100% Eat - Quiznos Big Fat Greek Sub

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Quiznos new Big Fat Greek Sub so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about the Spongmonkeys returning, why there are no Quiznos left, a truly impressive Snack courtesy of Tony's Treatz, and more. Follow us on Twitter twitter.com/facejampod and Instagram instagram.com/facejampod. Sponsored by Factor (http://factormeals.com/facejam50 Code facejam50), Shady Rays (http://shadyrays.com Code FACEJAM for 50% off 2 or more pairs of polarized sunglasses), and DoorDash (Download the DoorDash app and enter code JAMMERSFALL to get 50% off your first order (up to a $20 value) and zero delivery fees.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine yourself in Ottawa, surrounded by thousands of vibrant tulips, and discovering your new favorite microbrewery, before cycling along scenic bike paths, and wandering through a museum in awe. Adventure awaits in Ottawa, from O to Ah. Plan your getaway at ottawatourism.ca Hey little asshole, Welcome to Face Jam. The show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it.

You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones. My friends call me Mike. Alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? I had to take a picture of this headset, too. And take two? No, we'll just bleep that part out so that way we can remain

monetized. You figure it out. Oh my god. What? You put some wacky headphones on this guy. There's a lot going on with Michael. Big day. Big day. Going banana style. I feel like Michael needed to harness some energy before the episode started, so he just dove right in. Yeah.

Sometimes I gain power from words. Yeah. Oh yeah? Mm from words. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah, when I called the audience an asshole just now, it made me stronger. It really puts you on top. Yeah, it gave me a little boost I needed. Now who's strong? I don't know.

Not Quiznos. Not Quiznos. The whole episode is just going to be us mad at Quiznos. This is going to be good. I mean, they're the butt of the joke anyway. They were the butt of the joke before we did the episode. Yep.

I can't believe we went there again. I can't believe we went there once. What did we eat? Oh, just today? Yeah. Or last time? Nope, just today. We'll learn more about last time a little bit later.

We ate the big fat Greek sub that's going with the movie. movie yeah the movie is coming out soon my big fat greek sub three that's that's that's the movie where the family that got married and stuff are now running a new franchise of quiznos whoa Whoa. That's probably better than whatever the real movie is. The dad just wants to feed everyone gyros. Yeah. And so they made this. You gotta buy a franchise. We need this.

This is more tie-in than Quiznos did. You realize that. Like, what you just did is more than they ever did. I guarantee you this is an accident. They don't know that there's a third movie coming out, and they're just like, whoa, we got a Greek sandwich. Let's call it my big fat Greek sub.

The thing about Quiznos is that they are with the AMPTP and they are trying to scab as hard as they can. That's true. This counts as promotion. Yes, but the producers don't want anything to do with Quiznos. Here's the thing. No, it doesn't because this doesn't have anything

to do with the fucking movie. Quiznos is trying real hard and everyone else is like, quiz what? They're the Bill Maher of restaurants, bro. We're going to scab. You know who? Well, they could have, they could, they eat Quiznos on Drew Barrymore's show. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And just like, just like her, we're going to put Quiznos in their place. Whoa. Jordi did some sort of like karate chopping. Did you see the thing on TikTok that after she announced that she was doing that, like her show or whatever, there was a woman that was like,

here's Drew Barrymore saying that she's returning to her show. I would think that within a week, she'll be filming a video where her hair is messy and she's sitting cross-legged on the ground apologizing for what she did. And then it's a stitch of that woman later showing the Drew Barrymore apology and she went, two out of three ain't bad.

That one really confused me. Her hair was nice. It was messy and the cheapest drinker had to go. Everyone knew where that was going to go. I don't understand. Yeah, it was weird that Drew Barrymore was shocked by it. Did you see, I mean, on that same tangent,

Bill Maher, he's like, I'm doing the same thing. I'm going to come back without writers. Yeah, but that's a very Bill Maher is, he's like, I'm doing the same thing. I'm going to come back without writers. Yeah, but that's a very Bill Maher thing to do. Yeah, he's an asshole. Yeah, he's a dumb asshole. He's an asshole. Did you see what he announced?

Right before we're recording now, did you see what he announced? Oh, yeah, he was like, oh, I was going to come back because I thought it was just kind of like in limbo, never ending. But now they're talking again where the strikes could end. So I won't bring the show back. Okay, Bill. There are people online going,

oh, they did a test episode. Oh! They did a test episode with him and no writers to see how it would go, and they went, we can't do this. Well, yeah, have you seen him give any interview or anything? Right. He sucks. With writers, he sucks. Yeah, it's pretty exciting.

I thought it was like, yeah, and I'm going to back down too. And everyone was like, no one's mad at you. Yeah. You're doing it. We all expected you to do this. You suck. And I'm with them. Okay, Bill.

Yep. This way he's not making anyone happy. I just like at this point in this day and age, whether it's something that concerns you or not, I don't know how one, they don't know it specifically, right? Like Bill Moore or Drew Barrymore, let alone have anyone tell them, this is going to blow up in your fucking face. Right. If you're fine with that and you're going to ride it out and do it anyway, you're rich.

You'll probably be fine. People will get over it. There'll be plenty of people that won't care and they'll watch anyway. Right. That I can wrap my head around. Just do it. I will get over it. There'll be plenty of people that won't care and they'll watch anyway. That I can wrap my head around. Just do it. I don't fucking care. But then you did it and went, oh, people are upset. You knew

that. What? What else could have happened? What other scenario could there have been? Was it gonna be like wow? It turns out you don't like this? We're not gonna do it. That's why no one's doing it! Really reaching across the aisle, Bill.

Thank you so much. You're doing great stuff, Drew. I don't understand. God damn. Really helping the cause, guys. I saw a TikTok that was like music over Drew Barrymore's apology video. It was the song that was

just going, you're not being victimized. You just picked a fight and you're losing that fight. It's like, boy, that sums it up really well. Kind of like Quiznos. Quiznos. Oh, Quiznos. Quiznos, I think, picked a fight in the 90s and lost so bad in 2023

and we had to drive 21 minutes to go find one. Quiznos got knocked out a while ago. And they're still on the floor swinging. We could have driven 90 minutes yes yeah it's true it was a coin toss

between 20 or 90 think of how much car footage we would have had though that's true for Face Jam Ride Along if you're a first member you can go watch Face Jam Ride Along well if you're listening to this

on Tuesday it'll be out Wednesday it'll be like the next day that way you get more this is great is that also Wednesday for Spotify shut up

Eric kept saying we gotta call it Ride Along because that's cop talk and I love cops and I want to make it sound like I love cops. I was saying that if I wanted to be a cop, it wouldn't be that hard. Right. We should just call it Face Jam Cops then. Whoa. Bad boys.

We just like kick in the fucking door at Quiznos. It's nothing but the scenes in the car with the cop driving. I kick open the door to Quiznos and shoot a dog. All right, well, we're done here. Thank you so much. I can't believe Quiznos made me do this. Well, now I got to move to the next county, I guess.

Is anyone encountering this insane phenomenon? You know how your phone, we're all Apple people. Yeah. You know how your phone, sometimes you do something and it goes, hey, want to type that in on your phone? Like, instead of doing like a shitty like TV keyboard or something, it'll pop up. Because

Apple TV's horrible keyboard? Yes. So I've been having this thing all day today where like I lift up my watch and my phone's like, hey, you want to fucking type something on your watch? And it won't stop. Oh, how weird. Oh, Apple Watch keyboard input. Oh, I just put it away.

Here, let me just... No, I'm just looking at my watch, you motherfucker. Enter text on your Apple Watch using your iOS keyboard. So I'm going to enter text on my... Fuck you, Siri. I'm going to enter on my watch to get it on my phone? No, I'll just use my fucking phone! Why would I type in my watch to get to my my phone? No, I'll just use my fucking phone.

Why would I type in my watch to get to my phone? My phone's not a TV. Because it's small. It's nice and small and easy to use. I'm about to fucking throw this thing. I think this is one of those things where all of a sudden they announce a new iPhone. Now the battery doesn't work as well on your phone. So now you've got to buy the new one. Did you get Snoopy watch faces?

No, what's that? Yeah, they got Snoopy watches. They got Snoopy watch faces. It's him. He's hanging out with Woodstock. And then sometimes it's like, oh, he's on the house. And then other times he's like, Woodstock's flying around with other birds. Pretty cool.

Do you think? Dude, imagine if they had Heathcliff, though. Do you think? Not to make it about the thing I like. Where in the hell is this time? Oh, my God. No, it says the time. Do you think that Snoopy and Woodstock are just like tight for life?

Oh, yeah. And they're just like, we don't need nobody else? Or they're just really fucking toxic and they just have no other friends? Oh, they push everyone else away. I hadn't considered Woodstock being a toxic presence. However, he does mumble a lot. He grumbles. But like when he says stuff, it's in like asterisks and exclamation points.

Yeah, he's just fucking slurs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woodstock's just slurs. Yeah. And Snoopy's like, that's just like how he's, he's like from a different generation. Yeah. Yep. That tracks.

I mean, they are. Yeah. Snoopy's kind of like an apologist for Woodstock. You laugh about it now. You think back when Peanuts was created. Probably saying slurs. I don't know what the word slur was then. It was just normal talk.

We're just talking. Just a bit of banter. I think Snoopy face paint face paint. You should get Snoopy face paint. I will say uh miss speaking there really walked me into something i don't want anything to do with i mean that's what michael looked like when he had the headphones on and the the ear parts were like so low it looked like

i mean you clean up the babador a little bit that's what i was gonna say yeah i said i said snoopy face paint and it was like watching sharks around Chubb. They just all turned and went. Don't worry. There's nothing to say about Quiznos. You're not missing anything. This doesn't have anything to do with the movie.

I want to reiterate. No, it does. It doesn't. You saw the posters? It didn't have anything to do with the movie! At what point is it officially to do with the posters? It didn't have anything to do with the movie! What? At what point is it officially to do with the movie? Do you want them to sign a contract? When it says...

The Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 movie time is coming out, and then they're making Big Fat Greek Sandwich Time. It's a tie-in. It's not a tie-in. I don't need a lawyer to tell me. I don't need it to be a tie-in or not. I'm tying it in myself. They're smart. They're doing a tie-in. I don't need a lawyer to tell me. I don't need it to be a tie-in or not. I'm tying it in myself. They're smart.

They're drawing the lines. They're doing the tie-in freestyle. It's the tie-in, but it's way cheaper. Yeah. You don't have to pay these licensing fees. They don't have to talk to Universal Pictures. We should be doing tie-ins like that. Yeah, it's true.

If I do the Snoopy face paint, we might be able to get a Woodstock tie-in. And then we'll go next year to the fucking Knott's Berry Farm with you and your So we were talking about it. There's only a few months left in the year.

And we do have Oh, no. We have that travel budget that we're hanging out with. We should probably go somewhere and eat something, right? Okay, great.

How specific? I thought you were going to tie that back in the Knott's Berry Farm. Oh, speaking of which, we have money. We should eat food. Stop. Yeah.

We're good. Epcot is what he wrote. I'm not going there. He's already going there. He just fucking went. I don't want. I can be fine never going to Florida again for the rest of my life. Absolutely feel the same way.

It's so fucking hot. I will agree. It was worse there than it was here. Okay. What if we eat around the Mall of America? Okay. He got way too excited. That's not what I was looking for from you.

This is just a thought starter. What do they have at the Mall of America? Can we start by just going to like Kura? Is there like a big... I like that place and it's closed. I feel like that would be my Jordan episode. I'm like, finally. Something decent. Something I like. Well, I also like Kura be my Jordan episode. I'm like, finally. Something decent.

Hell yeah. Well, I also like Kura, so I'll be right there with you. I mean, yeah. Do they have like a giant food court at Mall of America? I would assume so. I don't know. They have a roller coaster. Are the Vikings there?

Yeah, the Vikings are there. Is that where they play? I don't know. Well, the Vikings in the way. Don't know much about Minnesota. It's not the band. It's not like the actual team. It's the guy singing the Donkey Kong song.

Oh, cool. Then we don't have to go. DJ! Donkey Kong! I'm good. There's no way that guy doesn't live in one of those states. Did you know that where the Vikings used to play

before they opened the Metro Dome is they built the Mall of America on that spot. Are you serious? I didn't know that. Yeah, their old field or like part of it is now covered by the Mall of America. It's a history. If you have a theme park or a place that we should go eat for Face Jam to try, I think we're trying to keep it in the vein of the Knott's Berry Farm boysenberry thing.

If there's something like that, let us know. Food and Wine Festival is happening at Epcot. Oh my god. Right. But we could go to Six Flags, because they have food stuff all the time. But they have a festival, though. Yeah, they're probably doing an Oktoberfest thing.

Oh, Oktoberfest is a good one. Oktoberfest would be a good one. They got a decent amount of little things all over the place. I can get hammered into Six Flags. We can finally take Griff to Berlin

or Munich or wherever. Finally. Wherever we were supposed to go. Yeah. Maybe next time. Yeah. For a second,

I didn't know what the hell you were talking about. Spaghetti bucket, but that's not, that's a fucking mess. Is that a location? No. Can we go to spaghetti bucket? He just wants it's a fucking mess is that a location no can we go to spaghetti bucket

he just wants it spaghetti bucket Oklahoma I have like one ticket for spaghetti bucket man you walk up this is an airport this is an airport

this is an airport what the fuck smoking cigarettes this is 1950 four tickets for spaghetti bucket dame they just kick our ass I don't know what

he was doing over there he was miming something he was doing over there he was miming something he was oh i think he's flicking a cigarette oh yeah okay for a second i thought he was slurping a spaghetti that's like the second or third time i've talked about cigarettes with nick today why he's just he's fucking each and i think he's yeah yeah he's looking for an excuse i think everyone's doing zin pouches and it's just not good enough for now. As your friends, we support you and we're here for you.

You can do it. Don't fall off the wagon. I thought you were telling him he can smoke. I 100% thought you were saying go smoke. You can do it. No. See, he doesn't need it. I'm glad that that never hooked me because I feel like I would smoke 50 packs a day.

Oh, yeah. Well, you got that obsessive personality. Obsessive compulsive. I would win at cigarettes so hard. I would fucking win. I would spend so much money on lighters and shit. I'd have the whole thing. I'd have a little briefcase with me.

So cool. Oh, the good old like. Oh, a Zippo. Oh, I'd have everything. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I would like. They were spilling out his.

I thought it was going to be a case of cigarettes. No. It's a Mega 64 Zippo lighter. Yeah. Does it work? Do you have any oil in it? Yeah, I think so. I'm just going to say historically speaking. Oh, I don't know. Anyone who doesn't. Six Do you have any oil in it? Yeah, I think so. How long did it take you to get that?

Anyone who doesn't... Garrett had to ship it out of his garage. Anyone who doesn't... That's a lot of smoke. Anyone who doesn't smoke who has a Zippo lighter, it never works. Yeah, no kidding. It's true. It's because you're not using it. Right. Why do you carry it on you?

You bought it. It was in these jeans that I haven't worn in a long time. You bought it, it ran out of fluid, and you'll never refill it. Right. Why do you carry it on you? You bought it. It was in these jeans I haven't worn in a long time. You bought it, it ran out of fluid and you'll never refill it. He's making a lot of sparks and smoke and not a lot of fire. Do it closer to the paper. Do it closer to the paper on the table. Do it closer to a smoke detector. So again, you're just, you're creating

just smoke. Like a lot. That was a smoke signal. Too much smoke. And I'm inhaling it. Anyway, I was right. It doesn't work. I don't even understand. What? Resident Evil would have sucked is what Nick wrote on. I don't understand what he's saying. What is that in reference to?

Resident Evil has a lighter. Oh, you're talking about game OG. Even I didn't put that together. Because there's like five million pieces of Resident Evil media. Yeah, that's the deepest cut that Nick could come up with. I mean, it's like surface level if you're talking about like the OG games. But I'm just like, are you talking about Assignment Ada that's coming out on Monday? Because that's...

You're talking about the Resident Evil 4 remake? Yeah, Resident Evil 4 remake, Assignment Ada DLC comes out Monday. Does it? So that's, I was just just like I don't even understand what he's doing over there I want to watch you play that you're good at that right? come on over

I'll hang out and say Jordan's already there yeah I'm already over there you come over Nick can come over he can smoke in my office he's just don't give him an invitation

he's gonna be insane he's gonna buy not just a pack a carton and he's going through all of them. I can stop whenever I want. So anyway, we ate Quiznos.

Yeah. Yeah, all the Quiznos in Austin are closed. Dude, we're shutting them down. There's every restaurant. Yeah, but we're trying to open them back up. I just mean restaurants in general. Oh, yeah. It's why I forgot that we had gone to Quiznos before because we went to

one that's closed. So I thought it was a different sandwich place. We talked about it in our ride-along that you can watch tomorrow if you're a first member,

but Gus, Gus couldn't believe that there wasn't one open in Austin. My question I asked during the ride-along, why was he so invested in this?

Oh, because I had you said at some point something like, oh, we were freaking out. And I thought, why was he freaking out? Because he would freak out about I had because I had talked to him about the Spung Monkeys coming back a weeks ago and he was like, awesome. And then I said, they're only coming back to sell you a franchise. And he went awesome and then went to the website and put in his information for franchising opportunity. Oh, hell

yeah. They're going to send him a free information packet? I have no idea. You would think they would be screaming that somebody bit the line. Yeah, I think they should have just given him a PDF because I had the thought to do that and just read it on this episode. But I did not follow through.

I'll text him and ask. He could do it, right? He's financially stable. I think so. I feel like he could probably. Yeah. Well, he could start it, but then he would employ us. That's how we get involved.

Do you think that then we could review Quiznos, our Quiznos, and give it a very high score? Absolutely. You think we could do sort of like a, like a, like a sort of a vertical integration. Do like a Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 tie-in.

Yes. No, we could make it official. Yeah. We'll just write the movie. The movie all over. It'd be real good. The movie. If he buys a Quizno franchise and we are somehow involved, I'll be down for that.

As long as it's not that far. Well, it would have to be closer. We can put it right in the middle. We could put it wherever. That was part of the franchise. Dude, it's wide open. They. We can put it right in the middle. We can put it wherever. That was part of the franchise. Dude, it's wide open. They send you a Sears catalog style building.

Yeah. They just go, here, put this wherever you want and then have a deep fryer. And then you build by numbers. Here's a deep fryer, which they don't have at this Quiznos. A big thing with this franchise thing is, well, they have a flat top grill so they can heat up the food or whatever. And they also have a deep fryer. They can heat it up poorly. They also have a deep fryer so they can make their tater tots.

We got their tater tots today and they were not deep fried. No, they were microwaved at best. Yeah. Yeah, they're just the softest tater tots. I mean, not a crisp or a crunch to be found. No, I asked Eric if he saw them put the tater tots in the container or if they just busted them out and handed it to him. I saw them put them through, like, because they put the gyro meat with the bread through the exact same little machine.

Oh, cool. To heat up the tater tots. Everything is heated the same, which is not very good. Yeah, it is. And when you say little conveyor, that is what it is. It was very small. It conveys. Well, yeah.

I mean, they don't usually make food for people. So why would they need to pick it up? When we walked in and those women went, what the fuck? There are people? I thought you locked the door. I imagine the most business that Quiznos gets is people walking in asking for directions you know what I mean

I took a picture did you see their flavor station next to their soda fountain it's like where all their sauces are supposed to be empty just nothing they didn't even bother putting shit in there because you're so busy not at ours though that would be Nick's job

Nick would be right there eating the sauce by hand. You have all your extra sauce in your backpack, right? No. No, you don't. So sad. He went somewhere or something and he went on a trip. This is great too, where like his sauce is

in like his actual usable backpack. Right. Like he had to take the sauce out to put human things in it. So he could go live a human life. And then he went, oh, I forgot to put my sauce back in. And now it's fucked up. Just get another bag. Get a sauce bag.

Well, you should get like a cool sling bag like me. Because it's way smaller. You don't need a whole big bag. I mean, trust me, you got a lot of sauce, but they'd fit in here. And then you could run around with it. Then you'll never know. I got one of those for my Disney World trip. It was great. They're great, right? Way better than a backpack.

Dude, I'm over backpacks. Honestly, aesthetically, I'm over them. There's nothing wrong with them, but I'm not in college or the next 10 years, and so I feel like I never, like, I'm in my late 30s now. I don't need a backpack yeah but

I hate holding shit I hate it and the fanny pack is too on the nose yeah I'm not a huge fanny pack fan I hear that I don't like honestly if anything I would do fanny pack now just for fashion yeah I would not do a fanny pack for actual convenience uh-huh but this little bag it's also it's too small

it's too small to like actually put shit in. I had important big stuff to go in there. This is the perfect size sling bag. Recommend it. You could choose which shoulder

you want to put it on. Nice. The right shoulder gets a little tired, switch it up. Gus update. Chris knows never got back to him

about franchising opportunities. This is, you're leaving money on the table. And then you're putting it through the little heater! You thought the fucking Spung Monkeys loved the subs? They don't care about the subs at all.

That's sad. I knew it was all lip service. We should get to the haiku, because we gotta learn about this place. I think my fucking head's gonna explode. Yeah, it's just your jaw, it's okay. I know. It's gotta be like Mortal Kombat. The jaw, and I'm learning this, is so, it's such an important part of your head.

It's almost half. Yeah, so if you're like, eh, don't worry about your head, it's just your whole jaw. That's a lot of head. It is. It's like all the part without brain. Oh, yeah, dude. My brain is fine. Your brain's fine.

My brain's working too well because my brain keeps telling me how much my jaw hurts. I wish my brain would shut down. You gotta get a bashing going, calm down. You gotta cut off those receptors. how much my jaw hurts. I wish my brain would shut that all up. I'm bashing it going calm down. You gotta cut off those receptors. I might cut that vein I was telling Jordan about that I could feel

coming out of my body and the side of my head. I can see it. Dude, it's a little fucking throbbing. It's pulsating. I have a sinus infection I'm pretty sure

and it's not fun. No, but it's okay. You've been talking all fucking day. I mean, just straight up all day. One thing to the next thing to the next day. I mean just straight up all day. Yeah. One thing to the next thing to the next thing. I looked at my calendar this morning and I was like

fucking kill me. And it's one of those convenient things too where you look at it and go surely I have to find some time for lunch. No, I'm doing face jam. So I don't actually have to find time for lunch. Don't worry. I'll get so full eating this Quiznos sub that I'm sure I'll love.

Jordan, hit us with the haiku. Hard to find these days. But Spongmonkeys lead the way. Will we love these subs? Wow. That's pretty awesome. Jordan found out that his drink also has a haiku on it. Oh, really?

He's drinking some jasmine tea, but it's also not right. No, it is not right at all. It made me wonder because this is different than the one that's usually here. What's different about it? This is jasmine green tea. The other one is just like green tea. So this is a different package and stuff. But on the back it has a little haiku corner that somebody submitted

but it's not right at all. Not the right format. So it goes Mother's Day. Three syllables. A bouquet of flowers. Six syllables. In 64 colors. Six syllables.

What? It's not even close. It's not even a haiku. You ever get people that can't count syllables? Yeah. Yeah, it's me sometimes. You just add. I've done it a couple times.

Yeah, but I feel like that's you it's me sometimes. You just add, I've done it a couple times. Yeah, but I feel like, I feel like that's you just miscounting, not like, not going like, adding O's to words. 64 colors. We always just did a thing

where it was like, put your hand under your jaw and every time it moves, that's a syllable. Right, yeah. Yeah, it makes sense.

Yeah. People would be like, but like, yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. People would be like, sense. Yeah. It's two syllables. Yeah, right? What are you, an idiot? Sense. Yeah, sense.

I would always do the clapping thing. It makes sense. I get that a lot with words like miles. Uh-huh. Miles. Uh-huh. It's just miles. Miles.

It's one. This is great. Wow. This is great. Well, you know. Miles. It's one. This is great. Wow. This is great. Well, you know what else is great? Learning about Quiznos. Okay. Can we talk about anything else?

No. For a little bit longer. Our previous episode of Quiznos episode was released August 18th, 2020. Wow. Where we ate the Cubano sandwich. It received an average score of 47.5. That tracks. That score sounds good.

I can't believe it was August. Yeah. When did we start doing car episodes? I think right around there or later. We didn't do it until after that maybe it was an outlier because we did start car episodes and a couple not doing the car

like I remember because I really hated those and we're like look the car sucks but this is really the car sucked in setup once we got there it was great we all took guesses to when the last Quiznos episode was, and I said May of

2020. And I think Nick said June, and then Michael just said 2020. So Michael was right. Yeah. I was the least wrong. Yeah, absolutely. I should have just said time. The time. 47.5 on a Cubano. Alright. That must have been a really bad

Cubano. I think it was just Quiznos. You know what I mean? It was a really good Quiznos. We are eating at Quiznos because they brought back the Spung Monkeys. Make no mistake that this marketing effort worked on us. We're letting them know. Thinking about opening a Quiznos 2 and making a commercial where the Spung Monkeys and Sauce Monkey do something together something twisted.

Maybe with the two hot guys from Sonic Burger. That's a marketing campaign. Bring all of them in. Every time you say Spung Monkey it just sounds like spunk. It sounds gross, but it's okay. They look gross. I want to say Spunge Monkey. They look like things that would be spunking all over the place.

Get them under control. Sniffing it. They look gross. I want to say sponge monkeys. They look like things that would be spunking all over the place. We, uh, so we got. Under control. Sniffing it. Spunk on each other and sniff each other. When I think of spunk monkeys now, it was showing them to Gracie for the first time and her going, what the fuck is this? And we got her the sub and she started eating it and went, I'm going to go see who else wants to eat this.

Yeah. And you know who fucking wanted it and got it? Kat. Kat. Kat. So, before- We love the spunk. That's what he wrote. He's dancing.

Jesus Christ. Don't love that. She mentioned that she loves Quiz News. So- Because they have olives. We recorded a thing that maybe we'll put out as like a separate piece or whatever. But when you were out and getting ready, we grabbed Kat and sat her down to get her take on the sandwich.

When was this? When you were running around, when you had a phone call. Oh. And then I was like, getting ready. I assure you, I did not prepare for this in any way. Because she. For some reason, he was trying to be nice. Yeah, you're getting ready.

Was it me? Yep. She messaged. I know you're lying. So Gracie gave Kat her sandwich because we said Kat fucking loves Quiznos. And she yelled it as we walked by. She was screaming about Quiznos. So Kat got it and then took two bites and sent me a Slack message that said,

What kind of meat is this supposed to be? Yeah, I had the same question. She kept saying Euro meat. I went, what's a Euro meat? So we grabbed Kat. I think maybe we'll put it out later this week, but we,

we just sat down with Kat to get her honest impressions of this Quiznos sandwich and how she was not thrilled with it. It was really funny. Yeah. And she also tried a tater tot and was not impressed either.

No. Kat wasn't thrilled with it? No. But she loves Quiznos. Yes. This is quality Quiznos. This is Quiznos. That's what we said.

You take a bite and go, what do you love And don't tell me what they did wrong Because this is what they do every time She said when she was explaining to us When we were out When we first got back from the restaurant She was explaining that the first time she tried Quiznos

It was a sample at Barton Creek Mall And they had black olives on their sandwich And that clinched it for her That really made the difference. What the fuck are you talking about? Black olives? What? Was she, like, 10?

Was this the first time she had? Yeah, probably. I was saying this before we started, but it really, like, genuinely surprises me how many freaks this show attracted of people that are here naturally, like, unrelated to Face Jam. In different ways.

Yeah, and seem normal otherwise. We started the show, and it was very much like, Michael's a slob and Jordan is not. And that was basically the show. And then Eric's wormed his way in after two episodes. And he's sort of the, what's nice because as Jordan and I leveled out, we had a common foe that we couldn't attack.

It really worked out. And then coming out of left field was Nick being an actual freak. Like legitimate, and I think we were talking about it because he had mentioned that he forgot to put the sauce in his backpack. And I'm like, me being like a fast food freak, that's real. But in the sense of like, I'll go at 2am,

I'll go at 3am, whatever. I just kind of go and I eat it and I move on. And I know about the place. I know about the menu. This guy is like an encyclopedia with just like locations and sauces and flavors. Bringing his own syrups. It's like if we knew that

he should have started a show. What would this show or what the hell would it be? It'd be much more food positive. It's just so insane to me that it's only the four of us and he was kind of like, oh, I know everything you're talking about. How did we luck out? And then we have

Kat and Gracie, you know, come through both when they were interns and I was like, I was like, Kat's more just like my perspective is more like normal. Like, you guys are old. I'm here. I'm in college.

I don't know. Does she need credit or something? Is that how that works? I don't know. She's like, I really need this A. I'll be whatever. If she wants to be in my show, yeah, I'll hop on mic. Gracie's a lot more just kind of like, she'll be here and say nothing. She's very quiet. Way more so than Kat says nothing.

And then she'll chime in and she's just as much of a freak as Nick. Where I'm like, you, this is crazy. It's nothing, nothing, nothing. What if you dipped an Oreo in root beer?

And it's like, what? And not like, I'm just going to throw it out there, but like, and I'm going to fight for it. Oh yeah. I'm going to defend this.

I'm going to make it happen. Yep. She was so excited to do that too. And so we just saw, you know, we just saw that natural interaction of like leaving the kitchen with Kat yelling about black olives, coming to Gracie and she's like, I'm going to go see if I can hand this out. And we were all like, go to Kat. Yeah.

Take it to Kat. And I'm just like, what are the odds of that? Like there's, that's only between six people. Right. Yeah. Six people. Most people that roll through here should be like, what the fuck? Yeah. Sit there and say nothing.

But it's also like, I don't know if it was just today, but we got so many like looky-loos as we were eating the food. It's like, you guys got Quiznos? Dude, there were a lot of people going, oh, I like Quiznos. Who likes Quiznos? That's why they're all closed. Nobody eats there. No one goes.

You guys stopped going. We never went. You guys stopped going. Yeah. Jesus Christ. We talked about it in the ride-along. It's just comfort that I know Quiznos is out there. I'll never go there, but it needs to be open.

It's just fast food location hoarding. I'll never go, but it makes me feel good that it exists. On to the next fact. Between our previous Quiznos episode and today, the original location in Denver has closed due to unpaid taxes, bringing to the end a long legacy of sandwiches in Colorado. And here we thought they loved the subs, but instead they loved the tax fraud. SMDH. Shaking my damn head.

How do you, how do you, I don't know. How do you as like a business not pay your taxes? I mean, I guess easily. Right. You kind of just don't, I guess. Yeah, you just, you know, all the money, you just keep it. It's just like so much of that stuff's automatic. Yep. You know what I mean?

Right, yeah. Like you can like hide money from taxes, right? Like you make money on the side or quote unquote under the table. I just, I don't understand how you're a business open to the public. I don't get it. Like your ass is being tracked. Yep. Right.

I mean, I know you didn't. You just chose not to pay your taxes, but they're going to get you. Yeah. They know. Didn't. They just don't tell you. Isn't that what? Oh no, that wasn't.

Was it taxes? Isn't that what happened to Frank? Franks? What happened with them? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't pay the taxes.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was always saying. Frank's is kind of like the Quiznos of paying your taxes. But they had good food. So yeah, the original one is closed now in Denver. And that only happened earlier this year. Also, of all the reasons

for Quiznos to close, that's it? Not because it's Quiznos and no one eats there? Did you know that in 2005 Quiznos opened a gym called 123 Fitness that nobody went to neither did we it closed in 2008 and we can hardly find any information

about it having existed if you were a 123 Fitness member let us know so we can make fun of you Spunk Monkey style you're working out they closed they opened and closed the gym because Jared Fogle

that is why they opened the gym because they went we have to get oh it's healthy well the food is not. So yeah. So they open a gym. It doesn't make any fucking sense.

Why is it called one, two, three? I don't know. I don't know. That's such a dumb name. The thing that it offered apparently was like 30 minute workout classes. And then wash it down with Quiznos? Yeah, which is like fine. But when you think about it, like the reason was, oh, we got to get healthy.

The Jared, the health craze, whatever. But when you think about it, like the reason was, oh, we got to get healthy. The Jared, the health craze, whatever. Jared ate Subway and did this walk or whatever. And that's how he lost all the weight. I don't understand how opening a gym equates to that whatsoever. Yeah, that makes no sense at all. And you have no success examples. Well, they knew that they couldn't do it with their food.

They couldn't have a similar story. So they're like, I don't know. Let's just start a gym and tell no one it's by Quiznos and we'll just get health nuts money that way. Do you think after that fell through, they're like, what's Jared doing next? Let's copy that. Do you think they did that? Yeah, that's why the Spung Monkeys have been gone for,

I think, the Spung Monkeys haven't been gone. They've been incarcerated. The Spung Monkeys were gone for 14 I think, the Spung monkeys haven't been gone. They've been incarcerated. The Spung monkeys were gone for 14 years, but nine with good behavior. Yeah, they got beat up a couple times. That's why they look like that. They got jumped, yeah. What you can't see, there's one with a pirate hat. Under that, it's swastikas.

He's Aryan. It's fucked. He didn't have a choice. Eastern Promises style shit, man. It's bad. It's not good. He just had to get through it. Yeah, Spung monkeys, not shit, man. It's bad. It's not good. He just had to get through it. Yeah. Pung Monkey's not good, man. I feel like Euro meat is something that's probably traded inside prison.

Oh, yeah. You keep it under your mattress. It's like this thin, thin meat that you're handing around. It's like, I'll trade you three Euro meats for a bag of cigarettes. Nick got excited. Yeah, he's coming over. Nick's got all the Euro meat. Nick doesn't know which one to trade. Oh can hide it. Nick got excited. Yeah, he's coming over. Nick's got all the Euromeet. Nick doesn't know which one to trade.

Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Menthol. You think the Spongmonkeys and Woodstock are hanging out now? Yeah. They are now. Yeah, now. Who do you think brought him into the fold? He's in the backseat of the car smoking a cigarette.

The final fact. We call it the factening. In its attempt to revitalize, Quiznos recently opened a dual branded shop in Florida with Taco Del Mar, a seemingly Baja style but lightly weed themed Mexican food restaurant that sells hard

shell fish tacos. So come on down to Florida, grab a sub sandwich on a tostada, and burn your favorite book, The Sunshine State. Everybody wants to go back. Everybody wants to go sweating their ass off in Florida to burn books. I'd never heard of Taco Del Mar.

Neither have I. It is. I had to go to the website. I'm like, what the fuck is this? There were none in Florida until they did this. They have a dual shop

where it is the deep fryer and the flat top for Quiznos, but they also have the Taco Del Mar stuff. Hardshell fish tacos and stuff.

That sounds like the worst way to eat a fish taco. Yes. It's Baja, they keep saying it's Baja style and then it is like,

go to the menu, burrito, roll one up whoa bowl pack a bowl this is cereal what is this does it say mon

does it say mon on the menu I don't think it did I'll have to dig around a little bit more it might um really fucking something to be weed themed now right i mean at all in general but also to not have it like in your name but just to be like burrito roll it up that's like the lamest fucking thing in the world they don't even like make some sort of play on it with like baja style high tastes.

No, they just say get a hard shell shrimp taco. We also live in a world now where you could just sell that if you want, right? You could incorporate marijuana in your food. Is it not legal in Florida?

I don't know. I could see them being backwards enough. At least, yeah. It's legal in florida i don't know i could see them being backwards now at least yeah yeah it's just like it's legal in disney world but you know that's because it's its own entity i it really like i i feel like with the the natural progression of like legalized marijuana even where it's not legal but like as a country you've kind of erased that entire like, and there's weed. It just kind of falls.

It's like, oh yeah, everyone I know smokes weed. Like all the time, because they just buy it. That's your reaction of like, the whole like, we're a weed store. Unless you're actually selling weed, but it's like whatever, get some dank tacos. Yeah, that's exactly right.

Do you work at Taco Double? Do you run their marketing? Yeah, no shit. It's no longer this underground subculture thing that you can wink wink nudge nudge people. It is illegal in Florida to smoke recreational weed. Also, why doesn't Quiznos call itself like a subculture?

Wouldn't that seem like a cool, like that's like. It's better than toasty. Is that what they have right now? It says toasty? I think they're still doing that. Live toasty, eat toasty. What does live toasty mean? I don't fucking know.

Explain it to me, Quiznos. Is that like rolling a burrito and packing a bowl? Living fucking toasty? That sucks. Anyway, those are the facts. Do you guys feel like you learned a lot? I hate Quiznos. What? What the fuck? The more I learned about them, the more I hate them.

So we had to drive 20 minutes at least to go to a Quiznos, which is not worth it. We drove down a road where a woman drove the wrong way last time we drove on that road. Yeah, that was where the Dickies barbecue was. Which, again, if you watch this right along. Get that big old block of cheese. Nick was like, oh, Dickies got all the cheese.

And we were like, Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus. Jesus. It was, okay. He's about to get a sinus infection. We're so insane. Yeah, that's true. My bottom teeth hurt That's weird I don't know if you have sinuses down there

What we can't talk about that's not the sandwich These tater tots Did you know that Quiznos has tater tots? I don't know I've ever eaten a tater tot that's softer on the outside Than the inside It's true And the inside was soft Like, it's true.

And the inside was soft. In fact, it's a marvel of science. Culinary science. We ate the tater tots. They were regular tater tots. And then we also got the loaded tater tots. Yeah, Nick was thrilled. Nick was eating them with his fucking hands.

And he ate his whole sandwich. Oh. It's a foot long. We found out all of it. And he ate his whole sandwich. It's a foot long. We found out that Nick ate his whole sandwich. Yeah. He was hungry. Does that taste like something you want to eat the whole thing of in one sitting?

No. Granted, my appetite is a little suppressed right now because of my sinus infection. Right. Yeah. As a normal person, I'll also say no. Sinus infection aside, I do not think I would have eaten that. I've been, and you can tell even a little bit more

because I've been eating the bread. And you know what? We were talking about this. The bread doesn't taste like anything until you eat it by itself. And then you go, oh, a little bit cheesy. Also, normally,

this would be a crime to like pick off the bread because you've ruined the sandwich. The sandwich is uneatable now. I'm doing that intentionally. This is saving someone. At least you're eating the bread. At least something's getting done here.

What did you think of the tots, Jordan? Well, Michael tried one first and was just like amazed at how they were how soft they were and how they tasted. And I was like, well, they can't be that bad. So I tried it and was like, how is this the worst thing I've ever had? The second you hold it in your hand, you know it's trouble.

It's like holding mashed potatoes. Dude, what a great way to put it. It is slightly more solid mashed potatoes. Slightly. In the fact that it's a shape on its own. You have to mold it into the shape. If you apply too much pressure, it goes back to mashed potatoes. Imagine you rolled a mashed potato into the shape of a tater tot.

That is what you've got here. Yeah, it's pretty close. Yeah, and they also didn't taste good. It didn't taste like... I mean, I would say they don't taste like anything. What? Hang on, let me just wipe away this Apple Watch keyboard alert. Oh, okay.

The old shit was, just got a text, free pizza and more is waiting for you. Enjoy today. You earned it from Domino's. Wow. How do they know you earned it? Because they have all my information. You've been doing it.

Give them all my social security number. All of it. Everything. You've been doing a lot of Domino's? I know why. Why? You did your taxes. That might be it.

That might be it. Yes, I did. Over one month early. Way to go, buddy. Over one month early. Usually I'm hearing about it in October. I know. Usually I'm sweating about it. That might be it. Yes, I did. Over one month early. Way to go, buddy. Usually I'm hearing about it in October. I know. Usually I'm sweating about it. Usually we're on a road trip and you're making phone

calls being like, I don't know where the document is. Can I tell you? Did mine last week, too. Oh! Totally independent of each other. Am I the only one who does his taxes in February? Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I don't know why you would do that. Normally I'm like coming in like October 11th, October 12th.

Usually we're on a road trip and Michael's going, oh, fuck all shit. Yeah, exactly. I'm like Ned Flanders in that episode of The Simpsons where it's January 1st and he goes, it's time to file my taxes. And then it cuts to April and everyone trying to mail their taxes. Which then it cuts to April and everyone trying to

mail their taxes. Which isn't even realistic because you get an extension and it's October. Yes, exactly. You just go, no. You give me six more months. You tell your guy and he goes that's it and they go, okay, I'll click the dipshit box. Here's another dipshit that's gonna do it in October. Hey, thanks Bruce. I got you, bro.

Whoa. Yeah, that's my guy, bro. Dope. I think he's got you, though. You don't have him. Oh, thanks, Bruce. I got you, bro. Whoa. Yeah, that's my guy, bro. Dope. I think he's got you, though. You don't have him. Oh, shit. Yeah, I think... Bruce, I got you. I'll make an extension. I think Eric does... You got his back because...

Even though he doesn't want it. Yeah, you're saying I don't want your back. But you're paying him a lot more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I show up to Bruce's office and I start swinging a chain and I go, nobody messes with Bruce, and he's like, you have to stop coming here. But I'm trying to defend him, just in case. Maybe the law's coming after him, you don't know.

Could be anything. Your teeth are killing you. You're grinding. I'm not grinding, I'm trying not to grind. There's to not, I don't grind, but I'll clench. Yeah, you're clenching. I'm clenching, yeah. But you can tell, it's clenching your front teeth

Knowingly I've tried not to do it when I've been at work But I've just been leaving my mouth hanging open Like a mouth breather To not just clench by accident So I just walk around my house going Oh man Jordan let's learn about the food Quiznos Big fat greek sub wedding Three Oh, man. Jordan, let's learn about the food. Yep.

Quizno's Big Fat Greek Sub Wedding. No. Three. No! Quizno's Big Fat Greek Sub features certified halal seasoned gyro meat with tzatziki sauce and a blend of marinated tomatoes, cucumbers, and red onions topped with shredded lettuce and banana peppers and served on your choice of artisan bread. We got the rosemary parmesan. Not that that matters to you.

Right. But they gave us a choice. I think it would taste like this regardless of the bread. Yeah. But the last bite that was bread only, I went... I mean, it's your pretty standard... Maybe just get the bread, guys. Yeah.

Have a bite of the bread. Try that. I think this is definitely a thing in Ireland that's not food or whatever. Oh, yeah, too much sugar. It can't be qualified as bread. Hit me with it. You gotta tell me about this one. Fairy bread.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Quote, at the height of summer, with fall quickly approaching, we think it's the perfect time of year to offer a hearty crave a bowl protein paired with light and refreshing toppings that satisfy any and all guest cravings. Where's that at? Where can I get that? Said Mike Giesemann, Quiznos Culinary and Innovation Vice President. Why wasn't that capitalized?

I don't know. He has. Hang on. There's more to the quote and everything. Yeah. But when it's, ah, the height of summer,

you know what I want? A big fat fucking gyro sandwich. what? That would have been a better name. You like a big fat fucking gyro sandwich?

Can I get five big fat fucking gyro sandwiches on the fucking rosemary bread? It's 106 degrees out and I want a gyro sandwich. I want my sandwich

to sweat as much as I am. God, no kidding. I love the phrase guest cravings. Yeah. Like, you can take it like the cravings of your guests at the restaurant

or your cravings that are guests. I like a hearty craveable protein. I like that they spelled it crave-able. Crave-able. A-B-L-E.

Okay, cool. Great. You can just call people customers, though. Yep. That's fine. Hey, I'm so over guests calling them guests. Right. When I worked at Target, that was the thing. Quiznos Hotel? Yeah. Guys? I mean, if we get a franchise,

we should go ahead. What if we get a Quiznos franchise, but we don't sell food? We just do everything else. We just go, how can I help you? A room for two? Yep. And then the Spunky Mickey's showing you to the room. You're staying here! You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave!

That's cool. Now, this is a good idea. Welcome to the hotel Quiznos. Mr. Mike goes on to say, we have always prided ourselves. Is that a word? No. Prided ourselves on introducing innovative menu offerings while delivering the signature Quiznos quality.

You could just say signature Quiznos taste. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? That we are known for. And the big fat Greek sub is a great example of that. I agree with him. It is a great example of that. I agree with him. It is a great example of Quiznos. He's right. Truly an

indictment on the franchise. I mean it's the thing that we always talk about in the press section or whatever where it's saying so much without saying. He says nothing. There are a lot of words always prided ourselves on introducing innovative menu offerings that they say that in every single one

delivering the signature quiz knows blah blah blah nothing there yeah it's just nothing it's food it tastes good trust me yeah and and it doesn't so trust him um i'd rather go see big fat my big fat greek wedding we're not no in fact this sub is making me want rather go see Big Fat, my Big Fat Greek Wedding. We're not. No. In fact, this sub is making me want to go see the third one. Wow. I mean, I'm a movie guy. I can pass.

I've seen, I saw parts of the first My Big Fat Greek Wedding when we were stealing cable. Yeah. Yeah. Because back in the day, you know, cable was a, like pay-per-view was a channel. Yeah. Yeah. Because back in the day, you know, cable was a, like, pay-per-view was a channel. Yeah. Right. Kids nowadays, they don't understand what I'm saying here. But they were just pay-per-view channels. You would have to wait for the next show.

Yeah. Even if you paid for a movie on your TV, it was still a specific time. Yes. But usually there was only, like, four or five movies in rotation on, like, two channels. Like, all the new movies. And so if you stole cable with a cable box like I did. It would just be showing those all the time. That channel would just have the same movies on over and over and over.

There's some movies of that time. I don't remember. Whatever the fuck My Big Fat Greek Wedding came out around that time. There are movies I've seen parts of like 75 times. Right. And it's always the same like 10 minute window as well. Well, you might ask like, oh, why keep watching it? Again, this is when TV existed.

You would just leave a channel on. There was never anything on that you wanted to watch. It was just like, that's how homes used to be. It would just be all TV on or it's like, oh, the Simpsons are coming on in six hours. I'll turn on Fox and just leave it I'll just leave it here And then eventually something will start that I'm sort of interested in So that was like the pay per view channel When my brother

Got a cable box and we stole it So many clips I've heard Working in the restaurant Joey Fatone He's in it this movie I don't think

has anything to do with the sandwich as I've said many many times so we don't need to go see the movie but the sandwich has something to do

with the movie I'm here on behalf of the film going no there's no correlation this is an unofficial launch the movie is better than the sandwich

I wouldn't say that at all I would say they're probably about equal speaking of how the sandwich. I wouldn't say that at all. I would say they're probably about equal. Speaking of how the sandwich is. After we watch The Flash. Oh, that's right. We've got to do that.

Watch through. We're going to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3. We're going to have to find time and watch The Flash. I really want to do it. I still haven't seen it. I mean, I'm not going to fucking see it. I'm not going to. Watching it with you guys is going to be the only way to do it.

I can't believe Michael saw it. Part of it. Yeah'm not going to. Watching it with you guys is going to be the only way to do it. I can't believe Michael saw it. Yeah. Part of it. Yeah. There you go. Oh, was it on TV? It was on an illegal cable. All right, Jordan, what do you give the big fat Greek Quiznos?

The gyro was cooked poorly. The sandwich didn't have great integrity. It wasn't. Yeah, it was flip-flopping. It was. No, it was flip-flopping. It was falling apart. Barely warm. Like, I know it was a long drive,

but it wasn't that long. It wasn't that long. It shouldn't be that cold. Tater tots, I know they're not part of it, but hard to not have it have an influence on this rating. I don't remember the Cubano, but it's worse than that. Okay.

This is a 38. Wow. If ever there was one. Yeah, we, in the Eric Love Cops ride-along, just say you could be one. Huh? Hmm? Call it E-Cab.

You kept saying, I'll be one, and I'll be better than them. Like, I'll break more laws. Yeah, I'll be more corrupt. I'll move to every different county. You asked like a guess score. Yeah. And I think it was in the 60s for me. Yeah, you guys were right around the 50s. I said low 50s. Low 50s.

You're right. This is worse. I didn't want my guess score to actually influence my score. And now I'm no longer concerned. Me neither, because it's worse. This is not a 60. There's no way. This is like, eh? I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to more or less agree with Jordan here. 45. Wow. This is not good.

Not Quizno's best effort. No, 41.5. It might be. And honestly, I'm not sure what is. The two Spong Monkeys behind the counter making this thing. Now, let me double check here. They were people. It could be because of my sinuses, but like, I don't know, it was just me.

There was like no flavor to this at all. It tasted almost like nothing. The only flavor I got was from the tzatziki sauce. Yeah, I would taste that. That's the only thing that came through. And even then, it wasn't great. The only crunch was cucumbers occasionally. Cuc crunch And even then it wasn't great. The only crunch was cucumbers occasionally.

Cucumbers were probably the best part of the sandwich. Yep. Yep. And that's sad. Their cucumbers were crying out loud. The gyro meat was pretty weak.

All of it, like all in all, it was just kind of like, man. It was a real like, like school lunch. Yeah. Especially with these

fucking tater tots. Yeah, that's what Gracie called it. Yeah, call it Call it cafeteria food like cafeteria food and then Eric you were repeating that later And you're like Gracie's he's a crazy said it was high school food, and she went no it's elementary food Yeah, yeah, this is good remember that rectangle pizza. Yeah This is not good. Remember that rectangle pizza you get in elementary school? Yeah, this is the rectangle pizza. Rectangle pizza is better than this.

Rectangle pizza is still pizza. School rectangle pizza is still better than buffet pizza. I never liked the rectangle pizza because it came in that black container that had, like, the ridges on the bottom, and the pizza would conform to that ridge shape. I know what you're talking about. And I didn't want to taste that texture. I wanted flat pizza, not ridged pizza.

I didn't get school lunches that often because I was a, you know, fuck you, eat your bag lunch family. We're not paying for that. But at high school, when I had my own money, I'd scrape together. I'd usually just get cheese fries. Yeah.

That was pretty good. That was a pretty good deal. I could bring my own lunch and get some cheese fries for like $2.50. We had personal pizzas. So you think he's bringing in some more fucking poison or? We have been gifted. That's awesome. We've been gifted a Tony's treat. That's awesome.

That's why he was here earlier. Wait. I'm just, where did I see? Oh, I saw that from Tony. Yeah. I saw that somewhere and I'm like, that wasn't from FaceShame. Where did I see that? Eric. Again, I saw that somewhere and I'm like, that wasn't from FaceShame. Where did I see that? Eric. Again, I didn't even mention him. Talk about another fucking food freak.

Yep. And then we got Tony. Yeah. He not only works here, but he's like right next to it. Hashtag Tony's treat. Right there. He's such a, he's so into the weird stuff. I will say, he gets the most credit in that like, it's like his personality.

Yes. Like, he spends his free time finding these things. You need some help, bud? Jesus Christ. In my junk drawer at home, I have a little thing that I'll help you open that. There you go. Wow, you're so strong. Thank you.

Oh, my God. Can you check real quick to make sure that there are no recalls on this? There are no recalls on this. How do you feel after that recalled chicken? Shut up! Okay. Would you like to type? Hey. It's asked me a hundred times since I told you guys about it. Here is

what we're... I'm gonna break this fucking phone. Here's the treat today. Eggo. Brunch in a jar. Waffles in syrup. Cream liqueur. Appalachian sip and cream liqueur. What? 20% alcohol by volume. Dude, I'm gonna tell you, it smells real good. I can smell it from here.

It smells good. I'm across the table. It smells good. It looks like pancake batter. Yep. This smells very, it smells sweet as shit. This is like some sort of moonshine liqueur. So it's a liqueur.

Whoa. Sipping cream. I turned into a hillbilly. This is going to help or hurt me greatly. Just like the last treat. Sipping cream is what they would drink. My grandma was like Appalachian Mountains,

and this is what they would drink. They drink Eggo in a jar? You ain't got no teeth left. It's cream and liquor to cut the liquor. All right. Cheers, boys. It smells like breakfast.

I took in a breath as it approached my mouth, and it's just alcohol. That's good. That's fucking good, dude. I'm not like an alcohol person, like a straight alcohol person. People that, you know, you think when you grow up like I'd like a drink yeah in a glass with just ice fuck that like I don't like just give me whiskey straight hell no this is delicious yep this is very good and it's not too thick nope it's not too thick it's just the it's very sweet it packs a punch though it packs a a punch. I bet I would get a tummy ache before this would fuck me up.

Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. The sugar. Your stomach would stop you before your liver. Now, here's the question. Could you make a pancake with it? You can mix that with batter for sure. Yeah.

You can mix that with like. You might cook some of the alcohol out. Yeah. But trust me, there's plenty. It is definitely something. That's very good. You can mix with like a flour or whatever and make it. So here's the thing.

We got it from Tony. Hashtag Tony tries stuff is his hashtag if you ever want to check out what he does on Instagram. And if you listen to this show, right, the food show that's not really about food. Yes. His stuff is actually about the food. Yes, it is. So if you want like a FaceTime, less people talking, more food, that's Tony. So Tony is a guy who will get this stuff.

Maybe that's the show Nick, Nick will start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he has it left over, he'll be like, hey,

do you guys want this? So he said, he wrote on Instagram, still not a sipping cream guy. I think this jar would take me a full year to finish at the rate that I would sip it. Probably. Very, very sweet.

I could drink this tonight. And everything within a 10 foot radius now smells like I poured syrup on it. Yeah. Woo-wee, it's strong. Yeah, I don't know if it's the jar or you, but you spilled every time you poured. Oh, it's the jar. And when you opened it, the smell was everywhere. Yep.

Yeah, it's definitely strong. That's really good, though. That's really good. I think it tastes really good. He's wanting to get fucked up over here. I kind of want to get into other sipping creams now. Oh, yeah? There's a lot.

The non-Ego-themed ones. You can get, like... That honestly might be better. They have, like now. Oh, yeah? There's a lot. The non-Ego themed ones. You can get, like. That honestly might be better. They have, like, a jar of berries and cream. That's a good package. Go to, like, Twin Liquors and Specs have sip and creams. I'm going to be honest, though. It's all the moonshine companies that, like, they're done with that, and now they're doing this.

That's cool. Yeah. Pretty good. What do you guys give it? This might be a whole new world. Ego, again, Ego brunch in a jar. I can already feel, like, how too sweet it is. I'm going to say, I'm going to give that 85.

Wow. Yeah, just on pure flavor. I liked it. That's good. And I will say it's good for how strong it is. And you don't even really, you're not like a sweets guy. No. Well, it's because I'm going to sip it.

Yeah. That's why. If I drank that, again, I get a tummy ache. But if I'm just doing a little sippy, that's good. It tastes now like the aftertaste. It's a little too much like the Eggo syrup. Oh, it tastes exactly like eating Eggo waffles. I don't like it.

It's like a soggy waffle in my mouth, and I don't like that. But I'm still going to give it an 82. Okay. Because it's very good flavor. It's so much better than the sandwich. 83.5. That is something that I would say get out of your spittin silly episode

of sipping cream he just wants to get worse he just wants to get fucking shithouse I think he's drunk get out of my sippin cream the word episode was real hard to decide it just said spittin silly gibberish

I thought it said console awesome episode was real hard to decide. It just said, Spittin' Silly gibberish. I thought it said console. Awesome. That's how bad it was. Spittin' Silly, the new Xbox. Hey, if you want to send us snacks, you can. You can send them to FaceJamCare of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Don't send things with hysteria in it.

Yeah, please don't send stuff that we would get sick off of. No, not that we would because we didn't. Yeah, we go a little more in depth on the story of how in the episode we didn't know who sent it. We had no idea. And then the person

the day after we recorded it said, hey, I sent this to you. I just want to let you know it's been recalled. And I was like, cool. And then I replied to them. Yeah, and then me which I never do.

And then me and Michael went, we got to eat another one. So we ate another one. The best part was I intentionally kind of left it up to interpretation. But they were like, oh, I hope you guys didn't, like, I just want to let you know, it was recalled. Yeah, he was like, throw it out. And then I said, I was like, don't worry. We already ate it.

Thanks. And then they replied back like, oh, great. like, don't worry, we already ate it. Thanks. And then they replied back like, oh, great! Okay, great. And I'm sure you read that as like, oh, don't worry. Yeah. Thanks a lot. Yeah. That's so funny. If you sent us that, thank you. I don't know what else to say. I would just say it's just

our luck to find something that's good and then immediately, oh, it was poison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is our favorite! So I can't wait to hear about the Eggo recall. I got it right here. It was from Chad, by the way. Got it. He said,

Hello, I submitted a snack from Life Raft Treats called Not Fried Chicken to you guys, and it was delivered around August 22nd. I just got the below email about that product being recalled with instructions to discard the product if you still have it. I am so sorry about this and please let me know if I need to submit a claim to them to have

the discarded product replaced. And I said, nah, we don't need a replacement. We ate it already. Thanks a lot, Chad. And then he was stoked. Let me find the reply. Hang on. And then he was stoked. He was like, oh, cool. Let me find the reply. Hang on.

And then he said, awesome. Thanks for letting me know. Love the podcast. And I went, you didn't read that like I wrote it. No. Oh, man. Face Jam updates. So there were some changes to first.

What the fuck? Is this why we're coming out on Thursday? We're not coming out. This sucks. Face Jam comes out every Tuesday now for everyone. You subscribe to first, you get no ads. Spotify Saturday. Jesus Christ.

Tuesday for everyone. Hey, but if you're a first member, you get no ads on Tuesday. Wednesday, you get Face Jam ride- ride along on weeks where we have face jam yep so you can it's a that's the sound of face jam oh boy uh so you can check that out uh ride along is a lot of fun that's i like the car ride where we get to talk a little bit of shit like that um the food court gavel is out now. Not many left. Yeah, there's not. For real.

That's not a marketing ploy where we're sitting on 1,000. There's not many left. What I want you to know is that if you don't get it now and then it's gone and you message me, oh, man, it's gone, are you going to bring it back? No. But maybe. On Saturday. Spotify.

With Spotify. Maybe. On Saturday. Spotify. With Spotify. And buy your little freak serial killer bumper sticker. You got the face jam serial killer sticker. You got the certified jammer shirt and sticker.

And you have the saucy monkey monkey peeing shirt and sticker all out now, along with the sunglasses, the keychain noisemaker, and the shorts. Grab them now. They're going to be gone forever. When these things are gone, they're gone forever. They're going into the Face Jam vault. Yeah. Whoa. And the vault is a fucking incinerator.

Yeah. It's the fucking bottomless pit where bleep and the bleep lives. So it never comes back. You can follow at Face Jam Pod to stay up to date with everything. We are cranking out a lot of new first content. So you want to keep an eye out for that stuff. We have a lot of new ideas and everything. That's how it works now out for that stuff. We have a lot of new ideas and everything. That's how it works now, basically.

You get the bonus stuff. Yeah, exactly. So it's more Face Jam and more F*** Face and more Dog Bark and more blah blah. If you love Face Jam, won't you support us?

If you go to... Here's how you can support us directly. You go to facejampod.com slash first. Whoa. We have a website? Yep. If you sign up with that link. We get the credit.

Yes. That is absolutely true. Don't give credit to other people that you kind of like. Yeah, don't go to facejampod.com slash first. But what do you say on Face? Do you say don't go to Face Jam? You fucking rat. No, I would never.

No, hey, here's the thing. I would never say don't go to Face Jam. I don't believe would never. I know. Hey, here's here's the thing. I would never say don't go to face jam. I don't believe him. He just said it. Oh, shit. You're right. Is there a mouse back there? Cricket.

Yeah. So you go to face jam pod dot com slash first. You can sign up. That helps us directly. And then you get everything that we've ever done. Tough crowd. Folks. But I'm really excited to ride along and these new ideas that we have that I think

we're going to be cranking out I'm excited Gracie gets to produce a lot of stuff it's nice she's excited too as much as she might not seem like it she's not here with us right now she's producing something else unless she's talking about dunking shit and shit although you never would have known because sometimes she's just quiet

yep she is quiet. That's it. Spitting Silly. Next week, FaceGamPod at RoosterTeeth.com. Send us your food conundrums. You go watch... Shut up. You go watch Food Court.

Go watch the Food Court stream that we did. Come on, add a line. It's out now. Add a line. You're going to be the next one releasing an apology video. No. His hair's going to be messed up. Take your makeup off.

He's gonna be wearing Snoopy face paint. Snoopy face paint's what I'm apologizing for. You can tell he's been crying because it's all running down his face. You're more of a pig pen. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about

the Snoopy show where we eat food and rate the food. Goodbye.