100% Eat - Pizza and Beer is Perfection - Face Jam Vodcast #2

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

Thanks to Voodoo Ranger for sponsoring this episode. Things are falling into place, as the boys have to find the perfect pizza to pair with their Voodoo Ranger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. that was it. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we usually, not today, but usually try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it, but today, much like two weeks ago, we're doing something a yiddle bit different. Thanks to Voodoo Ranger for making this show possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers,

who can't stop fiddling. Jordan, how are you? You guys are fiddling with the Voodoo life. No, it's just him, not me. No, you fiddled back. I saw a fiddle cause the fiddles. A fiddle chain reaction there. So what's up? What's going on? I feel like two weeks have passed.

They have. Yeah. Now we're on to episode number two of Face Jam Plus Ultra. Voodoo. Thank you to Voodoo Ranger. Yeah. The supplementary.

It's not pending. I mean, this shit's happening live in real time. What are we gonna do? Change it? Yeah, you can't change it. You can do pickups. I won't. I refuse. Since this is episode two, you got your normal face jam last week. Wow, that was some good food we ate last week. Or it wasn't.

I don't know. Go back and see. Yeah, whoa, did we like it? But right now, we're doing Voodoo Ranger Face Jam Van Vodcast number two, pizza. Doing pizza episode today. I like it. This is good. I was looking forward to this one.

Pizza's my favorite food. Wow. Let's eat some pizza. Well, that's what we'll get into. You think you mean to say eatza? Eatza. Oh. Eatza some pizza.

Can you do a take two where you say eatza some pizza? Yeah. Let's eatza some pizza. That's good. This is where you say, eat some pizza? Yeah, let's eat some pizza. That's good. This is starting to fall on me. That's okay. Well, it's funny because when we first got in, you questioned that. Yeah, and then they fixed it.

And now over the last two weeks, it's unfixed itself. Listen, Voodoo Ranger did a great job pairing with me to get this van. He didn't do anything. I got the van. You need to stop taking credit for it because you were

anti-van for so long. This skull guy. Excuse me. He was an anti-van vanster. Voodoo Ranger skull like hat IPA guy got us the van.

That's why he's here. I don't see any artwork of Eric hanging. Yeah, that's why we have a because he didn't do shit. We have a mural and monument to him. But we have the van.

We do have the van. Which we have tricked out in Face Jam style, and I think it's great. Wiki wiki what? Wiki wiki what? That was us tricking it out. Was that not the music that played while we tricked it out? Definitely. You made me hang shit?

It was stupid. Yeah, you put us to work. Yeah, that's how we tricked it out. No, somebody else should have done it. No, that was part of how Voodoo Ranger was like, what you guys make the ultimate. Bullshit. I'm still sore two weeks later. Oh my goodness. Voodoo Ranger was like, you guys trick it out to be the ultimate van.

Yeah, and then you should have been like, okay, cool, we'll have someone else trick it out. No, I wanted them. They said, they're great sponsors, and they said, you do it. So I said, yeah, great. Yeah, they made you as in you, not Michael and Jordan. They don't give a shit. They don't know who we are. You and the Face Jam company do it. I'm cracking in.

Oh, I didn't think about that. Well, today we're eating pizza. I'm mad, dude. But we're also drinking Voodoo Ranger Higher Plain IPA. Let's crack into this thing. Higher Plain. Dude, look at this guy in the can. He's into something.

Is this the new one? This is the newer one. Yeah, I think this is the newer one. This is like one of the newer Flaves they've released. Did it win one of their contests recently? It wasn't the most recent contest, but it was the newer one. Yeah, I think this is the newer one. This is like one of the newer Flaves they've released. Did it win one of their contests recently? It wasn't the most recent contest, but it was the most recent. So I don't know what you're saying, if it's based on any kind of fact at all. They had previous contests.

I know that, but I feel like you're just grasping at straws here. God, that's fucking good. Should I read this little blurb on this? He's fucking floating, dude. Dude, he's in a higher plane. Take a good look, because he's about to be out of here. Oh, shit.

Damn. Jordan, hit me with that marketing copy. Higher plane IPA achieves the perfect balance of delicately bitter flavors and tropical juicy aromas. Channel your inner haze. Yeah. Very sad. They nailed it.

I mean, it's a little bit. It's a little bit. Yeah, just a little. And you suck into it. It bits a little. But it's bit at the front. I feel like. Yeah, it doesn't hang out.

It's a bit and then the juice. It's really bright. It's like the bit knocks on the door, comes in, and it's like, I got friends. Right. It's a little loud at first, but you enjoy the company. Exactly. See, it's nice.

It's good. He's the first one to show up at the party, but at least somebody gets it. They know how to make beer. I'm just going to say it. It's good by itself, and just so you go slow on this, it's 8.5%. That won't stop me. Oh, Jesus Christ. Why would that slow me down?

Well, here's the thing. That's a challenge for Michael. That's strong. I've contacted Voodoo Ranger. I've contacted Voodoo Ranger with the sponsorship, and I said, listen, guys. Oh, you guys are emailing each other? Calling?

Yeah, we're talking. After they gave you money to do your job. Yeah, uh-huh. I'm saying, Voodoo Ranger, how's it going? And they're going, Eric, it's so great. We love Face Jam. We want to kiss you guys, and you guys are doing such a great job.

They don't know this hasn't come out yet. That's a lie. That can't be true. I asked them. I said, listen, guys. They really liked Lindsay on the last episode. Yeah, it was good stuff. You were blown out for a second there. You got too excited. That's monkey man over here. Was he blown out a little bit?

Yeah, but whose fault is that, Mr. Audio Man? I don't think whose fault it is. I'm just saying it happened. I hope the microphone picked up. So, I asked Voodoo Ranger. I said, we're drinking. Holy shit. I said, we're drinking this higher plane. Oh, fuck.

But here's the thing. We're eating pizza. What do you guys think about this thing with pizza? And here's what they told me. Okay. Cut the salt and the spice of the pepperoni with some sweet fruity notes. Like pineapple on your pizza Then this is the one for you. I don't like pineapple on your pizza then voodoo ranger doesn't care boom

Yeah, it does it's a little a strict a nice really smooth high ABV beer to pair with any pizza I agree like I'm excited to try it with the pizza the beer by itself is like really smooth for something That's almost nine percent We're like like really we're getting close to like wine territory in 8.5 You don't danger you don't you know I like to in episode 2 here you read the talking points They wrote cuz we just kind of completely ignored them Yeah, somebody forgot about him in episode one who's why are you pointing at nick because we don't somebody forgot we don't need to point out who forgot i just i just thought like we did a good job covering it we did it was already over we did do a good job like before we started episode one

you specifically mentioned it's been two wow it's really cool that like voodoo went out of their way to write these cool talking points and they really care about the beer and like how it's good and you didn't read the thing they wrote I'm saying here's what I here's I won't play I won't blame anyone but somebody forgot somebody got a little something got monkey madness yeah it's been two weeks since the last episode so this time I made sure I made I made notes and down I made sure I I made notes. I wrote it down. I made sure. Why didn't you change your shirt?

Oh, I washed this same shirt. Oh, okay. It's been two weeks. I really like- It's been a cycle. I've seen that cartoon character. I mean, a Steven Brody Stevens type look. I look forward to it in episode three, two weeks from now. Well, it's what he wears every Wednesday.

Yeah, it's my thing, you know? It's just a cycle. No big deal. But guys, today, pairing with the higher plane IPA, the delicious higher plane IPA, we have three different pizzas from- It says here they're tacos. He did write tacos, too. He wrote that after last week, and that was, I think, 7.5 ABV.

It was still too much for him. So, I guess we're going to be eating tacos next week, too. And that was I think 7.5 ABV Started he begged you not to point that out absolutely I said I messed up. Please don't point it out. Yeah Well, I mean you're shutting the other stuff He keeps leaning into me. He's going to fuck you up. This guy, he went out of his way to bring my personal relationships into the podcast. I didn't know. And I told you, you're fucking done.

I'm going to shred your ass. Listen, I told you. You should have seen the slacks. It was like, hey, I'm thinking about asking Lindsay to be on one of these Voodoo Ranger episodes. And I was like, Michael's not going to like that. I don't think you should do that. As friend. I would I would vote against it and Eric Eric just kept being like no, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great It's it is because who do we talk about the most outside of the show on the show and it's Michael's ex

So but today we have a different guest what it does. Yeah, we have a different guest, but we'll get to it later Okay, we'll get to our guests later and that's okay because today we have three different not again. does. Yeah, we have a different guest, but we'll get to it later Okay, we'll get to our guests later, and that's okay because today we have three different. He's not again I'm gonna kill she's not on again Dive across this table when that be not fight through these microphone arms Wouldn't I will say my hands around that little Eric Eric again? Eric again slacked me was like but this be a funny. Yeah Absolutely Jordan listen, I'll tell you listen again slacked me and was like, would this be a funny bit for episode two? And I said, absolutely not. And he listened.

I'll tell you. He listened. Jordan, there's no way Lindsay is on today's episode. Unless. Unless. I guess you'll have to stay tuned and find out. So here are the three pizza places. I dribbled.

Nasty. You see it? No, you just look wet. That's what the dribble is Oh perfect What did you think it would look like? It would look dry? Yeah he looked dry

Please He dribbled He didn't drool It's true Three pizza places Yeah What are they? Hit us

Papa John's Domino's These are two places These are two places that we've done before On the show So I wanted to bring them back for this Third place Via 313.

Well, that's a local Austin place. Wild card pizza place, Via 313. We have gotten pepperoni pizzas from all three places. I've never had the pepperoni from Via. So unlike last week, you actually got three of the same foods. Last week was close. Two weeks ago, sorry. Two weeks ago was close

it's close he tried his best but this time uh-huh three said three peppy pizza's we drove around and picked up these pizzas we got them they're ready and now it's pizza time he is unique because it's Detroit style that's right which means it's square mm-hmm and is... Doesn't it scream that on the box? Yeah. Am I wrong? Yeah, and we'll get to it... I think on the top.

...when we get to the box. He's buried it. That's because it's the third one. Usually in other episodes, we're allowed to just talk about whatever we want, but apparently they're structured to this one. Well, we have these three pizza places. Uh-huh.

We've had the higher... We've already cracked open the... Was there an edit somewhere in there? We're cracking... The thing is, you can notice it more in a video which this is if you're listening

to this on audio here's the thing if you're listening to this on audio we will be eating on this episode so I'm just letting you know but there is video

of this episode it'll be on the Achievement Hunter YouTube channel and on RoosterTeeth.com and the Rooster Teeth app I feel like if you watch someone eat

it lessens the blow a little bit. I agree. Just listening to them eat. I will be eating away from the microphone. Jordan, two weeks ago, was chomping, and he's doing it right now. Stop. He's chomping. Chomping into the microphone.

Chomp this mic. Eric, I don't know what he does. I'm not looking at him right now. He nibbles like a little rat. I'm still pissed. And I should also say, we're in the van. I was about to say the same thing. You weren't. I was. I scooped in and

saved the day. You were with the pizza already. That made me remember. Hey guys, guess what? We all got tested for COVID and we're negative and that's why we're all together. We've all been socially distanced until it was pizza time when we all drove around to get the pizza. We got that sweet like hour and a half test too. Yeah, it was like

the test didn't take an hour and a half. No. It's about five seconds. Could you imagine that? They'd up your nose for an hour and a half? They'd drill your brain. I would die. The last time I got it, they'd drill my brain.

I went, ah! Second time, not so bad. The woman went, I know. Yep. She told me to smile. She told me to smile, too. She would smile, and it was like, why? I guess that makes your nose open up a little bit.

She told me to smile, too. I didn't like it. I must have already been smiling, because she didn't see anything that makes you like Made a smile. I don't like it been smiling You had a big old smile. She told me I'd be cuter if I smiled She told me you got a really nice attitude, and I thought that was cool She told me I did a great job, and I said thank you, and she said you're welcome. Yeah She shrugged at me and went whatever Okay, you guys ready to get in the first pizza place? Sure, Papa John's. We got Papa John's pepperoni pizza. Whenever you grab a slice.

That looks great. Sliz a piz. That looks like pizza. Piz a sliz. Why is there tape on my beer? I feel like they were doing like a photo shoot. Yeah, they were. Look.

Give me the sliz. Look at it. Yeah, there it is. Uh-huh. You have to grab a slice and then you have to give one for the monkey. Calm the fuck I'm just telling you what's happening. Give me a fucking second.

Let go! See you have to watch this. I'll come over there. You have to watch this in video guys. You take you take, just take two you maniac. This fucker took two slices. Yeah because you grabbed one that was already two you knew what was gonna happen can i get the pizza out before you close the box on me uh-huh jesus christ

he's throwing it away he's crazy all right eating away from the microphone i'm eating you can't hear me eat though try to listen to listen to me eat. I dare you, you fucker. Try it. Open your ears. I gotta say. Jordan, go ahead and chomp on the microphone. I gotta say. The monkey's asking for fucking garlic sauce. Oh, my God. I thought I was doing something wrong with my microphone.

He was just like, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, garlic, garlic. Yeah. Give him the fucking garlic sauce. Everybody has the garlic sauce, but Papa John's kind of made it their thing. Yep. They include it whether you ask for it or not. Mm-hmm. They shove it down your throat.

Yeah, they don't care. It's thick. I think it's garlic butter sauce. Yeah. It's thick as shit. Didn't we learn last time we had Papa John's you're supposed to mix it? Mix it? What do you mean?

Oh, you're supposed to shake it up and stuff. Yeah you mean? Oh, you're supposed to like shake it up and stuff. Yeah, he mixes it with his fucking blood and drinks it. Yep. That's what he does. Yeah, he's a weirdo. He's a sauce vampire. Yep. I gotta say there's some- Who are you talking to? What's going on?

Our guest. Oh. Some fuck off. Mm-hmm. We're record- this is crazy. All right, he said he, so it's not Lindsey. Yep. Unless it was a trick.

Unless she's got a- is she wearing a disguise? Oh, can't say. So what do you think about the pizza on its own? On its own, I think Papa John's is very unique in that the marinara sauce is very sweet. It's incredibly sweet. And it stands out and makes it its own kind of thing, which is cool because you don't want to, there's so many fucking pizzas out there, you don't want to, you know, blend in with the crowd.

But also it's not my thing, so slippery slope. That's tough. But I feel like with the beer, it, like, kind of cuts that sweetness. And it just makes the beer, like, super smooth, which I like. It does make the beer really smooth. It does. But does it improve the pizza? No.

That was right in my ear. That was really incredible. He wanted that in your ear holes. And he got it. Improves the beer. Yeah, it is really sweet pizza. I never really thought about that. But it's like they doused it in sugar.

I would call it sweetza. I beat you to it. He beat you to it. Fuck. See, he just screamed sweetza. You tried to do like an intro, and that's why you lost. I blew it. Yeah, you blew it big time.

So what do you think about- You just got to shout this shit out, man. So the pepperoni doesn't really do much for the pizza, right? I don't think- No, it's just kind of there. No, it's unnoticeable, untraceable. Yeah, I agree. It really-

Like, I feel like you'd have to have sausage or some other, like, crazy topping. Is sausage crazy? No, I'm talking about, like- It was sausage or something crazy. Like, you'd have to have, like, a multitude of toppings before you, like, really taste them for this pizza. You know what I mean? Because the pepperoni's just not, nothing's happening. Are you feeling that 8.5, huh?

I'm trying to drink in what you're saying. I got a can of Eric over here. I'm drinking it. I don't understand it. That's 10.5. It's letting it wash over me, and I'm thinking, do I like this? I don't know. I keep having bites with the beer to see if it's going to do something.

Don't bite your beer. Drink your beer. No, bites of pizza with the beer. You're not making a lot of sense right now. Yeah. I'm all fucked up. Yeah, I know. I just said that.

It's definitely a weird case where it makes the beer taste really good. The beer on its own is good, but it makes it taste even better with this pizza. That's a great point. Because I keep going like, well, how's it making the pizza do? Don't worry about the pizza. It's making the beer really good. It is. How's it making the pizza do?

It's making the pizza do like, you know, like what's it doing? It makes it do crazy. Yeah. My pizza do good. When I'm drinking the higher plane, my pizza doing good. My pizza do higher. My beer do good When I'm drinking the higher plane My pizza doing good My pizza do higher My beer do higher God I just keep getting blasted

Is it your ex? Yeah for two weeks later She's like oh that was really fun I'd like to be on another episode I didn't invite you I mean I let her know when we were recording again This is not gonna be Like the road to reconciliation. So I just want to stamp

that out now. It happened. You need to stop. I swear to God. The second this pizza's gone, see how we ate the Papa John's and you took the box away? The second this last box is gone, I'm diving over there. I'm coming for you. You're lucky this pizza's holding him back.

Yeah, I don't want to fuck up the episode. Because I'm, you know, again, consummate professional. And I'm coming for you. You're lucky this pizza is holding him back Reckons yeah, I don't want to fuck up the episode cuz I'm you know again constant professional I'm thinking about the episode right here the pizza all the work voodoo's put into this you haven't done much But I don't want to do shit. I don't want to ruin it for them I don't want to knock over the little bobblehead guy there. I don't need that I'm diving right at you I'm going for your nuts like well fucking chimp right after this pizza's gone. Sick the chimp on you. Stop making him look at me. He's looking all his own. He's cold dead eyes.

Jesus. All right. Let's fire into Domino's. You guys ready for Dominio's? Whoa. Whoa. Hang on. Whoa.

Wait. Stop it. You're talking about the Eno's? Oh, you guys know about Eno's? No. I know a thing or two. You know a thing or two about Eno's? We've had some Enos before.

I've been around the block. All right, guys. Here's Enos pepperoni pizza. Looks great. Yep. Looks exactly the same. Yeah, it really does. Looks like the Domino's pizza.

Thank you, Eric. Uh-huh. I'm helpful. Oh, no. Come on. Why are you saying, oh, you fucked up the rip. Yeah, I ripped it. I'm going to avoid that fuck up.

Just go for my own. There you go. I'm going to avoid that fuck up. Just go for my own. There you go. I'm going to go my own way. Oh, no. Oh, I saw it. Oh, no. Just ditch that. There we go.

Perfect rip. You guys can't see. Michael really fucked up this pizza. Yeah, but you know what I did? Yeah. I fucking just reconvened. Can somebody grab that beer? Grab that beer.

Oh, God. This fan. Guys, this fan might be a little bit small Somebody help the monkey my hands are full. He's reaching Monkey fucked it up to the crust in half look at look at what the fuck Michael did well No, that's not a great tear, but look at how he saved it, but that you can what a bite that looks like a commercial You can take the pepperoni on this one. That's for sure yeah agreed he saved it. But that, you can... What a bite! That looks like a commercial. You can taste the pepperoni on this one, that's for sure.

Yeah. Agreed. The pepperoni is a lot more present in the Eno's than it was on the Appadon. What? I said Appadon.

See, I just took the middle. I cut out the pa and the uns. And it's just the uppity. You saved a lot of time. Saving time, dude. You knew what I was talking about. I didn't, but then I did.

You knew. A lot less sweet, a lot more pepperoni. A lot more peppery. Meteor. And more pepper, for sure. I thought you were reaching over to give me like a cheers with the pizza. That'd be fucking weird, dude. That's what I thought.

Dude, this guy this guy's one box away from getting a tooth I'm just saying you have the biggest pepperoni piece in your teeth

I do in my teeth it looked like this is why we don't do this is why we don't do a video podcast yeah this is why we don't

eat oh man this is my way to eat. Oh, man. This is my commitment to the brand. The Face Jam brand? No, the Eno's. It sounded like you choked that out. I did. Guys, please, I'm trying to eat.

You want to help me on the next one? I'm getting more. Oh, my God. What is your ex having? No, it's not that one. It's some other asshole. You guys don't know him. Maybe we will.

Yeah. I doubt it. His name's Alfredo. Oh, it doesn't. Sounds like a sauce. Let's sit tight. Yeah, it's on the pasta episode. Are we doing pasta?

No, we're doing pizza right now. I mean, in the future. Is it a secret? Can you say what we're doing? I will not say what we're doing. Oh, shit. Wow. Dang. He's not gonna say we're doing burgers? Shut up! What about chicken?

Shut up! Oh. I mean, I didn't know, but based on that reaction. Yeah, he seems to be telling. He's tipping his hand a little bit. Yeah, he said shut up, but he slid that pizza in his face. I love me some dominoes. Like a little greasy bitch. The monkey laughed way too hard at that.

Monkey nose. Monkey will laugh at anything that's an insult thrown your way. He was thinking it. Doesn't have to be clever. Terrible. It's taking me forever to eat this Domino's. It's like I've eaten already today. Weird.

So I like Domino's. It's impossible. So the pizza's already good. I'm wearing a different shirt. It's impossible. 187 pounds, huh? Impossible. Not one point.

The pizza's already good. It's kind of the same situation where, if anything, the beer tastes even better with the Domino's, in my opinion. Interesting. And I already like the pizza, so I don't think the pizza or the beer elevates the Domino's. But I think it makes the beer taste even better than the Appa-Op did. Yeah. Strictly Middles. Strictly middles.

Cut off the ends. I feel like beer definitely goes with pizza. Beer and pizza. I mean, other than that, I'm thinking like steak. You know? Those are the two like beer foods. Steak and pizza. That shit was made for each other.

Steak and pizza made for each other I agree I'm just saying what you said I'm eating the pizza Well it's I mean Obviously I meant the beer too That's what we're talking about

That's why nobody likes you I just said what you I just said what you said Yeah I was trying to help Yeah you inferred incorrectly What? Cause you're infertile

I'm sorry Yeah I said it Oh I'm sorry Are we getting too personal now? Yeah, you inferred incorrectly. What? Because you're infertile. I'm sorry. Yeah, I said it. Oh, I'm sorry. Are we getting too personal now? This episode got weird fast. Let's flash back to two weeks ago, you piece of shit. This got really weird really fast. I've seen the records.

I know nothing's going on down there. No swimmers. You've seen the records? Yep. That seems like a HIPAA violation. Yep. Oh, you know what? It's crazy what a case of fucking Voodoo Ranger will get you.

I got everything on you. Everybody's going to know. Each Fortnite, I dole out the facts about Eric. You got scoliosis, dude? We found out about that already. It's going to be really weird when we get to the third episode and Michael's way more sober than the second episode. I guarantee you he won't be.

He won't be. Oh, my God. All right. You guys ready for the third pizza? Was that Michael's take? It's good. It's good. There's a lot of words to say it's good.

Yeah. All right. It's spicier. the pep is more there The beer Listen I went on the whole beer and pizza thing Here it is Holy shit we're doing squares? Via 311

This is Detroit style baby You're slapping me with a Sicilian pizza Sicilian Now Sicilian If you didn't know that You'd be like what the heck is that Sicilian pizza. Sicilian. Now, Sicilian is little square pizzas. If you didn't know that, you might be like, what the heck is that? That's what it is. Are you Sicilian?

Or are you? No. Are you Napolitan? Neither. Oh. I don't know where you want me to go from that. I feel like I answered your question. I don't know.

I was waiting for another question. I've just been watching a lot of Soprano. I get it. You're from New Jersey. I thought you would be. No. You could be from New Jersey and not be Italian. What?

That's weird. I'm living proof. Oh, shit. That's really weird. I'm Euro trash. Why are you laughing at me? Me because you're Euro trash? Yeah. I'm proud of it.

Oh, boy. You ever think this guy's really dumb? Now you know why. Well, Jordan, you want wanna jump into this Yeah let me Let me get one of these corner pieces Secrets reveal You're like that magician Yeah

How many Mikey J's does it take to change a light bulb None I'll kill you Oh my god Alright Let's be a 313 this thing You gotta help the monkey I think The Detroit style is weird in that The reason it's square is that they would cook it in, like,

parts that they would, like, make the cars in. Yep. In the factories. It's like pig guts? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, pig guts. What is it, pig guts? Nobody said pig guts.

No, you said parts, so I just assumed. Car parts. Oh. Car machinery parts. Is this a lug nut? Is that what I'm eating? Is that what you're saying? It's a lug nut, lug it around

Fuck It's a lot softer I love V313 though It's so unique Don't bring bias into this I mean I will, it's my number two favorite pizza place In Austin Oh my god

Yeah sorry I went there Michael keep it together please Dude I'm a full puzzle I found all the pieces Yeah you guys heard it here first Michael's a full puzzle He's one full puzzle I'm a one piece puzzle set

You open the box, it's done. You're one piece? Yeah. You're the treasure? Yeah, I'm the pirate king. Why did it take 900 episodes to get this? I just think, you know, it's about the adventure, not the destination. I'm in that show, you know.

You do a voice, right? Uh-huh. Who do you do the voice of? I don't know. You don't know? I don't want to say it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You do a voice, right? Uh-huh. Who do you do the voice of? I don't know. You don't know? I don't want to say it. It's embarrassing. Oh, yeah? You can Google it.

Why is it embarrassing? This isn't about me. This is about the pizza. Oh, okay. What do you think about the pizza? I think it's soft. Mm-hmm. I said that.

Mm-hmm. What do you think about the pizza? Nick's losing it. And Jordan's doing something with this 8.5 is a lot. That's all you got the giggles He's not drinking. He's not a goddamn job. He hasn't had dry. He's dry as a designated. Holy shit That was supposed to happen! Help!

Help! Help! Well, okay, well that was crazy. Dogra. What? Uh-huh. He said a thing, and then you... I just don't want to downplay what happened. We were almost killed.

No, we're safe. Because of you. No, we're safe. Because of you. No. Yeah, that's what you made us do it. No, it's safe. And we're not like professionals.

And then this bar almost crushed Jordan to death. You know what I think? What? And it'll be telling if this gets edited out. Uh-huh. Because I think we got a boatload of money from Voodoo Ranger to buy a great van. And Eric over here bought a shitty van that's not trying to kill us

and pocketed the rest of the money. All the pizzas are gone. It's open season. Boy, I'm about to dive over there. No, because we still have a guest. Okay, who is it? Well, you have to read the top part, Jordan. Oh, shit.

My paper got eaten in the great calamity. But you have to read it word for word. You can't not read it. All right. Oh, fuck you. What? But now that we have this van that Eric graciously got for us with the help of Voodoo Ranger, some would say exclusively for Voodoo Ranger,

we wanted to bring in some of our friends to help us rate these foods look it's alfredo hi alfredo that's my friend oh i just want to say for the record eric very sus i think you did pocket some money what did you excuse me when he when he dropped off this delicious beer he pulled up in a Lamborghini. I can't believe you're saying this! He was chucking money out the window as he drove off. Wow. Eric told you that in confidence. You little doo-doo head.

Somebody's telling tales out of school. You little doo-doo head. Now I have to hold my microphone or else it goes to the right. I can't believe Alfredo just sold me out like that. I can believe it. He's a solid guy. A solid guy you've never met. I mean, it was a lot of money, and I think at one point a gold bar, but I didn't get a hold of it.

Listen, Alfredo, we didn't bring you in to talk about the cars that I drive and whatever they might be. Or are. What we brought you in to talk about was delicious pizza and delicious beer. Okay. Don't show me that. Look what I've got. You've got... What are you doing?

I found glue. Yeah, Michael found glue. For the record, the camera's pointing at the sky. I can't see shit. You can see. Hi. Again, it's his whole plan. It's his narrative, right?

Where he's like, you can't see anything. No, you can't. I'm doing it. No, he's going to get in the shot. No, he's not in the shot. He's going to get in the shot. No, he's not in the shot. He's going to be in the shot. Shut up. He does have a cool setup.

Thank you. It's fine. Look, no one's screaming. It must be fine. Why don't you drop the ceiling on us again, you piece of shit? Yeah, why don't you just try and kill us? Alfredo, what do you think about this higher point IPA? It's smooth.

Man, you got a whole case of it. You feel a lot. Let me tell you. You feel pretty toasty right now? airplane ipa it's smooth man you got a whole case of it it's like you're chugging it it's 8.5 percent it's almost like five geez i should slow down i just popped this open as soon as i popped on here with you guys and i'm already uh I just popped this open as soon as I popped on here with you guys and I'm already Two thirds of the way through Jesus. It's because it's so good. It's so easy. It's smooth. I love it. It's good That's the good stuff, but really well speed up. What what just speed up speed up? Just get it down. You don't gotta drive anywhere your ideas Drive this this ass to the seat and the seats of this Hey Alfredo Jordan from face jam nice to meet you What would you say are some of your favorite pizza places here in Austin? And where's Papa John's rank on it?

Papa John's? It's one of the things we ate. I mean, honestly, I'm a sucker for deep dish. Interesting. So I love me some Via. And honestly, I love me some Pizza Hut. I'm not going to lie. Interesting.

I'll get a personal pizza throw extra cheese on it and I'll deep throat a breadstick they got their breadsticks I've said that before this man knows he said he's gonna deep throat it move past it why are you so just like

I don't have to hang up on that why don't you try and drop this bar on our heads again while you drive your name give it about 3 or four more minutes. It's moving. Oh my God, it's slipping. He's right, though. Pizza Hut was almost one of the places that we chose today, but we swapped it out for

Via 313. A great decision in my mind. I think it had to be Domino's. We're Domino's boys. We need to switch it up. In this household, in this van household. This van hold. In this van hold.

We support Eno's. Yep. A.K.A. Domino's. We're Eno's and Appa John's. Is that what we're called? Eno's? Yeah.

It's what the cool kids call it. It's what. Don't worry about it. All right. Listen. Alfredo. You got to tell us. We're going to go one by one.

You got to let us know what you think about the pizza, what you think about it with the beer. Just give us kind of a rundown. Listen, start with Papa John's. What did you think about that Papa John's pepperoni pizza with that higher plane? Okay, so I'm going to take a half a step back real quick. Okay. I think all these deliveries had an issue. I had an issue with every single one of them.

Wow. Yeah, there was a little minor issue. Not always caused by the people that made the pizza, but we'll go into that in detail. Big Papa J. Whoa. PJ. That's what we call him.

John Papa. Man, let me tell you. There is a good even spread of tomato sauce and a hefty dose of cheese. And daddy likes. Good. That crust's a little bit to be desired, though. Yeah, it's a little cardboardy.

Yeah. There's not a lot to it. The crust wasn't selling me too much. But like I said, I'm a person that likes a light amount of tomato sauce. This guy doesn't like a lot of sauce. nice which is crazy we have this monkey who was right oh it's crazy man this guy likes yeah this guy I'm pointing at you can't see me cuz Eric won't let you see me we're gonna get in front of the camera just see whoa he loves the sauce I know this guy's I'm so on the side long time

you know not a sauce maniac he's not a sauce maniac on pizza. He doesn't want a lot of pizza sauce. I don't. But it had a nice even spread of light tomato sauce and a good hefty amount of cheese and the pep was pretty good. I like my pepperoni a little bit crispier. It was a little bit on the like.

Yeah, I'm with you. It was a little bit on the like. It was cooked just so you could eat it. Like food. Yeah, like food. It was cooked like food. It was cooked like food. And I like my food sometimes cooked a little bit like it's burnt, you know?

Oh, okay. He's a well-done man. Crispiness. There was no crispiness in those pepperonis. Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. Yep. How'd you like it with that beer, though?

How'd you feel about it with the higher plane? It was a perfect match. You know, you got the heavy amount of cheese, not too saucy, and then, you know, smooth with smooth is extra smooth. That's true. It is. That's what we were saying. It's extra smooth.

Yep. It makes the beer taste better. It does. It really did. Cubed. Smooth cubed. That's right, Michael. The technicality I got to dock Papa John's on.

There's a seal that they had. The seal of like, I don't know. The freshness seal? Freshness or like a safety seal on it. It wasn't even fully closed. Wow. It was like tape. Oh, permeation.

So I went and I went to pop open the seal. It was already popped dang. Oh, permeation. So I went, and I went to pop open the seals already popped open. In these times? Yeah, usually at the store, you'd put that back. Yep. You'd say, not this one, no, no. Yeah. But like a trooper. It wasn't like snapped open, but it was just like. You said, huh, and you ate it anyway. Yeah, you didn't let that stop you.

You know, I trust. I trust John. Yep. Oh, weird. That was that technicality on that one. Okay. Yeah, that's weird that you do. I respect that. I understand. It could be the reckoning.

Yep. Oh, the day of reckoning is coming. It could be this. Yep. Damn. So what did you think about the Enos? You got the Enos pepperoni pizza. How do you feel about that with the higher plane?

First and foremost, I'm not going to call it that. I don't. Good. Again, I respect that. Well, you just called it that. Well, I did it because call it that. I don't good. I respect again. I respect that Jordan's looking at me. Yeah, the technique also with the technicality issue that one wasn't cut up. Well Eric tried to make me out to be a martyr, and I quickly diverted. I tried to make him out to be a martyr. Yeah, I quickly diverted. How dare you?

Don't. Yeah, and I changed slices, and I saved myself. But you wanted to be like, die, die for us. I also ripped mine a little bit, not as much as Michael. Yeah, so I got to go back in there, and I got to cut it all off myself. It's ridiculous. We got it from the same Enos. We picked up our Enos.

We dropped off his Enos. It was an Eno situation. Very interesting. This particular Domino's does not know how to cut the pizza. We should get him a knife. Yeah, well, you know, I pay for the pizza, not to just have a little mini game of cutting shit up. I mean, you didn't pay for it.

Yeah, sure. But I agree. There shouldn't be a mini game. Oh, you know, someone paid for it. I think he's paying the price one way or another. I think Eric goes buying the Lamborghini and threw some money out the window. Thank you, Voodoo Ranger, for paying for the pizza. But let me, let me.

Okay, so the pepperoni. Yeah. It was well done. It was. Crispy. Yep. Got a little crunch that you love to have on your pizza. Yep.

That crust from the Enos.'s. I said it now. He said it. You thought you wouldn't be tricked. It's so catchy. It rolls off the tongue. Oh, shit. It's okay. Welcome to the club.

Let's just run with it. Eno's crust was, I mean, that shit is delicious. It's garlickyicky it's buttery it's the best like a garlic yeah it was the garlic butter that lay on it i'm like give me those calories daddy that's good so i'm about that uh the pizza itself the rest of it it's got like splotches of tomato sauce that like cut through the cheese. So sometimes I'll bite into an even bite and it's all good but then you get these little uneven

bites where it's just like well I just it was just bread and tomato sauce. I don't know what I'm eating here. You're just drinking to ma. That's really what's going on. That's really everything dude. We don't have time. We're fast. We're fast moving. It really saves time. Business professionals.

As we touched on, it saves a lot of time. So, I mean. What did you think about, it was a little bit more of a crispy pepperoni. It was a little bit of a saltier slice. What did you think about it with that higher plane? I needed it. I needed to wash down that heavy bite of tomato sauce. He was thirsty.

You know? I was like, you know, it's just too much. I'm just drinking tomato sauce at this point. Let me wash it down with this delicious beer. Right? Damn. I respect that. I understand.

I get it because I get it because, man, that was a super saucy pizza, not the whole way through. Weirdly pocketed, weirdly saucy, especially like at the end. What was that? Yeah, like towards the crust, right? It's weird. I don't know why, but that's, yeah, no, I got a lot of that. Interesting.

There's been a lot of traumatic events happening since then, so maybe I need to go back in for another slice. Yeah, I don't know what you can see just from your perspective, but Eric has completely glossed over at this point. His eyes are wet. No. I'm here, and they're wet. And I'm with it.

He's present and here. He's accounted for. The word I would say is cognizant. 8.5. Now, the last pizza that we got, I don't want to call it the ringer, but it's the pizza that we had to get. It was. It was a little bit

local, and we sucked out. We sucked out pizza. We decided to get those two and then the good one. We said, let's drop pizza for a good one. Via 313, their pepperoni. Fred said, let's drop pizza for a good one. Via 313, their pepperoni. Fredo, what did you think about that with the higher plan?

Look, let me tell you. Via 313, that's that deep dish. There's a lot of people out there. They're afraid of a thick girl. You know what I mean? Via, she is thick. Let me tell you. Delicious.

That crust. And, Via, she is thick. Let me tell you. And it's a crispy girl. Delicious. Right? That crust is. Look at that crust. Gotta lick up that sauce. So, oh, yeah. Okay. So, the technicality on that one.

Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. I told you about the first pizza. Yeah. Right. Right. Right.

A whore for cheese. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Uh-huh. This one might have pushed me to my cheese limit. Really? Too much?

Yeah. Too much? Yeah. And it's because of the technicality. I opened the box. All the sauce is on top of the box. Oh, no. So I'm buying it anyway.

It's a bread and cheese. And I'm like, it's good, but it might be too much cheese. It was good, but I saw Eric gyrating a lot when he was holding that pizza. I was just feeling good about that pizza. I'm just saying. I was thinking, one of these is going to be for us. The sauce monkey's going to go crazy. It's weird.

He just kept going, it's going to be good, it's going to be good, it's going to be good. He kept shaking it, and I remember going, you're going to get the sauce on the roof of the box. He didn't think it would be a problem. I figured it would be fine. It's pizza. pizza well now now i know now i know push me to my cheese limit uh i mean you know this via is delicious yeah a good healthy amount of cheese uh usually a good spreading of sauce yeah that crust has got that like uh you got that little crispy singe on the end. I love the five little pieces of the pizza.

And then a little piece of that crust. It's a perfect pairing. Incredible. And it can be a little heavy because she's thick. So the beer just pairs perfectly with it because it just washes it down. It's like a gentle cleansing that's almost necessary. Necessary is a good word for it. I felt like it was necessary.

Man, it's so easy to drink this thing that's almost 9%. It's like it's not going to be easy to get out of this van. Oh, boy. You're going to be crawling out. That's what I'm saying. I'm almost done. I'm like, hold on. This fucking Eric and his Lamborghini dropped me off at a bar.

And I'm like, oh, the hat. Because fucking Eric and his Lamborghini brought me a whole box of hearts. What would you say, if you had to pick your favorite out of the three, what would you say is your number one? I mean, usually it's Via. You know what I mean? But right now, my heart and soul is like, got to go for the pop. Whoa.

What a curveball. Interesting. Technicality to get me. Yeah. You know what? That's what happens with delivery. I know we got this van. I know we're running stuff to people.

Listen, we got, who cares what kind of car we delivered it in, right? This van barely runs. Right. So sometimes people have to take matters into their own hands. Right. And that's why I had to take it into their own hands. Right. And that's why I had to take it in my regular car. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Who's slaying monkeys going nuts up here? The monkey's going bananas up here. God damn, dude. Give him some fruit. Woo. Alfredo, thank you so much for being part of Face Jam this week. Yeah, thank you for your input. Thanks for having me. It was delicious.

Jordan wanted to know, do your friends call you Fredo? Yeah, everyone calls me Fredo. You can say it. You can say it right now. Say it right now. Thanks, Fredo. See? Whoa!

Wow! That felt like we were friends. That's great. Well, you're not, but it felt like it. Well, Fredo, enjoy those, like, 20-something other beers. Not yet. I have the other 22. You have, there's so much 8.5 beer at your house.

You left me so much. It was wild. Enjoy that beer, and thank you, Fredo, for having us on the show. We had him. Well, thank you, Fredo. Thank you for having us on the show. It's our show. Well, Fredo, thank you for being on FaceTime.

Thank you for joining me, you know? He's too far gone. Awesome. Hey, thank you, Fredo, for having us on your show. Guys, that was really nice of him. That was really gracious of Fredo. You left the meeting. Yeah.

He's gone. Rate it. That's five stars. Click it. Five stars. I don't know. Four stars. He picked Papa John's.

Oh, okay. That was questionable. Four stars. Yeah, but that's because he fucked up his pizza. It's true. There's more things. Somebody was driving too fast in his supercar. There we go.

Guys. 8.5. Thank you, Fredo. That was great. Yeah. He had some interesting takes. You never disappoint. No.

I always appreciate an alternative perspective. Yep. And that's what we need here because, listen, they don't rate it. You guys do. And absolutely will not influence my decision You have to let us know he's wrong. You have to let us know It's okay to have wrong opinions the number three the number two the number one we have to get at it We've been drinking a lot of this higher plane you have you're on a higher. I'm feeling good

Oh, I'm feeling I'm on higher ground. I'm ready to go whoa yeah, I'm living up here. I'll be one Don't cut off my arms. Watch out. Watch out, little Ernie. It's over. So you guys got to let us know, after hearing the guest's opinions, after hearing the sauce monkey slamming around in the front. He was going ape.

There's been a lot of stuff going on this episode. That's right. And it's kind of taken away from my concentration. Did you forget? My concentration. Not so much my memory, but my concentration on what we're here to do. Right. So. Who's to rate this shit? Here I go.

Number three is definitely for sure Papa John's. Wow. Without question. Fredo's favorite is your number three. Papa John's is okay, but it wasn't good on its own and while it made the beer taste better, the beer didn't make the pizza taste better and bad pizza's bad pizza. Number two,

and this is going to play into what happened earlier, I'm putting V at number two right now. Whoa! What? I was in the middle of eating it, and all of a sudden, the van tries to kill me. Wow. And I feel like I couldn't focus in on the complexity of the flavors and how the beer is. I can't believe this. This is shocking. I can't believe this.

So number one is Domino's because the beer tasted even better with the Domino's. Wow. And they're symbiotic. The pizza was already good. The beer tasted better than it ever did. So Domino's is my number one. That's incredible. What a turn of events.

That's incredible. I don't know. I don't even know where to go from this. You got to let us know. I'm shell shocked. What's your number three? My number three. Are you sitting down? I'm sitting down. where to go from this. You gotta let us know. I'm shell shocked. What's your number three? My number three. Are you sitting down?

I'm sitting down. Hang on. Hold on. Yep. Yeah, he's sitting. My number three is Domino's. Wow! Whoa!

Because like, yeah, they had the more well done pep. Uh-huh. And I agree, it was a bit more- Hold for wind? Spicy and flavorful. Right. But I don't know. Today, just like with the beer, that sweet, sweet pizza and pop.

You liked it? The Papa John. I was feeling it with the pizza. Wow. And Via's my number one. Yeah. I'm going Dom, Pa, Via. So we're all mixed up.

Yeah, this is crazy. We're all mixed up. So I've got Via. This guy's got Dom. We have no consensus. And the guy who we don't care about. He's got Papa John's. Chose Papa John up. So I've got Via. This guy's got Dom. We have no consensus. And the guy who we don't care about. He's got Papa John's. He's got Papa John's.

That's crazy. What do we do? Eric, what do we do? Who's the tiebreaker here? What do we do? I mean, what does it say here? If it's the same thing as last week, which I'm sure it is because you copy pasted it and it still said tacos, it probably says-

I think it says, does the monkey vote? Does the monkey vote? Question mark. Is the monkey the tiebreaker? Monkey, who are you thinking number one? Hold on, hold up the pizza boxes I can't hold up the pizza boxes If we're doing

Number one, we just need one answer Just one Via 313 Thumbs up, okay Is that number one? I feel like he was building up the sound And you just cut him off Through the magic of editing we can take it again Monkey is it Papa John's?

Wow no, where do you write that one? We don't care your numbers. Wow number two number two monkey Is it is it domino Is it dominoes? No! A.K.A. Eno? No! So that means the number one pizza is Bia 313.

Is it Bia 313? Wow! It's going into- Oh, he's going bananas! He's losing it. Dude, I think I'm- He's gone. I'm even closer to the DNA of a monkey.

Wow, I agree. Because we're on the same page. I definitely agree. Yeah, he was going ape up there. That was pretty crazy. Hey, I can't fault them. This is just my experience. Yeah.

That's to say I almost died in the middle of eating it, and maybe that clouded my judgment. That took away. That took away. Yeah. So I'm fine with that. You know what? Really, what that says to me is that

higher plane is just really good with pizza. Yeah. Yeah, honestly. If it was like three people going three different things and then a monkey had to come in, just get pizza and have higher plane. Yeah. That's it.

You can't lose. That's it. Pizza's the way to go. Easy. So there you go. Wow. Just don't eat your pizza underneath any like tension bars. That's true.

Tension bars, kind of scary for the van. Okay. I felt safe. I could have curled it if I had to. I could have punched it. I don't have to, but I could have. You know what I mean? Well, guys, that wraps up another episode of

Face Jam in the van. This was a good one. I think it was nice and short. This was good. It felt not that. It felt... I'm full. Yeah, it felt full. Yep. Can you grab that for a second? Because this is like, we're good.

Mm-hmm. That's the episode. We'll see you two weeks from now. Yeah. We'll see you later. No! No!