100% Eat - Papa Johns Triple Bacon Pizza & Bacon Jalapeno Popper Rolls

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Papa Johns Triple Bacon Pizza & Bacon Jalapeno Popper Rolls so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about epic bacon for the win, the ins and outs of a road trip, moon cheese tastings, and territorial pizza. Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/facejam) and Upstart (http://upstart.com/facejam). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. can go much shorter, can it? I'm trying to listen to the music. Okay. Well... How's that? He turned it all the way down. It's really good. Oh, okay. It's coming back. Yeah, okay. Whoa. Hang on. Encore. Rarely do we get to the end, right? Hey, what's up? It's Face Jam. The show where we try every new fast food creation

to let you know if you need it. I mean, you probably do. It's food. Thanks to Honey and Upstart for making this show possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you today? I'm great. We're back. We are back.

Back in our regular room. Not in that hotel room anymore. There, went down one centimeter. See, it went down just a little bit. You almost knocked over your water. It's good. Everything's good. And we're not calling attention to it. Oh, my down one centimeter. See, it went down just a little bit. You almost knocked over your water. It's good. Everything's good. And we're not calling attention to it.

Oh, my computer. My CPU. Oh, man. CPU. Oh! Yeah, you got poo-poo. New excuse to get that M1 Pro chip or whatever. Oh, yeah, that's right. They finally brought back the thing they took away in 2014. I'm gonna get one for me.

I'm gonna shop around from surgeon to surgeon until I find someone who will implant away in 2014. I'm going to get one for me. I'm going to shop around from surgeon to surgeon until I find someone who will implant it in me. Somebody will do it. I've been seeing a bunch of stuff online of people getting leg lengthening surgeries. I saw that too. It's like all of a sudden in the last two weeks

it's like, hey, you lengthened the fuck out of your legs. This guy went from 5' to five eleven and you're like that's i mean i saw is there a new technique the way it works they they can lengthen the femur and then a year later if you're still feeling like i'm not quite tall enough you can lengthen your uh tibia and your fibula how did they do that is it new technology or break it and put shit in between that's old technology yeah that's that's what i'm saying it's coming back i have no idea i i i because what i'm seeing a lot on like just reddit in general is like people trying to match on tinder and like being disheartened heartened by the fact that the first question they're always asked by

a woman is how tall are you and if you you're under six feet, they're like, nah, not interested. Which most people are. Yes. The average height of an American male is five foot nine three quarters. Oh, three quarters? How tall are you, Eric? I don't make it. I'm right around average height for an American male. I mean, I feel like in height

there's no winning scenario where you add past the inch, right? You just seem like a liar. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Who the fuck says I'm 5'9 and 3 quarters? Yeah, right?

You're 5'9 and you're 5'9. That 3 quarter really makes a difference. I'm like 35 and a half years old. I guess that's how measurements work, right? It makes more sense in centimeters, but feet and inches have fucked that up, okay? So I'm like 5'9 and a half. I don't say that. It's embarrassing.

Right. Then people go, what are you, five, eight? What are you, five, seven? I'm five, nine. Yeah. Just move on. Just don't worry about it. It's a half fucking inch.

And also, it doesn't matter how tall anyone is. Well, maybe if you're nine, five, that's a little fucking tall. Yeah, that's too tall. That's too tall. I just feel like if I was six, two, I wouldn't have any problems. What's funny? Yeah. Really? Yeah. It would just be like, I was 6'2", I wouldn't have any problems. What's funny? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. It would just be like, wow. Like, oh, everything's perfect. I know I learned and I know what that bone lengthening surgery is. Probably, I don't know, 15, 20 years ago. Yeah. Because it was an episode of CSI and it was about like a little people convention. I saw this.

and it was about like little a little people convention i saw this and like and like being like an inch or two taller was like you were like in the scenario of this episode right was like you're like you're huge you're the sixth yeah yeah yeah so like someone had like done it and it was like a scandal like people didn't know that they like lengthened their bones and it was like excruciating it was like yeah well you just like break you just break your legs and shit. That's the thing, too. It's super painful, and then it fucks you up when you're older. But you get to be two inches taller. Yep. And that was like, whoa.

There was a similar scenario that was far less extreme and more comedic in Seinfeld, where he just wore platform shoes. Yeah, he just wore lifts. It was great. Which you should just be doing anyway just wear lifts it's fine much less painful it's crazy how that technology

welcome to Face Jam the fast food podcast by the way I'm fine with this I should say today we're reviewing Papa John's triple bacon pizza and bacon jalapeno popper rolls

yeah that's right okay now we're good back to it let me break your legs I'm gonna make you taller let's go out back after the podcast. Just fucking hammer him. Someone comes out and you're just screaming.

He's 6'2 yet? You're just screaming outside. Is life perfect? And someone goes, oh my God, what are you doing? And you go, he's making me taller. I just want to be happy. You're making me taller. And then you guys just stand there and go, it's true.

He agreed to this. It's crazy how that technology hasn't progressed at all. Where they just, they break it. They've probably been doing that since the Civil War. Yes, calling it technology is a stretch. Well, that's, it's... We're going to smash your bones and they're going to grow back.

Right, and you would think like, oh, okay, there's got to be a better way to do this. That's what I thought. And then you see stuff like steroids and you just go, the leaps and bounds that they have done in 20 years is like, it's astounding. When you look at Danny Bonaduce,

who was just on steroids and then died early and then everyone's just on anabolic testosterone replacement Danny Bonaduce die? Yeah When was that? Like, had to be like early 2010s What? No

Wrong, because I was still watching fucking Nick threw shit off the table. I was watching... He's on the hunt. He's alive. He's alive. No way!

Yeah, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Wow! I watched that... Fuck, what was that show? Yeah, but here's the thing. Shut your mouth. Shut the hell up. But he's only 5'7".

Shut the hell up. I was watching that... How ripped is he? That shitty show on TruTV that used to be court TV called World's Dumbest. And they got a bunch of D-list, C-list celebrities to be like, this guy's dumb. Danny Bonaduce was on that well after 2010. Nah, he's dead. I thought maybe a year or two.

Nah, he's dead. Get out. This is the opposite of the Michael Lich thing. Podcast is over. Let's make you tall. Let's go. This is how you can inflict pain on Eric without killing him.

I don't listen to Face Jam. I'm not really a food guy. I don't like that they eat on the show. I can't buy the food. I live in a different country. I can't buy Papa John's. I didn't listen to that. But do you have legs?

Probably make your arms longer, too. Face jam. The number one leg hammer. You go into a surgery and you say, I want to look like Lanky Kong. And they say, we got to break those arms. Oh, my God. We got to break those arms. Nick went like this.

All right. Holy shit. He's friends with Lanky. That ruled. That was great. Yep. So back at Papa John's. Is this our first three-peat?

No, this is only a second. Is that real? Yeah, this is only the second time we've had the three-peat. Wow. Really? Yeah. We did the Papa Dia's. Yep.

I feel like it was around February 8th, 2020. No, it's February 18th. I'm done. You're done with what? Like ever knowing where we've gone. Where are we talking about this? Today is fully I'm committing it's gone forever. But like specifically, I could have sworn we had Papa John's 3.

In my head, it's like I'm sure it's just like a Pizza Hut I'm thinking of or a Domino's or some shit. I will say I feel like pizza is the hardest to'm thinking of or a Domino's or some shit. I will say, I feel like pizza's the hardest to distinguish in my brain of like the stupid fast food shit. Oh, I can't tell you the difference between

Pizza Hut and Domino's. We should try some sort of blind taste test. Ooh. Okay. It's not a bad idea. We could do that. I'll never forget

the McSweetie. That has a special taste in it. We all remember where we were. And then you disposed of Grace. Yeah, well, she's not around anymore, so we don't have to worry about that. It's weird how, like, stop.

He's doing the execution thing. You know what's weird? We talk about her every episode, and then for some reason, when the episode comes out, there's, like, all mention of her is edited out by someone. Yeah, it must be Nick. He had it, so. Under someone's demands. I like when her betrayal came out,

there was a comment that Nick pointed out. He was like, if you rearrange the letters in Gracie, it spells Eric something. I don't remember what it was. And I was like, but that's not, to Nick more than the person.

I go, that's not how you spell her name. She has a very unique spelling. Like it was misspelled. And Nick's like, check this out. I was like, right, but she's got a Y in her like check this out yeah it was like right but she's got a y in her right yeah no one knows it's everyone going i love gracie and every gracie

is misspelled everywhere everyone writes it's fine yeah but this guy should know yeah it's true but uh former co-worker we won't former co-worker we won't tell you where the y is that's true it's first it's first the why is silent yeah it's gracie all right why let's see let's get this let's get this back on track okay papa john's yep we went there let me start with a very relevant papa john's um question uh but i guess to the audience, don't bother answering. You just say it out loud. We don't care. But I'm more asking this room.

Would you rather sleep in a pumpkin or live in a pumpkin? Now listen, you gotta get it started. You gotta get it started. Here's how we trick them. We put two tip jars. So at the Papa John's, you know, they have like Halloween decorations up.

And they had two tip jars on the counter. And then they had that scenario poised. Would you rather sleep in a coffin or live in a pumpkin? And then arrows pointing to the tip jar. You have to vote you use your dollar to vote and the coffin had one dollar yeah the pumpkin had no dollars one employee dollar yeah so then i described the the uh old bald smoking man that ran the shop going you gotta get it started nobody wants to be the first one. Here's the trick. You put a dollar in, and then people start dumping all the cash in.

And then daddy comes by, and he's got to vote. They say, oh, I can't be the only schmuck not putting dollars in. So anyway, I tipped him on the card, and I didn't get a vote. Did you write on the receipt, put this in the pumpkin jar? $5 for the coffin, please. You've got to wonder, is that five votes or is it just like... If it's pizza.

You just walk in and you say, I don't want your pizza but I have opinions and the pumpkin will win. You just put a $100 bill on the pumpkin and you leave. The pumpkin must be heard. And then you walk out. I really like the scenario where like word starts getting around town.

I hope it does. And people are just going into the Papa John's, not for the pizza, but to just drop a dollar in their choice. Some would say it's a more satisfying experience. Yeah, that goes directly to the workers. Yeah, of which there are very few apparently. As Papa John's could not have more signage that said, we're fucking hiring. Well, yeah, there was a guy in a Shaq costume A guy in a Shaq costume

holding up a pizza sign that says We're hiring Shaq's very busy so they couldn't get him for the photo shoot so they just took a picture of him from a tabloid walking around town and photoshopped him It was on the front of the store

I said it looked like someone wearing a Shaq costume for Halloween. It just looked weird. They also had like caution do not cross tape on the front door, which I just thought was confusing. It's very confusing. I said, is this real or not? Is this decoration or is this real? It's hard. Don't forget, we are in the middle of a pandemic.

So it's like, oh, you guys are closed. Like, bring the pizza out to me. Don't let me go in the restaurant kind of deal pandemic, so it's like, oh, you guys are closed. Like, bring the pizza out to me. Don't let me go in the restaurant kind of deal. The only hint was it was orange, not yellow. You had to look at it a little closer. It's kooky. What if you're not used to American customs? You would just leave.

And you just want a Papa John's pizza. Well, yeah. Here's the other thing, too. Came all the way from Russia. I will say about the Papa John's employees. We have Pizza Hut, but no Papa John's. We walked in, and someone threw Eric the keys and went, delivery. Yeah, all right.

I wasn't dressed like anyone that works at Papa John's. Everyone was, if anything, you guys are all dressed like Papa John's. $15 to $18 an hour, Eric. No one wants to work. I mean, if I start now, I could really work my way up to $18 an hour. No one wants to work. I mean, if I start now, I could really work my way up to $18 an hour. We all met up. We're walking out of the building. For some reason, it didn't hit me.

I was last. And I was looking at all three of you guys walking towards the car. And Eric's wearing a red collared shirt. It's a very generic shirt. It's just a red polo shirt. It's like a cartoon character shirt. And I just went, it is. It is. And I went,, it is, it is.

And I went, you look like you deliver pizzas. And we all found that very funny. It looks like wardrobe dress to you today. And then I was anticipating getting dunked on inside the Papa John's the whole time, but we walked in, nobody, not even Shaq himself on the outside was wearing this. It wasn't even worth it to dunk on you. No one was wearing this. I was too focused on the tips.

You were very focused. I was wearing sunglasses, and I feel like you could still tell I was just staring right at it. You were, yeah. It's like when you tease a dog with a piece of bacon, and the dog is going, just hyper-focused. But the answer is obvious.

Sleep in a coffin. I would sleep in a coffin. Because then it would be inside my great house. I don't even understand. Not your pumpkin. Oh, man. My nice bed inside of my pumpkin? Someone said to, like, is it a large pumpkin?

You asked me, and I go, how big's the pumpkin? Right. And I was like, even in a scenario of a people-sized pumpkin. Why would you choose pumpkin? It's going to be all messy. Yeah. It's a people-sized pumpkin. Why would you choose pumpkin? It's going to be all messy. It's going to stink like pumpkin. There's going to be seeds everywhere. And then also, it's going to rot.

Coffin won't rot. Come November, done. Yeah, dude. Well, January maybe. Depends how quick on the draw you are. If you wait long enough, it takes care of itself. Who cut eyes in the front of my house? And then they set it on fire and it looks like a jack-o'-lantern.

It's like, oh, no. Not again. Every year, right around this time. My house gets burned down. Me and my black cats have to escape on my broom. I assume you're a witch if you live inside of a pumpkin. That seems like a witch home. Does it?

Yeah. To me, it sounds like a witch home. Okay. I think of that lady who lived in a shoe. That's a pumpkin. That seems like a witch home. Does it? Yeah, to me it sounds like a witch home. Okay. I think of that lady who lived in a shoe. That's a shoe. I'm just saying, stop living in things. Yeah. You should only live in things that are houses. Don't live in a pumpkin or a shoe. Stop living in things that aren't houses.

Sleep in a bed, live in a house. What do you want? Hey, you want to live in this glove? Not really. I don't. She seems weird. You know? There once was a woman Who lived in a red polo shirt I would I would almost accept

Hang out in the pocket of a shirt Uh huh That seems fun at least Like you're a little Like you're a little Joey Yeah like a little kangaroo Right But even still

It would have to be magical Like there's a house inside Like the TARDIS Bigger on the inside Yes Yes That or like the Like Harry Potter with like, check out my shitty tent. It's a whole ass house.

And you say, how are magicians poor? I don't understand it. Right? You can do this. How does poverty exist in the world? I don't understand. How are magicians poor? You have magic.

How? You can just do stuff. Seriously. What is Arthur Weasley fucking up? It just doesn't make any sense. It's just like, I don't understand it. Is he just bad with money management? I guess. You look at a world like that and go, why do you have money? I don't even understand it. Abracadabra the

fucking rent up and let's get moving. Once you saw the scenario where all the pots and pans were washing themselves, I was like, why does anyone the scenario where all the pots and pans were washing themselves, I was like, why does anyone work? No one has any jobs. And that's why I've joined anti-work as a wizard, former muggle. Makes more sense, bro.

You can't be a former muggle. I am now anti-work. That's not how that works, bro. I'm a half-blood. What are they called? That's a thing. Oh, is it? There's a half-blood.

There's full-blood. There's squibs. Squibs? Squibs are full-bloods who don't have magic's full blood squibs squibs are full bloods who don't have magic squibs are socks squibs is like I got full magical parents but I just suck what is muggle born muggle born is when you have muggle parents and then you just have magic spontaneously

you're just like better than them at our friend Sean's like wedding sort of like pre-reception thing where it was like, oh, congratulations on the engagement, the engagement party. Wow, pre-wedding, I guess, so accurate.

We all put it together. Hey, cut all that part. Hey, my friend Sean's engagement party, my friend Brian walked up to- How many friends do you have? Oh my God. Like four or five. Okay.

Walked up to the bride-to-be's mom and introduced himself, and he said, hello, I'm Brian and I am Muggle-born. She was not thrilled. She didn't like that. Oh, is she one of those purebloods? Yeah. God damn it. She's got a word for Muggle-born

and I will not repeat it. That's fucked up. Damn. Why are we talking about Harry Potter? Bob and John, son. What are you talking about, Jay? Let's get on to the haiku. That's a good idea.

Sure, yeah. I was going to say, how do you feel about their food in general? Bad. Yeah. Fine. It's disappointing me less than Pizza Hut in the realm of the show. That's for sure. I think Domino's is the best.

Although, I think Domino's gave a poor showing from what I recall. I think we hammered it because we've had Domino's, right? Yes. I don't know. I can't keep track. End me now. Take me. Domino's is the best.

Pizza Hut should be the second best. But it hasn't been in this experience. It's been Papa John's. Hate aside, from Papa John. Right. Luckily, he hasn't been in charge since we've eaten there. So we'll have more information about that. Oh, my God.

This promotion they're doing is part of something called Bacon Mania. Is that correct? That is correct. And we'll learn more about that in the food section. So they have other bacon things. That is correct. Okay. Should I read the haiku now?

Sure. I agree. I think you should. Okay. Sure. All right. Papa John's. Should I read the haiku now? Sure. I agree. I think you should. Okay. Sure. All right, Papa John's. Manic strips surround. Not our day of reckoning.

Evil dies tonight. Yeah! Hey, when did you write that? I had a totally different one, and then you wrote evil dies tonight in our Slack, and I just replied in a thread, I'm stealing this from the haiku. Yep. That rules. That rules. I said that we were talking about the food this morning, and then I replied, evil dies tonight.

Big trouble for Eric and Papa John. That rules. You do look like a Papa John minion with your red shirt. He does. He's little Papa. If I button it up all the way, he kept saying, Eric's pitiful defense, he kept saying, they I button it up all the way, I do look like. Eric's pitiful defense.

He kept saying, oh, they're wearing t-shirts. He's dressed like the manager. Yeah. Look. He's dressed like the fucking manager, bro. And if it's all the way up. All you need is a tiki torch. That's exactly what this looks like.

And then I want to avoid you. He doesn't need the torch. Yes, I am a boy. And yes, I am what you might call proud. He doesn't need the torch. Yes, I am a boy. And yes, I am what you might call proud. It like, man, they really ruined the fucking polo shirt.

Well, is that a picture of Eric? That's not even the same guy's shirt. It's buttoned all the way. It's all the way top and bottom, buttoned all the way. That ridiculous. Who does this look more like? Us or him? I didn't say that you look like Papa John. I said you look like you work at a Papa John's.

All right. There's a picture indistinguishable between Eric and Papa John and their clothing. I'm trying to find one of those together. Eric's also started wearing a gold chain. Here's a related search. Drunk Papa John. Oh, no. There's pictures of him totally sloshed.

Dude, he's dying He looks like Weekend at Bernie's He's literally got his arms out and two people are holding him up Is he dead? Did he get replaced? Look at this man This guy sweats like someone I've never seen before Why does he sweat so much?

Because all he does is drink alcohol and eat Papa John's. I've seen people do both of those things and not sweat like this man. He's always so wet. Why is he so wet? Hey, what happened to this guy? Yeah, right? Little Papa. Now that's Eric.

Terrible. Terrible. That's why he wore red. Papa, that's why it came to me. Message received, Eric. Do you think he was there for the January 6th thing? Absolutely. That sounds right.

He was the sweaty one. He was probably with Trump watching it on TV. That's why he doesn't want the documents. We did it. We did it. That's why he doesn't want the documents found. He's trying to block them. Let's get on to these facts.

Let's do it. Our previous Papa John's episode was released February 18th, 2020, where we ate the Papa John's Papadias. It received an average score of 85. You both gave it. It was good. It was good. I remember it, dude.

Because it was pizza that was folded. It was pizza that was folded. It was decent pizza. And I think we were just kind of surprised because it was Papa John's. It was better than again, Pizza Hut, man, it's not doing them any favors. They're handicapping themselves. You're Pizza Hut. Stop being terrible. Stop having bad pizza.

Right, dude. Papa John started his pizza company in the back of a broom closet like Harry Potter. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. The back of a broom closet? So he didn't even have the whole broom closet? Well, no. There was three other tenants.

Okay, continuing. This is Eric. I got a lot of these facts from the Fox News website, and they had a lot of good things to say. Must be a coincidence. They were really hammering on, like, wow, this man started a pizza company by himself he pulled himself up by his bootstraps and also the broom closet was in his father's bar and also they had

a partner who helped them buy out all this stuff and also they bought the company next door to start selling with a small loan of one million dollars exactly what it was an entrepreneur it was like oh this is really man they just got to put it right out there. They just stopped at Broom Closet. They didn't really think they needed to expound on that. Nope. Fair and balanced. Definitely. In 2012, former Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning invested in 21 Papa John's franchises.

No one can say what Peyton knew at that time, but he sold his franchises in February of 2018, and Papa John was fired in July 2018. He knew. He knew. He absolutely knew. He popped out. He was like, oh, he called an audible on that one.

Yeah, uh-huh. He saw the writing on the wall. Thanks for not mentioning the Broncos. You got it. No problem, man. Because they were 31. At that time, it was 31 Papa John's franchises in Denver. Which wouldn't make sense being that he's the Colts quarterback.

You want to hear this little sports knowledge? I'm a sports guy. Eli Manning. Wow. He is quarterback. He is a guy. For the Giants. Yeah! Way to go, man. Thank you.

Dang. Sports guy, Michael. Speaking of sports guys, at game six of the 2008 NABBA finals, a local Papa John's... Stands for non-disclosure agreement. A local Papa John's. Oh. Stands for non-disclosure agreement. A local Papa John's franchise distributed T-shirts with LeBron's number and the word

crybaby on the back. We have two of those shirts. Papa John's corporate claims they were not involved, and we believe them because you'd have to assume if they were involved, they probably would have chosen a different word. He's trying to get it out of his vocabulary. Do you think they'd say hero? That's what I'm thinking. Why would he be trying to get hero out of his vocabulary?

Oh, I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. I mean, again, they're saying they're not involved. I'm going to be honest again. This is where it's going to get classic crybaby. There you go. LeBron James, always crying. They always got to come out and mop up the court.

Get the bucket! Little baby got a boo-boo again. Classic crybaby. They do bring in the mops in between the courts. Now you know it's just for him. Even when he's not playing. His tears remain. There's like a permeation

to them. He plants them and then they grow. His tears are sprouting up again. Tear trees? Yeah. Wow. Like an oasis in the desert. You see?

That makes sense. Dry, dry, dry. I'm on a basketball court. Squeak, squeak, squeak. That's the squeaks. Every time you hear a squeak, you know LeBron shed a tear. Yep, yep. The final fact.

Papa John ate 40 pizzas. That's 4-0 pizzas in 30 days. Then swore to eat 50 pizzas in 30 days. He has still not eaten the 50 pizzas in 30 days. Fucking pussy.

This is a copy and paste from the last time we did Papa John's because he still hasn't done it. Yeah, I know he said it. Where's his day of reckoning? Yeah, no kidding. Hey. Pretty tough. Yeah, how come no one's holding him accountable? And you can see his life has been ruined?

With his islands that he owns. What's his most recent TikTok? When was the last time he put up a TikTok? Did he ever finish that mansion tour? Oh, I hope so. It's like an eagle fighting like a falcon or something. His son was popping up in commercials. No pun intended.

At the end there before he got fired. But what do you think he's up to? He's probably trying to start a small business from his dad's mansion in a broom closet. In the broom closet. In the broom closet of the John estate. The John estate. The John estate. Papa John is still active on TikTok. I thought you were going to say he's still active and then stop.

He has five. He's still alive. He has not gone the way of Danny Bottagucci yet. He died in 2010. Yeah. What an insane thing to pull out of your ass. No, that's right. What are you, a Reddit commenter?

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Where are you, a Reddit commenter? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Where'd you hear that? I said this. Somebody said it once. I heard Jeremy say it to Alfredo one time. You don't know it.

They're friends of mine. Not really. You know their names. I don't know that they know your name. Yeah. Okay. Papa? Oh, Day of Reckoning.

And those are just the facts. There you go. Did you learn a lot? Not really. Oh, what? Well, I knew all the sports knowledge already. I do all the sports knowledge. I do like Trivia Week. Yeah.

But I go every night, so it's not even a week. Oh, wow. It's daily. It's a Trivia Week every day of the week. Yeah. But I go every night. So it's not even a week. Oh, wow. It's daily. It's a trivia week every day of the week. Right. It's a team thing. No one comes with me. Every time I walk in, they go, oh, no.

Yeah, they roll around. And then they fight for second. And then they go, well, there goes first place. Maybe I could get the $5 gift card. That's exactly what I was thinking it was, the $5 gift card at the bar. It almost buys you one beer. Oh, absolutely. You're close.

You still have to put down a credit card because it's still going to be like another 50 or 60 cents. Sorry. Jordan, do you want to teach us about the food? Sure, let's read about the food. Here's some triple bacon pizza. Fresh, never frozen crust. What? I don't know.

They started saying that, but I don't know if that's a thing. Are they ousting industry secrets? I think so. Is crust usually frozen? I guess. industry secrets is crust usually frozen i i guess and i guess i guess like some fast like food pizza places maybe don't like actually like make the dough and like does fazoli's have pizza like what probably like i want to say the subway pizza is frozen right now granted the thing about it is i probably gave it to you well i guess i guess to be fair frozen crust is probably a thing

and then you still imagine they like make a pizza on top of the crust. It's probably just warmed or something. I'm pretty sure Subway is just a frozen pizza. It's all frozen. It's all like dough that they, yeah, again, tossed. Do you think this is one of those situations where no one else is freezing their crust, but they say that there's this fresh never frozen?

According to rumors I'm starting. Exactly. I've heard of frozen pizza. I haven't heard of frozen crust. Do you think they're not taking a shot at Domino's or Pizza Hut? They're taking a shot at DiGiorno and Tombstone? Leave DiGiorno out of this. Fucking get them! They treat me well.

Not sponsored. But I get pizza sometimes. I chop them a line and they, you know, hey, I eat. But hey, I will say, through that, I have also gotten pizzas sometimes. Oh, yeah. Because Michael will bring them in and go, daddy gets a taste. Okay, look, again, I've seen movies.

I've seen TV. I've seen Goodfellas. You get a big wad of cash. You give out a little bit of that money. Okay, don't be greedy. You get 10 pizzas. You give out a couple of pizzas. Do you hand out the pizza in like envelopes?

I wish. Next time. Can I have 10 giant manila envelopes that can fit a pizza, please? You got to go to Chrissy and Syl and Pauly and even you kick it down to Beansy. Everyone gets a taste. Beansy's cheesesteaks. Idiot. Beansies Cheesesteaks

The road trip We saw Charlie's Cheesesteaks I was like Oh you can get Charlie's Cheesesteaks And then an hour later Eric's like What was that cheesecake

That cheesesteak place Beansie And we're like What And he goes I've been watching A lot of Sopranos Then even later

He found out That I just listened to a podcast That was reviewing Charlie's cheesesteaks. Like that? Like days before that, he went, oh, no. I know what that place is. I listened to an hour-long podcast about it.

Beansy? I thought maybe Beansy had cheesesteaks. Beansy doesn't even own a cheesesteak place in Sopranos. That's crazy. It's a pizza place. If anyone's going to own one, it's Ralph. Yeah, Ralph would have a cheese steak. Are there cheese steaks in Jersey?

It's an East Coast thing. I mean, it's like Philadelphia. Yeah, that's what I always think of as. It's close enough. Again, it bleeds over. It bleeds across the border. The East Coast is very like, fuck New York. It's more Philly, not Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania as a whole is kind of like, hey, we don't want any trouble.

But there's pockets of Pennsylvania, like Philly. And it's all very like, we have this. No, we have this. And New York's like, your pizza sucks. Our pizza's good. Then you go to Texas and you go, yo, it's all the same. Like, guys, the East Coast is the East Coast and texas is texas yeah i wouldn't go this is more like new jersey pizza this is new york pizza this is philadelphia pizza it's like oh

this is real pizza this is texas pizza yeah i like going to hoboken pie and being like tastes like pizza yeah yeah like pizza should be yes don't go to hoboken though no new jersey i've been to Elizabeth, New Jersey. That's not bad. That's all right. That's fine. I didn't say it was great. I said it's not bad.

Nope. That's kind of all I know about New Jersey. I'm glad you chimed in about Hoboken. Yep. I went to Elizabeth. You know what? Have you heard of New Brunswick? I assume it's New Jersey, so everything's close.

I mean, it is. There you go. When someone goes, like Texas, I know about 1% of the state. Yes. When someone says a place in New Jersey that I don't know about, I go, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I should know this.

There's only about 12 places inside this one place. Yeah. And again, people are like, North Jersey or South Jersey? It's like, bro, go to Texas. It's 40 hours wide. It sucks. It took us three days to get there. You guys are 90 minutes apart.

You live in the same fucking place. Shut the hell up. Wawa or Cheats. Quick check. It's a 90 minute drive. Shut the hell up. Do you think people in Rhode Island are that fucking territorial? That would be awesome. Rhode Island is the butt of the joke. Yes.

Right? Yeah. Because you can drive through that in about 30 minutes or something. I learned that the borders of Juneau, Alaska is larger than Rhode Island. Yeah. San Diego is a county. New Mexico is the Rhode Island of Texas. Yeah.

I mean, the way we drove through it, it was like, oh, we're finally out. Wow, New Mexico. Okay, we're in Colorado. Right, if you scale down and New Jersey is Texas, then New Mexico is Rhode Island. Yeah, comparable, yeah. Really crazy.

All right, back to the rest of the words on this. Yeah, whatever. Fresh, never-frozen crust covered with our signature pizza sauce topped with smoky crumbled bacon, julienne-cut Canadian bacon, real cheese, and an abundance of real smoked bacon slices. It's a bacon extravaganza! That's the way they're marketing this thing, is this is their bacon extravaganza.

That's why they had the guy dressed like Shaq. I only saw the big strips of bacon. I didn't see no smoky crumbled bacon. There was, like, a little bit of crumbled bacon. I noticed, like, on my first bite or two. a little bit of crumbled bait. I noticed like a Strips yeah, I saw the Canadian bacon. Yeah, it's just ham. It's a Just a m. It's why why are they doing a bacon thing now like doesn't this strike you is like 2008 something-awful.com versus dig bullshit like

This is like some deep cut this is hold on hold on one dig yeah Hey, I did this back before Bonaduce pass This is like some... Deep cut. Hold on, hold on. One dig. Yeah. Damn, dude. Hey, I dig this. That was back before Bonaduce passed. Oh, man. 2008. He didn't know how close to the end he was. He didn't get to see Dig Get Bop by Reddit.

We're really scoping out. We got Bonaduce, Stanley Tucci. Whoa. Yeah. Something Gucci. Oh. House of Gucci coming to theaters soon. Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci Tucci. Whoa. Something Gucci. House of Gucci coming to theaters soon. Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang. That's pretty good. Someone's going to clip that out.

Make a song out of it. Pigeon Studios, Pete's on the case. And Jen. Yeah. And Jen. Jen heard it first. I think she does most of the work. Oh, really?

Oh, Pete's just the face? He's the front man. He's the front man. Friends of ours. But why bacon? To your point, yes. It seems like they're running out of ideas. Yep.

And- Fuck! Make it- Here's what I'm saying. Make a new meat. Wow. Yeah, come up with something else. What do we got?

We got pork. We got beef. We got chicken. They did it with Impossible. Yeah, I'm still- Do it yourself. We got beef and We got chicken. They did it with Impossible. Yeah. I'm still- Do it yourself. We got beef and steak, which is still the same thing, but then you say hamburger and you go, okay, it is different.

I got it. Make another one. Just cut it a different way. I don't know. Yeah. Start mixing shit. Combine the head with the ass or something. And you're right.

I don't know. If they're making all this Impossible meat, just do that, but make it flavored different. Like, go like, hey, this is new Papa meat. Maybe don't call it that. Wait,

wait. Maybe don't call it that. Call it something else. Papa John's pizza meat. I don't know. Just call it something else. I don't know. What's like monkey meat?

Not you. You're saying eat monkeys? I don't know. I mean, what do we have too many of? Eat them. Kangaroo. Kangaroo's a thing. We don't have them at all.

Yeah, but we can get them. And then we can have them be too many. We can't afforded kangaroos. Snake's a little tough. What about snake? What if we ate snakes? Snake apparently is good. I've had snake.

I've seen a lot of cowboys eat snake on a campfire in films. Right? And they always look at the camera and go, it's better than you think. Yeah. And it's weird. Why are they spiking the lens? It's like a cowboy movie.

We do alligator maybe. Maybe it's like an alligator thing. Alligator's okay. Alligator's kind of gamey. It's like gamey chicken. It is gamey chicken. It's a little bit chewy. What else?

What else is a thing? Like birds? Just regular, like pigeons? Don't you touch a grackle. I'm not touching a grackle. Don't you touch a little feather on their little head. Can you imagine what's inside of them? It would just be poison and trash. It's cigarette butts.

Right. Yeah. You cut it open and it's just used Kleenex. Oh, dude. Hey, look. That's still there. That's cool. Oh, yeah.

Pretty cool. Hey, wait a minute. It's over there. Yeah, but it's not there. I know. I know because I have to hang it up over here. So you took it down? No, I didn't take it down. It won't be on camera.

I have a... They don't want it to be on camera. I would say, friend, I know a guy named Jack who took it down. Okay. Wow. Is he in the pocket of the other one? Yes. I will tell you. Uh-huh. That makes sense.

Yep. This all makes sense. All right. Let's learn more about this food. The jalapeno popper rolls. Bacon jalapeno popper rolls. Yeah, those two. We rolled out a tasty new side, period.

Fuck you. Made with Philadelphia. All in caps. Cream cheese spread on our original fresh dough and rolled up with jalapenos for a creamy kick. Baked fresh and cut into eight rolls. Not true. Yeah. Served with ranch dipping sauce.

Wait, hang on. Why do the jalapenos give it a creamy kick? Because they're, I don't know. Oh, I guess the cream cheese is rolled up with jalapenos? They're coming back to the beginning of the sentence. That's a really, that's a long, long. Let me stop the presses here. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to jump ahead. This is not the review, but we all discussed. Yes. How there the presses here. Yeah. Okay? I'm going to jump ahead. This is not the review, but we all discussed how there was no bacon. Yeah. Hang on. In the bacon jalapeno popper rolls. Yeah. They're called, on this sheet, bacon jalapeno popper rolls.

Correct. Bacon is not listed here. No, it's not. It's not. It's just red. Just the Philadelphia cream cheese. Correct. So.

Don't know. I guess call Shaq. I don't know. Call Shaq. Call Peyton. We all just said there's no bacon in this. Well, Peyton doesn't own any restaurants anymore. And Eric kept screaming. Screaming. I guess call Shaq. I don't know. Call Shaq. Call Peyton. We all just said, there's no bacon in this. Well, Peyton doesn't own any restaurants anymore. And Eric kept screaming, they're bacon, they're bacon, they're bacon, they're bacon, they're

bacon. They are bacon. Bacon mania. Bacon mania. And then you just read the press release. Yeah. And it just says cream cheese, jalapenos. Hang on.

He's calling Shaq. I'm Googling it. You're Googling Shaq's phone number? Yeah. I don't think they're going to have that. Shaquille O'Neal, phone number, address, email, and more. Oh, that's not good. Uh-oh. We're going to getq's phone number. Yeah, I don't think they're gonna have that Shaquille O'Neal phone number address email We're gonna get Shaq no Shaquille O'Neal booking

I know a guy now. I know a guy damn dude. Don't put bacon in the name. That's crazy. What are you doing? Yeah, let's get into some press material. Okay. Let's learn. Quote, bacon is such delicious and savory ingredient that instantly makes the food we love more fun. So we are excited to introduce innovative. There it is.

Yep. Bacon products. Not innovative. Yep. Nope. You just put bacon on pizza. Bacon strips. Innovative bacon products.

You just put bacon on pizza. Bacon strips. Innovative bacon products. You did nothing. That bring an extra layer of satisfaction to moments perfect for pizza. What does that mean? Pizza's not a food. It's a moment.

I can't wait to see what you guys rate this moment. You know what this feels like? I live my life one pizza to the next. You know what this feels like? Pizza. Exactly. What a moment. Pizza is a state of mind.

Moments perfect for pizza. Scott Rodriguez, Papa John's Senior Vice President of Menu Strategy and Product Innovation. Dude, he's pulling two jobs. Dude, so many jobs. Menu strategy. How do you strategize for the menu? I don't know because he's also not doing a good job. You get a board and you draw on it. You're like, all right, the customers are going to come from here.

We got to cut them off over here. I mean, do you see how we in the middle of this podcast started going, what other meat can we put on pizza? That's his job. Yeah. Find some new animal and eat that. A little light on the product innovation as well. Yeah, no kidding.

The combination of ingredients we created, you didn't create them, for these products offer the premium taste and creativity. Not that creative. Consumers expect from Papa John's, I expect nothing. There's just so many layers to that of like, you didn't create anything. Yeah. Who expects creativity from pizza? I want good pizza.

Yeah. I don't think that's creative. Make good pizza. Yeah. I don't think that's creative. Make good pizza. Okay. What? Do it well before you try to do anything else. Never, ever describe food as fun. Just don't do it.

Okay? We're having fun. I just don't want to hear it. I just don't want to hear it. Right. Okay? No, I agree with you. Instantly makes the food we love more fun.

Yeah. Not just fun. This food is boring. More fun. I watched Nick look at the board because I got angry and it peaked. There was a peak there. He wasn't ready for it. I'm sorry.

I was having fun. Uh-oh. I got excited. You eating food? I sit back here and the guy yells at me. I sit up here. I'm blowing it out. Delicious.

Okay. Don't. What? That was too close to the microphone. That was a full word. I'm blowing it out. Delicious. Okay. Don't. What? That was too close to the microphone. That was a full word. That was too many syllables. I mean, what we learned from the road trip is that he is learning. He's learning.

He is learning. Yeah. He started using two-word sentences. He's like a two-and-a-half-year-old. He needs that lab coat still. They're two-word sentences, and he's mad. He's mad a lot. Here he is.

He's got that gun. And ash and gray during one of them I don't know that he's always mad but he's always ready to deliver vengeance it's true I feel like if anything he's emotionless he's just like a hitman he's like the punisher

yeah yeah yeah no he's definitely mad yeah it's kind of in his name he's actually really pissed. Classically level-headed guy, the Punisher. I was thinking of the Thomas Jane Punisher. Oh, okay. A little bit more.

Yeah. I'm not mad, but you did wipe out my family. It's kind of an inconvenience for me. I mean, I just can't believe you've done this. I was thinking more like Hitman, like Codename 47. Like clone guy. Like Hitman. Utility guy, yeah.

Hit monkey. He does put on different costumes. He's more level-headed and calm like Batman. Very regular. Showing his teeth is an act of aggression. Man, you know what? We got through the food somehow.

That's it. We did it. We did the show. I wasn't clapping, too, because I was soaking up the claps. He's clapping for us. Yeah, you don't hear it. The actors on stage don't clap. They bow.

Jordan, we bow, they clap. Know your place. Damn. We bow, they clap. That's good. I like that. And the audience is below that. If we ever do go on a tour and we have a live show,

and at the end, we have the applause. We're standing. We have the applause, presumptuous. We will bow. You two must clap as well. Me and Nick have to clap? You get to.

Can we bow at all? No, no, no. What we can do is Jordan and I will be in the middle. He's crouched down like a gremlin clapping. Yeah, you get to. Can we bow at all? No, no, no, no, no. No, your place. What we can do is Jordan and I will be in the middle. He's crouched down like a gremlin clapping. Jordan and I will be in the middle. We will bow. You two can stand to the side, flanking us, 45 degree angled towards us, clapping.

Okay. So it's kind of like you're still with us, but clearly just there. You guys are like you lost in Smash Brothers. You're still like clapping. So it's kind of like you're still with us, but clearly just there. You guys are like you lost in Smash Brothers. You're still like clapping. Can I clap sarcastic? That's fine. You're going to be like Captain Falcon about it. Yeah, that's absolutely what I would do. 100%. Show me your

moves. When I was a kid, I'd go, show me your moves. Yeah! So did I. I still do it. Oh, yeah? That's pretty cool. Do you say it like him, too? Like in his little voice? Do a little hand gesture? No. Oh, okay.

You just say it like you, so it's just you saying it? I just whisper. I get up behind whoever I'm near and I whisper it to them. Biden style. Yeah, Biden. Oh, that's right! I whisper it to them. Biden style. Bybin. Oh, that's right.

I have been yelling again. I got back from that road trip and I just keep telling, I just keep yelling to everyone who wasn't there, Imeach Bybin. And I always get, I don't know, I can't, you're doing something

and I don't know where I should, I don't know how I should react. They're like, I know it's something, but I also know I don't know. I can't. You're doing something and I don't know where I should. I don't know how I should react. They're like, I know it's something, but I also know I don't know what it is. I don't know what you're saying. Amit Biben. That was the one good thing that came out of Amarillo is seeing that like that tag on the ground. They wrote

Amit Biben. They don't know which way the D goes. Also, also, I saw yesterday I was getting gas, and at the pump it had, like, you know, the three qualities of gasoline. And on the whatever premium, there was someone put a sticker. Oh, my God. And it's Biden pointing, and it says, I did that!

It's the premium gas. Oh, my God. And it's Biden pointing, and it says, I did that! It's the premium gas. It's always expensive. Jordan, I had so many thoughts while I was standing there. I went, it's always expensive. The person upset about this didn't get premium. I know they didn't. Bro, I forensicsed it. I was like, they only put it on premium because he's pointing in that direction,

and they couldn't put it on the other side because he's pointing away from the number. Also, clearly this is someone who hates Biden, but they're driving around with stickers of him in their car going, I can't wait to blast this piece of shit. I had so many thoughts just standing there. Biggest joke of all, he has nothing to do with that. No, he made

it high, Trump made it low. That's how I judge every presidency. How much does the gas cost? I'm a real fucking rube. And I'm always angry. Unlike the Punisher. Right. I wish that I was normal and even-keeled like the Punisher.

I did that. That's what the even-keeled Punisher says. Oh, no. After taking out someone. I did that. I did that. Oh, man.

Well, getting the food. Yep, we got it. We talked about it. Yep. I like how- No one called me and said, are you sure when I ordered this time? I like how we established,

oh, I don't know what, four episodes into this podcast that we talk about getting the food before anything. Yeah. Well, I put it there just in case. Yeah. And we never moved it.

Like we would ever forget. Yeah. You never know. Like we've ever done it there just in case yeah and we never moved it like we would ever forget yeah like no like we've ever done it this late in the episode it's always the first talk about that thing specifically that would be a funny prank on eric though right but that thing has nothing really to do with getting the food yeah no no one called me right it's because you ordered two pizzas like a normal person i didn't order was, was it 12 Papadias? The only call he got was the deliveries for the day. Yeah, we need to wrap this up because I'm going to be late.

It's coming out of your paycheck. I only get an hour for lunch. I'm never going to make it to $18 an hour. This is why people don't work. You're losing money. How much did you make today? I'm negative $18. I actually owe Papa John's for two pizzas. That's what happened to Peter Parker. Oh, no.

No. That's why he wouldn't work. Pizza time. Pizza. Well, talk about pizza. Pizza time's over. Except for Nick. He's going to eat more right after this.

I know he's going to. So, unlike the Papadia, this was a very regular pizza. Very regular. Except the innovative bacon that they invented. Boy, you can taste the innovation. What? Pause. You couldn't. Mine was

kind of like breaking apart in like cheesy chunks. Like tectonic plates. I would take a bite and then like the pizza would like tear and I would just have a bunch of sauce with no cheese on it. And it wasn't like, ooh, it's so melty, it's pulling away.

It's just like, this is the seam and now it is gone. Oh, my cheese seam. On the never frozen crust? Dude. Bro. More likely than you think. A dude and a bro. Damn, dude.

I don't know if I was ready for that. But yeah, I mean, smelled like bacon, did not taste like bacon. Yeah. Did not even, huge strips of bacon on it. Didn't taste the bacon at all. Like zero. It had a taste. Yeah.

I don't, it was. It wasn't bacon. It was something. The smell was very bacon-y though. It was smelling up the car as we were driving back here. I almost said home. I don't live here. Not yet.

Where's my coffin? I sleep in my coffin that's in my pumpkin. I put a dollar in each. We all did the same thing of miming putting money in the thing at the same time. That's pretty great. You walk in and go, I request a third

jar! Both. We got the stuffed crust, which I guess, not to use the word fun, but added an element of something else to it. I would say flavor. But very cheesy.

Too much cheese. Too much stuff. Nick disagrees. Nick will always disagree about amount of food. Oh, absolutely he will. Never enough for him. Weird. And then the poppers, again, no bacon. And very raw dough.

Also, we only got six. They were so uncooked. A raw jalapeno, uncooked, in the middle of this dough. With Philadelphia cream cheese. It was like, those were bizarre. And so small. Uncooked. A raw jalapeno uncooked in the middle of this dump. Philadelphia! Cream cheese. It was like, those were bizarre. It's so small. We opened the thing. You can see the picture on our Twitter account at Face Jam Pod.

They are so small and pitiful. It's pitiful is what it looks like. It's sad. It reminds me of Gene Simmons' soup tweet. I hate soup. Pathetic. Damn. Gene Simmons soup tweet.

I hate soup. Pathetic. Damn. You open the box and it just looked like not even a you should get more for how much you pay, which apparently they shorted us anyway, but it was like, why is the box this big? This could go in a small cup.

You know what I mean? It was like there were six and you could have fit, what, 20 in there? It's like the popcorn chicken from... 15? It is. It was very similar of like, it made it look even more... Bleep out the restaurant name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They shall not be spoken. It was like even more pathetic than if they just made the container smaller, it looks more reputable, right? The food should fill the container. I wanted to show you guys because the reason that I ordered these is because i thought they looked i thought they looked oh like oh like they're like decent those look what those look cool those look cooked also those have bacon in them yeah i got bacon i agree that picture filled that picture clearly bacon let me tell you i ripped one apart yes

literally i took a picture of it yeah and there's there's's straight up no bacon. Sometimes we eat it and we go, I didn't taste it. There was no bacon. I wonder if they gave us the regular jalapeno rolls instead of the bacon. I wonder if they didn't have the bacon jalapeno rolls. Again, this is just like that chocolate shake. The conspiracy runs deep though because again, in their own goddamn press release, it doesn't say

bacon. It's like they're leaving room for the error. We know these press releases like a kid desperate to fill pages on a book report, they will use any information they can. The big, delicious, soft bread. It's got salt. It's like you left bacon out of the bacon jalapeno popper roll. They're changing the font size on just the periods to 12 points.

I often wonder why Eric types these out at double space, but that's just how it comes. It's sad. It's fucked up. It is fucked up. This ain't no papadilla. Ain't no papadilla.

True. Right about that. It makes me wonder, like, you know, is Papa John's done for? Like they're slipping now yeah from the 85 it's true oh they're slipping for sure i i just think it's a matter of time before they need a rebrand because it's like they're done like well they got the shack costume are you ready to get shack out of there no i'm ready for shack to take over oh yeah i feel like it needs to be i feel like shack I feel like Shaq just kind of

stepped in and didn't rebuild. We don't need Shaq replacing. We need Shaq to destroy and rebuild. That's what happened when he was on the Celtics. He walked in there and it was like we're not building around Shaq. Shaq is just filling a role.

This is not how Shaq plays well. They're like, let's just let Shaq do all the free throws. Yep. Oh, no. That's the thing he's so bad at. Of course. Michael knows sports. Oh, whoa, mama.

It's like Kobe's not passing Shaq the ball. Oh. Is that a thing? Kobe's not doing anything. Oh, no oh I don't know why you brought it up oh no let's go Lakers it's terrible wait Kobe's not on the Lakers anymore no he's not on any team oh oh Michael's sinking Michael the classic sport oh he is uh well as long as LeBron James is never on the lake oh right no That guy's a crybaby. That's the word Jordan's choosing to use.

I ain't no Papa John. Eric's got the shirt. I guess I should give these a score. Very mediocre overall. Mostly disappointing. For something, the manic bacon didn't really come across at all.

I'm gonna give it... I don't Yeah. I'm going to give it. Fuck, I don't know. Bacon. Fuck, I don't know. I'm giving it a 37. Wow. Incredibly harsh. Okay.

Okay. Incredibly harsh rating. Forgettable pizza. Forgettable. Agreed. The bacon, I'm not going to say it was bad, but it was odd. And it was like, okay, yeah yeah there's a bunch of strips on here but I wasn't blown away

by the bacon uh I did like the stuffed crust better mhm and just like cheese though yeah so that probably

did you take a lactate explains it yeah okay fucking I rocked it baby um did you take a bactate

for the bacon oh no for your bacon allergy oh no the bacon would be more, did I take an antacid? And I didn't. But that's also the pizza in general.

Mm-hmm. Didn't taste any of the sauce on that pizza at all. Well, if your cheese seeds tore apart. By the way, don't take Zantac. Oh, okay.

Because you'll get cancer. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I found that out. I found that out after really years of taking oh no so you're gonna be okay i'll let you know um that was my go-to was like always gotta have zantac and then it was like hey this thing in zantac causes cancer oops get rid of it if you still have it and i went damn oh anyway tell kobe that jordan says what's up yeah

and danny bonatucci just a little worm. Not even a lowly worm, because I like lowly worms. Just a deviant. Just an absolute deviant. Send this guy back to Amarillo. Classic Amarillo style, baby. A fucking escape prisoner hovel.

We talked about it yesterday. We called it Armadillo. Because Jordan kept calling it armadillo because jordan kept calling it armadillo yeah i kept i kept

i kept saying it for a while and forgot that's what it was called you gotta lose the plot of the joke yeah yeah

because it's i called it piece of shit yeah that should be wiped off the face of the earth much like this pizza

uh-huh it was fine not great much worse than the papadias um which was also it's always interesting when you you're like we're gonna plus it up and it sucks worse than nothing right like you said all the papadias was was folded pizza for some reason it was good it was good it's like you took a decent pizza and then folded it and it went that was good pizza yeah here you were like let's throw some mediocre shitty bacon on this pizza and it was like it's not that good yeah i wish i had

a papadillas undercooked aside i did like the poppers but i'm a huge fan of poppers and i love cream cheese i'll say in their favor i was actually surprised how hot the jalapenos were they were spicy they were they. They were like, I would say, more than a mouse. Yeah. Spicy, which I give them credit for that.

Usually, that's why I didn't want the last one. They won't go so bold. I was too afraid of the spice. But they were definitely undercooked and no bacon to be found. Nope.

So, more or less, I agree with Jordan. Not as hateful as him. I'm more of a neutral Frank Castle character. And so, I will say, that's hateful as him. I'm more of a neutral Frank Castle character. And so I will say that's a 55. Okay.

Definitely inferior to the Papadias. It's 46. And these are. I'll take it. Yeah, I agree with a sub 50. Yeah, sub 50 for sure. Yeah. And it's just sort of like, why?

I guess just why bacon? Why now? Why at all? Look, I get, right, at the end of the day, you sit there and you go, why would you do this? And it's because, much like many companies, this is like, you know, like a billion-dollar company or whatever. There's just countless people that have nothing to do. And they need jobs. And so it's like, ah, the bacon extravaganza.

But at the end of the day, it's a pizza place that sells food. And this food is not as good as the regular food. So it's just this circle jerk of you have Scott, whatever, innovator, menu strategy. It's like, just make the pizza. Just make the pizza. But you can't. You gotta facilitate. There has to be this other thing to it. You gotta facilitate the extra

500 employees that work in an office somewhere, and they're like, we're the pizza strategists. Yeah, we gotta make sure our jobs are validated. Correct. It's definitely that. So that's what it is, but it's definitely just a worse version of their pizza. Yes. You know what I mean? They need to do more ideas where it's the same pizza,

but different, like the Papadilla. It's also why, you know what works? Hey, here's the regular pizza. It's on sale. Yes. That's what, wow, it's cheaper. That's tried and true, and it works. You know the stuff you like?

It's the same thing, but now it's cheaper. Would you like more of it? Yes, I would. But now it's this insane craze. Thankfully, because we get to make a podcast. But I would never eat almost any of this shit. What's the point?

It's just so weird. It's so weird. Again, even this scenario. You can just get a pizza and add bacon to it. That's an option. If you really wanted to, yeah. just you can just get a pizza and add bacon to it. Yep. That's an option. Really wanted to. Yeah, I'm just saying. Or you could just get a regular Papa John's cheese pizza.

I'm just saying who the fuck goes, oh, my God. They see this commercial and they put it on the pizza. My life has changed. Now I can have it. You could have just said, I want bacon. The thing about this menu item, like this bacon Mania thing, if you're the general public and not a Popper Rewards member, like you don't have an account with their website, you can't. And also you shouldn't because you're on a list.

Yeah, you can't order this pizza until next week. Oh, so you're on the list. I'm on the list. Because I ordered before. You know what? That makes sense. That's why he got the shirt. He's Because I ordered before. You know what? That makes sense. That's why he got the shirt. He's a pizza rewards member.

You buy the shirt, free membership. All right. Let's get into the snack attack. Oh, we're doing that? Yep. This is from- We're like an hour in. Hey, this is from Jessica B.

Cheddar, bacon, me crazy. I don't like your stupid theming. Moon cheese. All right. I'll say this. I'm't like your stupid theming. Moon cheese. All right, I'll say this. I'm excited because first one, awful. Yeah. Terrible. And Eric agrees.

It was terrible. They've all been pretty bad. The second one, I liked it. I couldn't believe it. And now I need a third. What was the first one? Was Parmesan? I think so, yeah.

What was the second? Yeah, then it was cheddar. I don't remember. The cheddar was good. This, here's the thing, though. This is going to work against it. I don't really care for bacon. People. This, here's the thing, though. This is going to work against it. I don't really care for bacon.

People have a weird obsession with bacon. It's like my least favorite meat. It's just like. It's there. Eh. Oh, it's really there. This tastes like a dog treat. This tastes like a treat for a dog.

I'll tell you. This is bacon strips. I'll tell you. That's also a problem with bacon. Bacon itself rides the line of different or lower quality bacon tastes like dog food. And that's what you're putting in stuff like this. They're not using the nice bacon.

It tastes like the dog strips. Like the little sticks. I feel like it's common knowledge anyway, but I especially know because I used to eat them as a kid. I'll say texture-wise, this is the best one that we've had. Flavor-wise, still a little, like, still a little too stinky. Cheddar bacon meat crazy. I like it without the bacon.

Yeah. I like this. Remove the bacon flavor. I would probably, yeah, like it more without the bacon. I'm going to say I'm still not in the camp that I would buy these and eat these of my own accord. They're too dry. I'm the goby. I think the parmesan was just not good. I just didn't like it.

We really raked them over the coals for that parmesan. Especially Eric. Yeah, I did it. I'll throw him a bone here and give him a 56. Okay. The bacon's not doing it for me, but I will say two out of three moon cheeses have been acceptable.

They've been better. I give it a 65. Okay. That's a 60.5. Very dry, though. Very dry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's like-

You're all out of water. I'm out of water, bro. Don't remind me. Oh, no. Here, drink this. Oh, okay. I'll get drunk. Yeah.

He's handing me Purell. So there you go. If you want to send snacks to us, to Ray. What the fuck are you doing over there? Jesus Christ. You can send your snacks to Face Jam. Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. The Face Jam Voodoo Ranger road trip is done.

And we have new videos coming out soon. Should be the beginning of November. We recorded that? Yeah, I know. Can you believe it? I hope you're recording this. Those videos will be out soon. We have a few more van podcasts where we're eating food on the road, and then a couple

of videos where we are on the road trip itself on our way to Fort Collins, so go check it out. I want to take all the unused footage that we're going to have and just turn that into a series on like our YouTube channel. Yeah, no kidding. Because there's a lot.

There's going to be so much stuff that doesn't make it in those videos. And there's going to be a lot of good stuff that doesn't make it into. You can follow at Face Jam Pod on Twitter and Instagram to stay up to date on everything. Don't forget store.roosterteeth.com.

It's a place for all your face. Fuck. For all your face jam needs Face jam. I started looking at the next line that says 100% eat ass so I almost said face ass Can we say too, by the way, as we've been told by our people incredible movement on that shirt This shirt, I think for three weeks

running is the number one selling shirt. We got good ideas. We have good ideas, and much like Eric, we have deviants for listeners. Somebody tweeted Face Jam, I think, I'm a deviant or something like that. It was a picture of them wearing the shirt. Oh, there's a bunch of people who have been tweeting. I'm a monster or something. They don't even need to know what Face Jam is to like this shirt.

I'll tell you, I have two friends in particular that do not listen to the show that are very angry that I have not given them the shirt yet. And I keep saying, I don't have them. We can't get them. We can't even get them. We cannot. Ass Man Sweers can't get his own shirt. We aren't. It doesn't make any sense.

His shirt doesn't. He'd be wearing, he wants one an extra large too so he can wear it to bed. No underwear, just a big shirt. It's like a big long shirt. I'm a six year old. Night night. I will say, I'll announce it here. Do it.

On Black Friday, we're coming out with a variant of the 100% eat ass shirt. Whoa. So stay tuned for that. I can't wait to not get it. Yeah, exactly. I'll look get it. Yeah, exactly. I'll look at it and go, cool. We also have the tarot card shirt that has just come out.

There's two different looks to it, so you can go get that now. Store.RoosterTeeth.com It's Store.RoosterTeeth.com Check this out. We've got to start over. He reset the timer. Are we good?

Yep, we can do it. Let's go out we got to start over. He reset the timer. Are we good? Yep. We can do it. Let's go out back and break your legs. No! Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Share it with one of your short friends who might be tall one day. Also, we do, for example, this episode, a lot of stuff that's not related to the food. If you know someone who's like, yeah, I don't really care about what they talk about fast food,

you just go, don't worry about that. Also, if you know someone who has legs, also, if you know someone who says,

I love fast food, I'm really interested, probably not for them. Yeah, this might not be, I mean, they can have them give it a try. There's probably

better podcasts out there. I'm really interested in hearing what they have to say about this food. Don't bother. Despite themselves, they might end up enjoying it, but it won't be for the reasons

that they initially come in with. All right. Bye. See you next time. Let's get cute.