100% Eat - PF Chang's Holiday Menu

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review PF Chang's Holiday Menu so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about being the Soprano's, PPP loans, a waitress from Buffalo, Michael being the manager's favorite and more. Sponsored by Uncommon Goods http://uncommongoods.com/facejam and Honey http://joinhoney.com/facejam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I heard the sound. I got excited. You started dancing before you hit the clock. Welcome to Face Dan, the show where we do, in fact, try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. Think we missed one? Fuck you, you're wrong. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Feeling good. Feeling good on a Tuesday. So you would agree with me, right?

Like, we have tried everything. Sure. And we'll just blanket statement that. Yeah. Where if someone says, hey, you haven't tried the, and then just like. How do you know? You hear, and then they just stop talking. I don't know what happened.

Don't know what happened. You heard a car backfire, and then all of a sudden the I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. You heard a car backfire and then all of a sudden the person that was talking wasn't. That's weird that those things happened independent of each other and have nothing to do. Car backfire.

Why are these people who are asking this question around so many cars that backfire? I don't know. Get out of the street. Millions of people die every year from traffic accidents. Dangerous.

You got to watch out. A lot of backfiring. A lot of cars backfiring. Speaking of... Oh, no. Speaking of cars backfiring, we dodged a car backfiring because Eric almost made us go to Long John Silver's. Oh, that is... Okay.

I forgot about that. That is true. Michael, I don't think he knew where we were going until we got there today. He ended up sending us like five places But the first one was Long John I knew and then I forgot And then he remembered Long John Silver has Jordan I remember when we walked in

I heard you as we walked in You went I forgot we were Oh yeah I walked in and I said oh yeah Today we're reviewing P.F. Chang's holiday menu That's right And then you said Why did you say that like you read it Yeah, I walked in and I said, oh yeah, today we're reviewing P.F. Chang's holiday menu. That's right. Remember when I said that? And then you said, why did you say that like you read it on the format sheet?

And then I said, that's how I'll say it later. He did it and he nailed it. That's just how Michael talks. Yep, that is how I talk. We were going to do Long John Silver, a place that we said we'd never do, but they were doing cheese curds? Yeah, it was really confusing. I thought we liked cheese curds. We do like cheese curds.

It was a weird situation to be in. But it's cheese curds from a fish fry place. From a fishman. Interesting. It's cheese curds from a fishman. Is that fish cheese? Can fish make cheese? No, they're not mammals.

Damn. I don't think it was a good question, actually. No, no, I thought it was a good question. I make cheese? Yeah. I make cheese, but I don't make any cheese that you'd want to eat. Yeah, yeah, no. This is that scene from Meet the Parents.

It is. Oh, he's the Robert De Niro type. Well, it's an offshoot. Put an earn spin on it. Robert De Niro wasn't making milk. I can make cheese. Someone was the cat. I don't really remember.

The cat was the cat. That was Jinx. Oh, is that the cat's name? Eric. Yeah, Jinxy Cat. Jinxy Cat. Okay, I don't remember that. Remember this. Oh, is that the cat's name? And Eric, you don't know. Jinxy cat. Okay, I don't remember that. Remember this?

Oh, yeah. Michael is doing my eyes and his eyes and then going back and forth. Remember when he found a different cat and just spray painted its tail to look like the other cat? Yeah. That's what Michael did to Eric. I did do that, except I sprayed Eric to look like a better version of himself. What? That's the difference.

Well, we were trying to make him look like old Eric. She checked all of her IDs equally. The difference in the difference in Jinx Jinxy Cat was that it was an imposter. He was spraying to make it look like it. I was dealing with the real Eric. I was just trying to turn back

father time. And father time does not want to let go. She looked at all of us and asked for all of our IDs today. So we got ID'd today. She really only asked for Michael's. And father time does not want to let go. She looked at all of us and asked for all of our IDs today. Right. Yeah. So we got ID today. She really only asked for Michael's. And I yelled at Eric for even taking out his wallet.

She kept saying, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. Don't hurt yourself. And he kept saying, Allah! And pulling out his ID.

I said, certainly you'll want to know how old I am. I've brought my sons here for lunch. I keep saying dad. We didn't do long, John. Actually, I remember I said, dad's excited to go out to eat. It's his first paycheck.

Yeah. And then just outwardly kept speaking some sort of narrative, I guess, in my mind that us, your children, have been taking care of you your whole life, and now that you're gray,

you've got your first paycheck. You can return the favor. And you're taking us to P.F. Chang. Finally, a junior foreman on the job site, and instead of going to Panda Express like you all suggested, PF Chang's for my boys. No, no, we're going one up, boys.

You took us to PF Chang's to day drink. Yeah. And no one could have been more excited than our waitress. They put us in a corner booth like the Sopranos, and everybody had to come over and pay respects. It was, oh, Not everyone was paying respects. Some of these people are looking at us. Okay, calm down, everybody.

This episode is going to be 90% talking about what we did at the restaurant because there was a lot that happened. Also, we were there for a while. On the way back, I'm still not sure why it's 2 o'clock. Jordan said, how is it 2 o'clock already? And I have to do a whole other podcast after this.

Yeah, you're fucked. You're fucked. I also was the only one that got seconds on drinks. What? And made the point to say out loud to the woman who wasn't our waitress. No, she was like the general manager. So she really stepped in it. She had no idea what she was walking into.

And I loudly proclaimed, they have to go back to work. Giving her the bait that I knew she would take. And she went, but you don't. And then I just smiled and looked at everyone and shook my head. When in fact, you probably have to do more work. You have the most work to do. Those were good drinks though. They were.

The entire rest of the building loved them Oh man So we got We might as well have been put in the middle of this restaurant Can I also say too With the white people walking up to us Can I also say too As funny as it was

What a sad state of the world Yeah In which the most outrageous thing that I've done in my life In recent history Apparently Was go to P.F. Chang's And get the drink at the top of the menu. Yes. Because

that means everyone in the restaurant will stop by on the way out and go, what is that? I have to know. I have to know. My life, it's not complete. Look at me. Look at me, young man. I don't have much time left. I'm on borrowed time. I might

not make it to the door what is this drink oh my god and then a car backfired and they never knew and all of a sudden that woman stopped talking it was we got there and we uh had to wait a couple of minutes because there was a wait at pf change it was weird because it didn't look that crowded. It was far too. Yeah. We went to we got there and just again not really paying attention or caring. I just went seems

like it's taking a long time. We got there and I went is this the closest one? And you went well no. Yeah. There was one downtown the other one's downtown and then that was it. The conversation was over and I went it was 20 more minutes of us talking about how There was one downtown. The other one's downtown. And then that was it. The conversation was over. And I went, no, it's not. It was 20 more minutes of us talking about how we hate parking.

How we hate parking downtown. Just made me furious that you made the right move. Yep. We didn't go downtown, but I'm still angry for some reason. Yep. Because I'm over. Because I'm 35. It should be easier.

And now if you mention downtown, I'm furious. And I just started complaining about Austin. Downtown. Let me if you mention downtown, I'm furious. And I just started complaining about Austin. Let me tell you about downtown. And about what kind of fucked up city makes you drive down alleys that don't look like a road when you're just afraid another car is going to come. You just got to roll the dice and hope that your car can outram them. It spawned 30 minutes of complaining. It really was a majority of the time that we just sat in the lobby of the P.F. Chang's.

It was us going, ah, parking. Well, because we weren't vibing yet. Once we sat down, let me tell you, I got sucked up and into the atmosphere that P.F. Chang's was putting out. P.F. Chang's might rule. Here's the thing, too. It actually might. I had never been to a P.F. Chang's before. I was unsure, and then when I went in, I was like, yeah, I've never been to a place like this before.

Here's the thing about it I got to say, too. One, atmosphere. It's good, right? It's not like that dead Friday's Chili's. Oh, it's one of these. It's kind of dark, and there's ceiling fans everywhere, and maybe something's upside down or something. Yeah. And there's just like random shit like, whoa, look, there's a Ner everywhere and maybe something's upside down or something. And there's just like random

shit like, whoa, look, there's a Nerf dart on the wall. It's not that, which is a step up. It is a step up, yeah. But then also what's surprising is there's people there. Yeah. There were a lot of people there. There's people there eating. Yep. There's um, that's what I'm looking for.

Um, customers. Yes. They're customers. Oh. And we don't see this very much. Not used to seeing this. When we go face jamming out there. We go on a Tuesday. Yeah, 1230 to Tuesday. Yeah.

Not typical. This was, dare I say, normal. Yeah. Like felt like you went to a place where people are going. It felt like a normal place where normal people go to and that normal people work at. Yes. Yes. And yeah.

And then one of those normal people was our waitress. Yeah. And she said, hi, what would you like? Yeah. I'm a normal person. There was no guessing game about my cat or gun. Right. Then she played her cards right where like clearly could see we were fucking around.

Yeah. Yeah. And opened the leeway up. She was like, oh, I got some stories for you. Yeah, she was kind of like, you know, it was like, where were we? We were waiting for our second round of our third course. Yeah. Maybe the weirdest way we ever ordered food.

Yes. Which was just sort of. But I liked it. Oh, it was fine. I thought it was great. Well, we ordered almost like a traditional Japanese restaurant in where you order like multiple times, even though it's P.F. Chang's, and that's not at all how that works.

No. You just tell them what you want, but you kept, first of all, normally Eric goes, this is what we're getting. Right. He was really confused. Yeah, he was like beating around the bush, but like we're acting, we're sitting on a front of like, oh, we don't really know what we're getting. Right. He was really confused. Yeah. He was like beating around the bush, but like we're acting,

we're sitting on a front of like, Oh, we don't really know what we're thinking about the table. And Eric's just going, I guess we're just going to have to wing it. And I'm just kind of going, what does that even mean? Do we not know what we're getting?

The whole menu we're here for is right in front of you. And Eric was just going, how are we going to tackle this? I've never, I've never seen such a complicated equation before. Are we going to start with the salad and the appetizer thing and then order the steak later? And then I went, well, we're going down the line. Let's do everything.

So we went all the way down the line and then also added the drink, which I did not think we were going to get. And then Michael really corked that one, man. Well, here's the thing. I didn't even get that drink. No, you ordered something else. That's true. And then Jordan went for it. And then Jordan Well, here's the thing. I didn't even get that drink. No, you ordered a fucking mojito. That's true. And then Jordan went for it. And then Jordan went flying out for the special. When I was trying to write the haiku, I looked up

the menu to see what was in this thing, and I was reading it out loud and was like, I got to the drink. I was like, that sounds really nice. Usually, if there's a cocktail or something, I'm not going to get it at Tuesday at at 12 30 but this one sounded so good and the fucking presentation of it the presentation was incredible and and again i don't know look i'm not a professional

investigator okay i i don't not yet i don't know where exactly the morality lies of BF Chang employees, but not just the customers. The goddamn employees were excited about this. Everyone was. The manager? The manager was like, well, so I ordered a mojito. And then you were like, I don't even remember what that is. It's called Winter in Beijing. Yeah.

You got the Winter in Beijing cocktail. The Winter in Beijing cocktail. And then Nick jumped on it. Then Eric jumped on it. And then I went, all right, switch mine. Now I look like an asshole. Everyone goes, yay! Yay! So then when the manager, and you could tell because he had a different color outfit on.

You could tell that. He had a tie. He was bringing the drink, but it wasn't. Sometimes when you get the drinks, it's like a... What's that person called? Like a busboy? A busboy usually cleans up, not brings. But it's like a runner. It's like a runner of like, look, I'm not your server. I'm helping your server.

Don't yell at me. It's the opposite where you go, wait a minute. You're not a runner. You have a tie. Yep. Are you undercover bossing me right now? And he goes, no, I'm not undercover. But he kept having a fake mustache. He came over screaming just the fact that we ordered four of them.

So thrilled. Delighted. And then was talking about. He regaled us on a tale about how good they are. He regaled us about a story about the drink. In which case they quote unquote rolled them out somewhere. He said he was at a conference, which I can only assume is like a P of Chang's conference. I'll go to a Chang-Off.

Are you kidding me? Oh, bro, we got Chang-Off? If a P of Chang-Off is rolling out these drinks, they're probably rolling out food too. So fucking roll me out next. He's like, my sample was a whole one, and it was like, oh, hell yeah.

I just imagined like a pint glass full of this cocktail. So then he came back. Then he came back later, though. We barely saw this man, but it was a delight

every time he came by and he came back and he went, he was like, who dared for a second? And I was like, oh, that was me. And he's like,

I knew you were my favorite for a reason. And I was like, I'm his favorite. I'm just saying the And I was like, I'm his favorite. I'm just saying the waitress likes us. I'm his favorite. We got old people. Old people coming over to ask us.

Old people coming over just asking about the drink. We got people wanting to fight. Eric, this is crazy. We haven't even gotten to exactly the food yet. I know. So just so you know, the winter in Beijing is not on this list because I really didn't think we were going to get a drink atuesday that was your mistake that is my mistake gray goose vodka uh nigori sake lychee lemon and meringue um lychee lychee lychee lychee one of those either way it's a it's

a berry it is yeah yeah and boy it was fucking good and went down easy it came with like a cranberry thing and like a sprig of rosemary. It looked like Christmas. It looked like Christmas. Oh, those were cranberries. Yeah. Cranberries taste awful. No, I thought it was a fucked up cherry.

Yeah. Oh. Cranberries taste awful. That was there to look at. That's why I kept eating them. I kept eating them and going, cherries are bad, dude. What do they do to these cherries? I got to get another one to make sure the cherries are good.

Hang on. Let me dive into my sixth one. Because there's three per drink. Two old women came over and asked us about the drink. Okay. Well, let me say this first. Who came over before the old woman? Because it's important to tell chronologically because you set me up and almost caused some trouble.

So we ordered. And then as our waitress was walking off, four guys walked by. We had our drinks at this point. Our very nice looking drinks. Oh, that's right. They just dropped the drinks off. And so as we're sitting there waiting to, oh, we're going to drink these things. Four guys walked by and the first guy looked at us and like gave us like an up and down

and like a sneer and kept walking. Like up, down. this is stinky face. According to you, I didn't see it. But I just watched you about to jump out of your chair like a tiny little dog that's going to attack another dog and get the shit kicked out of him. That's what it looked like. There was something about-

That guy's angles were in deep trouble. The way that guy just looked at, made me just like, oh, immediately like, fuck this, fuck you. Your fight or fight just like, oh, immediately like, fuck this. Fuck you. Your fight or fight? Yeah. Fight, fight, fight and fight.

He skipped thinking about getting mad. He was just mad. And so it was this weird, Eric going, after he was like, I just think I got to fight someone. After talking over and over again about how we are the Sopranos. Yeah. And also. That's exactly what it was. We kept talking about being the Sopranos. Yeah. And also. That's exactly what it was. We kept talking about being the Sopranos

and then you also kept saying something about like P.F. Chang's like what is his experience? Is this the place? Yeah. You were just like is P.F. Chang's it right now? And then our waitress is there

and I said do you want to be a peasant at Vince Young's or a king at P.F. Chang's? You have a small kingdom if you're a king at P.F. Chang's but boy we were kings at P.F. Chang's. You have a small kingdom if you're a king at P.F. Chang's, but boy, we were kings at P.F. Chang's. We were definitely, we were Tony Soprano and company. Dude, big time.

Everybody knows your name. Oh, it was, people just watch us. So now I geared Michael up because I was ready to go. You geared me up. So yeah, I was like, what just happened? And it was Eric just being like, there was a guy that walked by you and he gave a gross look and I almost flew off

and I missed the whole thing. So I'm like, oh fuck. And I'm on the edge of the booth, right? So I'm more open. I'm ready to jump out. Your shit goes down. I would have to jump clear over the table. I'm the furthest.

And you look like you were gonna. Yeah, I was ready. And then enter the next combatant. Two old women, one woman much older than the other old woman. But also, here's the thing about it. This just happened. Yes.

Where you're like, yo, this fucking guy. Oh, yeah. It wasn't like three minutes. Dude, it was like a minute or two went by. And not only did a completely different group of people come up to us and start talking to us, so many people kept talking to us. people come up to us and start talking to us. So many people kept talking to us.

But like the thing that, that threw me was how close this woman walked before she started leaning like halfway over. Like she was like walking and walking and walking. And I kind of had that, you know, you just have that human presence of like, Oh, someone's coming near me entering my space.

But then you look and you're like, Oh my God. And they're still coming. And it's just coming off of Eric's going to fight someone. I'm going, who are we going to kill? entering my space. But then you look and you're like, oh my God, and they're still coming. And it's just coming off of Eric's going to fight someone and I'm going, who are we going to kill? And there's a 90-year-old woman

going, that drink looks tasty. She just wanted to know if the drink was good and if we liked it and what it was. She was the nicest old woman. It was a very sweet interaction.

But she just rolled up and was like, wrong place, the wrong time. Hey, drunkards. What are you rolled up and was like, hey, she was like, wrong place, the wrong time. Hey, drunkards, what are you drinking? And like a classic grandma, like classic.

She was like, I'm getting that next time. Oh yeah. And like, you know she's coming back. Bro, she might come back tonight for dinner.

You know what I mean? So it was, we were selling that drink. I feel like we should have gotten them for free. We should have gotten them for free. We were selling the drinks and I feel like we were like, we for free. We should have gotten them for free. We were selling the drinks and I feel like we were like

we were just getting the atmosphere man. People coming up and talking to us but like it was all good. It was like super positive. I hope someone like pointed a GoPro at us. Yeah right. Cause this is just free b-roll. Yep right. It's true. Like oh look at P.F. Chang's. People are like you know

new connections. Strangers becoming best friends. We're great friends with that waitress now for the next two to three weeks. She lives in Austin until she moves again. Seems to be a bit of a nomad. You talked up the drink to the manager and he went, you're my new marketing team. And then Michael just kept going. Yeah.

I mean, we're probably going to do more marketing for this than. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah, that's absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we're probably going to do more marketing for this than... Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, that's absolutely what this is. Honestly, yeah. Yeah. I kept saying, we really are going to go do this afterwards, and you have no idea. This may be the most we've ever gone on about them.

I still have more to say. Oh, me too. I have so many more things. Like when the waitress started telling us, and we were like, oh, we're going to do a podcast, and she started telling us a story about another P.F. Chang's that she used to work on. Two guys in to work out about guys that had a podcast, but it was a really long story that ended with,

they're going to start a podcast one day. It was about, basically, it was about two drunks coming to P.F. Chang's every Thursday. Doing five sake bombs. And drinking beer, and they have a podcast. Well, they're going to start one. That's a whole other story. We go.

We'll get to that. Let me let me hammer out this haiku. We'll get to the facts and then we'll get back to the good part. We talk about the restaurant. All right. P.F. Chang's single father's plight, kitchen fire and turkey burnt Thanksgiving at Chang's. Okay. It's Chang's. Okay.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Let me... We're on the subject. Let me pull this up. Feel free to vamp for about the next 15 seconds. I feel like that's a good way. That's exactly what P.F. Chang's is there for.

I didn't know a lot about P.F. Chang's, so I was kind of just looking for a vibe. P.F. Chang's is there for your prom or for when dad has to... You have... Dad has custody of you and he needs to take vibe. P.F. Chang's is there for your prom or for when dad has to, you have, dad has custody of you and he needs to take you out somewhere to eat. It reminded me of the scene

in the beginning of Santa Claus where he burns the dinner and they go to Denny's. I always like not having a dad, but being in custody of one. Yeah. Like when my dad was alive. I like how you have parents

and it's just like, what's your mom doing? Keeping me alive. What's your mom doing keeping me alive what's your dad doing he has custody of me right now you know what i mean and so what i wanted to pull up was you said eric uh we were talking about doing pf changs and you said i haven't been in pf changs in years uh we should go to this one uh-huh and then jordan was like i'm i haven't been to pf changs ever and was shocked to see there was one downtown. Seems too fancy.

And then Eric said, yeah, it's almost fancy, but it's not. And I said, same. And then the conversation continued. But what I meant was, same. About being fancy, but not? Same, but like, also I had it like two weeks ago. What? I eat P.F. Chang's constantly, all the time.

Are you serious? Do you have one? No. Why were you there? Do you go out here? No, I order it to my house all the time. Do you really? Yeah, the one downtown, you can like Uber eat it. What? It's fucking delicious. Who saw this coming?

I eat P.F. Chang's constantly. More so at my own house. Sure. Because like, Jordan, your haiku, I go, well, Lindsay's not around. Kids gotta eat. Time to order the old Chang's.

Wow! Wow! I have their beef lo mein probably twice a month. Holy shit! Jesus Christ. They're delicious. At this point, I feel like... That's fucking fantastic. You never talk about it. No, ever.

You talk about everything else. And you know why I go to the one downtown? Because it's right near me. Sometimes. Sometimes they might get some of the good meat. Sometimes the ex and I, we try to patch things up. Yeah. And there's a nice hotel downtown.

Yep, yep, yep. We'll go to the hotel. We'll make a night of a staycation, the kids call it. Nice. Right? And so if we take the whole day off, it's usually go to the hotel. We'll make a night of a staycation, the kids call it. If we take the whole day off, it's usually checking at the hotel, day drink, go walk to P.F. Chang's, eat lunch, go back to the hotel,

drink more, take a nap, wake up, go to Vince Young's, eat a steak, come back to the hotel, drink more, go to sleep, wake up, get a massage go home so BF Chang's is pretty good

it's an integral integral part of lunch wow I don't want to go there as like the fancy dinner but I'm screaming for lunch

also I just went there for RTX like 12 of us went there I cannot believe this like this I'm floored I really thought B.F. Chang's was going to be a thing

where we go like, I went like, I think prom, like it's that. I just, yeah, I have never had a reason to go to P.F. Chang's.

I didn't know that it was like, because I feel like, I feel like if you're going for, I don't even want to call this Chinese food because, but it is, but it's American. Yeah.

It's so many, like it's a mixed fusion of every type of Asian food. You's so many, like it's a mixed fusion of every type of food. Um, you're either going to like your local like spot, like your, your Dinho or something, or you're going to paint express.

Like, like P of Chang's kind of serves this middle that I don't need. This is a perfect, um, you're exactly right. And it's why I eat there. So there are places like that here. But compared to New Jersey, there's nothing.

There's like a hundred trillion Chinese places in New Jersey. I have like a million locals. There's so few here, I don't have like my local go-tos. Right. It's hard to find. That's where P.F. Chang fills in for me. Whereas like it's, I'll'll be honest it's way better than panda express it's not even fucking close right panda express sucks shit compared to pf chang

which is fine panda express is a drive-through restaurant pf chang is a sit-down restaurant it should be better but it's better so when i want like oh man i'm i got a hankering for chinese food like american chinese food and i know i'm not in New Jersey and there's not a thousand Chinese restaurants. I get P.F. Chang's. So this, I'm the person that need it fills where I want like more quality Chinese food than P.F. Chang's, but I don't have like a local go-to place. So I just rely on P.F. Chang's. It's like the Rudy's of barbecue for me. Interesting. Okay. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. It makes sense. I cannot believe you eat there all the time. That's so funny. But like this is a totally different

experience for you then. Because this is like we went seasonal menu shit you've never had before. Oh yeah. I don't usually go in and fire from the hip. I'm usually like beef flamin extra beef. Right. Okay. Okay. But now you eat there all the time. Let's learn about it. Now I'm going to learn about it.

Is this the first time we've done P.F. Chang? Yes, it is. This is great. You got a fresh fact sheet. I know. This is like, I'll be honest, I really hope it's good because you have no excuse.

What? Well, I mean, you've had to scrape the barrel so many times with restaurants. It's true. When we're going there the third time. If we go to a restaurant for the first time and it's not great,

we're in trouble. Or like the first three facts of like the first time we ate here, the second time we ate here. I hope you don't botch these facts like the Republicans botched the Senate. Because that was a lock, bro. That was a straight up lock.

Typically incumbents get run over and there's a party change. It was a lock and I'm making a prediction here. They're going to lose this. Wow. Wow. That's a bold. It's a bold prediction. No, it's not that bold.

I know I'm voting in Georgia right now. I've been doing it for weeks. I've been voting since the election two years ago. I voted for Warnock two years ago. What? You've been voting in Georgia? Yeah. Michael.

Oh. Hundreds of times. Michael, we're not supposed to tell. Arizona? We're not supposed to tell. What do you think took so long? But you're voting for Carrie Lake in Arizona. I know you're confused because you don't listen to, you know, the answers of why it's taking so long.

But I'm assuming it's cheating. Oh, that makes sense. Anyway, let's get to the facts. It's because they're still voting. The very first P.F. Chang's opened on July 20th, 1993 in Scottsdale, Arizona. Oh, where you vote. Wait. Was it Scottsdale or was it Maricopa County?

No, it's Scottsdale. Which was it? It's Scottsdale. What's taking so long? Stop slow rolling these votes. Stop the count or continue the count. Depending on who's winning. Don't stop.

Tell me who's winning. Don't stop counting. The Senate will come down to Georgia. What? Oh, vote for me in Georgia. Okay. Guys, that last fact was provided by the P.F. Chang's website. It's true.

They have a 25. So already you're phoning it in. What? No, I was just looking to see if you had a rebuttal to his comment. No, no, no. Okay. I was going to say 1993, pretty new. Yeah.

Pretty like a new-ish. Yeah. That's interesting. Although. I guess I'm like, I didn't know that, but not shocked at the same time. I guess I would have been more surprised if P.F. Chang's was around since the 70s. Yeah, right. If you're like, 1953 P.F. Chang's, and you're like, really?

90s seems just right. Where 2000s would seem too soon. But now the second fact, which might not have been provided by P.F. Chang's website. Some of it was. We don't know. I haven't gotten to the end yet. Former Phoenix Suns power forward Charles Barkley, I've heard of him,

frequented the Scottsdale P.F. Chang's location, which P.F. Chang's claim is a, quote, slam dunk. And what I, Eric, claim is a slam dunk is how Charles Barkley threw a man through a plate glass window in a club in Orlando in 1997 and said, quote, you got what you deserve. You don't disrespect me. I hope you're hurt.

End quote. I hope you're hurt. The guy that he threw through the window was 5'2". Maybe the most insulting and oddest thing to say after assaulting someone, I hope you're hurt. Usually it's like, fuck you, or I hope you die. Despite Charles Barkley, I would say, I'm not hurt at all. Even though I'm bleeding. There's just glass all around you and you're crumpled.

I feel fine. Hey, you know what, Jordan? I hope that caused you moderate discomfort. And I'm not afraid to say it BF Changs was like guys Charles Barkley used to eat here when it opened and it's like when he was a Phoenix son for like two years

I'll tell you this Charles Barkley is articulate even when he's mad Chuck rules man to stop and say you got what you deserve you do not disrespect me I hope you are hurt this is the man who is just cool calm and collected in the middle of an altercation? I love it. It's weird because he doesn't.

You throw people through windows and then saying, I hope you are hurt. He doesn't really seem that way on TV. He really doesn't. Do you remember in the 90s when all he did was talk shit and fight people? I feel like Charles Barkley seems like, and this is someone who doesn't watch sports, but I feel like Charles Barkley acts the way he does on TV because he's been thrown through glass windows. Charles Barkley is a guy. I feel like he's

calmed down. Charles Barkley had a video game in the 90s called Shut Up and Jam. Shut up and jam this guy through a fucking window. I hope you're hurt. Shut up and get hurt. Alright, next fact. This one I'm sensing is very important because it's the longest fact. No, maybe it's the second.

Sorry. If you frequent P.F. Chang's, you can sign up for their loyalty program where you can earn coupons, cash back, and your data leaked onto the dark web via a poorly implemented application programming interface, which allows all your information to be data mined and sold like it was in 2018. You can also get a free dessert during your birthday month. I stopped listening. I heard free dessert. Yeah, during your birthday month. Not even your day. Whole month. I'll be honest. Let me talk to the guy that I talked to that lets me do multiple votes.

We could get so many birthdays in one month. We can get so many desserts, guys. We could Arizona the shit out of this PF Changs. We just keep coming in and just go, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday. We can get so many desserts, guys. We get Arizona the shit out of this P.F. Chang's. We just keep coming in and you just go, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday. We can also get the people who work on Twitter to fix whatever elements go on P.F. Chang's. What happens is someone says,

hey, they can't do that, and someone says, no, no, they're allowed. They're libs. In 2012, they sold to Centerbridge Partners for $1.1 billion. In 2020, P.F. Chang's received more than $5 million in PPP small business loans. Let's hear it for the little guy. Whoa.

And that loan got forgiven. There's only $5 million. It absolutely got forgiven, Jordan. Hey! Yeah. Don't you talk about P.F. Chang's and pay your god damn college debt you piece of shit it's actually unconstitutional don't talk about my P.F. Chang's

like that P.F. Chang's and the airlines gave everything to me what did college ever do for me it's unconstitutional if you go after P.F. Chang's but please forgive my PPP loan. Or the airlines.

Or the banks. Fucking awesome. P.F. Chang's will be sued. As long as you're not human people. Right. If you're human people, get fucked. But if you're P.F. Chang's, you're fine. Not even human people.

Children that are preyed upon and taking advantage of. Yeah. Like systematically preyed upon stupid, literal children. You start college prep when you're like 16 and so do loans. Your brain cell isn't done cooking. You're a dumbass who's probably still shitting your pants. You probably still have shit in

your underwear at 16 and you're taking out $100,000 loans. And there's people who are in their 50s who are mad at you for it. And they're so angry about it. But let me suck off this airline real quick. But we gotta give P.F. Chang's this money!

P.F. Chang's! $5 million for the little guy. Also, they got $5 million and they still laid people off. Oh, Jesus. Hey, Face Jam's changed. P.F. Chang's has paid $6.5 million to 17,000 current and former workers who accused the restaurant change of wage and hour violations.

Another lawsuit has been filed as P.F. Chang's failed to pay workers their full tip amounts. Maybe some more PPP loans will roll in to help this small business. I hope so. How do you, I love the idea, and I, having never worked in, like, the food industry, I kind of understand it. But I do love the idea that you failed to pay tips. Yes. Because even tips is so fucked in this country. You think like, oh, it's a tip.

They get it. Right. And most of the times, they still don't. They don't get it. And they still need it. It's like best case scenario, it's still just the servers and not the manager. And it still goes like into a pool that they got to split. And so like, it's still like, even if they get it, it's still later.

But then some places it's like the manager gets a cut, which is insane. Because no one's tipping the manager. But you have no control over it. You just leave the money. All I'm hearing is a lot of capitalism bad talk. And frankly, I won't stand for it. We should just continue not paying. You're sitting.

It's all about competition. If PF Changs can compete. Nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to work. Michael told that to our server. I did tell our server. She was talking about working and i said which is crazy because no one wants to work anymore she was saying how she's lived in austin for three weeks and and she's been doing like full day shifts ever since she got here it's just like a normal

person you're like most normal people who just like work their ass off like most normal people like that is the average society, which is the person that usually when some dumb motherfucker goes, people don't want to work. That's who they're talking about. This woman was talking about like, yeah, I moved here and then I worked there

and then I moved here and then I moved here and then moved to Austin and I started working a double and I'm working six days a week and delighted about it. Yes. Like, oh, I'm so happy that like I got all this. They put me on right away.

That I got all this work. That I'm making money again. Yeah. And I just looked at her and went, well, that's weird because no one wants to work anymore. Well, then she was kind of like, well, I mean, nobody wants to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I like that we all landed on the same thing.

Nobody ever wanted to fucking work. To which then I paused and I went, well, yeah, who wants to work? Right? I get it. Fuck off. No one wants to work. Yeah, you want to. Yeah. Fuck you. Ooh, I love going to work. I love work. no one wants to work yeah you want to yeah fuck you i love going to work i love work i would work for free yeah they don't even have to pay me hey hey give

give pf changs his ppp loan and let me work there for free yeah i feel like let me let my tax money fund pf changs for them to give me a job wait Wait, that's socialism. Oh, what does PF stand for? That should have been a fact. Oh, it's the names. Chang is one of the guys who started the restaurant, but his name is spelled different. C-H-A-I-N-G, which is very weird. Interesting. And then the PF

is the initials of the guy who fronted the money for it. Paul something. It's the white guy. I'm just saying it's why it's PF Chang. It's the white guy. Yeah. I'm just saying it's why it's P.F. Chang. Right. Because. Uh-huh. It would be

Paul Franklin Chang. Exactly. It's like Paul Frommore. Yeah, exactly. Chinese restaurant. That's what it stands for. It's just like. You know what though?

Good fucking food. Yeah. P.F. Chang's as a name sounds like a made up one for a movie. You know, where it's like, oh, let's go over to P.F. Chang's. You know what though? Good fucking food. Yeah. P.F. Chang's as a name sounds like a made up one for a movie, you know, where it's like, oh, let's go over to P.F. Chang's. You know, that's where we hang out. It just always seemed like, I don't know, just like it was a made up restaurant.

Yeah. Not real. Not real. We went in the middle of the day on a Tuesday and we were the youngest people there by a lot of, a number of years. Well, besides the employees. Right. Not counting them.

Definitely the patrons, the waitress. Yeah, the people who- Who we may have doubled in age. Yeah. The people who were eating there, you could look around and really understand why Beto lost. Like- Was that like a small, was that a quick poll?

Was that a quick census? Yeah. Was that a quick Texas census just going to that P of J? Your back was facing most of the restaurant. I was in the Tony seat looking out over the whole thing. And yeah, you could definitely see that there was no one here that was going like, I think Beto's probably going to be our future. Yeah.

See, you're Tonian up in the corner. I'm just Bobby. I'm just buying my kids some trains. He's thinking about his trains over in the corner. I'm just Bobby. I'm just buying my kids some trains. He's thinking about his trains over in the corner. I'm just giving my kid trains that are way too expensive. They're not going to care about them. There's no iPhone support. Your son is goth for some reason.

I don't even have a son. And I'm still out here buying trains for him. And the next thing you know, I'm shot up. Bobby, no! We started doing doing for some reason paulie walnuts impressions we just started like making jokes they go you hear that tone well we're talking about punching the old lady again not for some reason it's because we kept comparing it to the sopranos and you kept saying, I'm in the Tony seat. Don't gloss over this like we don't know how we got there.

You kept saying, this is Sopranos. This is Sopranos. They put us in the corner booth so everyone can come over and pay respects. When the old lady walks up and Michael punches her, and she's asking, what is that drink? You want a drink? You want a drink? Drink this.

You're coming up with theoretical Paul he's wearing you'll be drinking this through the straw you're drinking through a straw in the hospital it really was like we were sitting in these like soprano seats and then going like somebody wronged us the next people that come over here we're starting a fight which is why eric invented that one guy looking at him this guy's disrespecting me. I'm telling a man to take off his New York Yankees hat,

fucking slap it off his head. Honestly, how is that not a scene in The Sopranos? I don't know. It really makes sense. Bro, if Ralphie walked in, I was worried. Oh, boy.

Watch out for bugs. It's so good. Oh, man. Well, those are the facts. We learned a lot about the episode. They're just the facts. Yeah, we learned. They're just the facts yeah those are we learned

they're just the facts yeah Charles Barkley threw a man through a window so and then and then the hope he was hurt yeah

calmly calmly hope he was hurt the P.F. Chang's website is like Charles Barkley used to eat here and I think that's a real slam dunk for our food and I went

I'm like I think Charles Barkley got arrested hang on and I looked it up and I went 1997 there it is he's associated with P.F. Chang

so the waitress I'll say we were putting out vibes of like we we were just having a good time. There's always that moment where it's like the waitress or the waiter decides I'm going to interact with these people on a human level. And you can see the guard come down. And sometimes it's a, do you want to see my cat or my gun? Sometimes it comes down without.

More often than not, it's like that. Sometimes your shield is up and they're like, hold on, hold on, let me get in there. They're shoving it down. They're kicking it in. They're shoving it down screaming, you want this. Whereas she was kind of like, hey,

you guys are drinking during the day. We're having a good time, right? Yeah. And we were like, yeah, what's up? Yeah. She told us all about yeah, what's up? Yeah. She told us all about moving from Buffalo. Okay, so she was from Buffalo, New York. And then she worked at P.F. Chang's in Buffalo. Okay, yeah.

And then moved to Orlando to live with her boyfriend. Here's the thing I'll say first of all, though. Before she explained anything, right? She was just like, hey, I just moved to Austin. I've been, you know, working at P.F. Chang's. We're like, cool. Then she's like, oh, yeah. We started talking about recording podcasts.

She was like, I moved from Florida. I worked at P.F. Chang's there. She was like, I was there two months too long. And I said, how long did you live there for? Two months. She goes, two months. And we're like, oh. And she's like, well, before that, I'm from Buffalo.

And I worked at P.F. Chang's there. And I was like, I'm sorry, is P.F. Chang's sending you around the country? Because that's not, that's not the company I think of where I think like, I'm sorry, honey,

I have to move for work. Is P.F. Chang's going, oh, look, we know you took the job in Buffalo, New York, but now we're moving you to Florida, but now we're moving you to Texas. And I was just like, what the fuck are you talking about took the job in Buffalo, New York, but now we're moving you to Florida, but now we're moving you to Texas. And I was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? But when in reality,

she's a woman who I presume is in her 20s, has a boyfriend, and there's P.F. Changs everywhere. So she just keeps moving and then getting a job at P.F. Changs. She said that she had moved to Austin three weeks ago, got transferred to this P.F. Changs, and then waited for like this. She's like, I was gonna wait for the schedule, and then waited for like this. She's like, I was going to wait for the schedule, but then I just showed up and told the manager,

hey, like, how soon can I start? And he's like, come in tomorrow, 12 hours today. After 12 hours today. She was like, I talked to the guy who's giving you your drinks. Yeah. And so it's like, that was the guy. It was like his favorite.

Everything was connected. And we were like, we're friends with that guy. That's my guy. We are friends with that man. Now we know everyone. Yeah. But the story she told about working in Buffalo at P.F. Chang's was there was every Thursday where these two guys who would come in.

They were bartenders. They were bartenders at a nice steakhouse. Like an expensive. Russell's Steakhouse in Buffalo. And they would work there at night. Yes. For their shift. On Thursday. They would work there at night. Yes. For their shift.

On Thursday. Thursday afternoon. And they get five sake bombs. And they would slam the table. Yeah, she just kept it. They would do this. Well, that's what you do. You have the sake. The sake bomb has the sake on the top with the chopsticks.

And then you slam the table. Until it falls in. Yeah. And then it falls in. And then you drink that. And then I presume they do four more. I imagine. And i imagine they drink more beer i imagine it's quite a sight at 2 p.m on thursday it's probably quite a sound yeah screaming time to go serve drinks as half the restaurant is an open

what the fuck your hair is doing things i didn't know it could do yeah right now it's half the restaurant isn't open yet. When I say soggy, you say bob! Soggy, bob! What the fuck? Your hair is doing things I didn't know it could do. Yeah. Right now, it's becoming un... I'm having fun with my soggy buns. You kind of look like Ralph. Is I?

Oh my God! Oh no! I hope that doesn't come off. Hi, oh my! No! Oh, you didn't know? That's so funny. I found them like this.

So she said that these guys just get fucking hammered on Thursdays and then go to their bartending job at the steakhouse. And it was every Thursday. And they do it every Thursday. And they would ask for either her or another blonde waitress. Yeah, right. And the best part is the reason she told us that story was Eric mentioned that we had a podcast

and we were going to like make this piece of crap you're listening to now. And she segued this story about the guys. Said the whole thing what Jordan said twice as long. Which was fine. Which was fine. We were drinking. It was true.

And she lived it, right? It was Jordan's retelling. She lived it. It was fine. But I was still waiting for retelling. She lived it. It was fine. But I was still waiting for the tie-in. And at the very end was, and they said they were going to start a podcast. And then Michael went, well, that's maybe the difference is we have been doing a podcast for two and a half years. I will also say, she said specifically, they're going to start a P.F. Chang's podcast.

A P.F. Chang's podcast. They did. They did. They did. And also, they're gonna. Yeah pf changs they did they did what they did and also and also they're gonna yeah and i still haven't and i don't take their ideas pod changs i will say that i think we probably beat them to it on this one i think maybe we made the first episode i think i think now those guys need to make the podcast and everyone will go this is these are the guys from face jam oh it's the buffalo guys everyone will go oh this is, these are the guys from Face Jam. Oh, it's the Buffalo guys.

Everyone will go, Oh, and then someone will say, Ralphie, Ralphie did a podcast about the, those Buffalo guys, but then Tony hit him with a pan. Fight in the kitchen.

Call Chrissy and go, I found him like this. I was like, what? Fucking great. It was so like, genuinely, I think me and you walked out they went to the bathroom me and michael walked out front and then just kept saying i have nothing negative to say

about this whole fucking experience kept saying what do i say about yeah like this is great i'm so used to going to a restaurant where weird shit happens yeah dunking on it and it was this was like oh lively it was great this is why people go to restaurants and the thing is for us it was great we first of all we have to go there. We got to eat the food. We always talk to people because it's, look, if nothing happens, nothing happens. If we get a story, we get a story. There's no reason not to.

We had so many stories. But we knew that, and I said like this woman was talking because she's getting out of work. It's like the longer I'm standing here talking to you, the less I'm working. Yeah, she's here for 12 hours. It was great. She was standing at her table talking for so long at some point. It's after you had reordered the steak, which also, so you, again, it was very odd. The ordering, Eric just sort of was ordering things.

And then we got one of the steaks. We wanted more. So he ordered another one. And she was very much like, oh, because it was so good. Yeah, Michael's like, oh, yeah, this little piggy's got a little curly tail. I kept saying, he's a little piggy. His tail's curly.. I kept saying, he's a little piggy. His tail's curly. I just kept saying that.

And so she placed the order, but she's standing there talking to us for so long. And we're fine. We're all talking. When she goes, let me go check on your steak. Turns around and the person's standing there holding the steak. That was the runner. Yeah, he's like walking up with it. The runner came and he just went, here you go.

And she goes, well, here is that steak. And then just like puts it on the table. I think we put it down and we all went, yeah. And we all just fucking, we, the second serving of that steak. You ate it and you went, is this better than the first one? It was fucking great. Also, I think they gave us less because it was gone so quickly. Boy, we slammed, the first order of that steak took our time.

It definitely went faster because I actually got some of the second one. Oh my God. It was fucking good the second one. Oh, my God. It was fucking good. The animals. Oh, hey, we should probably learn about the food. Fuck around a little bit. 45 minutes into the episode. Dude, we're right on time now that we have this amazing timer. What we talked about is the restaurant.

It's true. Oh, no. Yeah, we should probably not release this one. This doesn't fit the trend. This goes against the brand. This goes against everything we stand for, which is nothing. We should re-record it and just like talk about other stuff.

Pecking duck, spring rolls, crispy roti rolls with julienne veggies, sweet savory dipping sauce. Chang's spicy chicken noodle soup, a returning fan favorite. Pad Thai noodles, veggies, spicy broth. That was the soup. I don't like soup. That was good ass fucking soup. It was a good soup.

It was really good soup. Let me ask you this. Is it not called Peking duck? Have I been saying it wrong my whole life? I thought it was Peking. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm willing to believe I'm wrong. I'm from New Jersey. Me too, 100%. I think Americanized, it's Peking. We could be pronouncing it wrong. I was just taking a crack at it. I like it. I like that you went for it.

I'm just asking questions. Like this one. Wagyu steak. Oh! Yeah, I switched. Yeah. Savory bulgogi glaze, wok-seared mushrooms,

duo of Asian sauces. So when I was reading this, this is where I got to the point where it was like, this isn't Chinese food. This is just all Asian food. Yep. You're doing wagyu and bulgogi glaze.

You're just putting it all together. We did not eat this next one, but it's on there. Cantonese style lobster. Wild caught lobster, prawns, butter sauce, pan fried noodles, egg, green onion. I knew we weren't getting that. It sounds like good things if you're a lobster eater. Nick read this and was like, I love prawns. We didn't get the lobster.

I got to go back. We got to go back. Why didn't you get one? I don't understand. Oh, you could have. You could have. And then ending with the classic Asian dessert, sticky toffee pudding,

warm sponge cake, vanilla ice cream, toffee drizzle. And we read the winner in Beijing, which was an amazing drink. The winner in Beijing is worth going for, I think, by itself. It doesn't taste like Christmas, but it sure looks like Christmas. Be warned. If you order

it, you will cause a scene. People will talk with you. People will see you and approach you and might fight you or just be old. Or you'll be someone's favorite. They'll pay their respects, but you might have to be careful. You gotta be careful who you talk to and who you fight, because you

might fight the old person by accident. Be careful. If you're with an Eric, if you're with an Eric and he puts your guard on high alert and you might Barkley someone out a window, just hope it's not an 80 year old woman. Don't you disrespect me, old lady. I hope you're hurt. Young man, can I say that I'm so used to anytime anyone ever approaches me in public, shy of this life, like old life, I'm assuming they're anytime anyone ever approaches me in public, shy of this life, like old life,

I'm assuming they're coming to bitch about something. Yes, 100%. Like you're being too loud or you're cursing too much. Especially an old lady. Yeah, an old lady is like, the language.

She came over and was like, can I get that shit in my veins? She was like all about it. It was weird that she walked up, she pointed at the drink and went, sheesh up, she pointed at the drink and went, Sheesh! And she did like a Cristiano Ronaldo pose.

I was like, hell yeah, dude. She kept saying, are you ready? I didn't know what that meant. Oh, man. Jordan, give us your press material. Her friend kept calling her a mind freak. Is this your card? Having a dedicated holiday menu allows us to take advantage of

ingredients and flavor profiles unique to this time of year and create an even more elevated dining experience for our guests, said Art Kilmer, chief operating officer at P.F. Chang's. Whether it's a large group gathering or a family night out, We're excited to be part of our guests celebratory traditions and help them indulge in new flavors this holiday season. Okay. I can just take that and throw it in the trash. Yeah.

That wasn't even funny. Nothing about it was even bad enough to be funny. Also, nothing about it was holiday-y. It wasn't holiday-y but I feel like he has to do that. He's got to. We know. But I also feel like if that's the worst to come out

of this. Based on our experience at the restaurant, all of this is genuine. He really does look forward to having an even more elevated dining experience. Jordan, his name is Art. Do you think he cares about the art? I think he does.

Yeah. I think he does very much. How many times does he go, and like points to his name? Art? When he just says, do you think I'm dedicated? I don't know.

I think we can let this slide. Okay. So now let's talk about the food, which because we talked about the fucking restaurant. It's crazy. It was terrible. The duck spring roll and the spicy chicken noodle. Yeah, spicy chicken noodle soup came out at the beginning.

What did you think of those? Like, what did you think of those pieces? I think I showed up late. Yeah. Because 40 minutes in, Jordan was like, are you going to eat this? And pointed at something way across the table. Oh, was that Nick?

Well, you can both wait. One of you were talking at me. I assume it goes both ways. Yeah, definitely. There's two of us for both of you. Whether it's, you know what I mean? Whether I'm talking to Jordan or. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all the same. The. The math works every way. There's always two other white guys. Okay? It's a lot easier to know if an Eric's talking to me or one of you guys are talking to me. Because usually the conversation is very different. Unless

it's like a real weird sauce thing, then there's no question who it's from. If it's a normal thing, it could be you or Nick. It's when it's real weird, I know it's definitely not Jordan. Well, there you go. If I remember feeling uncomfortable after someone said something, it was Nick. I'm not a soup guy. Love the soup.

You're not a soup guy and you're not a board game guy. No, that's true. Two things. You'll eat soup and you'll play board games 100%. And you'll win every time. You win every soup. He'll eat soup.

Good soup, I win. He'll eat soup in social settings just to make everyone happy. That's right. My wife loves soup. That's all I'm saying. It's the texture. Yup.

Yuck. But yeah, that soup was good um definitely like not the star of the show by any means uh the spring rolls were really good yeah i really like those um like very uh very crafted artisan kind of gourmet uh spring rolls that like they do the fancy like cut diagonally thing and so we only get half of one, but it's enough. Now, let me ask you about this. Do you think anyone would ever name their son Art is Son, and then his name would be Artisan?

Artisan? That's a good idea. But it's also like, who's Artisan? Well, he's my son, Art. Art is Son. Thank you. Pay attention. Art is Son, Art is Life.

So that the Wagyu State... Banksy's in Ukraine, by the way i don't know if you saw what part someone was like people uh banky was banksy was rumored to be in ukraine and this proves he is oh i saw that like yesterday oh jesus did somebody see him well i don't think they know what he looks like okay Okay, so how do they know? Well, they saw a Banksy. Did he sign it? I don't know.

I'm poking a lot of holes in this. I'm not Banksy. So if you guys thought, if you thought it was me, you're not. You're not in Ukraine. I keep saying it. You're not in Ukraine. You can't be. Guys, do the math.

It can't be me. I'm in America. I can't be Banksy. Enough. It's settled. Thank you. This is the last I want to hear about it. Move on.

The Wagyu steak, good. The mushrooms that came with the Wagyu steak. Everything on that was so good. Fucking awesome. P.F. Chang's knows how to do mushrooms. Yeah, because they got tons of mushrooms in their, again, the beef lo mein, the thing I get every time. I was wondering why when we were at the restaurant, you're like, P.F. Chang's knows how to do

a good mushroom and I'm like I thought you just ate one and was like all of them are this good I'm sure all of these mushrooms are Banksy

wait you were listening all these mushrooms are Banksy Banksy confirmed seven new murals in Ukraine wow the steak was great

it was like it had like sometimes it had like a little like burnt kind of like flavor seared into it. Yeah, god, it was so good. Almost in that brisket territory. But the glaze

was so good. The seasoning. There was like a chimchurri or something that was like a spread or like a relish or something. I only had it a couple times. It was very good. So what would you rate it, Jordan? What do you think? Jeez. You can include the drink as well

because I feel like even though it's not on this list, it's part of their menu. It was on the menu. Yep. I think this might be the best like dining experience we've had going to a sit-down place.

Which is so crazy too because not that we usually anticipate a good experience, but sometimes there are expectations. I feel like this is one of the most we just sort of showed up. And then as we were dining, it dawned on us how incredible it was. This was like going to see Cabin in the Woods.

Where I knew nothing about the movie. And you thought, at best, it won't be terrible. And then you went, this is fucking cool. I'm having a great time. You're like, why are there scientists in P.F. Chang? What's going on? This one really wants a merman to show up.

Why is the merman here? Why is the merman crawling across the floor killing the manager who keeps giving us these drinks? No! I was his favorite! Little did you know, his money was on you to die first. Anyway, I'm gonna give it a 92 92

it was a great time alright in the spirit of Jordan I cannot disagree on this momentous day could this be the highest rating FaceGems ever received I don't know Eric you do the math 95

it's a 93.5 which I don't know, Eric. You do the math. 95. Wow! It's a 93.5, which I don't know if that makes it the top, but boy, it's up there. Let me tell you, as we like to do this every now and then, regardless of the score, at 2022, that's probably that should be the highest rated. I bet it isn't.

And we probably made some mistakes in the past. Every new year, drop all the old ones. I bet it isn't. And we probably made some mistakes. Every new year, like drop all the old ones. I almost feel like the scale changes. Well, the problem, Jordan, is every year there's a new year, new me. There's a new year, new you. Sometimes that new year, new me is going all the way into August.

This new year is three years long now. But sometimes you can't compare new me to old numbers. So it's crazy. But it was fucking good. years long now right but but sometimes you you can't compare new me the old number right and so it's crazy but uh it was fucking good i would even say if we went to this pf chang's and had this did you stop and look at nick he was on yeah he's making grumbles over there oh yeah that one was good it's a hot dog oh um i would say in like in 2020 early 2020 pre-pandemic 2020, if we went to P.F. Chang's and had this experience, I'd probably still give it a 90. Wow.

Something in the 90s still. But I bet you'd have more to say. I would probably find some way to harm them. You would. But, I mean, I just. Because life hadn't knocked you down yet. I'm looking for things to enjoy. In 2020, early 2020, you're looking around going,

nothing's going wrong. Time to stir shit up. Here's the thing. Everything that we ate and everything that we had was right around 200 bucks, which for four of us with the amount we drank and the amount we ate and the time we had, that is not crazy.

Drinks will rack up. Drinks will rack up. So if you take the drinks out, it's a lot cheaper, but I would really recommend doing this. If you're just looking to get out,

I would recommend it for like a lunch. You can do a dinner if you want, but I think there's a different expectation with dinner. I think it's a lot looser

for lunch. Just get like the egg rolls. Yep. Right? And then just like to share and then each get one meal. Yep. That's fine.

That's it. I could have eaten so much more of that. Oh, me too. Me too. Oh yeah. But I'm like comfortable each get one meal. Yep. That's fine. That's it. I could have eaten so much more of that. Oh, me too. Me too. Oh yeah. But, but I'm like comfortable. I feel good.

Right. I'm not. Cause I want more. Okay. Because I'm a glutton. All right. He wants more and it makes him uncomfortable. Here it is.

Snack attack time. That's a banana. Bug Kings and Sauce Monkey. Saw these at a gas station and thought they'd be right up your alley. If you love them, great. If you hate them, even better. Also, I thought Monkey would like this new toy for all his execution needs. Thanks for all the great times.

Moose. Dude, let me hear. Tell me he's getting a gun. Here are, here are, here's the snack. It's pepperoni pizza combos. Not crazy. Hang on. It's a good one.

Is that your son? This is an easy one. No. Now here is's a good one. Yeah, your son is like this is an easy one No now here is the crazy one Toys Whoa It's got it's got branding okay, so it's like a nerf gun and it's got its face jam brandy a monkey on it

That monkey on that's cool. Stop pointing it at your face. Hang on. I hope it's not loaded. Oh, so much ammo. The ammo, by the way, are just little foam balls. And Nick went, This thing is pretty powerful. He keeps looking down the barrel. But what is there to see in there is my question. If you pull the trigger and it fires,

what is the reason to never look inside of it? I don't understand. So, thank you, Moose. Execution style monkey stuff. That's pretty, uh... That's a good gift.

That's a real good... That's not even a gift. That's a get. Yeah, that's big time. So, thank you, Moose. That's a big time. That's a jams giving. And also,

the card that you sent says, thanks a bunch, and it's bananas. Oh, I got it. But pepperoni pizza combos. Have you guys had these before? Yeah.

Yeah, right? It's like the most common combo known to man. 100%. I mostly did this one because the gun's pretty sick. Here's like pizza. Here's what I'm going to say about combos because I accidentally did this. I like the cheese one better. I agree, but this is still good.

I mean, there is cheese. Monkey is firing off over here. He's going crazy. What I don't appreciate is combos. There's like, they make ones that have like a different shell. Yeah, sometimes they're pretzel. Sometimes they're... It's funny because usually I feel like it doesn't matter. Like this one's a cracker. Yeah. This one isn they're pretzel sometimes they're it's it's funny because usually i feel

like it doesn't matter like this one's a cracker yeah this one isn't the pretzel it's like but i think a standard combo is a pretzel right i believe it is yeah it's pretzel with the cheese whiz in it but this one doesn't taste that off even though it's a cracker but i have grabbed combos from like the gas station on a road trip it's the only time i ever eat them is when you're driving like hours and it's like, I need a food. Like I want something, but not something sugary. It's a gas station food, man.

It's pretzels, but there's some other shit in it. Yep. And I was driving away so disappointed. I was like, what am I eating? No. And it was like,

it was cracker, but it tasted like a Ritz cracker with like cheese. Right. And I'm just going, wait, why even make this combo? I would just get Ritz crackers. I don't even understand why you'd make this a combo. Of all the combos, combos could combo.

I felt cheated. I felt fucking cheated. I saw combos and just grabbed it. And then I got in the car. I was like, you're no combo, you piece of shit. You're like a fucking Walking Dead spinoff. Yeah, I've been tricked into watching like the fifth show. Fear the combos.

Right. Fear the combos. That said, these are good. Yeah, I've been tricked into watching like the fifth show. Fear the combos. Right. Fear the combos. That said, these are good. Yeah, pepperoni pizza combos I think are probably like the upper tier of the combo, kind of like gas station snack

kind of thing. I'm still always going to take pretzel or cracker. Oh, me too. I agree. So what would you, what would you rate it? But solid, solid taste.

Good pepperoni taste. I mean, it tastes like pepperoni pizza. They did their job. What I like is that it tastes like shitty pepperoni pizza. I mean, it tastes like pepperoni pizza. They did their job. What I like is that it tastes like shitty pepperoni pizza. Well, that it does. So it feels like it's even more from a gas station. I'm going to give it a 63.

You know what? I'm going to say 60. It's incredible how you, like, after eating it, it feels like you just ate a pepperoni. 61.5. Yeah. So if you want to send us snacks, you can. Like,

you don't have to send the monkey any guns. That was a good, at this point, that was good food. That was just good food. It was a good time. It was a good one today.

It was a good time. Was that a bad face jam? Was it bad? Was it bad? Yeah. Because we liked the restaurant and the food was good. Yeah.

And everyone listening going, well, that was a waste of my time. Well, it's okay. It's good. Great. Everyone can point to this episode and be like,

this is all downhill from here. Yep. If you want to send us snacks, you can Face Jam care of Eric Boudre, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. You can follow at Face Jam Pod

on Instagram and on Twitter to stay up to date with everything. Spit and Silly is out next week. Don't forget to email facejampod at reeseyourteeth.com with your food conundrums for things like- Oh, and watch the live stream.

Oh, well, by the time they hear this, it's going to be over. Right, but they can still watch it. It'll probably be up somewhere. Well, no, watch it live, though. I'm saying they should watch it live. Okay. Go back in time. No, if they're seeing-

Hang on. Okay. If they're seeing it in the realm of the giants, it may not have happened yet. It's true. So it depends. Yeah, time does get a little long. I'm just saying, have you ever met your own son

before he was born? Face Jam Trucked Up is out now. Because Loki did. He's a snake. It's true. Face Jam Trucked Up is out now on Rooster Teeth. Go check it out. The first episode is out.

The second episode will come out Thursday. I think every Thursday will be new episodes. Oh, that's what you think. Six episodes. check it out. The first episode is out. The second episode will come out Thursday. I think every Thursday will be new episodes. Six episodes. Check them out. Face Jam. Wait until you talk to the world serpent.

He's going to set you straight. He's eating his own ass. is not a cooking show. Well, it is a cooking show. We don't cook. We eat. It's an eating show. There is cooking

just by us. Yeah, we just don't do it because when it was pitched to us and they said, you guys cook and we said, fuck no. They said, what if you guys eat? We said, fuck yes. Because that's what we do anyway. Yeah, we just don't do it because when it was pitched to us and they said, you guys cook and we said, fuck no. They said,

what if you guys eat? And we said, fuck yes. Because that's what we do anyway. And then we said, what if we get four food trucks? And they went, and then we shut up

and there was two. So that? Yep. 50% is pretty good. Absolutely. Good batting average. Good to know we have that full. Well, also people can learn to share.

Yeah. So in a way. They did have to. Well. They learned. Like any good learning experience. They started off not knowing how to do it. Well, someone thought they were supposed to do something.

Watch that first episode. Hey, that person learned. I watched it with him today and he went, I really thought that we were supposed to do that. And it was like, I know. I remember looking at him when he said it. So the first episode is out now on Rooster Teeth, but also I think it's on YouTube. So you should check, watch the first episode on YouTube.

Well, that's what you got to do. You got to give it out for free and then you trick them. That's why you give them drugs for free the first hit and then you charge them. Face jam trucked up, I think is- Are we selling drugs now? Yeah. I think that's maybe the best show that we've ever made.

It looks like a real show, and it feels like a real show. It's really fun. Is this not a real show? Oh, I meant like a TV show. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Let me tell you, the length is real.

Uh-huh. That's good length. They're all about 40 minutes long, I think so. That's a good length, man. And it flies. Like, man, I really long. That's a good length, man. And it flies. Like, man, I really- Don't make promises you can't keep. No, I liked it.

I watched the first episode a bunch of times. Okay, I'm just saying there's a difference between I liked 40 minutes and 40 minutes flew. It went- I watched it. My screen was on the ground the whole time. Would you say- Hang on. What is the noise you just made?

It did what? It did that or did it do this one? Hang on. Do it right. Do it right. Hang on. What is the noise you just made? It did what? It did that? Or did it do this one? Hang on. Do it right. Do it right. Hang on. Do it right. Because I can do.

That's still pretty loud. It's not. You are right in the microphone. It's not that it isn't loud. It's that. It's not. It's just like a two-tone wavering. It's that it's wavering is what makes it sound.

If he could maintain that loudness, it'd be good. Yeah. I just asked him to do it because I saw him doing it when we were doing Chucked Up. Yeah, he did it on the show. And it's a whistle he's doing where he's yanking his lips and pulling them down. It was right in my ear. It's a weird thing. What's funny is it's a weird thing I've never seen before.

And then I saw you doing it, and I've seen it like twice since then. See? It's a real thing. It's like people squishing their fucking face. There's two schools of it. I just get a phone. The lip pull and then the two fingers in the mouth. I can regular whistle, but I text or text me.

Anyway, that's the show. I send yo's. Remember that happy yo? No, I don't. This is the nap when you send yo's to people. Jordan, how come you won't accept my walkie-talkie so I can walkie-talkie you at any time? Oh, sorry. It's been off. Here, let me turn it on for you. Oh, do you accept my walkie-talkie so I can walkie-talkie you at any time? Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. It's been off here. Let me get- let me turn it on for you.

Oh, do you want a walkie-talkie? I also probably didn't send you one. Let me add friends real quick. Oh, please. I don't even know how to do that. I bluffed. Swear science. And that's what I said to the old lady. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha. Rate, subscribe, and tell a friend about the show. She would've said it. And that's what I said to the old lady. Man. Rate, subscribe, and tell a friend about the show. She would have said it. Where we eat food and rate the food. Thank you for listening as always. Goodbye.