nothing there now. It's a cavernous space, so it can keep going. I think it cut some of my shoulder muscle or something.

I was like, Jordan immediately regaled me of how that happens to people. It'll get you! It'll get you! Tesla windows will stab you from the inside. It was a rounded stab. It wasn't sharp. It was just like, ah! But it's not like the... It doesn't have a frame.

So it's just the glass. It's like the edge of a hockey stick. Yeah, it is. It is shaped that way. It is shoved into my arm. If it gets you in the right way, it'll just get in there. And yeah, that does happen because the door is shaped just different

from other doors enough for if you're not paying attention and you think you have the space cleared, it's nope. No, you don't. It was perfect, like turning and going over it and then leaning down to get like, get into the car. Yeah, and then I just, like, impale myself on top of it. It was pretty good.

And then we almost got in six car accidents. And then we ate Oreo Caterpillar and, I don't know. It was all worth it. It was fucking insane. Here's the press material. Doritos, Cool Ranch, Papadia. Made to order with the brand's fresh, never

frozen, original dough. The Doritos Cool Ranch Papadilla comes filled with your choice of chicken, beef, steak, or other fillings. I don't know what those are. I ordered what all of the options were. They haven't come up with them yet. All toasted

and dusted with bold ranch seasoning. It also comes with extra sauce on the side for dipping. It also comes with extra... And we make sure we tell you on the box. Don't panic. It's on the inside. More material. Time for

some quotes. This one's pretty long and there are two of them. There's two of them. We always get one from both sides. Absolutely. It's brand integration. What did Tony call it? Powerhouses coming together. Two powerhouse brands. What was the brand

energy? It wasn't like synergy. That episode hasn't come out yet. We're referencing something. We'll figure it out. Find out next week. Tony was very excited about it. Tony're referencing something. We'll figure it out. Find out next week. Tony was very excited about it. Tony loves this stuff. Alright, quote, at Papa John's

flavor exploration puts us at the forefront of our menu innovation which is why we couldn't be more excited to bring together our better ingredients, better pizza, register trademark, promise with the iconic flavor of Doritos, register trademark, cool ranch to create this limited time papadilla, said Kimberly Bean. Registered trademark promise with the iconic flavor of Doritos. Registered trademark.

Cool ranch to create this limited time papadilla, said Kimberly Bean, VP of menu strategy and calendar planning. She must be a producer. Not only did she strategize this menu, she knows exactly what's coming out. She says more, but flavor exploration puts us at the forefront of our menu innovation. That doesn't fucking mean anything. That's basically if she

had to write this for her fact sheet and she couldn't Google Papa John Lawsuits. So she had to come up with that. She had to come up with something else. Someone just sitting there going, flavor exploration? This is what happens when the writers are on strike. That's what happens.

Don't let Kimberly type another memo. At some point, I'm going to put together all the ingredients of one of these presbyterias, and they've got to hit every checkmark, and then we'll have a secret sound or something. You should write. Or we should do a press material on face jam, even though it's not a food, because this is so vague. We could make it sound like.

You know, like, where the fuck even is it? This thing is so long. Jordan, I looked down when you were reading it, and I couldn't believe that you were even halfway through the fuck even is it? This thing is so long. Jordan, I looked down when you were reading it and I couldn't believe that you were even halfway through. You're about halfway through the first one. So let's just fucking finish it. Quote. Kimberly goes on to say this is great. Our partnership with PepsiCo

food service, one word, allowed us to leverage the bold taste of Doritos Cool Ranch. Cool Ranch now has a registered trademark. It didn't before. To reimagine a specialty seasoning for the Papadilla, which offers new and current customers the ultimate chip and sandwich experience and gives them a bold taste in every bite.

So delicious, you'll wish you had thought of it first. That's literally, now this is just Eric wrote this. Right? Maybe Kimberly should write this. thought of it first. What? That's literally, now this is just Eric wrote this, right? Maybe Kimberly should write this. I will say, I will say everything you just... Maybe she's got time on her calendar. Everything you just read, all of that, our partnership, all that, that's one

sentence. That's true, it is. There's a comma in there, but it is in fact one sentence. It's one fucking sentence and it says so many words to say nothing. New and current consumers, love when they refer to people as consumers, the ultimate chip and sandwich experience. Oh, leverage the bold taste.

This is written by someone who has watched the session and thought it was the coolest thing they've ever seen. It's also really impactful when you keep describing it as bold Yeah Bold Let me tell you I ate it It ain't bold

Right Nothing bold about it It was us going I think this almost tastes like food Until you dip it I'm trying to think Of other chip and sandwich experiences I've had in my life

As a consumer You mean like eating I don't know Like a sandwich With a bag of chips Yeah Like the real experience What they're describing

Is not this In any way, shape, or form. It's a bastardized version of both. And I don't think it was the ultimate version of that either. Well, I will say, when you are a kid and you go to the pool and then you put Lay's potato chips on a sandwich. It's still better than this. It is. That's a bold flavor,

and you're leveraging the bold taste of Lay's registered trademark. But you know what? You know what? I have 10-year-old Eric. What are you doing? Oh, I'm leveraging the bold flavor of Doritos. And you know what, Jordan? You wish you thought of it first.

You thought of Doritos on a sandwich? It's insane. It's the new lemons. It's absolutely insane. Someone wrote that. Yeah, Kimberly Bean. Right. And then someone else went, great.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Who does he write these for? Shareholders? Like, why put this out as press? Like, you're not talking to someone who's going to eat it. I think it's so you can take parts of it, and your website that talks about fast food stuff can take little pieces and, like, nuggets of it and put it out there. I wouldn't use any of this.

I wouldn't buy a birdcage with this. It's shareholder stuff. Like it's definitely shareholder. I don't get newspapers anymore so I guess I'll just use the fact sheet. It's fucking crazy. And also, hey. Gotta buy a birdcage.

That was only from the Papa John's. Yeah, let's get it from the Doritos angle hey, that was only from the Papa John's side. Holy hell. Let's get it from the Doritos angle. Let's get it from the Doritos angle. I can only hope that they are a little more down to earth. Nowhere near this. I don't think Shaq does anything with them anymore. That was In-N-Out? Yep. No, that's a different restaurant.

I put a... He liked it a lot over there. Yeah, that was clever. I put a basketball game on last night, and it was halftime, and so I was listening to the analysis. Yeah. And Shaq is great because he's just clearly looking down and either at notes he's written or watching the monitor in the table

and he's just talking. He's not really into it. He sounds like Shaq. He's very monotone and stuff but my favorite part was Charles Barkley starts talking and he goes the Celtics are shooting 75% and they're only up by two points and Shaq goes oh my god they are shooting 75% that's incredible like you could see him look down at the stat and go, man, that's awesome. Marcus Smart's on one.

I was like, I need to watch more basketball. That's cool. We need more experts like that. Right? You know what I mean? Oh, the NBA on TNT. When Charlie Bartley just threw it, I was like, yeah, they're shooting 75%. Holy shit, they are. Chuck, did you know this?

Chuck, Chuck. NBA on TNT, like, halftime shit is so good. They're the best. They're so fucking fun. They got a real chemistry there. It's great when Shaq and Charles Barkley argue and you just go, I remember 1994. Yeah, who's going to be the guys like 20 years from now? Is it going to be like Draymond Green?

Dylan Brooks when he gets back from China. Hey, let's hear about Draymond Green and Dylan Brooks when he gets back from China. Hey, let's hear about Doritos. Anyway. Well, he laughed at something you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to join in. This is good. This is something about basketball.

The basketball, yep. Got it. Quote, Doritos fans are always looking for unexpected ways to experience the flavors they love. Before we keep going, show of hands, Doritos fans in the room? Doritos fans? Me, Michael. I'm a Doritos fan. Nick is 50-50. How the fuck is he a... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

A Doritos? I like Doritos. I just don't think he's bought in to call himself a Doritos fan. Like, I like Doritos. I eat Doritos. I am not a self-described Doritos fan. But you would consider yourself a Doritos consumer. Oh, yes like Doritos. I eat Doritos. I am not a self-described Doritos fan. But you would consider

yourself a Doritos consumer. Oh, yes. I'm definitely a consumer who's looking to leverage. You make sense. I'm not surprised you're not raising your hand. I wasn't talking

about you at all. Kimberly wasn't referring to the fans. It's the point where we're raising hands and Nick's like, I'm waiting for him to go like,

I'm not really into snacks. Or something. Insane sauce. It's true. They're not a saucy chip. Okay, sorry. Sorry, Doritos fans, you can start over. Doritos fans are always looking for unexpected ways to experience the flavors they love.

And we are proud to deliver on just that. Through this collaboration with Papa John's, said Scott Finlow, chief marketing officer at PepsiCo Food Service. Is that a different arm of PepsiCo? I think so. Okay. I thought their name was just PepsiCo. There you go.

At PepsiCo, we strive to create unique and delicious culinary offerings that go beyond the bag. And we can't wait to hear how much fans love the twist on the classic Papadilla. The classic Papadilla.

It's been around for a couple of years. No, here's the thing. As a Doritos fan, I'm constantly looking for unexpected ways to experience the flavors that I love.

Do you know what I fucking hate? Oh, what's that? When I buy Cool Ranch Doritos, I open it up, Cool Ranch Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos. Furious. Give me something.

So expected. So boring. Because I also, I like to show the background. And I go, I bet this won't be in there. I bet this won't be in there. And then I open it. Fuck, do I have egg all over my face? Got Doritos inside your bag.

I got it on your face. That's why they put it on the outside. I got dust all over my face. They tell you what's in it on the box. It says, hey, we know we've burned you before. Don't look stupid this time. It's in the box. Tipping sauce is inside.

I love bold, unexpected ways to leverage Dorito with PepsiCo food service. It's not even that. I'm going to kill both of these people. It's not only that you got to just constantly talk like this, like this is what people are looking for. Yeah. But to just quote, to just come out here swinging and go, look, we know people are looking for unexpected ways to eat Doritos.

What does that mean? Do you know that? What does that mean? Even if, let's break it down. Hey, you know, sometimes people want new flavors. You can say that. Hey, we made a new flavor of Doritos.

That was unexpected. Nope, we made this shit. I want Doritos Cool Ranch, but in different non-chip forms. Hey. I'm looking to be surprised. Do you like Doritos? Yes. Do you like Papa John's?

Not really. Well, boy, do we have good news for you. We took some of our chips, crushed them up, and kind of threw them on some of the pizza. Yep. You like that? You're welcome. Try it out once. And if everyone-

Try it out once. If everyone does that, we can break even. Hey. You know that thing welcome. Try it out once. And if everyone does that, we can break even. Hey, you know that thing we fucking nailed with Taco Bell like a decade ago? We'll have a much shittier version. Yeah, exactly. Try it out at Papa John's? That brings us to the food. This is... Time to hammer it.

Yeah, I don't know who this is we you said it earlier it's meme food it's meme food it's meme food and the very least they could do is make it taste like what it's supposed to yeah they lazily collected a couple of regions of the surface of the papadia with cool ranch dust yep and they went it's flavored while we were eating it nick was thinking of the surface of the papadilla with Cool Ranch dust. Yep. Nick, while we were eating it, Nick was thinking of bold new ways to leverage the flavor of Cool Ranch Doritos and what he would change in the papadilla and how it should be cooked differently.

Oh yeah, they should do like the, like the sprinkle, like the stuff like on the inside, like while I cook it and then you fold it and then you put it like on the outside too I cook it, and then you fold it, and then you put it on the outside too, so every bite. And it's like, oh, I hadn't thought about this at all. Did he say that? Yes. When did he say that? When he was taking bites. I missed that.

I missed that. I missed that too. And also, as you were explaining it, like, dejectedly and outraged, he over there went, uh-huh. Like, yeah, goddamn right. Honestly? I can't believe I'm saying this. Couldn't be worse.

I agree with Nick. It couldn't be worse. They should have done that. I agree. That would have been better. I would have tasted more. The other thing is, again, as Eric said, a lot of comparisons to Taco Bell. They got the shells.

They still have the nacho shell to this day. That's crazy. And it's hard not to compare it because it's the same thing. It's dust, but it's not a hard shell that's not cooked or whatever. Obviously the shell is what it is when they throw all the shit in it. So the dust is very pristine.

It's like, you know, they don't fuck with it. Even the dust on this, which is I don't know how much they put on it, it's like completely eviscerated by like the cooking and the grease. It's so greasy. It's so greasy. It kind of just gets absorbed into the crust and it's just there.

Right. Like it's there, but it's not like Taco Bell. It's on your fingers. You're like, ooh. Like they smother them tortillas in them. You're not getting it in every bite. You really, it's honestly so easy to compare it because every bite you're like, Taco, ooh, Cool Ranch.

But, you know, rest in peace when they had the Cool Ranch Doritos show. This is just so bad compared to that. I don't remember what the Papadilla exactly tasted like. I don't remember how we rated it. It was greasier than last time. It felt greasier and mushier. Yeah. It was very mushy.

The chicken one's the worst. And I can't, I don't like when I'm chewing food and I feel like it's breaking apart before I'm chewing it. Like it's disintegrating in my mouth because it's fast food mush food. Right.

It's made to get down your throat as quickly as possible. After like, there's like one bite, you're tasting it, there's two bites and then it's, you just realize

you're just kind of dipping this greasy soft thing filled with just like flavorless meat into a wet like sauce that just kind of turns it into like a glob. It's like, it very much turns into, and the other thing that throws me off

is with the Cool Runge, the taco shell, it's always crunchy. Yes. This is soft, and I understand, like, I mean, it's softer. It's not soft. But it's made to be that way. But I can't help but associate it with, like, a soft, like a hard taco that became soft. And that's soft.

Oh, that's exactly what it's like. That's what it's like. It's like a hard taco that sat out for a while and the shit inside of it softened it. Yeah, they kind of shot themselves in the foot by being too close to a taco. That's what I taste. But I think you nailed it

when you talked about how mushy the food is. It's very mush food. It is like a soft taco or a taco that's been left out. Right, a soft taco would be better. Right, right. This is a thing that is like I have bitten it off

of the thing. It is in my mouth. It is quietly disintegrating without needing to take another bite and now it is sliding down my gullet. There's a glob of sauce or what otherwise would be sour cream. Collecting it.

I'm eating it I guess. It. Just sort of collecting it. Lubricating everything. And then I'm eating it, I guess. It's just sort of me eating like a third or then like an entire one and going, this isn't good. No, this is just falling into me. It's like the facsimile of food. Somehow it's just happening. Yeah, it is.

The papadilla simply occurs within you. Not that it looks attractive, but it looks more like food than it tastes like. It does, because it doesn't taste like much food at all. Yeah, but even with the, a big problem of it is that there's so many fillings in there. You know, it's the steak and then there's tomato and onion and the cheese and like some, I think some other sauce. Yeah. That like, you don't get the Cool Ranch flavoring

because one, there's so little of it and it just gets overpowered. The most Cool Ranch bite I had was the last bite I took, which was like there were some that collected at the end of it and there was not enough fillings. And I go, oh, that's, well, that wasn't bad. Well, it wasn't good. That was middling.

It tasted like what it was supposed to. And so I think this is a really poor effort from Papa John's, honestly. So they're going to have to get a 32. Wow. Okay. Which one was the worst of them? The chicken is the worst one because that one has the least flavor. It's just so bland. It just turns

into, yeah, it just turns into texture eating. Yeah. It needs flavor. What do you think, Michael? Yeah, it's not great without the sauce, but it's just so... Like, the sauce helps, but it's almost like I feel like

I'm eating the sauce and I'm like, wow, this sauce is really good. It's like, well, this will help get it down. This will slide down me faster. I took a couple bites without the sauce and go, well, this doesn't taste like anything. No. And then I tried it with the sauce and go, well, it tastes like something, I guess. Yeah, this tastes exclusively like the sauce. Right.

It tastes like all the food you're eating, the chicken, the onions, all that. You're chewing that and tasting the sauce flavor. Yes. So it's... I didn't feel good about it. No. And don't get me wrong. I want to feel good eating garbage. And this just didn't do it for me.

So it's like, as a gremlin, I would say, dodged a bullet. Yeah. I agree. That's true. The true winners are the gremlins. You're welcome. We should buy them these for lunch tomorrow. I'm going to have to.

Here's the thing. I agree with Jordan. It's not great. And also, you know, you raised a really good point earlier where we don't know if I believe still the current CEO of Papa John's, John Schnatter. I think he's still attached to them. It's still called Papa John's. It's still called Papa John's.

But he's not attached. I think he's on the board or something. No, I'm pretty sure he's, I don't think, he's not attached. I think he's on the board or something. No, I'm pretty sure he is. I don't think he's attached to it. Yeah, he is.

I think he was and may have just finally exited that place. I just kept saying it because I can. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah,

that's true. People will just assume like, oh, he is. Yep. You know, like it's called, here's what I say.

He's still in charge. Someone presents me with lots of facts. I'm like, oh, that's true, but that's Papa John. It's still called Papa John.

Yep. True. I'm pretty sure he still works there. So he still runs it. Well, he works there now. He's a pizza guy. Yeah, yeah.'s true, but that's Papa John. It's still called Papa John. Yep. I'm pretty sure he still works there. So he still runs it. Well, he works there now. He's a pizza guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just went back to being Papa Pizza.

Oh, is he making below the minimum wage? Well, he's making below the minimum wage. He sure is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sure is. He's doing spyware. And so I think until we know exactly what Papa John's vocabulary is at now,

we've got to take a couple points off. I agree, I agree, I agree. Also, where's Shaq? Where? Where is he? Where are you? Where's Sha i agree i agree also where's shack where where is he where are you where's shack and free britney that's what i'm saying that's all you're saying uh 25 okay i think stop ruining pizza i think britney's freed by the way 28 are we talking spears or grinder i was talking spears okay well they're both free okay cool 28.5 i knew

i knew grinder was free okay great 28 28.5. Spot on for this. I really do agree. This is meme food. I think you could have it with your friends and like laugh about it. But like. After that, you cry. Yeah, because it's definitely like. I'll be honest because the joke's on you because it is not.

It's not good enough to be funny. Don't let Papa John's take advantage of you. Yeah. That's what they're trying to do. They're trying to get you in the building. If you want the meme food, do the pretzel pizza and go, this is the saltiest fucking thing I've ever eaten. Because, boy, we kept giving that thing a fucking chance. Dude, when we tried it a second time, it must have been saltier because I went home and just kept drinking.

Drinking water. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. That's great. It made water taste good. Yep. You want to get you a snack? Yeah. I think we're running. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. That's great. It made water taste good. Yep. You want to get you a snack? Yeah. I think we're running.

Oh, yes. Why didn't you have one? I thought we had the option. I was going to... No, I knew we didn't actually have the option. What do you got here? These are... Well, it looks like a teardrop.

These are from nuts.com. Okay. Hey, I remember that website. Yep. They make commercials. Yeah. And Nuts.com. Okay. Hey, I remember that website. Yep. They make commercials. Yeah, and also Nuts. Can you open it? I'm trying. I know. Did somebody send this in? Yeah, Nuts.com.

Oh, thanks, Nuts.com. These aren't nuts. Okay, I'm already on board. Dark chocolate gummy bears. Whoa! I've never had the urge for that. What the fucking hell? Let me try nuts.com.

Oh, that's what it is. Dark chocolate gummy bears. Whoa. Whoa. You know what? I'm going to be chewing a minute here, but I have thoughts. Wow. That ain't bad.

I'm not a dark chocolate guy. That ain't bad. I'm not a gummy bears guy. That ain't bad. That's like a Raisinette. It ain't bad. I'm not a gummy bears guy. That ain't bad. That's like a Raisinette. It is just like a Raisinette. I was going to say that. A Raisinette's gummy?

Kind of what is? No. It's Raisins. Oh. I feel like I knew that and I forgot. I'm just checking now. Raisins, kind of like gummies. They taste exactly like Raisinettes.

That's why I asked. And it's really not something you really connect until you try one of these. I don't know the last time I said the word Raisinette. These are two things that I never thought to combine. It's good. And I was like imagining in my head like what this combination was going to be. And it's exactly what I thought it was. But then you said Raisinettes and I go for some reason that elevated it even further.

Something I know and like. Dude, Raisinets, classy. That's the classy movie theater treat. Oh, you have M&M's? You fucking savage. These are like a little gummier than a Raisinet just because there's so much gummy bear. But it works. But the taste is the same. That's awesome.

That's a fucking 95. Wow, Jordan? I'm gonna go 86. Can I have another one? Because I could use a little more chocolate on the outside. Then I'd be on board. But 86. That's a good ass snack.

Dude, I could... That might be the best we've got in a long... And it's another one... I could keep eating these, though. Sometimes it's like, yeah, that's all right. But I would buy these and eat this whole bag. Can I have another one? Hell yeah.

90.5. Dude, that's a good ass snack. It makes me freaking over there. K-U-T. I'm eating two at Hell yeah. 90.5. Dude, that's a good-ass snack. It makes me freaking over there. K-U-T. I'm eating two at the same time. Pretty good. Thanksnuts.com. Pretty good, right?

Did they send in a letter and say that they were fans? No, I'll let them know. They just sent us stuff. Pretty good. I'm going to start my own website called darkchocolategummybears.com. What are you going to sell? Nuts. No!

Well, if you want to sell? Nuts. No! Well, if you want to send us snacks, you can. You send snacks to Face Jam, Care of Eric Bredore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Is that going to become Gremlin food? Holy shit. Dude. No, it's our food. I thought that might be the case. The more I eat, the more I want.

We only put like 10 out and we take them 10. Yeah. Then we go, this is all that's left. Dude, I'm bumping my Scorpio at 90. I keep eating them. They're so good. 90, 95, 92.5. 92.5, pretty good. Wow. Right before the clock, too.

Hey, store.roosterteeth.com is where you're going to want to go to pick up your Face Jam Mafia tracksuit. Oh, hell yeah. Those are on sale now. Those are on sale. Here's what I'm thinking. Go sale. Here's what I'm thinking. Go ahead. Here's what I'm thinking.

I want people to send us pictures of them wearing their Face Jam Mafia track suit. Because we want to know that you're in the Face Jam Mafia. Right. Tweet at us, at Face Jam Pod, wearing your track suit, but when you go get something to eat. Take a picture. I want it to be in, like, the classic fast food influencer rocco pose too where it is yeah legs spread oh yeah arms like one hand over the other over like your dick and like posed up for some reason like your chest is out yeah uh your shoulders are back yep uh i'm trying to think of

like yeah and make sure you get a good low angle. Put the food on the ground, get a good low angle and you're kind of just standing over it being like, of course I did. Yep. So send those pictures to us. Is that like the meme

with the guy wearing the watch? Is that the kind of stand you're talking about? Like a little bit, yeah. A little bit like that guy? Yeah, a little bit like that. It's almost the, you know,

I had to do it to them. Yeah, it's a little bit like that, but that's how Rocco does it and to me, in the Face Jam Mafia track suit, like that's the move. Oh, you're going to look so cool. We need to send one to Rocco for him to do that. Here's the thing I just want to say. That's a Rocco does it. And to me, in the Face Jam Mafia tracksuit, that's the move. We need to send one to Rocco.

Here's the thing I just want to say. That's a really good idea. Here's the thing. That's a great idea. We should send it. Don't point at him. I said it. Well, but you're not going to send it.

That's true. We're going to make him do it. Here's the other thing. Send it to him, but also just say it's from Nuts.com. And maybe he'll wear them. Thanks, Nuts.com, for the Thanks nuts.com for the track suit. Here's the other thing. I got some inside info, right?

If you're looking at the track suit and the track pants. It's a jacket and pants. The jacket and the pants. They're sold separately. You can buy one or the other.

I will say, we're moving these. We're moving them along. I don't know if they're going to get restocked when they're out. There is a slight discrepancy

in the sales of the two of them. Really? In that, like, there's a couple more pants bought without, or sorry, a couple more jackets without pants. Because people are probably like, you know, I want to rep the jacket or whatever. But my point is, you want to get the whole look,

you better hurry up. You know what I mean? Because we might enter a situation where we're just left with like a dozen pants. Yeah, a couple of pants. And then you got to, you know, shop around for the jacket or you got to come to my house where I have like seven of them. Yeah, a couple of pants. And then you got to, you know, shop around for the jacket or you got to come to my house where I have like seven of them.

Yeah. Some where it's not even stitched. It's just like a little plastic sticker of a monkey. Right, right, right. They gave it to me anyway. Yep. Here's, here it is. Here's, we're testing it and it's going to be better.

And oh, you can have these old ones and it's like, oh, yeah. I have like three and a half pairs. I'm pretty sure I have a bottom or a top. And one of, I wear medium. One of them, a top and a bottom. One is a small and one is a large. Yeah. Great. You should check, follow us on Twitter and on Instagram at Face Jam Pod.

We'll post a picture doing the pose that you should do. Yeah, we need to do it. Because you got to do it. Like, imagine going to a, this is in my head what it is. You go to a Red Robin and you are in front of the Red Robin and you're posed up and that Red Robin sign is lit up and you're just like Face Jam Mafia. Yeah. Like, that's what's in my head. That's Face Jam Mafia right there.

You can go anywhere and do it. Even the pose, too. Like, the picture. Yeah. Because, like, if it says Red Robin in the picture, you add on text, yum, at the bottom. And then you put a little, like, jingle. And then, yeah. Like a music thing. And then you jingle it. When people look the picture, you add on text, yum, at the bottom. And then you put a little jingle, like a music thing. Make sure you jingle it. When people look at it, they'll sing.

Red Robin, yum. See? Because you took the picture. If you didn't know, that's what, if the jammers didn't know, that's what I was doing. So go to SwordOutRoostTeeth.com now to get your Face Jam Mafia track suit. Very important. Also, Monkey League baseball shirt. Monkily.

Monkily baseball shirt. Monkey League baseball baseball wear that to a baseball game that's awesome and send us a picture people won't even notice it looks it looks so good wear that it's just a major league baseball fit wait a minute yeah wear that to a baseball game please um also come to rtx uh july 7th through 9th uh you see come to the rat and Grackle Pub RTXAustin.com for the details We released some really good promos for that And we have some really fucking awesome merch That we're going to do exclusively at RTX There's some really cool stuff

And wear your tracksuit Hell yeah Group photo We should do a thing where at The live FaceJam episode Because it's not a panel It's not a panel it's an episode Wear your tracksuit and we'll do like live Face Jam episode. Because it's not a panel. It's not a panel. It's an episode of reporting.

Wear your track suit and we'll do like a Face Jam mafia group photo. Oh, that's such a good idea. Where you're bowing and you're clapping. Yeah. And we'll take a picture. Nick, do you think we get a bow? After you take the picture.

Okay. Not in the picture. Then you can come in and bow. Thanks. rtxaustin.com for the details. If you want to come out to RTX, it'll be a lot of fun. July 7th through 9th.

And you can email us, facejampod at roosterteeth.com with your food conundrums. Spit and Silly will be next week. We have some food court stuff coming out. I do think... But next week is the one that... we break the time loop, right? Yeah. Yeah, we get back on track.

Yeah, we get back on track. Oh, that other one came out already. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. It came out. Came out today.

Yep. Okay, very good. Have an idea for what I want to do for, if we do food court as like a show, I think we kind of like crack the nut on it. I think I figured it out. But we can talk about it after we don't talk about it teasing us and the audience but that's it that's all the

news and notes all right well let's get out of here and wash our palate of this papadilla with more of these gummy bears rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food you by the way while he was, probably ate 30 more of those. You're just sucking them down.

You're sucking them down. He has not stopped. Damn. Bump his score up again. 92. Whoa! Goodbye.